Luv N Laughter

Believe in You

2015-11-27T19:26:00.002-07:00

With it being the Holidays and all, sometimes when you are single and when you don't have a family to fall back on, it gives a person a lot of time for personal reflection. I always appreciate time to stop and think about my life; where I've been, where I am, where life is going if I don't make some changes and where I hope life will go. It's kind of where my life has been that has caused me a lot of heartache lately and what I have realized just today, is that what I often hope people don't discover about me, is exactly what I should be celebrating. Those things, those hard hard things, are exactly what has made me who I am today. The harsh realities of life have made me a strong, more capable, independent, and compassionate individual. No I don't think I am all that, quite the opposite to be honest. What I am saying is that there are lot of harsh realities in the world and because of where I come from, I strive to soften the blow for those people around me who get hit hard. I strive to provide them with a soft place to land, a place that I don't often feel like I have myself. I want people to feel safe with me and if I can make a difference for one person, than all the trials that I have experienced have been worth the pain.

Here's what I know, life is tough, and yet so full of miracles that go unnoticed every single day. Many things we forget to be grateful for. One of those things that I am so very grateful for in this very minute is my family, my background and trials that I have endured. The reason is because they have helped me to be compassionate enough to want to help others. I am not an open book. I have recently had this conversation with a friend lately that I am quickly growing to admire and love, but it's hard for me to share some of the things that make up who I am for fear of being judged. Not everyone will see my background, where I come from and my trials and struggles as a blessing. But today, I am sharing because well because I don't know why.

I grew up poor! Really really poor!!! My mom stayed home, my dad made minimum wage barely and we barely survived. There are seven kids in my family, which means a lot of mouths to feed and a lot responsibility. My younger brother was sick and required a great deal of care and expense, but that's a story for another day. My parents were always able to provide food for the table, thanks to food stamps but the rest of the bills was a balancing act... What should we pay this month? What can we hold off on and pay next month? What can we do without? What can we put off so that we can get something we want? That's how it was decided where my dad's paychecks would be spent. Sometimes we didn't have electricity (especially in the summer) and in the evening, we survived by the light of a candle. My mom always tried to make this an adventure. Sometimes we didn't have gas and so we cooked on electrical burners and heated water for the bath on the burners. Often we didn't have a telephone. A lot of times we didn't even have a car, unless my Grandpa would come to the rescue and buy my parents a vehicle. We didn't have a lot of clothes and one pairs of shoes needed to last as long as possible. We didn't participate in extracurricular activities because that was luxury that we simply couldn't afford. We moved more than most people when I was young, not because of a job promotion, but usually because we were being evicted. Once I was in the third grade, it was a relief when my parents finally bought a mobile home that provided some stability and my family lived there until I graduated High School. I never I knew that I was considered trailer trash until I was much much older. I never have been the kind of person that cared what brand of clothes I wore (as long as they were clean), what my dad's job was, where I lived or what other people thought of me. I was happy just being me. But I was aware that my life was not up to the standards of most. I knew that most people went to church and well, we didn't most of the time. I knew most kids didn't live in fear of their dad and well I did. My dad is mean and has a mean temper and honestly we never knew what would set him off. But what we did know is, that if he was angry, our life was hell. We walked on tip toes to try and be quiet. We stayed outside as late as we could in order to be safe. We never knew when he was going to yell at us or when things would get much much worse. I was always scared of my dad and sometimes afraid of my mom as well, but mostly just my dad. We were good at hiding bruises and when the social workers came around, we knew just what to say to get them to stop asking so many questions. We loved our parents and wanted to stay where we belonged. I loved my siblings. They were everything to me.

I don't know why I am sharing this, except that I am tired of hiding who I am. I have learned a great deal from my parents. In some ways, I admire them because I could never live the life that they have lead. I could never endure the trials that they have gone through. I don't judge my parents or the life they have chose to live. I know that each of them have come from some difficult challenges themselves and it's not for me to judge. I don't have any negative feelings towards them, except when I am in the midst of something sticky with them, then it takes time to deal with it and heal and forgive and move forward. I was talking to my friend Debbie about my parents, a few days ago and she posed a very interesting question. She asked, "if you had grown up any other way, with any other family, do you think you would still be the person you are today? If you had grown up with money and nice things, would you still be who you are or would you have taken those things for granted?" I don't know the answers to this, obviously, but what I do know is that I am who I am today because of the things that I have overcome. It's easy for me to accept people for who they are and not for what they wear or what they have. It's easy for me to feel heartache and compassion for people who are struggling.

What I am trying to say is who we are is an intricate pattern of our life's experiences, the people we have met, our challenges, who are family is and the trials we have endured, overcome and risen above. Those things need not be hidden from others as if they were something to be shunned. Our lives are meant to be celebrated, the past, the present and the future. Our life's experiences help us to understand others and helps us to decide what we are going to do to make a difference in the world.

About a year after I served a mission for my religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I found myself homeless. Yep, you read right! My parents kicked me out and I found myself with nowhere to go. I slept in my car and sometimes I slept on a friend's couch until I could finally get my own apartment. I was homeless for several months and it was a hard experience, one I would have never chosen for myself. However, it helped me to understand and be compassionate when I needed to. Last year, I was teaching a little girl, whose family found themselves homeless in the middle of a cold cold winter. My heart broke for them on a daily basis. I understood that sometimes life knocked you down and that it's sometimes hard to get back up. Every night as the temperature would drop, I would find myself in tears, worried about my little girl and where she and her family were sleeping. I spent a great deal of time in prayer not knowing what I could do or how I could help. Each day I rejoiced when she would walk through the door of my classroom and I could keep her safe and warm for a few hours. But I always hated when the clock struck 4:00 pm and it was time for me to let her go back to the harsh realities of life. No four year old should experience that ever!!! Every day I would ask her where she slept and the answers varied, in a trailer, on my grandma's floor, in our truck or in a tent. She always said, "I was cold." I didn't make a lot of money so there wasn't a lot I could do but I kept praying and eventually I shared this with someone who brought diapers, blankets and warm socks. I will never forget how her mom cried when I gave her the supplies. Later I supplied warm coats for her and her younger brother from the classroom and when her boots fell apart because the duct tape no longer held them together, I knew I could do something about that, and I went to 5 different stores to find her some boots. I will never forget how her face lit up when I help her put them on and when she threw her arms around me and said "I never got new boots before." I was the one in tears this time. Then I shared this story with someone else and got warm clothes donated to the family. I wonder, if I had not had my own experiences, if I would have been as compassionate or would I have simply judged the family for not providing a better place for this little girl and her 5 siblings. I had a supervisor caution me about helping and explained that I didn't want to be taken advantage of, but I had been there and I understood. I don't know how I would have reacted without having my own life experiences, but what I do know is this I knew what it was like to not have somewhere to go and to feel cold at night and to sleep in a car and although I didn't have much, I did everything that I could. By the end of the school year, I was a very excited teacher when I heard they were moving into an apartment.

