Renata's Journey

Trust & Obey

2011-05-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

Trust and obey

For there’s no other way..

To be happy in Jesus

But to trust and obey

Trust in the Lord and do good

So shalt thou dwell in the land

And verily thou shalt be fed.

Delight thyself also in the Lord

And he shall give thee the desires

Of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the Lord;

trust also in him,

and he shall bring it to pass. Ps 37:3-5

Trust Me..

The desert and dry land will become happy;

The desert will be glad and will produce flowers. Is. 35:1

Trust Me..

A road will be there;

This highway will be called

“The Road to Being Holy.” Is. 35:8

Trust Me..

The Lord says forget what happened before

And do not think about the past.

Look at the new thing I am going to do.

It’s already happening.

Don’t you see it?

I will make a road in the desert

and rivers in the dry land. Is. 43:18-19

To trust means I can rest. Just lean back and rest in Him. My heart rate doesn’t accelerate; my eyes don’t dart back and forth with worry. I can close my eyes and rest. Trusting that God’s got this. He doesn’t need my help and he can see down the road, to what life will bring me or where he wants my life to go. He knows how to prepare me. He knows how best to shape me.

There are things in my life I’ve ranted or cried over. Situations that I’ve stewed about. I’ve harbored hurt, resentment, and hard feelings. God doesn’t want me to wallow in these things. But these feelings and experiences are what has shaped me. And while the me standing in front of you now may not be all that great; God isn’t finished with me. And all this STUFF, this baggage…He’ll use. Even the ugliest things I’ve done or that have been done to me will be used for something beautiful.

The trusting and obeying doesn’t come easy, to say the least. Daily, I remind myself that that’s what God has asked me to do right now.

Trust me, Renata.

Obey me, Renata.

So I stand here…

I’ve wiped my tears (for the most part).

I trust God, the Father loves me.

Delights, even, in me.

He wants good for me,

And I will obey (we all know how tough that one is).

I am where He wants me.

I am trying to open myself to Him to change me.

Please….change me!

Heavenly Father, Thank you for loving me so much that you’ve told me I am your portion, your delight, even. Father, I know I can trust you with my heart, with my dreams and desires. Thank you, Lord, for calming my heart. Lead me to be the woman you want me to be. Doing what you want me to do. Amen

Here...You Take The Reigns

2011-03-02T10:25:00.000-08:00

About a month after I got to Albuquerque I found a job! The job at the doctors’ office was right up my alley. I was able to use the skills I’ve learned over the last several years doing something I enjoyed. The pay was pretty good. I was able to catch up on my car payments. And I now only have one month’s payment and the car will be paid off! Yeaaaaa!

The doctors’ office is having money problems of their own and cut all the employees’ pay by 10%. Everyone, that is, except the new girl. That’s me. Me, they cut 100%.

My car that will be paid for with just one more payment...needs the transmission rebuilt. To the tune of $1200 to $2400.

And of course, I’m still staying with friends. And my belongings are in storage 600 miles away.

It seems all that I did have, I no longer do. Poor me. Can you tell I tend to feel sorry for myself?

I can say though, that no matter what comes my way….

He is my God.

He is my Protector.

He is my Provider.

He sees me and He cares for me.

When Jesus and the disciples were crossing the lake (Mark 4:35–41) and the storm came. The disciples woke Jesus up and asked him, “Don’t you care that we will drown?”

Isaiah 63:9 says when I suffer, so does He.

I Peter 5:7 tells us we can give all our worries and concerns to Him because HE cares for us.

Does He care?

YES! He Cares!

Just be still and listen. Even if your world is upside down, His isn’t. He reigns. He’s in control. Good thing! This life sometimes feels like we’re on a runaway stage coach. Careening out of control.

But…

Everything we’re going through….everything we’ve gone through (and some of us have gone through some pretty nasty stuff) He can make something wonderful from it.

Some of us have made choices we’re ashamed of. That we’d just as soon not remember. I know, I have.

God has not been asleep. He wasn’t dozing when that awful thing happened to us. He saw. He sees. He knows what and who will come into our lives around the corner. He sees the end.

God can take that awful thing and actually use it in our lives. That horrible thing will be the stuff beautiful flowers grow from. Hard to imagine, I know; but I’ve seen Him do it in my life. And He’s not finished. There’s still more flowers to come.

This life is hard, to say the least, but let God drive. Trust Him. He loves you and has a plan for you.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for being my Provider and my source of peace. Help me, Lord, to trust you when life seems out of control. Father, I pray that I will always sing praises to you even when life ain’t so grand. Thank you for being in control and for using these tough times for tomorrows' flowers.

The Facts, Ma'am. Just The Facts.

2011-02-14T14:11:00.000-08:00

Sixteen years ago I was single, had 3 children and made $7.50 an hour, if that. I told God I wanted to move to Albuquerque. My best friend lived there. It was the city of my youth. It was my Utopia. And it was about 1000 miles away.

There was no way I could get there and make a go of it with 3 kids, no money, and no family there. I began to pray about it and pack. I fasted. I read my Bible. I sought wise counsel from my pastor and the chaplain at work. It seemed an impossible fete, though.

I cold called the hospitals and was actually hired over the phone. God spoke to me almost as if I could see him standing in front of me. I can remember getting…well…ticked and kinda yelling …at God one afternoon. I raised my voice in frustration, anyway. I didn’t know exactly what it was like to be spoken to by God but surely it wasn’t like this. A literal conversation!?! As I read the Bible it was as if he responded to my very questions right there on the pages. God spoke to me, went before me, opened doors, provided cash. The day before my last day at work my co-workers collected a cash gift for me. I don’t remember exactly how much it was, maybe $150 or $200. The next morning on my way to work for the last time, I thanked God for the money and told him I would need more. I didn’t tell anyone except him that I needed more money. Before the day was over I had promise of another $1000 from an unexpected source. It came the day we loaded the truck.

