happenstance meanderings

A Homecoming... of sorts

2014-03-04T11:36:00.000-06:00

This morning I woke up craving the word. This was both a profound and exhilarating experience. It's been a long time since I've been in a place where I genuinely craved God's word. It reminded me how distant I have been from God over the last several years. And it reminded me of his faithfulness to draw me back to himself and to welcome me enthusiastically with his outstretched arms.

It also caused me to reflect again on something that God laid on my heart over the last month. As the new year rolled around and I was considering the past year and what's to come, I realized that my summation of both 2012 and 2013 was that they were pretty miserable years. I found this discouraging because when 2012 proved to be less than ideal, I set myself up to believe that 2013 was going to be my year. And then as 2013 was wrapping up, it was anything but what I had anticipated and hoped it would be.

When I moved back to this place I was sure that I was following God's plan. I had every confidence that this is where God was leading me and that it would prove to be a good move. I knew everything wouldn't be just as it had been when I left, but I believed I would be welcomed home by a rich community of friends and that I would effortlessly connect into either of two churches that I considered to be home churches.

But the transition back didn't go quite like that. In fact, those "home" churches weren't home anymore. I couldn't find my place and I struggled to understand why. I didn't fall seamlessly back into place in the relationships I once had. I found myself feeling alone. And wayward. And I was being stripped bare of every hope and expectation I might have come here holding.

But my God is patient and faithful and persistent. As we entered this new year he brought me to a place where I was ready to see what he was doing in my life. He brought me back to this town to remind me who I was before I left, before I turned my back to him. He allowed me to live through yet another drought-filled year so that I might again crave his living waters. In his perfect time he placed me right in the community he had for me. And when I sought him, he revealed himself to me.

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens... When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?" ~Psalm 8:1, 3

Hello, My Name Is Child of the One True King

2014-02-01T14:10:00.001-06:00

Life hasn't *exactly* turned out the way I had expected it to. In fact, life hasn't turned out even remotely how I might have ever imagined. I think I may have covered that very fact about a year ago. God had started working on me then, and he brought me to this place. Unfortunately I think it's fair to say that I let my reality get the better of me over the last year rather than using it to draw near to him. A frequent thought that overwhelmed my mind, particularly in the later months of 2013, was "it just doesn't matter." I found myself so isolated from any community I had ever had in my life that I was able to exist with no accountability whatsoever and I couldn't figure out how I had gotten to that point.

For so long I had lived with purpose and with drive. I had passion that consumed me with a desire to serve this great God that had redeemed my desolate heart and I ached for others to know that same redemption. I was willing to go anywhere, to do anything, and to love whomever God placed in my path. And during all that time, I felt as though I experienced God in such tangible ways. There are so many instances in my life when I remember vividly knowing what God had for me, understanding God's direction and will through my time in His word and in prayer. I made bold moves across the country without a second thought knowing and trusting that God was leading the way and had a plan. And each time he remained faithful.

I don't believe the time spent between point A and point B is that important to drudge through, but suffice it to say that my heart had been hardened to God. I still believed to the depths of my soul, but I was angry, frustrated and disappointed. I had unmet expectations and God wasn't bending to my every whim. But God is patient with us. And persistent. He brought me to this place. He stripped me naked of everything I knew to be true of myself and everything I was finding my identity in. I honestly can't tell you a specific course of events or point you to the time when he won me over, but God has wooed me back to himself and for the first time in a lot of years, I feel like myself again.

And it feels good.

Tell Your Story: I'm Still Here

2013-01-18T01:24:00.001-06:00

I'm moving tomorrow.

More accurately, I've been in the throws of moving for several weeks now, but this week in particular has been a whirlwind of activity...

planning

packing

job searching

cover letter writing

interviewing {woot!!}

errand running

cleaning

and just generally feeling incredibly overwhelmed.

a little snapshot into my chaos.
i'm trying to figure out everything i'll need in
the next three months and collect it in this pile.

In the midst of my chaos I came across more of the previously discussed notes that bump around my house for years. These ones happened to only be a few months old and were notes from church.

This summer our pastor asked us to consider what we might say if we were introducing God to one of our friends as if He was essentially just another friend. Not unlike how I might introduce one of you to another friend of mine, only in this scenario I'd be introducing you to my friend, God. And then telling you a bit about Him. So, if you stopped by my place in the midst of my chaos and I introduced you to my friend, God, this is what I might say...

"God is the greatest love of my life. Even when I struggle, when I wander, when I put myself first, God is pursuing me, loving me beyond anything I can fathom, offering me something better. God is patient with me, teaching me His ways, how to live a better life, how to accomplish the things He has for me.

