Heinous Hats

Hood Ornaments

2012-02-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or does this sculpture look like a prop from an abandoned mid-1990s Radiohead music video?

Not sure about the area in which you call home, Internets, but around here, this winter has been lacking a bit in actual winterness. That's not to say that it's been completely unseasonable around here--there's no buds on the trees yet that I can see, and it's still a bit cool outside--but even so, winter appears to have failed to launch as a season this year.

Case in point: Tuesday morning, I awoke to snow steadily falling outside my window. It fell thickly enough that TH had to clear the sidewalk outside our house (which, I might add, was the first time we'd had to do that all season long.) Finally, it looked like winter might actually happen, getting in just under the wire before spring arrived.

Flash forward not even 12 hours later, and all the snow was gone. Melted completely away. And honestly? That suits me just fine, although it does kind of make posting about things like toques and stocking caps seem a little silly. It's like talking about the merits of parkas during July--it just doesn't seem right.

Luckily there's still hoods to post about, which are far more versatile when it comes to weather conditions and such. Which is why I'm going to post about them today.

First up, there's this gray hooded infinity scarf, which is both lightweight enough to make for a decent fashion accessory and heavy-duty enough to function as a rain hood. It's like the best of both worlds!

More along the lines of an actual hood (and a bit thicker, to boot) is this mutlicolored bit of awesomeness, which I love for the sheer Rainbow Brite-like use of every color in the rainbow. And anything that reminds me of Rainbow Brite is doing something right, so on the blog it goes.

Of course, this wouldn't be HH unless I managed to find one hood that featured buttons as a means of embellishment. So I'm just gonna post this hood, say that I think the little button bouquet of flowers are adorable, and just move on.

This upcycled lined hood is both cozy-looking and environmentally green. Both of which gets it points in my book as well as gets it posted on this blog.

And just because I like to end things on a note in the key of rad, here's a lamb-eared cowl hood:

Or as I like to think of it, a softer take on Adventure Time's Finn's hat. Either way, it's still rad.

And on at note, that's it for this week. See you Monday!

Busy Little Beaver

2012-02-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

This is quite honestly the most adorable thing you're liable to see all day. Don't argue--just accept it.

I was thinking about it recently, Internets, and I realized that I post an awful lot of animal-themed hats on here. In specific, I probably post more octopus hats than anything else, but as a class, this blog has seen a whole lot of mammalian hats. Cats, dogs, squirrels, pigs, raccoons, bears of all kinds, koalas (and no, they're not bears,) pandas (ditto that,) moose, lions, birds, deer, sheep, cows, foxes--you name it, and they've been commemorated in hat form and then posted about on this blog. In fact, I probably posted so many animal hats on here that it's hard to think of a specie that hasn't received millinery-and-subsequent-HH treatment.

And then, it hit me: beavers. I don't believe I have posted a single, solitary beaver hat on here, so that is precisely what I am going to do today.

First up is this fleecy beaver hat, complete with button eyes and a button nose. It also has a tail, but you can't see it in this pic.

This beaver hat is also made of fleece, but is far more anime-eqsue in style than the first one. Just look at that adorable :3 smile!

It also has a tail, in case you are wondering.

Meanwhile, not only is this beaver hat made out of yarn (!) it also does not come equipped with a tail. But it does come with a scarf, so it all evens out.

And finally, for those who think that Canada should ditch the beaver as its heraldic beastie on the account that it's too much of a wimp, I would like you to take a look at this beaver hat:

And on that note, the "beaver = wimp" argument is null and void. You're welcome, Canada.

See you Friday!

Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve

2012-02-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

There's something about this print that is both rather sweet and a bit unsettling. And for both of those reasons, I like it.

Well, once again, Internets, it's Valentine's Day. Or it will be as of 12 AM tomorrow morning, but that's if you want to split hairs about it. Either way, like a flare-up of a chronic condition, the day of culturally-mandated romantic gestures is back for another round, and if you happen to be a heart-shaped thing, now is your time to shine (and you would also most likely be inanimate, so how you would be capable of reading this in the first place is a mystery to me, but I'm starting to go off-topic now.)

As I was saying, hearts are all over the place right now. Heart-shaped jewelry, heart-shaped candies, heart-shaped chocolates, heart-shaped balloons, heart-shaped boxes--basically, if you can feasibly smash things into a vaguely cardiodid fashion and paint it either white, pink or red, you will make out like gangbusters around this time of year.

Which is why today, it's all about hats that feature the shape of the season: the heart.

First up, there's this kitty-eared heart hat that makes me think of the Care Bear Cousins for some reason or another.

When I found this fascinator, the description make me think of TH and his sister, who would start singing "Chantilly Lace" every time we passed near Chantilly, VA. Which, in turn, got that song stuck in my head. So I'm posting this in the hopes that maybe now the song will freakin' leave my brain.

Of course, why settle for a hat with one heart when you can rock a mini hat with bunches of little hearts, like this felted wool mamma-jamma right here.

And just because this is also their time of year to shine, here's a hat done in the fashion the godfather of seasonal candies: conversation hearts.

Because frankly, if you're got the choice to either wear a conversation heart or eat one, I'm thinking the former is the lesser of the two evils.

So if you're into the Valentine's Day lovey-doveyness, then here's hoping that you have a great Valentine's Day. And if you don't, then just remember this:

February 15th is Half-Off Candy Day, and that's something we all can look forward to.

And on that note, see you Wednesday!

