The liars may have unmasked “A,” but, as the trailer reminds us, “There’s a lot you don’t know.” From the looks of things, the girls are still getting texts from A, and there is still uncertainty regarding Ali’s killer. Garret may be in jail, but that is not the end of that mystery. Equally important: Arya will be wearing chartreuse, and Hanna will be sporting pink jeans. We have a lot to look forward to, you guys.

Back in March, I took part in a Q&A conference call with the newly revealed “A,” Mona Vanderwall, played by Janel Parrish. Ms. Parrish was very charming and entertaining, and assured us, “I don’t have my hoodie on, so fans are safe.” Read on for more of her insight on her character and the series. 

Does this look like the face of "A"? Photo Credit: ABC FAMILY/Eric McCandless.

In the books Mona was also revealed to be “A,” however, the book version died falling into that ravine. Luckily for Parrish, her character survived the fall, and the actress revealed that she has in fact been made a series regular for season 3. She even offered us some details on what’s to come in season 3: “I do know that Season 3 the premiere will take place six months after Maya’s body was found, so it’s the second anniversary of Alison’s death. Mona will have been in the Radley Sanatorium for the last six months. She’ll get a mysterious visitor.  You’ll find out more about that and there will just be more answers and connecting the dots.” Intriguing. Parrish further hinted that “people will start having scenes with each other that you didn’t even know knew each other […] I think a lot of people in Rosewood are connected that the viewers don’t know about yet, so we’re going to start to see all of that come to light in Season 3.” Hmmm. Thoughts on who she might be talking about? There are some interesting possibilities.

In response to questions about the books, and knowing if she would be “A,” Parrish explained that she did read the books and knew that she was “A” in the book version. However, the producers were very coy about it, and it wasn’t guaranteed that the show would go the same route. She put it in the back of her mind. In fact, Parrish only found out officially the week before filming the finale. When first reading the script, she was nervous that she would be killed off, but luckily, it didn’t go that way. Parrish further stated:

“I am not surprised that we did follow the books in that way. I like the way they did it because it is such a big part of the books that Mona is ‘A’ that I think fans probably would have been upset if they would have changed that, but I think that the way they revealed it went a little different than the books. Obviously, I didn’t die like I did in the books. I survived and they’re taking it in another direction. I think it’s actually great because the book fans get what they have been hoping for and been wanting and expecting, but they get a little bit more of a twist to keep them excited.”

As someone who has read the books, I agree. I like the twist, and especially the hint as to the “A Team.” There is a lot of potential for future seasons this way, and it allows us all to be surprised.

I was able to get in on the question-asking myself. The morning after the finale, show-runner Marlene King tweeted that Mona did all the things that “A” did, except for two things. I wondered whether she had told Parrish this. Parrish replied that she was actually surprised to learn that, and she didn’t really know what King meant yet. I then asked her which actions she hoped that Mona did not do. I mean, given all the creepy things that “A” has done, was there anything Parrish hoped her character was not responsible for? Parish replied: “I don’t think I did the creepy massage because I was with Ken at the horse stable so that’s probably one of them. Maybe setting the fire on Jenna. I would like to think someone else other than her doing that, but I’m not sure.” Good point about the creepy massage! I forgot about Mona being accounted for during that. It’s nice to see an actress who pays such close attention to the plot.

There were also a couple fun questions about TV shows that I want to share with you:

Moderator: If Pretty Little Liars were to have a crossover with another show, which show would you like “A” to wreak havoc on?

 

J. Parrish: Revenge.  I love that show so much.

 

Moderator: Have you seen Twin Peaks?

 

J. Parrish: I love Twin Peaks and yes, absolutely I see the correlation. I definitely think that Pretty Little Liars is like a modern slightly less creepy version of Twin Peaks and it’s great. It’s a small town. The queen bee dies. Everyone’s a suspect. Everyone has a secret, so I actually love that.

Nice. Sorry for keeping this Q&A to myself for so long, but I figured you might get a kick out of it, now that season 3 is right around the corner. I can’t wait! Of course, I’m very curious to find out who Mona has been working with. How many people are a part of “Team A”? Is Melissa as scary as she seems? And will Arya continue to wear fringe? We will just have to wait and see.

Photo Credit: Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW.

Read on for my reactions to The Vampire Diaries 3×20, “Do Not Go Gentle,” aired Thursday, April 27^th, 2012:  

“Rage, rage against the dying of Alaric. Do not go gently into this recap.”

Let’s honor Alaric by torturing ourselves with memories of the past, while day-drinking. I mean, that is just a normal saturday night for our favorite alcoholic history teacher slash vampire hunter, right? This is not so much a recap, as a eulogy and therapy session, so play the sad music and grab a beverage. I don’t mean to be a thunder stealer, and I will try not to make this all about me, but … I mean, it is my blog. I want to focus on the emotional aspect of this episode, and all the feelings involved, because a lot of the witch-powered plot stuff didn’t really make sense. (Esther is a plot ruiner. I remember you, “All My Children.”) Let’s focus on the good. And by “good,” I obviously mean horribly heart-breaking and life-ruining. To say that “Do Not Go Gentle” was an episode that evoked a lot of emotion in me is an understatement. I ugly cried. And ugly cried some more. Then had some pretty tears, followed by more ugly crying. Well done, Matt Davis. Well done, everyone else involved.

Alaric fans have it the worst, basically. After weeks of living in fear, what with Matt Davis’s new job, and Alaric’s new alter ego, the other shoe finally dropped. But with the way the episode ended, there is just so much confusion, and so much fear for what’s to come. We don’t have closure. No matter what happens, I feel pretty certain that I’m going to have to grieve all over again. And over again. And over again. But before the grieving, there’s all the horror of seeing my favorite character—the character who I loved because he protected people—hurt people. See him hurt characters who I also love. The Canadian promo shows Alaric holding [name redacted] hostage, for goodness sake. THE HORROR. Just so much suffering yet to come, so a cathartic cry really does nothing at this point. I live in fear. Lesson learned: your favorite character dying is not actually the worst. There is so much worse. Lesson #2: Lock your crypt door. That said, all my blubbering means that the show is doing a good job at telling a powerful story. So there’s that.

Alaric Saltzman, 50s Decade Dance, 2009.

As part of coping, I decided to take a trip down memory lane and watch some season one episodes. Just to remember Alaric how he used to be, you know? You guys, do yourselves a favor and rewatch season one. It was all so sweet and touching. Remember his introduction? When he writes his name on the board? “Alaric Saltzman. It’s a mouthful, I know.” And remember that time Alaric threw away Mr. Tanner’s “Jackass” file and gave Jeremy an inspirational speech? Totally not crying now. “I’m not a violent guy by design,” Alaric says to Logan Fell before slaying him. Oh, the irony. Okay, fine. Crying forever. And did you remember that Alaric and Damon officially met at the Decade Dance in season one? And, of course, the Decade Dance in season two featured Alaric possessed by Klaus. How fitting that the Decade Dance figures so prominently in Alaric’s funeral episode. And for the Team Blood and Beer fans (aka everyone), “Unpleasantville” and “Do Not Go Gentle” really bookend that relationship nicely.

I also took a look at my early recaps, to see what I thought of Alaaaaaric back in 2009. Apparently I was a fan from day one. I know, I know, you’re shocked. But you should all know that it took until Alaric’s second episode, “The Turning Point,” for me to propose the idea that The Vampire Diaries should be renamed Alaric the Vampire Slayer. Clearly I have shown great restraint. I mean … um, I think Alaaaaaric is okay. Some people might say he’s the television incarnation of Indiana Jones, but I just don’t see it.  Ahem. Hey, and remember The Super Sekrit Adventures of a Hot History Teachin’ Vampire Slayer? Simpler times.

These times we’re in now? Not so simple. So what is the deal with Alaric? Let me recap. First, Alaric’s psyche was broken in two by the continuous deaths and resurrections he experienced. Thanks a lot, Gilbert ring. Psycho!Alaric killed two people we didn’t like, and tried to kill Meredith Fell but failed. Apparently this was because they were vampire sympathizers? I don’t know … his choice of targets is still unclear. Yeah, sympathizers are bad, but why not go for the root of the problem, if you hate vampires so much? Then Bonnie did some magic and gave Alaric some gross-tasting herbs to bind it. They were worse than tea. But Psycho!Alaric managed to gain control anyway, and hide an Original-killing white oak stake. Klaus snapped Alaric’s neck in order to get the location, and after some fight-clubb-ing with Stefan, Psycho!Alaric emerged victorious. Meanwhile, Esther gained control of her daughter Rebekah’s body. Esther then teamed up with Psycho!Alaric in a plan to kill all her children, and thus all vampires ever. While there are definitely some vampires that I’d like to see stick around (Katherine, Caroline, Elijah, and Rebekah), I couldn’t completely fault this plan altogether. Technically, getting rid of vampires altogether could be seen as a noble goal, depending on one’s perspective. In the world of this show, we have a lot of vampire characters, but you can’t help but see that they dramatically impact the body count. That said, I can find fault in Esther’s methods, which are basically the worst. But first, Esther used her witchy woo woo and Alaric’s ring to turn the last white oak stake into “the ultimate weapon, for the ultimate hunter.” This would stop the stake from going up in flames along with its victim. Good call, Esther, but it’s all downhill from there.

The next stage of the plan was for Esther to use the doppelganger’s blood to turn Psycho!Alaric into a super-powered vampire hunter. Like Mikael. So, basically, she plans to make another Original. Because it worked so well last time. Elena argues that by making Alaric into an Original, he could turn into a bigger monster than the children who Esther wants to destroy. Point to Elena. Esther explains to Elena: “He won’t. Now that he’s embraced his darkest aspect, his hatred for them will become more pure and uncompromising. In death, that hatred will be magnified.” Elena says she doesn’t know Alaric, but Esther also admits that she was the one turning Alaric into a crazy person, from the Other Side. Ugh, Esther. THE WORST. An important note: this time there would be a failsafe to the Original-creating magic. Vamp Ric will have a shelf-life. Esther explains: “I have granted him enough power to complete his task. Then, when the time is right, he will die.” The details are fuzzy though. How will Vamp Ric die? When? TV IS SUFFERING.

After Esther feeds Psycho!Alaric Elena’s blood, she kills him. Then Jeremy and Matt crash the party, stepping in to save Elena. All the vamps are trapped back at the school, so go Team Human! They brought weapons! Unfortunately, Esther uses her magic to turn their weapons against each other. In the nick of time, the sane Alaric wakes up and stakes Esther dead (but, sadly, not gone forever). Alaric saved Jeremy and Matt’s lives right there. Please remember that for later. But he’s confused and doesn’t remember anything. He wonders where his ring is.

Elena explains things to poor Alaric off-screen, in what we can imagine was a rough conversation. “Alaric, Esther turned you into an Original, specially made to hunt vampires. When you’re done making all your friends extinct, you’ll die too.” Sigh. Alaric decides not to complete the transition. He’s too worried about his dark side taking control. Jeremy is upset by this decision. (Related: honestly, I agreed with everything Jeremy did and said in this episode and he is the only character I relate to these days. XO, Jeremy. I can’t believe I used to hate you.) With Alaric planning for his death, he has time to say goodbye to everyone. Alaric and everyone he loves all have a chance to mourn his life and death, which makes the sadness that much more drawn out. True to form, Alaric takes the opportunity for some self-loathing: “After everything that’s happened, after all that I’ve done … maybe I had it coming.” Geez, if that was the way things worked, Stefan, Damon, and Klaus would be long dead. Shhhhh, you. Alaric then says his goodbyes to Elena and Jeremy and tells them to leave. When Elena blames herself, he tells her, “Taking care of you and Jeremy has been the closest I ever came to living the life I wanted.” So tragical. Crying forever.

Things get even more emotional when they go outside to see the candlelight vigil set-up ouside. (Obviously Caroline planned this, right?) All our main characters stand in the woods, framed by candle-light, presenting a beautiful tableau. We get a close-up on everyone, and this was when I really fell apart. Even Meredith was there! And Matt Davis, wow. When Alaric goes outside and sees this, he does this little smile/grimace thing that broke my heart. Like he was trying not to cry, you know? And I just burst into tears all over again.

But honestly, the saddest and most beautiful part of the episode was Jeremy and Matt’s tearful toast at The Grill. Mattie pours one out for “Mr. Saltzman,” and Jeremy responds with, “Alaric,” because Alaric was so much more than a teacher to him. And the two boys clink their shot glasses–these two lost kids who have suffered so much, and who are now the only representatives of Team Human. These two kids who both risked their lives to save Elena, and in turn were saved by Alaric, share a moment of grief. And Jeremy tries not to cry, but he can’t stop his tears, and wow. Who would think I could ever love Jeremy this much? My heart breaks for him in that silent moment. (Then Elena and Stefan try to steal Alaric’s thunder with their nonsense, and I take a break from my tears to check twitter. Blah.)

Oh wait, there’s more. So, Meredith gave Alaric a sedative to help him die in his sleep, but  then she talks to Damon and convinces him that Alaric wouldn’t really want to be left alone on his last night. Damon brings a bottle of bourbon inside the crypt for Alaric, and the scene is so great that I have to quote it all. Alaric: “Is this the part where you give me a dream? Rainbows and rolling green hills?” Damon: “I was drunk when I told you that.” Alaric: “Yeah, and I told you I’d use it against you.” Perfection. Damon: “Sorry I killed ya. Twice.” They both laugh. Alaric: “So I actually have to die to get a real apology from you.” Damon tells him to drink. Alaric: “Actually I’ve been thinking about cutting back.” Damon: “Yeah, this stuff will kill you.” And they both swig some more. And Alaric has tears running down his face and Damon is trying to pretend he’s not completely heartbroken, and … SOB. TV IS SUFFERING.

But oh wait, there’s more. As if all that weren’t enough, stupid Esther (ugh) goes and appears to Bonnie and a dream. And Esther (or her “sistaaaaaas”?) possess Bonnie, who makes her way to the crypt where Alaric is sleeping. Meanwhile, Alaric seems to finally pass out. And Damon is really looking the worse for wear, and he struggles with closing the bourbon bottle. TEAM BOURBON. I HATE EVERYTHING EXCEPT BOURBON, BASICALLY. Finally, he goes outside and sees Bonnie, who’s acting all weird and trancelike. She does the vampire aneurism thing, knocking Damon out, and then goes inside the tomb. Bonnie then picks up THE ULTIMATE WEAPON and … hold up, wait a minute. Why is it still there???? Um, why is the stake just there, all accessible? I guess everyone was so busy planning Alaric’s candle-lit memorial that they didn’t notice that a weapon THAT COULD KILL THEM ALL was sitting right there. Now, I know that Elena wasn’t there when the stake was made, but she heard the rest of the plan. How did she think that Vamp Ric was supposed to kill all the Originals, if not with a white oak stake? Did anyone else wonder? Maybe look around the scene of the crime, glance at the huge and weird looking stake? “What’s this ornately designed weapon?” someone might have asked. Alas. I guess I will give the soapdishery a pass since they are mourning … but still. [EDIT: @darkmaxou pointed out that Damon put the stake in his jacket when he left the crypt, and Bonnie took it from Damon. I watched the episode several times and did not notice this, so I'm sorry. I blame the blinding tears and the dark lighting. My apologies, Scoobies, writers, etc. Damon has clearly learned from his soapdish ways.] Anyway, Bonnie uses the stake to pierce her hand, and then feeds her blood to Alaric, who starts to stir and drink. After drinking, he awakens, all vamped out and scary looking, and picks up the special stake. Dun dun dun.

What do you think this means, you guys? Normally I don’t read any recaps until I’ve written mine, but this week was different. This week I needed the support of the fandom, you know? So I’ve been reading everyone’s thoughts, and it seems like the majority feel convinced that the real Alaric is definitely dead, and people seem to expect Vamp Ric, powered by Psycho!Alaric’s damaged psyche, to be the big bad of the next  two episodes. (Yes, there are only two more episode left this season!) But I have to wonder whether Alaric, the parts that we knew, are totally gone. The mythology of TVD does not support the idea of souls or demons. When someone becomes a vampire, they don’t lose their humanity, though they can try to shut it off. All the parts of their personalities are magnified, not just the worst parts. While Esther seems to think that DarkAlaric will stay in control, and be worse than ever, once he’s vamped … Esther sucks. So I’m not sold. Should we believe it, just because she says it? While his dark side is sure to get stronger, it seems to only make sense, given this show, that the human parts of Alaric are still there. And possibly the Alaric as we know could still emerge, albeit briefly.