As a teacher for a low income program, because of my own background, I always understood where these families come from and the situations they lived. It was easy for me to not judge when I would walk into a dirty home, where they had very little and where the family was just finding ways to survive each day. It was easy to love them because I had people in my life who loved me, even though I came from a dirty home and that chaos was my life experience, they loved me anyway. It's easy to not flinch and worry that my clothes will get dirty, when a child wraps their dirty arms around your neck because they understand that you love them no matter what. It's easy to cry with families when things don't go their way or celebrate when they experience success. I have been there and I get it and I am grateful that I get it. Because not only can I understand, but I am example of someone who made different choices and rose above life's circumstances that are less than okay. I can give people hope that they can choose something different, that they can get an education and that their life can be far better than their current circumstances. My experiences can help others who may be experiencing similar situations.

I chose to make very little money for a program that did so much, because with a whole organization backing me, I could do so much and make a bigger impact than I can make on my own. But because of trials and heartache that I experienced the last 3 years there, I left. Now I have a new adventure happening and I have different life experiences waiting to happen and I am learning so much from the new people in my life and I hope that together we can make an impact for good and the lives entrusted to us to love and to educate can be better by knowing us. I have no doubt that even though my current job position is not working with poverty, where I came from and who I am, somehow I am where I am meant to be and my experiences will be exactly what I need to make a difference in my current life experience somehow.

Nobody is exempt from trials. Everybody has things that are hard in life and that make them unique, individuals with the perfect life experiences to help another person up and to make a difference for someone. Each of us have experienced the exact things that we needed to, in order to be right where we are and to be in a position to love, support and care for others. Nobody should feel as if their life story should be unheard and nobody should be worried that they will be judged based on those experience. Look around, there are some pretty amazing people in this world and they didn't get to be amazing by chance. They didn't get to be amazing because their life was smooth sailing and because they never experience heartache. It's those hard experiences that help us to grow, understand one another and truly learn to love unconditionally. Those trials that we have all had to endure and overcome are the exact things that put us in a position to reach out to others and provide a soft place to land. Those trials are exactly what makes you and amazing individual.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who love me no matter what. The people that truly know who I am and where I come from because those people are the people I trust more than life itself. I know that my life experiences have made me a better person and have put me in situations where I have been able to be a little more compassionate and found ways to be a friend and I have no doubt that whoever is reading this, your experiences, trials and heartache, triumphs and successes are exactly the experiences you needed in order to be where you are currently and to be able to help lift someone to higher ground. Your experiences have made you the strong, compassionate, hardworking, lovable, kind and the genuinely good person that you are today. So believe in yourself, in your past, in your present and in your future. Let your life's journey lead you to something special and to the exact people who need you and who you need.

NOT YET!

2015-11-08T14:50:00.003-07:00

Ummmm WOW!!! It has been a while since I have posted here! I had to go into hiding since life got so emotionally hard and I couldn't face anything and really I just needed to dig my way out of hell. I needed time to heal. But with a few changes, I am happy and stronger then ever. I have a new job, some new friends and renewed faith in myself and in my Heavenly Father. It hasn't been easy to get here and I still have a long ways to go and I certainly doubt myself a lot but I am working on rebuilding my confidence and believing in myself and my abilities. I am a good person and I will never again allow anyone to tell me otherwise.

But that is not why I am writing... I am beyond frustrated with the negativity in regards to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Something that I love more than anything. The Church recently came out with some updated policies to clear up their stance in regards to same-sex lifestyle. While the members of the church are encouraged to love and respect everyone regardless of their religious beliefs or life choices, it is still important to stand by our beliefs. We don't have to treat people poorly because their opinions and choices differ from ours, but we can still practice what we believe. But I do believe that the people who don't agree with The LDS church could be respectful of us and our beliefs without accepting what we believe. It's called life people. Everyone is free to choose what he or she believes, but we are not free to ridicule each other because we believe differently. The differences in people, the different cultures, race, language, skin color, religious beliefs, different clothing style and etc is what makes the world unique and beautiful. Keeping it simple, you don't have to have the same favorite color as your friends, in order be friends. You and I can have different tastes in clothing, in music, in entertainment and even in religion and still be respectful of one another and be friends. No two people are the same and that is the beauty of the world.

It saddens me to see the many posts on Facebook ripping apart a religion that I hold near and dear to my heart. It's okay to share your opinions in a respectful manner, but name calling, ridiculing and flat out telling people that what they believe is wrong makes me sad. It's okay to believe that same sex marriage is a sin, but still love the people who disagree with that belief. It's the action that we are talking about not the person. God loves everyone regardless of sexual orientation. It's okay to think that the LDS religion is wrong, but please still be respectful of the members of the religion.

Honestly, I am on the fence with this updated policy, simply because I know that it has created a lot of heartbreak for some people and I am never a fan of people's hearts hurting. But regardless of the policy, my love for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and for my Heavenly Father and for the people in my life has not changed or been affected. I actually don't care if a person is married or single, gay or straight or anything in between. People are people! We all have our struggles and trials in life and no one is perfect. Nobody gets out of this life unscarred!!! Trust me, I am a deeply flawed individual and that's ok. I understand that this updated policy has caused a lot of heartbreak for a lot people. I get it!!! It makes me sad that there are many people hurting over this.

I grew up in a family that is not always active in the church. They go back and fourth with what they believe in and with their stance towards the church. Coming from a person who has had to live with parent's who don't believe the same as I do or who often has to defend my beliefs and defend who I am to people who should love me for me, I can tell you that is not easy. It's not easy to have parents who don't understand me and my life choices and therefore, don't even know how to love their own daughter. I can't remember the last time my mom or dad told me that they loved me, although I have expressed that to them many times. Just this morning my heart broke when I read an exchange between my mom and older sister where my sister said "I love you mom," and my mom said "I love you too." I don't begrudge my sister of that and I am glad that she gets to hear that from my mom but I don't get to hear those words because I have made some choices that my family doesn't understand. I would guess they love me, but I couldn't say that with 100% certainty. I have had to defend my decision to get an education. I have defended my decision to be a teacher - my family is are not big fans of teachers. Most hurtful is my need to defend my religious beliefs to them, which is the biggest part of who I am. I don't write this because I feel sorry for myself or want anyone else to feel sorry for me. I write this because not everyone understand what is like to live in a home where what you believe in, is not what you see every day.

It's not easy to live in a home where the people that I love don't live in harmony with what I believe to be right and sometimes the things that they choose to say or do actually contradict what I know to be right. Visiting them often puts me in a hard position where I have to defend who I am, the choices I have made in life and what I believe. I often leave their home with a heavy heart and questioning myself and who I am. I want what is best for them and obviously what I feel is best differs from the way they choose to live their life. Obviously I love them and need to respect who they are regardless of how they are towards me. It's their choice to decide for themselves how they choose to live their life. I am an adult now and I choose not to spend a lot of time at their house because it breaks my heart, simply because I have made different choices.

I am an adult now and it is still a challenge, but as a young child this was so confusing and difficult. I didn't invite my friends over because I needed that part of my world to be separate from my home life. It's a hard position to be in and I wouldn't want ANY child to be an position where what they are learning at church to be right and wrong, differs from what they see practiced in their home. How do they decide what is right? Why make them choose at a young age to be a member of a Church that proclaims what is happening in their home is a sin. Many children are too young to sort something like that out. It wouldn't be fair for them to have to choose between their parents, whom they love and a religion, that they don't understand completely. It is hard to live the Gospel when you do have parents who are living it and support what you believe.