Scarf It Down

2012-02-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

As far as this print goes, if you enjoy this kind of thing, I think you'll find this the kind of thing that you'll enjoy.

You know what we haven't done in a while, Internets? Looked at some scarves. And seeing as it's Friday and all, I think we ought to do that. Like, now and stuff. Particularly since it's looking like this winter has chosen the route of the hecka mild and, while it may be too warm for a hat, scarves are for any time of the year.

First up, there's this typographical scarf, done in (what else) Helvetica.

Hey, it could be worse--it could be Comic Sans. Or any of these fonts, really, but Comic Sans definitely takes the burrito for being The Worst Font Ever.

Then there's this fleecy Jake The Dog scarf. Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that there is no end to the Adventure Time love on the Internet.

Of course, if you'd rather go with something a little more obscure, you could always go with this scarf that was inspired by the one worn by Dr. Watson from the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movies. As to whether it will make you look more like Jude Law is a matter of personal opinion.

Believe it or not, these California rolls are actually scarves. And I highly suggest you follow that link back there to see how these work, as they are both adorable and freakin' genius.

And last but not least, allow me to change the subject. See, it's my niece's sixth birthday today, and she's been having a cruddy week--stuck in bed and sick for days. So Kayley, I wish you a happy birthday the best way I know how: by posting a picture of a birthday cake fascinator:

What can I say, kid? Your aunt is weird. But it's okay--you've got plenty more to choose from.

Feel better soon, sweetie. And to the rest of you, I'll see you next week!

Happy Hour Hats

2012-02-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

Awww, look at the little cocktails, sharing their little cocktail umbrella in this embroidered sampler!

Aren't they cute? I'd pinch their little cheeks if they weren't, y'know, 2-D and not real and stuff.

Well, Internets, it's been a while since we took a good, thorough look at cocktail hats, hasn't it? And seeing as as certain holiday that is famous for going out for fancy drinks and dinners is just around the corner, it strikes me that this might be a good time to check in on cocktail hats and see what they've got to offer.

First up, there's this pink embroidered beret. Or perhaps I should say PANK embroidered beret, because when colors get that assertive, it forces their name to be written in capitals and for the vowel sound to change a bit (Strunk & White, the Associated Press and the University of Chicago Press would agree.)

Next up is this tulip cocktail hat, which for some reason make me think of stained-glass windows. Y'know, if stained-glass windows ever featured tulips at any point in time, then I'm thinking they'd look a lot like this mamma-jamma right here.

Call me quirky, but I'm rather loving this tweedy goldfishie cocktail hat. I like that it's obviously dressy and yet funky and relaxed at the same time.

And speaking of funky, there's this mod-looking pillbox hat, which has a great, bold pattern that I absolutely adore.

And just because I can, here's a Death Star cocktail hat:

Because hey--just because you're dressing up to go out doesn't mean you can't let your geek flag fly. Also, Star Wars is always awesome and therefore always appropriate, so there.

See you Friday!

Spin Me A Yarn

2012-02-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

Having posted this print, I now fully expect to see copies of it turn up in the homes of every crafty person I know.

You know what doesn't get nearly enough credit, in my humble opinion? Stuff made from yarn. Think about it--you probably have a multitude of things lying around your house right now that are made out of yarn, and you probably don't even give it a second thought. Why? Because we all tend to think of yarn as being so pedestrian, so ordinary, and the sad thing is that it's kinda true. Unless you are a serious knitter/crocheter, getting hyped up about yarn like trying to get excited about getting coupon circular in the mail; even if it's something you might actually like, it still ranks pretty highly on the scale of Nothing Special.

So in the interest in taking pleasure in the little things, today's post is all about stuff you can wear that is made of yarn.

Seeing as this is the time of year where headwarmers come into their own, it only makes sense that I start off this post with this one. And what I like best about it is that it puts a nifty little spin on the classic floral approach most headwarmers roll with, seeing as the flower is an appliqué (instead of being made of even more yarn) and has a honeybee to boot.

Because hey--we all know how bees feel about flowers in real life, so it only makes sense that fake flowers should reflect that truth.

Of course, if you're not that fond of headwarmers (or fake bees, for that matter,) you can still rock a yarn flower on your head if you want to. And as this picture proves, you can look totally sweet from pretty much any angle.

Is it just me, or do these bow headwarmers somewhat reminiscent of the way ladies around World War II used scarves to tie up their hair? There's something a little Rosie The Riveter about it, albeit in yarn instead of cotton.

There's something about this skinny-yet-chunky crocheted headband that I absolutely adore. And no, for once it's not because of the presence of a button.

And now, just because it gets the point across rather nicely, here's a fascinator dedicated entirely to yarn:

Although it is, ironically enough, not actually made out of yarn. Because life is funny like that.

And on that bombshell, see you Wednesday!

Full Of Beans

2012-02-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

Say what you want about watercolors, but I am loving this print all to bits right now. It's all atmospheric and stuff.

Lately, I've been thinking about beanies. Not really sure why, but considering how very few us actually put any amount of thought at all into beanies, that actually makes it even more worth thinking about. Because let's face it--for the most part, beanies are just that blah go-to hat we yank out of the back of the closet whenever the weather gets nasty, wear for just as long as we have to and then banish back into the far reaches of the closet as soon as things get nicer outside.

And frankly, that's a little sad. I mean, what have beanies ever done to us to deserve such terrible treatment? Yeah, they're a leading factor in Hat Hair, but no more so than any other type of hat. And as for boring, well, they're only as boring as you want them to be. Which is why today, we're just looking at a smattering of beanies that are anything but boring.