Non-Alaric-related thoughts (yes, I have some):

• Bonnie: “Why are you still wearing your ring?! Didn’t Elena tell you?” Jeremy: “When my sister stops hanging out with vampires, I’ll take it off.” Point to Jeremy. Laughing forever. And ever.

• Relieved for Jeremy that he had better clothes this time around. Vast improvement over the paisley shirt-vest combo of last year.

• Was it just me, or did the dance decoration look a bit cheesy and sad? I expected better from Rebekah.

• Caroline looked amazing. But what was that random warning to Matt? And the weird looks at Matt and Jeremy bonding? It felt clumsy. And then Caroline jumping on the Stelena train? Yes, she and Stefan have always had a special bond, but the show hasn’t developed that since early season 2. A lot has happened since then. Someone who is as good at being a friend as Caroline would not be pushing her friend towards the guy who broke her heart and almost killed her. Elena has been miserable over Stefan for most of this season. Caroline knows how to be a best friend, and she is protective of her girlfriends. That little “epic love” speech felt unbelievable to me.

• Oh, and I’m getting tired of Klaus’s “I can show you the world” schtick. The speech was a nice idea at first, but get over yourself, dude. Caroline can see the world herself, when she chooses. All she needs is a guidebook, her natural charm, and possibly a little compulsion. I mean, what is that about? She’s a vampire, not an invalid. She is a very smart and capable person. Not a damsel in distress who needs to be swept off her feet and taken care of. And Tyler is a hybrid, not a typical small town boy. Given that, Ty won’t be able to stay in Mystic Falls for many years longer–aging and all. Also, I’m starting to resent the amount of time that Caroline’s story-lines this season seem to be love triangle related.

• I was so sad that Rebekah got daggered so early on in the episode. I really wanted to see her play Esther longer. I guess it made sense, however, since vampires can’t wield magic.

• Elena and Bonnie also looked amazing. In love with Elena’s dress, and A+ to Bonnie’s lipstick. And Matt’s hat? Swooning forever.

• Stefan and Klaus had a moment. Is Klaus forever destined to suffer unrequited love?

• Klaus’s temper tantrum over his mom’s body cracked me up, basically. I don’t know … the whole Klaus thing is just getting old for me.

• I think it’s important for me to remind all our characters to please speak louder while in public places, so that the vampires in other states can hear them too.

• 100% of Mystic Falls teachers are dead. Clearly the post of History teacher at Mystic Falls High rivals that of Defense Against the Arts professor at Hogwarts.

• Bonnie and Jamie were cute together. He seems nice. But it’s too bad that once again Bonnie was used as a plot device that will make everyone dislike her. Hasn’t she suffered enough? And possession? Poor Bonnie. She’s been getting possessed since season one. Isn’t there an amulet or a tattoo she could get? She should look into that.

EvilCia: You are so weak. I never cry at TV because it is ridiculous to get so invested in fictional characters.

 Lucia: Oh no! This episode of The Vampire Diaries killed me and forced a resurrection, and now I have a broken psyche! And I’m not even wearing a ring. Thanks a lot, show.

EvilCia: You are such a nerd. The biggest geek ever. Shhhhh yourself.

Well, that’s all for now. If the pain gets too strong to bear, just remember Alaric sensitively passed out in an Appalachian bathtub. And don’t be scared to jump into the discussion in the comments. If you were my history students, I’d give you all “A”s for creativity, even though obviously vampires don’t exist.

Postscript: I finished writing this post late last night, except for a few edits. Then this morning I learned that my cousin Rick had passed away last night from cancer. A tragic coincidence, even down to the name. It just sucks. So I spent a lot of this morning crying again, but this time for a real person. And it made me feel like maybe I shouldn’t post this because it’s so silly and trivial. I mean, this post is pretty ridiculous, and I spent all day yesterday mourning a fictional character on Twitter, so I felt pretty horrible about myself. What about real people and real pain? I suck. But then I thought that art is supposed to reflect life–to express human truths. And we all have people in real life who we mourn, so there is always the potential for art that reflects that pain and to touch us. So, I don’t want to get too cheesy, and obviously vampires are ridiculous, and Esther’s magic is ridiculous, but I think that it is pretty special when television can reflect true human experience in such a way that it resonates with us and makes us feel. So, in addition to plot twists, and fashion, and just the plain element of fun, one of the most important reasons why I watch TV is to feel things. And I’m sure that a lot of you feel the same.

Vampire baseball: It's the latest craze! Photo Credit: Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW.

Read on for my recap & review of The Vampire Diaries 3×19, “Heart of Darkness,” aired Thursday, April 19^th, 2012:

Previously on The Vampire Diaries, Klaus threw a wrench in the Scoobies’ plan to kill him, and the Scoobies were sad. Bonnie was the saddest witch in all the world. Rebekah was the saddest vampire girl in all the world, and took it out on Damon. Damon got tortured, but on the plus side, he had some down time to fantasize about kissing Elena. Stefan got back on the road to well-adjustment, had an epiphany about Klaus not being worth it, and also declared that Elena had feelings for Damon. Elena didn’t know what she felt. Spoiler alert: she still doesn’t know. Caroline remembered that Tyler exists, foreshadowing his return to the story. Spoiler alert: he returned to the story. Oh, and Matt killed an Original. (Yeah he did. Confetti and all the parades for our dear Mattie!) This revealed the fact that killing an Original has unforeseen consequences. Namely, it also kills EVERY VAMPIRE IN THEIR BLOODLINE. Potentially, this could stop the Scoobies from plotting Klaus’s death ever again, so they all started crossing their fingers that Elijah turned Rose. And my poor Alaaaaaaric was still suffering a psychotic break, on account of all those times he died and was resurrected. Psycho!Alaric hates vampires, so he decided to hide Alaric’s white oak stake, for some vampire-killing purposes. Uh oh.

“Heart of Darkness” was an excellent follow-up to “Murder of One,” and an excellent episode all around. Matt was his perfect Matt-self. Rebekah’s dreams of attending a high school dance were thwarted once again by betrayal. Damon and Elena took a trip to Denver to find Jeremy, and also made out in a motel walkway. Kol played some vampire-style baseball. Tyler and Caroline reunited, only to be pulled apart by Tyler’s jealousy of Klaus. And Stefan and Alaric shared a deep bonding session in the Salvatore dungeon, that changed them both forever. A love story for the ages, people. So much happened, and there is so much to discuss, so let’s get on to the recap.  

Can’t a girl just plan a Decade Dance without getting possessed by her mother?

Let’s start with the important stuff. Mystic Falls High School still exists! And there’s going to be another Decade Dance! And it’s going to have a Roaring 20s theme this year! I mean, if this was all that happened in the episode, I would have loved it. Let’s get into the details. Early in the episode, dance planning is going on in the school gym, where Matt is hard at work being perfect. Caroline picks a fight with Rebekah over the theme. Care insists that the theme is the 1970s, but Rebekah uses logic to shoot her down: “So you’d rather dress in tacky colors with bad hair than be a classic flapper from the Jazz Age? Honestly, I don’t know what my brother sees in you.” Caroline: “Maybe he sees a challenge. You see, unlike some other people, I don’t sleep with everyone I make eye-contact with.” Really, Care? You’re so much better than this. I am disappointed in you. Ladies, let’s not attack other ladies by slut-shaming. Point to Rebekah in this round. Also, she’s right about the 20s > 70s. I mean, did Care forget the meaning of fabulous? THE HORROR. My favorite part of this whole scene was Matt piping in, desperate to make peace: “Maybe we can do both decades.” In unison, girls: “NO.” Laughing forever. Hee. Rebekah then reveals that Matt loved her idea, and Caroline is highly offended. “Traitor!” she yells. Matt: “Bell bottoms and disco? I don’t know, this just seemed cooler.” Point to Matt. Rebekah: “See, it’s just cooler.” Caroline is upset and storms out.

Psych! Fooled you, viewers! Matt runs after her, and they reveal that they are in cahoots. Caroline thanks him for helping her out, and he says that she bought herself a day. Oh, you tricksy blonds. Care reminds him to keep Beks occupied and to be careful. Matt: “Tell him I said hi, okay.” At first I thought that Care might be going along on the Denver roadtrip, given Matt’s recent bromance with Jeremy. But, spoiler alert: she’s planning to go see Tyler. So many bromances, so little time.

Later that day, Matt drops Rebekah off at home, and the two have a little moment in Matt’s truck. Rebekah: “Okay, spill. Why are you being nice to me?” Matt: “I drove you home. You don’t have a car.” Rebekah: “Not just that, I mean, helping me with the dance, and standing up to Caroline—I don’t buy it.” Matt: “Buy what?” Rebekah: “The whole gentlemanly thing. After everything my family’s done to you. What are you up to?” Matt: “It’s sad that you can’t just get a ride home from school without thinking there’s some ulterior motive.” It is sad. But she’s also kind of right (though I think Matt would have been nice to her and given her a ride home regardless of Caroline’s instructions), which makes it even sadder. There are just layers of tragedy here. Like an onion. Rebekah: “You’re right. I’m probably gonna organize the whole dance, and then have to compel myself a date.” Matt: “Let’s not get crazy. Goodbye, Rebekah.” She says goodbye and thanks him for the ride, then gets out of the truck. She smiles as he drives away, and I’m pretty sure this might have been the best day of her life, and now I want to cry. I mean, Rebekah is just THE SADDEST. Especially since we know what happens next. Tragical. (But at least her hair looks AMAAAAAZING.)

When Beks gets inside, she sees her mom. She immediately pins her mom to the wall. As you do. Beks: “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you now.” Esther’s excuse: “Because I’m dying.” Hmmm. Rebekah asks how her mom is dying, since Ayanna had preserved her body with a spell. Esther: “She did. I’m drawing my power from the Bennett witch line. When Abby died, the connection was severed, so my body has weakened.” Hmmm. One of the plot holes from “All My Children” rears its ugly head. Ugh, I hated Esther’s plan, and its execution, and they way it fell apart. Why would Abby dying break the connection when Bonnie’s still alive, and she can still channel the power of 100 witch ancestors? Why does one witch who barely had any magic matter? When Bonnie was able to channel 100 dead witches all by herself, before we even knew Abby existed? (Yeah, it was dangerous, and could have killed her, but what does Esther care about suicide?) And what about Lucy? Lucy is the awesomest! Why not just find another Bennett witch, Esther? Try harder. Why is Esther now suddenly dying when Ayanna’s spell—the spell of one lone witch—was powerful enough to preserve Esther’s body for a thousand years? It just seems so contrived and über convenient. Blah. Ugh. (Yes, Esther could have been lying about this, so maybe that minimizes the plot holiness? I don’t know. The whole thing is still super annoying.) And now I’m wondering why Esther, who has been watching everyone from the beyond for the past thousand years, doesn’t know about the remaining white oak. Such a powerful witch should have been on top of that white oak situation, not leeching off unstable Bennett magic in order to perform a spell she couldn’t handle. Moving on …

Rebekah is not impressed by her mother’s imminent death: “Well, if you’ve come to spend your last moments with your loving daughter, prepare to be disappointed. You should have spent less time plotting my death.” I mean, “You should have spent less time plotting my death” … it’s all so sad when you think about it. Poor Rebekah. Esther tries to defend herself: “Is that what you think I’ve been doing on the other side? I’ve been looking over you for a thousand years of joy and heartbreak—your fights with Klaus, the nights you cried yourself to sleep calling out my name. Not a day has gone by that I wasn’t right there with you.” Rebekah: “And yet you still tried to kill me.” Esther: “Because it shouldn’t have been a thousand years, Rebekah. No one should live that long.” Rebekah: “But I haven’t lived at all.” OH MY GOD, I’M GOING TO CRY. SERIOUSLY, MY EYES ARE WELLING UP WITH TEARS, BECAUSE THIS IS SO TRUE. The girl has barely lived. Such a sad and pathetically limited life due to the acts of her parents, and their subsequent 180 degree turn. And the manipulation of Klaus … she has had a life so full of desperation and longing. I am just so sad right now. Esther, thankfully, has the grace to feel bad: “I’m sorry, Rebekah. So so sorry.” She then holds onto her daughter’s hands, starts to shake, then collapses. Klaus enters: “What’s going on?” Rebekah: “She’s dead.”

But things aren’t so simple, as we learn later. I mean, they never are on this show. At the end of the episode “Rebekah” takes Psycho!Alaric down to the caves to retrieve the missing stake. After he enters the cave and picks up the hidden stake, he takes a seat and starts to take control of the situation. He asks, “Now why would I give you the one thing that requires everyone to keep me alive?” Rebekah: “Are we bargaining now? Fine. What’s your offer?” Alaric: “There’s only one stake out there, which means only one Original has to die. Help me, and I’ll make sure it’s not you.” Rebekah: “Tenuous, but points for effort. You see, I don’t want one Original to die.” With this, she actually enters the cave, shocking Psycho!Alaric. “I want them all to die,” she declares. Psycho!Alaric: “How the hell did you do that?” Rebekah: “It was easy to fool Niklaus, but I thought you of all people would understand. After all, my son did use your body at one point.” Dun dun dun. Psycho!Alaric realizes the truth: “You’re not Rebekah.” The woman in Rebekah’s body confirms this: “No, my name is Esther. And we have a great deal in common.” Dun dun dun. You guys, I loved this twist and I was literally yelling incoherent noises at my TV, all alone in my apartment. You got me, Vampire Diaries. Again. Of course, the most important takeaway from this reveal is that ONCE AGAIN, poor Rebekah is thwarted in her plans to attend a high school dance. The girl never catches a break. I just hope that Bonnie banishes Esther into a cheerleading trophy, where she belongs. Moms who steal their daughters’ childhoods are THE WORST.

It’s a vampire-hybrid reunion!

So, freed from Rebekah’s watchful eye (did Klaus have his sister spying on Caroline or was this just mean girl stuff?), Caroline heads to the woods. She hears something and then smiles, and we see that she is meeting Tyler. “Hi.” Candice Accola is still THE BEST at saying “Hi.” It’s a special skill. Tyler tells her how much he missed her, and then they take things down to the cellar. Remember that underground room where Tyler used to transform? The really dirty one that was the setting for so many hours of pain? They two lovebirds choose this spot to get, um, reacquainted.

In the afterglow, Caroline and Tyler whisper sweet nothings. They are really happy. (TV rules say that this can’t last, so take a good long hard look, people.) Tyler promises that they’ll finally do this in a bed once he figures out what to do with Klaus. Caroline has a good plan to deal with Klaus: “Tell him to suck it. You broke his sire bond. You won’t have to deal with him ever again.” Tyler: “It’s easier said than done. Besides, I won’t know if it’s broken until I test it.” Caroline: “Wait, I thought that’s why you were coming back, because you said you felt different.” Tyler: “I do feel different. I feel freer. Way more myself. All I know is that I turned about a thousand times in the Appalachian Mountains. If I can get through that, I can get through anything.” Um, Appalachian Mountains reference? This had me rolling. You may remember that Alaric going on a bender in the Appalachians was quite the running joke back in season two. Hee. Also, there is a motel room in this episode, so that just confirms this as a shout-out. (Not really, but hee.) Alas, Alaric was not to be found sensitively passed out in a bathtub last week, but there’s still time for that.

But back to the recap. Caroline is happy to hear that Tyler made such progress and is in a good headspace, and she decides to fill him in on the bloodline stuff. She also casually states, “Matt killed an Original.” I have to admit, I’m really sad that Tyler didn’t show some pride at this reveal, and then throw his former bestie a party. Let me remind you all again: MATT KILLED AN ORIGINAL. Klaus: 1. Matt: 1. Everyone else: 0. Anyway, Caroline continues the story, right up to the crucial potentially deadly part. Tyler: “But Klaus turned me. So if he dies, I die.” Caroline: “I know that. They know that. The difference is, Damon doesn’t care.” Dun dun dun.