Trust me, these children are not being denied blessings. When I have gotten on my knees in prayer and asked my Heavenly Father for something, sometimes the answers come quickly, sometimes they are slow and other times they don't come at all. When I get answers, sometimes the answer is yes, other times it is no and many times the answer is NOT YET! It's the same logic with this new policy. In order to help children mature and be able to make a choice based on what they know, feel and believe, the answer is simply NOT YET. Let's wait on blessings and baptisms, until the person has all the knowledge they need to make an informed and mature decision. Children are not denied the benefits of church attendance and priesthood blessings, they are simply waiting for membership. The answer is not yet.

For me it is not a matter of what I think about his policy, it's a matter of how I feel about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have had too many experiences in my life that have confirmed the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have read the Book of Mormon many times and cannot deny what I feel when I read that book. I have no doubt that it is the world of God. Because it is the word of God, I know that Joseph Smith is God's prophet and that there are living Prophets in the world today. Because I have no doubt that the LDS church is true and that it is being lead today by God, through his Prophets and Apostles, I choose to have faith in the decisions being made by the Prophet, with whom I sustain. Does this mean that I am following blindly? Absolutely not! Like many people, I have read the policy, I have read many articles regarding the policy and I choose to follow my heart and my testimony and live according to the teachings of God. I'm not perfect and I make a bazillion mistakes, but I am trying and I am repenting when I need to. I love the Gospel so much and I love my Heavenly Father more than I have words to say. Without him, I would be nothing. I understand what it's like to live with out the Gospel and I promise you living with it is a much better route for me. It give me direction and balance that I wouldn't otherwise have.

I respect those people who do not believe as I believe. I even respect those people choosing to leave the church. It's not a choice I would make and I hope that these decisions are not being made lightly but are being made with a lot of fasting and prayer. I do believe everyone has the right to their agency and their beliefs. I simply ask that those people who choose to believe differently than I do, be respectful of what I believe and while I would never lash out at another person's religion or beliefs, I would hope receive the same respect in return. Please be respectful of those of us who choose to love and live the Gospel that we know to be true and who choose to have faith that somehow everything will work out in the end. Please know that I have put a lot of thought and prayer into my belief in the LDS church and so have many others who choose to love the Church unconditionally. I have heard many times NOT YET, but I choose to be okay with that answer because I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, just as he loves all of his children, and sometimes not yet saves me from a lot of heartache pain and trials. I choose to have faith in him and in the knowledge that he knows me better than anyone and he knows what is best for me in the long haul.

And for anyone who is reading this, I remind you that God is love and he loves each of us so much that he truly wants us to be happy and wants what is best for us unconditionally. And while I don't have all the answers and I don't understand everything, I do understand that he love me and for me that's enough. That's all I really need to know.

Despair

2015-03-14T22:29:00.003-07:00

There is so much going on with my heart

But I don’t think I can go on without falling a part

I’m not sure that anyone understands me at all

I’m afraid I will never get up again once I fall

Every direction I turn is no direction to go

All I hear is the screaming of NO

There is no strength that comes from within

It is impossible to imagine I could ever win

Moving forward is where I should go

But once again failure seems to be all I ever know

Everyday another mistake

It’s pretty likely I’m going to break

So many people that I can’t trust

Why is dusting myself off again a must

Once again I feel all alone

Maybe it’s easier to go unnoticed and be unknown

I don’t understand why I am here

I’m nobody significant so it’s pretty unclear

There’s always a battle that needs to be fought

A price to be paid for a lesson to be taught

I don’t have much more of me to give away

I’m not really sure I can face another day

Ready to stop and give up this fight

In the darkness there is no light

-Kimberly (March 14, 2015)

A Special Surprise....

2015-02-02T19:18:00.001-07:00

8x11 Photo Wall Calendar (12 months)

We're Runners

2015-01-10T09:46:00.001-07:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Shutterfly photo books offer a wide range of artful designs and embellishments to choose from.

Merry Christmas 2014

2014-12-24T20:52:00.001-07:00

With it being Christmas time once again, I find myself a bit reflective and ever so grateful!!! I know there are are always a million billion trials that each of us must endure, but here are also a million billion blessing that each of us receive.

The last couple of years have been so hard for me. I have endured some crazy ups and downs.

The other day, I spent the evening with one of my very best friends (I don't really like to label my friends, but when I am honest with myself, I know that is exactly what she is). It was so much fun to relax and visit. It is amazing to me that as often as we talk, we never run out of things to talk about it. I love being around her because she is a kind, caring and compassionate person. Having her in my life has been one of the biggest blessing of this year. While we were visiting, dare I say our conversation became very personal for me. One minute we were chatting, and the next minute we were having a very different discussion about the trials and obstacles that I have faced the last few years.

As I drove home that night, my heart was filled with love, gratitude and the realization that my Heavenly Father has always been looking out for me. As I reflected on the last few years, I realized that before the craziness began, my Heavenly Father was quickly putting the people in place that I would need to get through such a difficult time. He hand selected some of the best friends I have ever had to help support me and help me up each time I fell and each time that I couldn't get up on my own. When we are going through difficult times, sometimes all we can see is the trial before us, but as we look back, we see the blessings that were there for us to help us get through the current challenge. As I look around me, I have discovered that not only did my Heavenly Father select the most amazing friends for me, but he helped me to become a better person and strengthened my character

I am always so grateful for the Christmas season for the opportunity to reflect and to be reminded of my blessing and how blessed I am! I am so grateful for the people in my life today, in the past and in my future. I am so grateful for my Savior and all that he has done for me personally.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the year....

One By One

2014-12-21T23:14:00.002-07:00

Wow!!! It's been a long time since I have posted to this blog, but I am feeling so much gratitude to my Heavenly Father today that I had to share my gratitude....

I love this song so much because I was just thinking today how much our Heavenly Father loves each of us as individuals. He doesn't expect us to be something that we are not and he knows our hearts so completely. I imagine that he knows each of us better than we even know ourselves and when our hearts hurt, his heart aches for us. He understands our pain and the trials that we face. He understands when we are sad, lonely, discouraged or just plain hurt. He doesn't want any of his precious children to feel the pain that we sometimes feel. Sometimes I feel like I am about to break and yet somehow he strengthens me. Life is definitely not easy, but I know that with him by my side, I can get through anything. I have never had to survive life's challenges alone.

I remember when my younger brother passed away, I thought I would never be whole again. Never had I experienced so much sorrow and pain. My heart broke that day!!! I never thought that I would be able to smile again, but somehow the light of Christ has made me whole. He has healed my broken heart many times. He has comforted me and spent many heartbreaking nights with me. I am forever grateful for a Dad that loves me so unconditionally that he not only cares that I make good choices, but he cares for my heart. He helps me not only overcome each trial but to come through them stronger and more complete than I was before. One of the lady's from my mission, Sister Wood shared with me this thought, "the hotter the fire, the stronger the steal."

I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father, my Dad who loves me so much that even when I feel so alone, I am not!!! He is always a phone call away, all he requires of me is to drop to my knees and make the call. He is always willing to listen to me. I am forever grateful to him for the wonderful people that he has placed in my life to help me get through life. I seriously have the best friends!!! When I fall, they are ready and eager to help me up, dust of the dirt and help heal my wounds. When I can't get back up, they reach to me and help me and when I stumble, they grab hold and don't let me fall. I must have done something right in life to be blessed with such amazing friends. I cannot thank my Heavenly Father enough for sending them my way. I cannot thank them enough for accepting the challenge. I know it must be a difficult challenge for them to be an instrument in his hands to help mold me into the person that he is hoping I will become. I love my friends so much!!! This year has made me extra grateful for them. I know that my Heavenly Father knew exactly who I would need. I am so grateful for his love for me and their love for me. So a big thank you to him and to them!!!!

