Ever since birthing children, which coincided with my mid-30s, you launched an uncalled for attack on my brain and body. Gone are the totally unaffected mornings after splitting a bottle of wine. Not only does my head ache after two glasses of cabernet, but I often spend much of the night awake, thoughts and heart racing, wondering where it all went wrong.

As it turns out, it’s actually my brain and body that hates alcohol. And there is science to back it up.

Stupid, stupid science.

I enjoy the ritual of drinking.

I love how a glass of wine feels in my hand, the fizz of champagne down the ol’ gullet while celebrating, cracking a cold, wet beer can fished out of a cooler packed with ice. Drinking with friends often leads to pee-in-your-pants laughing. Drinking with strangers may lead to feeling just a little less awkward.

However, while the in the moment partying is so fun, for me the after affects blow. It doesn’t take me much these days (truly, 2.5 drinks over five or six hours will do it) to hit disaster zone.

Recently, my husband and I celebrated our anniversary at a fancy-shamncy restaurant. I drank a gin and tonic, a glass of champagne, and a thimble-sized digestif (or some shit… I don’t even know what it was) over a three hour period. While a bit buzzed, I wasn’t dancing on the bar while swinging my bra over my head.

I fell asleep at 10:30pm, only to wake up an hour later with my heart pumping at 110bpm— about double what it normally is (I know because I wear a FitBit). My thoughts raced just as fast:

Did I say something stupid?
Did I make an ass of myself?
How many drinks did I have?

Regular me knows I acted within the boundaries of appropriate behavior. But my brain and my heart sure didn’t give a crap. I finally fell asleep six hours later, after watching two episodes of Bridgerton (I kinda don’t get the hype?) and three of the Great British Bake-off. My kids woke up 20 minutes after I fell asleep. I wasn’t hungover, just exhausted.

Of course, I spent the next day obsessively Googling what happened (again, as this was not the first time I’d experienced the booze-somnia). And I stumbled up an interesting factoid from Tempest.com:

There are a few reasons why alcohol makes anxiety worse: Alcohol decreases your serotonin levels. While alcohol can temporarily boost your serotonin levels and make you feel good while you drink, over the longer term, it decreases the level of serotonin in your brain, making you more susceptible to depression. Hangovers can trigger panic attacks. The physical responses to being hungover —dehydration, nausea, rapid heartbeat—are so similar to anxiety, that these symptoms alone can trigger anxiety attacks. Drinking impacts your sleep. Alcohol impacts the quality of your sleep, which also primes your body to be more anxious. We tend to be much more reactive and stressed-out after we’ve had a bad night of sleep.

So, I decided to take a break from alcohol for about a month. I didn’t completely cut it out, but the little booze I did drink was selected with intentional low ABV (alcohol by volume).

The other thing I did was read Holly Whitaker’s Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol. It’s a great read for anyone who has ever questioned their relationship with alcohol. Even if you haven’t, Whitaker’s eye-opening lens will leave you thinking differently about that nightly glass of wine. It’s like the opposite of beer goggles.

Anyhow, during my dry-ish month, I wasn’t just going to swap drinks with boring water, gross Diet Cokes or herbal tea (though trust me, I love an herbal tea). I really do like the ritual of drinking, but I don’t love the buzz, the insomnia or the hangover. I still want to drink grown-up tasting drinks, but without all the baggage. These are my favorites.

Delicious Non-Alcoholic Drinks

Athletic Brewing

My son is three years old, and somehow in those three non-pregnant years, NA beers got really good! Almost reason to get pregnant again (no thanks tho). And the creme de le creme is Athletic Brewing. Their IPA tastes like a real goddamned beer, and with just a trace amount of alcohol (less than .5 percent). Their beers also have fewer calories (between 50-90 per can) than regular beers, if you care about that kind of thing.

Athletic Brewing Hopped Water

But wait! There’s more! Athletic also makes some kickass hopped water. It’s essentially sparkling water that’s infused with hops. So it tastes beer-like in flavor (if you like a hoppy beer, which I do), but is completely alcohol-free, gluten-free and the most refreshing thing ever. This stuff hits the craft beer spot for me, without any fuzziness or bloat. I love the blood orange flavor, but why not try all four with their sampler pack.

Athletic Brewing is sold at select liquor stores, but they will send them directly to your house if you buy online. Order 2 or more 6-packs and shipping is free. No brainer.

Sparkling Botanicals

The moment you start looking at non-alcoholic drinks, you will find an ad for these well-branded drinks every damn place you’re online. After about a month of internet ad-inspired FOMO, I finally purchased one at our local co-op. First of all, it definitely tasted like I bought it at a co-op? Healthy, herbal and bubbly. Very dry, not sweet at all. I drank mine out of the can and it was fine, but love the idea of drinking this over ice in the evening. Not chuggable, in a good way. Lots of flavors to choose from .

Ghia

It’s another thing I found via online ads (after reading this, you’ll probably be getting all those ads, too. Sorry). This is Ghia, and I still barely understand what it is. Their website says:

Ghia is a non-alcoholic apéritif packed with only pure, natural extracts. Potent plants. Heady herbals. Blithe botanicals. Everything inside our bottle was picked because of its completely natural ability to soothe and to stimulate. Each glass promises to kick up the energy and calm down the mind.

LOL I am such a snob, but even that sounds pretentious as hell to me. But their tiny, adorable spritz cans are fabulous. Served chilled, over ice, I added a cute sprig of thyme from my garden and felt so European! If I wasn’t already privy to the fact that’s NA, I wouldn’t even have known.

They also sell Ghia aperitif in a large bottle— it’s basically in the Aperol family, but with zero booze. I didn’t like any of the drinks I made with it as much as I liked the Spritz.

Lagunitas Hoppy Refresher

It’s hop water again! I’ve tried many different kinds, and Lagunitas Hoppy Refresher is my favorite. It’s very floral (much like their beers), which I like. And I love that it’s in a bottle, which gives that real beer feel. Zero alcohol, gluten-free, and they even sell it at Target sometimes???

Hoplark HopTea

HopTea, tbh, isn’t my favorite, mostly because there’s caffeine in most flavors and I usually don’t want to drink that after 3pm. But I did enjoy this caffiene-free version while driving, which was a super weird sensation because it feels like you’re breaking the law, but you’re not. Which is perfect for a rule follower like me.

Curious Elixirs

Another online advertising troll that finally wore me down. And I am so glad they did! Curious Elixirs taste very cocktail-y without any booze. Open a bottle, pour over ice and boom! You are one fancy B! And PS 1 bottle = 2 drinks. I would love to tell you which flavor is my favorite, but unfortunately you need a magnifying glass to read anything on these labels. Get the variety pack and decide for yourself.

Low-Alcohol Drinks

Painted Donkey Ranch Water

Say “ranch water” at a party and watch everyone’s face pinch in disgust. Is it water direct from a trough? Is it water infused with Hidden Valley Ranch? Praise Jesus, it’s neither. This is sparkling water spike with tequila, with a tame 4.2% ABV per can. Painted Donkey’s spicy version is my fave— it’s got a legit chili effervescence that might make you sneeze when you open it. I drink it on ice, in a tumbler glass with a generous squeeze of lime. One can makes two of those drinks, so by my “Molly Math,” one can is really like two 2.1% ABV drinks.

Session IPAs

I adore craft beer, but I can’t even finish one before I’m slurring my words and telling everyone how much I love them. Enter the session beer. Session basically means a low alcohol (under 5% ABV ), super refreshing brewski. So next time you’re looking at a beer list and feeling like a 10% ABV TripleBochWhiskeyDunkle might actually kill you, look to see if there are any session beers. I love Surly Xtra Citra, Dogfish Head Slightly Mighty IPA, and Founders All Day IPA.

Fun fact: if a beer is touted as lower calorie, it’s also likely low in alcohol.

Haus Aperitifs

Initially, I thought I wasn’t cool enough to drink Haus. Between the chic branding and over-exposed photograph on their website, it feels like the low-alcohol version of Art Basel or Coachella before Coachella was cool. Then I tried it, and I still wasn’t sold.

