Heaven's Whispers...*

Sticks and stones…

2012-03-12T20:15:00.001-07:00

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words shatter my soul.

Sweet sensual lies you spill out of your luscious soft succulent lips, lies begotten from truth: woven into the matrix of my mind.

Your savoury words crotched with expert skills-man-ship; adorn each and every one of your smiles.

Speaking with fervour, unaware of the damage you caress with the words you spew tenderly and harmoniously into my memory.

So I shut my heart to your words and close my tears to this pain: words, beautiful and woven as a gossamer in the spring, words torn from the sky painted with your scarlet broken voice, words written with the blood of your lust.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words shatter my soul.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words shatter my soul.

With my dignity left on my backside underneath your words; my love left tucked in your blue sheets wrapped in the black smock of your oblivion.

Maybe my prying eyes and curious heart got the best of me; maybe I was too unashamed to look for reasons of your imminent escape. Tell me what it is, what cause have I had on the effect of my thriving love.

Is it my gentle caress of your future dreams, my constant need for your attention, my impatience with your inadequate responses? Tell me what has my affection has done to your love? Has it smothered all we have, have I smothered my dignity with your sheets, drowned your fears with my selfish tears. Tell me what I need to change, tell me what needs to be said: what do I need to do to renegotiate the heartbeat that was mine back into rhythm? My rhythm?

Or should I stop thinking much of what we have, shut my heart to the torment, turn my pieces on my back let you take what you need and forget how to feel? All the love I have to give falls on deaf ears; falls on a blind heart.

So I will lock my love in a bottomless pit, undefined and unfelt. I will not show emotion not today or tomorrow because it holds no respite for the pain you show. I refuse to love if it hurts, I refuse to feel warm if its effect is caustic, I refuse to let you see my soul as I have before because you see seriousness rather than me; rather than my love for you.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words shatter my soul.

...Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words mar my soul...

LIst3n to your WaR s0ng...

2012-01-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

Listen.

Listen to the voice inside, listen with your heart to a silence I can no longer contain.

Listen to the slow melodic tune, the ferocious drumming beat inside the vessel.

Listen to the secret story of your words in my mind.

Listen to the increase in tempo,

Listen to the slow swaying of my movement to your beat.

Listen to the thumping of your footsteps on my heart.

Listen in silence to the noise you create.

Listen to the fury of these beats,

The onomatopoeic sweet serenade of your love inside me.

Listen to the victory dance your smile ululates to in my mind.

Listen to the silent war song you whisper with your eyes…

Listen to the flowing fountain of your gentle touch healing my open wounds,

Listen to the flow of the current through me,

Listen to my prayer for you every day asking for you to be the perfect one.

Listen to the flow, the flow of your love through me.

Listen to your war song causing triumph in me.

Listen to your war song singing melodies in the words I speak.

Listen to your war song cascade through my actions.

Listen, listen to, listen to your, listen to your war song in my heart.

LORD tell me if the words I hear are words true to the promise you have instore for me...

Listen.

Listening to my heart...

Loving a memory....

2011-07-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

Forlorn, cold, shivering. She sat on the pavement bewildered by the most perplexing thought...
"How could she have loved a memory..."
Looking to the heavens beseeching mercy's ear she prays for an answer...

Taunted, haunted, saddened. She peers inside her mind looking for the love begot....
"Why did you come into my iridescent thoughts?"
Looking far beyond the sky, with crystal tears she prays for an answer...

Shattered, broken, alone. She lifts her heart to HIS feet searching for some pain relief, a new train of thought....
"Why did you come back? Why won't my heart let you be...."
Looking to the scarred skyline of her heart, with arms stretched to touch JESUS, she sobs for mercy...

With a broken smile and beautiful memories, she stands on the grave of your love and kisses your lips to heaven. With the last of her will and strength she begs for mercy, she cries out for pity...she beseeches you not to forget her LORD... love this lowly girl....

LORD; broken on the pavement of the broken road her life is, with a faint and emotive voice she sighs out to YOU LORD...

"Let him not break me again...let me let YOU take control...let me let YOU have your way..."

"LORD, let me have a whole heart...not bits and pieces like a vagabond with no direction..."

so she sits on the pavement, loving your memory...waiting for relief from heaven...

hanging on to words she remembers etched deeply in her mind... Jeremiah 29:11...

