Hefner Speaks

Say what again?

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Tue, 08 May 2012 08:39:00 +0000

The idea behind this post is not to lambast Flipkart (or anyone else for that matter), but to offer some constructive feedback to let them know that they need to fine-tune their response (and policy if required) so that they can continue doing the absolutely awesome job that they're already doing especially when it comes to some spectacular customer-service. Confused? Read on.

Ever since Flyte launched on Flipkart, I've been using it often not just because I am interested in purchasing music, but am generally enthusiastic about the kind of content that people consume as well as the obscure stuff that keeps showing up on and off. There seems to be a serious, concerted effort by the likes of all the music labels who are digging out all their inlay cards, digitizing all their music, investing in providing accurate metadata/information about songs, and sourcing their long-lost albums.

I have been a Flipkart fan ever since I started using their service to buy my first book on 24th October 2011 (which incidentally was a pre-order): "Steve Jobs: The Exclusive Biography - Walter Isaacson" and have since used their service to buy various things apart from books with music having caught my fancy.

As a music aficionado and a guy who works at Google, I generally have this OCD about incorrect data being supplied and users being provided incorrect information. On one of my various late-night browsing endeavors I happened to get sucked into the vortex of browsing for songs/albums to purchase and happened to chance upon a rare album called 'Lata and Kishore - Live Concert at Sangit Kala Kendra'.

I was flabbergasted not as much by the fact that I had happened to stumble upon this album, but moreso by the song listing provided.

Here are some anomalies that I found (circled in red) and my commentary alongside.

1) Album says 'Lata and Kishore' but the album artist is 'Asha Bhosle'

2) Artists listed on the album include everyone except Lata & Kishore.

3) Most of the tracks that mention 'live' are not 'live' (except Main Shair To Nahin by Shailendra Singh).

Before you jump to conclusions about how boring a post this is and how often you see this etc., what I was most surprised (and upset) by was that I mentioned these things as feedback against the album hoping that Flipkart will notice this anomaly and send me an email letting me know that they had removed the album and will correct the metadata and add it back to their list.

Well, I did get an email. But, it was to inform me that my comment was removed due to their 'policies' (working in an MNC I so hate that word).

Here's the email I received from them verbatim. Note the highlighted part that confused me at first and then shocked me. Perhaps the shock was out of the confusion that it caused, but I had such high expectations from Flipkart that it surprised me that they had a policy which would not allow people to let them know that the track listing was incorrect so that they can avoid purchasing this album on the pretext of expecting something and being delivered something absolutely different.

What do you think? Probably an over-reaction on my part?

Dear yyyyy,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts at Flipkart.com for "Lata And Kishore - Live Concert At Sangit Kala Kendra ", dated 6th May 2012.

Thank you for bringing this to our notice and we have forwarded your concern to respective department and upon verification we will do the necessary amendments.

As per our review policy (www.Flipkart.com/s/help), we are not allowed to accept the mention of incorrect details on our website and hence your review has been removed we apologise for any in inconvenience caused.

(We are not allowed to accept the mention of incorrect details on our website...what?? seriously??)

We would shortly roll-out a customer centric forum welcoming your experiences and feedback on our service and products. We appreciate your patience in this regard.

Please feel free to share your concerns or queries with us at cs@Flipkart.com.

Looking forward to your product specific reviews on Flipkart.com.

Yours Sincerely,
Customer Review Team
Flipkart.com

Car Drivers Avilable (sic)

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 19:21:00 +0000

Received an email today from 'Raghav Drivers Provider'. Loved points 3,4, and 6. Text below:

we are "Raghav Car Drivers Provider" involved into providing the well trained / Experiened / verified and alcohel free. We provide the car drivers all over gurgaon.

1. Always wear my seat belt and ensure.That my passengers the same.

2. Obey all traffic laws, including speed limits and parking resitritions.

3. Never use a mobile phone while driving, only when parked.,
4. Avoid distractions while driving - like fidding with the sterio, smoking, eating and drinking.

5. Experienced, relible, polite and background verified drivers.

6. familer with rutes.

7. we are working on commision basis.

If u need and ur friends need a car drivers Please refer this E - mail pls call

Madness in the name of Our Lord - The Indian Way

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 08:11:00 +0000

It's Holi today. For people unfamiliar with the word, it's the festival of colors where people in this country and their genetic protoplasm spread all around the world like a virus, shed their inhibitions and emerge like the lochness monster that's been lying quiet throughout the year spraying color and drinking unbelievable amounts of 'bhaang' (Indianized alcohol, that is deemed holy).

Here's a more, real description of what this day usually is like for Indians all over the world.

It's funny how we Indians believe that if there is an occasion to be happy about, they need everyone around them irrespective of caste, creed, and sex to be involved in their happiness. Well, 'forced to be involved' is more like it.

Loud music, unruly behavior, drunk stupor, creating a nuisance, disturbing the peace, forcing down one's beliefs and faith down other people's throats - these are the features of any Indian occasion. How and why are these such important elements of celebrating a festival? You're happy - good. Stay happy in your own home. Mess up your own compound, make a noise in your room, play loud music with your earphones on, spray color on yourself, your family, heck...even your dog. The fact that you're happy doesn't warrant you the right to impose your happiness on me.

Naturally, the rowdier elements of society use this opportunity to threaten the innocent passerby & demand money. But then that's an entirely different matter and doesn't even deserve a separate post since that's really their nature and enough has been written and said about it already.

Funnily enough, this is a day when the lower working class of the Indian population forget which religion they believe in and all of them make it a point to be punctual at the households they work in, are at their best behavior, with a smile upon their faces which is otherwise a contorted countenance on most other days. There is only one factor that brings about this sea-change in their behavior - 'baksheeh' or money. They consider it their right to partake some money that they feel is rightfully theirs on this auspicious occasion. It is the same set of people who in times of national crises or when it's important for people to keep their wits around them, are up in arms citing religious differences as their main grouse and go about killing people in the name of this sudden attachment to their religious selves. Hypocrites - all of them.

Every coin has two sides and if you think about it, this is one festival where this madness results in unity of some sort, where people don't distinguish between each other in terms of skin color or just color in general for that matter.

Coming back to the point. If you're happy about something - keep it to yourself. If someone wants to be a part of that happiness, they will come to wherever you are and join you in your reverie. If someone doesn't feel the need to, or the want either to be part of this artificial day-long craziness, leave them be. Stop that loud music, irrational behavior, crazy drunkenness, and make life normal for people who prefer to celebrate their festival in peace and in the comfort of their own homes. In short (and generalizing it a little bit), GROW UP!

'Twas A Sultry Evening

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 12:21:00 +0000

Ok. So this is not a Mills & Boons-like post at all. In fact, it is something quite different from what the title seems to suggest.

I had arrived in Mumbai the previous night and was absolutely sleep-deprived owing to the IPL finals being played at DY Patil Stadium in Navi Mumbai. Mumbaikars will sympathise with me when they understand that I was scheduled to stay at The Trident, Nariman Point. The journey from DYP to TNP was gruesome and tiring to say the least.

However, that was the night before. This night was an entirely different story though. I had finished early from work (purposefully) and had resolved to lose some flab and exercise my slightly bulgy sinews by taking a walk down Marine Drive - The Queen's Necklace (am sure the 'freedom fighters' of the country won't be proud to hear it being called 'that' again).

Therefore, with sleeves rolled up, a strong resolve, an iPod in hand, and earphones in my ears (where else?) I commenced my short, albeit brisk walk from Trident to Pizzeria unfortunately. Yes - that's where I stopped. So much for 'losing flab'.

Anyway, before I walked into the restaurant, I noticed that there was a crowd that was flummoxed and occupied by a certain individual who had either lost his marbles, or was one of the millions of 'strugglers' in the Hindi Film Industry. At this point, I confess to being a drop in the ocean too (that of aspiring actors). Coming back to the topic at hand here, there was this long-haired, lanky, dark-skinned, 17-year old boy who was carrying out an impromptu acting performance in the middle of the pavement.

His method of acting was such:

Each act in this skit of his would last approximately 2 minutes 30 seconds. He would walk 10 steps towards the road, turn around to face the guffawing audience, brush his hair back, and start walking towards the same audience with a swagger at times and sometimes with a drunken stupor. All of a sudden, he would break into a jig, fling his arms up in the air, unzip his shirt, roll up his sleeves, and perform the Taandav. NB: Apologies for the poor quality of the video.

Each act was varied in nature and he pretended as though he actually had a film camera staring at him in the face and the audience all around him were his 'fans' who were lucky to watch the method actor perform in front of their eyes.

The entire show lasted for 1.5 hours and I was riveted to my perch on the raised cemented platform overlooking the sea admiring the zeal and enthusiasm as well as finding humor not in the actor's performance, but more in the reaction of people surrounding him.

There were groups of people who were sitting there in good humour, just trying to appease the young dolt and guffawing away, sometimes ridiculing him, and sometimes, just laughing at his idiocy.

There were people who were out for their evening walks walking around the actor so as to not arouse his desire to acknowledge them, whom he considered were fans approaching him to take his autograph.

There were young boys (of the same age) whose jealousy knew no bounds, whereby they tried to distract and irritate the young actor in a bid to disrupt the performance.

There were young girls who couldn't stop giggling, which further egged on the boy to do more and more, which eventually caused him to get his zipped shirt stuck around his head while he attempted to do a 'Salman Khan bare-all act', and in turn further increased the entertainment value that was being derived out of the performance.

There were people who were scared of what this fellow was capable of doing were he to use these people as props in his act and start beating them filmy-style or asking them questions. These people turned around immediately upon laying eyes on this 'chokhra'.

Soon, vendors too flocked the scene at realizing that a crowd had gathered and they had a better chance of selling their wares here than anywhere else on that street.

There were lovers who couldn't be bothered even if a meteorite landed right in front of them. They were oblivious to everything around them.

There were foreigners who were clearly bemused and amused at the same time on seeing this ~~slumdog~~ boy, who in turn, realized the opportunity of earning some dollars from the 'goras' and waved madly at them each time he saw one of them pause to take a picture or wait for him to do something dramatic, which unfortunately scared the 'goras' out of their wits and forced them to flee.

