While it might seem like a trivial matter to many people, the quite truth is that very many people suffer from an addiction that does not tend to get much attention.  It is likely due to the fact that most people who are addicted to gambling do not show the typical signs of dependence like drug users, alcoholics, or other chemically dependent addictions.  Nevertheless, gambling addiction is a real addiction and can affect lives in nearly the same ways as do other more well known substance abuse problems.  People lose their families, their homes, their jobs, and the fortunes to gambling all the time.

The National Council on Problem Gambling estimates that between six and nine million Americans have a gambling problem.  In a country with the population of just over three hundred million, it equates to about 3% of the population in the United States have a serious problem with gambling.

Step One:  Identification

While most people who have a problem with gambling know it, but refuse to admit it, there are signs to help identify if a problem exists.  Here are some things to look for to help in the identification process.

1.       A huge desire to gamble

2.      Preoccupation with gambling

3.      Reliving past gambling experiences

4.      Planning the next gambling event

5.      Trying to find money with which to gamble

6.      Increasing amounts of money are necessary to achieve pleasure from gambling

7.      Failure to stop gambling

8.      Gambling used as a way to ‘escape’ stress or a ‘bad day’

9.      After a loss, is there an attempt to ‘get even’, often called ‘chasing losses’

10. Lying about how much money is used to gamble

11. Lying about the amount of losses

12. Loss of property, job, friends, or family to gambling

13. Illegal activities to gain money with which to gamble

Step Two: Admission

Often people say that the first step in fixing a problem is admitting that you have one.  While this step actually falls in at number two the concept remains true.  This often is the most difficult part for many people is in admitting that they are not in control of their gambling.  Once the person admits to the gambling dependence, then steps can be taken to help cure the addiction.

Step Three: Professional Help

The biggest lie that people tell themselves once admission of the problem is made is that they can beat it by themselves.  The truth is that everyone needs help in beating the addiction.  A support group to help in times of temptation as well as a tight nit network of people to help in accountability is necessary.  Often this step will require the services of a professional in addiction.  Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness as many people might think.  Professionals in addiction, whether it be drug addiction or gambling addiction know the proper steps that are necessary to overcome the problem and get life back on track again.  Seek their help even if you do not think you need it.  Some people try to justify going it alone due to the financial cost of a professional addiction therapist, but the truth is that the costs of continuing the addiction are much higher than will be the cost of getting professional help.

One can contact the National Council on Problem Gambling by calling toll free 1-800-522-4700 or by visiting www.gambler.org to help you get started in the healing and recovery process.  They will be able to assist you in finding a professional in your area as well as a 24/7 hotline for those who need help immediately.

Many people are concerned that their addiction can harm their reputation and even their career if it were to become public knowledge.  Places like Gamblers Anonymous are well versed in helping people while keeping privacy concerns at the forefront.  For those concerned with keeping the problem quiet, realize that by not getting professional help, you run the risk of continuing the addiction to the point where everyone around you will become aware of it eventually and it will ruin your entire life.  Getting help now is the best thing you can do to keep your reputation, career, family, and privacy intact.

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If you are newlyweds or have been “together” forty years or more such as I have, you will often encounter times when you need and appreciate some help around the house from your spouse. Husbands are notorious for delegating their time between work, sports, television, and sex and not necessarily in that order. Whether you are a full time house wife and mother, work part time (at home or away), or have a full time job that takes up much of your daily hours you can always benefit from extra hands for housework and other chores. But getting that help from your husband often involves a bit of game playing and conniving before he’s convinced you really mean it. In other words, his priorities are different than yours and even if his wife works as many hours as he does, thousands of years of ruling the “man cave” simply don’t allow him to wash a dish or make a bed. But there is hope for modern man through some creative encouragement and plain old bribery. Let’s look at some pretty good suggestions that work on those stubborn hubbies who fail to notice their frazzled spouse’s complaints.

