Heart Wide Open ~ Journey of a Lover

2014-09-26T07:24:00.005-06:00

Putting the word out that I need help packing and moving this weekend. I'm having high pain levels and really need the help. I'll be cooking! The truck is set for Sunday AM. Please CALL if you can plan an hour or two: 303-485-3121. Please CALL with any support you can offer in the emotional realm. I need to know that I've got some of my buds with me. Goodbye, Kimbark Street and downtown Longmont. I loved you well...

Sweet Front Porch

Readily Ripening Tomatoes

Inside the Front Porch

Marigolds

Braiding Tommy's Mane

2014-09-25T16:10:00.002-06:00

The old 'do

Braids undone...

Combed out


New braids! I don't know why it's so soothing to spend time with our miniature horse, Tommy. He loves the attention, and there's something therapeutic about braiding his mane. And he needs it, so he can see! A lovely Sunday morning recently...

Courtroom Scenes

2014-09-20T11:18:00.003-06:00

A little more about the court scene:

We were sent immediately to mediation and worked out an agreement. I paid this month’s rent in cash ($900) and can stay until 9/30, at midnight. As far as I can tell, there will be no record of eviction, as the landlord will not have to get the Sheriff out to post a 48 hour notice to vacate. After that, they would have had to schedule the actual eviction, where the landlord has to move things out of my house and onto the street. I would not be able to leave my house: of course, I would want to be here to be sure things weren't damaged. The landlord can be fined for leaving abandoned property unattended. This arrangement is in place to prevent violent confrontations, and a County Deputy must attend. The mediator assured the landlord that it would take several more weeks, after the 48 hour notice, to have the sheriff here for the actual move-out, because they are so busy evicting people for non-payment of rent.

While there, we watched two cases where one 'defendent' owes over $4K, another over $3K. They both entered into agreements with the landlords to pay current rents on time and make payments on the amount owed. One wept in her man’s arms after standing in front of the judge.

In my opinion, the sickest part of all this legal stuff is that the tenant is NOT notified of the date/ time that the deputy sheriff arrives with the landlord to move belongings onto the curb. They are “trying to diminish the potential for an explosive situation.” Can you imagine a single mother or an elder having to go through this because they can’t pay the rent? And rents went up $200 – 300 after the flood. Landlords are evicting for any reason, or at the end of a lease, so they can all cash in on the good times.

I’m more committed than ever to shining light on all this sickness, in whatever ways that I can. It's just more of the general sickness in our culture, to value money over people.

Now, back to schoolwork:

2014-09-19T08:41:00.000-06:00

Off to eviction court today. I've been sending supplications for the landlord and his redneck cowgirl lady, that their hearts open to each other and to our situation. Please think of us at 10 AM. I'll report back later today.

Ganesh is the Hindu God that removes obstacles...

Blissings,

Jade

2014-09-18T06:52:00.000-06:00

The Great Phone Wars of 2014

When I thought I was leaving on 8/31/14, I ordered the 'porting' of my home number to my cell phone. As EI and MCS progresses, many people get more sensitive to EMFs (Electro-Magnetic Fields). Since I started college full time in Fall, 2011, I have had to spend so much more time on all these devices, and I can tell it drains and exhausts me. I have my home number on all of my business marketing tools, and didn't want to lose it.

Once I made the decision to stay put and let the eviction unwind, I started working to stop the porting on September 2nd. It could not be stopped. I spent 2 1/2 hours on the phone that day, talking to people all over the world. I was promised by someone with Century Link that at the very latest, I would have my landline (read LIFEline) back by Thursday, 9/11. That evening it was not on. I spoke to someone in India and the conversation devolved into a temper tantrum. A 'repair' order was place and a person would come to my house on Monday. If he comes in the house, I'm charged $90. I knew it was the porting issue, and nothing with the lines. This land line is important to me. My cell gets terrible reception inside my house, so I have to go out on the patio to get 'one bar.'

At a yard sale on Saturday I found a cell phone accoutrement that lets me pretend I'm on an old-fashioned phone with receiver! Love my Barbie Phone.

