Maybe not so exciting to everyone else in the world, but I’m thrilled.  I have been “crafting” (the word I decided best describes all my current projects combined) quite a bit lately.  We’ve had a warm spell here and I’m trying to take advantage of it and get some things done.  Like mittens for instance.  I finished the pair I was working on for DS a while back and they work wonderfully.  Before it gets to terribly cold though and he needs them again I want to wash the dirt out of them and then lanolize them to protect them just a little more from all that snow play.  I also started making mittens for DD with the same pattern.  Her’s have taken me a lot longer because I’ve had to alter the pattern quite a bit.  I think I finally figured it out today and got it to a good point when I suddenly got sales notices from Joann Fabric in my email box, so I went looking at yarns.  I talked with DH about it a little because it would be nice to have several pairs of mittens for each kid, not just one.  And after comparing prices and doing some math I found that knitpicks wool of the andies (WotA) is cheaper, prettier and the shipping is half the price of Joann’s.  So I ordered DD some yarn for mittens.  A pretty purple.  And then since I was ordering anyways I got 4 more skeins of WotA to make diaper covers for the new baby with.  I am thrilled!  And I feel like I am getting in way over my head with all the knitting right now.  But it’s good for me too.

I have been working on some crocheted purses too.  I found some beautiful designs that I have been working with that are granny square styles and they are beautiful!  I’ve just used a single color per design because my brain has trouble when it comes to combining colors.  I like they way they look though.  I’ve ordered a set of purse handles on etsy and also some magnetic clasps.  All I have to do is find some lining and get my orders and I can finish the one purse off.  I have plans to put it up on etsy, just to see what happens.  I think it’s pretty.

I still haven’t completely finished the scarfs I was working on for the out of the darkness walk.  I just have to add fringe on two of them and then I’m done.  Those two just seem to keep alluding me when I sit down to do some crafting.  Must get those done and ship them as soon as I can.  Tomorrow would be good since I have other things I need to take to the post office.

I also have siblings with birthdays coming up.  It is possible that they may just get cards, but then maybe I can find something they might like that would be a quick project.  I have to do some ravelry searching.  I have plans for x-mas for everyone, but birthdays are a little beyond me at this point.  If it’s your birthday, and you don’t hear from me, it’s nothing personal.  I’m just trying to raise to kids, keep a house going and grow another baby.  Just a little bit time consuming right now.

I’m hoping to get some energy and do some photo shooting of all my projects soon.  It’s just that whole, kids, pregnancy, house thing that gets me distracted and I tend to neglect my camera and posting pictures.

Last night DH and I finished watching Star Trek Voyager.  As far as my favorite series goes, DS9 is still my favorite.  But as far as my favorite endings go, this one was the best.  It deals with temporal displacement and messes with the timeline, which always confuses the snot out of me, but it did it very well.  And I think I have a bit to much Betazoid in me and the empathy I felt for the crew was awesome.  They really wrapped up the season well.  Almost to well.  Now I feel like I’m going to miss watching it, but up until this point, I’ve been pretty excited for the series to end.

I didn’t get attached to the characters the way I did with DS9 and TNG.  I really liked the character development in those to series, but this one didn’t really seem to compare.  Granted, there were some cool characters.  Seven and Kes and The Doctor were all good characters.  Maybe that’s because I really like the actors though.  The rest of the characters I had issues with.  Like they weren’t developed to their full potential.  It was getting to the point where I could predict what would happen with any given character before I even saw what was going to happen.  Granted, Star Trek is like that anyways.  But it did kinda suck.  I had issues with all those episodes where people fell madly in love, but then at the end of the episode they split paths.  That seemed silly.  Had problems with the issues that dealt with things like suicide and depression and then they were fine the rest of the time.  Like that had never happened, when those things change peoples lives quite dramatically in real life.  And come on, they can bring people back from the dead, but they haven’t figured out anything to help someone with clinical depression?  I still have big problems with Kes being kicked so that Harry could stay.  I loved Kes and thought she was an important part of the crew.  Imagion what Seven and Kes could have accomplished together?!  I waited for several seasons for Harry to redeem himself and prove that he was more worthy to be there then Kes, but it never happened.  And then that whole thing with angsty Kes coming back to get revenge was just weird and really sad.

