Hangin' With Hendo

The Kiss on The Cover.

2013-03-28T08:04:00.000-04:00

"Are you guys comfortable kissing in front of the camera?"

"Sure, I mean, we are married." That's what I said out loud to the photographer who posed this question to me Monday morning on the 23rd floor of the Time Life Building. But my internal conversation went something like this. "They will never choose us anyway. They'll go with a guy couple. Or with Portia and Ellen. Not with me and Sarah. On the cover of Time Magazine. That would just be... INSANE!"

So we kissed. I mean. We are married. Even if it's only recognized in New York State and 8 others. This week The Supreme Court hear's opening arguments to repeal Prop 8 and DOMA. They're talking about MY CIVIL RIGHTS. And I'm showing up.

We're fighting for ourselves. But we're also fighting for our family. And for every single family that has a gay person in it. Most families have at least one these days. Even Honey Boo Boo has a gay uncle.

Joking aside, there are kids who get bullied every single day because of who they are. Some of these kids take their own lives because they think they're all alone and there's nobody else out there just like them. They think they will never have a family. I want them to see my life and my family, and I want them to know that they can have that too.

So while the cover of Time Magazine may give some people a little jolt this morning, I'm kissing my wife on the cover because the mother of a gay kid might see it and finally come around to letting her son or daughter back in the house. I'm kissing my wife on the cover because it's time for every American to have their civil rights.

And, let's be honest, I'm kissing my wife on the cover because Portia and Ellen probably weren't available...

#HanginwithHendo

It Takes One to Know One - Marriage Equality in New York State (a re-post from June, 2011)

2013-03-28T06:49:00.001-04:00

I've come to blog here the past several days attempting to say something that hasn't already been said. I've spent quite a bit of time calling Senators, asking all my friends to call Senators, reading other blogs, posting comments, participating in certain threads where my time could have been better spent smashing my head into a brick wall, etc. You get the point.

The long and short of it is this.

There's nothing I can say here that hasn't already been said on various Senators personal Facebook pages (Senator Dean Skelos, Senator Greg Ball), or on The Huffington Post comment section of Sarah's Op-Ed, "My Children Have Everything...Except Married Parents.

I've read many inspiring posts from people all over New York who are in favor of Equality. And, unfortunately, I've read some posts from people against Equality. Thankfully, the posts against Equality are outnumbered, at least on the places I'm surfing the web (which are all the places I've listed above).

Usually the anti-equality posts are religiously fueled, and more often than not contain grammatical and spelling errors...I'm just saying. And I've yet to read a single post from that side of the argument that is strong enough to deny any human being their civil rights.

What those posts against Equality have done for me, however, is they've reminded me of what it was like growing up gay.

I've said it before, and I meant it, I didn't realize I was gay until I was nineteen. My brain couldn't even internalize the thought of being gay, that's how abhorent a concept it was for me. I buried it so deep down that I never once had a conscious inkling of it until I was in college.

I learned to fear being gay from the world I lived in. Nobody ever told me directly, "Kristen, don't be gay. It's a very bad thing." Yet, the noxious homophobic gas pumped into our society's air that I was breathing in on a daily basis made me know for sure that it was a really really bad thing to be.

I knew it.

You knew it.

And some people still think it.

So I'd like to share this story from my childhood with all the people who are posting against Equality. Even though I know none of you read my blog. This is my attempt to say something that hasn't already been said - or - This is me bashing my head against a brick wall again. Here goes:

Dear People Unwilling to Give Me My Equal Rights,

When I was growing up I was a tom boy.

Every kid has "their" reason for why they feel different. The kid with the acne, the kid with the hair that's too curly, the too fat kid, the too skinny kid, the kid with the thick glasses, the poor kid, and on and on.

Anyway. I was the kid who felt awkward every time my girlfriends wanted to do girly things. I didn't want to wear makeup or carry a Le Sports Sac. I wasn't comfortable with designer jeans, or leg warmers, or capezios. Every day I wore my Lee Jeans and Pro-Keds. That was my uniform, day in and day out. While it doesn't sound that bad, every day I got dressed I thought about how different I felt.

I know. Whoopeeding. I wasn't picked on. I would have picked on you first. And I wasn't bullied. I would have bullied you first. Think about that for a second, anti-equality person posting on the internet.

I was an athlete. I loved sports. I played every season. I lived for it.

One season, my high school coach was a lesbian. We didn't know this because she was "out." We knew this because she looked like a dyke - I'm just going to use the word. She was very stereotypically lesbian looking in every way.

She threatened me to my core.

But I was 15 years old and I had coping mechanisms in place to be sure I was not affected by her existence at all.

What I did was write a "funny jingle" for everyone on the team to sing. It was a song about how gross and abhorent our scary lesbian coach was. And I would sing it.

The memory is so overwhelming for me that it stops me dead in my tracks. Fifteen year old me felt I had to sing a song about the grossness of my lesbian coach so that my teammates, and I for that matter, wouldn't catch on that I was a lesbian too.

Fear. Breeds. Intolerance. Fear. Breeds. Hatred. Fear. Breeds. Bullies.

Much worse things have come from fear than a really bad jingle sung in a high school locker room.

We have an opportunity to alleviate some of the fear that maybe your fifteen year old son or daughter or niece or nephew or neighbor might feel one day. That alone should be enough reason to vote for Equality.

#Hendo

Bobby McGee in the Key of C

2013-03-05T13:32:00.001-05:00

People keep asking me if we are going out on tour anytime soon. And the answer is.....soon. maybe. ish. no. not really. sporadic dates here and there. Got it?

Before we embark on any official tour, you know, the type with a string of dates all in a row, we plan to release a new EP. EP is code for a CD with 5 or 6 songs on it. EP stands for Extended Play. I personally do not understand how fewer songs than a full length CD means Extended Play. But. It. Does.

We recently wrote a song with Lori McKenna called "That Was The Whiskey," and we plan to release it as the first single from our EP. People seem to be having very enthusiastic and positive reactions to the song. And that's a very very nice thing, when people have positive reactions to your songs.

When we were signed to a major label, they often would say things like "it's not a single." Which always made me wonder, "why the heck did you sign us, you dingbats?" But, you know what, I'm running toward the light these days, so let's not relive that silliness. We need to live in the present. And in the present we have a new song called "That Was The Whiskey" that even record people from the label we are no longer affiliated with say is a "hit single." And they have nothing to gain from saying that because we are no longer signed to their label. In fact, the label no longer exists, which says a lot about labels and what they know about hit singles.

So let's not say "That Was The Whiskey" is a hit single. Let's just say it's a catchy fun song that makes my kids want to sing along. In fact, during my special day at my twins Pre-K, Kate told the teacher that her mom was going to sing a song for the class called "The Whiskey." And it was awkward. Very. Very. Awkward.

