Here we exceed limits

An Open Letter to Aakar Patel

2013-05-08T11:46:00.001-07:00

Dear Mr Patel,

On Saturdays I wake up at around 11 am, make some tea for myself and promptly turn the page to read your article in Lounge. Precisely because I find you, your thoughts, ideas, contrarian view, preconceived notions and most importantly your articles hilarious. It makes me laugh till my stomach aches. Sometimes I feel that you are actually a comic writer who got into a wrong field.

Nevertheless, to each his own. I do like a thing or two about your articles (see I'm not as great a cynic as your after all), which your excellent control over history and your knack of sharing experiences from real life, apart from this your articles are nothing more than trash for a serious reader, for me it is plain entertainment and I wonder really hard that if Mint is paying you for some serious stuff, it is doing print media wrong.

You must be wondering that where exactly is the feedback about this article right? Well I don't think so it is even logical to put forward my point about how pathetic that speech was from India's young, emerging, dynamic politician from UPA camp. From a country of 1.2 BN only 4 people appreciated Rahul Gandhi's, speech- Sonia Gandhi, Digvijay Singh, Rahul Gandhi himself and you Mr Patel. Well let's agree to disagree, but let me assure you that being a contrarian just for the sake of being one is the cheapest thrill to achieve fame!

Once again, thank you for making me laugh so hard on every Saturday morning, our country needs more comedians like you.

Cheers!

Holi Ke Bright Effects

2013-03-26T23:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Prahlad fellow, first things first. Thanks a lot of burning your Bua till death so most of the current Indian population can consume Bhang, throw balloons at random people and a handful ones like me can get a good sleep because most of the organizations have been generous enough to give a holiday in order to pursue the interests of their employees to be unrecognizable by their family members, friends and colleagues.

Facebook datacenters have already placed orders on OEMs in order to increase their storage space before Holi celebration takes place. Millions of fun loving Indians are going to upload pictures that are more scary than special effects of Aahat and a little less ugly than Rakhi Sawant's smile. Year after year I have failed to understand the rationale behind bloating someone's face with FDA unapproved chemicals, some heartless souls don’t even allow you to remove your specs.

I remember my school days when I used to pretend that I am sleeping when my friends used to call out my name, they would threaten to come in my bedroom and paint it all over again, that too for free. This would lead to succumbing their demand of being painted with colors that even my art teacher wouldn’t have seen, it included Bappi Lahiri Gold colour, Andheri Station Pitch Black Shoe Polish colour and Smoker's Yellow teeth colour. As kids, if most us would have studied as hard as we blew balloons all night long just to ensure that you have the highest and the deadliest balloons next day, most of them would have made it through IITs.

Even after growing up, things haven't changed at all, In fact it has become worse. All your colleagues are so excited to celebrate Holi that they would want to put colours on you a day before the festival, they will also share their plans about how they are going to take their 1 year old kid to play Holi with specially ordered non-toxic, Mamta Bannerjee approved colours. Some hooligans have ingrained this line in their heads ''Holi hai bura mat mano'', and acquired rights to throw balloons and fire with water guns at public places. We understand your noble thought to ensure everyone takes a bath at least a year, but this is no way.

I have also spotted dealers giving ''golis'' to enthusiastic bhang lovers and exchanging looks as if they have been running a massive drug racket that would give a complex to Denzel Washington of American Gangster. You must be wondering- where is the police? They are busy protecting companies like IndiaBulls finance with their anti terrorist vans, just because MNS chief Raj Thackrey doesn’t like the fact that they are using electricity and water in rural areas. It is quite justified, these natural resources belong solely to Thakrey family and we all should take their permission before using them, and if we fail to do so, we should be pelted with stones.

It is also a good time for DJs, Holi will definitely ensure that most of the struggling DJs are able to earn enough money to pay for their rent in Ulhasnagar. Meanwhile young punks of the society would be busy making their wish list about which girl should be wearing a white top for tomorrow's rain dance, to my astonishment some girls do oblige these punks. This is also the time when cautious Gujarati parents will force you to apply Parachute oil on your body before you go out and get splashed with colours. Don’t make an excuse that its oil and its supposed to be applied on hair, those South Indian chaps use that same oil to fry their banana chips.

By the time you would spend 2 hours in the bathroom trying to remove colour from every inch of your body, someone will point that there are still some places which can be cleaned further, yes now you can play some Holi with your wash basin as well, why make it feel left out and all.

Here is wishing you a very Happy Holi and please don’t pick up your neighbour's kids/wife by mistake. Have an authentication process in place before you make such a grave mistake. I can't thank you guys enough for this festival because its lunch time and I wanted to go and eat at a place that doesn’t home deliver, yes that is also the genesis behind this article. Splash!

Reckless Fool

2012-12-01T02:34:00.000-08:00

We humans have that ingenious ability of convincing ourselves every time we know we are wrong. Every time we have to indulge into something that we don’t like, every time when we are pushing ourselves to do something that we don’t wish to, we always end up convincing ourselves. We love reading about ''do-what-you-love'' stuff, but the impact is so short lived and our justifications are so strong that we prefer to be on the safer side of the shore and sip a martini.

I have and I will always have immense respect for the people who indulge into something they really love and earn less compared to their peers. I've always appreciated engineers and MBA's who quit their high paying yet monotonous jobs and either become a failed writer or a struggling entrepreneur. The damage done to the society is much lesser once you start doing something with all your conviction.

Our problem is not that we fear failure, our problem is degradation in terms of standard of living. I recently met one such fellow and he was more than a source of inspiration for me. Graduated from a top B school, worked with some of the best banks of the world for 5-6 years and then finally quit his job to become a script writer. No, he doesn't have any movie on his name, his stories are not being read by any of the renowned directors, he is not even earning 20% of what he used to earn a year ago and guess what? He is kind of still surviving with a broad smile on his face.

This is a gist of the entire conversation I had with him, in his words:

''We often think that metros are expensive and its extremely difficult to survive in such cities, but that’s not the reality. Train and bus over cabs and ricks, Udipi joints over fancy joints, Gokul and Janta over HRC and Fast Track over Fossil, that’s the secret of survival. The main reason a lot of people refrain from quitting is because they cant really take a step down. Society measures our success in terms of the number of zeroes we add to our bank balance every year, and not merely on the intangible things that we add to our life. Yes the entire criteria is flawed and more skewed towards tangibles.

Its easier said than done. Stepping down from a ladder is always difficult, getting used to a lower standard of living will always be a challenge but the only solace would be that you don’t have to curse your work before you go to sleep and you wont have to make a face in the mirror when you wake up. You will look forward to the day, and trust me I write some of the most boring stories anyone would have ever read, but I am improving day by day. A lot of people have pointed fingers at me and laughed till their bellies ached and I have given them company. They think I am a reckless fool who just wants to be different, but little do they know that I have finally figured out what I want to do and I am totally convinced with that, these guys will probably take one more decade to find that out or maybe a lifetime. ''

By the way he just had 3 glasses of water to give us company, for obvious reasons.

Blast from the past.

2012-09-16T08:33:00.003-07:00

''Birthday week begins here''

"What a magnificent start to the birthday month''

Thank God we don’t see people updating status regarding the ''birthday year'', duh. I have personally never felt anything special about my birthday (apart from the fact that a lot of people whom you didn’t speak to since past one year are happily writing a one liner on your wall as a social convention). Its probably just another day when you realize you should look around and model your profit and loss statement of your preceding year.

Of course scenario was quite different before a decade, when balloons were less fancy and ribbons were made out paper and not satin. The times when gifts were not measured on value but the emotions attached with it. When as little kids we fought for that small saccharine cherry and gave it to someone else once we realized it was too sweet. When cakes were probably not that tasty and soft but certainly came in interesting shapes of trains and airplanes. When there were no mobile phones and you rushed to pick up the landline in anticipation of a birthday wish call. When you looked forward to go to school and stand up in the class when the birthday song was sang. When you were thrown up in the air and you were sure that your back is going to ache for at least next two days. The times when negotiation for birthday gift started at least a week before and you tried real hard to justify how badly you need that airgun with yellow bullets, or a hotwheels set. A certain person whom you were teased with would be wished more than you would. This sounds quite silly and I wonder if 8-9 year old kids still celebrate the birthday in same fashion or not.

Blast from the past indeed.

House Hunting Simplified

2012-09-04T22:22:00.001-07:00

When I came to this city before 6 years ago to pursue my education after 12th grade, the first place where I visited was Marine Drive, when I demanded my local friend to take me to ''that'' place where most of the Bollywood movies begin with. Nothing much has changed since that apart from the fact that my shoulders have developed a reflex to push around in air even in the empty locals.