Here’s what Haus is: a low-proof aperitif (aka booze) that you can drink with club soda, prosecco or straight up. I ordered the sampler pack, and tried the Citrus flower first. Because I was going for low alcohol, I drank it with soda water, over ice. It was underwhelming, watered down and lackluster. I decided before I completely wrote off the drink of cool kids, I’d try upgrading my ice game.

We ended up buying silicone trays for making big-ass square and spherical ice cubes, and boy it really did make a difference.

The larger ice cube melts much slower than the many smaller ones from my freezer. I ended up liking the Haus aperitifs best straight up, but they probably would really kick ass when topped with prosecco. But that felt like defeating the purpose in my quest for low-alcohol excellence.

***

While I do occasionally drink a real drink or two, I love stocking my fridge with low or no booze options. Sometimes it’s really more about the ritual.

What are your favorite NA or low-alcohol drinks? Share in the comments!

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While everyone else is gearing up for outdoor music festivals and camping and afternoons at the beach, I’m over here with a summer advent calendar, counting down to Labor Day.

Cute maxi dress, but omg how do you handle your sweaty thighs adhered together like blue mounting putty (shout out to bike shorts under dresses)?

Camping would be fun, except for the mosquitos that leave giant welts all over my body, including the palms of my hands. What kind of sociopathic insect sucks blood from the palm of a hand? And eff the beach. I hate sand in my shoes, sand in my bag, sand in my crack, gross seagulls and sea water. Also sitting on a towel at the beach is quite uncomfortable, and laying on my stomach makes my back hurt.

Give me shade and a comfortable lounge chair by a pool (with a breeze, please), or give me death.

I used to joke that I have reverse SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Typically, SAD happens to people in the winter, when a lack of adequate sunlight causes depression. Turns out, Summer SAD is real!

If you clicked on that link to a NYT article and hit the paywall, here’s the gist:

When asked by doctors and researchers, people with summer seasonal affective disorder usually say that what bothers them most is the heat and humidity. Each person’s exact pattern may differ… but the disorder returns regularly. Still, even the researchers who study summer SAD said there are other uncertainties around it… Studies suggest that some of the same compounds in the body that help regulate mood, such as norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine, have also been linked to regulating body temperature.

As it turns out, it is the heat AND the humidity! And it is making me depressed. The trickle of sweat running between my boobs, sticky bare legs adhering to chairs, my sweaty itchy scalp, feeling forced to put my hair up 24/7 in order to shake the sensation that I’m wearing a scarf on a 97 degree day… well, it makes me want to unzip my skin and walk around in my skeleton. My patience disappears, I yell at everyone, I am irritable and it’s not that easy-breezy summer feeling everyone else seems to have going on. Sometimes I just feel so hot, sweaty and trapped that the I just want the day to be over so I can sleep in a cool, dark room.

To compound the issue, there’s the pressure to love summer.

I come from a family of summer lovers.

My dad’s uncle built a summer resort in northern Minnesota circa 1950. Our family still visits every summer, fishing, swimming, skiing, singing by the campfire, pontooning. Of course I love so many things about it—traditions, nostalgia, the natural beauty, the people. But it’s just so hot. And are the horse- and deer flies actually trying to murder me? And is it just me, or is swimming in the middle of a lake totally creepy? Plus, I hate seaweed, and the first time I went in the water this summer, our whole family got chiggers.

My mother is so obsessed with water that, if possible, she would do the opposite of the Little Mermaid and give up her feet in exchange for a tail and seashell bra. Whereas some parents might try to pressure their kids into studying for an algebra test or volunteering at a food pantry to enhance their college applications, my mom spent most of her time and energy trying to get me to take a swim in iron-colored waters of the St. Croix River.

Get in the water, she’d say. It feels so good.

To me, it actually doesn’t, and I’ve spent years feeling ashamed. Between Memorial Day and Labor Day, we Minnesotans must get outside! Wear our swimsuits all day (even though any OBGYN will tell you that’s not good for your lady bits). Eat ice cream, laze on a beach, soak up every bit of vitamin D. Any second of a sunny day that is wasted indoors is a moral failing.

Ugh, winter. Are you here yet?

I want to enjoy summer on my own terms. For me, that means turning on the air conditioning as soon as it’s over 78 degrees. Walking the dog before 9am so we both don’t die of heat stroke. Not feeling shame for wanting to sit on a breezy three-season porch, out of the sun, reading a book for hours on end. And maybe going swimming a few times if and when I feel like it. Preferably in a pool.

I’ve always felt embarrassed about my lack of enthusiasm for summer. But I love LOVE LOVE fall. And winter! I like the great outdoors, provided I am not feeling suffocated by them. Oh summer, I want to love you. Can we agree to keep that thermostat between 74-82 degrees with minimal humidity, with an occasional thunderstorm? But no day at the beach will ever sound as good as a one by a roaring fire, drinking a coffee and reading a book while some chili cooks on the stove. That’s just who I am.

And since I’m out here waving my no-fun freak flag, here’s a few more fun things I don’t like.

Chipotle
No matter what you order— burritos, tacos, bowls, salads, everything taste the same. Just like Subway. Why?

Concerts
Unless I am super into the band (like this time), I don’t much enjoy packing into a sweaty, germy venue. I’m too short to see jack. And going to the bathroom is impossible. Plus, too many people breathing their hot breath on my neck. Also, music festivals! The dust (or, god forbid, mud puddles). Port-o-potties. $12 beers. Bohemian festival wear. I like to listen to music in my car, like the wet blanket I am.

Billie Eilish
I want to love her, and I think in many ways she is admirable for how she’s handling her rise to superstardom. But her whispery croak voice causes a visceral reaction in my ears. They get almost, I don’t know, itchy? Am I the only one?

Not wearing a bra.
You know how some people can’t wait to thread their bra through a shirt sleeve the minute the five o’clock horn toots? Nope. I want to contain these suckers, cradling them in a soft fabric so they can comfortably hammock under my shirt. Jugs just floppin around under my shirt? No thank you! Also, OMG boob sweat is not for me. I just can’t with the boob skin touching the under boob skin, creating a sticky perspiration situation. Are you seeing a pattern here?

So… are you a Summer SAD person too? I see you. I am you. And woo-hoo it’s almost Labor Day.

PS Tell me all the ways your aren’t fun.

Never have I ever had access to a bathroom directly from my bedroom.

Which is fine, I am not the Queen of England, but I have zero problem admitting that I wanted an ensuite bathroom so bad!

I’ve always dreamed of living in a stylish hotel– something clean and cozy, without crap everywhere. And I think this suite is the closest I’ll ever get to that in my life, largely because of this epically spacious bathroom.

Check out this bathroom remodel. Transformation city!

Our attic had two existing dormers, and this bathroom uses up one of them, plus a little extra for our toilet room (or as my friend Madeleine calls it, a “pee closet”). There used to be a small bedroom in the dormer, back from the days where people who lived in duplexes apparently also had live-in maids.

I made Josh take a few of our engagement photos in here six years ago because I thought it had an anthropologie/flophouse vibe. Here’s what the space looked like before:

We had to rip everything out, down to the studs. And let me tell you: plaster is messy and quite heavy. Not that I did any of the demo myself as I was pregnant* at the time.

*If I hadn’t been pregnant, I also would not have done any demo.

We weren’t able to salvage the original window, and that ended up being just fine. We currently have a privacy film on our new, energy efficient window in order to avoid awkward incidents with the next door neighbors.

The double vanity was a huge upgrade from the pedestal sink on our first floor. Drawers? In a bathroom?! What a concept!

I know real rugs can be a polarizing thing when it comes to bathroom design– how do you keep them clean? We use a bathmat normally, but it’s not pictured anywhere on this post because bathmats aren’t cute.

One of the things you don’t think about when buying a 120-year-old house (especially a duplex– twice the former residents!) is all the stuff you inherit with it. In our case, there are soooo many doors just laying around our basement! We were able to repurpose a few for this project– two as pocket doors and one as a swinging door into the toilet room.

You just don’t find doors with details like this at Home Depot.

And here’s the best part of this space… the tile.

I’ve been lusting over Mercury Mosaics’ handmade tiles for years. They’re beautiful (and made not only in America, but in Minneapolis!). The thing is, beauty doesn’t come cheap. During this renovation, I’d read somewhere that if you’re doing tile on a budget, it’s best to spend more money on the tile you see– meaning a backsplash or, in this case, a bold shower wall. It’s a small-ish area, but really makes a statement.