God is my Father, my daddy. I am His beloved daughter, a princess.

God is my provider.

God is my guide, my leader, my teacher.

God is good and He never changes.

God is consistent, reliable, ever-present, patient.

God is my pursuer, the lover of my soul."

Good reminders in the midst of chaos and change, friends. Good reminders.

P.S. Now seems like a great opportunity to mention what a phenomenal mother I have. She traveled with me from South Dakota last Sunday and has been working, working, working to help me with this move. I really don't know what I would have done without her here to help and I feel like it should be publicly noted how deeply grateful I am for her love, support, and assistance.

I love you, mom!

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{I'm liking up with The Hollie Rogue for the weekly "Tell Your Story" link up}

Tell Your Story: Call Me a Gypsy

2013-01-11T14:55:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday I packed up my Christmas loot, loaded up my pup, and hit the road headed to a beautiful cabin in the northeast corner of WY for some time of solitude and reflection.

{i can't think of a single time that i have made this ~25 mile drive from Sundance to Devil's Tower without having my breath taken away by one view or another; so if you ever need a scenic drive through NE WY, check out Hwy 14}

A bit of background: I quit my job in Wisconsin in order to be able to surprise my family for Christmas. 2012 was probably the most difficult year of my life... not my favorite way to round out my twenties. As such, I was doing a lot of reflecting and praying on what I should be doing to make 2013 one of the best years of my life. The last few months in particular, I had no margin for rest and growth. I was living an incredibly unsustainable lifestyle and it was taking a serious toll on my body and my overall well-being. Knowing that I needed to make some changes, and in response to a couple of significant catalysts, I just made a decision one day, gave notice at work, and decided I'd figure things out from there. Which brings us to now...

As I turned from the highway onto the winding gravel road, Sara Evan's "Restless" started playing on the radio. While I've always loved the song, it's never struck me quite like it did this day.

"What do you do, where do you go, when nowhere feels like home."

In all of my wildest dreams over the years I would have never imagined that I would ever be where I am today. Driving up to that cabin, I was terrified. I felt so aimless. I couldn't understand what God was doing in my life. I know that he's given me talents and abilities and passions, so what am I doing so wrong? Why can't I find my place in this world? Do I just need to suck it up and settle down? Millions of people the world over do just that and seem perfectly happy. They settle down. They work at jobs, some of them love their jobs, some of them hate their jobs, others just persevere out of indifference. I tried that. I genuinely tried to just stay put for awhile and it felt like I was biding away my life, wasting day after day with no real purpose.

Wake up.

Work.

Chores.

Homework.

School.

Sleep.

Repeat.

Hopeless.

It's not as though everything was completely miserable. I've been part of an incredible body of believers in Wisconsin and I love worshipping with them and sharing life there. I made efforts to get involved in different ways, to minister to people, to love people. I held onto the joy that I have in the Lord through each of these hopeless feeling days. Generally speaking, days were good. I enjoyed the people around me, I laughed, I worked hard, I celebrated a job well done. But there was constantly an underlying feeling of unrest, of feeling like there was something more. I genuinely believe that God has something more for me if I pursue Him.

...if I pursue Him.

There's more backstory here. Something happened four years ago. I had a bit of a disagreement with God. I made a bad decision. He let me know how He felt about said decision. I've been fighting with Him ever since then. Well, that might not be entirely true. For a solid three years I kind of just ignored Him. Then He started winning back my attention. He's pretty good at that when He decides it's time. That was this year. He's putting this restlessness in my heart because it's time. It's time for me to come back to Him, for me to rely on Him wholly, regardless of what it is that He has for me. It's time for me to stop fighting for what I so desperately want my life to look like and surrender again to what He has for me.

...if I pursue Him.

I don't know why He's given me this life of a wanderer.

But I choose to trust Him.

And I choose to pursue Him.

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{I'm liking up with The Hollie Rogue for the weekly "Tell Your Story" link up}

Pinteresting Recipe Review {week.1}

2013-01-08T14:47:00.000-06:00

Baked Parmesan Garlic Chicken and Parmesan-Roasted Zucchini

Not so long ago I picked up a couple of avocados on my grocery trip and turned to Pinterest to find a recipe that I had remembered wanting to try. As I opened up my Food to Eat board and scrolled {and scrolled and scrolled and scrolled and scrolled} to find the recipe, it occurred to me that I had a problem. So I stopped pinning so much food. And decided to start making some of it.

Today, I welcome you to the first installment of...

