Hello Kitty Toilet (update)
Hello Kitty Sex Slave (update)
Hello Kitty Sandwich Bag Mod
Hello Kitty Gumball Machine
Hello Kitty Religious Cross (update)
Hello Kitty Credit Card (update)
Hello Kitty Smart Car (update)
Hello Kitty Canopy
Hello Kitty Debit Card (update)
Hello Kitty Paintball Gun
Hello Kitty Halloween Costumes (w/ updates)
Hello Kitty Smashing Pumpkins
Hello Kitty Pinhead Tattoo

Of course, my wife loves this and this plush has my wife thinking about getting a tattoo again. As I have mentioned on numerous occasions in the past, my wife really wants a Hello Kitty tattoo. My only saving grace up to this point is that she also fears needles — a fear that I highly encourage her to keep by describing over and over and in minute detail the excruciating pain that the tattoo needle can cause — because I know what the the Hello Kitty Hell which will result if she somehow manages to overcome this brilliant fear that every Hello Kitty fanatic should have.

Sent in by fredrick who should have to get multiple Hello Kitty tattoos all over his body as punishment for once again peaking my wife’s interest in getting a Hello Kitty tattoo and ever thinking that sending this to me could be a good idea…

You would think — being the normal, sane person that you are — that a single Hello Kitty haiku book would prove that there are just some things that Hello Kitty fanatics wouldn’t buy, but then you would be vastly underestimating the evil feline again. That’s because the first book was so successful that they came out with another Hello Kitty haiku book titled Hello Kitty Everywhere

With gems like the following inside, it’s amazing that the first book didn’t send the Hello Kitty fanatic masses to a sugary, diabetic death:

Storm of white sugar –

a wintery confection,

I sit happily

Of course, my wife loves it and is dutifully taking the steps necessary to add these two books to her collection. I, on the other hand, sit here thinking of how the above Hello Kitty haiku would go in real life:

Storm of white sugar -

Pepto Bismol pink frosting

Everyone vomits

These two books are making me seriously reconsider my thoughts on book burning…

Sent in by Alison (via haiku by two) who should have to include Hello Kitty in every one of the haiku she writes in the future as punishment for every thinking that bringing these to my wife’s attention could be a good thing.

All the stuff she sent is new and in its original packaging (which will be important to know for this next giveaway, and if for some reason it isn’t important to you, that’s kinda creepy in itself). Her explanation on how she found the address was pretty innocent and simple, although I will refrain from explaining it here since I’d rather not have the whole Hello Kitty package thing for my wife happen again.

Included in the package was a black Hello Kitty shoulder massager:

(yes, I realise that is not how most people refer to it as, but since I really don’t feel like having to explain the alternative use to my parents, humor me and let’s just stick with what Sanrio claims it was produced to be used for). What I absolutely do know is that if I have to sleep on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, Hello Kitty should not be taking over my duties (the entire set of rainbow color ones my wife currently has are for her collection and therefore aren’t used — and while I don’t think she would turn to the evil feline when I’ve been out-casted to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, there is no reason to take any chances), so this needs to be given away asap.

If you are interested in the black should massager, simply become a friend of Hello Kitty Hell on facebook and leave a comment on the “free Hello Kitty shoulder massager” post on the wall there. One entry per person, so please don’t leave multiple comments.

I will have a random number generated for the comments left on the facebook post and whichever person’s comment matches the number, I will have my parents send the Hello Kitty shoulder massager. While I hope that it goes to someone that dislikes the evil feline and that person takes the time to record its demise, the number one priority is that it does not end up in my wife’s collection. Just to make things clear, if you decide not to destroy it, I have absolutely no interest hearing about any uses you find for it.

The contest starts now and will end at 11:59 pm eastern (10:59 pm central, 9:59 pm mountain and 8:59 pm pacific) on Friday November 6th. Open to anyone living anywhere in the world except at my address in Japan.

The contest is now officially over there were 241 entries in the contest:

The random number resulted with Rebecca being the winner. No matter what she decides to do with it, I’m just happy it won’t be added to my wife’s collection…

Sent in by Joann

Sent in by flora

Sent in by robin and xgirl

sent in by freewin (via Charkrem)

After a few emails back and forth and having my parents open up the package, it was determined that some unknown person (the note inside only said “Some gifts for you” and was not signed by anyone) had sent my wife a rather large package of Hello Kitty crap, but had made the mistake of thinking that my parent’s US address was our address. This makes me want to ask a couple of questions to the sender:

1. If you have been reading this blog, what on earth makes you think that my wife needs any more Hello Kitty crap?

2. Isn’t it just a bit creepy and stalker-like that you decided to try and track down my address instead of just asking? (although had you asked, I would have refused to give it out)

Since there is absolutely no way I am going to let any of this stuff end up in my wife’s already far too large Hello Kitty collection, it’s your lucky day. I’m simply going to give away everything in the package before my wife gets a chance to lay claim to it. While I’m still trying to figure out exactly all of what was in the package (my parents have no idea what some of the stuff is since some of it has foreign writing on it, but they should be sending me photos shortly), there is no doubt that a Hello Kitty toaster was part of the package. I think it is best to get rid of it as quickly as possible.

If you would like to enter the contest for the free Hello Kitty toaster, simply leave a comment below. One entry per person, so please don’t leave multiple comments.

I will have a random number generated for the comments and whichever person’s comment matches the number, I will have my parents send the Hello Kitty toaster to them. I will put up the rest of the Hello Kitty crap from the box once I get photos and know what it is that needs to be given away. While I truly hope that someone that dislikes the evil feline wins and then takes the time to show how they destroy the Hello Kitty toaster, even if it goes to a fanatic it is better than it landing back at my house and in my wife’s collection…

The contest starts now and will end at 3:00 pm eastern (2:00 central, 1:00 mountain and 12:00 pacific) on Wednesday November 4th. Open to anyone living anywhere in the world except anyone living at my address in Japan

Update: The contest has ended and we have a winner:

#20 on the list is Lauren who I shall be emailing shortly. Congrats and I’m happy it will be going to your house instead of mine!

Sent in by Sabree

Sent in by danny

Sent in by Carmen

Sent in by Jaime (”I really wanted to be Hello Kitty and I thought that by duct taping my mouth shut I’d make it more accurate since she doesn’t have a mouth. instead everyone thought I was Hostage Hello Kitty.”)

Sent in by Kay (via myspace bragathon)

Sent in by Samantha (”This is not me, I merely found this picture mixed in with all of the other ones being uploaded for the halloween season.”)

Sent in by Sarah (”Better believe I dragged my husband into it.”)