Heart that Feels

2026-10-16T04:34:26.765-07:00

Thirty Years, Through My Eyes

He arrived carrying dreams
heavier than his age,
hope loud enough
to silence doubt.

Thirty years on,
he doesn’t rise above cinema
he lives within it
rooted, weathered, grateful.

I hear the fans in his breath,
every cheer pushing him forward
when stopping would have been easier.
Not followers.
Family.

I have seen directors and writers
carving trust into his journey,
placing stories in his hands
and asking him to go further
than yesterday allowed.

I’ve seen producers choosing belief over fear,
turning faith into possibility,
and dreams into release dates.

I’ve seen the media hold up mirrors
sometimes kind, sometimes unforgiving,
always essential.
Growth rarely comes
without being questioned.

For him, Kannada cinema
is not just an industry.
It is home.
Language is pride.
Culture is backbone.

And beyond the lights and lenses
he remains a human first,
a star only later.
Among family and friends,
he does the quiet, difficult work
of keeping fame human.

Then there is this moment
I hold closest.

A message, a phone call.
An open door.
Coffee at home.
No spotlight. No hurry.

He looked at my portfolio
the way mentors should
with patience, not power.

He was busy then,
immersed in another world
Eega spreading its wings
in Telugu skies.
Still, he made space.

Not for himself
but for nobody like me.

He gave me a role
in a friend’s film,
quietly opening a door
without announcing the favor.

Thirty years didn’t teach him fame.
They taught him humility.
He knew that success is borrowed.
That generosity must move forward.

So, this is not applause.
This is gratitude.

For showing up.
For staying grounded.
For carrying cinema
without letting ego carry him.

Thirty years.
Infinite gratitude.

From someone who knows
that sometimes
a simple cup of coffee
can change a life.

Love you, Kichcha Sudeepa.

War in Our Time

2026-03-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

War in Our Time

I see children without homes,
dust where their laughter once lived.
Buildings fall like tired truths,
and the sky carries fire instead of hope.

Missiles write anger across the air,
in a world that already knows
War is not the answer.

Then where are the conversations?
Where are the voices that choose life?
In an age of AI and endless progress,
We return to the oldest failure
Destroying what we cannot control.

Lives reduced to numbers,
pain turned into strategy,
and somewhere, quietly,
War becomes a business.

Leaders pause, watch, and allow.
Power speaks.
The weaker bleed.

But when one nation breaks,
The whole world cracks
Can we not feel it?

Is this what greatness looks like?
A hunger for power that feeds on loss?

Why do we stay silent?
Why do we scroll past suffering?
Why don’t we step out, stand up,
and say; this is wrong.

Because somewhere along the way,
we forgot what it means to be human.

Even animals protect their own.
They know care.
They know balance.

And here we are
with all our intelligence,
still asking…

Who are we?

Candy Fernandes

2025-01-06T01:42:00.000-08:00

Candy

On any day, any time, a gift so sweet,

Candy, my dearest pet, I'd meet.

The best dog in the family, no doubt,

With a heart so full, emotions pour out.

Friendly and warm, to all she'll greet,

Love for kids and guests, complete.

Guarding the home from perils unseen,

Her loyalty, like a shining beam.

Clean and tidy, a regal sight,

In times of pain, she hides it tight.

Bearing the ache with silent grace,

A smile on her face, a gentle embrace.

A blessing to all, she brings delight,

Helping others conquer their fear of the night.

With her, love for dogs will grow,

Her presence a joy, a lovely glow.

Kids come running, hearts alight,

To Candy, their friend, in pure delight.

Her evening strolls, she patiently waits,

For the little ones, her love elates.

My best buddy, a friend for life,

Through thick and thin, no strife.

Candy, you're simply the best,

Forever in my heart, you'll rest.

My Girl - Diana Jasmine Fernandes

2016-09-13T00:38:00.001-07:00

Last week I spent a sun-kissed morning on the extreme point of my country Cape Comorin with my lifelong friend Diana Jasmine Fernandes

We broke our fast, we talked and we walked in the ocean breeze...

But there was one moment in particular, as she pointed to a sign board of history about Kanyakumari, that I realized:

I'm in love with this woman again.

