Hasses aren't only avocados.

Mater: All About The Boy

2012-02-01T23:28:00.010-05:00

Sometimes, AJ2, there's no need for a story-line or humour to keep us interested in what you and your sister are doing. Sometimes cuteness alone can do the job. And whether you're sleeping, sitting up, smiling, bathing or hanging out with your Mater and Pater, you always have LOADS of cuteness.

Maybe Mater is biased. But then again, maybe not...

Pater: Move over Paris, there's a new Socialite in town

2012-01-16T21:46:00.011-05:00

Every Mater and Pater strives to ensure that their Avocado Jnr (or fruit/vegetable of choice) is a good socialiser with the ability to play well with others, make friends and basically be as cool as their Mater and Pater imagined they were as kids. No matter that the Mater and Pater in question were scoring As in every exam or avoiding sports by joining the school chess team...

...and so, AJ1, your Mater and Pater (who really were cool at your age; it was aged 5 onwards that our nerdiness hit in) have made every effort to mold you into the happening socialite we think you should be. AJ2, you're too busy eating right now for us to be concerned if you'll make friends!

And what a monster we've created. To quote Sondheim, here's to the ladies who lunch...
Not that it's only the ladies who lunch anymore. This is the 21st Century, people!

Pater knows that at some point, he will need to learn the latest word for "cool" if only to fend off your accusations that he's not cool. But what will cool mean to you one day, AJ1? Will it be a certain style, an appearance, comportment or behaviour? Thankfully, Pater has time. For now the Zeitgeist would suggest that "cool" two years old just need to play with their friends and have fun. But maybe "cool" also means hanging with your parents? Okay, yes, Pater has a pleading tone in his voice because he knows that any minute now you and AJ2 are going to cringe at even the thought of spending time with Mater and Pater (yes, even you, uber-cool Mater). Fine, so the status quo will run it's course but for now we are going to relish those cuddles and huggies.
AJ1 and AJ2, whatever you choose as your definition of cool, whatever you decide in how you socialise, whatever way in which you shrug off your poor parents who are desperate for some measly signs of affections, Mater and Pater are assured by your interactions over the last 2 months that the two of you will always want to hang out with each other.

Pater: Happy Chanukah!!!!

2011-12-28T14:38:00.004-05:00

Happy (last day) Chanukah, AJ1 and Aj2. It's been eight crazzzzzzy nights. The olive oil has finally been used up for another year. The dreidals have been worn out from spinning. Yup, we're all doughnutted out. On that last note, Mater and Pater want to give a shout-out to the genius baker who came up with this year's Act of Genius: a hybrid jam and custard filling!
AJ1, you did very well at keeping your squirming to a minimum as we lit the menorah. And AJ2 you did very well at keeping your parents up during the 8 nights of Chanukah.It's not just a gallon of oil that we've gone through in the last 8 days. There are whole forests that have been depleted to wrap all your presents, AJ1 and AJ2.And what would the holiday season be, without a concert and lots of parents straining to record their child's heart-warming attempts at singing, ostensibly for posterity but in reality just because everyone else is doing it and who wants to look like a bad parent at this time of the year.

And if you're going to the effort to learn Chanukah songs, it's only right that you throw in a bit of Christmas cheer as well!

In Pater's opinion, the biggest treat of Chanukah was going with Mater and Grandma Toronto to see Disney on Ice. AJ1, we've been prepping you for months so that you were ready for this two hour extravaganza. We started slowly with the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Then came Little Mermaid. Then Cinderella. We had a bit of a setback with The Lion King (too scary), but it was only temporary and you soon progressed to Sleeping Beauty and Snow White (with only the occasional interuption by that bald Quebecois kid, Caillou). By 4pm on December 25th, you were all set. Like most boys, AJ2 was easier to get ready: new diaper, woolly hat and we were good to go.AJ1, you had a bit of a trantrum about whose car we should go in but after four years of marriage to Mater, Pater knew exactly what to do. He let you drive.

Drama sorted out, you eventually agreed to a backseat position in Grandma Toronto's car. She slammed in the latest CD and we were off and running.

With great seats in the 100 section and the lights dimming, the only part left was the junk food. And that was only a temporary blip that was quickly fixed. It took you 6 hours before the sugar wore off.The magical music played. Mr M Mouse and Mr D Duck came out and you and AJ2 were mesmorised.For some of us, the excitement was too much. Who needs lights, ice and Disney characters when you have a thumb and a new Chanukah bib?

Mater: Photoshoot

2011-12-21T19:37:00.005-05:00

Thank you Allison!!!!

Pater: So everything's calmed down at the Hass Avocados...

2011-12-14T00:00:00.002-05:00

...as if! Admittedly, the helter skelter of having a new baby has abated and, as you reach your 1st month AJ2 (Happy 1 Month!!!!), there's not a whole ton of events to report as far as you're concerned. Mater tells me you are excelling in all the normal new-born-baby duties (since she spends more time with you than Pater who is busy ensuring your sister doesn't do anything crazy).

Sleeping...

...bathing (pre, during and post) ...

...and generally being cute...

But the same can't be said for you, AJ1! Your brother's birth has not slowed you down one bit. Pater's exhausted trying to keep up with you!
You're now firmly ensconced in your new "big girl's bed"...

...and just like Mater, you are excellent at multi-tasking!

