He Loves Me Not

Babes in Toyland

2012-01-27T13:33:00.002-05:00

Back in November it felt like I was invited to one of those at-home jewelry parties every two weeks. I think I was invited to four or five in total, including an at-home clothing party. I sipped my wine. "To get back at y'all for this, I should have an adult toy party," I quipped. "I would go to that," Katie quickly said. "I would go only if you threw it," laughed Harvey. The timing never

Bust a gut

2012-01-26T13:34:00.000-05:00

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important."--Kathryn Stockett, The Help Somewhere between 29 and 30, I grew pretty. I don't think my appearance changed at all, although I did drop some a few pounds last year through running. I had already stopped coloring my hair blond. I had the same simple haircut (No, stylist, I know you think layers are cute, but I don't like them). I was still me. The

Kid Gloves

2012-01-20T11:44:00.001-05:00

"Am I going to see you this weekend?" I asked. I was lying in Abraham's bed in the early morning hours. We were awoken by the morning commuting sounds: a garbage truck picking up its load, a Mustang's high horse-powered engine idling while the condensation was being chipped off the windshield. It was unusually cold, and I tugged his comforter over my shoulder. Abraham inhaled through his teeth.

Fired Up

2012-01-19T12:50:00.000-05:00

It was 6 a.m. I shot up in bed screaming. The fire alarm was going off. I don't know about other buildings—this is the only building I've lived in with this set up—but every bedroom is equipped with a fire horn. When the fire alarm is set off for the entire building, the horns blow in the bedrooms. It's loud and piercing and painful. "Ahhh!" I screamed. The building shuddered as the

As far as I could throw him

2012-01-16T19:27:00.031-05:00

It was the early September. I had just gotten off the boat from Mexico. Abraham was still only sending me witty text messages and not meeting up with me in person. Schmoozer called. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Cleaning my apartment." "Can I come over?" I sighed. I didn't want to entertain. "I'm cleaning my apartment, and then I'm meeting up with friends to watch football." "I'm in the

Male Delivery: Dr. Kodiak A'd Your Q's

2012-01-13T11:18:00.002-05:00

When you sit in a chair, where do your balls go? Depends on the guy. A friend of mine with a 3-year old swears up and down that letting his balls sit "under" his legs has saved him from the kid stepping on them many times. He has skinny legs. I have giant legs. There is literally no room for anything directly between (or under) my legs when I sit comfortably (when sexing, I make room *winky face

The Big Chill

2012-01-12T11:24:00.003-05:00

A Gchat conversation with Dr. Kodiak, my ask-anything male confidant: me: I would love for someone to describe me that way. "She's pretty easygoing and just goes with it" Dr. Kodiak: That's a pretty typical description of me...substituting "he" for "she" me: Hahaha Do you think its a he/she thing? Dr. Kodiak: I think guys are more naturally suited to the position, we're constantly compromising

For You, Anonymous*.

2012-01-09T19:30:00.011-05:00

We went on a date to my favorite restaurant that I had been telling him about for months. He let me pick out his shirt for our date. It was red, and I commented that red looked good on him. He pulled up to the restaurant and choked. He had been there before but didn't remember its name. He went there after a concert with his best friend who I had never heard of until a week or two ago. I ordered

The beginning, defined

2012-01-09T12:39:00.003-05:00

My absolute favorite part of dating is reaching the stage where you become comfortable enough with the other person and your relationship that you can finally ask for his perspective on the beginning. When you can solve the little mysteries that once plagued you. "I'm glad you kissed me that night at the bar," I said. "What were you thinking that night?" "Honestly? I was trying to keep you away

A Man of His Word

2012-01-06T22:04:00.002-05:00

Mel starting dating a guy over the holiday break. They went out a couple of times and seemed to really like each other. Then he disappeared. Not in the traditional drop-off-the-face-of-the-earth, OMG-what-if he-was-disfigured-in-a-car-accident kind of way. He disappeared in the most annoying way possible: He'd make plans! But they were vague! And then he never followed through! "So today he

Breaking Silence

2012-01-04T08:00:00.001-05:00

I farted. Of man and woman, I did not think I was going to be the one to break the silence. I once pointed out to Abraham that he goes to the restroom a lot. He had to inform me that most of those times, he was just being polite. "Oh, yes," I nodded. "We're not at that point yet." We've talked about this, and yet I was the one. I'm not even a gassy person, but I farted. I had spent the

300 Kisses

2012-01-01T00:00:00.030-05:00

"So what are your New Year's plans?" I asked Abraham. "I've got a party," he explained. "You?" "Me too. I have a party, but it's about two miles from your house. Want to meet up after?" "Maybe, but it's unlikely. If I drink at all, I'm spending the night. I'm not risking anything with all the cops being out." "But you're my New Year's kiss," I pouted. "New Year's is overrated." "It is." I