Dear friend:

2011-06-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Friend:

I pen my thoughts to YOU at this perplexing time of the night,

My unconscious reality refuses to grant me flight.

So with the cursor of my pent up dreams I write to YOU,

But my words have cursed my mind into a state of coup.

Seeking to start my words with sentences poignant with meaning,

All that comes up is; meaningless careening…

Thoughts that flow ceasing less

But still I cannot find the depth or meaning

In each beautiful digress

Still my thoughts are stunted.

Dear friend:

These are the vibrations of a stunted poet,

Poetically signed by an audacious author;

These are the rhythms of my mental incapacity,

The emotions of my essence:

Unfeigned truth of my stunted thoughts…

Dear friend:

I got up again,

Today I still can’t find words to put to work,

Words to emote my desires,

Release my captive imagination:

Words to serenade my silent heart,

Words to remind me of GOD’s unfailing love,

I can’t find words…

Dear friend:

Give me words…

That’s all I pray, for I realize my feeble attempts at writing my own song

Serve me greater distress than I have known…

Give me words that speak of YOUR heavenly love,

Dear JESUS:

Show me how to write,

Hide me behind every word and let YOUR glory shine,

Let my words speak YOUR beautiful love to the hearts;

The hearts of the weary, the broken, the feebly strong,

The proud and the humble:

JESUS, use my words to minister to every heart.

On my own, they are just meaningless vibrations of human expectations,

With YOUR own artistic excellence,

These words are; hope to a heart, balm to the wound,

Love to the broken, salvation to the world…

In JESUS precious name I pray, AMEN…

Dear JESUS:

Thank you for the words…

Words....*

We are making a mark!!!*

HE wants it all....*

2011-05-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

Command...*

2011-05-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

Streaks of her heart fall downwards past her poignant nose. Those feelings of inadequacy trace their footprints across the contours of her face. Softly and with the grace that a woman of her condition can afford, she wipes away her pain; pulls up her sleeve acroos her blackened and darkened shoulder, reaches for the hand of her child and with trepidation in her every breath, she crosses the streets to her misery...

He was only 8 but he couldn't understand why mother was so sad, crying when he was right there with her. She was everything to him, and he was confused as to why mother was in such fear and tears yet she always smiled. He knew that he was too young to understand why mummy and daddy fought for hours each night and why daddy walked funny every night when he came home but still, he was here. She should be smiling! He prayed in his heart that GOD would give his mother her smile back soon...

Hurrying to catch the bus, she held her son's hand even tighter... As she struggled to see past the tears blurring her brown eyes, she never even heard the sound of the truck as it speed upto her.

Five miserable years, she lost her son on that road....."GOD why did you take away my joy? why did you break my heart, even when i have loved YOU with all i have. since then i have not concieved another child. Why did you break my heart LORD, why?" Then she sat and listened, picking up her old torn bible, and flipping the page, her answer stuck out so vividly.....

"Thou shall not have any other gods before ME..."

Exodus 20;3-19

"Be still and wait patiently for the LORD to act...."

Prodigal daughter...*

2011-03-25T16:44:00.000-07:00

Authentic perfection...authentic perception, thats what they do....

Spinning tasteful lies through the innocent ears of a post mortem teen,

only an "adultic" teen thats what she was.

She left home chasing "greener grass," looking for "quiet waters," searching for "pastures..."

so she set her trail ablaze, burned the memories of the past quiet life, the peaceful, Oh how peaceful it was...

She got up on her feet, letting the rain wash her clear of her past achievements and stepped throught to the horizon of mistakes...Mistakes that a prodigal child must make, a rite of passage or so she thought...

blue dress, pretty bows, taunt belt, skinny jeans designer bag, expensive shades...well that was the the new look, a metarmorphosis of persona, a person of sheer insecurity...

She saw no-one but herself, "Pride goes before destruction a haughty spirit before a fall..." thats the girl who she became...proud, obnoxious, inconsiderate, selfish, broken, hurt, insecure, tortured, unconcerned, depressed and tired...

She looks to the mirror and all she sees are the remnants of a beautiful girl...

her mind flashes to the instant it all began...

"Let's go dammit! What are you waiting for?" he called out.

that was the man she had purposed to love, the man who was gonna show her the way to live, the high life the life where all she had to do was party, and drink all night...

she did all the things mother warned her about, she tried all the things her father told her not to...she left the GOD she had known for a life of misery...."bad company ruins good morals..."

