Happiness for Desperate Housewives

March=prison sentence

2011-03-21T08:50:00.001-06:00

I find I am not a big fan of March. Never have been. Not where I live. It's sort of like if you've been dieting hardcore for 3 months and then someone gives you a candy bar for good behavior but then says "wait, never mind!". March is supposed to be the first part of spring! You get a couple of lovely warm days, then the cruel wind blows, making it more miserable than winter. I dressed my 5 year old up in snow gear yesterday so she could go out to play- snow boots, snow coat, hat, gloves the works and she came back in after 5 minutes completely demoralized by the freezing wind. This month is the hardest for me to stay positive. So I did the only thing I could think of...

I got my favorite brownies. These are the best brownies of all time. The End. Seriously, try them. These are garenteed to put a smile on your face, even if it is March. Then I covered them in chopped up skors bars and I could feel those clouds lifting.

Also, my flowers are starting to come up in my little garden! I can't remember what they are but I am excited!

The princess nail polish is for size comparison only.

One more thing, I never really gave an update on meditation. Not only was my sleeping improved but a few nights ago my husband out of the blue just said "well, you seem happier lately." I wasn't trying to prompt him or anything. "For how long?" I asked. "A couple months" he said. I can only guess it's the meditation. I don't feel bursting with happiness, I just feel like things role off my back so much faster.

That's all for now folks.
Janae

Yeah, he's mine.

2011-03-15T09:47:00.001-06:00

I have a little story for you, about how human kindness can affect everyone around us.

Yesterday there was no school so my nephew Austin came over to hang out with us while his mom was at work. Elle was out for preschool too and it was a cloudy yucky day so I decided to take all the kids to this really cool McDonald's play place to let them play and have lunch. We were all sitting down eating when I realized I needed Mayo packets to make fry sauce for everyone ( I love fry sauce and I will make it when not provided!). I asked Austin to go get it so I could sit with the little kids.

Austin was gone for about 10 minutes. Way too long to run up to the counter to ask for Mayo. I started getting nervous, I couldn't see the order counter from where I was, so I got up, leaving my own kids to wander away and saw that Austin was standing at the counter getting the packets. "Odd", I thought. There wasn't very many people in line.

When Austin came back and sat down he said "do you know what took me so long?" "What" I said. "There was a man with crutches trying to carry his food tray back to his table and he wasn't going to make it, so I got out of line and asked if I could help him. He said yes, so I carried his food for him so he wouldn't drop it, and he said thanks! But then I had to get in the back of the line again."

My eye's immediately misted over right there. You see, Austin is only 8 years old. Some how an 8 year old boy knew that he could help someone who needed him. I saw plenty of Adults and older kids in that line but it was Austin who noticed him and gave up his place in line without a thought to run over and help this guy. As we were leaving, this guy flagged me down and asked "is Austin yours?" I gave it a moments thought, and decided for simplicity's sake to just say "yeah, he's mine". The man then recounted the story for me again, saying that it was completely spontaneous and how grateful he was that Austin had helped him. He had a huge smile on his face from ear to ear. It looked to me like he had brought his 4 year old son by himself- crutches and all- to play.

Sometimes we have our eye's set so keenly on our goals we forget to stop and look around. Maybe there's someone we too can help who "isn't going to make it". And that can make all the difference for that one person. We too can be like a certain 8 year old boy to make this world happier for everyone. That act of kindness not only had the man on crutches smiling, but Austin and I as well. It can have a rippling effect on everyone around you.

Austin wins my nicest person of the day award, hands down.

Kindness to you all,
Janae

Get the 'tude.

2011-03-07T10:13:00.004-07:00

Last but not least in my best of the best positive habits is Gratitude. I've already talked about gratitude a bit, but it's just that important. I've read story after story of people who healed themselves from broken hearts, depression, divorce, emotional abuse etc. by just focusing on gratitude. For me, when I'm feeling really down, I HATE it when people say the ever so patronizing phrase "count your blessings! see what God hath done!" I then imagine burying those people in the ground with only their heads showing and pulling out the lawn mower for a little landscaping. I'm not a violent person I swear, that's just what this phrase does to me. So don't worry, I'm not going to over simplify all our problems down to "count your blessings". I've got some sure fire ways to getting you into the groove. The gratitude groove. Ah yeeeah!

Let's review. Gratitude journal: you must write down things you are truly grateful for. It does something to your brain to actually see it and review it.
Give out mental awards: This may not seem like something related to gratitude but it's all in the same family. We're trying to get our mind to habitually gravitate towards noticing whats right with the world and our lives, not whats wrong; because Lord knows that comes too easy on it's own!

How could I make gratitude a little more fresh? So when I was meditating yesterday a picture of my Dad popped into my mind. My Dad and I have had a complicated relationship but through it all, he's still my Dad. The reason I thought of him while thinking of gratitude is that he has MS. A disease where your immune system attacks the lining of your brain that deals with muscle function. People with MS quickly learn to cop an attitude of "use it or lose it". Meaning that every muscle that you don't stretch and massage will be lost forever to you. Even so, you will slowly lose muscle function until you become statue like. My father is now in a wheel chair with only limited use of one hand and speech. About a year ago, I noticed a journal sitting out on my parents kitchen counter labeled "Ron's gratitude journal". This was before I'd even thought of doing one myself. I didn't pick it up or look through it but it has occurred to me that probably the things that are in that journal are each and every thing that he still CAN do, and every muscle that he still has some control over. How important would a simple finger be to you? If you're like me, you've probably never even thought about it. Now, how important is that one finger that can still sort of bend to my father? My dad has never once expressed any anger for his situation, and never once have I heard the words "Why me?" come out of his mouth. He's told me that he's grateful everyday that he can still speak to his wife, children, and grandchildren. If someone with only use of one hand and speech can find things to be grateful for I think I can too.

I didn't mean to tell this story as a big bummer, I just can't help but think how much we take for granted good health. Every single toe and every single bone and ligament is amazing. Your heart is the first organ to start working as a fetus and is the last to shut down when we die, but always pumping to keep us alive. So today, thank a body part. Even the body parts that aren't your favorite (ahem, my thighs). Thank them all because someday you could lose them. Although I don't know if I would be sad to lose my thighs...

Ok, that was a little heavy, so here's a joke for the day. Since laughter is a great positivity booster I'll start doing this with every post. yay!

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

Read more: http://www.ajokeaday.com/Clasificacion.asp?ID=48#ixzz1Fw0f8l00

Thanks to all of you who read this convoluted blog. You all rock.
Janae

What the world needs now.

2011-02-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't quite finished my "cream of the crop" in happiness series. I got a little side tracked thinking about wanting a new house, but I'm moving on! Today, I'd like to talk about the L word. LOVE. Not just passionate love, but the unconditional kind that encompasses everything. We love our pets, our spouses, our parents, children, movies, books, food etc., you name it. What about complete and utter love for ourselves? What about complete love for everyone on the planet, including people you can't even stand to look at? Wouldn't life be fuller lived if we loved everyone unconditionally instead of holding on to anger and resentment?

