Heart of the Spirit

The Hero of Your Heart

2011-06-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

Here we are, half way 2011, how is your year so far? In spite of a series of difficult years with unbelievable twists and turns, I continue to greet each year with optimism. I know this year will be better because, well, it has to! First we lost our jobs and our savings, then our homes then our good credit ratings - gone! Now peeled down to the basic necessities of life, time with our family, our people, became the treasure we lost financially. Vacations have become stay-cations and we spent more time with people closest to us however, there is the old saying, "familiarity breeds contempt", and that it has. Too much time together seems to magnify everything that bothers us about the other.

What happened then? Suffering financial instability brought up core fears. We question our ability to survive, we feel socially vulnerable at suffering such material loss. Our pain and humiliation mutates and spews out at others in the form of judgment. Does fear produce judgment or does judgment produce fear?

Today's issues are of the heart. Time to work on the really juicy stuff - judgment and criticism! Isn't it fun? Of course it isn't. My heart was broken when I learned that someone close and trusted was judging me in private and acting loving to my face. Is that because it's just easier than being honest? I think so. This must be a beautiful opportunity to be judged and feel such sadness.

The truth is, this sadness is a beautiful opportunity. It is perfect because in the second half of my life, I have a renewed commitment to be that change I wish to see in the world. My pain from judgment is likely the same as yours. Judgment I hold is not different than judgment held on me. It is time to make choices, on purpose and out loud. Time to make righteous choices about the purity of the vibration I am sending and harboring.

One of the great teachers of our time, Caroline Myss describes judgment as the most harmful vibration, something like a curse. How does it feel when you have passed judgment? At first powerful, immediately followed by justification all wrapped up in denial. We’re just calling it like we see it, it is the truth after all. I’m not judging, I’m just being honest, and you know, if you can’t take a little constructive criticism…on and on and on.

Judgment not only hurts the one being judged, it hurts us to hold it. When we embody judgment what it says is...I am so afraid that someone might see through me that I must deflect my sense lack toward someone else. The best defense is a good offense right? Not in life, not in relationships. Choosing to hold judgment takes a toll on us physically, emotionally and spiritually. We must be impeccable in our thoughts and words and we must do it on purpose. Whatever judgment we hold will be held in our bodies and souls leaving a wake of broken relationships and soiled communications.

Join me in staring down the coward inside that wants it to be about everyone else. It is time to reunite with the hero of your heart that wants nothing more than unconditional love. Let's do it, it's time. Be the hero of your heart.

Julie "Less Than" Has Left The Building

2011-06-11T22:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I could have been so naive, or maybe it wasn't naive, maybe it was distracted?  Was I distracted or do I really lack initiative and common sense? I did not realize that while I was stumbling through last year I was treading on those close to me.

Something I have known over the years is that there are times when I am slow on getting things. I hesitate saying so because those coming to me for readings have some expectation that I have all the answers and live in an amazing "got-it-all-together" life. I apologize for bursting your bubble if you are of this belief. I am just me, Julie, learning as I go.

I have learned along the way. The challenges and difficulties I have waded through and overcome have taught me how to step forward into each new day and each new lesson.  I bless each sunrise as my opportunity to do-over that which I have failed to do to my satisfaction the day before.

Much to my surprise last fall, it was brought to my attention that I had become less than helpful, that I would not only not step-up to the plate to help clean-up, but if I did help I would claim some "mysterious" pain and stop helping. I was utterly shocked - standing there with dish pan hands...really? I don't help enough? Oh.

This accusation knocked my legs out from under me.  I was in disbelief and crushed that this feeling of my lack had obviously been discussed with others but not with me.

Here is my truth. Last year I ended my marriage, a 15 year relationship. Last year, I started a "real" job 5 days a week that includes a difficult commute. I stopped working-out in part because of the job but also because I started having chronic pain in the leg that just got a new hip the year before. Both of my sons left home to begin their lives out in the world. It was a year of colossal change for me, maybe they are right. Maybe I have dropped the ball these last several months, I certainly felt out of sorts.

My experience has shown that when someone feel strongly about something, their feeling stems from a spark of truth. There may be lots of superfluous details surrounding it, but there is a basis of truth. I strive to embrace that truth and not throw myself headlong into a defensive, reactive state. Easier said than done when you're already twirling around in a new ungrounded reality and a life that is changing at an alarming rate. In the past, I have considered it a downfall of mine to bow down to others uncharitable opinions of me, to take their judgment to heart and accept my position as "less than". It's not uncommon I know, many of us are in good company in the "less than" category.

Something changed for me last year, well many things changed. I turned 50. It's a number - a biggish number that somehow granted me permission to lift myself up from "less than" and strive to at least be equal to. Not only did I give myself permission to be equal to, I also evolved my terms of engagement. I reject "less than". Julie "Less Than" has left the building. Don't come looking for her and expect her to be the bigger person and suck it up when you want to dump on her - it ain't gonna happen.

This propping up did not happen overnight - it was a full 50 years in the making. How many times have I made excuses for another persons bad behavior or maltreatment of me? How many times had I made it right or OK for someone to disrespect or degrade me? So many times - weekly, daily - hourly. I'm done. That's it. Or so I thought.

A new attack from another corner.  Apparently I have no common sense and do not understand people. Wow. Crushed, humiliated, demoralized. It wasn't the harshest thing anyone had ever said but it stung. Did I mention that 5 days prior I had to have an ovary removed? Another story for another day. Suffice it to say I wasn't in my best form when this blow was leveled. What happened next was a deep level of release of Julie "Less Than". Tears flowed, for hours. I could not stop them, they came, for days. It became very clear that in my desire to honor their truth I had given up my right to believe in my own goodness. I had forsaken myself.
Maybe I did walk away from doing dishes, maybe common sense isn't my strongest quality, I do not agree but I am not looking at me through their eyes.  Could it be that these observations and judgments on me were a calling to my soul? A call to recognize and claim who I know myself to be? Was this happening to help me forward in my life growth? Of course it is, it always is. It's never for nothing. When I reflect on who I perceive myself to be in the world, I know from my heart, I do the best I can with what I have in that moment. I believe in my goodness, I accept that I may appear something other than that to you. Your opinion of me is none of my business. You are free to hold me in whatever light you deem appropriate, it is your choice.

