Heart for Him

Remembering the Newlywed Bliss

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 24 May 2012 12:54:00 +0000

One of my former students got married recently. Everyday her Facebook status updates are something like this:

"Cooking dinner for my husband! So fun!"
"At home on the couch watching our favorite show together!"
"Love our Friday night dates!"
"Getting to watch my husband coach his baseball team! He's so good at his job!"

Oh, I remember those days! The "everything is new and blissful" days, when his quirks were charming and his habits were endearing. I kinda miss those days.

So, I'm working to make year number eight feel more like year number one. I'm telling him and others how wonderful he is. I'm cooking his favorite foods and finding new recipes I think he'll like. I'm ironing his clothes. When he gets home on those nights he works late, I'm walking away from my computer to greet him and sitting with him while he eats dinner and tells me about his day.

Marriage takes work. It takes work in the first months of adjusting to life together, and it takes work in the years when everything feels comfortable and predictable. How are you working for your marriage? Maybe, like me, you need a newlywed to remind you what a blessing your husband is!

I Drink Tea for the Pace, Not the Taste

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 17 May 2012 10:00:00 +0000

I've started drinking tea.

Yesterday my son took a sip of my tea and spit it back into my mug. "Yeah," I thought, "it does kinda taste like leaves and dirt. Just a little."

I'm drinking tea because I like the pace, not because I like the taste.

When I'm ready for a cup of tea, I have to stand in the kitchen while my water heats up. Then I stand a little longer while the infuser or bag turns the water into tea. Just stand—not stir, or chop, or mix. Not even wash, sweep, or scrub. Just stand.

Then I must slowly walk to the couch and sit. While walking, no one can run, kick, or spin circles near me. No ninja moves. No balls, Nurf guns, or flying super heroes.

Once I sit, no one can sit in my lap. We do lots of that, but not when I have tea in my hand. I can't jump up and get anyone a snack, refill a sippy cup, save a train from the black hole under the couch, or put a different DVD in. I even leave my phone on the other side on the room (to protect it in case I spill, of course).

I just sit until it's cool enough to slowly sip, and enjoy the slow part.

What do you do to slow down during your busy day?

Our Son's Salvation Story

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 16 May 2012 00:32:00 +0000

On Sunday, our six year old David went forward at the end of the church service to share with our church family that he understand he is a sinner, has asked God for forgiveness through the sacrifice of Christ, and is ready for baptism.

(We try to avoid the "ask Jesus in your heart" language.)

Here's why we think he's ready:

Last fall, we were driving in the car and he said he knew he was a sinner, knew he needed a Savior, and knew Jesus had paid the price for his sin. We followed that up with lots of prayer and more discussions.

He and my husband have been working through LifeWay's book, I'm a Christian Now for younger kids. He has learned a lot and is able to answer the questions with understanding.

We've also seen evidence of the Holy Spirit working in his life. I hear him whisper prayers when he's sad or angry, asking for God's help. He is sensitive to the needs of others and prays for his friends. He likes reading through the book of Acts with Lee, learning verses for Awana, and going to Sunday school and church. In the shower last night he sang "Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King." (Ok, so maybe singing in the shower isn't a specific sign of the Holy Spirit, but it sure was cute!)

His baptism is scheduled for next month. I have something special planned I'll share soon!

We are so excited he's taking these steps of faith and praising God for drawing David to Himself. May our boy be a man after God's own heart!

Tips for Praying Out Loud

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Fri, 04 May 2012 02:08:00 +0000

As a pastor's wife, I'm often asked to pray out loud in front of a group. (Not as often as my husband is asked, but I get my fair share of requests!) I usually don't think twice about it, and just pray. But I know not everyone is as comfortable praying out loud as I have grown to be.

Here are just a few tips to remember when you're asked to pray out loud:

Relax. You're really talking to God, not the people in the room. He's not going to love you more or less based on your performance on this prayer.
Remember to praise God in your prayer. Start by focusing on God, His attributes and His promises. It will help calm any nervousness because you aren't focused on yourself.
Don't be afraid to pause. When I get nervous I talk faster, and when I talk faster I think less about what I'm saying, and when I'm not thinking, well . . . I ramble. So I just pause. I quickly collect my thoughts and slow down so I can pray with my whole heart, and not just my fast moving lips.
Write down the requests you're praying over. In my ladies Sunday school class, we spend about half our time on prayer requests. I feel that's one of our main purposes—to support, encourage, and pray for one another. We often fill up an entire notebook page. I certainly can't remember all the requests when it's time to pray. So I look at my list. That way I make sure everyone's requests are lifted up in prayer.