Homelessness Seems to Plague Me - The Back Story

2014-09-18T06:26:00.002-06:00

Previous Posts on FaceBook re: Homelessness Redux:

September 14th:

Taking the week off from classes to prepare myself for the court appearance on Friday. I hope to have people there from the homeless community, as well as those in the agencies that provide services to the homeless. I'm also working on having media attention to this whole ordeal. Most people are ashamed when they are evicted, for whatever reason. I resolve to move through this situation with love and compassion for all involved (including myself). If anyone wants to come to court, it's in Longmont, between Main and Kimbark. The address is 1035 Kimbark and the time is 10 AM. I'd also love to hear from folks via phone, after Monday. My landline should be back on by 5 PM. The number is 303-485-3121. Would love some drop-in packing help, as well and I'm cooking up a storm, so there will be plenty of yummy, home-cooked food. Please note that I do not text, and I cannot be exposed to perfumes or tobacco, so if you smoke, give me a call for protocol. Hope to get to visit with some of you sweeties! "Onward thru the Fog." Oat Willie

September 12th:
I saw our version of legal aid here in Boulder County yesterday and I do have to go to court in Longmont next Friday, 9/19, at 10 AM. Even though I didn't get the 3 day notice posted on my door, the landlord did everything within the law. After the court date, a deputy sheriff comes by and posts a 48 hour notice to vacate. If I stay beyond that, a lawman can show up at anytime with Steve and his movers and take everything I own to the curb. It then becomes 'abandoned property.' People listen to police scanners and come and get stuff unless it's guarded. I will NOT be informed when this will happen, so I won't be able to leave the house, once the 48 hour notice is posted. I've been told different things by different people throughout this ordeal. I guess most people get evicted for non-payment of rent. I am holding over because I have no where to move to. I also am using this snippet of my own life to make a point about the lack of affordable and SAFE housing in Boulder County. There are many flood victims from the event one year ago today that are also in the situation I'm in. My home number is still not up, tho it was promised for yesterday. Because of the EI, my sensitivity to EMFs (Electro-Magnetic Fields) has become much more severe. I have a cell but am not using it much, but I am glad I had it last night for a conversation with an angel named Devon at the Ntl Suicide Hotline. I'm so NOT OK.

September 10th:
Court date set for the eviction hearing for Friday, 9/19 at 10 AM. I am asking that everyone simply petition Green Tara: "May the movement of this tribulation evolve into the highest outcome for ALL concerned." Thank you for your prayers. Please make them non-specific so the Universe can move in it's most magnificent expression.

September 3rd:
I'm pretty sure I'm staying in school, no matter what else happens. Woke up with that, but who knows what the day will bring. I'm managing a TON of anxiety, which gets worse as the day goes on...I did learn the exact steps in eviction and will be able to stay until at least Monday, 9/22. Move out has to be scheduled through the sheriff's department, and I won't be informed of the date and time. Someone will either show up or enter without me being here and set my possessions on the curb. It is then considered abandoned property. Lovely laws, eh? Crazy making...

September 2nd:
No landlord yet. I'm expecting a 3 day notice posted today. He then goes and gets a court date for a hearing. This is not an eviction for lack of rent payment, but me taking a stand to stay here as long as I possibly can. I started full time at Naropa again on 8/25 and the move-out was ordered for 8/31. I am attempting to buy time while I seek a safe house to move to. I have Environmental Illness (EI) and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) and cannot land just anywhere without risking exposures that will make me much sicker. This move, combined with the stress of school is not something I'm handling very well in the psychological realm, either. I so appreciate suicide hotlines.

August 30th:
A waking dream at 3 AM...I'm trapped in a cheap hotel room and I am realizing that the room has recently been fumigated for bed bugs. There are no windows. The phone is dead. I cannot open the door. I realize I will die in here if no one can hear me. As I am pounding on the door and screaming in the dream, I wake up screaming. Crimson and I have packed the night before, and I stumble through my little home, realizing I will be leaving it by Sunday evening. I fall apart and manage to dial the National Suicide Hotline, folks who have walked me through a few dark nights in the past (800-273-8255). The counselor talks me down, listens for a good long while and then at a pause asks me this question: "Why, again, are you moving on Sunday?"

"I have an 'Order to Vacate for that date," I respond.

"But you have no where to go, right? And you are disabled with the chemical sensitivities, the mental health issues and you mentioned nerve damage, right?"

