Happily Married 4 Life

Marital Resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 06:50:00 +0000

It's been awhile since I wrote anything! For good reason though, I have been busy with my family doing all kinds of fun stuff. At one point myself and the hub was going to the movies at least once a week for an entire month! It wasnt planned out, it just happened! During the holidays my husband was on vacation so we got to all spend time alot of time with one another focusing mostly on the kids, other family members and not ourselves. Well we are due for a date nite again! Hopefully it happens sometime soon. My goal for this year is to take a "romantic" couples only trip to a neighbor island and just realax and enjoy ourselves. We have done it in the past and it's a great way to reconnect with eachother. If we have the money we try to take this so called trip once a year, if not then we would get a hotel room for couple days to unwind. We do one or the other every year! Its good for the body, mind and soul. I want our marriage to be a healthy one and so does he, so I guess our resolution is to have a "healthy" marriage. Whats considered healthy? Well in our case its for us to not argue about things that dont matter, no abuse-weather its emotional, mental, verbal etc. (I can get kocky at times and put him down) It's about satisfying our needs/wants through eachother, complementing & appreciating. Depending on the amount of money we have, we plan to going to the island of Maui for the Valentines weekend, I hope it works out, if not we can always kick in a waikiki hotel..

SEX- WARNING MAY BE EXPLICIT..

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:04:00 +0000

I bet if my girlfriend was to read the title, she would be like oh "yes! our fave subject!" hehehe I remember those days where we had no kids and we were just dating and its something we'd always talked about like "so what's your fave position?" or "Did you get an orgasm with him?" hehehe Yes... sex is one of my favorite subjects and yes it's something I like to do "a lot". I remember when me and hubby were dating we'd go at it like cat's and dog's brawling lol at least twice a day...that was 8 yrs ago. At around the the 3 yr mark and after having 2 kids, sex just got less and less....I'm guessing I had it once a week or maybe less? It just wasn't exciting or arousing I should say, it felt more like a chore. I think when you have kids to take care of, you just don't give a shit about anything because your so exhausted from doing daily household chores and caring for the children and from my experience I think that's what made my libido go way down. Oh another thing I had realize was that hubby and I rarely or ever had make out sessions in the past. Because our sex life then sucked so bad, so was our relationship. Many things came into play about why sex sucked or why we didn't do it...my depression, my weight gain (I was overweight), I was on med's, the kids, stress, no foreplay, no lovey dovey or make out sessions...And because of all this, ultimately divorce was in question, several times in fact. With that said do you see why it's important to stay healthy (mind & body), get pampered (relieve stress), make out as much as possible and have as much sex as you can! I DO!!! I got my act together...no longer overweight, off the med's, I get a pedi/mani/massage every now and then to relieve stress, as well as rid of the kids so I can spend time with hubby! Very important! Because of all of this- SEX is better then it was years ago & I'm getting it way more then I did 3-4 yrs ago. It definitely doesn't feel like a chore anymore, I actually want to do it and so does he! I swear I get plenty of orgasm's now then I did in the beginning of our relationship. On top of everything we have make out sessions way more as well. I do see a big change in my sex life it went from good to really bad to WOW! In my opinion, sex plays a great role in marriage, it's the connection that only you and your spouse can share. If your getting less of it on a consistent bases, that may be a red flag that your marriage could be heading for trouble, I know that in mines it did. But I was able to see the problem, find out what the causes were solve them and voila! Problem- Solved. Also remember that giving your man as much as he wants will steer clear of him cheating on you, I mean seriously if you ain't given him what he needs, who else is he going to get it from?? My morale of my post is for you all to have lots and lots of sex! If its sucks like it did for me in the past, something else may be going wrong in your life and you need to get it fixed asap then I promise you it'll feel so much better, it all falls into place! Tell me I'm right?

Just Random Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 20:12:00 +0000

Okay I haven't written in awhile and because all the kids are gone, I might as well write what I'm thinking. October is one of my favorite months and the reason is because It's when I first started dating my husband (October 21, 2001) Yes, it's almost been 8 yrs! It seems longer then that. Also our wedding anniversary is the 22nd of this month which will make 4 yrs. I'm excited because we have something special planned that weekend. We were planning on going to the outer islands but changed our minds to save money. Instead we are doing a "staycation" yes, we will playing tourist here on own island! We will be staying at a hotel in Waikiki for 2 nights. Our plans include going to Hanauma Bay to snorkel & Riding ATV's (for the first time) at Kualoa Ranch. They have filmed some well known movies there so this should be exciting. Cant wait to go and reconnect with hubby!

