Her Morning Elegance...

Curious romantic

2013-10-22T20:38:00.000-04:00

curious (adj):

1. eager to know or learn something.

2. strange; unusual.

I am a curious child. And my curiosity is curious too. I am keen about everything. This curiosity usually translates into a series of non-sequitur questions. I piece together this theoretically unrelated information into a wholesome thought and come up with bizarre insights for myself.

I am a romantic. I quote love songs reflexively to describe my relationship. However, said relationship is one that I have with my career. They say you've met your soul-mate when spending time with them is an amalgam of fun, challenge and intrigue. You continually cross paths and fate is emphasizing the inevitability of being together. So yes, BME is my soul-mate.

There have been times, I'm so confused.

All my roads, they lead to you.

I just can't turn and walk away.

-All for you, Sister Hazel

My first encounter with BME was serendipitous. It was a cold January morning about a decade ago. Weeks away from turning 17, my naivete met my mother's wisdom. Few hours before my Camras interview, she convinced me to switch my major from Aerospace Engineering to Biomedical Engineering. (So much for wanting to be a neurosurgeon in space!) Thus began an epic love affair.

Sifting through hundreds of lines of code and waking up to nightmares about cortex surfaces and magnets, I sometimes wonder about my sanity and my willingness to submit to this non-being. Am I really in love with something that doesn't breathe? How could this intangible entity have a soul?

BME takes me on incomparable adventures. We're dancing through this never ending quest. We laugh at our missteps and turn the music on louder. We whisper to each other about scientific revelations and declare our love in high impact journals. Sometimes it keeps me up all night, and I face the morning tired, but happy.

I am a curious romantic. I question my lovely soul-mate. In the process of unearthing the great mysteries of the brain, I'm sometimes teased and sometimes surprised. After weeks of mulling over a question, when the answer is finally revealed, for a few moments I'm both amazed and contented. And then a new question is formed. While I'm interested in the answers to most questions in this world, the ones that truly make me happy are the ones to questions that keep me up at night, that make me forget the lyrics to my morning-shower song, that I'm obsessed with, that I know I can solve.

Engineers love to solve problems. It is the core of our being. Perhaps that is what pulls me back to this whimsical field. My curiosity and my romanticism are intertwined in BME. And once again, I stand at the crossroads, curious if the road less traveled will still lead me to my fate.

(I accept. I'll never be able to answer any of these!)

Candy Crush

2013-07-18T14:36:00.000-04:00

Candy Crush saga is a metaphor for my life. And maybe yours.

This highly addictive game is so for a reason, I believe. It parallels real life in the palm of your hand. Perhaps the developers didn't intentionally embed important life allegories in this game. However, I am an over-analytic and I have figured out why I love this game. In addition to distracting me from the pains of erupting wisdom teeth, this game has taught me more about my life than I thought a game was capable of.

1. It gets more difficult with each level
Sometimes they decrease your moves. Or they time you (Damn those levels). But regardless of how it happens, rest assured that the next level will kick your butt. As with life, it only gets more complicated. I mean, who knew that as an adult I'd have to worry about more than buying candy in a bulk. Apparently paying for health insurance, mortgages, and telephone bills is a lot harder than getting over a hangover after a Saturday night of binge drinking. No one ever tells you that it gets easier. If they do, they lie!

2. There is a fair bit of luck involved
Don't you hate it when you're just one move away from getting that last jelly and you run out of moves? Yes, it happens about 18 times until you finally get multiple striped candies in the beginning and voila, you have completed this level with 27 moves left. So, the game just proceeds to award you the maximum number of points you could get if you continued. The whole "right place at the right time" thing is a recurring theme in life as well. And if that's not luck, I don't know what is.

3. Combining two awesome things is multiplicative
Striped candy + sprinkled chocolate = 'nuff said. I will refer to happy hour for this. Half off appetizers AND beer is not just twice as better as drink deals; it's infinitely better. Also, if your best gal pal happens to join you at this booze fest, its awesomeness can only be compared to that of striped candy + sprinkled chocolate.

4. It's not always as it seems
Remember when you thought chocolate was your solution to every problem? And then you came across Candy Crush which was evidence that it grows like a leech until it ruins your game. In real life, this is equivalent to getting addicted to a new TV show. You think it's not bad for you, but then you realize it is 4 am on a Tuesday and you still have 3 more episodes to close off this season of Game of thrones.

5. You don't know how it ends
I am on level 86 and I have been playing for about 4 months. It definitely goes beyond level 136. However, I have no idea how this will end. Maybe I will give up one day. Or my friends will stop helping me out with tickets. Or facebook will blow up. You know, like real life?

LeBron Who?

2013-05-16T01:46:00.001-04:00

I hate LeBron James. And it's not just because I am bitter about the Bulls being out of the playoffs (which I totally am, btw). My hatred for LeBron is justified and I intend to explain why.

1) Arrogance
“I’m in a different place than other people,” he says. “That’s O.K. I understand. I was chosen for this. It’s my gift. It’s my responsibility.” Funny, I don't recall J.K. Rowling writing about you, Mr. James. Nor do I remember you playing Neo in the Matrix. However, this is evidence of your arrogance. Note, if you have to keep emphasizing how humbled you are, it really isn't an expression of your humility.

Also, when asked why his Nike shoe was more expensive than Kobe's, he said, "Because it's LeBron's shoe. It is, it's got my name on it.'' And therefore, it's just supposed to be better. Simple logic, folks!

2) The Decision
While this show raised millions for charity, it was a joke on pro-basketball. Since his arrival in the NBA, LeBron has allowed himself to play a pawn to media's shenanigans. This was another overly hyped display of his pompousness that was exploited by the media. At this point, I would also like to mention that LeBron James is an unreliable and selfish soul. "I don’t want to go "Ring - Chasing" as I call it, you know. Going to a team that’s already pretty established and trying to win a ring with them. I want to stay with the Cavs and build a champion." He said this shortly before switching to his hand-picked team with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade. I wonder why the Big-3 mattered?

3) The Fans

I suppose the fans usually have little to do with the celebrity. However, James loves the attention and feeds this maniacal nonsense. I believe most Heat fans are band-wagoners. Were you all Heat fans before 2010? Also, I can't get the picture of the unnaturally orange Miami housewife flipping off Noah out of my head.

4) Sore loser
He stormed off the court in an epic gesture after a loss against the Orlando Magic in the 2009 playoffs. He made public statements regarding technical fouls and refused to shake hands with any of the players after the super-streak was halted by the Bulls this season.

5) James vs. Jordan

He is NOT better than Michael Jordan. Stop making up statistics. End of discussion!

Despite of all this, the Bulls snapped the Heat's 27-game winning streak and won Game 1 of the playoffs with bench players. And that is why I will sleep soundly tonight.

Stand Tall

2013-04-30T19:23:00.001-04:00

There are two major life lessons I've learned in grad school: Write with conviction and stand tall.

If you are a 20-something year old Indian girl, chances are you are married, engaged, in-a-committed relationship or on the search for "the one" with an online dating profile. Clearly, you just cannot move on in your life until you've found your better half. Let's face it, without a man next to you, you’re pretty insignificant.

Oh, you just got your doctorate? Well, that's nice, but it ain't a diamond ring. You just went to Ireland? Was it for your honeymoon? No? Well, it couldn't have been that exciting then. You just bought yourself a convertible? Is it nicer than the Porsche my hubby got me last Christmas? That's okay, someday, you too will find love.

I have an online dating profile. No, I'm not ashamed to admit that, because it's both an entertaining and a learning experience. And because I don't take myself (or anyone else for that matter) seriously, it's an intriguing experience. It's a rocky ride through cheesy pick-up lines and a myriad of 2-week text relationships. At some point, I intend on writing a book titled, Creepazoid Chronicles.

Normally, I don't attempt to acquaint myself with someone based on just their looks and profession. There is also the personality factor: comfort level, sense of humor, worldly knowledge, etc. However, in the digital dating world, this is secondary. First judgment call is made on a rather shallow basis. This has allowed me to peek into the lives of people that I do not understand and quite frankly, people who disgust me.

Last weekend, I received an email (Note, initial interest was sent by them):

"Thank you for accepting our interest. However, after further evaluation, we believe you would be unsuitable for our son. As you are pursuing a PhD, you will be quite career focused. But we are looking for someone who would instead support our son in his career since he is a doctor."

I hope this email angers you. But then pause for a moment and laugh with me at the absurdity of this note. I was just rejected from the position of wife-of-doctor for being too ambitious. When I shared this with my mom, she rolled her eyes and said, “Maybe I did raise you with too much freedom."