This first week created a bit of a challenge in itself as I've taken some time away at a cabin in Eastern WY. Being about an hour from the nearest full grocery store, not in my own kitchen, cooking only for myself, and not wanting to have to buy tons of ingredients or have lots of extra leftovers, I kept things quite simple.

I was able to find two recipes that had been previously pinned to the board that met this requirement and I went to work.

First up, Baked Parmesan Garlic Chicken. It tasted... okay. I would probably give it about a 3/5 stars. Generally speaking, I really love baked chicken breasts. I find them to be simple, moist, and delicious. This was certainly true of this recipe. However, the seasoning was lackluster and the cheese just didn't stand out. This is not my favorite version of the baked chicken breast, so I probably wouldn't bother to make it again. In a pinch, there's nothing wrong with it. But it surely didn't delight my taste buds.

I failed to take final product pictures, so this baking picture
will have to suffice to give you an idea of my version.

I suspect the difference between my version and this one was that I had used shredded parmesan instead of grated. It's true, I'm kind of anti- grated parmesan cheese in a can. However, in this case it probably would have been better at accomplishing the look of breading and overall coatedness of the chicken. I also realized with this recipe that I never get too excited with things that use Italian seasoning mixes, particularly the dressing mix. Or garlic powder for that matter. Garlic is quite accessible and easy enough to chop up, so I say just go for it. Forget the powder and toss is the real deal. To sum this up, the concept is solid, the chicken was top notch, but the seasoning and overall flavor was mediocre at best.

This is another before
picture. Check out all
that tasty cheese!

To go along with this recipe, I selected Parmesan-Roasted Zucchini. For simplicity I used the leftovers of my seasoning/cheese mixture along with the salt and pepper that was called for in the recipe. I don't think the italian seasoning really added all too much, but it certainly didn't ruin it. I'd probably give this recipe a 4.5/5 stars. As far as zucchini is concerned, this was pretty tasty. Extremely easy to prepare for sure. As you will see in the picture comparison, I used considerably more cheese. It's all that Wisconsin influence I imagine. My cheese didn't brown up quite as nicely, but I likely just needed to leave it in a bit longer. The tenderness of the zucchini was superb. This is one I would certainly make again, and it has endless possibilities with variations on your seasonings, so it's a keeper.

As for the fate of the pins on my "Food to Eat" board? The chicken has already been deleted. No need to revisit that pin. The zucchini is so simple it doesn't get a spot in the family cookbook, so it won't make it to the "Tried and True" board, but for now I'll move it to the "Yummy" board. I haven't introduced enough zucchini into my life to just automatically buy it or prepare it, so maybe if I see the recipe around while I'm looking for ideas I'll make it again.

Don't Judge...

2013-01-07T10:01:00.002-06:00

Seriously people, I'm just really not great on the ol' follow through with this blog. Everyday I probably come up with half a dozen different things that I would really like to write about, many of them getting composed in my head as I go about the day, a few notes being taken here and there, scattering my life for months and years to come. Here is one such note that is likely eight-months old. It just keeps putzing around my life.

A regular list of things to do that includes a writing topic idea.

And on the other side a couple notes from a sermon that I wanted to delve deeper into and write my thoughts on.

The blog note refers to my thoughts on following Jon Acuff's twitter and blog. He has a tendency to be quite thought-provoking and spurring on the topic of living intentionally, which is my greatest endeavor, despite the fact that I think about it more than anything at this point! Every year he seems to be offering a new challenge for setting goals and completing projects. Last year it was "Finish Year." I realized I have more trouble starting my ideas than I do finishing them. Not that I'm so great on the finish part either. I'm really just a perpetual thinker.

But I'm going to give this another shot.

With less build-up, more doing.

I'm a work in progress you know.

Be patient with me.

Feedback Fridays

2011-05-27T16:48:00.000-05:00

Last week I explained that the lighting of the fire happened much more abruptly. So as not to leave anyone hanging any longer, here's what went down.

After returning from my weekend in Madison, the newly unemployed me decided I'd use my Monday morning to do some research on getting into publishing to see if I could help my dear friend find any resources that might be just the ticket for her job search. The result of that research took me to this gem of a website, http://www.jobjenny.com/, where I was freshly inspired to re-evaluate the heart of my job search. I putzed around a bit more on the internet, but quickly decided it was time to pull out a little resource that had been recommended by my beautiful and astonishingly brilliant aunt.

What Color is Your Parachute, by Richard N. Bolles, not only touts an ability to answer some of the more classic job hunt questions, but goes so far as to seek to answer some of the more daunting 'life' questions, most notably, "Where do I go from here with my life?"