There were artists who were drawing caricatures of this creature contorting his limbs without reason and started offering them to people as proof of their expertise so that they could earn some money by being called upon to use their skills to massage the ego of a few tourists who were also admiring (or not) the antics of this crowd-gatherer.

There were people who just walked by, without blinking an eye as though it was the most normal thing in the world, with an air of "So what?"

There were men whose egos were as large as their posteriors, who to assert their upper hand over any and every situation, purposely got in the way of this artist and rapped him on the head a couple of times to show that they are in control.

There were teams of policemen who were busy cursing their bosses (for reasons that this picture will depict), catching an innocent bystander to tell him that he was jaywalking, while he was stationary all this while.

I couldn't take a picture/video of all that was going on around me because of a lack of a device, but if you ever want to experience all the facets of India and draw a parallel with things around you by just standing in one place, just turn up on Marine Drive on any sultry evening.

~ H.

PS - I hope I am still alive to read comments and respond to them after this post has been published. A thousand apologies if I have upset anyone (or anything).

Finally, a CxO.

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 04:48:00 +0000

It all started in October 2007, when a good friend and partner in crime, Arjun Kolady decided to start a new venture. A venture that within 2.5 years would reach more than 100 resilient and passionate individuals.

I have now made the elite list of the under-30s CxO contacts in India as a (brace yourself) - ''Chief Subversion Officer" for the 101-strong 'We Hate Gurgaon' group on Facebook.

I was appointed a CxO on inception, but didn't think back then when we started that this would become a meaningful position. It was just a post created to add an element of fun for all who were part of this movement (hope I don't get into trouble for saying this). Now that we have over a 100 members, the meaning of this position becomes all the more meaningful and important to me personally. I pledge my allegiance and undying loyalty to this great cause.

Will YOU be the 102nd?

~ Hef

Overawed by Singapore

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 21:51:00 +0000

Singapore at night

I was recently in Singapore for about 5 days on an academic visit (that's right - "academic"). There were a few things that I noticed that would make a large difference to the way things are done in India, if implemented. I know that this will in all probability, be a futile exercise, but the observations in itself are fantastic and have something more to it than meets the eye. You'll see what I mean.

Ever since my first visit to Singapore, the city has struck me to be one of the model cities of the world and a place that should be transformed into a case study and replicated in every city in the world. From the airport to the city (and everything in-between), there are things that amaze you and make you think that this is really how it should be. This post does not dwell so much on the common human courtesies that would include things such as letting people exit the train/elevator before boarding, giving up seats for women or for senior citizens or anyone with a slight discomfort, giving right of passage to pedestrians first, or things that we Indians have never heard of or pretend to have never heard of. This post will attempt to point out some of the more uncommon rules and policies that are particular to this country.

A necessary disclaimer is that most of these observations are my own or what have been told to me by some locals and Indian friends who now reside in Singapore. Hence, while they may be factually inconsistent with the actual rules/policies or slight variations, the fact that it could be potentially the right way of doing things is reason enough for it to be discussed and described here.

Secondly, to some, these rules may also appear to be restrictive and downright representative of a dictator regime, but the fact of the matter is that noone's complaining and everyone seems to be happy complying with the rules laid down. This is so much so that even Indians, who are naturally aggressive, unruly, and believe firmly in the concept that "rules are only made so that they can be broken", are perhaps the most law-abiding group of people to set foot in Singapore the minute they get out of the aircraft. Obviously, this behaviour undergoes a complete reversal either when they are among their own kindred in Little India or once they board the plane back to India. Anyway, getting back to the topic, here goes:

The Changi Airport at Singapore would put the biggest mall in India to shame. Yes - it's expensive and one usually finds things there that are difficult to get in a local convenience store. That is really the basic premise of having a shopping mall. The daily needs of human beings should not be found in malls. They should be found in local stores in every neighbourhood and on every block of every street. I know of one city that definitely does not follow this basic idea and yet calls itself the 'Millennium City'.

Interiors of one of the terminals of Changi Airport

Still with Changi airport. One terrific thing that I noticed about the airport was the fact that there are Customer Service personnel who are given a mobile workstation that is shaped like a luggage trolley and is on wheels. I guess it stems from the basic premise that a business reaches out to customers, and not the other way around. I was very impressed by this basic idea being innovatively put into motion. Mind you, they also had a stationery Customer Service desk that was manned by an individual at all times.

Drugs are a big no-no in Singapore. You may be fined $50 for jaywalking, but if drugs are found on you, you are liable to be subjected to capital punishment, aka death by hanging or otherwise, but death nonetheless. This policy is strictly followed in this wondrous city. What it does guarantee is that drug peddlers are non-existent and schools/colleges are devoid of such substances. A big relief to a lot of parents.

Chewing gum is banned. One of the things that will strike you immediately once you step out of the airport is the beauty of Singapore and the cleanliness on the streets. It really is exemplary. Basic rules such as this one ensures that there is no litter on the road. There are trash cans on every street corner and littering the streets can cause you to cough up a very hefty fine.

Dirty, noisy, and inherently crowded places have been given certain designated areas to be present in. I am obviously referring to Little India and Chinatown. I shall not elaborate much on this.

Cigarettes are extremely expensive. In the olden days, smoking was looked upon as a privilege that only the rich classes could afford. Interestingly and quite appropriately perhaps, Singapore has ensured that cigarettes should be priced beyond the means of the common folk.

Buying a car is almost as expensive as buying a house. The government has ensured that people use as much of the public transport services as possible. Note though that the transport service systems in Singapore are immaculate, affordable, omnipresent, and super-efficient, thereby automatically reducing the need to own a car. What this particular rule also does is that keeps the traffic down to a manageable level, since it's only the super-rich who can afford to drive their own cars around. Even cabs prove to be more expensive than the other modes of transport, but that once again is to keep the locals and global citizens intermingling.

The concept of weekend number plates. Complimenting the policy of pricing cars exorbitantly, the Government has also created the availability of weekend cars. These cars are priced cheaper than the regular ones (still not easily affordable), but have a special number plate assigned to it, which would ensure that these cars come out onto the roads only on weekends.

Urinals have the caricature of a housefly at the base. Satisfies two purposes: a) Aiming at the housefly ensures keeps you focused and ensures that you don't splash around, b) In case you are the impatient sorts, it gives you a game to play while you go about your business.

Politicians are legally rich and are provided for by the State. The Government have struck at the very heart of corruption by ensuring that the members of the parliament are very well provided for. Here again, the purpose is two-fold: a) A politician's role in forming rules and policies is for the welfare of the public, since his welfare is taken care of extremely well, and b) It allows the youth of the country to dream and to have ambitions of one day holding office, quite unlike to the sentiments and regard for politicians that citizens of other countries harbour.

The State looks after it's citizens. Health, education, food, and lodging is provided for by the Government free of cost to the locals. The underlying principle is that the want of the basic necessities is the root cause behind people resorting to crime. This is perhaps also the reason why Singapore has the lowest crime rates in the world today. Needless to say, the citizens are very proud of their State and talk very highly about their global footprint, but at the same time, retaining focus on the native citizens of the country.

If you're well-educated and employable, Singapore welcomes you with open arms and perhaps may even chase you down to become a part of the country. Getting a Permanent Residency in Singapore is not as difficult as it is in other countries of the world. They are clearly after people who can do fantastic work for the country, since not only does that ensure prosperity of the State (by way of taxes), but also ensures employment opportunities for it's existing diaspora of citizens.

Democracy and nominated aristocracy go hand-in-hand. Singapore is a democratic state and when elections come around, there is usually a single candidate who is nominated by the members of the ruling party and is almost certain to win the elections. Usually, a lesser candidate is pitted against him, who is insignificant and present only to ensure that the spirit of democracy stays alive. In conjunction with the earlier point made of ensuring that the members of parliament stay wealthy, it is in their best interests that a person who is capable of thinking for the benefit of the public comes into power. This not only ensures their longevity in their respective positions, but also keeps them popular with the masses.

When the son of a Permanent Resident turns 17 (provided that the son too is born a Singaporean citizen), he is bound by law to serve in the country's army for a period of at least 2 years. While this may be perceived as forced duty to the State, given the list of benefits that the country offers this son of the soil, it is only fair that the country asks people to not do what the country can do for you, but what they can do for the country. Once again, the dual benefit of this policy is that not only does this individual have his heart in the right place for his country, but it also helps in bringing about a necessary sense of discipline in the cultural upbringing of this 17-year-old. However, the fact that Singapore hasn't fought a war in centuries still doesn't deter a number of parents who are not natives of Singapore (but are permanent residents now) to leave the country just before their son turns 17 so that he doesn't have to join the army.

Food and electricity are cheap. Bottled water and real estate are not. The reason why food and electricity are cheap is because they are the basic necessities of living in any place on Earth. Most working couples prefer eating out every day. Hence, an additional reason for keeping food prices reasonable. Mind you that even though the food prices are low, there is no compromise on quality by any means. Hygiene and convenience are the cornerstones of the food and restaurant industry in this part of the world. On the other hand, bottled water and real estate are not cheap by any standard. My guess is that the reason for bottled water being expensive is because Singapore's tap water is clean enough to be had directly from the source. Being an environment-conscious country and recognizing that water is a depleting source will do them more good than harm even though they are surrounded by water on all sides. Real estate being expensive is obviously because of the function of limited space without overcrowding and maintaining low density for various reasons.

The Government discourages it's citizens from gambling. Singapore derives most of it's income if not all of it from tourists and it being viewed as a tourist haven. As a result, in an effort to outdo Macau, they have recently opened casinos to suit the vices of a number of otherwise harmless, compulsive gamblers. Having done that, they have also imposed a very heavy entrance fee for the locals, since their objective is to ensure that the citizens keep their hard-earned money in places better than the top of a blackjack or roulette table. Furthermore, the Government has given the right to people to ban their kin and direct relatives from casinos by a method of blacklisting by the casino management upon request.