To summarize what is happening in Antigone land: We are going to be playing sporadic live dates through the spring and summer. We are recording our new EP at Campy Town Studios on Long Island to be released later this Spring (2013). And we are going to launch some type of extremely creative fund raising campaign in the coming days/weeks/maybe month to raise money so we can properly promote and market our new EP with an extremely strong focus on our song "That Was The Whiskey."

We are discussing the possibility of filming a video for the song. So if you are a fledgling amazingly brilliant video maker or if you happen to know of one, please send them our way immediately. We are interested in seeing what you or your video making friends are capable of doing.

Once all of these balls are rolling in the right direction, we will plan a tour - one with strings of dates all in a row that will include all towns, not just those within 2 hours of our homes in New York & New Jersey!

And I will blog more about our latest project very soon.

LISTEN TO THE UPCOMING SINGLE, "THAT WAS THE WHISKEY" RIGHT HERE:

#Hendo'sBackAtTheBlogLet'sHang.

ps-anyone with opinions about kickstarter vs. pledge music vs. DIY fundraising, please sound off here. we want to know what you think!

Some of our sporadic dates - more to be announced:

Friday - April 12, 2013 - The Mercury Lounge, NYC
Buy Tickets Now

Saturday - May 4, 2013 - Northampton Pride Festival
3 County Fairgrounds - Northampton, MA
More info.

July 6 Hartford, CT Riverfest

July 13 Athens, NY Athens Street Festival

Free Tune Tuesday On a Wednesday.

2012-08-29T10:32:00.005-04:00

I always had this fantasy of being in a band (check), going on tour (check), and becoming BFFs with whatever band or artist we were on tour with (check-ish).

I'm going to be honest here in my partial tell-all blog post. Sometimes the BFF part does not happen. Like the one time we shared a few bills with an unnamed act who complained of us drinking the diet coke on their rider. Because unnamed artist must have thought they were the only artist on the bill who put diet coke on a rider.

Imagine what that artist must have felt like on the inside as they reported our band to a rock club venue manager regarding our diet coke violation. And then imagine how foolish they felt as the very uninterested rock club manager informed them they're not the only diet coke drinkers on the bill. And then imagine returning to that venue once a year every year since the incident and laughing with the rock club manager about that artist who complained about us drinking their diet coke. And imagine the case of diet coke the club provides us with every time we play the room.

Wow. The memory of that tour came back as if it were only yesterday. And it reminds me of why we love certain artists we share bills with so so so much more than ones who complained about soda sharing.

With that, I don't mind declaring that our band does have a very favorite band to tour with, and if our band could have married this band we would have. Unfortunately, band marriage is just not legal in New York. Or even Massachusetts.

That band is The Pushstars, the loves of Antigone Rising's lives since 2001.

But that's not what this blog is about.

This blog is about Malone. Michelle Malone. She's the person that's in our band without (the hassle of) actually being in our band. For example. When we lose a lead singer but don't want to cancel dates, Malone sits in. Here's another example. She writes a song. We hear it and think we should have written that song ourselves, so we start playing it in our show every night. She saves us time from having to write songs that have already been written. And sometimes we actually even sit down in the same room with her and write songs together.

That's what this free download is all about today. A song we wrote with Michelle Malone. And it's not about diet coke.

Learn more about Michelle Malone.
Learn more about The Pushstars and Chris Trapper.

Download Weed and Wine, written by Antigone Rising and Michelle Malone. (Recorded live at The Bitter End in New York City on July 17, 2012 during the Antigone Rising/Michelle Malone Mash-Up show)

#Hendo.

Holy Tour Day 2 (Part 4)- Falafel First. Jerusalem Later.

2012-03-26T14:19:00.002-04:00

Antigone Rising &Polina from US Embassy, Tel Aviv eat falafel!

Immediately following my mortifying Mohammed moment, we went out to lunch. There really is no better way to alleviate the mortification of a terribly stupid moment than stuffing your belly. So that's precisely what I did.

Polina, one of our gracious US Embassy Tel Aviv hosts, was charged with the responsibility of feeding us. She went to great lengths to give us as authentic an Israeli lunch as possible. She asked around and found out there was an amazing outdoor falafel stand just around the corner from the school we just performed at in Beer Sheva. So we took off in search of it.

During our walk to the falafel stand, Polina told us the bomb sirens had gone off in Beer Sheva just a few days earlier. Apparently, missiles from the Gaza strip can only travel as far as Beer Sheva, so they're constantly under siege.

Gulp.

Let's eat.

#Hendo

Antigone Rising lunches in Beersheba or Beer Sheva on Feb. 20, 2012

Holy Tour Day 2 (Part 3) - My Mortifying Mohammed Moment - The Hangin' With Hendo Blogumentary

2012-03-13T11:32:00.000-04:00

"Hangin with Hendo, The #HolyTour Blogumentary", is my attempt to document as much of our trip through Israel and the West Bank as humanly possible. I did blog a bit while we were there, but it was incredibly difficult to keep up with posting entries while tweeting, facebooking, playing shows and learning to speak Hebrew and Arabic fluently. So follow along while I recount our trip. I'll incorporate some of our Facebook and Tweet action wherever it makes sense, and plan to include a video with each post incorporating photos & videos from mine and Julie's iPhones, Sib's mini-cam, my camcorder and any other media I can yank from various sources to paint as complete a picture as possible. I will leave no stone unturned, except the one under the Dome of the Rock. And we did have a few #Holytour moments I reserve the right to keep on the #Holytour. --#Hendo

YOU MAY WANT TO READ THE BLOG FIRST BEFORE ROLLING VIDEO...I LEAVE THAT UP TO YOU.

A lot of nervous energy led to the moment I am about to blogfess to. I'm sure it could be attributed in large part to the jet lag and Israeli shots the night prior, and a warning from the US Embassy workers that "the kids may have culture shock" upon seeing us. Needless to say, I believe it is what led to the "in-my-headness" I was experiencing as we took the stage in Beer Sheva, the largest city in the Negev desert of southern Israel.

Let me rewind the cassette tape to the beginning of the day. After spending our first night in Tel Aviv, we woke on Tuesday morning, 02.21.12, and headed to a town called Beer Sheva. I was confused, misinformed, actually maybe only half paying attention, and was under the impression we were headed to Jerusalem that morning to conduct an "outreach program" for an eclectic mix of Israeli and Arab students. So during our hour plus drive, that did include camel sightings, I was tweeting misinformation about poor Beer Sheva, as evidenced here:

Though it does seem our tour manager's first morning tweet could be what led me astray as we embarked on our journey to Beer Sheva:

I realize now, his tweet meant we'd be in Jerusalem later that night for a theater performance, but no good did it do me as we pulled into Beer Sheva and I continued tweeting ignorance:

Finally, as we pulled up to the school we'd be "outreaching" at, someone loudly proclaimed we were in Beer Sheva. I pried my face away from the iPhone and, in my snottiest tone, asked a van full of bandmates, managers, and US Embassy workers, "have none of you been reading my ignor-tweets (that's a sniglet for ignorant tweeting)?"