I read in a book that we should learn to be Love philanthropists and not Love beggars. Which means, learn to have so much love inside your being that you have limitless amounts to give away without ever losing any yourself. Don't go begging to people, hands out stretched, asking "will you love me if I'm thin? will you love me if I'm beautiful? will you love me if I make a lot of money?". I love this idea! It shouldn't matter whether we get compliments or complaints from other people, they are only making projections of how they feel at the moment, and often I find it doesn't have much to do with me at all. We don't have to beg to be loved if we are already filled with love.

Love is indicated to be the most powerful positive emotion we have, but of course the day I want to write about loving everyone is the day I find it the most hard. Kid's these days right? We love our kids so very, very, much, but sometimes I feel like they just making everything so difficult it's hard to remember WHY we love them. I don't think perfect love means you never get angry and you suppress everything, just that at the core you love them without condition. My kids may throw fits that make me feel insane in the brain but I still love them no matter how they act or don't act. To have even more love in your life you can shift this unconditional love for your kids or spouse to people you don't even know, and then eventually, to people you don't even like.

One way to do this is to wish people well (silently unless you want to get looks). In my head while sitting at the dinosaur museum I silently wish another mom sitting next to me "May you be safe, may you be physically happy, may you be mentally happy, may you have well being". The woman who almost clips my car in the Walmart parking lot? First I say some jerk reaction choice words but I bring it back to "may you be safe, may you be physically happy, may you be mentally happy, may you have well being". Direct this phrase, first to yourself, then slowly to people you love, then people you don't know, then people you actively don't like. I'm still on the "people you don't know" phase myself. The weirdest thing is, the more you wish people well, the more you will feel well yourself. Just try it! You can do it anywhere and anytime. It's so easy.

Try it for one day... say, THIS day, and get back to me how it made you feel. You don't have to try to evoke any special feelings- just say the phrase slowly and carefully, mentally directed at one person fully at a time. You can even spend the entire day directing it towards yourself. In fact it might take several weeks or months for each phase, but for a trial run you can direct it to anyone to see how it feels, then go back and do it more slowly. Let me know what you think!

Janae

Mythical

2011-02-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

The myth of MORE and the myth of WHEN. Do you ever get stuck in these never ending myth vortex's? The myth that "I will be happy when I have MORE stuff", and "I will be happy WHEN things go my way". What happens when you get that toy or that promotion? Think back to the last time you longed for something and the planets aligned to give you that very thing. How long did it make you happy? For me this "thing" is usually clothes, they're my weakness, my little lovely's. That perfect pair of pants that simultaneously lift your butt and suck in your thigh's, or that shirt that's so deceptively simple but makes you look like you suddenly went from B's to C's. Researchers say that "things" make you happy for about 3 days. Then you return to your happiness set point. It never adds to your overall happiness.

Back up, what is a "happiness set point"? Researchers say that everyone has what is called this happiness set point. It's sort of like a thermostat of happiness and it's set so that you always come back to a certain level. Like if you set you're thermostat to 65, your house air control will heat or cool the house until it get's back to about this range. Maybe it will get a few degree's hotter or cooler but it's always trying to reach the set point. So here's the fun part, researchers have also found that you can raise your happiness set point. Not with thing's or when's, but how things are, right now.

You can find all of this information and much more in the book Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff. I heart this book. I rarely say I heart things, but this book I do, I really, really do. It's one of my top 5 books towards greater happiness. Now I haven't read every book out there, but I've read about 20 books on this subject and I'm going to be giving you the fabulous 5 at the top of my list, of which, this is one.

The problem with things and when is, if you think about it, to have a happy life, you will somehow need to string together a constant parade of getting things and making things go your way. That sounds pretty exhausting and disappointing to me. You're pegging your fulfillment of life on external circumstances and people who will probably never live up to your standards. Marci Shimoff explains it like this: It's like a necklace that you are stringing beads on. If the string you are using is already happy, then you can put any color bead on it you want. Be it a new car, loss of a loved one, a job promotion, a vacation etc, your core is happy even though you are experiencing anger, love, sadness or whatever.

I've seen this very thing in myself with houses I've lived in. The first house I lived in being a married adult was a tiny run down half a step up from being in a trailer park. I often thought, "wow, I've got to get out of here, I'll be so much happier!" When we finally moved to a hip apartment in Salt Lake we were over joyed. It was so clean! It had a fire place! It had a pool! Oh glory of glories! About 6 months later I felt the same about that apartment as I did about the first house. Rent was being raised! the thing was tiny! No yard! 3 flights of steps hauling my baby and car seat up and down! Oh, I would be so happy if we lived in a house! We finally bought our current house and I was so happy. For about 6 months until I was wanting the next biggest and baddest thing. Then the housing market absolutely bottomed out, and I was forced to change my attitude of "I'll be happy when we get a bigger house". When I look back, I was always already happy in every house I've lived in. I just liked that high of getting in the bigger and nicer house which only lasted about 6 months. And let me tell you, this constant wanting drives my husband up a wall. The best thing about my house now isn't the paint on the walls or the number of beds/baths. It's my friends in the neighborhood and my kid's friends. I've got such a good thing going here that money didn't buy and money can't take away.

So next time you find yourself thinking, "I'll be happy when..." or "I'll be happy with more..." Stop and take a look around. I think you'll find you're already somewhat happy with at least some things in your life. Focus on those things and appreciate them everyday, this is one of the ways you can raise your happiness set points from the inside out.

Peace out.

Janae

Let's get physical!

2011-02-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

All this talk about how to be more mentally happy warrants some talk about how to be physically happy too. Think of it like a house. Each foundation wall represents a different aspect on how to be happier. Let's say there are 4 walls; Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Social. If there's a roof on our imaginary house we'll call it spiritual. If, even one wall is sagging and dilapidated then that house would not be a very pleasant place to live. Even if every other wall is healthy and strong would you buy a house that has a wall completely rotting away?

It also works in reverse. If you have a wall (or area in your life) that is sagging, making the other walls as strong and upright as you can, can pull the lagging wall up with it. Maybe not ALL the way up, but vastly improved. Make any sense? I'm of course talking about diet and exercise! No no no, don't click away to the next blog yet! I know, diet and exercise, blah blah blah. What else new would I have to say about it? Well, nothing really. Many people much smarter and with much more experience have paved the way for that. I'm going to talk about our attitude towards physical health.

I read an MSNBC article once that said Americans are very all or nothing people. We have some of the hardest working people in the world and some of the laziest. Some of the thinnest and some of the fattest. The most moral and the very immoral. etc. Now whether you agree or not with their assessment I happen to feel it's true for myself on an individual basis. If I can't lose 10 pounds in the first week of an exercise plan I give up, and eat a box of Oreo's.

I've really had to change my attitude about exercising. Exercising just to be more healthy and happy doesn't sound very motivating but it really is! When I'm completely wrapped up in diet and exercise for self image's sake alone I tend to push myself as hard as I can and get it all perfect for about two weeks until I can't take it anymore and binge in front of the T.V.... And eat a box of Oreo's.