I am quite sure that there would be quite a few rules that are not favourable to the citizens of the country (noone's perfect). However, in my apparent view of the way things function there, didn't seem to feature in the list of things that don't work well there. The quest for my next visit will be to stumble upon and discover maladies of the system to write about in my blog to give a balanced view of one of the most admirable countries in the world today.

As you would have logically concluded by now, I was completely overawed and amazed at the way this country functions, with pretty much a dumbfounded expression like the Sardarji has in the picture below, representative of the Indian in me. Oh, and yes - people in Singapore spend a lot of time in the MRTs and love their electronic gadgets and phones.

More soon.

Modern Man - The Transhuman

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:47:00 +0000

Here's a transcript of a monologue by George Carlin - a comedic genius and poet extraordinaire. Read and identify.

"I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been input and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet and pushing the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I’ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail.

But, I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I’ve got glide in my stride. Driving and moving, sailing and spinning, jiving and grooving, wailing and winning. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hanging in, there isn't any doubt and I’m hanging tough, over and out!"

3 Idiots & Chetak Bakbak: Yeh Kya Hui?

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 20:50:00 +0000

Following the brouhaha between Chetak Bakbak and the 3 Idiots team, Video Vinod Chopped-ra decided to get everyone in a room and decide how these differences can be settled so that he can concentrate on writing his next blockbuster with Himes bhai in the lead, titled '2010: A Greater Love Ishtory.'

The discussion is preceded by everyone ritually dancing to the groovy dance moves by the 80-year-old-looking-13-year-old.

After taking a breather, Chetak Bakbak (CB), Ameer Kan (AK), Rogered Kumar Hairaani (RKH), Abhi-jaata-hun Jyotshi (AJ), and Video Vinod Chopped-ra (VVC) were sitting in a circle with the famous single-butt-styled 3 Idiots chairs. To mediate the conversation, they called upon Chatur who insisted that the 'Balatkar' he referred to in the movie was in fact a prediction that he had made on 5th September 3 years ago, which would affect the movie post it's release.

Chatur: Maananiya atithiyo - main aapka swaagat karti. Mahabharata abhi part 2 nikali. Usme main samay ka role karti. Yaad kariye 3 years ago, isi place par, main bolti tha ki ek time aayega jab hum sab phir idhar hi milenga aur humko hamara past haunt karega. Lekin hum yeh bhi bola tha ki hum tab tak super star ban jaati aur tum log fighting karti. Haha...my prediction was ekdum theek. Ab tum kya bolti, Bakbak? bolo bolo...

CB: I am hurt.

AK: Aila, now by what?

CB: Aah...this pin that was pricking me while I was sitting. Yes - now this whole copycat thing that has been blown out of proportion... VVC/RKH - why don't you admit that you had planned this and the fact that it took Abhi-jaata-hun 3 years to write this script was because he couldn't find a pen that Ameer thought was perfect for writing?

RKH: (Silence)

VVC: Kee honda yaar? Koi gal nahin. I have referred to you in the rolling credits. Why do you want to create a scene yaar?
CB: My mumma couldn't see my name. Even I eventually found out that it was there from my millions and billions of fans in India.

VVC: Oye, your maa must have forgotten to take her spectacles with her. No wonder she was sitting in the hall for 20 minutes after the movie finished. Lack of concentration yaar - hota hai, hota hai.

AK: (Interrupting) No no Video, dil hai ki manta nahin. This is just a stunt. Chetak just wants additional publicity because the movie that I made .. err.. RKH made was so good and is a super hit. What kind of a 'purush' is he?

VVC: Chill Ameer. Main Hoon Na!

AK: Aila, why are you talking about that chhichhora who dances in marriages right now?

VVC: No baba, not him, not him. I meant me.

CB: (Crying) Something something ille. Talk about me. I am hurt.

AK: Let me speak since I am a super actor, interfering producer, ghost director, and a six-pack builder. Chetak - why are you making baat out of batangad?

CB: But Ameer, my idol (whom I will bulldoze with my pointless rant), they didn't show me the script, they didn't let me watch the film first, which is why I lost the bet with my millions and billions of fans and had to pay 350 rupees from my pocket for each person in my building's society to watch this movie. I want paisa vasool now.

VVC: But Chetak yaar, this was all part of the contract. As for allowing you to watch the movie first, I had only 3 chairs in my screening room and you wanted 1 seat for yourself, 1 for your popcorn and the last one for a mountain pile of your new book (2 states). Ameer wanted to watch the movie each time I would screen it and chop and cut and edit some scene or the other. That's why I gave one seat to your popcorn, 1 to your pile of books, and one to Ameer. That is why you lost out na? Now, don't do cheating bachcha.

CB: Oooeei maa ... that hurts too!

AK: Look - the real writer of this film is Abhi-jaata-hun Jyotshi. Talk to him. Oye, Abhi-jaata-hun, where are you?

AJ: Oh teri. Abhi aata hun.

AJ: Yes Ameer Sir. How are you sir? Sorry sir, had gone for toilet break.

AK: Arre arre no problem AJ. You know Chetak, right?

AJ: Yes Sir, of course I know Chetak. I had copied everything from his book only. Whatay book saar, whatay book! I felt love with each word I copied. I would like to give you my tohfa Chetak. Kabool karein.

CB: Mumma!

AK: Hey, AJ don't spoil the plot. Put your trousers back on. You will eventually give your tohfa to him, but for now, just hold on to whatever you have back there. I think there needs to be a change in plans. I will do all the talking from now on. VVC, RKH, and AJ - keep your mouths shut. I am a perfectionist. I will take care of it. Haan to - Chetak, bol.

CB: So, are you going to give me due credit or not? I am talking about right in the beginning of the film, before your name.

AK: Oye, watch it. I will give you my Ghajini scream, bare my body, sweat a lot, do pull-ups, and beat you up after that.

CB: Ok ok sorry Ameer. How about after your name, but mentioning that more than 70% has been copied from my book?

AK: Ummm...

VVC: (Interrupting) Nahi yaar Ameer, that will make me look like the Anu Malik of movie direction. Can I say 'initialized by Chetak Bakbak' instead?

CB: Lekin yeh 'initialized' cheez kya hai, yeh 'initialized' cheez?

AK: Dekh Chetak - you have to lose some if you want to win some. Khelna hai to khelo, warna get out.

CB: Ameer, look - I want to end this soon. I think British Dundee is catching on to our ploy.

AK: Woh taklu? Let him be. Let me tell you the problem yaar. Abhi tak feel nahi aa raha hai. You have to cry a bit more, whine a bit more, tell the media how your billions of fans are hating it and how much more your Mumma is crying. Thoda aur feel lao, aur emotions lao. By the way, the look is good huh? Unshaven look and all...achha hai accha hai. Tear your kurta a little bit the next time you go on TV, ok?

CB: Ok Ameer. So, it's a deal then. I'll whine and then you give me my spot.

AK: Yes. VVC aur RKH - theek hai na?

RKH: (silence)

VVC: Koi baat nahi yaar. Sab chalta hai, yeh bhi chala lenge. But I want tears - real ones - from your eyes, like the ones that people shed when they watched my real-life autobiography 'Kareeb'.

CB: This is too much yaar. I am threatening you now. We are on the 8th floor. I will jump down. Watch it, ok?

VVC: Arre Chetak munde, you are taking it too seriously. I was just joking. Whatever Ameer says.

AK: But there has to be some marketing buildup for this. It looks too easy right now. AJ, I have been giving you credit all along about being the script writer. Kuchh to soch na yaar.

AJ: My tohfa is always for you Ameer Saar.

AK: Chhee...keep your tohfa to yourself. Kabhi to theek se dhoya karo yaar. I only like Chatur's tohfa since he also gives me a 1+1 free offer of a silent killer fart with the tohfa. Learn something I say. Anyway, done deal Chetak.

"You cry and
we wipe it dry
but only if this issue is tweeted by Stephen Fry"

VVC: Wah wah Ameer. Kya sher hai.

AK: Woh kya hai na Video, I am practicing poetry for my next film, which is also K...k...kkkiran's directorial debut. She wants me to play a poet called Teelu and so I'm getting into the skin of the character.

CB: The one titled 'Dhobi Ghaat'? What's the connection between you being a poet and Dhobi Ghaat?

AK: Wohi toh - marketing strategy. I can't tell you now. Later later. I am doing a role of a dhobi who secretly writes lyrics for Karan Joker's movies. But all this is hush hush - theek hai na?

CB: Ok - done deal. I have a TV interview right now. Watch the way I cry and say that I don't want anything, but am hellbent on kicking up a fuss about it. Sab set hai na phir Ameer bhai?

AK: Sure sister. Pakka pakka. As an added sweetener and if you do a good job, we can talk later about one of my sequels to 3 Idiots titled "2 P's (Phunsuk and Pia)", where I will directly rip the story from your latest book and which will again be directed by VVC and RKH. We'll make it a big reunion by getting AJ to write it for us again.

CB: Oh ho...more sales for my new book. After my publisher refused to sell the book for more than Rs 95, I had to do something to make my rozi roti. This is perfect. Can't wait Ameer...can't wait. Tra la la la la. Mummy - fun is coming.

Ameer: Theek hai...accha hai...accha hai - it's all settled then. RKH?

RKH: (Silence)

Chatur: (Shocked) Arre, yeh kya hui? My Mahabharata part 2 turned out to be phuski? Yeh nahi ho sakti. Oye Phunsuk ser, I will complain to Mookes bhai and there will be another balatkar on the film about how the set was captured without his permission.

AK: Oh teri! Arre Chatur. One battle is over, but the war is left. Don't worry yaar. Stick with me and I will teach you the ropes.
VVC: Ameer is right. Jung abhi baaki hai mere dost, jung abhi baaki hai.

Chatur: Yeh jung is left? Yeh kya hui? Anyway, if you are also saying, then main maanti. But, I want a big role in the next film, haan? Nahi toh I will make your sthan my dhan.

VVC: Haan Chatur, my brother from another mother. I will give you a contract right now that you will be mentioned in my next film. Guaranteed!