Later, Caroline brings Tyler home. She tells him that her mom said he could stay as long as he wants. Wow, Liz. Do you think she’s allowing this just to piss Carol Lockwood off? I hope so. Hee. However, Care does clarify that her mom didn’t go as far as to let them share the bed. Ty will be snoozing on the couch. They are basically in a holding pattern until they find out whether Klaus started the Salvatore’s line. Tyler: “And if Klaus didn’t create their line? And they try to kill him?” Caroline: “Tyler, I just got you back.” She kisses him, and adds, “I’m not losing you again.” She then goes in the other room to set up his couch bed, when things go terribly awry. Oh, teenagers. He finds the pony drawing from “Dangerous Liaisons” on her night stand. As you may remember, Klaus signed it, and wrote a little note. Tyler asks/exclaims/accuses, “Klaus drew this for you?” Caroline, from the other room: “Huh?” Tyler: “That’s pretty creepy.” Caroline: “Yeah, Klaus is pretty creepy. Even when he’s trying to be charming.” Tyler is NOT amused: “Charming? Does Klaus have a thing for you, or something?” Caroline: “No. As far as I’m concerned, he isn’t capable of real feelings.” Tyler: “I’m serious. What the hell happened while I was gone?” Uh oh. Caroline: “Tyler, nothing. Nothing happened.” Tyler: “Then why did you keep this?” Um, because it’s pretty. Hello! Caroline: “I don’t know.” There is strained silence. Finally, Tyler announces, “I think I’m gonna find someplace else to spend the night.” Caroline calls after him, but he’s out of there.  Geez, Tyler, just when I was finding you tolerable. Blah.  All the guys courting Caroline is just common sense. Duh, she’s Caroline. And one does not throw away art.

In which Alaric and Stefan do some violent soul-searching in a dungeon, and Klaus gets jealous.

So, what was everyone else doing? Well, the Salvatores decided to swap partners, as @Katelinnea pointed out:

At least Damon gave Stefan his boyfriend in return for Elena... Nice attempt at fairness, there, boys. #TVD

April 19, 2012 5:12 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@katelinnea

Kate Linnea Welsh

Sharing is caring? So, Stefan encouraged Elena to head to Denver with Damon, while he remained behind to hang with Alaric. Of course Damon did leave behind a fitting token of his affection, by sneaking Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde into the pile of books Elena brings Alaric. Ha! Elena wasn’t so sure that Alaric belonged in the Salvatore dungeon, but exposition reminded us why he’s there: to get his alter ego to appear and confess where he hid the white oak stake. Elena and Alaric sort of worry over what Klaus will do if they don’t find the stake, but they both seem a bit bored by the idea of Klaus’s prospective retaliation. Elena: “It’s the only thing that will kill him, so … wage war, murder people, you know, Klaus stuff.” Same old, same old. I feel you, Elena.

Upstairs, in the Salvatore Great Room (I recently learned via Julie Plec’s Twitter that the Salvatore living room is referred to as the “great room” in the scripts, so obviously that is what I will call it now), Damon and Stefan discuss their little trade, and the whole missing stake situation. Stefan assures his brother that he’ll get the location out of Alaric, it’ll just take some time. Damon’s not so sure, now that Stefan has stepped away from the Dark Side. Hmmm. I have a feeling that Stefan will be able to connect to Alaric on a deeper level, what with their shared self-hatred and broken psyches. Have fun in that dungeon, boys! Spoiler alert: THEY DO.

Stefan goes down to the dungeon to see Alaaaaaaric, who is currently in his right mind, but having a hard time falling asleep. Stefan has watched enough of Damon and Alaric’s friendship to know what to do, and brings down some bourbon to “speed up the process.” So, reading and day drinking … this is really just a typical day for Alaric, after all. Alaric doesn’t want to drink alone, and Stefan doesn’t leave him hanging. The youngest Salvatore pulls up a chair so that he can bond with his brother’s bestie. Awwww. Alaric wonders why Stefan is the one babysitting him, since it’s just a waiting game. Stefan reveals that they only have a limited amount of time “before we have to resort to other methods.” Uh oh. I DO NOT LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. HOLD ME. Alaric: “So you’re worried you’re gonna have to torture it out of me? You don’t think Damon could have done that?” Now, when I first watched this scene, I started hyperventilating at this point and refilling my glass. However, upon rewatch my reaction was more like: “TOO MANY JOKES. CANNOT FUNCTION.” I mean, these boys are really just setting up the fandom for all the snark here. Hee.

Anyway, Stefan decides to engage in some bonding through the magic of over-sharing: “Look, Elena needed to go on that road trip with Damon. No matter what I go through to get her back—fighting my blood lust, trying to gain control of my life again—none of that maters if she has feelings for somebody else.” See my thoughts on this further down, in the next section. Then the two of them discuss Jeremy. Stefan says that Elena is worried about her little brother, because … duh. Alaric: “Who knows? Maybe his alter ego is a pot smoking pot smoking pacifist.” Hee. That may have been my favorite line of the episode. Alaric continues, “I can’t say I thought mine would be so hostile and militant.” Stefan: “Actually it makes perfect sense. Your wife left you to become a vampire and your girlfriend was killed by one.” Well, look who’s an amateur psychiatrist. Good reading, Stefan. Alaric: “You must really hate me. Here I am, the failed hunter slash drinking buddy of vampires.” Stefan: “Nah, he’s too judgmental.” Alaric: “The thing is, he’s me. I’m not compelled. I’m not possessed. There’s no humanity switch. What drives him is me.” This is familiar existential territory for Stefan, so he jumps in: “No, no he’s not you. He’s the darkest parts of you. Parts we all have.” You know, these two really have a lot more in common than I ever thought.

You know that things are getting just a bit too cozy, because then Klaus interrupts: “Well, this is depressing, isn’t it?” Someone’s jealous! Oh, Klaus, don’t worry. Chin up, no one can make Stefan more depressed than you. Klaus shows them the white oak stake he found upstairs, and reminds them that he still needs the other one. Yes, Klaus, I think they can all do that simple math. Stefan says that it’s going to take more time, but Klaus is not willing to be patient: “Why? Because we’re waiting for that one to pass out? No thanks, I think I’ll just kill him.” Um, Klaus, STEP OFF. (This episode was soooo stressful for me, as you can imagine.) Stefan: “Well then you won’t know the location of the other stake.” Klaus says that he can live with that. I guess he really trusts that Alaric is an amazing hider, and/or didn’t hand it to one of the many (many many many) people who hate Klaus. Smarten up, lion face.

Stefan then makes the most soapdish move of the episode. While I appreciate the fact that Stefan does this to save Alaric, I think there would have been other buttons he could push. You know? Yep, Stefan tells Klaus all: “When we staked Finn, we discovered that killing an Original vampire killed its entire bloodline. Now, I don’t know which one of you I’m descended from, but I’d really rather not find out by dying. So why don’t we just find the stake and destroy it, so that we can all be safe.” STEFAN!??!! SERIOUSLY??!! Klaus: “So the fate of the entire vampire race depends on you [indicating Stefan] finding a stake, and to get it, we need you [indicating Alaric] to pass out, which means I feel totally justified doing this.” Klaus snaps Alaric’s neck. “There, sleeping like a baby.” Ugh, Klaus. You’re dead to me. I’m going to join Team Tyler now just to spite you. (Okay, not really. I wouldn’t go that far. But I do hope that Mommie Dearest puts him through the ringer.)

Sometime later, Alaric wakes up on the floor, and Stefan is there to greet him. Geez, Stefan couldn’t put the poor guy back on his cot, so he could resurrect on a less gross surface? How rude. Stefan says that he almost finished reading Moby Dick while Alaric was sleeping. Okay, let’s talk about the ring and its magical powers for a minute. The past few times that Alaric almost died, he needed vampire blood to supplement the ring magic. The ring wasn’t enough, and it wasn’t working fast enough. And now suddenly the ring is back to working perfectly with no worries? I am so confused about this ring magic, people.

Back to the recap. Alaric makes a good point: “This is stupid. Evil me, or whatever you want to call him, he’s not gonna make an appearance. I mean, why would he? The best hiding place is the one where you can’t find the person who hid it.” Stefan agrees. Alaric asks him how he wants to do this. Stefan: “I don’t want to do any of this.” Alaric takes off his ring, and Stefan protests. Alaric: “No, what I need is hope that my alter ego doesn’t have a death wish. So, I’m taking bets that my dark side has a sense of self-preservation. So let’s see if he defends himself against death.” (Soooooo stressful!) Stefan says that he’s not going to kill Alaric. While I admire this sentiment, Alaric does not. He points out that it’s their only chance. Stefan looks really unhappy at the prospect, but works up the nerve. Vampire punch!

The fight escalates, but Alaric tells Stefan that he’s not putting enough into it. Stefan: “If I put any more into it, I’m gonna break your spine.” Me: “Don’t break his spine!” More punching. Finally, Alaric starts to bleed, and Stefan gets freaked out. Alaric: “Oh c’mon, you’re past that.” Stefan: “No, I’m not.” Alaric: “Then use it. Give in to it. Try and kill me, Stefan, c’mon.” Stefan: “Not like this, Alaric.” Alaric: “Yes, like this. You’re gonna have to want to kill me for me to believe you will.” Stefan: “If I go this far, I might not be able to stop.” Me: “Don’t go too far!” Alaric: “If you want the answers from my darkest side, you’re gonna have to tap into yours. So don’t back down. Don’t fight it. Just do it. Do it!!!” Wowzers. Such a smart decision from a writing standpoint to put these two characters in this position. It’s all just SO INTENSE.

So, the fighting escalates, and at this point I’m maybe close to tears, when Alaric gets up, all bloodied, and suddenly … hello, Psycho!Alaric! “You’re so weak. Look at you. One of nature’s most hideous creatures and you can’t even get that right. You, me…” Gaaaaah! Bravo, Matt Davis. Bravo! Stefan asks Psycho!Alaric where the stake is. Psycho!Alaric: “You’re worse than I ever was. Spineless, pathetic.” Stefan: “Tell me where the stake is before I kill you.” Psycho!Alaric: “You know you’re all gonna burn. Ashes to dust.” Chills. Stefan starts pounding on him and asks again about the stake. Then Stefan puts him in a chokehold and threatens to kill him. After the “3-2-1” countdown, Psycho!Alaric spills: “It’s in the cave. Where no vampire can get it.” He follows this with an evil little chuckle. Nice. Oooh, trickly. Evilric is so smart! Armed with this info, Stefan locks his sparring partner in the dungeon and heads upstairs …  where he finds Klaus and Not!Rebekah waiting for him in the great room.

Klaus pours a drink, fire roaring in the background. Rebekah brings Psycho!Alaric upstairs. Klaus: “It’s a little gratuitous, don’t you think, Stefan? I would have been more gentle.” Ha! Not!Rebekah heads off to the caves with Psycho!Alaric, so that Klaus and Stefan can have some alone time. Klaus: “And then there was one. I know about your brother’s little mission to Denver. He failed. Not that that’s news anymore.” Awww. Poor Damon. So sad, so true. Stefan calls Klaus’s bluff: “So, what are you gonna do now, Klaus? You gonna kill me?” Klaus: “I haven’t actually decided yet.” Stefan: “Oh, sure you have. See you’ve had every chance and every excuse imaginable to do it, but yet you haven’t. Which means you don’t want to.” TRUTH. Klaus: “You know something, you’re right. See, I’m still waiting for my old friend to come back. And from the looks of it, he’s just beneath the surface, waiting to come out to play. Isn’t that right, Ripper?” Klaus is SO OBSESSED with him. Stefan: “I’ve been fighting that part of myself, thinking that if I repress it, it will go away. But it won’t. And now that I’ve accepted it, it can’t control me. And neither can you. So, unless you’re gonna stake me, why don’t you get the hell out of my house.” Klaus looks impressed. And turned on. (I JUST REPORT THE FACTS.)

A tale of planes, motels, hoarding, and vampire baseball.

Okay, so this Denver trip was kind of a hot mess, but it was an entertaining ride. The highlights? First off, it turns out that Jeremy has taken up baseball. What did Damon’s compulsion do to our sensitive artiste? Also, his neck grew three sizes! Oh, and the littlest Gilbert also made a new friend! Unfortunately, this new friend is Kol. No one should be surprised by this given Gilbert proclivities. Ahem. (This is what happens when you erase your brother’s memory and send him off to Denver, Elena. P.S. I TOLD YOU SO.) Apparently no one thought to email Jer photos of the Originals, captioned “Watch out for hot people with sexy accents!” Sadly for Jeremy, Kol was just pretending to be his friend, but really watching him for Klaus. I have to say that I’m surprised that Kol has loyalty to Klaus at this point, and would do his bidding. Huh. Anyway, when Damon and Elena ID Kol, violence ensues, and it turns out that Kol really likes playing baseball … with Damon’s limbs. Eventually, however, after Kol experiments with a “newfangled” aluminum bat, Damon is able to get the upper hand and stakes Kol. Of course, not with a white oak stake, so it’s only temporary.

With Kol temporarily immobilized, the Scoobies have a chance to get a head start and hide out at a motel. Earlier, Damon and Elena had filled Jeremy in on the main reason for their trip. Oh, turns out it wasn’t really to rescue Jeremy, but to use his skills as a medium to contact Rose. You know, because they need to know who turned Rose, so that they can figure out which Original started the Salvatore bloodline. Poor Jeremy. And not just because Elena waits to rescue him until she needs something from him. You’d think he’d be spared meeting Rose now that she’s dead, but no such luck. Jeremy isn’t sure he’ll be able to connect with Rose, since he didn’t know her, but luckily Rose is obsessed with Damon and follows him around. After some light taunting, Damon reminisces about how Rose spent her last day in paradise. Elena is confused, but Jeremy pipes in: “It was in the dream he gave her. She’s here.” Oh, hi, Rose. We didn’t miss you at all.

Elena asks if Rose is lonely on the other side, but Rose says that she’s happier than she ever was. Damon asks if she’s still hot, and Rose says that Damon is “still dripping with sex.” Jeremy looks really uncomfortable, and I feel the same. Some mental images can just not be unseen. Ewww. Jer opts to share only the PG rated version of her missing Damon. Rose also establishes herself as a Delena shipper, and Jeremy is confused. He has missed so much. Eventually, we learn that Rose was not sired by an Original after all, but someone named Mary Porter. I gotta say, even though I’ve been hoping that Elijah started the Katherine/Salvatore/Caroline bloodline, I’m pretty relieved that Elijah didn’t turn Rose himself. Damon knows Mary Porter (in the biblical sense, as we learn later), and apparently her nickname is “Scary Mary.” OF COURSE someone named “Scary Mary” turned Rose. Why didn’t we already think of that?!?! Rose doesn’t know where she is, but she agrees to find out. Vampire-Ghost Detective to the rescue.

Now, since this show is complicated, we must also discuss the other motivation for this Denver trip: Elena’s feelings. As Elena revealed at the start of the episode, Stefan was the one who actually encouraged her to go on the trip with Damon, hoping that it would help her deal with her unresolved feelings. Now, while I appreciate that Stefan is giving Elena room to discover and grow, his whole attitude is short-sighted. Declaring to Alaric that nothing he does matters if Elena has feelings for someone else? If Elena were to love Stefan the most (I’m not saying she necessarily does, but if) and, more importantly, if she were to choose him, what would it matter if she also had feelings for someone else? Love is not a zero-sum game. I repeat: LOVE IS NOT A ZERO-SUM GAME. Also, you know what you get when you push the girl you love towards another guy who’s in love with her? EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASKED FOR. I mean, did those months as a Ripper damage Stefan’s brain cells? A little questioning and lust on Elena’s part is not an excuse to take yourself out of the game, Stefan! SIGH. Vampires …

Anyway, back to Elena and her feelings and choices, etc. I thought this episode did a good job of presenting a believable hook-up between Elena and Damon. Obviously the show has been building up to this moment, and the fact that it happened was wholly unsurprising. That said, I was a bit surprised by how hot it was. I mean, I’m only human. A run-jump-kiss on a motel balcony? Not too shabby. On the other hand, I’m glad that the show didn’t get too carried away by the romance and the sexiness, so as to make it unbelievable. Of course Jeremy would be confused and concerned and hurt. Of course Elena would question herself for doing this, and be a combination of turned on, ashamed, confused, and a million other feelings. This is Elena Gilbert! Just last week she was declaring her undying love for Stefan, and she has spent months chasing Stefan down, despite the fact he became a vicious serial killer. The girl does not give up on love. To think that one make-out session with Damon—as steamy as it was—would clarify her feelings is ridiculous. While I am really not a fan of this love triangle in general, I have to say, well-done, writers.

After the kiss is interrupted, Jeremy tells them that Rose found Mary. She lives in Kansas. Supernatural reference? When the trio arrives at Mary’s house, there is some sibling awkwardness, but eventually Jeremy decides to wait in the car while Elena and Damon go inside. Not going inside Scary Mary’s house? Jeremy is the smartest person on this show. The inside of Scary Mary’s abode looks like an episode of Hoarders, so that triples the freaky. Eventually, Damon and Elena find Scary Mary dead, pinned to the wall with a baseball bat. Uh oh. Kol got there first.