Likewise, it is my choice to hold myself in the light I deem appropriate. I am a work in progress. Some edges are rough, but many are smooth. I promise to continue to search for the spark of truth in your assessment of me though I will not apologize to you for your opinion of me. I promise to me, that I will be faithful to who I know myself to be and I will no longer dwell in the land of "less than". If you see yourself in these words, won't you join me? Drop me a note and tell me your story, I would love to hear from you.

Thank you for sharing this personal moment on my path. May you be and feel truly blessed.

P.S. Peace has been renewed in all relationships mentioned above, my people are awesome.

Our Friend Darren

2011-05-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I attended a memorial service to honor a man who left a profound mark on our community. I did not stand up to speak then but would like to share these words.

There was a large crowd, well over 200. In listening to the many memories of Darren and the many good deeds he had done, I learned of the legacy and gift of Darren's time here among us. I heard story after story of how Darren showed up and made things happen, literally. He created a softball program and state of the art facility for his daughter’s high school with elbow grease and I'm guessing his boyish charm. His fellow coaches could not say enough about their friend that would miraculously appear with whatever was needed to manifest this dream. Whether it was a bull dozer or back hoe, Darren somehow showed up with the supplies and equipment needed to make this dream field a reality. He wasn't only involved in softball. Darren showed up for games and performances for each of his 5 children, from ballet to football to softball. He showed up.

Grown men cried, their grief overwhelming, their loyalty and friendship to Darren and his family, resounding. What has Darren taught us?

A picture his lifetime was painted in words and emotion. As a child Darren spent the school year in Healdsburg and summers in Hawaii with his Mom. In what sounded like a wonderful and carefree childhood had to have been at least a bit difficult moving around so. Darren spent time living with many families that still call him brother. The one thing he truly wanted in his life, was a big family. He succeeded in creating a big family, one that went well beyond blood lines.

The net he wove of tasks and deeds earned him respect, but he did more. The tasks were not Darren, the magic was. He brought people together to build dreams and then make them come true. Looking in, it seems apparent that he worked at connecting many people’s lives to create that very big family.

One of his daughters said to me, "I don't even know these people." Feeling, perhaps, lost among this sea of people, strangers who all showed up out of their love for her father. I felt sad for her. Grief is so personal and she seemed uncomfortable at having to share this symbolic goodbye with strangers. Maybe I am wrong, and she too was overwhelmed by the overflow of love.

As the stories continued and folks pointed upwards in reference to him I was soothed by the feeling that he was not above us but rather among us. He wasn't watching over us, he was milling around with a beer in one hand and a Jello shot in the other.

My work brings those in mourning, those with a desire to know if their loved ones are safe, if they are ok. Two constant messages from the other side to loved ones are, "Only my body is gone.", and "The pain I knew is gone, I am at peace." I trust this is true for Darren. A man who asked for nothing and endured pain we know nothing of, is thank God, without pain. We are the ones with pain, not Darren.

What is the legacy of Darren's too short time here among us? Darren fostered enduring relationships and loyalty that will hold his family in their grief and allow them to heal and grow through it. The seeds of generosity that Darren planted will grow through his children and they will feel his love through their community for many years to come.

Darren literally created the softball community. He coached a generation of young women who I believe, saw the example of a "real man". Darren’s physical and intellectual strength, a productive disposition that did not whine and complain showed those girls that you can make something out of nothing. Darren got things done, all with one of the most beautiful smiles you have ever seen.

I remember Darren as a great Cribbage partner with a booming laugh and a sincere desire to make people happy.

As the memorial concluded all were invited to share food, wine, beer and yes of course, Jello shots. Our friend Darren left this world a better place.

Please keep the Barnes family in your highest thoughts and prayers as they begin to adjust to their changed lives. We must remember that the space between us disappears in prayer. God Bless you Darren.

Darren William Barnes
January 21, 1965 – May 11, 2011

Thank You Charlie Sheen

2011-05-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

How many people have both entertained and thoroughly disgusted us? Viewing the disintegration of a celebrity is somehow affirming and disturbing at the same time. The excessively public downfall of Charlie Sheen stirs many things in me from pity, to compassion, to wonder.

I have met clients from all walks of life. Many had been blessed with great financial abundance have been taken to their knees, broke and bankrupt, yet somehow, they manage to roll with it.

In the news we see major companies relying on the government to prop them up yet they are allowed to continue their lavish excess. Why the double standard?

Charlie Sheen is all about a double standard. He is the epitome of excess and moral bankruptcy. He seems to be the embodiment of all that is wrong with business, government and society.

Did his wealth create his entitlement, or was he first filled with it? Certainly there are many who are blessed with great wealth that are confronted with addiction, it is rampant. The addiction comes not only to substances, it comes to shopping, status, sex, and gambling. Most of us have personal experience or have witnessed friends or a family member crumble under the weight of chronic addiction. The difference of course is our pain is handled in private. Private interventions from caring friends and family that reach-out in desperation to support the loved one from the darkness back to the light.

The public spectacle Charlie Sheen has made of himself seems to be just cause to judge him. We can look at him and decide many things about what is wrong with him and what he "should" do, after all, he's putting himself out there proclaiming "Winning". Yes, we can do that. We can stand among those who feel no power in the direction of their lives. To stand in judgment is always, to stand as a victim.

Double standards stir anger, they are unfair. The double standard we allow for those with money and power is that they are eccentric and therefore are above the law.

Wouldn't it be incredible if the "law" we all followed were not only those enforced by police agencies, but by the one great spiritual law, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

If we were to view Charlie Sheen through the lens of "There but by the grace of God, go I", I believe that we might see that he is showing us a slice of ourselves that repulses us. We are quick to spot what is wrong in another and slow to acknowledge it within ourselves. This is pervasive from our "leaders" to the homeless person who scowls when we do not offer up our spare change.

Where do you stand? Is it possible that it is time,to take our own inventory? To bravely look at where we excuse ourselves from The Golden Rule, and with what justification?

As we witness the fall of a celebrity we affirm that excess and a life with no boundaries regularly lead to disaster. We have repeatedly allowed the "messiah" a pass, whether that "messiah" was an actor, wealthy businessman or politician. Why? Is it our lack of boundaries, or our lack or courage to stand up and say enough?

My "enough" came 17 years ago when all I could see in the mirror was someone looking for a reason that she was involved in substance abuse, looking for someone to blame. The desire to blame anyone but myself seared me, it was painful to wrestle with my conscience. Where had I gone? What had I fallen into? Hell. That's where I was, and I was not alone. I was married with 2 young children. Disgusted with myself and my own lack of boundaries and courage I began the climb up and out.