AK: Chalo bhaiya, finally. Aal eez well then. Theek hai na Rogered?

RKH: (Silence)

VVC: Arre Ameer. Iski bolti bandh hai. He is still in shock after my stunner blockbuster 'Eklavya' as well as my expert media-handling styles. All settled. Aal eez well...aal eez well.

Song Packaging in the Hindi Film Industry - The Concluding Part

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 13:10:00 +0000

Continuing my previous post on Song Packaging, I thought I'll follow up the post with some new additions, many of which have been suggested by my readers and some that I might have missed out in my earlier post.

Kya Karoon - Wake Up Sid (2009); Singer: Clinton Cerejo; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Ayan Mukherji; Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Konkona Sen Sharma

A song that captures the youth in its essence. If you want to understand the mind of today's teenager who wants to live life for today rather than worry and think about tomorrow, here's a song that tells you exactly that. What especially stands out in this song is that this song is the typical day in the life of a fresh, college-going student. Guess it takes a young director to bring out the emotions and feelings of the younger generation.

The scene where Ranbir seems to be floating in the air without a care in the world is the defining moment of the song and is representative of a feeling that every teenager must have experienced at some point in time in some way or the other. Generalistic, but true.

Yeh Hai Bombay Meri Jaan - CID (1956); Singers: Md Rafi, Geeta Dutt; Music: OP Nayyar; Lyrics: Majrooh Sultanpuri; Director: Raj Khosla; Starring: Dev Anand, Shakila, Johnny Walker

If there is one song that defines the characteristic of a city like Mumbai, it is this one, which has rung true since the year it was produced. The practical nature of the song is overwhelming and one can really identify with this song. This is also one of the few songs that have been entirely picturized on a comedian (although a song featuring Johnny Walker was but obvious in a Guru Dutt production) and has survived through the ages. Even today, people can't picture anyone but Johnny Walker singing this song as he roams the streets of Mumbai characterizing everything in sight and telling the story of the city through a crude but true lens.

Dost Dost Na Raha - Sangam (1964); Singer: Mukesh; Music: Shankar Jaikishan; Lyrics: Shailendra; Director: Raj Kapoor; Starring: Raj Kapoor, Vyajanthimala, Rajendra Kumar

Raj Kapoor's first color magnum opus was a runaway success and brought out one of the best films that Indian Cinema has ever seen - the second coming of the Great Showman. Raj Kapoor's acting prowess is best noticed in this song when he sings this song knowing fully well what transpired between his wife and his best friend. The pain is evident in his expressions with a sort of self-submission to his ill-fate when he faces the camera and is accentuated very well by Mukesh's voice. But, the moment he looks at Rajendra Kumar and Vyajanthimala, while he pretends to not know anything, his furtive glances tell them that he is fully aware, but prefers to not acknowledge it.

Rajendra Kumar and Vyajanthimala's expressions are filled with guilt, and moments of their togetherness float by their eyes, which has been captured extremely well by the cinematographer and the director. Just proves to the world at large that one doesn't have to bleed or shout in anger to express emotions, unlike today's movies. This is called 'acting', where not a word is spoken, but emotions are communicated via looks.

I have intentionally included the song in 3 parts, where the buildup to the song, the main song, and the concluding portion of the song play out all the emotions of one of the most powerful moments in Indian cinema. A majestic masterpiece.

Roz Shaam Aati Thi* - Imtihan (1974); Singer: Lata Mangeshkar; Music: Laxmikant Pyarelal; Lyrics: Majrooh Sultanpuri; Director: Madan Sinha; Starring: Vinod Khanna, Tanuja

*My dad's suggestion

One of the few songs that have been experimented with and shot at twilight in the 70s. The colors are magnificient and completes this song. Camerawork and lighting were immaculate in the challenged days when no digital photography existed and means were limited. While the song may not be an all-time favourite, it is one which is apt for the mood that the surroundings suggest.

Dhoom Taana - Om Shanti Om (2007); Singers: Abhijeet, Shreya Ghoshal; Music: Pyarelal; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Farah Khan; Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Deepika Padukone

This is the second song from the movie Om Shanti Om that has been featured in this series of posts. There are only 3 reasons why this song makes the cut:

a) The music has been composed by Pyarelal, yet he doesn't find mention in the inlay card of the CD. This is incidentally, the only song that he has composed after his partner's death (Laxmikant).

b) Digital morphing and photography at it's best when Deepika Padukone is seen dancing with superstars of yester-years. Very cleverly done. Makes me imagine and wonder what if these stars were brought back to their glorious days and asked to act in movies today.

c) Fantastic set design. The screen comes to life.

Waqt Ne Kiya Kya Haseen Sitam - Kaagaz Ke Phool (1959); Singer: Geeta Dutt; Music: SD Burman; Lyrics: Kaifi Azmi; Director: Guru Dutt; Actors: Guru Dutt, Waheeda Rehman

If there was one director that significantly changed the way we looked at Indian Cinema, it was Guru Dutt. Any list would be incomplete without having a song featuring one of his movies/himself. Guru Dutt's sheer genius comes to the fore in this song. Note once again, that this song does not have any lip syncing, but the actors' emotions speak louder than words. The lighting and effect of the scene have a lingering effect that tells the story of the entire movie in a matter of a few minutes.

The final shot of the song is one that associates itself with the sad demise of the director and is the one last lingering memory that Hindi film lovers hang onto till today and will forever continue to do so. That was the magic of Guru Dutt.

Bade Achche Lagte Hain - Balika Badhu (1976); Singers: Amit Kumar, Rajni Sharma; Music: RD Burman; Lyrics: Anand Bakshi; Director: Tarun Majumder; Actors: Sachin, Rajni Sharma

Innocence personified. A young, engaged couple sitting near the banks of the river let their emotions flow without being explicit about it. One of RD Burman's best compositions and Amit Kumar's first hit song.

Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan - Mera Naam Joker (1970); Singer: Mukesh; Music: Shankar Jaikishan; Lyrics: Shailendra; Director: Raj Kapoor; Actor: Raj Kapoor

The perfect song to end this chapter. A song that will make you teary-eyed even if you have no context to the song. The autobiography of a man who was an entertainer till his last dying breath. Incidentally, this movie bombed at the box office and left the Greatest Showman on Earth penniless and heartbroken on seeing that a subject which was so close to him was shunned by the public to which he had dedicated his entire life to.

If you were to watch this song again, this is perhaps the song that sums up Raj Kapoor's life in totality and leaves you in awe. It is safe to assume that Hindi Cinema will never see another Raj Kapoor ever.

Song Packaging in the Hindi Film Industry

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:32:00 +0000

The idea to write this post came to me yesterday on a flight from Hyderabad to Delhi, while I was browsing songs through my iPod. Usually, the hallmark of a great song is one where you lose yourself completely in the song.

I am an avid movie watcher and most often when I listen to certain songs, it brings back vivid pictures of the actors from that song and the emotions they went through. While the interwoven lyrics and melodies are the larger reason why songs work or don't work, there is yet another critical aspect of these songs that determines how popular the song becomes, which is the picturization and the production values.

As a result, I decided to write and share with the readers of this blog post, songs that are not only melodious in nature, but have brilliant picturizations with regard to the plot of the film, as well as with regard to production values and overall 'feel' of the song. Hope you enjoy reading about it as much as I do writing.

Aaj Kal Paon Zameen Par - Ghar (1978); Singer: Lata Mangeshkar; Music: RD Burman; Lyrics: Gulzar; Director: Manik Chatterjee; Starring: Rekha, Vinod Mehra

This is a song that has haunted me ever since I've heard this song. The visuals of this song further strengthen the impact of the song. To me, it is one of the few romantic songs that strikes a chord, where the synchronization and mood of the song match the picturization as well. Natural acting and excellent cinematography makes it one of my most-loved songs. Simplicity is one attribute that stands out in this song. Incidentally, this is also one of RD Burman's favourite compositions as suggested during an interview in the 80s. This song was very close to his heart as well.

Kahin Door Jab Din Dhal Jaaye - Anand (1971); Singer: Mukesh; Music: Salil Chowdhury; Lyrics: Yogesh; Director: Hrishikesh Mukherjee; Starring: Rajesh Khanna

Few songs touch the cord and describe the true meaning of life as this one does. The thoughts of a dying man, who's living each day painfully at a time come to the fore through the words of the song. A beautiful melody and very few people (if anyone else at all) could showcase a man standing in his balcony wondering about when death will come to him.

Incidentally, there's an extra paragraph in this video clip that doesn't exist on the cassette/CD of this movie. Watch this clip just for that paragraph.

Zindagi Kaisi Hai Paheli - Anand (1971); Singer: Manna Dey; Music: Salil Chowdhury; Lyrics: Yogesh; Director: Hrishikesh Mukherjee; Actor: Rajesh Khanna

By now, it must be evident how powerful a screen-presence Rajesh Khanna demanded. Only Hrishikesh Mukherjee could pull off a song where they show nothing but a man walking down the beach with a few helium baloons in his hand throughout the song and not make it boring at all.

Roop Tera Mastana - Aradhana (1969); Singer: Kishore Kumar; Music: SD Burman; Lyrics: Anand Bakshi; Director: Shakti Samanta; Actors: Rajesh Khanna; Sharmila Tagore

Very few people know that this entire song has been completed in a single shot without any breaks. This was not intentional, but just speaks about the intensity and dedication of the actors to their work. One of the best seduction songs ever produced.

Aasma Odh Kar - 13B (2009); Singers: Shankar Mahadevan, Chitra; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Neelesh Misra; Director: Vikram K Kumar; Actors: Madhavan, Neetu Chandra

The reason why this song makes this list is because it is perhaps one of the few songs that has been shot in slow motion for the major part of the song. Further, keeping with the theme of the movie, the melody has a haunting feel to it.

Kitni Baatein - Lakshya (2004); Singers: Hariharan, Alka Yagnik; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Farhan Akhtar; Starring: Hrithik Roshan, Preity Zinta

If there's one song where the acting emotes more than the song, it's this one. The silence between the two actors says a thousand words between them. Simply (and without saying too much), brilliant!