Watch Over Him

2014-06-14T22:06:00.001-07:00

So I have been thinking about my dad a lot lately, with it being father's day and all. But mostly it's because some days he seems so fragile. I can't bare to see him struggle. He is suppose to have surgery again next week and yet I can't even count all the surgeries he has already endured!!! I wrote something about him a while back, and I thought it appropriate to share now as my heart continues to ache at his pain and as I watch him struggle...

Watch Over Him
Sometimes life is so very cruel
And I simply don’t know what to do!!!
Why does it have to hurt so much
The ache from a single touch

In his eyes I see pain
All around him it continues to rain
How this must make him feel
Why even bother to kneel

He used to be so full of strength
Willing to go to any length
Suddenly he seems so frail
It is so sad when our bodies fail

It’s hard to watch someone suffer
If only I were a little bit tougher
My heart aches to see him this way
Sometimes it’s so hard to pray

I don’t think my heart can handle too much more
Some days, it is really really sore
I wish I could take away the sadness
All of this heartache seems like madness

On my knees I feel my Savior close
I hope he knows right now I need him the most
How to help, I haven’t a clue
There must be something for me to do

I need to know that I am not alone
I hate to feel like I’m on my own
Father I know you’re there
But this struggle hardly seems fair

I know that you are listening to me
And that you hear my hearts every plea
Please watch him each and every day
I really don’t know what else to say…

Kimberly (November 2011)

And for anyone who wants to help my parents out with all of the medical expenses, click here.

Thanks for checking out my ramblings...

Electrodash

2014-06-04T18:32:00.003-07:00

We had so much fun doing the Electro Dash, a glow in the dark 5K. First we picked up our packets, which included our shirts, so we had to change our shirts in the parking lot. Then we super early, because of packet pick up, so we hung out at a restaurant sipping on soda and putting on our tattoo. ha ha ha

We found many photo ops. We want to remember this adventure for a life time!!!

We high fived everyone that we could and cheered on all the runners. I almost lost my voice we were cheering so much!!!

After the race, there was a super fun dance party!!! We had a total blast!!!

We ended our adventure at Denny's at midnight!!! We were starving!!!

Hippie Run 5K

2014-05-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

We ran a 5K a few weekends ago! It was so much fun!!

On our way to the Hippie /run...

After the run we went to Denny's for an early breakfast. ha ha ha

Thanks for stopping by...

End of the School Year

2014-05-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the school year, which always leaves me feeling a little bit reflective. I love being a teacher so much, but this year was a challenge. There was one trial after another.

First off, I had lots of children with lots of different needs. I had several children with special needs, lots of ESL children and many challenging behaviors. If that wasn't enough, there was a lot of ridiculous stuff going on all around me. As much as I tried and wanted to stay out of all the crap and drama, I kept finding myself in the midst of it. I learned a lot about myself and about other people.

After this crazy year, I am burned out!!! I wish really want to quit and leave MHS because I am not sure I can take anymore crap, but my heart will always be with the children that I am blessed to have call me teacher. No better job title is there for me than to be called teacher. But wow, I am drained. It's a good thing it is the end of the school year, because I honestly don't have ANYTHING left to give.

We also had a Federal Review this school year. This is where the government sends people to make sure we are the best of the best, more or less. They grade our teaching and go through all of our paperwork. It was a stressful week. One funny thing happened during that week though, my skirt fell off. Yep you read right, I lost my skirt while a federal review was in my classroom. I am so grateful that she missed the whole thing, though I have been teased plenty for it. ha ha ha ha

I can't post this without mentioning what a wonderful supervisor I had. Without her, I would NEVER have made it through the school year. Seriously!!! I am so not kidding!!!! She put up with my many stresses and helped make things easier. When I was lacking confidence in myself as a teacher, she was there to help me remember that do indeed got this. I loved having her around and spending time in my classroom. She is very knowledgeable about education and children and it is obvious that she loves what she does. The children absolutely adore her!!! I am truly blessed to know her and call her my friend.

I also had wonderful staff again this year. Without them, I would have walked away. I have never had a school year so challenging on me mentally and emotionally. I have to admit that I am glad it is over. But don't get me wrong, I love the children and it was hard to say goodbye!!

Now it's time to make some decisions, replenish myself and figure out what the next step in life is for me. And for all my wonderful friends and family who constantly stick by my side even when I feel like a mess, I send you a GREAT BIG THANK YOU!!!

Love Being a Teacher

2014-04-30T20:15:00.003-07:00

Even on the worst days, like today, I love being a teacher!!! I love working for the Head Start program and being an advocate for good for the children in my classroom. I just had to say that... Also I work with the best team of teachers ever!!! So lucky to have them on my team and be able to call them my friends!!! Debbie and Gaby are the absolute best!!!

Here are some fun pictures that my sister, Sarah took!! Love them and love her!!!

I took this one of the best supervisor ever!!! Seriously she is always so supportive and so helpful and when I am not sure what to do, she is always quick to offer help and advice. I don't know what I would have done without Ame this year!!! Not to mention that I am super blessed to call her my friend!! Love this girl a lot!!!! In case you wanted to know!!!!

Don't ask about the mustache!!! We will be taking a better picture later on!! ha ha ha ha ha

But we are still cute girl, even with the markered mustache!!! ha ha ha ha

2014-04-25T20:58:00.001-07:00

I am so not trying to be negative!!! I promise! But sometimes, life just sucks!!! Sometimes I feel so lost and alone. Sometimes my hearts just hurt. Sometimes, I feel like I have nowhere to turn. That's the way life goes sometimes. Sometimes life is so hard and hurts so much and there is NOTHING you can do about it. I know life is about choices and that many things in our life are the way that they are because of the choices that we have made, but sometimes, things happen that are so beyond our control and it just sucks!!!

One of the things that I totally hate about myself, is that it is so hard for me to completely let other people in. Sometimes I am afraid that they won't like what they see. Sometimes I am afraid of being hurt. But mostly, it is just difficult for me to share the things with others that I struggle with the most. It's hard to admit that I don't got this!! It's hard to ask for help because I got nothin!!! I don't want to let people down, especially the ones that I care about so much!! I want to be a strong person, but reality is that I am so weak!! I want to be a good friend, the person always willing to listen to other, someone who is always happy for other people and someone who is always lifting people up to higher ground, but truthfully sometimes, I am just not that person. I'm not a bad person, but sometimes I just don't have anything to give. I want to always reach out to my friends and to the people around me and help anyway I can. I want to help fill peoples cups, but sometimes, my jar is just empty.

I don't hate who I am, I am a good person, I just struggle sometimes and I feel alone. I have many wonderful friends, so why do I feel alone???

Ame Cakes

2014-04-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

My latest creative project!! I made the cutest frame ever!!! It was so hard to figure out how to make this. I could totally see it in my head, but it was so hard to find exactly what I needed and then to get it out of my head onto the frame. WOW!!! What hard work!!! This thing got sanded down many times so that I could start over!! All hand painted!!! I hope she likes it!!! Such a GREAT friend!!! As always, I'm pretty lucky!