Not only the romantic type of love - that's something only we humans usually do :-)

But rather, the kind of love you feel when you sense a deep vibrational alignment with someone.

You see for years now, Diana has had only loving things to say and think about me...

She jumps out of bed every morning expressing her gratitude for me…

She even picks her movies, music, books and friends based on what they have to say about me!

She is one of those 'Abundant People' who makes it easy for me to lavish her with the best things in life.

So that's exactly what I do.

With all my might, I channel waves of love, abundance, opportunities, success and "lucky" coincidences into Diana’s life...

And I relish every second of it!

I have so much to give!

So before the sun set on that day, I asked her:

How much you love me? And she said with arms open..this much…!

Tears of happiness rolled down my cheek and she didn’t notice..!

2015-07-21T03:59:00.001-07:00

Month’s Mind

Jacky where are you..? There is so much I wish to say, I think about you every day. I miss your laugh, I miss your smile…neither lost nor forgotten....I imagine them often. It just doesn't seem real that you're not around…I still look for you when I'm in my car driving down to my hometown...I can never forget that Saturday evening (20^th June,2015) when I made the last call to you…You and I spoke of life and a few plans for life….oozing out life and confidence. But God had a better plan the very next day early morning. I was late to reach but you were early to reach Him before time…Today I know that you are away for one month and never to return...I still wait for you whenever I get into my room…whenever I take my car out for a drive…Jacky where are you..?

It’s been a month since you are away…! Bless us with love for one day we all will see you above.

Second Angel in heaven

2015-07-21T03:58:00.000-07:00

Second Angel in heaven

You were the best guy in the family

Loving all equally and fighting for every bit of happiness

Now all I do is fighting back my tears.

I wanted to do everything you desired,

Because I wanted you to be hale and hearty

Now I sit here wondering what to do,

Because there's no one to replace you.

I never did tell you all the things I felt,

Like how much I really did love you.

I wish we could go back and start over again.

I don't want to be alone. I need my brother,

I need my friend like brother.

When you think of us while you're up in heaven,

Think of how much you meant to us

It's sad that you left without saying goodbye

You were big brother…eldest Son…loving Uncle

To many, you were best friend

We will always love you no matter how long it’s been,

Since your life came to an end.

Just a month...

Seems like forever....

I've asked myself and I've talked to God.....

How could he take you away so early, just like He did with George; our brother?

The only answer that makes any sense is....

You're in God's hands now...

As he planned

Watching us from above...

Angels in heaven who will always be loved

Bless me with your eyes..!

2015-03-05T05:03:00.002-08:00

Bless me with your eyes
I see life lying there with spice
They inspire me to live life forever
And spread its fragrance everywhere

Bless me with your eyes even more
I see beauty oozing out there
They drive me crazy time and again
Filling in me love and deleting pain

Bless me with your eyes without end
I find there a lovely and spicy friend
I can’t but befriend you for life
If not my being on earth would be strife

Bless me with your eyes showering grace
They have become my mind’s resting place
I’ve found in your eyes beauty with wisdom
Deny not thy care and love Bless my kingdom

Bless me with your eyes
Every time I see them they unravel a surprise

My story is on…!

2014-05-16T06:15:00.002-07:00

My story is on…!

Once upon a time I was alone…

Busy in my world of flowers and stone

My dreams were just dreams without any future in sight

My days were just days, which turned into night

And my wishes were wishes that rarely came true

Excitement was a feeling that I barely knew

One evening I met you at a coffee day…

And the story began and it’s on and I have to say

You came and melted my heart

In a thousand different ways, made my heart beat

Made me feel more loved than I'd ever felt

And I loved the way my life was dealt

I was happier than I'd ever dreamed, in ways many

You are a dream come true in my life’s journey

You were and are a bundle of surprises

Packed with gifts and prizes

The love and understanding you bestow

Is something, I have searched till now

I used wake up because I had to,

I had nothing to look forward to

And I slept because I had to dream a new life

Now that you have woken me up, no strife

I can’t sleep for my dream has come true

And my dream is you…and only you

You are truly God’s package of love, hope and dream

My dream, always and forever in life’s stream

You are the answer to prayers and tears

My angel, the one I have waited for all these years.

It’s a blessing to have you beside me

Through the good and rough sea

I love the way God has written my story

And really happy the story is on…!