Finding a perfect location to stay in Mumbai is probably more difficult than finding a place in Virar Fast during peak hours. A perfect house would include reasonable rent, decent locality, hassle free landlord, devoid of stringent society rules and compassion towards single people who manage their own life with a little assistance from Maharashtra government which tells them at what age they should start drinking.

So is it that difficult? The answer is yes and no both. It used to be a little less difficult a few years ago but some of our torch bearer bachelors have made sure that other bachelors are also seen with a suspicious eye. Many societies out rightly deny bachelors to reside in their society even if the owner is ready to keep them. These radical thinkers who don’t want non vegetarians, smokers and drinkers lurking around in their society are probably the greatest hypocrites ever. You will spot these people in the nearest bar, yelling and drinking by the barrel. So their logic is that such vices should be performed only out of the house, and they extend this concept to the society as well. That’s where the problem begins. So they mean to say that even behind the closed doors, I am not allowed to do something which is completely legal under the Indian constitution just because the damned society has passed some unreasonable resolution. Resolution can be as bizarre as '' Gates will be locked and lifts will be shut after 12 am’’, there can only be one explanation behind this. We didn’t get to enjoy enough in our lives, let’s screw up with these rookies, good fun.

Legally I have checked with cooperative housing society authorities about the resolutions passed by these societies, and their verdict was that it cannot be termed as a law. That is just a unanimous decision over a particular thing. These societies, till date refuse to grant a NOC to the prospective tenants, so that the registration process cannot be completed. Imagine if everyone rented out their flats to family members only, where would the bachelors in the city go? By the way Salman Khan and family members have been driving cars these days; living on footpath is also not a viable option.

To register a case against the society in an event of denial of NOC on the basis of your marital status, there a few NGO's fighting for this issue and even a private law firm is helping out bachelors of the city by charging only 1L per case. If I had this kind of money to fight a civil case, I wouldn’t have bothered renting out a place in the city. Brokers in the city often cash in on first time house seekers by charging them a double brokerage. Website and Facebook group called ''flats without brokers'' is surely trying to eliminate these atrocious middle men who promise a bouquet of flowers and are not even able to arrange for a rose bud most of the times, especially after the brokerage is given.

If you are hunting for a house, here are some tips from someone who is currently staying in his 8th location since 2007.

Collaborate: Seek advice from your colleagues and friends, spread the word. Make sure you use social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter. Search intensively on the internet, sometimes you can also get leads from web sites like OLX and Quikr.
Perfect paperwork: Don’t pay the broker before the documents are complete; always make sure you read the agreement/contract before signing it. Make sure the terms are flexible; generally there is no lock in period until mentioned in the contract. Always go for a 1 month notice period clause, which allows you to vacate the place by giving a one month notice in advance.
Accessibility: Make sure the place is well connected, there are enough public transport options and is not in much in the interiors where no one is willing to come.
Negotiate: Everything is negotiable. Yes, it’s all in the hands of the brokers on how much to give you the flat for. Higher rent implies higher brokerage, so naturally the broker will not help you in negotiating much with the owner. Try to ask for extra things from the owner, if you are lucky you might get some furnishings. Also, these days the deposit is 6x (where x is your monthly rent), but generally you can easily negotiate it to 3x. Why block the capital unnecessarily and allow the owner to yield interest on your money?

Happy house hunting! (I know there is nothing to be happy about while hunting a house in a city like Bombay where the brokers don’t work post 7pm)

Friendship's Day Celebration

2012-08-05T01:24:00.000-07:00

This Friday most of the organizations would have celebrated friendship's day as it falls on the first Sunday of August. This was my first experience about celebrating friendship's day in a corporate culture and I cant tell you how amazing this experience was. Loved the way people become so friendly all of a sudden on this particular day and forget to even acknowledge each other's presence for the rest of the year. If I had it my way, I would bunk Friday to refrain myself from being a part of such lame celebrations.

Event: Friendship's day

Requirements:

A peon who would continuously cut the ribbons till the rate of consumption is saturated and everyone's forearm is filled with multi coloured ribbons
fake smiles
ability to hug unknown colleagues.

Concept and strategy:

The aim is to reach out to as many people as possible tie them a ribbon and pass a fake smile and also mention a word or two about how you value your friendship more than anything. This will ensure that next time when you have some critical or urgent work from that person you can always say, ''Hey, we are friends, don’t you remember I tied you that belt on friendship's day''.
On other days you will not walk up to people in your office whom you don’t know, but this day entitles you to break barriers and hug someone whom you don’t know much. So we need to wait for a day to make new friends, isn't that kind of funny
Good time to observe ''who reaches out for whom'', of course the boss is not going to go to his junior and tie him a belt(in most of the cases), this will also give you an idea about the hierarchy In the system and even between equals, who exactly is taking the initiative

Lame moments:

This lame day brings a lot of lame moments and you could just do a facepalm over a lot of people over a lot things. Some of my observations.

Don’t write on my wrist: Are you 7? This was my reaction when someone forcefully wrote on my hand with the marker, I mean till the time you were tying ribbons it was still bearable, now this act is just going overboard.

Did I hear that right? : One guys just requested the peon to cut some extra ribbons so that his daughter could utilise them in her friendship's day celebration at school. No he wasn’t a Gujarati.

Thanks for the suggestion: I could hear people suggesting their subordinates to wish some particular people and also indicating where they can be helpful in their life ahead.

With so much of cosmetic value of the friendship's day celebrated in a corporate culture do you actually think we require such a day? And more over companies will take some cool pictures about this event, upload them on their website just to show that they believe in work life balance. Yes, you got it all wrong. Work life balance isn't about tying belts on friendship's day.

Sales Theory: Part 1

2012-07-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

As a B school student without any experience most of my friends had this conviction that sales is the worst profile one can get, and we all had this image of a guy walking in a tie form door to door selling soap and other FMCG goods whenever someone said this word ''sales''. The profile of sales was not even a distant career option to start with, a few years ago in any one's mind. Sales was like the last thing a person would want to do in my batch

So what was everyone looking up to? It is very predictable. Finance students wanted/want investment banking, marketing students wanted brand management and operations students were keen on supply chain management, all top lucrative profiles I must say.

As the time passed by and the companies flocked in they all came with one profile (70% of them), with glorified names like client manager, business development manager, relationship manager and list is endless. It turns out that all of them are synonymous to sales. Most of them have gracefully accepted that fact about sales being a prerequisite to understand the business and others are still busy digesting the truth that they would be doing sales.

There is one positive aspect of sales though, it is much better than the pre conceived notions that we had about sales. It is not like the dreading image of a sales guy with a bag black selling soaps from street to street that used to come to my mind. With most of us dealing in advanced technology or premium services it is more of maintaining relations rather than selling. Some of my pointers that I have learned in these 2+ months of being surrounded by sales guys.

Sales is universal: When you are interacting with your parents and convincing them to buy you a new phone you are selling yourself, when you are giving a reason for coming late and making your girlfriend wait, you are selling yourself. It is a day to day and integral part of our lives.

Consultative sales: I have been hearing this word quite often. It is the development in selling technique that will help you to become a strategic partner of your client without making him feel that you are extracting sales/orders out of him. Once in a while give a friendly advice, save his money, consult him on the right track and you have earned him for your lifetime or probably the time till you are managing that account

The only function that brings in money: All the functions of a normal company are the spending hubs where expenditure is incurred, sales is the only unit that brings in the revenues. Though all the functions are equally important I have seen sales guys dictating terms because they bring In business

Number game: You can make more money than your fixed income if you are a good sales guy and can end up getting peanuts if your performance is not up to the mark. In sales it all boils down to numbers and incentives about which sales guys are more worried about rather than the fixed monthly income.

Being social: Toughest deals are often cracked over the dinner or over drinks. Mainly because these days everyone is ready to sell you a unique and a great product provided you have the money, what sets you apart is the warmth your can add to the relation. Meet more people, interact with industry leaders, and smile. Just make sure it is not a fake one.

Knowledge gap: If you show that you know much more about the product than your client it would probably turn him off, you have to explain him in a simpler language so that he can know the concept behind it. On the other hand if your client is ahead of you in terms of knowing the specifications about products and services in the industry you are going to have a very tough time to crack the deal, he might not be able to develop a respect for you because of low knowledge level. So there is an optimum knowledge gap that is mandatory, not more not less.

For a Telecom student, who has done masters in Finance, ending up in IT sales is quite bizarre, I will always be indebted to Eurozone crisis for this(pun intended), but nevertheless me and sales have made peace with each other, trying to learn more aspects about it. Make sure you share it if it made any remote sense to you (Now that is selling).

The art of window dressing by B schools

2012-07-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

''So how are the placements and what is the average package''? This is the standard question asked by any parent/student who is taking an admission in the college. Its business after all. We soon start calculating the rate of return that our college is going to give us at the end of the course, often discounting the precious years spent. We might breakeven the fees, when would you breakeven with the time wasted in listening to boring and unproductive lectures is the point to ponder over.