For example:

Did you know you could make your own plaid beanie? I didn't. And since this is a pattern, just think of all the wild color combinations you could come up with. It might take work, yes, but it will never be boring.

Or how about a nice retro print beanie? Those can be fun and pretty, and as we all know, fun and pretty are very rarely boring.

Or, if texture is more your thing, you could always go with a funky 3-D knitted beanie. Because who says beanies just have to be one kind of stitch over and over and over again? Not me, that's for certain.

This beanie splits the difference between texture and color, and tops it all off with a big 'ol button. And since buttons are always Cruise Control for Awesome, that means this beanie is in no way, shape or form boring.

And just because I thought of my sister-in-law as soon as I saw this, here's an elephant ear beanie:

And now my brother-in-law probably hates me, but oh well. It could be worse--this could come in kids's sizes, so that their daughter would be able to wear them.

And on that note, I believe that I have proved my point. Beanies =/= Boring and never will be, as long as you don't want them to.

See you next week!

With My Mitts

2012-02-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

All I've got to say about this print is that if beavers would actually be amenable to it, I'm pretty sure

they'd actually love a pair of mittens. But somehow, I don't see that actually happening any time soon.

As you might have noticed, I have made it back from my annual trip up to Canada, which involved five-pin bowling, a ridiculous fluffy drink served in a pineapple and not nearly as much snow as you might think. And seeing as my trip up there was actually something of a belated Christmas gathering, that also means that I came back with some very nice presents which I love very, very much. In particular, I received a pair of knitted raccoon mittens, which I love with a love that is as fierce as the vengeance of a slighted Greek god. These. Things. Are. AWESOME.

And since I figure I can't be the only person who loves themselves a pair of yarn animal mittens, I figured that today I'd share some other equally awesome animal mittens with you. Because if nothing else, if you lose one of these mittens, chances are you'll be able to find it at the Lost & Found way easier than if you lose an Isotoner glove.

First up is this sweet pair of stripey teddy bear mittens, which I think is just freakin' adorable. I particularly like the fact that the ears are set up so that they rest on your fingertips, so you can waggle them to your heart's content.

Of course, for those of you who prefer fingerless mittens, there is this pair of crocheted critter mitts. Not sure what kind of critter they're supposed to be, but I think they look a bit like puppy dogs. I think it's the tongue.

This shop actually has so many different animal mittens that I honestly couldn't pick one set that I felt was best, so I figured I'd just post this picture to give you a taste of the variety and let you decide which pair is The Best.

And now, to wrap things up, here's a pair of irrepressibly cheerful bunny mittens:

Admit it: It's really hard not to smile when you see these things. Particularly since they're already smiling back at you and all.

And on that note, see you Friday!

Here, Kitty, Kitty...

2012-01-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

Yes, I totally just went with the Big Bang Theory-themed kitty print. What can I say? I know my readers.

You know what I haven't done in a long, long time? Posted some kitty hats. I think I am officially going to remedy that right now.

First up, here's these fleecy kitty-ear hats, which I like not only because they look like they'd do a great job of keeping one's head warm, but because of the contrasting fabric sewn on the insides of the ears. It makes 'em stand out a little more, I think.

Then there's this sweet little kitty-eared hood, which looks like it was straight-up inspired by the song referenced in today's amuse-bouche.

And just because I can't resist a good scoodie, here's a cheerfully bright kitty-eared one. And even better: it's reversible, so you can have the funky patterned side out if you want.

Of course, if you're going to wear a kitty-ear hat, you might as well go with one that has the whole kitty face. Go big or go home, people.

And just because (again) I know who my readers are, here's a zombie kitty-eared hat:

Because apparently not even cats will survive the zombie apocalypse, so it's only right that kitty ear hats reflect that.

And on that note, see you Wednesday!

Hittin' The Road

2012-01-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

Note: The roads I'm gonna be on aren't going to look anything like this print, but I like it anyway.

Well, Internets, it's that time of year again. No, not tax season (although that is true)--it's time for me to go head up to Canada for the annual Re-Christmas vacation, which means I'm taking the week off from the hat blog so that I can focus on the important stuff: hanging out with good friends, having a great time and preferably not freezing to death before I head back home.

So here's wishing you all a great week, and see you next Monday!

Let's Throw In A Tiara

2012-01-20T09:00:00.000-05:00

When it came to today's post, it was either this or any one of the numerous of the Keep Calm prints.

For those of you who follow the exploits of a certain paragon of relevancy by the name of The Bloggess, then chances are pretty good that you are well-aware of her Traveling Red Dress (and if you're not, then that link right there will pretty much tell you everything you need to know,) which is both heartwarming and moving. And since inspired things tend to beget other inspired things, Geek Girls Book Club has been moved to create its own movement of reminding us of our self-worth, except instead of the aforementioned red dress, they have chosen instead something a bit more regal but no less outrageous as their reminder of our own awesomeness: the tiara.

Now, speaking honestly for the moment, I am not a fan of tiaras. I have worn exactly one in my entire life (a wired pearl one with an attached veil for my First Communion, natch,) and promptly decided that it was Never Again The Tiara Times for me. However, I do understand the need to remind ourselves from time to time that we are worthwhile, wonderful human beings, and that sometimes the best way to remind ourselves of that is by wearing something a little outré.

