Havin' a Hissy

Make sure you take your vitamin BFF

2010-03-21T15:18:00.004-04:00

As I have stated in my previous post, I have been throwing my share of one girl pity parties lately. Add to that good time, 2 kids,(one who is a teenager, which if you didn't know, is like a kid on hormonal crack ) bills, work, bills and all the other fun daily must do's has left me feeling a tad bit blue.

           One of my favorite ways to exorcise the demon crankstress that has possessed me all week is to hang with my best friend. Justine and I have been BFFS for over 20 years but the first year we met is an entirely different story.

           In 1985 I was a new 8th grader at Thompson Jr. High. One thing I have learned through moving a few times growing up was that all the boy's loved you. While all the girl's loathed you. I was also painfully shy in new situations. This apparently indicating to the girls that I was a snobby bitch ( I know this because when I became their friend later they would tell me so ) and for the boys to move in for the kill.

           One of those boys, who I will call " Hot Scott " was real cute and we started "going out" as we use to call it. All the while Justine had apparently been crushing on Hot Scott forever. This fact and other ridiculous 8th grade politics resulted in Justine becoming my arch nemesis through out that year.

           Fast forward to Freshman year, 1986 the year of awful hair do's and even worse fashion statements. I walked into my first art class to see my old bud Hot Scott. (we are just friends now) We catch up and chat. We are having a good ol' time when who should walk in but Just-F'in-stine!!!...Really?....Not only was it Justine but she sat directly on the other side of Hot Scott. see diagram below

What you can also see in the diagram above is that not only did I have to sit in a close proximity to my arch nemesis, I had to look right at her ugly mug the entire time! as indicated by dotted line

The seating thing turned out to not so bad. Hot Scott made a great barrier and Justine and I managed to never speak. That was until we walked into art class to find Hot Scott had gone home sick. After getting over the shock and disgust we were both obviously suffering, we sat down and started working on our projects. Our conversation began with awkward boring small talk. Then before we knew it we were laughing up a storm. We had such a great time that we decided to meet up during our lunch period. Then at lunch the good time continued until Justine invited me over her house after school. That afternoon filled with singing cats, empty apartments, eating canned won-ton soup out of the pan while sitting on the floor and lots and lots of laughter, is one day that I will never forget. Ever since that day we have been attached at the hip. Even now that we are grown with families of our own. I still make time to talk and laugh with her. She is always the first I call when I need advice, laugh, cry or perhaps share a fun bit of gossip. ( I know, it's wrong, we are awful people ) Who is your bff and where/ how did you meet?

Jokes on me

2010-03-12T20:44:00.005-05:00

After a week of self loathing,pity parties and treating myself like (lets quote my eloquint son here) a poopy douche.....you can borrow it if ya want, it is kinda catchy......I would like to take some time to reflect on the ridiculous sites that I visit when I need a good laugh........... DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!

http://www.bloggess.com/ This woman is a great comic who will pull at your heart strings when you least expect it. I strive for her ability to say whatever, and I mean WHATEVER she is thinking.If you visit her, site she also has a sex advice column that should not be missed.

http://www.gothsinhotweather.com/ as a kid of the 80s decade who listened to hardcore and had many a bad hair do. I just can't help but show some love to my goth peeps!
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ I think the name of the site says it all . Feeling down? Blue? Having a one man pity party ?....than this is the site for you!http://www.fuckyeahmotherhood.com/ Need I say more?
http://www.poorlydressed.com/ Again...need I say one more word?

Go visit these sites and please, let me know what you think. Do you have a favorite site to visit when you need a laugh?... DO TELL!

The tea made me do it!

2010-02-17T20:47:00.000-05:00

        Can I procrastinate or what? My last post was back in.........back in.....well, lets just say it's been a while. It's not as if I've done nothing... I have!... I've been learning and finding all sorts of new tricks about blogging .Lately though, it seems like the little whispers the universe sends out to us to nudge us down the right path, have been slowly building to a roar. This topped off with the continuous encouragements and kind reminders from my BFF and my family to get to it.
        I think, or I should say, I KNOW why I have shied away from my blog. It's because I have not practiced any of what I have preached in my last post. Not only have I not lost a single pound, I have barely exercised and I am still hanging with that bitchy inner critic chick. I have even given her a promotion with a laptop, free wi-fi, and her very own twitter account. That way she can keep me updated on my sad sorry state in real time.

