Writing means everything to me.

I feel the most whole when I am writing. I feel the kindest to myself when I am writing. I feel like everything is balanced and everything will eventually be okay when I am writing.

I used to only write when I felt inspired, when that first sentence would pop into my head and I knew I could tap out another 1,000 words to go with it. I would wait on those first sentences or that notable story. I would pray for those first sentences as I drove around town and went to work, knowing the true work could not begin until the gods of inspiration smiled upon me.

It’s why, for a long time, the essays I wrote would come sporadically. I would blame it on inspiration and lack of it. I thought I was a real, brooding artist because I was at the mercy of inspiration and now I see I was simply wasting time.

This was the mistake I made for a long time on my path to become a writer. Waiting. Thinking about it. Believing the muse would just show up without me having to sit down and put in the hours. Gosh, I missed so many precious hours and so many words from not sitting down to write, thinking I could somehow beat the system and only sit down when inspiration struck.

I no longer believe in waiting for inspiration. I no longer drive on backroads or go on hikes waiting for inspiration to strike me. I sit down. Every single day. Even if only for a half hour in the morning. To write something. To fight for the feeling that makes me feel most alive.

Maybe you’ve already missed a lot of hours. Maybe you’re someone who dreams about being a painter and yet you never paint. You dream about being a public speaker but you don’t ever write a speech. You dream about a blog but you won’t take the first step. This is a lot of us, we are bound up by fear of the creation process. It’s a dragon that we must learn to tame, something inside of us we need to hone and shape and allow for it to go free.

At the start of 2019, I made a goal for myself that I wanted to be more present in my work and create three times more content than last year. Content, for me, is words. More essays. More books. More words. Three times more.

That’s a pretty big goal and I can tell you why goals like this have failed in the past for me.

In the past, I didn’t quantify the goal. I allowed it to be loft and high up. I didn’t stop to think, “How can I make this goal into real action steps?” If I had asked myself that question earlier, I would have achieved a lot more goals by now.

So I looked at the goal of being more present in my work and creating more and I realized the two go hand-in-hand. If I could become more present in the work I was doing then I could create more. I also want to say that even though I am a fulltime writer, I don’t spend my entire day writing or waiting on inspiration to come. I write for approximately 2-3 hours (that’s the maximum) in the earliest hours of the morning. The rest of the day is full of emails, projects, meetings, and other work. I say this because it’s easy to make the argument that I have more time than others but I believe in this process whether it’s 20 minutes that you have or 2 hours.

I decided to create something called the “phone box.” I knew that if I could just hide my phone away for a small pocket of time then I could free to create without distraction. It might be the computer for you or email for you. Honestly, I write at the earliest hours of the morning because I know it’s the time of day when people aren’t checking their emails. I feel free to do what I want with my time.

I emptied out a small white tin I bought from IKEA and I stuck a label to the front of it that read, “BE PRESENT.” Inside of the tin, I included a small card and a pen to count up the days where I successfully used the phone box.

Don’t spend money on it. Don’t go out and buy something new. Just find a box, or a drawer, or an envelope— whatever you have at your disposal to put your phone away for a few hours.

Now it has become a habit I rarely even think about. I head up to my study. I put the phone in the box on airplane mode. I take a few sips of my coffee and read a few pages in a book before I sit down to write something meaningful or create something on my deadline list. I can retrieve the phone when, and only when, I’ve finished the task and I feel satisfied. There are days where I forget about the box and just leave the phone downstairs or in my bedroom because the habit of having something to “check” while I am creating is gone from my rhythms.

Some days the phone sits in the box for an hour. Other days, it is in there for 3 hours. The time the phone sits in the box isn’t the point, it’s what you manage to get done without your phone that matters.

To date, I’ve marked off 22 phone-free work times in 2019. It is definitely more than that but those are the number of times I actually remembered to make a tally on the card in my phone box.

Something is working up against your ability to create and you need to stare it in the face. The smartphone was designed with addictive habits in mind. The creators of apps want you to spend hours and hours on your phone, scrolling for satisfaction. That’s why it is so hard to tell yourself, “Just two more minutes” before you log off Instagram or X out the dating apps. The apps are designed to get you craving notifications while providing you with an endless scroll so your brain can keep devouring this feeling of being rewarded.

The research is all there (and has been there) for a long time that distractions are messing with our productivity and ability to meet a bottom line. We are preoccupied. Our emotions are wrapped up in too many things. We are going back and forth between the phone and the work. We are wondering why we cannot focus but the problem is right in front of us.

Life is too short and too unpredictable to not step out into the world and go after what makes your heart beat wildly. No one can do that for you. No one can take the first step. If the thing standing in your way is idleness and distraction then be willing to cut the thing off and take a step back.

If you never step out to do “the thing” or write the book or start the project then you’ll only ever be someone who talks about stuff and doesn’t do it. We all know that kind of person. I’ve been that person and the only thing that has separated me from talking about the thing and actually doing the thing has been cutting distractions out and giving myself no other choice but to take the next 20 minutes to create.

The world has something it needs from you. An old friend of mine once said to me, “You get one shot and the world won’t cry over what you never did.” She paused and said something I will carry with me always, “Don’t make the universe regret you.”

I knew at that moment I didn’t want to be a distant regret or something who talked but never moved. I’ve got a voice and you do too. And there are other people out there who don’t get that same chance to use their voice or set out to “do the thing.” We get freedom and so we should not take it for granted.

Learn how to use your freedom. Start. Start small. Start slow. But start. Don’t go to the ground never having tried for something good, something worthy, something that broke your heart with the injustice of it all.

Screw December 31st and the goals you set when the clock struck midnight. It starts now and it starts with a single question:

Are you willing to fight for it?

There’s hope, friend.

There’s still plenty of hope out there waiting for you.

If you read the last post and you felt all sorts of “yes” then don’t be discouraged because there is life to claim back and new things to do. There’s goodness up ahead and we. will. get. there.

Just the other night, Lane and I went bowling after dinner. Bowling isn’t a thing we normally do but we were both feeling competitive and not wanting the night to end. We played four games and the most beautiful part was that I felt like we forged fresh memories. We did something more than the usual “sit on the couch and watch a show after dinner.” We were present. We were cheering one another on. And I felt free, with the new boundaries I’ve laid down, to not pick up my phone and share our moments with the world.

We are gaining moments back. With new moments comes better momentum. I am excited to be seizing back my life.

But before I tell you the “how” of it all, I need to step back and help you see what you might be missing. The following notes are of things I noticed going on in my spirit— shutting on and off sporadically like faulty lightbulbs— up until I made some changes.

These are the road signs I encountered that pointed back to burnout:

You’re constantly checking your phone.

Even when there isn’t anything to check.

Even when you just checked in 10 minutes ago.

Even when you aren’t fully paying attention to what is right in front of you.

Before the shift, I was picking up my phone constantly and even checking into things I didn’t care about. I would find myself checking my bank accounts because it was a reason to keep me on my phone and feeling productive. Crazy as it sounds, that’s a sign of an addiction. That’s a sign that you’re needing something to produce emotions for you, whether those are good emotions or draining emotions.

I’ll admit that I’ve tuned out of arguments or conversations by grabbing my phone and checking my emails. I’m not proud of that. I’m not happy with that. But the phone can easily become a coping mechanism when feelings are too real and solutions feel too far away.

You’re not facing your feelings

This was a big one for me and a vicious cycle I found myself in.

Up until recently, I was waking up to my alarm clock but letting myself scroll through social media in order to really wake up. Can I tell you this is the worst idea I’ve ever had? Scrolling through social media before you do anything else with your day is just allowing a bunch of other people to get their fingerprints on your day before you even take that first sip of coffee.

When I open my Bible first thing in the morning, that is me confirming that I am checking in with God before anything else.

When I open up Instagram first thing in the morning, that is me confirming that people (and their opinions of me) are more important to me than God.

Seeing other people’s stories and words before anything else never made me feel “inspired” as I claimed. It made me feel sad and behind. It made me feel like I didn’t measure up. And those feelings took me down and dragged me throughout my day.

But the strange thing about that? My “sad” feelings led me to pick up my phone even more and scroll even more as if I thought the solution was somewhere in my news feeds. It never was. It never will be.

You’re not loving what you used to love.

That doesn’t mean you’ve grown out of it or your passions have changed. It simply means you have to go back and reacquire a taste for some things.

I get emails all the time from people who want to read more books. That’s always a top New Year’s Resolution. But the usual reason they’re not reading books? They’re stuck reading captions and news blurbs instead.

To grow a new habit, you usually need to sacrifice an old one. It’s hard work at first but the pay off is so sweet.

Now I get to end my day, nearly every day, by reading on the porch and watching the sun go down. It’s just before dinner and the neighbors are coming home from work and I get to greet Lane as he pulls in from his commute. It’s one of my favorite parts of my day but I have to make space for it constantly.

I never fell out of love with reading, I just didn’t prioritize. You likely haven’t fallen out of love with _______________, you just aren’t making it a priority right now.

You’re not present anymore.

In all the speaking engagements I give, this is the number one point that gets people nodding their heads and clapping their hands. Most people agree— social media and the constant attachment to our phones is coming at a cost. We are less present than ever before. We are glued to what is happening in our own little universe. We cannot love people at 100% when we are only giving them slivers and scraps of ourselves.

I noticed several nights where Lane and I would be watching a show but both on our phones scrolling. We weren’t paying attention. We weren’t chatting about the episode. We were just existing, side by side, and calling it a night together.

But the lack of presence takes something more from you than just the present moment. I am convinced of it. It’s dulling our love and compassion for one another. It’s making us feel less joy. It’s causing us to look up and wonder why our relationships aren’t as rich and in-depth as they used to be. We’ve been given so much and we’re living in a time where we are more advanced than ever before, but we are missing the moments. We are starving for the moments. Those moments were always meant to be ours but we’re just not here anymore to grab them.

You just don’t care as much…

This was a biggie for me. Like a BIG biggie. I’m a pretty empathetic person. I care A LOT. I am driven by a need and desire to help others. But social media was breaking that part of me down. It was making me tired and apathetic. It was leaving me feeling like there was nothing I could do to change anyone and that my efforts didn’t really matter.

This was the ugliest feeling. I hated feeling like I didn’t care about the messages I got in my inbox because, at the core of me, I know I care so much. I hated the feeling of “not being phased” by another tragedy on the news or school shooting. It’s not because I didn’t care, it’s because I was way too overloaded at all hours of the day. My brain and your brain aren’t designed to hold this much information without digesting and contemplating it.

If there’s one driving factor that made me realize I needed a change— it was the loss of empathy. It was being willed to put my foot down and say, “I cannot continue to do the work I do with an apathetic spirit. I need to learn how to care again.”

You know that scripture in Ezekiel about the stone heart? How God can replace it with a heart of flesh? That’s what I needed. A heart transplant. A change from feeling nothing at all to identifying with other people, their joys and heartaches, once again.

You’re worshipping the pressure to be more.

Social media will always try to convince you that you need to be more, do more, say more, care more— the list goes on and on. Because that’s the world we live in now. We no longer compare ourselves to the kids in class or the group of moms we meet up with on Tuesdays. We can compare ourselves to people everywhere at all times of the day. It never ends. And it will never be “enough” because someone will always have more, do more, be more, care more, and say more than you. It’s a neverending battle.

I don’t think the solution is giving up social media entirely. I don’t know that that fixes anything especially if social media is something you genuinely loved once. But if you’re constantly driven by the pressure to perform and get the most likes and garner more followers then it might be time to step back and reevaluate.

You might need to change.

You might need to set new boundaries.

But, as I said earlier, there’s so much hope.

The future is so bright.