Getting him to “see the light” (or the dust)

Men don’t see the dust on the television until it detracts from the picture when he’s watching football on Sunday afternoon. They can’t help themselves, it’s simply something in the DNA that prevents them from seeing the obvious. Buy a feather duster and ask him to dust a bit for you as you run the vacuum, or even better… ask him to vacuum as you dust. Either way you are doing chores together and that can even lead to rewards (sexually) because you’re bound to bump into each other and then the fun begins. Convincing him to help by asking works as long as you can make light of it and he thinks it’s a game and not work. Sound like we’re talking about kids here? Or even training a dog? Well the same psychology applies but you need to be subtle about it with men. Men will respond but they definitely don’t understand mind reading, so ask him to help and he will gladly comply.

Never NAG at him!

Even though he’s dense as a fence post he will notice when you are nagging him, and no one appreciates a nag. Ask about hiring help and he’ll likely find the time to do more chores himself. Making up a “honey do” list will often help him see the obvious and pitch in. Asking him to paint the kitchen or fix that leaky bathroom faucet will give his macho side the opportunity to show off a little and you can reward him after with his favorite dinner or even massaging his sore back after all that strain beneath the sink or painting the walls.

Sit down and talk over the task situation

Discussing sharing household tasks works best before either of you get stuck in a rut. Men often don’t realize just how much work is involved in keeping the house in order because his wife simply keeps it up and running efficiently enough so that it is not all that obvious. It takes time and some effort to run the vacuum, wash the laundry, fold and maybe iron clothing, dust the furniture and shelves, wash the windows, change the bedding, cook dinner, wash the dishes, and shop for groceries. When a woman also holds down a full time job she just doesn’t have time to do it all and do it well. Discussing all that needs to be done each week, then delegating a certain amount of it to the hubby will give him a sense of purpose and when you allow him to choose which chores he prefers to do, will make it seem more like his idea in the first place. Make a list and put it down on paper, then have him pick out some he knows he can handle.

What we have here is a failure to communicate!

The expression “men are from Mars” is actually true! Men seem to be wired differently than women and while they don’t communicate their needs well they also fail in the “input” department of husband and wife conversations. It takes encouragement to make him see how overloaded his wife is, especially if she’s a stay at home wife and mother. She may not need to leave the home for an 8 to 5 but her duties keep her on the go all day long. Sometimes the best place to have a conversation about the household chores is in bed.

The best chefs are men but too many of them spoil the….

Men love to eat and if you help him learn how, he may turn into a great short order chef or even a master cook. Helping with the menu and then doing prep work will save time and add an exciting element to your nightly meals. Men can chop, peel, pare, and stir quite well and as they do they’ll be able to add a lot to the meal. Show him there is more in the kitchen than a microwave oven and you’ve started him on a great culinary expedition. Encourage him to taste and then add some ingredients or spices to everyday dishes and he may surprise you with a new side to him, one that is creative and daring.

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When you suddenly feel sharp pain after straining or stretching it may be tendonitis. Tendons are what connect muscle to bone and are a vital part of the body’s skeletal structure. Muscles are responsible for each movement when ever we jump, walk, run, lift something, twist, and move in most any sort of way. Tendons are the fibrous tissue, similar to rubber bands that hold bones and muscles together and allow them to do the work required. Tendons may be large or small and the body contains hundreds of them, each responsible for movement in some area. Within these tendons are many nerves which conduct messages to the brain when there is stress involved. If the stress is due to over use of the tendons the results will be noted as sharp and prolonged pain and perhaps swelling of the area. Pain occurs when ever the tendon is stressed too much, resulting in the painful condition known as tendonitis. The areas most commonly affected by tendonitis are the wrist, fingers, ankles, and the Achilles tendon (in the heel).

Causes of tendonitis

Although strain and overuse are the most common reasons for developing tendonitis, it may also be due to some anatomical cause. If the tendon in question cannot glide smoothly along its path, and movement is restricted, it may become inflamed or irritated and become swollen. In some instances surgery may be necessary to relieve the cause however generally the best cure is preventative and resting the area may be all that is necessary. People in the forty to sixty age group are most commonly affected by tendonitis because their tendons and muscles become less elastic and less prone to forgiveness for over use and stress even though they may use their muscles groups just as frequently as younger people.