So here she is looking into the memory bank of her mind trying to find a solid plan of life from this point forward...trying to go at it by herself...trying to live by a standard that was socially and morally acceptable in a place of no morals....How does a faithful untainted daughter of GOD decide to live by the standards set by a worldy place....?

Looking into her own eyes she was sad...saddened by the state of emergency she was...bruised soul, broken heart, tortured mind....she was a sinner, and right at that point she felt truly like a sinful sinner...

but when GOD says "never will I live you nor forsake you", HE means every letter.

In her broken mind she couldn't see past the broken tears, always a broken corpse...

GOD is close to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit...

Help was on the way long before trouble began, help was on the way long before sin had taken her down...

See GOD gives sight to the blind even before they ask for it, "ask and it shall be given to you...." but you must first understand that "seek ye first the kingdom of GOD and HIS righteousness and EVERYTHING ELSE will be added to you" that is a definite, "amazing grace how sweet the sound..."

and so when the pre-"adultic" teen felt lost and dead, GOD restored the breathe of life that had dimed in her...giving her reason to smile and praise..." for when the daughter was still a long way of, the father ran and embraced her..."

GOD gave me a hug when i needed it the most...Authentic Love, authentic peace...

A hug when I needed one...:)

We are making a mark!!!*

...Foolish..*

2011-03-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

Thank YOU, LORD for another day,

Another breathe i don't deserve but YOU have given freely dear JESUS...

Thank YOU for another moment to be well and have friends, and the understanding YOU have bestowed upon me...

THANK YOU...

LORD, we are foolish.

I am foolish...

We are silly and stupid.

I am silly and stupid...

We are forgetful and un-appreciative,

I am forgetful and un-appreciative...

Inconsiderate and unkind, unfair and uncouth,

un concerned and insensitive.

FATHER forgive me for i have not been deaf to listen to your healing words.

but LORD, i know you have decreed Jeremiah 29:11, for YOU have called me by name, said that YOU are my friend. JESUS i know that YOU love me with every bit because Psalms 103:12 wrote it...

LORD, with every step i take YOU heard my cry, YOU wiped my tears even when i felt beat....still YOUR loving word says that 1st Corinthians 10:13...

I know that for one, GOD will never stop showing me 1st Corinthians 13 love.. HE will hold me close to HIS heart for i am Genesis 1:27

so LORD i ask of YOU, to forgive our selfish, idolatry, adultrous self. Forgive my insensitive and unfair behaviour, my noisy self when i cant be silent.. LORD heal your people, teach them and me YOUR love.

Psalms 23...Heal me beside YOUR quiet pastures, walk with me LORD as i walk through this valley of shadow of death...because i know JESUS, YOU will teach how to trust YOU...

LORD i ask that you forgive us...

JESUS i know i am on the right track...LORD i will not stop because YOU never stopped with me.

I'm not perfect LORD, but i know YOU will use me.. I don't always stop to listen but GOD im praying YOU will teach me how. I know i haven't been giving YOU my all and am so sorry, so JESUS teach me to give my all to YOU.

Philipians 4:6,7 GOD i know YOU will give me and have continually blessed me with that peace...

GOD i pray YOU teach me dilligence, determination, discipline and love being the greatest.

AND FATHER, FRIEND, i know and trust that YOU are coming back to take me home...

IN JESUS NAME I PRAY,

AMEN...

Psalms 23...*

HE is making a mark... <3

"Who am I?"

2011-03-10T16:47:00.000-08:00

Three simply complex words, "who am I?" but a phrase we can barely answer...

Philosophers, Scholars, literature buffs all have meanings and definitions for this phrase, scientist too. But the one person who struggles to find the meaning of this phrase is us...

"Who am i?"

There's a teenager sitting in her room, painting the white walls with her eyes. She inspires the bland walls with her imagination of what she thinks Monalisa should have looked like. She draws better figures than Picasso's failed art. She has sat there for hours trying to figure out who she is, i mean the literature assignment isn't going to complete itself! But she can't seem to find any description of herself. At 16 you would think she would have figured out atleast abit about herself but all she can come up with is, her name.

"Who am i?"

Seems simple enough for anyone to answer, i mean its just 3 words what else could it be...

At 35years of age, a succesful career and a wife and kids, a man decides to go for a sex change. He decides to leave his wife of 18years and marry a 21year old girl. And people wonder what is wrong with such men?