Praying out loud makes lots of people nervous, but it doesn't have to. Remembering these tips may help make you more comfortable when you're asked to pray in front of a group.

Does praying out loud make you nervous? What helps you feel more comfortable? Share in the comments or on our Facebook page!

Our Autism Awareness Month

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 01 May 2012 10:00:00 +0000

April was Autism Awareness Month. On Instagram we had a thread going to show off our kids with autism using the hashtag #30daysofautism. It was a lot of fun and I made new friends! Here are some of my favorite pictures of James from April.

April brought some changes to our "autism world." James had another appointment with his specialist in Baltimore and we're starting some new supplements. We also had a new therapist start (she's technically called a TSS, if you're familiar with the term). She comes four days a week to work with James. We absolutely love her and appreciate her commitment to help James learn.

If you want to keep up with James and his development, you can join me at our Speechless Facebook fan page!

Top Five Books I Recommend for Women's Studies

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 00:52:00 +0000

I majored in English in college because English majors got to read the most books. After college, I taught for a year and thought, "I'm just not reading enough. What can I do next that will require me to read even more books than my degree in English required?" The answer—seminary.

If I thought I had to read a lot of books in college, that wasn't anything compared to grad school. And I loved (almost) every minute of it!

I saw on a blog that if you read five books about any subject, you could be considered an expert. I'm not so sure about that. For one thing, you'd have to read the right five books. For another thing, five seems like a pretty small number. But, for argument's (and this blog post's) sake, let's say you could become an expert in women's studies by reading just five books. Here are the five I would recommend:

Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley. This book gives an over view of feminist history and how it effects our churches and culture today. I have highly recommended this book before, and continue to appreciate how interesting Carolyn makes the subject.
Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem. This collection of essays covers major passages that teach on gender roles and important issues facing the church today.
Women Helping Women by Elyse Fitpatrick and Carol Cornish. I would say the primary way I have used my degree in my current position as pastor's wife is through informal counseling. Even though no book can prepare you for every woman's story, this book walks you through fifteen topics that will often come up in your ministry, including marriage and family issues.
Women's Ministry in the Local Church by J. Ligon Duncan and Susan Hunt. This is another book I have reviewed here are the blog previously. This book is the first you should read if you want to start or strengthen the women’s ministry in your local church. It will make sure you build a solid foundation from which you can structure your ministry for the spiritual growth and discipleship of your women.
Spiritual Mothering by Susan Hunt. I think the best way for women's ministry to happen is through mentoring relationships. This book serves as a guide for what to do and how to do it. We did this book as a small group and I created a study guide to go along with our discussion.

What are your favorite books on women's ministry, gender roles, and counseling?

How to Help an Introvert Feel Comfortable

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 12:19:00 +0000

So, you're having a few friends over to your house for a book club, a Bible study, or just a fun girls' night. You've invited one friend who is kind of quiet, who may not know the other women well, and who you had to literally beg to even get her to agree to come. Chances are she's an introvert. How can you help her feel as comfortable as possible?

Susan Cain recently released the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, and it is helping both introverts and extroverts! As an introvert, I read it and understand myself better. Susan theorizes it's not that introverts don't like people, it's more about the sensory experience of being around others. These sensory experiences can be draining. As a good hostess, you can make your introverted friends feel more comfortable by taking a few steps:

Tell her what to expect. Introverts like to have a plan. They like to know what they are getting themselves into. Tell her what you have planned, who you have invited, and what she'll be expected to do. Something like this would be helpful, "Susan, I'm so glad you're coming Friday night! The plan is to eat once everyone gets here and get to know each other before we start the book discussion. I've invited Beth, Janet, Mallory, and Claudia. We'll take turns talking about what we liked and didn't like about the book we all read."
Invite her over early and give her a job so she feels comfortable and has a purpose. Walking into a room where everyone is already talking to each other makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I have to be assertive and insert myself into an on-going conversation. I'm more likely to head to the food and just hang out until someone talks to me. I like to be early and establish myself in the area before lots of people get there. As the hostess, you could ask, "Susan, the book club starts at 7:00, but could you get here about 15 minutes early to help me get things set up? It would really help me out!"
You can nudge, but don't push. You can introduce her to everyone at the party, but don't expect her to stand in the middle of a crowd talking to them at the same time. Introverts usually prefer one-on-one time that goes deeper than casual conversation. This is a strength, not a weakness! When you introduce her to someone new, you might also include something they have in common so your introverted friend will know how to start the conversation, "Susan, this is my friend Beth. Beth moved here from Georgia so she's a southern girl like you!"