Insert crickets chirping.

Well, regardless of whether any of my bandmates, managers, or US Embassy peeps were reading my twitter feed, I had close to 2,000 followers back in the United States likely glued to my every tweet. After all, it was anywhere from 1am to 4am in America, depending on which state you were in. I could only imagine the confusion I was causing knowing our tour dates page clearly stated we'd be in Beer Sheva at the time of my "we're in Jerusalem" tweets.

So I quickly recanted to the best of my ability as follows:

If only this were the worst of my missteps on this, the first full day of our #holytour. There were so many more misfires ahead of me on this day, and I cringe knowing every single one of them was either captured via Sib's video camera or various social media vehicles. #FourSquare. #Twitter.

So roll the video and enjoy the third installation in my v-blog series, "My Mortifying Mohammed Moment."

I couldn't possibly be the only person to have one of these moments...could I be?

#Hendo

Holy Tour - Day 1 (part 2) - From Landing to Sleeping - The Hangin' With Hendo Blogumentary

2012-03-08T08:34:00.000-05:00

Nini, Bird & Sib get dropped at JFK
carrying our purple guitar flight cases, the "barneys"

It will surprise none of you that Jude drove the band to the airport to catch our sweet Delta flight to Tel Aviv. One of the things that excited us most about flying Delta was that Dena heard they served free beer and wine on all international flights.

The Tweets of @denatauriello, compliments of The Twitter

One of the other things that excited us about the trip was that our itinerary had fantastic catch phrases and buzz words in it like: "Embassy driver and expeditor will meet you at Ben Gurion International Airport and drive you to Savoy Hotel, 5 Geula St., Tel Aviv." One of our later itineraries used the phrase, "you will travel by motor pool," but I don't want to jump ahead of myself.

So, if you rolled the part 1 video in my prior blog post, you heard Julie mention that we were in "passport control with Tal, who's picking us up and rushing us through customs." And that is PRECISELY what he did. It was so f'in rockstar hot. We rolled off the plane like a bag of pretzels, our entire double decker flight racing to customs, the line was already about four days long without our Delta free boozin' flight mates, and Tal literally walks us right up to the counter and tells us to bust out our passports for the customs agent. Voila, just like that, we're standing at the baggage claim waiting for our oversized Barney cases, bagzillas, and whatever else we checked in back at JFK (total cost for checked bags, $750 - #holytour, #holybaggagecrisis).

Us blowing through Israeli customs. That's Tal behind my left shoulder. Or is that my right shoulder? He sorta looks like an Israeli Joe Pesci, but I didn't tell him that.

We hop into our Tal driven white van, heads feeling like it's 6am, the sunlight in the sky sitting somewhere around 3:30PM, and start our drive to Tel Aviv. The roads look just like the ones we'd be driving on back in New York. I do know this makes me sound like an idiot, but I wasn't really expecting it to feel exactly like home. I mean, I didn't think we'd be driving via camelback on dirt roads, but maybe...on some deep, dark, inundated by CNN/Fox News propagandized media level, I was! The only reason I knew I wasn't in Kansas anymore was because the street signs were in Hebrew and every single building, and I do mean every single one of them, was built using Jerusalem Sandstone. Benjamin Moore really needs to come up with a tan paint color called Jerusalem Sandstone, by the by.

Across the street from our hotel
Mediterranean Sea, Tel Aviv

Anyhooch, we pull up to our hotel in Tel Aviv to be greeted by THE MEDITERRANEAN SEA. They don't have that in the United States, I'll tell you what. And we also finally get to meet Michele and Polina, our United States Embassy (Tel Aviv) point peeps who put together the most amazing schedule of events for us in Israel.

Us with Michele from US Embassy, Tel Aviv
on our way out to dinner standing in front of
the Mediterranean Sea, of all things.

Tony, our tour manager, checks us all in. We're staying at The Savoy, a boutique hotel with plenty of charm and a free cappuccino machine in the lobby. We all have single rooms, meaning no roomie nonsense, not that we don't love each other, but we're psyched about it. He hands us our room keys and our electric plug converters so we can plug our various social media driven smart devices in for a charge and we make a plan to meet in the lobby 25 minutes later for dinner, even though it's breakfast time in our bodies. and minds. and souls.

Roll video to see if I run into Julie in the elevator on our way out to eat...
#Hendo

http://youtu.be/VkUg-nyes84?hd=1

Holy Tour - Day 1 (part 1) - From Take Off to Landing - The Hangin' With Hendo Blogumentary

2012-03-07T16:52:00.000-05:00

(watch it on YouTube to get the full hi-def effect...)

It's Sunday, Feb 19 at 4:15 p.m. I need a shower before I board a 10 hour flight to Israel. I just got my hair done yesterday and am concerned about the manic panic red highlights washing out, but these are rock n' roll risks we take in the line of duty. The van will be here in 45 minutes to take me to the airport. I'm downloading travel guides to my iPad as I blog because, I'm not going to lie, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. It's my worst fear to be the ignorant ugly American when we touch down tomorrow evening in Tel Aviv.

So, quickly, I will share our story.

Back in May 2011, our former tour manager got an email from someone she graduated high school with. The email went something like this: “We would be interested in inviting Antigone Rising as guests of the U.S. Consulate General in Jerusalem to perform for Israeli and Palestinian audiences in the West Bank, Tel Aviv, Ramallah and Jerusalem.”

We are a band of extremes. We're either playing 280 shows a year or on complete hiatus because we're giving birth to babies. Sometimes we have a record deal, sometimes we don't. We either get paid a lot of money to play shows, or we play them for free and don't tell anyone we did that. You've either heard of us or you haven't. Hopefully, you have. Heard of us, that is.

So, the one time we get an offer to play shows outside the United States, we're invited to do so by the U.S. State Department, as Arts Envoys as part of a peace program in which we perform for both Palestinian and Israeli audiences in the Middle East. Extreme, right?

We are thrilled and honored to have been asked by our government to represent the United States as Arts Envoys & Cultural Ambassadors throughout Israel and the West Bank. We look forward to learning about new cultures, sharing new ideas with the people, and at least for a little while, creating an understanding that so long as we're all singing the same song it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight, Palestinian, Israeli, or American.

So follow us on our journey, playing shows and hosting seminars for college students of both Israeli and Palestinian backgrounds. We'll be holding drum workshops for the developmentally disabled, performing shows for the LGBT community in Tel Aviv, making radio and television appearances along the way, and hopefully winning over the hearts and minds of the people of Israel and the West Bank.