While I've not yet made it too far through the book, and therefore cannot offer a full review of its offerings, this is the first area that I'd like to solicit other's insight. After reading the first couple of introductory chapters, I decided it would be prudent to go ahead and jump to the second section of the book, "Finding a Life."

This section starts by explaining that this activity, "is concerned about what the world most needs from you." In explaining the value of this section, Bolles explains that "for this journey, you will need only half the information you thought you would need about the job market, but twice the amount of information you thought you would need about yourself."

This resonates with me because I have always been confident in the sense that I know myself quite well. And yet, I feel like I keep floundering between these different interest areas without being able to pick what I want to pursue. Perhaps I know the answer in my soul, but I'm simply too scared or too complacent to make it happen. Or perhaps it has more to do with the fact that while everything that I have pursued has had interest for me in one respect or another, interest is not hard for me to come by. In fact, there are very few fields that I would simply look at with boredom or disinterest.

The first activity asks you to answer one simple question ten times. The question really is extraordinarily simple, though I highly doubt the vast majority of the population has ever stopped to thoughtfully consider its answer for themselves. The question this activity poses is simply, "Who Am I?" To be clear, the activity goes beyond just asking the question, and I have completed the activity and will explore my answers with you in future posts so I'm not just trying to pass off the hardest part. However, today I want to solicit your help.

While I certainly have my notions of who I am and what my strengths are, I wholeheartedly believe that God created us in and for community for a reason and that the insight of those who know me, who care about me, and who spend time with me is indispensable. It may have been many years since some of you have seen me, and each of you certainly knows me in different contexts and different depths, however each of your perspectives paints a picture of who I am today.

So I ask you, please take a moment to consider how you would answer this question for me. In one word (or brief phrase), who is Crystal? If you would be so kind, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section of this post, or shoot me a private message. Either way, I so value your insights and feedback, positive encouragement and constructive criticism all the same. Know also that this isn't all about just finding a job. It' about the constant process of growth and becoming who God has created me to be. And it's about journeying together. Certainly I hope to gain insight for my own life through this, but I hope to challenge each of you to consider this question as well. Perhaps we can enter a dialogue that will be mutually beneficial.

And finally, as a teaser for some of my upcoming posts as well as a starter for this brainstorming session, my first (of the requisite 10) answers to this question is this:

Crystal is... a friend and mentor.

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...

2011-05-17T10:06:00.000-05:00

Before I dive in to any particular topic (of which there will be many), I wanted to take a chance to give some background as to what prompted my sudden leap back into the world of blogging. There were, quite frankly, three specific catalysts that ignited this nonsense.

The Mommy Blogs - One day Logan showed me something absurd. In his investment research he had come upon this mommy blog where we were led to believe the author of said blog had been paid an exorbitant amount of money, as well as free product, to talk about said product on her blog. I believe the product was an iPhone, though details of stories are not my forte, so don't quote me on that. Regardless, it was a product that Logan and I were both highly interested in. Taking a gander at her blog, I really wasn't too impressed. The writing was not great, the topics uninspiring, even the humor was mediocre. And yet, this woman seemed to be making a comfortable living doing something that I love to do (writing), while staying home with her kids. This aggravated me. Not because it was true, but because I felt she was doing it poorly and I was horribly envious, being stuck in two part-time jobs making next to nothing doing things that I didn't particularly care to be doing. If she could make money writing a blog about being a mom, certainly I should be able to convince someone to pay me to do something that I love doing! Also to note here, I've recently become enchanted by the immense number of crafting inspirations, helpful tidbits, and inspiring stories that can be found on people's blogs. While it's true that there's no shortage of blogging going on, I have come to embrace it and I love the things that I can learn from those who are willing to share.
Make Time to Write - I have a friend from college who was a published author before having graduated from Biola. Shannon Primicerio's first book, The Divine Dance, has since been republished and she has continued to write and speak. To date I believe she has written at least nine books. I find her particularly inspiring, specifically because while she writes and speaks for teen girls primarily on the topic of Christian faith and living, she is also constantly encouraging aspiring writers with tidbits and resources. Hence the catalyst. One day her facebook status popped across my newsfeed: "Shannon Kubiak Primicerio wants to pass this tidbit of advice on to her aspiring writer friends: You don't find time to write. You make time to write. Often, that comes from saying no to other things. Happy writing!"
Publishing - This status popping up came directly on the heels of a weekend in Madison with a close friend of mine, a girl I actually befriended while working at Hallmark in Helena, MT. Jodi moved to Wisconsin several months before I did and I have been thrilled to be able to continue to see her and spend time with her here. After graduating from college with a degree in English, Jodi went to a publishing institute in Denver and has been wanting to get into the field of publishing. Her current circumstances make that more challenging, living in an area that doesn't offer much in the way of opportunity for aspiring publicists, which causes the topic to come up all the more in conversation with her. This time, we specifically talked about the value of writing. If you want to write for a living, you have to start writing!