Yeah, so Heidi had problems with the series.  Like them all though I laughed and cried and rolled my eyes and occasionally shouted “Hell Yeah!”  Star Trek is what Star Trek is and I love it for that, but it’s going to be a loooong while before I watch VOY again.  I think we’ll continue working on TOS now.  I have to admit that my favorite part of TOS (besides Spock) is probably the great 60’s music during the introduction.  And who can help but feel those chills when you hear the words, “Space, the final frontier.”  Yes, I’m a geek.  And I love it.:)

I finally got this… whatever, cold thing that I have been fighting for weeks.  I’m actually a bit relieved as now the worst is over and I feel like I’m on the road to recovery.  I wish it hadn’t taken this long to get and get over, but, at least it’s happening now.

Over the last couple of days I have been having fun on the internet researching all these great things I intend to post about.  Links to awesome tutorials, knitting/crocheting patterns and stuff.  But I just haven’t gotten it together.  I mean, I open up 20 windows and make plans to blog about them in the evening, but it just doesn’t seem to happen.

After Halloween I looked into information about making Klingon costumes, you know, like the good ones?  Found some amazing pages, one of which gives you a full tutorial on how to make a wig with forehead ridges!  It’s so amazing (just about as good as the tutorial I found about making Ferengi face/lobes).  Just awesome.  The guy also gives you a bit of a tutorial on how to make the costume.  Seriously cool stuff.  But, then I’m a bit of a freak, so maybe it’s just cool to me.  While researching Klingon costumes I of course had to check out what people were selling on the market.  It made me gag.  I would possibly by a Starfleet uniform if I wanted something like that, but the Klingons… well, there is just no honor in wearing those dorky things.  Yeah, that’s one I’ll skip… forever.  If your going to dress up like a Klingon, I say really do it and make it honorable.  And while your at it make yourself a Bat’leth to go with it.

I also got really into the idea of crocheting some little gift bags to wrap things in for Christmas.  So I started researching patterns.  I like to knit for a lot of things, but some things just seem easier to crochet.  I like the look of a granny square bag and it’s so easy to make I don’t even have to think.  Eventually I’ll get some patterns up here for you all to enjoy.

Until such a time as I actually have the motivation to get one of these great posts up, I guess I have to just leave you with a teaser of what is to come.  I have hungry and cold kids that just came in, dinner to make and dishes to wash.  Fortunately for me I got a nap and a chiropractor adjustment today, so hopefully these things should take to much time and energy.

We had a fun and rather quiet Halloween.  The day seemed to last forever but the kids did really well waiting.  We didn’t do anything really special for the day, which was a little depressing actually.  If it hadn’t been the weekend we would have at least had a normal day of waiting for DH to come home from work, and I might have been a bit more inspired to get into the spirit.  We’re kind of last minute costume people.  Somehow we rarely think about what we’re going to do until like, 5 minutes before we leave the house.  I mean, DH and I do that anyways, and because DS is still young and doesn’t really understand what is going on we waited for him too.  DD wanted to be a ghost, which made costume design easy, but she had a bit of a hard time moving.  She was cute though.  And for DS I found a clown costume that DH’s aunt had given the kids.  He fit in it perfectly.  I wish I had a video of him too cause he was so excited he was jumping around and very clownish.  So cute!