This post is about an issue that has been bothering me since quite some time. What is the similarity between Reliance Industries annual report and a MBA college's placement brochure? Both set the highest standards of window dressing. Yes its true. I will show you how our college (MPSTME) arrived at 100% placement and an average package of 7 lakh per annum

Take this example, there was this certain bank that had come for campus placements, and the package was clearly mentioned as 4.5L CTC excluding the quarterly bonus. The HR guy who was ''selling this job'' said that people easily earn 15k as an incentive, so our college added 1.8L to the that. Over that they said they would give a total insurance of 2L, it means that the company would pay the premium for an insurance whose worth is 2L, our great college added this amount to the package. Wohoo, you have a package of 8.5L now, magic isn't it?

Central bank of India's package id 8.8L per annum, and cash in hand is around 33k a month. We seriously need to borrow a drag from Central Bank's HR department, they are probably smoking up world's best stuff. They are giving government quarters @ 25k per flat and adding up to that package that makes it 3L. So this is the cost to the company.

One more interesting thing is hat our college has successfully placed 155 students in such bad market conditions when some of the IIMs of lesser repute failed to do so. How? The answer is that college never shows the break up of the students and keep manipulating their rules according to their convenience. I wonder why do they even take the pains of printing the rules and putting them up when they are not going to abide by them.

The latest rule is even if the companies are not coming you have to be physically present in the city. I find this totally senseless and ridiculous. With sky rocketing rents why do I need to be present in the city if no company has come since past 15 days? So if you don’t know this rule and you go out of the city you are out of placement procedure. Fair enough, you throw them out of the placement procedure, but if you have the balls to show some transparency then show a pie chart clearly indicating

Number of students college placed

Number of students doing business/pursuing higher studies etc
Number of students chucked out by college for not abiding by the rules of placecom, infact manipulative rules

Number of students placed through personal contacts.

I don’t have the figures, but with a little help from placecom we can easily get this data out and that would a better indicator of how the college has performed.

Anyways with MBA's coming out of B schools every year like Henry Ford's mass production system they are bound to get cheap, repetitive and boring. I have already come across many job descriptions that clearly specify, '' MBAs need not apply''. With institutes like Balaji producing a 1000 MBA graduates a year they are just screwing up the demand and supply balance royally.

And last thing you could do is ask questions about ''how the college is'' on a fan page that is full of jokes about the college. Please avoid.

The taxi driver

2012-06-20T10:07:00.003-07:00

People often say that best lessons of the life are learnt while having a conversation and consciously observing how people act. They cant be more accurate. If you have this knack of striking random conversations with rickshawallas and cab drivers you actually get to know a lot of interesting things. The fact is that technology is now the common thread between us. We all have some or the other technology to discuss on, and something similar happened today. May be the impact is more on me because I found it quite surprising that a cab driver who earns around 15-20k on average was using a brand new blackberry 8520.

It is immaterial how he got it (I didn’t bother to ask him), but what is important is that he knows about BB services and wanted to know the charges. He has a friend who resides in Dubai (high chances of being a south Indian) and to stay in touch with him he wanted to download whats -up(whatsapp). More than impressed, I was surprised that how technology has penetrated so deep. This guy also knew about Skype and has previously used N73 phone.

I just couldn’t control myself and asked him whether he had any other job/work as well, and the answer was no. He was a married fellow with a kid and probably used more applications than I use. This is technology making inroads to almost the lowest levels. This also makes me think about how bright is the future of e-commerce in India( barring the ridiculous valuations). My destination had arrived, I paid him and I started to walk, thinking about this thing.

Then it clicked me, how could I forget asking him whether he used Google maps to navigate or not! Haha.

Blackberry boys now have some company, taxi drivers welcome to the gang.

2012-06-14T11:14:00.001-07:00

Descending from 18000 feet. Temperature in a few minus degrees. Spirits a few feet higher than the height. Track from Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

Luck matters

2012-06-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel its quite unfair for a student who has been working really hard for around 4-5 years to be judged by an interviewer in 15 minutes. In fact when you send a CV/resume all you have is 2 minutes to make an impression and that too its all on paper. So the question is how important is the ''luck factor'' in the entire situation.

Attribution theory states that we tend to credit ourselves when we achieve success and we blame luck in the cases of failures. No great author would ever claim that he made a mediocre book, but somehow it just clicked and people loved it. Most of the times we tend to discount luck. The importance of timing, being at the right place at the right time is very critical.

So when it comes to interviews there are a zillion things that come in my mind which make a huge impact. Its like selling yourself in those 20-30 minutes you have. Before 3-4 years I would laughed about luck being a factor, because ability can never be left out. So the thing here is ability is of course a pre requisite for success but even luck has a major role to play. After all the person who is judging you is a human. He is prone to have biases based on appearance, accent, native place, education etc. There was a study done in which there were judges who would approve of a parole request made by the inmates. The results were horrifying. It showed that most of the requests that were rejected were just before the lunch break and most percentage of the requests that were accepted were right after the lunch. Now imagine luck being such a huge factor here.

So there might be a possibility that the person who was shortlisting the students based on the resume is getting late for her lunch and she wont be able to do justice to the resumes she is reviewing right before the lunch. Also when interviewers call people in a sequence (Its random most of the times), they generally tend to give a lot of time to the candidates in the beginning of the process (Until and unless if you are a finance student and you don’t know what Cost of Capital is then the interviewer will show you the door) and gradually the last candidate might only have 8 minutes to sell himself. So you have to impress someone in lesser time compared to what others got.

Here is the answer to people who keep on asking this question every time there is an unexpected selection or rejection of a person. For example if a big conglomerate has come and it has chosen someone who probably had very thin chances of making it over someone who was obvious to get in. People generally have the tendency to ask, ''How the hell did he get in''. The answer is , all other things being equal ( discounting the connections) ''luck'' .

Consider a situation in which there is a panel of interviewers, they have been taking interviews since past 4 hours and just when it was your interview the person who would have liked you got an urgent call. This situation is totally hypothetical but it can very well be the reason for someone not getting into. Getting selected in company of your choice isnt as easy as planning out your study plan, working hard for it and achieving good grades. It is combination of planning and spontaneity. So now that we know luck is not something that is in your hand the only thing we can do it, keep your eyes wide open. It really works.
One more dilemma most of the people face is, to be honest in the interview or not? First of all you don’t need to listen to those foolish ''Soft skills'' people who come and lecture us on mannerisms and other irrelevant stuff, to that extent that we should wear a matching tie for an interview. How obvious it that? They spend at least 20 minutes on explaining how exactly a handshake is done. Dear miss I-am-a-bimbo-with-an-accent we have been shaking hands correctly years before you joined classes to get that fake accent. Never listen to these retards. They will tell you to be honest and conclude the class without even explaining scenarios.

Personally I strongly feel one should be honest in the interview if you want to, not because you think you will be caught if you are dishonest. There is a big difference in both of them. Of course the person sitting across the table isnt Dr Lightman from Lie to me who is going to analyze your micro expression and catch you. You need to be honest because it’s a marriage like situation. If the foundation would be made of lie be sure of it that it might not last long. A lady HR from India's biggest company asked me, '' Do you commit to stay with us for 5 years '', I said a blunt no without any explanation because that was quite a ridiculous question. She could have asked about the roadmap/5 year plan rather than the commitment aspect. Anyways you cant expect much from an incompetent HR. Being brutally honest in an interview is foolishness. You need not lie, but you can always position the same thing in a different way.

These are just a few things I learned in the process of giving around 5-6 interviews over a period of 4 months. Each one had a different learning, a different takeaway.

Embrace the fact that luck plays critical part and mend your ways out in terms of being honest.

Leh-Ladakh explored.

2012-05-16T00:11:00.001-07:00

After a week long trip to Ladakh if there isnt a significant change in your way of thinking or the way your perceive things then trust me its totally worthless to go there. We(Abhishek, Aditya and myself) had been planning this trip since a long time and I was the last one to get placed in amongst three of us. As soon as I got a confirmation about my placement the first thing I did was booked tickets for Ladakh.

Ladakh is a desert, there are three deserts in india, One in Rajasthan, second one in Gujarat and this is the third one. Ladakh is cold, barren, dry and also beautiful. Leh is the most important part of the Ladakh as it is the base for Indian Military and also has an airport. Leh is at an height of 14000 feet from the sea level. Before you pack your bags there are certain things which you cant miss out. Yes you can skip one or two funky T-shirts/tops or a couple of classy shirts but you cant afford to miss out things like sunscreen and glares, muffler and jackets.

While I was packing my mom reminded me to take a muffler and a woolen cap, infact she even found it and kept it in my bag, which I slyly removed in the night thinking it is summers, bring it on Leh. How cold can it get? I don’t need such woollen clothes, I will be more than fine. Its funny how mothers are almost always right.

