Hannah S. Chacko

I need another story...

2012-02-10T22:51:00.000Z

...something to get off my chest,
My life gets kind of boring
Need something I can confess...

Never have I heard truer words to explain how I feel right now. My life is full of nothing. A big fat nothing that serves only to depress me. I start writing, get down the page and sit staring for a bit. I look at the mounting images I want to sort through to find those worth developing for my portfolio. I stare at the computer or TV and see nothing.

Basically, I am bored, and filling my time with cross-posting. My portfolio is now live on blogger and I love the layout there more than anywhere: http://hschackophotos.blogspot.com. I've been adding them to tumblr for the purposes of getting some more views etc, and deviantART is where they start off. I really want feedback.

But what's the point if I don't further it. I really feel stuck in a rut. I'm applying for work left right and centre and have looked into volunteering opportunities around. I need to find something to fill my time, as uni and one shift a week isn't cutting it.

To make matters worse, my one shift next week is on JAMS night, so I can't even have that separate time filled up with some fun. Makes me sad...

So, to whoever is writing my story, please..... write me a new one. Give me something worth talking about

Oh... and I gave up on wordpress >.>

One Republic - Secrets

Hello world, hope you're listening

2012-02-07T14:43:00.000Z

Hey everyone. Sorry it's been so long - really not my intention. I've had this page open for two weeks and never got past the title.

Not much has happened - a lot of uni work, picked up my photography and a LOT of writing. Seriously, the past couple of weeks have been an incredibly creative time, though for some reason I can type to save my life of late and typos are rampant in my work. I correct them as I go, but they are really becoming a pain.

So, if you get a chance, check out my deviances at http://hschacko.deviantart.com and tell me what you think. I'm working on getting the perfect picture for my book cover now. Fingers crossed the right weather comes soon. :)

One Republic - Come Home

The clock ticks life away

2012-01-20T10:16:00.002Z

I could use this entire song in blog titles... I really could. It's not often you hear a song that rings perfectly true all the way through, but Linkin Park really hit the nail on the head.

So, I haven't posted in ages. The annoying thing is I have meant to write a post nearly every day that I haven't... the clock just ticks away and before I know it, I've got to got to lectures or work or something else and have lost that blog writing time.

I can barely believe we are 20 days past the new year already. Time just flies past and I wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. I don't even know what I do each day - just watched the seconds, minutes, hours tick away in a stupor thinking of all the things I should be doing.

Not a great start to January and not stuck to any of my resolutions so far. Maybe I can start again and try and follow some of them.

Linkin Park - In The End

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

2011-12-31T14:51:00.000Z

I can sleep!!! Yesterday saw me working frantically through my chemistry report. I had looked at it and told myself "Hey.. this won't take long"... Famous last words.

Ok, the report itself didn't take long to write. Out of 9 hours work, only 3 were probably spent writing. If I had known how much research I had to do and how many walls I would hit, I'd have given up long ago... Or maybe started it long ago and spread it out. And referencing... don't get me started on referencing...

Referencing gave me a migraine.

But it's done now. To me is seems really basic - not like the scientific reports you read - but maybe that's because I wrote it. All the research paid off as I learnt a LOT in those 9 hours... All these facts are buzzing in my head and some of these journals were extremely interesting... like the combination of TLC and UV photomicrospectroscopy... or the whole thing about mycotoxin extraction and identification.

In fact, I learnt so much in so small a space of time, I couldn't sleep... Proper buzzing off this high of knowledge - for the first time since starting uni, I felt stretched... stretched to find out all I could, and it felt fabulous.

Now off to sleep, for I am exhausted...

Ellie Goulding - Your Song

Every second, every minute, ever hour, every day

2011-12-30T09:18:00.000Z

My life feels full... it's as though I have no time for myself except for sleeping. Between housework, uni work, work work and looking for work I have very little time... and yet it feels as though I waste too much time with nothing.

I rewrote several chapters of Shattered where the continuity failed miserably... Age problem, but I think I've fixed it... well... as best I can :p

Generally just really tired... and sleep doesn't seem to be fixing it. Hopefully things will improve when I am back at uni :-)

Bring Me The Horizon - It Never Ends

No more sitting alone in my room

2011-12-29T13:08:00.000Z

Not really sure what I intended to achieve with this post, but you know that feeling where you just want to write something, whatever that something is.