        While practicing one of my favorite procrastination exercises (surfing the web) I checked out this fellow blogger site. I had discovered her while reading a magazine (another fantastic distraction) called Artful Blogging. Her blog "Life Set to Words" is stunning. I was struck by a post she had written about a quote she had read on a yogi tea bag .
                                             -Whatever you are doing is the most beautiful thing.

        I love that quote. It reminded me that all we do moment by moment is important. Even those not so memorable or honorable ones. It reminds me that denial and procrastination are just the kind of fuel that lil' Mrs. critic bitch need to fuel my fear of failure fire....or is it fear of success ? I am still not so sure about that one. What I am sure about, is that I need to shake that stuff off. Tell that critic women to shut the hell up , feel the fear and then do it any way.

        The events of my morning really sums up the whispering to screaming universe thing I talked about earlier.

6:30 am . Sat down with morning coffee at the computer to check in with my facebook peeps. My BFF has left me a comment on my post the night before telling me she got a kick out of it and said, I quote "you should get back to blogging already!"
9 am. My hubbie calls during his coffee break. While we were chatting he says " that is SO true, you should put that in your blog."
10:30 am. (this is the cherry on the screaming universe cake) I make my mid morning cup of tea. When I flip the tag I have to laugh.......

                                            - Whatever you are doing is the most beautiful thing.

        OK ...OK ... I get the hint!... I drank my tea.... picked up my pen and began to write.

Object in mirror may be larger than it appears.

2009-11-30T17:55:00.004-05:00

Last week while our hot water heater was on the fritz I went over to my in-laws to use their shower. As you step out of the shower there is a wall to wall, floor to ceiling mirror. THAT'S when I saw IT.....MY BUTT! I was like a deer staring at the on coming headlights, frozen in fear, unable to move or look away.

There are just so many issues wrapped up in this whole self care thing.It just does not fit in well with the whole chaotic ADD/self defeatest lifestyle I have become so accustomed to.There are two main issues I need to deal with if I am going to make these changes stick.

GET OFF MY ASS AND EXERCISE which I hate btw
Encourage myself and get that bitchy ol' inner critic to shut the hell up!She has got 24/7 PMS!

Lets tackle these issues one by one shall we?
#1 EXERCISE/TORTURE
I know I need to get moving.Part of the problem is that the mere thought of going to a gym gives me hives. Perhaps I might join once I am confident that I am not going to hurl on a treadmill. (SEXY! I know!) Have you ever watched "The Biggest Loser"? Those people go through some amazing transformations and work their asses off to get to where they want to be. I bet those trainers keep the editing department busy with all the barfing that takes place back at the ranch workout room. I don't think that yaking all over the spining bike down at the local gym will be a very good motivational tool to use to make me want to go back.Then, there are the financial obligations to consider. I am not ready to dole out the buck-a-roos till I am SURE I will stick with it.As you can see I already have a self defeating mantra in place to "ensure success"

Which leads me to my next issue.....

#2 THE SHIT WE TELL OURSELVES

I don't know about you but, if a person talked to me the way I talk to myself I would smack them in the face walking away never speaking to them again.Instead I am SO HARSH on myself. It's more like I have asked that person to move in with me. Then asked them to follow me around and give commentary on how I live my life. Let's not forget the all important reminder of what a screw up I am.The crotchety inner critic always there when you need a little self doubt. I even pay this bitches rent!

So now what?I have decided to send out a search and rescue mission. I am determined to find the women hidden some where underneath all this....YUCK! I find the threat of public failure to be quite motivating so I am asking you all to do this with me. I have joined a web site called SPARKpeople. This web site is completely FREE and filled with easy to use tools, recipes and mobile apps. Did I mention it's FREE ?
I have my own team on there called: Object in mirror may be larger than it appears

So join SPARKpeople with me and join my team.Lets get our boo-tay in order..K?Come by here and check out how I am doing. I will try to keep my whining to a minimum.What do you do to maintain a healthy lifestyle? Are you a gym person? Or a home girl? How do you stay motivated and excercise fun?