Not that you only chatter while on the throne...

Pater may be happy to grow his waistband, but you're no couch potato. How much keep-fit does a gal need to do???

But it's not all go-go-go. AJ1, you may have the busiest schedule since Margaret Thatcher (oh come on, give me a break, Pater's a child of the British 80s!) but you still make time to hang out with your old man, and share a hot chocolate. With skimmed milk, obviously.

So maybe the Hass Avocado household has calmed down a bit. AJ1 has learnt to chill. And we've got plenty of time before AJ2 gets active. Don't we???

Mater: Meet the family

2011-11-27T20:58:00.016-05:00

AJ2, welcome to the world! Yes, we've been bosom buddies for nearly three weeks but apparently writing it here makes it official. Or at least that's what Pater thinks...
After nearly three weeks together, Mater can definitely tell you that you were worth the wait. For the most part, you didn't cause as much heartache (literally) as your sister. Admittedly, this is now Mater's second pregnancy where a molotov of antacid cocktails formed a daily part of life, but unlike AJ1 you didn't leave your Mater with gigantic cankles. Don't worry, this altruistic act on your part won't be forgotten by Mater. Or Pater for that matter.
Mater can't say it was a surprise when the doctor announced you were a boy. After the havoc AJ1 wreaked on Mater's body, the distinct lack of blimposity pretty much gave it away. Not to mention the neverending opining by family, friends and perfect strangers that you'd be a boy. Note for future reference: big bump out front=boy; enough bloating to rival the Michelin Man=girl. Further note for future reference: Mater looks beautiful during pregnancy=boy; Mater looks greasy, spotty and, well let's call a spade a spade, down right hideous=girl.

And then you arrived! Mater was a little drugged up (which should excuse the photo below), but that didn't stop her falling in love with you immediately. Or Pater for that matter.

And let's not forget all your other Toronto family...Even AJ1 was excited by your arrival! Admittedly it did involve you "buying" a present for her when she came to visit you in the hospital (we won't mention that Pater decided that her first visit to you should also be her first subway ride, a subway ride with lots of lovely germs for her to bring with to the hospital. Oh Pater!). And "buying" another present for her when you came home. As Pater said, let this be your first lesson - girls are high maintenance.

AJ1 has even started showing you the ropes. First came the ever important "twinkle twinkle little star". Next up - animal noises and jumping from the sofa. After that Mater and Pater shudder to think. We just pray it's legal!

In case it's not obvious during the next few, sleep-deprived, months, Mater loves you very much and can't wait to see what's next. Just not at 3am, please.

Pater: Named after a great man

2011-11-21T18:39:00.007-05:00

On Tue 16 Mar 1952 BC or thereabouts, Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah. 8 days later he was circumcised thus beginning 3,000 years of tradition and a ton of bad jokes (Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20 percent off.) And so it was done and so it was established. Every Jewish boy for three millenia has experienced a "little off the top" without even stepping foot into a barber shop. And at 7.45ish on Monday 21st November at Toras Emes Synagogue in Toronto, AJ2, you joined the club (at cut price membership).
Yes, obviously Pater ensured a ton of photos and videos were taken. Yes, obviously Mater forbade any of the explicit photos and certainly none of the videos to be shown to anyone. Ever. So here are some G Rated photos from the big day.
But, AJ2, you should know that the day was deeply significant to Pater and Mater, and not just because of the religious and spiritual aspect of you entering into the Covenant of Abraham. Today you were named after a great man, a man who, even after two years, is still deeply missed by all who knew him and loved him: your Grandpa Toronto. As Pater said at the breakfast after the ceremony, your Grandpa Toronto's time with us was too brief and it is our deepest regret that you and AJ1 will never know him; never see the twinkle in his eye as he tells a joke or makes a play on words; never pull on his moustache; never receive his ultimate accolade, “ah, this one's a smart one”; never learn from all that this warm, intelligent, God fearing man had to impart. Pater has many duties as a father but perhaps the most important one is to teach you and AJ1, everything you would have learned sitting on the lap of your Grandpa Toronto. And Pater's not just referring to his encyclopedic knowledge of economics, finance, the English language and literature, or even single malt whisky. When Pater thinks of Grandpa Toronto the one attribute that always stands out was the extent he went to avoid conflict. He wasn't scared to express his opinion but at the same time he was someone who actively pursued peace with his fellow Man. And, AJ2, Mater and Pater hope that you and your sister will continue in your Grandpa Toronto's footsteps and grow into warm, friendly, loving, wise, respectful adults who avoid conflict and strive for peace.

Pater: Introducing AJ2!!!

2011-11-15T00:00:00.011-05:00

Welcome to the world, AJ2. We've been expecting you for some time!

At first all we saw was this (13 weeks)......and then this (19 weeks)...

In the "outside world", we knew something was happening by week 33...

...and yet you seemed so content where you were, that by week 38 Mater decided it was time to serve an eviction notice. In her legal application to the courts, she claimed you were trespassing on her sciatic nerve, and partying on her bladder til the wee hours of the morning, causing her to wake up every hour on the hour. The courts ruled in her favour and so off we trundled to the hospital (yes, that is the court order Mater is holding in her hand)...

At 14:14 on November 14th 2011 you were born (we didn't check beyond minutes, but have decided to spook people out by saying that it was at 14 seconds). Pater never knew that Avocados could grow in such cold climes as Canada and yet you came out at a strapping 8 lbs 7 oz.