But did she? She raised me to be passionate. She raised me to be independent (that's right, I don't exactly NEED a man unless I'm attending some Indian event). She allowed me to pursue my dreams. She encouraged me to travel and read and experience the world; Not just the picture painted by our "community", but the real world without stereotypes and self-imposed limitations. She raised me to believe that I can change the world.

So, I start now. I write with conviction. I stand tall!

(Mom, clearly I've met the love of my life!)

My tryst with Milwaukee: A cheesy love affair!

2013-04-24T00:03:00.001-04:00

Dear Chicago,

I have been cheating on you. It started unexpectedly with a one-night stand. But then, it kept calling me and I was drawn by its quaint charm. It doesn't mean I love you any less, but I am slowly falling for this city, Milwaukee.

I was in denial for a while. Especially because Milwaukee is unlike any other place I have called home. It's not a big city like you or a jungle like Ithaca. It's not all hustle-bustle like NYC or chic and political like DC. And yet, I have found unusual comfort here.

I visited you last weekend. I thought I was home. And I was. But a little part of me longed for the quiet of my lab and my annoyingly slow internet. I wondered what junk food dinner entree I was trading in for this lovely deep-dish. While the whole experience was exactly what I needed to exhilarate myself, it felt less than homely. I felt an unrelenting pull towards Milwaukee.

Perhaps it is the familiar lake front. Or the frozen custard at Leon's and cheap (yet amazing) beer at Hollander. Maybe it is the lack of traffic on I-94 and the ridiculously low sales tax. Or it could be the scenic drive next to Miller Park. Possibly, it is the creepy Russians at New Yorker. Or my recent obsession with home-brewing. But most of all, I am intrigued by the unpredictability of this state I once stereotyped. Did you know rednecks existed in the North? (Apparently, they live in the nooks of northern Wisconsin.) Or that the Walgreens I shop at is the oldest in the world?

I didn't realize how far this fling had come along. I was referred to as the "official Milwaukee google" by a friend yesterday. I don't think I'm google-worthy yet. However, this relationship definitely escalated beyond my expectations. My summer plans include Summerfest, Jazzfest and trips to Door county and Devil's lake. I convinced my buddy to have a meal of cheese curds and spotted cow. I bought an $11 block of chocolate fudge cheese just because I wanted to.

A few months ago, I wrote about some of the most influential songs in my life (Musical Reality). I credited Milwaukee for Home by Philip Phillips. I am intimate with the unfamiliar road. I hate this city usually. But sometimes I have bouts of love. It is rather unceremonious. But isn't that the epitome of a relationship after all?

Chicago, I am not breaking up with you. But let's just say we're on a break. You are my soulmate, yes. But Milwaukee is the hot guy that I want to seduce right now.

Love,
YP

I do

2013-04-02T02:12:00.001-04:00

"I can't believe they're dating. Well, I'm really happy for them," I ended the conversation and turned off the landline as my mother walked into my room. She sat on my bed and stared at me as I continued working on my Physics problem set. "Who started dating?" she asked. "Oh, just two of my friends. I played soccer with them," I replied nonchalantly without even looking up. "You played soccer with both of them? They're both girls?" my mother gasped. "Yeah, so?" I asked rhetorically.

It was a rhetorical question ten years ago and it is rhetorical even now. Thankfully, my mother's views evolved. However, it seems that corners of our society have remained resolute in their ignorance. I must say that I am appalled by the incredible support of Proposition 8 and DOMA. I believe that everyone's opinions are respectable. However, I also recognize that the innate nature of rights makes them universal. They should not be voted upon just because some people cannot comprehend the happiness of others.

But let's play their game for now and allow them to present their arguments logically. Every point is eventually backed up by science or by religion. I am ready to fight them on both of those counts. And unlike Paul Clement, I'll try not to circumvent what was laid out in 1996.

Let's tackle science first. One major argument from the supporters has been that it is "unnatural" since sex between two individuals of the same gender is not a tool for procreation. However, science argues that sex (gay or straight) has other advantages. According to zoologists, over 1500 mammalian species engage in homosexual behavior. In some species, sex is used to resolve violent conflicts. Imagine that! It's like the entire animal kingdom is still enjoying the freedom of the sixties era and yet we have chosen to regress and deem this behavior bizarre.

Next up, religion. Yes, this began as a moral argument.

“It is inherently wrong and harmful individual’s families and societies,” former Rep. David Funderburk

“An attack on God’s principles,” former Rep. Steve Buyer

“The flames of self-centered morality are licking at the very foundations of our society—the family unit,” former Rep. Bob Barr

It is apparent that the supporters of DOMA are mainly using the religious shield. So I quote, "Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God."- Corinthians 4:5, King James Bible.

I think it is pretty clearly stated in here to NOT judge as this is an action reserved for God. So really, even from a religious point of view, bigotry is untolerated. Religion is for the people; People are NOT for the religion. Let the thoughts of religion make you more compassionate and loving instead of hateful and dogmatic.

My two friends from high-school are now engaged to each other. While many relationships fizzled away when factors like long-distance were introduced, theirs passed the test of time and stood strong. That is true love.

samo 'ham sarva-bhutesu

na me dvesyo 'sti na priyah

ye bhajanti tu mam bhaktya

mayi te tesu capy aham

I am the same to all creatures; I know not hatred nor favor; but those who serve me with love dwell in me and I in them. (Bhagvad Gita, Ch. 9, verse 32)

Montreal Diaries

2013-02-18T11:23:00.001-05:00

Day 1: Sunday, Feb 17th

I never thought I would chronicle my Montreal adventures. Visiting a new city has become routine for me and usually the pictures speak for themselves. However, being in Montreal is like being in a foreign country. Oh wait, it is a foreign country. While I've considered Canada to be an extension of the United States with people that use the metric system and pronounce their z's as zed, Montreal has been evidence of how different this country really is. Also, my hands would rather stay in the warmth of my mittens than take photos of this picturesque city. It's really cold. The temperatures aren't unfamiliar for a Chicagoan, but something about the air makes the cold wind pierce through your skin like tiny daggers.

Now that I've established my rationale, (Damn PhD, what are you doing to me?) I can report the happenings of my first day here. I landed in Montreal around 3:30 pm local time. Immediately, I was greeted by this amusing fixture (see below) in the ladies washroom at the airport.

Next, I tried to decipher the broken English+French directions to take the 747 express to my B&B. The lady said it was a 10-minute walk. She couldn't be more wrong. With my backpack+laptop+carry-on, it took me about 25 minutes uphill to get to my temporary abode. All my anger for the inaccurate airport lady and the numerous rude strangers who refused to give me directions vanished when I saw the cozy little place I am staying at. Yes folks, it is a castle. And my room has a balcony. If I still had long hair, I'd totally play Rapunzel.

I dropped off my stuff and changed out of my travel clothes for a quick walk around the neighborhood. I must admit, the McGill campus is beautiful. When I returned, I got some more information from the concierge on nearby attractions and Montreal must-sees. Apparently, public transit is a fairly convenient way to explore the city. I boarded the 24 to meet up with a friend for dinner at 3 amigos on St. Catherine. The bus driver, Fablese, spoke only French. However, he was extremely helpful and patiently waited as I sabotaged the street names to describe exactly where I wanted to go. Lucky for me, while returning later in the night, he was making his rounds back!

At 3 amigos, there was a huge line. When our food and drinks came, we knew exactly why. The strawberry-mango margarita was amazing (and ginormous). After an hour of binge eating and gossiping, we called it a night.

Thus ended Day 1. But the adventures are just beginning. Stay tuned for Day 2...

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Musical Reality (English)

2012-12-23T15:41:00.001-05:00

M: I'm gonna rock your world with 70s rock :P
Y: That's what's gonna rock my world? damn.. how well you know me!

The truth is, tunes from the 70s may not rock my world, but music really does. And yes, the above conversation is a lame attempt at humor (which was completely ignored by my friend), but this post is about some of the songs I associate with incredible memories. It's common to listen to a song and feel a sense of nostalgia come over you. Hence the following tribute (in no particular order).

1. She Will be loved, Maroon 5 (2004)
This is my all-time favorite song. I turn into an 18-year old, the moment Adam Levine starts serenading me.

Coincidentally, it's the song that came into my life shortly before I turned 18. I was listening to this song (and going over O-chem reactions for a lab practical) when I got into my first car accident on Kennedy Expressway. I remember pulling over and exchanging insurance information with the middle-aged driver of the barely scratched SUV. This was my initiation into the adult world.

