Heart to Heart Communication

How to be Emotionally Intelligent -Part 1

2008-03-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

For the next several postings, I will be sharing my thoughts and information on the subject of emotional intelligence. I have been fascinated by the concept and in my exploration of the meaning, application and the positive difference it makes when incorporated into ones philosophy and way of life, I've discovered some insights that are enlightening.

In this segment, I will only introduce the concept and will venture into more details as the series continues. I was first introduced to the concept of emotional intelligence by someone I met while we both were participating in an instructional training program for teaching negotiation at the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He had chosen the subject of emotional intelligence as the focus of his dissertation for the completion of his doctoral studies.

At times between lectures and at lunch, we would discuss his journey into his research, understanding and application of this concept that when personally applied can positively transform ones self-awareness and relationships. As a life-long student of relationship improvement ideas, techniques and skills, I was hooked. I have since read much on the subject including one of the best books available, "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Coleman.

What is emotional intelligence about? It is about mastering the art of managing the emotional aspects of relationships in such ways as to achieve positive outcomes. It includes relationships of all kinds such as intimate, family, social, professional and business. It starts with developing ones own awareness and management of self. It then leads to the development of skills that will allow one to gain an insight and awareness of the emotions that influence the behaviors of others and how to manage those emotions to improve relationships, engender cooperation and enhance productivity.

I invite you to take this journey with me that I promise will lead to the destination of a better understanding of yourself and others and improvements in all your relationships.

Welcome Back!

2008-03-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to the Heart to Heart Communication blog. My sabbatical has ended and I intend to resume regular postings. A year has certainly gone by very quickly and I hope for you that it was a very successful one.

I will start by introducing a series on one of my favorite subjects - "Emotional Intelligence".

The first posting on the series will be on March 25. I trust you will find it as fascinating as I do.

Yours for a successful 2008 - Lester Rennard

Sabbatical

2007-01-29T22:04:00.000-08:00

Please take notice that I will be taking a sabbatical from this blog from February 2007 to February 2008. I will resume sometime in March 2008. This is a long sabbatical but a year will go by very quickly.

I trust that all readers will have a very successful year. I'll see you in 2008!

Lester Rennard

The Benefits And Value Of Spirituality

2007-01-22T11:23:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

As the business of living becomes more complex, uncertain and unpredictable, there is an increasing interest being shown in the benefits of pursuing and adopting spiritual values. Even among those who do not profess a commitment to any particular religious way of life, many are beginning to investigate the benefits of spirituality.

The threat posed by global terrorism, global warming, uncertain economic conditions, dwindling natural resources, population explosion among the poor, civil unrest, war, diseases, atrocities and other problems for which there are very few solutions, creates a state of insecurity that reminds us that we are humanly incapable of solving the problems of our present world without some form of supernatural intervention. It has become obvious that if these conditions continue the way they are without any change, we may end up destroying ourselves by our failure to take care of the health of this planet we call home.

Feeling helpless and vulnerable, many people who otherwise would give no credence to spirituality are coming to grips with the need for a power greater than themselves. They are looking for peace and a sense of security in knowing that the Creator and Designer of this planet has not abandoned us to our own self-destructive ways. By pursuing a spiritual path, one may develop confidence in knowing that the God of the universe is actively engaged in the affairs of our lives. This confidence produces hope and hope removes the paralyzing fear that steals our joy and robs us of that inner peace that is so essential for our sense of being.

When we build our lives on a solid foundation to include an acknowledgment of the reality of the spiritual dimension, we reserve for ourselves the benefit of obtaining direction for our lives. If we are truly honest with ourselves, we must admit that deep down within us is a 'spiritual vacuum' that can not be filled with anything other than that which connects us with God. We may acquire all the material things our hearts desire and have access to all the pleasures around us, but will always end up feeling empty, unfulfilled and alone if we neglect to address the spiritual vacuum within us.

Another important value of engaging ourselves spiritually is that it helps to remove us from our natural self-centered way of life. We are naturally inclined to thinking only of ourselves and to make our self-interest the center of just about everything we do. When we engage ourselves spiritually, we are able to see the bigger picture and to recognize that it is indeed bigger than 'me'. We are enlightened to see ourselves, individually, as a very minute but nonetheless significant part of the great cosmos in which we each have a purpose for being. We are endowed with resources of talents, gifts and uniqueness that are designed to be employed for the advancement and blessing of humanity and not just for personal gain and accomplishments.

To the extent that we engage ourselves in serving the great cause of humanity and endeavoring to leaving the world a better place than we found it, is the extent to which we find true fulfillment and joy in living. It is only as we subscribe to the practice of thinking and doing beyond ourselves, influenced by connecting to our spiritual Source, that we will understand the value of this philosophical and practical way of conducting the affairs of our lives.

How to Cope With The Negative Forces Around You

2007-01-14T23:52:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

If you live in the real world, as I believe you do, you are constantly bombarded by negative forces in the form of circumstances, individuals and even your own conscious and subconscious thoughts that seek to rob you of your sense of peace, hope and security. You may be a very positive person by nature but if you continue to expose yourself long enough to the onslaught of these negative forces, you may find sooner than later that you yourself may become infected by this deadly virus and start becoming a carrier.

It is a truism that misery likes company and those who are missionaries of everything that is negative take delight in infecting everyone around them who allow themselves to be swept away by their specious and well crafted venom. Since they do not have any appetite for anything positive, those who engage themselves in such attitudes are constantly on the prowl in search of new victims to infect with their deadly poison. Like wolves in sheep's clothing, these individuals may be found with their traps set at the water cooler on the job, in the locker room at the gym, at the other end of the telephone, in the pew next to you at your place of worship and even behind the closed door of that sanctuary you call home.

As difficult as it may be when you might be the kind of person who tries to avoid hurting someone else's feelings, it is imperative, to save yourself from becoming a victim, that you stop the negative person in his or her track when their radar is trained on you. Like the serpent in Eden that deceived Eve, those who are purveyors of negativity such as the ones who delight in assassinating the characters of others in an effort to undermine, are usually crafty in their approach. They will use winsome charm and charisma to disarm you and to make you think that they have arrived to cater to your interest and wellbeing. Their next move when you have bitten on their bait is to work at desensitizing you to their true intent and when you have finally relaxed your guard, they will slowly but surely introduce their venom into your system while you remain pervious to its deadly effect.

Be kind but firm in your resolve to put such individuals on notice that you will not allow yourself to become a receptor of that which they are offering. Explain the fact that you have chosen to dwell on those things that are positive and of good report. Demonstrate your right not to listen to that which is not uplifting or ennobling. Do your diligence to appeal to something more virtuous in such individuals and direct their attention to a higher value. By taking this approach, you may not become popular but you will retain your sense of peace, joy and self-respect.

If the negative bombardments you face are in the form of the circumstances and vicissitudes of your life, an effective way of coping while retaining your joy and peace is to seek for ways to transform these circumstances into that which can be to your benefit. While it is easier said than done, we may all learn valuable lessons from the negative circumstances of our lives if we alter our attitudes and expectations and seek to discover these moments of learning among the rubble that our lives may appear to be. As the saying goes, when life hands you a lemon you can always choose to turn it into lemonade - and who does not enjoy a refreshing drink of lemonade!

