The evil feline spares nobody, not even those who love to knit. The only logical reason to create a Hello Knitty is if you want those who love to knit to gouge out their eyes with their knitting needles, and this would be far less painful than actually having to see this image…the only real question now is, how long before someone thinks it’s a good idea to get a Hello Knitty tattoo?

Sent in by Grace (via t shirt)

There is nothing worse than when a Hello Kitty fanatic is about to have a birthday. That’s because the fanatic is expecting a gift, and the expectation is that you will get her a gift covered with images of the evil feline all over it. It’s really a no-win situation in every respect. If you buy what she wants, then you drive yourself further into the depths of Hello Kitty Hell. If you don’t buy what she wants, then you will suffer the consequences of hearing daily for the entirety of 2015 about how much happier she would have been if you would have just bought her that Hello Kitty diamond ring she wanted…

There are few things in life that are worse than the mixture of Hello Kitty and diamonds. Both put on the show that they are squeaky clean, and something that should be highly valued, but underneath there is this inherent evil that we all know is lurking there. It seems so obvious to those who can see things clearly for what they truly are, but there are those large corporations who manage to brainwash the fanatics into believing the messages behind their huge advertising campaigns. It goes without saying that both are ridiculously over priced…

The sad part is that despite these facts, fanatics seem to crave both with an uncontrollable appetite, continuously drooling when they see either. You know that when Hello Kitty and diamonds are put together, the high pitched shrill screams of “kawaiiiiiiiii!!!” won’t be far behind. The the incessant begging about how their life won’t be complete without whatever they just saw begins…

That is why you see so much Hello Kitty crap covered in diamonds, and why such monstrosities as the Hello Kitty heart diamond engagement ring were created. In fact, I have little doubt that it’s only a matter of time before the two are merged together into what will be referred to as the “Hello Kitty cut diamond” (you know the people at Sanrio are salivating at the thought of the cash something like that would bring in). What better way to haunt every person who has a HK fanatic in their life?

You know this is inevitable because the cat with no mouth (let the irony sparkle like a diamond) certainly has a lot to say when it comes to diamonds. It doesn’t help when her view of the important things in life can be summed up by her own quote, “Think happy thoughts…and boys will bring you diamonds!”

If your significant other ever mentions that she is hoping for jewelry with hello Kitty and diamonds, that is a sure sign that it’s time to run as fast and as far away as possible. If she takes the initiative and buys her own Hello Kitty diamond jewelry, take one for the team and sell it. Yes, you will likely be spending days, if not weeks or months, on the living room couch in a Hello Kitty sleeping bag, but in the end you’ll have the undying admiration of all others suffering from a fanatic in their lives, and score a rare win for all those who live in Hello Kitty Hell.

This is what all men fear will happen when they date and marry Hello Kitty fanatics…

As if anyone really needed another reason to avoid going to McDonald’s…

(sent in by kpfan)

I have no doubt they are simply trying to push all those poor souls who have managed to survive the hell of a friend or family member being a Hello Kitty fanatic over the edge when that fanatic decides the men in her life need to wear Hello Kitty with her. It’s a win-win for Sanrio. The fanatic buys more crap while those fighting the resistance are eliminated as they realize even the most horrific death is a lot less painful than having to wear a clothes line from the cat with no mouth.

The only good news here is that the actual new brand for men won’t be available until next year so we don’t have to immediately suffer the consequences. The bad news is that we now have confirmation things will continue to get worse…

I see that this link as further proof that the end is near, and when it comes, it’s not going to be pretty…

Sent in by McD lover

Now, I think that we can all agree that there’s more than a bit of irony in the fact that the cat-with-no-mouth would feel it necessary to produce butt plugs. It also should be noted that while she doesn’t seem to have one of her own (although there are those that dispute that), shoved up someone’s ass is exactly where the vast majority of people in the world believe that she belongs. The fact that fanatics will gladly do this honor to themselves (while paying $80 to have the privilege) once again proves the people at Sanrio know exactly how to treat their customers…

Sent in by Hello Booty

While it’s bad enough having to live with Kitty chan existing in this world, imagine the horrifying terror that would be experienced being stuck on a ship with her and her fanatic friends for an entire week? My guess is that there would be a lot of significant others jumping overboard knowing that being eaten alive by sharks would be far less painful than having to survive the entire cruise. One more thing to fear if you ever find yourself in Hello Kitty Hell…