My downfall was small by public standards but it was horrific none the less. I was alone. No friends. My children and my mother were all who remained by my side, or so it felt. Alone was the appropriate place for me. In my solitude I allowed myself to review the multitude of opportunities I passed up to do the right thing. I looked in the mirror and over time found peace in my reflection. It was a painful and lonely process one which I vow to never repeat.

I had no groupies to tag along and make me feel important, I did not get a pass and I believe that was the greatest gift of all.

Let's not excuse or even partake in the entertainment of Charlie's downfall rather, let's pray that he may find the courage required to be there for his children. It is possible, it can happen. If we lose hope in one, we give up hope for all.

This historic time, where religious, political and social structures are being torn apart, is the opening for each of us to rebuild. If we rebuild on the fractured foundation of double standards and entitlement we are doomed to repeat history.

My prayer is that each of us choose to be honest with ourselves and rebuild on the sound foundation of the only rule that we truly need, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Grief.

2011-04-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

I recently spoke to a grandmother in Florida. She could have been yours, mine, any ones but she wasn't. She was Sean and Jessie's grandma.

A month ago, on Sean's 19th birthday, these two children were killed with 2 of their friends in an automobile accident. No, there were no drugs or alcohol involved. This was a solo car accident with sketchy details leaving the family reeling with a million unanswerable questions.

Grandma is suffering indescribable grief as you might expect. The pain of losing those so young, with their whole lives ahead of them spins out of control. Their mother can hardly function. It never makes sense.
If we are to have faith and believe that everything occurs in divine right order, then this was somehow a part of destiny.

The parents and grandmother visit the site of the accident, hoping for what? Is it wrong she asked? Of course not. Where else would you go to find the feeling of your child?  Hoping I'm sure to find some clue, some shred of evidence that would explain how the tragedy occurred.

The questions of why they didn't come right home? Where were they going? What happened? The information that came through was distinct and repetitive. I felt myself driving at night and suddenly something darted in front of me - a momentary distraction that caused me to jerk the steering wheel to the right - sharp and fast! I feel myself tumbling, upside down, loud noise followed by extreme silence.
There is a particular silence that accompanies death.  I always feel that it is a universal prayer, a prayer of silence for the soul that now travels home.

I relayed the information to Grandma.... My heart of hearts prays that the reading I deliver will be helpful. I see that these were very good children, brilliant athletes, well rounded young people with bright futures. Their mother endured invitro fertilization to conceive them - and now, in the blink of an eye - these bright futures will never come to be.   God please bless these spirits that have come home. Please bless the grieving family members searching for answers, for peace. I repeat these words until it feels complete.
Grandma listens. "So you think he was distracted then?" ... somehow, it made something make sense. It doesn't make it right, but it feels better than nothing.

Won't you join me in including this family in your prayers? Thank you for reading, and thank you for your prayers.

Fired up!

2011-04-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

We are bombarded by media messages that we must depend on and surrender our personal authority to people in perceived positions of power. I for one am tired of hearing news agencies declaring my powerlessness! Don't tell me I will go hungry when the prices of food and gas are skyrocketing. I am resourceful. I will thrive. Who gains power when we feel oppressed? What oppresses us?
To me feeling that I have no choice is oppression, well guess what? We have choice in everything we think and do. Choose to light your own fire! Don't wait for news to come in through your TV that empowers you and changes your life, it isn't going to happen.
Tune into the news of your soul. Listen to what your gut tells you...get angry, use that powerful energy to propel you forward! Take action on your own behalf! This is what we are here for. Let's make some noise! Boycott gas stations, buy local, join your city council, whatever floats your boat, get involved.
Remember these words: "If we always do what we have always done, we will always get what we have always gotten."
Collective, conscious motion forward. It's time. Won't you join me?

Blessings From A Beggar

2011-04-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

I scrambled to dump the contents of my change purse into my hand and reached out the window of my car to place it into the grubby hand of the homeless man standing beside the freeway off ramp. His clothes and body were so tattered and worn he simply held a sign that said "Anything helps. God bless."
No reasons about why he was there, no story to grab my heart, just a simple message that is so true, anything helps.
I try to always make eye contact as a sign of respect in these encounters, respect that this is another human being experiencing their life in their own way. Upon meeting his gaze I was met with crystal clear blue eyes and a nearly toothless smile. He opened his rough and worn palm and accepted my small gift and surprised me when he squeezed my hand with both of his and said, "Thank you pretty lady, God bless you." He held my gaze for just long enough for me to understand that he was truly appreciative and I hoped that he knew I did not stand in judgment of him.

I felt so truly blessed, truly blessed by God.
.

My Message to Valerie

2011-04-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Valerie,
Today marks the anniversary of your passing. We never met yet I live with the results of your love. The love and courage you showed and taught in your fight to live and struggle to die lives on.
The events which followed your death brought an incredible man to his knees. He was swooped up by a vulture and devoured. She tortured his mind, heart and soul.
As the years passed, he sought the love you encouraged him to find believing each time it was possible. I know you know that he has found that love again. My desire is to erase all the ill deeds done to him and replace harsh memories with new ones of joy and laughter, companionship and forgiveness.
I send this message to you, through all things seen and unseen to thank you for being the person to first show him love, to believe in him, and to give him your blessings to be free to fall in love again. God Bless you Valerie.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

2011-03-28T18:07:00.000-07:00

What if we took a second - that's all it will take - to remind the person next to you, or text to that they are loved beyond measure. Period. No qualifiers, no reasons, no guilt. Just an unsolicited reminder that simply by being there, by living and breathing, by being who their are - they are loved.

At 50 years old, I am blessed by someone who loves me in this way. The pressure to work hard, to be skinny, perfect, cheerful, strong, fragile, kind patient...that pressure is gone. Bye bye.

The energy previously spent on receiving qualified and quantified approval/love still spins and swirls! I have not mastered the talent to simply be and feel safe and secure in the love. I struggle to sit and allow myself to be served. I jump up and try to work really hard and really fast so that he will know how much I love him. Wait! What did I say?
That doesn't even make sense!

Why do I have to work hard and fast to prove my love? We know, it's because my value in the past was equal to the amount of work I produced. Mountains of laundry, miles of vacuuming, tons of food preparation...Sad when I see how little I thought of myself. No one forced me to do these things, there was no gun to my head. I held a misguided belief that without all of my efforts I was not going to be loved.