The Greatest Gift A Boy Desires From His Father

2007-01-08T21:05:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

What boy growing up with a loving, caring, dependable and responsible dad does not want to grow up to be just like his dad? For such a lad, dad is the symbol of strength and security and the one who can do anything and can do no wrong. In fact, this perception of dad also influences the youngster's perception of God since dad is his 'father on earth' and God is his 'Father in Heaven'.

For the dad who is unknown, absent or who exists in name only, the experience for a young boy without the positive influence of a father can be disconcerting. A boy has a natural desire to speak proudly of his dad. He wants his peers to know that his dad is better than their dads, makes more money than their dads, can do anything better than their dads and can even fight with their dads and win. When others are boasting about their dads and he does not have one to brag about, this experience is crushing for a young boy.

A boy growing up with his father gets his lessons on what it means to be a man from his dad. Whatever example his father models before him will have far reaching implications for what he becomes as a man. His sense of identity is carved from what he perceives of his dad and during the formative years of his life when he is very impressionable, a boy learns to absorb the lessons of manhood that his father models before him.

If the experience with his father is positive and uplifting, a lad will have a solid foundation upon which to build his life and identity as a man. The love, respect and caring attitude that he observes displayed toward his mother will establish a positive frame of reference for him in later years in his relationships with women and eventually how he treats the one female that he chooses as his life's partner. If a father is uncaring, irresponsible, abusive and disloyal, he is actually reinforcing within the impressionable subconsciousness of his son that to be a man, these are the qualities he must adopt.

A boy who grows up in a home where his father abandons the family or is an absentee dad will have a difficult time relating positively to God as a caring Father as he grows up to become an adult. Without the role model of a father, he is predisposed to growing up and becoming himself an absentee father who may abandon his own offspring. He may only be spared from continuing the cycle of his own childhood experience by intentionally making choices to not repeat the sins of his father.

With the influences that a dad has on his son so crucial for how he may turn out to be as an adult male, it is imperative that a father be consciously mindful of his own example that he models before his boy. Since a boy looks to his father as the source for his identity as a man, the greatest gift that he desires from his father is for him to model by example what it means to be a strong, compassionate and responsible man; a caring, dependable and available father and a loving, kind and faithful husband.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T21:31:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

No doubt you have heard these words, 'Happy New Year!' many times over since the stroke of midnight for most or at sunset Sunday evening for a few others. To all those who regularly read these postings and those who occasionally stumble across it, I wish you a successful and prosperous 2007 as you venture out in faith to accomplish your goals and purpose.

For those for whom 2006 was extremely challenging, I encourage you to learn the valuable lessons it brought and without lingering too long to dwell on all the negative experiences that tried your souls, move on to greater heights of victories and success as you move forward with each new day of 2007. Sure, there will be challenges to encounter and victories to win but they are part of the ingredients of which life is made and should be confronted with grace.

With a positive attitude, wise planning, good opportunities, right choices, action and perseverance , there is every prospect that your plans will be successful. I expect this year to be the best ever. I trust that you too may share this sentiment.

The Greatest Gift A Girl Desires From Her Mother

2006-12-24T20:58:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

If the greatest gift a girl desires from her father is the gift of modeling to her the image and qualities of what constitutes positive maleness and what she should expect in her future relationship with the opposite sex, what then is the greatest gift that she desires of her mother?

Especially during the teen years, the relationship between mother and daughter in many families is sometimes a very difficult one. In having a discussion with one such teen, I was amused as to how she summed up her difficult relationship with her mother in their single parent all female household, "There is just too much estrogen in this house!" How could one realistically dispute her claim when most of the conflicts they experience are usually surrounding issues of unreconciled emotions?

Despite the tensions however that may sometimes exist between mother and daughter, the experience of an overall positive relationship between the two is a blessing for any girl desiring to learn the lessons of womanhood. A girl's concept of femininity can be greatly influenced by the way her mother models such qualities and of which she makes herself an example. Many little girls in their formative years will imitate their mothers and role play the qualities and things they see them do.

A knowledgeable and wise mother will ensure that her own dispositions, actions and qualities will be of a standard that may have positive implications for her daughter. She will be intentional in her modeling of the qualities of what it means to be a woman of grace and virtue. She will demonstrate caring attitudes, self-respect, confidence, fidelity and the value of honesty and truth as vital parts of the foundation upon which she should build her life.

A girl's concept of the role of women in the home and society may also be greatly influenced by her mother's attitude towards such role. Before the advent of the electronic media and the availability of those slick advertising messages targeted toward them, girls would develop most of their female role concepts from their environmental exposure to the significant females in their lives. If their female role models had unhealthy concepts of their own roles and subjected themselves to unhealthy relationships with men, they would most likely be confused about their own roles and expectations in any male-female relationship.

The greatest gift therefore that a mother may give to her daughter is the gift of modeling before her what it means to be a woman of value and virtue. She will help her daughter to understand the roles of a mother and a wife and instill within her the idea that true beauty is not just physical but more so the essence that flows from an unyielding character. By her attitude toward the relationship with her husband, a mother will also be influencing her daughter's attitude toward her own potential future mate. With this reality in mind, it is therefore incumbent upon mothers to ensure that their daughters receive the best modeling from their own examples and dispositions.

The Greatest Gift A Boy Desires From His Mother

2006-12-18T10:37:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

We have previously noted that there is a special relationship between a girl and her father that has great impact and influence on how she may relate with and her expectations of men. There is also a special relationship between a mother and son that may indeed influence his perception of women and his eventual choice of a life companion.

For the record, I must state, at this juncture, that it is not absolute that children who grow up to be adults are destined to be influenced in their perceptions and choice of companionship by the relationships and perceptions they have with and of their own parents. There are children who grow up in very dysfunctional homes in which they witness and may themselves be subjects of abuse and yet make the deliberate choice to establish relationships that are opposite to what they experienced. There are also children who grow up in homes that are relatively healthy and functional where they experienced love and acceptance and yet go off into making relationship choices that mirror the very opposite to what they were exposed. What is true is that one is predisposed to replicating in his or her own life choices the experiences they saw modeled in their parents as children. An abused child is predisposed to becoming an abuser itself, since the experience of abuse is its frame of reference.

That being said, we will move on. Without much conscious thought, men are subconsciously attracted to women who are like their mothers. After all, his mother is the first female with whom a boy had to relate. She is the one that gave birth to and nurtured him, and the one female with whom he spent the most formative years of his life. His perceptions of women will be influenced by what she modeled before him. His expectations of a wife in later years will be influenced by how he observed she treated his father. The way she did things as a woman is the way he will subconsciously be expecting that other women will do those same things.