Let’s start making tiny steps in the best direction forward. Are you in?

For a long time I rattled off to-do lists at God and called them prayers.

You would have mistaken my prayer journal for a laundry list any day of the week. But this was how I learned to pray to God when I was a child: You fold your hands, you bow your head, and then you ask God for stuff. Sometimes you remember what you ask for and sometimes you forget before that first bite at dinner. 

And then there was a stage in my faith where I tried to pray things, out loud, that made me sound super holy and put together in front of other people. I prayed to be impressive, not because I earnestly wanted to converse with God. I used words I never really use. I asked for things I honestly didn’t care about but I knew they sounded good and humble coming out from my mouth. I allowed the “hmmmmmms” and “amens” of others to be my barometer for success. My palms were constantly sweating during group prayers as the overachiever inside of me wondered how I would give the prayer that had the most gusto. 

Then I read the Bible, specifically the part where Jesus teaches people to pray, and I felt like I was getting it all wrong. Read that section for yourself and you will feel the need to go hide in a corner and never show your face in public again. Because Jesus is not here for the frills and the party tricks. He isn’t calling on you to be eloquent and perfectly spoken in front of him. I’d argue that the Jesus of the Bible would rather you not even come to him if you just want to show yourself off as perfect and holier than everyone else. 

…

Me being in the posture of prayer just to go through the motions does nothing for God. I don’t think he is interested in my motions, in the things I do just to check off a list. My prayers are deeper and richer on the days where I sit on the couch and can’t seem to get the words out. On the days where I am so dismayed and so lost for words that I can form a sentence.

I’ve pitched a tent as of lately and made a campfire beside the words I am finding in Psalm 40. I keep going back to them. Highlight. Retracing. Remembering.

Here, the writer David says to God, “Doing something for you, bringing something to you— that’s not what you’re after. Being religious, acting pious— that’s not what you’re asking for.”

He goes on to say that it was only when he gave up his need to impress God and just said, “I’m coming. I’m coming to the party you’re throwing for me. I’m showing up for the good news” did faith actually become real to him. It was when he stopped trying to perform for God and just decided God was enough.

That’s how I am praying these days. Like a little drummer boy. Like someone who has nothing of value to offer but still, I am wanted and heard by God.

…

I once had a girl email me and ask how I heard from God. She said she was a little annoyed by me and the way I would write as if God and I were casually chitchatting over coffee every morning.

I reference it a lot in my writing. God whispered. God spoke. God said. I realize I address God as if we are sitting down together for morning coffee and he is dictating my day for me. I also realize that it doesn’t really work that way.

I never want to come off like God whispers to wake me up in the morning or I hear this slow, steady, streaming voice throughout my daily interactions, as if he’s the voice of Siri.

God speaks through his word.

I wish it sounded cooler than that. I wish I had a 5-step pony trick. Just yesterday I sat with a friend over coffee and she asked, how do you know he is speaking?

I say back to her, "I spend enough time with him to know the sound of his voice."

Before I learned to sit and wait for him I would believe any voice that spoke to me.

I’ve learned that the more time you spend in the word of God, the more clearly he speaks into other areas of your life. The more time you spend understanding his voice, and what it sounds like, the more you are able to discern whether you are hearing from God or not.

…

And sometimes you are going to be wrong.

Sometimes you will sit with a Bible in your hand and you will silence your brain long enough to ask, “Where should I go in the Bible, God?” And you will hear so clearly James 14. And then you will use the table of contents to figure out where the heck James is and you will valiantly tear through the pages to get to the chapter 14 of James only to find out that James is a 5-chapter book and the 14th chapter does not exist.

I’ve been there before. You’re not failing.

I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve been the one who clearly hears to head to a certain chapter of the Bible only to get there and realize the whole thing is about battle, blood and gore.

We get it wrong sometimes. We get it wrong a lot of the time and that’s okay.

…

A few summers ago I decided to get really deliberate with my prayer life. I made the space for it. I decided I was going to spend some time after every bible reading session just listening. I would listen for God and God would tell me who I needed to pray for or who I could reach out to. 

Those first few days it worked it. It worked so well that I thought I had this direct line to God that no one else had. I thought it was only a matter of time before people began lining up outside my house, declaring, “This is the prophet Hannah who has a phone-a-friend line with God.”

I was scribbling down my prayers furiously. I was reaching out to people and I was encouraging them. I was praying for them in the moment. It felt like I was playing this necessary part in the lives of other people. It hadn’t dawned on me that I should have been thinking of people in my life and praying for them regardless, whether God prompted me or not.

And then one day that week I sat in my chair. I made sure my feet were on the ground. I closed my eyes. And I silenced my thoughts to wait on who God wanted me to pray for. 

A few moments passed by before I heard the name “Michael.” 

I thought, that’s a vague name. I know a lot of Michaels. Could you be more clear, God?

Michael. 

A few more moments went by before I heard a last name. 

Michael.

Michael Scott. 

But I didn’t know a Michael Scott. I’d never heard of him before so I immediately thought, maybe someone else in my life knows Michael and can tell me how to pray for him.

I texted Lane and I asked him if he knew Michael Scott.

“Michael Scott?” He typed back. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am serious. Michael Scott. God told me to pray for Michael Scott. You know him!?”

Silence. Little typing bubbles.

“Maybe he needs prayer?” he responded. “I mean, he’s a fictional character on the Office.” 

I’d never watched the show before and I was saddened to Google Michael Scott a few minutes later only to be bombarded with dozens of memes and pictures of Steve Carrell. 

“I thought I heard it so clearly,” I told Lane later on when we were together later that night. “Like, it was so clear that I was supposed to pray for Michael Scott.” 

At this point it was a miracle that Lane didn’t think I was crazy and hearing voices in my head. Instead, he calmly told me that there was probably a Michael Scott out there who did need some prayers today and that I should still pray for him.

So I did. I prayed for Steve Carrell as well. I mean, if you are supposed to pray for the Michael Scott then you might as well pray for the guy who came up with the fictional character to begin with. 

…

It’s all part of the process, I tell myself. There are no wrong turns or pieces that won’t get used. 

I think of all the people I know to be prayer warriors and I definitely believe they got it wrong one, two or a dozen times before. The practice of prayer is just like the practice of anything else. You start off shaky and unsure. You mess up or fall on your face. You leave your perfection at the door and you dedicate yourself to what actually matters: growth and relationship with God. 

If prayer feels foreign to you, just show up for it. Stop with the legalistic rules you place on yourself and just sit there before God. Maybe start off by saying, “The news is good. Please show me how good it is.” And take it from there.

You’ll get it wrong sometimes. Failing, fumbling, and falling are just much a part of the faith journey as victory is. Some prayer times will feel like absolute fire. You’ll know exactly who to pray for and how to pray for them. I believe this is the power of the Holy Spirit and that we can tap into it. And then there will be days where you feel you’re meant to pray for characters on The Office and those are the days you should give yourself grace and show up again the next day. The showing up, on repeat, is the sweetest and most essential part.

This summer marks 7 years of self-employment I can hardly believe it. That’s seven years of relying on myself to make the income, pay others, do adult-like tasks (i.e. pay student loans, buy a car, pay rent), and live off of the rest.

I get plenty of emails from aspiring writers and decided to put this resource together to compile the most vital tips I’ve collected over the years when it comes to writing full-time in many different avenues.

001. I’M NOT A STARVING ARTIST

I want to be real with you: I used to live in a lot of fear that I would never be able to make enough money to support myself or live off on my own. Whenever I would talk to someone about writing, the term “starving artist” would come up. I thought that was all I could ever aspire to be: someone who starves and lives minimally but at least gets to make good art.

And then I wised up and decided: Hannah, you don’t need to speak that limiting belief over your life.

I’m not. I’m far from hungry and I no longer speak that idea over my life. There was definitely a slower season of building up my income but I had to ditch the scarcity mindset in my own brain and choose abundance for my life.

Instead of subscribing to warped ideas like:

There isn’t enough for me.

I’ll never make enough.

There are too many other writers out there.

I have had to tell myself different and better stories:

There is more than enough for me.

I have a seat at the table.

I make more than enough and I have plenty to bless others with.

I am an individual and my work matters.

If you don’t believe these things for yourself then how can anyone else believe them for you?

002. SET STRATEGIC + REALISTIC GOALS

I’m a big believer in setting goals. Without them, especially when you work for yourself, it’s nearly impossible to know how much improvement you’re making or what growth you’ve experienced.

I am someone who sets yearly goals, quarterly goals, and monthly goals. My yearly goals inform the goals I set for the quarter and my quarterly goals inform what I’m seeking to make happen on a monthly basis. These goals are always up for changes, additions or even subtractions as time goes on.

I felt the need to add in “realistic” to the header because it’s helpful to look at where you’ve come from to figure out where you might be reaching next. Be real and honest with yourself. Have fun with the process. And also make sure you don’t just set business goals. Personal goals are transformative as well.

Make sure to set some goals that allow you to grow personally and professionally. Do you want to take a course to further that skill set? Do you have an organizational goal that doesn’t have to do with your work but will make your work processes smarter and more efficient?

I set a goal for myself this year that I would create 3x more content in 2019 than in 2018. So far, I’ve loved this goal because it has put the one thing I care about most-- writing-- at the forefront and has pushed me outside of the lines to create new, innovative content for my different platforms and mediums.

003. IT’S NOT JUST WRITING BOOKS

I wouldn’t be honest if I said all of my income comes from book advances or royalties. There was a time when I thought all I wanted to do was write books but I’ve learned in the last few years that there a lot of different ways to be a writer:

1. Try freelance pieces. A lot of publications will pay you for article submissions and, even if they don’t, it’s a great way to get your name out there and get some bylines to beef up your street cred.

2. Copywriting is so dang fun. I bet you didn’t know I take on copywriting projects from to time or that I am a girl boss officially working on the GoLive team. I fell in love with helping others find just the right words for their brands and businesses. And it’s an awesome stream of income.

3. Ghostwriting. There are people out there who want to pay good money for someone to write things for them-- books, articles, etc. This is a craft you can hone and develop as a writer.

4. Pubic Relations. This is where I started out. I would write press releases and media reports for one of the world’s largest nonprofit and I LOVED the experience. I would have told you then, as the Communications Associate for my company, that I was a writer. If you show up to write (no matter what the medium is) then you’re a writer.

There are a variety of different ways to cultivate your career as a writer-- not just writing books. The reality is that writing books is a hard field to make it in. It doesn’t mean you cannot write books and make it, but that leads to the next point…

004. PRACTICE IS EVERYTHING + PRACTICE IS DAILY

We have to be really honest with this one: you cannot become a writer without writing. It won’t happen. If you want to be a writer then I would recommend writing as much as you can, as often as you can. Practice is everything.

I love that quote by Macklemore, “The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint. The greats are great because they paint… a lot.” The same goes for writing. You can become a dang good writer and you don’t need another thing to put that goal out there but it requires that you sit down, as often as you can, and you begin pounding out words and figuring out what you have to say.

We are living in this weird time where people want to talk but they don’t want to do the hard work. They have no idea the work would transform them or remake them or bring them into their own skin for the first time. They see the pain of it and they flinch and back away. Don’t be intimidated by the craft you love. Show up to it daily. Lean in. Say yes to the fire. The best things are made through fire. You must go through it to figure out what you’re truly made of.

005. CREATE A BLOG

I get so many emails from people who afraid to press publish on that first blog post and I want to show up at their house and press the button for them! If you’re wondering if you should start a blog, and you’re someone who wants a career as a writer, then the answer is YES. Start the blog.

If you want to be a podcast host then start a podcast but if your goal is to write then you need an avenue to write through, not a microphone to speak into.