Ye Hawaayein - Luck By Chance (2009); Singers: Amit Paul, Mahalaxmi Iyer; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Zoya Akhtar; Starring: Farhan Akhtar, Isha Sharvani

A wonderfully shot song, which was not easy to shoot, especially with two unknown actors trying to re-create romance the way traditionally, good-looking couples do on-screen. However, having said that, this is one song that has been picturized with an aim to please and has the 'feel good' factor going for it.

Main Agar Kahoon - Om Shanti Om (2007); Singer: Sonu Nigam; Music: Vishal Shekhar; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Farah Khan; Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Deepika Padukone

This is one song that has been picturised in a dream-like sequence, creating different themes to suit the mood of the song. A very-well choreographed song and perhaps one of the best romantic numbers in recent times. This is also an insight into how, if certain directors want, can create romantic musicals that can still do wonders for the dying art of creating melody.

Dil Dooba - Khakee (2004); Singers: Sonu Nigam, Shreya Ghoshal; Music: Ram Sampat; Lyrics: Sameer; Director: Rajkumar Santoshi; Starring: Aishwarya Rai, Akshay Kumar

Not a great/catchy song at all, but the way it's been shot in sepia (?) is very interesting and makes it a treat to watch.

Chori Chori Jab Nazrein Mili - Kareeb (1998); Singers: Kumar Sanu, Sanjeevani; Music: Anu Malik; Lyrics: Rahat Indori; Director: Vidhu Vinod Chopra; Starring: Bobby Deol, Neha

I am sure that when you read the name of the song and saw the names of the artistes who were involved in making this song, you would have wondered what this song was doing here. However, there's something about this song and the way it's been filmed (incidentally, this is the last film that VVC has directed yet), that mesmerizes you. These folks took romance to an entirely new level - twilight, river with 'diyas' floating all around, wet actors, waltzing to the song, extra long 'dupattas'.... It's unconventional and that's what makes it different.

Tumhi Dekho Na - Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006); Singers: Sonu Nigam, Alka Yagnik; Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy; Lyrics: Javed Akhtar; Director: Karan Johar; Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Rani Mukherjee

Of all the songs that have been featured in Karan Johar's movies, this one stands out as the best. One that contains imagination, emotion, and all the ingredients of making it a song that one relishes audibly as well as visually. Great use of pastel shades and colors. Amongst my personal favourites as well. When lovers meet...this is what happens.

I'll be back soon with subsequent parts to this thread.

Thanks for watching/reading.

Hef

Modern Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 15:54:00 +0000

I've wanted to write about this for a long time, but did not get the time to do it. Finally, with some time on my hands after escaping from work early, since it's my wedding anniversary today and my wife is out of town, I thought I'd at least do something that I've wanted to in a long time. And that my readers, is share my thoughts with you.

Today's topic that I have decided to write about is one that frustrates me to no extent to see the kind of spoilt ingrates being churned out by society. A child's life today is over-protected. As we steer more to the western school of thought and the fact that hurting a child can lead to terrible consequences, the percentage of unsuccessful, low on esteem, frightful, and often queer folks has increased multifold.

There used to be a time when parents would wield a stick, teach a child discipline, and let the child fend for himself in difficult situations. This would be the norm and the done thing. However now, the times - they are a changin'.

Today's parents are into 'child worship'. This excessive devotion to children is just mind-numbing. Today's professional parents are constantly overscheduling and overmanaging their children, and are robbing them of their childhood. Even the simple act of playing has been taken away from them. Something that is supposed to be spontaneous and free has become rigid and overtly planned. Nowadays, a 4-year old should not be playing outside in the sun. He should be inside studying and cramming hard for his Kindergarten entrance exams. All this is for noone else, but for his parents pride and egos.

Children today aren't allowed to play the ever so famous 'chor police', because it includes "victimization". They aren't allowed to play 'tag' because it includes 'exclusion'. Instead, they are encouraged to play indoor games involving strategy, games involving intelligence. Where has all the fun gone? These are not droids that we want to churn out. Humans are what we are and humans are what we are expected to produce.

Having said that, when the child finally gets to play - whatever game he/she is allowed to play, the child will never lose, because in today's world, no child ever loses...everybody wins and noone is a loser. Everyone gets a trophy. No child today ever gets to hear those all-important character building words "You lost". Instead, these kids are told "You're the last winner". Often, these kids don't hear the right words right up until their twenties, when their bosses tell them to their faces, "You're a loser!". And then, this 20-year old child crumbles, goes into depression, and then the psychiatrics take over.

Turn off the internet, the idiot box, the CD ROMS, computer games and let your kids stare at a tree for a couple of hours. Every now and then they will actually come up with one of their own ideas. You want to know how to help your kids? Leave them alone.

Children these days are overrated and overvalued. They've become little cult objects. Today's parents have a child fetish and that's not a great thing. Often, you'll get to hear "I love my children". Well - everyone loves their children...it doesn't make the person who's saying it any more special or what they're saying more believable. Stop praising your kids in front of others (or even in front of the kids themselves). Noone whom you're telling these things to wants to know, because noone cares. What is this mindless rambling, the neurotic fixation that suggests that somehow everything has to revolve around the life of your child?

What is it with mobile phones and kids these days? How can parents give a 7-year old a cellphone and encourage him/her to talk using that phone? Calling them up in the middle of the day and asking them "Did you eat? Did you go to the loo? When are you coming home? Where are you now? Who are you with? Don't play with boy 'X' because he is a mean boy ". No wonder kids these days run far away from their parents as soon as they are able to. I don't blame the parents for asking these questions too much, but what I am objecting to is this obsession of not being able to leave their kids alone to fend for themselves and make decisions on their own. So what if it's the wrong one? They'll make the mistake and learn. It's not the end of the world. At least you end up teaching your child one of the most important things in life - being bold enough to take a decision.

Kids love showing off shiny, new things. I remember I used to take pride in a pencil-box my parents once bought me. I would go around showing it off to everyone I knew in school. Often, if I would get good grades, I would tell my friends that it's because of the lucky pencil/eraser I bought the other day. That is innocence personified. Not like today's kids, who go around showing off their mobile phones letting other kids know that they have GPRS and can watch videos on their phones. This then forces the jealous kids to make demands of their weak parents, who, for the sake of showing their kids how much they love them, go and buy these kids a better phone than the one they initially demanded....and the cycle goes on.

Do parents really need to "show" their love to their kids? I mean - isn't it obvious? They bring you into this world, they live together, they feed the kids, they take care of them, they get mad at them as well. Is that not good enough? Why do parents have to buy their kids things, tolerate misbehaviour and indiscipline to show their kids how much they love them? It just makes the kid weaker and more insecure than ever before, not to mention spoilt.

Finally, when the kids turn out all wrong and the parents catch the kid smoking one day at the shop around the corner, they're going to be ignorant of the fact that they didn't teach their kids the right things (and expected their schools to do it for them - after all, they spent all their money on that fancy air-conditioned school without uniforms and books, that allowed their children to move around in AC buses, fed them during the day with 5-star category food, allowed them to take a nap, and didn't give them homework since it was considered as too much pressure for the child). Instead, they blame the tobacco companies, advertisements, the Western world, movies, filmstars, and even believe that the camel in sunglasses asked them to smoke. Today's parents are responsible for today's generation and they have failed to make their kids understand right from wrong, good from evil, and even truth from dare.

Children are the most beautiful and innocent things that were ever created. Parents end up spoiling them by imposing their beliefs and views, being overprotective, scheduling their time for them, succumbing to their kids' whims and fancies, letting the child take control of them instead of the other way round. At the end of it, these same parents end up demanding respect from their children. They forget that respect cannot be demanded - it must be earned....and we all end up blaming none other than "the kids these days...."

Expedition to Dilli Haat

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:25:00 +0000

Sunday afternoon and what better way to spend it than go to Dilli Haat? No - that's not my idea of fun at all. A long drive, hot, crowded, and walking around aimlessly is not exactly my idea of a relaxed Sunday. I had to go - don't ask me why. I can't talk about it here, in fear of a certain someone learning how to find my blog and read about it, and then ask me about it, and then...just too many risks involved here.

Anyhow, getting back on topic. I had assumed that it being a Sunday, the roads would be free of traffic, I could reach Dilli Haat, sip on a cool Thums Up, and spend the rest of the afternoon near the Food Village, trying out cuisines belonging to different states. I was totally off my mark. Here's an account of what happened:

The roads were extremely busy, thanks to some road being repaired because of the Metro construction.
I had to struggle to park because of the complete lack of parking facilities.
I forgot to carry any money on me and my ego forbid me to borrow money from anyone else.
The ATM wouldn't accept my Citibank debit card and kept spitting it out, while telling me to come back after 24 hours if I still wanted to withdraw any money.
I eventually had to walk a kilometer in the sun to find another ATM and discovered that there was another one not more than 100 meters from the first one (in the opposite direction though).
I bought the tickets after standing in a queue for 20 minutes behind Punjabi mundas fighting with the lady at the ticket counter to let a child in for free (who obviously didn't qualify for it according to the rules).
Shopping happened. I was tired just standing there watching all the haggling that was going on. My company (wife and her mum) gleamed at every 5 rupees they saved, while I hoped against hope that there would be an air-conditioned stall somewhere around that I could go to and pretend to be interested in the stuff that they were selling.
I finally got to the Food Village and ordered Veg Chow and Aloo Dum with Thums Up (of course), only to be told that all orders would take at least 45 minutes.
I was attacked by a colony of ants and flies who were hellbent on polishing off the remnants of fish 'bhetki'. I am a vegetarian.
The food took exactly an hour to reach me. I had finished two 500ml bottles of Thums Up by then. Bye bye diet.
We got up to the sounds of the band playing 'Pukarta Chala Hoon Main', which was the highlight of my visit to a place that I had grown to abhor. Here's the video
On our way out, concerned about how late we were getting, we spent another hour looking at bedcovers and cushion covers.
When we reached the parking lot, my wife discovered that she had lost the parking ticket and the guy there wouldn't let me leave without paying him an additional 20 to 30 INR for 'chai paani'.
Before leaving, it was decided that we would have to return there before the 5th as there was just so much (more) to get.

