Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Haircut

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 07 May 2012 15:29:10 +0000

While there are a ton of trends that involve the evil feline that frighten me beyond belief (simply take a look through this blog and you will instantly know what I mean), this is certainly a trend that I hope never catches on. It seems that there are a few guys out there that somehow came to the conclusion that a Hello Kitty haircut would be a good idea (or, more likely, were somehow convinced by their girlfriends that this would be worthwhile).

There is a very simple reason that I fear the hello Kitty haircut. There is little doubt that I will wake up one morning (probably after drinking way too much Hello Kitty booze) with my head looking like this which would definitely be on par for the cruelty that exists in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by djhk, Barbara and sippy

Hello Kitty Recliner Chair

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 03 May 2012 15:33:15 +0000

The people of Sanrio have figured out that if you are delusional enough to want a Hello Kitty TV, then you are probably delusional enough to want to watch that TV while reclining in a Hello Kitty reclining chair.

While most things branded with the evil feline are noting more than useless crap, I personally see this as having a useful purpose, although a terrifying one. Correctional facilities around the country could easily purchase these for all the convicts on death row and simply place them into their cells,. The thought of having to live with such a piece of furniture should cause most of them to have instant heart failure. Those that manage not to have one will be haunted all their days in prison which would undoubtedly be far worse than any crime that they committed. Of course, this can never come to be since anyone with even an ounce of sense can easily see that it would be considered cruel and unusual punishment of the worst kind…which pretty much sums up the entirety of living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by stacey

Hello Kitty Mother’s Day Flowers

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 14:50:03 +0000

Most of us love our mothers and enjoy showing them true appreciation on Mother’s day each year. Not the people at Sanrio. With Mother’s Day just around the corner, the evil feline has decided that she would like to guarantee that it’s the worst possible day ever for all mothers by encouraging gifts of Hello Kitty plants and flowers.

If, for some inexplicable reason, someone wasn’t completely horrified upon receiving a Mother’s Day gift like this and actually wanted them (or any type of Hello Kitty flowers), it’s a good sign that is a person that you would want to avoid if you wanted to keep your sanity — something that seems to be in very short supply in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by kp1987

Hello Kitty America’s Next Top Model

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:41:26 +0000

How can anyone possibly make reality TV any worse than it already is? Although most people wouldn’t think it could be possible, reality has shown it was actually quite easily accomplished. Simply add “Hello Kitty high fashion” and you get what can only be described as fashion created by coughing up a massive Hello Kitty hairball. Don’t believe me? Watch the video (at your own risk as it will undoubtedly scar your brain for life)

What is far scarier than the actual fashion dresses is that there are fanatics who would actually think that wearing any of them would be a good idea. This only goes to prove that all signs clearly indicate that the world is quickly coming to an end and it can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Lindsey

Hello Kitty Headboard

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 21:50:26 +0000

There are plenty of hints that you are headed for a life of Hello Kitty Hell from which there will be absolutely no escape. At the top of the list is if you’re ever asked to wear these or these. That is quickly followed by basically anything that is evil feline related which also has to do with the bedroom. Your girlfriend suggesting that a custom-made Hello Kitty headboard would be a good idea is a perfect example:

While a headboard may at first seem innocent compared to other bedroom related items out there, that completely misses the point. It’s the first toe through the door and once it has been established, there is no way to stem any other bedroom additions. The headboard will need to become a Hello Kitty bed. Then before you know it, somehow the hello Kitty latex bed has been suggested. Before you can adjust to that horror, you find that you are now living in a Hello kitty bondage room. What you don’t realize at this point is that this will only be the very beginning of your life of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Priscila

Free Hello Kitty Pez Dispenser Giveaway

info — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:50:27 +0000

The question is, “What does one who lives in Hello Kitty Hell do when a Hello Kitty item is found accidentally misplaced among his own items?” Does he return it to the Hello Kitty fanatic who will never fully understand the amount of true self sacrifice it takes to do such a thing, or does he go rogue and give it away and hope that the fanatic never finds out? The flip of the coin determined that he would go rogue.