She has me 'future pace' to Sunday evening, when everything is in storage and I'm moving to a hotel room for two night with my daughter. She leaves on Tuesday AM and I am not sure where I'll be Tuesday night, after a presentation at school. "What is your stress level, on a scale of 1 - 10?" she asks.

"About 110."

"So now think about staying in the house and beginning to work the agencies, getting help for the housing issues from the disability perspective. What is your stress level?"

"Around 7 or 8," I reply. It begins to dawn on me that I've always 'done the right thing' as a tenant, left each place better than I found it, made friends with my neighbors and the landlord, if possible. Gotten to know the place really well and enjoyed every place I've ever lived: loved and cared for it as if it were my own home - because it is. I start to consider the possibilities of staying, and wonder if I have the emotional fortitude for what will unfold...

I'm shutting down the move and barricading in my bedroom. (OK; this a little overly dramatic.) I'm not moving until someone physically moves me out of here. I am sick with EI and MCS. This is a safe house for me and I'm staying as long as I can. Thanks to all who offered to help move. It's all on hold. I'll update as we go...

August 29th:
No time to sit and call people. Just show up at 634 Kimbark Street in downtown Longmont on Sunday, 8/31. We should have the truck here by 10 at the latest. Cleaning out the fridge, so home-cooked food galore. Anyone want to join the adopt-a-plant program? If you want to call, it's 303-485-3121. I so appreciate the offers of help that I've had.

August 28th:
Packing in progress...I need help over the weekend, if anyone wants to join in. I can pay. Loading the truck on Sunday. Pain levels so high I can hardly think, so won't be lifting anything. How did this happen?

August 26th:
Looks like I'm going homeless again after 3 years in a safe house. Stuff goes to storage on 8/31 and I am adrift. Hum. Full time student at age 62 AND homeless?!? How much more can I stand?

Everything Changes...

2013-06-27T21:13:00.000-06:00

I am in the process of combining all my sites into one! I will keep goddessmusings.com and point it toward the new site, which will be a blog format. Please have patience while this is all in transition. Feel free to call or write: jade@sensualwisdom.com or 303-485-3121. Blissings, Jade

2012-07-17T11:04:00.000-06:00

I met with Elle Page and Isabel McDevitt recently about printing another run of 'Until They Have Faces,' an amazing project by Elle and her photographer husband, David Page. This is truly a beautiful book, well-done and informative about what it's really like to be homeless. My story is included.

Here's a beautiful story to go with the book:

"One day I got on the Jump with a woman who brought TWO dogs on board. I joked with the driver that I should have brought my cat along, but I watched a miracle occur. The lady was sitting behind me. The dogs were well-behaved and quiet. One of them, what I would call a 'cow dog' with blue eyes (I think they are called Blue Heeler), very slowly approached the man sitting across the aisle from me. He was obviously not well and had the appearance of one of our marginalized homeless. The dog gently, respectfully placed his muzzle on the man's hand. They began eye gazing and he petted the dog. All at once, he burst into tears, sobbing and holding the dog close to his chest. The owner of the animal said something about the dog being a healer and an unconditional lover. Everyone on the bus seemed embarrassed by the outburst, and at the next stop, the man got off the bus. We can only imagine how long it had been since he felt unconditional love from anything or anyone: perhaps never. We don't know what he struggles with, what traumas he holds or how hard he might be trying, in his own way, to improve his situation."

In a post from the Daily Camera:
http://www.dailycamera.com/boulder-county-news/ci_20075066

Tantra or Prostitution?

2012-07-17T10:47:00.000-06:00

Here is a sample of what I face every day of my working life:

On 07/17/12 9:07 AM, (TM) wrote:
-------------------- Thanks for the connection so that I can discuss my needs with you; I've had mixed results from Tantra practitioners since every practitioner does things differently. Although everyone presumes a full male release is part of a tantra session, I've had at least one tantra practitioner not provide a male release (and charge me a small fortune). Another practitioner advertised a "male g-spot" ceremony, yet didn't touch my male g-spot. So you can see, the results can be much less than what's expected. If you're a real tantra practitioner who's willing to provide a full male release (with both of us completely nude of course) and massage my male g-spot, then I'd like to make an appointment with you. Please let me know either way.