Trust me, this did not come from a difficult childhood. I was not mistreated or unloved, this is a part of the package I incarnated with. I came to learn that I am lovable simply by being, simply by existing.

I believe in miracles. I believe we all can have and receive and believe in this miracle of love. You are loved beyond measure, believe it.

To Japan, with love.

2011-03-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

Shadows of fear and sorrow fading giving way to the rays of sunshine flowing through my heart sending love to Japan. Remember to pray.

Sick or well, it's my choice

2011-03-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

How are you? I am fine. No, really, I am fine. You may not know it by the multitude of tests I have endured at the hands of the medical professionals recently, but yes, I am fine.

The oddessy began last September with what I identified as a gall bladder attack. Doubled over in breathless pain - whew! Fifteen minutes later finally able to stand-up and left with a shadow of the pain. Huh...well I'll just wait and see.

A month later the pain persists so I see my doc. She tells me I must have indigestion - wow really? So my stomach is now located under the right lower side of my ribcage? That's odd, I wonder when it moved?

We started with an x-ray -negative. Ultrasound - negative...months go by, pain continues...take Prilosec, take Prilosec and Pepcid, no, no take 2 Prilosec's twice a day and skip the Pepcid, that was a dumb says new G.I. doc. Ok. I comply, and comply and comply with zero results.

Let's give you an endoscopy and get to the bottom of this, let's also give you a colonoscopy while where at it, you know since you're over 50 - fancy.
Oh wait! How about a CT scan just for kicks? CT-scan-negative oh but they did find an ovarian cyst! Jeeze...yes, I'm extra tired of being poked, giving blood and basically being examined so thoroughly!

Today I remembered...these folks are "practicing medicine". Practice, yes they practice because - hey - guess what? We are individuals! We all feel things differently! Wow what a concept! My pain and your pain are different! The issue does not lie in our perception of pain. The issue is-are we being heard? I lost count of how many times I relayed my symptoms and location of pain, where it originates and radiates to only to be told I have indigestion.

The wise thing for me to do now is stop. Stop this machine that does not listen, that is not interested in variables, that wants to move me through and stamp me "Healthy".

I decided today that Kaiser Permanente does not decide whether I am healthy or not, I do. Damn it...I do. So for today, and possibly for tomorrow, I will pretend that I have no symptoms. I am happy, I am healthy, and by God, I am going to finish this blog and spend the weekend happily in my very happy life.

Message from Roberto

2011-03-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

The man I see is morbidly obese, dark complected. I see the name Roberto. He is telling me he was crushed by the weight of his own body. He suffered for years. He could not move on his own accord. Throughout the 7 years prior to his passing he learned of love, compassion and forgiveness - for himself. At the age of 35 he met a woman that came to care for him. I feel there was a language barrier so they could not speak, rather he could only feel her compassion and caring through the care she gave him. He loved her, she is the only woman he ever loved. I believe her name started with a J.

After 42 years of he chose to surrender. He removed the oxygen himself. He wants his mother Rita to know that he felt her hold his hand as he took his last breath. He felt ashamed of his shape and form his entire life. There was an organic problem that went undetected for nearly 30 years - it was too late for corrections to be made by the time it was discovered.

Roberto died in peace, he wants you to know that he did not suffer and he does not suffer now. I see a beautiful rainbow that those who love him should associate with his spirit.

Defining The Work

2011-03-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

What exactly is this work that I do?

When I look at the websites of fellow psychics I wonder, do they wonder too? Do they wonder how it is that these words and feelings come through us to be delivered to you at the exact time you need to hear them?

I wonder if they wonder at the syncronicity that is in place to bring us together with you, our clients? The sheer miracle of divine timing that allowed our paths to cross?

These are things I wonder. What exactly happens when you sit in the chair before me, or pick up your phone when I call?

I hear your name, your date of birth and feelings well up, snippets of scenes cross through my consciousness, a scent, a pain, a voice, they come through me.

It is amazing when I ask you, "Who is it on the other side that had this constant shortness of breath, a woman the generation above you that was known for the apron she wore..." and you tell me, "Oh, that's my Grandma Betty." It is beautiful the way the spirit will paint a picture of the message rather than me saying "Grandma Betty is here". I love this process of discovery, I love it when you talk as much as I do!

So if you ever wondered, I wonder too. It is such a pleasure to be a part of your life path, tears, laughter, anger and joy. This is life.

In The Name of God

2011-03-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

If you wonder as I do, why must a horrific tragedy occur as the earthquake, subsequent tsunami and threat of nuclear melt down in Japan? The pathway in my mind is frought with fear and horror.

As the days have passed I have felt my heart begin to feel some light again, though it is guarded and cautious. The desire to close my eyes and reopen them to learn it was all a dream looms large. I want health and wellness, life and abundance for all of Gods children. Many today are without warmth, food, family and shelter.

It has taken days to come back to the place of my peace: my faith. Powerlessness is darkness. We may be physically powerless to make a difference to those suffering in Japan but we are not spiritually powerless. There is power in every thought, the power to express darkness and fear and the power to express light and faith. Let each thought resonate from the place of faith that God has not abandoned us.

Perhaps the timing is such that we are beginning or willing to recognize that the darkness that controls us is something we can transform and transmute. Within each of us is the seed of evolution and transformation. To remain captive to the darkness of fear is to say, "I have no faith." It is a choice, believe it or not, it is a choice.

Today I feel strong in my faith. I feel strong to make the choice to believe that my prayer and my love can extend my body, traverse time and space and bring light to those who are being tested beyond anything I can fathom. Won't you join me today in showing our faith by sending our prayers of healing and lightness of heart?

We do possess the power to reignite hope. Believe with me.

Liz & Chuck, A Love Story

2011-02-14T17:39:00.000-08:00

Liz and Chuck, A Love Story

Liz came to me last week for a reading. She has been widowed for 9 months and while she has peace that Chuck is not suffering, she misses him dearly.

This is a familiar set of circumstances I’ve seen with many clients through the years. We process grief in our own way, in our own time. Grieving is a most intimate process.

Liz shared with me amazing and beautiful details of a love story that spanned over 30 years and did not end with Chucks passing last spring. Liz expressed concern over the many fights they had had and the words spoken in anger. She wondered, did Chuck carry anger or resentment with him when he passed? Does he still love me? Is he with me?