While I have never endeavored to write for a living, I do love to write and I find it exceedingly therapeutic. However, I simply don't make time for it. So I decided it was time to make time. I realize there are an abundance of blogs, and mine doesn't even have a niche at this point, but for now it's primarily for me and for those few people who may be particularly interested in what's going on in my life. Because it's my blog, written for my sake more than anything, I'll write about whatever happens to be on my mind. Right now I'm using it as an opportunity to sort through my own thoughts and to narrow my area of interest... maybe someday we'll discover it's niche! There is an upcoming topic list being constantly created and I can tell you already you can be looking forward to some topics full of greater depth, so we'll see where it's headed.

Also, if this blog can lead to any potential income, no matter how limited it may be, all the better. This is your only disclaimer about why I've decided to make this a blog that involves advertising and product placement. More than anything, I desire to learn and I figured the best way to learn was by doing. So that you're aware, I receive a percentage of the sales of any product purchased via the Amazon link that you see in this blog. You'll be seeing more and more of these as I go along, though I have every intention of only sharing things that I whole-heartedly believe are worth owning.

While I have named these three things as the catalysts that got me back to my blogging, it might be fair to say these are the kindling that laid the foundation for the fire to start. The actual lighting of the fire happened much more abruptly, but that is a story for another day.

Will you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?

2011-05-09T17:17:00.004-05:00

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the cat.

"I don't much care where - " said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the cat.

Through the course of my life I have found myself quite driven in a vast array of different career objectives. From saving the American Indians to becoming a missionary pilot to a host of entrepreneurial ideas ranging the gamut of industry. In the first ten years of adulthood I have lived in five different states. And, though it is almost painful to create this list and admit this truth, in this same timeframe I have held 16 different paid positions in nine different fields.

Each position has taught me about myself, about others, and about the world. Each position, regardless of status, has taught me about leadership, about management, and about business in general. I have loved and I have hated parts of every job that I have held. And as I reflect on the positions individually, it is my sincere belief that I was an asset to each company that I worked for, regardless of my length of stay (with the possible exception of one which will be explored in a future posting).

While I have enjoyed immensely the opportunity that I have had to see the world and gather this assortment of experiences, and while I have every confidence that one day all of said experiences will come miraculously together to exhibit just the perfect mix of skill set for exactly what I'm meant to do, it seems at this stage that a few of these decisions have created a roadblock for me to move forward in any direction.

Not only have I discovered a roadblock in being hired, I have realized an internal dilemma of enormous proportions. I have finally come to the point where I want to really hunker down and pursue something. I am tired of entry-level positions and being led by leaders and managers who are poor at what they do. I believe that I am an exceptional person. I have finally come to recognize that I have certain gifts that set me apart and remarkable potential that could lead to great things. Unfortunately, I am at a complete loss as to what those great things might possibly be.

As I type this I have compiled a list of eight career areas, some more specific than others, where I believe I would find enjoyment and success. Hence the great dilemma. I find myself almost paralyzed with how many ideas I have. It seems that each day I find myself attached to a new idea, brainstorming the steps it's going to take me to get there, and then realizing that perhaps I am meant to be doing something else entirely. And the cycle repeats itself almost daily. In fact, in the course of writing this paragraph, I have added three more ideas to the list.

As of today, I have been officially unemployed for one week. Finding myself here was not a surprise as I had agreed to a position that corresponded to a budget year that ended April 30th and I made the decision not to continue in the position for the following budget year. (Sidenote: let's consider that a great victory as I have been able to successfully rule out a potential field!) However, as each day passes that I do not hear back from position listings that I have pursued over the past two months, my sense of urgency increases exponentially.

I need to figure out what field to pursue so that I can pursue it wholeheartedly and not be overwhelmed by the vast number of job postings and opportunities that I find. I need to be able to focus my efforts so as not to experience undue disappointment and discouragement from fields that don't matter anyway. And, quite frankly, I just need to get on with my life.