A blog is a great practice for those who want to cultivate the discipline of writing. A blog is a way to develop your voice and figure out what makes your heart beat faster. A blog is a footprint on the Internet and a chance for people to read your words. A blog is a digital home, a hug for someone else at 2am when they can’t sleep and they need some words to calm them down.

I can honestly say my blog has led me into the many projects and blessings I have to day. My blog taught me consistency and it made me into a writer. For that reason, I’ll show up to this space until I cannot anymore.

006. SAY YES

Does it scare you? Say yes.

Does it freak you out a bit? Say yes.

Does it excite you? Say yes.

The only way you’ll gain experience, know-how, and figure out what you like and don’t like about writing is to say yes. Say yes to trying new things.

I say this because for a long time I said I would NEVER, EVER teach people to write. I had this stuffy perception in my brain and I didn’t want to be a teacher of any kind. But, when the opportunity arose, I said yes. I said yes because a) it was a one-time thing and b) it was a challenge.

I ended up falling in love with the experience. Now I teach writing classes several times a year (with another one coming) and I cannot imagine my life or my career without this avenue of expression. It wouldn’t have happened if I closed myself off to something new and unknown.

I believe there are some epic opportunities waiting for you… this isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning. Let’s dig in and get one step closer to writing for the long haul.

INTERESTED IN TAKING MY NEXT WRITING CLASS?

I am in the process of recording new videos + creating new materials for the Spring Writing Intensive I’ll be releasing in the month ahead. A bunch of people are already on the waiting list to hear first when the class becomes available. Hop on here.

A couple of years ago, someone sent me an anonymous email with a link to a blog they'd created. To tell you all that is necessary, this blog was dedicated to telling the internet about how much I sucked (their words, not my own). There were about a dozen posts and a new one coming every time I pressed "Publish" on my blog. This person would wait for me to publish and then rip apart and analyze my essays. This person would attack my words, my content, and my character. They did this for a long time and they kept sending emails to make sure I got the memo.

At first, I could not help but click into the articles. I wanted to see and know what made me so bad. I would absorb them and let them fill me with shame. I didn't want to share the link with anyone because I was afraid maybe that person was right, maybe I didn’t have a voice worth putting out there. Maybe the blog would gain traction. Maybe I was a fraud. It's easier said than done to ignore the critics and the people who think you're not worthy to live on this planet. You tell yourself you won't see the hate but, a lot of the times, you do.
 

I can't tell you the critics won't come. If you write on the internet, you will likely-- at some point-- become the scapegoat for someone who is having a hard day. Brace for impact. That blog wasn’t the only ounce of hatred that has spilled into my lap. There have been others. But I’ve learned to look at the criticism differently.

Jon Acuff once wrote about people who criticized him and it has stuck with me ever since. He said that whenever he reads a bad review or a hateful comment, he reminds himself that this is someone who has never met him and cannot vouch for him in real life. Someone who doesn’t know you has no right to critique you.

You cannot allow the fear of criticism be the thing that keeps you back from putting your voice out there. Writing stirs things inside of people. It causes a reaction. Good ones. Bad ones. Some people are just angry. They are angry with their lives and how they unfolded. They are angry with spouses. They are angry with themselves. Sometimes a writer on the Internet gets the brunt of that anger.

It is easier to create an anonymous email, write a blog about someone you don't know, and publish it online than it is to face people in real life.

So what do you do? Do you never read the harsh comments? Do you get some super psychic radar that screams at you, "DON'T OPEN THIS EMAIL BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET BAD!!!!!!"? Do you believe them when they kick you down?

While you don't have to take their words to heart, it's hard not to. You tell yourself you won't stare at the bad but you do anyway. You take it to heart sometimes. You can get 1,000 kind comments and yet your brain will gravitate to the 1 star review on Amazon that tells you how horrible you are, how you should never breathe again.

Criticism will paralyze you if you let allow it to. And this is why you must keep moving. You need to see the lemons and keep making your lemonade. If there are haters then that likely means you are doing something good, something valuable, something they wish they could do too.

This fine stranger, the one who dedicated a blog to my suckage as a human, definitely didn't like the day I fought back with words. I took their lemons-- bitter and bruised-- and I wrote about how, if we let them, other people will paralyze us. They will keep us moving forward. They will stand in our way and stomp on our dreams. That angry person only gets the credit if they succeed. If we accept what they say as truth for our lives then we hang out on their level. 
 

So don't let them win. Don't let them throw a party with your losses. Don't let them rejoice, thinking they've shut you up for good. Shove it back to the person with the angry words and do something they are going to hate: take another step. Write another thing. Publish another anthem. Find another avenue. Just Keep Going, no matter the adversity.

You bounce back. You always come back, even when you don't feel like it. I mean, the Internet is about an audience. It's crazy to think you will always win over every person who comes across your words. Accept the critics. Nod your head. Keep creating.

Remember this: we are all human- hurting in some form or fashion. Some of us deal with the pains gracefully and others have no clue what to do with all the pain inside of them. That, to me, is more heartbreaking than any mean blog or bad critic.

This world is full of needs. Your existence and your creations fills some of those needs. Focus more on those needs than the people who try to shut you down. In the words of the wise sage Taylor Swift- haters are absolutely going to hate. Let them. You can't stop them anyway. Shake it off and get back to your creation process.

First off, it should be said that the title of this essay is a lie. 

It’s a lie that likely you believe. It’s a lie I’ve believed more than a dozen times. In the gym the other day, while goblet squatting, I thought to myself, “I have to write about the lies.” I have to write about the things that hold us back, the things we tell ourselves late at night when we’re scrolling through social media as if that next picture is going to give us the fill we need to feel adequate enough for this world.

The lies, if you listen to them, will keep you. They’ll take from you. They’ll stop you in your tracks and they will not let you proceed any further.

So this lie, the one I am tackling today: no one will read this. 

You’ve thought it when you opened a crisp, clean word document because a small confident shred of you thought you had something to say. You started typing. The words flew out. Your confidence grew. Your hands got hot. Maybe, at one point, you had to stand up and walk around the room because you felt that passionate about what you were saying. 

And then you finished. And your hand hovered over the “publish” button but you didn’t do anything with it. You said, “I’ll come back to this later.” And that was just enough space, just enough air, for the lie to come in and infiltrate. 

The lie hissed into your ear, “No, you’re crazy. No one is going to read this thing.” 

If you’re anything like me then you’re just beginning the practice of fighting against the lies.

I’ve written about the lies for many years, the ones that seep in and steal precious things from us. But writing about something and then dealing with it are two very different things and often the challenge that we, as writers, face. We can talk a great deal about things we think we know but poetic words and action steps are two very different things.

So these days, I’m a fighter. It’s like the Lent season hit and POOF, it was time to become a fighter. I’ve been off in my little prayer closet and no longer able to accept the lies so freely floating in my head, taking up space and leaning on me to be their landlord. 

It’s not easy work. It’s tedious and I have some mornings where nothing seems to happen. But I am showing up everyday to no longer accept the lies and fight back against them with something truer. 

So back to that lie: No one is going to read this.

No one is going to see me. No one is going to care. See how the lie can take on so many different verbal skins? 

What if I told you only one person would read that next blog post you wrote. That one person would sit at their computer and scroll through your words and they would take notes. They would tack some quotes to the wall. They would borrow your strength. They would make a brave decision. What if I told you one person’s life would be changed because of the words you sat down to write? Would one person be enough for you? 

You can never begin to know, never mind claim, the impact your creations will have on other people. People rarely comment. Word of mouth still trumps any form of social media. Release yourself from the pressures of numbers and metrics and just set out to create something that changes you. If it can change you then it can change others. But you have to believe in what you create if you ever want people to believe in it too. 

It’s never been about the numbers or the masses. I can promise you this. If you start to follow down that path, to chase the things you cannot control, you will find the chasm in your soul growing deeper and wider. You will find the hunger intensifying. Your spirit will lose momentum. You’ll stop enjoying the process and you’ll tense up and wince every time you go to share something with the world. It should never be about the impact you’re going to make— it’s about the heart and soul you inject while it’s still yours, before it sets out in the world. 

People will never be able to give you the significance you crave. Don’t make it about them. Create because it would break your heart not to. Create because you’re out to change one life. Make one life the goal and don’t discount the goal if it doesn’t happen overnight. Something you created 5 years ago might go on to impact someone 5 years from now.

Fix yourself on the one and then go out there and do for the one what you wish you could for all of them. 

I knew I wanted to create something that would be a gift to my friends on the Internet, a thank-you and an invitation into how I study and grow closer to God.

It’d been a big goal for all of 2017 to at least try to write a Bible Study but if you don’t make time for something to happen then it never will. I stalled. I filled my calendar. I did everything I could to avoid diving in.

I think if God wants us to do something, he never forces us. He allows us to hang out in our free will lounge but he also keeps reminding us of that one thing we really should be doing… That’s what kept happening to me until I finally gave in and began to dig.

I originally wrote this study because I wondered how my faith was being impacted by social media. I was less attentive in my study time. I was more insecure. I was comparing my life to the lives of others. I was talking less with God and more with people I barely even knew online.

The Bible clearly states that we cannot please God and man at the same time. In so many ways, I was choosing people. I was giving them the keys to my heart and saying, “Give me worth. Give me truth. Give me a reason to keep going.” And it never filled me up.

This is the world we live in today. It’s one of distractions and followers. Don’t get me wrong: I love social media and I am thankful for the platforms that allow us to connect, work, and create good for the world. I believe God works through social media. Where I grow weary is when my need to be on the phone is stronger than my need to be in the presence of God. When I would rather grow a platform than a real, lasting relationship with God.

So, even though I wrote this a year ago, I never really gave it much of a home on my website. If you’re in need of a new Bible Study or want to start your first one then I would tell you to download it and just try it out. It’s free, you’ve got nothing to lose.

I’d also tell you what I repeatedly tell myself whenever I start something new: the goal is not perfection. You’re bound to fail and miss days. Don’t let the inconsistency of starting something new deter you from the process. Just show up one day. And then show up as soon as you can the next time you can. Little by little, I believe something will happen in your heart. Go solo or grab some friends. However you choose to let this study unfold, enjoy it. Take joy in the process of getting closer to God. He is with you. He is for you. He is covering you.

My biggest prayer for you? That you will experience the Bible as a living and breathing thing. I pray this study sets you up to dig deeper, get to the root of stuff you’ve been dealing with, ask questions, and ultimately know Jesus better.

1.

My friend Linda bought me a small Christmas present this year. I pulled the gift out from the tissue paper to find an off-white mug with the word “JOY” embedded into the ceramic. I smiled to myself, remembering the conversation we’d had after I openly admitted, “I’m not a joyful person.”

Let’s just embrace that elephant in the room. Joy doesn’t come easily for me. My mother? She’s Joy personified. She’s that character in the Inside Out movie. She views every journey outside the front door to be an adventure and she is never without her kazoo and colored pencils.

Me on the other hand? My feelings are fragile. My middle name is basically “melancholy.” I have a hard time enjoying moments because I’m so caught up in thinking about the fact that they’ll end sometime soon. I’m morbid and it’s easy for me to get discouraged. These are all things I’m working on daily. I haul them into my hour with God daily and I basically say, “Here’s the junk. You deal with it.”

Joy just isn’t my strongest suit but I can write you a sad love story where all the characters die any day.

2.

I can remember the days and weeks leading up to the crash I experienced on November 18, 2014. The one where depression overtook my existence. It’s crazy how I can look back and see all the holes in the timeline, all the warning signs I was avoiding. I thought things were good (as good as they could be, at least). I thought I was okay.