I rise up for YOU

2014-04-11T05:08:00.001-07:00

I rise up for YOU

My life has been special after I met you

I love, I fall, and I rise up though I know I will fall again

I need you every moment of my life

So I have decided to rise up every time I fall

I fall because I love you more than anything

I rise up to love you more and more and more than anything

I fall, because I am dependent on this mortal world

I rise up time and again to give you that divine love

You see my love and my falling again and again

See my rising up and the love I have for you

For me life isn’t in falling but in rising up every time I fall

And you are my life and my rising is for you

Every time I fall I rise up just for you

For rising up for you is rising up for life

2014-01-15T06:12:00.001-08:00

YOU and I
I know you remember the day I met you

Wanna feel the feelings I felt that day..?
You just froze me in place the first time I saw you,
You were behind me, almost trying to scare me
You were mine in seconds
My feelings for you are deep and my soul full of many passions

And the sole reason is you
Lot of stories, in my mind about the first moment I met you
My ego was defeated by your smile
And your smile was warm and touched my heart
There is something attractive in your laugh too
It’s contagious and warms every corner of my soul
I felt fully connected after that first meet
You have a grip on me… Even if I try and shake it
You already have a hold on my heart and mind
I loved the voice and it was as resonant as a bass guitar
I feel your voice throughout my heart

Your voice transport me to a different world
It is magical and ever soothing
I had no plan to fall in love before I saw your smile
I tried to hear the thoughts of my mind but my heart overpowered
Loved the way you smiled, walked, and (hardly) talked.
The fragrance of your being engulfed me
I felt the essence of who you are
I wanted more… wanted a yes from you then and there!

But I was afraid, and respect and care for you
I knew everything will be alright because I already had loved you.
Just a month in love and we have so many adventures (simple acts).
Now that I know I need you and you can’t live without me
A new, never-told love story has begun
We aren’t in limbo, afraid of what we feel and what we want
You are my true soul mate.
Everything you are has already changed the way I feel about love
I want to lose myself in your love to find a life
My mind is busy with dreams only of you and I

Committed Friend

2012-02-07T22:47:00.000-08:00

Committed Friend

From the first casual glance

Experienced by a pair of curious eyes

To the best dazzling extra teeth when smiled

Rendered by an angel full of life and spice

I liked you.

From the first quivering chitchat

Painted with the stammering negation with eyes

To the affectionate cellular chat

Shared by the two with unspoken words

I knew you

From the first story of life and love

Shared with confidence and trust

To the intoxicating friendship and love

Ending in the beginning the memorable fall.

I liked you.

Rise and Shine

2011-07-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

RISE and SHINE

I’m gonna Rise and shine
For He wants to rise and shine in me
Let the world know that He is still alive
Yes I’m gonna rise and shine
To make the lame walk,
The deaf listen and dumb talk
To give sight back to the blind
Just like He did and He does
Let the light, light the darkness
For I’m gonna rise and shine
It's been two thousand years
But the story's still the same
To wipeout, there are plenty tears
I’m gonna rise and shine in His name
To heal the sick, raise the dead
And to console the depressed
I’m gonna rise and shine in His name
For through Him this life is mine
Are you ready to rise and shine..?

Love that’s not loved

2011-01-30T22:09:00.000-08:00

Love that’s not loved

You are special, I am special
Yet you treat me casual
Rules and time put me apart
Living life with a broken heart
Memories rekindle the life
Moments that united us alive
We remember and cherish

All that we want to forget
We wanted to be together
But we are far afar
We do or at least we try to
All that we ought not
I am the crazy creature
You can never forget
You are the lovely cherub
I can never ever get

It’s a love that’s not loved
It’s a life that’s not lived

Love that’s not loved

2011-01-20T22:08:00.000-08:00

Love that’s not loved

You are special, I am special
Yet you treat me casual
Rules and time put me apart
Living life with a broken heart
Memories rekindle the life
Moments that united us alive
We remember and cherish
All that we want to forget
We wanted to be together
But we are far afar
We do or at least we try to
All that we ought not
I am the crazy creature
You can never forget
You are the lovely cherub
I can never ever get
It’s a love that’s not loved
It’s a life that’s not lived