Its simple really, they still don't know who they are....

Here I am, am still trying to figure out a full definition of who i am, but so far this is what i have come to learn:

I am not just my name...

I am not just my country, Kenya...

I am not just my tribe, Kisii...

I am not my friends or a figmented me...

I am NOT a doormat...

I am not forgotten...

but this is what I am;

I am GOD's child...

I am a friend to JESUS...

I am Loved...

I am a forgiven sinner...

I am a seventh-day adventist CHRISTIAN....

I am found...

I am peaceful...

I am a workaholic...

I am not a broken corpse...

I am FREE...

I am HAPPY...

I am cherished...

I am respected...

I am trustworthy...

I am nothing without GOD...

"I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me"

"I trust in GOD in all my ways and acknowledge HIM, and JESUS directs my paths..."

I am fun...

I am poised...

I am DEFINETLY BEAUTIFUL....

I am striving to be a great friend like JESUS is to me....

I am faulty...

I am under construction...

I am analytical...

I am quiet...

I am learning...

I am 5:14. “‘You are the light of the
world. A city on a hill cannot be
hidden. Neither do people light
a lamp and put it under a bowl.
Instead they put it on its stand,
and it gives light to everyone in
the house. In the same way, let
your light shine before men, that
they may see your good deeds and
praise your Father in heaven.’”

“Let them
see your good deeds and praise
your Father in heaven!”

I am on a mission, to spread the gospel for CHRIST's soon return....

"who am I?" I am still finding out slowly but i thank GOD i have a starting point...

See, when I say i am loved, im not alone...I know many out there need to know they are loved, but I realize my deficiency, i am just human and i can't love the way GOD can love... JESUS loved so much it killed HIM, imagine what HE did and is still doing for you and me...

When we begin to answer the question "who am I?", lets all turn and ask GOD, "who do you want me to be?..."

I am DEFINETLY NOT MY PAST...*

We are making a mark!!!*

Thank you...*

2011-02-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

Pass me not O gentle SAVIOUR hear my humble cry....while on others thou art calling, do not pass me....by

And so this week HE has not left me....GOD is with me.... in more ways than i can say...JESUS is with me...every second even in my twisted mind...JESUS is with me..

JESUS thank you... :)

Thank you.... :)

We are making a mark!!!*

Hymn 86:

2011-02-08T16:46:00.000-08:00

"O LORD my GOD when i in awesome wonder,
Consider all THY works THY hands have made,
i see the stars, i hear the mighty thunder,
THY power throughout the universe display.

Then sings my soul my Saviour GOD to THEE, how great THOU art,
HOW GREAT THOU ART...
Then sings my soul my Saviour GOD to THEE, how great THOU art, HOW GREAT THOU art..."

These word are the melody of my heart...LORD teach me to sing these words to THY honor....

See when GOD decides to lead us, HE won't let go..."HE who began a good work in me will not rest untill it is finished"

GOD has made sure we know that HE won't let us go... "Never will I leave you nor forsake you..."

And that is a promise i have seen in the past week...so ill shout from the rooftops, scream to the world....MY GOD is GREAT....

PRAISE HIM, PRAISE GOD....

We are making a mark!!!*

trUst...*

2011-01-30T13:24:00.000-08:00

JESUS i trust in YOUR promise of Jeremiah 29:11....

Jeremiah 29:11

We are making a mark!!!*

Rescue...*

2011-01-29T14:18:00.000-08:00

JESUS come to my rescue...

LORD, give me words as David...

Let me speak just as Psalms 45:1 says...

Let me see YOUR grace through the marvelous works of YOUR gracious nail punctured hands...Let me understand the love YOU promised me, and know that the words YOU speak are true...

let my heart be tuned to Philippians 4:8 and in my mind speak YOUR peace into, LORD hear my cry, just as David begged for forgiveness and guidance, I pray for the same. Just as Ruth trusted in YOU the Bible that she had "a heart so hidden in YOU, JESUS, may my heart be so hidden in YOU that a man should seek YOU first to find me..."

LORD for i am weak but YOU provided that..."my weakness be made perfect in YOUR unfailing love"
2 Corinthians 12:9....

LORD my prayer is that YOU may be seen through me...everything i do...i live by Galatians 5:22-23, changed because you carried out Ezekiel 11:19, Zechariah 4:6....