When having people over, you want everyone to feel as comfortable as possible so they can enjoy themselves. Thinking ahead about the women you've invited and their personalities will help!

Are you an introvert? What makes you feel more comfortable when meeting new people?

How I Became a Pastor's Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:44:00 +0000

I had three goals when I unloaded the U-Haul at my new apartment in seminary housing in Wake Forest, North Carolina:

Get a Master of Divinity degree.
Teach English.
Don't marry a preacher.

I did get the degree. I did teach English. And I didn't marry a preacher. Instead, I married a teacher . . . who then became a preacher.

I really was serious about my goals. Lee loves to tell the story of one day after school when he was hanging out in my classroom while I was working on a new bulletin board. We were just chatting when I said, "I'm not going to date while in seminary, especially not any seminary boys." Since he was already planning to enroll at the seminary that fall, he left my classroom and decided he shouldn't waste any time on me.

I'm so glad Lee did eventually ask me out. I'm glad my plan failed. I'm glad I learned to write my to-do lists in pencil, just in case something amazing happens and I need to erase the mediocre plan I had.

How did God bring you and your husband together? How long did it take Him to get you together?

Blogging Spring Break

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 02:02:00 +0000

I will be on a blogging spring break until after Easter! I'll still be popping up on the Facebook page and on Instagram. Praying we all find (or make!) time to prepare our homes and hearts to celebrate Easter.

The Soundtrack of Our Day

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:56:00 +0000

I have always loved music. When I was young, I took piano lessons, listened to my parents' old Beatles records, and sang along with all the songs on the radio. In middle school and high school I sang in the choir. (Partly because the alternative was to play a sport or take PE.) In college we spent many weekends traveling around Texas going to concerts.

My seminary and newlywed days were quieter. Lee isn't really into music (except for his favorite singer, Kenny Rogers), and mostly listens to talk radio. Any extra money we had went to books, not CDs.

But I'm getting back into music lately so I thought it would be fun to track what we listen to throughout the average day, our soundtrack!

7:30 am- We listen to one of James's favorites, Dance Around by Ralph's World. It gets us moving, because we have to clap hands, jump up high, dance around, stomp our feet, and shout out "yay!"

9:00 am- David and I start school time and he wants to listen to The Muppets soundtrack while he works on his penmanship. His other favorites include Seeds Family Worship, the Monkee's greatest hits, and the Phineas and Ferb soundtrack. We turn the music off for other subjects though, so he can concentrate.

11:30 am- We go pick up James from school. Because a CD has been stuck in my van's CD player for over two years and the cord that connects my iPod/iPhone to the car system broke, we listen to the radio. We start out on the Christian station but a they have a preacher/teacher who talks about current events during our drive and it's usually doom and gloom. So I switch it to the country station. It's a good country radio day when we get to hear Garth Brooks or Taylor Swift. It's a bad country music day when we have to hear about a sawed-off shot gun.

11:40 am- James does his listening therapy with headphones during lunch so we don't have any other music on. His occupational therapist picks different music each week that has a specific goal, usually helping him control his motor skills or increase his attention span.

Noonish- After lunch I get in a little computer time while the boys are in quiet time. If I'm writing, I usually listen to a Pandora station through my phone. My favorites for writing are the Adele station and Broadway show tunes. If the morning has been especially loud, I don't listen to anything. I just enjoy the quiet!

Sometime in the afternoon- Both boys play the piano at some point. I'd love for them to take lessons eventually, but for now, it's just fun to hear them play.

Dinner time- I get total control of the music when I'm making dinner and Lee is downstairs with the boys. My favorite is Shaun Groves, who sings in his song "All Is Grace," "Thank You for daily bread, through us fill the empty. . . ." It's the perfect reminder as I stir the pots and fill our plates. I also like the Passion albums, Chris Tomlin, The Civil Wars, and Seryn.

During/after dinner- Each week our worship pastor shares the upcoming set list on his Facebook page. David and I listen to the songs and pick one to learn. I download it and we usually listen to it during or after dinner. It sure is fun to hear David sing along on Sunday mornings!