Sometimes it takes you walking out of the woods to be able to look back and realize you were surrounded by trees for much longer than you knew.

I remember this one day in particular where I went to my favorite coffee shop to do my daily studies. I remember studying the concept of “joy” because it was so absent in my life. I thought if I just studied it long enough, if I learned everything there was to know about that word, then I would eventually stumble into it. I thought Joy was like a math problem— I just needed to sit with it long enough to understand and eventually solve it.

It was bad theology to tell myself that if I just sat with the Bible long enough then I would eventually run into Joy. I legitimately thought in my depressed mind that it would be a noble cause to shut myself away from the rest of the world so I could go on a spiritual pilgrimage to find Joy.

It was harmful thinking for the fact that, especially at that time in my life, I needed medical help and a tribe of people to fight alongside me more than I needed to isolate myself in a corner and call it a spiritual pilgrimage.

I was doing it all wrong and my pursuit of God was actually hurting me. I was turning my faith into a legalistic religion by thinking a) God was far from me because I didn’t feel joyful b) Joy was something I had to attain, something I had to muster up on my own and c) I was broken because I could not count all my joys like everyone else.

And when I didn’t feel it, when the “Joy” didn’t come for me to count, I eventually tired out and distanced myself from God. This was a cyclical habit. I was in. I was out. I was near. I was far.

I never once thought or imagined that my spirit of melancholy might be the means by which God was planning to draw me closer to himself than ever before.

3.

I’m learning faith isn’t about all the things I do right. If it was all in my power to muster up the right thoughts and feelings then what would be the point? Why would I need God in the first place? I could easily take over the show on my own.

It’s not up to me to track down Joy. It’s not up to me to always be “feeling it.” Joy isn’t a fleeting feeling, it’s a constant that belongs to you. It’s a deep well inside of you. It’s a given and you might just need to trust you have it instead of spending the most precious of your hours trying to track it down.

I’ve had a batch of days lately where I haven’t been “feeling it.” I would rather stay in bed. I would rather pull up a chair and sit in my feelings. I was laying in bed just the other day and thinking to myself, “The list of things I need to do is so long and I just feel sad.” It was in that moment I realized I don’t have to “feel” a certain way to carry on. I don’t have to wait for deep-seated joy or happiness to get up and do the next small thing.

So that’s exactly what I did. I got up. I did my makeup and my hair. I put on a new shirt. I put on shoes. I made the coffee. And I set out to accomplish the smallest thing on my to-do list.

Joy feeling lost? Proceed anyway. It’s there.

4.

As a little girl, I was obsessed with the “Where’s Waldo” books and now I can’t seem to understand why. Like, why did I spend so much time squirreled away in the corner of the public library looking for a tall man with wiry glasses and a striped sweater? Why was I so amused by all the imposters in their caps and glasses?

Everyone would surely want their money back if Waldo wasn’t drawn into every page on that book. That would be a failed premise. Waldo isn’t always the easiest to spot but he is always, always in the picture even when you can’t find him.

I think Joy is a bit like Waldo— always there, somewhere on the page, even when you can’t see it.

5.

The only thing that has ever worked for me on my most joy-less days is abandoning the hunt for joy and look to God instead. That’s it. Look “to” God because you don’t have to look “for” God. He’s not hiding and he ain’t lost.

That’s the only sage wisdom I’ve got. I’ve stopped looking at my daily reading as something to check off a list and I’ve said to myself, “No matter how I feel— I am going to do this every single day. This is my number one priority and God is going to meet me every time.”

You’re allowed to make that bold of a claim. You are allowed to expect God to show up. He will never let you down in that regard, even if you don’t “feel” like it.

But here’s the challenge. I challenge you to show up to the text and to repeat this prayer:

God, I am not feeling it today. I am tired, sad, ___fill in the blank, and not really feeling the joy. But I know you’re good and I know you always have something for me. So open my eyes to the things you want me to see. I trust you and I need you today.

You might not get the answers you’re searching for today. God might teach you things you didn’t know you needed to know. But he will always show you something. His words are always at work. And that’s a small joy I can count on every single day.

6.

I’ve started to believe that joy is simply the rooted knowing that God is with me. No matter what. Always with me. Always available. It’s ditching the idea that God is one move away from packing up a suitcase and hightailing it out of town. That was a limiting belief that I’ve had to work really hard to get rid of. I’ve had to verbally say to myself, out loud, “Just because you don’t feel God doesn’t mean he isn’t here.”

You see, I think the more accurate picture of God is one where he’s always waiting in the window for you.

I see him in my mind, sitting in a booth at the diner with the neon sign that blinks “24/7,” simply waiting for me to walk inside and slide across the booth to sit across from him. He has already ordered the coffee and breakfast food. He’s already waiting to talk it all through. He sees me and knows me as the impatient, fidgety young woman that I am and he wants me just as I am in this moment.

I can see him now, grabbing my hands from across the booth and placing them gently on the table, enveloping them in his big, God hands and saying softly to me, “Eyes on me, girl. Just keep your eyes on me. I’ve got you.”

I’ve got you.

I’ve got you.

I didn’t think I’d get the chance to write here today.

I had the itinerary all planned out to take an early flight to Dallas and work all day with a company I’m writing for. Last minute, my itinerary has changed and I find myself waiting on a different flight, with a layover in Nashville, sitting on the floor of the airport staring at this blank space (p.s. these words were originally written at 5:30am). 

I decided now was as good of a time as any to just be honest and use this space to tell you short snippets of bigger things God has been showing me this past month and things I’ve been learning about life. 

I’m continually in the process and I love that. I love always working to be better and I’m usually surprised to find life’s lessons are always delivered to me in the same kind of packages: often small, often unexpected, often on repeat until it fully sinks in. 

PLANS CHANGE

Evidence of this would be the fact that I am sitting here on the floor of the airport after this being the second week in a row where my flight has been cancelled and rescheduled for a work trip. I’m reminded through snags in a tightly-planned itinerary that sometimes we don’t get to control the plan. There will be bumps. There will be cancellations. There will be unexpected rough air. I’m not even trying to make this many airplane analogies but I’m learning to go with the changes and do my best to accept them and proceed accordingly. 

Getting mad won’t change the outcome. Throwing a pity party won’t make the pain stop. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel your feelings. There is no sense in being a zombie over things that matter to you. But I’ve learned there is a fine line between feeling your emotions and then letting your emotions rule you and dictate how you act towards others. 

Roll with the punches, they say. Plans often change for a reason but we don’t always get to see the reason. Consistently remind yourself: there is something happening beneath the surface that I cannot take credit for. I am choosing to believe this is the better plan for me. 

DARK DAYS ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL

They come in waves. Especially if you are someone who is known to deal with depression. Don’t think for a second these dark days define you or limit you. Keep showing up. 

Lane reminds me the most important thing I can think to do is the exact opposite of whatever the depression is tempting me to do. In a depressive state, I’d rather sleep. I’d rather not wake up or conquer any projects. The better remedy? Get up. Don’t go back to bed. Make a cup of tea. Sit and read a chapter. Looks at all the tasks you’ve got to accomplish and pick the smallest one. Go from there. 

Most importantly: be kind and grace-filled with yourself as you move forward. Beating yourself up for feeling some sort of way won’t wake the darkness any less heavy. Partner with yourself in the process. God sees you and he isn’t leaving you here in this space forever. 

GO BACK, GO BACK, GO BACK

Do you ever find yourself frustrated that you’re still standing in the same place regarding a certain issue? That it feels like everyone around you is moving forward and moving on and you’re stuck with the same heartbreak? The same bitterness? The same feelings of sadness or complacency? 

I’m learning that overcoming some bigger issues is a lot like taking vitamins. You won’t get the full benefits of the vitamins by taking them once and never again. The collagen won’t work. Your skin won’t glow. You’ve got to continually take the vitamins to reap the benefits for the long haul. The same goes for my issues, I think. I have to keep dealing with them, keeping going back to God with them, if I ever want to see real change and progress. 

Lately, I’ve been feeling more of a call towards prayer. It keeps showing up and God keeps nudging me that prayer actually changes things. And on days where you feel helpless concerning your issues, what else can you do BUT pray? 

So I’m taking an action step and maybe you’ll find it silly but I think it’s deliberate. For the time of Lent (I don’t naturally observe Lent but I admire people who have it as an intricate part of their faith), I am going to be adding prayer rather than taking something away. 

I could take away foods I love or social media but I often find myself toting the benefits around like a trophy when that really isn’t the point of Lent at all. So I’m adding rather than subtracting. I’m adding a part to my routine that looks like me clearing out the space in my office closet and turning it into a prayer room. 

I find myself wondering how much will really change from dedicated prayer and continual meeting up with God over the same exact issues. 

All that to say— I think it’s easy to go to God once with a hurt. Maybe twice. But I am true health comes from continually going back and going over the same stuff again and again. 

i love hearing from you:

Do you observe Lent? What are you adding or subtracting this Lent season?

Dear sweet reader friends,

I am excited to tell you how last month we took some scissors and we cut up Lane’s credit cards! We let out a hoot-rah and we went out for a big debt-free dinner to celebrate his newfound status. Lane has been aggressively paying off his accrued credit card debt for the last few months and this was the final payment before he could kiss the debt (and all that interest) goodbye.

So, in honor of that and tax season, I decided to give you some of my nitty-gritty tools I use and tips I believe in when it comes to budgeting, saving and building toward financial freedom. Please remember: I am not a financial expert. I am someone who loves working with money, learning new things and budgeting like a boss. I’ll only ever preach my experienced best practices.

BUDGET, BUDGET, BUDGET

First things first: budgeting. It matters. It makes senses. And I get you, it is HARD to make it happen sometimes. I’m constantly learning how to budget better. I use these budget sheets in my shop to map out my monthly finance goals and even save room for tacos.

I doubt anyone would have believed I’d be the girl creating budget sheets but I needed a template that was simple and fun. I’m a pen to paper sort of girl, as well. I wanted to stop being intimidated by money going in and out and just have fun with the process.

I would tell you having a budget matters even if you don’t fully stick to it yet. Even if you go over your budget. Even if you totally blow it. The first step to changing anything is awareness. You want to be aware of what the numbers are and how much you’re spending in different areas. It’s only when you have knowledge of something that you’re able to make tweaks and changes for the better.

WHAT’S NOT WORKING ANYMORE?

This is my absolute favorite part of the budget sheets. I included two sheets for each month that allow you to look back and look forward. I love making room to ask what I want to more of and less of with my money.

I love making money and I am not ashamed to admit that because I am a believer that the more income you bring in means the bigger opportunities to be generous with your finances. I love blessing other people with meals, gifts, and hospitality with my finances. It leaves me full.

Asking myself “what didn’t work” last month helps me to get some perspective on what I could tweak and change for the following month. One month it was evident that I needed to take a break from so many Target trips but I would not have known that without looking back. Another month I needed to get tighter and more proactive with the subscriptions I was paying for and how much money I was wasting.

I think you grow as a person when you’re able to ask yourself what didn’t work and what needs to change. I love leaving space for that.

LOOK AT THE PROBLEM

For years, I was too afraid to look at my financial situation. I knew I had student loans and I also had no clue how I was ever going to pay them off. I was paralyzed by fear of them until one day I set the goal that I wanted to become debt free, no matter what it would take.

The change wasn’t instant but I started looking at my student loans every single week. I started making myself stare at the figures and put whatever I had— big or small chunks of money— towards that bigger debt. And guys, it worked. It absolutely worked. I became addicted to the feeling of paying off the debt and I tacked $57,000 worth of debt in one year. It all came from looking at the situation and refusing to turn away from it. Once I started making a weekly habit out of paying the debt off little by little, I was hooked and never turning back.