Anyways, I am really tired right now. Something about the past few weeks has worn me out big time. Besides, I've been a little under the weather and that hasn't helped. I'm just kinda sitting here, trying to work up the motivation to get up and do some housework... it's been piling up a little. Any moment now, I'm going to go downstairs with the washing, get the first of 3(?) or more loads in the machine, wash up the dishes from our roast and then get some of the huge ironing pile tackled... Clean up the room and sort out the mess that has accumulated over Christmas before starting to work on my Chemistry Report. Fun times...

The more I think about it, the more work it seems. I am prone to procrastination and I will stare at FaceBook and Twitter, even G+, waiting on that notification of a kind that makes it more interesting. The TV plays random nonsense in the background an I find myself watching it without a clue what the hell it is. I waste my time away on nothing and beat myself up over all the nothing I achieved when there is so much to do.

On a side note, I don't know why, but all I want to eat is pizza :p

Mase - Wasting my Time

Living out a bag, but she's glad for the little things she has

2011-12-19T20:01:00.001Z

It's strange how a day can change in just a few moments. Those few moments when you make someone else smile, or make someone else feel better about their situation... Especially near Christmas.

Today was one of those days.

I've been spending a lot of time looking at wedding rings and hating how expensive they are, and looking for cheaper alternatives to begin with. I've found a his/her set I really like for a bargain price, so we'll probably go with that one.

But something else happened, that has really turned my world around today. I went out to the Co-op looking for macaroni and Red Leicester... They had none, so I went into town, to the little Tesco Express. On the way there, all bundled up in my coat, I saw a man I've seen around a lot. He was sat near the Odeon, wrapped up in his blanket, and his dog had its head poking out from the blanket. I've seen folks from Shelter talking to him before, and I knew no sane person would willingly be out in such thin clothing in this bitterly cold weather.

Everyone ignored him, as everyone does all the homeless in the area. And there are a lot around... with rising housing prices and rent and a lack of work, it's a wonder there aren't more.
But I carried on to Tesco and picked up a basket. I got my cheese and macaroni, and then a sandwich, some crisps and a bottle of water in the meal deal. A roast chicken sandwich so the dog could have a little as well, since they had no dog food.

I paid, and left.

Then it hit me... he might not even be there as I walked back... And suddenly I felt awful. I must have seemed like one of the masses, just walking on by without a second thought.

But he was still sat there, head down, not even looking at the people for he knew he'd get nothing. So I walked over, and said hello. He looked up, and just that bit of interaction made him smile. He seemed to be missing some human contact. And he smiled, replying with a hello.

it was here I handed him the bag. "I got something with chicken in, as they had no dog food, and I thought that way he can have some too."

"Bless you, love. Thank you so much" He sounded so sincere and more happy than a child on Christmas Day opening their presents from Santa.

I thought I'd talk a while as well. I mean, it's Christmas near enough. Besides, he had reacted so warmly to a greeting, I felt he'd appreciate a little conversation. And he did. We didn't talk about much. I asked if he'd have somewhere warm to go for Christmas and he talked about the night shelter that was meant to be being opened if the council would fund it. He hopes they will, as do I. He told me I shouldn't have gone out of my way, and I told him it was a pleasure to help out, even if in such a small way. A small meal and a little conversation isn't a lot to me, but clearly a lot to him.

I only stayed 5 minutes. With dinner to prepare, I couldn't stay long, and he was starting to pull out the sandwiches and open them, so I bade him a Merry Christmas, and told him to take care of himself. The parting comment was returned, and I made my way home.

The funny thing is, for a gesture so small and almost meaningless, I have brought a poor man a little bit of happiness this Christmas, and I hope others do the same. You don't even need to give them anything, be it money or food, but a little company goes a long way. An ear and a friendly voice can make a person, who has hit rock bottom, feel like someone is on their side, and that can be all they need. Don't walk on by and ignore them. They are people too, and at least acknowledge their existence. The more invisible you make them feel, the more invisible they become, until they fade away from this world completely.

2Pac Feat. Elton John - Ghetto Gospel

It's like a whirlwind inside of my head

2011-12-07T17:50:00.001Z

It's really annoying actually. I know what I'm meant to be doing, and that's typing up Shattered, but for some reason, my mind doesn't agree with me. It wants to work on the horror I haven't titled yet. It wants a title and better names. The characters want me to move on from fantasy.