The Notebook

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 23:03:00 +0000

No this post isn't about the movie "The Notebook" but dang that movie really is a great movie, you should watch it if you haven't done so yet. It brought tears to my eyes lol. Anyhow this post is about communication with your spouse/partner. I was cleaning my closet one day and found "The Notebook" it actually says that on the cover and it's filled with love letters from the past. You might be thinking OMG that's so childish. In the beginning of our relationship back when we started dating we would write each other love letters. He would start off by writing a poem about how he feels, then I'd write back in letter form telling him how I felt, then before you know it, we are writing back and forth to each other about what were doing at the moment and so forth. We filled the book until there were no pages. Every now and then, I would read the entire thing and laugh about the stuff we put in (there were drawings too). But that notebook gave me an idea. I decided we should write notes to each other once again, I figure -hey we both of cell phones, why not use the text messaging. So we started writing naughty text messages back and forth and it helped with our sex life. We also wrote "love" notes. But then his cell phone broke and there was no way of texting one another. So we got creative yet again and now we use our kids' play writing magnetic toy board (the one where you can erase the message with one swipe). We leave it in the bathroom so that way every morning we can see the message while getting ready to head out. We write encouraging love notes this time around since we are going through tough times. For example, I'd write " Good Morning! GOD loves U! Remember to Pray! Love you!" then he would reply " Ok I will pray, have a nice day and I love GOD, U & da kids". So this is our way of communicating with each other and believe it or not it actually brings us closer. I encourage everyone to try finding ways of communicating even if it means you have to get creative. Remember communication is very important in any relationship. How do you all communicate with your spouses/partner?

My birthday wish

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 23:06:00 +0000

My birthday was on Saturday and my wish was to spend it with my husband. It came true because I made it happen! We got family members to watch all 3 of our little monkeys for the weekend so that me and hubby can have the time of our life! On Friday night we went to the movies and watched Final Destination in 3D, that was a first for us to watch a movie in 3D lol. On Saturday we went to Hanauma Bay to snorkel that too was a first for us! Even though I've lived here all my life, I have never been there until that day and it was so pretty. The fishes were exotic and full of life. It was a great workout (swimming) and experience. Then on Sunday we went to Ko'olina Beach and rode on Kayaks, a first for me! Those paddles really works your arms! wow. I had a great time and doing these experiences for the first time is what really made it enjoyable for me. The best birthday presents you can get is the memories of doing something fun versus material possessions or wealth in my book. In addition to this I was able to spend lots of quality time to better my relationship with my hubby and that's whats awesome too. Now I'm looking forward to trying ATV riding and maybe I'll try and get hubby to go horseback riding with me one day, we'll see?.

Finding my purpose in life

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 04:54:00 +0000

I am sitting in front of my computer with hubby away with the boys and baby girl sleeping. Now that its quiet, I can think and hear what my thoughts are saying. I've come to realize that I have been paying too much attention to others and not my self. I realize I am too focused on my children, I care for them daily but am wrapped up into there world same goes for my marriage. I have lost interest in my hobbies/passions and really don't know what I like to do, could be because I don't know what to do when I do have the free time (sometimes). Things that I have loved doing is non existent in my life now. I don't have a job or career and if I had to go back to school, I wouldn't know what to do? Wow what happen to me? Every now and then I would get sad and down and out and couldn't figure out why, but I'm starting to think its probably because I don't have a passion/goal/hobby. My hubby has his hobbies which includes diving and surfing. When I see him happy and excited cause he caught a "huge" wave or a "monster" fish, I start to think like "wow I want to feel the excitement he feels!" The only question now is how do I do that? They say when you are happy as a person, then everything in your life falls into place and all areas- family, marriage etc. will be happy. So I guess what I'm trying to say in this post is do what you have to do to make yourself happy, dream big and reach your goals, find things you enjoy doing and do them because in the end your spouse and family will thank you.

Taking Time Outs

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 06:28:00 +0000

As I write this, my husband is out with the "boys" or I should say "men" while I'm at home watching the kids. Every now and then its good to get a "time out" from your spouse. On our so called time outs, either I go out on a "girls night out" or spend time alone relaxing without anyone. My husband would go out at night with his boys doing what boys do. Anyhow it feels good to be apart for a bit, I noticed that when we don't see each other for a couple of hours or even an entire day, I start to miss him and the longer he is away, the more I miss him. The same thing applies to him as well. When we do see each other after having our fun we tend to appreciate each other more. I'm guessing the same goes for everyone else? unless your so fed up with your spouse you just cant stand to be around him when your together but yet feel a sense of peace without him then you know you have marital problems right there and that's not good. Even in rough times the same is true when you and your spouse are apart. When me and husband had a super short(several days) separation in 2007, we missed each other and worked things out. Also it happened again earlier this year, took a short separation and realized things, missed one another, worked things out. So you see, taking these time outs from your spouse can help your relationship in a way where you appreciate them for being in your life and for doing all that they do for you and in return they feel the same way about you so then you feel good about yourself. What do you do on time outs? Do you feel a sense of closeness to your spouse after your time outs? Time Outs are important in our lives, is it in yours?