A few months later, Mary and I embarked on the Sophomore leadership retreat at Lake Geneva. While that trip is reminiscent of many epiphanies under the starlit campfire, this song was a testament to my self-confidence. Mary volunteered me for a solo while playing a game of personality bingo (i.e: Who is wearing a red shirt, Who has ever sung a solo, etc) After initial hesitation, I sang the chorus of this beautiful song to an audience of several hundred people. And I don't wish to brag, but I was awesome! (Thanks for the voice lessons, mom!)

2. Oops I did it again, Brittney Spears (2000)
Eighth grade dance. First kiss. 'nuff said!

3. Leaving on a Jet Plane, John Denver (1969)
Just days after making the trans-Atlantic move from Dubai to Toronto, my family decided it was only sensible to spend the upcoming festivals in Chicago. So we drove across the Niagara Falls and trekked halfway through 'merica. Who knew this great city would become our new home? Of course, as my cousin's favorite song, this played endlessly during the wee hours of the night. Thus, it has left a solid imprint on my brain.

4. Swing Life away, Rise Against (2005)
I credit this song to Maulin. Thank you for aim-ing every worthy (and unworthy) song my way. Of course, in the plethora of music sent over, there were a few gems. This is one of those. It reminds me of the summer of 2005. It insinuates the memory of endless hours spent hunched over books, taking afternoon naps at your apt (and consequently pigging out on your food) and getting Lemon-ice with Alice on Taylor St before making the 4-mile hike to IIT. This was also the first song on my ipod-shuffle.

This song is also the epitome of my present life.

5. I want it that way, Backstreet Boys (1999)
My sister and I have always been close. However, a three year age gap means different things at different stages of life. When we moved to Chicago, I was an 11-year old child and my sister was a 14-year old teenager. In those dire times, BSB kept us connected. Of course, this bonding could have been animus if I too had been cray-cray for Nick. Shout out to my first love, AJ. Mclean.

6. Wish you were here, Pink Floyd (1975)
Sure, this is a classic. However, I did not obsess over this song until I read Five Point Someone in Dec. 2007. Pink Floyd is about recognizing vulnerabilities. I spent many nights in the next semester with glasses of Gewurztraminer and indulging in deep conversations. Yes, this song is about missing someone and every time I listen to it, I do.

7. Tipsy, J-Kwon (2003)
"E'er body but Yag gettin' tipsy!" This became a tag line for my presence at extended family functions for several months after I sang along to J-Kwon during a car ride to a-place-i-can't-remember. This song reminds me of how awesome, yet crazy my family is. After that, I quickly digress into thoughts of cinnamon sticks and coke at Pizza Hut.

8. City of Blinding lights, U2 (2005)
My first real visit to NYC was in March 2007. It was Spring Break during my senior year at IIT. I was so in love with the city, that I vowed to myself that I would move to NY within the next 6 months. Luckily, I got to partition my time between Ithaca and NYC when I moved to Cornell later that year. The Brooklyn bridge is by far the most glorious platform I've walked on. In one of the U2 concerts, the intro to this song is a description of Manhattan as seen from the bridge. That is the only version I listen to. I am reminded of everything NYC has to offer and of promises that I make to myself and keep.
(Trivia: this is also Obama's intro song)

9. Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson (2005)
Lazy Sunday afternoons.

Especially because I had a rule about only waking up in single digits (i.e before 10am). This rule is no longer being enforced in my life.

10. Santa Baby, Kylie Minogue (2007)
I vividly remember working on my Neural Interfaces paper while lying in my bed at the apt. on Danby. Puifai sent this song to me as a much needed distraction. This is a Christmas favorite! I love the holiday season and this song for reminding me that naughty can also be nice!

11. Her Morning Elegance, Oren Lavie (2009)
This is my blog's namesake. The stop-motion video is a parallel to what my life had become when I was introduced to this song. I was blinded to the mundane and routine struggles I was facing to achieve something I did not care for. This was a turning point as I abandoned a false dream I had fostered for years only to pursue the road less traveled. Thanks Frost. It has made all the difference.

12. Wait for sleep, Dream Theatre (1992)
What's the story morning glory? This song is implicative of everything that was freshmen year at IIT: daily commutes on the el, getting my driver's license, getting lost in the city and calling friends for directions (because smartphones and GPS were yet to come), piggin' out on mango tofu with Shira, asking out long-time crushes, making friends, losing friends, and basically having the time of my life!

13. From Paris to Berlin, Infernal (2005)
Europe 2008. A two-week trip with my sister that turned into an incredible adventure. It involved Madame Tussaud's, tea with the queen (or her minions), picnic by the Eiffel, crepes and hot Frenchmen, half-bridges and emergencies in Avignon, getting lost in Barcelona, joining strangers for a tapas/flamenco party at Las Ramblas, trying our luck in Monaco, fancy cars, gelato, sun-bathing in Nice, hikes and chocolate tours in Switzerland, missed flights in Venice and a group of amazing friends!

14. Anyone else but you, Moldy Peaches (2001)
I remember watching Juno at the Westbourne in Ithaca. I was only semi-impressed with Ellen Page. However, this song and the entire soundtrack (All I want is you, Barry Louis Polisar) was more memorable. I have since sang this song at many karaoke nights in Ithaca, DC, Chicago, etc. It's just a simple song that reminds me of who I really am- a part-time lover and a full time friend!

15. I'm gonna make this place your home, Phillip Phillips (2012)
In the last five years, I have lived in 5 different cities (not counting Chicago). This spontaneous, vagabond lifestyle leaves me wondering whether I felt at home at any of these residences. Of course, nothing may ever compare to the awesomeness of Chicago, but I have to admit, these past two years in Milwaukee have been kind of fabulous. As a commuter (yes, I engaged in a 90-mile one-way commute for a whole semester), I fell in love with the scenic amtrak ride and gelato at the Public market. Once I moved here, I discovered Leon's, Cafe Hollander, Jazz in the Park and the Art Museum. This song is usually playing during my daily ride on 94 which only adds to the Milwaukee experience. The gorgeous view of Miller Park at the break of dawn is breath-taking. The roof reminds me of a bridge and although it may not be the Brooklyn magnificence, it's damn close.

But, I'll never be a Packers fan!

Honorable mentions:
Sweet Caroline, Neil Diamond (1969)
Lean on me, Bill Withers (1972)
Wonderwall, Oasis (1995)
Crash into me, Dave Matthews Band (1996)
Iris, Goo goo dolls (1998)
Kiss me, Sixpence none the richer (1998)
Jumpin Jumpin, Destiny's child (1999)
It wasn't me, Shaggy (2000)
Goodbye Earl, Dixie Chicks (2000)
Love you madly, Cake (2001)
Thousand Miles, Vanessa Carlton (2002)
Numb, Linkin Park (2003)
Boulevard of broken dreams, Greenday (2004)
Fix You, Coldplay (2005)
Rain is a good thing, Luke Bryan (2010)

ps: The hindi version is coming up soon! :)

Crush function

2012-11-03T02:29:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: Because my crushes generally follow a similar trend, this is both an open letter and an apology to all the amazing crushes I have disappointed. I am sorry I stalked you through high-school only to fall for your best friend. I am sorry I made you drive to Greek town at 2am for chilli cheese fries! I am sorry I made you dance on bar tables and then ditched you for someone else. I am sorry I laughed at you when your car fell into a ditch next to my apt. I am sorry that I threw your keys into the ditch a few months later. I am sorry I stopped responding to your messages even though we had a pretty good date. I am sorry I dragged you to a horrendous local band concert. I am sorry I gave you nicknames and snickered around with my friends. I am sorry I made fun of your hair.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear crush, you are a sinc function.

I use this analogy mainly because I assume you will not understand it (unless you google it). Nor will anyone else who lives a life of sanity. If you do understand though, please share that with me so my attraction towards you can increase exponentially.

You seem to alternate between realms. Not in a multiple personalities sort of way, but more like melting ice-cream. You are in two states, simultaneously. This is precisely why you emulate this extraordinary function.

The normalized sinc function (time-domain) is the fourier transform of an ideal-low pass filter (LPF) (frequency domain). Your emotional attachment is like the LPF. Only casual emotions (the friendly wave, the random bumping into each other and the small talk) are allowed to filter through. The more intense emotions (I just had a fight with my mother and I need you to hug me) are cut-off. However, the definition of our relationship is like the sinc: relatively indefinite and with ringing side-effects. The narrower you set your cut-offs with the emotions, the wider the indefinition of our relationship becomes.

I wish you could choose a side and commit to it. If you choose to adhere to the time-domain, then be vague and ambiguous about everything. At least then I can label you as a flake and move on. However, if you choose to venture over to the frequency domain, then define everything-your emotions, our interactions, or the name of the dog we will never get.