Kol explains to the newcomers that “she was a bit of an Original groupie.” Fandom: “We want to be Original groupies too!” Elena: “And were you her favorite?” Kol plays it smart: “You mean, did I turn her? I think I did. But no, wait … maybe it was Rebekah. Although there was also a Klaus period. And let’s not forget the Elijah affair. I spoke to my brother. I know you’re trying to find out who you’re descended from. Now you never will. So, where did we leave off?” Hmmm. Just another reason why Stefan shouldn’t have spilled about the bloodlines. (Ugh, Stefan!) Then Kol takes part in his favorite pastime: attacking Damon with baseball bat. Damon tells Elena to leave, and while Kol points out that she is off-limits according to Klaus, he does take the opportunity to strike her and push her aside. Damon is not pleased. Kol maintains the upper hand, however: “Oh dear, I’ve hit a nerve. Relax, darling. I just want us to be even. You snapped my neck, you killed my brother, and then you humiliated me. [Hits him some more with the bat.] There. Now we’re even.” You know, Kol is actually a really forgiving guy. He’s got a gentle heart. I mean, Damon got off easy.

Once Kol leaves, Elena and Damon have a moment. There’s some face holding, as usual. But Elena pulls away and now it’s Damon’s turn to be confused. He wants to know what is going on with this trip and Elena kissing him. She comes clean: “Stefan thinks that I have feelings for you.” Damon: “Do you?” Elena stumbles over the words: “I don’t know.” Damon: “Hmm. I guess you thought this little trip could help you figure that out, didn’t you?” Elena protests. Damon: “Or maybe you were hoping I’d screw it up, so I would make the decision for you. Am I wrong?” Elena: “It’s what you do, Damon. You sabotage things. Think about it. Every time there’s a bump in the road, you lash out.” I mean, she is not wrong. Damon: “What if I didn’t? What if there was no bump? [He looks at her doubting expression and gets mad.] Well, I’m sorry, Elena, but this time I’m not gonna make it so easy for you. This time you’re gonna have to figure it out yourself.” Yes, Damon, because all those times you hurt or killed the people she loved really made Elena’s life easier. Good one. Burn.

Now for my least favorite part of the episode: the car ride home, filled with ridiculous exposition. Rose appears in the backseat with Jeremy, and has secret things to tell him. You guys, she’s just such a Delena shipper that she can’t keep quiet a moment longer! She must be unburdened! Since Jeremy is the only one she can talk to, she forces him to be witness to her yammering. If only there was the internet on the Other Side, so Rose could keep occupied in a chat room with like-minded individuals. Instead, she directs her speech to the kid who Damon killed at the beginning of season two (and more importantly, to the audience): “I know you want to stop it, protect her from it, but you’re young. You don’t see what I see. It’s not just that she makes him a better person, and she does, but he changes her too. Damon challenges her, surprises her. He makes her question her life, beliefs. Stefan is different. His love is pure. He’ll always be good for her. Damon is either the best thing for her, or the worst.” PUKE. First of all, neither vampire is “good” for Elena. (Not that such a minor thing as “good” or “bad” will stand in the way of love. The romance will continue, regardless of notions of “good” or “bad.”) Second of all, Damon is neither the best the thing for her, nor the worst. The best thing would probably be someone like Matt. Or moving to Italy and finding a hot Salvatore who’s not a vampire. (Shout out to Nina Dobrev for that idea!) And the worst thing would obviously be getting kidnapped by Klaus and used as a hybrid-producing blood bag for the rest of her days, dying alone and anemic. But the stuff Rose said about Stefan was really the most ridiculous, and it is in direct opposition to EVERYTHING we’ve seen this season. Also, didn’t we hear enough about Stefan’s “pure” heart in season one? You can use that word as much as you want, writers, but it won’t ever make it true. Finally, Rose disappears. And she will not be missed.

So, I think that I covered all the important stuff. What did you all think? On a scale of one to infinity, how scared are you for Alaric? (I’m infinity times infinity on the fear scale.) Also, on a scale of one to infinity, how excited are you to see Claire Holt play Esther-pretending-to-be-Rebekah? (I’m infinity times infinity on the excitement scale.) Also, let’s talk about how much we love Katherine and miss her, just because. (I miss her infinity times infinity. TIMES INFINITY.) Oh, and if you were an English major and know about Moby Dick and its symbolism, please school us in the comments. Or was it just referenced for the phallic imagery? Thanks for reading!

Lesson learned. Don't get this one mad. Photo: Bob Mahoney/The CW.

The Vampire Diaries 3×18, “Murder of One,” aired Thursday, March 29^th, 2012:

This will be a shorter recap this week. I’m experimenting with brevity (gasp!) and a variant format (again). Previously on the Vampire Diaries, we met Damon’s misogynistic former life coach, Sage. THE WORST. Sage was revealed to be in love with the suicidal Original brother, Finn, and she betrayed Damon to keep her Original boyfriend safe. With Sage’s help, Rebekah burned all the white oak from the Wickery Bridge, not knowing that Damon and Stefan had their hands on a historical sign, made from the same wood. Thank you, Alaric! Sometimes it pays to have friends who are history nerds, you know. The Salvatores were REALLY excited at the prospect of killing Originals. Also, Alaric was revealed to have a psycho councilmember-killing alter ego. Psycho!Alaric, powered by his fractured psyche, tried to kill his girlfriend, Meredith Fell. Related: Alaric continues to be unlucky in love. Bonnie did a spell and gave Alaric herbs to curb his dark impulses, so supposedly he’s on the mend. Also, Bonnie’s vampire mom ran off, abandoning her daughter for a second time.

In “Murder of One,” our characters were forced to deal with the ramifications of these events. Damon, Stefan, and Alaric got to work making weapons out of the white oak sign, and planned an Original offensive. They brought in Elena, Matt, and Caroline to help with the plan, which was actually smart. The new plan revolved around isolating one Original from the group and surprising and killing him or her. With 12 stakes, 5 conspirators working together, and time to wait for the right opportunity, this might have really worked. However, unbeknownst to our plotters, Klaus had kidnapped Bonnie, and he succeeded in making her perform a spell to unlink the siblings. She pulled it off JUST IN TIME, right before the Scoobies killed Finn (final blow by Matt frakin’ Donovan, thank you very much!). With the Originals no longer linked, killing Finn didn’t achieve what the Scoobies had dreamed. Klaus and his other siblings were all still alive, sans the suicidal maniac one. To make things worse, Rebekah had kidnapped Damon, so there was a minor hostage crisis. Stefan was forced to sacrifice the Scooby advantage—giving the stakes to Klaus in exchange for Damon’s life. Stefan tried to pull one over on Klaus, and keep 3 of the stakes in his possession, but Klaus figured it out. Things became even more complicated when Sage and her minion Troy died within an hour of Finn. They just dropped dead. The Scoobies figured out that this must be a result of the bloodlines. If an Original dies, then all the vampires they turned will also die, killing every vampire in their bloodline. Uh oh. They better figure out who turned Rose, fast. Boom. Recapped. (Kidding.) 

Oh, and Rebekah tortured Damon for a bit. Fun times.

Remember how Damon teamed up with Sage in the previous episode? How he seduced Rebekah in order for Sage to get into her head and find out what she was up to? Well, Rebekah remembered too, and she was not happy. She showed up at Casa Salvatore, knocked Alaric out, and kidnapped Damon. “Hello, lover.” I mean, I can’t really blame her.

So how did Rebekah’s torture skills measure up against past torturers? I mean, I would have to give her a B+, only because of points lost for lack of follow-through. Those chompy animal trap things creeeeeeep me out. I am cringing just thinking of those things. And Beks gets extra credit for righteous indignation and long-term compulsion goals. As she explains to her victim: “You pretended to be interested in me, and then you slept with me so that your trampy friend Sage could steal my thoughts. Ever since then, I’ve felt this obsessive need to one-up you. So I’ve decided to bleed the vervain from your system.” Ha! Damon: “You want to compel me to be your boyfriend?” Rebekah: “Actually, I’d rather compel you to kill your brother. Or Elena.” Excellent—she knows her target. Hitting him exactly where it hurts. Of course everyone always wants to backseat torture, but Rebekah held her own against her know-it-all big brother. Klaus was convinced that it would be easer to turn Damon upside down, but Beks was not impressed with his meddling: “I’m perfectly capable of inflicting pain.” Klaus: “Oh, excuse me. It’s not like I have any expertise in the matter.” Ha! Oh, Original family squabbles do amuse.

Another key element of Rebekah’s torture plan, of course, was that mind warp dream thingie. Do we have a name for that vampire power, you guys? I need something a little more graceful. Anyway, while Damon was hanging in torture vise, suddenly he saw someone coming. Elena had come to save Damon! At first, I really thought it was real. Elena was super upset, helped him to get out of the bear trap thing, and then tried to help him out of the house. However, Damon was too weak and collapsed. Elena assured him that she was not going to leave him, and put out her wrist for him to drink. And I was like “Dear humans, when planning to rescue a kidnapped vampire, always bring a blood bag. #TVD.” But then I couldn’t hit “send” on my tweet because I realized that it was a mind warp dream thingie, perpetrated by Rebekah. Because, then Damon and Elena moved in to kiss, and everything started to look cinematic and surreal, and then the screen faded to black. Damon was revealed to still hanging in that torture vise, Rebekah at his side. “You bitch.” Nice. Hee.

We then got a little insight into our favorite Original sister. Rebekah: “It’s not fun when someone messes with your thoughts, is it?” Silence. Damon: “Actually, I was having a pretty good time in there.” Rebekah: “Well I hope you were nicer to Elena than you were to me.” Damon: “Oh c’mon. I couldn’t have hurt you that bad. You didn’t really think I had a thing for you, did you? [Silence.] I get it. Klaus bossed me around for a thousand years, I’d probably be pretty desperate for attention too.” Rebekah reacts by inflicting more pain. I found this scene interesting for a few reasons. 1) Rebekah is shown to be naïve and almost innocent here. Also, she is incredibly immature for someone 1,000 years old. There is a childlike view of the world displayed here, which I find both charming and sad. 2) She really is desperate in her desire for romantic attention. The loneliest vampire girl in all the world. 3) The poor thing slept through feminism, in all its shades and forms. She really needs to make some girlfriends. I nominate Katherine Pierce, obviously. Oh, the stories they could share … think about it.

Highlights from another failed plan to kill Klaus.

Of all the Salvatore plans over the course of 3 seasons, this might have been the best one. And it totally would have worked … if it weren’t for Klaus being smart and thinking ahead. Next time, they need to assign someone to do recon—watch Klaus and see what he’s up to. You know? (Or just assume that when one of them isn’t answering their phones, he or she has been kidnapped.) But really, I thought this was a fun plan. Especially Alaric and his power tools (I mean …), and all the whittling. I also liked that this plan had flexibility. The Scoobies would be on the look out for every opportunity, making the Originals actions work for them. 12 stakes, 12 shots at killing an Original. Nice. Plus, the practice in the woods, in which they all took turns pretending to be an Original? LOVE. And the fact that the brothers included Alaric, Elena, Caroline, and even Matt, giving weapons to all? LOVE LOVE LOVE. (And boy did arming Matt pay off, but more on that later.) I mean … unity, power tools, whittling, murder-rehearsal … the keys to success.

So, what went wrong? Well, first of all, Damon was kidnapped. This created a distraction for Elena, who tried to get Stefan to drop everything and go save him. Stefan chose to stay the course, arguing that this is what Damon would want. Also, with Sage in the mix, hanging out with Finn, the Scoobs weren’t able to keep the numbers and odds entirely in their favor. Of course, the biggest problem was that Klaus has kidnapped Bonnie, and forces her to perform an unlinking spell. She tried to resist, but Klaus made some threats against her mother. He also called Kol in “THE MILE HIGH CITY,” AKA DENVER! Uh oh. Klaus showed Bonnie a video of Jeremy playing fetch with his new puppy, proving that he can get to Jer. Bonnie had no choice, so she performed the spell. The only question was how long it would take. Would the Scoobies be able to kill Finn in time? OH, THE SUSPENSE!

The Scoobies didn’t know about Bonnie, of course, so they went in for the opportunity none the wiser. Matt made use of his position at the Grill to put vervain in Sage and Finn’s tequila, and this, plus a significant glance from Stefan on his way out the door, sufficed to lure the vamp couple outside. Outside, Sage quickly got the drop on Stefan, taking Stefan out of the fight. But then Elena crossbowed Finn from the doorway, and Matt rushed forward to finish the job with a white oak stake. BOOM. Finn was dead. Go Team Human! Matt Donovan is THE BUSINESS. I mean, what even just happened? So far, we’ve seen an Original kill another Original dead-dead—Klaus killed Mikael—but to think that Matt frakin’ Donovan would be next? It’s all too much for my fangirl heart.

Despite this exciting victory, it was too late. The unlinking spell had already been performed. The rest of the Original siblings remained happy and healthy. Elena found this out when Bonnie called and filled her in, and then we watched Bonnie have her own emotional breakdown. You guys, Bonnie’s life is a nonstop horror show, in which she is continually forced to do vampires’ bidding. That poor witch is always at someone’s beck and call. Sigh. She needs to move. Or get some witch allies.

On the continued importance of bloodlines, wood, and math.

After learning that his plan had failed, Stefan was in a rage at Klaus. This was soon interrupted when Sage and her minion Troy showed up at Casa Salvatore and started knocking heads. Sage was ready to go “all 10 rounds,” but then suddenly … she started collapsing … and so did Troy. They coughed and sputtered and started turning grey, until finally they just … died. It was soon pointed out that this had happened within an hour of Finn’s death, and the wheels started spinning. Caroline: “Maybe Sage was so in love with Finn, she just died of sadness.” Hee. Oh, Caroline. Elena pointed out that doesn’t explain Troy, and Stefan started to realize that this is a bloodline thing. Finn turned Sage, who turned Troy. Ooooh. Elena: “If the Originals die, so do all of you. The entire vampire species would just be dead.” Dun dun dun.

After Stefan runs off to ransom Damon for the price of 8 stakes of white oak (more on that in the next paragraph), Elena and Caroline discussed the bloodline question further. With 8 stakes in the trade, the Scoobies still have enough stakes to kill 3 of the remaining 4 Original siblings … if they can figure out who to spare. Damon, Stefan, and Caroline were all turned by Kat, who was turned by Rose (not that I really want to give her credit, because Kat basically turned herself), but the girls don’t know who turned Rose. Elena hopes that it wasn’t Klaus, so they can still kill Klaus. Caroline soon realized that they have another problem: “Elena, even if Klaus didn’t create our bloodline, we know for a fact that he turned one of us.” Elena: “Oh my god, Tyler! If we kill Klaus, then Tyler will die.” Dun dun dun.

Meanwhile, Stefan showed up at Klaus’s place. Stefan offered 8 white oak stakes in exchange for his brother’s life. Of course, we know that there are 11 stakes left, not 8. Tricksy Stefan. He told Klaus and Rebekah that Finn is dead. Klaus wants to be certain that there aren’t more weapons, so he planned to compel Damon to answer. Of course, he first had to make sure that the vervain was completely out of his system, so he compelled Damon to “go home,” forcing Damon to try to tear his way out of the metal animal traps that are clamped on his wrists. Ewwwww. Hard to watch. Once Klaus was convinced that Damon wasn’t faking it, he asked how many more stakes are out there. Damon was forced to answer truthfully: “11.” Uh oh.

Stefan then claimed that he can get the other three, but Klaus was not impressed: “Yeah, that’d be nice. Or since you lied, maybe I’ll just compel your brother to chew out his tongue.” Stefan snapped: “What is wrong with you?” Klaus: “What is wrong with you?! Do you really have no appreciation for me? I have given you someone to hate, to loathe, a target for all of your anger. So you don’t have to turn it on yourself. I have given your life purpose, as your friend. I really think you should be thanking me.” Oooh. Finally these boys were hashing things out! Stefan went for Klaus, white oak stake in hand—one of the hidden remaining 3. Klaus had numbers on his side, with Rebekah’s help: “Step down, or you both die.” Also, Stefan couldn’t be sure that killing Klaus wouldn’t be suicide. Finally, Klaus took the stake from Stefan. “There, now you only have to get me the other 2.” White oak stake count: Klaus has 9 stakes; Scoobies have 2 stakes.