This is a giveaway for a 2004 Hello Kitty Japanese Pez Dispenser (still in its original package because what Hello Kitty fanatic would ever actually use a Hello Kitty product???). There are 7 ways to enter:

“Like” Hello Kitty Hell on Facebook
Follow @hellokittyhell on Twitter
“Like” this Blog Post
Tweet About the Giveaway
Leave a Blog Post Comment
Google+
Pinterest

Good luck and let’s hope I can sneak this to one of you (who will hopefully destroy it is some awesomely horrific way) without getting delegated to couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the year…

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Hello Kitty Dodgeball Team

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 15:05:31 +0000

There are few things that surprise me in Hello Kitty Hell these days, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t come across things on a daily basis that make me ask myself, “for the love of all that is supposed to be good in the word…why???” The Hello Kitty dodgeball team definitely falls into that category:

I imagine the strategy is that the other team would be temporarily blinded by the horror of seeing this team come onto the court, thus giving them the advantage of being able to pick off the opponents with ease. This would seem like a wonderful strategy if it weren’t for the complete embarrassment that they cause their family, and the terrifying mental anguish that they have spread to all those that happen to see them (not to mention the devastating self-inflicted nightmares which will undoubtedly haunt them for the rest of their lives). With all the terror and mental anguish this causes, I have no doubt that Hello Kitty sponsored professional sports teams are just around the corner…

Sent in by Jess

Hello Kitty Dog Chew Toy

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 23:07:58 +0000

It has already been well established on this blog that dogs that are owned by Hello Kitty fanatics must live in a Hello Kitty Hell on par with mine (for reference for those that might still have any doubt: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – yes, I could go on and on…), so the fact that the evil feline continues to make products specifically for dogs pretty much confirms that there are absolutely no dog lovers working at Sanrio.

Some will undoubtedly argue that the dog being able to chew (at least in part) Hello Kitty isn’t a bad thing, and it’s actually a good thing as it helps to relieve the dog’s frustration. What these people fail to understand is that this is exactly what the marketing people have predicted will happen. The Hello Kitty fanatics will buy the dog toy because they think it’s cute and will be surprised at how quickly and violently their dog annihilates the chew toy. In their ignorance, they will assume that this is because the dog “loves” the chew toy, and therefore will go out and buy another one which, again, will be ferociously dismantled piece by piece out by the of sheer horror of having to lay eyes upon it. Of course, the fanatic will now assume that the dog “adores” the chew toy, and will buy another one. This process will continue with Hello Kitty racking up impressive sales until the dog realizes that it will be much less painful to simply swallow the toy and choke to death — a process that unfortunately and hauntingly seems to foretell my eventual demise…

Sent in by Aurora

Hello Kitty Engagement Ring

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 23:06:47 +0000

If you have any inclination that your significant other would want a Hello Kitty engagement ring, that is the perfect warning sign that you should run away as fast as you possibly can. If you do not heed this sage advice to run and decide that a Hello Kitty engagement ring is somehow a good idea, you should be well aware that you will likely have to wear a Hello Kitty wedding ring and have a Hello Kitty wedding with her wearing Hello Kitty wedding dresses and you in a Hello Kitty tux (no, it certainly isn’t a pretty thought which has sent more than a few strong souls to the local insane asylum…) Basically, prepare for a life of Hello Kitty Hell.

The fact that the evil feline has an engagement ring to not only lead, but encourage people to these fiery depths that not even the most heinous of people deserve pretty much sums up what Hello Kitty is all about — pure and long lasting torture…

Sent in by Xenaspanky

Hello Kitty Hot Pen Brand Scar

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 18:49:42 +0000

I guess it’s obvious (at least to Hello Kitty fanatics) that there are simply not enough Hello Kitty scars in the world. It’s also pretty obvious that anyone that would think that putting Hello Kitty needles into their back really wouldn’t think twice about having the evil feline hop pen branded into her skin:

I’m really not sure what is worse. The Hello Kitty scar that is displayed above or the continual mental scar that I carry around with me in Hello Kitty Hell. Either way, there is no doubt that Hello kitty makes it her life mission to scar anyone and everyone in the world for life…

Sent in by Kitten Takara