He Loves Me Not

Winner

2013-05-13T12:50:00.000-04:00

Tiffany! You won! Email me with your address.

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

2013-05-10T11:53:00.000-04:00

When I got dumped by Valdosta, the lovely and wonderful Tex in the City put together a care package for me with love from Texas. I still think about this gesture at least once a week. This is a woman I have never met, although we do share a mutual friend in real life, and she did one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me in my life. The care package consisted of: A blank diary, "to

Singled Out

2013-05-09T14:28:00.001-04:00

Any time someone mentions a great person looking for love, I'm all "I know loads of single people!" And then when I try to think of those said single people, it turns out I don't know any. Mel just celebrated her one-year anniversary. Swayze landed a dream girl we all love. My fun coworker has been in a relationship with Abraham's neighbor for a really long time now. [On a side note: I've noticed

Life after Yes

2013-05-06T14:51:00.001-04:00

Life after the engagement: Drinks. Lots of drinks. Most of them free. I drank more in the following week than I had all year. A birthday! Thirty-two was not exciting. I had so many friends come out to dinner that the restaurant said our party was too big and refused to accept our reservation. This was both touching and stressful as I spent the afternoon calling businesses (and failing). We

Failed Engagements

2013-05-01T11:53:00.003-04:00

Going to our favorite restaurant that we visit every week and having the bartender deliver my plate of tater tots spelled out to read WILL YOU MARRY ME. I like that restaurant and my tots and all, but I'm glad the bartender talked him out of it. While ice skating. Initially sounded cute, but one of this friends reminded him that the only people who go ice skating these days are pre-teens. Kind

Home Sweet Home

2013-04-24T14:43:00.001-04:00

As I was leaving work the following night, I complained to my coworkers about my pending kickball game. The pollen count was so high that the ground was slick with yellow dust and billows of pollen blustered through the air. Just standing outside irritated my nose and lungs, much less playing a game of kickball in a grass field. To quote my friend, people were buying meth to make allergy

The Rules

2013-04-16T12:32:00.001-04:00

A girlfriend of mine has a tradition within her circle of friends. One of her friends used to work at a wedding magazine and had received a Mr. Wonderful doll as a promotional item. Mr. Wonderful is a plastic doll with pre-approved sayings such as "You look nice today," and "Why don't we go the the mall, didn't you want some shoes?" She kept Mr. Wonderful on her desk until she met her real-life

Swan Song

2013-04-15T12:58:00.000-04:00

I needed to choose a song about my current relationship, but I was currently irritated at my current relationship. Monday I wanted to go running because I had gained two pounds, and Abraham refused to join me. I stared at him slackjawed with just a total Do-you-not-care-about-your-health accusation on my face. Tuesday he went to play raquetball with his friend and didn't get home until late. I

Foreshadowing

2013-04-14T18:30:00.001-04:00

As a part of our kickball game, I was asked to pick a song that described "your current relationship or lack thereof. " I didn't put much thought into my choice. I didn't know how important that song would be.

Movers and Shakers

2013-04-10T16:24:00.001-04:00

I feel like I did back in college when I was in the middle of a semester, and I had the constant stress of the final looming over me. It would be a constant nagging in the back of my mind. Only this time, my final is my upcoming move. I've learned over the last six months that I can get by with very little. Staying at Abraham's made me realize I only needed a handful of dresses and a few really

Overdose

2013-04-03T12:29:00.001-04:00

The blog has lost a second periphery character. The Boston Brother's wife, the woman who got drunk and high on the cruise ship and was found naked in the crew section of the boat, died. The reason is not shocking. As evidenced from my only experience with her, she had destructive alcohol and prescription medication habits. It's not known for sure whether it was suicide or an accidental overdose

Winner

2013-04-01T13:56:00.004-04:00

The winner is comment #4, which is incidentally also my favorite number. Melissa, please email me so I can get your address.

He's Not That Into You

2013-03-22T13:47:00.000-04:00

I don't think I ever got dating right. I don't think I ever got rid of my bad habits; I think I just got really, really lucky with Abraham. I mean, we talked for months, so that was good. Then we made out behind a bar and didn't see each other for weeks and weeks (he was nervous, he said.) That's... less good. According to the Rules, He Wasn't That Into Me. And then I got shitfaced, went home

Crash Into Me

2013-03-11T12:49:00.001-04:00

The first time I met Abraham was in 1999. I had just graduated from high school and was working that summer as a lifeguard at a neighborhood pool. Abraham was a year out of college and living in the Florida panhandle. He drove his rickety 1988 Plymouth Horizon 270 miles North to attend the same concert as me. We were separated by 130,000 people. The second, third, fourth and fifth times I met