Day 1: We took a flight from Mumbai to Delhi on 23rd of April, and spent a night in Delhi at GK2, which is around 25 minutes from the Airport. A regular street in a Delhi is wider than most of the roads in Mumbai. I must compliment the roads in Delhi, but whats the point? Most of them were empty at 12 midnight unlike Mumbai, where we have a traffic jam at Juhu circle on every Saturday exactly at 1 am.

Day 2: We caught a flight from Delhi to Leh ( Yes, we arent those adventurous lot who would tend to hire Bullet bikes and make a road trip). Also the pass known as Sojila pass was closed at this point of time. Hence for the ones who would love to take a road trip best time to go is in August when most of the snow has melted due to sun's wrath. In April there is decent amount of snow which would makes sure most of the passes are open but not on consistent basis.

It’s a one hour journey from Delhi to Leh by air, and you will get a glimpse of Leh in the last 20 minutes. How do you differentiate between the passengers who are travelling for the first time to Leh? They will be so excited to see the snow capped mountains that some people would actually get up to see the scenery out of the small window. Locals/frequent travellers might just be busy taking a nap.

Thanks to Uncle( Aditya's dad, who also happens to be a general of 114 Brigade) we were received warmly at the Leh airport. A jeep drove us to Pioneer's regiment which is a 10 minute distance from the airport. We received by Colonel Uttam Dixit, a very kind and interesting person with a great sense of humour. Also he belongs to the glorious Raj Rif regiment. Aditya and his family were already 3 days ahead of us at Leh and till the time they returned from Chumathang we were taken great care by Uttam sir, which also includes Old Monk.

Here is the most important part. What to do in the first 2 or 1 and a half days? Relax, sleep, rest, and drink a lot of water. Our bodies need some time to acclimatise a high terrain of Leh. You will feel very hungry in this place so one should eat well, this is mainly because our body burns more food in such climate. In April the temperature range would be -5 degree Celsius to 10 degrees Celsius. I know its quite boring to rest and do nothing for the entire 2 days, especially for a restless soul like me who would atleast sneak out and take a walk. In the compound where we were staying there was a 4 month old doggy, named Rambo. It was a local breed named Changthangi, who is supposed to be quite ferocious. Ladakh is predominantly occupied by Buddhists, who are such gentle souls that they generally don’t fish or kill animals. Problem with Changthangi dogs occur in winters, when they don’t get food for 15 days at a trot. It then they start attacking humans and according the locals, one dog is enough to eat you up. Did it send some shivers down your spine? More interestingly the temperatures in winters go to -30 degrees, so its up to you to decide what is more scarier.

Here are some important pointers for the first 2 days

Make sure you have your head covered all the time with a monkey cap or a normal woollen cap. I know it makes one feel uneasy but its always better to cover your head and look a little funny rather than getting a headache that would ruin your vacation
Don’t be complacent, no matter how fit you are. Even Jawans acclimatise for 6 days, compared to that we are acclimatising only for 2, so you might as well do it properly.
Drink a lot of water, a lot of water. The air up there is thin, oxygen is less and you need to consume that O, of H2O as often as you can. This will also make sure that your visits to the washroom will increase like anything might drive you crazy, especially if you are a lazy fellow.
Don’t do anything in a hurry, life here is slow. So if you are form Bombay and used to that never ending state of being in a hurry you might need to slow down a little.
The problem with Ladakh is not the cold terrain, it’s the wind. Even when it is snowing it wouldn’t me much of a problem, but if snow is accompanied by wind, I wish you all the best. Never let the wind take on you.

So as discussed we were a bunch of restless kids, so we did try venturing out on the second day itself(Ideally you should). We mainly visited three places on the second day.

Magnetic hill: This is a place the defies gravity. You can check it out yourself. The vehicle in which you would be travelling will tend to move in the opposite direction dictated by gravity. We did check it and trust me all this doesn’t fantasize me much because since childhood I have been pretty weak in science. This was something even scientists are perplexed about, so we should allow scientists to do their job finding out what metal is causing this phenomena. I would rather movie forward and explore other parts of the city.

Pathar Sahib: It is one of the most famous and pious Gurudwaras and many devotees come form far off places. As per the caretaker of the Gurudwara, their Guru was meditating here and one demon hurled a huge stone at him and then he realized that he had committed a grave crime by disturbing Guru. The fossil/stone is still there and devotees worship that will all their heart. You will feel a certain kind of serenity as you will enter this place( I would be the last one to say such things, but trust me you will feel something nice about this place).

As per Sikh Wiki

Gurdwara Pathar Sahib, is a beautiful Gurudwara sahib constructed in the memory of Guru Nanak, about 25 miles away from Leh, on the Leh-Kargil road, 12000 ft above sea level. The Gurdwara was built in 1517 to commemorate the visit to the Ladakh region of Guru Nanak Dev, the founder Guru of theSikh faith.

During his lifetime Guru Nanak travelled to many distant places and one such place was Tibet. Guru Nanak is well respected by Tibetan Buddhists who consider him a saint; The Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of Buddhists in Tibet, has confirmed this in his discussions with some Sikh leaders saying that Tibetans revere Guru Nanak as a Buddhist saint under the name of Guru Gompka Maharaj.

One can spend a good half an hour at this place. Don’t forget to take the sweet dish as prasad, and you can also have some tea here. ( Make sure you wash the utensils properly after using them)

Indus-Zanskar sangam: Greenish and bluish water mixes at a place which is 30 kms form Leh, and 5 kms from a town called Limoo. Here both Zanskar and Indus rivers meet, also known as the confluence point. There are good river rafting facilities by government which generally open up during July and August months. It is a beautiful spot and one can spend a good 45 minutes here. The river confluence does look calm in the month of April, but once the snow melts and adds up to the rivers it kind of becomes furious.

Hall of fame: This is a place that will make you feel proud about being an Indian as well as the Indian army. It has memoirs of Kargil war and details about Indian war with China. Maps, ammunitions, stories, video clipping and almost everything to give you an idea about under what circumstances our Jawans have fought. Many people become quite emotional while they are coming out of this place and its very natural. They also have good information about innovations in the field of arms, horticulture, agriculture by DRDO. You can spend a good 2 hours at this place.

This sums up the first 2 days more to come. Oh wait did I mention about the Old Monk and warm water at 14000 feet? To be continued.

My Encounter with King Yama

2012-05-13T00:14:00.000-07:00

We all have a family astrologer just like we have a family doctor. When I was born our family astrologer said a lot of good things(None of them have unfortunately turn out to be true) and a few negative points ( All of them have come out to be true). One day when I was alone at home I was just fiddling around with all the drawers of my cupboard and then I found a file named "Janmakshar", thanks to my good hold over Gujarati I could read my life, written by someone else.

One strange point was "Be careful from water'', probably this was the reason I wasn’t allowed to go for swimming classes. This is quite funny though, because when I asked about this ridiculous thing to my mom she told me a story which I am not bound to remember. When I was 3 years old, I was a restless kid(Nothing much has changed since then), and considering the fact that my maternal uncle was from the same city we live in, my mom used to go there almost every weekend. During these times I was under intensive care by my Dadi, who would dip Parle-G biscuits in tea and feed me. Though my mom never used to like me having tea at such a small age but there was hardly anything she could say to my strong headed Dadi. Also there has been a family tradition in which we seldom visit out maternal uncle's place unlike other families who always look forward to visiting Mama's place during vacations.

So, on one such similar weekend when my mom left on a Saturday afternoon for her mom's place, I was woken up by my youngest uncle, yes I was almost like a toy for him. He would shout, I would cry, he would giggle, I would laugh. He soon left for office and I was taking rounds in the garden and watching cows eating the food we offered them. Meanwhile my Bhabhu(elder chachi) was about to clean a 10 feet deep water tank.

As soon as she went in the kitchen to give a glass of water to my Dadi, she heard a splashing sound. Yes that was me trying to fight with deep waters in my own little way. As a 3 year old kid the splashing sound made by me was also not quite audible, but my Bhabu did hear something strange, so she came out hurriedly and looked out for me. She then realized that the tank was open and as soon as her eyes when on the tank, she saw that I was chilling deep down the tank, she climbed down the 4 stairs of the tank and took me by one hand. Not to mention my Bhabhu felt really bad and she held her responsible for my playfulness.

Of course this story was narrated to me by my Dadi and my Bhabhu and since then no matter how beautiful or mesmerizing the beach is maximum I would do is fold my jeans and wet my feet. Nothing more than that. I don’t want to give my enemy a chance. Also the astrologer had mentioned that the place where my bed/swing is, there is a hidden treasure under it. I know my luck really well and that is the reason I haven't tried it, who knows a hot water spring might erupt and take me down!