Among the hundreds of tendons found in the human body, only a small amount may be affected by the condition called tendonitis (literally means inflamed tendons). The areas most prone to this condition are known as “watershed zones” which are simply areas in which there is a limited blood supply to that tendon. Areas such as fingers and the wrist have smaller tendons and the blood supply is small enough that it may not be enough if that tendon is over worked and strained. These watershed zones are responsible for supplying sufficient nutrients and oxygen to the area but often fail due to limited circulation.

Tendonitis diagnosed according to symptoms

The painful condition known as tendonitis brings many to their doctor to find the cause and get some relief. Most commonly the patient will display swelling and perhaps heat in the area. Closer examination will reveal tenderness directly on the tendon and movement will be restricted within the muscles and tendons. Tests such as an MRI or X-ray will often not detect tendonitis or its cause because they do not show up.

Some common remedies for painful tendonitis

When the diagnosis for painfully strained muscles is tendonitis there are a wide assortment of remedies or treatments that will help relieve the painful condition, depending on the type and area of tendons involved.

1) Wrist Tendonitis: Commonly caused by stress of lifting, pressing, pushing, pulling, and even typing or writing too much. Wearing a wrist brace for a week or two often helps as the tendon has a chance to heal. Ice may be helpful if swelling is evident.

2) Achilles Tendonitis: The Achilles tendon is at the back of the foot just above the heel and subject to much stress and pulling when jumping or running. Pain may show up on the inside of the ankle. Ice packs, elevating the foot, and resting a day or two will help with the pain.

3) Rotator Cuff Tendonitis: Often called bursitis of the shoulder, this form of tendonitis is usually caused by overuse or strain on the shoulder in question. Ice works well or try an anti inflammatory medication such as Ibuprofen or Motrin.

Also consider cortisone injections because of their powerful anti inflammatory capability. When injected directly into the site pain can be lessened in minutes.

4) Lateral Epicondylitis or Tennis Elbow: a form of tendonitis affecting the elbow or wrist area and generally related to playing the game of tennis. It is often due to the repetition of movements that are stressful to the tendons and muscles and benefit primarily by ice application or an anti inflammatory medication such as Ibuprofen or Motrin.

The most effective method of preventing a recurrence of tendonitis is to strengthen muscles by exercise and use of physical therapy. Easing into a workout along with taking frequent breaks will help by easing your body in to how you wish it to perform. The older an individual is the more care must be taken to prevent over strain of muscles and tendons. The wearing of protective braces will be useful if tendonitis is a common occurrence.

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Becoming pregnant means we worry about every little ache and pain and even if we’ve had a baby before, it becomes a time of concern if pain becomes severe, particularly pain in the pubic or pelvic area. Probably all women experience back pain while pregnant, especially during those last few months when baby is growing rapidly and putting our body off balance. Heartburn, swollen feet, and even an upset stomach are “rights of passage” that most women simply must endure from time to time but true pain, especially in the area just below where the baby lies can be scary.

Fear of a premature childbirth causes concern

Whether this is baby number one or there have been several previous pregnancies women worry when they feel cramps or pains low in the pelvic area. Concern that the baby will come too early and that there will be complications is normal and to be expected when pain occurs. But a trip to your doctor or obstetrician will help relieve the worry. Commonly the muscles surrounding the abdominal area will stretch as pregnancy progresses. As the uterus also expands it can cause twinges of pain and the exact origin may not be easy to locate. Think of these as muscular bands like big rubber bands that are designed to stretch and accommodate that growing fetus. It is totally normal to feel twinges of pain due to that stretching but if that pain becomes severe or heavy bleeding does occur do call your doc for advice.