At this point, Rebekah had had enough. Girl was just trying to have a torture party, and then white oak stakes started getting thrown around. RUDE. “Well this is ridiculous,” she cried. She let Damon down from the creepy animal traps and then made her move: “I brought him here, I get to let him go. My rules now. Bring us the stakes, and you both live. Take your brother as a sign of good faith.” She then walked out with the bag of stakes. Nice. #TeamRebekah Klaus wants the last word, however: “Bring us the stakes—all of them—or I’ll wage a war against everyone you love. I hope I’m being clear.” Um, Klaus, that would be more threatening if it wasn’t what you were already doing for two seasons. Get a new shtick.

Later, Damon went to see Alaric. It seems that Alaric’s stake is one of the remaining 2. However, things got more complicated when Alaric’s stake was found to be missing from its hiding place. Damon demanded to know who else Alaric might have told, but Alaric assured him that no one else knew. Both men came to the realization of what this means. Uh oh. Damon: “Noooo. Are you telling me that your vampire-hating alter ego has a stake that can kill an entire line of vampires—possibly mine?” Alaric: “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.” Dun dun dun. Okay, and I’m not saying this in a mean way (mostly), but that cliffhanger totally made me laugh. Hee. Fun times ahead.

On the importance of family.

A key element of this episode was the juxtaposition of the Original siblings and the Salvatore brothers. When Klaus learns that Finn is dead, he reacts coldly: “Good riddance. He was an embarrassment, Rebekah.” Beks is horrified at this reaction. Klaus: “Fine. Let us all say a prayer for Finn, who slept in a box longer than he lived as a man. He was a lovesick fool. He’s better off in death.” Rebekah can’t help but see her own future in these words: “Is that how you would speak of me, if I died?” Klaus: “Well you let the Salvatores loose with two stakes that can kill us, so I guess we’ll find out soon enough. And since when did you have a soft spot for them?” Rebekah: “The Salvatores may fight like dogs, but at least they know what family is. You destroyed ours.” And there’s the crux. Klaus callously used his brother to get the blood necessary to save his own life, and then didn’t even mourn his death. And that is only the latest cruelty. Stefan and Damon can’t stand each other a good portion of the time, yet when things get tough they are always there to help each other, saving each other’s lives countless times. The Salvatores may be dysfunctional, but  they are everything to each other. Klaus is so self-absorbed and blind that he can’t even see the lesson there. He claims: “I wanted a family. They just didn’t want me. And now we’re unlinked. We’re no longer responsible for each other.” Despite living for a thousand years, he sees things so crudely. For Klaus, everything only has meaning in terms of how it makes him feel. He is the height of selfishness. Rebekah asks if he’s leaving. Klaus: “As soon as I get my stakes, I’m gone. I’m gonna take Elena and use her blood to create a new family, of hybrids.” Rebekah: “And if I choose to stay?” Klaus: “Then you’re just as pathetic as Finn.” He stomps out of the room. Rebekah may sometimes be a child, but Klaus is a 1,000 year old baby. Worst brother ever.

Some additional notes …

Finn is quite the strutter. I mean, Klaus has nothing on him. Watching him walk down that street, so happy to be alive … oh, Originals, you do amuse.

Another thing important to mention is the fallout from learning that Alaric killed Caroline’s dad. Elena broke the news to Caroline in the woods, early on in the episode. She also explained about the ring, and the herbs, etc. Caroline: “Is that supposed to make it okay?!?!” Elena: “No, Caroline, it’s not okay. It’s horrible. And I feel horrible about it. But … he’s a victim of something supernatural. He didn’t ask for this. It just happened to him. Just like Bonnie’s mom. Neither did Stefan, or Tyler…” Caroline: “Or me.” Caroline: “Or you. None of you asked for this. But who would I be if I just turned my back on any of you?” Caroline: “Oh, Elena Gilbert. Savior of the cursed and damned.”

Caroline must have been mighty moved by this discussion, as she parrots it back to Alaric in the Salvatore library. The scene was really sad and hard to watch, but I also felt like something was missing. You know? Like it was too easy. After some light pleasantries, the situation devolved into AWKWARD. Alaric sighed and couldn’t look at her. “Caroline, I am so sorry. I don’t even know what else I can say.” Caroline: “Right after I turned into a vampire, I killed someone. A stranger. I just killed him. And what’s worse, I liked it. I have blood on my hands too. We all do.” Alaric: “Yeah, but the blood on my hand is your father’s.” Caroline: “Yeah, it is. And maybe the guy I killed was someone’s father too. [I doubt it, unless it was a teen pregnancy situation.] All I know is that I’m no better than you. So I’m gonna take a page from the Elena Gilbert Handbook and choose to believe that you can be saved. Okay?” Alaric. “Okay.” Hmmm.

Then there was Stefan and Elena’s intense conversation at Casa Salvatore, at the end of the episode. On the plus side, Stefan finally seemed to realize that Klaus isn’t worth it. FINALLY. PROGRESS. He’s a stubborn one. On a less positive note, he finally revealed why he’s been such a grump about Damon lately. While he knows that Elena loves him, he also thinks Elena is in love with Damon. Elena didn’t know how to react this, as she hasn’t yet been able to face her feelings for Damon. Stefan acknowledged his bad behavior (understatement), and his part in this (understatement), but then he basically glossed over that by making a demand: “Hey, I love you. I will always love you. I just want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t feel something for him.” Stefan! Really?!?! There was a long pause, and finally Elena said, “I don’t know what I feel.” If Stefan is going to be mad about this … UGH. I mean, Stefan, look at your life, look at your choices. It’s all too much.

Favorite quotes:

• Damon: “You know what they say: the way to a psycho killer’s heart is through his stomach.” Elena: “They’re not for you.”’

• Alaric: “I have a homicidal alter ego. Unlike some people in this room, I would like to take responsibility for the people I’ve killed.” Damon: “If you wanted to turn yourself in, you wouldn’t be saying it out loud. Just saying.”

• Alaric, upon seeing Damon’s hiding place for the white oak stake: “I mean, did you learn nothing from the moonstone in the soap dish?” Damon: “Why? Where’d you put yours?” (This quote wins all the awards, for obvious reasons.)

• Finn: “He stored us in boxes!” Rebekah: “At least he’s not trying to make us extinct.” Point to Rebekah.

• Caroline: “Why do I always have to be Klaus bait?” Damon: “Because he’s obsessed with you.”

• Matt, after learning about Alaric’s homicidal alter ego: “Mr. Saltzman was like the most normal guy in town.”

• Sage: “You’ve never had tequila before? That’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for you.” Finn: “I’m truly awed by the evolution of mankind.”

• Rebekah, to Bonnie: “Oh, leaving so soon?”  Klaus: “Sister! Be nice.” Rebekah: “Thank you, Bonnie. See you in Physics class.”

• Klaus: “You’ll have to excuse the mess. Apparently Damon hurt her feelings. [He sees Bonnie’s horrified expression.] Go on, help him. Save the man who turned your mother into a vampire.” Bonnie: “Just get me out of here.” Klaus: “Very well.”

I am super excited for the premiere of Girls, airing this Sunday, April 15th at 10:30-11:00 p.m. ET/PT on HBO. “Hannah, Marnie, Jessa and Shoshanna are trying to figure life out. Theyʼve been living in New York for a couple of years, but theyʼre still not sure what they want – from boys, from each other, from themselves. And things arenʼt getting any clearer.” So reads the official description of the new HBO series, created by and starring Lena Dunham (Tiny Furniture). Dunham stars as Hannah,  a 24-year-old aspiring writer living in New York City. She is described as “a unique mixture of self-entitlement and self-loathing.” Hannah’s best friend and roommate is the Marnie (Allison Williams), “a Type A personality with strict rules about friendship.” Rounding out the group is Jessa (Jemima Kirke), “a live-and-let-live bohemian whoʼs allergic to anything she views as bourgeois,” and Jessa’s younger cousin Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet), “who aspires to the Sex and the City lifestyle.” This promises to be an entertaining combination. Girls aspires to take “a comic look at the assorted humiliations and rare triumphs of a group of girls in their early 20s,” and from what I’ve read from critics so far, it succeeds with great authenticity and charm. Every advance review is full of elated praise for Girls, on a level that I’m not used to. I am certainly intrigued. For a closer look at the tone and plot of the show, check out some fun trailers, clips, and behind-the-scenes vids after the jump.

Is this the unhappiest threesome ever, or what? Photo: Quantrell D.Colbert/The CW.

Read on for my recap & review of The Vampire Diaries 3×17, “Break On Through,” aired Thursday, March 22^nd, 2012:

Previously on The Vampire Diaries, Damon tried to teach Stefan control, leading to an awkward moment with Elena. Alaric was revealed to be crazy, unwittingly driven to kill Council members by the effects of the Gilbert ring. Damon turned Bonnie’s mom into a vampire, and Caroline teamed up with her witch bestie to help the newbie vamp through the transition. And Rebekah was trying to find out about the destiny of a second white oak tree. “Break On Through” admirably picked up all of these plot points and ran with them, providing story that affected everyone on the show. (Well, except for Matt. I guess he used up his screen-time allotment in the last episode.)

At first, I couldn’t quite figure out the meaning of the title “Break On Through,” but this was an episode about persevering through hard times—making it past your obstacles to the other side—so the title is fitting. This is television, so there are sure to be many more obstacles to come, but “Break On Through” did include a couple of limited victories. Of course, the title could also be a reference to the Doors song, using the metaphor of tripping on LSD to represent that whole vampire threesome mind-bendy thing. Either way. On to the recap …

In which Alaaaaaaric is a crazy psycho homicidal maniac and it hurts my heart …

The A story in this episode revolved around Alaric and the reveal that he has a crazy alter ego who has been killing people. I went into this episode nervous, you guys. Super nervous. I mean, it is not every week that my favorite character is revealed to be a homicidal maniac (I mean, I’m not a Damon fan), so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The promo for the episode featured Alaric wild-eyed, chasing after Meredith in horror movie villain fashion, so I was pretty nail-bitey and horrified. I felt like that time I watched, “Billy,” the Angel episode where the demonic nephew of a congressman infects men to channel their basest instincts. Basically, infectious violent misogyny. My #1 TV Boyfriend, Wesley Wyndam-Price, was infected and started chasing the girl he loved, Fred, around the Hyperion Hotel, trying to kill her and saying the worst things imaginable. Watching those scenes, I’m pretty sure I was close to cardiac arrest. In fact, I want to throw up right now, just thinking about it. HORRIFIC. So, this was my thought process before I even started the episode: nervousness, worry, nail-biting, heart palpitations, puke. Fun times. 

At the beginning “Break On Through,” we see Alaric go through a CAT Scan. Meredith wants to see if there was any medical problem behind his behavior. As Alaric lies in the tube, Elena and Meredith talk. We learn a little bit about Meredith’s motivations in helping Alaric (beyond the fact that Fells are “notorious busy bodies”). When Elena asks why she would protect Alaric, Meredith explains that she’s a doctor and he was sick, and also because she felt something when they first met. She just kind of wanted to help him. Meanwhile, poor Alaric stares at the creepy mirror thing in the CAT scan machine. And things get creepier. His reflection makes a different expression from the one actual Alaric is making. Gah! That is never a good sign. Just a little hint at what’s to come …

Later, Alaric is anxious to get out of there, and torn between denial and confusion. Elena goes into fix-it mode and says she’s going to call Bonnie. Since the rings were made by witches, maybe a witch can reverse the damage.

Then Elena heads to Casa Salvatore to pick up a book on Samantha Gilbert. Research to help better understand what they’re up against. Good job, Elena. Of course, Stefan is there and the two exes share another awkward moment. At first Stefan seems to want to hurry her out of there, but then he remembers what happened the last time Elena read a book at the lake house. THANK YOU, STEFAN. We don’t need a repeat of the dagger situation. Stefan: “You don’t have to read that, you know. I can just tell you what happened. Samantha Gilbert was committed to an insane asylum, she tried to give herself a lobotomy with a knitting needle, and bled to death on the floor of her cell. If the same thing is happening to Alaric, then there’s nothing you can do.” A ray of sunshine, this one. Elena: “Well, uh, I’m gonna let you get back to whatever it was you were doing.” Silly Stefan. Never tell Elena that there’s nothing she can do. You go, Elena!

Eventually, Elena calls Caroline to get Bonnie’s help with Alaric. It seems that Bonnie is not returning her calls. Ugh, that drama.

Meanwhile, Meredith and Alaric hang out in the Gilbert kitchen. He looks through some old police reports and tries to explain his violent rap sheet: “Well, I was stupid when I was younger. But listen, it’s not like these guys didn’t have it coming. This guy here broke a beer bottle over a bartender’s head. This guy hit his girlfriend. This guy … okay, this guy was just a douche. Everyone needs a way to deal with their dark side. Some people meditate. I became a vampire hunter.” Meredith: “Semi-retired.” He confesses that he was the one who killed her cousin, Logan. Meredith: “The vampire thing, it’s not my fight. I use their blood for what I need, and leave the judgment to everyone else. Although, I have kind of been wondering why you never drove a stake through Damon’s heart.” Alaric laughs. “I tried to once. He killed me. Yeah, yeah, it figures. The thing that started all this ring stuff was me being angry enough to think I could take on a vampire in the first place.” Hmmm. So the lesson is: don’t get mad at vampires and let them run roughshod over your life? Bad lesson. I would’ve liked to see an angry (non-crazy) Alaric instead—like what was hinted at when he first joined the Council earlier this season. Sigh.

When Elena returns home, Alaric gives her his important bank, will, and contact info. Just in case things don’t go his way. He wants to make sure that Elena and Jeremy will be okay. She assures him that they’ll all be fine.

Finally, Elena gets a callback from Caroline. Care explains: “So Abby thinks Bonnie can reverse the damage with a spell. I guess the same thing happens with witches who become obsessed with dark magic. They lose control and start acting out their darkest impulses.” Ooooh, interesting. I hope we meet a dark magic obsessed witch in the future! Right? Then Elena talks to Bonnie herself. MIRACLE! Bonnie is all business: “I need a personal effect of Alaric’s. Something he wore before he started wearing the ring.” Elena apologizes and thanks Bonnie for helping. At first, Bonnie kind of cuts her off, but then she adds a more good natured, “I’ll see you soon.”

Elena gets off the phone and updates Alaric on what she learned. Alaric suggests his wedding ring as a personal effect that he wore before the Gilbert ring. He tells Elena that it’s at the loft, in an aspirin bottle. They agree that Elena will go get it, while Meredith stays at the Gilbert house to keep watch over Alaric.

Later, at the loft, Stefan joins Elena. He sort of explains himself: “I’m not trying to hurt you, Elena. I just can’t be who you want me to be right now. I’m not in control.” Elena: “So what are you doing here?” He explains that he did some more digging on Samantha Gilbert. It turns out that Samantha killed 2 people in the institution—a nurse and a guard. Also, she was under suicide watch, which meant no personal effects—no jewelry. This means that the violent behavior can still happen, even if an affected person stops wearing the ring! Dun dun dun.

Meanwhile, Alaric wakes up on the couch, while Meredith makes coffee in the kitchen. AND HE WAKES UP CRAZY. He gets all weird and empties Meredith’s tranquilizers, and puts on his KILLER FACE. Uh oh. Hold me.

Back in the loft, Elena and Stefan continue their search for the wedding ring. Things get dramatic, obviously, because these two are involved. Stefan: “What if Bonnie’s spell doesn’t work? What are you gonna do with him?” Elena: “I’m not gonna do anything, Stefan. I’m gonna keep looking until we can find something that will help him.” Stefan is not convinced that this is the best plan of action. Elena: “It’s my family’s ring that is doing this to him. It’s my responsibility.” Stefan: “You can’t put that on yourself. Not everyone is your responsibility. Not everyone can be saved.” Elena: “Are we talking about Alaric here? Or are we talking about you? Because I wasn’t planning on giving up on either one of you.” Silence. Finally, Stefan opens a drawer and finds pictures of Alaric’s victims. Dun dun dun.

Soon, we see that the drawer also contains an envelope with Jeremy’s name on it. There is a letter to Jeremy from Alaric: “Jeremy, if anything happens to me, carry on my work. You have the other ring. Let the ring make you strong. The Council must be cleansed before the work can begin.” Then there’s a list of founding family members. A roster of sorts. Stefan: “It must be some sort of hit list.” Elena is in denial: “Alaric didn’t write this.” Stefan: “Who else would have written it?” Then they find the aspirin bottle with the wedding ring and rush back to the Gilbert house.