I lived in Albuquerque for 8 years. I’ve moved a few times since then, never rally seeking God’s direction about where I was going, until a few months ago. You already know where he led me or sent me. This time I wasn’t asking to come here; in fact I wanted to stay where I was.

So, I find myself back where I started, sort of. Where he directed, led, paved the way to, the first time I really sought him. When I sought God, I saw that God is here. Now. Right next to me. Speaking to me…if I give him the time of day. If I stop long enough to listen to him.

I don’t know how we can ever go back to life the way it was after we’ve been with God. After the Creator of the Universe stops to talk to you, how can you possibly act like it never happened? But I know you can. I did.

Today, I was sent to an interview at the place I worked when I left Albuquerque, the last time. I don’t know if I’ll get this job. But it made me feel like I’ve come full circle. I believe I am here by God’s design. I don’t know what God has in store for me; not sure I want to know. But I know for certain he’s at work in Renata’s life. He’ll walk through the calm times and the unhappy times with us.

The Lord says, “Forget what happened before,

and do not think about the past

Look at the new thing I am going to do.

It is already happening. Don’t you see it?

I will make a road in the desert

and rivers in the dry land. Isaiah 43:18 & 19 (NCV)

Heavenly Father, forgive me for ignoring you and not continuing to seek your guidance in my life. Give me strength Father to face the lessons you are teaching me now. I'm listening, God.

Desire-ectomy

2011-02-10T10:57:00.000-08:00

Twenty years ago this spring God gave me a scripture with promise. It was mine! Had my name on it. I’ve taken it out almost every day for the last twenty years and looked at it. I’ve petted it, polished it and known that one day I would see the promise fulfilled. I know God is faithful….He will fulfill that promise.

I’m doing a Beth Moore study at my church. We’re studying The Inheritance. What is ours, simply because we belong to him. Last night, Beth had some interesting comments. She put some things into perspective for me. She talked about how the children of Israel were afraid to cross the Jordan and take possession of God’s promise to them because the spies came back with reports of giants in the land. She said we all have a river of fear between us and the realization of God’s promises to us. Mmmmm. She said we have to fight for what God has promised so that we can develop the muscle to hold on to it when the enemy tries to take it from us…or something to that effect.

Well, that got me to thinking. I immediately thought of the promise from twenty years ago. God, Am I supposed to fight for this? To stand on your promises? To Pray for this, believing that I will receive (my interpretation of) that promise?

I asked my small group to pray for direction in my praying.

I woke up this morning ready to talk to God. I pray pretty specific. I needed direction on how to pray. I’ll fast today, asking God to reveal his deep thoughts to me. To guide me. This will be my goal for the days to come. He will answer me. I may have to tarry, to fast some more, to seek him. OOOH, My God Has Brought Me Sooo Far. OOOH, How I Have Grown In Him.

I kinda hate it when he has to remind me, you’re not as hot as you think you are. I feel a little like Edith Ann sitting in the chair she hasn’t quite grown into yet.

My scripture with promise is….Are you ready?

Delight thyself in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Ps. 37:4

I have trouble juggling the “Delight thyself in the Lord” part with “The desires of my heart” part. I mean, it’s my heart’s desire. This morning, I hear him saying, “Delight in me and the desires of your heart will become to…delight in me”.

There may be more to the desires of my heart thing. But I think my Father just told me to focus on delighting in him. Period. Now the object of my heart’s desire will not just supernaturally disappear, but I believe what I’m hearing is rather than giving the object of my heart’s desire to him, I must give him…trust him with the desires of my heart. My dreams. It’s possible he may change them and give them back to me refashioned.

I kinda liked it better when I could piously give God the people in my life that are hurting and I couldn’t change and ask him to heal them, change them. But what he wants if for me to give him my heart so that he can change me, heal me.

My honest reaction is both, ”WOW! GOD! Do a work in me! As well as, “OH POO! Not that God. Not that.

Father, I asked for direction and Lord, just like you’ve been doing, you spoke to me. Thank you, Lord God, Creator of the Universe for speaking to me. For loving me.

Father, I give you the desires of my heart. I give you my dreams. God make my heart’s desire to delight in you.

Help me to trust you with my heart.

Help me to walk in obedience.

Say Cheese!

2011-02-05T09:16:00.000-08:00

       If my life has a mission statement it might be, at least in part, Acts 4:13. the last part of this says, "Then they realized that Peter and John had been with Jesus".

       I am not photogenic. I've always said when I have my picture taken that it looks like a Mack truck stopped a little too close to my face.  But there are two pictures on my desk that are different. It's still me, so it's not perfection by any means. In them, I'm with family. Now, if I know someone's gonna take my picture, I smile. It usually does not help the final outcome. But there's something different about these two pictures. I'm with people I love, but it's more than that.

       I love the picture taker. I am focused on him. When I look at my face in these pics I can see a reflection of him. Not his shape, but you can look at me and see that I had spent time with him.

       Yep! My life is a parable!

       My goal is that my very person reflect Jesus. My eyes, my expression, my smile. I want others to see me and say, "I realize that Renata has been with Jesus".

     Father God, I love you. I want to spend time with and get to know you. Lord, I want to bask in your presence and walk into life changed.

Word of the Day....Delight

2011-01-24T23:22:00.000-08:00

This morning the little flip calendar on my desk said we should love God with such intensity that it makes any other love that we have look like hatred. That is definitely not a quote…but you get the message. Not exactly a church doctrine but it did open my eyes to what he wants from me. I’ve read the scriptures that say, Thou shalt have no other God before me. Those that tell me God is a jealous God; seek ye first the kingdom of God…., delight thyself in the Lord. But this little calendar put it in terms that hit close to home.

Can you think of a time when one particular person held your attention? When your friends didn’t hear from you very often? You didn’t see your family often? That one person was practically your whole world.

It was an eye-opening statement. I think I understand a little better what God wants now. Delight. Yeah, I’ve felt that before.

Delight is that feeling you feel when you get to be with that one special person.