LORD, Psalms 40:8 speaks my hearts desires... and i pray that LORD these words may edify another...as it does me,

for YOU said, Psalms 34:9 rings true and we can shout and proclaim to the world Psalms 23:1..."THE SOVEREIGN LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT..."

Rescue me LORD...*

We are making a mark!!!*

Silently staring...*

2011-01-24T14:45:00.000-08:00

Silently staring at the stars...
Praying for a peace of mind...
Asking GOD to give me Philippians 4:6,7 peace...

Sweetly i feel the gentle breeze...
A distant sound, a patient whisper...
LORD your voice is crystal clear...
Perfect harmony with perfect love...

A rose...
I am a rose; untainted, unblemished, thorny, imperfect...
a rose with so many stories, so many marks of life...
a rose that weathered storms...
no i am not ordinary, i refuse to be...
i am extraordinary, beautiful...

A decimal...
I am a decimal; point blank, rounded, in between...
its never easy, but with my point blank nature...

Hopeful...
for so much, to recover from a broken-heart...
recover...
learning to hope, believing in hope, loving in hope, living with hope...
Hope in JESUS, hope of HIS soon return, of love of a man...
so yes, i am hopeful for tomorrow, even sooner even today...

So i silently watch the sky above,
the moon orbiting the earth, the earth orbiting the sun...
I look at the stars shining in splendor...
Knowing that my JESUS spoke and they shone...

A delicate lily,
lone standing on a beach...
I am always forgotten, always passed...
my heart is always broken but the colors have stuck...
so I hope for a heart to be fixed, for JESUS to give me grace...
so I'll hope...

for I know Jeremiah 29:11 doesn't lie...

Silently staring...*

We are making a mark!!!*

She is; beautiful....*

2011-01-18T15:10:00.000-08:00

She is GOD's creation, HIS pride and joy...

She is GOD's created perfection...

She is beautiful, even though most times she hates who stares at her in every reflection...

She is found, even though most times she feel so lost...

She can see, though she wears blinds to cover the reality...

She is focused, probably on things that sometimes really don't need focus...

She is playful, with many things even herself...

She is finding the way, probably looking in the wrong place for the right directions but at least she's not stopped looking for the directions...

She is fulfilled; not with the right things, but she is searching for the right fulfillment all in all...

She is patient; probably with things that will happen really soon, but she is learning patience with herself and love too...

She loves; its hard to love, when you really have been hurt by it, but GOD said don't stop loving, HE never stopped even though HE was hurt...so she is trying to live by love's principle...

She is alone; only in her mind, when she forgets that distance is just but miles, the heart will have no clue of the miles like the eyes...

She is wild; she knows that she is untamed but only because she is looking for something that makes it all worthwhile, something that will last...

She is cautious; with who she trusts but accommodating once she does, but you break her trust and she will never trust you again...

She is precious; to me, because i love her, she's not perfect to me but she cares...

She is a friend; for i know that she worries about me, close to me as a sister....

She is flawed; not in the way everyone thinks, but rather the fact that she loves hard and breaks harder, she cares too much for others and not enough for her, she takes a lot in and lets little out...

She is silent; about real pain, crushing pain, and i worry its eating away at her beautiful self...

She is delicate; not because she is a lady, but because she has a heart of gold, encased in diamond...

She is indifferent; to attitude that doesn't please her, people who don't take her seriously...

She is polite; to elders...

She is extraordinary; when she believes she can, when she does what she knows she can. The right kind of can...

She is remarkable; in her element, she shines so bright...

She is intelligent; when you listen to the analytical mind that speaks....

She is intimidated; when you don't believe she can...

She is pressured; to live by worldly standards when she wants to live by her own, they may be a bit twisted but she is still searching for that standard that fulfills her...

She is judged; by those who don't take time to see her depth and beauty like i do.

She is trustworthy; for my secrets are vaulted in her memory...

She is true; to her word and at times to herself., we all have moments of epiphany...

She is searching; for a meaning to everything, and GOD will help her find it. That i do not doubt...

She is linguistic; i mean 4 languages is no easy feet... :)

She is; so much more than meets the eye, all what i cannot begin to describe and explain. Learning her takes time but is worth the time...for see she is beauty undiscovered, fragile but graceful, like porcelain she is delicate but still like titanium, floats through so much drama unscathed even though sometimes she threatens to sink, she looks up and sees the few strong hands holding her up and the fervent prayers keeping her afloat...