My response:

You may visit my website to learn about how I work: www.sensualwisdom.com. I am not willing to engage in sessions with someone that starts to attempt to control the session before we even meet. I only get nude with someone when I feel absolutely safe and respected. If you think getting sexual release is the most important thing about a tantric session, then quit calling it tantra and call it what it is: sex for money. That's illegal in most places. I'm so sorry to learn that you think everyone 'presumes a full male release is part of a tantra session.' It is not, and should not be the focus if someone is truly teaching tantric techniques.

Massaging your 'male g-spot' as you put it entails me inserting my fingers into your rectum to reach your prostate. I only do that for my very best and closest lovers, as I find it strenuous and, if a person doesn't know how to prepare for it (as in, have an enema within an hour prior to the session), I also find it distasteful. You couldn't pay me enough. Really. If, on the other hand (teehee) you had an interest in learning yoni massage and sacred spot massage for women, I might agree, after we have spent several sessions together, laying a foundation of comfort, respect and safety for BOTH of us, to begin to teach you how to touch a woman in her most intimate parts. But I'd have to see a big shift from the tone of your initial inquiry.

Thank you for your interest in my work. If you'd like to correspond after you have read all my sites, feel free to write me directly at jade@sensualwisdom.com.

The Man with No Legs (TM)

2011-11-05T21:49:00.001-06:00

“Got one for you at the Marriott,” the man from her service said. “His name is Dan. Call me when you get to the lobby and I’ll give you the room number.”

Room 312. Every time she knocked on a hotel room door, she declared herself a channel for God. She rarely knew who was going to open the door, especially in the early days of her career, before she developed repeat clientele. This particular evening, it was a man with no legs.

Swinging the door open from the childlike stature of four feet tall, he gestured to indicate the room. “Please come in. I’m down here.”

He moved into the room ahead of her with his powerfully developed upper body. He wore only boxer shorts, pinned around the stumps of his upper thighs.

She noticed that he had ordered cheese and wine. “I’m recently out of rehab and ready to see how my mojo works with an actual woman. I’d like to spend three hours with you so we can take our time. Will you join me for the evening?” He had a sweet smile and a sparkle in his clear green eyes that she recognized as youthful lust.

“Yes, absolutely,” she said. “I just need to call my service and let them know how long I’ll be here. The fee for my time will be $600. Are you using a credit card? Let’s take care of business first, so we can relax and get to know each other.”

He swung over to the desk and took his wallet from a drawer. Counting out six $100 dollar bills, he grinned up at her and added six more. “Just to be sure we are both well-taken care of,” he said gallantly.

“Wonderful. Let me make the call. Just so you know, the phone will ring 10 minutes before our time is up.”

“That’s fine. Glad to know someone is keeping tabs on you. I think three hours will be perfect, but if we decide we want to extend our time, will that be OK?” he asked.

“Yes, she smiled. She already liked him. After the call was placed, she turned to him. “Would you like me to undress?”

“Not just yet,” he replied. “I want to tell you some war stories first. Will you join me in a glass of wine?”

“Yes, I’ll sip a glass, but have just one, in case I have another client after you.”

“You’ve probably guessed I’m a Vietnam vet. I was maimed by a land mind. I lost both legs all the way to the top of my thighs, but my genitals were undamaged, thanks to a helmet under the seat of the vehicle I was riding in. At least I’m grateful for that.”

He took a solid swallow of wine and she noticed that his hand was shaking.

He continued. “I was engaged, and the wedding was being planned for May. We met in 6^th grade and I was sure she was the love of my life. She always called me her Sweet Loverboy. I was injured in early March, due to be discharged at the end of the month. I was so close to getting out. Instead, this happened. She couldn’t deal with it. The wedding was cancelled, the engagement called off. She came to see me a few times in the hospital, once they got me back to the states, but the time between visits got longer and longer. The last time I saw her, she told me she was in love with someone else and had to quit seeing me. It was too hard on her, she said. She wanted to focus on the new man, the new relationship. Too hard on HER? How about how hard it was on ME?” He’d raised his voice and she felt his outrage. She saw that he was visibly trying to control his breathing.

“Now I’m having a hard time believing in love. I want to move on from here, but I’m not sure I can. I think I’m too broken by this. I feel so cynical now. How could anyone ever love me like this?” He’d said all this in a rush, with a lot of energy behind it.

