Lolcats around the world are either controllably weeping or now coming to the realisation that this is isn’t a joke to the people at Sanrio. Either way, I now officially welcome all cats around the world to my Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty knows how to ruin a perfectly good summer…

Sent in by Jessie who has already punished herself far more than I could ever imagine doing by actually creating this pool…

The mere fact that my wife thinks that this would be a good addition to our house scares me far more than her buying Hello Kitty low rise underwear for me because it ultimately means she thinks a scene like this would be a positive thing. Proof once again that no matter how bad Hello Kitty Hell gets, it finds a way to get worse…

Sent in by Ashley (via etsy) who deserves much more punishment than I could ever reasonably imagine for ever thinking that showing this to me could result in anything but terrifying nightmares for all that see it…

Hi

My fiance is obsessed with hello kitty and subsequently I’ve been reading your site for a while. First it started as some hello kitty pocky, then cuddly toys and has progressed to so called “designer” clothing and jewelry. But now it has reach an all new level of depravity, as I have mentioned she is my fiance and i love her dearly however when planning the wedding she has let slip that she plans to have hello kitty centerpieces and cake, as well as telling me that once the wedding has been paid for she will be buying some of the “super cute” home appliance’s and furniture.

I understand that there is no hope for you but perhaps you can save the rest of us from your fate! Is there a way to stop the spiral in to hello kitty hell?

All the best
Tom

Included with the email were the following photos of his fiance’s wedding folder:

My Advice: Yes, although this may surprise you, there is definitely an simple, easy and 100% effective way to stop this spiral into Hello Kitty Hell. Find another fiance…

So what does a melon with Hello Kitty carved into the outside of it cost? Only about $55 (5,000 yen) — a screaming deal for Hello Kitty fanatics going by my wife’s reaction to it…

The sad, sad part is that you know the people at Sanrio are now desperately trying to figure out how to turn the inside of the melon pink to better reflect the brand image and their effort to further increase my (and everybody else’s) Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Jamilyn who should have to eat nothing but Hello Kitty food for the rest of her life as punishment for ever thinking that sending this to me could be a good idea…

No matter how much you jab your fork into it, use your knife to slowly cut the face to pieces or chomp away at her eyes to try and console yourself at the horrendous injustice of having to look at the evil feline first thing in the morning, you know deep down in your heart that the mere fact that Hello Kitty was served to you as breakfast means that you lose and all is not right in the world. Or, in other words, it is another day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by kristin (via Jim’s Pancakes) who should have to eat those each and every morning for the rest of her life as punishment for ever thinking that sending that photo would be a good idea…

Update: Hello Kitty fanatics simply don’t know when to leave bad enough alone:

Sent in by Claudia

My wife absolutely loves the Hello Kitty toe nails and wants some for herself. She couldn’t stop squealing with high pitched Hello Kitty delight as she wondered out loud why she had not thought of doing that herself.

My reaction was quite different. Upon seeing them, I immediately recognized that the perfect torture technique had been developed. Instead of torturing a prisoner by slowly ripping of their finger and toe nails off with pliers, all you would have to do is show them the Hello Kitty manicure and pedicure. The person being detained would instantly recognize that ripping off their own nails would be vastly less painful than having Hello Kitty placed on them and having to look at them 24/7. Something I’m sure I have to look forward doing to myself in the near future if Hello Kitty Hell continues down it’s current path…

Left on twitter by @PinkVelvetDream via Pink Velvet who has obviously brought so much more pain and suffering upon herself by creating these than I could ever imagine wishing upon her for ever thinking that it would be a good idea to send them to me…

Why do I get the distinct feeling that this was inspired by the recent BP oil disaster?

Sanrio Employee 1: Did you see that oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico?

Sanrio Employee 2: Yes, it’s a shame that something so trivial is getting so much publicity instead of Hello Kitty.

Sanrio Employee 1: Is there anything we can do about it?

Sanrio Employee 2: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don’t we create Hello Kitty motor oil so that Hello Kitty isn’t overshadowed by BP?

Sanrio Employee 1: Wow, what a great idea!

Because, seriously, what self respecting Hello Kitty fanatic would be willing to put regular old motor oil into the engine of their Hello Kitty vehicle?

Sent in first by dean (and far too many others via engadget) who probably is doing what any self respecting Hello Kitty fanatic would do — spreading the Hello Kitty oily love all over wildlife to emulate BP in an attempt to get more publicity for Hello Kitty — because only someone with a thought process like that would ever think that sending this to me would be a good idea…

It really is a sad day in Hello Kitty Hell when there are so many Hello Kitty guns out there that it no longer even shocks me that another one has been created…

Sent in by kwikrnu and top truck, both of who should have to use only this gun at the gun range as punishment for ever thinking that I needed to know about another one of these…

Then it dawned on me. They must be sending me these press releases so that I can rewrite them to accurately reflect the truth of the situation. Now that is something that I can do:

NAO, the Spanish manufacturer of handcrafted porcelain figurines (which no longer has any integrity and is willing to sell out any artistic form they claim to have to make a few bucks), launches three pieces inspired by the global icon (scourge of the world) Hello Kitty. This collection is the result of a close collaboration between NAO and Sanrio®, the global company that designs and licenses (is willing to pimp out) this well known character (to absolutely anyone and anything if they think it will earn them a buck).

Hello Kitty is world (in)famous, undoubtedly one of the most beloved (despised) characters of all time.

The unique (uninspiring) collection created by the NAO artists accurately translate into porcelain the charm of this international icon (puts together the evil feline in a way that we think it will most appeal to Hello Kitty fanatics so we can make loads of money off of them), created (spawned deep in the farthest depths of hell) in Japan more than thirty-five years ago. The three pieces in this series, Hello Kitty (Evil Feline), Playing with Hello Kitty (Coming Under the Spell of the Evil Feline) and Hello Kitty Gets Married! (Evil Feline Traps Another Poor Soul), are presented in special gift (uselessly decorated) boxes designed exclusively for them (to take more of your hard earned money)…

I simply have no idea why Sanrio doesn’t hire me to do all their press releases?