Mother's joy, GOD's child, Daddy's girl, sister's pillar, friend's sister, my *blo.ndi.e*

She is; Nyamambia Nyaribo....

She is; beautiful....*

We are making a mark!!!*

...Renewed..*

2011-01-18T14:10:00.000-08:00

Silently we cry, we sit in corners and shed tears...

GOD watches over us so relentlessly, calling out to us in our pain to see HIS outstretched arms of love...

GOD patiently waits for us to see HIS loving grace and abounding love in our lives, even through the most miserable of times when you feel as though everything is crashing down on your head, JESUS is telling you "take up MY yoke, for MY burden is easy and MY yoke light."

JESUS is calling out to you telling you "I will give you peace that surpasses understanding," all we have to do is just trust in HIM..

so in my corner of tears...i will trust the JESUS for even through my struggles i find peace in THY loving arms...for i know that YOU uphold me with THY righteous right hand... JESUS i am your child, i will not be cast away and left...for Psalms 91 assures me i am protected, Philippians 4:6,7 reminds me of peace YOU promised, Psalms 31:24 still keeps my mind set on you...knowing that Psalms 37:4 will come to pass...but most of all LORD, Luke 24:46-48 proves JESUS is alive and keeping me in HIS hands...

and JESUS is coming back to take me home...

So in my sadness i will rejoice for soon my mourning shall turn into joy for JESUS said so..."great is GOD's faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies i will see...as thou hast been LORD, THOU forever wilt be.."

Rainbow mercies...*

We are making a mark!!!*

Out YOnder...*

2011-01-10T03:37:00.000-08:00

Step back...

Take a look, out yonder there's a hope beaming...

Out of the yonder seas there's a lighthouse, with a light breaking through each wave. As the thrust and push of earthly trials threaten to fully incapacitate and destroy us, there's a light out yonder...

See the lighthouse that marks the beginning of hope and denotes the end of misery; the lighthouse stands firm through all struggles, it doesn't move with the wind or is never shaken, the lighthouse is full of warmth, grace and love.

Stepping back, and trusting the guiding light, am steering through turbulent Bermuda waters to find refuge in the lighthouse. Am grabbing the wheel of the tiny canoe called life and like a cruise ship i refuse to capsize. Though the winds grow stronger, JESUS your healing grace holds me firm. Calmly I'm steering to a new set of waters...the calm at the dawn of a new day.

So lighthouse keep guiding my steps...righteously i take every paddle into stride and look at my goal.

Out yonder there's hope, out yonder redeeming grace restores me to Love...

Lighthouse, keep lighting my path for the Psalmist says "YOUR word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."

Psalms 119:105...

my canoe to face the waters...*

We are making a mark!!!*

Little girl...*

2011-01-06T02:47:00.000-08:00

Progressively...time stood still.

Posters of her imagination...forming a collage of her reflection...
This girl I put cursor to work about is not ordinary. This girl, my cursor blinks ferociously, writing her history is not easy to write about.

Pause...

Patiently she lifts her face to the mirror...she pauses to compose her features with her eyes...
This girl struggled to get here... Looking at the mirror she sees a playful girl...no..she sees a woman..wait,

Its not a stagnating picture rather its a motion sequence of growth....

Look...

See that woman holding her hand? That is the woman who carried her for 9months... Them woman who had 8 before her...but they never saw the day of light....The woman who cried to GOD to keep that little girl held in amniotic peace...

See how she laughs as the girl learned the word..."Mama." See how this woman called mama makes it a life mission for her to live life. For the girl to entice the world with her mind. No, not a stereotypical girl who conforms to the adulterous ways o a sinful world. She, Mama, wants that little girl to shine. Mother Teressa would gladly say "that is my child."

Look,

another picture forms...fading a memory into the depths of vague amnesia. The little girl learns how to walk...
But these are not her memories. They were concealed in the cerebellum to long, how can they still be so vivid?

Oops. She fell. The first time she understood what pain was, she also finally coherently(in her small in-exposed mind) understood that when an accident happens, the most appropriate emotion is to holler. She probably didn't understand that the feeling was pain. Who could blame her, her mind was just taking baby steps in the adult world.

Dissolve...