And, it turns out, you are a boy. Okay, yes, the signs were there, so we shouldn't have been surprised. But come on, who believes in old wives' tales like "Mater's carrying in front, it must be a boy" and "Mater's kept all her beauty, it must be a boy"? Well, actually, now the Hass Avocados do!

Within minutes, you were cleaned up and handed to Pater and Mater (a novel approach considering the experience we went through with AJ1 (see earlier posts)).

Four hours laters, you were showing off to the world what a content, quiet baby you can be. We know the tranquility won't last for ever, but we're enjoying what we can get while we can get it. And if you should bear any grudges for your rude eviction from the warmth and security of Mater, please remember who kicked you out!

AJ2, we're all overjoyed that you've finally joined our family. AJ1 will be meeting you tomorrow but how that relationship goes is for future posts (hopefully not alone the lines of Cain and Abel). For now Pater is enjoying sitting in our hospital room - admittedly on the most uncomfortable chair known to man - while Mater rests and you softly moan in your sleep having eaten your fill, been bathed, and done your first ever poo (for which the clean up operation was akin to post-Exxon Valdez but with fewer dead seagulls). As birthday presents go (yes, Pater was also born on November 14th), it's hard to imagine a better gift. Sleep well, AJ2 and know that your parents love you very much.

Pater: As time goes by...

2011-11-11T07:57:00.001-05:00

Where has the time gone, AJ1? You're two years old now, about to become a big sister and have even moved into a "big girl bed"...From being totally reliant on us, you now have an opinion on most things, talk non-stop in fullish sentences, love singing, eat with cutlery (most of the time), drink from a proper cup with only minimal collateral damage, play so well with your multitude of friends, and are a genius with jigsaw puzzles. Basically, you are growing up way too fast for our liking, says I. Prove it, says you. Here goes, says I...

From our first visit to the zoo, you've been enamoured by the elephants.

Not that you didn't enjoy the more stationary animals at the zooAnd while Pater is obsessed with Toronto Zoo, you have broadened your horizons somewhat. And even at home, you and Ursula the Bear are inseparableOver the last 2 years, you've grown closer and closer to your cousins...

...and to your friends (Pater is allowing the friendship with the boys at this age. Do NOT assume the same permission will be given at age 18).You've loved your travels, whether by ship or by plane. Thankfully you've always dealt with your luggage yourself.Truly your pater's daughter, once on your vacations you loved chilling on the beach or by the pool.Not that you need to go away to have fun.

And let's not forget dressing up...

...and dressing down.

It hasn't been all work, work, work. Perhaps the greatest joy for Mater and I has been watching you develop in normal, everyday tasks, like bathing......and eating...

...and eating...Yup, it's been a fun two years and we're looking forward to many more to come With you and AJ2!

Mater and Pater: Happy (belated) Birthday

2011-10-31T19:46:00.006-04:00

So we're a little late. Okay, alright, fine, we admit it, we're a full one month late, but here goes: Happy Birthday Avocado Jnr !!!! And what a day it was. Yes, yes, we know, the day was more than 30 days ago. Geez, what's with all the guilt around here??? Where were we? Oh, yes, your birthday... Needless to say, you had a ball...

Sorry, we couldn't resist. Jokes aside, you had a great morning playing with your friends...

And of course, eating...And then back home for a nap and, well, more partying with your family...

Being a party animal is tiring. But you still had energy for the all important, gift-opening...

So Second Happy Birthday AJ1 (AJ2 will be making a show soon). Mater and Pater love you lots. And lots. Oh and lots.

Pater: Move over ol' Blue Eyes

2011-08-12T19:47:00.003-04:00

Chez Avocado Hass are privileged and honoured to introduce, for one night only, the world famous crooner, Avocado Jnr...

Mater: Return to The Secret Garden!

2011-06-19T20:34:00.039-04:00

My apologies Avocado Jr, it's been some time since your Mater wrote about how you're progressing. Perhaps it's because, now that summer's here, you haven't given me a minute to sit down, with your running around outside, splashing in the pool, playing with friends in the grass or sand box etc etc Or maybe it's because the minute the computer is turned on, you insist on taking over. Rather than wait for you to finish writing your manuscript, Mater decided to get going with a blogpost.

Mater remembers a calmer time when you played quietly inside, with only brief visits to the great outdoors on those rare occasions when it wasn't snowing or raining. In other words, not often in Canada. But when those occasions arose, you got your coat on and were straight outside.

Thankfully, the brutal Canadian Winter/non-existant Spring, ended and your layers of clothes began to peel off along with all your inhibitions. It's as if the sun hit your back, grass touched your feet and you went crazy, spinning around and around, shouting "dizzy" over and over again, and then collapsing with glee and exhaustion.

It's amazing that the stairs in our house seem insurmountable to you, yet for the ones outside there is no such fear. Is it the sun, fresh air, or the smell of the cedar steps that turn you into such a daredevil?

And who knew you were such a horticulturalist?

Pater and I find it hilarious that someone with as much energy as you needs to take some time to relax and have your milk, toast and er, coffee? Outdoors, naturally.

All that caffeine sure gave you energy to play and climb...

Not that it's all about running around...

And boy were you excited when you discovered how to really leave your mark! You turned into Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.

