Have Fun With English

Men are from somewhere - Women are from somewhere else #6

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Thu, 31 May 2012 22:30:00 +0000

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Procrastination

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Thu, 24 May 2012 14:04:00 +0000

For Tayyabmemon:-

A true procrastinator doesn't shovel snow away: A true procrastinator knows that the snow will melt...eventually.

A skilled procrastinator lives just before the last minute. How? The skilled procrastinator is so busy catching up they never make it to the last minute!

A champion procrastinator never forgets that a job worth doing will still be worth doing in two years time.

Men are from somewhere - Women are from somewhere else #4

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Sun, 20 May 2012 22:30:00 +0000

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, put out the rubbish, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals

Men are from somewhere - Women are from somewhere else #3

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Sun, 13 May 2012 22:30:00 +0000

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Tequila Disclaimer - A little rude

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Thu, 10 May 2012 08:39:00 +0000

Have you ever heard those disclaimers at the end of pharma and alcohol havadverts? Well, listen to the end of this commercial. And good luck.

Exam Failures -- Fun Video

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Wed, 09 May 2012 14:58:00 +0000

Men are from somewhere - Women are from somewhere else #2

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Sun, 06 May 2012 22:30:00 +0000

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a hotel towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Names

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Fri, 04 May 2012 22:30:00 +0000

In the live sessions, we recently talked about silly place names and daft names for people, but what about getting names wrong? Disastrously wrong in this case:-

Men are from somewhere Women from somewhere else #1

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 22:30:00 +0000

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Why women love men

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 22:30:00 +0000

We love men because they write poems, songs, and books in our honour.

Because they never understand us, but they never give up.

Because they can see beauty in women when women have long ceased to see any beauty in themselves.

Because they come from little boys.

Because they can churn out long, intricate, Machiavellian, or incredibly complex mathematics and physics equations, but they can be comparably clueless when it comes to women.

Because they elevate sports to religion.

Because they’re never afraid of the dark.

Because they don’t care how they look, or if they age.

Because they persevere in making and repairing things beyond their abilities, with the naïve self-assurance of the teenage boy who knew everything.

Because they never wear or dream of wearing ever higher heels.

Because they’re afraid to go bald.

Because you always know what they think and they always mean what they say.

Because they love machines, tools, and implements with the same ferocity women love jewelry.

Because they go to great lengths to hide, unsuccessfully, that they are frail and human.

Because they either speak too much or not at all to that end.

Because they always finish the food on their plate.

Because they are brave in front of insects and mice.

Because a well-spoken four-year old girl can reduce them to silence, and a beautiful 25-year old can reduce them to slobbering idiots.

Because they want to be either omnivorous or ascetic, warriors or lovers, artists or generals, but nothing in-between.

Because for them there’s no such thing as too much adrenaline.

Because they’re truly as simple as they claim to be.

Because they love extremes and when they go to extremes, we’re there to catch them.

Because they are tender they when they cry, and how seldom they do it.

Because what they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action.

Because they make excellent companions when driving through rough neighbourhoods or walking past dark alleys.

Because they really love their mothers, and they remind us of our dads.

Because they never care about what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, or the neighbours say.

Because they don’t lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size.

Because they have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don’t want them to.

Because when we say “I love you” they ask for an explanation.

Because they could never fake an orgasm, even if they wanted to.

Because when all is said and done, they can’t live without us, no matter how hard they try.

Everything Gives you Cancer

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 22:30:00 +0000

Now, this might not seem funny, and I know cancer is no laughing matter, but give me a chance to explain. The Daily Mail is a red top newspaper in the UK which is infamous for printing scaremongering stories, Russell Howard has put into song the things the Daily Mail claims can cause cancer. First shown on Russel Howard's Good News on BBC Three.

Age, air, alcohol, aspirin and calcium.
Ham, honey, eggs, dogs, dieting and soup.
Being a woman, being a man, bubble bath, and food from cans.
Being black, wearing bras, left-handedness, and speedy cars.
Oestrogen, climate change, babyfood, the menopause.
Beef, beer, pizza, pork, cereal, and worcester sauce.
Childlessness, children, vitamins and bacon.
Chocolate, retirement, deoderant and facebook

The Mail says that these cause cancer, but it's only rumours that they give you tumours.
They've got some big balls to print it,
`Cos it's 60 pages of scary bullshit!

Fun with poetry

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 08:46:00 +0000

Why falling in love is like owning a dog:-

Nothing to say (a couple of rude words)

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 22:30:00 +0000

The tenses

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 22:30:00 +0000

The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

Thanks to Russ Bronson.

Coupon Forgery Scandal

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 22:30:00 +0000

Lost in Translation

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 08:27:00 +0000

Learning another language is so important.

American Politics Spoof

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 22:30:00 +0000

Some great words here: boombox - rollerskating - honey - smooth moves - tag

April Fool in Space

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 22:01:00 +0000

AI (Artificial Intelligence) could be very annoying.

How not to teach English pronunciation

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 05:14:00 +0000

I've not met many Japanese ESL learners, but I have been reliably informed that this is scarily accurate.

Team building exercise (some rude words)

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 23:30:00 +0000

Sorry to be mean, but ...

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 14:50:00 +0000

Her Royal Highness, The Duchess of Cambridge was born Catherine Elizabeth Middleton. She went to school at St Andrew’s School - then attended Marlborough College in Wiltshire then she studied at the British Institute in Florence, Italy, and in 2005, she graduated with a degree in History of Art from the University of St Andrews in Fife, Scotland. Thousands of pounds worth of education, but I guess she didn't do public speaking. Still it's great for ESL speakers. It's like a learning tape. Come the revolution, she could have a great future.

The most dangerous letter

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 13:38:00 +0000

Which is the most dangerous letter in the English alphabet ?

The answer is "W"...

Why? - Well there you have it - it is tension generator...

Because all 'worries' start with a "W"...

Who??

Why?

What?

When?

Which?

Whom?

Where?

War...

Wine...

Whisky...

Women...

Wealth

And Finally .......

..........

.........

..........

Believe it or not

..........

..........

..........

..........

..........

WIFE..

Thanks to Peter Thong

Spot the jobsworth

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 18:18:00 +0000

What a spoilsport!

Mostly

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 07:48:00 +0000

This is probably why "mostly" sounds funny to me:-

Fun with words - Men!

YourTeacherLE@hotmail.com (Your Teacher) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 23:30:00 +0000

Men - tal illness.
Men - tal breakdown.
Men - ingitis.
Men - ace.
Men - strual cramps.
Men - opause.

Have you ever noticed how so many problems begin with men?