Delight is that feeling you feel just thinking about that special person.

Euphoria. I can’t believe this wonderful person is in my life!

I can’t wait to wake up and spend time with that person.

I go to sleep with a smile on my face at the thought of that person.

That person is the reason I smile.

I laugh …often in the presence of that person.

Almost nothing bothers me when I am with this person.

It took me years to understand delight. But I think I get it now.

My Heavenly Father wants to be that One Special Person in my life.

He wants me to run to him….first

With my smiles, my fears, my tears.

With delight…euphoria even.

O Heavenly Father, You are an Awesome God! You lead me, patiently showing me the way to you. Thank you for your words to me, for your comfort. I choose you, Lord.

The Cock's Crow Signals a New Day...But Really? A Rooster?

2011-01-23T14:40:00.000-08:00

When the cock crowed this morning (really. I accidentally set my alarm clock to the obnoxious rooster setting). Anyway, when the cock crowed, my eyes flew open and my first thought was Ephesians 1-4-22. I picked up my Bible and read. Ephesians 1:22, ..then Ephesians 4:22....or should it be Ephesians chapter 1 through chapter 4, verse 22. Ok, so I think it's supposed to be the latter.

The first thing that jumped off the page was in chapter 1, verse 21 & 22.

God has put Christ over all rulers, authorities, powers, and kings, not only in this world but also in the next. God put everything under his power and made him the head over everything

for the church (OK....We....Are....The...Church...so Jesus is over everything in us.) which is Christ's body. (whether we're at work, home with the fam or on vacation..WE ARE CHRIST'S

BODY) The church is filled with Christ and Christ fills everything in everyway.

That last part, He fills everything in everyway. That's what I want...for him to fill every part of me in every way possible. That's not unreasonable. I want my very pores to ooze Jesus. Not like a holier, above everyone else, holy roller, but I want people, both those that are his already and those that don't know him or me to be able to tell I've been with Jesus.

A result of this new understanding of who I am in Christ is I can no longer in good conscience be sarcastically rude to the person at the drive up window or that faceless person on the other end of the phone. I belong to him. I need to act like it.

Lord, please, fill me in everyway. Open my eyes to see and my ears to hear all that you are and all that you have for me to do. Thank you Lord.

Morning, Noon, & Night...He Hears Me.

2011-01-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

Morning, noon, & night I am troubled and upset, but he will listen to me. Ps. 55:17

He paid attention to me, so I will call to him for help as long as I live. Ps. 116:2

I read these Psalms then, read my last journal entry. I was having a difficult time with some heart hurts. I poured my heart out to God, basically pleading with him to take away this pain...and to hurry up! I cried (as I so easily do).

Today in the dark of the morning he is saying, “I'm still here and I hear you. Between now

and healing, talk to me. Don't stop!”

O, Heavenly Father, I love you. Thank you Lord, that you love me like no other. Thank you Lord, that you can and do speak specifically to me. I lay my burdens down at your feet again, today. I most probably will lay the same ones again down tomorrow. But I know you'll be there. Not as a silent God watching creation; but as my Father who cares about me and is actively helping me and speaking to me.

Who Did He Come For? Mmmmmmm......

2011-01-02T11:10:00.000-08:00

Ok…last week at the emergency room, God showed me people he loves and who need him. Today he told me in my Random Book of Devotions to “Point People to Christ”. I think I see a pattern.

I don’t foresee worldwide recognition like Mother Teresa for my work with the poor, overlooked, and needy. God is not necessarily calling me to work with the underprivileged. But he very definitely wants me to see who he loves and to see who needs him. He wants me to see who Jesus died for.

God’s Son did not come to die for the churched. For the saints. He came to die for those who do not know him. Maybe they have never been exposed to him at all. They might look and act like me…but then again, they just might not.

God wants me to see….

The illegal alien

As someone The Creator loves.

He wants me to see

The Muslim

As someone he wants as his own.

The gang member…

The Father longs for him.

The ladies I work with…

They have good jobs,

Husbands,

Families,

And smiles on their faces,

But they don’t know Jesus.

It may be that it is my job to introduce them to a life with Jesus in it. To allow them to see God’s love for each of us through my life.

            Lord, cause me to be aware of those around me who don’t know you. Cause me, Father to be very aware that you…The King…The Creator of All…that you want them, you love them. Lord, help me to not judge others. Help me to not be annoyed at their behavior or languages, of their differences. But Lord, teach me to love them through your eyes.   Thank you, Father, for loving me and for dying for me.

Who ... or What Is It That I Worship?

2011-01-01T12:54:00.000-08:00

My devotion today told me God is dependable. Oh, that’s not the way the Bible words it. Psalm 135:13 says; Thy name, O Lord, endureth for ever; and thy memorial, O Lord, throughout all generations.

I can depend on him. I may not always understand him but he loves me more than my mamma, even more than I love me.

The psalmist compared God’s steadfastness or his eternal-ness (I know, it’s not a word!) to idols. How can something that’s made by human hands endure? Endure like God does? For that matter, the created loved ones around will pass, as well. If we’re not looking to the One Creator to meet all our needs then…well,…we’re looking to something else…that would be an idol. Anything or anyone we give our devotion to …anything or anyone that displaces God from the center of our lives…our thoughts…that we give more attention than we give to God. Sure, we all have a life; responsibilities that take up our days. But God should be the reason we live our lives. God should be, in fact, we need God to be the ultimate reason we cook for our families or go to work. It should be our Heavenly Father’s love for us that leaks out of us when we’re with our families or even talking to the mechanic about our car.

Of course, these words I’ve written and illustrations I’ve used are ultimately for my benefit. My Father has been trying to show me that anything…ANYTHING…that stands between me and him is an idol. Something I worship.

O Father, forgive me for looking away from you for the source of my happiness. Lord, I for sure don’t understand all your ways; but I know you’ve loved me from before Calvary. The reminders aren’t always pleasant, but please help me to see and recognize your reminders to refocus on you. Thank you for being my foundation for living. My Cornerstone.