Out of the Woods

2013-03-07T11:59:00.000-05:00

Abraham's bedroom smells like wood. I guess I should stop calling it Abraham's bedroom. Next month it will be my bedroom as well. Truth is, I signed that lease to buy me 6 more months in my apartment, and I haven't spent a single night there. I've been at Abraham's house (I mean, our house). Katielookingforward referred to my lease as an insurance policy. "You can 'waste' money on rent for an

Black Diamond

2013-03-01T12:21:00.001-05:00

The scene was the same: when a coworker asked how my ski trip went, she'd ask while staring at my bare left hand. Every time. "It was the best vacation I've ever had," I'd respond, trying to ignore the glances. "So he didn't propose on top of the mountain?" one asked. "I was so sure it would happen," another consoled. "The ex-boyfriends come out of the woodwork because they know you're

Valentine's Day, according to Facebook

2013-02-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

Schmoozer's BF took a girl to dinner that he had been seeing for a month. She got him a card, a couple bottles of wine, two wine glasses and a wine aerator. He got her nothing. Mel's boyfriend sent her a beautiful bouquet of flowers to work. They did not see each other, but they scheduled a date for the next day. Jenna and Government Mule posted hearts to each other's timelines. No usual check

Take the Cake

2013-02-07T13:15:00.001-05:00

I'm not a big fan of Facebook chat. Mostly the incoming messages startle me while I'm creeping on my news feed. I think the main problem with Facebook chat is that it's never someone you actually want to talk to. Yesterday it was Christopher. I hadn't heard from him since last Valentine's Day when he sent me a friend request. I had sat on it for a week, accepted it, and then forgot about the

For Love or Money

2013-02-01T11:42:00.001-05:00

Every year Abraham goes on a ski trip. As soon as he got back from the last one, he informed me that I would be going on the next one. "The trip this year is going to be in February," Abraham emailed me and attached a long string of planning correspondence. "Yeah. Sure. No problem." I didn't really think anything of it other than my fear of powdered snow. I learned to ski in the South, which

Never be rude to your mother

2013-01-21T16:46:00.001-05:00

I was laying on Abe's bed when the phone rang. It was my mom. I rolled my eyes. We had already spoken three times that day, and Abraham just got home from work. I wanted to visit with him. I picked up the phone and sighed. My mom prattled about the movie she had just seen. She had recognized the actor from a previous movie. "Why are you quiet?" she asked. "I dunno. That was a scintillating

Ring in the New Year

2013-01-04T17:40:00.001-05:00

On New Years Eve, the girls and I sat around a table while the boys watched a movie. "2013 is going to be a big year," I smiled. "I want to be the first to get engaged. Oh damn, we're out of Jello shots," announced Jenna. She looked at her sister Katie. "I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings, but I want to be first." "Well you've been with Government Mule longer than we've been with our

Things I wish I didn't overhear on Christmas

2012-12-27T14:23:00.002-05:00

I was laying in bed at 10:30 pm in Washington DC. The flight didn't go so well. There was so much turbulence that the insides of my stomach had become the outsides of my stomach. Twice. And there were no barf bags on our row of the airplane, so Abraham and I were the collateral damage. The airplane steward meekly handed me a wet paper towel. To make things worse, the traffic circles of DC had me

DDF Revolve 400X Micro-Polishing System

2012-12-18T19:08:00.000-05:00

For most of my twenties, I was able to eat whatever I want and fall into bed with a full face of smudged makeup without any skin repercussions. This is not true anymore in my thirties. I’ve had to invest in night cream and a skin cleanser and a skin exfoliator. Products are expensive. I went to one of those in-home product shows and was introduced to a skin care line that cost over $230.

Reindeer Games

2012-12-05T11:21:00.003-05:00

I didn't know I was dating a Grinch. Okay, that is neither an entirely fair nor accurate statement. He's not a Grinch. He's a Jew, and Christmas is not his holiday. Within the next year or so, it will no longer be my holiday but a tradition I celebrate with my parents. But Abraham, he hates Christmas. He cannot walk past a trimmed tree or holiday decoration without making a snarky comment. He

Ghosts of Boyfriends' Past

2012-11-28T15:58:00.001-05:00

I've been having this dream lately where I successively date a few of my ex-boyfriends. Ghosts of boyfriends' past, if you will. In my dreams time has elapsed since I've dated them. It's present day in my alternate universe. We indeed broke up like we did in real life, but for some reason we are getting back together. *** My first love is fat. He's severely overweight, just as he was in high