The Hedonistic Traveller

Paris is Always a Good Idea

2011-12-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

Here it is, 'the Paris blog', it's the only reason I started the blog, to talk about Paris all the time! I am probably suffering my own verision of Paris syndrome, heightened by watching Midnight in Paris. I believe that Woody Allen wrote this excellent film about me, as it not only features my favourite city, but also my favourite writer, F. Scott Fitzgerald.

This time last year I was whisked away to the city as an early Christmas present and it probably was one of the greatest experiences of my life. There is no greater city to appreciate the snow, to see Christmas markets and enjoy the festive cheer.

If any of you planning a cheeky wee festive trip over to Paris here are a few tips for things to do and places to go.

Opulent desire...

There is no great place to go for a drink when it is a blizzard outside than the Bar Hemingway. The bar is situated in the Ritz (15, Place Vendome), and is open from 6:30pm – 2am. A glass of Serendipity cocktail will warm you straight up. For travellers going on a budget, this is probably not the best place; cocktails start at 30euro and climb up steeply. However, the Ritz itself is worth a visit just to wander around the halls and see the elegant and opulent decorations they have up. It’s definitely a magical experience.

Other events happening at the Ritz:

December 19^th – 24^th; little kids and parents who are staying in the hotel can discover Christmas tea by the fire from 4:30pm – 6pm.

For those wanting to spend Christmas Eve in the hotel, for 850euros per person you can attend the private Ritz Escoffier Cooking School, watch the Chef prepare dishes and eat away to your heart’s delight!

Off to the market...

There are quite a few Christmas markets to discover in Paris. The most popular, is it is the main tourist attraction, is the market on the Avenue des Champs- Elysées. It opens from November 19th – January 2nd and boasts of traditional gifts and produce.

If you’re visiting with children who already want to go to Disneyland, have no fear, there is a market in the Disney Village with little wooden chalets, open from November 8th – January 6th.

The market that has the best Christmas feel and will get even the biggest Grinch in the mood is just across from the Eiffel Tower at Place de la Trocardero, with 120 stands as well as snow villages and an ice-skating rink, I would say, though I’m still to go, this one would be what any Christmas enthusiast is after. It’s open from December 8th – January 2nd.

The two things you must try is a vin chaud, hot red wine with cinnamon and a pain d’épices.

Ding dong merrily on high...

To feel some real Christmas spirit why not head along to one of the English speaking churches in the city that hold various Carol services throughout the season. America Church in Paris has services on Sunday at 5pm and 8pm (65 quai d’Orsay), for candlelit services try the American Cathedral of Paris (23, avenue George V ) where there are services every Sunday at 6pm. For a more traditional service there is of course Notre Dame, the services are held in Latin and French which heightens the magic of the whole affair. Notre Dame’s schedule looks like this:

Christmas Eve:

4:30 p.m. : First Christmas Mass
presided over by Canon Denis Dupont-Fauville, Chaplain of the Cathedral
of Our Lady Master of Paris, Ensemble of soloists

6:00 p.m. : Family Mass
presided over by Monsignor Patrick Jacquin, rector, Archpriest of the Cathedral
broadcast live on KTO Catholic Television . Master Notre Dame de Paris, Children's Choir. Direction: Lionel SOW. After Mass, around 19:00 : Procession of children in the nursery to drop the Child Jesus.

8:00 p.m. : International Mass presided by Father Pierre-Marie HOMBERT, Chaplain of the Cathedral of Our Lady Master of Paris Choir of adults.

9:45 p.m. : Screening of Notre-Dame de Paris Cathedral living

11:00 p.m. : Christmas Eve. Carols by the Children's Choir, Young Adult Choir Ensemble and the Master of the Cathedral. choir organ: Yves castanets. Direction: Lionel SOW.

11:55 p.m.: Ring of the great bell Emmanuel Midnight : Midnight Mass with the disadvantaged, vulnerable or homeless and association members who accompany them presided over by Cardinal André Vingt-Trois, Archbishop of Paris Masters Notre-Dame de Paris, Chorus Children, Youth Ensemble, Choir of adults.

Shop till you drop...

The most magical shop was ever there was - Galeries Lafayette (40, boulevard Haussmann). And boy oh boy do they know how to decorate for Christmas. Not only can you do all your shopping under one roof, as it is a department store that literally has EVERYTHING, you can just wonder around for hours becoming entranced by the decorations.

The general Boulevard Haussmann area is the best place to visit for the December and January sales.

Holiday parties...

Those of you looking to celebrate by partying, again this is the perfect city for you. Why not start off your night on La Grande Roue, the Ferris Wheel (Jardin des Tuileries) it is open from November 19th– December 27th , continue on with the partying by heading to La Batofar (http://www.batofar.org/) for a party on a boat, you won’t be disappointed!

Fall in love in Paris...

For those of you heading for the romance, I couldn’t think of anything more romantic (I say romantic whilst others say cheesy) that riding through the city on a horse and carriage whilst it’s snowing. Website below:

http://www.viator.com/tours/Paris/Romantic-Horse-and-Carriage-Ride-through-Paris/d479-3061HORSE

Whatever you do...just enjoy the city, let it sweep you away.

So here it is, Merry Christmas...

2011-12-05T08:42:00.000-08:00

This year the build up to Christmas has been rather, for a lack of a better word, awesome. I’ve seen snow in the countryside, built (yes, built!) a Christmas tree, burnt a gingerbread house down (sadly no gingerbread men survived), listened to three different Christmas CDs, bought presents, wrapped presents, designed cards, excitedly opened doors on the advent calendar, as well as organising a mulled wine and minced pie party.

With only a couple of weeks left to go until the day itself I realised that I only know how I celebrate Christmas, but I don't know how it is celebrated throughout the world.

I’ve only ever celebrated Christmas is two different places. The UK, and Israel. I think that most house in Britain celebrate the holiday season in the same way:

Christmas Day: wake up, presents, champagne, lunch, TV, argument, more TV, and more arguments, play with presents, get bored of presents.

Boxing Day: sale shopping followed up leftovers and more arguments.

In Israel, it was slightly different; firstly, the sun was shining so that threw me a lot. It’s not as festive if you have to apply factor 30 before heading outside. Christmas Arabs don’t usually have a Christmas tree, Santa or turkey, their day is heavily focused on the religious aspect of the holiday season, after growing up in a country consumed by consumerism it was safe to say that I was shocked by the lack of Christmas ‘spirit’ shall we call it. We spent the morning in church, followed by visiting umpteen relatives, eating copious amounts of food, and then going home to argue.

I presume that no matter where you are in the world, or how you celebrate the day, there will always be an argument!

So how does the rest of the world spend it?

South Africa.