Mater's had some great fun with you outside... ...unlike Pater, who immediately put you to work!

But making you clean out your own pool (naked) was a bit much, Pater! Thankfully after all that hard work, you were able to enjoy the fruits of your labour.

You especially love the slide. How do we know? I think the constant wheeeees are a clue. And, no, not those kind of wheeeeeees.

This summer you've enjoyed playing outside with your parents and on your own, but you had the most fun with your friends...

And occasionally competing with them....Of course, it's not only the back garden you love - the front porch makes an excellent play area as well...

Not to mention more Dick Van Dyke moments. Everybody, "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious".

And just think, this time next year, you'll have someone else to play with outside...

Pater: Independence

2011-05-15T19:23:00.029-04:00

Dear Avocado Jnr,

Mater and I were shocked to receive the letter from your lawyer, informing us of your desire to divorce us. We understand formal proceedings have commenced and that we are not allowed to communicate directly with you, but we couldn't let that stop us, especially after your lawyer informed us that the main reason for the divorce is that we are "holding you back". Mater and I are shocked. We thought that after we bought you your own toy car, toy kitchen unit and toy phone, you would feel free from the shackles you claim we have placed on you.

The last thing we wish to do at this stage is burden you with guilt but you should know that Mater has not slept or eaten in days. She keeps going on about how we should have spotted the signs of your independence earlier. You clearly haven't needed us to amuse you for months now...

...nor do you need us to help you keep fit...

...You already know how to chillax in front of the TV or with a book...

...work things out on your own...

...feed yourself...

...and even plan and create great masterpieces on your own...

Yes, portents of your independence were there and we naively ignored them. Mater is beating herself up about that aspect of this whole episode, but since we received your lawyer's letter, Pater has been more concerned with 'how?'. How did you get so independent?
Pater wondered if it was an inherited trait. But since everyone assumes you take after your Mater and she has yet to cut the umbilical cord (subject of another blog post), that couldn't be it. Pater searched for an answer. Friends? Teachers? None seemed likely. And then it struck him - the Arab Spring had spread to Toronto. Like the the young Egyptians, Tunisians and Libyans all beying for freedom, the source of your divorce from us lay in technological access to messages of freedom, in your case the television.
But if so, who has been spreading evil messages of Freedom to you? Not Osama. Nor Obama. Someone else with a one-word name? That's right, J'Accuse Elmo!
With his love of his goldfish Dorothy and crayon too, Elmo is obviously a hippy who hates The Man. And don't even get me started on Mr Noodle and his brother, Mr Noodle's Brother - their hatred for parents is obvious when you realise that someone must have been responsible for such a pair of fools! And to think that we let you watch this evil propagandist morning after morning, as you ate your cereal and drank your milk.
Since his revelation, Pater has repeatedly slapped his forehead in shame as he realised that the signs of Elmo's influence has increased in the last few months. And just recently you've really been rubbing Elmo in our face...

So now we know what caused your desire for independence from us. There is nothing that can be done to reverse the indocrination you've gone through. The dye is cast. And so on. Our lawyer has advised that we best comply with all your wishes. The crib and changing table are yours. As are Ursula the Bear, Mr Boing Boing and Gemima the Doll. The building blocks will be split 50:50, as will your stacking cups.

Since there is nothing we can do to change your mind, you won't mind if we include our most recent photo of the three of us. Just as a momento, you understand. It should not be construed as guilt-inducers. We accept that you want to go. The last thing we'd want is for you to look at the photo, break down in guilt-ridden tears, and then call your lawyer to halt the divorce proceedings...

All our love, Mater and Pater

p.s. we presume you will still be walking in the upcoming Zareinu Movethon to help kids with special needs and if so will want your friends and family to sponsor you at http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=1114045&langPref=en-CA&Referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.moveathon.com%2F.

Pater: Finally!!!!

2011-05-15T17:56:00.016-04:00

It had to happen eventually, Avocado Jnr. Even in the Land of the Cold, winter has to end. Okay, so Pater thought it wouldn't snow past February. Apparently the Weather Gods thought otherwise and this is what your front garden looked like on March 20th.
But April came and the snow melted, as did Mater's opposition to a zoo visit after much nagging and pleading (by Pater, that is). And so before she could change her mind, Pater bundled you up and off we went. The trees at Toronto Zoo were bare (better than the bears at the zoo being trees!). But that didn't stop us having fun. Finally you had the freedom to run around, look at the animals, gaze at the fish and even have a ride on Pater's shoulders...

At the end of a great day at the zoo, Pater is left with one question - why do we spend money on membership to Toronto Zoo if the biggest attraction for you costs nothing to see? We saw elephants poo, tigers pace and monkeys well, um, monkey around, and your biggest smile was reserved for the Canada Geese!!!

And Mater and Pater certainly never get given a "huggy" as freely as you offered to this goose...

In fact, the more Pater thinks about it, maybe membership to the zoo is a waste of money. Our back garden is a menagerie of cardinals,robins, rabbits, squirrels (oh so many of them!) and of course, the bad boy of Canadian wildlife...

So we're going to cancel our membership to Toronto Zoo and open our own zoo at home. Sure, the smell would be bad but I'm sure the animals would get used to it...