We went over to my in-laws place for a little party.  It’s kinda hard not letting the kids having candy for these holidays.  I grew up trick-or-treating and have fond memories of it, but I can’t let these kids do that.  They’ve never had candy really unless it was the healthy home made kind.  Kinda boring for me, but the kids seem to love it.  And DH grew up this way, so it’s not really anything new for him.  I felt like I had so little energy this year, but fortunately my MIL really gets into the spirit and she made some pumpkin muffins and cookies and some bread cookies got out some snack foods for us.  The kids got to go trick-or-treating around my in-laws house and they thought it was the greatest thing in the world.:)  DH dressed up as a… :/  green man?  LoL  He has green long johns, and after I informed him that Klingons were out of the question this year, he just put some green face paint on and was kinda a swamp monster/green man thing.  He was cute.  My MIL was a fairy, complete with a cute little wand she made, and my FIL was a norwegian skier. LoL, he does come up with some original costumes.  And I decided to just go as a mom.  My creative energy was gone by the end of the day and I really had no desire to get goofy and have pictures taken.  Next year, I’ll come up with something.  It really was a fun evening for everyone.

I have a lot on my mind this morning, strange seeing as it’s not even 3am yet and I’ve been awake for almost an hour. Probably the most pressing thought is, what to eat. I just had a handful of almonds, but that wont last long. Usually my insomnia lasts about as long as I am hungry, then I pass out. But it’s the figuring out what to eat that usually take about and hour or so.

I talked with my counselor last night. Before I got on the phone with her I was feeling a bit panicy about finding a new therapist. I really don’t want to, but have to for financial purposes. Medical insurance has it’s benefits and it’s drawbacks, one of them being I have to go searching for a new counselor. But she gave me a lot of reassurance and ideas that I know will help me. And I know I just needed someone to help me organize my thoughts so that I can really start getting on the track of finding this someone new.

After I got off the phone last night DD was complaining of an ear ache. Something she’s never done before but that we were warned by her doctor might come up, as she has a lot of buildup in one ear. The poor thing was in tears, and suddenly her highly emotional state the rest of the day made sense. I always feel so bad when I find out after a hard day that the kids are just sick. I wish I could think of that a little sooner. We put some warm olive oil with garlic powder in there and she said it helped a bit.  She also got some extra vitamins and supplements which I’ll continue giving her until she is feeling better. She passed right out at bedtime. I figure now I just keep an eye on her to make sure it doesn’t get any worse. I know our chiropractor is helping, and this is just a healing crisis, but I find it a little weird that the two time DD has seen her she comes home and has a major healing crisis. First a fever and now the ear infection. I’m trying not to read to much into it.

Yesterday afternoon was a hard one as I was woken from an all to short nap to sick kids. My counselor helped me to put some things back in perspective though and now I am thinking about everything I need to and want to do. Some things are more needs then wants, but all in all it has to be done, and I don’t want to just leave it to default.

I think I’ll probably go make myself some eggs now and we have some cooked potatoes that would be good fried up. Theoretically, that should be totally soporific and I’ll be back in bed by 4 for at least two more hours of sleep.

I was just thinking, “Oh, I’ll blog.  I haven’t done that for a while.”  And then the realization that I am suppose to blog something for my FIL and the Christmas Tree business made me pause.  I actually have a lot to blog for them, and am putting it off.  Last Thursday I was so proud of myself and got two posts written for his blog, one was queued for a few days later.  But by some sick twist of fate, I deleted my first post so was left with just “Part 2″.  I was pretty put out to say the least and gave up working on it for the day.  There is so much information to communicate there, and it either has to be approached as the full picture and incredibly long, or the highly abridged version, which is what I usually go for.  As I’m not a professional blogger, but just doing it for my own private enjoyment, it’s hard for me to blog for a company.  I had agreed to do this last year and stay on top of it, because it raises the page rating to blog at least once a week.  But this year is so much different for last.  Besides being pregnant, dealing with the changes in myself that my dad’s death has forced are really making me unwilling to do anything that is not taking care of me or my family.  Blogging for the business is not one of those things.  But I have agreed to do this much, and if I get to a point where it is to much, I’ll say forget it.  They did just fine without a blog before and they will do fine if I get nothing else this year.