I wish I could choose a side. The truth is that I don't REALLY know you. But I know me, and I definitely am a sinc function. I linger in a sea of confusion. My emotional attention span is about 2 weeks long. I too have a LPF for emotions. It is a delta function. As a result, none of my emotions ever make it through. And most things in my life remain indefinite.

Best,
YP

Integral Infinity

2012-10-22T00:33:00.001-04:00

Purnamadah Purnamidam

Purnat Purnamudachyate

Purnasya Purnamadaya

Purnameva Vashishyate

Om shanti shanti shanti!

That is infinite, this is infinite

From that infinite, this infinite comes.

From that infinite, this infinite removed or added,

Infinite remains infinite.

Om. Peace peace peace!

I start with this verse from Isha Upanishad, because it reads like a mathematical proof. When adding or subtracting from infinity, infinity remains infinite. I can't recall the first time I learned about the concept of infinity, but I can imagine how difficult it must have been to grasp its abstractness in context of something as defined as mathematics. In theory, if you add up every number from -∞ to +∞, you get 0. This is an unbounded sum, one which has an indefinite beginning and an indefinite end. And yet, its solution amounts to nothing.

However, if you take this concept from the realm of mathematics and into that of philosophy, the equation changes. As is described in the verse above, the beginning and the end of time are on this spectrum between -∞ and +∞. Yet, this unbounded philosophical sum encompasses not just the existence of humanity, but that of our entire universe. It truly is, "through infinity and beyond!" And if you assume mathematics and philosophy to be on a continuum, then our universe should also amount to nothing.

So is it? Is the infinite breadth of our existence not even a mere speck? Or is this a more relative theory? Perhaps when compared with the truly infinite, as in God or Science or some other supreme force of nature, our being is truly miniscule. If this is true, then maybe it shouldn't matter what my legacy is. And assuming that my essence means something, is just a fancy way of expressing my vanity.

On the flip side of infinite sum is infinite precision. Like the digits in pi. It is both irrational and necessary. Everything in this infinite universe may sum to nothing, but the details of this world are infinitely defined. This is why all constants are approximations. It is impossible to fathom these values, yet so easy to experience them. All of sudden, my existence which amounts to nothing in the infinite sum, is still infinitely defined. The forces that act upon me and the energy I release into this world is precisely defined. At a given moment, something happens because it was infinitely planned. The parameters of this infinite definition and this infinite precision are also infinite.

I use this symbol of infinity to validate my existence every day. Sometimes, I stare at my infinity sign and use it to zap people's brains. Other times, I stare at it and wonder if this infinity sign can truly transform lives. But most of the time, it only serves as a reminder of the infinite knowledge I have yet to learn. And while this is overwhelming, for that moment I find a purpose for my miniscule self in the vastness of infinity.

Occasionally I also use infinity to define my indolence. My laziness is like the number 8. If it lays down, it becomes infinite!

Thought Pangaea

2012-07-08T20:56:00.000-04:00

In order to reboot the economy, we need to learn from the game of Monopoly. Everyone starts with the same amount of money and as the game goes on, people can use their wit and luck to progress.

You might think this thought crossed my mind while reading a finance article or a book on Economics (or while playing Monopoly). However, this thought really entered my unusual brain while I was analyzing the power in the beta-band of my subject's EEG data. Let me you walk through my intricate and strange thought process.

1. EEG Analysis
2. Thinking about a conversation that distracted me during lunch
3. History of how China got its name
4. How these distractions can postpone my graduation (Thanks Yan!)
5. If the recession persists, will I have to move to China?
6. What is the solution to this problem?
8. Monopoly!

This bizarre process, which only took about 100msec, led me to another question. What is the significance of of our brain's digression? Wouldn't we be more efficient if we could compartmentalize our thoughts? Our productivity would increase; our emotions would be less obstructive and overall, we would be much happier. Then why are we evolutionary programmed to think within this mess?

Despite of what the textbooks illustrate, there are no defined boundaries for brain regions. Every brain is unique. In addition, the brain is an organ of both complex anatomy and even more labyrinthine function. Each crevice has its individual purpose and yet it blends in with the whole. Unlike computers, we cannot choose which programs to shut down and which ones to run. They are all running simultaneously without regard to the RAM available. Even past events are saved comprehensively. A distinct smell or an unusual color are capable of provoking the most profound memories.

While this enables us to appreciate the potential of the human brain, isn't it in some ways throwing us off-course? Do I really need to think about summers in India and consequently, sweet mangoes, whenever it rains? Must I let my mind wander among the memories of an old friend at the whiff of AXE? Is there a purpose to thinking about Monopoly while analyzing EEG data?

I view this phenomenon as a Pangaea of thoughts: one in which there are no boundaries to where your mind can wander. Once upon a time, our world also used to be boundary-free. I am not going to dwell on the influence of plate tectonics on the development of culture and society. However, I will comment on the significance of digression.

"Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun." Scialabba is right. If Steve jobs did not let his imagination take over, we would not have the treasure that is Pixar. If Salinger had not digressed, my favorite book wouldn't have been The Catcher in the Rye. Chocolate chip cookies are a result of Wakefield's creative cooking. And the implantable cardiac pacemaker is a product of a wrong sized resistor that was inserted in a recording device by Greatbatch. To his surprise, the circuit began pulsing, just like the human heart.

Our brain's ability to digress is a symbol of freedom and a sign of potential. So, the next time I space out in lab, I will consider it a blessing. Who knows, while indulged in signal processing, I could come up with a way to achieve world peace!

Apoptotic blues

2012-04-21T01:12:00.007-04:00

"It is a storm indeed,
but a storm of murk." - William Styron

My adviser sent me an article (http://nyti.ms/HK1jIQ) about an hour ago. It outlined the history of a field that I am very intimately involved in: depression. While I leave the scientific questions that were triggered, for the development of my dissertation, I will paint a picture here of the cascade of emotions and a train of philosophical questions(that are also structured in a scientific manner) that were provoked.

The basis of the article was that much of the brain is still a mystery. Although great minds are slowly uncovering the layers, we are finding underneath them a plethora of messy details that need to be sorted. Amidst this disarray, lies the phenomenon of depression. What struck me most about this article, was the connection between neuronal growth and the maintenance of a "happy" state. It implied that emotional well-being was buried in the connections between different brain regions.

So then it makes sense why some of your memories are permanent while others still are transient. To relive a memory means to strengthen the connections associated with it. If that memory is associated with an emotional high, you assume a joyful state. However, if that memory is associated with an emotional low, you descend into a sad or depressive state. This led to several questions.

What is the statistical mode of my memories? In other words, which of my memories do I re-live the most? If I assume my theory about strengthening connections is true, then an old childhood memory probably has been relived the most because it had the most chances to be retrieved. Maybe it is the time when I won my first dance competition at age 3. Or maybe the day I dressed up as a frog for my ice-skating show. Or perhaps the time when I got stabbed in the back with a pencil by my sister. Or it must be the incident from National Park in Dubai when I spelled "red" incorrectly. Yes, it must be the last one since I now spell my colors correctly.

In contrast, I could have only re-lived an event that happened yesterday a couple times because of the limits of time. However, is it not true that our recent past is more indicative of our current state than something from decades ago? I instantly feel a sense of pride and nostalgia when someone mentions Cornell or IIT. I can't help but blush when a song comes on and the lyrics include the name of my latest crush. And I am still experiencing a happy high from the chocolate binging I indulged in last night. Perhaps the element of temporal distance (how far is t-event from t-present) should be included with the weight of frequency.

However, this model fails to include another aspect of current state. The brain lives in 3 tenses: the past, the present AND the future. In order to accurately predict the present state, one must also account for future events. Our minds are constantly preparing for the future whether that future is a few hours away (thinking about your next meal) or a few days away (thinking about your upcoming deadline). Sometimes we look forward to these events and on other occasions we just want to get through them. Our attitude towards this future event further determines our current state. I can attest to this personally, because every year, I am in a constant state of joy from Dec 24- Feb 24th and on Jan 24th, my birthday, I experience an exceptional high. For this reason, I will re-label temporal distance and call it a temporal radius to add the effect of future.

For now these parameters will suffice in helping me determine my current state. In a mathematical sense:

C-present = sum(C-past) + sum(C-future)
C(memory) = {frequency*(-1)^n}/t-radius
---- n = 0 for positive memories and 1 for negative memories
---- t-radius = absolute value (t-event - t-present)

However, this leads me into a infinite sum since I have infinite memories. This is because the reality of my brain which includes my thoughts, imaginations, dreams and experiences is much more complex than the reality of my life which only includes facts. So I return to my initial observation: emotional state is an enigma. And to make a conclusion about your current state, all you can do, is ask yourself. How do I feel right now?

