Her Story SA

Insulin shot excuse just insane

2011-01-14T21:16:00.003+02:00

Two New York teachers, both women, were recently caught in a very compromising position on school grounds, while the pupils were in the auditorium. The janitor apparently spotted the women, aged 30 and 34, getting very up close and personal with one another. It's caused quite a stir and of course, the education department was not at all pleased. It has fired both women: first the Spanish teacher, and then this week, the French teacher - finding them guilty of gross misconduct. The Spanish teacher apparently claimed the incident in question was all very innocent. She said she is diabetic and had invited the French teacher into the classroom to check her blood sugar levels, and give her an insulin shot. Definitely no French kissing took place, she maintained.

Check out the rest of it here. You're going to wish she'd thought this through a little more before saying anything!

Lesbians and parenting

2010-12-12T17:45:00.004+02:00

I was delighted to read about the results of a 25-year study, published in USA journal Pediatrics, in which the researchers followed over 70 lesbian couples who'd conceived using sperm from donors. Among the results were that the children were often more intelligent, emotionally mature and confident than kids raised in a heterosexual environment.

For more information on the study, check out this article on The Guardian's website. It also features the stories of four lesbian couples who've had children.

It's wonderful to see such affirming data coming out about lesbian moms. It's such a difficult process for us to become a mom, and so I'd wager that these little ones are very loved and cherished and very intentional.

Changing my airline

2010-11-01T19:22:00.001+02:00

If you like the whiskey advert below, this one should tickle your fancy too. Pity this airline does not operate in SA skies.

Desperado

2010-10-31T22:25:00.000+02:00

OMG. LOL. I have been browsing through a girl-meets-girl website, looking for the perfect match. What an exercise in futility. Although if you have a sense of humour, it is a case of laughing before you cry into your pinotage. A straight friend of mine who's American had convinced me to give online dating another try. She has, you see, had rather a successful run of her own on a U.S. site. The difference though is depth. The U.S. site was obviously designed by the CIA. It is, in a word, thorough. The SA equivalent, I am afraid, is not. FUNGIRL proclaims, "Seduce my mind and you can have my body", Rose says: "Loves Sunsets and White wine...", while sexyliciouse asks: "are u tired of waiting 4 da ryt girl well hear i am".

All I can say is, OMG - these are supposed to be specially-selected matches that rank, in terms of compatibility, at over 80%. What the hell were these girls thinking when they signed up? Perhaps they were under the influence of White Wine at the time.

Is it too much to ask that prospective matches can spell and use words in their correct context? In this era of social networking and cellphone lingo, is it too much to ask for someone to use 'for' and not '4'? Is there anyone out there who still values the English language, and has the ability to put on the spell check? If there is, darling, 'hear I am'!

:-)

Sunday night ramblings

2010-10-31T22:17:00.001+02:00

If you're living life the right way, you'll continually be challenged by it. That is part of the process; it's what comes with the territory when you're pushing the boundaries and breathing in great big mounds of air, as opposed to breathing in, and out through your nose: imperceptible at the best of times.

In my life, it is a joy to be friends with a myriad of people who, while being supporting and sincere, never agree with me just for the sake of being agreeable. They challenge me at every twist and turn, especially when I make outrageous statements or am in victim, or judgmental mode. You see, I sometimes make those statements just to push the envelope, as many of us do, and to see how far away the boundary line is. I do it to test my own perceptions. I like to be challenged. I like to debate things, and I like to be 'made' to see several other viewpoints. Once pointed out, you remember they'd taken hold deep within years ago, but had been buried under the layers of sanctity you'd since absorbed.

Am I talking in riddles? Perhaps, but my point is that without people in your life who're not afraid to challenge you; not afraid to disagree, or to agree to disagree with you, you can become more Stepford in your ways. Black and white are not the only colours.

Oh, oh, oh, Oprah

2010-04-15T22:09:00.004+02:00

Oprah must be watching the press quite carefully right now. With the release of Kitty Kelley's new biography, which claims the big O is a closet lesbian, desperately in love with her longtime friend Gayle King, but too scared to come out, she will no doubt be anxious about her well-built up reputation.

I have never advocated the outing of celebs, or of anyone for that matter, but the one web article I read on this topic did make a good point. If Oprah is a lesbian, and if she has indeed hidden it for year, cloaking herself in elaborate acts of heterosexual 'rightness', but at the same time building a talk show legacy where she 'outs' people, and their secrets, is a tad hypocritical.

According to newsblaze.com: "Oprah doesn't want to damage her brand name by admitting that she's a lesbian. She cares more about preserving her billion dollar empire, than she does about advancing the cause of gay and lesbian rights.

"A celeb's private life should be nobody's business, but Oprah is a special case. Oprah has built her reputation on demanding honesty from her guests. Oprah makes her guests cry, and reveal their deepest secrets. What's good for the goose is good for the gander."

They have a point.

Less can be so much more

2009-12-25T22:04:00.005+02:00

I've said it many times before, but I love the novels of Sarah Waters. Tipping the Velvet and Fingersmith (and Affinity) have also been beautifully adapted for TV by the BBC. Please note that the video below contains major spoilers for Fingersmith, but it's gorgeous. And very hot in that repressed old English period drama sort of way.