Their Christmas isn’t nearly as gift orientated as Europe. There is a larger aspect on the religious side, celebrating the day in church. Apparently, the most common gift to be given is a new set of clothes to be worn to church for the Christmas day service. Because of the amazing weather they get in SA instead of a roast turkey dinner, families head down for BBQ’s on the beach. If you bump into a South African give them a hug and say “Geseënde Kersfees.”

Spain - Feliz Navidad

Just like in South Africa, Spain also focuses more on the religious side of the festive season. The holiday season doesn’t begin until 8^th December and it starts with the Immaculate Conception. Like most families in the UK, Christmas Eve is a time to spend with loved ones and sometimes at church. Children receive gifts on the feast of the Epiphany; it is believed that on their way to Bethlehem the Three Kings walked through Spain.

Russia - С Рождеством

Do you know who is popular here? St Nicholas, aka Santa. Nicholas is now one of the most common names for little Russian boys, not girls obviously, because that would be strange. So on the 6^th December it is the feast of St Nicholas, well, it used to be, until the communist revolution where they decided to abolish this tradition. Again, religion trumps consumerism, after a Christmas eve service the family usually have a meatless meal.

India - Shub Naya Baras!

The Indian Christians decorate mango and banana trees at Christmas, which is slightly different from your bog standard pine tree. They also use small clay lamps and decorate the outside of their houses so at night everything is lit up.

France - Joyeux Noël!

Santa and his wee pal Fouettard

The Nativity scene is popular in French houses throughout the country. You can usually find one outside of a house, but you won’t always find a Christmas tree as it’s never really caught on in the country. The children receive gifts from Pere Noel (Santa) who travels with Pere Fouettard, who comes along for the ride to remind Santa of how good the children have behaved throughout the year. You can see Santa's creepy wee pal with him in the photo above, to be honest, he looks a little shifty.

China - Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan!

Like in India, the Chinese also light up their houses but here they use paper lanterns which they also put on their trees. Instead of calling Santa, Santa he goes by the name Dun Che Lao Ren which translates as ‘Christmas Old Man’, very original!

Most Chinese don’t celebrate Christmas itself but instead wait for the Chinese New Year which is more of a celebration.

After reading up on what other countries do, it’s definitely highlighted the fact that Britain and America are more focused on the consumerism aspect of the holiday season. I know I have fallen prey to the online shopping world, and want to buy gifts upon gifts. It’s when you see the numbers that you realise there is something not quite right going on in the world.

In 2002, so bear in mind that was 8 years ago, the average American spent $935 on Christmas. That means that the USA spend on average $303,015,464,850 per year.

Here in the UK the numbers are different, (these are taken from 2009):

- £318bn in cash was withdrawn from ATMs using debit and credit cards throughout December, according to research by Barclays.
- £1.6bn is the amount that is spent on food and drink at Christmas.
- £4,000 was spent every second in the UK by Internet shoppers on Cyber Monday, 7 December, which was expected to be the biggest day of shopping on the web in 2009.
- 230,000 tons of food worth about £275 million is thrown away on average over the Christmas period.
- £8.9bn was spent by shoppers online over this Christmas, according to the Centre for Retail Research.
- £50m was spent on buying more than 370 million mince pies over the Christmas period. And every Brit eats an average of 27 mince pies each.
- £1.2bn the amount that is wasted in the UK on unwanted gifts.
- £28m the amount spent on Christmas cakes each year.
- £30m amount spent on Brussels sprouts for dinner.

Looking at the numbers there it just makes you think...what is Christmas all about?
For me, it used to be about the presents, being an only child there is not much going on for you apart from toys and walking to yourself (though some would say that was a sign madness), now it's changed.

*Cue the corny music* to me now, Christmas is about being with someone you love, someone you care about, someone who you want to give the world to, but you can't because your credit card won't let you.

Hey you! You reading this. All I want for Christmas...is you.

That one time, where I nearly died.

2011-11-21T08:47:00.000-08:00

I wanted to write a blog piece about the next country that I am visiting which is in the world. That’s all you’re getting because it’s a surprise for my fiancée. Which is great for her, but it means that I can’t talk about it until she knows, so instead I thought I’d share this story with you.

I would probably say that this was my only real near-death experience. Let me set the scene for you, I was 16, young, some may say stupid, others would call it naivety and I was in China. I’ll give you a quick rundown of China just in case you are blissfully ignorant.

The capital of China is Beijing, Beijing is pretty amazing. It’s one of the busiest cities I’ve seen, cars, bikes, people, and rice everywhere. Let’s guestimate that there are approximately 9 million (if this answer is wrong, I apologise please blame Katie Melua). The city is home to some beautiful buildings such as the Forbidden City, as well as a wide variety of cuisines and shops. The most interesting thing I saw was fried seahorse. For the animal lovers amongst you, no, I didn’t eat any.

Bikes...Katie Melua style

Beijing

Seahorse

The national animal of China is...a panda! I just wanted to mention it because I love pandas, and wanted to put this picture in (cue screaming!) Did you know that just over 1,000 can survive n the wild, so if you see one, be nice to it!

PANDAS!

The country’s population is the world’s highest sitting at around 1,338,299,500. For those of you who can’t figure out that number, it’s approximately the same amount as the bankers on Wall Street earn.

China borders 14 countries, such as; India, Nepal and Afghanistan. As well as a large border area the country has many different languages: Chinese, Yue, Wu, Minbei, Minnan, Xiang, Gan and Hakka, and a few more here and there.

So there you go, that sets the scene rather me. Me in china, with glasses, bad fashion sense (I had a t-shirt that said something like I slept with your boyfriend bitch –I didn’t. I was 16), and a lot of attitude. Half way through the trip we were made to go mountain climbing. Those who know me know that buzz words like: “gym, exercise, mountain, walking, healthy” really scare me. So much so that I believe I have an acute phobia to those words. So, as you can probably guess, when I heard the words “mountain climbing”, I thought “ahh fuck it, maybe I’ll run away and join the circus.” But I managed.

The main reason I managed was because three things kept me going:

- - Singing ‘The Sound of Music’. If Julie Andrews can flawlessly manage with 7 children, well then, I can climb a sodding mountain.

- -Chinese ladies climb in heels. As in HIGH heels, up nearly vertical mountains, in heels. Sometimes they even have huge bags on their backs. If you can do it in Louboutins, I can do it in a pair of hi-techs.

- I was promised beer if I get to the top.

I got to the top. And the first thing I did was get a beer, whilst everyone was in the shower, I had 2litres of beer. Then everyone went to bed, so I had more beer. At this point I had managed to get someone else on the trip drunk too, and we had heard there were fireflies at the top of mountain which was sealed off at night because it was a peak. A very tall peak.