So here I sit. Seeking the insight of those who know me well, of those who have worked with me, of those who care about me, and even of those who might simply find me a curiosity. If you are willing, please join me as I explore the jobs I've held, as I delve into the ideas I have, and as I take a serious look at where on earth God might possibly be leading me for the long run.

"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.

And I'm back!

2011-05-09T16:51:00.002-05:00

As well as re-named and re-motivated! I have made an intentional decision to rejoin the blogosphere and reconnect with some very important people in my life. You will continue to find on this blog the more intentional and content-based postings highlighting my life, my insights, and recounting my adventures!

In addition to this venue, please take a moment to check out this link!

http://happenstancemeanderings.tumblr.com/

Tumblr is a newer blogging platform that I have been trying, and particularly enjoying, where I will re-post in some form nearly everything found here, as well as the less content-based ramblings, pictures, quotes, and just general daily things I might find interesting, intriguing, inspiring, and humorous.

As you will find in my next post, I hope to begin engaging in some meaningful dialogue through each of these forums and I want to invite you along on these adventures! Looking forward to reconnecting with many of you!

A Step in the Which Direction!?

2008-11-04T23:21:00.000-06:00

The other night I was visiting with a friend regarding my plans and my desire to move. When discussing my lack of specific job pursuits, he showed great concern and said, "Well I just don't want to see you going backwards." As much as I appreciate the care that this question represents, what does that even mean!? It seems that overwhelmingly people are encouraging further pursuit in aviation, so is a step out of aviation a step backwards? There are those who would consider my move from human services into aviation a huge step backwards. So perhaps a step out of aviation is a step forward? As a waitress there were many nights when I made considerably more than I've ever made in other fields, so should I determine the direction of my step by the amount of money I would be making now? Or perhaps I should consider the step forward as one that might lead to higher levels of income. But is income the answer if I'm cooped up in an office and miserable most days? I have very much come to view my life as a journey. As with any journey, there are many ups and downs before you ever reach a summit. Oftentimes you come upon switchbacks which may make the journey take much longer, but are necessary in order to negotiate rough terrain. At other times you must set a straight course and scale a wall. I've never been on this particular journey before, so it is often quite daunting not knowing exactly which trail leads to the summit... or even which of the summits it is that I'm climbing toward. What I do know, however, is that I have a Guide on this particular journey and He knows precisely which trail will lead me to the summit from which I can most effectivley proclaim His glory. So as much as I'd like to sit and rest at this viewpoint, I've learned that it's best to be obedient to the nudges of my Guide and keep climbing. What I don't know is where I'll end up, what I'll be doing, and who in this world will consider it a step in any direction. What I'm learning is a little more each day about who this great Guide of mine is and what He's intended me for in this world. What I know is that my Guide is good, faithful, and oh so very able to get me to where I need to be.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2008-08-29T01:32:00.000-05:00

The Good: The busy season is coming to an end and I can proudly exclaim that I survived! It seems unanimous on most fronts that this was one of the most difficult summer seasons that I could have been here for. The boys in the shop insist that summers are never this busy or stressful and last night I spoke with a woman on the ferry who said in her 35 years of living here, she has never experienced a summer so cold and wet. So there you go! I have yet to flee south and it sounds like that's some sort of accomplishment around here! The Bad: As much as I've enjoyed my job through the ups and the downs, the weather has taken a lot more of a toll on me than I had expected. I have been able to find some positive things about the rain and I try to reflect on those often. Nonetheless, it's been a regular challenge to maintain a good attitude and positive outlook in the midst of dreary weather. The Ugly: Another woman on the ferry last night reported that forecasters are anticipating one of the coldest winters on record. Ugh.

Family of God

2008-08-25T01:42:00.000-05:00

One of the most incredible aspects of moving, and often traveling for that matter, is the opportunity to meet and fellowship with other believers around the world. I've been especially struck by that during this move and was blessed yet again this weekend by being part of the worldwide community that is the body of Christ. The hardest part of leaving Helena for me was definitely leaving the community that I had developed there. I loved my church and my friends there very deeply and often find myself longing for their fellowship here. I was sharing this with my beautiful friend Lora before I left and I recall her giving me a look of near disbelief as she reminded me about the friends that I have all around the country. She encouraged me that evening not only by reminding me of all the incredible people who I have blessed to call my friends over the years, but by reminding me of God's faithfulness in each of those relationships. God hasn't asked us to live lives of isolation and He won't call me someplace where He doesn't have specific people in mind for me to be in relationship with. That's not to say that I don't often miss my friends and family, and in fact this weekend I wanted nothing more than to spend an afternoon with someone that just knows me. The transition will always be difficult, and even when I feel completely at home here, I will still miss my old, wonderful, ridiculous friends. Nonetheless, God has shown Himself faithful once again as He's placed me in a body of believers that has welcomed me in as part of the family.