Writing time- After the boys are in bed, I work on editing projects or blogging. Usually during this time, I "watch" a game on Watch ESPN. I don't actually watch it, but I do have it on for background noise. I don't even have to care about the teams playing! Basketball is best for background noise, followed by football. Soccer is even good but baseball is usually too quiet (in my opinion).

Those are the sounds of our day! What does your day sound like? What gets you through your day when you're feeling sluggish? What songs help you focus your heart?

Love

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 01:49:00 +0000

I've been searching my Bible for commands on love, and searching my heart to see how I'm doing. To be honest, I'm wondering if when I get to heaven, God might ask, "How well did you love?" instead of "How well did you keep the rules?" As a rule-follower/older brother/recovering Pharisee-type, I'm ~~nervous~~ motivated. After all, it is the greatest commandment.

Love your neighbor as yourself, Lev. 19:18.
Love the Lord, Deut. 6:5.
Love good, Amos 5:15.
Love kindness, Micah 6:8.
Love your enemies, Matt. 5:44.
Love one another, John 13:34.
Love their husbands and children, Titus 2:4
Love the brotherhood, 1 Pet. 2:17.
Love not the world, 1 John 2:15.
Love the brothers, 1 John 3:14.

Next Step Editing Site Launch

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 09:35:00 +0000

Next Step Editing now has its own site!

You can head over and check it out. While you're there, find out how to get a free copy of my new e-book, Beyond the Basics: 30 Tips for Better Writing.

Steady Convictions, Changing Priorities

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 10:30:00 +0000

Recently, I got into a discussion with someone online that caused me to go downstairs, climb on a chair to reach the top of the book shelf, pull down a former favorite and dust it off. The book opened easily to my favorite chapters and was well marked. I wondered why I hadn't read it in a while. I used the author's research to support my viewpoint in the discussion and felt good about the exchange.

Then it was time to do school with David. Then we had to pick up James. Then lunch, then laundry, then playing outside and getting ready for Daddy to get home.

But the online discussion continued. And I remembered why that particular book was dusty. Five years ago (when I kept the book on my desk so I could easily get to it), I would have spent all day going back and forth, enjoying the debate. I would have typed so quickly that spell check wouldn't know exactly what words I was trying to use. More books would have come down off the top shelf.

But yesterday, I was busy. Too busy for the discussions that were no different from the ones happening five years ago. Discussions I loved five years ago. So what changed?

My convictions aren't different. My priorities have changed.

Five years ago, when I read Jesus' words in John 13:35, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another," I was pretty sure He meant, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you study hard, learn more, and argue convincingly."

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for those who study, learn, and argue. We need them. The my top shelf would be empty without them.

The Son is full of grace and truth (John 1:14). But after years of focusing on reading (studying, learning, arguing. . .), I was stuffing myself with so much truth, there wasn't room left for grace. God is now convicting me about loving. Loving more. Loving better. Loving even those who I used to see as debate opponents.

Turns out, loving is even harder than Greek. But I keep loving. And finding God's truth and grace when I do.

Four Signature Dishes Everyone Should Have

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 01:04:00 +0000

I think there are four signature dishes everyone should have:

One to take to a potluck meal.
One to take to someone who needs a meal.
One to take to a small gathering (small group, book club, girls' night. . .).
One to serve when people come over.

I like to keep them all simple. The best part of having a signature dish is that you make it so often, you never mess it up!

Here's what I use for each occasion:

Ham rolls (similar to these from The Girl Who Ate Everything)
Baked spaghetti (via Paula Deen)
Chocolate chip cookie brownies (via Tidy Mom)
Cranberry orange turkey breast (via Today's Housewife)

And no matter where I go, or who comes over, I always make my lemonade!

For one gallon of lemonade:
-Heat about 3 cups of water until boiling. Add 2 cups of sugar and stir to desolve.
-Pour into pitcher and combine with two cups of lemon juice.
-Fill up with water until you have a gallon!

To make strawberry lemonade:
-Put 1 cup of strawberries (if frozen, thaw first) in small food processor and chop until fine.
-Add to lemonade.
-Stir, chill, and enjoy!

What are your signature dishes?

10 Ways to Bless Your Husband When He Is Having a Stressful Week

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 02:48:00 +0000

Proverbs 31:12 says the excellent wife, "does [her husband] good." That is especially important to remember when our husbands are having a stressful week. Last week my husband Lee seemed a little more tense than usual. He had a busy ministry weekend coming up so the boys and I worked hard to make sure life at home was as stress-free as possible!