Lucky Time

2010-11-22T20:55:00.000-08:00

Lucky Time

I dream and dream a lot

But dream is not my master

I think and think a lot

Yet thoughts aren’t my aim

I have tasted triumph

I am friendly with defeat

Both aren’t strangers to me

No matter how many times I lose

I am ready to start again

No matter how many times I win

Will venture into new things often

The more I go for in life

The more I find outstanding to explore

I feel one life isn’t enough

So why waste time doing nothing

Life gonna take you where you wanna go

Why you go where it takes you

Go in life wherever you wanna go

Be a driver in your life

An Inspirer in others life

Never blame the lucky time

Its never gonna come back again

Never live a life lived yesterday

Live today never adjourn to next day

For today is sure tomorrow may not be there

Unseen Friend Within

2010-10-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

I never felt the presence of love

Till I met you the other day

My mind did feel light with in

...And heart did glow alike

Now there is a bright light

Dispelling the darkness of being

Nothing went right in life

Till I found it in you dear

Nothing will go wrong now

As I wished you would be near

Even if anything goes astray

Your presence would make them stay

I had unique music within

But I felt it once I met you

I did suffer and never felt cured

For your care gave that cure

Meeting you was like

Meeting the unseen God

It never happened before

Would never happen again

Am happy now and complete

For I have seen the unseen…

Road that I traveled

2010-06-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

Road that I traveled

I am proud and happy to today, for what and where I am
For treading the weary road that a very few passed by
It was not my choice, circumstances lead me; I was calm
Had I ignored it seeking comfort like others with sigh
Life would not have been so worthy and rewarding

Loser I was all the times as I traveled aimlessly
All that I liked and ventured into failed successfully
I planed and planed, well planed; nothing got realized
Doomed in life into death like predicament
Yet traveled hoping to see the other end

Did not find all that I desired while I traveled
Never felt satisfied in anything I came across
Now that I have come a long way wandering
I know the road that I had taken has given life
Have no regrets for treading such a tedious strife

Do thy best to get into where and what you want to be
Even if everything on your way goes wrong don’t lose heart
Leave the rest undone, yet go on the way with a sublime hope
It’s not only your actions but even the intentions get blest
For only God compensates for the luck and good we lack

Dreaming eyes

2010-06-09T23:45:00.000-07:00

Dreaming Eyes

See my eyes even if you are in the dark
They say something that I failed to tell
Just sneak a look into them, they lurk
If you fail, it’s nothing but just like hell

Silence is their language, they tell a lot
They say what you can not say to me
Words have gone silent, minds speak not
They seek to know, what you like to be

My eyes reveal the need of you; they shout
Concealed truth they speak out now; twice
Myriad memories buried in there, ooze out
Just craving to see you once, at least once

Mind did fail often to speak and fathom
My eyes have now fired up to dream
When they look into you, they bloom
They lead me now, don’t ignore them,

How long will you elude them, they bargain
Speak to them before they become silent again

Waiting at the window of life

2010-06-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

Waiting at the window of life

Waiting for the time that never passed
Looking for someone who never passed by
Thinking of cosy life that I never lived
Wasting energy that was never used
Loving someone whom I never met
I still wait and dream near the window
Wanting to live life in the best way possible

Life was never like my imagination
Yet dreams never were strangers to me
Dwelling in my mind, rejuvenating myself
It’s for dreams that I still live happily
They might not see the light of the day
But they never ever betrayed me
So I still wait near the window of life
Dreaming my life all over again
All over again to live life to the full

Pain of Missing

2010-03-16T00:12:00.000-07:00

Pain of Missing

A broken heart can be broken again
I never thought so but you have proved me wrong
Now that I am wounded and broken
I fear to mend my heart and make it whole
For I can not forget thee
And you will surely break it again
It seems good and desirable things are beyond my reach
I am in a situation no lover would love to find in
Breaking, hurting, forgetting
Nothing can make my love decrease
Even if you go on your way
I will be on the way of love, for its true
The pain I feel in missing you
Is the joy that my heart has found…
Even if rivers of tears keep a steady flow
There isn’t stop for love…
A love, that took root just for you
I know no one else is there to know
It’s you, you who I want to know.
You who I want to see…I want to love
All of what I think and feel, it’s you I want here with me.
Belief in God has grown weak, but still I pray.
That some how some day, some moment
You’ll be back in my life at least for a event
And I’ll never let you go...yet you would go
For you have a world to live for and care for
But for me you are the world, that I die for

Will you never pass by…?