I passed out.

~ Hef

The Return of Hef - II

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:29:00 +0000

Called this post 'The Return of Hef - II', because wasn't sure whether I had already made my return in an earlier blogpost. With the advent of Twitter, I have realized a couple of things:

a) Writing long blog posts is not for me. In other words, it is not in vogue any more. 140 characters seems good enough for me to express my opinion, chide someone, criticize/praise a product/thought/person, etc. However, given the same limit, sometimes my views don't come out in their entirety and intent. Hence, my return to blogging. It remains to be seen though, whether this will continue for long and for how long.

b) Just like writing long posts became a difficult issue to deal with, reading long posts was even worse. Once again, with the advent of the 140-character wonder, the fact is that in those 140 characters, the point is made, conveyed, and bares itself to the reader in its full glory. Interpretation depends on the intelligence of the reader though.

Although the concept of limited character space has caught on fabulously, I feel that one's complete viewpoint on different things can only be expressed in space that is determined by oneself. Hence, this blog post.

I shall try and frequent this space more often, albeit on random topics and shorter ones at that too, but I can say this for sure - this is definitely the Return of Hef - I, II, or otherwise.

More soon.

~ H

From the archives - Time

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 12:41:00 +0000

Since I was recently harping about how it is time to get out of 'The Comfort Zone', this is an old post that I thought I would cross-post here. There's no connection, but just felt how much we talk about having 'no time' to do anything.

TIME

Of the three types of input that every activity needs, material goods, skills, and time, I've come to feel that perhaps the least understood is time. In conventional economics, it is treated as a commodity to be bought and sold at will, and therefore needing no special consideration. Yet experience suggests that the economics of time is not quite so simple.

We need time to work, to eat, to sleep, and to accomplish all the daily chores of living. We also need time to know and understand our partner, our children, and our friends. Most of our relationships, in fact, require more time than we have, and it is difficult to avoid the feeling that we could never have enough. Nor is our list of demands on our time complete. We have ignored the time we need to be alone, a necessary but invariably short- changed period.

I know many people, myself included, who often feel "time poor" and who bemoan this limitation. Perhaps this attitude is a great mistake. Perhaps if we were to embrace the limitations of time, to celebrate them and explore their implications, we would find that they hold an essential key to the fundamental attitudes and experiences we will need in a humane sustainable culture.

The Guns of Gurgaon

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:28:00 +0000

I don't even want to utter a word...

A direct post from the indiatimes website.

Managing Gurgaon traffic at gun point

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/Managing-Gurgaon-traffic-at-gun-point/articleshow/4866579.cms

7 Aug 2009, 1215 hrs IST, Ranjan Roy, TNN

GURGAON: I invariably approach the Delhi-Gurgaon toll gate on the expressway prepared for the worst. But I wasn't quite ready for what I saw on
Gun on Gurgaon streets "I wasn't quite ready for what I saw on Wednesday night," says Roy.

As I navigated my car towards one of the tag-users lane, trying to avoid trucks and cabs muscling in from all angles and squeeze through thin spaces between the multiple lines, I was cut off by a light commercial vehicle that barrelled down from the right.

The LCV nudged me out a bit but I stood my ground. It then moved forward and tried to growl its way in. I rolled down my window to give the driver a piece of my mind. The driver of the car in front of me, who was seated at the back while his owner drove, got off and tried to reason with the trucker to back off. But the truck driver
wasn't listening.

That's when I saw the artillery come out. A young man, wearing jeans and tee, leapt out of the driver's seat and rushed to the truck. He whipped out a revolver and held it against the LCV driver's neck and asked him for his licence. The ashen-faced driver, his bravado now drained by the black barrel pressed to his adam's apple, meekly complied.

I almost cheered! If this wasn't a dangerous act of vigilantism, the young man could deserve a medal for bringing some order to the toll gate chaos. With traffic billowing around the chicken necks that the tag lanes have turned into, I regularly see tempers fray and people routinely roll down their windows and curse and even get off and thump bonnets of cars that try to nose in from the sides into the lanes. But guns being pulled out was a new one.

As I watched the young man hold the LCV driver at bay, some other cars and cabs tried to sneak into the lane and blocked his car again. Having crossed the LCV, the gunman now strode ahead to take on smaller prey. Brandishing what looked like a heavy-calibre revolver, the kind cops are armed with, the man yanked out the ignition key from one car and threatened a few others that were seeking to muscle in.

``Goli marega kya?'' shouted a cabbie. The young man hissed something - possibly, ``Don't tempt your luck.'' A middle age man had come out of his car to say something to the young man. His family was screaming inside, trying to tell him not to provoke the man with a gun.

By this time his car had crawled to the barrier. The young man tucked in his revolver back into his jeans and drove off, fading into the traffic.

The Comfort Zone

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 06:30:00 +0000

Sitting in one of the plush malls in Gurgaon, I was having a discussion with my wife about life in general. It is then that it became increasingly clear to me that I had become like the others...something that I had promised to myself years ago that I would not become.

The Comfort Zone as I refer to it, is the typical situation in which a working individual finds himself in. Resigned to the fact that the rest of his life is going to shuttle between his workplace and his home. The same dreary routine of waking up in the morning, rushing to work, rushing back, having dinner, and falling asleep for the major portion of his life. It's getting into this comfort zone that I have always been wary of and now I feel that I am getting into this position as each day passes.

I asked myself what is it that I have to look forward to in the next few years? The answer was not very difficult to come up with if I were to look at things from a normal human's standpoint: I now have a home loan, the liability of which forces me to work days on end, tirelessly. I will soon have commitments towards my family, which again I have to work the same way years on end, tirelessly. Life becomes similar to a million other lives in the past and possibly a billion other lives in the future.

Is this what I thought life would be? Away from friends, family, loved ones? Not being able to find joy in the smallest of things? Am I in a place where I don't want to be only because of money? Doesn't that make the meaning of life so trivial?

Well it's true that the power to change one's life lies in one's own hands and my life is not an exception to that rule. However, the willingness to do that rests on more than just one's whims and fancies. There's an inherent amount of risk that one has to take and each person's situation to take on that risk varies. My ability to take on that risk, for the sake of my family, is extremely limited.

My wife asked me, "What do you want to do, what do you want to be"? My answer, which I felt was too dreamy and non-consequential was "I want to be famous. I want to be different. I don't want to be in a situation where I get uncomfortably comfortable with life the way it is right now. I want to do something that I enjoy, that I find pleasure in. If asked what do I see myself doing 3 years from today, I can only say that I will be sitting behind some desk doing pretty much the same stuff that I am doing now. Sure, there will be salary hikes and I will still have my job till the age of 60 or thereabouts, which is precisely what I mean by being uncomfortably comfortable."

Of course, there might be unforseen situations that might make things uncomfortable, but my classification of feeling comfortable is different. It doesn't revolve around my being handicapped and unable to do anything as being classified as uncomfortable, but moreso challenging myself to do new things, following a passion and living life on my terms.

It's time to move on. It's time to take matters into one's own hands. It's time.

Selfless promotion of the only group I belong to on Facebook!

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 20:03:00 +0000

Readers,

This post is nothing but a promotion of a group that I belong to on Facebook - "We Hate Gurgaon". If you know me, interact with me, follow me on Twitter, or even remotely know who I am, this group will come as no surprise to you. Gurgaon - a village of which the lesser said, the better. Am not going to go on a rant right here - for that, there's Twitter and of course this group.

I moved to this village in NCR (National Cattle Region) about 32 months ago and have hated it with a vengeance with each passing day. In fact, what this place has done has further led me to hate all of the North, including Delhi, Punjab, and whatever else is north of Kolkata.

This group was started by a friend of mine (Arjun Kolady) and myself. I hold the title of "Chief Subversion Officer". While my friend was lucky enough to move to Bangalore 12 months from moving to Gurgaon and starting this group, I have been rotting here since December, 2006 and judging by the way things are moving in my life, am stuck here for some more time, unless an act of God or a benevolent miracle rescues me from my grief.

If you have been to this place or if you have any intentions of visiting, please do go through the content listed on this group and you will definitely understand that the so-called "Millennium City" is nothing short of a shoddy, ill-planned, ill-constructed, zero-infrastructure, zero-transport, green-less wonder of the 21st century.

Come one, come all - to the group...not to Gurgaon.

~ Hef

I'm A Golden Man: Bappi Lahiri

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 07:34:00 +0000

I just had to write a post about this historical, and hysterical interview with Koel. I watched this show on a Kingfisher flight and trust me, it was the best flight I had ever taken in my life. I watched 3 reruns of this show and favorited it on YouTube as well. This is for your entertainment. All spelling mistakes were on purpose and as per the vocabulary of Bappi Da :)

He was called Alokesh before he became 'famous Master Baapi' at the age of 4 because he was playing "classical tabla", but "he don't know when I am playing tabla" because his "mamma and his dads told me that you're so small so the crawling that time you want the tabla baaya like" Oh - he is also a "pianoist".

He agrees that either it is an exaggeration or that he is a child prodigy. - not clear from his statement.

He loves crooning, preferably his own songs.

He was not allowed to play cricket as a kid because his "finger will fracture"

He was given a "B" gold chain because he was "famous B"

He wore his first gold chain that was gifted to him by his 'Mamma' and "my Zakhmi became sooper heet"

He was a "follower" and "a practical fan of Elvis Presley with his round face" and that is why the fact that he was talented or his music evolved over time did not play a factor in his success as a music director.

He was a "brand brand I'm brand" before becoming a brand and all over the world he is known as "Bling Bling Bappi Lahiri"

Obviously, he gloats, "I'm A Golden Man"

He got Disco to Indian movies and croons out the number as well. Surprisingly, he says that 'Chalte Chalte' the title track is also a disco song, followed by 'Pyaar Manga Hai Tumhi Se'

In his famous American accent, he tells us how he learnt in an American club the word 'disco' originated. "No No No Disc playing - Disco - you understand?" That's what gave him the "correct words - Disco".