With this knowledge therefore, a mother can offer the greatest gift to her son in properly modeling before him the ingredients that constitute a woman of value. She will impress on him the importance of virtue, self-respect and fidelity as hallmarks of the ideal woman and she will do so by her example moreso than by just words. She will help him to learn to look beyond just the external to focus on the true character of any girl or woman he may be considering for friendship and relationship and not be carried away by the physical appearance of attractiveness alone.

By her devotion to the welfare of her family, she will be instructing him on what to look for when exploring for caring qualities in any female. By her refusal to entertain gossip when approached by other women, she will be modeling to him how to distinguish between a woman who minds her own business and one who is a busybody. Her affectionate and kindly concern and commitment to the relationship with his dad will reinforce in him the nature and disposition of a life partner and what he should expect in the woman with whom he may have as a wife in later years.

This is the greatest gift that a boy desires from his mother - to model what it is to be a true woman, mother and wife. By giving him this gift, she will positively influence his perception and respect for women and the destiny he'll create for himself and his future family in his choice of a life partner to complement him as his equal.

The Greatest Gift A Girl Desires From Her Father

2006-12-08T14:16:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

It is believed that the relationship that exists between a father and a daughter has the power to influence the type and quality of relationship she will pursue when she's ready to choose a life's partner in the opposite sex. If this relationship is healthy and positive and serves to meet her emotional needs for affection, affirmation, support and trust, she is placed in a better position to later choose someone who possesses those same traits. If her relationship with her dad is one that is unhealthy, negative and speaks of abuse, she will likely be set up to attract men with abusive tendencies.

If the above claim is true, it behooves fathers to consider seriously the kind of relationship they have with their daughters and to give them a better chance of success in their later relationships with men, provide the best and most positive bonding relationships and memories for them. It is no doubt that father-daughter relationships are very special to a girl as she grows and matures and seeks to find her place in an increasingly cold and harsh world. Her perceptions of men will be influenced by her own experiences with her dad.

If a girl finds her dad to be affectionate and accepting of her and gives her positive attention, she will develop the attitude and expectation of not settling for anything less than positive attention from other males. She will not feel the need to cheapen and barter away her self-esteem and dignity to get the attention of men. The affirmation she is used to receiving from her dad will establish her personal value and whenever anyone else comes along with cheap words and ulterior motives in trying to get her attention for his own self-serving purposes, she will recognize him for what he really is and choose to avoid him.

A girl's level of trust in regard to her dealing with men will also be influenced by how much she was able to trust her dad. If he is trustworthy and dependable, she will seek for those qualities in the men that seek her attention and whenever they are absent, she will not be deceived by any smooth talk. If her experience were one in which she could not trust her dad, she would be confused as to how to trust other men. She may either become too naive and trusting of the wrong types of men thus making herself vulnerable and subject to be used and abused or she may develop the attitude of having zero trust in men in general which sets her up for perpetrating dysfunctional relationships.

The attitude her father has towards and the way he treats her mother, will have far reaching implications for a girl and her expectations of the type of attitude and treatment to expect of a future husband. If he consistently demonstrates love and caring attitudes toward her mother, she will evaluate men on the basis of how loving and caring they are toward her and will not be easily fooled by pretenders. If on the other hand, she is used to seeing her father showing less than tender regard for her mother, she may have difficulty knowing what to expect and how to evaluate men for the positive qualities of love and care that are so vital for any meaningful longterm relationship.

The greatest gift therefore, that a girl desires from her father is the gift of modeling to her the image and qualities of what constitutes positive maleness. He will best accomplish this by the positive healthy relationship of love, acceptance, affection and affirmation that he showers upon her and the love and caring attitudes he demonstrates toward her mother. A father who seeks to offer this greatest of all desirable gifts to his daughter will be helping to build her sense of security, self-worth, self-confidence and trust that will pay dividends, far above anything material, in any future relationship in which she may engage herself with the opposite sex. It will also reinforce within her a better appreciation for the spiritual relationship her heavenly Father wishes to offer and establish with her.

The Greatest Gift A Husband Desires From His Wife

2006-12-03T21:24:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

In the previous posting, we established that the greatest gift a wife desires from her husband is to be loved and cherished as the most important individual in his life. In this posting, I would like to suggest what I believe to be the greatest gift a husband desires from his wife and it might not be what some might think it is.

One reason for some of the difficulties and misunderstandings that couples experience in their relationships is that their greatest needs are not all the same. Compounding the problem is the fact that each sex tends to use his/her own natural framework of needs to assume and conclude what he/she considers to be the needs of the other. On one hand, a wife might find it difficult to understand why her husband 'can't get it' when it is so very clear to her. On the other hand, a husband may question the alertness of his wife when she just can't seem to understand what is so clearly logical to him.

A man may enjoy the good meals prepared by his wife especially when it has that special touch signifying that it was prepared with love. Even though it is often said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, yet that is not the greatest gift that a husband may desire from his wife. He may enjoy the bliss of having his physical and emotional needs satisfied but this may never substitute for the satisfaction of that need that outshines all others.

The greatest gift that a husband desires from his wife is the peace and satisfaction of knowing that he is respected, admired, appreciated and valued for whom he is and the contribution he makes to the family. A man may work assiduously to provide for his wife and family. He may be recognized as a hero in the eyes of society and have acquired the best of things for his family, but will generally be most pleased when he knows that he is respected and valued by his wife and family.

When invested with this gift by his wife, a man will move mountains to provide for her and will be inspired to love and cherish her while keeping her close to his heart always. He will prove to be truth the observation that it is in giving that one truly receives. By giving the gift of love and cherishing his wife, a husband receives in return the respect, admiration and appreciation of his wife. This inspires him to give more and the reciprocal cycle becomes self-perpetuated.

A wife will best demonstrate this gift to her husband by accepting the imperfection of his humanity. She will choose to be encouraging and affirming when the vicissitudes of life strike a hard bargain and will just be as supportive when the chips are down as in times when they may be soaring as eagles. She will be careful to never do anything by word or action that may seem to emasculate him or to diminish his manhood even when he himself knows that he may not be operating on all cylinders at a moment in time. In all her endeavors, she will take pleasure in preserving for him this greatest of gifts that he desires, even at times when he might be most undeserving.

The Greatest Gift A Wife Desires From Her Husband

2006-11-26T23:02:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

As we approach the season that is traditionally seen as a time for giving, I will devote this and the next several posts to a series of topics that will focus attention on 'The Greatest Gift ...'.

What is the greatest gift that a wife desires from her husband? Is it a big house, elegantly furnished and in the best and most affluent neighborhood? Is it regular vacations to the most romantic and exotic places on this planet? Could it be to have access to a bank account where she has no set limit on spending? Or, is it something less tangible but yet much more satisfying and enduring than anything material?

While I will not diminish the significance of the above to many women, I do believe that for most women, the greatest gift that they desire from their husbands does not have a price tag and can not be appraised in terms of material possessions. Without having this particular gift from their husbands, most wives will generally count all the finest material gifts as useless to them.