I feel like I am crawling through a nebulous tunnel in a dense jungle with no cracks for a ray of sunshine. And to this my old friend Mary said, "Burn a match!"

:)

Reciprocity Theorem

2012-04-01T03:00:00.012-04:00

In electromagnetism, reciprocity states that if the current densities (sources) are exchanged, their respective fields can be switched too. In terms of electrostatics, if the voltage source in one branch of the circuit produces a current in the other, the same current will be produced in the first branch if the source is moved to the second. Reciprocity has applications in politics (Canadian free trade with the US) and photography as well. In simple English, source and destination are interchangeable.

This is a mighty, powerful theorem for it simplifies computation, eases understanding and supplements the modeling of many complex systems. But as usual, I wonder if this scientific concept can be translated into real life. Can we exchange sources and destinations without changing certain results?

When it comes to traveling, this is true. The distance from point a to point b is the same as the distance from point b to a. However, can we elevate this concept into something even less objective?

I just watched My sister's Keeper. I am not one to get sensitive during movies, but this one certainly captured my emotions. It's a story about a teenager, Kate, who suffers from cancer. Her younger sister, Anna, has been donating her marrow since birth. During an incredibly crucial moment, she refuses to allow her parents to make any more medical decisions on her behalf. When Kate was three, she was diagnosed with cancer. Since they could not find a marrow match for her, the parents had to conceive another child. This child was Anna. To me, this is a brilliant case of irony. There is ambiguity in who is the source and who is the destination. Is Anna the source since she has been donating her marrow to Kate her entire life? Or is Kate the source as her sickness is the very reason for Anna's existence? The truth is, no matter who the source is, the result is still that of sisterhood. Reciprocity exists.

It is difficult to justify reciprocal relationships in our subjective lives. However, we can analyze this concept for a single instant. At a particular time point and in a certain relationship, there must exist a source (someone who is giving) and a sink (someone who is receiving). At a later time point, the relationship may be reversed. One such example is that of parents and kids. Until a certain age, parents are the care-givers. However, at some point, it becomes the child's responsibility to care for the parents. I suppose reciprocity exists for romantic relationships in an oscillatory fashion.

However, today is a day to discuss the reciprocity between a prankster and his victim. If you are the prankster, make sure you devised an intelligent trick. If you are the victim, have a sense of humor and make sure you reverse your role next time ;). Either way, the result is to have fun.

Happy April Fool's Day!

ps: Add me on Draw something. It's the technological epitome of reciprocity. You can switch off between being the draw-er and the guess-er oh so frequently! ;)

Awesomely Normal

2012-03-11T06:53:00.011-04:00

My parents just returned from a 10-day vacation to the West coast. Having forced them to take a day trip to the Grand Canyon, I was especially interested in their experience at my favorite spot. Needless to say, they loved it. However, what intrigued them most was not the marvel of nature, but that of man.

It was the skywalk at the West rim that made the most impact on them. The beauty and the elegance of this amazing experience were secondary. The core of my father's conversation was the intriguing engineering and construction of this wonder. He began with an instant glow in his eyes. The 5 hours of flight exhaustion instantly wore off. He included every intricate detail in his eloquent story and his amazement with each added fact was apparent. He compared it to the construction of the skywalk at the Sears tower (it's not Willis tower!) and admitted that the construction of the one at the Grand Canyon was both more difficult and superior.

I couldn't help but recognize the grandeur of engineers. An experience becomes doubly enjoyable when we indulge in the effort and the challenges that were involved with its being. But even so, I couldn't help but wonder why my dad found this skywalk special. He continued his story with examples of similar constructions. What made this particular one awesome for him was the fact that it was 70 feet from the edge and over 4000 feet above ground. The details associated with the creation of a frame structure and scaffolding would have demanded intense engineering and immense creativity.

However, all his examples seemed awesome to me. I thought the minar he built for a mosque in Dubai was awesome. As is my belief about the skywalk at the Sears tower. Yet he so quickly reduced those brilliant structures to the manifest of normalcy. Perhaps this is the difference between education and experience.

I find it awesome to listen to lectures about diffusion imaging. I find it awesome to learn about sensory integration. I find it awesome to discover the workings of electrical and magnetic stimulation. I find it awesome to link electromagnetic theories to the properties of the brain. But maybe, I find these awesome because my naive and immature mind is unable to discern between awesome and normal.

Often, I go into my adviser's office with a question I have been struggling with for weeks. I finally have an answer. It's brilliant. I just uncovered a milestone. So I walk in there, cheery, with big bright eyes and describe my finding. He replies with a solution far more efficient and sophisticated than the one I proposed. It takes him ten minutes to nullify what has taken me weeks. Alas, I implement it and it works like magic. Hence, my awesome has been reduced to normal.

Perhaps the journey of PhD is to attain that balance of education and experience to finally differentiate between that which is normal and that which is awesome. It is the awesome that gets published and cited and followed up. So, I may still be floating in this world of intrigue and curiosity. But it is those qualities that make for a true student and an honest researcher. If we knew all the answers and how to get them, why would we research?

I watched Proof this morning. It is a story about a mad mathematician and his devoted daughter (played by Gwyneth Paltrow). While taking care of her mentally ill father, his college drop-out daughter assists with his work in mathematics. During this period, she writes a 40-page proof that may be groundbreaking for the field. However, she hides this notebook until her father passes away. The irony is that she must now prove that she wrote the proof and not her genius father. Her only evidence is the use of modern methods that makes her proof more "hip" instead of "classic". The education of those techniques were the tools at her disposal when she didn't have experience.

The modern methods and contemporary science are our biggest weapons in advancing from normal to awesome. Sure experience is great, Dad, but it is modern education that makes it seemingly obvious that when you forget to carry your phone charger along, you don't have to freeze in the car to charge your phone. You can just unplug the USB cable and hook it up to your laptop in the warmth and comfort of your home. And while this bit may seem awesome to you, it's really just normal.

Thanks for the lesson! :)

Twenty Five

2012-01-11T02:33:00.006-05:00

" The years teach much which the days never knew."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

In less than two weeks, the clock will strike twelve and on a cold Tuesday, I will complete my twenty-fifth revolution around the sun. I will officially become eligible to run for the House of representatives and will enter the world of lower car insurance and quarter-life crises.

I am pretty sure that in the past 25 years I have only learned one thing. Growing up is difficult. Most people who know me closely can attest to my childish qualities. I am overly stubborn and passionate. I am incredibly opinionated. And I like toys and chocolates. I break into dance moves randomly, laugh obnoxiously and obsess over frogs. When someone gives me the silent treatment, I pretend they are planning a surprise. When someone is mad at me, I appease them with knock-knock jokes. And when someone suffers from insomnia, I recommend a dose of Arthur!

But there's more. On my first day at Marquette, a professor mistakenly assumed that I was a high-school senior on my college visit. She consequently explained her imaging research with incredible simplicity. I recently got carded before watching a rated R movie. I am sporting the same hair-cut that I had weeks before I turned 21. And my current favorite pair of denim shorts is from 8th grade.

So how can I convince the world that despite my quirks and my looks, I truly am 25? How can I assure you all that I will certainly become older and wiser? The honest answer is that I can't. I may become older, but that definitely will not make me wiser. I will continue to indulge in my childish pleasures. I will send out random presents and get excited for Christmas lights. I will giggle like a giddy child as my birthday approaches. And I will ask you eight times to explain your joke before I finally get it.

My naivety is a boon though. Being gullible helps one believe in fairy-tales and happy endings. Don't get me wrong, I am a sucker for a good action movie, but fables impart an essential cheer along with faith. Children never stop believing. That is why Santa is so popular. That is why losing teeth is a great money-making scheme as a child. And that is why they take that fearless leap from the dense branches of an unusually high tree. I will soon be a 25 year old child. And I believe. So I will continue taking my leaps and turns, and jumping from tree to tree. Surely, sometimes I will fall. After which I will just stand up with a smile on my face and skip to the next sandbox.

I won a copy of Peter Pan in the 1st grade during a dance competition. Since then, I have held a special attachment to that story and perhaps that is where the desperation to hold on to childhood comes from. It is the best depiction of friendship and the wonders of childhood. Chicago is my Neverland and I am Peter Pan: the perfect amalgam of mischief, charm and adventure. Now, why would I ever trade that for growing up?

Ivy City

2011-12-29T20:56:00.009-05:00

"The trouble with you Chicago people is that you think you are the best people down here, whereas you are merely the most numerous."-Mark Twain

No offense Twain, but I object. We are certainly not the numerous (we rank 59th based on population density in the USA) and we are most definitely the best. It's a challenge to be a Chicagoan. You may think of Chicago as the ivy league of cities. Only the best and the brightest belong here. And I can prove it.