How do I know this? Because I used to have a cape that I would wear when my ego needed a serious boost. It wasn't a very fancy cape (if memory serves, it was a clearance cape from Spencer Gifts,) but when I fastened that thing around my neck, I felt like a superheroine and that I could take on anything and anyone. And while I'm sure I looked ridiculous as I swooped around, swishing my cape with all the dramatic gravitas of a B-movie cast member, the fact is that just putting on that cape did more to raise my spirits than all the baby animal videos in the world (and yes, that includes baby otter videos.) If clothes truly make the man, then that cape really did make me a superheroine, even if I couldn't really leap tall buildings in a single bound.

And that's where the tiara, the traveling red dress and my cape intersect; because there's something empowering about putting on something fantastically fabulous, and their value can only be felt, not measured. So it is in the spirit of my long-gone Super Caela cape that today's post is about tiaras, albeit with a bit of a HH twist, obviously.

First up, there's this starched lace tiara, which is delightfully simple but still has that regal touch all at the same time.

For those of you who dig on nature, you may be interested in this bronze tiara made from pine cones. Yes, you read that right--freakin' pine cones. Doesn't hardly look like it, does it?

I like the peacock coloring of this sweet little sequined tiara. Jewel tones make everything look more opulent, in my opinion.

Then again, why settle for subtle ostentation when you can rock a tiara made of stars?

But if you are looking for a tiara that looks more like a classic tiara, here's a tiara-shaped tiara made of repurposed vintage milk stones:

Because wearing a tiara doesn't mean you have to limit yourself to rhinestones and paste jewels, dang it.

And on that note, that's it for this week. See you Monday!

What The Lump, HH?

2012-01-18T20:00:00.000-05:00

This pretty much says it all, honestly.

As some of you may have noticed, there wasn't a hat post this morning. Heck, there wasn't even a blog by 9 AM, because I took the whole thing down. The reason for that is (as those of you who follow my Twitter account are already aware,) I've been talking a lot about two American bills, called H.R. 3261, AKA the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and S. 986, AKA PROTECT IP Act (PIPA) how much I don't like 'em.

Now, on the face of it, these two bills are nothing to worry about. In fact, they seem pretty good, as that their intents are to stop piracy and counterfeiters from profiting from their misdeeds. However, the problem is that the way these bills are worded is so vague that, in their current form, are going to do more harm than good. And by "harm," I mean "ruin the Internet as we know it."

And I wish that was just knee-jerk hyperbole talking, but it's not. Particularly in the case of SOPA, where proxy servers, virtual private networks, open-source software, the integrity of the DNS servers, "safe harbor" protections, user content hosting sites are all in danger of being obliterated by SOPA. Why? Because if they're not made outright illegal (re: proxy servers, open-source software,) shut down (virtual private networks,) or compromised (DNS server integrity, "safe harbor,") then these things will be delisted from search engines and blocked (that'd be the user content hosting sites, a la the Chinese Great Firewall.)

Again: User content hosting sites such as Etsy, Flickr, and Vimeo could be delisted and/or straight-up removed from the Internet, all because of this imperfect bill. If that doesn't make the hair the back of your neck stand up you must not actually use the Internet, because this is like proposing to carpet bomb a neighborhood instead of using a bug bomb on a roach-infested house, and that's just too stinkin' dramatic of a step to take.

Don't get me wrong--I am all for respecting copyrights and intellectual property. As you'll find on this very blog, I have a Creative Commons license, protecting my rights and interests when it comes to my own words. But I want to have the ability to use my words, and SOPA could very well take that away from me. And yes, I know SOPA has been shelved, but as someone on Twitter said, "SOPA 'shelved' does not mean 'dead'. All it is is them saying: Oops--you were paying attention. We'll try again later."

So today, Reddit, Mozilla and several other websites decided to go dark in protest of PIPA and SOPA. And since I'm the kind of person who likes to put my money where my mouth is, Heinous Hats went dark, too. Granted, I don't think it was probably as missed as ~~some~~ ~~many~~ all of the others, but the fact remains that it went dark just the same. Hey--just because my sphere of influence is about the size of a shooter marble doesn't mean my voice doesn't count, dang it.

So if you would rather not have days like today, where your favorite sites have been shuttered, then contact your local representative and senator in protest of SOPA and PIPA. Because online piracy sucks, but censorship sucks even more.

The Bold And The Bearded

2012-01-16T08:00:00.000-05:00

This print: Insinuating that beards are community property since, well, whenever this print was made.

Let me tell you, Internets, it is cold here in Centraliana today. Really, well and truly freakin' cold. And considering that it wasn't all that long ago (try a week ago) that it was about 50 degrees Fahrenheit here, suddenly seeing temperatures that are barely cracking the teens just proves something I've said for a long time: Es gibt keinen gerechten und liebenden Kartoffel.

And you know what? IT'S TRUE. But I digress.

Anywho, now that it's starting to ~~look~~ act a lot like winter around here, that means bundling up big-time. It seems like everybody around here has finally broken out those thick winter coats that make 'em look like the Michelin Man, the scarves that put the Fourth Doctor's to shame and the crowning glory of winter gear: the ski hat/balaclava.

Well, that is, if said person doesn't have a beard. Otherwise, they just let that thing grow wild and woolly, therefore insulating their faces with their own hirsuteness. And dang it, I'm jealous.

But then again, I can at least take comfort that, while I may never grow a beard myself, I could always get a beard hat. Which is why today, we're going to be looking at beard hats again.

First up, there's this rather impressive beard beanie, which I like not only because the beard matches the stripey bit of the beanie, but because that is one honkin' beard.