Thing is, I hate what I've done so far on it....

On top of that, I have characters that you don't meet until book four or five attacking my mind for attention... Just a major whirlwind >.<

Linkin Park - Papercut

Your time has come to be erased

2011-12-06T22:47:00.001Z

I found this ages ago, and I can never stop laughing at it :D

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I Politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell ?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled " You're an Asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'Asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, " You're an Asshole !" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic â€œAssholeâ€ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from BT . I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an â€œAsshole!"

One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first Asshole ( I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover Asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?"

Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked."Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Steve?"
"I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed."
"Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Steve, you're an Asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

Hello." "You're an Asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Steve Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Listen Asshole, I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared,Stupid Asshole! And hung up. â€œ

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, Asshole!â€ I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, Asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the gang war going down in Alice Street, Ilford .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch two Lame Assholes I had bean calling, beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Revenge Does Work!!!

Linkin Park - No More Sorrow

Don't knock it 'til you try it

2011-12-06T14:02:00.001Z

Ok... don't laugh, but since I'm giving Wordpress ago, I'm also trying out Tumblr... So that is three blogs to simultaneously update whenever I post. May get a little intense, but it's worth a shot.

After all, I'm always telling people: don't knock it 'til you try it. ALWAYS. It is a phrase that occupies my daily life. Then, looking at Wordpress and Tumblr and saying I hated them I realised how hypocritical I was being. So this post is the first to be posted in three locations, though all previous posts have been imported to each blogging platform. We shall see how it goes.

I will say, I like the look of Tumblr so far. Like Blogger it is easy to use. We shall see.

Hooters - Don't Knock It 'Til You Try It

Put your faith in what you most believe in: two worlds, on family...

2011-12-06T10:57:00.001Z

Ok, so I'm trying something new... I am trying to use Wordpress as well as Blogger for a while to see which I prefer.

So I only just got my wordpress blog live, but already I don't like it all that much. Having gotten used to some beautiful customisation on Blogger, I would at least like to easily change my fonts. Plain text is not me.. I am not plain. I scribble and scrawl and create and this is doing little to make me feel creative.

Also, the dashboard is awful...

Can I at least change font size? I don't see it anywhere...

I am only trying this as a suggestion from a few people. I will trial it for about a month and try a few themes, of which there are too many to browse through, not well categorised and far from customisable...

So my blogger: http://hschacko.blogspot.com
and wordpress: http://hschacko.wordpress.com

Let me know what you think >.>

Phil Collins - Two Worlds

Decide what is real and what is pretend

2011-12-05T19:29:00.001Z

Please, I hope none of you are surprised when I tell you this. I'm sure you won't be surprised in the slightest, at least, not those of you who know me or have followed me for some time now...

Sometimes it's hard separating the way I see the world and how it really should be seen... It's hard to separate my mind's creations from reality.

It was raining today. Its been the first time in a while. I know how I should see the rain and what other people see - droplets of water falling to the ground and making things wet. But they don't see everything else I see. Maybe one of you guys do.

For every drop that fell, a trail of white fire travelled behind it, the drop glowing a soft blue before exploding on contact, sending tiny sparkles everywhere. The ground, dry form the previous weather, seemed to drink up the moisture, giving off a feeling of contentment and gratitude. The canal was choppy, the wind taking the current, but looking closer I could see the gentle patterns the current creates, like a work of art on the surface. Looking up at the darkened sky, I didn't see gloom, but joy and fun. It wasn't a stormy rain, but a give thanks to the world rain. It felt happy. And the cold, though biting, was not just cold. It made me want to curl up in warmth, yes, but it was a gentle cold that only wanted you to be a friend and share affection. It blew gently against my cold face, speckled with silver and blue and white as it passed me by again and again. The trees swayed, losing the few leaves they had remaining, shedding their autumn clothing to prepare for summer. Their movements sang songs of the cold to come and hope that they would make it through to spring.

It's just a part of the way I see the world. It has colour and vibrancy where I shouldn't see anything. There are sounds that others can't here, the whispers of the world. There is a sparkle and glow about every process of nature, but no one else seems to see it.

So please, tell me I am not alone. Or tell me that it's normal for the worlds I create to leech over into the real world. Or maybe I always saw the world this way and it's how my own was created. I really don't know any more...