25 secrets to a happy marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 04:05:00 +0000

I saw this on AOL & wanted to share with you all. This is the 25 secrets to having a happy marriage.

1. Compliment more. Criticize less.

2. No matter how busy you are, always make time for just the two of you.

3. Never assume.

4. Evenly divide the housework and spending money.

5. Every couple fights. Don't sweat that. What matters is how you fight.

6. Respect each other's privacy. No snooping!

7. Share.

8. Surprise your spouse occasionally.

9. Say "I love you." A lot.

10. Hold hands, hug and kiss every day.

11. Love isn't always a feeling. After you have been married for a number of years, love can often be a decision.

12. Say "I'm sorry." (And mean it.)

13. Don't keep secrets from each other.

14. Support one another. Be the first one to stand up and take the other's side.

15. Laugh often.

16. Don't compare your marriage to other marriages.

17. When you're fighting or angry, don't say these words: "never," "always" and any curse word.

18. Fight boredom by doing something fun together. For example, write a "bucket list" and then do those things.

19. Spice it up! Make love in different places and positions.

20. Talk to each other. And when it's your turn to listen, really listen.

21. Be committed to your marriage. Ban the word "divorce" from your vocabulary. And don't even think about an affair.

22. Create your own rituals and traditions.

23. Brag about your spouse.

24. Be kind.

25. As Aretha Franklin sang, always R-E-S-P-E-C-T each other.

(Sources: CNN, Redbook, Romancestuck.com, Halife.com)

Money: One of the top reasons for Divorces

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 21:50:00 +0000

Okay I figured I write about this because it's something I'm going through right now (arguing about money all the time) So I read up on articles and have found that one of the top reasons for divorces has to do with money after abuse and infidelity. Money is not really my fave subject, to be honest I hate dealing with money, it could be because I'm managing the money all the time and it has been a burden to me, constantly worrying if will make ends meets, arguing how my husband spends his money and how it affects the amount we have later etc. I do have to say that for us right now this is the number one reason why we fight. Our money situation was fine until recently my hubby had this urge to spend on himself recklessly. It was then I felt unhappy, miserable & constantly worrying. First off, I want to explain our financial situation so then maybe you will understand why I feel the way I do. I do not work, I stay at home and care for the kids. We only have one income ( my husbands). We do not have government/welfare help, just WIC (milk, eggs, cereal). We live on our own, pay rent, pay utilities, insurance, 2 loan payments & a number of other bills monthly. We do not rely on any family members or friends. We have no savings or emergency fund. We are basically living from one check to the next. I have tried to budget our money but it's been impossible for 2 reasons- 1) Hubby likes to spend money 2) after the bills are paid he has so little left that I am not able to save, either way. Basically we are total opposites when it comes to money. My main fear is that he will lose his job and we will be homeless. His idea is whatever happens, happens and we will be ok. I wish I could think like that but its hard when your managing the money and you have the power to not make it happen. Someone gave me the idea of having him manage the bills so he could see where I'm coming from, good idea the only problem is he doesn't want to bother. How do you and your spouse deal with money problems? Who does the managing of the money? Do you feel money is a factor when you have marital problems? My goal is to come up with a plan to be able to meet both of our needs as well as the family. It will be tough but I will try and stay positive especially since the economy got worse and it has taken a toll on us. Staying positive is one of the key factors as to how we tone things done when we are arguing. I will explain about it in my next post.