Of course, if you prefer that the bearded part of the beard beanie clings a little closer to your face, you could always go with the this model. And even better, the mustache part of the beard is all curly and stuff, for that added bit of panache.

Is it just me, or does this beard beanie remind anyone else of the old-school Captain Birdseye?

Going back to mustachey bits again, I'm liking the handlebar on this bearded beanie. Something about it just says "I'm just a few strategic snips away from being a biker beanie."

And because I like to go out with a bang, here's a beautifully bountiful beard:

Wasn't lying, was I? And better still, this sucker can be worn with any hat of your choosing, so you don't have to wear a beanie in order to have the beard. Sweet!

And on that note, see you Wednesday!

Eight-Legged Cuteness

2012-01-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

So what do you get if you take the old guy from the Monopoly game and cross him with a plush octopus? These guys.

...Do I even need to kick this off with an opening paragraph? It's octopus hats!

First off, let's get the obligatory Obey My Brain bit out of the way. Because they're highly awesome, and I'm pretty sure it breaks several Internet laws to write a post about octopus hats and not mention them.

There we go, and bullet: OFFICIALLY DODGED.

Next up is this charmingly knit octopus hat, which I absolutely adore. It's the button eyes, folks. Button eyes are Cruise Control to Adorableness.

I like the abstractness of this octopus beanie. It's got an octopus on it, but the abstract rendering of the octopus makes it really subtle. It's like a stealth octopus hat.

Meanwhile, this knit octopus fascinator is anything but subtle. In fact, I'd almost be tempted to wear this as an earwarmer, because "fascinator" just isn't big enough a word to describe it.

And just because I feel like ending this on a loud and long note, here's an ornate-like-whoa octopus top hat:

I wasn't kidding about the "ornate" bit, was I? And you really should embiggen this, because it is just loaded with details. I think even the details have details.

And on at note, see you next week!

Blue Birds Of Something

2012-01-11T09:00:00.000-05:00

I like this print but in all honesty, I can't read what's written on there without mentally

adding "and pooping on my car" on to the end. And now, you can't, either. You're welcome.

Have you ever gone on the Internet to look up something in particular, and then, after many hours later, you find yourself looking at something else entirely and you have no idea how the crap that happened? Yeah, that would be me right about now.

See, I was originally looking for hats made out/involving computer cables or floppy disks (what can I say--my muse is weird,) and after hours--freaking HOURS--of searching, I somehow found myself looking at blue bird hats. Which, I might add, is not even remotely what I wanted to be looking at, but due to my not being more mindful of the Internet's propensity to suck time, the aforementioned time is now at a premium and I need to get this post written up and done, which means it's blue birds hats today.

And I will freely admit this post is going to be kinda skimpy, and for that, I apologize. But hopefully, there's at least something in here that you'll think is cool, and if you're not, know that I'm not really pleased with this, either. Which isn't to say that the hats on here today are bad--they're just not what I wanted to post today. To put it bluntly, this post is like craving cookies but eating cinnamon graham crackers instead; no matter how good the substitution is, it just ain't gonna come close to what you really wanted.

So on that note, here we go:

First up is a blue bird bobble hat that I actually kinda want, mainly because it would go so well with my Toronto Blue Jays jersey. And yes, I have one. Shut up.

The next two hats have the following three things in common:

They're both from the same shop
They're both done in the same 1930-1940 style
They both feature birds on a bluish background, as opposed to being blue birds.

But again, there's a time crunch to consider here, and I think they're rad, so here they are:

Boo

Freakin' YAH.

And now, to wrap this post up, here's a hat of Mordecai from Regular Show, complete with accompanying Rigby hat:

Mind you, this show can be just as crazed as Adventure Time, but I actually like Regular Show better. Because minding two kids between the ages of five and 13 on a regular basis turns everyone into a connoisseur of children's programming eventually, and those two shows are the top-shelf stuff, folks.

And on that note, I'm gonna go get some cinnamon graham crackers. See you Friday!

Rack 'Em Up

2012-01-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

Well, how else can you start off a post about hat racks and such except with an arty print of a spice rack, I ask you?

So the other day, a friend of the family that--in the tradition of ready-made Internet anonymity monikers--I'm going to call K-Nem (who also owns an Etsy shop full of creeperific dollies/statuary, so if you're into that, I highly suggest checking it out) left this message on my Facebook:

"Not sure if you've been accumulating hats due to the blog, but I saw this and thought of you."

And the she left me a link to a website called Decor Hacks, which had a lot of really nifty hat storage ideas, such as this one made from an old, upturned umbrella:

Which, frankly, is pretty sweet and I like very, very much, so it makes sense that some of you out there would like it, too. However, while I have somehow managed to amass a respectably tiny collection of my own hats (meaning, I own three, but that is subject to change,) the fact remains that I simply don't have enough to justify having that much storage for them.

Which is why I started thinking about hat stands, and decided to go looking for some. And that's how I found this nifty metal one:

And this one (which I'm pretty sure is going to make TH's head asplode when he sees it, but whatever:)

Seriously, I can hear him bubbling with rage about the indignity this hand tool is suffering, and he hasn't even seen it yet.

And lastly, while I know that lots of people like to use mannequin heads as hat stands, I would like to humbly submit this as the best hat stand made of felt:

And even better, these are just instructions on how to make your own. So, y'know, if you're the crafty type, you can make your own felted mannequin head and have it look however you want.