We left our room and wandered drunkenly to the stairs that took you to the peak. Let me explain, at the top of the peak there was a rock, the rock was quite small, beneath the rock was a sheer drop, a very sheer drop, you couldn’t even see the bottom. We approach the ladder and see two army officials. Luckily (some say lucky) at that time two other people had presumably had the same idea as us and were caught, they were taken away leaving the whole peak free. Scrambling up the ladder as quick as possible but not too fast because we were holding onto precious beer, we managed to get to the top. I would guess we sat on the rock for about ten minutes before we nearly died.

Me: I like this rock.

Friend: Me too.

Me: I like this beer.

Friend: Me too.

Me: Can you feel your feet?

Friend: No.

Me: It’s funny I feel like I’m sliding. This beer is amazing.

Friend: Erm...

We didn’t die because we didn’t panic. YES, we were falling off a big rock to our deaths. YES, the beer numbed the pain. YES, we survived, mainly out of sheer luck. At the exact time we were falling off the rock, we saw fireflies and suddenly all we could focus on was touching/capturing/ one or even better having one as a pet. We scrambled back onto the rock and ergo SURVIVED.

Later the conversation continued:

Me: We nearly died!

Friend: Yeah I know! Beer?

Me: I love China.

Apart from picking up the odd bit of Chinese what did I learn when I was in China? Don’t drink and climb.

Goodness Gaddafi Me

2011-11-01T07:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, you're right. This is a travel piece about Libya. When researching the country, Wikipedia told me that I wasn't to confuse Libya with the crab family Lybia. If you're here for the crabs, I'm sorry, this isn't for you.

Why do a travel piece on a country that was under the control of Will Ferrell lookalike (see below) dictator? Why not? Not even a year ago a revolution broke out in Tunisia. Now, it's a holidaymakers paradise. I thought it's perfect timing to get in there now with travel tips for Libya.

If you wake up shivering because it's so cold, then Libya's the country for you. The highest temperature ever reached was 57degrees, in a spray tan language, I think that's two number 5's. Dark. It has hot temperatures mainly because it's in North Africa but also because 90% of the country is made the Sahara. If you have an issue with the rain then it's never something you have to fear there. They estimate it rains perhaps every 5-10years, so no need to pack a brolly in case the weather turns!

You have to remember that before the crazy Gaddafi clan took over that there once were Greeks, and Romans living in Libya. The country has one of the best preserved Roman archaeological sites in the world, Leptis Magna (see below). It was Greek temples, such as the Temple of Zeus. There is a strong Arab and folk culture, with traditional music and food (see below). If you like relaxing on a beach, with some good food, then this might be the place.

I give it 6 months before the new chic place to go will be Libya. Watch this space.

For those Lybia enthusiasts amongst you who didn't leave, did you know that they are notable for their mutualism with sea anemones, which grow on their claws for defence. In return, the anemones find new places to eat and mate.

Will?

Muammar?

Libyan food

Leptis Magna

Much better than getting the bus!

Beach time

Tripoli

Dying is to die for

2011-09-16T03:55:00.000-07:00

I felt I needed a new blog update for my "we'll always have Paris" section. One of my favourite things about Paris isn't the food, nor the architecture, or the people (I know, hilarious) it's the graveyards. Now now girls and boys, it's not that I'm into necrophilia', that's not it at all. It's the beauty.

Here in the UK our graveyards are pretty bog standard. Bam here's a gravestone, here's the name, here's the little vase for flower. In Paris, well let me tell you, in Paris everything is more grandiose. Huge statues of the person, pictures, little chapels over the graves, a sodding map so you don't get lost.

When you die in Paris, it's to die for. It's the amount of famous people buried in their cemeteries that draws in the crowds, most of my generation flocking to see Morrison. I'm going to opposite way running to Oscar's grave, sobbing silently over his lipstick stained block "Oh Oscar, you're certainly in the gutter now, are you looking at the stars?" Then of course you hear the stories of people coming to Victor Noir's grave (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/3975607.stm), where there is an iron status of him lying down and performing sexual acts on it. Only in Paris, c'est la vie, la vie.

There are two main cemeteries in Paris both with notable and exciting people to visit:

Père Lachaise Cemetery

Sarah Bernhardt, not to be mistaken with Sandra Bernhard. No one explained the difference to me and I got very upset.

Honoré de Balzac

Georges Bizet

Maria Callas – The opera singer's ashes were originally buried in the cemetery. After being stolen and later recovered, they were scattered into the Aegean Sea, off the coast of Greece. The empty urn remains in Père Lachaise.

Frédéric Chopin

Colette

Jim Morrison – it is the most guarded grave in the whole cemetery due to people coming and destroying it with graffiti. Or when I was there, sobbing hysterically.

Victor Noir

Édith Piaf

Marcel Proust

Gertrude Stein

Oscar Wilde

Montparnasse Cemetery

Charles Baudelaire

Simone de Beauvoir

Samuel Beckett

André Citroën

Alfred Dreyfus

Serge Gainsbourg
Guy de Maupassant

Jean-Paul Sartre

My favourite is Simone du Beauvoir and Jean Paul Satre's. It's so simple (so Existentialism some may say!) and symbolises nothing but love. Drifting slightly: did you know that they met in the Jardin du Luxembourg? Well there you go, fact of the day. It is also where me and my better half had our first day, wow, two facts, OK OK, one more, it is also a main feature in Hugo’s Les Misérables.

People go to Paris for the nonstop life, but it's the dead that are having the after party.

Guy de Maupassant

Jim Morrison

Oscar Wilde

Honoré de Balzac

Sarah Bernhardt

Jean and Simone

Serge Gainsbourg

Victor Noir

Everyday I’m Slytherin

2011-07-20T04:31:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about Harry Potter since I saw the last one. I guess it’s because it’s something that started when I was a child, and has just finished, essentially I am the original Harry Potter generation.

When you think of Harry Potter you think magic. But alas, Hogwarts is not real (sorry!) and if we’re honest, there are definitely more magical places in the world to visit.

I’ve come up with a list of places I would definitely call more magical that ‘Harry Potter land’, and these are definitely places I’d like to visit.

Manhattan

I’ve not been, but in 3months I’ll be there to see what all the fuss is about. I’ve been told that I’ll fall in love with it and never want to leave. I’m excited to see why this is. Manhattan is the oldest and most popular of all the boroughs in New York, the others are: The Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island.

Machu Picchu

It’s a 15^th-century Inca site in Peru. This is apparently the most familiar icon of the Inca World, and people refer to it as the “Lost City of the Incas” world. At some point it would be awesome to see this, though I might need an oxygen mask!

Bora Bora

Yes yes! This is an island in French Polynesia, which you got to love because of the name. I just think it looks beautiful. You’d probably get bored of it quickly, but still for a few weeks this just looks like heaven.

Iguazu Falls

This is definitely a better waterfall than the Niagara Falls. It’s just spectacular sight, utter beautiful. The river forms the boundary between Brazil and Argentina.