BTW she made a request for dolphins and cupcakes!! How the hell do you put those two things together? Looks like I might have pulled it off!!!

Kidney Transplant - Please Help

2014-03-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

So I have talked about my dad many times and his health struggles with Kidney failure and having to be on dialysis. Though we have our differences, many many differences, it hurts my heart so much to him struggle. I cannot stand to see someone in pain and I cannot comprehend how frustrating it must be to him to not be able to do many things that he used to. So basically, he needs a kidney transplant. So for those of you who know me, knows that it is really really hard for me to ask for help. Also for those of you who know my family, know that they are so not wealthy and there is no way my parents would ever be able to afford a transplant.

So here is a site I set up for people to donate!!! It's pretty awesome that people can help in this way if they choose. All you have to do is go to this website, http://www.gofundme.com/7xi4kc and click the donate button. So if you are looking to make a difference for someone, here is one way! It would really help my dad and our family!!

I set up the site today and he has already gotten a donation!! It's awesome!!! And I am so proud to say how amazing my friends are!!! That first donation was from a wonderful person and friend! Thanks Ashely!!1 You are always so kind and always helping others. You are such an inspiration to me!!!

It warms my heart to see how much my friends care and support and love me!! I have the BEST friends!!! Seriously!!! I'm just sayin....

My New Photo Book

2014-03-25T19:21:00.001-07:00

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Click here to view this photo book larger

Start your own Shutterfly Photo Book today.

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We Got This! April 20...Just Sayin...

2014-03-22T23:52:00.000-07:00

We seriously made the funnest shirts.

We are having a federal review for our work in a few weeks and we thought these shirts would be fun.

They are just iron on.

Check out my super red hair! I love it!!!

And just for fun, I thought I would throw in this beauty! I seriously have the best Supervisor ever!!

Such a great friend to let me mess up her hair and then snap a picture. ha ha ha ha

What I Have Learned....

2014-02-23T02:52:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been really really rough for me. I don't want to spend a lot of time here digging up old skeletons or sharing all the crazy things that made up such a rough time, but what I do want to share are the things that I have learned this week.

First and foremost, I learned that I have a lot of amazing friends who care about me and love me and who cannot sit by and watch me muddle through life and make a mess of things. I have learned that I should feel incredibly blessed to have these remarkable people in my life cheering me on, lifting me up and even carrying me when I cannot seem to stand on my own.

I also relearned that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally. He knows where I have been, he knows where I am and he knows where he wants me to go and he will do anything in his power to get me there. I have learned that he will NOT sit idle and watch me struggle. He will never expect me to figure things out on my own and he always knows exactly who I need and who he needs to send. And not only that, but this week, he sent me an army of people to help me and these people I am lucky enough to call my friends. He didn't just send one person, but he sent several throughout the week. He sent them all with messages and a piece to the puzzle that helped me to feel whole. He knows where my head and heart is, even when I don't.

This week has been a struggle for a lot of reason. It got to be too much for me to handle and deal with on my own. I was struggling so much that I could not keep my head above water and I wasn't even always sure where my head was. I couldn't talk about what I was thinking or feeling because I only sort of kind knew what I was thinking or feeling. I put a lot distance between me and the people I cared about. I pushed some people away that I should have been pulling closer. To put it in simple terms, I was not coping well with the things that were happening around me.

But then an army of angels started showing up. There was the normal angels that I interact with every day. Not only do I call them my co-workers, my teaching team, but I also am lucky enough to call them my friends. They support me and encourage me no matter what. When I am struggling, they make up the difference in what I am lacking as a teacher.

Wednesday, a special person showed up out of nowhere to my classroom, and pulled me aside so we could chat. I can't tell you how she knew where my head was, but I can tell you that she was inspired to share with me the things that she shared with me. I can also say that I felt the spirit so strongly in everything that she shared with me and I know that she was truly inspired and that she is an amazing lady who listen to God and does the things that he expects of her. We talked about things of a spiritual nature, we talked about our backgrounds and families and we cried together. She did most of the talking but I needed to hear EVERYTHING she said to me. We talked about the need to rise above our upbringing and that we make an active decision everyday to be better than we were raised to be. She also talked about what it means to honor our parents and she gave me a lot to think about. She couldn't have possibly have know that I was struggling with this very topic. Another thing that stuck with me is when she was talking about having relationship built on mutual kindness and respect and how some people are just mean. However even when people are behaving poorly, I still need to be kind, not because of who they are, but because of who I am and who I am choosing to be. We talked about a lot of things that I won't be sharing here because of the very personal nature, but I have to say she gave me a lot to think about. I continued thinking about our conversation the rest of the week and I continue to think about it even now.

The next angel came in the way of a simple text message just asking me if I was okay. Nothing significant but just that special friend noticing that I was not my normal self. The word she used was chipper. And then later that night facebooking me and just checking on me again and letting me know that she cared. It feel good to be loved. I just have to say, there is power in kindness and reaching out to people and letting them know you care. That simple act of kindness meant a lot too me as I continued thinking about the conversation I had with with the first angel the day before.

Then on Friday as things started to look a little brighter, life just got more difficult as I found myself in tears. First I was talking with Debbie about some personal things and finding comfort in that we could talk about life and struggles and challenges. A few minutes later, though she has no idea how much it meant to me to have yet another angel sitting next to me, trying to comfort me and let me know that she cares. I couldn't talk to her and I was struggling to let her in, though I wanted to. There was just so much.... But her simple act of kindness, putting her arms around me and offering kind words was exactly what I needed in that moment. I don't mean to sound like a psycho or sappy or anything, I just hope that whoever is reading this understands the power of a simple act of kindness, no matter how insignificant it may seem to the person offering kindness, it is no small thing to the receiver. Sometimes, it is the simple things in life that mean the most and have the most power!!

Later, as the day continued, at the office yet another angel and another offering support, wisdom, advice and care. Reminding me of the value of friendship and kindness.

Even later on Friday, I reached out to a friend on the other side of the world and found encouragement, love and support and more insight into life. She told me to consider the source of unhappiness and to remember that our Heavenly Father wants each of us to be happy. She told me how much she hated to see dumb stuff drag me down because not only do I deserve to have peace and happiness, but that is what my Heavenly Father wants for me as well. She reminded me to focus on my blessing and to remember that I am a very sensitive person and that sometimes things effect me deeply. She also reminded me that writing helps me to clear my head and gain a new perspective. So here I am.... She also reminded me that I am loved. Thanks mom!!!

Then today more angels... A phone call from a friend letting me know that she was thinking about me and wanting to impart some more of her wisdom onto me. She wanted to remind me, that people talk and no matter what, people are always going to talk. Our only defense in this, is to be the kind of person that when people talk, the people around those talkers already know my character and will know the truth and the falsehood in the words they hear because they know me and who I am. She also shared something with me, that I had never thought about before. She said, "there are some people's shit lists that I am proud to be on." I had to laugh at this comment but as she explained what she meant, it became clear to me as to how right she is. Not everybody is going to like us. I am guilty in wanting people to like me. I am now rethinking that. ha ha ha She pointed out to me that she would never want to be liked by someone who is dishonest, hurtful, manipulative and etc because what would that say about her character? So I have to agree, there are some people's shit lists, that I am proud to be on.