I closed my eyes to “feel” for Chuck and a clear picture came to mind of a white rose, a single white rose on a long stem. I asked Liz if that had any significance to her – none that she could think of. We talked on and I was stuck with the “picture” of that single white rose, I asked again, “Did you have white roses at his memorial? Do you have a white rose planted near your home? Did he ever give you white roses?”
Well, there was one bouquet at his memorial that had red and white carnations…but that just didn’t “feel” like what I was “feeling.”

It is not uncommon for the messages to need some time to resonate, or for us to work together to decipher what’s going on.

I “saw” then that she had changed something around in their home. She said the only thing she had changed was that she had hung some pictures. All at once here eyes got huge and she said, “The white flower is in the hole I made in the wall!” Apparently Chuck was very handy and had taught Liz a fair amount about how to take care of things. Liz had decided to hang a picture, got out his drill and made a hole that was too high. To cover the hole, she had taken a single long stemmed white flower and dropped it into the hole in the wall to conceal it! Voila! There are not words to accurately describe the relief I feel when the message has been delivered to the loved one.

Liz was tickled that Chuck was playing with her. She asked again, “Is he here now?”
With that I reported that he wanted to know, “Did you fix the plumbing?”
She gasped and stared in disbelief! Yes, she is currently having a plumbing issue!
How did he know she wondered? Well…as they (those who have passed) frequently say through me, only my body is gone, I am with you. Chuck remains attuned to her emotional well being.

I realize that hearing only the body is gone is a hard pill to swallow and does nothing to displace the sadness and emptiness of their passing, it is simply what is.

Our conversation flowed and she asked again, “Is he here now?” As if he were sitting next to me in the room I heard this: “Ask her if she’s checked her tires.” She knew immediately what he was referencing. A friend of his had sold one of Chucks’ guns for her. Liz planned to have the tires checked and if she needed new ones use the money earned from the sale of the gun to buy the new tires! By this time the sadness and heaviness Liz had been carrying since his passing had evaporated. Her eyes were bright and twinkled as we continued our session.

Liz described to me some beautiful conversations they shared prior to Chuck passing but expressed some sadness that they had not prearranged a “sign” so that she would know he was with her.

I told Liz that it is perfectly fine for her to decide what the sign could be and simply watch for the validations to appear. It was clear that she wanted more so I closed my eyes and waited for anything to come. It wasn’t long before I saw a pin or metal, like the type of pin you might get if you are part of a club. It felt as though it could belong to a motorcycle club…but that wasn’t exactly it. Liz described various pins Chuck had and it seemed that she might be content with recognizing motorcycle club pins as a sign from Chuck when suddenly she remembered that 2 days prior she had found a little pin that read, “I love Chuck”. We both knew, in that moment that he was saying, he loves her too.

It is incredible and humbling to be allowed to be the conduit to deliver these signs of enduring love. The blessings and tears shed by Liz were shared by me as well. We hugged as she left, her parting words to me were, “I’m happy Julie, it’s been a very long time since I felt happy. Thank you.” The funny thing is, I felt it was I who owed her thanks. Thank you, Liz for sharing this step on your path, and for your permission in publishing your story.

Post Script:
I called Liz today for permission to share details of her session on this blog and she was happy to share the following updates:

The white rose is her wedding ring! Chuck had the ring made as a friendship gift to Liz in 1976.

Upon returning home Liz opened the box which contains Chucks’ ashes, hanging from a black cord around the bag was a shiny round silver metal with the name of the mortuary on it. Literally saying, I am here.

It is not uncommon for “signs” to take on dual representations and meaning. The white flower in the wall made Liz and I laugh out loud that he would joke with us about her boo boo! The sentimental message of course lay in her wedding ring.

Bless you Liz, you are a delight to work with.

Where have I been?

2010-08-02T15:43:00.000-07:00

I have not written a blog in 4 months? Wow, where have I been? Good question. I am somewhere past mid-point of a major life change.

In the event of a major life change the temptation or result, regardless of your intent, is to disconnect or disappear. In my case, I disconnected from my life as I knew it.

Out of respect to all concerned, I choose not to disclose the intimate details of this shift but rather to address this from the perspective of the potential for growth which has been created as a result.

I have spent the majority of my life proving my worth to the world in the form of tasks; cooking, cleaning, laundering, you get the picture. Somewhere I decided that the only value I brought to a relationship was the number of tasks I could perform, or the extreme kindness I could show another. Seemed reasonable to me that task based value was a decent system for self-worth. Yup, only thing is...all those tasks I did for others had a built in backfire that goes a little like this: When one person assumes that they must do many tasks to be loved, to have value, to prove anything, one of the fancy little side-effects is that everyone becomes dependent on them, you know, for everything! For dinner, dishes, laundry, activities, heart filling, feeling mending, relationship uplifting, car washing, that's right, the list does not end, it is infinite. I added to it with such regularity I do not even know when I became lost to my good intentions.

I created an insatiable hungry beast. I realize now, that I do not have a lot of information on how to un-create it. How does one go about the process of unwinding decades of training that always said, "leave it to me, count on me, I'll do it...etc." How do you disconnect without having the recipients of your good intentions feel abandoned and betrayed. Yup, it's a mess and I did it. Now, with the very same good intentions I strive to turn all that good will back on to me.

In this disconnect process I am looking at forgiveness, that would be, to forgive myself. When I made that decision somewhere in my history that said I only had value based on my tasks, I betrayed my only true ally in life - myself. The basic message was that how could anyone love me if I don't wash their socks? Why would anyone want to be with me? Just me? I constructed all these mechanisms that would somehow buy me love...

This self-esteem issue did not stem from a brutal childhood, I was raised by 2 parents who were in love with each other and wanted to have me. I was not abused or mistreated at a young age, there was no "real" reason that I should think so little of myself, I just did. Until now, I did not know that I am loveable just by taking my next breath, just by being here.

It is true that I may have partnered with people here and there,that took a toll on my self-esteem however, I have not ever been a victim. I entered into relationships, played out my role of the one who could only be loved for the tasks I could perform and got what I asked for, conditional love.

I blame no one, not even myself. I understand that we are love seeking beings and in that I find my innocence. In that, perhaps I can find the wisdom that will allow me to simply be. To stand still and allow love to find me.

Shifting tides

2010-04-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

I can't say for sure how it all started, where the stirring began. Was it out of the blue? No, it had been an under current for quite some time.

