He Blogs Behind Bars

Chair fail

2010-08-13T01:30:00.001-05:00

Don't fall out of your chair but I'm posting...although it may be a somewhat fate-sealing post:

http://ideapumpkin.blogspot.com/

4th and 5th wheel

2007-10-31T22:19:00.001-06:00

Having your wheelchair strapped to your Harley is great for when you become paralyzed in a traffic accident. It's there and ready to go right when you need it. Let's just hope the wheelchair doesn't get damaged cause then you'd be up the creek without a paddle and we don't want that.

The violin is TOO a brass instrument

2006-10-01T00:37:00.000-05:00

HistoryWired: A few of our favorite things

Take a look!

Parrot Kabobs

2006-09-18T21:00:00.000-05:00

NO CITGO GAS

2006-09-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

I saw this sign on the bulletin board in a parts store in Greenville, TX. It was apparently put there by the management as it was posted behind the counter. Kind of bizarre. In case the fine print is hard to read, it says, "CITGO GAS COMES FROM VENESUALA AND THE COMPANY WILL NOT SUPPORT THE DICTATOR IN THAT COUNTRY." Please note that Venezuela is misspelled. I asked the cashier about it and he mumbled something about some kind of corporate relations. The reason the sign drew my attention was the unprofessionality and corniness of it. It doesn't have the logo or letterhead for the parts store chain and is very poorly written. More like a wild rant than an actual posting. While the lone cashier was on the phone I stepped a little behind the counter and snapped this photo with my cell phone. You can rely on me to risk my life to bring you important news.

2006-09-08T10:59:00.000-05:00

Instruments, players separated by air security rules�|�Oddly Enough�|�Reuters.com

2006-08-22T20:13:00.000-05:00

Instruments, players separated by air security rules��Oddly Enough��Reuters.com

Jobs on your car no one else will do

2006-08-22T18:05:00.000-05:00

Cold News Agency - The Department of "I miss the Homeland" Security has released a new study which shows the benefits to ordinary Americans when illegal Mexican immigrants drive without insurance or with fake insurance cards. The study followed what were gingerly referred to by the Department as "500 moist-backs" which were tracked through extensive cell phone eavesdropping in a joint effort with the NSA. "First off, we just want to highlight the benefit to us all when illegals use the money that they could have used to buy car insurance to buy cell phones and ground effects for their 1983 Monte Carlos," said Department spokeswoman Pam Nesty. "Number one, we can spot them a mile away. Number two, we can eavesdrop on their calls."

In this study, the illegals' driving habits and the benefits to hard working American citizens were examined with astonishing results. The study showed that 9 times out of 10 there is less traffic stoppage in the event of an collision when Hispanic illegals flee the scene of an accident they cause. "Look at it this way: One banged up car in the middle of the road is better than two." said Nesty. "At least the traffic can get through." Even environmentalists were on the list of those benefited as the study showed that many illegal Latinos print their fake insurance cards on recycled paper.

Another item of interest in this groundbreaking research was that the fact that illegal Mexicans often offer up-front cash in recompense for an accident for which they were at fault. Betsy Sue Lee in El Paso recounts her moving story in a documented interview in the study: "I was wondering where our car insurance payment was gonna come from. My husband lost his job to an illegal with a fake Social Security number and our car insurance was about to be terminated when here comes this drunken Mexican illegal immigrant running the stop sign and broadsiding my truck. But what an answer to prayer it was when he offered me $100 up front for the damage. That's just $50 short of our insurance payment! Just wait 'til I tell my husband."

The contents of this article are in no way meant to keep from offending anyone and certainly haven't an ounce of truth to them. If you or anyone else misconstrues this article as being meant to even remotely represent a warped version of the truth or a bizarre actual happening, you may need your head examined. Generous donations are accepted.

2006-08-10T16:00:00.000-05:00

2006-08-10T15:57:00.000-05:00

2006-04-18T09:13:00.000-05:00

2006-04-18T00:19:00.000-05:00

Wanna Bannana?

2006-04-10T14:52:00.000-05:00

I just thought that I would show you this rotten bannana. Don't you hate that when you buy bannanas and then you just are never in a bannana mood that week? I felt guilty, so I ate it anyway. Not so bad if you follow it with a shot of ginger ale.

A Ditty 4 You - Home

2006-03-24T00:44:00.000-06:00

A Ditty 4 You - Home

Hilarious videos. Absolutely hilarious. (I can't vouch for 100% of the content, and definetly not the wholesome value of the songs -- HA HA HA! You'll see what I mean!)

2006-03-20T08:27:00.000-06:00

I am the zombie truck! Muuuhah ha ha ha haaaa...

2006-03-09T23:04:00.000-06:00

No, this truck is not a zombie truck about to have a head-on-collision with me, but I have to admit that I thought that for a split second when I first saw it. It is being towed. Isn't that weird though?

Word of the day: Esophogealgastroduodenoscopy

2006-03-05T12:17:00.000-06:00

define: Esophogealgastroduodenoscopy - Google Search

My Opinion of NetFlix - February 23, 2006

2006-02-25T00:35:00.000-06:00

My Opinion of NetFlix - February 23, 2006

Our Netflix account has slown to a crawl since my last posts.

I think we may cancel our account.

Four Charged for Selling Body Parts

2006-02-24T16:32:00.000-06:00

Four Charged for Selling Body Parts

They were supposed to be enbalming the bodies. Instead they were ripping them open, extracting bones and replacing them with PVC pipes!!! Sick!

CIA chief sacked for opposing torture - World - Times Online

2006-02-19T00:59:00.000-06:00

CIA chief sacked for opposing torture - World - Times Online

CatStuff: Cat Facts and Trivia

2006-02-19T00:05:00.000-06:00

Interesting stuff, actually.

Netflix is being sick, again

2006-02-16T10:34:00.000-06:00

Last time I wrote about Netflix, I mentioned that Netflix was taking people for ride. Not me. Just other people. That has changed. They are taking me for a ride, too. They have now begun to delay our shipments. I guess we thought that when they said "unlimited," they weren't lying. Wrong. They lied. Funny thing, me and a bunch of other people that I have read about had amazing, quick delivery at when we first signed up. Now, everybody's shipments are delayed just because of our loyalty. It used to take like one or two days for Netflix to acknowledge that they received our DVD in the mail, now it takes a week! Is it a coincidence that me and a bunch of other people get fast shipments in the beginning, and then as time goes on we get throttled?

2006-02-14T16:55:00.000-06:00

2006-02-14T09:12:00.000-06:00

2006-02-13T22:00:00.000-06:00