There is no humiliation like a public humiliation

2009-10-25T15:44:00.000-04:00

Good Mood Gig from SAM-e
Ahhh..... the sweet smell of humility!
I recently entered a contest online. It’s a chance to win a job doing a good mood blog for Nature Made vitamins. I decided to join the contest on the last day. This did not leave me nearly enough time to do the usual self loathing, editing and rewriting that goes into my work.

After proudly posting this on facebook to shamelessly pimp myself out to my social network peeps my phone rings. It’s my best friend Justine informing me I have misspelled “inspire”. I have instead written INPIRE.....no S…….UG! …….Really?

I immediately spring into action to fix the situation (remember with my internet connection “springing into action” means 25 min. ATLEAST)There is of coarse NO WAY to fix the problem. I am stuck with it. It’s out there for the world to see and be “INPIRED BY!” : )

Well, I suppose I will just have to take the advice I gave in my application. You have to take time to find joy in the small things. Laugh at yourself and try, try again!Please feel free (even though I can’t spell) to go to the site and vote for me. You can vote once a day till Nov. 6th and you do not have to join a thing. For all of you who vote, Thanks and please pass it on. I have to beat some well qualified hottie from California, so I can use all the help I can get!

Good Mood Gig from SAM-e

Changing Spaces

2009-10-11T15:17:00.003-04:00

In May of 2008 I attended a writing retreat at Kripalu Yoga and retreat center. I took a workshop with SARK. She is a favorite of mine and the weekend was an adventure.The workshop was based on her book " Juicy Pens Thirsty Paper". I met with all sorts of exciting women and a few even braver men (if I remember correctly the ratio was 2/30) anywho? I learned allot about myself that weekend.
I realized how little I allowed myself the time to be creative. I learned to sit alone with my thoughts and how much fun it was to write and share. I also learned how I let my perfectionist ego get in the way. I am constantly fighting with myself, second-guessing every thing to death. I think it’s my favorite form of procrastination.
This lil'ol' blog thing has been a great lesson for that. I have had to learn that changes are just a point and a click of the mouse away and nothing is set in stone. I just have to put it out there. Let it go. The world will not blow up if the color of your header is not just so and I do not have to be The Bloggess (one of my new favorite people I wanna be when I grow up. This list also includes Tina Fay and Beyonce. I have ADD what can I say, I'm fickle) over night. The blog can grow with me. Not to mention I have had to learn to be patient with the process. I have dial up internet (scandalous, I know!) so I cannot always do the work I want when I have the time or If I do needless to say, It's slow going.
Along the way I have started a great online community. I am hearing from people all over the country. All who started out in the same place as I have. They are all teaching me allot. Its great the amazing support that is out there and those that are happy to share in their experience. It is funny how just a simple thing like a comment or a new "follower" will make my day.
I also have to remember the rest of my life. Sometimes when I get on a "creative roll" I get a little anti -social. I just wanna hide and get away from every thing. That is my new fantasy and goal. Iwant a creative space for me to spread out. A quiet and occasionally loud (gotta have tunes) space that is all MINE.A child/hubby free area of meeeeenessness....AHHHHHHH! Calgon TAKE ME AWAY! Do you have a space like this? Where do you go?

I WON'T GROW UP! NEVER GROW UP! NOT ME!