And just for your information the tank is out of service since then.

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

2012-04-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

My apologies for not writing this entry on time, had to settle some NOT-SO-IMPORTANT matters. Well Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi (HKA) is a movie that cannot be explained, it can only be felt. The music is so addictive that you would want to listen to the Baawra song again and again. This movie has a special place in my heart for no special reason, its just I am in love with the movie for no apparent reason.

So Vikram Malhotra( Shiney Ahuja), yes the same guy who made love with her maid, hails from a middle class family and his father is a firm believer of Gandhian values, having seen how rich students in his college have almost everything in their way he has decided to craft his own destiny, also he likes Geeta Rao (Chitrangada Singh) who comes from a south Indian family who just moved to India a while ago. On the other hand Geeta just considers Vikram as a friend and loves Siddharth Tayyabji (Kay Kay Menon) who is a son of an Ex judge and a firm believer of bringing about radical changes and social justice. It is a period movie and time frame is around 1970's when Indira Gandhi was on her peak.

With Siddharth having decided that he wants to fight the battle against injustice done to people in Bihar, he tries to convince his comrades to join him. On the other hand Vikram knows what he wants from life. Vikram knew he had to earn money to abolish the MIDDLE CLASS status and Siddharth was equally adamant to change to unjust society. Meanwhile Siddharth's friends back out and so does Geeta from the mission that he had planned.

The movie kicks off then, instances of Geeta meeting Siddharth, Siddharth meeting Geeta and also all 3 of them meeting each other. Geeta gets married to Arun Mehta( Ram Kapoor, bade ache lagte hai fame), who is an IAS by profession.

An amazing confluence of passion, love, emotions, desire and the way story flows is just out of the world. So where does Geeta's heart finally sway? Will Vikram ever get Geeta's love? How does Siddharth survive in such harsh conditions, and most importantly how does it all end?

Make sure you share this review if you actually love it, yes I am pimping it because I don’t want you to miss out on this one. And yeah I forgot to gave the credit to Sudhir Mishra, also the director of Yeh Saali Zindagi.

Also, dont forget to enjoy this lovely song.

Student Resource Book Demystified .

2012-02-29T07:03:00.002-08:00

This 80% rule has made sure that we become insanely unproductive in the class, play games on our latest smart phones, read Bombay times and discuss which bollywood actor dumped which bollywood actress and why isn't Shahrukh Khan dating Karan Johar these days etc. I prefer to doze of every half an hour.

So when I was kind of upset with the entire college and I did try calling up Dawood in Dubai but he was held up with some other work. So I decided to take a walk in the library and I asked for Student's Resource book, yes that's the wittiest joke cracked by SVKM till now. Something that should I have read and made fun of in long back I am doing it now. Never mind, its never too late. I will help you demystify some of the rules mentioned in there.

The management has the right to change the guidelines to meet the institutional objectives and the decision of the management will be binding on the students: It means if you act smart with us we can alter anything anytime, depending on how we want to act. These rules are binding from a student's point of view but not from management's point of view.

In the absence of a satisfactory response from the Class Representative, the student may approach the Dean of Mukesh Patel School of Technology Management & Engineering through the Head of Department / Associate Dean / Chairperson / Course Coordinator.: All the mentioned designations will change every 3 months and will leave you confused about whom to approach, also when one is approached he/she will direct you to other and thereby turning it into a viscous cycle till you give up.

Use of cell phones on campus is not permitted Any student found using the cell phone on campus will be penalized as per the regulations in force from time to time: HAHAH, Do I need to say anything? Dear NMIMS, don’t you know the faculty calls up the CR in an event of lecture cancellation. How are we supposed to deal with that.

Entry is strictly through Identity Card and will be monitored by the Institute. Penalty will be levied / action will be taken for non compliance: If you would have actually levied penalty on this, Patel family would have become richer than Ambanis

A student must put in 80% of the total attendance for each subject, failing which he / she will be declared a defaulter (term not granted) and he/she will not be allowed to appear for the term end examination and will have to register afresh and repeat the trimester in the following academic year if one wishes to continue studies: Conditions apply, if we love someone we will alter the rules and make it up to two subjects and reduce it to 70%, if really really love someone, we will just ask them to do an assignment and let them go. Yes we made the college, we made the rules and we are entitled to break them. You get that?!

A student is required to monitor his / her own attendance.: Prabhu says he is busy, come later. Faculty says she cant show the file, its confidential. So should I like snatch it to monitor my attendance?

Classes are expected to begin on time. Late coming is not permitted: Oh, is it? Now you will wonder why do teachers and professors come late, can we also close the door? Silly, the answer is no. They are doing a favour on us by teaching in such a premiere institute, so they are allowed to come late.

The Institute reserves the right to declare compulsory attendance for any event on or off the campus: We organize really stupid and useless events, the only time when we gave free food was when you came for orientation. Now you just have to come in a blazer, put your attendance and sleep in BJ hall.

Students should not leave examination hall during two hours of examination: Yes during a chilly afternoon you have to pee in your pants. Take it or leave it.

Mains operated personal equipment should not be used without the prior permission of the Librarian.: Oh no, I would have plugged in my charger without librarian's permission so many times. Please, Sue me!

Placement information is confidential and any breach of confidentiality will lead to strict action: Yes, highly confidential. No other college should know that our average package is 2 Lakhs lesser than what we quote and the companies mentioned in the brochure will not even think of coming for campus placements.

Do not admit any other person to 24-hour computer facilities or other university premises when those facilities or premises are locked and do not yourself enter unless authorised to do so: Never knew we had a 24 hour computer facility room.

The University has a well-established feedback mechanism for communication of your perceptions: We do it because other colleges do, we don’t give a damn about it because other colleges do. We have to be a little different isnt it. And it is never confidential, we immediately inform the concerned faculty that they have scored low from what year and what division, that gives a chance to that faculty to settle the scores as soon as possible

You will be taught each of these subjects according to the prescribed course outlines: Yes, you will be taught somewhere around 50% of the course, according to the prescribed outlines.

Concession in fees shall be granted to economically weaker section and backward class candidates depending on the merit of the case of individual student: Just kidding, we wanted to sound like Azim Premji for a while. So what if we cant implement it, we like this to be written on our brochure. Till now no one has approached us under this scheme.

Disclaimer: This was posted on MPSTME TIPS page on FB by an anonymous student of 3rd year .

Aamchi Anna

2012-02-21T12:53:00.000-08:00

Title kind of sounds confusing isnt it? It means our elder brother, a combination of Marathi and Tamils words respectively. Its an insight to a person that hails from Tamil Nadu, previously worked as a diamond worker in Surat and now the fate brought him to Mumbai some years ago. He didn’t know what to do, so he started making idli's with help of his wife.

Mumbai never sleeps, yes its true. And if you arent sleeping you are either a call centre employee, a guard or a nocturnal MBA student who just refuses to sleep in the night. He wonders what are lectures for? I can give very good insights about MBA but I don’t want to do so, yes my dear MBA aspirants if you arent good at it, you might need to work at 20k per month, so ready to board an overcrowded train?

Where was I? Yes that Tamilian fellow who wakes up at 4 in the evening and starts making Idli's and Wadas starts off at 11 from Goregaon to reach Versova only by 12:30 on his cycle. With a bag of Idly on one side, and Vada on the other side he surely knows the balancing act. On his carrier is a can of milk. He looks right, he looks left and then slowly makes his cycle feel comfortable by putting on the stands. Quality of people coming for Coffee/Boost/Cigarette/Idly etc will deteriorate as the night unveils its darker side.

Winters in Mumbai were colder than expected, and it made sure Anna shivered throughout the course of the night. Whenever he spots a car with a siren approaching him you can see the fright and disgust in his eyes. You never know some motherfucker policeman might beat him up even after accepting the bribe. You never know some motherfucker policeman might throw away his food and pour down the milk on the road in glory just to make his fucking point. So whats the crime here? Making a living by toiling hard in the evenings, keeping yourself awake the entire night, taking abuses (physical/verbal) from those drunkards who get high on their wife's money and playing hide seek with police.

Everyday he tells me that he cant afford to pay a bribe of 300 bucks a day and would soon quit coming and everytime I think what will happen to me if he does so? Who will feed me at 3am when I am writing this post? I know he wont quit, he prefers getting beaten up rather than quitting because he has a family to feed. I know even the corrupt policeman has a family to feed, but how much do they eat is the real question here.

If you ever happen to be in Versova after 12am, and you are extremely hungry or looking for a hot coffee to sip, Anna is your man. This post might make you think that he is such a poor soul but the good news is he actually earns well on weekends and now has an assistant so he can serve us quickly. 5 idli's for 10 Rs and a coffee for 10rs is a brilliant bargain isnt it?