Tonight came my final angel. A very special friend of mine, who I connected with pretty quickly early on in our friendship (actually, it's still pretty early on in our friendship). We have always been able to pretty much talk about anything and everything. I would not describe her as just any friend, she is a good friend, a REALLY good friend. Now anyone, reading this who knows me, knows that I don't open up to people easily. Some of my friends, it took me years to share personal stuff with and yet with this friend, though I wouldn't say I am an open book, I feel pretty comfortable to share pretty much anything, when it comes up. But for some crazy reason, I haven't been able to talk to her, mostly because I was struggling to keep my head on straight. But tonight we were able to have a heart to heart and just talk. I cannot begin to describe how much I needed to hear the things that she was sharing with me as well. Not only that but I realized that she initiated the first angel because she had been trying so hard to reach out to me and for some crazy reason I wouldn't let her. It's overwhelming to realize that someone I was being such a jerk to, still loved me enough to try and reach me, even if that meant she had to decide that it was okay if it wasn't her that helped. She is an angel and truly a special friend. She shared with me her knowledge and wisdom and helped me to get even further clarity. Pretty soon, we were laughing and joking like we always do. I loved talking with her so much and quickly discovered how much I missed her these last few days. A LOT!!! I love our friendship so much and am so grateful for her patience and love, care and support! I feel pretty lucky to have her in my life!

I am sure there were many many other angels who helped me along the way. In talking with all of these angels, tonight I realized something... Though nobody knew exactly what was going on with me, some of my friends had bits and pieces but nobody had the whole picture, and none of these special angel had really taken the time to communicate with each other and some didn't even know each other, the message that each of them delivered was always the same. The words were different, but the ideas and concepts and overall messages were the same. This was NOT a coincidence and to be honest, there was NO WAY that any of them knew where my head was or what was weighing so heavily on my heart. I came to discover not only do I have amazing friends who love me and care about me and will never leave me to muddle through life on my own, but I also have amazing friends who are willing to be instruments in the hands of the Lord. They listened to him, even if they didn't realize that they were listening.

I learned that although, I feel so insignificant in this big world and that I am nobody special, I am indeed someone special. I am so significant that my Heavenly Father loves me so much that he sent not one but an army of angels to lift me up and remind me that I am important and that I deserve to be happy and that I am loved. Even as I write this, I am reminded of the truthfulness of these very words. I am loved. I am loved by by friends and by my Heavenly Father. He sent that exact thing that I needed to hear with not just one friend but many. I know that I needed to be inspired by the things my friends said, but I also needed to hear the same thing from many people so that I would come to the knowledge that the message were not just from my friends, but from him, because I am so important to him, that he needed to remind me that he loves me and that he is always here for me and that I NEVER have to do life alone!! NEVER!!! I was feeling pretty alone but quickly found myself surround by friends who love me and surrounded by the love of my Heavenly Father.

I hope everyone can understand, that it doesn't matter what your religion is, you are loved!!! You are loved by your friends and by your family and by your Heavenly Father. I'm just sayin....

And to all my angels who care about me, support me, love me and helped me get through this week, thank you!!! I hope you know how special you are to me and how much I love you!!!!

Pajama Party!!!

2014-02-14T03:01:00.000-07:00

I seriously have the best friends in the world!! We celebrated somebody's birthday with Karaoke and a pajama party!!! All I can say, is good times!!

I love these girls so much!!!!! I feel so lucky to have each of them in my life!!

Love this picture!

Good Bye Earl

Fat Bottom Girls....

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Evil

2014-02-11T21:54:00.001-07:00

I will never understand hidden agendas. I don't understand how people think it is okay to gang up on or attack another person or several individuals. What makes people stretch the truth, fabricate or straight up lie about others. Is it because they are evil with bad intentions? Is it to make themselves look better than someone else? Is simply because they don't like someone? Or maybe it is because they are jealous of something about the person? Could it because they don't understand someone? Maybe it is because that person is different from them? Or maybe it is because they twist things up so much in their little head that they can't even remember what the truth is. Or perhaps they simply like playing the role of the victim?

Whatever the case may be, it is so wrong for people to make up stories or stretch the truth about another individual. It is so frustrating to be on the receiving end of something so ridiculously crazy that you cannot fathom how you will even dig your way out because it has completely crossed the line of crazy.

Someone near and dear to me has said to me many times "right is right." This is a true statement and somehow in some way, the truth always comes out. Eventually people figure out what the truth is and then they are shocked that they ever believed or even listened to the lie.

I know I am not making any sense, but I guess that is what a lie is, something that doesn't make anything sense!!!

So people, just be honest!! If it didn't happen, no need to make something up or stretch the truth. If you don't like someone, that's okay. Just don't like them. No need to make up something. If they are making poor choices, eventually the consequences will catch up to them. No need to fabricate!!! I'm just sayin....

Friends

2014-01-31T02:54:00.000-07:00

I seriously have the best friends!!!! Just so you all know!!!

Love this girl!

Confidence...

2014-01-25T21:18:00.003-07:00

So I have been thinking a lot about confidence... What makes a girl confident? What makes a girl lack in confidence? What is the difference between being confident and being conceited? What makes someone confident in their abilities? In their appearance? In who they are? How much does our individual confidence come from within versus from an outside source? If you need constant compliments, are you truly confident? How much can one person help another individual become more confident in themselves? Does being confident mean you need to be the center of attention or the focus of every conversation? Or is a confident person, someone who is comfortable enough with themselves to not need to be the focus of everything?

Of course I don't have the answers to these questions and more. I've just been giving it a lot of thought. I like to think that I am a confident person. No I am not beautiful or skinny or some kind of super model. No I don't make a lot of money, have the perfect life or am perfect at my job. Yes, I make a lot of mistakes every single day. Yes I could loose some weight! No my house is not always perfectly clean even though I live by myself and yes I could be better at practicing what I preach and believe. But I am comfortable being who I am. I know that I am a good person. I know that I am good to my friends. I know that I am a lot of fun to be around and that I make other people laugh. I know that I am little crazy and love a good adventure. I might be a little goofy and silly, but hey what is life for, if not to be enjoyed? I know that I am creative in many aspects of the word. I know that I am not ugly. I know that I am good at my job and a really good teacher. Am I the perfect teacher? Hell no!! But am I a good teacher? Absolutely!!

What I am trying to say is that I know that I am a person of value and that I have a lot to offer the people around me. I know that I have talents that I don't completely understand. For the most part, I know who I am. I have goals and things that I want to work on and be better at, but that doesn't change the good qualities that I possess. Having confidence in who I am, doesn't make for a conceited person. I don't need to dumb myself down, put myself down or share my weaknesses with everyone in order to make the people around me feel good about themselves. I can't stand the skinning girl that complains about being fat or needing to lose weight, just so other people will say, "you don't need to loose weight" or "you are so skinning," or "look at how fat I am." There are other ways to get compliments without tearing myself down and there are other ways to build others up, without tearing myself down. I am a confident person and the approval of the people around me is not really needed. Does this mean that I don't care what other people thing? Goodness NO!!! I very much value the opinions of my friends and the people I care about. It simply means that I am okay with who I am and if someone would like to offer their opinions, I am more than willing to hear them out. However, I get to decide how I would use other people's advice or if I will use it all.