She noticed the tremor in his hands again. She impulsively reached over and took his hand. He turned to her. She touched his cheek and looked deeply into his eyes. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. The injury was hard enough, but now you’re dealing with this broken heart.” She moved her hand to the area over his heart. Leaning in close, she whispered, “You deserve to love and be loved. You are not defective.”

His eyes filled with tears. “Please hold me,” he sobbed.

“Of course.” She lay down and opened her arms to him. He swung onto the bed and moved into her embrace. She held him close to her body. “I’ll hold you while you grieve,” she said. “You need to be held. You are doing just the right thing, asking for what you need. Cry as much as you want.”

The sobs intensified and convulsed his body. She held him tight, waiting for the necessary storm to move through. Minutes passed. His crying slowed, but he did not open his eyes. Finally, she stroked his cheek and said, “Dan, look into my eyes, please.” He slowly raised his gaze. “You have just had a huge release. You’ve shared your burden with me and now we can lighten up. I’m privileged to be a witness to your healing. I want us to make love so you’ll remember your manhood, your strength, your Sweet Loverboy Self.” He grinned at her through his tears.

Again she noticed the emerald green of his eyes, their depth and sparkle. He drew her closer and kissed her deeply. Her hand slowly ran down to his groin and she found a beautiful erection. “Tell me what position you think will work best to start,” she whispered in his ear.

With a big sigh, he said, “Ah, I’ve thought a lot about this. Let’s start here.” He swung himself to a chair beside the bed and slipped out of his shorts. “But first, undress for me, slowly, and tell me what you like best about your beautiful body. Show me.”

She sat on the edge of the bed directly in front of the chair and slowly removed her heels, dropping them out of the way at the foot of the bed. She stood and raised her skirt just high enough for him to see the top of her stockings. Turning sideways to him, with one foot on the bed, she released the clasps of the garter belt that held up her stockings and slowly rolled the black hose down and off her foot. Turning the other way, allowing him to see that she wore no panties, she repeated the movement with her other leg. Sitting back and placing her feet on either side of the chair he was in, she leaned back and spread her legs. “I’d love to introduce you to my sweet pussy; definitely one of my favorite body parts.” She reached for pillows and lay back, beginning to touch herself and spread her labia open, noticing how wet she was.

An hour later, each of them had fully explained their favorite body parts, and demonstrated what felt good. She smiled to herself as she slowly lowered her body onto his cock. She imagined writing about the evening in her journal the next day, and knew that someday she would write the story about this evening, this man and the part she played in his healing.

This Woman (TW) Concluded ~ Part III

2011-11-05T21:43:00.002-06:00

Introducing This Woman (TW) Completed ~ Part III Posted on jadebeaty.com, 12/2/09

After another month of weekly private sessions, TW suggested that perhaps the bravest thing to do would be to plan the ceremony for the anniversary of the date of the kidnapping and rape (a three day range). I was in awe of her courage. Twenty years ago, she had been held at knife and gunpoint for three days as every kind of sexual act and perversion was forced on her by these four men. We had a few weeks to prepare.

On the day of the ceremony, I arrived at their home around 10 AM and spent the day. I had cooked a veggie stew, which we had for lunch. We talked about the nurturing aspects of the Divine Mother. Nothing is too dark, violent or horrific for Her. She simply widens her embrace and transforms all of it with her unconditional love. I had a beautiful statue that represented Divine Mother and we built an altar in the bedroom, with the themes of empowered passage into another state of being, healing and maternal love. I had them write notes to their future children, sharing what they’d been through in their path of healing, so that they could bring the children into form. We talked about allowing TW to access that virginal innocence she had, prior to the attack, and she was again encouraged to be in absolute control of her experience in the reflowering ceremony. As I left the house that evening, my prayers were for her healing and potential motherhood.

We had one last couples session the next month and the change in TW was remarkable. She was much ‘lighter’ in her energy and also seemed accepting of whatever took place in her reproductive life. She had let go of the desperation energy around getting pregnant and embodied the acceptance of all that is, just as our Divine Mother does. Her sweet husband just wanted her to be happy and well, and placed no pressure on her to have children.