Here are 10 ways to bless your husband when he is having a stressful week:

Remember things for him. Write them down, send him a reminder, or gently remind him if he forgets. The fewer things he has to have on his mind the better.
Do something around the house that's usually his job. Take out the trash, fill-up your car with gas, plug in all the electronics to charge. . . anything you can do so he doesn't have to.
Cook his favorite foods. We had chocolate covered strawberries last week "just because." It's ok to spoil him just a little!
Give him time to adjust to being home before you talk about all the issues of your day.
Pick up around the house. When our lives feel out of control we usually try to control what we can. Having a clean house helps everyone feel better.
Encourage the kids to be on their best behavior (this one can benefit you too!).
Help him find time to unwind and relax. Rent a movie he's been wanting to watch or check out a book from the library you know he would enjoy.
Remind him to take care of himself! He needs to get enough sleep, exercise, and good food.
Step in when you can. Answer the phone and take a message. Respond to the emails sent to both of you.
Pray for him and pray with him!

How do you bless your husband when he's having a stressful week?

Linked up to Oh Amanda's Top Ten Tuesday!

The Decision to Help Isn't Really a Decision

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 18:12:00 +0000

A few weeks ago we were in the waiting room of a counseling provider. We were there because we hoped to get more help for James (our son with autism). Others were there for addiction issues, family counseling, and social services. One lady knew us from church and asked how the adoption was going. I told her we may still have another year to wait due to slow-downs in the process in Ethiopia. Her mom asked why we weren't adopting locally. I told her the conditions in Ethiopia are often worse than the conditions in the United States. She said, "I can see how you would think that, since you see pictures from Africa on TV of those kids. But you don't see what I see right here in our town."

It's true. I don't see what she sees. I couldn't even really see the people who sat around me in that waiting room. The man in the corner who had tattoos peeking out of his sleeves and creeping up his neck, who couldn't keep his leg from shaking, I don't know what addictions he may be trying to overcome. The couple who came in laughing and showing the receptionist pictures of their dog, I don't know how their handicaps affect their daily lives. Even when we sat in the private office and were asked, "Has James ever witnessed an act of violence in the home?" I don't know how many families have sat in that room and had to answer "yes."

But God has opened my eyes to the suffering of millions of children in the country of Ethiopia who have lost their parents. He keeps them on my mind all day long. I try their food. I pray for their leaders. I scan the headlines for news about their weather.

I think God whispers a passion for those who are suffering into all of our lives. Your passion may be for women in crisis pregnancy situations. Maybe you don't look away when you see homeless people in your city. Your burden could be for those battling addiction. Maybe your heart breaks for those forced into sex trafficking. When you listen to this God-whispered passion, you are moved to act. You are drawn to help. Often you don't even remember a conscious decision to help—you just find yourself helping.

That's how it was when we started the adoption process. It was never "if" we were going to adopt, but rather "when" we were going to adopt.

Katie Davis writes, "My family, adopting these children, is not optional. It is not my good deed for the day; it is not what I'm doing to 'help out these poor kids.' I adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and widows in their distress. I adopt because Jesus said that to whom much is given, much will be demanded (see Luke 12:48) and whoever finds his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for His sake will find it (see Matthew 10:39)." (Kisses from Katie)

What passion has God whispered into your life? How are you acting on that passion? I would love to hear your story!

Sweets for Your Sweetie Swap

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:00:00 +0000

This February, why not try something new with the ladies in your women’s ministry or group of friends? Host a "Sweets for Your Sweetie Swap!"

Similar to a cookie exchange, invite ladies over and ask them to bring a plate of something sweet (homemade or store bought). Set out everyone’s goodies and go down the “buffet,” packing up sweets for your sweeties!

This idea is great for a women’s Bible study group, a ladies Sunday School class, or just a group of friends who want to get together. It is also an opportunity to invite neighbors or co-workers over for a fun time so they can meet others in your church.

What Bible Study Is Best for My Small Group?

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 11:00:00 +0000

Every few months the ladies of my Sunday school class have to pick what we're going to study next. Sometimes it's hard to choose! Walking into a book store or browsing online can be overwhelming.

How do we choose books and Bible study tools that will encourage our women to grow in godliness? We must evaluate the curriculum based not on the popularity of the author or attractiveness of the cover, but we must evaluate it in light of Scripture.