#Hendo
(parts of this blog post originally appeared on AfterEllen.com)

We arrive at JFK International airport and the tweeting begins:

Earning The Wins.

2012-01-24T16:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I actually say, "If you don't listen to me I'm going to throw your Barbie Vet Station into the yard."

When such a statement rolls from my lips, several things happen simultaneously.

First, I picture that handheld book I refer to once in a blue moon that tells me I'm destroying my child's self esteem when I say things like this. And that thought, of course, damages my self esteem.

My second thought is that I can't believe I own any type of Barbie anything, much less allow my daughter to play with any type of Barbie anything. As a kid I played with Dusty. She was the "tom boy" version of Barbie and was much more palatable to me. I guess Dusty has been discontinued.

Then I think these thoughts in quick succession: "Some people have seven kids." "Some people have three kids." "Some people have triplets." "Some people are single mothers." None of these thoughts comfort me.

Then I start cooking dinner, I change diapers, I continue cooking dinner, yes, sometimes in that order. And I let them watch too many episodes of Peppa The Pig while I cook dinner with my debate-ably dirty hands. Just kidding. I always wash my hands. I never lotion them. You should see how dry they are.

Then they take baths, most nights. And they brush their teeth, every single night (and morning). That's my non-negotiable. I told them they'll get bugs on their teeth if they don't brush. The book doesn't mention what bugs on teeth is doing to their self esteem.

The twins and I debate every single move we make all day long. From what to wear to when they'll get dressed to what they'll eat to how hot what they're eating is to how much milk is in their cup to what color their cup is to which car seat they sit in to which sneakers they'll wear and on which foot they will wear them on.

Everyday, we hit repeat. As if I didn't win every single debate the day before. They make me earn the wins. Daily. It is literally maddening.

Like clockwork, I miss them exactly 60 minutes after they go to sleep at night. Sometimes so much so that I sneak into their rooms to look at them while they're sleeping. And some nights it wakes my daughter up. You've never seen anyone in your entire life go from sound asleep to wide awake as quickly as my daughter, Katie. And she ends up sleeping in our bed with us. "Gasp" from all the people who don't have kids who are planning on having kids who think they will never do anything wrong when they're a parent.

Sometimes people who don't have kids like to offer sage advice like, "they need to learn to understand the word no." If you are one of those people with no kids miraculously still reading this boring blog who feels compelled to say that to someone with kids, you are an asshole. Love, Kristen.

My kids (almost) always look grown ups in the eyes and say hello and goodbye. They say please and thank you. They give hugs and kisses unless they've got a sixth sense on you. They "take turns" with friends pretty well. You know, sharing isn't exactly instinctual.

I used to have part time help but I haven't in about three months. I'm with my kids 24/7 unless I'm away with the band. I've been reluctant to bring someone else into the mix because on some deep dark level I clearly love the day long debate with two almost three year olds. I like knowing I'm the one to blame if their self esteem gets a little ding in it. I also happen to like the way they smell and I like hearing all the little things they say all day long. They're really funny. And really smart. And nobody that isn't me can make them feel like they're as funny and smart as I do. Don't debate me on that. The fact that I happen to not mind Peppa the Pig is a bonus.

And I've never lost a debate when employing the "I'm going to toss the Barbie Vet Station out into the yard" tactic.

At some point you just have to say "F*** what those stupid books say."
#Hendo

Huffington Post 3 Part Video Series - Here Come the Brides.

2011-11-17T15:22:00.000-05:00

Click on link to watch videos

Sarah and I were featured in a 3 part internet docu-series on The Huffington Post. It was about our wedding, as you can probably tell from the above photograph. We got married in the great state of New York. Yay New York!

It was one of the happiest days of our lives and we were thrilled and honored to share it with The Huffington Post. And we hope you all enjoy watching the videos!

#Hendo

ROLL VIDEOS - HUFFINGTON POST - HERE COME THE BRIDES

Our Midwest Run is ... done

2011-11-14T21:27:00.000-05:00

It turns out I really love the Midwest. I mean, I was always a fan of the accent, in fact I have often been accused of having one. I believe it's my blend of Long Island with 4 years in central PA that gives me my Midwestern sound. Debate if you must.

Everywhere we go, people are nice. And the Midwest people were as well. The only difference was that every single person we met on this run was hilariously funny. I mean like full blown colorful character funny. All of them. In fact, I could claim Detroit to be one of my favorite cities on earth based on the people alone. There were too many broken windows around town for me to threaten to move there, but Detroit has some serious character(s). Double entendre intended.

Watch this video from our appearance on uDetroit.com. Four songs plus interview w Pam Rossi. The interview starts out a little awkward, but we pick up steam and it ends up being 45 of the most hilarious minutes we spent together the whole trip. Charo reference courtesy of Sibby's twisted brain.

#Hendo/Posh Spice (roll video)

Facebook is Annoying Me Because...

2011-09-19T11:22:00.000-04:00

We have a band page on Facebook. It is http://www.facebook.com/antigonerising. But there is ANOTHER annoying Antigone Rising Facebook page that seems somehow linked to Wikipedia that has 1,930 likes and whenever anyone tries to tag our band or add photos of our band, the post and/or photos end up on this bogus wiki nonsense jackass page that we have no control over.

I google it every which possible way to figure out how to get rid of it. But I can't. And I don't have time to shake a solution out of my computer like I once did. But MAN, it is SO annoying.

I try to report the page as "duplicate or miscategorized" and then it asks which page it's a duplicate of....and the only option it gives me is of the bogus page!

If anyone has any suggestion that leads to the removal of this annoying page, we will give you free things. I mean, we have lots of things. So you can choose the things you want for free.

And no matter what you do, DO NOT LIKE the bogus annoying page. It's the one that DOES NOT have a photo of us on it and has around 1,129 likes. You need to LIKE the one with our photo on it that has over 4,000 likes. Please.

#Hendo

ps- this is a link to the annoying bogus page that I really don't want you to click on. https://www.facebook.com/antigonerising#!/pages/Antigone-Rising/108165915877542
You can also just go to FB and search Antigone Rising - two musician/band pages pop up. The real page has a photo and over 4K likes. The fake one has no photo. And I deeply despise it.

The Gracefully Blog.

2011-08-18T15:02:00.010-04:00

Ok. So here it is. The long awaited, maybe too long awaited that you forgot you even wanted it, blog entry about the song Gracefully.

This may be a bit of a blabber blog, too...all over the place. Prepare for take off.

Warning: If you don't like knowing what songs are really about, if you like to interpret them for yourselves and keep it that way, then don't read this blog. Ok? ok. Here we go:

When we entered the studio to record 23 Red, it was initially going to be a 5 song EP. That's right. 5 songs. We asked Gary Philips, our producer, to help us pick the best 5 from about 18 or 19 songs. I believe the initial top 5 songs were No Remedy, Everywhere is Home, Borrowed Time...and...I can't remember what the other 2 were now. But then we did the Kickstarter Fundraiser and suddenly we had a real budget. One that would allow us to record 8 songs...so we added 3 more from the list.