But, unfortunately, on that note, I do want to get this stupid posting done with (again) and get more set up so I don’t have to spend to much time out of my week thinking about it.  Get it done with now, and I’ll be set for a while.

And in other news; I am going to the chiropractor today, and talking with my counselor this evening.  I am almost finished making up my scarf donations which means I can send them soon and get on with knitting mittens and DH’s sweater, which I’m really excited about.  I’m actually checking my gauge this time so I can make sure it’s all ready to go when I start.  Only thing I’m slightly confused about is how to check gauge on a cable pattern.  I’ve never done it before.  Anyone out there who has any suggestions (or even knows where I could find out how to do this) I would be ever so grateful.

Well after all that snow and the week of freezing temperatures fall decided to come back and bless us with a little bit of it’s beauty.  The snow left and the sun came out and it hasn’t froze since sometime last week.  I am so grateful.  It is a lot more enjoyable to walk the dogs (and the Heidi) when it’s in the 40’s and 50’s then in the 20’s and 30’s.  The sun has been out more, and it’s raining instead of snowing.  Thank heavens.  Maybe winter isn’t quite ready to start.

I have been holding off on posting for a while.  My spirits have been low and I hate to boggle down my blog (and readers) with that heaviness.  It’s nothing that can’t be worked through.  I’ll be talking to my counselor soon and just the knowledge of that makes me feel good.  I have been trying to read my ACA daily affirmations everyday and really feel what it is saying to me.  I’m going to the chiropractor twice a week, and I feel like I’m working a little more to take better care of myself with this pregnancy.  My chiropractor lectured me today about taking it easier and just taking care of myself.  What everyone says to a pregnant woman, and what ever pregnant woman needs to do, but, realistically, how on earth is that possible?  I feel like a lazy bum when I’m knitting on the couch with my feet up and the dishes and laundry are washed or folded and the floor is covered in toys.  Really?  How can I take it easy?  I know that I need to learn moderation and to do more flylady work.  but really that is all so hard.  I hate to leave things for DH after he’s been working all day.  But I guess I will figure something out.

I have been working on scarfs and scarfs and scarfs lately.  I crocheted about 6 and now am knitting one, but this will be the last knitted one.  It’s taking up way more yarn and so much more time, and I just want to get them done with so I can get them shipped and move on to other projects.  I have a hat I promised Brittney, one for DH and mittens I REALLY want to make for the kids.  The resent snow made me realize just how short we are on winter handwear for the kids.  Really all handwear here is insufficient or so bulky that they can’t do anything.  But I figure with a couple pairs of wool mittens that are lanolized for each one might be better then their other options.  I’m hoping lanolizing them will make them a bit more waterproof.  So I’m knitting away and I am enjoying it, sometimes I wish I had another set of hands though.  Then I could wash dishes and knit at the same time.  Oh how useful that would be.

And now, writing about knitting is making me think it’s time to turn off the computer, put up my feet and finish that darn scarf.  Then I can crochet up all the rest of the scarfs and be done.  Next time I decided to do this I have to remember to get started way before the deadline, or else, not get so much yarn.:)

Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up just “knowing” something really horrible and dramatic is going to happen, but then thankfully nothing does?  Today was one of those for me.  I felt like I was in a funk and on the edge of an anxiety attack half of the day.  Nothing happened though to put me in that space.  Maybe sleeping in?  Maybe waking up sore and still tired?  It wasn’t really anything I could think of that would put me in that mood.  It was there though all the same and I just tried to move on with my day.  I actually feel like I accomplished more today then I have for a while.  Reading with the kids and doing some art projects.  I talked to my friend Britt, which always makes me feel good and cleaned up the floors in the livingroom/bedroom and kitchen.  I made food for everyone and this afternoon took a long nap and walked the dogs and feed the chicks.  Really my accomplishments today have been a lot in comparison to many other days lately.  But there was still this hovering feeling of “doom” in the air.  I’m glad it never hit.