And is it a problem? Should I get myself seen to and doped up to "normalcy"? Or should I leave things as they are and live in the beautiful, magickal world no one else can see?

Vision - Wipe the Slate Clean

Could not speak as loud as my heart....

2011-12-04T00:38:00.001Z

Words are such a strange thing, to be honest.

You can never truly express yourself with words alone.

And if I am perfectly honest, I cannot remember where I was going with this. You have to hate that... Everything was so clearly outlined in my mind about 2 hours ago, but the affliction of exhaustion and an OH who is trying to budget rather than let me write led all those precious words to leave my head >.<

So yeah. I was listening to a bunch of songs I haven't heard in a long time. One of them being Mad World... the Gary Jules version which is way better than the Tears for Fears original... >.> it's a song with such meaning in it's words and I love it so much.

Funnily enough, though, I hated it way back in primary... Everyone was so obsessed with it that I really hate the song. I'm one of those people who are far from a fan of those things that everyone hypes over. I can't enjoy anything for the way it is if everyone is obsessing over it >.> If I had heard it before the hype, I'd have loved it back then... But it's always the way.

So many things I find and love and everyone tells me I'm either stupid or that it's rubbish. And then a short while later, weeks, months... EVERYONE LOVES IT. I mean, seriously. Make up your minds people.

Oh, and suddenly I kinda remember what I wanted to write. Words can never truly describe how you feel. That's why we have body language and tone of voice etc... But then, how can a writer convey so much emotion in mere words? What is it about the written word that makes it so much more superior to spoken. You can read journals from ages past and get a feel for how that person was feeling at the time. It is as though writing allows the writer to show someone else their world; to step into their shoes and walk their steps... to understand them truly, completely.

And then I realise just how personal writing is. In my words I put all of myself... I don't hold back. I lay myself bare and in that respect open myself up to criticism deeper than anything I could ever suffer.

So while I can't speak as loud as my heart... I can write even louder.

Coldplay - The Scientist

Though honey it may seem imposs'ble...

2011-12-02T15:24:00.000Z

I am somehow still awake.

Seriously... it's the strangest thing ever.

Now, for the story behind this. I was tired any when I left the house for uni. That isn't the issue - I normally am. It's not even that I have done all this Chemistry before and am getting bored..

Well, maybe it is.

So you see, having done A-level Chemistry, Biology and Maths, I am finding a large part of this course repetitive so far - since this year is focussed on getting people up to the same level.

Right now, I am sitting in a chemistry lecture, and we are on our five-minute break which has lasted 20 minutes thanks to the number of people asking the lecturer questions about the practical results we just got back. And we still have 40 minutes left till the CSI lecture, not that it looks like we'll get anything more done.

And then it is an hour of CSI... only it's not CSI today - it's Health and Safety. I HATE Health and Safety, with a passion.

So three hours in the same room, which is kinda hot, yet cold at the same time due to the number of people and the fact I seem to be sitting right under the air con unit. Been staring at a powerpoint that washes over my head because I did this at GCSE and wondering how the hell I am still awake. I would normally have started to doze about half an hour ago, but for some reason, I am awake.

And it's kinda funny because the lecturer has a really strong accent which means he says some words and they sound like others. Poor people who haven't done this before must be really struggling.

Oh well.

On a lighter not, my timetable next week is starting to look a little nicer - two lectures have been cancelled as we are finished for the term in QM and I don't need to go to the seminar either... so from Wednesday onwards, i have hardly anything. And then I'm off for Christmas :D

It's really been an exhausting term. I really need more stimulating and challenging to feel good about my time here so far. CSI is good, but is only a quarter of the yet. Four weeks of sleep are well welcome. And yes, there will be a lot of writing over that four weeks.

Hercules - The Gospel Truth

But after a while, you realise time flies...

2011-12-02T07:40:00.001Z

So I was taking a browse down my blog page, having a look at some old posts and wondering what the hell I was thinking half the time. There are some really awful posts, but I realised that I haven't really learnt anything. My posts now haven't really changed all that much, and I believe they are still generally awful.

I sort of don't know why I blog any more. I can't really understand why I would post all this stuff that no one ever wants to read.

And eventually, I hit the bottom. And I clicked on my very first post. And I saw the date stamp.