As I sit here alone, very alone, the reality of what is occurring strikes me to the core. Life is changing. I am changing.

Fear begins an inevitable ascent from my belly, through my heart where it wrenches
and twists and begs the question...what are you doing? Where did this come from?
Climbing up through my throat where my words choke, my truth screams but no voice
is heard, I am silent in my process.

The fear, the flame which has burned through my soul reaches my mind causing confusion
and chaos. I face the burning ache of an inconvenient truth. My mind fights a battle between confusion and clarity.

The balm to my soul is knowing that the base of all this emotion is a base of truth.
Not only mine but the other persons as well. We both have our truths, we both believe in them and that is perfect. If I have learned anything of vital importance in this lifetime it is that we all have the right to hold our own truth as sacred. The feelings and thoughts that we possess are personal and intimate and I have no right to make any effort to dissuade another from their beliefs. We were born with free will that is indisputable and incorruptible.

The choices from this day forward must be based in mutual respect to preserve our free will and sacred truth. To stick by the story that was flawed from the start will only create a repeat of this cycle.

The mind seeks right action and truth, stepping into this truth brings results though a pocket of fear remains. We can transmute the fear into energy. Pure energy, as pure love drives us forward through the tough thickets of life to a clearing. Sometimes pure love is taking the path through an unhappy truth to honor the individual core belief we each hold.

These words are stones on my path of learning how to be honest with myself. To be open when someone points out where I have lacked the fortitude to admit an unhappy truth. I don't know that I will ever like this process but I do pray that I soften my resistance and fore go the hurt and feelings of betrayal these events create. This is not an uncommon thing in relationship, we each hold our side of the story with our own perceptions and interpretations of the other. Maintaining this holding pattern can go on for weeks, months and years weaving distrust into the fiber of our relationship. It is for us to decide, upon recognition, what direction to take the relationship, or perhaps to acknowledge that you have gone as far as you can go together.

Be true to yourself, be kind in your thoughts and be thoughtful in your actions and keep the faith. This is not all for nothing, there is a greater and deeper love available in being painfully honest with yourself.

So, one step in front of the other, here we go.

Don't Quit Your Day Job

2010-03-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

Two months ago I started a day job. Well technically yes, I did already have a day job but with over half my clients either out of work, bankrupt or losing their homes business was decidedly s l o w.

The preceding years of doing psychic readings had begun to wear on my spirit- though willing to continue to be busier seeing clients I cannot lie, there was a part of me saying...I need a break.

It may surprise you how many people come to me wanting to know when someone is going to die? Crazy stuff, broke my heart repeatedly to be asked this particular question. There was frequently a hint of ... "when will so and so die because I want/need my inheritance." Ewww, yeah, that's how it felt more times than I care to mention. Careful not to interfere with the proceedings of the soul in question and their own contract with God I generally deferred this question with a pat answer of "That is between them and God." I consider that to be none of any ones business.

Twenty years ago when I began studying the whole metaphysical realm I felt that giving readings would be an honor, I still feel that way. It is an honor to be invited into the intimate and most private realms of peoples lives. In all these years it amazes me that people trust me with their deep darkness, it is an honor, blessing and source of fuel to power my desire to keep going.

My spirit however, was experiencing overwhelm. How many parents of children who passed had I counseled? How many children lost their parents without emotional healing and closure? How many tragic automobile accidents, divorces, affairs, births, deaths, wins, losses have I witnessed thru clients? I have no clue but I did have a very real sense that I needed a break.

Synchronicity, my favorite bit of magic appeared last November with an email from my sister-in-law. Denise told me about her Financial Advisor needing an administrative person for the new office he was moving to. She told me that the whole time he was talking she kept seeing my face! Admittedly I was nervous at the prospect of leaving my clients and returning to a 9-5 job. I called the man immediately though worried about the immense change in lifestyle this opportunity presented.

We met December 23rd at the office in Larkspur. As I walked up the stairs to the office and looked down at the carpet I heard a little voice say, "You're going to be seeing a lot of this carpet."

The interview lasted an hour and I walked away knowing that it was a perfect match.
A few weeks later I was called back for a second interview again leaving knowing in my heart this was the place for me to be. Despite my fears of being gone from home more than I have been during my entire relationship with my husband, we both knew that our financial situation was in dire need of reinforcement! The job offer came and with great joy I realized that I had somehow beat the odds and gotten this gift of opportunity at a time when good jobs are at a premium. What a blessing.

The great and good fortune lies in the fact that I have continued to see as many clients as I was seeing but somehow, I do not feel the overwhelm and exhaustion. Somehow the addition of the job has rejuvenated my soul to continue to be of service both out in the world and in my private practice.

There is wonderful satisfaction at being a part of the world out there and still being welcomed by my clients to their inner world. So, as I ventured out with fear and trepidation at returning to work I realized that I did not have to quit my day job after all, it just switched places.

Staring down 50

2010-02-06T07:37:00.000-08:00

Here it comes, whether I like it or not, 50...the big 5 0.

A couple of weeks ago I was getting a root canal, it was lovely. They had a monitor near my head with my personal information on it and my age said "49". Huh...that doesn't seem right and when I saw it on the screen it seemed way too old. I make no secret about it, I didn't like it.

As a younger version of myself I had visions of who and where I would be by this time.
Oh yes, I would probably be self-assured, successful and of course have buns of steal.
And this measure of success comes from what? I have no idea what 50 means other than half a century, 18,250 days on the planet, 438,000 hours alive?

What? 438,000 hours? That makes me wonder, if I were to take an accounting of how I spent those hours, would I be able to consider myself successful? Have I made good use of those many, many hours?

First I guess we would need to establish what success means. Success at 50 is a different animal than success at 40. By now our kids are getting fairly self-sufficient - we hope. How did I do with my children?

Good question, how did I do with my children? I guess we could ask them - I know that through my 2 decades of being Mom they have taught me how to be a better person; how to show up, why to show up, when to show up. Their training sounded something like this "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...Julie!" Yes, they taught me to show up, bless their sweet little persistent hearts.