Pater: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow (somewhere else)

2011-03-09T20:23:00.021-05:00

"Let it snow" was composed in 1945 by an idiot who never stepped foot in Canada. There isn't enough popcorn, kisses or being held tight to justify that kind of statement in a country that spends more time in sub-zero temperatures and blizzards than a North African dictator does checking airline flights to South America.

Avocado Jnr, do you remember how care free you used to be? Remember wearing a simple life-saver in September?

A fleece-lined cardigan in October?

Or a light coat in November?

No neither can I. It was so bloody long ago! Since then, all we've seen in our back garden is all this...

...and this...

So going outside is no longer a simple task. Dressing you for a Canadian Winter involves more layers than a Black Forest gateau. And they need to be done intricately. If the hat goes on first, BIG MISTAKE (it will be pulled off in the time it takes to do up the coat). If the boots go on first, BIG MISTAKE (you know that means you're going outside and start wiggling like a worm on a hook). Gloves, then coat, then hat, then boots. And that's before the front door has even been open. Truly exhausting. For us that is. You love it. Weirdo!

Not that Mater always gets the order right. I mean, come on, boots before coat and hat??? Who does that???

Your first proper taste (in every sense of the word) of snow went better than we expected.

But once the snow had been around for a few days, the task of getting you ready to play in it became too arduous for your lazy parents. So you became a true Canadian - moving from one shelter to the next, trying to ensure that the minimal amount of time and skin was exposed to snow and Arctic winds.

Thankfully you then discovered that other great Canadian invention - Florida. Who knew that only three hours south (as the metal bird flies) is a place of warmth and funny accents? Finally a chance to wear your havaianas and crocks!

Destination picked, all that was left was packing. Mater is so proud that she has created a stereotypical girl who doesn't know how to keep her luggage to a minimum. Pater is not allowed to state his thoughts on the matter. Pater will say that his back is only now starting to get better.

Climbing on the scales and insisting that you being underweight should mean more baggage allowance is not an argument that really carries much, um, weight with Westjet. Believe me, Mater tried.

On a three hour flight, cramped into seat like those proverbial sardines, when would the optimum time for falling asleep have been? Yes, Avocado Jnr, literally as the plane starts its descent into Miami airport!!!!An hour later, we arrived in the retirement village called Boca Raton, at Uncle Toronto's holiday home (thanks for having us!). Before our suitcases had barely reached their respective bedrooms you had flung off your winter garb and donned a swim suit. Unpacking could wait. YOU WANTED TO GET IN THE POOL.

And for the next week, whichever pool you were in you were as happy as a fish in, um, er, water.

In fact, you loved your little boat so much that you started dropping hints to Mater and Pater...

Seven days. So many wardrobe changes. Each cuter than the last.

Okay, maybe the yellow swimsuit was a tad ugly. But you didn't let that stop you. As the neighbourhood dog found out.

Whereas in Toronto it took a crowbar to get you out the front door and into the snow, in Florida you couldn't wait. If you can keep up this readiness to leave on time through to your teen years, Pater will be VERY grateful. If you can teach it to Mater, Pater will be indebted.

So why the impatience? It wasn't just to get to the pool. You quickly fell in love with the beach. Initially it was all that sand. So much potential food! Then it became the seagulls you were certain you could catch. And then it was just the freedom to run around without the winter armour of Canada. The one place you were not a fan of (could've been all the jellyfish) was the sea. No matter how many times we tried, you did not like that type of wet stuff.

You may only be 17 months but you quickly took to that much heralded tradition (by those over 65) of walking the Miami Beach boardwalk. Well "walk" is maybe the wrong word. Even "running" doesn't do it justice. "Bombing your way around" is the closest description.

It will never be good old Toronto Zoo, but Miami's Parrot Jungle was still a big hit with you. Birds in cages. Birds in the open. Birds on Pater and Grandma Toronto's shoulder. You had a blast. And the shows with baby lions and bears and tigers, oh my!

And in all of that cuteness, there was THAT snake. As you will see below, after you had the courage (read: stupidity) to smack a cobra, Grandma Toronto had no choice but to do the same. More or less. The good news is that Grandma Toronto is now the proud owner of a yellow, snake skin hand bag. And shoes. And wallet. And...

Going to the pool, the beach, and the zoo are all great. It would get anyone excited and out of the house in a rush. But your real passion was reserved for one specific activity. Passed from Grandma Toronto, to Mater to you. An activity that requires concentration, perseverance and the ability to push people out of your way when you find what you're looking for. All the male readers are still sporting quizzical looks. All the female readers are sighing in contentment that another has joined their ranks.

And at the end of each jampacked day of fun and frivolity, you discovered a whole new area of entertainment. Why can't Mater and Pater's car in Toronto be so much fun? And who knew that knees and toes were so interesting???

Not that the holiday was all rush, rush, rush. Sometimes a girl just needs to nap and dream about home. Where it's cold. And snowing. And...and...I'm sure there's something else. On the tip of my tongue. I had it a minute ago. Okay, it's gone. Surely there's more to Canada between November and April than cold and snow? Surely? Please!

Pater: New dog, new tricks.

2011-01-31T21:31:00.018-05:00

Warning: This is a mighty long blogpost, so take the phone off the hook, brew up a cup of coffee (or tea, depending on nationality) and slice yourself a fat piece of cake. And if you're Grandma London, make that a slice of birthday cake. Happy Birthday, Grandma London!!!