Then we wrote Gracefully by accident and had to add it to the CD as the 9th song. And it just didn't make any sense to go in and record only one song. I mean, all that set up and rigamarole (really a word, go ahead and google it like I just did). So we ended up recording Gracefully and Say You Want to Leave. 10 songs. Full length CD. We went a little over the budget there. But we figured all our fans donated so graciously, we couldn't possibly put out an 8 song CD. I mean. Who does that?

So Gracefully...the song. It came about because Nini thought the CD needed a song with a tempo change on it. All the songs on the CD were in 4/4 time. You know. Tap your foot along and count to 4. She thought the CD needed a song in 6/8 time...or 3/4 time. I'm not totally sure what the difference is between those two time signatures. But tap your foot along to Gracefully. Or Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway. Or Goo Goo Dolls Iris. You'll see. It's in 6...or 3. Go ahead. Tap your foot and count. The 1 comes after the 3 or 6. Not after the 4.

So that was Nini's objective for writing it.

My objective was a little different. Mine was based on a conversation I had with my neighbor the night before we wrote the song. She was at my house and told me a really sad story about someone we both knew who had just been re-diagnosed with cancer. And the friend had kids. And the diagnosis was very grim. My heart sank...and I knew I was going to make Nini write another depressing song with me the next day.

**Good spoiler alert**The friend beat it again and is totally fine. Yay. Phew. Why can't I ever write a song about that? Hmm. Note to self. Write a song about that for once.

Now back to the story of writing the song.

So I show up at Gracewood to write with Nini, and she's strumming a chord progression in 6/8 getting ready for the task at hand...I lay the story on her about my neighbor's friend and we end up talking about our own kids and how that's our worst nightmare come true...I mean, anyone's worst nightmare come true...Nini starts singing placeholder words like fall with the fall, all in the all...and I tell her they're not placeholders, and we debate that for a few minutes...and then I say Gracefully at the end of those "placeholder" words...probably because we were writing at Gracewood...and then we realize we have the start of a real song.

(the ...'s are starting to get on my nerves too...)

So we decide the song is about teaching your kids one final lesson. Even if you were dying, you can still teach them one final lesson. Whatever it is you have to do in life, no matter how hard or difficult, do it gracefully.

Fall with the fall. You know. Sometimes you just have to go with it. There comes a time when you just have to accept it and go with it. And always remember, it's all in the all. You know, give it your all, even when you're falling with the fall. Make the most out of everything you do. Even dying. Wring every little drop out of life while you still have it. This stuff makes total sense to Nini and me, if nobody else.

Just hold your person's hand, and both of you, do it gracefully.

I'm a great believer that blog posts should never be too long. But I haven't even touched upon the intensity of the recording session when we tracked Nini's lead vocal. The session was so intense we had to stop a few times. It was making our stoic producer, literally, cry. And we sent Nini on the most intense roller coaster ride of emotions in the vocal booth. You should go read Nini's blog post about it. She blogged immediately after the session. Read it here: Worktape: In The Studio, Gracefully. It's the 3rd post down.

Alright. Nap time is over for the babies. I don't even have time to spell check. I'm just going live.

...#Hendo

Gracefully by Antigone Rising

Times Two (the book ) & 23 Red (the CD)

2011-06-28T07:39:00.003-04:00

Times Two is available online and in bookstores everywhere:

<p>&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;Red 23 is &amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;</p>

Antigone Rising's new CD, 23 Red, is due out in record stores and on iTunes everywhere on August 2, 2011.

It Takes One to Know One - Marriage Equality in New York State

2011-06-21T13:30:00.003-04:00

I think I've Just Been Proposed To...

2011-05-19T13:07:00.004-04:00

A few weeks back, we confirmed an in-store appearance for our book, Times Two: Two Women in Love and the Happy Family They Made, at a Barnes & Noble on Staten Island. I could seriously digress and lose the entire point of this blog if I revealed how I envisioned this in-store appearance to go. But the really really good news is that I was TOTALLY wrong.

I'm totally wrong most of the time now anyway. I think it's a hormone that goes off after pregnancy that makes you wrong 85-90% of the time. And the more adamantly right you are in a situation, the more definitively wrong you are. At least that's how it's been for me since the babies were born.

Upon arriving at B&N, a man with press credentials introduced himself and started snapping photos of Sarah and me at the book signing table. This, of course, made us look important to all the people who came out to our book signing. And, quite frankly, it made us (read: me) feel important - which, I've learned as I'm maturing, counts for a lot. Snap away, Papparazzi.

Shortly after the bulbs stopped flashing, a woman from The Staten Island Advance introduced herself. She said she may be doing a story in an upcoming issue about the Marriage Equality bill about to be voted on in the NY State Senate. Sarah began chatting with the writer, not realizing her discussion was actually "the interview" and every word she uttered was completely on the record.

Not even 12 hours later, The Staten Island Advance hit newsstands worldwide (this slight exxaggeration continues to make me feel important, so roll with me) with a front cover headline that blared the following:

"Former Staten Islander and her Partner "Married" but State Law Says Single" with a photo accompanying the article that looked like this:


Staten Island Advance 05.18.11/Hilton Flores

I strongly suggest you read the (front page, did I mention) article yourselves to draw your own conclusions, but Sarah was quoted with the following statement:

"We've been holding [off on] getting married until it is legal in our state," Ms. Ellis told the Advance. "It would be amazing if it happened. It it's passed, we are going to get married instantly."

She's obviously talking about me with regard to who she's going to marry instantly upon this law passing, right....?

Assuming that's the case, SKE, my answer is a resounding YES, under one major condition. ROLL VIDEO:

LET'S DO THIS ALREADY NEW YORK STATE!

#Hendo

ps-As of this moment, our story is the most commented article on SI Advance.com this week BY FAR in comparison to the other online articles. Many comments are supportive, some are people who "feel badly for my kids," and that's when I stopped reading the comments. I tweeted the following out to the people who pity my family:

Bob Brody's Lettertomykids.org

2011-05-06T10:58:00.001-04:00

Sarah and I recently wrote a guest blog for Bob Brody's Letters To my Kids. It's such a brilliant idea he has, to share your history with your kids via letters, so I was totally thrilled when we were invited to submit our own letter. The whole point of our guest blog, of course, was to promote our book, so in the end our blog ended up leaning more toward Times Two excerpt shaped to be a letter, which is totally fine. The blog will expose our book to a universe of people who never would have known it existed, so we're grateful. I am also grateful that the invitation forced me to write a letter to my kids, though! So I'm posting the initial letter I wrote here as today's blog post on Hangin' With Hendo!