Body stretches to accommodate eminent birth

Worry about every ache and pain will only make the mother tense and on edge. So each time she worries it becomes a time of stress that increases the pain she’s feeling. It’s easy to simply say it will pass but sometimes the pain is a sign that something not quite normal in the way the baby is “laying” in the womb. One cause, although rarely encountered, is called symphysis pubis diastasis which is the medical term for a slight separation of the pubic bones. This slight opening in the joint that separates one side of the pelvic ring from the other can cause severe pain but it seldom lasts and is a part of the birthing process when the opening must widen in order for the baby to pass through and be born. The joints and even the bowels will relax as Progesterone levels increase when delivery is near. Constipation is a common occurrence when a woman is pregnant and that ties in with the joint problems encountered with pubic pain during pregnancy. It is uncomfortable but provides a sign that the pregnancy is right on schedule.

Back pain is to be expected

The common complaint of back pain is due to pressure on the sacroiliac joints which are found on either side at lower back area and the cause is generally due to pressure from the fetus and expanding uterus. Women who develop a urinary tract infection (common in pregnant women) may also feel painful twinges or sharp stabbing pains in the lower pubic area. A quick check will determine if the cause is an infection and it will be remedied by a mild antibiotic.

Exercise can often relieve pain and discomfort

When a woman begins to “show” and her abdomen expands she will be put somewhat off balance due to her expanding girth. Exercise to strengthen back and abdominal muscles will help insure she has a relatively pain free pregnancy and can be beneficial when she actually delivers too. There are plenty of exercise regimes designed specifically for pregnant women that are safe and useful to the mother as well as the baby she carries.

Obstetricians are there for expectant moms who develop pain

 When ever a pregnant woman experiences pain or has light spotting (bleeding) it becomes cause for worry and the best thing to do is give the doctor a call. He or she will most likely offer advice and maybe bed rest for a day or two. The bottom line is that mother’s need to be reassured that everything is normal and going according to plan. Having a baby is a monumental undertaking that woman have been accomplishing for thousands of year with very few problems. When a woman does feel pubic pain during pregnancy she only needs to ask her medical provider for reassurance and guidance.

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Humans lie and that’s a fact of life. We mostly lie to protect ourselves or someone we care about though and when we are in love with someone lies can become protective rather than deceitful. Lying to a woman can be a double edged sword because if she finds out that you are deceiving her you may lose her forever. Women can be hurt by lies even if they are small ones. She will be suspicious and may never quite trust her man again.  There are some instances however in which lies are to be expected and may well be forgiven over time.

The truth hurts

Men who have led a busy life sexually before meeting the “love of his life” often make it a point to keep their shady past to themselves. A woman may worry that she is going to be compared to women from his past and may fall short of his expectations. Nothing could be further from the truth. If he chooses her he does so because she is not like anyone from his past and finds her special and unique with her own special attributes. Women in his past are exactly that… past history. However, if a man who has had an ex-flame who is hard to forget .. or to match by any other woman, it is best to keep that information close to your chest.

She tries to look her best just for you

Most women (and men as well) are somewhat vain and need to have their ego bolstered from time to time. When she asks if she looks alright you must give her an affirmative and positive response. It’s the old cliché “do I look fat in this dress” that needs to be addressed with a positive answer even if she doesn’t exactly look her best. She did try to please you and that deserves a complementary answer. There never is an ideal time for any negative responses and this is no joking matter for the woman in your life.

Never let yourself seem “needy” for her attention

So you have fallen deeply in love with the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever met and you try to relate this to her by being super complimentary and doting on her every word. Especially early on in a relationship this can appear to be overly needy or even to the point of being a stalker. Not that you will want to be aloof or overly cool when it comes to having a conversation but do be respectful of her and give her as much space as she wants. Clingy men (or women) can be stifling in a relationship and drive the other party away simply by becoming scarily over desperate for the other’s attentions.

Keep personal criticism to yourself

No one appreciates it when their relatives or friends are criticized. When you tell your girlfriend her mother is fat or her brother seems dumb she will take it personally and dislike you for it. It’s never proper to “diss” someone she cares about and has since way before you came along. So what if her mom is chubby or her dad is balding? You’ll be there one day and will hope she doesn’t make comments about you as you did about those she loves.