Now if only there was a way to make it look like a stormtrooper, that'd be perfect for me. And while I'm dreaming, I'd like ~~a pony~~ ~~a car~~ a pony-car.

See you Wednesday!

The Yeti Strikes Back

2012-01-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

These may well be my official holiday cards for next year.

Because nothing says "holiday spirit" like a yeti catching snowflakes on its tongue.

You know what I haven't done in about a year? Posted some yeti hats. And seeing as it's Friday and I Love The Yeti is most likely going with its theme of Not A Yeti Friday, I don't think they'll mind too terribly much if I step up to the plate and post some yeti hats. And if they do, I humbly apologize here and now for stepping on their yeti turf, but I love me the yeti too, which is why I follow their yeti blog in the first yeti place and I need to get this paragraph over and done with because at the rate this is going "yeti" is beginning to no longer look like a word.

So, yeah. Yeti hats: let us look at them already.

First up, there's this yeti hat by Knitwits, which the Torontonian contingent will be happy to learn is available at Trove in Bloor West Village. So if you happen to swing by there and like it, feel free to thank me with one of these hats.

Next up is a little something for you crafty types: this DIY yeti hat, complete with instructions on how to make your own.

You're welcome.

Then there's this crocheted yeti hat, worn by a kid who appears to have already mastered the Kubrick Stare. Which, frankly, I find a little unsettling, but the hat is adorable, so it evens out.

Then there's this earwarmer, which is described as being a "monster" earwarmer (and that the color is "Candy Floss Pink,") but you know my rule: if it has the familiar symptoms of yeti, it's a freakin' yeti. And due to the presence of blue horns, I declare this a yeti earwarmer, and IN THE POST IT GOES.

My reasonableness: Let me show you it.

And just because I like it, here's a hood of Bumble, the Abominable Snowman from that Rankin-Bass Rudolf Christmas Special:

And honestly, I'm not sure which is cuter--the kid, or the hood. What do you think?

And on that note, that's it for this week. See you Monday!

Big 'Ol Faker

2012-01-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

Y'know, as opposed to REAL Pretty, whatever that may be.

Confession Time: You know how some people have been traumatized in childhood by Disney's Bambi, and therefore refuse to hunt deer/eat venison as adults? 101 Dalmatians did that to me when it comes to being asked to wear fur. It doesn't matter how well the stuff keeps out the cold or how nice it's considered to look or even the fact that I have never even seen a dog-skin coat; all I can think about Cruella de Vil and her Ahab-like obsession with getting that puppy-pelt parka, and frankly, that's just a turn-off.

Now, before you all think I've gone over to the PETA side, I'd like to state for the record that I have zero problem with leather. The reason for that is not because Disney didn't bother to make movies about crazed fashionistas putting out hits on herds of cows (because Disney ~~probably~~ definitely knows all too well about marketing and What Measure Is A Non-Cute,) but because I'm of the opinion that if we're going to be raising such things for food, we might as well make use of the rest, too. Meanwhile, the critters farmed for fur are not likely to be found ground up and packaged in the meat section of your local grocery store, so that just strikes me as wasteful.

Which is why if I wear anything fur-like, it's gonna be fake. And yes, I know that faux fur has a bad rep for looking, well, fake, but it can be done rather nicely. And today's post is proof of that.

For starters, there's this fake fur hat, which is pretty snazzy. I particularly like the antique lace bits, which gives it a bit of a funky touch, I think.

Then there's this faux fur hood, which might be the most decadent-looking thing I've seen in a long while. It just looks so soft and warm that I'd be tempted to wear this thing to bed every single night, although bets are good that TH would take umbrage with that.

Of course, if there's anything fake fur does well, it's make for some awesomely wacky hats. To wit:

Just look at this fake fur monster scoodie and tell me it's not awesome. The danged thing's even got pockets, and claws, for crying out loud!

And just because I like it, here's a faux fur goat hat:

What can I say? I'm a sucker for horns.

And on that note, see you Friday!

Getting Back On The Case

2012-01-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

I like this print, as that it strikes me as both ethereal and yet somehow familiar.

So, Internets. As you probably noticed, last week I dropped off the face of the universe after Monday's post. If you were following me on Twitter, then you probably already know the reason why, but just on the off-chance that you don't, allow me to explain why with something that is purported to be worth a thousand words: a picture.

That, my dear Internets, is a picture of my dad and me, taken by Youngest Sis A at the hospital last week. Why was it taken in a hospital, you ask? Because Dad Rue got into a ~~severe~~ ~~traumatic~~ really freakin' gnarly car accident, and hospitals tend to be where they send people who get into such accidents if they're lucky enough to survive them (and trust me, he is a very, very lucky guy.)

Also, in that picture? He is as high as a kite. I'm pretty sure that's the only reason why he allowed for it to be taken in the first place. Morphine: Great for pain management, bad for judgement skills. But I digress.

Suffice it to say, I spent the majority of last week up in Michiana with family, visiting my dad in the hospital and trying to help out in any way I could, which didn't leave any time for writing up blog posts about hats. And while I feel like a bit of a jerk for that (I mean, I could've at least written a post before I left, explaining why there was a blogging blackout,) but I think now you all can understand why that was the farthest from my mind.

But now that Dad Rue is well on the road to recovery, I am back at home and regular posting will begin again on Wednesday, because I am still trying to process/decompress. But I promise--there will be hat posts again soon. Just not today.

Thank your for your understanding, and see you Wednesday.

Recovery

2011-12-26T09:00:00.000-05:00

I'm with you, typographic art piece--I'm with you.