He knows he will get beaten up but he will still come daily because he has a family to feed, and just in case if he does I am sure Mumbai police will find him and get him back to work, other wise who feed those corrupt motherfuckers in the night?

P.S: I will try updating this with his picture :)

Why do you need a campus?

2012-02-14T07:24:00.000-08:00

I have often had this discussion with my friends about 100 things that I hate my college for and on top of the list is ''It doesn’t have a campus'' . Pursuing a course which is 5 years long, being away from home and devoid of campus is just not worth it. Of course you have your share of fun outside but that’s not what I am really talking about. Why do I crib about campus so much? I will just highlight some points. Now that I would be joining corporate within a couple of months (hopefully) it hardly matters, but if you have a choice to choose between a college with/without a campus go for the former one.

Space much needed: Imagine acres of lush green land that gives you freedom to ride your cycle, jog around, go for a stroll or if you are lazy enough just sit on a bench by the lake. These things are priceless. I understand Mumbai is cramped but that doesn’t mean you leave me with two options, either an overcrowded canteen or a library full of barbarians. I have a reason to smile because now we have a rooftop canteen on the terrace where entry to terrace is prohibited.

Who moved my cheese?: With around 10 people in your dorm it is going to be a stay full of pranks. And moreover if you sleep off early then you are so dead my friend. Birthdays are a torture and makes you wonder what the hell is going on. May be I developed my nocturnal habits due to this. The point I am trying to make here is that in a campus you stay with your friends for like 24*7, and brings out that extrovert in you. There will be times when you don’t know who used your stuff, or who ruined your bed. So it’s a lot of fun, trust me you don’t want to miss this

Sporadic sessions: You don’t need liquor on Saturday nights to enjoy it. A horror movie with your dorm mates followed by some singing by a rockstar is enough to make you high. Those so called intellectual talks about sports, politics or may be physics are just class apart. You have like a variety of topics to choose.

Keep the spirits high: Imagine a jam packed room of students watching India Pakistan world cup semifinal. No girl will call you a creep if you shout Bh****od at top of your voice when ZAK gets Shahid Afridi out. That’s the adrenaline rush you get when you are watching Border and Sunny Deol blasts every fucking bunker of the enemy country.

We are magnets: Of course there are people at whom you don’t even look at, and one fine day he is down with fever. This is what happens on the campus. If there are 12 people in the dorm everyone would be on their toes including that fellow who hardly interacts. You don’t need to unite, it comes form within. You don’t need those stupid lectures from your college director about the importance of unity. You compel me to do something and I wont do it, I will do it if I feel so.

Name the festival: There is no festival that we don’t celebrate on a campus. Its all of them, and with the same enthusiasm and zeal. There will be dramas in the auditorium, there will be kite flying the ground, there will be so much that you will look forward to the next day with anticipation. The reason is simple, a little bit of uncertainty in life is much needed.

5 years of college-campus= SO NOT DONE. Now don’t ask me this question, ''Are you telling me that you didn’t know MPSTME doesn’t have a campus?'', my answer is of course I knew it. There are two things, first is I thought it doesn’t make such a big difference but trust me does make a hell lot of difference. And if you have scored a 32k AIR in AIEEE you don’t really have much choice in life, and Gujarati parents like this concept of express PG, MBA and Btech in 5 years,'' Lai le Dikra, Saru che''

BOTTOM LINE: IF YOU HAVE AN OPTION, EXERCISE IT.

Ek main aur Ekk tu

2012-02-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

I had a lousy day at my college attending non value adding lectures like Leadership, in which they show you ''Chak De'' to inculcate leadership qualities in a student. No, don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to drag Shahrukh Khan in this now. Actually in a way its all his fault. If he had spent some more time in grooming Karan Johar he wouldn’t have been making such gay bollywood movies. The problem with Kjo is that he thinks he is adding new colours to romance and redefining it but your movies are as average as Rahul (Imraan Khan) in the movie Ek main Aur Ek Thoo

Lets not complain about copying the 1st half from one movie and 2nd half from other movie. Its become a habit now. What is alarming is that people love it. First people enjoyed blatant copying of old classic Agneepath and now this one. This time I had vowed not to watch the movie, because it’s a lot of pain afterwards. First I have to update a FB status about how pathetic it was, then I have to write this blog entry to vent out my frustration for wasting 3 hours. I know its my mistake that I believed TOI's rating of 4 stars. So how does TOI actually rate? As far as I remember they rated RDB as a 4 star movie as well. This time I browsed some tweets regarding the review of EMAET and they turned out to be pretty positive.

So whats the movie about? Same old love story masala where he and she are totally opposite of each other. Rahul Kapoor(Imraan Khaan) is an architect in Las Vegas who doesn’t know his purpose in life. Being brought up in a very protective environment by his parents ( Maya Sarabhai and Boman Irani) he turns out to be a fussy little sissy. His father has already prepared a road map about his future and his mother has already decided what kind of haircut is he going to have next month. Meanwhile he loses his job for NO APPARENT REASON, and is desperately trying hard to get a job somewhere else. On the other side Riana Braganza( Kareena Kapoor) is a hairstylist who doesn’t have money to pay her rent. I suppose no one wants to get a haircut in Las Vegas. Anyways Riana is a lively character who drinks by the barrel, refuses to shut up, loves to interfere, and more importantly was busy shopping in a supermarket and little did she know that she would be thrown out of her house in a few hours. Now that’s what I call living on the edge.

Rahul is taught how to behave, how to eat, how to walk etc etc by his loving parents. In short everything that Sonia Gandhi does to Manmohan Singh. Nagging till death. Anyways, so Rahul and Riana meet each other at a psychiatrist where Riana gives 60 dollars for a half an hour session but guess what, she doesn’t have money to pay her rent! She was given a wrong assessment form (of course exchanged with Rahul, so obvious I tell you) and they meet up to exchange their assessment forms.

Riana and Rahul meet at a common place, and Riana insists Rahul to have some drinks. Mama's boy tries to refuse but succumbed to lady's persistence. They got drunk and got married. How cute na? Next morning Rahul and Riana realize that under the influence of some liquids they got married and planned to annul the marriage. Riana loses her house because she didn’t pay the rent and asks her mother to wire money. Meanwhile she stays with Rahul. Phew the story is too long. Please do watch it if you really think so you will miss Imraan Khan's cute expressions and Kareena's bubbliness. As far as acting is concerned Imraan Khan is Tusshar Kapoor with better looks. May it be Kidnap of Break ke Baad, the fellow just acts in the same manner. Over animated face all the time. And comic timing? Well he doesn’t know whats that.

Why did I leave the story unfinished? The reason is that my conscious doesn’t allow me to waste anymore time describing how Karan Johar's movies work wonders at box office.

Best performance was by Teddy Bears and Balloons ( I was actually looking for a pistol when I heard that song has ''Gubbare Gubbare'' as lyrics), best dialogue was by Kareena Kapoor, ''Tumne dosti se pyaar kiya aur maine pyar se dosti'', someone please explain me if you make out little sense out of this. And the most creative thing about the movie was when it ended it says, '' The Beginning" *facepalm* Ek main aur ek THOO

Exams hacks for MPSTME

2011-12-24T14:28:00.000-08:00

Yes, its 2 am and my exams just got over before a day *Sips Old Monk*, and as I promised that I would soon write an article about exam hacks at MPSTME, the most premier institute for management and technology studies as far as the fees are concerned. I am sure everyone at MPSTME thinks that such an article is required considering the frequency of exams we have, till the time you get a feel that trimester has started your nerdy friend calls you up to inform that the timetable for trimester exams is already up.

Its not that we never felt that burning desire to study, there were subjects worth studying but by the time we went into the details the subject was over, because most of the things are OUT OF SCOPE FOR THE FACULTY TO DISCUSS. Anyways this is not a rant about the system, it all about how to get done with the so called formality of exams in our college. Most of the hacks described here are not followed by me no matter how hard I try to follow them, I just end up working more than what I actually get. Now according to Mclellands's expectancy theory when the results do not equal the hard work put by you, you are bound to get demotivated, and that’s what happens with most of us.

Keep your enemies close, and your faculties/professors closer: I will just deal with the point related to faculties/professors. Don’t lick their asses but keep them close. Let them realize that you exist. Be active in class and answer as much as you can, no matter how ridiculous is that. I have seen stupid people answering to every question in glory and they end up getting good internal marks. When it comes to management papers where there is equal distribution for internals and externals, ie 50 marks each, the game changer is internals. If you are actually looking to score and improve your GPA you better get good internals and your 70% job is done.