Meanwhile, Meredith continues to make coffee in the Gilbert kitchen, unsuspecting. Alaric asks her if she ever feels remorse. Uh oh. She starts to gets weirded out. Alaric: “You are a Council member, and the Council was formed to protect the people of this town from vampires, yet here you all are just looking the other way, ignoring your responsibilities. Like you with the vampire blood. So, I’m asking you, do you ever feel remorse? Because you should.” So creepy. So scary. ATTACK! Meredith runs towards the stairs, like any good horror movie heroine, and upon seeing that her tranquilizers have been emptied, runs up the stairs. Alaric chases and she makes her way into the bathroom, slamming Alaric’s hand in the door and stabbing it with scissors. Yuck. As she hides, we see that she’s sporting a major injury. Uh oh.

Stefan and Elena return home to a disaster zone. Alaric pretends to be normal, but Elena sees that he has an injured hand. Alaric explains that Meredith got called back to the hospital, and lies about how he hurt his hand. Elena lies about meeting up with Stefan and finding the ring, realizing what she’s up against. Then Elena sees a bloody knife on the floor, but before Alaric can react, Stefan chokes him unconscious. With Alaric out of commission, Stefan tells Elena that he needs her to come upstairs with him. They find Meredith very seriously injured in the bathroom. Blood everywhere. Stefan vamps out, but he’s able to control himself enough to feed Meredith his own blood instead of feeding. Elena tells Meredith that she’ll be okay, and Stefan rushes out, overcome by the craving.

The next morning (?), Alaric wakes up in bed, with Damon sitting in a chair nearby. Yep, Damon was just watching Alaric sleep. Alaric: “What the hell are you doing here?” Damon: “Just making sure the witch didn’t turn you into a toad or block of salt. Bonnie did a little spell, it’s nothing to worry about, just something to keep the killer in you at bay.” Alaric looks at his injured hand and asks, “Did something happen?” So, he doesn’t remember anything his crazy alter ego did. Damon: “Let’s just say that you’ve got an alter ego hellbent on killing Council members. So, we’re gonna pack up some of your stuff, we’re gonna go to the loft, just for a little bit. It’s like house arrest, lite.” Hee. Alaric asks where Meredith is. Damon spares the details: “She’ll be fine, Ric.” And another of Alaric’s relationships bites the dust.

Elena and Bonnie reunite downstairs in the kitchen. Bonnie offers some further explanation of the Gilbert ring’s effects: “Abby says that all the dying and coming back to life might have chipped away at Alaric’s psyche, making it easier for the darkness to take hold. These herbs are the binding element of the spell. He needs to take them twice a day. I’ll get you more. Abby and I are going to work on the garden.” Elena asks how Abby is. Bonnie says that the transition has been hard, but she thinks she’ll be okay, eventually. Bonnie plans to go back and stay with her for awhile. Elena apologizes and the two girls hug. Elena: “Please say that you forgive me.” Bonnie: “Of course I do.” Awww. (Finally.)

At the end of the episode Elena calls Jeremy. We see that he’s still wearing the ring. He tells his sister that he’s not flunking out any of his classes, and he got a dog. She asks if he has talked to Alaric lately, but he says no. He asks if everything is fine. She says yes. Liar. She doesn’t warn him to take the ring off. He asks if he can call her back later. He’s on the way out with some friends. (Friends who we can’t see … hmmm.) She says she misses him and he says that he does too. They hang up and Elena cries. I have SO MANY thoughts about Jeremy and his involvement. See the questions at the end.

Transitions and second chances …

While all the serial killer drama is going on, Bonnie is still dealing with the ramifications of “All My Children.” Abby was turned by Damon, and she has decided to go through the transition. Bonnie and Caroline are both staying with Abby at her house, helping her through. Care brings a cooler of blood over. She explains: “I got some O negatives, some A’s, and my personal favorite: B positive.” Hee. Adorable perfection. Bonnie’s tells her friend that she’s worried about her mom. Bon made Abby a daylight ring, and she’s just been standing out in her garden all day. Caroline assures her that it’s only been a few days, so Abby’s still adjusting. They walk over to Abby, and see that she’s upset. She can’t feel her garden anymore. She can’t feel anything. Abby goes inside, heartbroken. Bonnie explains to Caroline: “Witches have a connection to the earth. We can literally feel nature, life.” Bonnie does some magic to demonstrate this, making a flower grow. Nice. Bonnie: “When Abby became a vampire, she lost it. I don’t know how to help her.” Look, I get what they are trying to do here, and I know I should care, but … it’s hard to care about a character I don’t even know losing her green thumb, when Alaric is busy being a crazy serial killer, and Jeremy could be too. You know?

Caroline goes out to the yard to talk to Jamie. He’s chopping wood. (Wood is a very important theme in this episode. Ahem.) She tells him that Abby’s been asking about him, but he says he’s been busy. She reaches out to help him with the wood, and he freaks out. Caroline realizes that Jamie is afraid of Abby. Jamie: “She’s a vampire.” Caroline: “She needs to feel connected to the people she loves. She needs to feel normal right now.” Jamie: “She’s not normal. None of this is normal.” Caroline: “Well Abby didn’t choose this. It was forced on her. She could have let herself die, but she didn’t. She’s trying to make this work so she can be there for you and for Bonnie. So just … just get over yourself!”

With that pep talk, Jamie soon comes around. When he enters the house, he flirts with Bonnie a bit too. Jamie tells her that he wants to be there for Abby, and he volunteers to start a fire. He reunites with Abby, and the two hug. Unfortunately, Abby’s new vamp nature gets the better of her and she bites Jaime. Uh oh.

Luckily, Care and Bon come to the rescue. Bonnie brings her mom blood bags, and tells her that Caroline says this happens at the beginning. Abby wants to leave though–she doesn’t want to hurt them. Bonnie begs her mom not to give up on her again. “We can make this work.” Caroline comes in and says Jamie is fine: “Nothing a little vampire blood can’t cure.” Abby thanks her.

Later, we see Jamie and Caroline gardening. Possibly doing a little flirting of their own? He thanks her for all her help. She shares with him that she went through the same thing with her dad. Then Caroline hears something and realizes Abby’s up.

When Caroline enters the house, sad music plays (“Can’t Go Back”). Uh oh. Not a good sign. Care finds Abby writing a Dear John letter. Oh, Abby. Bad bad job with your second chance. Sigh. Care: “What are you doing? You’re leaving. Are you kidding me?” Abby: “I have to. I don’t know how to do this.” Caroline gives her a speech: “Do what? Be a vampire or a parent? Because I can help you be a vampire. I can teach you self-control. But being a parent, I mean, that’s all you. Bonnie grew up without a mom because you ran away once. But now you have an eternity to make up for it and you’re just gonna throw that away?” Abby thinks Bonnie is better off without her. Caroline: “No, she’s not! No one is better off without her parents.” Awww. Caroline calms down and makes another pitch: “She wants to make this work. Please, just stay.” Significant glances are exchanged. Abby doesn’t stay. “Tell them I’m sorry,” she says, on her way out the door. Sad. Poor Bonnie.

Vampire Threesome: A Tale of Old Wood

While all this other drama is going on, Damon has is his own agenda. As Damon explains, “Ric, the world can’t stop just because you’re an accidental psycho killer.” Damon thinks Rebekah is up to something, and he is right. As we already know, Beks is after the second white oak tree. Early on in the episode, we learn that the Wickery Bridge project is underway, and that Alaric is in possession of a historical sign. That will be important later.

At Wickery Bridge, Damon spies Sage. How convenient. Last episode we learned that she existed, and now she’s in town. Although, we will learn a good reason for her appearance soon. Sage greats Damon as her “ favorite student,” and Damon, in turn, greets Sage as his “hottest teacher.” Gross gross gross. Also, gross. He asks what she’s doing here, and she lies that she’s passing through. Rebekah approaches, not exactly thrilled to see Sage. Team Rebekah! Damon: “Easy there, Rebekah. You know, she used to beat men for sport.” Rebekah: “She always was quite common.” Team Rebekah! Turns out, Sage heard that Finn was freed from his casket. Aha! Rebekah: “Oh, Finn, you just missed him. He left town and didn’t tell a soul where he was going.” Sage: “He probably went looking for me.” Rebekah: “Or quite possibly forgot all about you.” Sage: “I doubt that.” Rebekah: “No? Because he didn’t seem to mention you. Sorry you came all this way for nothing. Have a nice life.” And with that last mean girl quip, Rebekah exits. Sage mutters, “God, I hate that elitist Original bitch.” Team Rebekah! (It bears repeating, okay.)

Damon and Sage step away from the bridge for privacy, to catch up. Damon asks the question on all of our minds: “Finn, really?” Sage: “He’s my one true love. He turned me so we could be together forever. Then Klaus daggered him and locked him away, and I’ve been waiting ever since.” Interesting. Well, at least that explains her presence in Mystic Falls, and why Rebekah knew her. Sage continues: “Please don’t tell me that you and Rebekah are friends.” Damon: “Not unless you count hate sex.” Sage: “Good. Because her and Klaus always treated me like some peasant whore.” Damon: “Ah, she’s just lurking around because she wants something from me. I can’t figure out what it is though.” Sage: “Then you should get inside her head and find it.” Damon: “Because it’s impossible. She’s too strong.” Sage: “I bet I could get in there.” Damon: “Sage, she’s an Original. It’s not gonna happen.” Sage: “Have you forgotten everything I’ve taught you? Rebekah may be an Original, but she’s a girl. You find her weakness and exploit it, and I’ll walk right in.” I mean, what? Really, Sage? You are THE WORST.

Back at the bridge, Damon approaches Rebekah, trying to make nice. He attempts flattery: “Did I ever tell you that you’re sexy when you’re bitchy?” She is annoyed after how he used her in the last episode. “You were mean,” she insists. Damon: “You like mean.” Beks: “No I don’t” Rebekah: “No? You didn’t get a thrill back there pushing Sage down? Crushing her dream of true love?” Rebekah admits that she may have, a little. Damon: “See? Mean. Can Sage and I interest you in a drink back at the house?” Rebekah: “Not a chance in hell.” Damon: “You know what they say: two’s company, three’s a party.” Rebekah is not unaffected. Oh, Rebekah, stay strong. Stay away from that horrible excuse for a party. (Spoiler alert: she doesn’t listen to me.)

Back at Casa Salvatore, Damon finds Stefan with a pile of empty blood bags. Oh, Stefan. Damon tells his brother to slow down, use control. Damon encourages his brother to embrace his vampirism: “Own it, live it, love it. Stop being ashamed of who you are.” All Stefan cares about is what Damon tells Elena. Sigh. (I’m skipping a lot of the Stefan-Elena drama in this episode. You’re welcome.) Damon adds one more note: “Unless you’re interested in a Sage-Rebekah Sex sandwich, I suggest you make yourself scarce.” Stefan wisely gets out of there, to avoid that disturbing picture.

A bit later, Sage and a piano player join Damon in the Salvatore drawing room. Sage insists that their get-together will be too tempting for Rebekah to resist. That is just THE SADDEST. Rebekah really must be the loneliest girl in all the world. Poor thing. Damon tells his old teacher that Finn is long gone, but Sage chooses to believe otherwise. Then she drinks the piano player, which is just poor party planning. I mean, draining the entertainment before the night has even started? Sigh. Sage then brings up Damon’s own love-struck past: “You know, the Damon I knew was holding out for someone too.” Damon: “Yes, he was. Hope’s a bitch, Sage. Get out while you can.” Finally, Rebekah arrives, with a bottle of stolen wine. The music amps up, and we are treated to “sexy dancing” between Sage and Damon. Lucky us. HIDE YOUR EYES, PEOPLE! SAVE YOURSELVES! Then Beks feeds on the piano player, I mean since he’s already been opened. She’s like that girl at a party hanging out at the punch table because there’s no one to dance with. Poor Rebekah. Eventually, Damon approaches her: “How bout a duet?” He feeds on the pianist too, and then he and Rebekah share some intense looks. Rebekah gets distracted by seeing Sage, and asks, “What about her?” Damon: “I don’t want her. I want you.” Just what Rebekah wanted to hear, it seems.

Once Rebekah goes to sleep, in Damon’s bed, Sage reads her mind. So, I guess this vampire power is an extension of that whole mind warp ability that Katherine used to use all the time. Sage just touches her head, and then is magically able to read her mind, I guess. But it seems that the mind must be relaxed beforehand, to be open to the mind reading. Hmmm. After using her vampire tricks, Sage undresses and hops in the shower. Damon follows. Presumably they are talking in the shower to drown out their conversation? Or just to be “sexy.” Damon compliments Sage on her amazing plan. Sage: “I told you if you got her comfortable enough, she’s an open book.” Damon: “Well, are you gonna torture me, or are you gonna tell me what she’s up to?” Sage: “I’d rather show you.” She kisses Damon and then he can see all the memories that Sage saw in Rebekah’s head. New vampire power alert! I mean, I know that this show is supernatural and vampires are unrealistic themselves, but this whole thing feels very … convenient. Oh well. We see all the recent scenes of Rebekah searching for the white oak tree, and Damon realizes what Rebekah is up to.

Later, Damon mulls through the library downstairs, searching for relevant milling records. He sends Sage upstairs to keep Rebekah distracted, and then discovers records that reveal … DRUMROLL … that the second white oak tree was used to build Wickery Bridge! LOVE IT.

As Damon burns the records, Sage enters and says that Rebekah left. Damon fills her in on what he found out. Big mistake. BIG. MISTAKE. Sage: “So all the wood stripped from the underside of that bridge is basically a weapon that could kill an Original?” Damon: “Yep.” Sage puts a snag in things: “You see how this could be a problem for me, right?” Damon freezes and puts down fire poker. “Why? Because of your true love Finn? Let me tell you something: I met the guy, you’re not gonna miss him.” Sage is not impressed: “I will rip your head off in two seconds if you take one more step.” Damon: “Alright, let’s make a deal. You help me kill Rebekah, I consider Finn untouchable, you guys walk into the sunset together.” Sage: “Is that a promise?” Damon: “Yes, it’s a promise.”

Soon after, Damon realizes that Sage double-crossed him, and he races to the Wickery Bridge. He arrives to find Rebekah next to a roaring bonfire. Oops.  She’s burning all the Original-killing-wood! Rebekah: “Your grand plans always seem to get ruined, don’t they? Sorry to disappoint you. Again.” Hee. Harsh, but true.

Damon yells at Sage: “You set me up!” Sage: “No. I’m just looking out for myself.” Damon: “I told you I’d save your creepy boyfriend!” Sage explains that she realized that he lied when she read his mind. He left out a very important development. The Originals are linked. Damon grabs her throat and screams, “I should end you!” Sage: “I’m 900 years, Damon. You’re not capable of ending me. Do you really think I would risk Finn’s life for one of your petty revenge fantasies?” Damon then tells her the truth about Finn trying to kill himself. Damon twists the knife further: “He doesn’t love you, Sage. Now, when I do find another way to kill those Originals, I’ll start with Finn.” He leaves and she looks upset.

When Damon returns to Casa Salvatore, Stefan is having a toast to control. Okay. It seems that Stefan has been filled in on all matters pre-bridge-bonfire, but Damon has some new info for him. Damon: “You know, Stefan, I’m a philanthropist. I make the world a better place. Restoring bridges, landmarks, and … [he unveils an item that he’s holding to reveal a wood sign] historical signs made out of the same white oak as the Wickery Bridge.” Alaric’s sign! Stefan: “They think all the wood burned.” Damon: “I sold my rage. You should have seen me.” Stefan: “We have a weapon.” Damon: “Game’s back on, brother. Let’s go kill some Originals.” Niiiiiiiiiice.

Further Thoughts & Questions:

• For a crazy man, Alaric’s alter ego sure has a clear agenda–hit list and all. Such well-organized craziness makes me suspicious. And it’s also interesting that he’s going after Council members, just like Samantha Gilbert did. Why? A result of darkness? Why isn’t he killing more personal victims then? It seems that there is more to it than just channeling darkness, you know?
• Alaric’s letter to Jeremy seems to indicate that Jeremy is involved. Could Jeremy have an  crazy killing agenda too? Is the ring affecting him in the same way as Alaric?
• Related: how many times do you have to be killed and resurrected before you go crazy from the Gilbert ring? We don’t really know how many times Jeremy died with the ring. First there was the suicide/turning attempt in “Founder’s Day,” but he didn’t have the ring back then. So the first ring resurrection was when Damon snapped his neck in “The Return.” But later, when Jer went into the tomb in “The Sacrifice,” Katherine used him as an Everlasting Gobstopper. Who knows whether she ever took enough blood to kill him, or how many times she might have killed him?  Then the other time Jeremy died, in “As I Lay Dying,” the death wasn’t supernatural, so his ring couldn’t save him. Instead, he was resurrected by magic. I mean, leaving aside the whole ring thing, I would not be surprised if Jeremy turned out just plain run-of-the-mill nutso, given his history.
• With most of the Originals unaccounted for, it’s also a possibility that one of them has Jeremy. Elena should get him home ASAP. I mean, right now he’s just waiting to be kidnapped and used as leverage.
• This whole ring thing, along with the reveal of what dark magic does to witches, leads me to think of other things. What about compulsion? Can continually messing with people’s minds make them crazy too? Hmmm.
• Do you think this will be the last we see of Abby? I don’t think so. I feel like there has to be more there, to justify all the time spent on that storyline. It can’t just go out like that. Are there further consequences to turning a witch into a vampire?
• What about the significance of the Wickery Bridge? The fact that Elena’s parents died there, combined with the reveal that it was built with Original-killing wood makes it the most intriguing location in the series. I’ve wondered about the circumstances of Elena’s parents’ deaths for a long time, but this seems to confirm that there was way more going on. I can’t wait to find out more. Also, could the white oak have any other magical properties? Besides killing Originals?
• And most importantly: will these herbs of Bonnie’s work? Or is Alaric doomed to stay crazy and keep killing people?