I took the initiative to finally write some emails to people.  I still have so many more to write but these few were important to me so I got them out.  One was to my counselor who I haven’t talked to since the beginning of August.  Financially we haven’t been able to afford her and I was having guilty feelings/a hard time asking for her help, so I just never wrote.  Finally did that though today and heard back from her.  She said she would see if she could help me find someone more local and was very sweet and understanding.  I’ve actually emailed for an appointment with her and doing that seemed to have made all that stress and anxiety just melt away.  Knowing that when I talk to her about all these things I have been stressing about, she will tell me that I don’t owe anything to anyone and if I feel it’s what is really best, then that’s what is best, and it’s ok.  Just knowing that is what she’ll say to me, and tell me I’m being to hard on myself and it’s ok to give myself a brake is a really good feeling.  I’ve been stressed about talking to someone new and retelling my whole story.  My counselor now knows my family and my story, so I didn’t have to retell it to much.  Anyways, it’s a very good and comforting feeling to know I will be able to talk to her soon.

Due to the high levels of stress today I did a lot more taking care of me then I normally do.  More drinking water, more relaxing music, trying to think good thoughts, made a chamomile infusion (a handful of chamomile seeped in a quart jar of hot water for a half hour make a medicinal strength chamomile infusion.  WOW!), napped and went for a walk.  I don’t want to let anymore of this pregnancy go by without enjoying it and doing everything I can to keep myself in a good space.  I need to do it for me and the baby.  I remember doing this with my last pregnancy as well, getting to about this point and going, “WTF!?!  Why shouldn’t I be happy?” and then taking control of my feelings and doing things to put myself in a better place mentally.  I hate that it takes this long, but at least I got her before the pregnancy ended.

It’s bedtime for the kids now so I’m off to try and help them get to bed.  I’m just glad today is ending a lot better then it started.

I’m a little afraid that my knitting/crocheting obsession is just suppressing the fears/anger/problems I really should be dealing with.  Like I should be reading 12 step recovery books in my spare time instead of knitting/crocheting.  But I know that isn’t an entirely accurate analysis of my fiber crafting obsession.  I’m often told I’m to hard on myself, so I’ll just assume that the cold weather and “nesting” instincts are what are causing these intense desires to be crafty.

A few times this week we have had snow.  Yes, in the middle of October, the ground has a beautiful 1 inch layer of nice sticky snow that the kids have enjoyed playing in to no end.  Actually, I’m really grateful to have a little snow right now.  it gives the kids something fun to do outside.  And in general, snow in Minnesota comes so late that and it is so cold, that the snow isn’t sticky enough for snowballs or forts or snowmen.  I grew up with perpetually sticky snow, so this dry, cold snow stuff is really weird to me.  But I’m loving it.

And as far and crafting goes:

• I finished DH’s fingerless mitts

• finished Britt’s hat

• made three donation scarfs

and:

• will be starting Britt’s girl’s hat’s tonight
• and making about a dozen more scarf

Eventually I’ll be finishing the babies blanket, but that’s not really top priority right now as there is a deadline for the donations and I don’t want Britt and her girl’s to freeze to death.:)  I also would like to make mittens for my kids, but as I have promised these other things I want to concentrate more on them right now.  The kids should be fine without (more) mittens until I can get around to it.