I think being a confident person adds beauty to a person from the inside out. It adds depth. It draws people in. I know for me, personally, I like to be around people who possess confidence. I actually can't stand people who are needy or who fish for compliments. For example being a teacher. There is NOTHING better than having a child randomly come up and put their arms around you and tell you that they love you or and I quote "just so you know, teacher, you're my favorite." I don't have to fish for that. It happens because they feel it and genuinely feel the need to show their affection. There is also nothing better than receiving genuine compliments from a parent, co-worker, friend or even a supervisor. There is no need to say I am terrible friend, in hopes that my friends will reassure me that I am good friend. Don't I already know that I am a good friend? Then why do I need to fish for that compliment? I personally would rather my friends give me a compliment when they feel it and feel the need to let me know and not because they think it is a requirement. I don't need to tell people what a good person I am, because they can already see that I'm a good person based my actions. As a teacher I love when out of nowhere a parent randomly expresses their appreciation. My personal favorite is when someone whom I respect gives a genuine unsolicited compliment. Something that I didn't ask for. Something that I couldn't have predicted and something that takes me by surprise. For example:

I have this awesome supervisor at work, who I am lucky enough to call my friend. I don't get a lot of time with her at work (at least during work hours), because she is often REALLY busy with other teachers and classrooms. She doesn't spend a lot of time in my classroom or helping me with challenging behaviors. Though when I do get to chat with her, which sometimes is on our own personal time, she is always more than willing to brainstorm ideas with me when I think I am struggling with something. She doesn't feel the need to tell me every day how wonderful I am or what a great a teacher I am or anything like that, and she doesn't. To be honest, I sometimes feel as if her expectations of me are a little bit higher than what she expects of the teachers around me. I'm not saying this is a bad thing or that I'm all that, because I am not and because I expect a lot out of myself. I like to have high expectations and to be pushed to be the best I can be (one of my all time favorite people, does that to me all the time. Before she moved to Dubai, she expected a lot from me as a teacher, and continues to do so as a teacher and a person). I like to be challenged. It's a good feeling to know that I am in constant motion, most of the time moving forward, with those occasional steps backwards. But what I wanted to say is that my supervisor NEVER gives me a fake compliment. I don't have to fish for them and she doesn't give them to me out of neediness. I can't stand the your doing a good job compliment. I can't stand asking for compliments. I don't feel the need to tell her everything that I do. I don't need her approval on everything. When I set up my classroom, I just went for it. I didn't need to run everything by her before hand, I didn't have to beg her to come see my work. I don't feel the need to discuss every child in my classroom every single day and what they did and what I did. I don't need to tell her all the great things that I am doing. I don't need to beg for compliments. I can look around my classroom and see how my kids are behaving and know that myself and my team are doing a good job. I can create an environment that works and I know it works based on how my children interact with it. I can add cute things to my room or take things away from my room without running it by my supervisor. I don't need her to approve my every move. I can make a decision and run with it because I am confident in my ability as a teacher. I don't need to be in constant conversation about myself, my classroom and all the things I am doing. I also don't need to constantly play the poor me game. At the beginning of the year, I struggled with all the needs in my classroom. There were a lot of things going on. I still have challenges. But I don't play the poor me game, I would rather that my supervisors in the office think of me as a capable teacher, rather than someone in need of a lot of support,. I love to have the office visit my class, but not because I am not capable, but simply because I enjoy my interactions with them. I don't ever want to be seen as a needy person, because really that is a big turn off. But what I was going to say, that a confident person is attractive. A confident teacher is someone that can stand on their own two feet for longer than a couple of days. I don't need the constant approval or compliments from my supervisor. In fact what I was going to say is, if my supervisor complimented me every day (which she doesn't), I would start to feel as if they were insincere. I also would hate it, if she was constantly telling me what a great job I was doing or what a great teacher I was. So I am grateful that she understand that I don't need that to believe in myself. Instead I occasionally get those compliments that have a lot of value and substance. Those are the kind of compliments that means something to me. I already know that I am doing a good job and that I'm a good teacher. So here is the example that I was going to mention. After rearranging my room to start the new year in January, the children's play was different and more productive and it solved a lot of problems that existed in my classroom before the change. When my supervisor noticed this, she didn't hesitate to point out to me how my room arrangement helped with behavior management, as well as helped the children to be more in control of their education and that rather than simply making a mess they were actually being productive. She didn't have to tell me how great my room set up was or what a great job I did on it but I got that from her observation of my kids. The other day I asked her how she knew I was a good teacher. No I wasn't fishing for a compliment, it was in reference to something she said and I genuinely wanted to know she had come to that conclusion. She didn't go on and on about how wonderful I am, because I wasn't fishing for that. I am confident in who I am as a teacher. She simply pointed out the feeling she gets when she is my classroom, the way the children interact with each other and the teachers, and how the proof is in my outcomes. The other day, she said to me, I had a hard time finding one of your children, because his behavior has changed so much. She didn't go on about all the things I did, that simple statement was all the compliment I needed and I wasn't expecting it but I appreciated it.

Once again I don't think I am all that. Anyone who knows me that I have a lot of imperfections and that I am completely aware of those imperfections. I simply wanted to illustrate what I am trying to say. When you believe in yourself and when you have confidence in your abilities and in who are in the many roles that you play, people understand that they don't need to give empty compliments, but that when they do send a compliment your way, it's genuine and sincere. I know I have had co-workers in the past think that I didn't dish them out enough compliments. But for me, I would rather receive a few sincere compliments that come with a lot of depth and meaning than a lot of empty compliments that don't have any substance to go with it. I think when a person fishes for compliment or is so needy, people begin to run out of compliments for that individual that has any substance because they are constantly feeling the need to throw them a bone. If your always throwing someone a bone, eventually you run out of bones.

A confident person isn't someone who thinks they are all that or who is in constant need to talk about themselves. To me, a confident person exemplifies a lot of humility. The ability to know who they are, and to know that he/she is a good person, without thinking he/she is better than anyone else. A confident understands that they are not perfect and are constantly setting goals and striving to improve who they are. It is a kind of quiet beauty. Those people don't need to be the center of attention, though sometimes might be the center of attention. For me, I hate being the focus or center of anything. I like to sit quietly by and let others enjoy the spotlight they are seeking. The may come as a surprise, I hate when all eyes are on me. Unfortunately, I do find myself front and center often, but trust me, it's not something enjoy. I really am not a look at me kind of person and so when someone else is desperately seeking that attention, I am more than willing to give them the spotlight. In fact, I really hate the focus of opening gifts on my birthday or Christmas. I hate when everyone is looking at me and I often worry that I won't give them the reaction the are hoping for. Though I do love gifts and surprises. ha ha ha ha I'm a little weird like that. ha ha ha ha

Please don't think I am talking about anyone specific, because I am not. I don't have anyone in mind other than myself. am simply rambling about something I have been thinking about a lot. I am also not talking about chatting with a friend and swapping stories. It's natural to get together with loved ones and share stories. It's even natural to share stories of awards and compliments and feelings of being appreciated. I love hearing about my friends success stories. I recently spent and evening at Olive Garden swapping stories with a really good friend. That's how we get to know each other. Just relaxing, chatting, sharing stories and enjoying each other's company was the best fun EVER!!!! I just simply mean, when you are in a room full of people, just because you have the need to dominate the conversation, does not always equal confidence. Being needy and fishing for compliments and then receiving compliments won't bring about confidence. Confidence actually comes from with in. It's like how a person is able to look at their friends, family and loves ones, and although they understand that these people are not perfect, they love them anyway and can see beyond their imperfections. Being confident in yourself is understanding that you have weakness but also knowing that you have strengths and being able to love yourself and know who are. Don't have to be the center of attention or the focus of a lot of compliments. Instead sit back, take the back seat now and again and listen to what others have to say and the stories they have to share, you might learn something. I'm just sayin....