Tonight, Sunday, April 8^th, is a big night for Showtime. It marks the return of three series. First up is Nurse Jackie at 9:00 PT/ET, followed by The Big C at 9:30 PT/ET. Then stay tuned at 10:00 PT/ET for the dramatic return of The Borgias. Showtime has made all three premieres available early online, and I have embedded them below, along with trailers and behind-the-scenes promos. Enjoy! 

Nurse Jackie

 “Karma’s a Bitch” Promo:

Season 4 Premiere Full Episode:

The Big C

Season 3 Trailer:

Season 3 Premiere Full Episode:

The Borgias

Season 2 Trailer:

Season 2 Behind the Scenes:

Season 2 Premiere Full Episode:

Stefan talks to Marianna Lockwood (left) and Samantha Gilbert (right). Photo Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW.

 Read on for my recap & review of The Vampire Diaries 3×16, “1912,” originally aired Thursday, March 15^th, 2012 (plus a quick recap of 3×15, “All My Children”):

With four episodes having aired since I last recapped the show, I have a lot to catch up on. A lot. I’m not going to give “All My Children” (3×15) the full recap treatment, but I do want to cover the highlights briefly before getting into “1912.” When the show left off before hiatus, Alaric had been shot by Meredith. Gasp! Except, what with all the previous deaths, no one was too worried about his safety. Not the most perilous of cliffhangers, and more than a little infuriating since Alaric has already died five times, making this a possible sixth. Seriously? Seriously?!?! Also, Mama Original teamed up with her son Finn and the Bennett witches to organize some elaborate sacrificial ritual. Presumably, Finn would have sacrificed himself, so that all his Original siblings would die. But the other Original kids found out what mommie dearest was up to and kidnapped Elena (must be Tuesday). Uh oh! To save Elena’s life, the Salvatores were told they had to kill the Bennett witches. But Stefan and Damon flipped a coin over Elena (gross), and Damon ignored the result and ended up turning Abby Bennett into a vampire. Poor Bonnie. Needless to say, Mama Original’s plan didn’t work, and the Originals scattered (not before Elijah wrote a heartfelt apology note, of course). Klaus and Rebekah decided to stick around, however, as they weren’t done causing trouble in Mystic Falls. Oh, and Rebekah found evidence on the cave wall of another white oak tree (aka an “Original Killing Tree”), many years after the “only one” had been burned. There’s a way to kill these Originals dead-dead now, and Klaus and Rebekah are determined to find the tree before anyone else does. Trees: they’re the new lockets/moonstones, people! It’s all vey exciting, I’m sure. Basically, “All My Children” was my least favorite episode of The Vampire Diaries ever, so let’s move on.

Happily, “1912” did a lot to mend the wounds from “All My Children.” Good save, writers. Good save. Alaric’s ridiculous number of deaths went from an embarrassing study in repetition, to a dark and twisted nightmare. The sheer multitude of Alaric’s resurrections served as foundation for a fantastic plot twist involving the Gilbert rings. I loved this twist. It turns out that dying and coming back to life has been driving Alaric crazy. Literally. Those Gilbert rings always did seem too good to be true, and now we know that they are. Magic fixes don’t come without consequences. Well done. 

Despite the title, and the trailers, and promotional photos released ahead of time, the flashback parts of “1912” actually seemed the weakest. You all know that I love a good flashback, and with such a notable year in the mix, I expected to be blown away. Instead, I found the stuff in the past a bit meh, and the introduction of Sage to be disappointing. Sage was presented as sort of an “evil” Lexi. Instead of teaching her protégé to keep his darker impulses at bay, Sage taught Damon horrible lessons of rape and manipulation. It was all rather sad and pathetic, especially the pointedly gendered dynamic. Ugh, Sage.

On the other hand, I absolutely loved the storylines in the present. The scenes between Elena and Matt were beautiful and touching, and served to give us a closer look at what drives these two old friends. Also, once again the show proved why Matt’s character is so crucial to the show. Alaric really got to shine as well, and as stressful as this storyline is for me as an Alaaaaaric fan (soooo sooooo stressful—THINK OF MY PAIN!), I can’t wait to see Matt Davis play these new facets of his character. And of course, this was also a very intense episode for the Salvatore brothers. We got to learn about another crucial turning point in their relationship, and actually see the potential for them to learn from past mistakes. Oh, family … still the cornerstone of this show. On to the recap …

Mystic Falls, 1912. Flashback! One Mr. Salvatore and one Sheriff Forbes stand on a street corner. From their conversation, we learn that the Sheriff’s first name is Gerald and that a member of the Council has been murdered. You decide which point of information is more important. After these brief words, the two men separate. Mr. Salvatore is being followed, and there is some dramatic tension until GASP! STAB! Mr. Salvatore has been killed by some mysterious person. Dun dun dun.

Fade to the same street in the present day. Carol and Liz are fighting. Again. Hee. Some things may have changed, but it’s nice that we can rely on these two ladies to continuously bicker. They recap recent events: there have been two murders and one attempted murder. New information: Liz has a suspect, but won’t share the identity with the mayor. Carol wants to be in the loop, but Liz doesn’t want to accuse an innocent person of being a serial killer.

Cut to … Alaric waking up on a cot. In a jail cell. Dun dun dun. Title card! Alaaaaric is Liz’s #1 suspect in the Council killings. On the plus side, Alaric is alive, so … yay? Liz explains: “You were shot. Dr. Fell used vampire blood to heal you.” So … Meredith shot Alaric, only to heal him with vampire blood? Perhaps she should invest in tranquilizers. Or a nice heavy frying pan. I mean, there are better ways to incapacitate people, is what I’m saying. Did he really need another miraculous resurrection from a close brush with death? Anyway, Alaric tells Sheriff Forbes that he didn’t commit the murders, and Damon comes to his defense too. Damon points out that Alaric was practically stabbed to death. Sheriff Forbes counters that Dr. Fell suggested that Alaric’s wounds could be self-inflicted. Hmmm. Alaric says that he’s being framed. Damon wants to find proof to exonerate his bestie, but Liz tells him to stay out of it.

Meanwhile, Elena and Matt are jogging. Matt: “Elena, you can’t outrun your problems.” Waaaah waaaah. It’s all a little too on the nose. So, I guess that’s why Elena’s been obsessed with jogging lately. Run, Elena! Run! The two then talk about Bonnie’s situation. Matt says that Bonnie and Caroline are at Abby’s house, helping her through the transition. Elena asks if there’s anything she can do, as apparently she and Bonnie are still not speaking. Matt says that it’s not Elena’s fault, but Elena insists that it is. I say that once again everyone else’s problems are being made out to be ALL ABOUT ELENA. Pass. Matt: “You’re gonna make me run more, aren’t you?” Poor Matt. But he’s saved from more cardio when Sheriff Forbes calls Elena to tell her about her incarcerated guardian. Well, Elena’s life is never boring … so there’s that.

When Elena shows up at the jail, she runs into Damon. He fills her in about Liz wanting him to stay out of it. When Elena disbelievingly asks if he really will, he plays light and says it seems like as good a plan as any. Elena is not amused: “Your friend’s in jail for murder. You have to do something.” He baits her with threats of violence against Meredith that involve feeding her to squirrels. Elena continues to be unamused: “Stop it, Damon.” Damon: “I saved your life last night. You’re welcome.” Elena: “You know, you could show a little compassion about Bonnie.” Damon continues to be an ass: “I know. You’re right. Her and her mom must be really hurting right now. Should I send lasagna?” Elena: “Okay, now you’re just being mean.” Damon: “I’m mean, you hate me. The earth is back on its axis.” Elena: “You know, if you keep pushing people away, you’re gonna end up alone.” She exits, he glares. Same old, same old.

Cut to Casa Salvatore, where Stefan is journaling. He has developed an annoying tick wherein he bangs his ring against the table.  It seems that the younger Salvatore is having a hard time with blood cravings. Damon enters, and offers us some laughs: “Dear Diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe. That lie will haunt me forever.” Hee. Damon wants some brother bonding, and suggests that he and Stefan “activate our Wonder Twin powers.” Ha! Damon further explains that he’s looking for clues. It seems that he didn’t listen to Liz’s counsel after all. The two brothers reminisce about their long-dead relative Zachariah’s funeral. They remember that he wasn’t the first Council member killed that year, and Stefan recalls that the year was 1912. Damon: “1912. Or as I like to call it, the last time Mystic Falls had a serial killer on its hands.” Dun dun dun.

Flashback! Stefan’s diary voice over plays as we see a sepia toned scene from 1912: “It feels strange to be home again after so long away …” He’s back in town for Zachariah Salvatore’s funeral—the same guy who we saw stabbed in the opening scene. Following said funeral, Stefan talks to two women at the cemetery. No, not Ladies Mary and Sybil Crawley, but Miss Marianna Lockwood and Miss Samantha Gilbert. Samantha, we learn, is the granddaughter of the late Johnathan Gilbert. Stefan questions the circumstances of his “uncle’s” death, and the ladies say Zachariah was murdered. Marianna adds: “Be careful, Mr. Salvatore. It’s not a good time to be founder of this town.” When has it ever been? Oh, Founders … just move. Run and never come back.

A behatted Damon approaches his brother: “Have you been eating the relatives again?” Stefan: “It’s been a long time, brother.” Damon: “And miss the funeral of … what do you call him? ‘Uncle’ Zachariah.” Stefan: “So you’re still mad at me? Any chance you took it out on our nephew Zachariah?” Ah, suspicion. Zachariah, it turns out, is actually their nephew. Damon makes it clear that he wants to live out his eternal existence as far from Stefan as possible, but Stefan wants to grab a drink and catch up. He has missed his brother. Damon: “Sure. Why not.” Hmmm.

Cut to the present day. Damon: “What do you say, brother? You want to go get drunk?” Stefan: “Ahhhh, I get it, I get it.  You’re bored. Your best friend’s in jail and you have nothing better to do.” Damon: “Well there’s that, and I was hoping you could help solve a murder.” Well, this should be fun.

At the Mystic Grill, Rebekah meets with Mayor Lockwood. Beks thinks that Carol is a good person to ask about old trees since she’s the head of the Preservation Society. Carol: “A long line of Lockwood women used to keep those records, back before any of them had actual jobs.” Damon and Stefan enter and see the pair. Damon refers to Rebekah as “the She Devil” because he’s classy like that. He also gives her the Damon eyes, and she is not unaffected. Carol tells Rebekah that all the logging mills used to be owned by the Salvatores. Hmmm.

At the bar, Stefan continues with his nervous tick, and Damon recognizes the source of his little brother’s agitation. He tells Stefan that he needs to practice moderation. Cold turkey won’t work. Stefan changes the subject back to solving the murders, pointing out that the victims were all Council members. Damon is unimpressed with the selection: “At least back in 1912 they killed a Salvatore.” Ha! Rebekah interrupts and asks which one. It seems that she’s going to keep hanging around them until she finds out about the white oak tree.

Meanwhile, Liz and Alaric talk back at the jail. Alaric argues that he had no motive to kill Brian or Bill, but Liz points out that both victims got into altercations with Meredith. It seems that Meredith told the Sheriff that Alaric was a witness to her fight with Brian Walters, and that she told Alaric that Bill Forbes threatened to report her to the medical board. The latter purportedly was revealed during that drunk dialing conversati a few episodes ago. According to Meredith and the phone records, Alaric talked to Meredith for over an hour. However, he doesn’t remember the conversation, what with his penchant for day-drinking and all-other-times-drinking. Liz asks about an alibi for the night Brian Walters was killed. Alaric was at the fundraiser, but since the killing happened between 1 and 3 am, his only alibi is merely being home asleep. Uh oh.

Mystic Grill. Rebekah: “You say Zachariah Salvatore was your nephew?” Damon: “Well my father knocked up one of the maids during the Civil War. She had a son. As far as everyone else was concerned, Stefan and I were dead. Family name had to go somewhere.” Ah, family history. Damon then taunts “Blondie Bex” a bit about wanting more sex, and brings up Stefan’s blood desires. Stefan denies, as usual. The question of whether the killer from 1912 was caught is brought up, and the Salvatore brothers point to each other as suspects. Stefan: “Well, there was one other vampire. Do you remember Sage?” Damon: “Oooh, right … Sage … speaking of great sex.” Spoiler alert: GROSS.

Flashback! 1912 Stefan and Damon watch Sage (played the lovely and talented Cassidy Freeman) in the boxing ring. She offers $100 to any man who can beat her. That’s a lot of money for 1912, and the prospect of a woman beating up men for sport was surely an unusual sight for the day. Sage catches Damon’s eye—a hint at what’s to come. Stefan tells Damon that he could teach him how to survive without human blood, but Damon is not interested. The older Salvatore tells his brother that he can’t lecture him on how to live his life, not anymore. Then Sage approaches Damon, but he rebuffs her. She puts some money is his waistband. Literally. Huh?

Back in the present, Rebekah comments that she knew a Sage once: “Trashy little thing.” The brothers wonder whether it could have been Sage killing Council members back in 1912. Stefan points out that back then it probably never occurred to people that a woman could have done it.

Cut to Elena and Meredith in the hospital parking lot, and a somewhat off-putting scene. I don’t know how this reconciles with Meredith’s previous and future actions. Meredith: “Whatever case you’re gonna make against Alaric, make it quick.” Huh? Against? Elena: “I don’t have to make a case. He didn’t do anything.” Meredith: “How do you know? Sure you live with him, he takes care of you, but do you really know anything about him?” Elena: “I know enough.” Meredith: “Let me tell you what I know. He was arrested for fighting 4 times before the age of 21. When he was at Duke, his future wife Isobel filed a restraining order against him, twice. Although, then she married him, so I guess that says more about her.” Whoa, whoa, whoa. Information overload. Thoughts? Alaric used to be violent and Isobel took 2 restraining orders out against him? This is all too much. I need details. And context. And proof. And bourbon. And someone to tell me that it’s all going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay, you guys, right? RIGHT?!?! Excuse me while I breath into a paper bag.

Okay, I’m back. Elena stands up for her guardian, saying that Meredith must be making all of this up. Meredith: “How would you know? You took pity on a borderline alcoholic vampire hunter and you never even thought to look any deeper.” There is only one response to this statement: BORDERLINE????? The correct term is “(dis)functioning alcoholic.” Ahem. Elena is outraged: “How could you do this to him? He didn’t kill anyone and you know it.” Meredith: “You date vampires, Elena. It shouldn’t come to you as a shock that your guardian is a murderer.” Mark these words, because they once again do not seem to correspond to Meredith’s depiction in the past or the future. More on my thoughts on Meredith’s characterization further on.

Meanwhile, Rebekah continues to try to hang with Damon and Stefan, but Damon tells her that it’s boys’ night and she wasn’t invited.

Elsewhere, Matt and Elena are engaged in suspicious activities. It turns out that they are breaking into Meredith’s place. Elena says that she knows that that Alaric is innocent, and she also knows Meredith is a Fell. Founding Family Profiling Alert! Geez, Elena, how would you like for everyone to assume that you’re crazy because you’re a Gilbert, huh? They open Meredith’s closet, where they find a dummy wall, and behind it, a file box. Elena: “Skeletons in the closet, just like a true founder.” A quick look inside the box reveals files on Brian Walters, Bill Forbes, and Alaric Saltzman. Dun dun dun.