Going once, going twice? I'll pass...

2008-08-21T00:47:00.000-05:00

Today there was a large group of convicts that came through our shop as they were being transported on a couple of Army helicopters to a prison in Juneau. Obviously this got our attention and was a nice discussion topic for a while. As we watched these people walk by with their hands and feet chained, we each had different reactions. What struck me is that even though I didn't know any of these people and am generally oriented toward justice, I felt a great deal of compassion for them as they had to walk through our shop. I was mentioning this to one of the guys and after he gave me a funny lecture about how these people all deserved to pay their time, he stated with great authority, " There's no room for your big heart in a shop like this! You can take them a bottle of water and make them sandwiches on your own time, but leave your big heart at home!" Certainly he was mostly joking, but it contrasted quite comically with something else that he said to me only yesterday, "You need to grow some big kahoonas for this job." So it got me thinking... I guess there's a bit of truth that in order to really hack it in this field I'd need to trade my big heart for some big kahoonas. More importantly, I think that's what I've really been struggling with the last few weeks. I've been quiet for a while in large part because I've been working through some different thoughts and I haven't been quite able to figure out how to express them all. I hope to be able to share much of these recent revelations in future posts, but for now this anecdote will have to suffice. It's kind of funny that I was so enthusiastic in my last post. All of what I said there is still entirely true, but I have faced some serious frustration in the last weeks and I've really had to reflect on what I'm doing here, on why I'm a mechanic, and on what's next, and when what's next will be for that matter. I still don't have any answers. I do, however, take comfort in one thing. I know that I am exactly where God brought me and He that knows all the answers. I do have one answer for you though... I happen to be pretty fond of my big heart and wouldn't trade it for anything :-)

Another day at the office...

2008-07-18T03:04:00.000-05:00

More days than not I come home pretty convinced that I have one of the best jobs in the world. To begin, I get to play with airplanes all day... is that even work? Alas, it is, and the weight of the responsibility is not lost on me, but we'll get to that later. Indeed, I have an amazing job that allows me to challenge myself, learn a ton, be outside, work with my hands (and very often every muscle in my body), and be involved in aviation, one of my greatest passions. This week has been a long and taxing week in many ways. We worked a couple of long days to accomplish an engine change which went extraordinarily well, but we've also had 100hr inspections due on various aircraft every day except the one that we were able to devote fully to the engine change. That makes for a great deal of stress and late nights, but it seems that we've become a well-oiled machine and are able to get the job done without much hassle, and more often than not, sooner than is necessary. It's an amazing feeling to be part of a team that works well together, has fun, and accomplishes some pretty impressive feats. Yesterday was our big day for the engine change and by the end of it I was nothing short of tuckered out! I had very little desire to go back to work today, especially because we were looking at a late night, but I mustered enough motivation to get there, listened to some 'get psyched' music on my way into town, and ended up having a fantastic evening, once again reveling in the fact that I get to play with airplanes all day for a job. Not only that, but this is the view from my office... Can it get any better than that!? Seriously, I know I've mentioned this, but I really love my job. This picture was taken as I was working on one of the squawks that I discovered during tonight's inspection. I was standing on a huge ladder under the wing, tightening a nut on the through bolt that attaches the pushrod tube from the wing to the aileron and then replacing it's cotter pin. It was a very easy task in itself, but was made quite challenging because of access to the nut. The details of the task are fairly inconsequential, but it gives me good opportunity to share an extra anecdote about the guys I work with. I had successfully removed the old cotter pin and tightened the nut. As I was getting a new cotter pin, my boss, Bubba, asked me how it was going. I reported that all was well, but that he was welcome to check it out. He did, and was satisfied with my progress, but then he proceeded to work on getting the nut lined up with the hole in the bolt where you put the cotter pin. I kind of had to give him grief about this because he was stealing my job and I didn't ask for his help. He then kindly explained that he wanted to do it so that I wouldn't have to get frustrated... silly boys. They do take good care of me though. Yet another example of how blessed I am to be working at Pacific Airways. Both men that I work with are exceptional mechanics and willing teachers who are able to mix just the right amount of patience with a bit of grief thrown in there to keep me humble. The other interesting part of this particular situation was the judgment call that it required. The nut already had a cotter pin in it, which acts as a safety to prevent it from turning to come completely off the bolt. However, it was quite loose and it was on a part of the airplane that's pretty relevant as far as it's ability to fly. That said, when I reported my finding, Bubba's response was, "Good luck with that." He then stated that he would be fine leaving it, but acknowledged that it needed to be tightened. So it came down to me and how much of a challenge I wanted to take on. It wasn't a difficult decision for me because we had time and I felt it would be pretty doable, but it's a good example of the weight of some decisions. Lots of decisions are easy... it's broken, you fix it; it's cosmetic, it depends on how much time you have. Sometimes though, we run into things like this that definitely need to be fixed, but may not need to be fixed immediately. We generally err on the side of being overly cautious, but nonetheless, the decision has to be made and there are days when there's just not time to be overly cautious. This is a great example of when it's best to be the new guy. As much as the decision is most often left to me on things that I find, I know that I'm not the final word and that can be so very comforting. However, this leads me to one of the most significant burdens that I've faced since being in this position; simply that of the responsibility of signing off an aircraft as airworthy. There are a lot of shops where a green mechanic may sign that he's done certain tasks, but would rarely have the opportunity to sign off an entire airframe. In fact, lots of shops wouldn't even give me decision making power on discrepancies that I find during an inspection. Here though, if you do the work, you sign the line. There's yet to be a time when I sit down to do the paperwork and am not struck with the great weight of responsibility that signing the logbook entails. It's true that this pressure can be trying, but having that responsibility, both in decision making as well as signing of logbooks, makes me a better mechanic because I know that if something goes wrong, it comes back to me. That might not sound all too appealing, but I do consider this to be another positive aspect of my job. Not only do I have a more vested interest in what happens, my pride in a job well done often dwarfs any pressure or anxiety that I may have felt at any given time. There's nothing better than to drive by the airport on my way into town and get to see this: The picture is a bit blurry, but in the water are three of my airplanes, loaded with freight and passengers, ready to depart to who knows where. I can't even describe how wonderful it feels to be up late one night working on an airplane only to see it loaded first thing in the morning, headed off on it's way. It's amazing to have such a behind the scenes job that is so imperative to the operations of the company and so relevant to the lives of all the passengers and their families. Just to reiterate, my job is amazing. The people I work with are fantastic. I love the work I get to do. That's not to say that it's all roses and sweet smelling things. In fact, other than me, there are very few sweet smelling things throughout the course of my workday, but overall, life is good.