The greatest gift above all else that a wife desires from her husband is the joy of knowing that he loves and cherishes her as the most important person in his life and she means all the world to him. If she has to choose between the most expensive house on the block and to know that she is genuinely loved and cherished, the normal woman will, without reservation, choose the latter.
She will also choose to forgo the luxuries of life if it means choosing between such luxuries and her husband's affections.

A wife derives her pleasure, joy and sense of meaning and purpose, as a wife, from knowing that she is the pride and joy of her husband and wherever his business and tasks may take him, his heart will always be at home with her. She may be the best mother, excel in her career and contribution to society but all her accomplishments will never substitute for the comfort she finds in knowing that she has a permanent place of residence in the heart of her husband.

If you are a husband reading these words and considering a gift to give your wife for this season of giving, why not choose to give her the greatest gift she desires and as a bonus, offer her the other material things that may make her life more comfortable and manageable? In demonstrating that you sincerely love and cherish her, you will need to give of yourself, make yourself available and accessible and by word and action give evidence that she is indeed the human desire of your heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-20T09:18:00.000-08:00

For those readers celebrating Thanksgiving in the United States, here's a poem of my own creation that I trust you may enjoy. It is an ode to America and was composed back in 1985.

THANKSGIVING - An Ode to America!

by Lester Rennard

For such a great continent enslaved by Freedom - We give Thee Thanks,
For a land abounding with rich and vast resources - We give thanks
For an endless overflowing basket filled with grains of timely harvest - We give Thee thanks.

We give Thee thanks for the beauty of Autumn's mystery and message,
We give thanks for the snowcapped mountains and the pleasures of each white Christmas
We give Thee thanks for new life in Spring and the leisure of many sunny days.

For a united destiny that bonds and preserves amidst our diversity - We give Thee thanks,
For a nation of every nation but called by one name - We give thanks

For a people driven by the bond of humane love that shares its bounties and freedom with both friend and foe - We give thanks.

We give Thee thanks oh great Almighty, Sustainer and Protector of the Star Spangled Banner
We give thanks for Thanksgiving, for peace and limitless prosperity and greatness,

For America, the first breath of freedom for many, and the dream of a mecca of hope and prosperity for multitudes of other lands - We give thanks.

For a land bewitched with myriads of Blessings -We give Thee thanks oh God!

Copyright (c) 1985 by Lester Rennard

You Are What You Think

2006-11-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

by Lester Rennard

Are you aware that regardless of what others think about you, it does not really matter, because, at the end of the day, you are what you think? The person you truly believe you are, you are. You are best acquainted with the person you are and therefore are better able, under normal circumstances, to substantiate your own identity.

Before you dismiss this as another case of psychological mumbo jumbo, I would like to suggest that you look beyond the statement and consider the deep implication of its message. The truth is, as individuals, we are limited by the limitations, real or imagined, that we place on ourselves. If one believes that he or she will amount to nothing in life, that individual will have no desire to better their conditions or improve on their skills and thus fail to accomplish anything meaningful.

There is a popular saying that tells us that our attitude determines our altitude. We are motivated by the content of our subconscious thoughts and conditioning. Whatever is deeply embedded in our subconscious mind that we believe forms the basis of our internal influence and ultimately what we believe about ourselves. That which we believe then influences our action and determines our destiny. It was the wise King Solomon who reminded us that as one thinks in his heart, so is he.

Our output is the sum total of our input. In computer language - garbage in, garbage out. Whatever we focus on, we become like. By beholding, we become changed into the likeness of that which we are beholding. We can never rise higher than the bar we set above our heads. We are ultimately handicapped by the limitations we place on ourselves and the worst handicaps are not physical but those psychological handicaps formed by our beliefs.

There are many people who suffer devastating physical handicaps but yet are not truly handicapped. Some of the world's most influential and greatest composers, artists, speakers and creative giants whose works and positive contributions to their times have immortalized them, have been or are people with physical handicaps. They have learned the secret that their physical conditions do not have the power to ultimately determine how far they may travel or how high they might rise.

They have truly grasped the knowledge that what determines who they are and who they can become is the content of what they believe and not the limitations of their physical handicaps. They refuse to let their dreams and visions of who they are and what they can become be handicapped by their physical limitations. They dream their dreams, set their goals, develop their tactical strategies, set wings to their visions, engage their faith, spread their wings, set their flaps and at the moment of receiving clearance to take-off, they move with speed and precision down the runway, take off with grace and soar higher than an eagle.

There are others who have all their physical components all intact and yet are completely paralyzed by the sickened contents of their own belief systems. They are rendered helpless because they are held hostage and are being enslaved by their own self-imposed limitations. They are ignorant of the fact that God in His wisdom did not create and program us to have our destinies determined by our physical conditions and limitations.

They fail to understand that since we are made in the image of our Creator, we were made to be creators ourselves; creators of our dreams and destinies as we choose to behold Him and to reflect His image within the mirrors of our souls. Every dream or vision begins in the inner recesses of the mind and everything that is or can ever be created must first take shape and form within the mind that is not limited by the state of the body, before it can be transformed into its physical equivalence.

Wherever we are in our lives, whatever we become, whatever limitations we face, despite our physical conditions and limitations, as long as we are in healthy control of our mental faculties, we determine our outcome and destinies by what we believe and the limitations those beliefs impose on us. As true as the knowledge that the sun will rise tomorrow, you are what you think.

Copyright (c) 2006 by Lester Rennard

13 Tips For Managing Conflict at Your Workplace

2006-11-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

By Lester Rennard

Wherever individuals co-exist and seek to share a common purpose and pursue a common goal, there's bound to be conflict. Such conflict is natural since we all are different, think differently and have different perceptions while facing similar challenges. The goal is not to waste valuable energy in trying to avoid such inevitable conflict but to be proactive in finding ways to manage conflicts.

If you own or manage a business with employees and do not have a system for conflict management, you may be in for a troubled ride when it comes to dealing with conflict in your workplace. Here are some tips for addressing the issue of conflict management:

1. Anticipate conflict before it happens
2. Take a proactive approach in developing a system for conflict management
3. Get all stakeholders involved at the initial planning and design phase of the proposal
4. Provide for conflicts to be resolved beginning at the lowest level of the workplace
5. Provide training resources and opportunities for supervisors and managers at all levels in conflict resolution skills
6. Encourage employees to use the system in place to resolve conflicts they are unable to resolve on a one to one basis
7. Provide incentives for early resolution of conflicts before they turn into disputes
8. Make provisions in the conflict management system for incorporating not only internal conflicts relating to employees and management but also those conflicts involving customers and suppliers
9. Promote the availability of the conflict management system throughout the workplace
10. Introduce the system to every new employee and make it a requirement as the official system for resolving workplace conflicts
11. Make provisions within the system for conflicts that can not be resolved internally to be referred to external conflict resolution professionals such as mediators
12. Design your conflict management system to be dynamic and always evolving rather than remaining static
13. Keep track of its usage and effectiveness in accomplishing its intended purpose and solicit evaluation from all those who use the system for consideration in making improvements.

I trust this might inspire you to consider or suggest the creation of a conflict management system if one does not currently exist at your workplace.