Somehow, without me realising, my post has hit that grand old age of two years old... and that was a little while ago now. But I still remember writing most of these old posts. I remember where I was, how I felt... and it's a funny insight into my life before.

And in a funny way, I sorta wish it had been going on longer, to see how much I have changed from my awful mid-teens to today. If only I had started blogging way back when I had problems that needed an outlet. Reading them would be amusing now.

So yeah, time flies...

Porcupine Tree - Time Flies

Take a photograph; it'll be the last...

2011-12-01T22:17:00.001Z

So as most of you know, I'm studying Forensic Science at uni. We have four modules, but one part of one module seems to have taken over the entire term.

Forensic photography.

And i have loved it. Maybe I should look into going into photography. I enjoyed it so much I was searching for a DSLR for quite some time and ended up getting one for my birthday/Christmas. Best present EVER!!!

Anyway, today was spent redoing loads of shots for this project that is worth far too many marks. We got loads done in the sessions, but I swear, something about doing them in the sessions ruins them. Looking at them on the computer, they don't seem that bad, but my perfectionist eye seems to find something about them. And most of the verticals were not quite vertical.

So yeah, three hours later, I have most of my shots. I have three more to do in the morning, and then the camera we have had will never grace my presence again. Seriously, it sucks taking it home - it is way too heavy. However, I have to be awkward. Apart from about 5 of the photos (out of 20), I am retaking them on MY camera. Why? Because when I have done this, the quality is so much better on my camera. And i would hope it is, after all, it is 5 years newer than the uni ones.

The only annoyance I find with SLRs is that I see things everyday and think "I'd love a picture of that" but I don't have a convenient compact in my bag to take a snap. Well, I do, but the pictures on that are awful when compared to the SLR. Really awful... You don't realise how much better all your pictures can be :p

So yeah... a post about photography. I feel something else stirring tonight, so there may be another post by morning, but for now, I shall post soon. I have a lot of typing to do, and I first want to update my music list.

Breaking Benjamin - Rain

Be prepared for the chance of a lifetime

2011-11-20T20:04:00.001Z

Thought of the day:

Why do people feel the need to interfere in someone else's life? I mean, come on. If I wanna spend my life playing video games right now, I have the right to. If I want to spend my life writing fantasy, it's my damn right to. I don't tell you to stop going out and drinking nearly every night... Or tell you that you study too hard. My nose is in my own life, keep yours in yours. If you spend your life worrying about how I live, who knows what amazing chance you might miss!

:-)

Disney's The Lion King - Be Prepared

All that I can see, is just another lemon tree

2011-11-18T14:37:00.001Z

I like lemons. I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to share that. I like lemons. People say that when life hands you lemons, deal with it, or throw them back. But if life handed me lemons, I would jump up and down for joy on a lemon-fest.

I can understand the saying, however. But I also like difficult situations... I like the challenge and the feeling on the other side when you overcome it. So when life gives me lemons, I say "bring it" all macho-like.

Lemons are full of flavour. And can be used with so many things. Lemons help heal a sore throat, or liven up a tikka. Lemons flavour your coke, or can be eaten just as they are.

Yeah.. lemons are good.

On another note, I haven't had many lemons to face right now. Tom has been working for a few weeks now and really enjoying it - and it means our short worry period regarding finances is over. Everything is goooood.

On top of that, it was my birthday on Monday. I am officially old, and no longer a teenager. That's right, I hit the big "two-oh". ^.^ That day was pretty busy, but very good. In particular, I got engaged. So I became a really really really happy bunny.

And, to make thing even better, I gots some birthday moneys and we went halfsies of Skyrim. Let me say now, absolutely AWESOME!!! I love the game, so so so so much and am miffled I never got it sooner.

And I reached 500k in NaNo this week. Probably won't write any more this month and let my wrists recover. And if I do anything, it'll be getting Shattered ready for print.... Can't believe things are finally settling down so I have time to write.

Fool's Garden - Lemon Tree

Fallen in the cause of the free

2011-11-11T05:02:00.001Z

Today, the 11th November 2011 bears many a significance.

Some say 11 is an evil number, representing sinners as it sits between 10 and 12 (two divine numbers). These people believe, 11/11/11 is an evil day, the darkness tripled by the three 11s. And at 11:11:11 11/11/11, is the moment of greatest evil.