Oh, Internets. I don't know about you, but I am beat. This past week basically just kicked my sorry narrow behind all over creation, as it probably did with many of you. I mean, it doesn't really matter what holiday you and your celebrate this month as that they all seem to kick off at roughly the same time of the month, and for those of you who have celebrations that last several days, they're either still going on or just about to start. Either way, even thinking about it is enough to make you want to take a nap.

So why don't we just take it easy today, huh? Because if nothing else, December should contain at least one day for us to recover from the holiday-related madness.

So why not put on a comfy hoodie...

...Don a pair of equally comfortable (and appropriately ridiculous) slippers...

...And slap a cute cozy around a mug of our warm beverage of choice, and...

...Actually, that sounds like way too much work. $@#% that noise--let's stay in our jammies and go back to bed.

You with me? I hope so. I need somebody to be lazy with me, so that I don't ~~look~~ feel like a jerk for taking a day to get over past few days. But hey, at least I managed to get post up today--that's got to count for something.

And on that note, see you Wednesday!

Station Break

2011-12-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

Yeah, the blog's going to look a little like this for a while.

Due to the combination of a deep and urgent need to recover from this past weekend (ain't no hoodingy like a Greene Family Christmas Hoodingy, 'cause the Greene Family Christmas Hoodingy don't stop) and the sheer amount of holiday-related insanity/busyness that will be taking place this week, Heinous Hats will be taking a week-long break. But it'll be back next week, I promise--cross my heart, hope to die, stick a pancake in my eye and all that.

So here's hoping you all survive this week and that I do, too. See you next week!

It's Gonna Get Ugly In Here

2011-12-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

Because anybody can send out cards with birds and snowmen and stuff:

real bad@%$es send out holiday cards like this.

Well, Internets, it's that time of year again--time for the Greene Family Christmas Hoodingy. Which means that not only am I typing this up way, way, way ahead of time (because I totally am,) but that I'm also in something of a party mood. And what could be more synonymous with a holiday party than an ugly holiday sweater?

...Okay, that's probably a bit of a stretch, but whatever--I need to get to the point of this post faster, and that crap segue is the best I've been able to come up with. But in the loosest sense of the term, I am right, as that the ugly holiday sweater has definitely come into its own, having earned enough notoriety to be the subject of its own party theme.

So on the off-chance that you have one of these parties looming in your near future, here's some new ideas for what to wear to an ugly sweater party.

First up, there's always the ugly-sweater-patterned T-shirt, which you can layer over a long-sleeved thermal undershirt for maximum warmth.

Next, there's the vintage route, because why scrounge around for a brand-new ugly sweater when there are literally hundreds already ready to wear?

(By the way, if these things are being rated, I think sweaters with lacy dickey collars like the one above should be awarded bonus points. Lacy dickey collars go that extra mile.)

Also, remember that the "holiday" in "ugly holiday sweaters" is not limited to Christmas. So if you celebrate something other than what goes down on December 25th, then let your ugly holiday sweater reflect that.

But if you don't feel comfortable with that/aren't allowed to refer to your faith in such a direct way/just aren't feeling the holiday thing in general, that's fine. You can wear a completely secular ugly sweater, such as this one:

Why? Because squid are awesome, no matter what time of year it is.

And that's it for this week. Have a good weekend, and see you Monday!

The Gift That Keeps Getting Regifted

2011-12-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

Sez you, you adorably defensive embroidery pattern, you.

That's right, you heard me right (er, read me right, or read what I typed out ri--whatever, I'm getting off-topic already.) I'm talking about fruitcake. That holiday staple that will not die; that brick of pure candied-fruit-and-dried-nut peril; that thing where it seems everybody has a recipe that they swear is will change your mind about fruitcake forever* so you dutifully try a slice only to find that it tastes just like every other bit of fruitcake you've ever tried and now you're stuck trying not to let your face show the despair that your taste buds are currently experiencing because you don't want to hurt this person's feelings and AUGH THIS SENTENCE IS RUNNING ON TOO LONG MAKE IT STOP.

So where was I? Oh, yeah: fruitcake. Obviously, I have a lot of feelings about it (none of them good,) as does everyone else to the point where it's ~~almost~~ a cliché. I don't know how it became a holiday tradition, but for as long as I can remember, the tradition seems to be that you somehow get one of these supposedly edible bricks and then spend the rest of the season trying to pawn it off on somebody else in what could best be described as a month-long game of Hot Potato (because just like with Hot Potato, the loser is the one who still has the fruitcake at the end.) Which makes me wonder: if nobody likes fruitcake, why does it keep coming back?

Personally, I think the reason for the continued existence of fruitcake is because of how it looks. It just looks festive, what with all those unidentifiable red and green bits stuck in it (and being wrapped in either green or red cellophane, natch.) It probably smells festive too, although I've never had the privilege of smelling a freshly-baked one, so you folks will have to tell me if I'm right or wrong about that one. So if my hunch is correct, then the fruitcake is the dessert version of watching snow accumulate in fluffy mounds outside your window: because your ability to enjoy it is inversely related to how immediate your experience is.

And furthermore, if that is the case, then why bother baking fruitcake at all? Why not just get decorative fruitcake instead? Y'know, like these:

These are infinitely better than actual fruitcake. Particularly the frowny-faced one, because it so accurately portrays how everyone feels about fruitcake.

Speaking of frowns, how about this ornament, huh?

C'mon, nothing says "holiday spirit" like having one of these pout at out all season long.