How to Resolve Parent-Teen Transition Conflict

2006-10-30T22:38:00.000-08:00

By Lester Rennard

For many parents, the teen years of their children's lives are a period most fraught with the worst of misunderstanding, miscommunication, misjudgment and conflict. It is a delicate period in which their children who once were adorable angels suddenly seem to be transforming themselves into monsters that the parents can not easily recognize. They tend to be touchy, defensive, rebellious and defiant of the parental authority they once obeyed.

Not only are the parents seeing their teens transforming in characters with much to be desired, but the teens, themselves, are also perceiving their parents in a different light. For many teens who are having difficulty managing their transition from childhood to adulthood, their parents are now being perceived as mean, controlling ogres and ogresses who are on a mission to obliterate the words 'fun' and 'independence' out of their vocabulary and experience.

During this period of growth and transition, teens are desiring to separate themselves from the psychological umbilical cord that still connects them to their parents in search of their own identity and independence. This adventure reorients their interest, attention and sense of loyalty from the family unit to their peers on the outside. While in this state, they struggle with a discomfiting paradox - the need for their parents for their sustenance and the need to detach themselves from their parents to develop their own independence.

While this conflict is brewing in the minds of their teens, parents sense the transformation and the drift and those who do not understand or are unprepared for this sudden phenomenon, react with an application of more control to bring their faltering child back in line. The teen senses this added control as an effort to foil its natural need and desire for independence. At this juncture where the exertion of parental control converges with the teen's efforts to establishing its own independence, the natural result is conflict that can easily descend into open hostility or an unholy mayhem if not properly handled.

To avoid a breakdown in the relationship between parents and teens at this critical period of transition, it is important for both parties to understand the dynamics of the transition itself and their need for mutual adjustment in their perceptions and expectations. On one hand, parents need to understand the natural changes taking place in their teens and rather than perceiving these changes as threatening and thus reacting with more control, they should accept them as a normal process of growth and development and adjust their own expectations and parenting methods to accommodate the process.

On the other hand, teens need to also seek to understand the impact that their transition and the paradox it creates are having on their parents. They should seek to establish a better level of open communication with their parents and help them to understand their new need for independence and self-identity. They may best serve their own interest by learning to negotiate win-win solutions and demonstrate through reassurance and conduct that they truly deserve the accommodations their parents are offering. This can best be done by demonstrating a sense of responsibility and maturity.

By establishing contracts, mutual respect and recognition of rights and responsibilities along with flexibility, both parents and teens may navigate the seemingly treacherous waters of the teen transitional years with a sense of challenge and adventure, rather than seeking to engage the assistance of the peacekeeping forces of the United Nations to keep order in the family.

Is Laughter Really The Best Medicine?

2006-10-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

King Solomon, the famous Old Testament biblical character, must have known from his own personal experience the medicinal value of laughter. He is thought to be the wisest and wealthiest of men ever lived. As an aside, it is only unfortunate that his wisdom did not seem to extend into the arena of curbing his penchant and appetite for women and polygamous living. Notwithstanding, Solomon knew how to laugh.

In some of his famous reflections on wisdom, he issued some very profound observations and statements on laughter. In one such observation, he commented that there is a time for everything under the sun including a time for laughter. In another statement, he observed that "a cheerful [or merry] heart is good medicine". Such words do not ordinarily come from one who does not know from experience the value of laughter.

It is interesting to note that modern science has proven Solomon right - laughter is indeed good medicine. When a person laughs often, it produces a secretion in the brain known as endorphin which influences the general state of 'good feelings' that positively affects our wellbeing. When one is in such positive state, he or she feels good about themselves, their self-esteem is boosted, self-confidence elevated and their immune system positively impacted making for less susceptibility to certain illnesses and diseases. If a person is not in the best state of health, he or she will experience healing and recovery much faster.

Laughter is a good antidote for depression and any feeling of hopelessness. It improves the appearance of one's countenance and attracts positive responses from those with whom one relates. When practiced often and effortlessly, laughter maintains one's youthful appearance far into his or her senior years and also improves longevity. It makes for good public relations and inspires the same in others who are within the radius of its influence.

The one who laughs often and easily is better able at controlling negative emotions, is less uptight and not easily offended by the slights of others. He or she, while taking life seriously, does not usually take him/herself seriously and thus not naturally disposed to the ravages of stress.

So, in conclusion, if you desire health, long life, an attractive personality that makes you winsome and approachable along with the privilege of positively influencing others, good relations and a shining star, develop the art of laughter. Learn to laugh often at yourself and your foibles and the world will laugh back with you. With every laugh, maybe you and I might change this world into a kinder, gentler place to live - one laugh at a time. Laughter, indeed, is the best medicine and it requires no prescription; and best of all, it is free of cost.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ....

The Danger of Judging Without Access to All The Facts

2006-10-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

One very important lesson I learned at a very early stage in life is the lack of wisdom demonstrated when one judges another without first having access to all the facts. Yet it is a very common fault that many people do have. They jump to conclusions, sometimes on just the basis of appearances, and impute motives to others and become their judge, jury and executioner without any provision for a defense or an appeal.

The grave danger in judging others without first knowing all the facts is the reality that things are not always what they appear to be on the surface. When we use faulty premises to judge someone, we can do serious damage to that individual's reputation that no amount of later regrets or efforts at damage control may ever be able to remove the dark clouds cast over the victim. It is therefore imperative that if our judgment is have merit, we must first examine ourselves, motives and objectivity, thoroughly investigate the allegations or matters at hand, obtain all the facts, correctly interpret these facts and give the person accused an opportunity for defense.

If one is not willing to consider all the above before passing judgment, such individual is not qualified or capable of so doing. We do not have the capability of reading someone's mind to come to a definitive conclusion of guilt or innocence. One may have partial information or insight into a given matter but that is not usually enough to form the basis for fair judgment.

While sitting on the bench, judges are concerned that the court be provided with all the relevant evidence available involving the cases in which justice is being sought. When this evidence is not forthcoming, the outcome of affected cases may not always be reliable or just. Although circumstantial evidence may be allowed, a court will always prefer cases in which the evidence is irrefutable. As one who is engaged in the settlement of disputes and must examine evidence before dispensing justice that may affect the lives and fortune of the parties in dispute, I have a personal appreciation for the value of having access to and understanding of the facts, evidence and context before arriving at a conclusion that will influence how I determine the outcome.

In our personal interactions with one another, it is necessary for the sake of fairness in judgment that we do not only know all the facts in a given situation, but that we know how to interpret these facts in the proper context and not just rely only on our own perceptions. When one's life and reputation are on the line and the direction in which the pendulum swings depends on us, it becomes more critical for us to be diligent in our efforts to being fair and just in our understanding and interpretation of the issues before passing judgment.

In the realms of spiritual matters that involve a person's relationship with God, there is a definite danger when one individual sets him/herself up to judge the spirituality of another on the basis of their own parochial religious views. God alone knows the truth that lies buried within a person's heart and unless that individual's actions speak from 'out of the abundance of the heart', one is on safer ground to avoid judging another's motive and leave such judgment in the hands of the celestial supreme Judge.