When I remind myself to treat my body nice to be more healthy it goes more like this. I work out about 2 - 3 times a week. Whenever I feel like it, never on the same schedule. I add more fruits and veggies and eat more salads. Now here's the kicker, when I fall off the plan I don't beat myself up and, well, eat a box of Oreo's. I have a couple Oreo's, and then just try again next week. I don't freak out and loath myself in my closet, rubbing those soft size 2 jeans on my face that I bought to motivate me to lose a gazillion pounds! Not that I ever did that... ahem. Anyway, the point is when you stop setting unrealistic goals and then putting yourself down that you didn't achieve them, you'll find you stick to your plan much easier. Go ahead, take a bite of cake. You deserve it! So you only went for 1 walk this week. Who cares! Studies show that people who have compassion for themselves stick to their diet and exercise plans for waaaaaayyy longer than people who give up and sink into depression. Stop yelling at yourself and you'll find you feel like exercising more and eating less crap all on your own.

That's been my experience. I do Yoga about twice a week. Do I have rippling muscles? Am I a size 2? Have you seen me? But I've stuck with Yoga for.... drum roll please. Over one year straight. Find something that works for you and set a realistic goal that you can stick with. I've been adding Jillean Michaels 30 day shred to my mix, but only once a week. I know Jillean would cuss in my face if she heard that, but it's something I can sustain and feel good about. I'm not 400 pounds Jillean! Stop yelling at me! Okay, she get's in my head sometimes, it's over now.

So next time you hop on the hamster wheel of diet and exercise, whatever it might be, just have a little compassion for yourself. Don't focus so much on bikini's and hot pants, focus more on being happy and releasing some endorphins. Focus first, on keeping your house of happiness in balance and the rest will follow. I should probably go practice what I preach right now before Jillean starts up again.

Janae

Ranting and Raving

2011-02-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

I have a wonderful new post all planned out but instead, I need to get something off my chest. I HATE house cleaning. I mean, I really HATE it. I know, I know, no one likes it, but it just has to be done right?

I guess this ties into my blog, in that a lot of my negativity in life revolves around the state of my cluttered home. Sad. I am forever apologizing to anyone who will listen that it is so "messy". To which all of my friends kind heartedly wave their hands in a dismissing way and make sympathetic; non- committing noises. Everyone, it seems to me, apologizes profusely for "the mess", even if it's made up of 2 dishes in the sink, while the rest of the house lies in a scrupulously scrubbed paradise. I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending cycle of cleaning and mentally yelling at myself for not getting more cleaning done. It's never good enough! And even if I can get it looking half way decent my 2 and 5 year old quickly take care of any area they might have not yet destroyed.

At what point in our history did houses stop being houses and start becoming art that you live, cook, bathe, and sleep in? Every wall must be adorned with beautiful well thought out pictures, toys should never be seen, clothes should always be hung in an organized and pleasing to the eye closet. Furniture is no longer furniture but large abstract puzzle pieces that must all match each other and compliment the room.

Okay, don't get me wrong, I really want my house to be clean and hygienic as well as a pleasant environment that my family and I actually want to be in. It's the self castigating for not having everything "perfect" at all times and under all situations that get's me down. Know the feeling? The harder I work the more there is to do, and just when I get on top of the laundry there's another 6 loads waiting for me.

My particular brand of happiness is two fold, reduction of stress and negativity (notice I said reduction, and not eradication) coupled with layering on more positivity. So if most of my daily negativity revolves around my house, it makes sense to me to try to reduce that stress. I've been thinking a lot about how I can do this and I've come up with a few ideas.

Number 1. Stop putting myself down for not having a perfect house! How odd that my self esteem should be tied to how beautiful the architecture I'm living in is.

Number 2. Stop saying I'm sorry. If I was really sorry, I would work night and day to correct the situation. I do the very best that I can everyday so why am I sorry about that?

Number 3. Make the job more pleasant. For me this is listening to music or audio books. I love audio books!

Number 4. Seek help. Why do I have to do it all myself? Should I be less proud if I didn't do 100% of it? Why can't husbands and kids help? Also, I'm not adverse to the idea of paying someone to help me. Cleaning maids are soooo expensive, but I well remember the days of being 12-15 years old and yearning for a little spending cash. Possibly there is such a person in my neighborhood who wouldn't mind vacuuming once a month for less than minimum wage? If someone did come in to help clean regularly I don't think I would work any less, I would just have a cleaner house which equals less being upset with myself. Win!

Number 5. Blog about my loathing of scrubbing poo out of toilets for a living for sympathy and support. Done.

I just had to get that out there. Something about winter makes me crazy over home chores. Throw in one part cabin fever, one part loss of motivation due to constant cloud cover, and fill the rest of the way up with never being able to leave the house because of sub zero temperatures and you've got a recipe for an episode of Hoarders.

Thank you for listening to my mad, mad ravings. Down with the institution of home perfectionism!

Janae

Meditation practice

2011-01-27T08:41:00.000-07:00

Did you know there's a tiny town in Iowa, who all meditate together as a community? The town's name is Maharishi Vedic City, and anyone who wants to, can meditate together for 20 minutes twice a day. You might think this is totally weird, but this town enjoys less sickness, less traffic accidents, and... no crime. How's that for a crime rate? Just like Liz Lemon from 30 Rock I think "I want to go to there!". I'm just not so sure about living in Iowa climate. Perhaps we can begin a new town in Hawaii?

Meditation is a method refined over 3,000 years, handed down from the wisest monk to the next. Today it is a bonified psychology, used mostly to assuage depression, anxiety, chronic pain, addiction and OCD. It is THE number one stress reducer out there. Why? It sever's the link between negative thought and negative emotions. Therapists have a triangular model that shows the vicious cycle of negativity. It goes like this, Negative thought = negative emotion = negative behavior. (It can also go in revers by the way). Meditation asks you to take a step back and simply look upon negative thoughts and emotions without trying to change them and with no judgement. Eventually you can train yourself to let any negative thoughts, such as, I'm not good enough, to come and go without having the accompanying feelings of despair and then lashing out. Just because you have a thought, does not mean you must become that thought.

Meditation also cultivates strong feelings of self acceptance. Not of how you want to be, but of how you are right now. I love hearing stories of this actually working in people's lives, so here's a story I found in my book Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson. Barbara is a positive emotional researcher which means she and her colleagues create random assignment studies of people and what may or may not make them have more positive feelings. In one of her studies she tells of a completely random assignment that was sent out for people in the work place to sign up for. She tells of Nina, who, signed up for the experiment and happened to land in their meditation group. All participants whether they were in the meditation group or not were asked to rate their feelings and emotions at the end of every work day. In addition, the meditation group was asked to meditate for 20 minutes per day during they're lunch hour for 3 months. At the end of the study Barbara was blown away by the upsurge of positivity of the group doing meditation whereas the control group showed no visible improvement. In particular Nina's story stood out to her and she called her for an in depth interview. I'm going to paraphrase it a bit because it's a few pages long but here it is.