We should all be writing letters to our kids. It's the best gift we could ever leave them. Thanks, Bob, for reminding me of that.

Dear Thomas & Kate,

So, now that we're heading into your third mother's day on the planet, I thought it would be a good idea to write you a letter outlining the expectations of this momentous holiday. That way, as we move forward together as a family, there will be fewer misunderstandings. We can just refer back to this document as a reference.

Mother’s Day, as a rule, is particularly stressful on the children of the mother - in your case, the mothers. My brother, sister, and I never quite got it right growing up. Your Nana always felt like she ended up planning the entire day, even though we always came up with the unique idea to barbeque hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill...Every. Single. Year.

Growing up, it was always one of those holidays that would sneak up on me. As such, I swore I would never put any undue pressure on my own children regarding plans for Mother's Day.

That’s how I thought I’d be.

Before you were born.

Now that you’re here, I feel very differently about Mother’s Day. In fact, I probably feel very much the same way my mother (your Nana) feels about it. OWED.

See, I met your mom and we fell in love. We decided together we wanted to start a family. And when I say together, I mean literally. There was fertility drama on the road to conceiving you both, none of it was fun, much of it required hormonal manipulation via drugs, and oftentimes we experienced cramping (severe, by the way). But somehow, miraculously, you were both conceived on the very same day in May of 2008.

Since the moment of your "twinned" conceptions, Mommy Sarah and I have been convinced that the two of you must have a serious pact with one another. We actually believe you two have traveled through many lives together. Now, you know Mommy Sarah doesn't really buy much into that type of "mumbo jumbo," so to get her to agree with me on this theory must mean you two really have some deep connection with one another.

In fact, we write all about your connection in our "family book," as you like to refer to the memoir your mom and I got to write thanks to the “miraculousness” of you both (Times Two/Free Press). We make it very clear that "[You] remind us on a daily basis that from the moment [you] were conceived, this was [your] story. Not ours."

While those words really do ring true 364 days of the year, I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge in writing that, "This is your story…except on Mother's Day."

On Mother’s Day, the story is about the “miraculousness” of how your two moms got pregnant on the exact same day! It’s about how we went through nine months of pregnancy elbowing each other out of the way as we ran to the bathroom ill from morning sickness. It’s about our swollen ankles (thankfully gone), carpal tunnel (I still show signs of it), still visible varicose veins (Mommy Sarah will be annoyed I mentioned those), and the 180 pounds we collectively gained together to bring you here healthy and viable.

So. Take note. Do not show up on Mother’s Day with cards whose envelopes are still wet from just having been sealed. Even more importantly, do not show up with conjoined mother’s day cards. We both pushed, so we both earned our own individual Hallmark moment. Do not plan a barbeque without paper plates and plastic forks and knives. We’re not doing your dishes, and quite honestly we’d much prefer your company than lose you to cleaning up after the party.

If none of these things seem attainable to you, all I ask for Mother’s Day is that on a year-round basis you always be safe, you always be kind, you never be afraid to call us if you’re in a bind, and know that no matter what is happening in your life, you can always, ALWAYS tell me. And if you can’t tell me, you can tell Mommy Sarah. But I’m probably a better first bet.

I love you with all my heart,

Mommy Kristen

The Mob Wives?

2011-04-21T15:21:00.000-04:00

I'm actually a little nervous to even blog about them...for the same reason I try not to blog about Real Housewives of New Jersey.

But, these ladies aren't even mob wives. I don't mean to scrutinize or nit pick, but wife indicates to me that one is married to someone in the mob. And all the "husbands" (who are actually their fathers) are in jail. So. Who cares?

This show would have rocked in 1986...when there was a mob.

This show is so lame that even the Gotti daughter isn't on it.

And WOW. As if it wasn't hard enough for Staten Island to convince us it's not such a bad place...

If this blog sounds like I won't be watching it again, you don't know me very well AT ALL! I will be watching, and I will likely lie in public that I am watching. But I'll blog about it for those of you not watching who secretly wish they were watching. This is serious train wreck TV.

And I hope I don't piss Sarah off by telling you that SHE WENT TO SCHOOL with one of the mob wives! How exciting is HER life?! Sarah's book comes out AND Mob Wives starring someone in her year book premier's all within 2 weeks of each other? Someone send our house an oxygen tank!

#Hendo

This is the one I'm most scared of, personally. #Shecrazy.

Stuffing A Ballot Box: The Gift That Keeps on Giving...

2011-04-18T13:51:00.002-04:00

@lizbrooks & Dena meet the U.S. Women's Soccer Team

A few years back, our tour manager (@lizbrooks, whom many of you know and love) stuffed a ballot box to win a contest to meet the United States Women's Soccer Team. I'm talking about the Mia Hamm, Julie Foudy, Brandi Chastain team. And she didn't really stuff a ballot box (I can feel Liz's eye roll from Passover in Wellesley, MA as I type).

Basically, it was a contest to get people to sign up for the US Women's Soccer Team email list. So we emailed the Antigone Rising list and told them all to sign up and say "Liz Brooks sent me." And a good majority of our email list (for the love of Liz Brooks) did so. And she won the contest. Which led to her being flown out to a US Women's Soccer Team practice. Liz got to bring a guest, so she brought Dena (AR's drummer), and this led to Dena and Liz becoming friends with many of the players. This led to Antigone Rising being invited to perform and play at the team's annual Go-Girl-Go Celebrity Golf Tournament Event in California, which also led to the band becoming great friends with the soccer team's marketing guru, Jen, who birthed the whole email list contest idea in the first place!

And now, six years after Liz "stuffed" the contest's ballot box, Jen has sent the following email out to her personal list of friends. I encourage you to copy and paste Jen's email, change the names where appropriate, and send it out to your very close group of friends. And you should cc: Liz Brooks on your correspondence!

An email sent from the computer of Jen Rottenberg:

To all my friends:

I hope you all are well and for those I haven't talked to in a while, let me know what's up in your lives!!

The reason for my mass email: my friend Kristen Henderson and her partner Sarah Kate Ellis have just had their book, Times Two (Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/143917640X/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=hanwithen-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=143917640X), published. Now, I may be a bit biased since I know the authors and many of the "characters" in the story, but Kristen is a great songwriter and it turns out she and Sarah are excellent authors as well. To be a good friend, I ordered my copy on Amazon and when it came in on Monday I thought, "well, I'll wait until the weekend when I might have some time, to start reading this," but I started thumbing through it and then I found myself reading and I just kept reading...I can't tell you how few books I've had a chance to read lately, but I kept coming back to this one all week until well, i'd finished it...it's a great, easy read...and a poignant story of two women, how they met, fell in love, and somehow unconventionally created a conventional family.