When you are looking for Bible or book studies, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is the book biblically based?
There are many books out there that may be helpful to our lives, marriages, families, and ministries. But only Scripture has the power to change lives and encourage growth in godliness. If you are using this book to bring about spiritual growth and true change, it must be biblically based. Scripture must be more important than experience, emotion, and opinion.

2. Is the book consistent with the theology and practices of our church?
It is important that the books you choose reflect and teach the same ideas your church believes.

3. Who is the author and what are his/her sources?
What is his/her education and experience in ministry? Why is he/she qualified to write on this topic? Who endorses the book? What sources are cited? Are they reliable?

4. Will the format of this book work for us?
What tools come with the book? (workbook, leader guides, videos) What are the strengths and weaknesses of the facilitator? Will the tools help or hinder her teaching ability?

5. What are the needs of our group?
Who is the target audience of the book? What are the personalities and dynamics of the group that will be studying the book? While it’s often a good idea to have women in different stages of life to be in a small group together, you want to choose a book that will teach all of them. If the book you have chosen is biblically based, it will help women in all stages.

What have been some of your small group's favorite Bible studies?

10 Things I Did after Reading Jen Hatmaker's Book 7

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:00:00 +0000

Sometimes you read a book and are moved to the point of action. That was the effect Jen Hatmaker's book 7: An Experimental Mutiny against Excess had on me. She writes, "Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your Kingdom." Jen evaluated seven areas in her life and worked to counter the excess in each area. For example, one month she only wore seven articles of clothes. One month she only ate seven different foods. She didn't do it just to do it, she did it to discipline herself (and her family) and to have more empathy for those who have less.

I loved the book. It pushed me to look at my own life and evaluate the excess. Then I took these ten steps as I applied what I learned:

Sponsored a Compassion child.
Donated a sewing machine through Gospel for Asia.
Read Irresitible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.
Cleaned out and donated the boys' toys.
Recommended it to my friends.
Started a shoe drive.
Bought a new laptop for half the price of the one I really wanted.
Sent Starbucks gift cards to three church planters we know.
Planned for an even bigger garden this year.
Prayed not only for the boy we are adopting from Ethiopia, but also for his birth family, village, and region.

You can go to Jen's site and learn more about the book, read her blog, and find her on Twitter. You can also download and read the first chapter from B&H.

Have you read 7 or another book that inspired you to make some changes?

Linked up to Oh Amanda's Top Ten Tuesday.

How Churches Can Encourage Organic Mentoring Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 10:23:00 +0000

Women investing in younger women—it’s not just a program, it's a command in Scripture. But why isn't it working in so many churches today?

First, we are primarily around people our own age and life stage. What Sunday school class or small group do you attend? I would guess most of you are in an age/stage specific class, like a young married class (or a variation like married with children or newlyweds).
Second, the "older" women lack confidence. When talking to the "older" women of our church I heard over and over again, "I don't know enough to mentor!"
Third, most women don't have time for something new added to their to-do lists.

We don’t need to build more church programs, we need to build relationships. Churches spend hours creating mentoring ministries to help women do something that should be so simple. I know because my church has spent hours in the last few years recruiting, pairing, and encouraging what we call Heart to Heart mentoring pairs. But not every pair we've made has been successful.

What does make successful mentoring partnerships? The "organic" element. Instead of introducing two women who barely know each other and telling them they are now mentor partners, we should be encouraging relationships to develop naturally. Here are a few ways churches can encourage organic mentoring relationships:

For women to mentor younger women, we need women to meet younger women! We need women at different life stages interacting with one another. Churches should encourage women to get to know each other through ministry projects and fellowship activities. Two women may meet and hit it off because they teach Vacation Bible School together. Or another pair may form when they work together to decorate the church for Christmas.The pastoral staff and ministry leaders can continually recruit new people for opportunities to serve so more people can meet and interact with each other.
The older women need to know they have experience and knowledge that young women need! Susan Hunt writes, “If you are a Christian woman who is seeking to grow in the faith and to live obediently, then you are qualified for spiritual motherhood. No theological expert. No super saint. Just a woman willing to be obedient to the command to mother” (pgs 48-49 of Spiritual Mothering).
Stop being cliquish! Sometimes the church doesn't have any control over this area, but you can start with your group of friends. Whenever you get together, invite someone new. Not everyone in your group of friends has to be married with young children, or an empty nest couple. Draw your circle of friends a little wider to include new people.