The reason it's so long, Avocado Jnr, is because you're at that great stage of getting good at things you learnt months ago, but also amazing yourself (and me and Mater) with new interests and achievements. And there's no way a short post can cover all of that!

So what are the old things? Well, eating is no longer the chore it once was. Gone are the days when we have to trick you into putting mush in your mouth. True, we seem to spend a lot of time tricking you into not rubbing food through your hair, but apart from that, you've pretty much gone solo. With honed motorskills and your five teeth (three on top, two below), you feed yourself cereal in the morning...

...deport yourself like a lady in a restaurant...

...drink from a cup (okay, so you've only done it once, but it was caught on camera and therefore a considerable achievment for you and Pater)...

...and eat bananas whole.

But it doesn't end with just nourishing yourself. We haven't got you shopping for your food. No, we've done the next best thing and have you unpacking for us (please don't report us for child labour)...

When you're not eating, you like nothing more than sitting down quietly and pondering over the mysteries of life. NOT! You're a psycho!!! Running around. Climbing onto the sofa. Pulling your toys out after they've been tidied away. Opening everything and anything. Grabbing hand towels off their rails. And we love watching you do it. We love blowing bubbles for you in the bath. We love cuddling with you in front of Elmo - the only 15 minutes in the day when you actually stay in one place. We love making you laugh. We love dancing with you (preferably to Kung Foo Fighting). Pater sometimes wonders who's entertaining whom.

Amazingly, considering your Pater and Uncle Tel Aviv, you also like hanging out with friends and family. I guess it's not just Mater's looks that you inherited. Thank God!

Remember how much we enjoyed going to the zoo? Sadly, winter is here and our trips have been curtailed by a certain Mater who claims that 10cm of snow and biting cold winds are a reason not to visit Toronto Zoo. Luckily, Pater did manage a few last trips at the end of autumn. And sometimes he even took you with...

And it wasn't just animals that you discovered. Avocado Jnr, meet your shadow. Shadow, meet your Avocado Jnr.

As always, your lack of fear, bravery or sheer stupidity had no bounds, whether it was chasing Canada Geese...

...or stroking Kimono Dragons...

But cooing over your furry and feathered friends is sooooo yesterday. Goodbye Fauna, hello Flora. Maybe it's because they're easier to stick in your mouth, but plants have, um, surplanted animals. The only thing that remains is your sheer bravery (read, stupidity). We couldn't get a photo of you trying to climb a huge cactus at the Allen Gardens Conservatory (for the obvious reason that we were trying to scream and jump at the same time in an attempt to prevent you climbing said cactus), but here are some photos of you getting friendly with less dangerous elements of Mother Nature in the last few months.

Perhaps you're most impressive advancement has gone hand in hand (foot in foot?) with you learning to walk. You always enjoyed music classes with its hand puppets, bubbles and strange out-of-work actors who smile inanely while they sing to you...

..but now that you want to run around, explore, climb and generally scare the bejesus out of Mater and Pater with your antics, where better to hang out than Gymboree and other less famous (read, expensive) indoor playgrounds? Well, at least, where better until the army lets screaming, crazy toddlers run riot on their assault courses (Mater take note: That would make a great birthday party location).

Pater knows what a lot of readers will be thinking. "So what, my baby did all of that by 16 months (your age at presstime)." "Everyone knows that that walking, playing, feeding yourself, growing teeth etc etc are all standard "achievements" of babies between 1 and 2." "Come on Hass Avocados, give us something we don't know." And even, "when is this blogpost ever going to end?"

Well here's my retort: read the top of this page. This blog is not just a record of your growth, Avocado Jnr. It's also for the grandparents. And they need to have the hope that someone in their family will end up with a degree from Harvard or Cambridge (depending on nationality). They need to boast to their friends that you are definitely showing signs of Nobel Prize worthiness.

So Pater has left the best to last. Everyone knows that babies your age are meant to show boundless curiosity. But that's where it usually ends. What does this do? Can I eat it? No? Why not? Cry. Oh looks there's a piece of food on the floor. Move on. You on the other hand perservere. Oh boy do you stick to it. If the Nobel Committee gave out prizes for stubborn persistance in the face of pure logic, you my dear Avocado Jnr would pip President Obama to the post. Mater wonders where you learnt this pigheaded need to succeed, often in the face of certain defeat. She wonders if it was nature or nurture. Pater just pretends he never heard the questions, fully aware who you inherited it and learnt it from. But wherever it came from, of one thing we're both sure: it's terribly entertaining to watch, we're pretty sure it's teaching you an important life lesson, and it earns us major points with your grandparents!

When perserverance pays off, the rewards are priceless...

But if American Idol has taught has anything it's that, sometimes, "try, try and try again" does not a good voice make. Not that this has stopped you...

And the prize for never giving up, never whining about it, never realising how puny your muscles are, goes to...

Oh and Happy Birthday again, Grandma London!!!!!

Pater: Never blink!

2011-01-17T22:25:00.012-05:00

Mea culpa, Avocado Jnr, the phantom author of the last post was correct: Mater and Pater have been remiss in their obligations on keeping your blog up to date. The Mounties are still tracking down the person/persons responsible for the blogpost in question, but in the meantime Pater will debrief on your achievements over the last few months. You ate, you slept, you pooped, now here's the photos and videos...ok, so apparently Mater wants more. Fine. You started talking - mummy, daddy, baby, Elmo, up, please (well actually, peese), hi, bye, and no. Or rather "no, no, no" as in the answer to every question we ask you. Pater can't think where you picked that up from...