Choose Your Own Adventure...

2008-07-13T16:10:00.000-05:00

I read many of these books in my childhood, but I don't ever remember really loving them. Perhaps it's because I always cheated or was never quite satisfied to follow just one path. I needed to know the big picture before I could completely jump in and enjoy the story. I guess it's still true today. Generally while reading, when I come to a particularly suspenseful section, I'll peek at the resolution to satisfy my anxiety before I can really enjoy the story. I'll let you decide what kind of personality deficiencies that indicates, but the point is that I like to have the big picture.

This may all seem a little random, but I was writing some correspondence today and in each the term 'adventure' was mentioned. It got me thinking about adventure and what that really means. Certainly my move to Ketchikan is by very definition an adventure. It has absolutely been an exciting and unusual experience. At the same time, however, it's just life. I work, clean, commute just the same as before. Even most of my hobbies have remained the same. I do go for walks along the ocean instead of in town, which is pretty much the coolest thing in the world, but other than that life is just life. Before leaving I had several people mention that they wish they could just up and leave on their own adventures, as if this journey for me was going to be some sort of exotic and magical venture into a whole new world. I won't deny that the landscape here is quite magical, and in fact, I would never say that this is not an adventure, but can't life anywhere be considered an adventure?

I think the biggest thing about a move like this that makes it an adventure is the simple fact that it's new. It's a step out of my comfort zone and away from the patterns that I had established. I am now forced to do things that I might not normally do because I need to meet new people and discover where I fit in this new town. It seems like each week I've met some new and interesting people, primarily because the choices are to live a life of solitude or be more outgoing than might come naturally. The former is really not even a little bit appealing to me, so outgoing it is. And not once have I regretted the decision to put myself out there.

I guess a move to Alaska is always going to seem like an adventure from the outside, even if it's just life. But if there's anything I've realized on this particular adventure it's that I don't ever want to run out of adventures. I may not always be moving to new and exotic places, but I hope that I never get so complacent with my life that I stop challenging myself, trying new things, and meeting new people. Even in the most ordinary of jobs in the most ordinary of places, there are adventures to be had. It's all about learning, growing, and taking chances that you might not normally take. So today I dare you to act on your whim, introduce yourself, turn when you feel like it, and choose your own adventure.