2010-01-07T05:08:00.000-08:00

Will you never pass by…?

The rare road that I have taken is a lovely one
The plants that I would grow on my way along
Are being germinated by hope and patience ton
Fragrances that the flowers ooze out all daylong
Are the sweet moments lost in life’s bargain
I am walking…I am on the road to find you again
Will you never pass by again…?

I know my honorable hope would never betray

My passionate patience will yield fashioned fruits
Won’t you ever mind me going astray..?
Pass again by the way…rediscover the roots
Before my fervent fervor falters by falling
On the rotten road of my life still walking
Will you never pass by again...?

Still walking…

2010-01-07T05:06:00.000-08:00

I am walking by the lane of life
Hoping to find someone like you
Life hasn’t been easy after you left
I am left with loneliness and soreness
I’ve lost someone who taught me love
And who used to Harness me with life

So I am still walking just to find you again
Though hurt, hurt time and again
I am a man of hope…walking with hope
I found you when I never expected
I lost you even when I never imagined
Am still walking…why I can’t find you again..!
I would never stop walking this walk
Even if I do not find you or anyone
There is some sweet pain in waiting
There isn’t gain in hoping…yet I walk
Just walking has become my pleasure
For I walk just for you
Just to find you again my love
Just find my life again
I am still walking…!

Why deny me a chance...?

2009-11-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

Why deny me a Chance…?

It isn’t fair, if you deny me a Chance….
A chance to relive, a chance to turn back time
A chance to change a single slice of my past
A chance to have a moment with you
A moment that I could hold it close forever,
A moment that would always last
Why deny me a chance then…?

I would die to live it, I would do it in your favor
Just a moment, then I would go on my own crazy way
For you are not destined to be mine,
Even you wouldn’t stay
But God would not deny me that moment
A moment in your life, a moment to be thine.
Why deny me a chance then…?

It isn’t fair, for you to go ahead in life
Without honoring my request
In my heart I'm building a little library,
With your words, words that made me
The words that you used to greet me
Would you just let them die away..?
Why deny me a chance then…?

I would die one day as you think
You memories would see no death
Why would you let me go without..?
My little library would remind me of you
Here or there…I'll never ever forget you
No one would want to lose such a soul
Why deny me a chance then…?

My life is back...

2009-09-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

My life is back ….

I thank the world for waiting for me
My days of sadness have passed away

I have somehow rediscovered myself
My days of goodness will be found

Perhaps only in my friends
Friends whom I had forgotten for a while
I thank from my heart for waiting for me

Now that the life is at hand
Will I not seize the day, make my mark?
I would not stand and wait to be seen
Rather would do what needs to be done
Would love to take my life for a ride
Go and get and take what I need
Grasp the urge and make life mine

The time is now; I have to live my life
I hesitated to take the chance
Rather dwelt on the same old attachment
I regretted from the moment I expected
I forgot that I had one life to live, many to love
I didn’t make it count and ignored many
Hesitating again and again, to feel alive

A self-invented self-portrait cheated on me
And failed to please neither God nor me
For I forgot to love myself and revere
I let someone else do what belonged to me
Allowed the world to think for me
Never heeded my inspiration from life
Killed every moment that came along for change

I swam in the ocean of false hope.
Swam in the ocean of repeated failure
I swam in the ocean of tears, in futile effort
I will let the music play on and on
I need to dance and sing and scream
Happiness is my way, so I can dance
And live my dream for I am alive again

Wedding Poem

2009-09-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

Life has never been that terrific
Until I met you my dear Mesmerick
My heart beat was stolen by your look, mesmeric
Now it beats tick...tick…a melodious music
I fell for your smile so aesthetic

It was just a personification of my feelings
Your sweet words expressed my dreams
What else I need, I could not but fell in love
It’s the day of my life, a day of union
More of life will come than I can hold

A flood no mortal witness can withstand.
Our love will grow young as we grow old.
It’s the day of my life: I am happy to say I Do
As you hold me you will hear my heart sing I love you