My Cute Mouse Pad

2014-01-01T14:13:00.002-07:00

Mouse Pad

View the entire collection of cards.

Merry Christmas K3

2013-12-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

I totally made this! Isn't it super cute?

It found it's new home in Dubai

Love my K3 friend!!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2013-12-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

The Holidays are a wonderful time to reflect on the year and our accomplishments as well as the things we could be better at. As I ponder the real meaning of Christmas, as well as this past year, I can't help but be grateful for all of the blessing in my life.

I am grateful for my job and the opportunity to be a teacher to children who need love the most. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a teacher, so this is a lifelong dream. Many of the children I teach come from homes that are struggling. Homes similar to the one I came from. All struggling financially, some with the everyday struggles of life and other with basic survival and still others with children with special needs. I feel so lucky that my Heavenly Father trusts me enough to spend time every single day with his precious children. I get the opportunity not only to teach them, but to learn from them as well. I feel honored to be their teacher. There is no better job for me than to allow children to explore their ideas and test out their thinking. I love sharing in their laughter and hearing their ideas. I am so glad that I can provide them a safe place to come to each day where they can count on the simple fact that they are loved.

I am so grateful to work with many wonderful women, who spend their life in the service of children and making a difference. Many women who amazes me each and every day/ I feel incredibly blessed to call many of them my friends. I am so grateful for my friends. Long time friends and newly acquired friends. Each one of them brings something special into my life. Each person makes a difference in my life in a way that I cannot even begin to express and to be honest, I probably am not even aware of all the ways each person has impacted my life for good. Often I find myself thinking about the individual people in my life and how completely wonderful and unique each person is. I am so in awe of their awesomeness and cannot understand how someone as insignificant as myself can be so completely blessed by so many wonderful and amazing people, who I learn from on a daily bases. Sure there are those people that can make life difficult or a tad bit more challenging, okay maybe a lot challenging, but in the end, we learn from those people as well. I think about the people in my life and often find myself in awe as to the unlikely places I find friends. Sometimes the most most unlikely people become some of my closest friends. Sometimes, friendships can take a long time to form, and other times it happens so quickly that it happens in an instant, that I have to believe that there is a higher power that created that connection. I feel so incredibly blessed!!! This year has been no exception to the fabulous friends in my life.

This year, I have come to be more appreciative of things that I have previously taken for granted. This year brought my first broken bone ever in my lifetime. With this broken bone, came an appreciation of the simple things in life that I have often given little or no thought about. It brought an incredibly funny story that gets funnier each time it is told, and not just by me. But most importantly it brought me a wonderful friend, that I am so grateful to have in my life, even though she broke my finger. ha ha ha ha Seriously though, after spending eight weeks with a broken finger and pain every time I tried to use it or it got bumped on accident or on purpose, I have gained an appreciation for abilities. Yesterday, I was finally able to take and keep the splint off and now begins the process of trying to use my finger and get it to bend. It is still horribly painful to move. It's not really wanting to bend much. But simple things, like being able to type, amazes me. Taking a shower and not having to re-wrap my finger is heavenly. Being able to write without so much awkwardness is awesome. I have thought about other things as well. I have thought about the gift of sight, smell and hearing. Something that many people live without and yet I have been blessed with all of these gifts. The gift of being able to walk is another one that I have been amazed by. I have thought a lot about my little brother, Randy, who many of you know was born with heart issues. As I have dealt with daily pain in my finger for the last eight weeks, I think of him and the pain he endured his entire life. 9 years with constant pain and he rarely complained. I have been lucky if I even make it through a day without complaining about my finger hurting or the things that I can't do and yet there were many things he couldn't do his whole lifetime, though I am sure he wanted to. As always, he is hero to me. Someone who has set a lifetime of examples for me in just a few years. He has been gone for many years and yet he continues to teach me and inspire me to be a better person. Last year, at Christmas time, I wrote about my last Christmas that I got to spend with him and the gift he has given me. I often hope that I am not wasting my life and that I am making a difference in some small way and that he is proud to call himself, my younger brother. I always miss him, but I miss him the most at Christmastime. To me, Christmas is love and he emulates love more than anyone I know.

I have also been thinking a lot of how blessed I am to have my dad in my life. This year has been a particularly hard year for him as well for my mom and my whole family. He has been battling Kidney Failure for years now, with dialysis 3 times a week. As I was wrapping Christmas gifts today, I was thinking a lot about my dad. This year, one of the gifts I got him, hurts my heart, as I got him a really warm blanket that he can take to dialysis. I know how cold he gets and I thought about something that would be light weight that he can take to and from easily, but also about the color, it needed to be dark and something stain resistance as it is most likely that it will get blood on it. It was hard for me to get him something that pretty much represents his battle between life and death. I have thought a lot about life and death and the possibility of losing my dad. Though we certainly have our difference, in the way we choose to live our life, I am not ready to lose my dad. It has been so hard to watch him struggle. This year has been particularly difficult as I have watched him lose his desire to fight. Some days, he just wants to give up. I know that life is a challenge for him, with dialysis three times a week and being in and out of the hospital so regularly. It's not fair that he has these daily struggles, it's not fair for anyone. I think about how there are people all over the world fighting for their lives, my dad included, and if I could have just one wish this year, it would be that each of them can spend tomorrow, Christmas day, with peace in their hearts, knowing that the battle they fight isn't just for themselves but for the people that love them so much. It is my wish that they can spend a day where they don't have to fight for life, but they can just enjoy the life that they have been given and be surrounded by the spirit of Christmas and the people that love them the most.

One thing that I know for sure is that there is a spirit that accompanies Christmastime. Christmas will always be a magical time, filled with wonder and awe for all those that look for it. It will always be time of giving to those we love and to those less fortunate than we are. It will always be a time to look towards the heavens and be in awe of the goodness that still exists in life today. Miracles happen every single day, but at Christmastime our heart are often more open and more willing to see the magic that exists. It's a time to celebrate the most miraculous gift of all time, the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for his birth and for all that it represents to me as an individual. I am so grateful to have a Heavenly Father who loves me so much that he is always willing to hear everything that I choose to share with him. He blesses my life in more ways than I even know and when my heart hurts, he holds me close and reminds me that I am NEVER alone. I am so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Though I make many many mistakes and I don't live life perfectly, it's okay because my Heavenly Father understands. He doesn't expect perfection, he only expects me to be the best that I can and turn to him to help me make up the difference that I am lacking.

It is my wish that each of my friends and family members have a very Merry Christmas and can experience the magic that only Christmas brings. Thank you so much for blessing my life!!! I cannot begin to express my gratitude to each of you for loving me even when I am not so lovable and lifting me when I have fallen. I love each of you so much!!! Thanks for being a part of my life!!! And a big thanks to my Heavenly Father for sending each of you to me. I think he knew, I would need an army of angels to support me in life, so he sent you. I love you guys!!!

Together, let's make 2014 just as memorable as 2013.