Heck, if you want to keep fruitcake in the kitchen, you could get a fruitcake magnet like this one. It even comes as part of a holiday set, so your fridge will look totally festive.

Or you could just go all the way with the fake fruitcake thing and get, well, a fake fruitcake:

Seriously--if that's all you really want a fruitcake for, all you have to do is take it out of the box, remember to dust it occasionally and then put it away until next year. Get some fruitcake-scented candles (they exist) and ta-da! The illusion is complete, and no one has to eat it!

So this year, let's skip the fruitcake. Save the brandy for the egg nog. Does that sound good to you?

See you Friday!

*Well, except for your recipe, of course. Yours is perfectly awesome.

Probably Infested With Nargles

2011-12-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

Because if you're going to do a cutesy photo booth picture for your holiday cards,

you might as well get the appropriate festive props, such as these.

So I was thinking about this month's theme of "stuff that happens in December" and tabbing my way through the Internet, ~~getting distracted by TIME Magazine's Top 10 Everything of 2011~~ waiting to be struck by inspiration when, ~~luckily~~ finally, I struck upon something that is known for popping up during this month, and that would be that obligate hemi-parasitic plant we call mistletoe.

Or, at least, it used to. See, this might just be me, but the last time I can recall seeing mistletoe hung as a decoration anywhere was when I was ten (also, it was fake, bent in a semicircle and had a red-suited elf sitting on it, which is only important because it's amazingly ridiculous that I remember that much stinkin' detail about a decoration I haven't seen since the Bush I Administration.) In the intervening 20 years, I cannot honestly remember seeing mistletoe hung anywhere, which is somehow both surprising and not at the same time.

For those of you playing the "Not Part of the English-Speaking World" game, allow me to explain: Tradition has it that mistletoe is supposed to be hung somewhere from the ceiling, and if two people happen to stand underneath it, then they're supposed to kiss. No, I don't know why they have to kiss, and Wikipedia ain't helping on that score, either; that's just the rule that somebody made up a long time ago and people went along with it. While I'm sure that it was originally embraced as a sweet way to spread a little holiday cheer back in the day, things have changed a bit since the 18th century (also, kissing games pretty much died a quiet death among middle-schoolers sometime back in the mid-1980s.) And if you consider that there's always at least one opportunistic jerk at every party, it's probably safer for everyone that the mistletoe tradition seems to have fallen by the wayside.

But even so, I'm sure there are some people out there who were/are alright with the mistletoe tradition, which is why today we'll be looking at mistletoe hats. Because if you're willing to put up with nargles, then why not?

First up, we've got this highly sparkly mistletoe fascinator. As to whether it comes with instructions on how to properly pucker up, it appears highly unlikely.

Of course, just because it's mistletoe doesn't mean it has to stick to traditional coloring, as this equally-sparkly blue-and-white mamma-jamma amply proves.

And if you're of the mind that "short, sweet and to the point" is where it's at, then you can't go wrong with a felt mistletoe headband, complete with little sequins.

But then again, who wants to be simple when you can rock something as fabulous as this?

Hey--blending in is fine every now and again, but every once in a while, a person's gotta stand out, y'know?

And on that note, that's it for today. But if you're still not certain about wearing mistletoe on your head, don't worry: you can always let Man's Best Friend test it out for you first.

See you Wednesday!

Purely Ornamental

2011-12-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

'Cause it just ain't the Decemberween season until somebody

takes an arty picture of a glass ornament on the tree, right?

Confession Time: I really love Christmas trees. Patrick Stewart only knows why, as that I'm not all that particularly fond of dragging the tree and its assorted swag out of storage (artificial tree, FTW,) setting the blasted thing up (which is way more complicated than it has any right to be,) and fighting with strings of lights and garlands and taking it down is even more agitating. But once it's done and you first light that tree up in a darkened room, it just feels perfect and awesome and symbolizes everything I love about this season.

Now if you read that last paragraph carefully, you'll note that I didn't say a single unkind thing about ornaments, and that's because those suckers are pretty much the only part of the whole tree-trimming thing that doesn't find some fresh new way to annoy me. Not only are they the easiest thing about decorating the tree, they're also the bits that make your tree, well, your tree. Because every tree's got garlands, lights and a topper, but not every tree has the precise collection of ornaments yours does. And just because I am all for making your Christmas tree even more your tree, today's post is about ornaments.

In the interest of not staying on the Internet until the wee hours of noon, I decided I would stop as soon as I found any ornaments based on that omnipresent app, Angry Birds.

Needless to say, that didn't take very long. But I have to admit, these are very stinkin' cute. And angry, too.

While I think my preference for a different Star Trek series is pretty obvious, I have to admit that I like these ornaments that look like Star Trek: TOS's Spock, Kirk and Uhura. They have a nifty '60s mod look to them (as well they should.)

Note: I still have yet to have watched a single episode of Doctor Who, but I think I know several people who would love them a TARDIS on their tree. Which is pretty much why I posted this in the first place.

Is it just me, or do these Harry, Hermione and Ron ornaments look an awful lot like Fisher-Price Little People? Granted, I think these are cooler, but there does appear to be something of a resemblance.

And finally, I was already deeply impressed with these Star Wars paper snowflakes, but finding this ornament cranked my impressedness up to eleven:

And the best thing about it? You can also use it as an iron-on patch for the BEST HOLIDAY SWEATER EVER. And no, that is not hyperbole: that is freakin' fact.

And on that note, see you next week!