The director of Mithun's first blockbuster told him that he wants songs like "John Travolta, Bee Gees, with some Kungfu flavor", which is when he asked himself "How I will do?" and answers "OK, I will do". He then explains how Bruce Lee was so famous and almost says that he sang for Bruce Lee. The song was "mausam hai jeene ka .... grandmaster jeena" ??? Obviously, the song became a "sooper heet".

When Koel says that the song "I am a Disco Dancer" is a cult song, he forcefully says "All Songs!!!" Koel acquiesces.

Disco Dancer is actually "a history" because it's being used in a movie called "Don't Mess With The Zohaan with Adam Sand Lear" for using "Jimmy Jimmy".

He agrees that he borrowed from the West, but adds that he took "in 500 song 2 song and not like today's every song is plagarees". He also gives the example how "anyone can borrow Beyonce's song - touch me touch me touch me, touch me touch me touch me"

He flatters Koel by telling her that she is a star and that "everywhere this program is a soopper hit - couch"

He says he is the seniormost composer in the Hindi "fillum" industry like Lakshmikant Pyarelal, RD Burman, and Kalyanji Bhai. Asking him to compose with 2/3 other composers for the same "fillum" was a terrible insult to him, which is why he thought that he should go to Hollywood, where he worked hard for 2 years on "kaliyon ka chaman", which was in the top 3 of the American charts.

You will see him next in "a very beeg role with Salman Khan in Main Aur Mrs. Khanna" where he has also "sang a song". He plays a "very beeg myujikal-minded taicoon of Australia".

His latest music album (My Love) is "bhery secret" dedication to someone, for which he also has to "cross feenger".

He was a "teenagers" even when he was 23 when he married his wife.

Bappa, his son is "comeeng out very well" now and his 3rd "peecture is beecom very beeg heet".

He didn't participate in this year's general elections because he was "beezee in talent hunt show - international talent hunt show - fool month beezee". However, he gives his "laav and respect to Congress".

Bappi Da does not have "alcohol, pan, pan parag, no nothing. No addictation".

To his critics, "No No. anybody's telling me bad accent. That is why I am sitting here in golden - uh red couch, 36 years in Bollywood and everybody loves Bappil Lahiri. I want lao of junta and I want to be good human. Bappi Lahiri should be good human personality because you know I want to sing..." and there he breaks into yet another song.

His dream is to get "Grammy avaard".
His most humbling moment was in London when he met "Bittles group - that Paul, that John Ringo Paul"...." and adds when asked if he met the whole group, "not whole group, uh - that Paul Mackton."
Michael Jackson (RIP) met Bappi and asked him for his "Ganpati Baba chain"

He then gets reminiscent about getting Samantha Fox in Rock Dancer for "Touch Me, Touch Me, I feel your body", although the film did "not business, not business, but...".

He can instantly fall in love with "good myoojik".

His biggest regret is that his parents are "off".

His latest want is to work with the "latest Beyonce"

...and he signs off in classic style with a Bengali number and shows how he plagiarized it into a Hindi version.

Enjoy!

Movies Movies...and More Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:11:00 +0000

Movie downloading fetish: 31 movies in 3 days, including 6-episode, dual-season TV Series and still counting.

That's what I've been upto over the last few days. Axxo, Klaxxon are some of the users that I am hounding since the last few days through Mininova.com to download movies using UTorrent (pronounced mew-torrent).

I haven't come across any titles that I haven't seen yet and believe me, I have seen a lot. Most of the 'must-watch-before-you-die' site recommendations talk about the same old stuff over and over again - 'The Godfather', 'The Lord Of The Rings', 'Taxi Driver', etc. Well, for one I already have most of these movies, and additionally, I find these artsy movies a bit of a drab.

I have been subjected to a lot of Hindi movies in the past and I like fast-paced (not necessarily the 'action', 'dhishum dhishum' kinds) movies. Comedies are my favourite and I don't mind thrillers and certain drama movies as well. Have looked all over for recommendations, but have found none. This is one of my attempts to get ideas from you folks out there.

Spare me the 'Shawshank Redemption', 'The Green Mile', 'Forrest Gump' kind of common movies. Don't get me wrong - those are terrific movies and ones that I'd die to watch, but am looking more for what's not common and those kind of movies that are heavily underrated. And I don't like art films, world movies, foreign language movies, musicals, black-and-white movies, pre-1960 movies, martial art, and mindless action movies.

Before you make any recommendations, a little bit about me - I am a movie freak in the true sense of the word...when I went to the States, I went with the sole purpose of buying DVDs from Amoeba and Rasputin in SFO. I ended up paying $300 in excess baggage, came back with 2 overflowing bags of DVDs, and currently possess a Godrej-full of movies collected from different sources. No - I don't lend movies, so stop wishing.

Now for suggestions in the following genres please:

Comedy (TV Series qualify for this genre as well)
Thriller
Drama
Mystery
Any other jaw-dropping stuff (no porn - I have my own preferences) :)

Give me as many. I have an insatiable appetite for this form of entertainment and the person with the most valid recommendations (movies that I eventually end up downloading/purchasing/owning) will get a one-time only, full-access to my movie collection which I will be posting on my blog shortly. Extra points for providing a download/purchase source. Please don't forget to state your name and email ID. You can email me directly as well if you feel that posting a list via this medium is too cumbersome.

10 points for each valid recommendation.

Thanks in advance.

~ Hef

We Love You, Tintin - and we miss you.

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 17:03:00 +0000

From my Father to Tintin:

When he came home he was barely an armful

Used to snuck into the tiniest space

The sound of a spoon in his favourite saucer

Prompted him to run a private race.

He frisked about and explored at will

Soon there wasn’t a corner unknown to him

He kept a tab on where everyone was

Lively and frolicsome right to the brim.

Biscuit time was just after dinner

And he’d long for just a tiny treat

Squatting while we were having a snack

Quite often tripping our feet.

He travelled with us wherever we went

And adapted joyfully to each new place

Just to watch him explore around

Was enough to light up our face.

He was convinced that any packet that crackled

Contained biscuits of his very own

Every container that was opened

Would miraculously produce a bone.

Occasionally he would want to be pampered

And refuse to eat till fed by hand

Once I had knelt to feed him

He would gobble the food as if at a pizza stand.

He loved being scratched on the head

And would close his eyes during a tummy rub

Enjoyed getting wet and having a bath

Whether under a shower or in the tub.

When we returned from even the local store

He used to go mad and jump from place to place

And at the height of his ecstasy

His wet tongue would, by turns, slobber our face.

All in the neighbourhood asked about Tintin

And for the local kids, he was a walking talking toy

Everyone knew him by name, sight and sound

He was a celebrity, the area’s blue-eyed boy.

The doorbell was his signal for going crazy

He welcomed every visitor with a rare elan

Anyone who met him fell in love with him

Whether another pet, woman, child, or man.

Running on the streets or garden

Was the pastime at which he excelled

Or pulling at a shoelace, running off with a sock

Or simply yanking at a leaf that we held.

He was very scared of loud noises

People shouting upset him too

He cowered and barked alternately

But in a jiffy was as good as new.

Wary of car rides when he was a baby

Preferred to stay in the comfort of home

But soon he became a veteran traveler

His adventures could easily fill a tome.

He’d amble upto me with loving eyes

Knowing exactly when I was upset or such

He’d gently nudge me with his paw

And that felt like no other healing touch.

He trusted me blindly and implicitly

Because his Bauji could never be wrong

Thunder and crackers terrified him

But he'd venture anywhere fearlessly if I went along.

Sometimes, when he was feeling low,

He would just come and stare

And as if our gazes were speaking

He told us what was wrong and where.

He lived a loving and carefree life

And knew the meaning of everything we said

The mention of some of his favourite things

Would make him sit up and cock his head.

He never left my side for nine years

Did anything that I asked him to

I never believed such a companion could exist

I was lucky to have a friend so true.

Happy with just a twig or a piece of string

He just gave and gave to all his everything

Total faith and companionship he knew best

Right until he opted for his final rest.

Funny how he always understood my every gesture

On my every command he would devotedly dwell

Except on that last fateful visit to the vet

When I asked him to return quickly and well.

The bushy tail wagging and thumping

Golden mane blowing in the breeze

Eyes staring adoringly at his loved ones

These are etched on my mind like a frieze.

One day he fell sick, but not a whine

Quietly accepting all that the medics would do

Just a moment ago he peeped in at my door

It’s sad that was his final adieu.

When he died I felt as if I had died too

For he treated me as if I was his father

And my two sons and wife he doted on

Just as they were his brothers and mother.

He made us know the meaning of love

And then said a silent goodbye

In so short a time he stole our hearts

And left us forever to remember and cry.

Little did I know till he was no more

What that noble soul meant to me

He lived in style and died in style

Everyone who knew him will agree.

Oh! I’d give anything just to hear his pant again

Or just smell his heady odour like an evergreen tree

Oh! To feel him cuddle up against my leg

To once more see his eyes gazing at me.

Never made a demand or even a fuss

Was loving and caring when even in pain

He was just a dog, but when men do the same

They are called saints or even Jesus by name.

Now his memory lives on in my heart

I wish him well in that new world of his

That tiny soul touched me like no-one else could

His friendship felt like the most wonderful kiss.

Goodbye, my friend – I’ll always love you

We’ll meet soon, I promise from my heart,

When you see me just bark and wag your tail

That day no one will ever make us part.

Till then, take care, Tintin darling

And rest in peace knowing that I’ll always be your friend

Till then, play with the Lord and make him happy too

I’ll join you soon and we’ll chase each other again.

It's just not fair! We - The People.

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 17:37:00 +0000

By the way, today's post is being published while I am surfing on Tata Indicom's Photon+ Wireless Broadband Data Card (wow - didn't realize it was that long and complicated - and no, am not being paid to write that). Nice speed. 4/5 rating.