SAVE LIKE A BOSS

You likely knew this app would be somewhere on the list. I am a hardcore evangelist for Qapital and no one at Qapital has asked me to say this. I found Qapital several years ago and it’s been the number 1 gamechanger for how I save money. I would guess that if you had to rank my apps by how much I use them then Qapital would be right behind Instagram. I cannot speak more highly of this app.

Qapital works off the premise that there is usually, always spare change hanging out in your card’s account. Qapital allows you to set goals for things you want to save towards— vacations, shoes, power bills, whatever— and it also lets you set “rules” to save for those goals. What ends up happening is Qapital takes money out of your bank account and sets it in a different account (don’t worry, it is safe and accessible at ANY time) based on the rules you set.

This is how I choose to save for everything now. I budgeted and saved for all my Christmas gifts last year back in June. Lane and I save for vacations through a joint-goal on Qapital. I’ve even set up a rule that shaves 10% off the top of any check I deposit into my bank account and sends it aside for tithing.

SET FINANCE GOALS

Goals matter in every other area of our lives— why wouldn’t they matter when it comes to money? I take the time to map out my goals so I have something to reach for. I am way more motivated when I can see a finish line in the distance. Maybe the goal is to finally start a retirement account. Maybe you simply want to spend less at Target in 2019. Maybe you want to kick another $10,000 in student loan debt. Whatever the goal, write it down. Commit it to memory. Build baby action steps around it. Celebrate the small victories. And then plan again.

SUBSCRIPTIONS DO MATTER

My mom and I joke all the time about how my whole life is basically operating off of subscriptions. This isn’t that far from the truth. I love things showing up at my door but I also love the peace of mind knowing something is already covered and coming for me at the right time.

But a lot of subscriptions actually do save you money. For instance, I have a subscription on Amazon that renews every 5 months. Every 5 months, a massive load of toilet paper shows up at my front door without me having to order it again. And then I don’t have to stop at the store for toilet paper ever again. I say this because I used to spend so much time running to the store for things we’d run out of. When I was there at the store, I’d be overwhelmed by the options and then I’d just end up picking the cheapest brand. I save about $50 in toilet paper alone by having it deliver on a subscription.

The same goes for grocery shopping. I pay a yearly subscription fee to have groceries delivered to my door. And yes, I am aware that this might sound like a luxury and I am aware that it could be. The subscription is $99 for the year. That’s less than $10 a month to have my groceries delivered. And you know what doesn’t happen anymore? I don’t wander aimlessly around the grocery store and buy things because they look good at the moment. I stick to my list, I order online, and I save time by not having to grocery shop.

At the end of the day, I am willing to do just about anything to save time. I think time is the most precious resource we get and we need to take strides to protect it, value it and use it wisely.

SCHEDULE A FINANCE DAY

This is especially important if you work for yourself or run some sort of business. I think it matters that we know where our money is going and how we could potentially tighten up and spend smarter.

I aim to dedicate 1 day in my month to finances. I used to dread this day but now I genuinely look forward to it. It’s a day for me to face the beast, to tackle the things I am afraid of. I run the numbers. I check areas for improvement. I fill out my budget sheets for the month ahead. I donate to charities of my choice. I reflect and I pay it forward. I do all the nitty gritty things that need to happen in a month for my taxes to be in order so that I don’t have to do it all come tax season.

Mind you, hiring an accountant might be the best step for you when it comes to business money matters. I’m talking about personal money matters here and how I believe it matters to have a grasp on the way you’re spending money.

I ALWAYS WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Drop a comment below and let me know your money tips or simply introduce yourself to me! I love knowing my readers!

Five years ago this May, I packed up my Toyota Camry with the black tinted windows and moved down to Georgia from Connecticut. I did not have a real reason to leave my hometown but I also didn’t have a reason not to leave. I was self-employed and making enough to cover rent, student loan payments, car insurance and a cell phone bill. I was young (and that’s the time when people tell you to get all the stupid choices out of your system). I knew about 2.5 people in Atlanta and I really liked the prospect of meeting more. I was living in my childhood bedroom after moving home from New York City and it was time to take another step.

I’d virtually toured a bunch of apartments in Connecticut towns with my boyfriend at the time. It was my best effort to tell myself I would stay, I would fall in love, and I would finally plant those roots everyone talks about. But there was a part of me that felt as if I were suffocating anytime I looked at apartments. Like I knew I was supposed to leave this place. I remember standing in the middle of one, the creaky hardwood floor beneath me, and saying under my breath, “This isn’t it. I’m not supposed to stay here.” 

When it is time for you to move, you might not know it. That nagging to go somewhere else— that might be it. That feeling that won’t leave you alone, no matter how much you try to get rid of it? That might be it. But it is likely God won’t spell out the city’s name in the sky or set something on fire to get your attention. I don’t think God views our geographic location (where we may or may not end up) as a dealbreaker. Wherever there are people, you can fulfill what he has always wanted of you and it will refine you just the same. 

Own your choice.

I’m saying this first because it’s where I messed up the biggest in my own move. I expected the honeymoon period to last forever and, when it didn’t, I took these new unsettled feelings as sign from God that I was in the wrong place, that I made the wrong choice. I threw myself a massive pity party and began inviting everyone to it.

Discomfort is a part of every transition. It’s perfectly normal.

Maybe don’t cross your arms and whine to other people about how much you don’t want to be in said place. It won’t make you the best of friends, I promise you that. I’m sure to some people I became the girl standing in the corner with the sulk on her face who was seriously bringing the mood down at every party by talking about how much she didn’t like where she currently was. 

I’d go back to that girl and I would say to her, “Girl, you made the choice to be here. You’re a grown up. Either own the choice or leave but don’t bring the mood down with your wallowing.” 

You’re a grownup. You make your own choices. If you don’t think it is time to leave yet then decide to own the choice you made. Lean into it, despite the discomfort, and see what happens.

Occupy the space.

This is the next step, after the wallowing is over and the pity party has dwindled. Own the space. You’ve owned the choice now own the space.

Set up shop. Do the things that feel really uncomfortable. Pick a coffee shop and go there on a mission to find your new favorite drink. Download an app that allows you to see where free events are happening around the town. 

There will be a strong desire to retreat, to flee toward the couch and an endless Netflix binge. But here’s the thing: you’re here now. Yes, it doesn’t feel so familiar but you’ve made it. You’re in the clear. And wherever you go, there is magic waiting for you. There are people to meet. There are chance encounters to have. You need only step into the awkward and say “yes” to what’s about to come your way.

Buy dishes.

When I moved into my second house in Atlanta, my roommate gave me a big cabinet to fill up. She said to me, “Whatever is mine is yours so feel free to use it.” I took that invitation too literally and I proceeded to use all her dishes, all her appliances and all her silverware. 

There was nothing wrong with this but there was also no skin in the game for me. Had she moved out, I would have had nothing to my name but a bed and a desk. I could never host people. I couldn’t offer people anything but a towel and a sleeping bag. 

Dishes, to me, are a sign of permanence. They’re a way to say— I am choosing to own the small things that matter. You don’t have to get a whole dish set. You don’t even have to get enough dishes for a dinner party. But go to IKEA or Target and buy yourself a dish. Just one dish (2 if you’re feeling ambitious). This is the start. This is the beginning to owning your space.

Stay. Maybe not forever. But at least until it stops being hard.

Because it will get hard. Oh, it will get so hard. If I am being honest, I’ve YET to meet the person who moves somewhere new and doesn’t go through an awkward, sad, disjointed time of being stuck in limbo. If you’re that person who glided through transition like Nancy Kerrigan than shoot me an email and teach me your ways. 

In my own experience there was a really thick and beautiful honeymoon season that I thought was everyday life. I patted myself on the back and was so proud that moving wasn’t really that hard. I think God is gracious to give some us that time, that softer landing, as we are adjusting. 

If you’re new to the game then let me be the big sister who sits you down and puts her hand on your leg just to tell you: Life is hard. It’s cruel and it’s brutal and it’s beautiful— all at one time. And if you can pop the illusion that it was all supposed to be butterflies and rainbows then you’ll be fine. If you can accept that life’s hardships are what turn us into resilient little fighters then you’ll be more than fine. 

If you feel like running back to what is familiar then maybe that’s a sign to dig your heels in a bit and stay a little longer.

You don’t need to go as far as tattooing the word “STAY” on your body. If you did then you wouldn’t be any crazier than me. Before I boarded a flight back to familiarity, I stopped into a tattoo shop with my best friend. She held my hand as I laid across the table and got the word “STAY” pushed into my ribs. This was irony, as I was leaving directly after this appointment. But to me it was a reminder to stay in the fight:

Stay when it gets hard. Stay when you don’t see the hope anymore. Stay when you don’t know the outcome. Stay when you’ve lost your way. Just stay in the fight for your life because it’s the most important battle— the fight to stay here and figure out how to be hope to the others who are struggling to see the point. 

Accept the help. 

This one requires humility. It requires you to take off all that bulky armor and accept the fact that you need people. We all need people. God didn’t design you to be alone on some solitary island. God didn’t even waste five seconds before creating a helper for Adam. We’ve been called “helpers” since the beginning of time so why do we fold up our arms and claim we can do it all on our own? 

A beautiful part of this life is showing up to help and be helped, with no expectation that you’re owed anything. No need to turn icy or turn people away because you’re too proud. We’re all too proud and it’d be a victory to stand at the door when people knock, with their meal trains and flowers, and let them in. 

I think we get too good at standing in the way of letting others love us. Just step back, unfold the arms, and allow yourself to be loved by others. You’ll need help to make it through this transition. You will.

It’s worth saying twice: Accept the help.

Find a church and accept its imperfections.

Church might not be your thing and that’s okay. If it is your thing then make that one of your first missions: to find a church where Jesus is preached and you feel like you could make a friend or two.

Don’t look for the church that will single you out as the bright shining star. Don’t look for the church with the best-handbrewed coffee. Don’t look for the church with the best graphic design. These things don’t matter nearly as much as the mentioned about:

Is Jesus the focus?

Do you see a potential friend?

If you can answer yes to these things then good graphics and donuts are simply a bonus. 

I’ve grown to believe churches— groups of people who gather in buildings and have a logo and a social media account— are just like people. They’re everything to you until the day they hurt you and then you want to swear all of them off. You felt it the first time someone hurt you badly and you will feel it again when a church hurts you.

This is why I tell myself to accept the imperfections because they will always be there. This doesn’t mean “stay in a toxic environment” or “stay when they burn you badly.” But I think we have to stop running from the church when we hear something we don’t like or we don’t feel like the people are welcoming enough. Maybe you’re meant to be some sort of catalyst in that place. Maybe God has something he wants to change through you. Maybe you leaving is running out too early, before the really good stuff can unfold. 

The church is never going to be perfect because places where humans meet up never are. We can just go ahead and strip that adjective away from the description. But just because something isn’t perfect doesn’t mean it can’t be life-altering, special, necessary and pivotal when it comes to the road you’re walking with Jesus.

Invite others in. 

This goes back to the help part of the post. I’ve learned one of the best things I can do with the doors I’ve been given is open them wide for others. 

To open the doors for others does not come with a prerequisite that I be perfect, always put together and never without makeup on. If that were the case then I would never open the door. It’s the reality that what I have to give others is enough. Even if I don’t have furniture or a hot meal, I can offer people the gift of myself. An ear that listens and a cup of a tea.

We have this neighbor Bebe who is often knocking on the door because he is hungry. He is the sweetest man and he asked me, a week before Christmas as we were moving in, if I would cook him a Christmas dinner. I happily said yes.