Politically correct whiskey

2009-12-25T21:41:00.002+02:00

Ho, ho, ho, love this Johnny Walker ad. I'm not a whiskey drinker, but if you are, this alone warrants giving them your support!

Coming out this decade

2009-12-22T20:43:00.006+02:00

I've just come across this wonderful photo story in AfterEllen showing some of the high profile women who've come out this past decade. Well done our very own Melanie Lowe for making the list! Didn't realise one of my favourite Criminal Minds characters, Penelope Garcia, is gay. Knew I loved her!

From Portia to Missy Higgins to Suze Ormand, check out the full listing here

Portia, oh Portia!

2009-12-07T20:11:00.003+02:00

Portia de Rossi is to gay women what Hugh Jackman is to straight women! Oh-MY! She is lovely. I like her because she freaks out all the homophobes when they see her. "That woman..a lesbian? No way!" She is the epitome of femininity. She is a strong and beautiful woman who just happens to love other women. And in this interview on The View, she glows when she talks about Ellen and marriage and it's heartening to see.

On Prop 8 and its implications, Portia says: "(Gay marriage) is really not a religious issue or moral issue, it's just simply a civil rights issue. And the fact that the majority can get to vote on the rights of a minority seems very un-American to me."

Well done Portia for being one classy act! (Pity about the crap quality of the three hosts of this show including Whoopi who looked half asleep and who could have been an ally but chose to bury her head in the sand. Hmph.)

Meredith Baxter's coming out moment

2009-12-06T00:01:00.008+02:00

It's been all over the press for the past few days: ex Family Ties actress, Meredith Baxter (aka Elyse Keaton) has officially come out of the closet. The move was prompted by a recent lesbian cruise she attended, and the subsequent tabloid media hype around it. Meredith, 62, says she has been involved with her current partner, Nancy Locke, for four years.

Below, Baxter's sensitively-handled coming out interview (with Matt Lauer) on The Today Show. Watching it, I feel admiration for Meredith, but also sadness and anger that gay people have to subject themselves to this sort of rubbish: justifying loving someone of the same sex. I have to wonder when love will just be love. Full stop.

The other Secret unveiled

2009-11-30T22:18:00.006+02:00

A few years ago I went to a friend's 50th birthday party. I don't know her too well. We were more casual acquaintances than anything else I guess, although I like her a lot and have fun in her presence. Anyway, her partner Helen happens to be a woman I've known for many years, also as more of an acquaintance, because of the age gap between us. When I was at school, Helen was probably about 40. She went away one weekend and another mutual friend (Patty) organised a friend (Elize) to housesit. They had a dinner party one evening and I was invited.

Imagine the scene... still in school (probably just on 18) and invited to this very grown up and very lesbian evening. I was nearing the end of my school career and was planning on leaving my hometown to go off to university in a matter of months, and I was desperate to be with a woman.

I had told my mom I was staying the night at a friend's - and I got there on my scooter. I was very drawn to the house-sitter, Elize, who was a journalist with the most wonderfully delicate hands you have ever seen. She was about 4 or 5 years older than me, although when you're 18, that may as well be 10 or 15 years older! We got through rather a lot of red wine that night, as I recall, and the mutual friend, Patty, left quite soon after dinner. I remained. I can't recall what was said about why I was staying. Perhaps I was too drunk to drive anywhere!

Anyway, the delicious Elize was very kind and very sweet and before I knew it our conversation turned to things more Sapphic. To cut a long story short, we decided at that moment that it would be perfect to skinny dip. She slid into the pool first. I was but 18 and very shy, you understand. Under the cover of darkness I got into the pool too, and we shared out first, but by no means our last, kiss of the evening. Lord, this is sounding very cheesy! It really was a wonderful initiation, and from the swimming pool, we went to the bedroom. It was in reality Helen's bedroom, but remember that Elize was housesitting. I am very grateful for that night. Wow. For a first time, it was everything I had hoped for. And more. She was attentive and gentle and soft and taught me a lot. I am very grateful to Elize and for that wonderful and unexpected night together.

Anyway, the point is that at Helen's partner's 50th birthday not so long ago, we all had to reveal a secret. It was a spoof of The Secret you see - and the revelations that afternoon were hilarious and daring. Mine, to just the birthday girl and Helen, was what had happened in their home some 22 years prior. I told them about the housesitting and the wine and the pool and the education I received and they both threw back their heads and laughed and laughed, delighted to have been a part of my early education in some small, unfathomable way! I was glad to have shared that particular secret and I must admit to wondering where Elize was today and what her memory of that night had been.

Settling for second best

2009-11-29T01:05:00.004+02:00

People who cannot be single for any significant period of time fascinate me. One of the saddest things I've heard was a colleague's inebriated confession, about 10 years ago, that while he was desperately unhappy in a loveless marriage, he could not leave because he was more terrified of being alone. He was hoping to meet someone new, whilst in his marriage, and then leave the one bed for the other.

He and his wife are still married to this day, not that things are any better. He just hasn't found the right bed to leapfrog into.

Hearing that confession, I made a silent promise to myself never to become like that. I would rather be on my own, than settle. How insulting to your partner, and how soul destroying to yourself.