It was 47 F in Chicago today. And most of us Chicagoans agreed that it was a beautiful day. It had just the right amount of wind and sun. The average high in December is usually around 35 F and so this exceptionally warm day was welcomed with open arms by us. Walking around on State St. with many others, I was reminded not just of how beautiful my city was, but also about the uniqueness of Chicagoans.

Many people have spoken in praise of this amazing city. And many more have defamed it. But there is more to this city than meets the eye. The city of Chicago has a way to creep into your soul. Being a Chicagoan is more than just loving the eccentricity of a city life and enjoying the plethora of food options. Perhaps one of the most important attributes of being from here is the ability to live truly and to live always.

What most people consider cold and gloomy, Chicagoans consider warm and sunny! We are the epitome of people who believe the glass is half full. And why shouldn't we? Our politics, weather, neighborhood and the overall infrastructure of the city and its culture begs one principle of us: Carpe Diem.

Two glass bottles were placed on a table with a pile of large rocks on one side and a pile of sand on the other. The task was simple; Put the sand and the rocks into the glass bottle. The first person examined the two piles and reached for the sand first. However, he failed as he tried to fit the large rocks on to the bed of sand. The second person reversed the order. He was easily able to fit the rocks into the empty bottle. He then poured the sand down that gracefully filled up the precipices between the staggered rocks. The rocks here represent the major priorities of life and the sand represents the simple amusements. This is Chicago, where we occasionally find a warm day trickle into the crevices of cold, dark reality, and we most certainly seize it.

We have the most corrupt of all politics, the harshest of weathers, and the most dangerous airport. Yet, we are happy. It's because we know what's important and have a way of making the best of everything. If life gives us snow, we make snowmen, if life gives us sun, we make people jealous at the beaches, and if life gives us Derrick Rose, we make MVPs. We are a city of people that open our luxurious lofts to strangers when Lake Shore Drive is blocked. We are a city of people that make Pizza more delicious than it's ever been in Italy. We are a city of people that combine the traditions of the world to make our own unique identity.

Yes, not everyone can live in Chicago. But a Chicagoan can live everywhere!

Just a Taste

2011-11-19T15:01:00.007-05:00

There is a cozy little tapas bar in the Ithaca Commons, "Just a taste!". It isn't my favorite tapas place(Cafe Iberico is!), but I loved going there for one main reason: samplers! Tapas in themselves imply taste portions of incredible delicacies, but this little place also offered flights of wine in taste portions. It was an invitation to indulge in everything you desire, but in moderation. Say you got that crispy cauliflower in yogurt sauce and realized you didn't quite like it, that's okay, because the portion was just large enough to grab a taste of, but not so much so that you had to finish it even if you felt sick.

In some ways this is how I feel about boys. I think I'm excited to taste but afraid to order the whole entree. In a recent conversation with myself (because I do that sometimes to rationalize things), I had an epiphany. My longest relationship has been with Biomedical Engineering (BME). It's been seven years and going strong. And that too is because you can taste several engineerings in one bite of BME. Now, I know what most of you are thinking. Am I really going to compare real life with food? So for you, even though it's a completely valid comparison, I'll add some science to this. With the food example it may sound like this desire to taste is just a want, but with science, perhaps I can prove that it is actually a need.

Last week I was exposed to many many brilliant minds in the beautiful city of Washington, DC. Now now, hold on to your chairs, because I don't mean the politicians. I am actually talking about the great neuroscientists who unfold the mysteries of our brains. Dora Angelaki is one such scientist. She gave a talk on the importance of sensory integration. In her introduction, she explained that the significance for sensory integration lies in its ability to reduce noise and to avoid ambiguities. Her example was about the pilot who is accelerating through the clouds and is unable to tell the difference between flying upwards and plummeting downwards because his vestibular input can't separate the tilt and the translation. Without his visual feedback, the input signal is both noisy and ambiguous. By the time his head is out of the clouds (no pun intended), it's too late to correct this mistake and the plane crashes.

Perhaps my fear to commit is not irrational. Maybe when I meet my chocolate covered strawberry I'll know. Maybe all my senses with be in sync and I'll be able to make that weird promise called "love". But that time isn't now. I'm still juggling two-week crushes and quirky dates. I'm still enjoying getting hit on during Saturday night extravaganzas. I'm still loving to taste without the after taste.

Plus, I truly believe what the Blakes have sung!

Well there's so much that I want to do
I haven't done without someone
Hanging on my side

Just Desserts

2011-09-21T02:09:00.002-04:00

It's been a while. Today I'll be talking about cake. And not just any cake, but the one that you get on your birthday. See, birthday cakes are just slightly more special than regular cakes. Each layer of this cake represents a unique quality of yours and with each bite, you embrace the blessing of a friend. The cake is even more delicious because someone else ordered it for you. Someone else went through the trouble to make this day special. Yes, birthday cakes are the best.

In the dark room, there is nothing but the flames of your years, glowing brightly and illuminating the surrounding. It's symbolic of the radiance that you create in others' lives. Beneath those candles is your name, carved in beautiful calligraphy atop a frosting that one can only crave for. You close your eyes and make a wish. A pause is necessary in case you want to change it. But you go ahead with your initial wish. I want the largest piece of cake today.

Now the knife makes its way through the layers. For the first time, you catch a glimpse at the inside of the cake. Each layer so beautifully structured. You stop to wonder why your life isn't an accurate reflection of this cake? Why aren't all the layers so perfect? And it suddenly dawns on you, perhaps the knife needs to cut farther to reveal the perfection of those layers in your life.

You feed the first slice to your best friend in the room. She takes a giant bite and poses for the camera. But you're not done here. She offers to feed you. SMACK. The delicious frosting is now sporting a Santa-like beard on your face. Oh those perfect layers are now smeared in utter randomness. And you, the birthday celebrity, look just a tad ridiculous.

You smile and pose for the camera. So what if these layers are mixed and mashed and smothered upon your face? You stick your tongue out and reach for the corner of your mouth. Mmm.. A hint of chocolate ganache mixed with coconut and butter-cream. The deliciousness is retained. You return for another piece and repeat the ritual with every special person in the room. More layers reduced to art on your face. The cake is now getting smaller. There are only so many pieces left. In an effort to feed others, you have forgotten to save a giant piece for yourself.

And the night comes to an end. All that remain are the remains of your birthday cake. So, in your empty living room you ponder.

Did I get the largest piece of cake?

Acrimonious Apathy

2011-07-18T22:47:00.008-04:00

"I am not scared, I am not shocked, I don’t feel anything." It's two days after the Mumbai blasts, but the city runs. Drenched in pouring rain and the stench of bloodshed, Mumbai is moving on. Twenty-one people lost their lives. Hundreds lost a limb or a toe. Thousands were traumatized. And millions across the world watched in silent wonderment as Mumbai once again took a toll at the hands of terrorists. It's happened before and it will surely happen again. So, we can just sit around at this narrow stall and enjoy some fresh jalebis.

The common man in India is a miracle. He lives through life, working and laughing, waiting in hope for a better life. He nurtures his dreams through his children-- first, he teaches them lessons of ideals and principles and soon, he exchanges those morals and trains them to speak white lies and commit minor felonies to climb the ladder of the corporate world. And so the child of this common man, like all his peers, unwillingly yet consciously, falls in the face of corruption. This is my land. The land of the free, brave and corrupt.

During a recent visit to India, I engaged in a discussion with my cousin about the way corruption was embedded in every vein of every being who was local to the one country that teaches tales of honesty and perseverance through examples of freedom fighters and mythological heroes. As a child, my mother narrated the story of Valyo lootaro to me every night. The bandit of the jungles reformed himself and became Rishi Valmiki, the great sage who wrote the epic of Ramayan. Today, we lead our lives in reverse. A Valmiki gets lost and trampled in his attempt to embrace honesty while the Valyo soars above with fake certificates and ridiculous bribes. So I asked my cousin, where does it start? Can there be a way to cleanse our people from this vicious virus? And his answer yet again was that it starts with the common man. It takes one man to refuse a bribe. One man to ignore a donation. And just one man to lead a country.

But I disagree. I refuse to admit that the power is bestowed upon a single man. In fact, the power lies in the hands of corporate India. India is one of the most rapidly growing economies in the world. It's middle class is made up of young, educated and liberal minds. The youth is creeping into corporations as engineers, managing directors and CEOs of start-ups. And it's upon this population that the responsibility lies. Our political class is made up of old hags who have been stuck in a blame game since 1947. But we are smarter than that. And perhaps now is the time to say no. The youth in India has already rebelled against many outdated religious traditions and stigmas. It's now time to rebel against those corporate traditions. If you get pulled over for no mistake of your own, refuse to pay the bribe. If you are denied admission because your father can't afford the donation, say good-bye to the greedy dean and pack your bags for a future abroad. But don't do it alone. Bring a friend.

