Heart for Him

10 Things I Did after Reading Jen Hatmaker's Book 7

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:00:00 +0000

Sometimes you read a book and are moved to the point of action. That was the effect Jen Hatmaker's book 7: An Experimental Mutiny against Excess had on me. She writes, "Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your Kingdom." Jen evaluated seven areas in her life and worked to counter the excess in each area. For example, one month she only wore seven articles of clothes. One month she only ate seven different foods. She didn't do it just to do it, she did it to discipline herself (and her family) and to have more empathy for those who have less.

I loved the book. It pushed me to look at my own life and evaluate the excess. Then I took these ten steps as I applied what I learned:

Sponsored a Compassion child.
Donated a sewing machine through Gospel for Asia.
Read Irresitible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.
Cleaned out and donated the boys' toys.
Recommended it to my friends.
Started a shoe drive.
Bought a new laptop for half the price of the one I really wanted.
Sent Starbucks gift cards to three church planters we know.
Planned for an even bigger garden this year.
Prayed not only for the boy we are adopting from Ethiopia, but also for his birth family, village, and region.

You can go to Jen's site and learn more about the book, read her blog, and find her on Twitter. You can also download and read the first chapter from B&H.

Have you read 7 or another book that inspired you to make some changes?

Linked up to Oh Amanda's Top Ten Tuesday.

How Churches Can Encourage Organic Mentoring Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 10:23:00 +0000

Women investing in younger women—it’s not just a program, it's a command in Scripture. But why isn't it working in so many churches today?

First, we are primarily around people our own age and life stage. What Sunday school class or small group do you attend? I would guess most of you are in an age/stage specific class, like a young married class (or a variation like married with children or newlyweds).
Second, the "older" women lack confidence. When talking to the "older" women of our church I heard over and over again, "I don't know enough to mentor!"
Third, most women don't have time for something new added to their to-do lists.

We don’t need to build more church programs, we need to build relationships. Churches spend hours creating mentoring ministries to help women do something that should be so simple. I know because my church has spent hours in the last few years recruiting, pairing, and encouraging what we call Heart to Heart mentoring pairs. But not every pair we've made has been successful.

What does make successful mentoring partnerships? The "organic" element. Instead of introducing two women who barely know each other and telling them they are now mentor partners, we should be encouraging relationships to develop naturally. Here are a few ways churches can encourage organic mentoring relationships:

For women to mentor younger women, we need women to meet younger women! We need women at different life stages interacting with one another. Churches should encourage women to get to know each other through ministry projects and fellowship activities. Two women may meet and hit it off because they teach Vacation Bible School together. Or another pair may form when they work together to decorate the church for Christmas.The pastoral staff and ministry leaders can continually recruit new people for opportunities to serve so more people can meet and interact with each other.
The older women need to know they have experience and knowledge that young women need! Susan Hunt writes, “If you are a Christian woman who is seeking to grow in the faith and to live obediently, then you are qualified for spiritual motherhood. No theological expert. No super saint. Just a woman willing to be obedient to the command to mother” (pgs 48-49 of Spiritual Mothering).
Stop being cliquish! Sometimes the church doesn't have any control over this area, but you can start with your group of friends. Whenever you get together, invite someone new. Not everyone in your group of friends has to be married with young children, or an empty nest couple. Draw your circle of friends a little wider to include new people.

Churches also need to encourage mentoring pairs to follow the Titus 2:3-5 pattern of encouraging women in their roles as wife, mother, and homemaker, but also as a disciple. Theology is not just for the pastoral staff! Have resources available in the church library, or post a recommended resource list on your church's website and encourage the mentoring pairs to take the next step in their relationship by studying the Bible together.

How has your church encouraged mentoring relationships? Has your church been successful with paired mentoring partners or do they encourage organic mentoring relationships?

How to Start Organic Mentoring Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:30:00 +0000

Organic mentoring is just what the name implies—mentoring that is natural.