The inner realm of 50, my relationships, can I claim success?
In my lifetime I had established myself as the wise friend and consciously or unconsciously fostered dependency on me. As I zoom in on 50 I find an inexplicable willingness to restructure my relationships. When I wove myself in and through my peoples lives and made myself part of their structure I gave two messages.
The first was, "If you need me, and I am a part of your structure, then I must have value." Lovely. The second message was, "I do not trust you to figure your life out for yourself so I will insert myself here so that you do not fall." Double lovely.
Had I known at the time I was emitting these insecure and unfaithful messages would I have done it differently? Of course not, this was my manner of learning.

I find that today, 78 days before I surrender to my fifth decade on the planet I am willing to release those fragile perceptions that I was in control. There is a willingness in my heart to let go, let God. It's a ton of work to manage energy that you have no control over changing! There is a beauty in this surrender I am experiencing, the beauty that life can be a whole lot easier than I had constructed it to be.

So, staring down 50, am I successful? Is there any measure beyond the clarity and peace in my heart that decides this? Not for me. The success I claim is that I continue to be willing to look in to me, rather than out at you to determine if I measure up. Today, I feel that buns of steal or not, I am a success.

I'm Smiling At You!

2009-12-19T08:58:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday morning I left for San Francisco to visit my dear friend Wendy who is in UCSF as a result of a level 4 aneurysm. This was to be my 5th visit and to be honest, my heart was heavy. While my previous 4 visits had not been bad - there had not been any change in her condition in 3 weeks. As I drove my mind wandered through every unresolved area of my life . huh . my self-assessment was not pretty.

Last week was strange, and not so much that I could put my finger on anything other than an overwhelming sense of endings - without the presence of hope for what is yet to come. This is a strange place for me to go mentally and spiritually. Those who know me know that I am the cheerleader - it is rare for me not to be able to spin
light into any given situation but driving to the city that day, I could not spin any light into my own heart.

So I drove and thought and prayed out loud. Out loud, without embarrassment or shame asking for help, praying for that ray of light to shine back in my heart - please before I get to the hospital!

The bridge was busy and a little chaotic, I always feel relieved to stop for a second to hand over my bridge fare. When I stopped and looked to hand over my money I was greeted by the sweetest face. An older Asian man who radiated warmth reached out to take my money and all at once I felt that light shine into my heart - there I was! That is me! With great relief I smiled at him and wished him a Merry Christmas, he had no idea what he had triggered in me, just by being him! He didn't do or say anything profound, he was simply there being himself. He seemed genuinely happy to have received my wish for a Merry Christmas and the circle was complete. I drove away amazed at the power of love.

A couple miles further I get to the tunnel heading to 19th Avenue and that voice, God bless that voice in my head, said to me, "That's all you have to do, is just bring you. Just show up and smile, that is your gift." Why, that is just too easy! Just smile? Just show up? Just show up and smile? I can do that! I get it now! My gift in the world is not what I do, it is who I am, wow.

Someone told me recently that love is not about effort, love is not a task. It is not about what you do or don't do, it simply is. Until that morning at the toll plaza I didn't fully understand how simple and beautiful that is. Just show up and smile. It made me realize that I have been working way to hard! Literally doing tasks that I felt earned me love, where did that come from? And you know, it doesn't matter where it came from. What matters is that I can now let it go.

I arrived at the hospital and was a little sad to see Wendy was still intabated, I had heard that was coming out the day before but no matter, she could open her eyes and obviously recognized me - YAY!!! Shortly after arriving the nurse came in to say they were going to remove the nasty breathing tube that had been in her throat for over 3 weeks! They told me I could come back in 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes later her 2 sisters had arrived with her niece. Wanda and Becki went in first to see Wendy without her tube. Shortly after Wanda came back to the waiting room concerned that Wendy said that she couldn't see her and didn't know her! What?
She wanted me to go in and see what I thought. I thought it was funny she would ask me rather than the nurse or doctor but OK! I walked into the room into Wendy's field of vision and said "Hi Honey! I'm here, it's Julie can you see me?" Guess what I got? The sweetest and most beautiful smile I have ever seen! Followed by tears of joy. My friend is awake, smiling, trying to sit-up, trying to talk. Bless her sweet heart and thank God. My heart soared with joy, with love and with gratitude.

Remember the most important part of your wardrobe, is your smile. I wish you many blessings of joy and love today and all days, and I am smiling at you. ;)

My coffee buddy Wendy

2009-11-28T16:47:00.001-08:00

Last Monday I met my friend Wendy for coffee, much like we have been doing a couple of times a week for the last several weeks.

When I arrived I didn't even notice her sitting in her car a few cars over from me so I started to walk in. When I finally saw her she was trying to get out of her car though something wasn't quite right. She seemed flustered, like she couldn't pick up her purse, or get her jacket on or something. When she finally got out of the car she was distinctly not herself. I asked her if she was OK and she said "No, I'm really not. I've had this headache for the last 2 or 3 days, right here." She pointed to two specific spots on her head, one at the lower right in the back and one a couple of inches higher and toward the front. Her complexion was slightly ashen but her usual good spirit seemed to belie anything serious being wrong. She took a handful of Advil and by the time we parted company she seemed to be only slightly better.

Nine hours later I received a phone call from her sister explaining that Wendy had been down in Alameda having dinner with a friend and suffered what seemed to be a stroke though we have since learned it was an aneurysm. Tuesday morning surgery was performed to provide a drain for the blood in her brain, Wednesday surgery was performed to repair the aneurysm. Forgive me if this is incorrectly stated - this is just what I understood to be happening.

Wednesday afternoon Wendy was responsive, seemed to recognize auditory who was with her and acknowledged our presence. Since then, she has been mostly unresponsive.
Today she has a high fever. There is fear, worry, shock and sadness swirling around our hearts and minds, wrapped up in prayer.

Life can change in a heartbeat. Over the past several days I have been checking and rechecking my thoughts and interactions with important people in my life. Thankful I had given Wendy a hug upon parting - and too, it's not just the interactions with those close to us, it is the manner in which we interact with the world. The generosity with which we share our kindness matters, to everyone.

Thank you for all those who have asked and continue to ask about Wendy and her well being. Thank you for the generosity of your prayers for Wendy and her children Ryan and Anni. Wendy continues to be strong as that is her spirit. I believe the destiny of her soul is unknowable to us, however I hold faith that her destiny includes miracles and total healing and recovery. I believe in you Wendy and I love you my friend.

Riding the waves of transition

2009-11-19T06:34:00.000-08:00

Does this sound familiar? When "xyz happens everything will be alright." Or, "when I get a job, quit a job, get married, get divorced..."the list goes on - and on doesn't it? What's a person to do? We all suffer and lament our lives equally.