The scene in the mirror before her changes. Her first day at school. At one and a half, she felt audacious.
There she is, holding her head high walking with her little squeaky shoes and tiny bag in tow with mama's hand. She was going to school, and no-one would stop her dream. It was already in its final stages at only one and a half years old. Mama walks into class with little girl and oh my, didn't she feel special. The room: colorful posters line the sides of the space, little desks and tiny chairs seem like lab equipment to the young one's mind, children. Some looked so drab: tear drops circling the rim of their big beady eyes, threatening sniffles that seemed as though they would turn into full fledged wailing characterized their tiny mouths. Little girl wondered why they seemed so sad.

A new emotion, SAD.

Little girl was happy...

A new emotion, HAPPY.

Mama lets her hand go, little girl looks expectantly to mummy waiting to be lifted into her loving arms.
LO! Mama walks away... The elderly looking woman who seems to grasp the whole class in her stern demeanor dares the little girl to call out to her mama. Defiant, she opens her mouth.

As the first inklings of her small voice build into a climax of larynx symphony, a stinging sensation intrudes her little buttock. And now she sympathizes with her fellow inmates.

Look.

The scene changes...little girl is no longer one and a half... she turned older..grew into a woman. No she is not yet the woman who carried her for 9 precious months. She is 10, 9 years older than before. She has learnt a lot more vocabulary. She could intelligibly express ideas and thought, she could formulate ideas, even though they were somewhat rudimentary. No, i don't mean stupid. I mean bright ideas that lacked body. So at ten years, 9 years older, she was a duckling still. Half her teeth still missing, her smile still needing tweaking but all in all, she was ten, 9 years older.

Haze....

The mirror returns to reality. The mirror reflects this new creation, the woman. No longer the little girl to a harsh world, but to mother, she will always be her little girl. Reality speaks a different story, her rudimentary thoughts over the years learnt how to develop and form themselves into concrete vivacious and eloquent themes. Her mind, an analytical foreground where ideas battle for supremacy, where feelings struggle to create clarity and where her mind gathers seems of endless thought processes like carpet weavers. Her mind has turned into a vast integrated software with brain cells firing to and fro, like fission, fusion process. The ideas move so fast between layers and because she is human no barium rods can contain this process. but she is a grown woman now, so she can successfully turn on thought and retrieve memories as easily as she can remain thoughtless(without mental activity) and forget experience.

So she stares at the woman on the screen before her, she became a swan. She can now smile with all her teeth. She's still waiting for the wisdom, at least she has one lone strand of gray hair atop her head. And that strand she grows with utmost care. She is a few years older, just the other day she was one and a half, but now she stands a tall young adult embarking on a new set of adventures. See that gray strand denotes a few years of existence. One day when she gets to mothers age, she will have a full head of gray. Then she will say, truly experience and life have shaped my wisdom, but GOD has blessed me with the mustard seed we call wisdom for now...

Rain-bow

We are making a mark!!!*

Dawn away my dusk....*

2011-01-05T08:28:00.000-08:00

Dawn...

They say it gets darkest before dawn...

Dawn...

Its the time when the essence of life returns to the MAKER...

Dawn...thats when the crystal air is coldest...when the gentle breeze is hardest...
Dawn...thats when the lit horizon fades into the night creating a mirage of sorts...
Dawn...when "the early bird catches the worm," then again is it just the hungering bird seeking food?
Dawn...thats when the fears are most alive...when the dreams are most revealing...
Dawn...

Dawn...when a "a stitch in time saves nine," or is it?
Dawn...thats when life's logical answers seem insignificant in comparison...to the CREATORS magnificent beauty....
Dawn...

Dawn...what a pretty name...

Dawn...

unlike Dusk...

is when the dew is most alive...when the night dots its end with an ellipsis...
when the sun rises in honor of the most HIGH SON...

Dawn...

Dusk is when the sorrows and anxieties of the day culminate and are combusted in the night...when the pain of every painstaking minute of the day is swallowed in the peace and serenity that reveals itself in sleep...

Dusk...

where i will not be afraid....

for i know....it is darkest before dawn...but peace follows me..through the dusk of the day....its the Dawn o new blessings rather than the dusk of holding all my iniquities....

for at dusk i was forgiven...and at dawn...i was restored to CHRIST's mercy...

so i have hope...not just to face the dusk...but to brave the dark before dawn....