Bali

More beautiful islands. Why is it that beautiful places are always islands? Like Manhattan, Bora and now Bali! It’s in Indonesia and it’s just full of culture.

Santorini

Two words. MAMMA MIA.

Rajasthan

The more and more I google, the more I cannot wait to see India. At first I was totally against it for many reasons:

- Don’t like the food, well that’s not really changed

- Didn’t want to work in a call centre

- I freaking hate snakes – this is still true.

But after reading up a bit more about it and seeing the pictures I can’t wait to just immerse myself in Indian culture. I also want to be in a Bollywood movie!

Rajasthan is the largest state in India, the majority of it is filled with the Thar Desert. It’s capital is Jaipur, which is also the largest city. There just so much archeology about the place as well as tigers! Could you ask for any more? No, I didn’t think so.

Kerala

This is another Indian state in south-west India. It’s famous for backwaters, yoga and tropical greenery. Just think EAT PRAY LOVE. The majority of people that live there are expats, so beware!

Venice

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. But I want to go again and it’s Brideshead Revisited that had fuelled this inside me. It’s just such a beautiful city, and I like visiting places I can get lost, and hop on a gondola. There is nothing more spectacular than riding on a boat to get to your hotel.

Cenote

A cenote is a sinkhole with groundwater that you can find in Yucatec Maya in the Caribbean. I’m not sure I fully understand what it is, but it’s beautiful and that’s all that matters.

I guess what I’m trying to get across to you die hard ‘oh my god Harry Potter is over how will my life go on’ fans, is that real magic exists, you just got to look for it.

No travelling required!

2011-07-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

And you don’t even have to travel to go to the fair. Well you do, if you’re not in Aberdeen, sorry about that.

I’m really excited about this arts fair in Aberdeen, how awesome is that? We get our own art fair, it is definitely something to put in the diaries if you don’t already have it in there.

More info below (taken from their info on Facebook)

“Welcome to the inaugral year of the Aberdeen Art Fair, organised by GM Events, it promises to become an annual showcase event for the Scottish arts scene.

For the first time in Aberdeen we bring together an exciting and eclectic range of original art from over 40 galleries and art associations representing hundreds of artists, many of whom have not exhibited before in the north-east.

Whether you are a novice or experienced art buyer or just enthusiastic about art the Aberdeen Art Fair offers a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere in the perfectly locat...ed venue of Aberdeens Music Hall.

A range of additional free art events will take place at the Music Hall during the fair. There is also a free childrens art club available at the Music Hall which is subject to availability.

The AAF will be open Saturday between 9.30am and 4pm and 10am-4pm on Sunday.

A free arts crèche will be open during these hours. The Café will also be open during the event.

For information on accessibility and travel arrangements please visit http://www.boxofficeaberdeen.com/

For information on car parking in the Music Hall area please visit http://www.aberdeencity.gov.uk/parking

Please note there will be an admission charge of £3.00 for an Adult Day Pass for the Art Fair with children free of charge.”

The city of tapas, riots and a sun that never sets

2011-07-07T04:27:00.000-07:00

I hate tapas, I honestly do. I think it’s because there is too much choice, and I’m too indecisive, I mean, it took me three attempts to pick the title, and I’m still not happy with it!

Tapas doesn’t fill me up enough, I’m a big portion kinda gal, I need substance to keep my childlike temperament at bay. So being in Spain I knew was going to be a struggle for me. But guess what; it was too fucking hot to eat. And I think that made me sadder than anything else.

Madrid was awesome, mainly because it was sunny, and there was no effort needed. I think in Paris life is different, everyone is so fast-paced and there is so much to see there you don’t ever want to stop looking. I didn’t notice this with Spain, everyone was pretty relaxed, and as for tourists sites there were none that I was too bothered about seeing.

I’ve come up with a top five things to when visiting the Spanish capital, thank me later.

El Retiro Park: It’s fucking brilliant.

Pros – There’s a massive lake in the middle of the park where you can hire (or if you’re luckily like we were – get it for free) a rowing boat and chill in the lake. Though I would point out, you will need some sort of rowing skills before venturing onto the lake, or you will end up suck in the port for twenty minutes like us!

You can lie anywhere, like anywhere you want. With your clothes on, off, whatever you fancy. It’s really open and relaxed, which is a nice feeling, especially when you’re on holiday.

Cons – It’s too big. I really needed to pee the second I got into the park (yeah, I’m awkward like that), and it was a twenty minute walk to the closest loo, and even that was in a restaurant so I had to buy a drink. Walking twenty minutes to pee, or to get a drink isn’t my idea of relaxing.

Casa de Campo

I don’t really have any cons for here because we only went to the swimming pool. If you are suffering from the heat and need an ice-cold dip the pool at Casa is amazing. It’s 4euros to get in for the day and you can just lie in the pool or by the side to soak up the sun. The only thing I’d watch out for are dive bombers, bloody children, they just can’t contain themselves.

P.S. bring a towel, there aren’t any deck chairs.

Toledo

Toledo was our idea of a little day trip from Madrid. Originally the plan was to go to Seville and try their oranges, but at 80euros for the train ride, those oranges were not as appealing. Then we came up with the genius idea of getting the train to the south, hopping on a boat to Morocco and coming back later in the day. However, the train to the south was 7 hours and the boat ride another hour, so needless to say that trip was cancelled! Eventually we settled for a day trip to Toledo which is 40minutes outside of Madrid, which for the both of us was only 30euro return.

Be warned, when you go to get tickets at the train station there will be a queue. We waited for an hour before eventually getting our passes, to then wait another hour before the train. This left us with 5 hours to venture round Toledo before coming back, but to be fair to the place, that’s all you really need. Toledo is fucking hot. Like, too hot. We got off the train and saw the temperature, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46. I really didn’t expect to live; I thought I’d be fried alive. I didn’t even tan. You can walk around the city in about an hour or so. It’s famous for homemade marzipan so that’s a plus if ever there was one.

Chueca

If you are a guy who likes guys, or a girl who likes girls, or you’re just not homophobic, then get down to Chueca for a good ole time. The area is situated in the old part of Madrid, and over the years has become known as the gay quarter. It is full of little restaurants, cafes, and salsa bars. It is hard to get a table and quite expensive, but there is always a party to be found.

Plaza Mayor

This is by far my favourite part of Madrid, it’s too elegant to explain. The best thing about the square is it is massive, and there is always something going on. From street performers to artists walking around. The plaza is home to various restaurants with prices ranging from affordable for students to extravagant for show-offs. We spent our last night here being wined and dined, which was certainly something to remember.

I think the main point to stress is that, Madrid is cheap, it’s 1euro for the metro, 90cent for the bus. Red wine is dirt cheap; spirits are not, food is reasonable. If you’re looking for a cultural holiday on a budget, this is the place for you.