He followed up several times before Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, I prepared him a roast of sweet potatoes, chicken and green beans with honey mustard drizzled on top. He wiped that serving dish clean. 

But that was a special occasion. I’m smart enough to know I cannot cook a killer roast every day of the week (or even once a week if I am being real with you). That doesn’t mean I have to stop serving altogether just because the moment isn’t picture-worthy. 

Now I make Bebe a lot of sandwiches. Because that’s often what we have for lunch— a lot of plain, ordinary sandwiches. 

But you know what? It’s not about the type of food. It’s about the gesture. People want your ordinary. They want your plain. You don’t have to filter or edit parts of yourself in order to invite others into your world. Just open the door, even just a crack, and see what God can do with the light you let in. 

Don’t think for a moment he isn’t with you.

This is a big one for me. Ever since I decided I believed in Jesus and relinquished control of “my plan,” I struggled with the fear that God wasn’t for me.

I thought if I went in the wrong direction then God would abandon me. I thought if I said the wrong stuff then God would give up on me. Sometimes I still grapple with this contorted view of God and I have to remind myself God is a lot of things but he isn’t the game maker in the Hunger Games.

I had to learn that God bears no resemblance to imperfect people. He made them and he fashioned them in his likeness but he isn’t shifty or shady. He doesn’t have ulterior motives. He isn’t looking at me and waiting for the bottom to drop out. 

He likely sees me and his big, ol’ heart breaks to know I’ve been wearing lies like layers of clothing ever since we’ve met. He knows I don’t need all the layers but he knows I am afraid to find out what I would be like if I didn’t protect myself with lies that keep me circling empty territories I’ve memorized by heart. 

To take off the layers takes time. You must go one by one with them. But, in the meantime, he’s with you. He’s never not with you. He’s with you and he’s not covering his face in his hands to block the shame. He’s not dependent on where you go on a map. If you leave today with a suitcase in hand then he’s with you. If you unpack tomorrow and never look back, he’s with you. If you go somewhere new and you try to make it home but it just doesn’t work out, he’s with you. 

The geography isn’t worthy of all your trust but he is. The house isn’t worthy of all your trust but he is. The future isn’t worthy of all your trust but he is.

Hey Hannah,

How do you deal with being jealous of other people? I know it's an awful thing and it just shows I have low self-esteem and lack of confidence which are two areas I know I need to work on. But I am an introvert and sometimes I feel overlooked by people who are extroverted and that my actions aren't noticed especially in the workplace.

Thanks for listening,

A

Sweet A-

It’s okay that you’re jealous. Can I say that first? I need to say that first because otherwise you’ll kick yourself down for sending this email my way. You’ll degrade yourself by 10am with all the sadness and guilt you feel for being a jealous person. I know because I’ve participating in that same degradation and it ain’t pretty.

You’re a jealous person. I’m a jealous person. We all deal with jealousy some of the time. It’s natural. 

So, if we were in a meeting for Jealous People Anonymous then this would be the time you’d stand up and you’d announce to the room, “My name is _______________ and I am jealous of others.” And we’d all shake our heads in agreement. And you’d tell us your story. And we’d absolutely get it because it’s perfectly human to be jealous. 

But the beautiful thing about admitting where you are on the map? When you locate yourself, and you get real with where you are, then there’s the potential to move forward. You can recenter the GPS and you can finally start to step away from these toxic feelings. 

Jealousy is normal but it also doesn’t deserve the chance to rule your life and keep you from the joy that exists when you finally learn to cheer for yourself and others. 

In the meantime, here’s what I am begging you not to do because it will poison your soul in small increments: do not fake the celebration. Be a good sport but DO NOT cheer someone on with a comment or a text and then turn around to bash them. That’s toxic and it isn’t genuine and the only person who loses when you choose to be fake is yourself. That’s a nasty habit and I have been in that space before and it feels like all the feelings of a fraud piling up in your chest and those feelings are ridiculously hard to come out from underneath. 

Life is just too hard to be a fake cheerleader. Fear not if you are one those fake cheerleaders who’s commenting “love you” and “you go girl” on the photos of other people before taking out your voodoo version of that individual and shoving pins into their sides. With practice, we can learn to make the signs with glitter markers and stand by the roadside screaming for people and not feel like a fraud in the process.

The keyword is “learn.” Some people are born as natural cheerleaders and they have no problem yelling for others until their lungs get hoarse. And some of us are green-eyed-monsters with a scarcity mentality embedded in the trenches of our souls and we have to “learn” to cheer for other people. 

I have no problem admitting I am in that second pile. My go-to mentality is that I am forgotten and God is done with me. It’s the lie I have to fight the hardest with. 

I could write a thousand words on the green-eyed monster of jealousy and how to get over the hurdle of it but I really only have two suggestions for you that have made me a better human:

• Celebrate people for who they’re becoming. 

• Invest in your own becoming.

CELEBRATE PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY’RE BECOMING

This might require that you stop investing in things that suck the life away from you. To be truly effective in the world today, we have to stop giving into the things that absorb us to the point of exhaustion. If logging onto Instagram makes you sick to your stomach then you likely need better boundaries. If seeing someone’s story makes you seeth and foam at the mouth then yea, it’s probably time to mute that person’s story. 

I had to have a really honest conversation with a friend a few years ago and I had to straight out tell her: I don’t watch your stories anymore. I was honest in telling her they made me jealous and insecure. They made me feel all these awful feelings that I didn’t actually want to feel. They felt foreign to me but they were absolutely, undeniably there. And I confessed it to her. I let her know I was sorry for feeling these sorts of things and that I decided to step back from that area in order to benefit myself and her. She deserved more than a friend who secretly felt anger and envy every time I logged onto social media. 

And then that step propelled me towards an even bigger step. I stopped watching the stories of people I knew altogether for a period of time. I decided I didn’t want to watch my friends live their lives when I could decide to live right alongside them and be invested in a real way. Sure, I missed some things. But every time I would log into Instagram, I would take note of the friends who popped up in the story section of the app and I would pray for those people. Or I would send them a card in the mail. Or I’d pick up the phone and call them or send off an encouraging text. I felt fuller in that span of weeks than I felt in a long time. 

You don’t have to be a lurker in the lives of other people. You can take that precious energy and you can choose to invest it into the lives of those you love, and your own becoming. 

It’s okay if you cannot celebrate someone else’s victory in this moment. It’s okay if you feel hurt and confused. But it is likely that those feelings don’t have anything to do with the person experiencing the victory. Those are the kinds of feelings you need to scoop up and take directly to God. 

You can lay them all down on the page for him and he’s not going to be surprised or angry with you. He will be delighted because God is delighted when we sit down to have an honesty hour with him. It will feel freeing to get those feelings out of you and sit with them for a little while. You won’t get over it in an instant. But you can come back to those same feelings tomorrow. And then next time. And I promise you, God will work his healing power. He will help you sort out the mess. You’ll be made new and fresh. It works but it requires hard work of us. 

INVEST IN YOUR OWN BECOMING

There’s a part in the Bible where Paul gets very clear about running your own race. He uses a lot of “Nike” verbiage when he’s writing this section. But he gets very clear about how we run in the race to win the race— not to go at the challenge half-heartedly. And that’s all you get control over— how you show up to the race.

You don’t control how other people train. You don’t control whether you win or lose. You don’t control where you place in the run. All you can control is what you do every single morning, afternoon, and evening to train for your race. All you control is how you invest in your own becoming. 

I’m not a runner. I’ve accepted that I won’t ever be a runner. But I am a writer and all I’ve ever wanted to be is a writer. So I was forced to ask myself the question at the start of this year: do I look like a writer? 

And then I asked deeper questions:

• What gets in the way of my writing?

• What distracts me from sitting down in the chair?

• What is working for my writing?

• What is definitely not working? 

• Who can I be accountable to? 

• How can I measure the progress? 

• What am I willing to sacrifice for this? 

• How far am I willing to go? 

These were just the basic questions but they absolutely made me stare at myself and change some things. Because I want to be a doer. Dreamers work with fantasy but doers work with reality. 

There’s a difference between seeming like something to the world at large and then actually committing yourself to the daily grind of it.  I say all of this because social media can tend to be a lot of smoke and mirrors. It’s a perception of how things are but it is not necessarily the reality. We live in a time where we can tweak the bio in our profile and POOF- we become whatever we want to be. A writer. An advocate. An expert. A fitness guru. But it doesn’t actually mean we’ve put in the work or gained the title.

I recently read a book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. It’s a fantastic read for anyone who wants to overhaul a few rhythms in their daily life and see more fruit. He writes in the book about casting votes for yourself.

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. If you finish a book, then perhaps you are the type of person who likes reading. If you go to the gym, then perhaps you are the type of person who likes exercise. If you practice playing the guitar, perhaps you are the type of person who likes music. Each habit is like a suggestion: “Hey, maybe this is who I am.”

I love this idea. It’s simple and it’s attainable. What isn’t attainable is when we set a surface level goal with no smaller steps to account for us getting there. I’ve rigged up my life with little ways to vote for myself. When I read a book— that’s a vote towards me being a reader. When I do a workout— that’s a vote towards me being an active person. When I sit down to write in the morning— that’s a vote towards me being a writer. These votes stacking up in one place can be a real identity shift. 

I read recently that jealousy is born out of a feeling of inadequacy. Out of this feeling that good things will happen to other people but not to you because you’re not deserving of good things. So the solution might be simpler than we think: do something to make yourself feel adequate. 

Invest in your adequacy. When that inner critic comes haunting, wanting to tell you tall tales of your inadequacy, do something rebellious: don’t believe it. Don’t accept what it is saying as truth. Did you ever think for a second that the lie that haunts you the most mercilessly might actually be trying to conceal a truth that, if you finally realized it, would propel you to crazy levels? Maybe the lie that you’re inadequate is trying so dang hard to cover up and hide the truth it doesn’t want you to know: you are completely adequate. You’re stunningly adequate. You’re meant to be here. You’re not optional. Quite the opposite, you’re a necessity. 

What if (even if you have to fake it) you told yourself today that you were completely adequate by making one small step to invest in that adequacy? What would that one small step be?

Would you go for a walk?

Would you finally send that text?

Would you buy yourself a new book?

Would you actually do your makeup?

You can take that jealousy— that fear that good things aren’t coming for you— and you could channel it into something really good that you do for yourself. Just pick one thing and quietly make it happen for yourself. 

You deserve good things. Get out there and do that thing.

i always want to hear from you:

What’s the one small step you’re taking today to invest in your own adequacy?

Dear Abby… I mean, Dear Hannah

I love to hear from readers who want to get real and personal with me (like the letter featured above). Their stories + questions bless thousands of others who are asking themselves to very same things.

Do you have a question you want me to dig into? Do you want to see your letter answered on the blog? I can never promise all the answers or the best advice but I can definitely put my heart + prayers into writing back with a honest, vulnerable response.

If you’re not someone who naturally sets goals but you want to be then I have a good goal for your year ahead: find some people who value goals and then spend as much time with them as you possibly can. That’s what did it for me. 

Back when I lived in Connecticut, my friend Tiffany and I would gush over the beginning of a new calendar year because it was a chance to do better, grow deeper + push harder. And we loved that. We loved all parts of that.

I remember this one January where she and I went to a community group for our church. We’d previously plotted all the ways we planned to kill it in the year ahead. We felt on top of the world. Our community group broke up into smaller sections and the leader brought up the focus of that group: How do you want to grow with God in the year ahead?

Tiffany and I stared at one another, doe-eyed and confused. It was a look like, “How did we miss this?” We’d set all these goals— finance goals, business goals, relationship goals— and yet forgotten to set any goals with God. We’d neglected to ask him into the conversation about vision. We had plowed full steam ahead without ever thinking God might be interested in our plans. 