Others say 11 represents doorways. New beginnings, or new directions. 11/11/11 is therefore a good day to begin anew, start over. It is a day where good fortune awaits those who take the opportunity. It bodes well for couples, who have many doors to pass through together. And again, at 11:11:11 11/11/11, there is a particular moment when new ventures should be begun.

Personally, I don't know about all that. The doorways makes sense to me, as the number 11 looks like a doorway in a way, and it so far feels like a good day.

However, at 11:11:11 on 11/11/11, I will still be reflecting. For here, in the UK, 11th November has been, for many years, Remembrance Day. There are various versions around the world, though the countries in the Commonwealth have mostly observed in from 1919. At 11:00am, on the 11th November, 1918, World War I officially came to an end. After some of the worst warfare seen in history, peace had finally come. Hostilities were ended. And so, at 11:00, on the 11th November, every year, we stop for two minutes, and remember. The start of those two minutes is marked in many places with the firing of a cannon, and ended the same way. It is a time to remember all past and present soldiers who have bravely fought and died, or suffered, for this country. And we use the time, and for many, much of the day, to reflect on what they have done, and what they have sacrificed.

And then, again, on the Sunday closest to the 11th November, we have our ceremony. We hold silence again, as we gather to honour them. Local organisations, the military, the Crown, the government... all lay poppy wreaths down at war memorials across the country. Colours for all are carried. and lowered for the two minute silence. The Last Post (usually played a little slower than this link) is played as the colours are lowered. Marking the beginning of the silence in many local communities (though it varies across the country). Reveille is played after the silence where I used to live. The colours are raised again as it is played.

The most memorable part of any Remembrance Sunday are the words, spoken every year:

They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun, and in the morning.
We will remember them.

Those four lines of Laurence Binyon's poem, For the Fallen are engraved on my memory, and have been since the first time I heard them.

But this remembrance should be all year round. Too many people forget that every day, there are young men, and now women, losing their lives in battle. They fight for this country, they fight for freedom and more than anything, they fight for peace. A peace that does not stem from oppression. You rarely hear of those that fall in war, and it sometimes is not mentioned at all. How can people say we honour our fallen, if we do not honour them 365.25 days of the year?

So once again, this Remembrance Day, I mark my silence. Also on Sunday, I will mark my silence. However, it does not end with those few minutes. And often, I think about all these good men and women, and how brave they really are. Please, all of you, do the same - and don't just remember them for on day of the year.

Laurence Binyon - For the Fallen

I'll read a book, or maybe two, or three

2011-11-10T08:34:00.002Z

Suddenly, my uni schedule got really full. It's kind of annoying in some ways, but good in others. I like having that schedule. I liked it at school, I liked working full time over the past year... Routine felt good - it was nice to know what I was doing when.

However, these past few days have felt like I have no time to do anything... I have these books I want to read, and I have one I still need to pick up from Waterstones after pre-ordering it (Inheritance... Had to finish the series and maybe the last book is better written than Brisingr...)

On top of that, I have writing I want to do, it being November. Plus I want November to be over to finish off Shattered...

And then there are loads of little things I want to do... Life is too full >.<

And it just hits me.. I am 20 in four days... Ouch - where did all those years go?

I'm not broken, in my dream I win...

2011-11-09T20:50:00.001Z

I was toying with the title for some time, if I'm honest. I knew what I wanted to say, but not how to say it. Annoyingly, I spent so long trying to work out the title, that I kinda forgot what I wanted to write about.

I knew what I wanted to say all of seven hours ago. I was on a break back then. You see, today has been one of the longest uni days ever. Hour long lecture followed by a seven hour practical. So seven hours ago I was on my break and had so much I wanted to say here, but my phone died so I could not post. (Damn you technology.. you fail me when I need you most!) And then I had another three hours left in the practical and forgot all about it, as you can imagine.

Then, a couple of hours ago, I brought up this tab, with loads to say. Only now my mind goes blank because I felt like I needed the title first... I do that with books as well. So many good ideas are flushed away because I have this need to have a title before anything else. I really am hopeless.

But then this song is my alarm and it just shot into my head, as songs are apt to do. And I heard this line and thought, this is completely and utterly true, in so many ways and on so many levels.

So I am telling the world, with my head held high, that whatever you throw at me, you cannot break me. And one day, dreams will come true. I can take anything I am given. I can work through whatever comes my way. I am not broken!