Three months later, I got the joyful phone call that they were pregnant. Conception likely happened just a few weeks after the ceremony. We have stayed in touch, and they now have two children and a happy home. Sexual violence can be healed. People can move beyond trauma and have normal lives. It is not an easy undertaking, but walking the fire of the healing journey is so much better than ignoring the trauma and trying to pretend that all is well, when it’s not.

This Woman (TW) Continued ~ Part II

2011-11-05T21:42:00.000-06:00

Introducing This Woman (TW) Continued ~ Part II Posted on jadebeaty.com, 12/1/09

Over the next month, I taught them sacred spot massage for her and gave them homework assignments. I suggested that they both journal after the sessions of sacred spot work, and then read their entries to each other. TW was cut and torn during the attack, so genital massage and intentional touch were very healing. Her husband was thrilled to have something ‘hands on’ to do to help her. Together, they unwound many layers of distress, horror, terror, fear, confusion, shame and guilt. We worked on empowering her voice to say exactly what she needed in every moment. She got to completely control the environment and always be able to say “No,” and have it instantly and absolutely respected.

We had another couples session and talked about a possible ceremony ~ perhaps a rite of passage into her new life as a mother, rather than her old identity as a rape victim. What I know about a woman’s first sexual experience is that it is what I call an ‘imprint’ on her sexuality for the rest of her life, unless she heals the parts that felt injurious or disrespectful of her precious gift to her lover (or rapist, as the case may be). Very few women have a fabulous first sexual experience, and many of us have the type of experience that is full of fumbling and gritting of teeth, just to get through it. I suggested a ‘reflowering’ ceremony for TW, that would take place with a lot of planning and a strong foundation of safety, comfort and respect. To be concluded in Part III…

Introducing This Woman (TW) Part I

2011-11-05T21:40:00.002-06:00

Introducing This Woman (TW) Part I Posted on jadebeaty.com, 11/30/09

This Woman (TW) © was 32, beautiful, accomplished, educated and deeply in love with her husband of four years. They had been trying to get pregnant since the first year of their marriage and had recently checked into fertility treatments. The initial tests indicated that there did not seem to be any physical or hormonal cause for the lack of conception. But TW had a traumatic history that seemed to be blocking her ability to trust life and allow life to blossom in her. At age 12, she was kidnapped and gang raped by four young men. This happened in a small southern town and though they left her for dead, she lived and was able to identify her attackers. Because the crime was so horrific, the community rallied around her and provided emotional and even some monetary support for her and her family. She got counseling when it happened, and had spent years in therapy and working with other healing modalities to clear the damage of this first, horrible sexual experience.

Her husband participated in helping her continue to heal. He was supportive and adoring. They were so sweet with each other and had done a lot of work when they found me, but they felt there was still something major that was going unaddressed and unhealed.

I was struck, in our initial interview, by their open-mindedness and sincere desire for help. I worked with each of them individually first. I found him to be holding in a lot of rage, directed at men in general, and the men that had done this to his Beloved, which was absolutely appropriate. He made statements like, “All men are pigs,” and “I could kill these guys with my bare hands for what they did to her.” When I gently inquired that if he believed that all men were pigs, how did that impact his relationship with his own masculine energy, it dawned on him that he had work to do as well.

My first session with TW allowed me to see where she was still accessing the story of ‘her’ rape, and how out of control she had felt. She courageously acknowledged that the story had gotten her a lot of attention and compassion, but she wanted to be free of having her life defined by The Rape. She was sick of always ‘working’ on it.

We came together for a couple’s session and I led them through an empowered communication process. They were able to speak of their individual fears, deep grief and anger with honesty and kindness. I began to form a plan for our next few sessions. To be continued…

I Choose # 1 Clients

2011-11-05T21:39:00.002-06:00

I Choose # 1 Clients Posted on jadebeaty.com, 11/28/09

My card says I'm an "Intimacy Consultant" and on my website I also have "Sexual Healer."

People typically have one of two reactions when I tell them what I do:

1) Their eyes light up and they 'get' how helpful that could be. They have lots of questions and are usually more open with their hearts, bodies and minds than the average bear. They are often already in good relationship(s), wanting to make them even better. They may have 'issues,' but they are actively seeking help and willing to consider that a woman like me might have something to share with them.