Changes...or... A New Year, A New Me?

2011-01-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

Are you aware that change isn’t always pleasant? Or fun? And that learning new things can make you feel like your brain is jello?

I said a few weeks ago that, things…they are a changing. Boy, I had no idea!

Now, I don’t necessarily believe that everything that happens to us is for a reason. Pre-ordained, if you will. This world is imperfect. Sometimes we just get sick, or get a flat tire…or lose a job. I know we can learn something from every occurrence if we will, but sometimes things just happen. Then…there are those other times.

A month ago I told you about Alana, my next door neighbor in the apartments I used to live in. God revealed a missed opportunity. He also showed me that I had judged Alana and found her now quite good enough to befriend. Although, I’ve been known to staunchly defend the nameless, faceless less fortunate…or just someone who isn’t like me. But give them a face, a name and maybe a few tattoos or a bandana, an unpleasant odor, or a vocabulary peppered with words that make me cringe and I tend to look away. Not quite meet their eyes. I might turn to get away from the smell.

Lately, God’s been talking to me about sharing Him. About what or who others see when they see me. I’d like to think they see Jesus when they look at me.

I recently read a book that posed a challenging question. What would happen if your heart got a day off and Jesus’ heart took its place…just for a day? None of your circumstances changed; it would still be you but with Jesus’ heart walking through your day. All of the seemingly insignificant words we say…would they still be said? Might I spend an hour (or more) playing cards on the computer instead of making better use of my time? Mmmmmm….it made me think.

I’m sick…I think I have bronchitis. But since I don’t have letters after my name...you know, like M.D., I need someone who does to write me a prescription. And since I am new to town, with no regular doctor or insurance for that matter…I find myself at the local emergency room. I have spent over 15 hours this week waiting for a doctor in the waiting area of said emergency room. I asked God why I have to do this. You know…kind of whined a bit.

People here are different than me. Most of them have a different skin color and at the very least, an accent when they talk. And I don't mean Texan. Some of them don’t even speak the same language. Others have come in from the cold for a warm place to rest. I can tell the guy next to me hasn’t cleaned up in a while. Soon someone will come wake him for a ride to one of the shelters. I heard Westside shelter is giving away some very nice clothes. At least one of them I didn’t recognize as homeless because he was dressed so nice. That was the one who is calmly convinced he’s got an intracranial brain bleed, and has very strong opinions of terrorists and alien life forms.

I’ve just come to try and convince someone to give me an antibiotic. I’ll even tell them exactly what kind…if they’ll listen. Somehow, I don’t see it happening exactly like that.

As I sat there, though for those 15 hours, I encountered drunks…in need. A belligerent young homeless man looking for a cigarette…in need. A sick gang member and his girlfriend…also, in need. There was a mother with her little boy who was asking if his daddy’s was gonna wake up. They were in need.

I look at the lady across the way who I think is homeless, and wonder what she would look like if her life circumstances had been different or what would I end up like if my circumstances were like hers?

As I sit at my desk at work, I think to myself, I sure wish I could work with Christians or I wish I could encounter at the coffee shop folks getting together with their Bibles over a cup. But Here is different from where I was before. I don’t know why or what God has planned but I can tell he’s about to wake me up. God didn’t intend for us to live in communes with only like-minded people around us. He told us to be a light to others. Matthew 5:14 & 16 says, “You are the light that gives light to the world. A city that is built on a hill cannot be hidden. …. In the same way, you should be a light for other people. Live so that they will see the good things you do and will praise your Father in heaven.

God also gave us Mark 16:15. GO YE INTO ALL THE WORLD AND PREACH THE GOSPEL TO EVERY CREATURE.

Ok, so we don’t all have to be preachers. But we are supposed to let our lights shine. Who am I supposed to let see my light? Those folks in the E.R. or the people I work with every day.

God told me he’s doing a new work in my life. I was thinking something along the lines of a quaint little house with trees, a fence, a place for flowers and then maybe a fella who adores Him, then me. But instead, I think I better clean out my ears and put my glasses on so I don’t miss anything. I’m in school! Oh, I don’t doubt God has some wonderful things in store for me. He’s shared a few of them with me. But my purpose in life isn’t to keep God busy with my wish list. I have a job. I am an Illuminator. And so are you.

Heavenly Father, cause my ears to hear and my eyes to see your plan for me. At least the next step you want me to take. Lord, show me opportunities to share you and then the words and the courage to do so. Thank you Father for letting me see you actually doing a work in my life.

A New Pair of Earplugs

2010-12-31T12:11:00.000-08:00

Today my Random Book of Devotions took me to Acts 26:13-19 where Paul is telling King Agrippa about what happened to him on the way to Damascus. The whole point of the devotion today, is to tell your story to those God puts in your life. Or your path.

I love to talk. I can get up in the morning with my motor revved and ready to talk your ear off. If you know me at all, you probably know more about me than you want to. I have no idea why I really feel you need and even want to know about my love affair with the color blue or with flowers. But I do. Lucky you!

Now, when it comes to sharing my God stories, I clam up. My co-workers don’t usually see God’s grace and power at work in my life. I find it much easier to tell things about me that might make me look more like them. Which, of course, I am, really. I’m just forgiven and I’m supposed to be striving for Christ-likeness.

That may be one reason I’m stuck on this “Groundhog Day” movie-like repetition thing. God is saying, “You can do it” and when I show folks me instead of him, he says, “Next time you’ll get it” and moves me on.

I started a new job this week. So far, I’m just a temp. But there are several new people God has put in my path. I have a brand new pair of ear plugs in my purse to dim the noise of 2 different hip hop stations playing on either side of me. But I resolve to not completely distance myself from these people God has placed here. I will look for opportunities to show them God’s grace and love at work in my life.