Since tiles are handmade, they vary in color and aren’t 100% uniform in shape. Our contractor kind of wanted to murder us after spending three days on this wall, but the finished product sings… don’t you agree?

We purchased the commercially-made white subway tile, black pencil tile, shower and bathroom floor tile from the Tile Shop, which was more economical but also lovely.

A NOTE ABOUT THE TILE LAYOUT.

Originally, I thought we should just do a solid green wall. I didn’t really have any other ideas. However, two designer friends separately suggested framing the green with a thin, black tile. I could not envision what this would look like, but after hemming and hawing, we decided to go with it. I wanted the bathroom to have more of a vintage vibe. It turned out way better than I ever imagined!

Pinterest/Instagram will tell you otherwise, but there are other options than gold/brass for fixtures. This one is called “chrome.” Maybe you’ve heard of it.

SOME FUN THINGS WE LEARNED ABOUT TILE:

1. Look, I clean my shower, but sometimes the white grout gets spots of pink-ish mold. We used light gray for the green tile and shower floor. You can barely tell they’re not white, and are so much easier to keep clean.

2. We opted for large, white subway tile for the sides of the shower. I was worried that the scale would look weird next to the smaller green tile. In fact, it looks fab AND larger tiles mean less grout, which is easier to clean.

3. This has nothing to do with tile, but I wanted to keep the walls light. I was thinking white, but ended up doing just a tinge of green. It warms up the space really well!

A note about plumbing. Pipes need to run down hill. This was a bit of an issue as nothing was level in the attic. We needed to get creative with the pipes, and our contractor suggested we drop the ceiling in our dining room four inches to accommodate the pipes. Ugh, no one really liked that idea, but it was the best we had.

And then my friend Carter mentioned that we could do a coffered ceiling and run the pipes through one of the beams. It was a bear to build, but look how elegant it turned out! Never has sewage looked so classy.

If I’m being totally honest, I wish we’d put in a tub. It was just so hard to imagine we’d have the space for it, but I think we did. Oh well, no renovation is perfect and there’s always the one downstairs, which feels like an oasis once I put all the bath toys away.

Any questions about this renovation? That’s what the comments are for!

Details:
Renovation by Lakeland Contractors
Vanity by Rejuvenation
Chrome vanity hardware from Wayfair
Rug from Etsy
Lights from Wayfair (similar)
Bluegrass subway tile from Mercury Mosaics
Large white subway tile from the Tile Shop (similar)
Small hexagon travertine tile from the Tile Shop (similar)
Large hexagon travertine tile from the Tile Shop 
Shower fixtures by Delta Faucet’s Cassidy line
Mirror from Wayfair 
Photos by Jane Veitenheimer

Last week, I showed the before and after pics of the main living space in our attic remodel. This week, it's all about the master bedroom.

Quick reminder: this is what this spooky-ass space looked like before:

Our bedroom is roughly located in the "room" in the photo on the right.

As I mentioned before, our house in an original duplex (meaning it was built as a duplex, not a single family house later turned into a duplex) in the late 1890s. Apparently, each unit had a bedroom in the attic for their maids. I honestly can't believe anyone ever lived up here. There was a weird old toilet in the basement when we moved in (we've since updated that!), which leads me to believe they had to go down four flights of stairs to pee.

Anyhow, our goal for the bedroom was to make it big enough for a king sized bed.

What can I say, I like my space. We also wanted to keep the original beams exposed, and create a deck on the existing flat roof. A reminder-- we moved the original windows that were here to the back of the house, and ended up splurging a bit on these French doors from Anderson windows. They are new and very efficient, but also tie into the home’s era.

The sloped walls created bit of a design conundrum. You want to use some of the space behind the knee walls, but how? We opted to go with a built-in dresser and armoire, which we had custom made. We love the style and function, but maybe would've gone a touch darker for the finish. Oh well— if this was our biggest mistake, I’m not mad about it.

Here's the view from my office/main living space into the new bedroom:

We wanted to keep things pretty simple, but also colorful. The duvet cover is from Brooklinen, and the throw is from anthropologie.

We found the green glider on Craigslist, but it's originally from Room & Board. I always liked this chair, which is why I thought I would like the stupid blue couch in the main area. I never knew how much pet hair velvet collected because my cat and dog are too scared to jump on this rocking chair. They have zero problem jumping on the couch. Ugh!

One of the things I love about this space is this lighting. We ended up deciding to create a ledge there because nothing was level up here. Hello, 120-year-old house! When you turn this on in the evening, it's just so cozy.

Another great thing about the space? The deck!

We can spy on people walking by, and live the perfect distance from the airport to watch the flight patterns without going deaf from airplane noise. The only downside is that it's scorching hot up here in the afternoon, so I haven't used the deck as much as I'd like.

https://youtu.be/7TF3OO_8ZqM

The renovation wasn't complete until I was literally in the hospital, giving birth to Clark. Even though the project took longer than expected, it was so worth coming home from the hospital to a beautiful, serene, quiet space. One of my favorite memories of all time is our entire family taking a nap in our new bedroom the day after we got home form the hospital. Serious sweetness!

ANY QUESTIONS YOU HAVE ABOUT THIS RENOVATION? THAT’S WHAT THE COMMENTS ARE FOR!

Details:

Renovation by Eric Lundquist of Lakeland Construction.

French doors: Anderson Windows

Shag rug: Rugs USA

Bed: Archbold Furniture Co, which we bought at Woody's Furniture.

Glider: Room & Board (we got ours on Craigslist)

Duvet & Sheets: Brooklinen

Throw: anthropologie

Bedside Lamp: Target

The good photos are by Jane Veitenheimer

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When we bought this turn of the century Victorian duplex in 2012, the attic captured our imagination.

First of all, it was just so creepy.

Second, because there were two bedrooms up there… but no heat or bathroom. What even! We later found out that they were probably maids quarters back in the day.

And third, because it was roughly 1,000-square-feet of untapped potential.

We discussed turning it into an apartment, however, there were so many hoops to jump through in order to make it legal. I'd brought up this crazy idea of turning it into an owner’s suite, with a big bedroom and bath. Maybe with an office for me, and a living room that's not filled with Legos and dolls. OMG we could put laundry up there, too! Not hauling baskets down three flights of stairs sounded like a great idea.

With baby number two on the way, we had to make a decision.

Either we cram two adults, a toddler, baby, dog and cat into a two-bedroom, one-bath apartment; finish the attic; or move. The first did not sound appealing, and honestly, we just weren't ready to move. I have nothing against living in the 'burbs, and an attached garage sure sounds great! But we love our house and neighborhood. And I’m all for that tiny house life for anyone who’s into that kind of thing, but it’s not for me.

So renovate we did.

Five companies bid on the job, with prices ranging from $50,000 to over $200,000. Um... that's certainly a spread. Ultimately, we ended up going with a super talented family friend whose bid was somewhere in the middle and understood our desire to maintain some of the house's charm.

I'm breaking the reno down into three posts, starting with the main living space.

Before:

We wanted to save the floors, but they were in rough shape. Also, they sagged a few inches from the brick chimney (which we left exposed). We also wanted to leave the original beams exposed, and keep the ceiling height as high as possible.

After:

Can you even believe that is the same space?!

This picture faces the back of our house. Those windows used to be at the front, but we were able to save them and reinstall them at the back. It was a pain in the arse to do... or at least that's what I hear because I obviously did nothing to help.

The shelf I'm standing next to is actually a secret door that gives us access to our HVAC, as well as some storage-- perfect for hiding all your crap when someone comes over to take photos!

The cabinets behind the couch hide our washer and dryer (!!!!), plus provide some extra storage.

The blue velvet couch is exactly what I wanted for the space.

Turns out, I hate this couch with all of my heart because it gets covered in dog hair.

What I actually want is a leather couch with a chaise on one side. I'm searching Facebook Marketplace constantly. I haven't mentioned this to my husband Josh yet.

This chair used to be my grandma's. My cats destroyed the original upholstery (jerks). Josh got it reupholstered by my friend Carter Averbeck for me as a Christmas gift. Couldn't love it more!