Women naturally become friends. The "younger" woman begins to ask questions. The "older" woman finds more and more to share. Naturally, organically, they find themselves covering all the topics Paul lists in Titus 2:3-5.

But organic mentoring isn't another thing on your to-do list. It is very natural. In fact, the primary objective is to be natural. I invite a new mom over to see how I love my boys (even in moments they are hard to love!). I invite her over even when the kitchen is messy and ask if she will dry while I wash dishes.

For example, on Sunday after church, I was talking to a couple who are getting married this summer. I mentioned I had started shopping once every two weeks for groceries instead of every week in an effort to save money. She said, "Oh, I hope I can do that too! I want to plan menus and cook ahead and try new recipes!" From that very natural conversation I now have the opportunity to "mentor" her. Next time I'm menu planning, coupon cutting, and grocery shopping I'll see if she wants to come over and see what works for me!

Organic mentoring is just that easy. How do I start?

Seek out older women. I've tried to be very intentional about this since we've been at our church for the last few years. There's a woman in her sixties who helps me teach my ladies Sunday School class. She helps because I asked her to help! I have a friend in her fifties who I call for recipe advice. I have another "older" woman I call for gardening advice. The point is, I find out what a woman is good at or passionate about and I ask a lot of questions! Ask for advice and relationships will begin naturally.

Seek out younger women. Pray about opportunities to meet and connect with younger women and God will provide. He wants you to obey the command to "teach younger women..." Is there a newlywed who teaches your son's Sunday School class and you always have fun talking when you pick him up? Do you know a girl in the college ministry who has the same major you had? Talk to her! Chances are, she wants to get to know you too. Let the relationship develop organically!

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Mentoring is an important part of life as a Christian, and it is how God designed "women's ministry!"

Tomorrow: How the church can encourage organic mentoring relationships.

Biblical Foundation of Women's Ministry

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:00:00 +0000

I'm sharing a three-part series on "Organic Mentoring" this week as I prepare to speak on the topic for the women at The Chapel in North Canton, Ohio. We will cover:

The biblical foundation for women's ministry and why mentoring is more important now than ever
The definition of "organic mentoring" and how to start an organic mentoring relationship
Ways the church can foster/encourage organic mentoring relationships

Throughout the week, I'd love to hear your thoughts and find out what works for your women's ministry!

--------------------------

I spent five years in seminary focusing on women's studies. You want to know the secret to a strong, successful, sanctifying women's ministry? It's actually simple. Paul shares the secret in the short book of Titus.

First, let’s look at the context in which the letter to Titus was written. Paul had visited the island of Crete and planted a church. He left Titus in charge of the church and wrote this Epistle to give Titus instructions on how to live and love the church there. Paul quotes a description of those native to Crete as “liars, evil beasts, and gluttons” (1:12). The members of this church would have been first generation Christians, with either Jewish heritage or no religious heritage at all. Paul writes that there were many who, “profess to know God, but deny him by their works” (1:16).

In chapter two of Titus, Paul tells his young friend how to be a light in this dark place, how to encourage these new Christians to grow in godliness. The foundation of this instruction is on how to teach and encourage each other. Paul writes,

"Older women likewise, are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled" (2:3-5, ESV).

Do Paul's instructions for ministry still apply today? Does this model of women teaching younger women still work?

I believe we need women mentoring women more now than ever before. There are two reasons I believe this:

First, our culture is now transient; we no longer live near our family members. When my grandma was a newlywed and then gave birth to her first son, she lived with her in-laws. My great-grandmother and great aunts were there to help her learn how to be a wife and mom. When I was growing up, we lived on the same street as my aunt and around the corner from my grandparents. Again, my mom had family members to teach and encourage her. However, I live 1,500 miles from my mom (who lives in Texas). I live 4,425 miles away from my sister (who lives in Alaska). I live 350 miles from my mother-in-law (who lives in North Carolina). I don’t have the benefit of their wisdom in my day to day routine. Many women like me are trying to figure out how to love our families well without direct guidance from relatives.