I was driving through Delhi today and passed along the most beautiful parts of Delhi - that's right - Akbar Road, Janpath, Aurangzeb Road, Africa Avenue, etc. There were many thoughts that came to my mind. Some of them were:

a) Crooked, dishonest, illiterate politicians get to stay in houses with sprawling lawns and state-of-the-art facilities, while a very very large proportion of regular, honest, hard-working, salaried individuals are paying 70-80 lakhs for a 1600 square feet apartment in Gurgaon. Don't even want to talk about Mumbai - not only because of 1600 sq feet (which is palatial in that city), but also because of the paltry sum of money, i.e. 70-80 lakhs, which is just about good enough to get you a pigeon coop in a decently located area in Mumbai.

b) Why is all the greenery in the godforsaken city of Delhi/NCR concentrated just around the houses of these losers? Isn't the rest of the population of the capital deserving enough to breathe good, clean air and live and experience decent surroundings?

c) If they have been elected by the people and want to do good for the people, why are they given houses that the same people who have elected them can never get access to? Forget the houses, the public can't even get access to the people whom they have elected.

d) Why do they get unlimited and uninterrupted water and power supply when the common man on the road or anywhere else for that matter is subjected to all the misfortune of no water and no power? Shouldn't they stand side-by-side of the people who have chosen them as their leaders?

If they can get clean air, water, electricity, why can't you and I?

Why can't the powers that be come and live among the people?

Have they forgotten the meaning of democracy? To refresh their memory, a democracy is for the people, by the people, and of the people. In this case, all 3 parameters seem to be missing. These elected representatives have become celebrities in their own right.

One might argue that since they are important people in our country, they need protection. Well, don't you and I need protection too? Why should we be subjected to all the dangers in the world and the people whom we have elected to protect us from these dangers lead a sheltered life? Why can't they face the same hardships that you and I face on a daily basis?

We gave them the right to lead and represent us. We however, did not give them the right to live like kings/queens while we suffer because of their shortcomings, incapable decisions, and corrupt minds.

Enough. Be one of us - be among us - face our difficulties - survive with us.

...And then, I returned to Gurgaon. That should explain all of this.

- Hef.

Maikalal Jaikishen is no more

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:53:00 +0000

I have taken the liberty to see the lighter side of things when it comes to matters such as Michael Jackson's death. This post is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings (ill or otherwise) towards him. These are just my candid views on him, which I would have written when he was alive, but just that he came back into my circumspect just recently after his death. Here I go:

Questions I wanted to ask him if I could.

a) Why were you so desperate to be a white boy?
b) Were you a boy or did you go halfway through a sex change and then changed your mind?
c) With a face like that, how come you didn't make it to any horror movie?
d) Elizabeth Taylor?? What were you thinking?
e) I could never understand what you were saying in most of your songs (Bad, Thriller, etc.) Thank God for lyrics.com. Was that on purpose?
f) Why were you always inflicting self-pain upon yourself (read: catching hold of your crotch and yowling)?
g) I liked 'Heal The World' and 'Earth Song'. Why that spark of sanity?
h) You moonwalked your way to stardom and back again. How did you manage to make a mess out of such a great career?
i) Did you like what we did with one of your songs?
j) Any kids up there? (Readers - don't kill me for this one)

RIP MJ.

Adult Franchise & My Rant About It

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:03:00 +0000

It's that time of the time when elections are held in India, unless Deve Gowda/VP Singh decide to do a quick round of musical chairs and make a fool out of the entire country - aka Elections..and mind you - this is not just 'yany' election - it is the BIG 'UN!

My rant today is about the ridiculous thing we have in our country called 'Adult Franchise', which was initiated by Rajiv Gandhi, for quite obvious reasons, aka youth vote bank - educated or uneducated, is again a question in itself.

Quite interestingly, my initial thought was to introduce the concept of 'Adult Franchise', and therefore, like all other things, I decided to Google it, when to my surprise, the first result that was thrown up defined it as follows:

Voting age lowered
From 21 to 18.
Victory of youth.
Victory of democracy.
No, No, No.
This is not so.
It is the conquest of the politicians.
We are merely contraceptive condoms.
More condoms in the hands of politicians.
They use us for their gains
And throw us in a vacant dustbin
After the use.

Anyway, not sure what the message was there, but a quick definition of 'Adult Franchise' is - the right to vote once a person has attained 18 years of age. I have 3/4 points against this concept, which I will list down here quickly. A quick disclaimer though - one argument presented here is that all the points denote the narrowing of the voting population in the country and might not necessarily be something that any government in India will be able to do in a million centuries, but they're my thoughts on what it should be/have been. Please bear with me.

Attaining 18 years of age does not necessarily certify you to be of 'sound mind'. Nowhere in the definition of this term is mentioned about the fact that you at least need to be of 'sound mind'. Therefore, a retarded person/mentally challenged person also has the right to vote. I wonder how accurate this person's judgement would be.
You cannot get married at the age of 18. The underlying reason (apart from the fact that you should be studying) is that a person cannot handle the pressures of supporting a family at this point in his/her life. Ok - am in agreement. But, does this mean that at the age of 18, this same person is expected to handle matters of the nation by electing a suitable representative?
Why is '18' such an important number. Why have an adult franchise based on age at all? Why can't the adult franchise be based on the education qualification of an individual. We have tests for IPS, IAS, Law School, IIMs, heck - even before we get admitted into primary school, we have to give a certain test. It's funny that we are being asked to choose the leaders of our nation and yet the government/constitution doesn't care what is the caliber/capability of this individual? People should either be asked to give an IQ test before voting (a quick 3-question test), or anyone who has graduated from high school (class 12 equivalent) should only be allowed to vote.
Better still, more logical, but narrowing it further down (which might not necessarily be bad for the country) - why shouldn't only the taxpayers be allowed to vote and choose the people who are going to handle their hard-earned money that they pay in the form of taxes to the government. This would constitute only ~4% of the population, but clearly, this is the population that funds the country. Why should a person who swindles all, earns cash/doesn't earn at all be given the right to decide who should handle the taxpayer's money and what should be done with it?

Would love to hear your thoughts. Blurt now!

Taka...taka (money...money)

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 06:08:00 +0000

Recession, huh? Cash rains down on Chowringhee in raid panic: courtesy The Telegraph

Money may not grow on the Maidan trees but it sure can fall from the Chowringhee sky, salesman Gopi Narayan Kundu learnt on Wednesday.

Kundu was at work in a sari showroom on the ground floor of the 21-storeyed Everest House, on Jawaharlal Nehru Road, when a red wastebasket landed with a thud on the pavement outside the shop’s glass door around 12.50pm.

The basket contained Rs 3.82 lakh in bundles of Rs 100, 500 and 1,000 and some loose cash, discreetly thrown out of an office 14 floors above in the midst of an income tax raid.

Why was it raining cash on a Chowringhee pavement in recession-hit times?

Praveen Moosaddee, the middle-aged businessman to whom the cash belonged, had apparently telephoned one of his employees in the office during the raid to say that he should empty the safe and throw out the money in a basket. Moosaddee would wait on the pavement in front of the building to collect it.

The lakhs landed where they were meant to but Kundu and his colleague Amit Sarkar’s cries of “taka… taka (money… money)” led to a crowd assembling on the pavement before the businessman could reach the spot to lay his hands on the consignment from the sky.

From food vendors and shopkeepers to passers-by and tie-clad executives, everyone who was there stopped whatever they were doing to crowd around the basket. A few hands reached out for the cash but Kundu and Sarkar wouldn’t let anyone pick up even a loose note.

“Please don’t touch the money. Let’s find out to whom it belongs,” the duo said.

Another employee of the sari showroom, S. Ahmed, called Shakespeare Sarani police station.

Moosaddee meanwhile broke through the cordon to lay claim to the cash. “Do you have proof that the cash is yours?” one of the salesmen asked.

The businessman took out a visiting card and introduced himself as the director of Sandip Mech Engineers Ltd, a firm that manufactures spare parts for heavy machinery, with its office on the 14th floor of Everest House. “The basket accidentally fell from the hands of one of my employees,” Moosaddee said.

He also declared that the basket contained over Rs 3.5 lakh in cash. The notes were counted and the result — Rs 3.82 lakh — convinced everyone that the cash did belong to the businessman. They handed him the basket and off went Moosaddee with his money — but in the wrong direction.

Kundu told Metro that they got suspicious when Moosaddee headed towards the Shakespeare Sarani crossing instead of entering Everest House.

“Where are you going? Didn’t you say your office was in this building?” someone asked, prompting Moosaddee to take to his heels.

Two police officers who had reached the spot by then ran to stop the businessman and asked him to take them to his office for verification. “We were surprised to discover that an income tax raid was on. We handed the cash and the businessman over to the tax officials after getting him to sign a declaration,” one of the police officers told Metro.

Sources said houses owned by Moosaddee in Salt Lake and New Alipore were raided, too.

The raid on the Everest House office was led by the deputy commissioner of the income tax department’s central circle, Nicholas Murmu.

Weren’t Kundu and his colleagues tempted by the big money that came tumbling down, even for a moment? “Everything happened so fast that it never crossed my mind. I was more worried about a bomb landing on the pavement when I heard the thud,” chuckled the sari salesman. - yeah right!!! (my 2 cents) - Hef.

What's the Point?

noreply@blogger.com (Manan Singhi) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 05:43:00 +0000

'Slumdog' kids Ismail and Rubina gifted flats

Found this article and was repulsed immediately. The movie was about a few kids who grew up in a slum in Mumbai. It displayed the troubles that the people in the slums normally go through. Yet, once again, the Government decided to do their bit by further increasing the gap between the rich and the poor by 'gifting' flats to 'Slumdogs' Rubina and Ismail (I didn't call them 'Slumdogs', the article did) from the movie, and very conveniently, forgot about the rest of the inhabitants of the slum areas and the non-actors.

I ask you - What's the point?

Talk about bridging the socio-economic gap. ha!

They just lost my vote - not that I have voted in the past or would have voted in the future in the first place - atleast in this corrupt, excuse of a country.

I ask you - What's the point?

- Hef