Churches also need to encourage mentoring pairs to follow the Titus 2:3-5 pattern of encouraging women in their roles as wife, mother, and homemaker, but also as a disciple. Theology is not just for the pastoral staff! Have resources available in the church library, or post a recommended resource list on your church's website and encourage the mentoring pairs to take the next step in their relationship by studying the Bible together.

How has your church encouraged mentoring relationships? Has your church been successful with paired mentoring partners or do they encourage organic mentoring relationships?

How to Start Organic Mentoring Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:30:00 +0000

Organic mentoring is just what the name implies—mentoring that is natural.

Women naturally become friends. The "younger" woman begins to ask questions. The "older" woman finds more and more to share. Naturally, organically, they find themselves covering all the topics Paul lists in Titus 2:3-5.

But organic mentoring isn't another thing on your to-do list. It is very natural. In fact, the primary objective is to be natural. I invite a new mom over to see how I love my boys (even in moments they are hard to love!). I invite her over even when the kitchen is messy and ask if she will dry while I wash dishes.

For example, on Sunday after church, I was talking to a couple who are getting married this summer. I mentioned I had started shopping once every two weeks for groceries instead of every week in an effort to save money. She said, "Oh, I hope I can do that too! I want to plan menus and cook ahead and try new recipes!" From that very natural conversation I now have the opportunity to "mentor" her. Next time I'm menu planning, coupon cutting, and grocery shopping I'll see if she wants to come over and see what works for me!

Organic mentoring is just that easy. How do I start?

Seek out older women. I've tried to be very intentional about this since we've been at our church for the last few years. There's a woman in her sixties who helps me teach my ladies Sunday School class. She helps because I asked her to help! I have a friend in her fifties who I call for recipe advice. I have another "older" woman I call for gardening advice. The point is, I find out what a woman is good at or passionate about and I ask a lot of questions! Ask for advice and relationships will begin naturally.

Seek out younger women. Pray about opportunities to meet and connect with younger women and God will provide. He wants you to obey the command to "teach younger women..." Is there a newlywed who teaches your son's Sunday School class and you always have fun talking when you pick him up? Do you know a girl in the college ministry who has the same major you had? Talk to her! Chances are, she wants to get to know you too. Let the relationship develop organically!

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Mentoring is an important part of life as a Christian, and it is how God designed "women's ministry!"

Tomorrow: How the church can encourage organic mentoring relationships.

Biblical Foundation of Women's Ministry

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:00:00 +0000

I'm sharing a three-part series on "Organic Mentoring" this week as I prepare to speak on the topic for the women at The Chapel in North Canton, Ohio. We will cover:

The biblical foundation for women's ministry and why mentoring is more important now than ever
The definition of "organic mentoring" and how to start an organic mentoring relationship
Ways the church can foster/encourage organic mentoring relationships

Throughout the week, I'd love to hear your thoughts and find out what works for your women's ministry!

--------------------------

I spent five years in seminary focusing on women's studies. You want to know the secret to a strong, successful, sanctifying women's ministry? It's actually simple. Paul shares the secret in the short book of Titus.

First, let’s look at the context in which the letter to Titus was written. Paul had visited the island of Crete and planted a church. He left Titus in charge of the church and wrote this Epistle to give Titus instructions on how to live and love the church there. Paul quotes a description of those native to Crete as “liars, evil beasts, and gluttons” (1:12). The members of this church would have been first generation Christians, with either Jewish heritage or no religious heritage at all. Paul writes that there were many who, “profess to know God, but deny him by their works” (1:16).

In chapter two of Titus, Paul tells his young friend how to be a light in this dark place, how to encourage these new Christians to grow in godliness. The foundation of this instruction is on how to teach and encourage each other. Paul writes,

"Older women likewise, are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled" (2:3-5, ESV).

Do Paul's instructions for ministry still apply today? Does this model of women teaching younger women still work?

I believe we need women mentoring women more now than ever before. There are two reasons I believe this:

First, our culture is now transient; we no longer live near our family members. When my grandma was a newlywed and then gave birth to her first son, she lived with her in-laws. My great-grandmother and great aunts were there to help her learn how to be a wife and mom. When I was growing up, we lived on the same street as my aunt and around the corner from my grandparents. Again, my mom had family members to teach and encourage her. However, I live 1,500 miles from my mom (who lives in Texas). I live 4,425 miles away from my sister (who lives in Alaska). I live 350 miles from my mother-in-law (who lives in North Carolina). I don’t have the benefit of their wisdom in my day to day routine. Many women like me are trying to figure out how to love our families well without direct guidance from relatives.

