Heartland Girl

2012-02-12T18:17:00.000-06:00

Praying for a snow day. I could really use an extra day, before going back to school.

Praying Morgan makes it back to school before it starts snowing.

Most of all, just praying for a huge miracle for my Dad.

"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have." ~Unknown

2012-02-11T16:58:00.000-06:00

Preliminary results say it's malignant, and it's a Grade III brain tumor. Still waiting on the final results, hopefully, will know something by Monday. The brain specialist says we will start chemo and radiation, after we get the final results. We will have to see a chemo oncologist and a radiation oncologist, to set up a treatment schedule.

Today, my sweet friend, came over and took a multitude of pictures of my dad - some with the kids, some with Maggie, some with me, some, by himself. The hardest thing I ever did. As soon as I sat down by him to get our picture taken, he told me he loved me. I lost it. My kids all left the room. I didn't mean to do it. It just happened. My friend, Charity, the photographer, was also in tears. I felt so bad. She lost her dad a little over a year ago to cancer. I would've NEVER dreamed to ask her to take pictures of my dad, under these circumstances. She approached me when I found out my dad's prognosis. She told me to pick a day and time and she would come take pictures. Charity is an excellent photographer and an even better friend. Thank you, so very much, Charity. I know this was just as hard on you, as it was on my kids and me. I love you. What a wonderful, generous thing for you to offer. I know these pictures are going to be treasured forever.

For some reason, an old James Taylor song keeps running through my mind today...."How sweet it is, to be loved by you..." I have been blessed with the sweetest Daddy anyone could EVER, EVER hope to have. He has gone above and beyond the call of duty and helped me and my kids more than he'll ever know. What would I have done without him all these years?

I decided it might be a good idea to get some photographs taken before treatment begins. We don't know for sure how he's going to handle the chemo, or if he can. I pray it doesn't make him sick. I pray the doctor is right, and it makes him have a better quality of life.

I love you, Daddy.

2012-01-28T13:26:00.002-06:00

It's not looking good. So sad to watch your dad go downhill, fast. He's lost so much weight. Waiting for more test results. Please pray, if you pray. So sad.

2011-12-27T23:23:00.000-06:00

After being gone for five days, I'm glad to be home, yet, sad. Wish I could've stayed longer with my aunt to help her out. What a rough, emotional first week of Christmas break. My uncle passed away on my birthday, last week, which was also the last day of school for me. The last five days were filled with family, tears, and lots of love. Today, the funeral, the graveside service, the family dinner, more traveling. Morgan is doing somewhat better. To her, this was Papa Jim, and Granny Retha, all of her life, even though they were, in reality, her great uncle and aunt.

Then, more bad news, in the midst of all of this. My dad. Dear Lord, please help him; please heal his body, and make him new. I can't lose him. Not now.

So tired. So sad.

2011-12-17T14:43:00.000-06:00

Much to do, so little time. Can't wait for Christmas break. I have never waited this long to put up my Christmas tree. UGH...my heart just isn't in it, for some reason. Just when I think I'm okay, I have a dream. Why? Why? The last two days have been hard. Bittersweet. I'm happy and hopeful, yet, so sad and lonely. How can that be? Lord, please help me. I miss you, Mom. I miss pure happiness. I miss my brother. This lone journey is a hard one. I miss my dad, even though he's still here. Please, Lord, make him better.

2011-12-11T11:32:00.000-06:00

"It is well with my soul..." It is. It truly is. Finally. I'm good. I'm happy. I'm excited about life again. I'm over it. It's a scar, for sure. A BIG, ugly, nasty scar. But, scars are a sign of survival, not defeat. I'm no longer defeated. I am a survivor....always have been. Thank you, Lord. Others may leave and forsake me, but, YOU...You never will. For that, I am eternally grateful.

2011-12-03T23:54:00.000-06:00

Oh, YEEAAHHHH!!! Go POKES!!!! AWESOME win tonight!!! Loved every minute of the game!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

2011-12-01T20:51:00.002-06:00

Please, Lord, not again.

2011-11-27T00:00:00.000-06:00

Thank you, Lord!! I am there!! I am happy. I AM going to be okay. You know my heart, and You alone will give me what my heart needs and desires. You helped me find my happy again. Thank you, and God, I love you. You had my perfect plan all along, as always.

2011-11-24T20:49:00.000-06:00

"Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Came across this today. Thank you, Lord. You are the one constant in my life. What an awesome promise. Only You. I can count on You. You, and You alone, will NEVER leave me...never forsake me.

Thank You for always being there for me, even in the darkest of hours; even when I don't deserve it. This verse alone is a gift, but, the promise in this verse is the ultimate gift. What a simple promise, yet profound, never ending, and ever present, from this day forward, in my heart.

2011-11-23T18:20:00.000-06:00

What a surprise. You sounded good. You sounded happy. I'm glad you're happy.

I'm getting there slowly, but, surely. It's almost been a year. This time last year, it was all falling apart...for the fourth time. Why didn't I listen the first time?

I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to move on. Every now and then, I slip. Many memories are triggered by a song on the radio, a rainy day, a football game on the television...That's when I slip and fall back. Then, I try my best to pick myself back up...again and again. It might take a day or two, but, I always get back up. I'm not a quitter. Never have been. I guess that's why it was so hard for me to understand. I know when I want something, I don't give up. But, maybe that's why you gave up so easily....you just thought you knew what you wanted at first, then, you realized you wanted what you already had all along....or didn't want someone else to have it??