How to Find Contentment in Simplicity

2006-10-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

Since my early years of youth, I have enjoyed the study of philosophy especially in those areas having to do with logic, maxims and truisms. I have also created a few philosophical statements of my own as I observe life, human nature, the natural world and the way things are. One that is relevant to the topic of this article states that, 'One of the greatest achievements of humanity is our ability to complicate simplicity'. I believe that the business of living was meant to be simple but we have made our lives more complex than what is really warranted.

A few years ago, I spoke to a group on the topic of how to simplify our lives. While contemplating the topic in preparation for my delivery, I was moved to think of how simple life was meant to be. I thought of how much less stress we would encounter and how much easier it would be for us to live at peace with ourselves and with others. In considering a life of simplicity, one biblical writer stated that "godliness with contentment is great gain" and that he has determined that in whatever state he is in, he has learned to be contented.

The goal for a life of simplicity is to commit to living a healthy life free from worry and unnecessary cares by choosing to live within one's means and not having to measure up to the materialistic standards and expectations of others. It requires the discipline of having all decisions and choices based on your values rather than by any other standards not compatible with your ideals. This goal will also translate into avoiding unnecessary debts and the desire for obtaining things for the purpose of attempting to impress others.

Contentment does not mean that one should avoid striving for excellence or settling for mediocrity. The values by which we choose to build our lives should be based upon the foundation of excellence. This passion for excellence means that I will prepare myself to become what God designed and intended for me to be. By setting realistic goals for his or her life, one will be able to accomplish whatever he or she determines to be appropriate while not being weighted down with discontent.

The fact that our world is shrinking very fast into what appears to be one global interconnected village does not necessarily mean that things may be getting simpler. There are more choices and appeals for us to acquire whatever we desire and deal with the costs and consequences later. If one were to blindly succumb to this kind of prodding without having first built a foundation, the consequences would far outweigh the benefits.

Contentment in simplicity, therefore, requires that one be realistic about life and its demands, refuse to live by the materialistic standards and expectations of others, strive for excellence in whatever one does, avoid the debt trap, be always thankful and be at peace with one's self, God and fellowmen.

How to Find Happiness Without Pursuing It

2006-10-02T15:33:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

Happiness becomes elusive and refuses to surrender when aggressively pursued but begs for acceptance from those who in contentment and at peace with themselves, yield to its request to enter their innermost sanctuary. Sounds philosophical ? That's the idea, but my question is, are you in search of happiness and how are you going about trying to find it?

Many people unfortunately spend their lives moving from one relationship to another in search of happiness. There are others who are constantly going after the biggest house in the neighborhood, the flashiest car, the latest gadget and the fanciest outfit all in an effort to find happiness. They reason that if they can find that right person to make them happy, they would be at peace, or if they could just make more money or win the lottery or acquire that special thing that their hearts desire, they would be happy.

The truth is happiness is never found when pursued. One can not find happiness by chasing after it. The more it is chased the more elusive it becomes and when one feels that it is just within arms reach and grabs at it, it disappears. Happiness is a quality that can never be found in anything material or external. It is an internal force that often casts its shadow on the outside. When one chases after happiness, what he or she is actually doing is pursuing the shadow of happiness and that is why it is so elusive. You can not grasp a shadow, it will always elude you.

So to find happiness, one must look for it within oneself. You cannot make another person happy nor can anyone else make you happy. Many marriages and other relationships have fallen along the wayside because someone suffered bitter disappointment after failing to find the happiness they thought they could find in another person. The source of happiness is resident within each of us and it longs to reveal itself to us if we would just look within our own hearts to find it rather than in anything or anyone external. Being at peace with God and one's fellowmen, and living in a state of contentment, one may find that peace that defies understanding that forms the foundation of that inner wellspring of personal happiness.

In personal contentment and peace regardless of what is brewing outside of me, I find my happiness. My happiness is not dependent on the state of my bank account or the turmoils around me over which I have no control. I alone determine whether or not I choose to embrace happiness or allow any external force to rob me of this necessary state of wellbeing. The reality is that I may be affected by forces outside of me such as the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, the loss of a valuable relationship or financial reversals, but the impact these circumstances may have on my happiness is determined by me alone.

Another quality of happiness is that it is magnetic. Just as misery likes company so does happiness like company. A miserable person will usually try to share his or her misery with others who are usually also miserable. A person who has discovered the source of happiness in his or her own soul will naturally desire to share such happiness with another or others who are also relishing in their own self-contained source of happiness.

The happiest and most healthy relationships are between individuals who are each happy in themselves before seeking to make such connections. A person who is single or intimately unattached and unhappy will be just as unhappy if he or she were to become involved in a relationship or marriage. The goal is to find your own happiness before seeking a relationship with another; otherwise you may be tempted to want to make that individual responsible for your happiness - an impossible feat.

So, for a word of caution, if you have discovered and are basking in the sunshine of your own internal source of happiness and someone desiring to enter into a relationship with you and is attempting to make you responsible for his or her happiness, spread your wings and take flight before you are caged with those wings clipped and you no longer are able to use them.

When Apparent Failure is Success Disguised

2006-09-25T05:25:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

The dawn of success can be very deceptive and those who do not have the discernment to recognize it when it comes disguised as failure, are bound to surrender to defeat when they should instead be singing their victory song. As true as the maxim that states that the darkest hour of the day is just before dawn is the reality that success often comes to those in pursuit of it clothed in the unattractive garments of what appears to be failure.

It often appears that many of those who have had tremendous success in certain ventures have first experienced many unparalleled failures and setbacks. This observation has left me to wonder whether failure and setbacks are meant to be nature's clinical laboratory for processing, preparing and refining those on whom it intends to bestow the weighty responsibility of success. Since success is a greater burden to carry, if one is to survive it without becoming corrupted and entrapped in self-indulgence or egocentricity, such a person would need to experience a kind of transformation that only the humbling effect of failure and setbacks can offer.

The trying effect of failure does not only reinforce the need for humility but it also demonstrates the futility and foolhardiness of trusting in that which is materialistic. It shows the importance and necessity of trusting in a greater power outside of one's self rather than in the transitory nature of success. One's capacity to successfully endure success is conditioned upon the lessons learned in the school of adversity. Such adversity provides a purging and a spiritual emancipation from that which is material to a focus on that which is more real and enduring.

Abraham Lincoln experienced many political setbacks and apparent failures before finally becoming one of America's best loved presidents of all times. The biblical story of Joseph in Egypt and his trials, adversities and eventual rise from prisoner to prime minister is a classic illustration of failure that precedes success. Nelson Mandela of South Africa is another case of one who rose from the humiliating experience of being a prisoner to occupying the highest position of political power in his country.