Date Your Mate

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 22:18:00 +0000

So yesterday we went to church and the message was about "Building healthy family relationships". So we learned that in today's world we always put our kids first, then our spouses and then God. When its suppose to be the other way around. God 1st, Spouse 2nd & Kids 3rd. The reason for this structure is so to create a healthy family relationships between one another. It apparently all falls into place. When you put God first in your life, he draws you & your spouse closer to another which creates a healthy relationship between parents then your kids benefit from them and your relationship between your children is also healthy. It makes perfect sense to me. We were told to "Date your mate" as a way for bonding with your spouse. We only have so much time in the world, why not make it useful? We found that when we schedule time to do things, they certainly get done, so why not schedule a date with your mate. I constantly would bug my husband on how he always go diving, surfing, out with his buddies and he also works full time so I barely get any one on one time with him. So after attending yesterday's service, he was like "Let's try that", "Lets schedule a date once a week weather if we are broke or not, we we will figure it out and spend time alone" "Yes!" I said that is exactly what I was trying to tell him these past years, yes years I say. He didn't catch on to what I was trying to tell him but now he realizes & now I'm looking forward to going on these dates! So now we need to figure out what kind of dates will be going on. There's the movies, dinner or lunch @ the restaurant, taking a stroll on the beach. We need to figure out some free things to do cause right now we are broke. Do you and your spouse go on date's? What types of things do you do? What do you & your spouse do on a date when you have no money? Is babysitting a problem & your not able to go on dates? At most times we are able to manage sitters for our kids but there's times when we don't have any so we don't bother having alone time. It is certainly important for you and your spouse to go on these "date's" to reconnect and to bring back the meaning of why you fell in love in the first place & why you married. One of the reasons why I was unhappy is because I felt no connection or bond between myself and my man & instead of looking for something new ( another person) I told my husband how I felt but he didn't quite catch on quickly, But with patience and prayers God delivered the message to him (through church) and he finally sees the light. Wow isn't that amazing? I think so. Please leave comments and give me some date night ideas. (Any person registered or not is ALLOWED to leave comments so talk to me!)

"I work & you dont" Agreeing to disagree

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:38:00 +0000

My husband is one to always bring up the words " I work and you don't"! when we are arguing about things. "Excuse me?" I tell him. "are you kidding me?" "Yea" he says "All I do is sit on my okole (butt) & watch TV." "Puhlease!" I don't like television! The only time you'll catch me watching TV is when he is watching shows in the evening or my fave show Jon & Kate plus 8 is on which is rare. He tells me how easy it is stay home and watch kids and do nothing. He is getting the picture all wrong. Stay @ home mama's do more then men think! We feed our kids breakfast, clean up their mess, do the dishes, clean the house, read them books, play play dough, color, draw, outside play, water play, play toys, do puzzles, build towers out of blocks, feed them lunch, clean up their mess, do the dishes, put them down for a nap only to find that one child wont go to sleep so read them stories and by the time the child is down the others are awake so your busy setting up snacks for them while your starting to cook dinner at the same time. I mean you barely have anytime to breathe! So I tell him "I do more then you think" he is like "No I work harder, you don't work" oh well Even though I totally disagree with him & am very upset that he feel's that way because child rearing is work, I just let him have his cake and eat it too. There were many times when we would argue about something because we disagree on what the other person is saying, sometimes its stupid and foolish non-sense things, oh well now we AGREE to disagree and that's just it. No more trying to win the argument, its what we both feel so therefore we must respect each others opinion. Because of this we actually argue way less then ever. Hallelujah there's less tension in the household!

What does LOVE mean to you?

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 04:54:00 +0000

According to the Bible, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV) We all think that love is like the feeling when we first meet our spouses with butterflies in our stomach etc. when it is just infatuation and an attraction. To love someone is a choice. Its what we choose to do. When people get divorces they choose to not love eachother. To keep a marriage strong from my point of view, Both spouses are to love one another, respect & accept eachother for who they are. An example is me and my husband rarely have anything in common when it comes to hobbies. But we do learn to embrace and try out eachothers hobbies just once, if we hate it, oh well life goes on, we can continue doing what we enjoying doing seperately. We respect eachother by letting one another do what we love and not argue about it, that shows love! Another example of loving one another is by doing, showing & saying you love them. There are 5 different love languages which we will go into later. For me, I love my husband because I want to. My husband loves me because he wants to love me. All that mushy gushy feeling stage is long gone, and if we wanted to, we would have moved on with our lives separately trying to get that so called once mushy feelin from someone else but we choose not to because we choose to love one another! Tell me How do you define LOVE?

The Purpose of my BLOG

noreply@blogger.com (Kanoelani Lopez) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 22:03:00 +0000

I created this blog because I feel strongly to keeping marriages strong and lasting a lifetime. My husband and I have had our fair share of ups & down. There were divorce threats, blaming, unhappiness, stress, tension etc. We have overcome all of those obstacle through GOD. The bible has so much to say about marriage and when you follow them, you will be wiser, happier and more fufilled. Edited:9/o8/09- I decided to include other topics dealing with life in general not just with marriages, however I will always try to include ideas on that topic.