Though Madrid was beautiful, and I’d definitely go back, I’m in no rush to move there, she will never be my Paris.

It's nearly Madrid o'clock

2011-06-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

So I'm meant to be boxing up my belongings, and I'm trying to find ways to procrastinate. So far I've learnt all the dances to every Lady Gaga song known, I'm baked three cakes Nigella style, and I'm bought a monkey which I lost by mistake.

Then I remembered, I'm off to Madrid on Saturday, and you're not. I'm sorry, I'd love to take you with me, but I can't because I'm not rich enough, and I'm sure I'd probably want to kill you after a few days.

Since you're not coming, and I'm bored, I thought you'd like to know some fun facts about the capital of Spain.

Madrid has been the capital of Spain since the 17th century.
The name Madrid comes from the arabic "magerit" which means 'place of many streams'.
The population of Madrid was 950 000 in 1900 now it is over 3 million.
Madrid is 300 km from the sea
Madrid is located on a plateau 650 metres above sea level.
It is the highest capital city in Europe.
Madrid enjoys more cloudless days than almost any other city in Europe.
Madrid has two main railway stations: Chamartín (north) and Atocha (south)
And every time I see the words "Real Madrid", I read it as "real" - actually exisiting, Madrid.

Now I'm sure you feel a bit better about not coming with us.

I'll send you a postcard!

Synrdrome silly..

2011-06-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

Today I discovered a whole new side of travelling I had never heard about, and it falls under the catergory of ‘syndromes’. I personally believe I have ‘need to travel’ syndrome, but that doesnt seem to exist.

The three most interesting synrdomes I’ve found are:

- Paris synrdome (don’t get me started!)

- Mean World synrdrome

- Jersusalem synrdrome

So let’s delve a little deeper into each one and see what’s going on.

Syndrôme de Paris

It’s a psychological disorder that people who visit Paris may suffer. With six million visitors a year it is noted that a larger majority of idiots, sorry, travellers develop ‘Syndrôme de Paris.’ So what are the symptoms I hear you hypochondriacs ask.

“Delusional states, hallucinations, feelings of persecution (delusions of being a victim of prejudice, aggression, or hostility from others), derealization, depersonalization, anxiety, and also psychosomatic manifestations such as dizziness, tachycardia, sweating.”

Now I kind of understand this because Parisians are rude, they do know when you are visiting and brush past you with utter contempt, but persecution, come on now, this isn’t the travel holocaust!

The triggers of this are because travellers leave their home where they are comfortable, and are thrown into a fast paced city that holds no victims! Other triggers include:

- Language barrier: essentially if you don’t speak French, or at least Franglais you’re buggered. To me this screams out “ignorant American who didn’t listen in French class.”

- Cultural difference: again, it’s another country, get a grip.

- Exhaustion: I have NOTHING to say about this.

- Idealised image of Paris. So the typically view of Paris is the city of love, the City of Lights, fashion, and food. Now the only way I can see this image going totally wrong is if you go to Paris with your other half, they break up with you, then take away all your money so you can’t eat and steal all your clothes replacing it all with bin-bags.

So my over all opinion of Paris syndrome? If you think you’re going to get it, stay in your living room with a baguette and watch “An American in Paris.”

Mean World syndrome.

Surprisingly not invented by a four year old, the phrase was actually coined by George Gerbner a professor of Communication and the founder of cultivation theory. Essentially Gerbner was a bit of a nut, and came up with a theory that is the main conclusion for his cultivation theory (yeah I didn’t know either!) The term makes sense though, it’s when the media plays on violence-related stories hyping them up which makes their audience believe the world is much scarier and dangerous that it actually is.

So what it means is, say you’re watching the TV and a story pops up from South Africa about a British girl who’s been murdered, or kidnapped, and the media play on it dramatically then you are probably not going to want to go to South Africa for a while. (Note: this is just an example and isn’t to do with anything real life, please don’t sue me, I don’t have enough to cover my ass!) Just don’t believe what you’ve read in the paper...unless it’s about Ryan Giggs, cause that’s all true!

Jerusalem syndrome

I mainly wanted to talk about this one because the picture made me laugh. This one is a bit more complicated, it’s a mental thought process that hits travellers of all religious background. It seems to stem from the fact that Jerusalem has three main religions embedded in the city: Jewish, Christianity and Muslims. Of course Jerusalem has seen lots of problems with violence in regard to religion and because of this visitors seem to get caught up quickly.

I don’t think I’m ever going to get any of these syndromes, I already struggle with can’t get out of bed syndrome, and that’s hard enough!

I really love big planes

2011-06-06T05:41:00.000-07:00

There is something about them that is so damn sexy. No, I'm not some weirdo with a fetish for planes, it is just when I see a big-ass plane I get plane-wood. Who wouldn't? When you're sitting in your little domestic flight plane waiting for it to taxi to the runaway and this monster plane speeds past, do you ever stop and think: "I wish I was on that plane." And do you know why you think like that? It's a simple maths equation:

BIG PLANE + YOU + ADVENTURE = SOMEWHERE EXCITING.

That's what it is, it's not because you think big planes are attractive, no no no, it's because you know those people on that plane are getting to go to; America, India, China, Japan, OZ, and you're going home.

There are also reason that I like big planes more, and it's not because you get to land somewhere different, it's the food. I have a thing for plane food, especially the bread and scrambled eggs. I don't know what they put in them, I don't think I do want to know, but they are so damn tasty. I also have a bit of a penchant for their desserts, again, don't want to know what is in it, just feed me up momma!

The list goes on of why I like big planes:

- prettier flight attendants. Have you ever noticed that? Ryanair, easyjet, BA domestic flights - not so attractive, could do with a make-over. Virgin Atlantic long-haul, well need I say more?

- movies. I love getting on the plane and playing the movie game. The "how many movies can I watch on a 9 hour flight with no sleep and no pee breaks" game. And the films are all the ones you MEANT to see but totally forgot when they came out!

- flight fashion. I'm a slob. I agree with Audrey: "I'm like cat here, a no-name slob." If I could, I would wear jogging bottoms all day long, even better, a onsie, but I can't because it probably doesn't look that great if I strolled into work looking homeless. But unless you are Victoria Beckham, you can wear what you want on a plane!

I suppose I should confess I've only found a play sexy once...

Singapore you sweetheart...

2011-05-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

Last week it was the amazing people at AllOut helping the gay people in Uganda, and now the people in Singapore have come up with the 'pink dot'. This video is just so inspiring:

This has just reminded me...PEOPLE ARE INSPIRING!

Oh go on, just one more macaroon...