DH and I saw the chiropractor again today.  I am grateful to be able to go in so often and get things addressed.  Especially while I’m pregnant I have found it helps me so much.  She reminded me again today that I need to be concentrating on me and taking care of me.  I feel like I hear that a lot, but it’s really hard to do that.  As it is I feel really weak and like a burden to the family.  Not being able to drive is really frustrating and not being able to help with thinks like gardening and firewood is really frustrating.  I know my body is working overtime right now and that I need to be easier on myself.  But the knowing doesn’t make it any easier.
I don’t have much of a choice though, I have to take it easy.  Fortunately the harvest season is really over.  We’re done with butchering, apples, the garden and firewood.  So really all that is left right now is some canning, but nothing is needing it right now.  That means the only thing I really have to concentrate on or worry about is my family and myself.  This is a good thing, and that is why I am grateful the weather has turned and winter is coming.

I have a hard time believing I’m already halfway through this pregnancy and this will likely be my last one.  It makes me feel so sad to think these things.  Trying to heal from things with my dad and birth family, as well as other things seem to have clouded this pregnancy experience and I feel like I have missed so many things.  Lucky for me though I still have the other half of the pregnancy to fully enjoy and relish in.  I’m glad I’ve been able to stop and realize this is going by fast, and can now make a conscious effort to really enjoy myself.

No way!  There’s snow outside!

Yesterday DH and I went to town for another chiropractor appointment.  We stopped at the thrift store because it’s on the way and I was shocked and slightly skeptical when I heard we might wake up to an inch of snow.  The radio doesn’t always predict correctly for our area, since we’re a ways out of any big town.  But last night it started snowing and yes, there was an inch out there when we woke up this morning.  The kids were thrilled.  DD has been saying a lot lately that she wished it would be winter already.  She got the snow anyways and it’s nice and sticky because it’s not -20 out.  I have to admit that is one thing I dislike about Minnesota.  Snow stops being sticky at a certain point and isn’t that much fun to play in if it doesn’t stick.

I have been really dreading winter coming this year.  Maybe because the baby is due then, maybe because it’s just so darn cold, maybe because the sun seems to chase the depression and anxiety away when I can be out in it.  But when I woke up this morning and the kids were thrilled and it was starting to flurry a little, it really made me smile and I felt happy and excited that it was time to start staying inside more.

I looked up patterns for mittens to knit for the kids this morning.  DS only had one pair of little gloves and they aren’t very warn.  Home made mittens aren’t really great for playing in the snow, but I have an abundance of yarn, a need to making things right now, and cold kid fingers.  Seems perfect.  I’m finishing up a pair of fingerless mitts for DH and when I’m done there I’m going to start working on mittens and socks, since those are two things you can really never have enough of.

I got my yarn for the scarfs I’m donating to the Out Of The Darkness walk.  I started right away trying to figure out what I was going to make with them.  I had trouble at first but then found a granny square scarf pattern and have been using that.  It goes fast.  I had hoped to knit these, but crocheting seems less daunting at the moment.  knit for little things like mittens and socks and crochet for bigger things like scarfs and baby blankets.  I really like the scarfs actually and am thinking of making more (with different colors) to put up in my etsy shop.  They are really cool actually.  And I have to say I love the yarn I am working with.  It’s the Caron One Pound Yarn.  I never bought it before because I figured it would be more nasty acrylic stuff.  but I like working with it more then Vanna’s Choice.  Not to mention I get SOOO much more for so little cost.  It just doesn’t have the same feel as other acrylic yarn I have used.  You know how your fingers start feeling… like, sticky after a while.  like all the oil or softness on your fingers has been scrapped away and the yarn starts to squeak?  I’ve found that Red Heart and Vanna’s Choice tend to do that a lot, but this stuff doesn’t at all and I have made three scarfs with it so far.  So it’s not like I haven’t done much.  Really, I’m impressed and would consider making blankets out of this because it is soft and comfy.  And it’s just nice on my hands.  I’m very happy so far.

I am glad for this cold, stay inside weather and I get to put my knitting/crocheting hobby to some good use.  We’re canning the last of the tomatoes today and making salsa.  We’ve plans to do some house cleaning, making room for the laundry rakes inside the house.  We’ll have a lot of diapers we’ll be washing in a few months.:)