Another person who comes to mind who faced many setbacks and eventual success by sheer perseverance is Jack Canfield of the Chicken Soup for the Soul fame. Before his series became a world-wide bestseller, he was constantly turned down going from one publisher to another who apparently could not see the vision of success that his publications eventually became. These are a few of numerous cases of individuals who have faced setbacks, adversities and failures before success finally showed up.

On the other hand are the stories of people who have failed miserably because they have chosen to give up just when they were on the brink of experiencing their long sought success. One such story is that of a prospector who invested heavily in mining equipment during the gold rush era. He spent money, time and energy mining for gold but all his efforts constantly ended in vain. He finally became discouraged, gave up his dream, sold his equipment to a junk dealer and retreated in defeat.

The junk dealer wishing to check for gold hired an engineer to test the minefield that his predecessor had just abandoned and to his delight, discovered gold just feet below the last area of drilling from which he gave up and retreated. The junk dealer inherited the wealth of success that was just on the other side of apparent failure awaiting discovery because the one who blazed the trail failed to discern success by confusing it with failure.

The lesson to be learned about success is that it does not often come dressed in refined garb. It requires patience, perseverance and the tenacity to stay the course of your dream until the red light of failure changes to green. It is to embrace the courage that Winston Churchill describes as "going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm"; and to accept as someone else who observed that "success is failure turned inside out."

When it appears that you are at the most humiliating and lowest moments of your life, staring failure squarely in the face, it might just be the time when success is about to yield to your constant knocking at its door by turning the other side of failure to reveal itself in all its grandeur.

How to Be The Kind of Leader Everyone Wants to Follow

2006-09-18T06:10:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

Can you recall a time when you were a child and played the game, "follow the leader"? It was always a lot of fun as long as the leader knew where he was going. Fast forwarding to today, the stakes have not really changed. To follow a leader, one must be sure that, at least, the leader knows where he or she is going.

What qualities must a leader possess to cause him or her to be trustworthy enough to have everyone desiring to follow? Can you be that kind of leader in your home, place of worship and workplace? The leader who is valued by everyone regardless of social and economic status is one who has integrity, credibility, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, vision, courage and emotional intelligence.

A leader must possess integrity to be effective in his or her effort at providing leadership for others. This virtue defines a leader who is true to principle, transparent and will not be bought or sold. In the global village in which we are all co-existing where individuals of influence are constantly being tempted by the allurement of greed and unfair personal gain, we should take comfort in the fact that despite the pressures to conform, there are many leaders who will not be swayed or turned aside from the path of rectitude.

The virtue of credibility twins with integrity to produce a leader who is above board and in whom there is no guile. He or she can be trusted to be genuine and to be a model worth emulating. With wisdom, he or she will know how to acquire knowledge and understanding in order to formulate a clear vision to advance the cause for which they are appointed or elected to champion. Wise leaders will acknowledge when they lack knowledge and expertise in various areas and will be proactive in seeking out and surrounding themselves with those who possess such knowledge and expertise.

Since no one person knows everything, a wise leader will develop the emotional intelligence of self-awareness. He or she is well acquainted with his or her own weakness and need for growth and will never waste valuable energy in feigning strength in areas in which they are weak and may learn from the wise counsel of others. Leaders who are liberated from the fallacy and self-deception that they should be able to be all things to all people and instead are able to recognize and respect their own limitations will always seek to value and empower those who exhibit strengths in their own areas of weakness.

The ability to be decisive and the courage to stay the courage in the face of overwhelming odds when all evidences indicate that the path on which one is walking is the right path, is a coveted strength of effective leadership that can not be lightly esteemed. Those who follow look to their leaders for this kind of courage and strength of character to keep hope alive and to help to pull them through the tough times. The examples of perseverance exhibited by such leaders will inspire courage in their followers and give them reasons for hope in the darkest of times.

So how can you be the kind of leader that everyone wants to follow? First, know and acknowledge the truth about yourself. Be sincere in your commitment to put the interest of your followers above your own personal interests. Develop your own emotional intelligence. Take your role of leadership seriously but not yourself. Learn to deal with criticisms whether they are positive or negative. Use the positive criticisms for your own growth and development and the negative ones to refine your patience and tolerance for those who would oppose you. Promote the cause for peace and unity and above all, be the example of one who can not be bought or sold.

.

The Effective Use of Power Without Attempting to Control

2006-09-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

The consequences arising out of the desire, lust or fight for power have created more pain in our world than any other single desire of which one may think . Wars have been fought and continue to be, resulting in the loss of millions of lives over the desire for power. One individual seeking to control others may resort to any means to gain the power to do so. The likes of despots such as Adolph Hitler and Idi Amin are testimonies to the evil that can result from the abuse and misuse of power that causes mass destruction of lives.

It must be understood that the desire for power in itself is not necessarily evil. Nothing can ever be accomplished without the use of power. We give power to those we trust to govern and manage the political and economic affairs that affect our lives as citizens. We place power in the hands of judges to administer justice and in the hands of law enforcement agencies to enforce the rule of law. We give power to doctors and other health care professionals to administer to us procedures that can potentially harm or bring about our demise. To educators, we give power to educate and prepare our children for their lives' careers and responsibilities. Members of religious bodies give power to pastors, priests and other leaders to nurture their spiritual needs. In family relationships, spouses give power to each other that can have serious consequences for good or bad.

Legitimate power when acquired appropriately and with the right motives to advance the interest of the ones who confer such power is a sacred trust that must be cherished and guarded with vigilance. Since we live in a world that requires by necessity a great deal of interdependence for any meaningful co-existence, the mutual exchange of power among people who share a common goal or destiny is paramount. This mutual exchange creates a check and balance since power has a tendency to bring out the worst in human nature.

As the late 19th, early 20th century Neapolitan-British historian Lord Acton observed, "power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." Absolute power in the hands of mortals regardless of whether it is political, religious, economic or otherwise is unwise at best and calamitous at worst. When one is able to sway absolute power without accountability to anyone - his words become law and he himself can not be questioned or be subject to any law, such a person is elevated to the level of a god who has within the power of his word life and death.

The democratic mutual exchange of power prevents such possibility of despotism since the one into whose hands power is vested by the people is accountable and subject to the people who retain the power to relieve him of his position of power, should he fail to accomplish the will of those who place him in power in the first instance.

To a greater or lesser extent, we all willingly give power to others over various areas of our lives but we will naturally resist any attempt of those to whom we give such power to control us. Power constitutes a privilege to serve while control suggests a desire to become a master rather than a servant. Since we desire to retain the right to be our own masters, we will resist any effort from those whom we empower to serve us who confuse the privilege of power as an opportunity to usurp control as our masters.

In the delicately intimate relationship between a husband and wife, when motivated by selfless love, they each mutually grant power to the other to serve their needs. As long as that arrangement remains functional, their relationship will thrive but when one begins to abuse the privilege of such power to attempt control over the other, the relationship suffers damage and if not reconciled may die.

For power to be effectively used as a privilege of service without any attempt to usurp control, the one so entrusted and empowered must need be secure in his or her own sense of self. The attempt to use the privilege of power to control arises out of a feeling of insecurity and inadequacy and therefore a need to be served rather than serving. This feeling of insecurity and inadequacy places one between a rock and a hard place.