2011-05-17T01:43:00.000-07:00

Visiting Paris certainly has its downfalls. You leave a stone heavier, with disgraceful tan lines and depressed that you have to return to a city that sees sunshine for two hours a week. I don’t know why we bother going, each time I manage to depress myself further. The only way to not appreciate Paris as much would be if you sat in your hotel room and watched a Robbie Williams documentary (I only did this once!)

It took me a while to think about what I wanted to write about, and I thought I’d share you with you my four favourite new things about Paris.

1. Riverside...let’s go.

Now I didn’t know that you could party on the canal in Paris. It was a friend’s birthday and she sent the directions, I looked at them and thought “where the ...” But we found it, and it was magical. Hundreds of Parisians sitting next to the canal with alcohol, food and music. This is when it hit home the most, if it was sunny enough (not likely) to go and enjoy some canal drinkage time many things could ensue: you could get stabbed by a ned, you could get lifted, you could get pushed in the canal by a ned, a ned could steal you booze. I want to live somewhere where Jeremy Kyle doesn’t send shivers down people’s spines.

2. I want to ride my bicycle

Bicycles to me mean exercise. Exercise to me means sweat. Sweat to me means unattractive mess. However, when you’re in Versailles and everything is so spread out there is nothing else to do but cycle. It was the best memory to take away from Paris, cycling around in the sun, seeing grand palaces and watching as families take their children round the grounds explaining that “Daddy’ll never buy you a house this big.”

3. Brunch o’clock

The best thing about Parisians is that on Sunday’s the don’t do breakfast, most likely because they are never awake at 9am, probably because they are just getting in from a night out at that time. We ventured to Café les Philosophes, situated in the heart of the Marais. For a reasonable price you can get their set menu for brunch, consisting of; fruit juice, yoghurt, fruit, pastries, bread and egg. Now that’s what I call a brunch!

4. You’re black? Sack that son

I’ve never actually seen a riot in Paris, though I know they are famous for them. I seem to miss them each time I’m visiting. However, maybe that’s not my fault, maybe that’s something that Time Out need to work on, a “riots near you” section. This time we managed to see the start of a riot. The Rue de Rivoli was closed off, I’m still surprised that Karl Lagerfeld let them get away with it. We spoke to the riot police (armed with guns, batons, gas and berets) and the response was classic: “Ah oui, it is a racist police” I’m sorry, come again. “Oui oui, the neo-Nazis.” Now this caused a great confliction with me, should I: a) stay, watch and throw bricks at the police who attempt to jar the progress of society, or do I b) try and join in and see how long it takes them to notice I’m not blonde and have blue eyes. I did neither, I went and ate a macaroon!

Bad Uganda

2011-05-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone knows about the Ugandan opinion in regards to homosexuality. Well it's disgusting.

This picture is taken from the front page of their newspaper, which is just shocking.

So the amazing people at All Out have launched a campaign to stop Uganda making it legal to kill gay people.

Being gay is not a crime. Being a murderer is.

http://www.allout.org/petition/uganda

Please sign it and support such a strong campaign:

Alternative Learning

2011-04-19T07:32:00.000-07:00

I’ve got to that stage in my life when I think, wow, I really need to learn another language other than sarcasm. The problem for me is that I have a short attention span, no seriously, what was I saying?

At the moment the languages I’m trying to learn are: French, Spanish and Russian. They’re not going so well.

Spanish:

I’ve not taken classes; I don’t plan on doing so. I have decided that all the Spanish I’ll need to know I can get in one little cartoon-sized child, Dora.

Surprisingly I’ve actually learnt a good amount of Spanish from my little friend, however I don’t know how much of it is really going to be useful to a twenty-plus year old, singing songs about chocolate trees. A few of the random Spanish phrases I now know from watching Dora are:

Delicioso – Delicious

¡Lo hicimos! - we did it!

Vamonos - Let's go

Azul – blue

Cuidado – watch out!

I hope this means I can watch more TV.

Russian:

I started this course as a “oh this will look awesome on my cv” jobby. But I really don’t think that having “I know 6 letters of the Russian alphabet” will look good on my CV.

I can’t believe people can easily learn this language. It’s so hard. I think I’ll definitely need to work on my phrases, all you really need is:

- How much for the fur coat?

- Where is the closest vodka bar?

- Did you know your President is a moron?

- I promise I’m not a spy.

French:

My level of French should be better than it is. I’ve done it at a Higher level at school and then again in University but as soon as I get to Paris I panic. However, I have found though that after a few bottles of vino I seem to spout a better level of French. Or should I say Franglais. I have found that reading in French helps me, and by reading I mean looking at the photographs in Vogue.

So maybe there is no easy way to learn a language, but the alternative learning has certainly helped me.

Not just vegetables and fruit...

2011-04-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

So I was doing that thing, you know the thing that all women do when they start to day-dream, if I had a child what would I call it?

Now I know what you’re thinking: “how do this relate to travel”? Just wait. So before when the celebrity crazy naming a child after a food substance like Apple, or Steak, now they seem to think it is acceptable to name their little bundles of joy after countries and cities.

So this is what we have:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz went with BRONX MOWGLI. That kid has no chance. It’s the most ungangster jungle boy I’ve ever seen.

The Beckham’s have their child Brooklyn. I suppose they couldn’t name him where he was conceived...Alley.

Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger called their daughter Ireland. She’s the one on the right, obviously.

Bono, well he’s a knobhead anyway, called his daughter Memphis Eve. WHAT THE HOLY BEJESUS BONO?! Well, what do you expect from a person with ONE NAME.

Drea de Matteo and Shooter Jennings have named their daughter Alabama Gypsy Rose. What do you expect really when your Daddy is called Shooter. To be fair to AGR she’s a cutie.

I’m just waiting on the day George W. Bush names his granddaughter Iraq.

On a totally unrelated travel note, Holly Willieboobie has called her baby Belle. Cheesy.

Top Five Places to go in Paris...Katy style.

2011-04-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

The last few times I’ve been to Paris I’ve gone to the same places over and over again, because now they feel like home.

1. Café L'Etincelle; 42 Bis rue de Rivoli

Enjoying the summer sun

This is a fantastic place to eat, whether it is summer or winter. You can sit outside and enjoy their delicious food and wine whilst watching the rest of Paris rush past. It’s open until the early hours (4am), and I would recommend the steak tartare for you meat eaters out there. It does have cons though; they have a few ‘Parisian’ waiters. Last time we were there, we noted it was snowing and the waitress turned to us and went “Oui, fucking snow! You fucking Brits!” But hey, what’s a bit of banter between friends!?