2) Their eyes start darting around the room and they suddenly see someone they have to go say 'Hi' to, so they can quickly excuse themselves. Or they get really quiet and look at the floor, unwilling to make eye contact with me. I suspect these folks often have unexamined inhibitions, fears and woundings around their relationship with sex and those they have it with.

Wise Women - Teaching Our Men

2011-11-05T21:38:00.002-06:00

Wise Women - Teaching Our Men Posted on jadebeaty.com, 11/28/09

Wise Woman accepts all that is in this moment and transforms all of it with her love and healing intentions. I teach men to honor and respect each phase of his woman's moon cycle - especially the time just before bleeding, when her emotions are raw and available. Women hold the emotional content for our relationships, our families, our communities and the World, and it is a gift to express whatever is present in each moment - all of it. By allowing emotional expression, we are also serving by releasing distress, tension and confusion for the collective. And to think they've created a little lavender colored version of Prozac, just for that special time of the month! Dears, don't medicate: agitate - dig deep into the rage, horror, suffering and confusion and dance it, scream it, laugh it, cry it. Bring it into the light and move it for yourself, all women, humankind. We have been oppressed for far too long. Become a love activist, a model of a woman connected to her truth and her emotions in each moment, speaking her truth with compassion and caring for her Self first, then others. The world will change quickly. Our men are to be like trees: sinking roots, weathering our storms and holding the sacred space for our feminine dance.

Introducing This Man (TM)

2011-11-05T21:37:00.002-06:00

Introducing This Man (TM) Posted on jadebeaty.com, 11/27/09

This Man (TM) © was from a very wealthy family, old money, we might say, as his great grandmother had invented a household item that now exists in most homes everywhere. The family legacy from having this foundation of wealth was drug and alcohol addiction, severe dysfunction and enablement, and incest. When he contacted me at age 49, he’d had four failed marriages and had given up on dating or ever finding a mate. He only had sex with prostitutes and claimed that he could not get an erection on his own, but only with someone he paid. As we moved into the energy work on my massage table, my sense of his lower body was that there were iron boxes containing his sexual and creative energy, blocking the upward flow of his life force. As I moved to his heart chakra, I was guided to ask him for eye contact. Placing my hand there and looking into his eyes, six words came out of my mouth (bypassing my brain): “There is nothing wrong with you.”

Tears came to his eyes, and suddenly his body jack knifed into a fetal position. He began sobbing and saying over and over, “I never cried after the first time. I didn’t cry. I was tough. I couldn’t let them win by crying” We moved onto the floor, so I could better hold him, rock him, as he continued to release distress. There were waves coming off the back of his heart space, releasing betrayal and fear. He would slow down and tell parts of his story at times, in a mesmerizing, monotone voice. “My uncle started it when I was 9. My father joined in. They raped me over and over, until I was big enough to fight them off at 16. They liked to sneak up on me and drag me into a closet or bathroom.”

Gradually, his release slowed down and I helped him focus on his breathing, imagining white and golden light coming into the places where this trauma had been stored in his body. I fixed us tea. He seemed drained, but more centered and at peace. He paid me double my fee and left.

I have never heard from him again.

Tantra: Corrupted Beyond Repair?

2011-11-05T21:36:00.002-06:00

Tantra: Corrupted Beyond Repair? First posted on jadebeaty.com, 11/27/09

It is my hope that with this blog I will be able to help clear the misconceptions around the precious teachings of sacred sexuality and be a beacon for those looking for hope: hope that intimacy CAN be learned, taught, and cultivated in our current cultural climate of insanity around sex, love and relationship; hope that we can clear the disrespect for and dissociation from our own precious bodies, and our sensual, sexual nature; hope that sexual wounding can be healed and moved beyond; and hope that our children can grow into healthy and happy expressions of their own sexuality, with loving and appropriate education from the adults around them who care. This is a big undertaking.

I will be writing about my clients in ways that honor the confidentiality and trust that they place in me. The stories I will be sharing, about TM (This Man) © and TW (This Woman) © will be composites of the hundreds of people that have come through my private practice, attended my events, and shown up in my private life for my own continued healing. I invite you to subscribe. I have a lot to share. My work and teachings are currently in metamorphose. I ask for your patience and support in this transition, as I fully open my writing voice and determine how best to share what I have learned and will continue to learn, in my journey as a lover, with heart wide open.