They do not feel that they have the capacity to serve as it is required by virtue of their empowerment. They can not give what they do not have and since this feeling of inadequacy makes one feel a lack of control over his or her own life, they resort to a natural desire to regain that control over themselves by presenting themselves to be served rather than serving. The only way they see themselves being able to accomplish this desire is by elevating themselves to become masters and thus requiring others to serve them by abusing their privilege of power to control those who they should instead be serving.

In conclusion, one is not qualified or ready to receive the sacred trust of power if he or she is troubled by unresolved insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. The combination of insecurity, inadequacy and power will naturally result in the abuse or misuse of such power. The most obvious sign of this insecurity and abuse is the attempt to control others. The symptom is the same whether in the home, church, workplace or in politics.

When one is in control of self, secure and self-confident, he or she has much to offer and can be entrusted with power to be a servant. He or she has no lack that demands the need to become a master of others and therefore no need to want to usurp control over those they should be serving instead. Notwithstanding, grant thou not to any mortal the deadly and deceptive weapon of absolute power.

Copyright (c) 2006 by Lester Rennard

The Meaning of Faith and How to Apply It

2006-09-05T23:47:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

If you were to ask different people from all walks of life and religious influences the meaning of faith, you would certainly be surprised at the answers you might receive. Someone explained that faith is a leap in the dark. One biblical writer explained that it is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seem. Still another explained that faith without works is dead. I would like to share my ideas and conviction and welcome your comments.

I believe faith to be a synergistic combination of vision, conviction, trust, action, fortitude and perseverance. To have and apply faith, I must first have a vision of something that I desire. It may be the desire to achieving a certain level of qualification and competence in my chosen career. It could also be the desire to overcoming a spiritual defect or stronghold that is paralyzing my spiritual walk; or the desire to have a certain amount of material resources to accomplish something important to me.

I must then have a compelling conviction that my vision can be transformed into reality. I will make sure that this vision is not just a pipe dream or the substance of what nightmares are made of, but it is something that is possible to accomplish. The knowledge and confidence of the possibility of that vision becoming a reality reinforces my conviction or belief. I must then move a step further in believing that that possibility can become my reality. If the vision is to achieve a certain level of qualification and competence in my career, I must believe that it is something that is possible for me to accomplish. I must begin to see myself living the reality of my vision since without a vision, there can be no birth to possibility.

My conviction will then lead me into the exercise of trust. By this point, I would have the knowledge as to what it will take for my vision to become a reality. I must begin to set goals, explore options and make solid plans to transform this vision into reality. I must develop the confidence in my ability to order all the forces that be to cooperate in my favor and to support my vision and conviction. I will also create an atmosphere that will neutralize all the negative forces that are bound to resist my efforts in trying to defeat and discourage me. I must also trust in divine providence to aid me on this journey from vision to reality.

I must now burst through the starting gate into action by implementing my carefully designed plans in laying the foundation and building the infrastructure upon which my vision will transform itself into reality. I will enroll into that career educational program and apply myself diligently to study, experiment and apply the knowledge gained to enrich my experience. In order to overcome that spiritual defect, I will spend time in the Word, prayer, meditation and fasting. I will begin to make those choices that will help rather than hinder me and will choice to avoid walking in any path that might not lead me into victory. For achieving resources, I will put my plans into action and begin to do the work designed to bring about the needed resources.

In pursuing my plans, I will understand that because I am living in an imperfect world that is programmed negatively, I will need to exercise the courage to withstand those negative forces that will be unleashed against and intent on defeating me. Like a duck in the rain, I will oil my feathers to cause the water to roll off and prevent the rain from getting to my skin. I will learn to deflect the criticisms and neutralize the evil schemes of those naysayers who wander aimlessly along the sidelines as I follow my dream on my path to the destination of actual reality.

Finally, I will persevere and refuse to give up regardless of the obstacles that are thrown in my way. I will keep my eyes steadfast on the prize and allow nothing to distract me until I have grasped it by crossing the finish line. I will respect nothing that will try to convince me to abandon my dream and will run my race with patience until the reality of my vision is in full view and I become united with that reality. When this becomes my experience, then I can truly say that I know and understand the meaning of faith and how to apply it.

Copyright (c) 2006, by Lester Rennard

How to Express Love - Unconditionally

2006-08-30T06:35:00.000-07:00

by Lester Rennard

Unconditional love! What does it mean? Is it possible for the likes of us mortals to express? If so, how can it be done? When I consider unconditional love, my definition is that it is an absolute love expressed unreservedly and without any condition or merit for that love whatsoever. If I keep true to my definition, I must confess that I do not believe that any mortal has the capacity to express a love that is absolute and for which the subject of that love has to meet no condition or merit to receive it.

I believe that God alone has the capacity to express or offer something that is absolute. In our fallen imperfect nature, we are limited in all our capacities and therefore cannot give what we do not have. Unconditional love is perfect love and because of its absolute nature it's beyond our capacity, as imperfect creatures, to offer. I concede however that those whose hearts are connected to the heart of Him who is Love are able to reflect dimly attributes of that love but not absolutely.

For those who might be very evangelistic about the human possibility of expressing this kind of love and are ready to take me on, please help me to find reconciliation with my human imperfection and thus my inability to humanly offer anything that is absolute and perfect.

My understanding of God's offer of unconditional love is that He loves us and accepts us based not on our response to Him but on the basis of who He is. He loves us unconditionally whether or not we choose to love Him in return. He causes His rain to fall upon the just as well as the unjust and condescended to sacrifice Himself for us while we were enemies lost and deceived by the devil. He does not require us to meet any condition for Him to love us or to qualify for His offer of grace. Our only effort is to accept, receive, embrace and appropriate His benefits to us.

I often counsel with couples who are having difficulties in their relationships. I have also seen other couples whose relationships seem to have been made in heaven. They are happy, contented, accepting of each other and very much in love. Nothing seems to be able to cause them to separate from each other, yet upon closer scrutiny, I have never seen one who can honestly and truly say that their love is absolute, perfect and unconditional for the other. There is always something that could cause the love to change such as continuous abuse, unrelenting infidelity, abandonment and continuous rejection. Such responses from us do not cause God to love us any less.

I am convicted that since unconditional love is an absolute love that is perfect, it is not required of us. What I believe is expected is for us to express the kind of love that is the highest to which we are humanly capable in our mortal state. A couple should mutually devote themselves to promoting what is best for each other in the most selfless way possible. As long as they remain mutually true to each other, their love will continue to be but a dim reflection of unconditional love.

The love of a good parent for a child may come the closest to the dim reflection of what constitutes unconditional love. The child may rebel and revolt and violate all the rules but yet that good parent though hurt, disappointed and angry, may still find love in his or her heart for that wayward child. The relationship may not be the same as if when a child is obedient and dutiful, but nonetheless they may still have some degree of love for their child despite its waywardness.

Copyright(c)2006 by Lester Rennard