I think a lot of us get caught up in that way of thinking when a new year rolls around. We pick the lowest hanging fruit in our development. We charge into the new year wanting to be skinnier, kinder versions of ourselves. We vow to eat more kale. We start a Whole30 or go on a social media fast to wipe the slate clean.

Plenty of us do set some God goals but they’re more about “doing the thing” rather than knowing God more. I’m sure some of us have been in a friendship or relationship before where we’ve felt like a scheduled box on the calendar instead of valued human being. It’s not a pretty feeling. It feels structured and stiff. It feels like you’re simply there so the other person can check you off the list. Eventually, there’s no real motivation to show up to a friendship like that. 

So how is God any different? How can we expect to grow deeper and more in love with him if we’re always wedging him into chronological plans and Bible apps? 

I propose we try something different. What if we made the space to grow deeper with God, not because it fits into a checkbox we so eagerly wanted to mark off but because we simply wanted more of him? 

I’m about to get very practical in the section ahead but that’s because I don’t know any other way but to propel myself into action in order to grow. The following are simply suggestions. God might have something different for you. I hope you’ll see these as starting points and ways to grow deeper in your time with God + others in the year ahead. 

BEFORE WE GO

I want to take a moment to be fully transparent on this topic and just kick the elephant out of the essay: sometimes you won’t feel like it. There are going to be places in your faith where nothing lights you up inside. There are going to be times where you cannot even will yourself to sit with the Bible. This happens. I’m telling you this because when this happens people usually make a judgment call that God is no longer present, that he’s packed his suitcase and hitchhiked down the highway and all that’s left of him in your life is a lone sock he forgot in the dryer. 

God’s not distant. God’s not gone. God’s not confused or scared that you’re not feeling it. He’s completely secure and I would argue to say he allows the spiritual droughts in our lives. He sees them as an invitation to go another level deeper with us. I like to imagine it’s his way of saying, “You’re not feeling it? Well, let’s try a different method then. Let’s do something new with our relationship.”

A spiritual drought is an opportunity for deeper springs.

Get ready for it.

Read the bible from start to finish:

When you don’t know where to start, why not try the beginning? I know it might seem like I just shot down the Bible in a Year plan but I am actually pretty passionate about doing it YET for the right reasons. 

I started a Bible plan on January 1 in 2016 when Lane and I first started dating. It was about 2 weeks or so before I was brutally behind and trying so hard to keep up. I was rushing through the text, making up lost time, and eventually, Lane stopped me and asked, “What’s the point?” 

If you’re rushing to keep up with a plan, aren’t you missing the point of the plan? The point of the plan is for you to know the WHOLE story. Not parts of it. Not fragments. It’s meant for you to go deeper and finally be able to say, “I get it.”

Pick up the chronological plan or the Bible in a year plan and then give yourself grace for the days you miss and the days you go off track. It’s not about finishing in the year. It’s about learning more about God than you did yesterday. 

Fair warning: there are some dicey things that happen in the Old Testament that are going to make you confused. Keep going. Stand in the confusion. Don’t close the book and give up. Just get content with not having all the answers. I swear having all the answers is not the point.

Use a prayer journal:

This is the first year I am starting out with a prayer journal and let. me. tell. you: it’s a literal game-changer. My sweet friend Val creates a yearly prayer journal in her shop and I bought individual copies of it for my whole family this Christmas. 

On January 3, I opened up my prayer journal for the first time and I started to fill in the spaces. It guides you through a sweet time of writing down prayers for your family, your spouse, the world, your friends, the community you live in. I found myself texting friends and asking them what they needed prayer for. I found myself dialoguing with God. It was all the times I said “I’ll be praying for you” in a year finally having their own space to expand and become actual prayers. 

I ended up sitting with those first few pages for 3 hours. THREE. HOURS. This is not a drill. 

I know I am going to have so much to look back on in 2019 (I can already feel it) but this is definitely going to be one of the sweetest parts, tracing back through the prayers and moments of God’s faithfulness over 12 months. 

GATHER ROUND:

My girlfriends and I are getting intentional about time spent together this year. We started talking it out at the end of last year and expressing how easy it is to grow busy and disconnected when you’re always running from one thing to the next. Families get bigger. Life gets crazier. There’s never really a good time to get together. We decided it was up to each of us to clear the space and make the time. We set a date on the calendar and then made our husbands get on board. Our goal is to gather once a month to share a meal and then break off to have some intentional time together. 

Our first gathering was a great success. We ate Mexican tapas. We shared laughs. We grew closer through intimate conversation. We figured out how to pray for one another. 

I know God loves this sort of stuff— his kids making time for one another. When the schedule feels too busy or we want to cancel, I know he’s thinking to himself, “No, just make time for it. I promise you, it’s worth it. You’ll feel less stressed. You’ll feel less alone. It will be good for you.” 

God doesn’t desire for us to live a lonely and isolated life but we have to be the ones to step out and either extend the invitation or RSVP to the one we’ve been given. 

GO BACK OVER IT:

On the note of tracing back the moments of God’s faithfulness, a great way to grow deeper in your relationship is to make physical time to remember what God has done. If you’re stuck on feeling grateful or you easily forget what God has done in the past (aka all of us), then set up some time in your calendar to go back and retrace what God has done. 

Set a timer for 20 minutes. It doesn’t have to be long. Pull out the old journals and just remember. Remember when he showed up. Remember how he made the thing happen. Refresh yourself on all the ways he’s big and good and knows what you’re going through. 

This is why I keep all my journals, so I can go back and remind myself that he has never abandoned me and that I need him more today than yesterday. 

GET A STUDY BIBLE:

The Bible can be intimidating. I get that. There was a long time in my faith where I didn’t want to read the Bible because it all felt outdated to me. I questioned if the text was relevant to my life. This is why I cannot stress enough the investment in a study bible (this one is my favorite). 

The study bible isn’t going to be the bible you trek around town with. I’d recommend leaving it at home and making it your consistent study tool for your time with God. In the study Bible, you’ll get the chance to read the author’s commentary on the events happening. This commentary will help you understand some of the strange and confusing things happening. 

We have to remember when reading the Bible that it was written thousands of years ago. The truth in it still matters but the cultural context is something we have to take into consideration as we read. A study Bible roots you in the words but also takes time to step back and give you the history, the facts, and the significance of what you’re reading.

ADDITIONAL RESOURcES + STUDIES

1. Mercy Like Morning: My friend Jane is a literal wizard when it comes to studying the Bible and teaching others to do the same. This book will open your eyes to what true devotion to the word of God looks like and how you can forge your own path through study.

2. The Celebration of Discipline: Want to know more about the spiritual disciplines? This book will introduce you to all the inner + outer disciplines that you might not have even known were disciplines. 

3. First Be a Follower: I wrote this free Bible study for anyone who wanted to a closer look at what relationship with Jesus looks like in a follower-obsessed culture.

4. Matthew Henry Commentary: This is the commentary I reference on a continual basis. I got it on sale for 10 dollars at my local bookstore. There are so many commentaries available out there and plenty that are free on a screen (thanks to the Internet). 

   
   

I ALWAYS WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: 

What are some of the goals you’ve set with God this year?

Right after I got married, people started asking me to write posts about marriage. I've had to politely decline each request with the same answer, "I know little to nothing about marriage. I'll write a post about marriage in 30 years."

I joked at my wedding and said I would write a marriage post-- just one-- every anniversary. So here it is... my 2nd annual marriage post. It’s a little late but you’ll understand why as you read on. 

When I was in high school, there was this extracurricular course called Project Adventure that nearly all my classmates took. It replaced gym for a whole semester with ropes courses, outdoor excursions, and all sorts of team-building activities. I’d heard from people that there is one part of the course where you are forced to do a trust fall from a platform into the arms of your classmates while blind-folded. And that was the sole reason I never took Project Adventure as a class. I hate trust falls. I am more willing to play volleyball (which I equally hate) than to free fall into the arms of my classmates hoping they will catch me.

Maybe I’m scarred by that part in Mean Girls. Maybe I’ve long let fear be a narrator in my head. I’m not sure. But I’ve never grown to like or appreciate trust falls. Sometimes Lane and I practice and I still find it mentally impossible to will myself to fall backward. There’s something I cannot get past in my own stubborn mind: the fear that I won’t be caught. 

Lane and I bought a home in December. One week before Christmas, we packed up the existence we’ve solidified through 2 years of marriage into IKEA bags and moved into our first house. Up to this point, we’d been living in an industrial loft. It’s as hipster as it sounds. Our home was a studio space— one room with no privacy— but I like to think it was a boot camp for our marriage. If you can survive in a space with no doors and a significant other for 2 years without someone ending up dead then congratulations, your marriage is pretty durable. 

Now we have doors and doors are a luxury in my eyes. 

…

When we moved into the house, I started getting messages and emails from people asking how I knew this was supposed to be our home. I think people were asking for the spiritual story behind the house (because it’s me and I find God in the mailman and trips to Target). I didn’t have anything overly spiritual to share. God didn’t pop out in the guest bathroom and confirm this was our home. I didn’t find a puddle that looked like Jesus’ face in the shower. There was no real story that I could tell in dramatic fashion. We simply walked inside, toured the home, and said, “Let’s try.” 

But here’s what I will tell you had to happen in my heart for us to move forward and attempt to buy a house: I had to trust my husband. I had to trust that he had my best interest in mind. I had to believe that he was going to steer us and that I was in good hands. 

Maybe that feels obvious to you. Maybe you’re a trust machine. I am not. I can emit some basic trust that you’ll set the alarm or pick up the groceries but I found the fortress walls I’d built around my heart to be pretty high. I discovered I was really great at trusting if I felt like I could hold everything together on my own. I treated trust as a backup plan.

…

Lane had been sending me options on Zillow for the last few months. I was begging him to stop because I was trying to work out the plan in my head where I could successfully walk out the steps of home buying. The plan included myself and Lane was an accessory. In a marriage, no partner is ever the accessory. You’re both the main pieces. 

So when we found the house, I knew I had to unclench my fists. And let me tell you, I wrestled with it. I wrestled before God. I uncovered this pretty big lump in my story: I didn’t trust that my husband could take care of me. There it was again- that fear I would not be caught. Mind you, there was no evidence to back this up. He has done more than enough to take care of me throughout the entirety of our relationship— car doors, oil changes, fresh coffee, tax organization, bills paid. All of it. But, for the first time, I was stepping into a territory that felt risky and foreign to me. I was going to have to trust that he would cover me.

…

There’s trust and then there’s entrusting. The two are different but they are in a codependent relationship with one another. 

Simply saying “I trust you” is different than handing over a part of yourself to someone else. Asking someone to take care of you and provide is different than really allowing them the chance to food on the table. 

I thought I’d nailed the whole “entrusting” thing when Lane and I were dating and I asked him to babysit my beta fish. That was a big step towards “I am giving you something of mine to take care of” but it was really like a practice round because I didn’t care that much about the fish. 

It’s easy to claim you trust someone. It’s harder to actually give them something to guard over, to entrust something to them. That’s risky. That means they’ve got to prove something. That means you might be disappointed or run over as a result of that big step. I’m not discounting that there are plenty of people out there who get good at trusting only to have that trust shattered into a million pieces. 

But sometimes something else happens when you learn to trust fully. Sometimes a new room in your relationship can be built— one where you feel safe and known in front of each other and you’re no longer doing trust falls with your eyes wide open.

…

In my second year of being Mrs. Sheats, this is what I’ve learned: the old, fear-filled stories you’ve learned to carry through thick and thin must get sacrificed if you ever want to grow into better narratives.