2009-10-04T15:23:00.002-04:00

What does it mean to be "grown up"? Is it a certain defining moment that you become a grown up? There’s no alarm or pop up timer like on an oven stuffer roaster. Although that would explain all my skin tags and stray chin hairs that show up out of nowhere begging to be plucked. I am certain I did not have this issue in my teens.
I am a thirty-seven year old mother of two. I am pushing forty, yet in my mind I do not consider my self grown up. There are surely moments that I have to be the grown up in a situation, like parenting for example. Even then I am growing and learning and sometimes making mistakes.
Maybe you are a grown up when you no longer get any slang. The other night while I was doing the dishes my son was watching FUEL TV. After a skater did a trick Gabe exclaimed "Mom, did you see that? That was dirty! Rewind that.” I then asked " Dirty as in pornographic?" He replied with the patented duh mom undertones teenagers have perfected and passed down for generations. Saying "No dirty as in sick!" Which was ironic because I had almost the same conversation with my mom over the word sick being used as a positive thing back when I was a teen. Perhaps I am a grown up because I am the one who pays the cable bill yet 99 percent of the time I am watching either FUELTV or iCarley. Hmmm...there could be something to that.
In the US you are a legal adult at 18. I cannot speak for all of you but I for sure was NOT a grown up . When I posted the question to my social network buds online I received what seemed like three answers all explained a bit differently. There was the group that seemed to think that they had to grow up early due to circumstances beyond there control. There where some whom just gave specific numbers followed by a question mark and then there were those (mostly men I might add) who said and I quote " I'm still shredding and I have no intention of stopping". I take this to mean never.
I am starting to think that they are all right. Sure, at a certain age we stop growing but each experience good or bad leads to growth. Each bump in the road changes our vision on life and how we choose to live it. Lets all thank the universe for that or we would all be wearing stirrup pants with huge mall hair saying "gag me with a spoon. Like totally!"
Is growing up different than growing old? I have some friends who are just terrified of getting older. Each birthday seems to fill them with dread. I on the other hand like getting older. Each year brings with it more experience. Things that at one time were so important don't hold the weight that they once did. I also enjoy more simple pleasures and the magic in the everyday. As my Mom and Auntie Tracy would say "JUST NOTICE".So I guess it is also true that I don't think I will ever really " grow up". I guess I will just keep shredding till I die. How about you, are you a grown up? What does that mean to you?

Whats the worst that can happen?

2009-09-21T16:54:00.005-04:00

I am now officially the proud parent of a high school student. Now I know what you’re saying, it’s not like this is some enormous shock or surprise. I’ve seen it coming for a while now but ….. Really?!? Now?!? Already?!? Didn’t he just learn to tie his shoes last week? I mean you can’t really let him drive a car soon?…Can you?…Right?……*sigh*
Both my children a son who is 14, and a daughter who is 7, are fearless kids .Watching them grow up has been a rush. My son starting high school has made me thankful for my daughter’s playful 2nd grade activities. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it was like when I went to high school and all the exciting and sometimes dangerous situations and experiences I went through at that time. That in it self could explain the slight terror I feel being a parent to one. Especially one who is an adrenalin junkie like my father was, and still is. I myself was deprived of the adrenalin gene. I don’t even like to stand on a chair where as my son ,cannot WAIT till he is 16 so he can sky dive .Now before you tell me I am crazy to let him sky dive I will say this. I would bet that far more 16 year old boys die each year from sexting than die sky diving. I admire his zest for life and the guts he has to try those kinds of things.
All this has made me think back to when I was a sophomore in high school. My favorite teacher, Mr. Tobin had asked the class “Who in here thinks of themselves as an artist?” Shockingly, me the girl in the back wearing all black looking like what might happen if Cyndi Lauper and Ziggy Star Dust had a secret love child, raises my hand and say” I am.” He then proceeded to tell the class how he thought that being an artist took a lot of courage. Artist of all kinds put there heart and soul into a piece and put it all out there for the world to critique. I have to admit that this statement has really stuck with me through the years. I think the most daring thing I have done recently is wear my bathing suit to the beach. I have become a HUGE CHICKEN SHIT!!
Fear can rob you of so much. It is something that I have used as an excuse not to do new things. I certainly am not that brave artist that I use to be. I remember the first time my son signed up for the talent show at his school. My first instinct was to talk him out of it. What if you fail? What if the other kids made fun of him? My intension was to save him from embarrassment or heartache but at the same time I would be robbing him from the whole experience. The talent show turned out to be adorable of coarse and still has always been one of my favorite school shows to attend. My children have reminded me the joy you can fell at taking risks and trying new things. Now don't think I am going to go throwing my self out of a plane any time soon or bungee jumping the Grande Canyon. I am simply going to pursue my love of writing and even more importantly making people laugh.I am not sure what direction it will all take I just know this is where it will start. This blog is MY bungee jump, letting people into my world and opening it all up to you and your comments (please make comments, I’ll even accept a snide one here or there) I am challenging that inner critic . That fear of not just sucking at it but doing all in public. What have you let fear or judgments stop you from pursuing? What would you try if you thought know one was looking? What steps do you need take to do these things? Just take the first step! I dare you!