Take my wrist for example - painful in so many ways, it is unreal. But I can still achieve my goal if I try. For in my dream, I do win, and it only takes a bit of work and effort for me to make that dream a reality. Perseverance is key.

So take a moment today, whether at home, school, work or travelling somewhere in the middle. Take a moment and give life the middle finger and shout for all to hear: I am not broken! In my dream, I WIN!

And don't worry about the funny stares you receive - they are really just admiring your ability to break from the norm and be true to number one.

Electrasy - Cosmic Castaway

Do you remember now?

2011-11-08T16:00:00.000Z

On a side note.. Do you remember those VFTs I had and was so incredibly proud of? See here for the original post.

Yeah... well... Funny thing that...

After repotting, they were less healthy... and over the next few months... they... um.... died. Despite all efforts to save them... :-(

So I am without my lovely fly traps, but on a better note, my corn snakes are doing great... Just over 2 months old and are good eaters and shedders. I guess there is always something good when you look at it.

Hoobastank - Remember Me

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking

2011-11-08T14:29:00.003Z

Since moving up to Lincoln, I've realised just how much thinking I've been doing. Now, living away from family, with my other half, I feel that much more responsible, more aware of everything.

I feel my parents did a lot, especially once I got my first job, to help me understand the value of money, but I don't think you can ever know how far it goes until you are living without their support. Rent is the big thing. We're lucky - our rent includes all our bills and council tax. But thinking about how much we could be paying, it's shocking - especially since we are just about managing right now. We don't even have it that bad. I was reading that average rent is over £700pcm without bills. Ours is under £500, for both of us, with all bills. O it's just a room in a house share, but I feel incredibly lucky after reading that article.

Food is another big thing. The amount that goes on food is incredible. We try and shop smart, buy in bulk, buy freezable stuff to keep... But even so, it doesn't go that far.

Besides the whole money thing, there is the responsibility of having your own household. Like any other student, I wouldn't say I'm great at cleaning, but I scrub the kitchen and bathroom and you can still walk around our room - the main problem is having too much stuff to fit in the room. After all, it's almost everything we both have, from two room, crammed into one. Also been trying to operate the timer on the heating (which is more than a little confusing) and been trying to organise cleaning in the house. Got a rota but what do we do when someone doesn't stick to their jobs and doesn't seem to care? I don't know...

I've also found myself thinking a lot about the future. A lot! It's good to look ahead, on't get me wrong, but I feel that I need to be a little more grounded in what is happening in the here and now. Rather than looking at what comes after uni, I need to focus on getting through what I'm doing now and getting through assessments. I shouldn't lose sight of what comes next, but maybe not dwell on it so much.

And I've been thinking more and more about my books. Let me correct that, my characters decided to make me think about writing >.< I'm doing NaNo, though taking regular breaks because of my wrist, and I have been working on the fourth book plus something completely unrelated. After NaNo, Shattered will be typed up and released. but my characters are being strange and somewhat frustration. On a couple of occasions, they have made all these demands, then packed their bags and left me... I can't write without my characters. And I had squatters in their place, which didn't help matters, as the squatters demanded a horror (and as you should know by now, I'm not great at horror). So, they have led me to trying to write something I am normally awful at. So far it's not too bad - probably because I have the characters I need to make the story... We'll see. For now it's back to Elementalists since the strike ended.

So, overall, a lot of thinking, and it feels like I'm thinking too much to do anything at all. Time to turn the brain off for a few days and let everything else do the work. We shall see. Sorry this post ended up so long. Heard the song last night (watched She's The Man and it's the ending theme :p) and it's been stuck in my head. Can really relate to the whole thing.

When all you gotta keep is strong, move along...

All American Rejects - Move Along

Guestbook and Author page

2011-11-07T18:47:00.001Z

As you can hopefully see, I have completed my author page and also have a link to a guestbook. Do check it out and leave feedback. It seems the new dynamic pages can't handle html script, otherwise the guestbook would be on this site, rather than being external.

Enjoy :-)

Just checking something

2011-11-07T17:41:00.001Z

Networked Blogs is being a pain and not showing my new layout in the thumbnail.. May need to drop blog and put it back up after >.>

Also, do let me know if you can see the dynamic view or traditional view. Am really testing out this new stuff :-)