Some of you have taken bold leaps into motherhood yourselves and I think Kristen and Sarah's story will resonate with you. Some of you have met Kristen and her bandmates, or heard their music at my behest, and so this book may feel familiar. And, even if you haven't done either, I hope you all will purchase the book (look, making it easy, here's the link again: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/143917640X/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=hanwithen-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=143917640X) ...in just the same way that the somewhat mainstream success of "The Kids are All Right" helped breakdown stereotypes, mainstream awareness of a book like this will help further chip away. So, order it! And, forward this email to all your friends and send them out to purchase it...let's make it a best-seller!!!

And, when you get the book, be sure to quickly flip to that glossy section of pages in the middle, you know, the ones in every memoir, that include photos of the principles...be sure to check out the photo of Kristen on stage, as I am honored that of all the thousands of photos that exist in the world of her performing over the past couple of decades, she chose an image from one of her two performances at MY golf tournament to include in Times Two! :)

Buy it! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/143917640X/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=hanwithen-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=143917640X

All my best,
Jen

#Hendo

Author Interview for Times Two

2011-04-11T12:24:00.001-04:00

Our publisher did this author interview with Sarah and me a few weeks back! Check it out, and please spread the word that our new book Times Two, is available in bookstores and online everywhere!

Times Two Satellite Radio Tour for April 5, 2011!

2011-04-04T12:11:00.001-04:00

Let's toast to Times Two, IN BOOKSTORES TOMORROW!

I'm going to live blog from our satellite radio tour tomorrow...at least I'll try to. It probably won't be totally live blogging because the radio interviews are live...and they're literally stacked one after the other after the other.

Basically, what's happening is Sarah and I will be sitting in a studio at MTV (shout out to Emily and Gretchen and Jill for pulling this whole thing together for us, btw). Every ten minutes, we get beamed out to a new market/station and we just start answering questions.

Do you all recall a little while back, Paula Abdul was doing one of these satellite tours (on tv) and she started talking gibberish to one of the markets still thinking she was on somewhere else? She got "confused?" Click here to roll the video. Sarah and I are thinking about drinking mimosas tomorrow morning to celebrate the release of our first memoir (can you say franchise? though I have no idea how we'd follow this one up...) and see if we can pull a Paula Abdul in the studio.

I'M JUST KIDDING GRETCHEN. AND EMILY. AND JILL. AND EVERYONE AT SIMON AND SCHUSTER AND FREE PRESS. AND MOM.

It is good to know that you're reading my blog, though.

Here's tomorrow morning's schedule of events, should you happen to be in one of the markets Sarah and I will be beamed into (with mimosas in hand):

Portland, ME “Morning Show,” WJBQ FM 9:30-:40am EST
Kansas City, KS “The Buzz” KRBX FM 8:40-:50am CST
State College, PA “Morning Show” WBVH 9:50-10:00am EST
Seattle, WA “Jackie & Bender Mornings” KBKS-FM 7:10-7:20 PST
Rapid City, SD “Morgan & Murdoc” KDDX-FM 8:20-:30 MST
Albuquerque, NM “McKenzie & Kiki” KKOB-FM 8:30-:40 MST
Las Cruces, NM “Trinity & Joey” KHQT 8:40-:50 MST
El Paso, TX “Johnny Kage & DJ Kavi” XHTO-FM 8:50-9:00am MST
Harisburg,/Mt. Jackson VA “Morning Show,” WSVG 10:00-10:10am EST
Santa Cruz/Monterey/Salinas, CA PST “Morning Show” KRXA-AM 7:00-7:10am PST
Orange County/Riverside/Inland Empire, CA “Morning Show” KCAA 7:00-7:10am PST

I did my best to get EST/CST/MST/PST times right. I had to google a few of these markets...I get fuzzy around MST markets. Sorry MST peeps.

The book comes out tomorrow. Did you buy it yet? Well, go buy it! And if you already have, please tell your friends to buy it. Or just buy it for them. Really. Every purchase gets Sarah and me closer to being best selling authors. Hah. What a hoot that would be.

#Hendo

Purchase Times Two

SOCIAL WORKER SUNDAY (RE-POSTED FROM 02.06.11)

2011-03-31T15:44:00.003-04:00

A Norman Rockwell moment (photo by Denny)

"I mean, how straight should we make it?"

"Did you just hear yourself?"

"I meant...how much do we have to straighten up for this person."

"I'm not straightening up. I'm not doing anything. She can come here and write her stinking report." Biting lip, stairing around the room, thinking, thinking, thinking, "Do you think we should take the crib tents down?"

"They sell crib tents at Buy Buy Effin' Baby! She's going to judge us because we don't want our babies kamakazi diving out of their cribs?"

"Can I make a suggestion...." mom chimes in from couch. "Will you at least move the alcohol off your counter. I think that would be a good idea."

In our defense, it's not like the babies can reach the alcohol (in case the social worker happens to read my blog). But yes, we do have an ocean's worth of unopened Jack Daniels in a bottle that's still got the seal on it (again, in case the social worker happens to read my blog). It ended up in our house after the Perrotta/Ellis-Hendo Block Party last summer. It was a freakin' Noman Rockwell moment in our neighborhood, and all we have to show the social worker from it is an ocean's worth of Jack Daniel's that never got opened.

She won't see the bouncy castle we rented. Or the terrifying (that's me projecting) clown that was face painting.

"We'll move it to the basement." We both agreed.

So this is the day we've been waiting for. A rite of passage for all new parents. The one when a social worker comes to our house and deems us fit to raise our own kids.

I remember my brother Tommy telling me what it was like when he and his wife were deemed fit by....hey, wait a minute...they didn't have a social worker come to their house to judge them? Oh, right. Of course not! They have their civil rights. Silly, silly, silly me.

Now, before you post to my blog that you're sick of me and my sour grapes (that's aimed directly at all my Tea Party readers. C'mon, I know you're out there), I would like to remind you all of the following:

If a married couple uses a donor bank to create a family, just like Sarah and I did, they do not have to adopt that child. To be clear - the husband, or father, does not have to adopt his own child. Because that's what that child is. His. No social worker comes to visit their house on Super Bowl Sunday.

Let's go one step further because, at the very least, I've got my right to free speech...

If a heterosexual/unmarried couple uses a donor bank to create a family, just like Sarah and I did, the woman can list her male boyfriend as the father on the baby's birth certificate. And guess what? No social worker will come to their house, assuming they even live together. Not even on Super Bowl Sunday.

Now go enjoy your buffalo wings.

#Hendo

ps-Neighbor Sara who has been through this degrading experience herself and partner Sarah who lived it with me wanted me to add this fact to the blog. We actually had to PAY the social worker for the visit...write a check for the humiliation. So...that too.