Thank you, Lord, for the opportunities I know you are going to provide for me to share you. Father, I pray my life is pleasing to you. Cleanse me and guide me as I go forward.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I think this is the Devotional Bible I have.
And you just can't go wrong with Max Lucado.
Get a plan.

Keep on reading...this is not Woe is me.

2010-12-24T09:18:00.000-08:00

I have moved at least 34 times. From Kindergarten to 8^th grade there were 11 schools. There were no lasting friendships made. I was always the new kid and saying good-bye before you knew it.

Now, I’m 52 and with this last move, I’ve told God, I’m tired. Please let me stop. There are times, when I realize my youth is behind me and I’ve not accomplished what I wanted to and not where I’d like to be in my life. I feel defeated.

This morning the title in my Random Book of Devotions was “God Has No Retirement Plan”. It directed me to Joshua 14:10-13. In this text they’re telling us of when Canaan, the Promised Land, was divided between the Israelites. Caleb says here that he was 40 when God promised the land to them. 45 years later at 85 he chose a mountainous land inhabited by a people that would have to be driven out. Caleb took God at his word. God had promised and in spite of being 85 years old, Caleb believed God would provide the ability, strength, and resources to accomplish or just receive what God intended him to have.

I serve the same God as Caleb. (Makes me want to jump up and down!) God gave me a specific promise 19 years ago. And like the Israelites, I’ve had some desert wandering to do. I haven’t realized the promise yet, but daily for 19 years it’s been with me. God is faithful. Caleb realized God’s promise for him because “he wholly followed God” (Joshua 14:14). That’s what I want God to be able to say of me…that Renata received the promises God made to her because she wholly followed God.

Heavenly Father, thank you for your promises and faithfulness. Thank you for your provision. Remind me, Lord, when I forget that you are not a spectator, but actively doing a work in my life.

Who I Am

2010-12-23T14:08:00.000-08:00

     I've always had trouble understanding how grace works. In recent months God has opened my eyes and understanding...a little. He's made me to understand we are nothing without him and that he loves us in Christ. When he looks at me, he sees his son, Christ.

     Ps. 130:3 says, "Lord, if you punished people for all their sins, no one would be left, Lord. And Rom. 3:19 says that, "...the law only shows us our sin."

     Now, Eph. 1:3-13 lays it out for me. It says: IN CHRIST, God has given us every spiritual blessing in the heavenly world. That is IN CHRIST, he chose us before the world was made so that we would be his holy people - people without blame before him. Because of his love, God has already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ. That was what he wanted and what pleased him, and it brings praise to God because of his wonderful grace. God gave that grace to us freely, IN CHRIST, the one he loves. IN CHRIST we are set free by the blood of his death, and so we have forgiveness of sins. HOW RICH IS GOD'S GRACE, which he has given to us so fully and freely. God with full wisdom and understanding let us know his secret purpose. This was what God wanted and he planned to do it through Christ....... We are the first people who hoped in Christ and we were chosen so that we would praise to God's glory. So it is with you. When you heard the true teaching, the Good News about your salvation you believed in Christ. And IN CHRIST, God put his special mark of ownership on you by giving you the Holy Spirit that he had promised.

     Oh My Goodness! That is so awesome!!! God is good. It may be that this is meant for me and me only... but I don't think so. Is. 55:11 says that his word will not return to him void. In other words it will accomplish what he intends it to. I've been praying as I write this, that when you...whoever you is...when you read this you'll realize how important You are to HIM. How much he loves you and wants you for his own.

    Father, thank you for letting us know you love us. That through your son, Jesus, we are precious to you. Lead me closer to you, Lord. I pray that others see you in me every day.

Me and Lindsay Lohan

2010-12-20T15:55:00.000-08:00

God has very distinctly told me to forget about my past…what’s gone on before. And that he’s doing something new in my life. Something that he’s already started the ball rolling on.

Well, I’m inpatient. Here I am! I’ve moved 600 miles. Pulled my heart kicking and screaming, I might add. But I’m here. Doesn’t sound like it was cheerful obedience, does it?

I’m unemployed and sleeping in my best friend’s spare bedroom. In other words you can reach me at Limbo, USA.

I think I might have mentioned before that I’m in spiritual rehab. That’s what it feels like. God is having to reteach me how to live. I suppose if my heart was cheerfully relearning then this would be a spiritual spa. Relaxing at times, refreshing, and invigorating. All in your perspective. But I tend to do things the difficult way if there is one. So for me it’s been a Lindsay Lohan-like experience. Kinda court ordered.

Yesterday God re-covered the potter working his clay and having to start over and reshape the lump into another vessel (Jer. 18:4). He’s told me his mind should be in me (Phil. 2:5). To praise HIM. Just to praise him (Ps. 150:6). And how my words are pretty weighty. They can either heal or destroy; build up or tear down (Prov. 15:4). The Father reminded me of when Jesus told his disciples that he, himself was a servant and asked them who was greater, the one at the table being served or the server (Luke 22:27). Today he reminded me of the weapons that are mine to carry into battle when I leave Limbo USA and return to the world. He says in 2 Corin. 13:5 that we, with our spiritual weapons capture every thought and make it obey Christ. He said every thought. Not just when we’re having a good day but every day. Every thought. Can you tell this is where I have trouble? My thoughts. I feel like Mrs. Lott. Continually looking back over my shoulder at what I’m leaving behind. And what was she seeing when she looked back? Destruction. When I look back I’m missing what The Creator of the Universe has set aside…a special delivery just for Renata. Not something to snub my nose at. I love surprises!

So…with that said…there is a spot in Texas that I came to love. I met wise people who loved me, taught and led me, and changed my life. Showing me their servants’ hearts. I’m extremely thankful for the time I spent there. And of course, I left a broken dream of mine there. It’s been hard for me to stop looking back at my shattered hopes for that dream. But forward is healing and rebuilding. It is my intention to capture EVERY thought and make it obey Christ. I’m gonna see if I can turn this into a spa instead of rehab.