Adam shouldn't have taken the 'bite'

2009-11-28T13:47:00.006+02:00

There's been a lot of hype this week over Adam Lambert's performance at the American Music Awards. Apparently about 1500 complaints have been logged after he was swept away in the moment, apparently, and started improvising in his performance. The 'offensive' bits were his sexual interactions with men on stage: simulating oral sex, S&M, and then of course the kiss with one of the band members.

He later told Rolling Stone magazine: "Female performers have been doing this for years – pushing the envelope about sexuality – and the minute a man does it everybody freaks out." And I have to say, I agreed with him 100% (think Janet Jackson's boob incident and Britney's kiss with Madonna) until I saw the video, that is.

I have never watched American Idols until this latest season, when I was off sick and it was on during the day. It was down to the top 8, I think, and I was blown away by Adam's talent. He flaunted his sexuality with such confidence; he swaggered his stuff with such passion; and the singing - was powerful and amazing. Add his coming out in Rolling Stone to the mix, and the fact that America chose the blue-eyed 'nice guy' over him in the end, and I was a big, big fan. I still am, and I still think his talent is limitless, but I think he did get carried away.

Not only did he sing 'For your entertainment' terribly, but the aggression behind that kiss was a little much. The 27-year-old's admitted to totally improvising on the night, which means that the poor guy he kissed had no idea what was going to happen, and Adam literally grabs him, pulling him violently into the lip lock. That's the worst part of this for me. Sexy it was not.

Perhaps he's trying to break free of the Idols image and shock the world. Maybe he was trying to stir controversy in the hope it would boost album sales (and maybe it has, and maybe he was just acting out the lyrics, but I think he overstepped the mark. Absolutely, spice things up by showing a same sex kiss, but don't leave us with the feeling that it was stolen forcibly. He would not have gotten away with it if it had been a women either. I think ultimately, if I had read that the whole stunt had been planned and rehearsed etc, I would feel differently. But it wasn't, and role models - especially gay ones - should know better.

Update: The YouTube video I had posted has been removed 'due to copyright' issues.

The chilling reality

2009-11-15T10:06:00.003+02:00

A very disturbing media release has been issued by the South African gay umbrella body, the Joint Working Group, to highlight concerns over proposed legislation in Uganda, in East Africa.

Gay rights groups in Uganda have appealed for activists across the world to hold protests at the Ugandan Embassies and High Commissions in their countries to oppose the Anti-Homosexuality Bill currently being tabled in the Ugandan parliament.

According to the release by the Joint Working Group (JWC): "The Ugandan anti-homosexuality bill aims to build on the current homophobic legislation already in force in that country by adding further offences and even more stringent punishments for anyone caught committing the crime of homosexuality. Among many horrific clauses in the proposed law are the imposition of the death penalty for what they term “aggravated homosexuality”, punishment for people who do not report on homosexuals and the criminalisation of activists who work in LGBTI organisations."

While gay rights are entrenched in South Africa, the situation is not the same in other parts of the continent, as the Ugandan example clearly states. Even in South Africa, lesbian women are raped in townships to 'cure them' or 'teach them a lesson', while homophobia is rife in many communities and being gay or lesbian is seen as being un-African.

In terms of the Ugandan issue, the JWC is holding a protest outside the Ugandan High Commission in Arcadia, Pretoria, on the 17 November from 12pm to 2pm, to show its disgust at the proposed bill. It's also calling on the South African government to break its silence on the matter, saying such silence is unacceptable.

If you're in Gauteng and can join the protest, please do so. And if you're elsewhere in the world, with the power to write about this situation, please spread the word.

And on a separate note, South Africans feeling isolated or needing help from LGBTI organisations, can possibly Google any of the JWC members as listed below.

Activate WITS, Behind the Mask, Coalition of African Lesbians, Durban Gay and Lesbian Community , D Gayle, Engender
Forum for the Empowerment of Women, Gay and Lesbian Memory in Action, Gay and Lesbian Network (PMB), Gay Umbrella, Gender Dynamix, Glorious Light MCC, Good Hope MCC, Hope and Unity MCC, Inclusive and Affirming Ministries (IAM), Jewish Outlook, Out in Africa, OUT LGBT Well-being, OUT Rhodes, Rainbow UCT, SAYLO, The Inner Circle, Lesbian and Gay Equality Project, Triangle Project, Unisa Centre for Applied Psychology, XX/Y Flame.

(Image thanks to Wikipedia)

The more things change...

2009-11-13T22:58:00.007+02:00

The more things change, the more things stay the same, it appears. Today was a case in point. Had an appointment with a fertility specialist. He's highly recommended and one of the city's top experts. But before I even got to meet him, several things just totally offended me.

