I’m not even sure where to start with all the things that are wrong with this, especially since there are apparently fanatics who think that getting something like this is actually a good idea. If the world were truly a just world, everyone who even imagined placing a sparkly, blinged out kitty on their kitty would be banished to live a life where they could never make a decision for themselves again. Unfortunately, this is not a just world that we live in. Instead some poor, unsuspecting individual is going to imagine that he’s going to get lucky and have one hell of a night only to come face to face with a HK vajazzle and realize that in reality he has become mentally scarred for life with the unfortunate introduction of experiencing a Hello Kitty hellish night. The only certainty if something this horrifying happens to you is that not only will this never be able to be unseen, vastly worse (I know it may not seem possible, but believe me, things always get worse) will come your way if you don’t run as fast and as far away as you can…

Sent in by Jasmin

Of course, if you are going to encourage the consumption of alcohol, you need to do so in a variety of different themed Kitty flasks to earn the most be a role model:

I guess in certain ways it makes sense. There is an obvious a great need to dull the pain as much as possible when having to deal with Ms. Kitty, and we all know that she knows how to make a buck off of her target audience…

Sent in by Emily

In some ways, this is actually pretty ingenious, although probably not in the way that Sanrio intended. Seriously, if any thief were to break into a home and come across this, chances are they wouldn’t even touch it. They would take one look at it and instantly realize that the potential horrors which were likely to be found inside were not worth the risk of opening it up. Instead, they would run out of the house as quickly as possible knowing that life is far too precious than to ever subjugate yourself to something as terrifying as what would be inside a Hello Kitty safe. And the fact that this is how hardened criminals would react further cements the depths of Hello Kitty Hell to which the world has succumbed…

Sent in by @RowingRabbit via twitter

I would point out that this really makes no sense at all, but then nothing with HK on it really makes sense. The fact that someone at corporate headquarters had confidence that a reversible Hello Kitty chicken would be something that fanatics would buy (and management agreed) really puts into perspective how doomed we are as a race. It’s also a clear indication that things in Hello Kitty Hell aren’t going to be getting better anytime soon…

Sent in by far too many readers…

One look at this and you realize that those who advocate abstinence sex education have been going about it all in the wrong way. Go ahead and teach as much such education as possible in schools, but simply require that all girls have to walk around with Hello Kitty on their lips and it’s guaranteed that they’ll never get as much as a kiss, let alone anything else. In fact, I can’t think of a better male repellent and warning that dealing with such a person guarantees a life in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Stacey

What could be more Kitty like than wearing a big bow on your hand so that you can sucker punch someone who doesn’t agree with your fanaticism (with all the love and kindness that the evil feline professes, of course). I’m sure that this was created with the sole purpose to brand those who actually have a grasp of reality for life with a bow-scar across their face (with bonus points if the fanatic manages to create that scar on the left side of their forehead). There is probably the ulterior motive to make those who refuse to succumb to the HK brainwashing to suffer immeasurably more in a the worst hospital possible as they recover from the injury. It’s all part of the ongoing plan of world domination and eventual Hello Kitty hell for all that she envisions…

Sent in by Kelly P.

While these don’t exist at the moment, it’s probably a pretty safe to conclude that it won’t be that long before there truly are Hello Kitty breast implants (my guess is that the people at Sanrio are right at this very second hitting themselves on the side of the head wondering how they could have never considered coming out with a line of breast implants before now). And you know that while they may initially be regular implants with the cat-with-no-mouth branded on them, it won’t stop there. Eventually they will be made in such a way that the woman’s breast will actually take the form of Hello Kitty (because, seriously, what better way to show your love of HK than to turn your breasts into the shape of her?) This will undoubtedly make the fanatic deliriously happy, but will haunt any person who sees it with sweat-inducing nightmares for the rest of their life (and probably require decades of intense mental therapy that still won’t be able to get that image out of their head). And, the truly horrifying thing is that once this happens, somehow it will continue to get worse from there…

Sent in by Betty

I’m not sure if there is anything that would make the average person want to shave the entire head of a little girl more than seeing this (and her mom’s head for good measure for encouraging her to have this done). Let’s all hope, for the sake of everyone’s sanity, that this doesn’t become a trend…

Sent in by Deede via Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care

When your significant other thinks it’s a good idea to pack a half-dozen of these in your lunch to “brighten up your day,” what she is really doing is setting off a hurricane level warning siren that if you don’t get out of the relationship that very second, your life is going to be a torrential rain storm full of Hello Kitty Hellishness…

Sent in by Dawn (via Denna’s Ideas)

Update: Never satisfied to do the horrific only once, there is also the Hello Kitty white chocolate strawberry:

Sent in by Allison

No future partner, friend or family member should ever have to endure such complete hideousness, but the sad fact of the matter is that this is likely just the tip of the iceberg of the Hello Kitty Hell they will see in the years to come…

Sent in by Laura