Nina's story: At the beginning of the study, I was so hard on myself and everyone around me. I was depressed, lonely and often teary eyed. When I got home from work I would pester my husband "why are you just sitting there when there are things to be done!" I suffered from frequent, painful migraines and stomach pains. For years I had been trying to conceive and blamed myself month after month for failing to do so. It kept coming down to "what am I doing wrong?". Most of the time I just wanted to come home from work and bang my head against a wall.

Barbara's philosophy is that if you have a ratio of 3-1 positive to negative emotions you begin to thrive in life. Nina recorded about a 1-1 on her scale. One positive thought for every negative one. Not a very flourishing life. After the study this is how Nina described her life:

I rarely have headaches anymore and the stomach pains are completely gone! I feel more confident. Certain things just tend to roll off my shoulders instead of bothering me all day long. I feel peace within myself and can share it with others around me. I connect more with others and have more compassion. Now when I get home from work I think "there's always going to be more dishes to be done, I'd rather relax right now because I love the way it makes me feel". Thank you for bringing this study into my work place. Meditation is a wonderful way to relax and I will continue to do it. It is a wonderful feeling of peace within my soul.

Nina's positivity ratio raised from a 1-1 to a 6-1! As well as her feelings of happiness, Nina also was able to conceive. Her and her husband had one older child and longed to expand their family. After the meditation study Nina decided to just let it go and reconnect with her husband. She decided that maybe they were meant to be just a family of three. Now, there's several links between positivity and conceiving but nothing proven so far yet. But after Nina learned to relax and love herself she conceived not only one but two children. Twins!

Nina is one of many stories of learning to love and accept. I can't get enough of these! Now, I realize that many of you are probably not going to start sitting down every day to meditate. All I really want is to plant the idea and make it seem not so crazy nutcase hippie woowoo. Even if you already experience peace and happiness within your life, is there any reason you DON'T want more? and more?

I suggest trying what I am going to call "the 3 minute primer". Sit down at any time of the day and set a timer so that you can let go of time. Do the breathing exercise from this blog and picture yourself as the most relaxed you've ever been. Maybe lying on a beach or taking a nap on the couch? Now, for 3 minutes simply watch your thoughts. Don't try to only have positive ones. Let whatever pops up come. Think "here comes a thought now", and watch it as it forms and dissipates without pursuing it or judging it. Also, don't get upset with yourself if you do find yourself judging a thought, saying either this is a good/bad thought. Then you will be judging the judging and will go cross eyed. No not really, but just don't complicate things for yourself. Pretend that your thoughts are cars on a train. One car comes slowly along and you get to look at it from afar, then watch it as it slowly trundles off. In between the thoughts become aware of your breathing without trying to manipulate it in any way. Try to stay in the present moment as much as possible but also remembering that you shouldn't fight off a thought if it decided to come along. This is a good way to start without getting overwhelmed for trying to find a block of time with which to meditate. Again, if you want the guided meditations you can find them on the first of my meditation blogs from Jon Kabat-Zinn.

I have so many more things I planned to say about meditation but I think it's time to move on for now.

peace and love

Janae

You only have moments to live!

2011-01-20T18:25:00.001-07:00

So I've been telling myself I wasn't allowed to blog again until I fixed some visual errors on this thing. Notice how you can barely read the title? I'm a little "computer illiterate" I like to joke, so my husband who lives, breathes and eats computers helps me a bit from time to time. Problem is, he helps me then get's really busy with work and I get stuck with my blog looking weird and I'm terrified to change it! Also, I decided I wanted to start adding some pictures to liven things up a bit. So here is a beautiful picture of a waterfall that I took while hiking this summer; it really doesn't have much to do with anything. I WAS going to put a picture of me meditating on here but lost the cable that downloads pictures from my camera to the computer. Oops!

Oh well, I wanted to write anyway! I'm not going to let all that little stuff stop me, but rest assured that I will be sprucing things up so that we can chat in a more comfortable environment.

Where were we? Ah yes, You only have moments to live. So begins Chapter one of Jon Kabbat-Zinns "Full Catastrophe Living". I'm only a few chapters into this book, but this phrase just won't get out of my mind! You only have moments to live. This moment. Right now. Live in THIS moment. Scientists say we have about 60,000 thoughts per day and 90% of those are the same thoughts we thought yesterday and the day before. Why? because most of those thoughts are worrying about the future or re-hashing the past. Do we ever think about what we are doing right now? I know I don't! However, I am working to change that.

With what now? That's right, meditation. It's not mystical hocus pocus. All you are doing is training your brain to stay in the present. To experience what is going on in your life, right in that moment, with no judgement, accepting how things are, and not how you would like them to be or how you wish they were. Meditation is simply practicing how to systematically stay in the present. How to pay attention in a particular way and with no judgement.

So for the past year or so I have been doing a sort of relaxation/meditation thing everyday for 15 min. The first time I sat for a formal 40 minute meditation I thought "hey, I've got this, I've been doing it for a year!". But man, trying to keep my mind in the present was like caging a feral animal. It immediately began looking for a way out. Suddenly the guiders voice faded out and the valley girl deep inside me started running her mouth. "So like, did you see Tiffany the other day? (smacks gum and twirls hair) Those shorts were way to short for her, and I really need to start doing more lunges, and I LOVE Dr. Pepper, and I think my dog is getting fat, and..." you get the picture. Relaxation is great-but it was not like trying to stay present and pay attention to your breathing. I missed most of what the guider on my CD said that first day, but thankfully I was prepared for that. Meditation is a PRACTICE not a GOAL. Every new moment is another moment to try again. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's hard in the beginning just like learning to cook or play the piano. You're not going to be able to cook a perfect 3 course delicacy your very first time or play a perfect concerto, so don't sweat it. Just like playing the piano, though, you won't get good unless you practice everyday.

One thing I've noticed has gotten better already from my 3 whole weeks of meditating? Sleeping! Sleeping has gotten better. I have a friend who says that as soon as she closes her eye's to go to bed at night, the movie of her day begins to play from beginning to end. Whether good or bad it begins to replay over and over to keep her up into the wee hours of the morning. I confess, this happens to me too. I also worry about every little thing and tend to wake up a lot in the night. But lately, I've noticed, I stay asleep until the morning. I still have problems going to sleep at night but that is so much more tolerable then the constant awakenings, feeling like you never get any REM can make you so crabby. If you're a new mom, or have ever been one then you know what I'm talking about, girlfriends!

Right now I am in my 3d week of my 9 week brain exercise/diet, and I'm feeling pretty good. And if I can do it, anyone can! I will keep you all posted so in the mean time- live in this moment, it's all we have, so smile!

Janae

resolve

2011-01-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late on the whole New Year's resolution thing, I know, but things have been really busy around here. I've been trying to decide on a few specific ones for myself, and after hearing a few others- work out, eat better, be nicer, work harder, finish school etc.. -I've decided on one big one. My goal? It's the same as everyone else's. Be Happier! Think about it, everyone wants to resolve to do something to make themselves just a little bit happier. No one ever says, "this year, I want to curl up in the fetal position in my house and stare morosely at the wall". We all want the same things, right? Almost everything we do is striving towards those little elusive good feelings.