1) His receptionist was rude and insensitive. Women approach this doctor at their most vulnerable. They turn here in a crisis and to have the front-line person barking instructions at you and telling you it's cash only, is a little much. I was also told that it would take until mid December to get an appointment and then, once I asked to be on standby, was told I would have to call in weekly to see if there was any 'vacancy'. Talk about a God-complex, and this isn't even from the doctor who creates life each day!
2) Step two was being called by the receptionist and told, 'we have an appointment for you, but if you cannot come to this one, we cannot help you.' Nice.
3) Accepted the appointment and then argued with the woman about form of payment, saying it was 'utterly ridiculous' the Dr didn't accept cards or an EFT. Eventually she conceded that I could pay by EFT.
4) Arrived for my appointment 15 minutes early. Waited 1hr45 to actually get in to see the Dr. Before that, had to fill in THE FORM. Hoo boy, was this a beaut. Absolutely no consideration for any possibility but the married couple. Form actually said: 'Wife's name' (that would be me, I guess!), then 'Husband's job description' (need to make sure the hubby can afford the treatment!) and the piece de resistance was the line under payment: 'Husband's medical aid'. Let's just say I had to scratch out rather a lot.
5) Walked in to the Dr's office, to be greeted by a 'Hello Mrs XYZ, or is it Miss?'. He had just caught sight of my form, you see, and so did a little double take. "Miss," I replied. 'Oh!' he said, 'Please have a seat.'

It's a very vulnerable place to find yourself in, and I find it appalling that in 2009, one has to be subjected to this sort of sexist drivel. Forget about the gay women out there, the message is that being a mother is only acceptable for a 'wife', and only as long as there is a bank-rolling husband in the picture too.

The long wait...

2009-11-01T22:48:00.005+02:00

I am currently waiting to find out if my latest A.I (artificial insemination) round has taken. Had two this month. One nine days ago and the other, six days ago. It's amazing how few sites out there have info on exactly what should be happening now. It's also remarkable how hyper-vigilant you are about your body. Little cramps or pains I've probably had for the past 25 or so years are suddenly being felt for the first time. Grumpiness too is taking on a new dimension. I hit a low on Wednesday when I felt terribly pre-menstrual. The first sign was when I nearly ripped out a colleague's throat. Ok, not quite, but you get the picture. Everything is heightened right now and I do not feel in control! I have Googled early pregnancy symptoms ad nauseam. I then Googled 'very, very, very early pregnancy signs' and that still did not provide me with much comfort.

Early signs you see are frequent urination (I am peeing so much lately because I am WAITING to see if I am pregnant and drinking so much water because sub-consciously I know that peeing frequently is a sign!)
Another indication is tender breasts. How do you tell if your breasts are tender? I guess if you need to ask the question you've answered your question. I find frequent prodding of my breasts does help to cause tenderness!

Another sign is mood swings. OK, so that's just unfair. Of course I have mood swings. I am WAITING! And I am possibly PMT.
Another indication is sensitivity to aromas. Yes, yes, I have that! Erm, but I always have that. All-bloody-year round. OK, so this is not going so well.

Missed period? Well - not yet, because as pointed out earlier, it is EARLY, EARLY at this stage. Dizziness and / or fainting - no. Crap. OK, so it is not looking too good, really. I should know in the next few days. The wait though really is agonising, as anyone in the same boat will be able to confirm. Definitely a time of obsessing and naval gazing. Oh, to be a lady in waiting...

Best on-screen kisses

2009-10-14T21:32:00.004+02:00

Apparently in an upcoming Heroes episode, Claire the cheerleader and another female character kiss. It's got Tinseltown buzzing, but according to sites like Movieline.com, the kiss itself is a bit of a cop out. The site says: "There’s a distressing lack of give-and-take here." It also says Claire seems 'pretty disinterested'. Well, I gave up on Heroes a long time ago, so I won't be able to judge for myself, but here are some of the better on-screen kisses over the years. Thanks to moveline.com for prompting some of these memories!

Ally McBeal kiss in 1999 between Ally and Ling: (OK, so this one was disabled by copyright kings. You'll have to google it!)

Here's a wonderful collage from various classics:

L-Word collage:

Grey's Anatomy: Callie and Erica

LA Law - this kiss made history for sure as it was 1991!

When 'family' isn't 'family'

2009-10-09T19:37:00.004+02:00

I have a very benevolent attitude towards most gay people. Generally speaking, I embrace them and feel an immediate kinship with them. After all, if they've gone through even a bit of what I went through to come out and be myself, they must be pretty cool. But I recently learnt that just because someone is family, doesn't mean they're your 'family'!

Picture the scene. Gay girl meets lesbian friends of best gay boy friends. Italian venue chosen for the occasion. I am full of hope and optimism. I am, after all, a glass-half-full kinda gal. Hmm. I first started getting a little concerned when Girl 'A' described Sean Penn's 'Milk' as 'that Art movie'. Clearly an Oscar for best actor doesn't qualify one for mainstream!

In the interests of a united nations, I pushed that aside, only to be told, a few agonising minutes later, that the Sarah Waters screenplay was in fact called 'Tipping Velvet' and that it had been set in the 1950's. It was all too much, I tell you, and so I did was any self respecting lesbian would do: I ordered another beer.

It was the only way I knew how to continue through the deep dark night where the friends of friends had turned out to be not family at all. *Sigh*

Sarah Waters

2009-09-29T19:18:00.007+02:00

Most lesbians know Sarah Waters as the wonderfully talented novelist behind literary gems such as 'Tipping the Velvet' and 'Fingersmith'. Both of these novels put, in my opinion, lesbian writing in the mainstream. She's won numerous awards for her writing, and both of the novels mentioned above, as well as 'Affinity' have all been adapted for television. So, when I heard, many months back that Sarah had penned a new novel, due out in about Aug/September, I quivered with excitement and prepared to book my copy.