Dawn..away my dusk.*

We are making a mark!!!*

Shontelle - Impossible

2010-12-27T14:22:00.000-08:00

Why does it have to hurt?*

We are making a mark!!!*

....thinKs.*

2010-12-20T04:14:00.000-08:00

....standing so close to the edge and wondering.....why am even at the edge...??

GOD i trust with all i have....HE loved me so much...

Everything happens for a reason...at a season....no not for a season rather at a season.....

so im just wondering why i have so much happening in one season....

why are there so many people i hurt...who i cant love...why am i so alone in a room full of people??? why is there so much i dont understand....

in GOD's presence...there is 10p's...

PROTECTION

PROVISION

PROMISE

PRAYER

PEACE

PROVIDENCE

PATIENCE

+3More....

i need to see these things....

LORD I'm praying for all of the above....LORD hear me...when i cry...please.....there's too much i don't know how to live with.....

We are making a mark!!!*

Perception Point

2010-12-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

There’s a point where all sanity cannot contain a chaotic mess…

…When the sphere of the inner most medulla is always oppressed.

That point when the entire world is crashing in your optical chiasm,

… That’s when all the embers of your miasma

Become a part of the ashes…of long forgotten dreams….

…dusting away reality from your minds seams…

You begin to take a step in the wrong direction…

… A need to find yourself….find a new addiction…

It’s a miss-conception that by drawing scars…

You can erase the past… and turn them into stars….

… Truth sets you free.

Here’s the truth….

Scars hurt too much

Scars scar the sense of touch…

Scars leave you broken….

Closer to being irreparable and leaving you unspoken….

Simply put….scars….are a story….

It’s the way to write down painful history…

Painlessly in the cranium,

Painfully, with stainless titanium:

Titanium exterior….

Uranium interior.

suuny days ahead..*

We are making a mark!!!*

...a few weeks ago*

2010-12-11T05:02:00.000-08:00

....a few weeks ago this was just a plain and simple town girl from back home...

a few weeks ago she didn't know what love was....she didn't know what it meant to have a man in her life...

a few weeks ago...she was undisturbed....a few weeks ago she could go to church without fail...a few weeks ago was a few weeks ago...

when the world was spinning clockwise and time was running in the right direction.....when the earth didn't sleep at 8 and get up at 4pm...to start the day....!!*

So here i am....spinning in the opposite direction wondering why the moon shines during the day...and the sun lulls me to sleep??

Why is it the earth stopped lazing around and started moving so fast...the days get shorter as the nights get longer....

I know the climate has changed....not just in the new area code but in the past few weeks....(everything has changed)....so..

how did i get to this point???

how did i drive myself to this point....where did i loose sight?

a few weeks ago...i was Emma....today who am i?

I still have the name....but where's that girl?

Did she heal? Did she get lost in the midst of the fun and craze....

or did she find herself when she wasn't even looking??

where's that girl?

....where's the girl who listened?

GOD forgive me....for my iniquities....for the wrongs that so oft seem right.....for making it seem okay....

GOD hear me...please...in JESUS name i pray...AMEN.*

not knowing too...hurts*

We are making a mark!!!*

TwIce remOved*

2010-12-03T08:33:00.000-08:00

Are you still there???

CAn YOU see me....Can YOU hear me?

Can YOU stop me from picking up the knife one more time to write the love story of my hate on these hands.....LORD what am i to do....the calligraphy is getting darker again...and no one can know....how do i stop.....

Can YOU help me stop making incision after incision.....are these marks heal-able???

Am i repair-able??? fixable with just malleable tools or rigid rules???

Tell me how do i get my mind to stop the tape.....how do i stop the pieces GOD put together from falling apart again.....

Are there second chances??

Can I stop myself from picking the knife.....or picking the razor i held a bit to dear...to numb this pain......

from running my life again.....from making the smile appear and the frown drop to the text background.....

the knife that made friendships and breaks relationships...maintains my sphere of decency on the outside but torments the invisible child inside.......

CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT.......

BLEEDING just to know your sTIll ALIVe....*

*TO wRIte LoVe on her hanDs...*

another take of the same scene......*

We are making a mark!!!*

haPPend

2010-12-02T08:32:00.000-08:00

it happened again...it was a moment of utter disarray.....mental incarceration.....

I put the blade to my skin and thought...just once and it will be okay...if am still alive then it will work out....

so its happened.....

CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT,,,,,,,

one cut is all it takes

We are making a mark!!!*