My new office is in one of the original dormers. It's bright and simple. I love it as much as The Dude loves white Russians.

I used to work at our kitchen island, which was really annoying for everyone, including me, who was always moving my laptop and papers out of the way so we wouldn't spill food on it. So this was a MAJOR UPGRADE for all.

I'm going to focus on our bedroom in the next post, but here's a teaser:

In total, the renovation took almost nine months, but everything was done to perfection. We were able to live on our main level for the entirety of the project, and could keep the mess contained as there was a door that separated the attic.

We've been living in this space for a little over a year and love it! It's still a work in progress, but isn't everything?

PS More pics of our renovation here!

Any questions you have about this renovation? That's what the comments are for!

Details:

Renovation by Eric Lundquist of Lakeland Construction.

Secret door: Home Depot

Black and white rug: Rugs USA

Stupid blue couch: Room & Board (the outlet)

Floor lamp: Target

Orange chair: Vintage; makeover by Omforme

Stickley chair/pink runner/desk/round mirror: Vintage

Willie Nelson/Jeff Bridges art: Etsy

Patsy Cline print: Etsy

Photos by Jane Veitenheimer

Hello, friends and strangers!

Things have changed a little since I was really rippin' and roarin' on Hey Eleanor. Allow me to elaborate.

1. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and started taking medication, which has changed everything!

2. I had another baby. His name is Clark!

3. We finished the attic on our 120-year-old home and now feel like we live in a magazine. (I keep meaning to do a full post on the reno, but it's never clean enough to take good photos... I think I'll just do it anyhow. I mean, I couldn't even remove the pregnancy pillow from my bed in the photo below).

4. Namakan, the company I started with my bestie, has filed for a patent (!) on our magnetic faux fur ruff. It attaches to any hood or collar. PS get 20% off your order with code HEY20!

5. I now drive a minivan and I'm not even mad about it.

Hi! As you can plainly see, my life has changed a lot since I started Hey Eleanor! in 2013.

The entire premise of the project was to create a daily writing practice. I did that by facing my fears (which used to consist of things like skydiving and doing stand-up comedy), then writing about it.

Today, my fears are different.  I'm freaked about my kid choking on a Lego, and abandoning my career goals because said kids are exhausting. And my writing practice... well, let's just say outside of my client work, it hasn't been happening at all. 

I think it's 100 percent okay to put your career on pause while figuring out kids/life/whatever.

I used to send a weekly Hey Eleanor! Challenge, where I'd prompt readers to step outside of their comfort zone. I'm going to try doing that again... but monthly, like a normal person with a life.

So, if you want in on this very occasional newsletter, sign up here or in the bright pink box in the footer. Can't miss it.

This month's Hey Eleanor! Challenge:

Do something daily that is purely for my own enjoyment.

I'm on a group text with my college friends. One of them recently posed the question, "What was the last thing you did purely for your own enjoyment... not because you were supposed to, or should, but because you just wanted to."

I really had to think about that one! In my 20s, my whole life was basically for my own happiness. These days, I feel like almost everything I do is for work, my kids, or just to survive. Working out doesn't really even fit in here, because even though I like it, it also feels a bit like a chore.

Here's a few things I've been doing more regularly:

• Reading at bedtime
• Knitting (I know knitting is "cool," but writing that did come with a tinge of I feel old.)
• Getting my nails done
• Walking my dog
• Watching Queer Eye

Each of these activities takes less than an hour, and makes me feel a little more like an actual person. That's something I need a reminder of these days, and maybe you do to!

What's something you do (or wish you did) purely for your own enjoyment? Share in the comments!

That's all I got for this month. Hope you are well and finding ways to make every day a little bit adventurous.

xo
Molly

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #2 last fall, I had a big decision on my hands:

To VBAC or not to VBAC?

For those of you who aren't fully immersed in mommy culture (I'm jealous), I'll save you from Googling: it stands for Vaginal Birth After Cesarean.Up until pretty recently, once you had one C-section, most providers would insist all subsequent babies are born via C-section. But today, most women are able to decide whether or not they want to attempt birthing ye ol' fashioned way.Since my daughter was born via an 8-inch incision, and I was healthy, I got to make this choice. It wasn't easy, so I made a pros and cons list. Here's what I considered.

VBAC Pros:

• Potentially an easier recovery. Recovering from a C-section is no joke. Trust me, I already did it once. With a vaginal delivery, I could potentially be walking around [in my mesh undies and giant pad] in no time.
• Might be better for the baby. Some stuff I've read on the internet says the trip down the birth canal exposes the baby to bacteria that ultimately makes them less susceptible to allergies, illness, etc. etc., though my doctor said the research is iffy.
• New experience. I've never pushed a baby out of my body, so why not give it a go!
• I wouldn’t have to explain why I had another C-section. There are a lot of people who think C-sections are sad, or cheating, or essentially "less-than." If I went for a VBAC, I wouldn't feel like I had to defend my choice. I know I don't have to defend my choices, because this is my life and I am the boss and blah blah blah, but let's be honest, defending your choices (especially as a mom) is a thing.

VBAC Cons:

• It could potentially be a harder recovery. Hello, 4^th degree tearing, anal prolapse, and peeing in your pants for life!
• More “unknowns.” I understand that births can't ever be planned, and a lot of people think they shouldn't be. But since I was in the position to look at this objectively, not knowing how long labor would be, or when to have the in-laws come up to take care of our other kid gets filed under the con column.
• Potential for uterine rupture. Though it only happens to 1-2 percent of moms, this could be deadly for me and especially the baby. Is it worth the chance?
• Harder birth. I haven’t had a vaginal birth, so it would likely be a more challenging labor and delivery than most second births.
• Unless things go smoothly, still high likelihood of a C-section. My doctor said that 70 percent of her C-section patients typically have a second one. How bad would it suck to labor for hours, push for more hours, then have a C-section anyway?

C-Section Pros:

• Already know what to expect. I was scared shitless last time, but now that I've been through it once, I have a pretty good idea how it's going to go down.
• Recovery is no joke, but it’s fairly standard. There will be an incision in my belly/uterus and it will hurt for a few weeks. There's not a chance it will be less painful, and a low likelihood that it will be way worse than I expect.
• Can plan for baby’s arrival. Mother-in-law will know when to book her flight to Minneapolis to watch child numero uno. I can finish up work projects up to the last minute. Pre-hospital, I can take a shower and blow dry my bangs.
• No labor, no pushing, no breaking my vagina. Why ruin your belly and your lady bits?
• Four-day hospital vacation. Some people don't like the idea of a long hospital stay, but I say bring on the adjustable bed, HGTV marathon, and weird cafeteria mashed potatoes!
• Can have baby at 39 weeks. This second pregnancy was the pits. Between morning sickness, getting creamed on the freeway by an asshat in a Carola, and pelvic girdle pain, I felt like crap the entire time. At this point, the difference between 39 weeks and 41 weeks felt like an eon.
• Don't plan on having more kids. The more times you have a C-section, the higher risk the procedure becomes. If I was planning on more kids, it'd be advantageous to try to deliver VBAC-style. I'm not, so we're good.
• Already have the cool scar. They go in at the same place, which is verrrry low on your abdomen. So really nothing new for me.

C-Section Cons:

• It’s a major surgery with a long recovery. Last time, I was absolutely flummoxed at how much a C-section hurt. You feel a magician sawed you in half. Except it wasn't a magician, it was a surgeon. And it wasn't slight of hand, it was FOR REAL! Not to mention, I never quite regained my core strength. Then again, I barely tried.
• Can’t pick up 2-year-old daughter for a few weeks. This one was major, from a practical (c'mon kid, hurry up, we gotta go!) and emotional standpoint (I'm sorry you think you've been replaced with a tiny human and I wish I could cuddle you).
• Potential for long-term numbness, pain at incision site. Last time, my pain lasted a few weeks, and the numbness lasted a few months. But it could last much longer next time.
• Potential for infection. Less likely, but it does happen!

 After weighing all my personal pros and cons, I decided to schedule a C-section at 39 weeks. If I went into labor before then, I'd try for a VBAC. I felt 90 percent confident with my choice, but there was a little voice in my head that wouldn't shut up.

Isn't a vaginal birth more "natural"?