I have narrowed it down a little more than "be happier", of course. But my goal isn't be more rich and be more thin and hopefully that will make me happy. My goal is more happiness itself.

So, my first goal is: Meditate regularly every week. Remember my last post said that I was going to give you the "cream of the crop" in positive habits? Well, here it is. The big Kahuna. My number one pick for happiness increasing bliss.

What do you think of when you hear the word "meditate"? I'll tell you what I first thought (and sometimes still do). I picture a Tibetan monk atop a high misty mountain, swathed in orange fabric, sitting cross legged with a look of pure serenity gleaming from his face as a car sized gong is being rung, echoing off the mountains...

"Psh! That has nothing to do with an American house wife who grew up in Idaho!" I though it was just something weird that eastern cultures did and I couldn't fathom why. But you don't have to be a Tibetan monk in order to get that look of serenity to cross your face. If you can close your eye's and imagine the back of your own hand, you can learn to meditate. Every single book I've read, without exception, mentions meditation as one of the top reducers of stress and anxiety. We all have stress, right? And often we think, as soon as this project (or whatever the stress-er might be) is over, then I won't be stressed anymore. But what about when life keeps throwing up challenge after challenge. Are you really going to wait months, maybe years, to feel calm again? Especially when you can learn, right now, to be calm and serene no matter the ups and downs.

This is how I feel about meditation:

Diet and exercise = healthy body (very important)

meditation = healthy mind (also very important)

Exercise for the mind. Plain and simple. I have a veritable laundry list of things meditation can do for you, like:

-reduction of stress

-better focus

-improves sleep, and can even cure insomnia

-helps with weight loss (good one, eh?)

-helps to dramatically reduce headaches

-decreases muscle tension

-less sickness

-helps lower blood pressure

-and, people who meditate report less acne!

Here are 100 more reasons to get you motivated to meditate. I'm thinking I might even print it off and stick it to my wall where I meditate to keep me pumped!

I have only been meditating regularly for about 2 weeks and I'm hooked, but just like learning to play the piano, it takes time with not much in the way of instant results. In fact the research studies I've seen say that it takes about 9 weeks to begin to see quantifiable results. However, as long as you keep practicing, the results are permanent. It can lastingly change your brain for the positive! There's so much information on meditation I can't possibly relay it here, nor have I seen all the info. there is to be seen. So to keep you from being overwhelmed I'll be writing a little more in the next few posts about meditating.

If this was enough to peak your interest in meditating and you would like to try it, then I suggest Jon Kabat-Zinn's guided meditations for beginners. His CD's are the first ones I happened to stumble upon so I've been using those. You can order them from his website. I promise I'm not getting any sort of kick back from this guy, so you know this is purely because I think he does what he does well. Also, pick up his book "Wherever you go, there you are". It's a seriously good read, even if you don't think you would be into meditating.

I also have a resolution to eat more healthy and work out more! I just want to clarify that those are also things that can make you happiness lift. As for meditating, I am really going to stick to it for the next 9 weeks and let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!

Zen to you all,

Janae

positive psychology

2010-12-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday. I know we did, lot's of family and friends and child avarice. Good times were had all around.

Today I thought I would talk a bit about the new and exciting field of Positive Psychology. It's sort of the core behind everything I've been researching and writing about. Psychology has been around for, what, a couple hundred years? And in that time therapists and counselors have had many hits and misses, but overall, have become very adept at helping people with emotional problems. However, emotional researchers have noticed that psychologists had sort of created a disease model.

Let's say that you are rating your happiness level on a scale of 1-10. 1 being very unhappy, and 10 being over joyed. Now, a clinically depressed person is probably somewhere in the negatives. Traditional psychology can help people go from, let's say a -7 to a 1. That's a vast improvement! But who would say they are cured by being a 1? Positive psychology centers on bringing people from a 1 up to a 9 or even a 10.

Martin Seligman is considered to be the "father" of positive psychology, and it's very new. Pioneered in the mid 90's, it's mission is to help clinical psychologists make the world a happier place, parallel to the way they have been making the world a less unhappy place. So here's the exciting part; because it's so new, we can all hitch a ride on the train as it's pulling out of the station. Cheesy metaphor, I know, but the first try was worse so be patient with me here. These emotional researchers are still fumbling in the dark a bit. Like a heat seeking missile, that continually targets mistakes and continually corrects itself until it finds the true target. We all can help them along. You can actually sign up to be in a clinical trial or just do your own experiments and chart for yourself how it makes you feel. You have nothing to lose and only happiness to gain.

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

I haven't signed up to be in any professional trials, I like to stay on the side of doing experiments on myself, but I have definitely seen improvements, both in myself, and how I interact with people. Sometimes those changes are so small and gradual I don't see them for a long time but it's comforting to know that any change at all towards more happiness is possible!

So try some of these experiments with me. You and I will be at the for-front of a completely new field of research. You don't need a fancy PhD., or a white lab coat to help, you just need your feelings and an intention to turn the volume up on your own life. Many of the things I suggest to try come from positive psychology's research "hits", which have been thoroughly analyzed and studied through many trials and re-trials. These next few posts are the "cream of the crop" from research so far, that has found the most vast improvements in people.

I'll talk to you next year!

Janae

The Grinch

2010-12-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

I heard this little story in my book "happy for no reason" and thought it very appropriate for today. I get a little misty eye'd every time I hear it. Nothing brings out the material girl in all of us like Christmas, and it's especially horrifying when your sweet little kids suddenly turn into greedy little monsters. So here's an uplifting little story on how one little girl was happy on Christmas.

When my oldest daughter Victoria was almost 3, we read "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" to her every night before the holiday. She'd curl up to me as I read, "every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot". She listened intently as the Grinch unveils his plan to steal Christmas from the Who's. The Grinch dresses up like Santa and sneaks into the Who's homes and steals every present and every decoration, leaving only hooks and wires on the walls. The Grinch is surprised when the who's are happy on Christmas morning even without their presents. "He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming, it came just the same". On that Christmas morning we awoke just before Victoria so we could watch her 3 year old enthusiasm to see all her presents under the tree. My wife, then pregnant with our second child, and I beamed to see her wide eye'd excitement at the thought that Santa himself had been in our home. We expected her to dive into them, but she didn't. She held up her little hand and said "stop!". Let's pretend. Let's pretend the Grinch has been here and stole everything and left just hooks and wires and we'd still be happy!". So we stopped - and were happy.

And like the Grinch my heart grew 3 sizes that day.

Happy holidays everyone!

Janae

Mantra's

2010-12-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

What in the world is a Mantra? you might be asking. Well, dictionary .com was no help in defining it so I'm going to give you the best explanation I can think of. Here goes: A mantra is a word or phrase that you say over and over to yourself (usually in meditation) to better your mind. But you don't have to do it in meditation per say if that's not your thing. Although, I think meditation is great and I will be expounding it's attributes in a later post.