Back at the Grill, Damon and Stefan couldn’t shake Rebekah. She is a woman with a mission, after all. The three of them play darts and continue to discuss the case. Damon thinks the killer couldn’t be Meredith because she’s a woman. Um … okay. What??? Rebekah: “That’s a bit sexist. A woman could easily kill a man.” Then the subject changes to Stefan and his problems. Oh, Former Ripper, such problems. Stefan claims that his refusal to drink human blood does not mean he’s self righteous. He’s just not interested in killing innocent people. (Anymore.) Damon: “You used to be self righteous.” To prove his point, Damon opens opens Stefan’s diary and reads aloud: “Dear Diary, Damon has lost his way. Though I’ve pulled my own life together, he continues to waste his.” Rebekah pulls the book away. “Ouch.” She continues reading: “‘His bitterness consumes him. He is nothing but bitterness and bile.’ Woof, judgy.” Um, I would like to request dramatic readings from Stefan’s diary in all future episodes, please. Forever amused. Rebekah adds, “Well, if I’m being honest, you didn’t seem like much fun either, Damon.” Damon: “I wasn’t. The woman I was in love with was stuck in a tomb. She wasn’t getting out for another hundred years.” Ooooh, good. I’ve always been curious about how Damon went from 1864 lovestruck-and-horrified-to-be-a-vampire-Damon to the predator of season one. (Spoiler alert: the answer is disappointing. Also, gross.)

Flashback! Damon finishes feeding on a woman as Sage approaches. Sage: “How sad. You’re doing it all wrong. Bad vampire.” Damon: “I was hungry, now I am not hungry. My quality of form is purely subjective.” Sage: “A woman isn’t just for food. She’s for pleasure.” Damon: “I do not need a woman for pleasure. I am spoken for.” Sage: “We are all spoken for, in some way. But what is being a vampire if not relishing in the pleasure of it? C’mon, let me show you.” She leads him back inside the tent, where the people are.

Ringside, Sage points out the women in the audience. She advises: “You want the ones who button themselves up. Watch them. They can’t tear their eyes away. Those are the women who secretly crave seduction. They’ll put up a good fight, but the game is in winning them over, making them beg for it.” Damon: “What if they don’t?” Sage:  “You’re a vampire. You take it.” She points a woman out. It’s poor Samantha Gilbert. GROSS, GROSS, GROSS. Also, how twisted is it that Damon’s first “pleasure victim” was Elena’s ancestor? Oh, Vampire Diaries, you just like to layer on the damage, don’t you?

Back in the present, it seems that Damon has been recounting this story to Rebekah and Stefan. Beks: “That sounds like Sage alright.” Team Rebekah! Damon: “How did you know her?” Beks: “She was obsessed with my brother Finn over 900 years ago.” Damon takes the words out of my mouth: “What? Creepy suicidal guy?” Then there’s some more of Stefan and his nervous bloodthirsty ring-tapping. He finally admits that he’s freaking out due to his blood cravings.

We then return to Elena and Matt, still with the breaking and entering. They sift through Meredith’s box and find an old Gilbert journal. Hmmm. Matt also uncovers a document from the coroner’s office—a letter that lists a different time for Brian Walters’s murder. Hmmm. Unfortunately, before they can investigate further, they hear someone coming. They quickly hide in closet, and soon Meredith enters. She throws down her keys and purse, but then quickly changes her coat and picks her stuff up—as if she plans to leave again. The kids think she’s gone, but when they open the door, Meredith is there, staring. I had a brief flashback to Nanny Carrie for a second, but luckily Meredith was sans axe.

Cut to a short time later in Sheriff Forbes’s office. Elena and Matt are treated to Liz’s stern disapproval. She’s upset that they broke the law. Um, Liz, do you know what else is going on in your town? A couple of teenagers breaking and entering is the least of your worries in Mystic Falls. Elena explains that they found something that clears Alaric. However, Liz informs her that Meredith already submitted the letter from the Coroner’s Office: “Full of apologies for accusing an innocent man.” Matt wisely questions why she had a hidden copy. Liz doesn’t answer that, but she does tell the kids to go home: “Alaric will be released as soon as the letter is authenticated. Go.”

Cut to Rebekah and Damon walking the streets, following Stefan. Damon explains that Stefan doesn’t want to drink human blood due to a guilty conscience. Rebekah: “Funny. When I knew him in the 20s he had no conscience at all.” Damon: “He’s a stubborn one, my brother.” Rebekah asks what she can do.

Damon’s solution? To find a hot blonde girl in an alley. How Mystic Falls hasn’t run out of attractive female victims at this point, I’ll never know. Also, that whole hot-blonde-girl-getting-mauled-by-vampires-in-an-alley thing makes me yearn for Buffy to visit this town. She is sorely needed. After Damon bites into the girl, Stefan turns around to save her. Oh, so now he’s saving randoms from his brother? He never did that before. Usually he just gives a side-eye and a disapproving speech. Hmmm. Progress? Damon tries to tempt Stefan into having a bite, explaining that this is “tough love.” Damon insists that Stefan won’t survive this cold turkey thing. Stefan can either let Rebekah have her way with the blonde victim, knowing she’ll kill the girl, or Stefan can just take a drink and spare her life. So dramatic. Couldn’t Damon just spike his drinks with that blood in the Salvatore basement? Stefan steps in when Rebekah moves in for the kill, and then there’s a looooong pause while Stefan stares at her bleeding neck. Eventually, Stefan feeds. After using Rebekah for leverage, Damon tells her to scram. Nice. She calls him an asshole and leaves. Then Damon tries to stop Stefan from draining the girl to death. Damon steps in to feed her his blood to heal her. Progress?

Unfortunately for Stefan, Elena and Matt just happen to pass by the alley and find Stefan is this very compromising position. We all know that Stefan is a messy eater, and his mouth is covered in blood when Elena catches sight of him. Awkward. Elena: “What are you doing?” So. Awkward. “What are you two doing?” she asks. But Matt quickly hurries Elena away before she gets any answers. Stefan turns to his brother, very upset. Damon: “Soooo … that’s gonna take a little time.” Stefan skulks off.

Cut to Elena and Matt in the Gilbert kitchen. He brings her tea. Awww. Also, nice to know that some people drink things other than bourbon and blood in this town. Elena: “Just say it.” Matt just doesn’t get her thing with the Salvatores. Elena: “I know it doesn’t make sense, but at the beginning, after my parents died, there was something about being with Stefan that just … felt safe.” Matt is understandably perplexed: “Safe?!?! Elena, he’s a vampire.” Elena: “I know, believe me. Just saying it out loud sounds crazy. It’s like I knew that he would never stop loving me, that he would never …” Matt: “What?” Elena: “Die. Like he would never die.” Matt: “Like your parents did. [He nods in understanding.] And Damon?” Elena: “Damon just … sort of snuck up on me. He got under my skin and no mater what I do, I just … I can’t shake him.” Matt: “Once you fall in love with someone, I don’t know if you can ever shake them.” Awww. (Side-note: I kept thinking during the close-ups on Roerig during this scene that he looks like a cowboy. I mean, that is probably a weird thing to say, but he just has the chiseled rugged features that belong in Texas. I know he was already a cowboy on Friday Night Lights, but the boy really needs to play one again.) There is a long dramatic pause as Matt and Elena consider his words and their respective feelings. Elena: “I’m sorry, is this … is this weird? Talking about them with you?” Matt: “No, not really.” Awww. And I’d like to think that Matt was spending so small part of that moment thinking of Caroline, by the way. He then pulls out the Gilbert journal from Meredith’s closet: “It’s your family’s. You should have it. Meredith and that idiot deputy were too busy questioning you to give a damn about me. Sometimes it pays to be the only normal one in a town of vampires. I’m practically invisible.” Dead. YOU’RE NOT INVISIBLE TO ME, MATT.

Then the two are interrupted when Alaric comes home. Welcome back, Alaaaaaric!!! He assures Elena that he is okay, and the two of them hug. It is all very emotional. After all, it is not every day that your guardian is shot by his girlfriend, then spends the night in jail as a suspect for 2 murders, and then is released due to new evidence from the trigger-happy girlfriend. You’ve got to appreciate the little victories in life.

Meanwhile, Stefan is brooding in front of a fire in the Salvatore living room. Damon comes home and fills his brother in about Alaric being released. Damon adds: “I know it may not seem like it, but you did really well tonight. Before you know it, you’re going to be the king of moderation. Elena will understand.” Awww. Stefan is not so optimistic and is clearly still broody: “It doesn’t really matter what Elena thinks.” Damon: “Nah uh. No more no-humanity-Stefan. There is a road called recovery, and we are on it.” Awww. Yay for supportive Damon! Stefan says that he doesn’t need Damon’s help. Damon reminds him of the last time Stefan refused his help.

Flashback! Damon eggs Stefan on, encouraging him to pick a woman to feed on. He tells Stefan that he’s forgotten how good it feels. Damon had forgotten too, until Sage, who reminded him: “It’s worth it. It’s all worth it.” Um … gross. Finally, Damon picks a victim for Stefan: Marianna Lockwood from earlier. Poor thing. Outside, Stefan feeds on her, but then loses control. Damon tries to get him to stop, but Stefan feeds so voraciously that he mistakenly knocks her head off. Seriously. I mean … eeeewwww. Stefan immediately feels guilty and starts repeating that he’s sorry. He tries to put her head back on. Wow. Stefan cries out: “What’d you do to me? What did you do to me?!?!?!” Damon says he can help him—Stefan just needs to learn when to stop. So, Ripper Stefan’s decapitation modus operandi was the result of a hungry mistake and a lack of self-control.

Cut back to present day. Damon: “The Founder’s Council killer had nothing on you. By the decade’s end, they were calling you the Ripper of Monterey. I let you walk away. I watched you go over the edge and I didn’t do anything to stop you.” Stefan: “You couldn’t have.” Damon: “Sure I could’ve. I just didn’t want to. But I want to now. Whenever you go too far, I will be there to pull you back, every second of every day, until you don’t need me.” Stefan: “Why?” Damon: “Because right now, you’re all I got.” It seems that Damon has learned something from the past, and wants to help his brother. Rather than blame Stefan for everything, he realizes that he and his brother need each other. I like it. Oh, Salvatores.

Meanwhile, Elena reads her new journal on the Gilbert couch, and Alaric comes downstairs. He tells her that Sheriff Forbes told him about everything she did today. He appreciates it, but he doesn’t want her getting in trouble for him. Elena: “If not for you, for who.” Awww. (Though, to be fair, Elena gets into trouble for a lot of people. She’s heroic like that.) Alaric reminds her that he’s the one who’s supposed to be taking care of her, even though he sucks at it. True. They agree to take care of each other. Awww. Cuteness. He then asks what she’s reading, and she identifies the old family journal. It was written by the granddaughter of Johnathan Gilbert, “who apparently went just as crazy as he did.” Elena jokes, “So, great genes, huh?” Alaric: “Well, at least you have something to look forward to.” Hahaha! And the Petrova line seems less than stable too. Poor Elena.

Cut back to Casa Salvatore. Stefan got into the old family archives from the 1900s and he found a confession 10 years after the killings. Jonathan Gilbert’s granddaughter, Samantha, confessed to the murders. The authorities assumed she was crazy, and she ended up in an insane asylum. The trail ends there. Damon: “Samantha Gilbert. That is very very weird.” Stefan: “Why?” Damon: “Because I’m pretty sure I had already killed her.” Dun dun dun.

Back at the Gilbert residence, Meredith shows up on the doorstep to talk to Alaric. Hmmm … perhaps she should have used her conversational skills before she resorted to firearms and incarceration. Meredith: “I know what this looks like.” Alaric: “Yeah, well I sure as hell don’t.” Word. She says that she forged the coroner’s note to clear his name. What?!? Alaric: “Oh! You know what, people are right. You are psycho.” She says that now that he’s been cleared, they’ll look for someone else. They won’t look his way again. She says if he lets her in, she can explain. Wait, so now Meredith is helping Alaric? She forged a note to get him released? After shooting him and turning him in in the first place? Was that part of a plan? Has she been helping him all along? WHAT?

Meanwhile, Elena reads in bed upstairs. Samantha Gilbert voiceover: “I don’t feel like myself … I’m losing time, as though I am going mad.”

Stefan and Damon try to figure things out. The note that it was impossible that Samantha Gilbert was a vamp, because they would have known, but then they figure out that she must have had a ring. She couldn’t be alive today, as the ring doesn’t protect against old age, so the present day killer is still a mystery. Jonathan Gilbert only made 2 of those rings. Jeremy has one, and the other one is Alaric’s. Dun dun dun.

In the Gilbert kitchen, Meredith points out that the victims were killed with Alaric’s weapons. Alaric: “Yeah, but I was attacked!” Meredith: “With your own knife! A wound that could have been self inflicted.” Alaric: “It’s impossible! I would know if I were killing people.” Meredith: “Would you? Have you had any blackouts? Instances of lost time?” Alaric: “You’re insane.” Meredith: “No, but I think you might be. You wear a ring that lets you cheat death, Ric. How many times can you die before it changes you? I think you’re sick and I want to help you. This has happened before, almost a hundred years ago.” Elena enters the kitchen, having come to the same conclusion: “Ric, I think she’s right.” Dun dun dun.

Cut to the final scene. A flashback to 1912 definitively reveals the identity of Zachariah Salvatore’s killer. It was Samantha Gilbert who killed Zachariah Salvatore in the street. (Take that, Damon and your doubting of women’s homicidal abilities! I mean … um, never mind …)

So, thoughts on this Alaric-is-the-killer-and-the-ring-made-him-crazy twist? I was completely flabbergasted. Shocked. SHOCKED, I TELL YOU. I felt all of the feelings. Horror that Alaric had killed people, terror that Alaric is crazy and could kill again, dread for what he might do next, nervousness for the consequences, anger at everyone and everything, intense sadness at the thought that this could bring about Alaric’s death or permanent incarceration, resignation to the fact that this could mean Alaric is not long for Mystic Falls, excitement for the insanity to come, happiness for Matt Davis that he gets to play something new and interesting, hope that Crazy Alaric might like to wear suits, etc., etc. Also, I bought a big bottle of bourbon in anticipation of what might happen next. You guys, I am going to be suffering heart palpitations and shallow breathing until this storyline concludes. SO STRESSFUL.

On a less positive note, I feel like this episode demonstrated that the characterization of Meredith has been very uneven. While I understand that this is mostly intentional, in order to preserve the mystery and service plot twists, it is disconcerting. Meredith has been swinging so far back and forth on the pendulum that I find it hard to actually care about her as a person. Instead, she seems like merely a plot device. We haven’t been privy to any of her motivations thus far. The “tricks” she has been playing seem more like contrivances by the writers, rather than organic decisions on her part. I had hoped for more from such a long awaited fan favorite character. Disappointing.

That said, “1912″ was certainly an exciting and thought-provoking episode, and the crazy keeps coming. I have a lot to say about recent events from “Break On Through” and “The Murder of One,” which expand on these developments. I’ll try to catch up on the rest of my Vampire Diaries recaps this week. Thank you for your patience.

Photo Credit: ABC Family.

As many of our favorite network shows are winding down, it’s time to get excited for summer cable programming. ABC Family has some great stuff in store. At the top of my list is Bunheads, the upcoming series that is executive-produced by Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino. Yep, ASP is coming back to TV. And what’s more, Kelly Bishop, Emily Gilmore herself, has been cast as the mother-in-law of lead Sutton Foster. Bunheads premieres on Monday, June 11^th at 9:00PM ET/PT. The official description reads: “Bunheads is the tale of a Las Vegas showgirl who impulsively marries a man, moves to his sleepy coastal town, and takes an uneasy role at her new mother-in-law’s dance school.” I like the small town aspect, and judging by the title it is dancer-centric. It could be really fun, and I have certainly missed Amy Sherman-Palladino’s voice on television. Copper boom!

This summer also marks the returns of Pretty Little Liars and Jane By Design. Tune in on Tuesday, June 5^th at 8:00PM ET/PT to see the fallout from this spring’s “A” reveal, and (hopefully) learn further clues about the killer of Alison DiLaurentis. Immediately following Pretty Little Liars, stay tuned for the return of Jane By Design on Tuesday, June 5^th at 9:00PM  ET/PT. After the spring finale cliffhangers, and the big turning point of Ben finding out the truth, I’m excited to see more of Jane’s adventures.

And don’t worry, Switched at Birth fans, the show will return with new episodes in the fall. Meanwhile, I’ll be crossing my fingers for The Lying Game to be renewed. (Pretty pretty please, ABC Family.) For full details on all of ABC Family’s summer programming, check out the official press release.