Isn't it the way birth is "supposed to be"?

Isn't it a "rite of passage" or something?

 I know a lot of women dream of having a birth without intervention. A C-section is some people's worst-case scenario; and many who've done it feel ashamed, embarrassed, and even traumatized by the experience.As my due date approached, I came to terms with the fact that a VBAC wasn't important to me at all. I'd even venture to say that I-- gasp!-- preferred the C-section. Please feel free to get angry and judgmental in the comments!So on June 4, 2018, I waddled my fat ass into the hospital, toting my expertly packed bag, clean hair, natural make-up and with a big smile on my face.

You guys won't believe it, but my second C-section experience was awesome.

I wasn't too nervous, so I joked around with the nurses. I even cracked jokes in the operating room (in between pukes, because I puked a lot due to the pain medication... but then they gave me something to counteract the meds and I felt much, much better).I knew exactly what PJs I wanted, brought tons of nice toiletries (see below) including a sheet mask (!), plus posh snacks and drinks. My husband and I even enjoyed a pizza and movie date night. I think at one point, I told my him, "I am having so much fun!" Did I mention there were a lot of drugs involved? There were a lot of drugs involved.Aside from the part where I got cut open, my hospital stay felt like a vacation. And the fact that I couldn't sit on a toilet without the help of a nurse (hi Lisa, hi Sarah! I love you!), I guess I'd even call it all-inclusive.

Oh, and get this: we also had a beautiful baby!

Meet Clark Willard Katt!8lbs, 10oz; 21.5 inches long, and the cutest face ever because guess what: C-section baby heads don't get smooshed on the way out. All babies are cute*, but in my opinion, these little C-section buddies get a head start. No pun intended!As for the recovery, it was significantly easier the second time. I underestimated how much I'd learned in the time between baby number one and two. Breastfeeding was easier, caring for the baby was easier, I mean-- I just knew what to do.

Physically, everything hurt less.

I've heard this from every woman who's had more than one C-section. I don't know if it's due to scar tissue or simply knowing what your up against, but the recovery was much easier. A nurse told me that fear actually increases pain, so maybe just not being as afraid makes the difference.The only thing that was harder this time was dealing with a toddler. I didn't pick up Arlene for two weeks (it was supposed to be six, but let's be honest: that's not really possible), and constantly feared that she'd jump on my belly... which she did exactly once and it was for sure my recovery rock-bottom. Luckily, we did have lots of help from family and friends for the first six weeks, and it alleviated a lot of the stress.

I've heard plenty of positive VBAC stories.

I've also heard horror stories, and everything in between. I think if trying for a VBAC important to you and your doctor or midwife is onboard, try it! And if you don't feel like trying, pack your bags and head to the world's most expensive and least luxurious all-inclusive hotel.

There's no shame in not wanting a VBAC. I didn't. In fact, my hilarious labor and delivery nurse told me, "eh, vaginal births are overrated." Her words, of course, didn't matter to me at all...... just kidding! As a person who felt judged for having a C-section in the first place, it was the verbal affirmation I craved. It's cool, I can admit it.

And guess what? It doesn't even matter how he escaped from my uterus. All that matters is that I have a healthy, happy baby... and really great skin from sheet masking in the hospital.

* * *

To VBAC or not to VBAC? Share your thoughts in the comments (so long as they're respectful)!

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*not true.

I know it's not the cool thing to say, and that "radical self love and acceptance" is all the rage. But can I tell you a secret?

I don't like my postpartum body.

During my first pregnancy, I felt great. I was super confident in my body. Sure, I was gaining weight like crazy, but you're supposed to gain weight when you're pregnant! Before I was pregnant, I'd maybe eat ice cream or cookies or dessert a few times a month. "Polly" (aka Pregnant Molly) would think nothing of enjoying a blueberry muffin on a Tuesday morning, or having a burger for dinner. I was anemic and needed more iron in my diet. A burger was actually a step in the right direction.

I didn't completely let the wheels fall off.

I exercised a few times a week until I hit 29 weeks and my body could no longer take it. Even then, I tried to walk whenever I could. I gave zero effs about what my body looked like, what the scale said, or how my clothes fit. I was propagating the species. My boobs looked great. My tummy was big, but it was taught. I was glowing. I glowed!And I didn't worry that I'd gained 45... or was it 50 pounds? Breastfeeding was going to slim me down in no time flat. Everyone said so. Sure, it'll take time, but I'd get there.

My beautiful daughter was born on July 14, 2016.

Aside from the throbbing eight-inch incision just above my pubic bone and the chapped, bleeding nips, I felt fabulous. I loved my postpartum body. Almost immediately, I began producing more then enough milk for my kiddo. Yes, my belly was huge and my cankles made me a shoo in as a Rascal scooter gang member at the Minnesota State Fair. This look was only temporary. In the meantime, I spent my time doing the greatest job in the world: loving on an eight-pound baby.Two weeks later, I had my uncle take some pics of our new little family. Arlene no longer looked like a skinny alien baby bird, and I finally could move around without grabbing my belly and swearing. He snapped a ton of photos on our porch. Our cute little family! I was so happy.

And then I saw the photos.

 I hadn't truly seen my postpartum body in all its glory. Oh boy. It was... not familiar.I looked like a sausage stuffed in a dog hair-covered black dress. I still looked pregnant! I assured myself that this was all normal. My uterus needed six weeks to shrink back. I'd been recovering from surgery, barely able to crawl out of bed and sleeping mere hours every night. Girl, cut yourself some slack!I selected a few photos I loved from our shoot, and then stuffed my body image issues into a figurative duffle bag. I had a human to keep alive; I had bigger things to deal with.Three weeks later, I decided to step on the scale. I weighed the same as the day I went to the hospital to birth a baby.  To be clear, I'd had a 7-pound, 9-ounce baby and still weighed the same. 

Oh shit. What if my postpartum body is actually my real body?

 I started to freak. I hadn't expect to be Victoria's Secret runway ready a la Heidi Klum, but this was ridiculous. Why had everyone said breastfeeding would make the weight disappear? Why had I let myself taste-test every variety of root beer over the previous nine months? Why did I think a Costco-sized container of cookies was an appropriate substitute for the beers I wasn't drinking during the 4th of July weekend? Whyyyyyy?Over the next few months, I relied on spandex and flow-y dresses. I had not one pair of real pants that fit. When fall rolled around, I headed to the GAP-- a place where I could always reliably find a pair of jeans (and usually on sale!). I spent an hour trying on every single pair in the store. Nothing fit. I don't mean I couldn't find a pair I liked. I mean not a single pair would zip comfortably.

Did I cry? Of course not!

I sobbed.Ugly, red-faced, snotty-nosed bawling. The works, baby! And while it was sort of about how I looked, I think it became more about feeling out of control. I wasn't eating as well as I had pre-baby (breastfeeding makes you ravenous!), and my workouts weren't as intense. But I was still walking three or four miles a day, and trying to eat as healthy as I could. Also, WTF isn't breastfeeding supposed to burn 500 calories a day???Six months postpartum, I'd only dropped 15 of the 45 pounds I'd put on during pregnancy.

As time went on, my struggle hinged less upon what my body looked like and more on dressing a body I couldn't trust or understand.

I'd psyche myself up to find a bra that actually fit, and buy it. A few weeks later, it would gap in all the wrong ways. Eventually, I did find a pair of jeans that fit. I finally felt like I could go out in public and not feel like I was in my pajamas. Two weeks later, they'd stretched out to the point where I could no longer wear them... then miraculously fit again a month later.I didn't know what clothes would flatter my new "shape." Even if I did find something flattering, my body never stayed the same long enough to get adequate wear out of said item.

I found myself plagued with a serious case of the "why bothers."

• Why bother trying to dress a moving target?

• Why bother attempting to look nice when everything just looks weird and lumpy?

• Why bother getting back into shape if you're just going to get pregnant again?