Her latest offering is called The Little Stranger, and it's set in the 1940s in rural Warwickshire. More intriguingly, it's billed as a 'chilling ghost story'. 'Affinity' - while not a ghost story, had a 'supernatural' element to it. The sexual tension between the main characters in Affinity kept me turning the pages rapidly.

Waters can pretty much write anything, you see, and a host of lesbian fans will buy her work. But this time, I have to confess to feeling a little let down. Make no mistake, The Little Stranger is a wonderful read. I took it away with me over the long weekend and devoured it in a day or two. She is a masterful storyteller. But, I did feel disappointed that Caroline Ayres, one of the main characters, was not lesbian. There were little indications early on that she was. Waters, I felt, teased us along, and then revealed about mid-way that that wasn't the route she was taking us along.

*Sigh*.

I've just watched an interview with Waters (via this link) where she admits that she's spent a lot of time apologising to lesbians for the fact that there's no gay character in the book.

She said however of Caroline that she's clearly not your run-of-the-mill, mainstream heterosexual protagonist: "So in a way, The Little Stranger is a queer book, which I hope will sit more comfortably alongside my more obviously lesbian novels."

The bottom line, is that I enjoyed the novel and highly recommend you give it a try. And ultimately (and see if you agree once you've read it) I do think Caroline is a dyke! :-)

Oh and of her new novel, which is yet to be written, Waters says she may look at the pre-war period of the 1920's and 30's. Please Sarah, put in a lesbian character... !

Artificial insemination 101

2009-08-29T22:54:00.005+02:00

This baby-making business (the A.I way) is not for sissies, I tell you. On the one hand, it's hectically serious, but on the other it's given many light moments, although you have to have a sense of humour to get through - that's for sure.

I've been through five A.I's already in the past two months and am currently waiting to see if any of the latest ones 'have taken'. I should know in a week's time. And while that has its own challenges and anxieties (the waiting), it has been easier this month. Last month was insanely intense. I spend days psyching myself up for it and also trying to be positive that at the end of it, I would get a positive result on that blood test. Alas, it was not meant to be, but it's been one helluva ride.

I have to laugh at the very first A.I. I'd taken the day off work for the occasion, as it was set for around noon and I wanted to be in a relaxed state of mind for it - something work does not induce. I had butterflies in my stomach all morning and by late morning they'd become slightly entangled. I set off on my Tom Cruise-like Mission just after 11am. First stop, the hospital up the road where my go-to sperm guy is based. I was to pick up the package, insert between breasts, drive 15 minutes up the road to another hospital where the gynae is based. As I arrived, the gynae's secretary called to ask if I was on schedule, as the gynae had to get into an emergency C-section asap. 'When will you be here,' she enquired anxiously. My heart nearly leapt out of my throat at the news. Holy crap - no pressure, I thought. Being a little early, I buzzed on the intercom to the sperm guys office (little more than a broom closet at first glance) and was told he'd 'be there in a few minutes'. Damn. No luck getting the goods early then. A guy arrived outside the office, clearly on his own mission for a female partner - and he was seen before I was. He emerged minutes later with the plastic syringe that is supplied and an envelope (which I later learnt has the specs of the sperm on it: basically how alive the little buggers were) but no telltale signs of any test tube. I still wonder where he placed it to keep it at body temp!

Anyway, I had my own transaction to get through, and my turn finally came and it was a quick exchange. The first thing I noticed was that there was practically NO liquid in the test tube at all. I mean it was less than a teaspoon worth. I couldn't stop myself: "Is that all I get," I asked him. Yes - he replied, no doubt having heard this question before. The second thing that alarmed me slightly was the colour of the 'specimen' as it's politely called. Pink. I wondered if he knew that I was a gay woman! Nah, impossible, I thought. Ok, best I get this show on the road - what with some poor woman poised and ready to have a C-Section and waiting for me to be seen to first.

I gingerly placed the test tube - upright as instructed - down my bra, hoping I had enough to hold it together. I zipped up my jersey (even though it was quite sunny outside) so those in the waiting room area I'd have to pass on my way out wouldn't notice the bulge of the test tube through my T-shirt. All you think of course is how obvious it is that you are carrying a vial of sperm, pink nogal, down your top.

I finally arrived back at my car, took off the jersey because by now I was starting to sweat, and set off on the drive. I took a wrong turn and ended up having to make a longer detour to get onto the highway; then when I did I got stuck behind two massive trucks - meaning I was stuck in first gear for about a kilometre. I was starting to panic by this stage. Next obstacle was a traffic jam as a result of an accident. Once past that, cursing and trying to relax myself all in the same breath, I had a clear run and arrived at the gynae's where, ironically, I then sat waiting for 10 long minutes. All the while I was worrying that the little guys in the plastic vial weren't getting any younger and may be starting to wane.