2. Hemingway Bar

Chic cocktails

I’d never been till last year, I’d always wanted to go but was scared I would walk in and immediately get thrown out because I was wearing last season’s Prada. But it’s not like that; it’s one of the most romantic places in Paris. Yes, fair enough it’s not cheap at 30euro a cocktail, but trust me it’s worth it. The cocktails are beautiful, and the setting is small but quaint. For me, a true romantic in the 1930/1940’s sense, it was ideal. Just knowing that decades ago Fitzgerald and Hemingway sat here arguing whilst Hemingway stole all Fitzgerald’s ideas. The best bit comes at the end when you leave the bar and walk into Place Vendôme, where residents have included: Chopin, Chanel, and the Countess di Castiglione.

3. Le 3W Kafe - 8 Rue des Ecouffes

Marais

It’s the most un-gay gay bar in Paris. It’s a tiny little venue with cheap strong cocktails (6euros), great music and a really nice atmosphere. All I remember is meeting some great people there who I still keep in touch with. That’s the beauty of the place; you can meet people from all nationalities and walks of life and find yourself chatting to them for ages. I’ve never had the food there, but I’ve always been tempted, it looks dirty (but in a good way!)

4. Jardin du Luxembourg

The Lovers

Going back to the romantic within me, this is a place that I urge everyone to visit. Though it is massive, I didn’t know much about it. When I was walking back from visiting Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir’s graves I found myself lost and entranced by the gardens. After doing some reading on the place, I came to discover how famous the place actually was. It was where the aforementioned authors met and fell in love, and where Victor Hugo set large parts of Les Miserables. There is a statue called ‘The Lovers’ which is beautifully breathtaking, and if you want to recreate your own statue, why not do what me and the love of my life did, and jump into the Marco Polo fountain for a dance to Billie Holiday!

5. A Boulanger on Rue du Faubourg-Saint-Denis

NOM!

I don’t know what it’s called but they do pain au chocolat aux amandes do die for! For only 2euro you can really go all out and get 3 or 4 of the little tasty buggers, I have NEVER tasted anything so delicious before!

Only go if you know my mate Hellie.

2011-04-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

Going to Newcastle? Don't.

Now, before all your Geordies get your knickers in a twist, (or should I say G-strings), I'm not saying DO NOT VISIT NEWCASTLE. Do, it's beautiful. But only go if you know my mate Hellie.

Laurna and I are going to Newcastle, to see my mate Hellie, and Plan B (not a mate), and we thought, why not turn this into a long weekend? Us turning into a long weekend is now costing me as more than it costs to have a long weekend in Paris.

Hotel in Paris for 3nights: £140 (for two people)

Hotel in Newcastle for 2nights: £130 (for two people)

Do you see the problem?

Where one is the city of lights, the other is the city of fights. I love Newcastle, I think it's an exciting, made even more gorgeous by my mate Hellie (is it obvious that she's sponsoring this post?), but it's a rip off city.

Not only is that a hotel room for 2 nights, but we're having to crash at my mate Hellie's maw and paw's (which I'm rather excited about) house. I think it is appalling that in a city known for it's partying and people coming for Hen nights and Stag dos that there are not enough hotels to keep the punters happy. Don't get me wrong (again), there are hotels, but I begrudge paying up to £100-£150 for ONE night in a Hilton (especially is Paris isn't there), and no breakfast.

Newcastle, if you're reading this pet, get another hostel.

The train journey down £40 return for two is also the same price as a flight to Paris from Edinburgh for two, however, my mate Hellie's not in Paris.

City breaks in the UK are now becoming more popular that Europe city breaks, I think it's great people want to stay in their own country and see what it has to offer. Until the price goes down Britain, I'm going to Europe, sorry.

Rocking back to 1661

2011-04-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

TEA MA'AM?

I NEVER thought I'd be blogging about bloody afternoon tea, well saying that I never thought I'd be blogging, so hey, what a turn up!

What is afternoon tea? It's essentially a light meal that consists of: tea (not stating the obvious), poncey little sandwiches, scones, and cakes and pastries.

I used to take afternoon tea, it was the done thing when I was a child and my grandmother used to take me for tiny sandwiches and tiny cakes. It's always been connected with the gentry, but now its become more popular with all the classes. Now let me get something straight, I'm not saying that only posh people can eat little sandwiches in the afternoon, everyone can, and it appears, everyone is.

Today on groupon.co.uk there were TWO offers for afternoon tea, cheap offers at that. So of course I got one of them, £7 for 2 people in a little country hotel in Newcastle.

I've now realised, mid blog, I don't know what I'm banging out about. I guess what I'm trying to say, is

GET OUT THERE AND GET SOME CUCEMBER SANDWICHES DOWN YOU.

Westboro madness.

2011-04-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

I never want to go to Topeka, Kansas. Why? Well that's where the Westboro Baptist Church is.

If you haven't heard of this extremist church and you're on your way to Topeka, then turn back bud, it's a dark dark place.

I first heard of the church in 2006 when British journalist Louis Theroux went to interview 'America's Most Hated Family.'

How can a family be hated? It's pretty simple really. I mean, I get it, everyone hates someone. I hate the girl that pushed me underwater when I was eight. I hate people who skip queues. I don't not hate people who are gay, who are ill, who are of a different race. But this is what has made Westboro Baptist Church infamous.

THANK GOD FOR 9/11
GOD HATES FAGS
GOD HATES JEWS
GOD HATES AMERICA
PRAY FOR MORE DEAD SOLIDERS
DEATH PENALTY FOR FAGS

These are some of their signs, and they are disgusting.

I do like this photo though, because the man with the white sign is a legend:

But what I want to ask is, who is to blame? I get that these are some crazy waste of space cult goers. Fine, let them be messed up, waste their lives and continue to be in their strange existence. But why do I know about them? Television. How does everyone know about them, media. Why do we care? What can we do? We're not going to change them.

Yesterday (sunday), I watched the second part, where Louis went back to Westboro and filmed them again. For what? So we can see they are still the same, only a smaller number? So we can see that there are messed up people in America? What good did it do me? Nothing, it just made me angry. Because it's not logical. It's not someone sitting their debating a religion with some common sense, or debating a point in literature. It is people who will never change, so why do we feel the need to give them the media time?

I would hope that most people took away what I did from watching it: we're not going to change them. But we can change ourselves. We can be more accepting. Learn from Westboro. Do the opposite of everything they do and you'll be a pretty decent human-being.

My food story...

2011-04-04T13:06:00.000-07:00

I love food. I love eating food, cooking food, having sex with food. OK that last part was a lie, it's not often I slap myself down on a chicken thigh and get jiggy with it. Cooking is just my favourite thing, creating new dishes, making healthy meals after a long day of work, or usually in my case, making unhealthy meals after a long day of work.

I'm lucky that I've been brought up with two cultures. The Western culture and the Middle East. But in my house we never ate 'bangers and mash' or 'beans on toast.' My mum either cooked Middle Eastern cuisine or French, even though we're not french (I do try desperately hard to be!)

I can make a few Arabic dishes, such as:

FALAFEL (this is not mine obviously, mine DID not look like this...!)