What's the point of busting your ass at the gym or really, truly watching your diet if you're just going to let another baby take over the ship and do whatever it is they're gonna do? I don't exercise or eat healthy for completely vain reasons. It's mostly because I feel better when I do... but also at this point, gym and cooking time were competing with my work and momming time and I needed a little more balance. In a lot of ways, my body didn't seem like the right place to focus.In the back of my mind, I kept thinking, "Maybe I'm hanging on to all this weight because I am breastfeeding." I'd had a handful of people tell me this had been the case for them. Maybe my body stored every last little bit because my baby needed it. Maybe when I stopped breastfeeding, I'd feel some semblance of normalcy.I announced to my husband that I'd need a few months between weaning and trying to get pregnant again to let my body chill for a sec.

Guess how that went.

I breastfed Arlene for 17 months... but I got pregnant again when she was 15 months old.Aren't plans hilarious?Today, I am 37 weeks pregnant and heavier than I have ever been in my entire life. By a lot. I don't think I look bad. It's just that this time around, I know what's ahead, and I am not looking forward to it.

This isn't to say I am not absolutely in awe of what my body can do.

I am amazed that I somehow know how to grow a person. I feel lucky that getting pregnant the second time was easy. Even though my belly is enormous, I am still quite proud of it. Yes, even if it knocks glasses off a table on occasion and makes sleeping and picking things off the floor next to impossible. I am excited (okay, scared... but excited) for this baby. I cannot believe that I am solely responsible for growing him-- now and after he's born. That is nuts!

I am all about body acceptance.

But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be sad, confused, disappointed. I can appreciate and loathe my body all at once. Just because the changes are "worth it" because they allowed me to grow two amazing humans doesn't mean I can't look at my saggy boobs or stretch marks or the ill-fitting clothes in my closet and think, "Whelp, this sucks," from time to time.

I know there will be a day when my body becomes my own again. Until then, I can admit that I don't like my postpartum body. And that's okay.

* * *

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Hi from Minneapolis! I’ve taken just a short, totally unacknowledged hiatus from Hey Eleanor.Like 10 months. Oops! Or, as we say in Minnesota, "Ope!"Though I have received some really nice emails and comments from readers, I don't expect that people noticed my absence. I always think it's a little presumptuous when internet people skip, like, one measly newsletter and profusely apologize for it. Pssst... didn't notice or care! Scharry. 

So if you care to know what's been going on, I'll explain.

 I had a baby in July of 2016. Arlene is a doll and I am obsessed with her. She's smart, funny, she is my world. 

If I'm being totally honest, I didn't quite realize just how much having a child would change everything.

 My husband and I recently had an in-depth conversation about how much our lives have changed since kids. I told him I feel like my life today is about 8% the same as it was three years ago. His number? 70%. Being the default parent is rewarding, but it's so, so hard.In the nearly two years since she was born, my hormones have been a mess. I'm constantly tired, overwhelmed, and unable to handle even a sliver of the stress I could before kids.My exercise routine dwindled from CrossFit three times a week to a walk whenever I could squeeze it in. I'm pretty certain my pre-pregnancy body, one that I didn't really love at the time but now totally miss, is buried in some Folger can time capsule in the backyard.

And then, there's my job.

 As a freelance writer and entrepreneur, my path is unique. I'm not a stay-at-home-mom, but I'm also not officially working full-time. Even though I have lots and lots of work to do every week, not having a 9-5 that requires going to an office makes it feel like I don't "need" a full-time daycare situation.For the past two years, I've been trying to cram all of my non-momming tasks into about 20 hours a week. Work, doctor appointments, exercise, life. 

Surprise! It wasn't working.

 For months, it took me hours to fall asleep. I was exhausted, and yet couldn't stop my mind from racing. Work deadlines. Emails that needed responding to. Appointments to schedule, guilt about the classes or story times I wasn't bringing my kid to, how many days had passed since my dog got a proper walk.It felt like that scene in PeeWee's Big Adventure when PeeWee keeps running into a burning pet shop, saving animals on every trip... eventually collapsing when he finally rescues the snakes, which he left for last because obviously snakes are scary as shit.via GIPHYI had to make some hard decisions. And one of the biggies was to cut myself some slack when it came to non-essential tasks.So I gave myself a pass on keeping up Hey Eleanor. I had so many other deadlines, and spent nearly every weekend between October and March working at makers fairs for my other business, Namakan Fur. I fell out of my writing routine and couldn't get back into it.Much like leisurely weekend brunches, gel manicures, regular showers and weeknight excursions to TJ Maxx, Hey Eleanor seemed like a thing the "old me" could allocate time for. I don't really make much, if any, money on this project. It seems like a "frivolous" thing to allocate my precious childcare hours. 

Here's the thing: I never started this blog to make money.

 It's always been a place where I could hone my voice as a writer and build a regular writing practice. I mean, great, if you want to buy things from my affiliate links (I'm currently obsessed with these sandals...), but Hey Eleanor was never about money. And if it was, I can confidently say I'm failing at it.Hey Eleanor also gave me a great excuse-- an extra push, really-- to try new things. I'm not the kind of person who naturally gravitates outside my comfort zone, but I am for sure a better person when I do. 

In some ways, cutting back helped me manage my life.

 But I'm actually not sure it was the right decision.Aside from being a mom/wife/friend, Hey Eleanor is the most fulfilling thing I spend my time on. Part of me believes that an outlet like this would actually help me feel like a person, not just someone who's either "momming," working, cleaning or sleeping. Hard to believe, but that's not exactly the life I dreamed of. 

So in an attempt to reconnect with myself, I am going to try to regain my writing practice.

 Will it be multiple times a week? No. Multiple times a month... maybe? It's probably a dumb time to even consider it, as I am having another baby in six weeks (!). But one thing I've learned since becoming a mom is that it is soooooo easy to lose yourself in the process... and it's sooooo important for you and your kids to not give up on who you are outside of parenting. So, here I am, giving this another shot. Wish me luck! xo,Molly, aka Hey Eleanor

“Do you eat like this every night?”

 I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this question. Yeah, we eat well at the Katt house. But here’s our secret: we keep our cooking super simple. A typical dinner might be grilled chicken with veggies roasted with olive oil, salt and pepper. That’s it. These things take literally minutes to assemble and require minimal effort during the cooking process.  However, it’s easy to elevate even the most boring of meals with the addition of a sauce. Whether it’s the spicy Asian dressing I toss on a watermelon salad, carrot top chimichurri or homemade ranch, a sauce elevates a plain ol’ meal to something impressive. I almost always have a few sauces in my fridge. Which is why I am super excited to partner with Driscoll’s and theFeedFeed to bring you this delicious new recipe! A favorite of late is chutney. What is a chutney, you ask? I barely know myself! I always think of it as more savory than a jam, but sweeter than a salsa. According to Google, it’s generally fruit, vinegar, and sugar cooked down to a reduction. I first made a version of this a few years ago—I love it because it’s sweet, but not overly so. A lot of different fruits could be used in the recipe, but I tried Driscoll’s organic raspberries this time around. They did not disappoint! Driscoll’s follows the sun, so they’re a dependable option any time of year. The vinegar adds depth and just a hint of, oh, I don’t know, sophistication? Red pepper flakes and ginger makes this chutney reminiscent of the spicy raspberry jam you’ll see paired with cream cheese at many a Minnesota gathering. But this feels more modern and less Great Auntie Mable (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I can think of one million ways to uses for this raspberry chutney. Here’s a few: 

• Mix a heaping tablespoon with plain yogurt and granola for a killer breakfast
• Blend a tablespoon with a 2 teaspoons brown mustard and ¼ cup olive oil for a delicious salad dressing
• Spread on a ham and gruyere grilled sandwich for the perfect sweet-savory lunch (pictured). Did you know coating the bread in mayo instead of butter makes for THE BEST grilled cheeses? You do now!

• Schmear on toast with peanut butter
• Served on grilled meats, like pork chops, chicken or lamb
• Top mini toasts with goat cheese and a bit of chutney (pictured)

 I think it’s the perfect thing to bring to the lake. And speaking of… Driscoll’s is hosting a Minnesota-exclusive #BerryTogether sweepstakes, with a top prize of a magical 4-night getaway at Madden’s on Gull Lake. Hello! Four first-prize winners will win Driscoll’s berries for a year. More details here.