Finally it was time. The actual A.I was quick and painless, but the speculum inserted so he could see what he was doing was too large and was very painful. Hoo boy - I didn't expect that. I tensed like hell and was told to relax. Not very easy as anyone who's had the good ole speculum inserted will know. Turns out the next time he used a smaller one and it was painless and quick!

I lay alone in the room afterwards for about 30 minutes. I would have liked longer but they insisted this was enough. Then I got into my car and drive home, where I relaxed for the afternoon, channeling baby thoughts. The experience was - in a word: INTENSE.

I only started to see the funny side to the day that evening when recounting the story to a friend on the phone. What a comedy of errors and it's no wonder that it didn't take that time.

Wish me luck as the waiting continues....

God bless Google

2009-07-20T20:58:00.005+02:00

If you think about it, our Internet service providers probably know more about us than our good friends. If they wanted to snoop, they'd know our most private information. Consider what you've searched for recently on Google, for example.

My own search history would make my mother blush and my gynae laugh. In my baby-making quest (artificial insemination route) I've gone back to Biology 101, and I've generally been amazed at how little the average person, myself included, knows about fertilisation and fertility in general.

Recent embarrassing search entries have included: 'how to know when you're fertile', 'what is a basal body chart', 'eating right to fall pregnant', 'how long does sperm last', 'how long does frozen sperm last', 'how do you defrost sperm', 'how long does an egg survive', 'how does artificial insemination work', 'ovulation' and 'fallopian tubes'.

And that's just for starters. After my first insemination I found myself really scraping the Google barrel: 'time it takes to fertilise an egg', and 'will the sperm run out in urine'. Ho, ho, ho - at least I still have a sense of humour about it, but when you're spending thousands a try, you find yourself asking a lot of questions. All I can say is thank goodness Google is there to answer me, because I wouldn't even like to say some of these things out loud! By the time this is all over, I will be a mini-expert in a lot of strange areas!

Now I've just got one final google tonight: 'why is A.I sperm pink?' :-)

Life out of the closet for Melanie Lowe

2009-07-06T21:13:00.010+02:00

Adam Lambert isn't the only Idols runner-up coming out of the closet. On the other side of the world, in South Africa, talented musician Melanie Lowe recently came out in a local magazine interview. Her Story caught up with her to get the low-down on what's happened since then.

Her Story: Congrats on recently 'coming out' of the closet. It couldn't have been an easy decision to make, for you, given your celebrity status in SA. Mel, how long have you known that you were gay? There's a debate about nature or nurture. Which one do you think it was in your case?

Mel: I've known almost my whole life that I was different, I just didn't know what to call it! I knew from a very young age that I was drawn more to women than men. I remember that thought becoming apparent to me when I was in Junior Primary School! I only learnt the word "lesbian" when I was about 16 and then I still didn't associate that name with what I thought was my own personal problem. I didn't know there were others like me.

Regarding the nature vs nurture debate, I don't think anything is just black or white. There are always gray areas. Personally, I believe that I was born like this and no amount of heterosexual influence from my family, changed that! That's just how I am! I know some women who have had really bad experiences with men and, after years of abuse, made a conscious decision to rather date women. Perhaps they were always gay and they just never acknowledged it, or, at the risk of being shot down, perhaps they just made a decision based on being hurt too much. There are gay women who hate men intensely and that makes no sense to me. I think there is something underlying there because, being gay doesn't have to mean you hate men. You just can't fall in love with them. I don't hate men at all and none of my gay friends do. There are certain individuals, both male and female, that I don't see eye to eye with, but that comes down to that particular person and not their sex. I honestly can't speak about the "nature vs nurture" issue with any authority. I can only speak from my own experience. I know that I couldn't just decide to be straight and live a life with a man. I tried that. It didn't feel right. In fact it felt completely wrong! I tried to date men for my family's sake and also because I just wanted to not have to fight anymore and to be seen as "normal" by those around me. I was brought up in a very christian household. We never even spoke about gay people or homosexuality. It wasn't just NOT an option, it was a complete unknown quantity. My parents have been married fo

r 36 years and they are still just as in love as they were when they first got married. I have only had good examples of lasting love in a very heterosexual environment and yet I am 100% gay and because it was so unknown to me, it tipped my world onto its side. I questioned everything I was brought up to believe and I still do. My parents brought me up to have good morals and high standards and to be a good person and I retained all of that, but as for being gay, they were as innocent as I was about it all and yet, here I am, in love with, and marrying, a woman. The jury's still out on this topic, for me, clearly;)

Her Story: What's your advice to gay women out there, of any age, who may be grappling with their own sexuality or denying their attraction to women because they're afraid of being rejected or discriminated against?