I was talking to a friend recently when she was having a bad day. Like, a really bad day. One of those wonderful days where you fee like you can do nothing right, everyone hates you, and life in general sucks. We all have them! The weird thing was, I always thought of this friend as someone who is always upbeat and laughing and could care less what anyone thought of her. I often think, I need to be more like Rhoda! That's not her real name but let's just call her that for the purpose of anonymity. Then Rhoda said something that I think get's to the heart of all of life's problems. She said "Yes, I act happy around other people, and a lot of the time I AM happy. But it's when I'm alone that the darkness creeps in ". Okay, she didn't say anything about darkness, that's just me waxing poetic, but the point is I totally agree with her. It's what you tell yourself when you are alone that counts. During most of the day we have so many things to keep us busy and focused. Kids need to get to school, bills need to be paid, work needs to be done etc. But what things do you tell yourself, about yourself, when the lights go out?

A lot of the times, I bet, we beat ourselves up emotionally. Why aren't I perfect? Why is my house always a mess? Why can't I do this? Why can't I be better? What the Hell is wrong with me!? Okay, relax. Take a deep breath. And listen up, because I have something to tell you that might just blow you away. Ready?

Not everything you think, is true.

That's right. In fact, it's probably a good idea to start adopting some litigation skills to use against your very own brain. When a thought arises that's negative about yourself, challenge it! Just because you thought it, does not mean that it is the be all to end all! Argue with yourself for heavens sake! Bring in witnesses and evidence (in your mind) if you must. You will find that "the truth" about yourself is not as dire as you thought.

Which brings us back to Mantra's. Now that you have challenged your own beliefs about yourself, and hopefully you will continue to do so, how about telling yourself something nice? How about saying: I am a nice person, I am intelligent, I am funny, I am strong! "wait, hold the phone" you might be thinking." Just because I tell myself I am intelligent does not mean I will suddenly be able to perform complicated physics!" Oh contrare my friend. Because guess what. Everything that you are at this very moment is because you told yourself you could or couldn't do this or be that. The idea behind Mantra's is that if you tell yourself that you are a certain way many times, eventually your brain will accept it as truth. And why not? your brain has accepted everything else you have told it you are.

So here's how to use a mantra. First, find something that you would like to change about yourself, or something that you want to do but told yourself you couldn't. For example: since I have anxiety, I like to tell myself, "I am so happy and grateful, now that I am mentally free". Always begin your phrase with I AM. This is the most powerful sentence in the English language. I AM. Don't say I wish I was, or someday I would like to be... say, I am THAT now. If your Mantra states that you will be this way in the future then it will stay that way. In the future. Remember, when you tell yourself negative things you don't say "I hope someday I will be a loser" you usually say "Man, I am such a loser". I AM! So turn the tide. Say, I AM beautiful! I AM wonderful! I AM amazing! Because you are!

Second, keep it short. As short as possible. You will get so sick of repeating a phone book of things that you are. And you won't remember half of it and the exercise will be pointless. haha.

Third. Say it over and over. And over. And over again. My books say 80 times is a comfortable amount. You can say it more, but I find 80 is actually quite a bit for me so I stay there most of the time.

So there you have it. You can create your own personal Mantra or use ones already pre-formed. Like, "every day, in every way, I am better and better". It's pretty general but I find I like this one very much. It comes from a French psychologist whose name I can neither spell nor pronounce, who lived in the early 1900's. He discovered this method, although I don't think he called it a Mantra (which, by the way, is a Buddhist term) but it's really the same concept. And he used it to very great success. I repeat this one when I'm falling asleep and waking up, 80 times if I can make it that far, and I feel a huge difference when I forget to say it.

When you find you are giving yourself an emotional thrashing, stop, and bring up your Mantra. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't work right away, just keep going and going. Remember you have been telling yourself the negative things for years and years and it might take that much time for the positive things to take hold. If you can, say it over and over again for no reason at all. This is treating yourself lovingly.

Look in the mirror and say "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and Gosh darnit! People like me!"

Love and Kindness to you all

Janae

Why be happy?

2010-12-14T09:32:00.000-07:00

Still giving out "awards" and keeping up on your gratitude journal? I know I am and it feels awesome!

So now that I have given you a few things to get you started let's talk about WHY being positive and happy is so gosh darn important!

First, let's talk about why negativity is important. We all can guess why negativity is so important, right? It keeps us safe. Emotional researchers say that we have probably been conditioned this way through evolution. The caveman (or cavewoman) who scanned their environment for potential threats and then felt negative emotions the most intense, were able to react. Thus, our ancestors that had the most adrenaline rush at the sight of a saber-toothed tiger lived long enough to pro-create. Fun stuff, huh! But today in our modern world, fear serves us less and less. Scanning our environment for negative things makes survival harder, not easier.

When I first heard this I thought "no! it's still important to be on the lookout for bad things! if I don't, I won't be prepared when they happen! I have to imagine what bad things will happen so I can think about how to best react!". Then I read something that changed how I felt about negative scanning. In Martin E. P. Seligmens book "Authentic Happiness". He poses this question. If you are constantly on the lookout for negativity (for example you are worried you might get sick) are you really more prepared if it does come into reality? Martin says the truth is no matter how much you think about it, you have no idea how you would really react to something until you're in it. He even did extensive controlled studies where he proves that people who think negatively, always on guard, are actually less resilient to adversity and give up easier. Man! So, wondering what I would do, if, per say, I got cancer makes me less prepared not more. Negativity has it's place when threat is real and imminent. It can cause you to act appropriately. But wondering about every scenario and what you can do it about it is pretty futile.

So now that we know about negativity and it's place, what about Positivity? In our modern life there is almost nothing that positivity can't make even better, if not save all together.

Positivity feels good. And when we feel good we are better at everything we do! Athletes perform better, Sales people sell more, kids do better in school etc. There's studies upon studies as well as personal accounts you can read to back this all up.
90% of diseases stem from stress. Shall I say that again? 90% of diseases stem from stress. When you go to the Dr. and he says avoid stress at all cost until you're better, he's not joking. But reduction of stress is only half the story. You have feel the good feelings too! You can't feel stress and gratitude at the same time now can you?
Positivity broadens our minds from Me and I, to We and Us. And from Us and Them to Everyone. This is based on work done by Barbara Fredrickson in her book "Positivity". You begin to view the world as your family and treat them as such. That's the kind of world I want to live in!
Happy people live longer, and with better quality of life. (The Nun Study)
Positive people are infinitely better at problem solving. This is also based on work by Barbara Fredrickson. so the next time you have that impossible problem at work, get up and walk over to a co-worker and tell a few jokes! Just laugh and laugh until your sides hurt, then come back to your problem and see if it's really all that impossible now. You will definitely feel more open to solutions instead of what the problem is.
People who are positive get more promotions and more pay raises. I always thought people who had more money were happier, but maybe it's the other way around. Maybe people who have more money, have more because they were already happy! So be grateful for all that you have right this very second and let it show. Higher ups will definitely notice.
Positive people are more resilient. One of the only things we can count on in life is the consistency of change. Sometimes things will change for the better, sometimes for the worse. But if you have already learned how to be habitually happy you won't feel the roller coaster of life as acutely. Good things will happen and you will be able to think "that's awesome! but I was already happy." And when adversity strikes you'll be able to think "that sucks, but I'm still a happy on the inside". You can choose to be happy no matter what!
Marriages are more likely to succeed when couples think more positive things about their spouse than negative. At about a 5/1 ratio. This is based on work by John Gottman, a marriage counselor in the for-front of his field who can predict which couples will stay together by 95% accuracy! http://www.gottman.com/