I’m in Genesis currently because it’s January and everyone is in Genesis in January. I just read the story where God asks Abraham to take his beloved son Isaac up to the mountaintop and sacrifice him. For all the people who think the Old Testament is blase, you’re not reading it right. This is the original “Making a Murderer” happening right here. 

And Abraham listens. I would have thought I was hearing voices in my head and put the kibosh on the whole thing but Abraham listens, agrees, grabs some rope and a knife, and then takes his son on a little camping trip. 

Now the story ends well. And Abraham doesn’t kill his son. But God took him to the ends of himself, to the point on the mountain where it’s about to go down before he told him he didn’t have to go through with it. I’m thankful this wasn’t an exercise involved in Project Adventure. 

Place the sacrifice and the weird parts of this story aside and just see this beautiful picture unfolding. I can see God in the story saying, “Do you trust me? Do you trust me?” 

In my mind, he isn’t angry or mad. He isn’t abusive or cold. He’s the big Papa in the story who needs to grow us up through tight walks of trust that are uncomfortable. He wasn’t trying to be brutal in the story. He found a way to say, “Fall. Fall backward. Entrust this confusing part of the story to me. And watch what I will do.” 

…

Sometimes you have to entrust something scary and vulnerable to grow your love for someone. Sometimes your God is too small and you need to refocus your lens on him. Sometimes you have to make a concrete step, one that doesn’t allow you to turn back, for you to learn how to trust the person who is meant to catch you. 

The narrative I found working overtime in my head, the one I was forced to sacrifice in year 2 of marriage, was one where I was able to provide for myself and I didn’t need anyone to help me. I value being a brave, independent woman. I value that Lane and I are equal partners when a lot of marriages don’t reflect that. But you don’t exactly stand at an altar and bind your life to someone else’s to further prove your independence. You marry someone because you decide you want to bear the burden and shoulder the load together. You’re done with solo pony tricks and you want a “we” to cultivate. 

And so I was forced to bundle up all my fears and doubts and even contorted, shallow views about God and sacrifice them. It wasn’t enough to symbolically slice them up in my head. I gave Lane the green light. I let him lead. I kept saying, “I trust you. I trust you.” And I watched him lead our family from one home into the next. 

…

There’s so much more to this story. I’m sure I’ll unpack it throughout the year. But that’s my nugget. That’s the commentary I have for you on year 2 of marriage: entrust big, scary parts of yourself to someone else and see what they will do. Entrust the big stuff and sacrifice the expired stories that don’t look like love. 

I learned there was more freedom waiting for me than I ever imagined. It was waiting there the whole time with arms spread open and wide. It required one thing of me though: the willingness to fall in spite of the fear you won’t be caught.

best of the blog ::

Lane and I tied the knot in December 2016 and I’ve been wanting to suggest some gifts for the brides + grooms out there for a while now! The following is a collection of gifts we loveddddd (but never thought to ask for), registry hits, and little things we’ve found along the way.

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one // I cannot get enough of Anthropologie and their kitchenware. These measuring cups are perfect for the ones who love getting messy in the kitchen.

two // Help create a home with these beautiful stockings from Chip + Joanna’s Target line. They are guaranteed to be a gift used for years to come.

three // Fan of the cold brew coffee? Get the marriage started with a jolt of caffeine!

four // We put this little guy (in red) on our registry and it’s one of our favorite things now! We bring him everywhere with us— parties, picnics, camping, etc. Completely underrated gift!

five // We didn’t put this on our registry but now I totally understand why so many people do. It’s the perfect time to get your bake on and cut out unnecessary steps in the kitchen!

six // Those wedding photos will be here anytime now and everyone wants to put some new frames up in the home! Consider giving a gift card to Artifact Uprising for quality prints!

seven // We asked for holiday sheets on our registry and I love pulling them out every year to get the season going! It doesn’t feel like it’s officially “Holiday Time” until these sheets go on the bed!

eight // This one is a biggie- especially for those moving into a new home together! Take a moment to get really practical + add some extra security to your home. I totally recommend this brand for that added layer of protection in your driveway.

nine // “I have too many coffee cups,” said no one, ever. It’s untrue. You always need more. And this company makes masterpieces out of morning brew cups :)

ten // You might think of it at first- but registries are the perfect place to ask for all those cookbooks you secretly want but know you’ll never buy on your own. I have a pretty crazy collection of cookbooks and they’re all thanks to my wedding guests!

eleven // It’s a clever idea to ask for gift cards to your favorite local grocery store. You two will be cooking lots of meals together and those groceries get expensive after a while!

twelve // RUN, don’t walk, to put this on your registry. Especially if you’re just building a kitchen together for the first time and you’re not an expert cook- this gift has returned its worth and doubled it in the first two years of marriage.

By Lane Sheats

**scroll down, down, down for links

one // Boots are a must to any outfit of mine. If you’re wondering which boot and brand to make your first purchase you can never go wrong with any boot from Red Wing. The quality materials used and the classic style of these will last you a long time! I love the wedge sole and the classic style here. They’re timeless so if you’ve been sitting on the edge over the last couple years now is the time to pull the trigger.

two // My go-to item in every outfit is a pair of denim jeans….not just any pair of denim but Rogue Territory is my first choice. I’ve been wearing a pair of these going on 5 years and I can say they will always be my favorite pair of jeans. Karl at Rogue has been killing the denim game for years and these jeans have some serious durability and provide you with the ability to make these jeans a friend for a lifetime. They will adapt to every adventure you take. Selvedge denim is my go-to not only because of the story they tell with the wear and tear they take but because of how long they last.

three // If you know me then you know I love accessories, especially sunglasses. I have a pair for every occasion. These are a classic square shape that are polarized and will fit any occasion. Raen provides great sunglasses at a great price that will be with you for a long long time. If you’ve noticed, I love recommending products that are made to last for years to come.

four // This is the belt I’ve been wearing for almost 5 years. Daniel at EDG makes so many accessories that are unique and built with the highest quality, care, and attention. The natural leather of this belt will fade and darken with wear over time. There’s no activity that this belt won’t last you through.

five // Hannah first bought me these briefs a few months back and I’ve never been more in love with underwear than I am now! These are so soft, breathable, and comfortable. Trust me, you need to go to Target now and buy these. They are worth every penny.

six // I wear button ups at least 85% of the year (and that is a literal percentage). You will never go wrong with this brand. I love a chambray button up any time of the year. But feel free to go to their site and order any shirt or jacket and revel in the amazingness that you will receive from them. Sign up for their email list and you can enjoy a good discount on your first purchase.

seven // I do a yearly camping trip in January, and I’ve had my Ascend sleeping bag for 9 years. Even though I live in Atlanta, it’s always in the 20s or 30s when we go each year and this sleeping bag has never let me down. I pair this with my Pendleton wool blanket and I’m always nice, warm, and cozy when I’m camping in the cold weather.

eight // Who doesn’t love a great smelling candle? Jake makes my favorite smelling candle and I could burn this year round! Even Chip and Joanna Gaines love this candle so much that it’s featured in their home! Check out his candles and revel in their amazing fragrances!

nine // I love quality bath goods and Baxter makes everything with the highest quality natural ingredients. You can expect all products to be all natural and meet all your needs for all your bath and skincare needs. I love using their products because I can trust that they will not irritate my skin and they will get the job done!

ten // My favorite thing to do enjoy is music and concerts. JD McPherson is one of my favorite artists and he released an original all-new Christmas album just last month. This will allow you to reminisce in the music of decades past and enjoy what was originally meant as pop music and rock n’ roll. These songs will draw you back to a time when music meant more than just a hook and catch but to a time when music caused your soul to stir. This album will have you clapping and singing along. You’ll be playing this when you have your holiday parties and people will be asking who in the world is this.

eleven // I do love my accessories especially a solid necklace…..or two. I was fortunate to do a pop-up shop in Atlanta 4 years ago with Maritime and can say that everything they do is of highest quality and done with care and quality. This necklace pairs with most daily outfits and symbolizes being grounded and caring for those around us.

twelve // I have to recommend at least one book to read or gift to someone this season. This is a very ground-breaking book to help explain some of these polarizing political times. Anyone from a political background or political belief will find this book helpful!

**scroll down, down, down for links

one // this subscription is perfect (read as: essential) for the bookworm in your life who loves collecting hardcovers. I wait anxiously for the first of the month to pick my new reads.

two // spend too much time surveying the packaging at grocery stores and just want to eat meat that checks off all the boxes? A perfect subscription for the chef in your life. I mean, who doesn’t want free bacon for life?!

three // pair your meat with some yummy wine for the holiday season. Lane and I don’t even bother buying wine in store any longer. This company knows our palettes and picks wisely for us.

four // for any man in your life who loves a good shave. Everything he could ever need in one box.

five // for the ones who like to stay home all morning and sip their coffee slowwwllyyyy, this is the perfect subscription for you.

six // mama always told you to take your vitamins. But she never mentioned how hard that task would be… make it simpler this in 2019 with this practical subscription.

seven // this box is quarterly with beach lovers in mind. Perfect for the world traveler or the one who always needs a reason to put on a pair of sandals and get to it.

eight // this digital subscription is perfect for the forever student who always wants to hone new skills. It’s affordable and guaranteed to give you an educational edge.

nine // i have to admit— this might be my favorite subscription this year. Perfect for those who actually use their record players ;) and want to build a stellar collection.

ten // we’ve all got a friend who loves doing good while sporting cute products. Look no further— this subscription has them covered.

eleven // give someone the gift of never having to go to Target ever again for toothpaste… you’ll be the practical gift-giver who also knows how to be innovative ;)

twelve // for the pet lover who also feels quite passionate about rescuing… this marks them both off the list!

Last year was my very first year creating gift guides for my blog and I had such a blast doing it! So I am back again with all new categories for your 2018 gift lists!

Over the next few days, I will be publishing several gift guides to help you spend smart & deliberately this holiday season.

Please note my heart as I create these guides: I believe the holiday season is a time for togetherness. It's a time to choose experiences over extravagance. I love giving good & thoughtful gifts. All of the gifts compiled here and in the guides to follow are meant to be extensions of the holiday season but never the point of it. Dig deep this season and love fiercely.

hb.

The following guide is for all my homebodies out there who love to light a candle, wrap up in a blanket and order takeout.

**scroll down, down, down for links

one // i lost my car keys just the other day so I am dreaming of ways to keep them in one space forever.

two // for those who might need to find a different alarm clock (other than your phone) but also want to get better sleepy time.

three // this beauty is perfect for daily reading but I also have started buying it for friends as a homey-decorative gift.

four // if this is not the cutest thing in the world for people who love to travel (but also land right back at home) then I am not sure what is. OBSESSED with this cork globe.

five // i will just as soon urge you to order everything in this little lady’s shop. I love her heart and her prints are KILLER.

six // i have this little guy in my shopping cart, waiting for the day we buy a home with a guest bathroom. It’s cute + functional, all at the same time.

seven // our record player is one of my favorite parts of our home. I love when I come home to Lane jamming out to some vinyl while cleaning the house ;)

eight // spend a Monday evening getting refreshed + renewed with this activated charcoal bath.

nine // this guy is perfect for the couple who is always arguing about where the phone charger went. It’s a nice little bed for your phone upon arriving home.

ten // whether you feel like cooking or just like to look at pretty pictures- we keep this beauty on display in our home all year long.

eleven // i didn’t know this set of journaling books of the Bible existed until just the other day and now I am praying someone stars them on my Christmas list!

twelve // for the ones who like to stay home all morning and sip their coffee slowwwllyyyy, this is the perfect subscription for you.