Father, I love you. Thank you for your wisdom and guidance. For your instruction. Cleanse my heart. Make me ready to live the life you’ve picked out for me. Make me able and ready to serve you.

His Delight!

2010-12-15T11:51:00.000-08:00

Whenever I've thought of how God must think of me, I imagined disappointment, displeasure, maybe even some anger. Recently, however, I've come to the KNOWLEDGE that he sees me through his son's blood. Romans 3:24 says we "are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus" (ESV). So how could he see me as anything but righteous? Wow!

I've never considered, though, that he delights in me. That he likes me. I see myself as a huge dork and life loser. How can God delight in me? Zephaniah 3:17 says: The Lord your God is with you; the mighty one will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in his love, he will sing and be joyful about you!

The Bible says it. Therefore. It. Is. True. The Almighty God issinging and is joyful over Renata and over you!

Thank you Father for showing me again that you value me. Thank you for being with me. For hearing me when I talk to you and most fo all for talking to me. Thank you for not leaving me alone on my journey. You are with me.

Check these out!

Psalm 16

2010-12-08T10:44:00.000-08:00

Protect me God because I trust in you. I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord". Every good thing I have comes from you. As for the Godly people in the world, they are the wonderful ones I enjoy. But those who turn to idols will have much pain. I will not offer blood to those idols or even speak their names. No, the Lord is all I need. He takes care of me. My share in life has been pleasant. My past has been beautiful. I praise the Lord because he advised me. Even at night, I feel his leading. I keep the Lord before me always. Because he is close by my side I will not be hurt. So I rejoice and am glad. Even my body has hope because you will not leave me in the grave. You will not let your holy one rot. You will teach me how to live a holy life. Being with you will fill me with joy; at your right side I will find pleasure forever.

I love you, Father, and trust you.

Christmas will be here before you know it. Check out these goodies from Amazon.com. Just about anyone would love to open these and they can make a lifelong impression.

If I Were God....

2010-12-06T16:21:00.000-08:00

When you hear someone say that God told them something, or spoke to them, do you wonder how that can be? The Creator, speaking to an individual. Not a world leader or Billy Graham, but just a simple Joe or Jill. They don't seem to influence thousands, or hundreds, or even 50 people. But they claim the Almighty God stopped. Called their name. And spoke into the details of their seemingly insignificant life.

Hard to believe, isn't it? An out of work, over wieght, mistake prone grandmother having a meaningful conversation with...The God.

But that is exactly what is happening...to me. Can you imagine how eager I am to sit down each morning for my devotion...my quiet time...my God time? He meets me there. I mean, He's always with me, but in the quiet of the morning, before I start running errands or I let my thoughts get carried way by the demands of the day or by my fears...I sit and listen. He responds to what I've been talking to him about.

If I were God, I would definitely lose patience with me and others like me. God has told me of good things coming; he's told me of my purpose; he's told me there'll be flowers! And yet I still fear. I whine about no job, no home, my aching heart. OH MY GOSH!!! If I were God I would say, “HAVEN'T I ALREADY TOLD YOU?!? I'VE GOT PLANS FOR YOU! DON'T YOU LISTEN?!

But not God. When I cry over what he's already talked to me about, he stops and lovingly soothes me. Some of my mistakes like burning my tongue on my coffee will be forgotten by tomorrow, but others have longer lasting consequences. And as I live my days and weeks with those consequences, my Father is loving and patient. He tells me, “I've got it worked out for you.” He doesn't even remember my mistakes. He goes before me and lays out my life, full of love and purpose and even laughter. Full of good things.

I know that no matter what my life holds, He holds my life.

My Father, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For me not being in charge. Thank you for showing me how I am supposed to respond to others. Thank you for responding to little ol' me. You've shown me that in your eyes, I, Renata, covered in your Son's blood, am important to you. I don't understand it, but Father, I know it to be true. I love you.

He is Faithful!

2010-12-05T14:10:00.000-08:00

I just wanna jump up and down and holler. Tell someone!

God is so faithful!

This morning I awoke at 5:30. My thoughts and heart on what I've left behind. I told God how much I hurt and shed a few tears. Then in an attempt to shake it off, I reached for my Source of Comfort and my Random Book of Devotions. When I opened my Bible the most amazing thing happened. My Heavenly Father put his arms around me and said, “

“Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Gasp! (It was hard for me to read the rest through my tears...) Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it? I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land. Isaiah 43:18 & 19.

God has spoken to me, telling me where he wants me to live. He has encouraged me with instructions once I arrived. I have still been fearful and sad...with the God of the Universe talking with Renata, personally. You'd think I would be ecstatic with the plans he has for me. That God, you know the Big Guy, laying out plans for me and telling me not only that everything will be ok but that it will be wonderful! I have been the typical emotional female that the Father has taken the time out to console and comfort.

I can't say it enough; God is so faithful!

Thank you so much Father. Thank you for arranging for me to have this out of date Random Book of Devotions. Thank you for arranging for me to read exactly what I need, when I need it.

Thank you, Lord for loving me enough to not leave me alone. For going through this change with me.

Today I will lift my eyes to you and sing praises. You are my strength!

It's All About Me---NOT!

2010-12-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God.

Ps. 146:5

I've been sad.

Life has not been going the way I want it to. I feel like a 2 year old who doesn't get to watch her favorite cartoon and crumples to the floor, sobbing and wailing. Heartbroken.

I've been doing some sobbing and wailing to God lately. I've felt ashamed, but did it all the same.

Isaiah 55:12 says, So you will go out with joy and be led out in peace. The mountains and hills burst into song before you, all the trees in the fields will clap their hands.

And 1 Thes. 5:16-18. Always be joyful. Pray continually, and give thanks whatever happens. This is what God wants for you in Christ Jesus.

Heb. 13:1-5 So through Jesus let us always offer to God our sacrifice of praise.

I've known in my head all along that God is directing my steps, but it still doesn't change the fact that I want what I want. Regardless of how bad it may be for me or the fact that something wonderful is in store for me by obeying him.