It comes down to sex and “having” sex

Men are animals. Well that is exactly true. We are all animals unless we are minerals or vegetables (and even vegetables use sex to procreate at some point). Sexual urges are what life is all about. We want to have sex with someone that is appealing to us, someone that we are attracted to. This is Mother Nature’s way of continuing the race. We hope to better ourselves by finding a mate who is slightly better than we ourselves are and better than our parents were in order to improve the gene pool. When we feed a line to that special someone, telling her we come from a fine line of healthy intelligent homo sapiens we are most likely telling her a little white lie. We may actually be from a long line of knuckle dragging, straight from the cave, decidedly average men who only wish to better the family tree by selecting her to share in the creation of a new and improved generation. Simply said he does want the opportunity to better himself and she may well take this as a compliment and appreciate that wry sense of humor. However, it is a fine line to tread and you should never make it all about sex. She may appreciate feeling “needed” but it can easily transgress into “being used”. Be careful to stick to delicate feelings and even when you discuss sex, never make it all about procreating or about just fulfilling your basic instincts. Try to make it sound that you are touching her only and only because you love her.

Men hate the act of dating and being compared with any other men in her life. His biggest competition is often her father and he’s difficult to top. But lying will never be an effective method of showing off. Try to be yourself … because that’s who she is most attracted to, still be careful of the words you let escape your lips.

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It can be compared to a devastating illness. Some call it an absolute mental roller coaster ride that never seems to end. But divorce is something over fifty percent of those who marry today may face within the next ten year. In front of the children we may whisper the D word and hope to spare them the painful emotions parents must endure. But those children are affected, make no mistake about that. Parents that have been heading toward divorce cannot completely hide their stress, hurt, and anger and kids pick up on that no matter how hard parents try to appear complacent.

Some helpful guidelines when going through a divorce include:

• Be up front with the children, especially older kids who may know very well what is going on between their parents. They will be scared and hurt, perhaps chose sides, and even accuse one parent or the other of being bad and harming the family unit.
• Both parties involved in a divorce are going to feel hurt and betrayed at some point. If there is another person involved blame will be placed by one side and guilt felt (perhaps) by the other party. This is a good time to seek out counseling, especially if you feel it’s all your fault.
• Communicate! This cannot be stressed enough. Being able to talk through the problems make them easy to manage both when divorce proceedings begin and later on when the separated parties move on to new independent lives.
• Get finances in order before the lawyers take over. If you and your spouse can still communicate, talk about how expenses will be handled, especially if there are children involved. Men who leave may leave behind a substantial financial problem for the mother to face. Even if she works her income may not cover the increased expenses involved in a household without a father.
• Men may be more emotionally affected by a divorce. While men give the impression of toughness and emotional stability they are usually softies inside. The prospect of a divorce means failure and men hate to fail. Hurt and being emotional as well as feelings of inadequacy are part of the act of separation.
• Avoid the traps that can only make life worse for a divorced person. Drinking, drugs, hiring prostitutes, and over eating (or not eating) are all possible methods of either drowning sorrows or as ways to try avoiding reality. Keeping physically healthy will help keep the mind functioning as it should and during divorce the mind needs to be as sharp as possible. Now would be the ideal time to join a health club. Exercise relieves stress and creates a renewed feeling of self control and self worth that may have been taken away due to that emotional roller coaster we call divorce.
• Seek out friends to talk with. Men especially are vulnerable to becoming closed up and keeping too much to themselves. Talk your problems over with a close friend, relative, or even a professional to air out your emotions and get some sage advice at the same time.
• Do not jump right back in to a relationship! This cannot be stressed enough. Men particularly are vulnerable to letting their emotions get the best of them and becoming involved with a new romance. While finding someone who cares is important, a man who is recently divorced may well be fragile emotionally and can possible be hurt by that substitute relationship. Take time to heal before getting overly involved again.

All the help and advice in the world will not help if you don’t want to help yourself. Take time to regain your emotional balance. Keep up communication lines with your ex. If there are children involved make sure they get plenty of attention and are included in your plans. Keep a tight rein on finances but be fair to each other. House payments and groceries will need to be top priorities for you both. You will get through this and life will eventually be better.

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