READ THE BLOG POST ABOUT THE BABIES ADOPTION DAY HERE:
A DAY LIKE TODAY

Dinosaur Towels & The Like Button

2011-03-22T20:54:00.002-04:00

In the ten free seconds I found for myself yesterday (exaggeration), I figured out how to copy and paste some code into the back end of this blog that makes a "Like" button appear at the bottom of my posts. While I love that many of you leave comments, I also understand that not everyone has the time or inclination to leave one. So now I've got this "Like" button for all the people who mean to post to my blog but just can't muster up the energy. All you have to do is click "Like" to help boost my self esteem.

#Hendo

ps-Depending on your definition of free time, I did manage to make it over to TJ Maxx yesterday to impulsively buy a set of dinosaur towels. Two out of three members of my family were thrilled about it when I returned home. One is not sure how we will integrate dinosaur hand towels into our everyday living. I say to that one, lighten up...

TJ Maxx - T Rex Towel - "LIKE"

Please, Just Be Doctors.

2011-03-16T13:17:00.005-04:00

Whenever I tell my friends that I want the babies to be doctors or lawyers, they act SO shocked. Even...offended. My friends actually get pissed at me because I don't want my kids to go through the same hell I've gone through for "my art."

So, let me just spell out exactly what I did and you can imagine how you'll feel when your kid does the same thing to you.

I went to (according to me and everyone who went with me) one of the best universities of higher learning in the entire country (Ray, Bucknell!) and got a liberal arts degree. It cost my parents plenty of dough, and will probably cost you about a million duckets by the time your kid decides to mess with you.

I graduated with honors (this is my blog, I can say whatever I want), and shortly thereafter got a job in advertising. I quickly climbed the corporate ladder because I was...innovative...charismatic...quite frankly, to paraphrase Charlie Sheen, I was a winner. While the others were getting measly raises or no raises at all, I was getting 10% increases and job offers from competitive advertising firms...and taking them.

with Sarah Mclachlan - Lilith Fair

But I was bored. Unfulfilled. I had A DREAM. My art was calling me....so I moved into an apartment on Bleecker St. in the West Village with my sister and I started a band. We were both still working in advertising when we began selling out clubs in New York City. And eventually we won a coveted spot on Sarah Mclachlan's Lilith Fair tour. Yes, I'm exaggerating. We won 2 dates on the tour. But more than 1 date makes it a tour. Don't question me. My blog. My rules.

We had grown so popular that The Today Show featured us (ok, it was The Today Show in New York, the one that airs at 5am). And after we performed in the plaza, I jumped on a subway so as not to be late for my day job. I got to discuss my morning's performance with my colleagues around the water cooler before heading to my cubicle to revise media plans for my New York Life client.

This is all true stuff, people.

I had a fat salary with fat benefits. I could go to the podiatrist if I felt like it and get opinions about bunions. I'm not saying I did (or didn't). I had a matching 401K plan. You know. The whole nine yards.

And then. I quit. Just like that. Done.

Cashed in my 401K. Put the down payment for a van on my personal credit card. Put $10K of recording studio and CD duplication costs on another credit card cause they sent me checks and I thought that would be a good idea. Let my cobra lapse. Stopped going to doctors. Toured the country relentlessly, playing 260 shows a year. Never. Saw. My. Home. Slept in Motel 6s. Every night. Until Priceline.

Chased ghosts. And paid minimums on all my credit cards. For ten years.

Then Jason Flom signed us to Lava Records.

ONE IN A BILLION CHANCES THAT HAPPENS TO YOUR KID. TRUST ME. ESPECIALLY NOW. THE MUSIC INDUSTRY DOESN'T EVEN EXIST, PEOPLE. IT'S THE SNUFFLEUPAGUS OF CORPROATE AMERICA. YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I GOOGLED THAT SPELLING...

Yes. A lot of neat things happened when I was signed to Lava Records, like getting to be on THE REAL Today Show. When you google me, shit comes up. I know. But I'm not RICH from it. I'm not worry-free because of it. I don't have a nest egg. I can't retire in five years like all my other fellow Buknellians who went and formed Lending Tree.com and did SMART things.

Yes, I love what I do. Yes, I think that's what is most important. But maybe....JUST MAYBE...I could have loved being an anesthesiologist. So I am going to push them...just nudge them a little in a different direction. Pardon me for trying!

#Hendo.
ps-It's clearly NOT working.

Thomas drums in the studio wearing a doctor shirt....SO CLOSE, yet SO FAR! (photo by A. Vontobel)

A Day Like Today

2011-03-08T14:07:00.004-05:00

We woke up to the sound of Thomas and Kate debating in their cribs. They're the Hannity and Colmes of 2 year olds. Actually, I take that back. They're the Siskel and Ebert. Neither of my kids is like Hannity.

After taking them out of their cribs, I announced we were getting dressed up today because we had to go meet someone. Then Sarah added, "He's like Santa." And I said, "Except he might not have a beard, he'll be dressed in black and there's a chance he's a woman."

"That's right," Sarah agreed. "He's a Judge and he's a very nice man, assuming he's a man. He could be a lady too."

And so that's how this day started.

We got dressed. We ate breakfast. We piled into the car. We map blasted how to get to the courthouse in Mineola. I've only lived here my whole life and gone to Mineola a million times...I was nervous. I didn't want to be late.

We got to the courthouse and sat down in the courtroom with all the other families about to adopt children. The (male) Judge entered the room and began telling some story about the best adoption he'd ever overseen. I drifted off and snapped back to attention when he said, "...and now that you're all about to become families..." It was like he tossed a cold glass of water in my face.

I've been struggling with why this adoption process is making me so...well...sick to my stomach. If I'm just plain honest about it, it's because this process reminds me of how ashamed I was to be gay. And it reminds me that I'm not equal. And in that lack of equality, it reminds me that I should probably still be ashamed on some level.
(For those of you in need of back story, refer to the following blog posts: Civil Rights & Vitamin D (posted 11.23.10) & Social Worker Sunday (posted 02.06.11)).

The good news is, I'm not ashamed to be gay anymore. It's a bit like a scar. Sometimes the scar hurts when it rains. Like today. But I'm not ashamed.

Days like today make me think of all the kids who are still ashamed. And it makes me think of the parents of those kids who have taken their own lives because they were so ashamed. And it makes me think of my own kids who stood in front of a Judge today and were told that they were not a family until today. They had to miss their Music Together class to be told that. Their teacher is going to let them make up the class. But still.

I can't really spell this whole thing out because I haven't processed it totally. All I can tell you is that a day like today reminds me that I'm different than you are. And I just want to stop being reminded of that already.

#Hendo.

Nothing says "celebrate" more than breakfast at the diner with a plastic fire hat:

Sarah and me at the courthouse with the Judge, our lawyer, Sarah's parents, Thomas, Kate and puppy

Me with our son, Thomas