In an effort to cleanse the corruption internally, we will finally recognize the external enemies. A good friend once said, "The key to a strong democracy is to have a common language, a common religion and a common enemy." While it was a wise statement, I'd like to believe that the key to a good country, democracy or not, is to adopt a common principle (of honesty). This bloodshed was a calling that something is wrong. In this country of apathetics, the youth must rise with passion to overturn the corrupt. Because until we defeat the snakes that are hiding under the cloaks of evil politicians and crooked business tycoons, our battle against the terrorists will remain superficial. Once that is done, it'll be easy to kill the bastards who had the nerve to repeatedly attack our most precious city. Mumbai won't take it anymore. India won't be quiet. "I am not scared. I am not shocked. Because, I am empowered!"

References:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/India-Inc-must-clean-up-its-act-to-rid-country-of-graft/articleshow/9277245.cms
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/jul/13/mumbai-bomb-blasts-india
http://tehelka.com/story_main50.asp?filename=Ws160711Mumbai.asp

Superman

2011-06-19T00:26:00.006-04:00

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”

It will come as no surprise to anyone, that today's topic is about Fathers. I will talk about the best one I have ever known. His name is Jyotish K. Pathak. He has made a beautiful world for himself in the village of Skokie. A civil engineer by profession, he is blessed with two engineer daughters and a gorgeous wife. But his remarkable elegance isn't just displayed in how awesome his family is, but oozes out of every action of his. The running joke in our houselhold is that my dear father has secured a place in heaven, while the rest of us will be trapped in the cycle of reincarnation. Basically, he is a good person. Wait scratch that-- He's the best person I have ever known. Yup, my daddy IS the strongest! :)

However, this father-daughter relationship is only based on complications. There are fights, numerous ones, and arguments that span everything from politics to my daily diet. At one point in my life, my father was my idol. He slowly grew into being my biggest enemy. Then, he was a great banker for my lavish tastes. But today, he is a mentor. He is a support system. He is the reason I am so loud, ambitious, optimistic and opinionated.

I wish to share a brief anecdote to paint a picture of how my father and I interact with each other.

Day 1
Me: Dad, Can you please pick me up on time?
Dad: But, I'm only five minutes late.
Me: Umm.. My train gets here at 8:35pm.
Dad: Well, It's only 8:50pm.
Me: That's 15 minutes, not 5
Dad: Oh 8:35 just gets rounded to 8:45.. I mean 8:35 is such an odd time for the train to arrive anyway!
Me: ::Dumbfounded with this argument:: I'm just going to have Neh pick me up tomorrow

Day 2
Lather, Rinse and Repeat!

This happens to us all the time. But I guess my dad teaches us an important lesson every time he makes us wait-- the virtue of patience. In those 5-10 minutes, our anxiety to see him becomes so great, that we literally can't wait to see him. He almost creates an inevitable importance for himself. And his value just increases with a little bit of wait from us. I suppose this is the most important lesson I have learned from him. To realize and appreciate the gift of time.

Sure it's great to be punctual, but occasionally it's waiting that pays off. The happiness of achieving something after great hard work and insurmountable patience is incomparable. His famous line is, "Wait, think it through. Is that what you really want?" It annoys us sometimes, but he's correct. Even the way he talks reflects this carefree, yet wise attitude. He pauses before every thought; And my sister, mom and I move to the edges of the chair, waiting for him to complete his sentence. "That was it," he'll conclude. "You paused for a whole minute to tell us you were done?" we'll retort back. "I just wanted to be sure. And yup, that's really the whole story. Unless.... I forgot something!" We roll our eyes. But inside we know he's right. It is only wise to think before you speak and contemplate before you act. It's perhaps the most valuable advice anyone can ever give.

There are a million other things about my dearest dad that irritate me. Sometimes I yell. Other times I walk away. And on rare occasions, I wait and ask myself, "Is that really what I wanted?" But I'm sure in every interaction of his, he conveys some knowledge, departs some wisdom and in his own strange way, makes us better people.

Dad, I may not always understand your strange ways, but you rock. I will always respect you for the great person that you are. And undoubtedly, I will always love you (more than mom, but let's just not tell her!)

Happy Father's Day! <3

Uncanny Valley

2011-05-18T21:45:00.006-04:00

"Yeah, I can fly!" - Iron Man (2008)

Iron Man is one of the greatest movies of our time. Not because Robert Downey Jr. plays an attractive engineer from MIT who is nick-named "Merchant of Death", but because it brings alive a character that we fondly imagined after spending hours underneath our blankets with flashlights and Marvel comic books.

Well, these stories of fiction have caught up with reality. The exoskeleton suit that enabled Tony Stark to fight with supernatural powers has already been invented in parts across the world. In fact, research studies involving humanoid robots are heavily funded. Their applications have been identified in the fields of military, assistive devices, social replacements and to develop superpowers for ordinary people. Superpowers, you ask? It has been said that much of this research is progressing towards building unconventional suits to arm the common man with insane amount of power we witness in superhero movies.

What is ironic however, is the hypothesis of the uncanny valley, first coined by Masahiro Mori. The origins of this concept can be found in the works of Ernst Jentsch and Sigmund Freud. The theory is that as a robot is made to look more like a human in appearance and function, the response from human beings will be positive. However, at a certain point this response will become that of a strong revulsion. As more advances are made on the product and the robot's characteristics become even less distinguishable from that of a man, the response once again turns positive. The valley results between "barely human" and "fully human" states of the robot.

The reasons for this valley have been attributed to mortality salience (strengthened fear of death), sorites paradox(stimuli with human and nonhuman traits undermine our sense of human), and a violation of human norms.

However, I believe that we all have experienced this valley already even without coming across these robotic engineering marvels. There are enough humans walking around this planet to instill the fear of death, undermine our sense of of human and question our belief system. Humans are threatened by other colleagues, jealous of friends, and always struggling towards that peak of power. How many times have we shut out our best friends because they can do something better than us? How many times have we abandoned people in our lives because they just don't serve a purpose anymore? How many times have we stepped on toes to climb that ladder of success? Unfortunately, I stand guilty!

These robots need to come around sooner, because with a common enemy at least our revulsion against each other might be minimized. Perhaps this futuristic concept is not too far into the future. But our encounter with the uncanny valley is definitely historic. We are not waiting to fall into this valley, because we're already buried deep. And when we fly with these super human robot systems, we can finally dig our way out!

Eternal moment

2011-04-16T14:24:00.013-04:00

Consider time as a complex element. Now re-consider it as a mathematically complex element (a+bi) with a real term and an imaginary term.

If you are like me, you are probably thinking, WTF?!! How can time be defined on the imaginary axis? Of all the parameters we investigate, time is the only parameter that should be both real and irreversible. However, a recent seminar (http://prezi.com/s-ezktsfry-w/wanted-nails-to-be-hit-with-numerical-ode-hammers/) I attended presented time as a particularly complex phenomenon.

Now switch modes from your objective, scientific mindset to perhaps a more subjective, artistic one. And re-evaluate the concept of time. Perhaps, think about the real component as time in which we live and imaginary term as time in which we think. It adds value to the mathematical point of view that begs one to think about time that way.

Needless to say, I wandered off on a tangent as I began thinking about how this concept falls into place in our lives. I immediately referred to my good friend, wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time) and was amazed at the analysis of time in terms of biopsychology, time travel, big bang theory and core philosophy.

Ironically, by the time I returned to reality, the talk had reached conclusion. Time went by incredibly fast. The discrepancy between real time and imaginary time was finally apparent. I thought about the last 24 years. It seemed like they went by so fast. Then I thought about every time I had to present or perform a dance and each moment leading up to it seemed like eternity.

Even in our neuromotor control discussions, we are repeatedly faced with how we learn time-dependent tasks. Most of the studies have concluded that we in-fact don't learn in time-dependent coordinates, but instead in velocity, proprioceptive or visual coordinates. So, there is obviously an inconsistency of time in our perception, but it isn't obvious whether the real time is consistent either.

So what is consistent? What is real? This is clearly an open question and I am not sure anyone really has an answer, but we can definitely admit-- Time is a complex element!

"Time is making fools of us again." -J.K. Rowling

Four eyes

2011-04-08T16:43:00.007-04:00

Every night as I crawl under my blanket, I take off my glasses and tuck them under my pillow. My sister, my father and my grandfather all followed the same ritual. Perhaps this is an old habit that I inherited. Or it is just another one of those small things that was meant to teach me a bigger lesson.