I am no stranger to transition, in fact deal with it daily personally and professionally, I wanted to take a minute to acknowledge exactly what's going on during these period of great discomfort.

Somewhere along the line we made a request to God, the Universe, Gaia, fill in the blank. It may have sounded something like this "Dear God, please deliver me from this place of sadness and great despair to a place of happiness and joy. Thank you, amen." We quite possibly have uttered the prayer/request a million times over and over in our heads throughout our days.

Then from out of the blue (yeah right) we discover that marriage is fractured, we lose our job, end an unhealthy relationship and we act all surprised! Like, why is THIS happening? We accept this new information as a validation that life stinks
but WAIT! Isn't it possible that this new information has created the opening for you to be delivered from your place of sadness and great despair? To step up and out of the compost of life, gives us the nourishment we need,the opportunity we requested, to shift and grow!

Practice viewing challenge as opportunity. Consider accepting that you asked for this information to somehow support you in making the decision that will change your circumstances. Accept responsibility for where you are and then accept responsibility for changing where you are. Personal responsibility is ultimate freedom. In our acceptance of our life, as it is, we create space for empowerment to create a higher vibrational existence.

When your next transition begins to stir the pot of your life remember - somewhere you asked for this!

Keep the faith that this situation is not all for nothing. Have faith that this lesson is all for something amazing to transform you and your life.

Now that I hit the wall, what do I do?

2009-11-08T15:32:00.000-08:00

Life brings opportunity for growth in the strangest way. Have you ever ventured to share your truth with the person closest to you, hoping to create an opening for productive conversation only to get smacked in the face with your significant others truth? And horror of horrors, it completely contradicts yours?

Is it possible to be in a long term relationship and really, really not know how your partner feels about you? Apparently, yes it is. This realization creates confusion,
disillusion and that opening you were seeking - but it looks WAY different than you expected doesn't it? I mean, here you're trying to have a heart to heart and what you get back is something more like a litany of everything that is wrong with YOU!

Wow, so you mean that your partner had been holding all these truths within themselves for all these years? Truths that say you are maybe a liar, or maybe manipulative? It boggles the mind to understand one another. We cannot then call our significant other a liar in return can we? After all, it is their truth and as real to them as ours are to us. This is where the question comes up then, now that I hit the wall, what do I do?

If what has been revealed is workable, and the wall can come down of course you owe it to yourselves to honor your history together and give that communication game another try. If what has been revealed dismantles the very foundation of what you believed you built your relationship on then it is time to pause and consider what is in the best interest for all concerned. As I said in my last post, "What are you doing in that relationship?" You may choose to take an evolved stance and understand that perhaps this union has reached the highest level of maturity and it is time to move on. Whatever you choose, take each step with dignity. Trust and know that whatever happens, this new opening brings the opportunity for expansion and greater love for all.

What are you doing in that relationship?

2009-10-30T07:37:00.000-07:00

Do you even know? How long have you been in the place where you feel like you're happy but, what exactly does happy feel like again? Relationships are perhaps my favorite topic as they truly are, what we have in this world. Whether they are blissful, joyful connections or strenuous balancing acts they are the purpose of our desire to incarnate.

With incredible frequency clients have shown up for their readings wanting to know about their relationship - but wait, it's not their marriage or significant other,
no, it's this mysterious person that the Universe dropped onto their path that seems to have sparked something deep within that they had either never known or had forgotten.

I view these as soul connections, deep, ancient, abiding. Have you ever been introduced to someone that magnetizes you inexplicably? And no matter how you try to reason with yourself you cannot get them out of your mind? Even harder still, cannot get them out of your heart? Don't even want to try?

As we continue to evolve as a species we continue to raise the bar. What was good and nourishing has become ripe, perhaps over ripe. Like the apples that are falling from the tree in my yard, I see that the relationship they held and clung to with the tree has quite naturally and amicably come to a close. Could we be as organic as the tree and view our relationships in a similar light?

Monogamy is the ideal for most, but does being in a monogamous relationship guarantee that it will be forever? Is it realistic to expect to grow, expand and evolve in a relationship that was established when all you knew was how to give yourself away? Or before you could articulate the desires of your mature heart?
Tough but reasonable questions.

The introduction to these soul connections creates contrast in our thoughts, hearts and lives. Contrast is the teacher to help us learn what feels better. Is it really OK to feel this good? I believe that so many are receiving this teaching now because it is where the new bar has been set. These lessons do not come at some random period in your life without rhyme or reason, these are new opportunities to define or redefine your destiny. The point here is to choose to feel better, to generously allow yourself to receive. To generously allow yourself to recognize and validate the intuitive information that says this new person has invigorated your soul.

I know what you're thinking and no, I'm not saying compromise your integrity and hop into the sack with this newly found love! I am offering these words as encouragement to view where you are, honestly and without blame or shame. After reviewing, YOU decide if the tree you are cling to still provides you nourishment. Are you being provided nourishment that can feed you and fuel you to the next expanded level of who you are becoming? This contrast is designed to wake you up. If this has appeared in your life then you are indeed being called to re-view your world.

I can hear you saying, but...but...but...what will my family say? What will my friends say? What if it is true that my relationship is over and my destiny includes moving on...what will "they" say? Give the "they's" in your life a little credit.
I remember when I was exiting my first marriage, I was surprised where the support came from. People who know us and love us can see when we are unfulfilled or unhappy. I remember being surprised when someone said to me, "I wondered how long you would last."

Take this opportunity to be honest with yourself. Perhaps the mystery person will point you back into refueling your current relationship! Whatever the result, step out of judgment of yourself and your feelings and allow yourself flow in the direction of positive, life affirming relationships.

Message: Steve/heart attack

2009-10-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

There is a gentleman who's name is Steve showing me that he had a heart attack. It feels like he was either at a sporting event or playing sports - on a field - soccer field. This message is for the "team". You thought he couldn't hear you when he was laying on the field receiving CPR, someone commented, "He's gone", he wants you to know he heard that and all the remarks of your respect for him. Steve was a leader
and lived the example of fair play in all areas of his life. He wants you to remember that you really do not ever know what is going on with someone else so don't take another persons mood personally. Strive for excellence in your word and deed.
It feels like he left 2 small children and a wife that he loved dearly. Thank you for the memorial party, he was pleased especially with the young people who spoke.