I can see more clearly now. Things I didn't notice last year, I now see. The things I DID notice are now more magnified. One of these days, I WILL be able to say, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." Not right now. It still feels like an unusually cruel, mean joke. Someday, it will feel okay. It will be well with my soul. I know, this all sounds crazy. But, this is how I'm working it all out. Slowly, but surely.

Like I said, I'm glad you're happy.

2011-11-18T22:57:00.000-06:00

Heartbroken and in complete disbelief. Just total shock. A very dear, sweet young friend passed away today. I just cannot believe it. What a good, good, person. He was just like a son or little brother to me. My heart just breaks for his mom, dad, wife, and two very young children. His baby is just months old. Born probably less than six months ago? I do know he's in Heaven right now though. He's laughing and joking around with the best of them, I'm sure. Love ya, Brandon.

2011-11-17T21:07:00.000-06:00

It's a new day. It's a good day. I'm getting there. I smiled today. I'm starting to get my happy back. I can feel it creeping in. It's been over a year. A long, sad year. No looking back. I have to look forward. I will make it.

2011-11-10T21:37:00.002-06:00

"If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse."

2011-11-09T22:03:00.002-06:00

"Never miss a chance to dance." :)

2011-11-04T22:04:00.000-05:00

So excited about tomorrow!! Going to the Oklahoma State University vs. Kansas State game, in Stillwater, with my friend!! It's supposed to be cold & windy, and doesn't start until 7:00 p.m. Hoping we don't freeze!! Must go by and get hand and foot warmers before I leave!! Wearing lots of layers and all my OSU clothes!

I'm hoping this allergy/sinus thing I've had all week is all gone or even some better by tomorrow. I've been freezing in my classroom, with no heat!!

Going to a wedding next Friday at the Cherokee Casino in West Siloam Springs, Oklahoma! I had NO idea there was such a town in Oklahoma, until just the other day when I received the wedding invitation. You learn something new everyday!! It should be fun! I've never been to a wedding at a casino!! Spending the night, so we won't have to drive home late, since the wedding starts at 7:00 p.m., and it's a little over a two-hour drive.

Going to bed now. Long day tomorrow!! Can't wait!! GO POKES!!! :)

2011-10-30T22:44:00.001-05:00

"When you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses, no lies, and no broken promises."

2011-10-30T18:41:00.000-05:00

This is so hard. When is this going to be over?

2011-10-16T16:18:00.000-05:00

Busy, busy weekend. Had lots of fun! Ready for fall break at the end of next week!!

2011-10-11T23:27:00.000-05:00

I go to three inclusion classes during the course of the day. These are regular ed. classes, with special education students. My job is to wander around the classroom, helping all of the students, if needed, but, focusing on the special education students, without any of the students knowing that I'm there mainly for my "special" kiddos.

In one of these classes, the regular ed. teacher was gone today. There was a male substitute teacher. When I walked into the classroom, the kids were going bananas! One particular student, whom I will call "Johnny" noticed me walk in and immediately says, "Miss Stamper!! I'm SO glad you're here, the class is going crazy; they're being awful for the sub!" This is quite comical and ironic to me, because normally, "Johnny" is one of the main ring leaders, if you will, when the regular ed. teacher is present. I look him in the eye, and he's serious; he's completely upset with the behavior of his classmates. They are being quite loud and rambunctious. I say, "Okay, thanks," then, stepped back to observe how the substitute was going to handle the situation. He seemed to be doing fairly good at executing the lesson, however, the kids were, unfortunately, not listening to him, for they were way too busy talking, laughing, and cutting up. In the meantime, I quickly drew up a seating chart, then, in just a second or two, held up my seating chart and explained that I was taking notes on behavior and would be glad to share it with Mrs. Teacher-lady when she returns tomorrow. Immediate silence and cooperation took place in the classroom. :) I enjoyed watching excellent behavior from that point on.

Three minutes before the bell was about to ring to dismiss the classroom, little Mr. 8th grade, big man on campus, Johnny, caught my eye from across the room and mouths the word, "I need to go to the restroom!!!" with sheer terror and agony on his face. I look back at him and mouth the words, "I do too!" with even more terror and agony on MY face.

IF ONLY I'd had a camera to record the look on his face....then, he mouths the words..."YOU do?!?!" I nod my head "Yes". He just looks dumbfounded. He doesn't know how to react. Then, a great big smile comes over his face.

Priceless.

I won.

2011-10-10T20:36:00.001-05:00

To the heart broken, scared, angry, lonely, lost... "Be still and know that I am God."

2011-10-09T20:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, okay, so I wished the Longhorns "good luck". Forgive me? :)

Congrats! I hope you had fun. I'm sure you were right there in the big middle of it all, having fun, THIS time.

The Pokes won too!! :) Woo-Hoo!!!

2011-10-08T10:27:00.000-05:00

On a new journey...

Which way do I go?

So many choices...

A little confused, but excited...

Lord, help me to make the right decision.

2011-10-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

I can't believe this weekend is here again. What horrible, horrible memories. What was supposed to be so much fun, turned into a nightmare. I knew before we even left, we were doomed. I could feel it in my bones. Why couldn't you just tell me before we went down that long, lonely road?

I know you're probably there again this weekend. I hope you have a better weekend this year than the one we had last year. I hope this game works better for you.

Go Longhorns! :)

2011-10-02T21:53:00.000-05:00

Praying I get out of this funk soon. I just want to move on. I just want to be happy again. I just want to live again. Please, Lord, help me to move on. Why can't I just forget? Why can't I just move on?