Second, like the church in Crete, there are many first generation Christians in our churches. They didn’t grow up in Christian homes. They don’t know how to make their own homes “Christian.” They have no model for how to love their husbands and children. These women, all women, need gracious guidance and thoughtful teaching.

Paul gave a model for women's ministry. We need it now more than ever. Find out tomorrow why I think "organic mentoring" is the best model for obeying this biblical command.

Suffering for Our Children

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 11:00:00 +0000

"Ooops," I say, followed by "Ouch!" I've stuck myself with the safety pin we fasten below the zipper of his footed pajamas so he doesn't take them off. "Glad I stuck my finger and not your neck!" I say as I get him ready for bed.

What mom wouldn't suffer in place of her child?

This is the privilege of a special needs parent. We suffer for our children. We often suffer instead of our children.

James doesn't know how I cried on his first day of school, how I hated taking him to a special ed class. He happily played with new toys and met new people.

He doesn't realize people are startled when he screeches. He doesn't notice their stares as he flaps his arms. He's excited and he shows it. I'm embarrassed and I apologize.

At this stage in his development, James is completely oblivious to his suffering. (Unless, of course, you count not getting a second bowl of goldfish crackers as suffering.)

He doesn't know the battles we fight. He doesn't comprehend the work it takes to make his day go as smoothly as possible. He doesn't see the precautions we take to keep him safe.

As his parents, it is truly our privilege to suffer for him, instead of him.

Count it all joy, my brothers,

when you meet trials of various kinds,

for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

James 1:2-3

The Best Gifts My Parents Gave Me

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 19:11:00 +0000

My parents with their grandkids.

I always get a little nostalgic when my family gets together for Christmas. When we were visiting them in December, I thought back on all the gifts they have given me. I found the hula-hoop I got for Daughters' Day (a holiday I invented for our family of three girls) in 1987. At bed time, my six year old picked from the collection of Berenstain Bear books I started when I was in first grade. My boys slept in the bed room with the white wicker headboard I got for Christmas in 1992.

I've received more gifts than I can remember in my almost 33 years of Christmases and birthdays. But the greatest gift they gave me came my second semester of college when I called home and said, "I want to change my major to English." They said, "If that's what you want, that sounds great." The second greatest gift came in 2002 when I called and said, "I want to go to seminary." Again, they said, "If that's what you want, that sounds great."

My parents gave me the gift of freedom to follow my dreams, to study in the fields I was passionate about. Their approval and confidence gave me the foundation I needed.

I've been reading 48 Days to the Work You Love by Dan Miller. He writes, "...as we grow, there is a subtle yet significant transition from 'what do I want to be?' to 'what do I want to do?'" That is true for so many people. They are told they will never make money as an artist. Or that dancing isn't a career. Or, "Even though you were great in the school production of Romeo and Juliet, New York is full of scary people and Los Angeles is full of weird people, so you would do better to just stay home." Miller goes on to write, "When we are not true to ourselves, to our unique God-given characteristics, we lose the power of authenticity, creativity, imagination, and innovation. Our life becomes performance-based, setting the stage for compromise in all other areas of our lives."

Thanks to my parents' understanding when I was ten and they caught me hiding under the sheet with a flashlight trying to finish my book, thanks to their praise when I wrote papers in high school and got A's, and thanks to their "sounds great" replies when I chose my major and then grad school, I am who I always wanted to be—a reader, writer, and editor. I am thankful for the best gifts my parents gave me, and pray I will give the same gifts of freedom and acceptance to my children.

Favorite App for Reading Blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Sandra) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 11:00:00 +0000

A few months ago I pretty much stopped reading blogs. It just took so long to scroll through my blog subscriptions each day. Even when I cleaned it out and cleaned it out again, it was still too much.

But about a month ago I found the Reeder app for my smart phone. It syncs to my Google Reader account so all the blogs I subscribe to are right there on my phone. I can also share to my Twitter or Facebook feeds directly from the app. You can see in the pic below on the right how easy it is to share!

I am so glad I found a faster way to keep up with the blogs I enjoy. How do you keep up with your favorite blogs?