First I Married the Shadow Side of my Father...

2011-05-09T10:04:00.001-06:00

then I spent 14 years in between marriages being happily single. In 1991 I entered into what I call my 'karma dump' marriage, which was to a man that held the energies of the dark side of my mother. Since the ending of that second marriage, in 1994, my inner work has been about the healing of parental wounding, and the patterns of sexual abuse and dysfunction in my blood-line lineages. I expect that the man I attract from my wholeness will bring the gifts of the balanced energies of my father, when I am no longer attracting men that mirror my parental wounds.

Harville Hendrix wrote about this possibility in his book, "Getting the Love You Want." The theory is that, until we heal the wounding from our primary care-givers in childhood, we repeatedly and consistently, in an unconscious way, attract partners who trigger that pain in us, so that as adults, we have the opportunity to move beyond the limitations imposed by that wounding. A committed primary relationship is likely the PhD program in life's journey. When a couple can agree that they have entered into a healing partnership, it is easier for both to see the patterns from the past arising in present time. Strategies can be developed for stepping out of the ingrained patterns, so that awareness of wounding from the past can be transformed by moving beyond the old reactions in present time. I'm amazed and humbled by how often couples come to me with what I call matching wounding. For instance, someone with abandonment issues will attract partners over and over who have a hard time committing to the relationship. The unconscious is asking for awareness of the pattern, so that the wounding can be healed.

What if you had a bad mother?

2011-05-08T21:55:00.000-06:00

And what if it's also your birthday?

It has been an odd day. I am starting my 60th rotation around the sun today (I'm 59) and it's also Mother's Day. I'm smack dab in the middle of the astrological influence called the Saturn return. Saturn, being the giant planet that it is, takes a very long time to return to the point in the birth chart where it began. This influence happens at 28 - 30 and 58 - 60, and, if you are still around, 88 - 90. The influence takes place over a two year period, and it is truly a death/ rebirth cycle. The themes are about your core identity and your soul's purpose in coming here.

I was born into a family with the deep and tragic wounding of sexual abuse in both lineages. My paternal grandmother, orphaned at age 12, had been sent to live with two 'bachelor' uncles - set-up for disaster if there ever was one. And I know in my bones that my mother must have been sexually abused. As I've unwound the damage from my own abuse in childhood, I've developed some compassion for her. And there's still anger. Her stubborn unwillingness to speak to me, because I'm no longer capable of tolerating her inability to talk about the past and the ways that we have always been disconnected, has brought about her complete ejection of me from her life. I've grieved her as if she had died. A part of me longs for her death, so that the outer connection that we share, that all mothers and daughters share, will at last be severed. My most challenging spiritual task is to forgive her completely. Logically, I can imagine that someday I will be able to do that. Emotionally, I still have a wounded little girl inside me that just wants the unconditional love that a good mother has for her child. I have that for my daughter. There is nothing she could do to cause me to refuse contact with her. But my mother is adept at shutting me out, even though I have made attempts at reconciliation and been met with the black hole of her hatred of me.

Over the years that I worked in a federal prison, I was often struck by the number of men that would tell me that the only woman that visits them is their mother. The thing that I can see that I've done 'wrong' in our relationship is to ask the hard questions, wanting, needing answers to what happened to me, and to understand what had happened to her. The crazy-making part is that my mother is the most charming, engaging person you'd ever meet. She was so kind to strangers, so interested in and attentive to my friends. Her light shone on everyone but those of us closest to her, my father, sister and myself. She allowed her dark side to be present with us, and especially with me. Everything that she could not accept in herself, she saw in me, and criticized endlessly.

If I'd been a bit older, I doubt that I'd ever have had a child. The responsibility of motherhood is huge. As mothers, we form our child's future, their personality and character. There are no perfect mothers, and there is no training for parenthood. If dysfunctional patterns remain unconscious, they are passed from one generation to the next. Even at the age of 17, when I became a mother, I was determined not to parent the way that I'd been parented. My greatest joy is in seeing my daughter's fantastic mothering skills and the potential in my grandchildren's lives, because they are being well raised.

My mother is my fiercest and most terrifying teacher. It has been a strange Mother's Day and birthday, and of course, I did not talk to my mother today.