Mel: Unfortunately, in some countries it's not just a fear of being rejected or discriminated against. There is a very real fear of being physically hurt and, in those situations I am at a loss for advice. I just think it's so horribly sad and it makes me realise how lucky I actually am. But if it is rejection you fear, I can speak on that, with authority, because I WAS rejected. When I was 19 years old I was given an ultimatum to change or leave. What choice did I have? I had to leave. It took 15 years for everyone to finally come around and they were hard years. I spent a lot of them alone, or going from one equally disastrous relationship to another because I hated myself and didn't feel I deserved any better. I was told repeatedly that I was something to be ashamed of and that I was going to hell and that I was no better than a child molester. The list of names was endless. I was told I couldn't be a teacher because it was thought I wasn't fit to be teaching children and I stopped my studies because I believed it was true. I wasn't welcome in the church, not that I would have gone anyway. By that time I had lost all faith in a God that, I felt, had let me down completely. I had begged him to cure me, so many times over the years and yet, there I was, an outcast because he hadn't listened to anything I'd asked. And then, after all that effort of coming out to my family, I went back IN the closet because, in all my confusion, I took a detour where I tried dating men about 8 years ago! I just got tired of all the antagonism and rejection. Round about that time I also suddenly became a household name and the fear of my past being discovered was so intense and so real that I didn't sleep for years! I imagined all manner of awful things happening when it did come out. Especially when I realised that I definitely was gay and started dating women again! The paranoia was magnified! I blew it out of all proportion in my mind until it nearly drove me mad. And I was, once again, the black sheep (pink sheep as I called myself!) of the family. All this probably only gives everyone reason to stay IN the closet! But there is a happy ending:) Those years were such a growing experience for me and I learnt so much about myself. They weren't easy lessons and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but now that I'm on the other side of them I can say I'm grateful. That whole experience taught me to ask questions, to find my own conclusions and for that reason I am 100% sure of who I am and what I believe. I would never have had the strength to come out publicly if I didn't have that knowledge behind me. When I finally found peace within myself and came out officially a month ago, I was well-received by the public and there has been 99% positivity in the feedback. The world is changing and more people are adopting the attitude of ,"Live and let live." My life has changed in so many good ways since I took the step and realised it was time to live my life honestly and with integrity. The peace you feel within yourself is impossible to describe until you experience it for yourself. I do think that, if you are going to take the step, you need to be strong enough in your belief in yourself and who you are, and it helps to have a supportive partner as well, because there will be some negative feedback. That's part of life. You can't please everybody. But you are doing this to be honest with yourself and the sense of freedom is worth any heartache. There are so many irrational fears when you are in the closet and, while you're in there, they're so hugely overwhelming it's scary. It's amazing though, that, when you open those doors and step out, the fear runs out faster than you can and fizzles away into nothing. It happens so swiftly that you wonder why you ever gave them room to breathe at all.

Her Story: I believe that your fans have been very supportive of you. How have those in the music industry reacted? Do you see this move as career limiting in any way or are indications there that it won't be a factor?

Mel: Everyone has been very supportive and I don't just mean my fans (who have been wonderful) but I also mean the media. Every interview I have done has been a positive interview. The journalists/DJ's/Presenters have all been so happy for us and we've had no negative press at all. It's quite incredible. I think this will affect my career as much as I allow it to actually. I really believe we did what was right for us. In terms of my music, I've always felt the hand of destiny on my career. When I went in the direction it pushed me, doors opened. When I fought it, doors slammed left, right and centre! Since we came out, doors have been opening in both our lives so I have to believe destiny is in the driver's seat and we are more than willing passengers!

Her Story: How is your music going to change, if at all, now that you are an 'out' woman?

Mel: My music is always changing as I grow as an artist and no doubt it will continue to do so but it's still inherently me. I think there will be a lot of songs surrounding this time in my life. They've started already!

Her Story: I believe you're writing again. Is there a new album on the horizon and what can you tell us about it?

Mel: I'm always writing and it's usually at times where there are big changes in my life, that I write the most which is why I'm writing so much now. My writing style has definitely taken a far more positive direction which would make sense;) In terms of an album, that is a given. I still have 100s of songs to record. I don't intend to stop!

Her Story: Musically, if you could sing a duet with anyone out there, male or female, who would it be and why?

Mel: So many brilliant artists, so little time;) I already had one dream come true in terms of that. Sarah Bettens, from K's Choice, came out to South Africa last year and I literally begged to be part of that tour! All the costs came out of my own pocket. I sang for free but it was so worth it. I have been a fan for many, many years. First and foremost she is an artist, and an extremely talented one at that. But she is also a gay woman so comfortable in her own skin, and so proud of who she is and she isn't afraid to talk about it. I was so fortunate, on the Durban leg of the tour, to be able to get up on stage next to her and sing "20 000 seconds" with her. I will never forget that moment. I could hardly sing past the lump in my throat. This was an idol of mine for about 13 years. I never dreamt I'd be in that position! It was one of those defining moments in my career when it dawned on me that ANYTHING can happen if you want it enough to make it happen. I sacrificed a lot for that tour and it was worth everything! Now... If someone could just warn Tori Amos that I have my sights set on her next;) I'm sending out a message to the universe!

Her Story: Which women - famous or not - are your role-models? And (I have to ask), who gets your heart racing?