I never gave much thought to my eye glasses or the way I treated them until they broke one night. They were kept under my pillow for convenience and in the middle of the night, I rolled over them. The next morning, I woke up blind. My glasses were shattered and my world was blurry. I had to wear contact lenses for a whole week until I got a new pair. Unlike my old Prada beauties, the new maroon pair was Chesterfield Seventh Street 4. Not only was it not designer, it was cheap, funny-looking and I hated it. Nonetheless, my dad paid for it and restored my vision.

Last night, I noticed a crack on the frame. I spent over a year making these glasses a part of me. I tuck them under my pillow every night and for some odd reason, I now love them. However, I recognized two key things with this incident. First, I was forced to recognize the innate objective of eye-glasses to provide new sight and how they symbolize clarity and perspective. Secondly, it made me realize how easily we get attached.

Gaining new perspective on situations is the most proven way to be successful. It becomes even more important when you understand how it correlates with the desire for victory. Any incident can be viewed as a win as long as you approach it with the right "perspective". I spent several years chasing a dream that was neither a part of my fate, nor an honest ambition of mine. Now, I am doing what part of this world will consider pointless, another part will deem overly-ambitious and yet another part will be ignorant of how happy it really makes me. But it really does make me happy and therefore I am a winner for finding what I love.

I hope the US government can find some perspective on the issues our nation is facing. I am sure blame is not part of gaining perspective. Nor is shutting down completely. Perhaps, it would be "perspective" to learn from other countries that are actually doing it right and implement it on our government to pull out of this mess. Maybe, it would be "perspective" to recognize the mistakes of the past not as an excuse, but as an opportunity to improve upon a system that was created hundreds of years ago and is definitely due for an upgrade. It would be "perspective" to accept that you're NOT the supreme and just this once, you can opt to focus on problems on the home-front instead of judging, meddling, and "helping" the world.

Attachment has been described as the inevitable evil. Personally, I think my attachment has transcended the basic. I may even refer to myself as a generally possessive person. I am attached to my family, my friends, Chicago, my blanket, my memories, pretty much everything. Sometimes, I can't differentiate whether my feelings towards something are a result of my attachment or my stubborn-ness. I guess this is where I'll need "perspective"!

I believe America's attachment to power has grown to an addiction. However, like me, America is stubborn and divided. Each individual is attached with a group. Each group is attached to its principles. And each principle is attached to our downfall. This is where perspective isn't just an option, but a necessity.

America needs a pair of glasses. The brand should be honesty. The objective must be to recognize their attachments and find perspective on how to undo this mess. And the result will be a clearer and happier world for all us. I hope!

"The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it. "

Reality Check

2011-03-23T19:08:00.016-04:00

"Never before in history has innovation offered promise of so much to so many in so short a time."- Bill Gates

"If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger."-Frank Lloyd Wright

The good versus evil of technology debate has been going on long enough. And I am not denying that our dependence on technology is ridiculous. However, I have recently realized, we no longer use technology, but instead we live it.

Many times the facts of the real world share a blurry line with the inferences of the world wide web. Some people lead parallel lives in which their facebook profiles indicate the exact opposite of their worldly personalities. While others have a hard time differentiating what is appropriate for their online audience and what should be reserved for those who don't identify them as just an avatar.

Yes, I laugh at the thirteen-year old who absolutely must have the new social-media, mp3 wired cell phone. But I would be lying if I said new gadgets didn't excite me. However, that is not all. I recently wrote a poem about digital love and how the new generation feels more comfortable chatting online before having that first date. Blocking is now synonymous to ignoring someone and emoticons are the new weapons to subtle flirting.

Everyday I board my train assuming it will be a good way to sneak in a nap. However, for the first 15 minutes I browse facebook. Then, I read the daily news on NYTimes, TIME, CNN, BBC. Half-way into my ride I realize there's not enough time for my nap and so I catch up with my literature review articles. I get off the train, tired, sleepy and slightly more informed. I promise myself that the ride back will be more relaxing since I won't have a full day of classes and assignments to complete. Nonetheless, the evening commute follows the same schedule.

Being wired in isn't a luxury anymore. We expect instant replies. We submit to our curiosities. We are so desperate to be connected with each other in the virtual world, that sometimes we forget what the real world demands. A recent experience helped me realize the true worth of doing things the primitive way.

I recently mailed a birthday card to an old friend. On any occasion of modern communication, I would've expected an immediate thank you or acknowledgment of having received my generous greetings. But as I paid for my postage and walked out of the post-office a sense of calm came over me. Yes, there was still anticipation about when my wishes would reach him, but they were coupled with a satisfaction of sending something tangible. My heartfelt gesture would not just be one of the many casual fb wishes. It would not be an e-greeting lost amongst spam emails. It would not be a tribute to the greatness of cyber lords. Instead, it is a symbol of my thoughtfulness. It is a symbol of the time I spent to pick out and mail the card in today's super-fast lifestyle. It is a symbol of the few moments I spent actually thinking about my friend and his upcoming birthday. I don't believe there is any gift greater than that.

Every year, only few selected people have the privilege of receiving snail-mail from me. I certainly hope it means as much to them as it does to me. If not, it might be time to re-evaluate the reality of my world. It might not be worth detaching myself from the black-hole of technology. It might forever conclude, that the lifeless digital forms of communication have replaced true emotions. However, if that gesture still means something to my precious friends, it gives me hope that once in a while we'll check into reality and spend more time thinking about them and not their latest blog post or their fb status. It gives me hope that we'll see the world through our own eyes and not through flickr. It gives me hope that our innovations will be a medium for progress like Gates hoped and not a via point for a state of extreme laziness as claimed by Wright.

Finally, it gives me hope that these bursts of reality checks will keep me anchored to the real world, a world so beautiful that no digitalization can even come close to justifying its magnificence. A world that cannot be described with a million poems and pictures. A world that I don't have to log in and out of. A world that is mine, forever!

Kaleidoscopic Karma

2011-03-05T00:33:00.006-05:00

Do, or do not. There is no 'try'!

Yoda's wisdom is unmatchable. Often, we fail to notice how many times in a day we shield our incompetence with the word 'try'. This word is our tribute to the saying, "it's the thought that counts." But is that true? Is the thought enough? For that matter, is 'try' enough?

As part of our moral science lessons, we were taught, "try try again, and one day you will succeed!" However, success is not a product of trying; Rather, it is a result of doing. I believe neither the thought, nor the try, are sufficient. They are a mockery of our true potential and just hinder our progress. We deliberately choose to live in the blurry middle instead of clarifying our true intent and moving to a side. We must do something or we must not. There should not be room to say, "I tried to do it and my thoughts were in the right spirit."

I think back to high-school physics. When learning about the concept of work( Work = Fx), our teacher emphasized that in order for work to be non-zero, there MUST be displacement. So, if there is infinite force, but no displacement, no work is done. Perhaps this definition translates into real life. 'Trying' is like applying infinite force with no displacement. The end result of both is zero. Nothing lost, but nothing accomplished either.

Karma, or action is emphasized in every major philosophy. Simply put, it's the law of cause and effect. However, not all karma leads to good results. Therefore, I'm advocating kaleidoscopic karma: Action that is rapidly changing. A kaleidoscope is an instrument built with a series of mirrors that reflect a constantly changing pattern. Our actions should resemble this. They should be directed in an effect to change something. If the change isn't reflected, the course of action must be altered.

The kaleidoscopic method was also employed by Faulkner in writing A Rose for Emily. His story follows a sequential path in which one object or action triggers the next scene. It's about time I focus on my kaleidoscopic karma. One action must lead to a better action. Eventually, this cascade of actions should help me achieve my end goal. At any point if I feel that the path is leading to nowhere, it is only wise to abandon and begin on a different path. But what if it's not the path, not my actions, but the goal that seems unattainable? To this I'll quote from Star Wars again.

Luke: I can't believe it.
Yoda: That is why you fail.

So, one must do and believe. That leads to success. But isn't belief a thought? While a thought might not be sufficient, it is a precursor to action. I will explore the concept of force again. Physics describes a static condition(velocity and displacement are both zero) and a dynamic condition(motion). Thought is like the force applied in the static phase. And the static phase must precede the dynamic phase. The dynamic phase resembles action during which work is being done. So, it's not really the thought that counts. It's the action, especially one that changes your thoughts and leads to better actions.

So I will (try to) commit to kaleidoscopic karma: Indulge in actions with a cause and discard the other ones. I will (try to) believe that my goal is attainable. I will (try to) follow Yoda.

May the force be with (me and) you!