You've definately grown a personality and your cuteness has multiplied with each tooth that's shown itself (3 1/2 as we go to press). But all that pales to the ants that have invaded your pants. We blinked and you went from crawling to stumbling to walking and then running. And like the Duracell bunny, you never stop. We remember with longing the days when all you did was sit on your tush and occasionally roll around a bit. We were naive, nay optimistic, that this Golden Era would last an eon. Instead gates have been put up. Sharp corners covered. Expensive items moved out of reach. It would have been easier to tie you to a post in the ground but apparently the Canadian Social Services would have something to say about that. Shame because Pater could have saved a fortune in shoes.

Eventually Pater bowed to the inevitable. Some will say he was weak to break his oath of not letting you out the house til you're 30, but what's an oath in the face of a Mater's insistence that you take your new found skills to the outside world. And so on November 7th 2010, you were shod for "real" shoes.

How can a girl get by with only one pair of outdoor shoes? Paters the world round would answer, "just fine". Unfortunately Paters the world round have no say in such matters. This one certainly didn't and a short time later, you got boots (for the all walking we were going make you do in the harsh Canadian winter???)

As a wise philosopher once said, "Have shoes, will shop".

After a long day of conspiring with Mater to deplete Pater's net worth, what better way to relax than hanging with your toys?

We love watching you play, though Pater does wonder where your lack of fear will take you next. Mater wonders if she has a tom-boy on her hands. And Grandma Toronto just wonders how you'll find a husband!

At the end of a long day, every gal likes to kick off her shoes and let her stinky feet air out. And you're no different...

Thankfully, you haven't completely forgotten how to sit down. It only lasts for a short moment. But ah, what bliss those short moments are. Post bath, middle of an ice-rink, watching TV, sitting on your grandmas. You're not fussy where you plonk yourself.

But this is the new Millenium. Sitting and walking are so passe. A girl around town needs a motor to get from A - Z. Any kind of motor.

She'll even hitch a ride with her older cousin if need be.

So is Pater worried about your new found freedom? Is he scared that your bravado will make you do something dangerous? Nah. Nope. Not at all. Pater has trust in you. Absolute faith. It's not like you're going to turn into a biker chick, hanging out on the back of some guy's Harley Davidson...

Avocado Jnr: New home

2010-12-26T10:52:00.012-05:00

Mater and Pater (whatever those titles mean!) have been remiss in writing a blogpost for ages so it falls to me, Avocado Jnr, to tell you all about my new home. Writing this post is not easy, I can tell you. I had to hide Pater's notebook in my diaper earlier and smuggle it into my cot when Mater took me for my afternoon nap. Typing away quietly so that my monitor doesn't pick up the noise is not an easy task. And if I'm cranky later, blame it on my parents for neglecting their blogging obligations.

Okay, down to the task at hand. Please allow me (and doggy) to start by welcoming you to my new house.

It's been so long since the last post that I should mention how I'm now walking, have two bottom teeth and have added a few words to my vocabulary. Oh and I can touch type 100 words a minute. Okay, now that you're caught up, let's begin our tour. We start in my family room, move into my kitchen and then into my dining room.

We now move up the stairs (can the stragglers at the back please keep up) and make our way to my bedroom, with only a brief pause to fix my long (but curly) hair.

So this is my bedroom. Pater calls it the Pepto-Bismol room. What's Pepto-Bismol?

Pater took my advice and made sure my shoe collection had its own home.

I love my bedroom. It's where I sleep with my doggies. It's where Mater and Pater read to me in my rocking chair. It's where Mater changes my dirty diapers and picks out what clothes I'm going to wear. And it's where I play at the end of a long day, um, playing.

Enough of me playing in my room. Let's go downstairs to the basement. Mater doesn't let me climb down stairs, so can someone please carry me? Great. And here's me playing in my basement with Mr Boing Boing my toy rabbit, and taking him shopping...

Now onto the garden. What's that noise? Alert. Alert. Drat, Mater and Pater have found me. I'll have to finish the post later tonight, once they've gone to bed. Quick, got to slip the notebook back into my diaper...

...okay, it's me again, lying in my cot at the end of a long day. Earlier was a close call but Mater and Pater didn't suspect a thing. After some supper and a bit more playing, Mater insisted on bathing me. I know, ridiculous - I bathed just yesterday! What's that all about? Mothers! I guess it's not too bad now that I get a whole bathtub to myself. Hair washes aren't too much fun because my hair is so long...

...but with all my toys and a big bath to play in, I can't complain.

Doggy has just informed me that I'm keeping him up with my typing so I'd better finish off. I hope you all enjoyed your tour of my new house. Feel free to drop by any time. With or without a gift for me...

Mater: It's my party and I'll break out in hives if I want to

2010-11-04T21:58:00.012-04:00

Everything started out just fine. Your typical 1 year old birthday party. With cake and decorations and presents and family and food and balloons and a birthday crown, of course.

And then things started getting a little wild when the clothing started to come off. Avocado Jr., you do have some great thigh rolls, so everyone welcomed the nudity.