Second, like the church in Crete, there are many first generation Christians in our churches. They didn’t grow up in Christian homes. They don’t know how to make their own homes “Christian.” They have no model for how to love their husbands and children. These women, all women, need gracious guidance and thoughtful teaching.

Paul gave a model for women's ministry. We need it now more than ever. Find out tomorrow why I think "organic mentoring" is the best model for obeying this biblical command.

Suffering for Our Children

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 11:00:00 +0000

"Ooops," I say, followed by "Ouch!" I've stuck myself with the safety pin we fasten below the zipper of his footed pajamas so he doesn't take them off. "Glad I stuck my finger and not your neck!" I say as I get him ready for bed.

What mom wouldn't suffer in place of her child?

This is the privilege of a special needs parent. We suffer for our children. We often suffer instead of our children.

James doesn't know how I cried on his first day of school, how I hated taking him to a special ed class. He happily played with new toys and met new people.

He doesn't realize people are startled when he screeches. He doesn't notice their stares as he flaps his arms. He's excited and he shows it. I'm embarrassed and I apologize.

At this stage in his development, James is completely oblivious to his suffering. (Unless, of course, you count not getting a second bowl of goldfish crackers as suffering.)

He doesn't know the battles we fight. He doesn't comprehend the work it takes to make his day go as smoothly as possible. He doesn't see the precautions we take to keep him safe.

As his parents, it is truly our privilege to suffer for him, instead of him.

Count it all joy, my brothers,

when you meet trials of various kinds,

for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

James 1:2-3

The Best Gifts My Parents Gave Me

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 19:11:00 +0000

My parents with their grandkids.

I always get a little nostalgic when my family gets together for Christmas. When we were visiting them in December, I thought back on all the gifts they have given me. I found the hula-hoop I got for Daughters' Day (a holiday I invented for our family of three girls) in 1987. At bed time, my six year old picked from the collection of Berenstain Bear books I started when I was in first grade. My boys slept in the bed room with the white wicker headboard I got for Christmas in 1992.

I've received more gifts than I can remember in my almost 33 years of Christmases and birthdays. But the greatest gift they gave me came my second semester of college when I called home and said, "I want to change my major to English." They said, "If that's what you want, that sounds great." The second greatest gift came in 2002 when I called and said, "I want to go to seminary." Again, they said, "If that's what you want, that sounds great."

My parents gave me the gift of freedom to follow my dreams, to study in the fields I was passionate about. Their approval and confidence gave me the foundation I needed.

I've been reading 48 Days to the Work You Love by Dan Miller. He writes, "...as we grow, there is a subtle yet significant transition from 'what do I want to be?' to 'what do I want to do?'" That is true for so many people. They are told they will never make money as an artist. Or that dancing isn't a career. Or, "Even though you were great in the school production of Romeo and Juliet, New York is full of scary people and Los Angeles is full of weird people, so you would do better to just stay home." Miller goes on to write, "When we are not true to ourselves, to our unique God-given characteristics, we lose the power of authenticity, creativity, imagination, and innovation. Our life becomes performance-based, setting the stage for compromise in all other areas of our lives."

Thanks to my parents' understanding when I was ten and they caught me hiding under the sheet with a flashlight trying to finish my book, thanks to their praise when I wrote papers in high school and got A's, and thanks to their "sounds great" replies when I chose my major and then grad school, I am who I always wanted to be—a reader, writer, and editor. I am thankful for the best gifts my parents gave me, and pray I will give the same gifts of freedom and acceptance to my children.

Favorite App for Reading Blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 11:00:00 +0000

A few months ago I pretty much stopped reading blogs. It just took so long to scroll through my blog subscriptions each day. Even when I cleaned it out and cleaned it out again, it was still too much.