Witness

2011-12-31T00:35:00.004-05:00

Christmas came and went quietly. There was no snow, no Christmas miracles like last year. My family has shrunk so much that there are no traditions anymore. We each exchange a single present. Christmas takes about seven minutes. It's times like these that the thought occurs to me that it's time to start my own family and my own traditions. Circle of life and all of that messy mess. Easier said

Mini-DTR

2011-12-22T11:30:00.003-05:00

Things with Abraham have been great. He's been gentler in recent weeks, a sign I take as letting his guard down. I see it in a look he'll give me or how he'll press his head against mine while watching TV. At first when I asked the girly questions (like, "Were you happy that I came home early?"), he responded with "I'm not playing your games." Now he'll play along. When I asked what physical

On Being Jewish

2011-12-16T23:11:00.002-05:00

We haven't talked about religion, not in a way that matters. When Abraham and I first got together, I was very sensitive about our differences. I didn't want to sound stupid or, more importantly, offensive. I know the basics about the religion itself—got an A in the class in college—but when it comes to traditions and customs and practices, I am an unwritten slate. I know nothing about being

Abraham's Unwitting Rebuttal

2011-12-15T11:33:00.001-05:00

I had my head on Abraham's stomach as he laid in my bed. "Tell me the story again about how you threw up in front of your mom," I pleaded. It was one of the first stories he ever told me. He had told it to me the night we first kissed, weeks before I had my drunken night in front of him. He chuckled and told me the story. "...And as I'm puking into the Gulf of Mexico, my mom was saying

Government Ass

2011-12-14T11:24:00.003-05:00

At a football tailgate, a girlfriend from out of town asked how I met Abraham. I skipped all the boring details and went right to the punchline. I am nothing if not a good story teller. She shuddered. She laughed. Government Mule was sitting in front of us, eavesdropping. He turned around. "You need to aim higher," he said. "Excuse me?" "How low are this guy's standards to be with a girl who

The Others

2011-12-07T14:00:00.000-05:00

For a hot minute this fall, the entire group of friends was dating someone. Katie found a new boyfriend that she described as her most passionate relationship. Swayze met a girl through Match that he had been quietly seeing during the week. Mel had met a boy that engaged in long conversations with her and made her feel beautiful. And I had Abraham. We were at an away football game,

Season's Greetings

2011-12-06T13:32:00.000-05:00

I opened the door to my apartment and greeted Abraham. "Congrats on your win!" I told him. "Congrats on your win!" he replied as he entered my foyer and kissed me. The Saturday after Thanksgiving is the day that state rivalries face off in college football. Both of our alma maters had won. He sat on my couch and sighed, "I can't believe football season is over." "Well it is for you," I

Intimate Bodies

2011-12-05T11:51:00.001-05:00

Are you awake? I am. I don’t normally do this. I don’t text boys late at night. And I certainly don’t do it when they cancel on me. I was supposed to be in his bed right now, but I wasn’t. Abraham and I had plans for this evening, but he canceled saying he was still sick. We had been talking about him being sick for the past four days, so I know he really did just want a good night’s sleep.

We are Frogs

2011-11-30T16:12:00.027-05:00

We are more accepting of change when it is gradual. A hoarder doesn't come home with 10 dumpsters of useless crap and shovel it in her house until it's stuffed. The useless crap comes in bag by bag until one room is filled, and then another, and then another until the house is crumbling on its foundation. It's the same with relationships. They sour slowly. He doesn't pin you against the wall and

Birthday Boy

2011-11-28T21:22:00.004-05:00

It was Abraham's birthday. This time it was my turn to sit quietly as he bounced between two tables, reveling in his birthday celebration at the bar. People that I didn't know well approached him every 15 or so minutes with two shots in hand: one for the buyer and one for the birthday boy. Watching the interactions take place, there's one thing I knew for certain: that boy is beloved. When

Singled Out

2011-11-21T13:42:00.000-05:00

I've started getting calls from my family for what I want for Christmas. Each time it sends me into a slight panic. I don't have a Christmas list, because if I really want something, I buy it. Single people are inherently selfish. If I really sit down and think about it, it's astounding how selfish I am. And it's not because I'm not a nice person or that I secretly hate Little Orphan Annie, it's

Answering Bell

2011-11-17T20:31:00.007-05:00

I’m just sayin’ hi to your answering bell --Ryan Adams, “Answering Bell” The first night I spent the night at Abraham's flat doesn't count. The second night we woke up the next morning cold and clinging to each other. "You are a blanket hog," I charged as I tugged a tiny corner of his comforter across my shoulder. It felt like trying to dry myself with a washcloth. "I know you are," he

How to Make Room in Your Life for Someone

2011-11-15T11:08:00.001-05:00

Start where you are. No need for recounting stories of the good old days that you think are still funny that other people tell you with their eye rolls that they are indeed not. What happened this week? You had a really good sandwich? Start with that. During subsequent encounters, build on current rapport. If Object of Affection stated he/she went to a really good show last week, ask about any