I could add more and more to this list but I think I covered some of the major ones. Who wouldn't want this? Do you know anyone who wants to make less money, have failed marriages and feel all around crappy? I don't. Not only is positive thinking good for you personally, I feel like it's our social duty. This is one of the many reasons I started a blog on happiness. To get the word out! Not only do I need to work more on my own positivity I want to let others know why they should be to. Why we all should try to be happy for no reason at all.

Love you all!

Janae

P.S. today I'm grateful for a friend who told me a year ago, what the crap a blog is and why it would be fun to have one. You know who you are girlie, and thanks a million!

HAPPY Holidays!

2010-12-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

E's very first Christmas present.

The holidays are in full swing! There's so many things I love about this time of year, the people who go crazy with the house lights that you can see from space, burning my gingerbread and sugar cookie Scentsy scents in the house, putting my favorite ornaments on my tree, going to fancy Christmas parties where I get to put on makeup and wear an actual cocktail dress!

But let's not forget all that holiday stress. You know what I'm talking about. The never ending lists upon lists of what to do and what to buy, re-budgeting the finances every other day to make sure you get every dollar to count, baking, shopping, family pictures... and lets not forget you have to make it all look effortless and with you and the fam looking gorgeous. Yikes!

Some stress is definitely good. It helps us reach our goals and feel that sense of accomplishment. There's just something about this time of year that can get me really down as well as excited. And too much stress, is definitely bad. Too much constant stress can raise your blood pressure, interrupt sleeping patterns, cause headaches and make you more susceptible to colds as well as a myriad of other things. So I've compiled a list of things that help me keep peace on earth as well as in my mind this time of year. Here it is.

#1. Christmas will not be "perfect". In fact, forget that word all together! The holidays will be glorious and amazing and wonderful! But, it will not be perfect, no matter how hard you try. Why? because you can't control other people or circumstances. You can carefully plan out and execute every detail, but your spouse could wake up with the flu on Christmas morning puking all over the place. What you CAN control is you and how you feel, which will make all the difference in the world.

#2. Keep it simple. One of my biggest stresses is neighborhood gifts. I love my neighbors to death and I want to show them how awesome I think they are by making elaborate home made gifts! right?

I was just talking to a friend about how this little thing, "neighbor gifts", can suck you into making dozens of complicated little doo hicky's or treats with teeth gritted at 2 o'clock in the morning with an insane, manic look in you eye. My friend was saying how although she was already getting a little stressed over the holiday rush she was going to make these reindeer treats with chocolate dipped pretzels for the antlers, and I recounted to her how I made white chocolate covered apple snowmen that took forever and then blew up on my family last year. Why? we asked each other. I still don't know exactly why. All I know is this year, I bought some lovely little gifts that were inexpensive and thoughtful. Done. If crafting and baking is your joy and you can't wait to share it with everyone then by all means please do! Chances are I might get some. heehee. Just remember to keep it simple, and if you find you are not enjoying yourself, then stop and get your butt over to the dollar store! No one will know!

#3. Give. I know times are tight all around, but giving even just a little bit raises my happiness level like no other. Every time I throw my change into the salvation army bucket I smile, and I can't wait to stuff a stocking for a local family in need at my daughters pre-school. I was brought to tears reading the list of things this family needs. Toothpaste, soap, toothbrushes, lifesavers etc. Such little things. There are so many opportunities to give this time of year. Tons of retailers are doing food can drives, churches offer many charity opportunities, the Road home usually does some sort of drive with a local radio station on the streets of Salt Lake and more.

http://www.theroadhome.org/ Here's the link if you live here in Utah.

#4. Have boundaries. Know when to say no! This is particularly hard for me, I always want to perpetually please everyone and say yes to everything. So practice saying "NO" before hand if you know someone is going to ask you to do something that you really can't handle.

#5. Last but not least, Breathe! I'll have more on breathing in a later post but for now I'll give you the basics. You might be thinking "duh! I know how to breathe Janae! I'm alive aren't I?" but there's a big difference between the breathing we automatically do every day and breathing for the purpose of relaxation. Many hospitals have adopted this technique to help the chronically ill deal with the strain of living in constant pain with great success. Some even attribute their healing to how well they learned how to relax with breathing. If they can benefit from it, just think what it can do for you!

http://healthmad.com/health/health-benefits-of-deep-breathing/

http://eurheartj.oxfordjournals.org/content/8/11/1210.short

So here's how. Lay down or sit when you have a quiet moment. Rest your hand on your stomach and breath in slowly. When you breathe in you want to try and breathe from your diaphragm and expand it. You should feel your stomach (not your chest) rise slightly. Breathe in through your nose and then slowly blow it out your mouth. You always want to breathe out longer then you breathe in or you'll get dizzy. I like to count it out to really slow down my breathing and get all that good oxygen enriching my brain and muscles. Like this:

Breathing in 1. 2. 3. 4.

Out 1. 2. 3. 4.

In 1.2. 3. 4

Out 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

In 1. 2. 3. 4.

Out 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

In 1. 2. 3. 4.

Out 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

In 1. 2. 3. 4.

Out 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Close your eyes if you can and imagine your body getting more relaxed with each exhale. You can also think words to yourself to help calm you like breathing in "peace" and breathing out "relax" whatever works for you. Do this as often as you want and it only takes a few seconds. I do it in the car ( with eye's open obviously), in the bathroom with the door closed, in the shower and at night in bed before going to sleep. I can't even begin to explain how this can calm you in just a few seconds. I will be doing this technique the rest of my life come Hell or high water, not just at Christmas, it's that awesome.

So if you find yourself completely flustered shopping with all the kids, stop and take a moment for you. Right there in the store. No one looking at you will know. Just stop and breathe and you will be able to return to the job at hand a little calmer and probably with a higher IQ (because anger can lower your IQ by as much as 40 points). On your way to that company party with the scary boss you want to slather with your rapier whit and charm? Breathe. Standing in line to return a gift? That's right Breath. Even if you feel you're a pretty easy going person who's rarely stressed, breathing like this can make you feel even better!

So there it is. My personal "prescription" for keeping the holidays merry and bright. Oh, and get your shopping done early! Well, remember that one for next year. I would love to hear from you, things you personally do to keep the season positive and joyful. I can always use more tips!