But about a month ago I found the Reeder app for my smart phone. It syncs to my Google Reader account so all the blogs I subscribe to are right there on my phone. I can also share to my Twitter or Facebook feeds directly from the app. You can see in the pic below on the right how easy it is to share!

I am so glad I found a faster way to keep up with the blogs I enjoy. How do you keep up with your favorite blogs?

My One Word for 2012: Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:00:00 +0000

I've made one-word resolutions for the last three years. In 2009 it was grace; in 2010 it was self-control; in 2011 it was humility. Leading up to choosing each word, I prayed and examined myself for weak areas. Every year God has taught me so much through life lessons and as I studied passages on my focus word.

This year I prayed to God and asked myself what I needed most in 2012. The answer is joy.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 says, "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

No matter what this year, I will take joy. I will look for it and write it down in my journal. I will give God praise for each moment of joy I experience.

2012 Reading List

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 22:11:00 +0000

Books I've Read:

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker
The Writer's Manifesto by Jeff Goins
The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
48 Days to the Work You Love by Dan Miller
On Writing by Stephen King

Currently Reading:

The Next Story: Life and Faith after the Digital Explosion by Tim Challies
Unfriend Yourself: Three Days to Detox, Discern, and Decide about Social Media by Kyle Tennant
Supper of the Lamb by Robert F. Capon

Book Lists from Others

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 19:49:00 +0000

I love end-of-year book lists! Here are a few I've seen from blog I regularly read:

Tim Challies's Top Ten Books for 2011- A Meal with Jesus is on his list and I've been thinking about reading that one. I'll have to put it on my to-read list now that I know it's good.
The Gospel Coalition Staff Recomended 2011 Books- There are a couple books by Keller on their lists I need to add to my list.
On My Bookshelf from Mandi at Life Your Way- The Food Cure for Kids and the two books she lists by Jen Hatmaker look interesting.
Favorite Reads of 2011 from Lisa Writes- I always like the books Lisa recommends. I already have Because He Loves Me on my Kindle, waiting patiently. I'm also going to add Hannah Coulter.
12 Green Living Books for Your 2012 Read List from Simple Organic-I ordered Smart Mama's Green Guide because of Emily's recommendation and look forward to learning how to make our home cleaner/healthier.
Books I Read in 2011 from The Nester- Nester has her book list, plus a linky with 60 other book lists listed. I can't wait to see what even more people read and loved this year!

God Rest

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 11:00:00 +0000

Praying for "God rest" for you and your family this Christmas!

God rest you merry, gentlemen,

Let nothing you dismay,

Remember Christ our Savior

Was born on Christmas day,

To save us all from Satan's power

When we were gone astray:

O tidings of comfort and joy,

comfort and joy,

O tidings of comfort and joy.

Book Pics from Instagram

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 15:52:00 +0000

I was looking back through the almost 500 pictures I've taken this year on Instagram and realized I take pictures of my boys, food, and books—all my favorite things! Here are some of the pictures of books we've read this year:

I hope you've enjoyed the quotes I've shared from some of my favorite books for the last two weeks! I'm looking forward to all we'll read and learn in 2012!

Faith Begins

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 20:08:00 +0000

"Faith begins in a nest full of weak and hungry failures, unable to fly for even a moment on our own, needing the constant shelter and warmth of a strong, soft wing." Craving Grace by Lisa Velthouse

You're Not in Control

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:23:00 +0000

"Your dreams may not be happening, and things aren't turning out the way you expected, but that doesn't mean your life is spinning out of control. It just means you're not in control. It's in those moments you can learn to trust the only one who has ever had control in the first place." --Plan B by Pete Wilson

(This week I'm sharing quotes from books I've read this year.)

Kids from Christian Homes

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 17:23:00 +0000

"...the primary reason the majority of kids from Christian homes stray from the faith is that they never really heard it or had it to begin with. They were taught that God wants them to be good, that poor Jesus is sad when they disobey, and that asking Jesus into their heart is the breadth and depth of the gospel message." --Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson

(This week I'm sharing quotes from books I've read this year.)