And besides all that ...it is not all about me. Or even you. I was somewhat shocked and a little dismayed when the Sunday School teacher at Brazos Meadows said that a few weeks ago.

Rev. 7:9-12 clears it up for me. It says, ...I looked, and there was a great number of people, so many that no one could count them. They were from every nation, tribe, people, and language of the earth. They were all standing before the throne and before the lamb, wearing white robes and holding palm branches in their hands. They were shouting in a loud voice “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.” All the angels were standing around the throne and the elders and the four living creatures. They all bowed down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying Amen! Praise, glory, wisdom, thanks, honor, power, and strength belong to our God forever and ever. Amen!

In other words, I'm not here to get the most and the best for me out of life. I'm here to bring glory to God. (Wow does God have his work cut out for him!)

In spite of the fact that I'm here to bring glory to God, he tells me... if God is for me who can be against me? (Rom 8:31) He bends down to take care of me, meet my needs and even fulfill my desires.

Father God, forgive me for being so me centered. Please Lord, continue to reveal yourself to me and remind me of my purpose here. To bring you glory. I pray Lord, that you search me and draw me closer to you. Thank you Heavenly Father for loving me and for concerning yourself with the details of my life.

Missed Opportunity

2010-11-30T16:23:00.000-08:00

For the past several days, God has spoken to me about my attitude. Which at times can be puffed up. He has spoken to me about making a difference. About my circle of influence. We all have one.

I moved out of my apartment this week. I lived there for 17 months. My neighbor and I had introduced ourselves to each other and waved in passing, but never really talked or got to know each other.

She is a younger woman by 20 years. Has several tattoos, smoked a lot. And I was awoken in the middle of the night a time or two by loud fights between her and her live-in boyfriend. Through the walls of our apartment I often heard her yelling profanities at her teenagers. I determined I didn't want to be involved with this sort of person.

On moving day I knocked on her door to offer her some food from my freezer. She ended up offering to help me with the final clean out and clean up. Through out the day we talked and got to know each other.

This young woman grew up with a mom who had a drug problem. She had 2 children as a teenager and she had a drug problem. She spent 3 years in prison and is now clean. She told me of going to church as a young teen and of her son going to church now with one of his friends.

We found we had a few things in common and could have been friends. She most likely would have gone to church with me....if I had ever asked or taken the time to get to know her at all.

I missed my opportunity. I will remember Alana for the rest of my life. Because of how I failed her or God.

Who am I that “I” should judge a person and find them not good enough for me. I never had that particular thought about her, but what I did think, I am too ashamed to share.

Heavenly Father, forgive me for exalting myself in that I felt I was better than Alana. I pray you draw her to you. Lord, show me how I can reach out to others. Lord, help me to realize that the waitress, the cashier at Wal-Mart, and my next door neighbor are ALL loved by you and put in my path so I can show them you.

Puffed Up

2010-11-28T05:43:00.001-08:00

The other day, I was reading Max Lucado's “Out Live Your Life”, (which I expect to be a life changing book) and he said “Don't forget who holds you”. Everything we are; everything we have is because of Christ.

I Corin. 4:7 says:

Who says you are better than others? What do you have that was not

given to you? And if it was given to you, why do you brag as if you

did not receive it as a gift?

And Acts 7: 2-4 says:

Stephen answered, “Brothers and fathers, listen to me. Our glorious

God appeared to Abraham, our ancestor, in Mesopotamia before he

lived in Haran. God said to Abraham, “Leave your country and your

relatives, and go to the land I will show you.” So Abraham left the

country of Chaldea and went to live in Haran. After Abraham's

father died, God sent him to this place where you now live.

God's the one who brought us where we are. He has given us what we have. Any wisdom we posess, isn't really ours; it's God's wisdom. He gave it to us.

The other day I was talking to a friend who is going through a time of confusion. I told my friend, just to immerse themselves in God's word. If you do that then God will leach into your heart, your thoughts, and your actions. I told my friend that I understood where they were coming from,

because I'd been in that place of seperation from God through my guilt. But God still wants his children. I told my friend that my goal was to immerse myself so much in the Word that Christ leaks out of me. And others will be able to see that I'd been with Jesus. I walked away thinking “you did good, Renata”. I felt pious. Somewhat holy, even.

The next day I spoke with one of my daughters and kind of counseled her some on life.

Oh yes, God is gonna use me. I've been reading my Bible and my little Random Book of Devotions. God has been speaking to me. …...I AM A VESSEL.....

I have arrived. Or at least, I'm well on my way to arriving.

Yesterday, I fell flat on my face. Not literally, but I failed in my walk. I had to go to God and ask him to forgive me. I looked at myself and asked, “Why? You've been reading your Bible everyday. Why can't you get “Right” inside of you so that it comes out in your actions?” Maybe part of the reason is that I'm not immersed in Him. I'm not who I was. I've been reading and studying the Word, some. But not really immersed. I need more of HIM so I become less. The other reason that “Right” doesn't consistently come out in my actions is that I'm not perfect. I'm not righteous on my own. (I can say these words, but in reality I don't understand them. I won't understand completely until I get to Heaven. But I know them to be true.)

Oh God, how quickly I forget who holds me. If the words I spoke and the life of the speaker touched these 2 people, it isn't because of Renata's superior intelligence or wisdom, but because of you, God. To forget who holds me is the prelude to falling.

Forgive me, Lord for forgetting who I am and for falling. Thank you for loving me. For your grace and mercy.

Lord, I am aware that as you mold and make me into what you want; I look into the mirror quite impressed with what I have made of myself. I'm sorry, Father God. Please forgive me. Help me Lord to always remember who I am. I am in Christ. I am nothing outside of Christ. I have no reason to boast or feel puffed up.

My Emotional Rant

2010-11-18T18:38:00.000-08:00

I am well aware that I am an emotional person. I tend to painfully scrape the lining of my heart just so I can understand what I feel and in my current situation, not to do it again.