Peace and Joy,

Janae

Sincerity Counts

2010-12-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

Allrighty then, been giving out your awards? Good! keep it going! Remember we are trying to form new habits here. It's not always easy to break free from the old ones, just do what your mother always told you. Practice practice practice!(my mom was a piano teacher, thanks mom!)

But before we embark on our quest for happiness there's something important I need you to keep in mind for the whole journey.

SINCERITY COUNTS.

I'm going to describe to you 2 made-up mornings that I might actually experience on any given day. You tell me which one is better...

I wake up to the sound of my kids screaming for me in their beds. I think to myself, "wow, I am so lucky that my children have such healthy voices!" I swoop out of bed and into my 2 year olds room where he has already had a dirty diaper, which has spilled all over him and the crib. "This is such a wonderful opportunity for me to wash all his bed clothes and get him in the bath early!" I think. Next, I take the kids downstairs to find the dog has gone through the garbage and eaten some raw meat, made a huge mess, then yacked all over the floor. "Oh, poor Aiden. I hope he's feeling better now. I'm so glad we have such a wonderful family dog." Next, I flip on the news to hear the latest on an awful government that is repressing and killing it's own people in the streets. I think "what a concise and organized account the news reporter is giving! And just look at that camera crew, they are keeping the camera so steady with all that gunfire going on around them."

Okay, did you throw up a little in your mouth? I sure did. Thinking positively does not mean repressing the negative or covering up reality. You might need to let a curse go under your breath to find a huge, disgusting, unexpected mess for you to clean up. Or feel anger for the worlds injustices.

Enter sincerity... Now of course I don't have a catastrophe filled morning like the previous one every morning, that was to prove a point. Here is a more normal morning with a little sincerity.

I wake up to my kids laughing and playing in the baby's crib. My 4 year old comes in and quietly says, "mommy it's time to get up". I think how lucky I am that my kids will play together in the mornings to give me a few extra minutes of sleep. I take them downstairs where they start crying for their sippy cups of warm milk. I try to think of a positive way to get them to calmly and politely ask me for milk. I feel this is an opportunity for me to help them to learn to get the things that they want out of life from other people. I hold the milk out for them but don't give it until they have said in a normal voice "please, can I have some milk mommy?" where I immediately reward them with their milk. Then I see a black widow crawling up behind my 2 year olds legs. Many choice words come to mind and are probably screamed aloud. I HATE spiders! I really, really hate them! I grab little G out of the way and then fine a very large glass bowl to throw over it until someone can come over to kill the stupid thing. Last, we go downstairs to watch some cartoons. I think "I am so grateful for educational cartoons that my kids like. I get a minute to blog while they are learning." My daughter, lets call her "E", says "mommy! look! that Argentinisauras is helping the vilasorapters!" She's so smart. :)

Which one did you like better? Hopefully the later.

Human beings are excellent masters in detecting B.S. Both in others and in ourselves. We respond more to people who are genuine, open, and real. We want to cultivate sincerity throughout all of our positive thoughts and experiences. In fact, if you try to change all of your negative thoughts into purely positive ones and repress everything, you might as well go ahead and sign yourself up for that stomach ulcer surgery. So find things what works for you to help your happiness grow. If you find yourself stuffing down the bad feelings, take a moment to let yourself feel them. Really feel them. Then accept them as a genuine part of yourself and do not judge yourself for feeling the way you do. I sometimes say to myself, "hey anxiety, there you are. I love you because you're a part of me. Lets sit here for a bit and just hang out together." Then I let it go. No stewing, no pity party, no fighting, just accepting and being.

"What we resist, persists" Carl Jung (1875-1961)

Here is your new assignment for the week and one I know will help you get a feel for your sincerity. A grateful journal. I also wrote this on my family blog once so let your eyes go out of focus and imagine fluffy pink elephant clouds if you've already heard this. I'm not grateful for everything. No sir. Definitely not spiders. But my list of things I am grateful for far, far outweigh the things I'm not. And those are the things I'd rather dwell on. So for 2 weeks, as often as you can, write down all the things you are grateful for. Then after that, only write in it sporadically. Only when you feel genuinely inspired by something. Not everyone is grateful for the same things. But you must write them down! Seeing it on paper and being able to go back and read things from previous days will also lift you. I promise you. It does for me! Keep a list on your cell phone, keep a notebook in your kitchen, whatever you can manage easily. Then let the magic happen.

Here's wishing you a wonderful, gratitude filled day. :) I'm thankful for you all!

Don't worry, be happy!

2010-12-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

"Don't worry, Be happy!" Oh if only it were that simple! I've told myself time after time to stop worrying and just be happy. Guess where that's gotten me. Thats right, almost nowhere! However, there is hope. So much hope!

When I first started experiencing anxiety and depression almost a year ago I decided I wasn't going to hide in my house and suffer in silence. I opened up to as many friends and neighbors as I could and found that many of them empathized; they were not the happiest housewives either. This baffled me! We all professed loudly that we loved our husbands and our children and that we loved making a home for our families. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely do! But I was also hearing stories of woe and inner longing and my heart reached out to them. I knew what that was like!

I discovered a statistic in my research that says the population in America that is most prone to depression is women in their 20's and early 30's. Add to that a stay at home mom and that statistic goes up. 1 in 5 women are on anti-depressants. I have absolutely nothing against medication, but I feel it controls the symptoms instead of curing the problem. Please use medication if you feel it will help you, and speak openly to your doctor about it.

The good news is, no matter who you are, or your level of happiness right now, you can turn it all around! You can actually learn how to be more happy despite your current circumstances, weight, height, background or genetic makeup. The research I've read says that genetic makeup does contribute to your inclination towards sadness and depression, but only 50%. That a glass half full/empty statistic, but I find it very promising. Growing up my mother always told me, "oh Janae, you just have a chemical imbalance. Your whole family has it in some form or another and we all use medication for it". I am so uplifted to know that, that is not entirely true. In fact, more research has shown that the positive thinking habits you learn can actually start changing your DNA towards more happiness!

I want to share all of the books I've read and the research I've done to help others as well as myself. But also, I want others to share they're "happiness habits" with us. So please feel free to comment if you have something that works to help your happiness soar. I will leave you with a "happiness habit" that I recently discovered that is easy to do anytime and anywhere. Give awards out to people in your mind. For example, I was at the dollar store last night where a teenage cashier greeted me warmly and genuinely with a big smile full of braces. She even struck up a conversation with me. She won my "nicest sales person" award for the day. You can make up as many categories as you want. The sky is the limit! More examples I've used are: Best behaved kid I've met today award, nicest fellow driver award, Most beautiful clouds award, Most beautiful building award. This might sound silly at first, but just try it. This simple exercise will help you to start looking at what is right with the world and your surroundings, instead of what is wrong. I know I often find myself thinking of what is wrong with everything! Try it out and please let me know how it has helped you feel.

On a side note, if you are grappling with a serious mental illness of any kind, please see your doctor or a therapist. Do not use these techniques in place of professional help. You can always use these with your Therapists okay.

Have a wonderful day!