Sharing Our Weaknesses

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:24:00 +0000

"There is more power in sharing our weaknesses than our strengths. The forgiveness of God is gratuitous and unconditional liberation from the domination of guilt. The sinful and repentant prodigal son experienced an intimacy and joy with his Father in his brokenness that his sinless self-righteous brother would never know."
-Emily Freeman in Grace for the Good Girl

Update: Emily graciously pointed out that the quote above was a quote that she quoted in her book. So here's a quote from Emily:

"For a long time, I believed I was searching for God and thought I had found him, this God who is order and control, distant and passive. I knew he so loved he world, but I didn't know his love for me." (emphasis mine)

Gifts of Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:21:00 +0000

"How my friends who grew up in Christian homes took their gifts of faith from their parents for granted! How prayer came as second nature, an obvious problem-solver or comfort or alternative to panic, anxiety, and fear. They took for granted the powerful pause of grace before meals. How oblivious they could seem to the precious and effective armor they had been given: to have the gift of faith from your childhood, to lean into it and grow into it...to even have the luxury to rebel against it." -Carolyne Weber in Surprised by Oxford

It Doesn't Take Much to Hurt Us

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 18:03:00 +0000

This year there were many times someone would say something that would hurt me. Usually, it was not intentional. For example, one empty-nester couple from our church went on a trip. When they got home, the husband said to us, "Just wait until your kids are gone and you can take trips just the two of you again!" I wanted to yell at him, "James will never be gone! It will never be just the two of us again!" It was a completely unreasonable reaction to have, but it was my gut-reaction none the less. When I read the quote below from Nancy Guthrie, my reactions (really, over-reactions) made more sense to me. I was raw and hurting. As healing came, I was less sensitive and became stronger. Her words really helped me make sense of my emotions.

"We all know what it's like to have a burn or a physical injury and discover for the first time how much we use that part of our body. The affected area might have been bumped or brushed up against countless times before it became inflamed, but we never really noticed. Now we're much more sensitive. We notice every time someone carelessly makes contact with us. We have a heightened sensitivity, and it doesn't take much to hurt us.

That's how it is when our hearts have been broken, when our insides have been rubbed raw by difficulty or disappointment or the death of someone we love. We're far more sensitive to the thoughtless comments and dismissive slights of others. We expect more from everyone around us, and we're easily annoyed and offended when we don't get it."

- Nancy Guthrie in Hearing Jesus Speak in Your Sorrow

Buy Speechless

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 00:59:00 +0000

Speechless: Finding God's Grace in My Son's Autism

available now on Amazon and can be purchased below as a PDF file.

When Lee and Sandra Peoples took their son James in for his three-year well-visit, they knew something was wrong. He was literally speechless—unable to say even basic words. A few months later when he was diagnosed with autism, Lee and Sandra were speechless—unable to articulate all the emotions they wrestled with. Speechless is Sandra's story of the first year of their journey as special needs parents. It's also God's story of grace in their journey.

Currently on Amazon's "special needs parenting" best seller list, you can purchase the PDF version of Speechless: Finding God's Grace in My Son's Autism for $5 $2.50 by clicking the button below.

Join the community discussing Speechless on the Facebook page.

Leave a review on Amazon.

My Prayers for Speechless

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 12:43:00 +0000

My eBook, Speechless: Finding God's Grace in My Son's Autism officially launches tomorrow. I'm asking you to join me in prayer today for the people who will be reading the book. Please feel free to pray as you are led.