So, that said...I have determined God is leading me to Albuquerque. And I believe he's told me he wants to use me to bring my girls to him. But lately, I've entertained the possibility that perhaps this move is for me. That God sees tragedy for me ahead and because he loves me, he wants me to be surrounded by people who love me...as I lay dying of some dreaded disease...or whatever.

Of course, I know fear is the opposite of faith. And I also know that into every life a little rain must fall. As the time for me to leave draws nearer, I find that I'm a lot more emotional. (If that's even possible.) And right on the edge of panic at this big move and change in my life. This step is more than a geographical move for me. I'm anxious to get it over with and for the next year or so to go by quickly so my heart will have healed some.

(Just F.Y.I. For those of you who don't know me well, I'm not a huge drama queen and I don't take myself too seriously. I know I can be over-dramatic, over-emotional and a bit of a hypochondriac at times. Although, I'm coming out of that last one some. So, just roll your eyes and read on. I'll eventually make my point.)

My Random Book of Devotions this morning referenced Deuteronomy 18:18.

I will raise up a Prophet from among their brethren, like unto thee, and will put

my words in his mouth; and he shall speak unto them all that I shall command

him.

This prophecy came to the Israelites as they arrived at the Promised Land, before they entered.

They knew that Moses was not to be their leader any longer and that God was going to appoint another. But this prophecy was about Jesus.

It was before the nation of Israel was formed, before David was king, before the exile and return of the Jews from their land. God knows the future. He knew all that Israel would go through before the Messiah came or before he comes again.

Psalm 16:11 says

Thou wilt shew me the path of life; in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right

hand there are pleasures for evermore.

And 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength

of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?

Oh,what wonderful promises! I can be assured that God loves me and goes before me in all situations. I don't know what tomorrow, or next month, or next year will bring. But I do know in His presence joy awaits me. I know that because I'm HIS, I don't need to fear anyone or anything.

Father, thank you for your loving care. It's enough that you see my tomorrows. The good and the bad. I know that you have promised to deliver me from ALL afflictions (Ps. 34:19). Today, Lord, I again hand over my fears of tomorrow and the losses or failures of yesterday. I praise you for the joy you've put in my heart. And I thank you for reminding me that somehow my story is a part of your plan.

Inside My Head...

2010-11-14T15:51:00.000-08:00

Psalm 4:3-8 (NCV) says:

You know that the Lord has chosen for himself, those who are loyal to him. The Lord

listens when I pray to him. When you are angry do not sin. Think about these things

quietly as you go to bed. Do what is right as a sacrifice to the Lord and trust the Lord.

Many people ask, “who will give us anything good?” Lord, be kind to us. But you

have made me very happy, happier than they are, even with all their grain and new

wine. I go to bed and sleep in peace, because, Lord only you keep me safe.

Sometimes, I wish you could see my thoughts, (then again, that would land me in a padded room for sure). This was the text from my Random Book of Devotions. As I sit down to breakfast and my quiet time each morning, I thank God for the meal, ask him to bless it and to open my heart and mind to his word. And as I read, I try to look for what's in it for me. God's word is intentional. What does he intend for me to see today?

He continually amazes me! I am well aware that if you could actually see into my thoughts, you would indeed, think I'm as crazy as a loon. I, think that myself, frequently. This scripture has taken my rambling thoughts and fears and put them in print, right before my eyes. There they all are. And practically, in as much disarray as my thoughts are. (I've always felt a kinship with King David. Even more so, now.)

Thank you, Father, for speaking to me through your word. Thank you, for your reassurance and that I can see you molding me into a better me. A me that is more like you.

Lord, I know that you are leading me. Help me, Lord, to watch and listen for your direction.

Guess! Just Guess!

2010-11-11T13:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I told my son that even though God has told me good things are in store for me; like every Christian, heaven, being with Jesus, the ultimate good thing is “in store” for all of us who are His. I told him, I've considered the possibility of God taking me back to the desert to show two families that I dearly love the way to the Father. You gotta know time is getting short.

My daughters know about God, but don't know Him.

My witness has not been all that great in recent years. In fact, it's been down right bad. I want to show these 2 children of my heart and body, Jesus. I want to encourage them. Help them build a foundation of faith for their children.

I bet ya can't guess what today's subject was in my Random Book of Devotions? (And I never peek ahead).

Our Words Are Our Witness

Joshua 24: 22-27 in the New Century Version says:

Then Joshua said, “You are your own witnesses that you have chosen to serve the Lord.”

The people said, “Yes, we are”. Then Joshua said, “ Now throw away the gods that you

have. Love the Lord, the God of Israel with all your heart.” Then the people said to

Joshua, “We will serve the Lord our God and we will obey him.” On that day at Shechen,

Joshua made an agreement for the people. He made rules and laws for them to follow.

Joshua wrote these things in the Book of the Teachings of God. Then he took a large

stone and set it up under the oak tree near the Lord's Holy tent. Joshua said to all the

people, “See this stone! It will remind you of what we did today. It was here the Lord

spoke to us today. It will remind you of what happened so you will not turn against

your God.

It's not enough to merely believe in the Lord. James 2:19 says “...even the demons believe”. And Matt. 11:28 says, “Yea, rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God and keep it”.

It's not that we have a bunch of do's and don'ts. But we do have a big “do”. Follow Him. We want to be more like him. How can others see Jesus in us if our life never changes? Now, the good news is the change isn't up to us. All we have to do is tell Jesus we want Him in our lives. Ask Him to come in and set up housekeeping. The rest. The changes? You leave to him. He'll guide you to changes or growth and one day you'll look up and say, “Wow! I'm not the way I was.”

Holy Father, thank you again for your word, that is alive and breathing. Thank you that you speak to me through your word. Lord, lead and guide me to the desert. Guide my words and actions. Let me be a witness to others. But especially to my girls. Show them, Lord, that you love them and want them for your own.