And...stuffed vines leaves. This COULD be mine, but it's not, I think I had two that looked perfect.

But my best dish I love cooking embraces both Middle Eastern and Western together and I call it a SUMMER SALAD. Of course we are in summer now, if it were winter I would have named it a WINTER SALAD. But we're not...you get the drift.

Ingredients:
- bulgar wheat (which looks like this...)

- butter

- chicken

- stock

- hot water

- mozzarella

- bruchetta pieces

- broccoli

- olives

- tomatoes

- cucumber

1. Your last 6 items, chop up into little pieces and pop into a big bowl. That's your salad.

2. Take your chicken, cut it up, fry it till cooked/ or grill it, and place it in bowl. Well done. You're a 2/3 done.

3. Fry some butter in a pan till v.hot.

4. Boil the kettle.

5. Get an average sized bowl, pour the bulgar in until it is half way full. Way it in the sink twice and drain it. Then take a stock cube a stir it through. Leave it to sit for a minute then put it in the butter and stir. Turn up the heat to the max, and when it starts to stick to the pan add the hot water. Turn the heat off and place a lid on top. Your bulgar will be ready in 20mins.

I don't have a picture of mine, but you know what, next time I make this simple dish I'll post one :)

P.S It has zero calories...so much away.

And now for where I want to go...

2011-04-01T05:19:00.000-07:00

This list is far more appealing than the last one. Don’t worry, Paris isn’t on here but I will dedicate a whole blog to the wonderful city soon!

Again, I shall tell this story of future travels by pictures:

Vietnam

Tibet

Russia

America's Route 66

That will lead onto...COACHELLA

Argentina, what banter!

Cambodia

India

Japan

Peru

And finally Brazil!

It's nice to have a dream...

Where I've been...

2011-04-01T03:17:00.000-07:00

I have been lucky enough to have travelled to a few places in my time. I've made a photo story of all the countries I've been in. To be honest, I'm more excited about the places I plan on visiting, you know, when RBS wises up. Maybe they'll read this and want to help a desperate traveller out. I mean come on RBS, I'm a loyal customer! I've now been with you a whole month!!

Hold on to your seats folks here come the photos:

China: I went for a school trip. Rice has never been the same.

Austria: I’m saying nothing about basements! This photo is of Lugano, I would move here if I could. They make IMMENSE parma ham. This was a place we went to as a family every year for a good few years. I have a great memory of my gran teaching me to swim here. Thanks Nana, I drowned last week.

Andorra: I visited here briefly; we were in the country for about 9 hours. They were all spent in a shopping mall.

Belgium: LOL. I worked in Brussels for 2 weeks and nearly got run over by George Bush.

England: ‘Nuf said.

Switzerland: Where all I ate was Toblerone. I was a little chunker of a kid.

Germany: Ja! Mit schlag!

Hungary: Why yes, I am. I was 14, I looked 22, I got hit on by our hotel waiter night after night. My mother encouraged him.

Chicago: Yes, I know it’s not a country! 2/3 times I was here I slept all day. The other day I tried to get Chicago Bulls tickets. I really fancied Michael Jordan. I was 9.

Israel: My mum’s homeland. Well for arguments sake she is Palestinian. Needless to say, I’ve spent every year of my life here, sometimes two or three times. I can’t say I love it, but they have awesome crisps. They are called Bissli, BBQ flavour. If you’re going to go, go for them!

Italy: So when I was eight, I decided I wanted to marry a gangster, move to Italy and eat Bertolli all day. Then I realised I couldn’t be a gangster mole because I didn’t look good in stripes.

Jordan: LOL. Couldn’t help myself. Completely off topic, but a few weeks ago on the Graham Norton show, he had Miriam Margolyes on and he brought up Jordan (the waste of space) and she replied with “The country?” MADE ME DAY. I’m so glad that not everyone has had to suffer the Jordan fever!

Monaco: There’s really not much to say about Monaco, apart from it is small, rich and has really good salads.

Netherlands: NO! I didn’t go on a little green trip, I went with my folks. The worst part of the trip was when my Dad knocked on my door at 9pm and said “Fancy a walk, I thought we could go to the Red Light District, your mum said it’s OK because it’s in the guidebook.” Then my gran bought my penis pasta.

Paris: Oh look, it’s that city I won’t shut up about. My dream is to set up a PR firm in Paris, and have Christian Louboutin as my client and go to burlesque clubs every night. (Christian if you’re reading this give me a call!)

San Fran: I have mixed feelings about this city. Yes it’s beautiful and culturally amazing. But it’s bloody freezing all the time!!

Scotland: ‘Nuf said!

Serbia: Ok, I haven’t really been to Serbia, but we crash landed here and an army of Serbian’s with guns surrounded our plane. DO NOT let this put you off Serbia. I’m sure it’s delightful.

Spain: I don’t know why I chose this photo. I’ve been to so many beautiful places in Spain, but I HATE Barcelona. I’ve been twice with family and once with friends and I HATE it. But the rest of Spain gorgeous, and they have some really nice wine!

Vatican City: I was chilling with the Pope. Not really, I did see him though and I wanted to shout an abundance of abuse at him. It was a pretty country, but I feel that it stands a constant reminder of what is wrong with the world.

Wales: Last but not least, Wales. I played Lacrosse here and did not see Shirley Bassey or Richie Burton.

Summer in India

2011-03-31T07:53:00.000-07:00

I wish the title was as simple as it seemed. It's not. I'm not going to India in the Summer, or in the winter, or in the Spring. But I did not lie in my title, my little cousin, who is all grown up now (don't you hate it when they do that?!) is going to India over summer to do some work experience as a nurse.

Here's an awesome picture of the beautiful colours in India to get you all inspired:

How awesome is that? Pretty darn awesome I hear you all cry. Well I think she's an inspiration. I couldn't do what she's doing. She's this amazing person, and I'm could never be more grateful that she's in my life, and makes me a better person every day. Right, gush over. Follow her blog and her travels.

http://summerinindia.tumblr.com/post/4233920164/so-i-finally-read-another-blog-blog-inspiration

Good luck gorgeous...

New York...a concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

2011-03-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

For the last hour me and my workmates have been going on about travelling. BIG mistake. Now I want to go travelling...think I can call RBS to extend my credit card funds? Doubtful. I've still £700 to pay off...

We got talking about New York...and a few places of interest came up. Sadly, I've never been. But if Audrey can sit have breakfast there, well so can I. She really looks like she's having a swell ole time.

So, here are a few places that came up:

www.gramercyparkhotel.com/ (for their rooftop bar)

http://www.cafewha.com/home

http://www.yelp.com/biz/please-dont-tell-new-york-2

So to encourage you all to fly over ASAP here are some photos: (Not by me I hasten to add, I'm really not that talented!)