Here are my prayers:

For parents of special needs children- I pray they will be encouraged, knowing they are not alone and that God's perfect plan for them is the "Plan B" situation they are now experiencing.
For extended families of special needs children- I pray they will be encouraged to get in the messiness of everyday life with their child with special needs, and I pray they will love unconditionally.
For friends of parents who have special needs children- I pray they will say something (even if it may be the "wrong thing" at the time). I pray they will give big hope and little hope to their friends.
For churches ministering to children with special needs- I pray that having a "behind the scenes" look at our story will help them understand how to better serve the growing number of special needs individuals and their families.

Thank you for praying with me!

Road Trip Reading

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:34:00 +0000

We'll be visiting family this week for Thanksgiving, so I'm getting books ready to take along! Here's what's in my bag:

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, by J.K. Rowling. I'm very slowly moving through the series for the first time. If I had to pick a favorite so far, it would be The Goblet of Fire. I'm looking forward finishing the series and then seeing the movies!
Surprised by Oxford, by Carolyn Weber. I saw the book back when I was working and LifeWay and thought it looked good. Lisa read it and her review convinced me I need to read it too!
Simplify, by Joshua Becker. The holiday season is a great time to be reminded that simple is better.
I also hope to finish books I've started: Grace for the Good Girl, Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow, and What Women Fear.

Hope you all have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Visiting a Church with Your Special Needs Child

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 02:30:00 +0000

We walked up to the registration area for the children's classes last Sunday at the church we were visiting with our boys. The woman there asked questions to figure out where the boys should go and typed the answers into her computer.

"What are their names? When are their birthdays? Do they have any allergies?"

The questions were easy to answer for our oldest son, but our younger son took more explanation. His birthday does not represent his developmental stage. The computer doesn't take into account all the variables that would tell the woman where he should go. "Can I type in that he was born in a different year? Would that work?" she asked.

I've read that based on the 2000 census, two out of every seven families in the US have a family member with special needs (ranging from autism to Alzheimer's). I've also read that 90% of families with a member with special needs do not attend church. That is a huge "people group" who aren't being reached.Churches must be able to meet the special needs these families have before they will be able to address the spiritual needs. From what I'm seeing and hearing in the special needs community, churches are working hard to make sure people with special needs are comfortable and safe. I'm thankful for websites like The Works of God Displayed and The Inclusive Church that are equipping churches of all sizes to be more inclusive.

Churches have a responsibility to meet the special needs of families, and these families also need to take steps to let churches know how they can help.

Here are a few steps we take when visiting a new church so it's easy for everyone:

Call or email the church ahead of time to find out who is in charge of children's ministry. I use language like, "We will be visiting your church Sunday and have a child with special needs. Who can we contact to make sure our visit is as comfortable as possible for him?"
Contact that person directly to let him/her know your family is coming and what your needs are. It allows that person to contact the teachers or volunteers who will be with your child so they can prepare. For example, if your child has an wheat allergy, they can get the pretzel snacks out of the room before you arrive. Also, if your child is older, he may not want to hear his special needs explained in front of him to multiple people. Doing this ahead of time will save him embarrassment.
Get to church early enough to know where to go and meet with the person you contacted, if necessary.
Bring anything your child will need, including special snacks or sensory toys. I packed James's back-pack with diapers, extra clothes, and his chewy-tubes.
Be honest. Don't let embarrassment or nervousness keep you from telling those who will be caring for your children what they need to know.

The church we visited did a wonderful job making us feel comfortable and taking care of James. When I picked him up after the service, the teacher in his class asked, "He loves to be tickled, doesn't he?" I appreciated that they got to know him and weren't afraid of his lack of communication or special needs!

Linked up with Works for Me Wednesday.

Using Used

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 19:57:00 +0000

Carol asked...: Thanks for the tips. Could you help me with "use/used"? For example, is it correct to say or write: "I used to like spinach, but now I don't."? When I "use" this word in this way, I start wondering "should it be past tense, or is this a misuse of the word altogether?"

You are correct to use "used" in that example! When using "used," you're talking about events in the past, so just like you would add an "ed" to other words for past tense ("We headed out for a drive."), you use "used."