* * *

Easy Spicy Raspberry Chutney

Makes 3 half pints

• 3 cups raspberries
• 1 cup diced apple
• 1 cup minced onion
• 3/4 cups golden raisins
• 2 cups brown sugar
• 1 1/2 cups apple cider vinegar
• Zest of one lemon
• 2 t kosher salt
• 1 t cinnamon
• 2 t freshly grated ginger
• 1/2 t mustard seeds
• 1/2 t ground cloves
• 1/2 t red chili flakes

 Combine all ingredients in a large, wide non-reactive pot. Place over high heat and bring to a boil (about 8 minutes). Reduce heat to medium and simmer, stirring regularly.A chutney is done when all the excess liquid has evaporated. You’ll know it’s there when you draw a wooden spoon through the center of the pan. If it leaves a channel without it filling up immediately with liquid, you’re done! This will take about an hour—toward the end of the cook time, you’ll want to stir more frequently as the mixture is prone to scorching. You could definitely preserve this, but I just don’t really have time for that. Instead, I simply put mine in a mason jar and stick it in the fridge. So long as you eat it within a few weeks, you’re golden. 

* * *

This blog post is brought to you by Driscoll’s & TheFeedFeed - thanks for supporting the brands that support me. All opinions are my own. 

Today, Arlene turns one.

As any parent can attest, that first birthday comes with a tsunami of emotions.

Accomplishment: You made it a full year!Bewilderment: Wait... how has it been a year?Dread: Only 17 more of these and she's out of the house?!Panic: What if she fails to launch?

As I compare the photos of Arlene's first day on earth to what she looks like today, I can't believe just 365 days separate that skinny alien baby from my current chubby, funny munchkin. But honestly, some days I can't tell who's grown more-- Arlene or me. With that said, here's the biggest lessons I learned in my first year of parenthood.

* * *

You know zero about being a parent until you are one.

Read all the books you like, listen to every podcast, have yourself a 3 Men and a Baby/3 Men and a Little Lady double feature. Heck, go to school and get your degree in education or early childhood development. You may learn about kids, but you have no idea what it means to be a parent until you are one.

Breastfeeding is complicated.

I'm sorry if I silently judged you for breastfeeding your kid for "too long," or "helpfully" suggested that you supplement with formula or donated breastmilk, or even thought the act of donating milk was "weird." I remember thinking I'd try to breastfeed my kid for four or six months. Ha! A year later and I'm still flashin boob wherever I damn well please, gazing into my beautiful child's eyes (which are the PERFECT distance from mine-- nature designed that one right!), dreading the moment we end this intimate, special bond.

Working when the baby sleeps... yeah, right.

Babies are little blobs that sleep all day long. How hard can working at home be?! As it turns out, it's practically impossible and only gets harder as they become more mobile. Hence, we hired a nanny for 15 hours a week. Which is still not enough time to get half of what's on my to-do list accomplished.

Navigating the world with a baby is magical.

I never really liked babies before I had one. Imagine my shock when I realized when you walk through the world with a baby, people light up like a recently adjourned AA meeting. Strangers hold doors open for you and awwwww at you in line at the grocery store. The sketchy guys at the bus stop don't holler at you, old ladies unapologetically tickle your kiddo's toes without asking permission (who touches a strangers baby, honestly?!). I had no idea how much other people adore babies until I had one.

Babies are exhausting.

Caring for a baby 24/7 is the most exhausting work on the planet. Even if you have a babysitter or nanny or grandparent stepping in to help, you're trying to cram eight million things into those hours that you used to take all week to accomplish. Babies are beautiful, but relentless.

Your adventures don't need to be over.

I put off having a baby because I wasn't ready to hang up my old adventure pants. I wanted to explore the world, hike Machu Picchu, eat my way through Thailand's jungle markets, strike complicated yoga poses on a pristine Seychelles beach just so I could brag about my amazing life on Instagram (JK I would never do that... and by that I mean the yoga pose part). I've been to all seven continents and I can say without a doubt that parenthood is my greatest adventure yet. Every single day, I learn more about myself and am absolutely amazed at what Arlene soaks up. It's like realizing I've been farsighted this whole time, and just got the coolest pair of glasses that make everything around me pop.

Any activity without the baby is a vacation.

Grocery shopping, a spinning class, a shower, getting a benign growth burned off your face at the dermatologist-- it all feels like a luxurious spa vacation sans baby.

A baby unlocks places in your heart you never knew existed.

I know a lot of parents dislike when people compare their dog to a child. Before Arlene, I loved my dog at capacity. But babies open the most vulnerable and tender places in your heart. Places you never knew existed and ache every time you look at your tiny person. Yes, even places an adorable puppy cannot nuzzle its way into.

I love being a mom.

I worried I wasn't qualified for this job. Newsflash: nobody feels qualified. As it turns out, I love being a mom. It's the hardest thing I've ever done (the late nights, the cracked nipples, the constant chasing, the worry) while simultaneously being the easiest (I mean, look at this kid).Nothing can prepare you for parenthood. But I'm glad I went for it because it's easily the best thing I've ever done.

* * *

I've learned way more lessons than this, and I am sure you have too. Share below, yo!

Is that?

It can't be.

But I'm still breastfeeding!

My period returned 11 months after baby #1.

I've thoroughly enjoyed my 20 period-free months. No cramps, no PMS, no period-related acne, no ruined underwear. All I had to do was get pregnant! (and essentially experience all of those same period symptoms, but this time, I also gained a bunch of weight and grew a baby!).Since birthing a babe, I'm less self-conscious about my body and feel more confident than ever. Or maybe it's just that after a complete stranger assists you out of surgical-grade mesh underwear and/or manually milks your engorged breast, you just stop giving a rip.Anyhow, with my new-found appreciation for my womanliness, I decided to ditch my old-school period tactics and try two alternative approaches: THINX and the DivaCup. Here's what happened.

* * *

THINX

 What they are: Period proof underwear that can replace pads & liners and be used as a backup or replacement to tampons or cups, depending on your flow.How it works: The top layer fights bacteria and absorbs any liquid into the über thin layer right beneath it, so you always stay dry. They absorb up to two tampons' worth of blood, yet they look and feel like a regular pair of underwear.Cost: Between $24 - 38 a pair (get $10 off your 1st order here)Preconception: I'll be honest: The first time I heard about THINX, I recoiled in disgust.You're telling me that I just let nature happen into the underwear? Isn't it messy? Isn't it gross? Isn't it weird?A friend took the leap first and gave a rave review. So I said, "Hey Eleanor!" and bought three pairs of the hiphugger variety.

What I liked:

• I love that there's no gross tampon string to be peed on. Also, no pad or pantyliner to bunch or somehow not line up exactly where you thought it would.
• Less wasteful than buying tampons or pads, and over time, less expensive.

• No more underwear "ruined" from your period. And when I say ruined, I mean you still keep them and wear them when you haven't done laundry in awhile and just pray to god no one sees.
• They're black and easy to clean. Just pre-rinse after use, then wash them with your delicates (do people really do that?) in cold water, then air dry. Definitely not as gross as I thought!

What I didn't like: 

• Overflow. THINX gives you a nice legend for what style of underwear works best with your flow. Their site claims the ones I purchased hold up to two tampons worth of messy mess. I'm not so sure-- just ask the Gilligan O'Malley pajama pants I may never wear again.

• VPL, aka visible panty line. Definitely can't wear these with anything tight fitting, like leggings, a fitted skirt or tight jeans. They claim some of their other undies don't have a VPL.
• Expensive. At $24-39 a pop, they're certainly more expensive than what I'm used to. That said, over time, they pay for themselves.
• Laundry. Though they're easy to clean, you have to remember that they don't go in the dryer.

• Availability. The first time I tried to buy mine, THINX were sold out of my size. I had to wait a few weeks until they were back in stock. They were not available on Amazon, and took awhile to ship.
• Totally bizarre company culture at THINX. See Exhibit A.

Verdict:

I'm actually quite pleased with this purchase. I wouldn't recommend them as a stand-alone on your heaviest period days. I'm planning on using them for lighter days, or as back up on heavier days. They're officially my non-embarrassing period underwear. 