Mater and Pater kept the party going with plenty of food and party games. The most fun you've had, well, ever - pass the parcel, musical chairs, pin the horn on the unicorn - what with your surname we didn't want to risk the jokes with pin the tail on the donkey...

Mmmmm...a sweet table for the sweetheart.

Family to keep things interesting.

And then came time for the birthday cake. Oh, the birthday cake. A millenia old tradition. Mater wanted so much to get you the most special cake. And so she ordered a vanilla cake with meringue laced in the icing. What could be wrong with that? Nothing. Well, nothing if you weren't (unknown to us) allergic to eggs...

Mater and Pater have heard horror stories about what kids get up to on their 18th and 21st birthday parties, but we weren't expecting you to finish your first birthday doped off your face. Okay it was Benadryl but drugs are drugs!

Scares aside, you had a great day and even after your party ended, you still had energy to carry on partying. Shame the same couldn't be said for Mater...

Here's to your first birthday party, Avocado Jnr! Pater and I wish you many more to come. And hopefully Mater won't almost kill you at the next one...

Pater: International jet setter

2010-10-23T21:15:00.031-04:00

How better to celebrate your first birthday, Avocado Jnr, than a holiday in not just one country but two! Your trip to England and Israel was jam packed from start to finish with family, friends and lots of travelling. Lots. There was a ton of food, oodles of sun and a hint of jet lag. And through it all you were as cute as a button. Actually, cuter.

Unfortunately you started the holiday feeling under the weather - notably when you were above the weather, but Pater's getting ahead of himself. Like any jet setter you were fully prepared for the flight from Toronto to London...

Correct apparel?

Check! Suitcase packed?Check! At the airport?
Check! Seatbelt buckled up and ready to fly?

Check!

After a wonderful seven hour where you fell asleep for the duration of the flight, leaving Mater and Pater to watch movies and laugh in a carefree manner, we arrived fresh and ready for London. And then Pater woke up from his sorely needed shut-eye, snatched after you finally succumbed to overtiredness, lullabies and enough drugs to put out a hippo. Did I mention that you slept for a total of twenty minutes over a long, overnight flight of seven hours? Twenty minutes. Overnight. Seven hours.

But enough about that. On with the trip.

London was a whirlwind event and in the course of forty hours you met Pater's English friends (no, we don't call them British friends; Britain means England and Scotland, and Pater has no Scottish friends), hung out at Grandma London's apartment...

...spent quality time with Grandpa London...
...flirted with some English dudes (Canadian toddlers watch out)...
...and ate out and shopped (or at least, waited with Grandma London while Mater shopped)...
And then it was back on the plane for a shorter flight (just) to Israel. Mater and Pater used every trick in the book to keep you distracted and amused...

Before you escaped, Mater plopped you onto Pater's knee and gave you a roll to eat. Who knew a roll was made up of so many breadcrumbs? And then God smiled down on the Hass Avocados. One minute you were chatting up a little boy in the seat next to you (who was not put off by the unladylike way you were demolishing the roll) and the next you had passed out. And slept for two hours. Finally, Mater and Pater could watch a movie (Get Him to The Greek).

And then at 4am local time, or 2am London time, or 10pm Toronto time (ah jet lag) we arrived in the Holy Land.We picked up a car, left Ben Gurion Airport and an hour later were relieved to see this...
After navigating the narrow roads of Jerusalem, we found the apartment we would be staying in for the next 12 days. There was a great view of the Israeli Parliament (Knesset)... ...but you had other things to distract you...

A relaxing holiday this wasn't. But that didn't stop you having fun. You cracked up at our favourite cafe... You swam with Pater and both your grandmas, enjoying yourself both in the pool...

...and out...

Your love of animals meant we had to take you to Jerusalem's amazing zoo, where your hairstyle put the cockatoos to shame...

You saw some great animals there and, dare Pater say it, seemed to like it better than Toronto Zoo (we apologise to all Torontonians for this obvious heresy).

You were exposed to a ton of culture both new, at the Israel Museum......

and old, at the Western Wall where one of your Cousin Torontos did a great job reading from the Torah...

And of course you met your Uncle and Aunty Tel Aviv and played with your Israelis cousins both in their home...

...and at the beach...

Truth is, the trip was taken for several reasons. To celebrate your cousin's Bar Mitzvah. To meet Grandpa London. To meet Uncle and Aunty Tel Aviv and your Israelis cousins. To spend time with Grandma Toronto and Grandma London. To meet Pater and Mater's friends in England and Israel. To show you where Pater came from and where Mater and Pater spent their first year of marriage. To feel real warmth before the harsh Canadian winter. To top up Pater's tan. So that Mater could shop. The list goes on. And you were so well behaved throughout despite being unwell, despite the jet lag, despite the heat wave, despite being shlepped from pillar to post. You smiled and laughed and clapped and showed your array of tricks to everyone you met. And now everyone who matters in England and Israel love you as much as we in Toronto do!

Finally, a big shout out to everyone who got you gifts. Thank you for: The stacking cups (you drink bath water out of them despite Pater's attempts to stop you). The knitted blanket (which may just protect you from the harsh Canadian winters). The uber cute clothes and doll (who you love karate throwing over your shoulder at every opportunity). The bubbles and bath toys (hard foam fish, everyone of which you chew and taste EVERY bathtime). And the toy radio (which Pater hopes will teach you an English accent). Cheers from Avocado Jnr!!!