Mel: In terms of role models, I look to Tori Amos for inspiration. I think Tori Amos is one of the most underrated artists in the industry. She is not mainstream at all, and shows no desire to be, and she is my biggest inspiration in terms of music, tenacity and integrity. She really struggled to hold onto that musical integrity. Record labels tried to get her to conform to their style but she remained true to herself and, through perserverance, she has built up an incredibly loyal following. Her fans truly love her as a person, and an artist. Her phenomenal success is due, entirely, to her not giving up and believing in her abilites despite all the odds stacked against her. She inspires me to perservere when I have those moments of thinking, "This is not working!" I just remember how she used to go from hotel to hotel playing piano for a handful of people eating their dinner, earning next to nothing, and then I think of where she is now and it gives me hope for my own future as an artist! And I have to say, the way she plays the piano certainly gets my heart racing!! But seriously, I have always been a one-woman kind of girl! When I'm with someone I love, my eyes only see them!

Her Story: This final question is an 'open mic' question. Is there anything you'd like to say to the readers out there?

Mel: I'd like to share my thoughts regarding the issue of gay marriage and the fact that it remains illegal in most states in America: I can understand people fearing something that they don't understand. We are all guilty of that on different levels. The danger comes in when you use that fear to negatively affect other lives, without a good understanding of the thing you fear. With knowledge, comes understanding, and with understanding, comes peace. Think about how you feel when watching a scary movie: When you hear the scary music, as the girl is walking into the room where you KNOW the murderer is hiding, the fear the music is creating, is based on the unknown. What will happen to her? Will she survive? Will he kill her? Once you know the outcome, be it good or bad, you breathe a sigh of relief and move away from the fear, even though the outcome may not have been what you wanted. The same applies to this kind of fear. It's fear of the unknown. But here's a suggestion: instead of merely saying, “I don't understand it,” or, “I've been told it's wrong,” DO YOUR RESEARCH, find out why and face that fear head on. Then, armed with that knowledge, if you have something intelligent to say about why you believe gay marriage is wrong, I will listen. BUT, if you tell me it's wrong, without a solid reason, I will not afford you that courtesy. That is not to say that I could ever even change how I am. That would be as ludicrous as asking someone to please remove their left arm as it's offending you! It can't be done without enormous pain and sacrifice and you would always know it was meant to be there. You cannot criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. There's no better way to learn. Until you have done that, you can't decide that gay marriage is wrong. Everybody loves, and everybody deserves to honour that love in the form of a commitment, like marriage, if that is what they want and nobody has the right to take that away from them. I really hope that the world starts to open their eyes and I also believe that the best way we can educate people is if we come out. If more people know someone personally, who is gay, it will really start to change the world's perception and preconceived notions about gay people in general. Look what Ellen has done for the world! I'm nowhere near Ellen's level but I've always known the power that I held in my hands, to change lives. We all have that power. It's not easy and I think it's important that you only do it when you're ready. But you only get one shot at this particular life and I believe that living a life with honesty and integrity, will hold you in very good stead for what is still to come. It doesn't matter if people think of you negatively at first. They will get used to the idea when they realise that you are not going to change just because they don't like it. They will also realise that you are still the same person that they loved before you told them and it will immediately make them more receptive to the next gay person they meet. Never forget that you can do anything if you do it with confidence and people will respect those who respect themselves.

More about Melanie at www.melanielowe.com

Amazing Adam Lambert

2009-07-06T20:57:00.003+02:00

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to put fingers to the keyboard to say this: I Heart Adam Lambert! If I were a young gay guy I'd be salivating and rubbing my sticky hands together in glee. What an all round superstar: both for his amazing musical talent (he was bloody robbed of that title, although perhaps he's above it all) and for his unfazed coming out.

Of course we (the gay peeps) all knew he was family the moment he walked on stage, but I admire him for being so nonchalant about it in the Rolling Stone interview. I'll bet there were some who nearly choked on a hair-ball of mistress when the revelation was made, but Adam just says his sexuality is 'merely another part of me.' And so it is.

Well done Adam. We admire you for being so open and so true to yourself - and frankly, didn't expect anything less given how honest your music is. Ah-men, Adam!

Chastity undergoing sex change op

2009-06-13T23:06:00.004+02:00

I've just been reading about Chastity Bono and her transition to a man. I must say I am a little surprised about the move. Not because I know her or anything, but because - from reading her memoir, The End of Innocence - I didn't get the sense that she was uncomfortable in her skin. In fact, my impression about Chastity was that she enjoyed and celebrated being a woman.

The latest news, thanks to AP, is below. Image thanks to this site:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Chastity Bono is having a sex change to become a man. A spokesman for Bono, born a girl to Sonny and Cher, says he "has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity" and began the sex-change process earlier this year. Publicist Howard Bragman said Bono is proud of his decision and hopes "that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue."

The 40-year-old writer, activist and reality-TV star came out as gay 20 years ago, Bragman said.

In the book "Family Outing: A Guide to the Coming-Out Process for Gays, Lesbians, & Their Families," Bono describes the realization of being "somehow different — specifically different from who my mom expected me to be."

A message left with Cher's representatives was not immediately returned Thursday.

Bono's second book, "The End of Innocence: A Memoir," details how relationships with Joan, a lover, and Sonny and Cher changed after coming out.

In 1995, Bono posed for the cover of the gay magazine The Advocate and began working for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD).

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All the best to Chastity. To be honest, it is not something that I can relate to. I have always loved being a woman, and never wanted anything else. But, it would be hypocritical of me to point a finger at anyone who is following their true destiny, and so, all the best to her.