Have Laptop Will Travel

Bubble wrap

Laptop Guru — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 21:02:41 +0000

Bubble wrap was created by two engineers, Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavannes, in 1957 and I’m sure this holiday season you received a few peaces of bubble wrap used as padding for Christmas gifts.

We all love bubble wrap. Why? Because it makes fun sounds when you pop it of course, so in keeping with the theme of bubble wrap and fun popping sounds, I bring you this glorious 4 minute video of a guy demonstrating 13 exciting techniques to pop bubble wrap.

A few of my favorites are “Bubble Mummy Masochism”, “POParty Trick” and “Pop your feelings Luke” which is a Star Wars tribute.

After watching the video, be sure to let me know your favorite popping methods in the comments and if you have some that weren’t represented in the video, share those too.

Yay bubble wrap!

Ninja’s Killed My Family

Laptop Guru — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 20:48:29 +0000

It’s been a few days since I posted to my Picture of the Day section, so I figured now would be a good time to post one.

I’d give this guy money for Kung-Fu lessons. I mean common, his family was killed by Ninja’s and he sure doesn’t look like he knows Kung-Fu, so lessons would be in order.

Commercial Love

Laptop Guru — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 21:30:45 +0000

Thanks to the makers of the latest commercial for Jeep Wrangler Unlimited, I bring you one of the funniest sounds that I’ve heard in a very long time which comes about 15 seconds into it:

Did you catch it? FOOM! Muhahahaha!!!

Do You Speak Body Language?

Laptop Guru — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 20:34:49 +0000

Have you ever wondered the root of some of our motions? Can you recognize the motion of insanity, or if your genitals are unavailable?

Silent interpretation at its best.

The video was made by MitchellRose.com with BodyVox dance company.

Just watch it already. Its funny.

What Professors and Teachers Mean

Laptop Guru — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 04:05:17 +0000

We’ve all had crazy professors and teachers telling us all kinds of stuff while going to school or to conferences. Did you understand everything they were saying? Like me, most of the time probably not.

Here is a list to help you understand what they mean when they start talking over our head:

This needs some minor revision. = I never actually got around to reading this.

My office hours are by appointment only = I like to get out of here early.

Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. = I’ll be fudging your grades.

This won’t be on the test. = Nap time!

Bring the text to class. = I don’t have a clue how to lecture – we’ll just kill time with group read-alongs.

I’m not fully up to speed on that. = I’ve got my head up my ass.

I don’t have the latest department guidelines… = I’ve got my head up my ass.

Let’s check with Dr. So-and-so on that before we proceed… = I’ve got my head up his/her ass.

Talk to the department secretary. = Piss off.

Talk to me in my office after class. = Get out of my face.

The tests will all be multiple-choice. = I take questions directly from the study guide, and have grad students do all my grading.

Don’t come in late during my lecture. = I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

Save your questions until the end. = See above.

The final will be comprehensive. = I’ll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn’t fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty – I’ll just bluff it and let you teach.

There are two TAs available to help you. = I can’t be bothered.

This year, I’ll be scaling the grades. = I just passed tenure review.

Let’s break up into quiet discussion groups. = I have a hangover.

Let’s have class outdoors today! = I had beans for lunch.

You won’t be able to sell the text back to the bookstore. = My contract wasn’t picked up.

Please note the last day to withdraw. = The midterm’s gonna suck.

The answer to #4 is “b”, and just skip #17. = I only got around to making up the test last night.

The second list is optional reading. = I have a rich fantasy life.

I haven’t had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet= The asshole department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.

Well, it was on the syllabus. = I’ll hold you responsible for this, even though I forgot about it myself.

We’ll just skip the term paper this semester. = There wasn’t enough money in the budget for a TA.

Bring a #2 pencil to the exam. = See above.

Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. = I’m so boring, no one would show up otherwise..

Read chapters 5 through 10. = I’m not coming in at all next week.

We’ll have to cover this chapter quickly. = I screwed up on the lecture schedule.

Let’s go over the exam. = Half of you failed.

It was in the textbook. = I pulled it out of my ass.

Extra credit is available. = I need some scut-work done.

I’m postponing today’s exam. = There’s stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.

Don’t write on the question sheet. = I’m so lazy I just use the same exams every semester

Quench your thirst for knowledge

Laptop Guru — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 09:12:37 +0000

At Google our mission is to organize the world’s information and make it useful and accessible to our users. But any piece of information’s usefulness derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who’s using it. That’s why we’re pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of “smart drinks” designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty.

Think fruity. Think refreshing.
Think a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drink™ technology, and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful cerebral cortex. Plus, it’s low in carbs! And with flavors ranging from Beta Carroty to Glutamate Grape, you’ll never run out of ways to quench your thirst for knowledge.

Find out more…

20 Actual Star Wars lines you might hear in a porno

Laptop Guru — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 05:28:50 +0000

Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?
Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?
You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.
Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care what you smell!
She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid
Negative! It didn’t go in. It just impacted on the surface
“Back door, huh? Good idea.”
Pull out Wedge, you can’t do any more good back there!
There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.
“Look at the size of that thing”
Almost there… just a couple of seconds…
Let’s blow this thing so we can go home!
You’ve got something jammed in here real good.
“Get on top of it!” “I’m trying!”
“I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”
Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me — now I owe you one.
“This may smell bad, kid, but it’ll keep you warm.”
“Hey! Point that thing someplace else!”
I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me ‘Master’
“I want you to take her. I mean it! Take her!”

Signs Your Co-Worker is a Hacker

Laptop Guru — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:53:55 +0000

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.”
Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.
Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear, “Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President.”
You hear them murmur, “Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor “I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer-Science!”

Attention Unemployed Geeks

Laptop Guru — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:13:30 +0000

This job advertisement could be exactly what you’ve been looking for:

Geek History

Laptop Guru — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 09:06:07 +0000

Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in 1975 with a “Blue Box”.

Photo Credit: Woz.org