Prepare for that 20 marks test: Yes, that one crucial 20 marks test that management students have. By preparing I am not asking you to study the notes or revise your concepts the night before you have a test. Catch hold of a scholar and reserve him or SHOTGUN HIM (as we say in our language) for the next day. In my times when I was in 4th year I have seen dedicated students coming to college at 8 am for a 10 am test. Sometimes I used to wonder that are they actually sleeping in the college the night before? Just like those agents whom you find at andheri railway station who wait a night before the reservation window opens. Moreover these sly people reserve atleast 30 seats each( Shirpur public included), so imagine the scene when you enter a class and you see only 4 people but atleast 50 seats are reserved, I know this is crazy, but what to do. LIFE ISNT FAIR.

Cheat, damn it! : Imagine yourself in an exam hall and an external paper. Wont you get worked up and try to look here and there? Share and care is the key to passing in our college, every time that invigilator asks you to mind your own business just tell her you were looking out for a calci or a pencil, isnt that pretty simple? Considering that 1 k per session is paid to those invigilators by our richest SVKM trust, trust me they won't mind you cheating. I have known some people who wouldn’t have passed even a single exam ( of course you can exclude subjects like business communication) without cheating in an exam.

Selective study: The most subjective decision out of all. What to study and what to omit? I often wonder that and just because I don’t have anyone to suggest that I end up studying every damn word in the syllabus. It depends on who your faculty is, anyways that would be discussed in the next point though. Argument here is, if they don’t teach us everything, why should I end up studying everything? Just study what you think is important and relevant. Yes, you can apply the math concepts that you studied from Kumbojkar, expected questions from a particular subject is that ratio of hours allotted to that subject upon the total hours allotted to the subject

Judge your professor: If he is a renowned faculty like RC or Arora ( please try to avoid controversies, I am just praising them genuinely) then there are less chances of an external paper, so it’s a safe bet to study everything taught in the class. Even if its an external paper balls to it. In the end the person who is going to correct it would an internal faculty. Our college might waste their money on external paper setters but they are such misers that they will never give our papers to some external faculty to correct it. So don’t panic if its external paper, just write whatever you know and its my guarantee that you shall pass.

Write, don’t be a NETA: I have experienced this, and I strongly suggest you not be one. If its an external paper don’t waste your time on arguing with invigilators, mind it that they are pretty dumb and have no idea about what you are talking about. So don’t tell them what is out of syllabus and what is from the syllabus, they will just say that write whatever you know and ASSUME THE FACTS, I would like to assume that the person who has set the paper was stoned, is it fine?

Read through: If you didn’t understand any of the above points, better go though them again.

Placement procedure explained

2011-12-02T12:44:00.000-08:00

Why MBA placements in my university has become a joke and over which I can stop laughing, whining, cribbing and the list is endless. Its just been 20 days since the placement week has started and it has already got on my nerves. Let me just WALK YOU THROUGH the process.

Profile: Mind telling me what are you going to make me do at your company? If yes, it will be a great favour and if No, I will still apply, because I am that desperate candidate who wants to just get a job without giving a fuck about work is expected from me. Many HR professionals often tell us that ''you are just students, be open to options'', yes I am going to bend over and you can carry the proceedings Mr. HR, I am open to options.

Punctuality: Dear all, please reach the interview venue by 9 am sharp. Its already 11 am I am busy hogging on the canteen food of the company. I know people in our country come late to show how important you are, I also know that it means 2 less hours of a normal student's life away from facebook 'likes' and 'shares' but for me these 2 hours mean quality sleep time. You deprive me of my sleep by making me wait it going to fetch you a lot of criticism for sure.

Presentation: One more fag show where you will tell me you are the best in the world. If I rotate all your points by 180 degrees I will discover the ultimate truth. Some examples are as follows:

Our company is in top 20 best places to work: Yes, there was this survey by a www.surveymonkey.com and they assessed 23 companies overall

Employee friendly company: Get your ass by 8:30 am and dare you leave before 9 pm. Yes saturdays and sundays are work from home.

Performance based compensation: haha! Loser you think I am going to give you what you deserve? Of course not, you work for 10L and I might pay you 7L.

Open door policy: We criticize dumbasses in open and we also strip them off in open if required.

Immense growth prospects: Yes, you might grow fungus on the chair in which you will be sitting for atleast 3 years because I am going to suck out work from you before I promote you.

Questions and answers: After the most interesting presentation on the earth is over here comes the question, ''any questions'', if we don’t ask they would go like no questions eh? And you can see the cocky smile on HR's face, and because of this questions that don’t exist at all are asked. Is it a sales profile? What is the compensation? How much in a day do I have to travel? What model do you use to calculate ROI? Blah blah blah...and our expression during this time would be: FACEPALM

Aptitude test: if north is to south, then east is to what? Complete the sequence, 1,4,9,16,?. I have 2 questions here. Why will one copy in such kind of test? I mean until and unless the person had some serious academic problem in 5th grade. Not to mention those psychometric tests which wants to know your nature. Yes I am a rude, ignorant, I-don’t-give-a-damn kind of person, now come bite me.

Group Discussion: The part that I look forward to the most, because of hilarious discussion that one can have over the table. Once I got a topic named ''money makes more money'', and one son of a gun started of with, '' this isnt true, its not money that makes more money, it is hard work that counts''. This person should go to a circus and he is bound to earn well there. The person should have been actually muted by the recruiter for speaking such nonsense just to show leadership qualities. Moreover its very difficult to show how disinterested you are when some one talk such illogical stuff.

HR interview: if you are patient enough during this phase I bow down to you. A 26 year old fat lady, with low IQ and remote sense of grammar will come and take. You expect questions varying from '' why not your family business'', to ''why did you go this school to study'', well just because I didn’t have enough money to go somewhere else.

Facebook party: After the results have been mailed officially, there will be cool status updates(even I plan to do one) mentioning the company name, and something witty to go with it. There will be status updates from close friends in which the selected candidate will be tagged. I would like to call this phase facebook party

Real party: This is what I look forward to the most. A generous 0.5 percent of the total package can be spent of liquor and friends isn't it, keep it tempo HIGH placements.

And for the record, ''I HATE HUMAN RESOURCES DEPT''

That Girl In Yellow Boots

2011-08-30T07:31:00.000-07:00

Time and again Anurag Kashyap has proved that you don’t need a 100 crore budget or a star cast to make your movie memorable. All you need is an intense story, emotions, dedicated actors and an essence of feel. As he always says, feel the film and you will get to know what I am trying to convey. His approach is pretty unconventional but that's why he has been an inspiration for many upcoming filmmakers in India who want to show sensible cinema.

Movie TGIYB is about a 20 year old girl named Ruth ( Kalki Koechelin) and her complex relationships. She has come down to Mumbai to find her father, who left house years back. Kalki plays a role of a masseuse in South Mumbai to make a living. She has been doing this job illegally and keeps paying bribes for the same. As most of the massage parlours are only for the namesake, and clients always expect a happy ending or what they call a handshake in the end, Ruth also does this as a part of her job. Her boyfriend Prashant is addicted to drugs and fulfils her need of household amenities.

Her quest to search her father continues. Ruth's mother never told anything about her father and tried to erase all memories she had, may be this anxiety brought Ruth all the way from England. Ruth never made friends in her life, and she missed her sister badly who killed herself when she was 15 year old, because she got pregnant. She has some family friends who are helping her to find Arjun Patel ( her father ) who is a photographer by profession.

Meanwhile her boyfriend Prashant gets in the feud with a small time don, Chittiappa( Gulshan Devaiya) who deals in drugs, and blames Prashant for losing the drugs worth Rs. 2 lakhs. Chitiappa comes to Ruth's place and seizes an amount of 57k which she earned by giving the massage. Ruth tries calling up Prashant but it goes all in vain, later Prashant tells her that he still owes him money and stays at Ruth's place for the time being.

Ruth came to know from one her friends staying in Pune, that her father lives in Versova under the name of Benjamin Patel. He was asked to leave the Osho Ashram due to some unknown reason. Her father had written her a letter mentioning how much he misses her, and that was the only thing going for her at that time. Ruth tries to bribe the postmaster to get the address. Finally after some days she get s a call form the post master regarding the address, and Ruth gets all set to meet her father after years.

Will she meet her father eventually? Can her father explain why he left his family all alone?

Anurag Kashyap sets the screen on fire by showing how complex Ruth's life had become, and she was coping up with. Right from her ever horny boyfriend who wants to get laid, incompetent and ugly officers at Visa office, Mr Divakar ( Nasserudin Shah) who cares for Ruth, Chittiappa who wants his share of lust from Ruth, and her father who has to answer a hundred questions to her daughter. Shades of yellow, dim lighting, smoke of joints and some witty dialogues makes it a perfect art movie. Movie breaks a million hearts in the end.

Who should NOT watch this movie.

Karan Johar And SRK fans, who think the movie is not complete without stammering, foreign locations, and spreading arms in every song
Salman Khan's die hard fans, trust me there is no DHINKA CHIKA in this movie. Refrain going for it and stay at home, you might as well try practising his fake accent. That animal is still trying to be HUMAN
Fans who loved Imraan's poetry in ZNMD, this movie doesn’t have that emotional filth and torture that ZNMD poetry had.
Prejudiced against experimental films, and people who keep on commenting about how a bollywood film should be. Yes it has abusive language, a scene here and there and by no means is made to entertain your moral values.
Lastly, if you want a masala film with songs, senseless comedy and stardom, sit at home and watch Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi or you can wait for RA-ONE.

P.S. There is no story behind the title YELLOW BOOTS, Kalki just wanted to stand out in the crowed!

Singham roars at box office.

2011-07-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

"Just like there is a Cowboy inside every american there is a Shivaji inside every Marathi"

Yes Rohit Shetty has hit the sweet spot of success by keeping the above statement in mind. We are talking about Singham, which is a remake of Tamil movie. Singham has our loved Ajay Devgn ( Yes Rohit suggested him to strike of that A from Devgan) and a debutant Kajal Aggarwal.

The first time crowd will go crazy and start hooting would be when Conches start blowing and a man with Moustache and a tatoo below his shoulder emerges after taking a dip in the water, yes its none other than Ajay Devgn showing off his six pack abs. Rohit Shetty's trademark start with a song still remains a mystery.

Earlier an innocent and non corrupt police officer was trapped by a very strong villian named Jaykant Shikre who owns all illegal businesses in Goa. Ajay Devgn comes in their contact when he is promoted to Goa police station from a tiny village Shivgad. Bajirao Singham is what Mr Devgn is called in the movie, and had a very unique way of solving cases in his village.

Movie plot is predictable and stale. We all would have seen at least 10 such movies with a macho police man who fights against the system right form his subordinates, seniors to the ministers and sets an example in the end. These one man army movies will never go out fashion, because that’s what drives the audience and makes it go crazy. I would say this movie is as entertaining as Dabbang

Rohit Shetty's obsession with cars continues to amuse me. It seems at times that he is making a movie to fly Mahindra Scorpios to fly in the air, not flying Mahindra Scorpios in the air to make a movie. I have been waiting for that time when he will make a period film in which he will fling ships in the air. There have been a lot of dialogues in Marathi and theatre comes to life at that point of time.

Bajirao Singham plays with Jayakant Shikre's mind and does exactly what he did with the innocent police officer who committed suicide because of Jaykant Shikre. Not so cute actress kaavya does okay with her acting skills but she doesn’t have enough sizzle to match Ajay Devgns 6 pack abs. Songs in the movie have such an irritating timing that just takes the interest form the movie. Background music is fantabulous and I loved it every time Ajay Devgn pounced on the goons like a lion.

Movie has some spicy dialogues that leads to adrenaline rush. "Meri Zarrorate kam hai, is liye mere zameer main dam hai", now imagine in a single theatre like Chandan, in the Stall on a Sunday evening where most of the lower middle class men would have taken an off from work would listen to this dialogue would almost get an orgasm right there and would relate so much to this scene. "Jisme hai dum, who hai Bajirao Singham".

I am a big fan of Ajay Devgn and a small fan of Rohit Shetty. I have personally suggested Ajay Devgn to stay from a freak who is obsessed with flying cars, but he says Rohit is just to sweet to resist. When I asked him about his love with Goa and creating sets there, Rohit said he has a fetish for Goan bitches, I mean beaches, but failed to show them.

The end is hilarious and senseless. Ajay Devgn persuades the entire police team to walk on the path of truth at a cocktail party thrown by the DSP of police, Goa. I would surely give this movie a thumbs up and a 3.5 on 5. It is certainly worth a watch.

P.S. Don’t forget o share and watch the hilarious Manmohan Singham video!

Oh Americans!

2011-07-19T12:55:00.003-07:00

One more reason why americans are so dumb. One lady actually inserted a credit card in the floppy disk. I mean I know we are progressing but we have limitations as well. She thought she was making a remote transaction, and after inserting the credit card the machine would generate a bill and the goods that she bought would be delivered via monitor screen.

Life was much simpler before I guess. Poor guy, he should probably hand around some more time with wife. I find traits of Pratibha Patil in her.

And yeah did I forget to mention that Reebok has degraded itsbrand value so much that even if they will give me this stuff for free I wont buy it. C'mon guys stop being another Koutons who has sale on for 365 days. Get a life.

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobaara review

2011-07-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

If you have seen this movie, and you found it amazing or say that you are falling short of words to describe it, probably you still like to live in the fantasy world. Oh wait a minute, did you find it like Dil Chahta Hai? If yes, BITE ME! How can you compare this extra sweet sugary movie with Dil Chahta Hai? Are you like out of your mind or you just rolled a joint and started talking philosophy like Farhan Akhtar. Let get into the plot quickly and then we shall have some real good fun ripping off the movie.

To start with, for all the pains they have taken and tried to show a new venue I would give the movie a perfect 3 on 5, I just rounded off that 2.75 because Abhay Deols dance in the movie is as elegant as his sissy brother Bobby. After looking at abhay Deols dance I almost fell from my chair laughing and I rolled down and gathered some dust.

The movie is about 3 old friends, Kabir (Abhay Deol) Imraan (Zoya sweethearts brother, Farhan) and Arjun ( 6 fingered man, Hritik) who had their plans to go for a bachelor trip and give surprises to each other and would finally lear to live a life after 25 years have passed, its never too late folks. Kabir has been engaged to an upscale girl named Natasha whose father owns a 1000 crore hotel company. Natasha ( kalki, ugly pout) was proposed by kabir by mistake when he was actually showing Kalki a ring that he bought for his mother on her Bday, and Kalki thought it was for her ( you seriously want me to buy this?). These 3 gentleman meet Laila (Salman's imported ex Gf, Katrina Kaif) who would be teaching them deep sea diving. Arjun and Imraan have a history, in which Imraan dated Arjun's girlfriend when Arjun was in a relationship with her. Imraan apparently has the best sense of humour ( Analogous to Aamir in DCH), Arjun is too serious in his work and life(Analogous to Akshay Khanna in DCH ) and finally Kabir who has already started dancing on tunes of his fiancé ( Analogous to Saif in DCH), these analogies were there only to please you!

So they go to Spain and a beautiful lady laila teaches them live life. Well A Robin Sharma book would have cost you only 80/- to teach you the lessons of life. Anyways, they took the longer route and that’s about the story. Kabir is still not sure of Marrying Natasha, Imraan wants to meet his druggie father in Spain, and 6 fingered man wants to make sure he takes out time for people/things he loves. Movie is decent, nothing great. It teaches me everything that is obvious, shows in a very old style comedy scenes which forces you to laugh because the maniac sitting in the next seat is laughing and he would think that you are a tubelight who didn’t get the joke. Well I don’t blame them, I blame movies like Welcome. Except for a few scenes comedy was stale and so bollywood types.

Length of the movie makes me tell them audience "nahi aayegi dobaaara", why cant you just fucking end the movie yaar? They dragged it like anything and in the end there was a massive bull run and according to Imraan if they participated they wont be scared of life anymore. One more alternative to overcome fear was a trip to Afghanistan, a 7D/6N package would have removed all their fears. Marne ka itna hi shaukh hai toh shoot yourself wannabe poet.

The movie is filled with poetries of Javed Akhthar narrated by Imraan, they were SHIT. Yes, a 7th grade kid, good at hindi from UP would write it better. I guess Farhan Akthar would have asked his father to give some cool poetries, but when Javed Akhtar denied Shabana Azmi tried really hard to help her lovely child Farhan. She collected the trash from Javed's dustbin, which smelt like rotten eggs. She gave him those poetries to use in the movie and asked him not to forget mentioning his fathers name in the end so that people would make fun of Javed Saab, that’s a smart kid I must say.

One point of time I felt really sleepy but I cant refrain mentioning it all over again about Abhay's dance, he cant dance saala. It’s a family problem I guess. Well, miss anything you want to in the movie but don’t miss his dance. It will steal the show. By no means you can miss the movie, its decent that’s all I can say. I personally didn’t find it oh-out-of-world-movie. And for the ones saying " Got to see something nice after a long time", is something like settling for a hot ebony chick video just because you don’t have a brunette one. In bollywood we hardly produce great films, so mediocre looks awesome.

Proving the world right

2011-07-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

Taking an interview at NMIMS MPSTME is termed as ragging, but we cant resist taking an interview when we have some high quality students joining in with a very high IQ. These students claim to have pass three rounds of exams, which is NMAT, GD and PI and finally make it to the prestigious course of hybrid MBATech course.

This picture just depicts one of the many students, highly revered by the education society. Never the less the person who has written this blog also belongs to the same university. Sad, but true.