The DivaCup

What it is: The DivaCup is a reusable, bell-shaped menstrual cup that is worn internally and collects menstrual flow.How it works: The cup can be worn up to 12 consecutive hours and should be emptied, washed and rinsed 2-3 times daily. Due to its soft, silicone material, the cup forms to your body.Cost: $39.99Preconceptions: I thought menstrual cups were only for hippies. Collecting my period in a cup seemed akin to burying my poop in the woods on a camping trip, or living in a tiny house. But again, a trusted friend said she's become a DivaCup evangelist. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

What I liked:

• Like THINX, I love that there's no gross tampon string to be peed on. It sounds counterintuitive, but it actually felt more hygienic than any other period product I've used.
• No leakage. Zero. The cup holds one ounce of fluid. Apparently, a typical period produces two ounces over the course of a few days, so if you're emptying your cup twice daily, you should be good.
• Once in place, I couldn't feel a damn thing.

• Easy to clean. Simply dump contents in the toilet, then rinse with water-based unscented soap.
• Doesn't contain latex, plastic, PVC, acrylic, acrylate, BPA, phthalate, elastomer, polyethylene, and free of colors and dyes.
• Reusable and eco-friendly – no waste, no chemicals.
• Gentle on your bits. Anyone who's removed a tampon on a very light day knows the delicate nature of your vaginal walls.
• Not as gross as I thought. The cup was never as full as I expected, and the experience was nowhere near a freaky-deaky horror show.

• Straightforward sizing. There's a cup for every cooter. Model 1 is recommended for women under the age of 30 who have never delivered vaginally or by caesarean section; Model 2 is recommended for women age 30 and over and/or for women who have delivered vaginally or by caesarean section. Thank you for using the terms like "Model 1." No one wants to say they have a large va-jay.
• Availability. Prime this shiz on Amazon, or at CVS/Walgreens/Whole Foods/co-op.

What I didn't like:

• Learning curve. The first few times I used mine, I kept worrying that I'd done it wrong. It didn't feel off, and I didn't experience any leaks, but I just wasn't sure. I think you just build confidence over time.

• Cost. At $39.99 a pop, a DivaCup ain't cheap. But it's cheaper than buying tampons and pads (and occasionally, new underwear) every month or two. If you commit, it pays for itself.
• Up close and personal. This wasn't an issue for me, but if the thought of your hands interacting with your period or vagina in this manor grosses you out, you may not like the DivaCup. But trust me, it's not bad.
• Removal panic. I wouldn't say it's a breeze to remove. My DivaCup evangelist friend warned that if I panicked, I should "walk away from the bathroom, get yourself together, and try again. It'll be just fine." Trust me, if it's possible to squeeze a baby out of that thing, you will eventually remove the DivaCup.

Verdict:

I think I'm the newest DivaCup convert. Adios, tampons!

* * *

I suspect a THINX/DivaCup combo will work best for me. I'll use the cup on most days, wearing THINX as a back-up. Then on the last day or two, it'll be THINX flying solo.So... have you tried either of these products? Or something else that's made your period less annoying? Share in the comments, y'all!PS This is not a sponsored post, but I did include a few affiliate links.

Overwhelmed with registering for your baby? Welcome to the club.Before I had Arlene, I'd literally changed a diaper once. I knew nothing about babies, and all these gizmos and gadgets left my head spinning. Do I need the jogging stroller and an umbrella stroller and a snap-and-go and and and and.... waaaaaahhhhhh! What in the hell is all this stuff?In my 10 months as a mom, I've learned that you just need a core set of items to start with. We live in a small-ish space and I don't like heaps of crap, so I've tried to not overdo it on baby stuff.Once your baby is here, you'll be working with A LOT more information. That's when you may realize that you actually DO need the $400 Mamaroo (and will be willing to pay for it if it's the only thing that will keep your baby from crying). Sign up for Amazon Prime now. You'll need it.With that in mind, here are the items I couldn't live without. 

GEAR

Ergobaby Four Position 360 Baby Carrier. Wearing your baby is essential if you want to get anything accomplished. We opted for this Ergo because it's comfortable, supportive, and eventually, you can place baby facing out (they love that shit). Our baby sleeps really well in this sucker, too.  If you're choosing between this and the one with "cool technology," all I'll say is that it's not really the carrier so much as human-to-human body heat that makes things sweaty. Grey is a good option-- spit up and slobber show up on black. Sling. Not essential, but a nice-to-have for running quick errands or going out to dinner. We selected the Balboa. It's much smaller and thus more portable than the Ergo. Less rigmarole, but also less comfy for mom or dad. Infant car seat. The Chicco Keyfit 30 had good reviews, high safety rating, works with our stroller with an added adapter. PS did you know car seats don't actually need a base? I would for sure get one base, but if one parent will be driving less, I say just watch this video and skip an extra base.Car seat cover. I got a super warm one that I later learned is unsafe to use in the car. :/ Great for Minnesota winter walks though! If you want one for car rides, get one that doesn't interfere with the straps, like this.Stroller. It's easy to get into analysis paralysis when it comes to baby stuff, especially strollers. My criteria was A) easy to maneuver; B) small/light enough to easily throw in my car. The City Mini hits on all of that, and works with our infant car seat (with this adapter) until she can sit like a big girl. Dangly to hang on car seat. Who knew something so simple could inspire so much wonderment.Mirror. So you can make sure they're still in the car without turning around.Window shield. 'Cause babies don't like wearing sunglasses.Bathtub. I got this as a hand-me-down. It's nothing fancy and does the job.Diaper Bag. We got this one from Petunia Pickle Bottom. I like it cause it's neutral and can be worn as a backpack. To be honest, an old backpack would work just fine, too. 

POOP AND PEE

Aside from diapers and wipes (of which you will need one million), here's the basics for bodily functions.Changing table pad. You can change your baby's diaper on your bed, floor, couch, so technically you don't "need" one. Though it's nice to not have a baby peein and poopin on your bed.Cover for pad. Get two. I love the ones I purchased from New Mom Designs on Etsy.Changing pad liners. They poop a lot, and this will keep your changing pad cover from needing to be washed every other day.Arm & Hammer diaper pail. I'm not evangelistic about this product, but it gets the job done. A Diaper Genie would also suffice. The key is trapping the stink. 

DISTRACTIONS TO HELP YOU GET CRAP DONE

I don't love the idea of plasticky baby stuff all over my house. I quickly got over that once I realized it's the key to getting anything accomplished.For the first six to eight months, you can get by with a bouncer seat and activity mat. These are key for keeping them occupied while you're showering, cooking, doing anything. When they hit six months, they will really love a jumperoo. Come on, wouldn't you want an adult version?Nuks and tethers. Arlene likes these ones best. It might take you a few tries to find one your kiddo likes (if you can even use one at all). When we're out and about, I clip them to her. Nothing like retrieving a paci off a grody bathroom floor. 

CRAP FOR SLEEPING

Fisher-Price Rock and Play. I literally do not know one person who got this and regretted it. Arlene slept in hers every night until she grew out of it (5 months😬). Get the auto-rock version. Humidifier. For when they get sick, or when it's cold and dry.Swaddle sleep sack. My baby slept in this for the first two months or so. I like this one because it has velcro on the wings so they stay put.Regular sleep sack. Get two in each size so you can wash them.White noise machine. You might want one for yourself, too! Like... for the rest of your life.Baby monitor. We got a video monitor and to be honest, it's kind of overkill for our current needs. HOWEVER, I hear once they can get up and walk around, the video option is clutch. If video appeals to you, I might suggest checking out a Nest system-- then you can watch the video on your phone.Aden + Anais blankets. Someone told me you cannot have enough of these. Not true. I have about 20, and could get by with half as many. But they are really nice to have for swaddling, keeping the sun off your baby, letting them crawl on, and cleaning spit-up.Bedding. I got it all from New Mom Designs on Etsy. Love it all! 

FEEDING YOUR BABY.

Madela pump. When I had Arlene, this was 100 percent covered by insurance (Thanks, Obama!). Works great.Manual breast pump. I have the Madela and it gets the job done; a friend of mine has the Avent and loves it. It's east to throw in your purse or do discretely in a restaurant if you have to.Soothies. For your nips! Get a few and bring them to the birthing center or hospital. Put them in the fridge. Thank me later. Nipple cream is essential, too. Lansinoh makes a good one. You don't need a huge tube of it-- a little goes a long way. Also, don't get all cocky and throw it away after a few months. I'm 8 months in and still use it occasionally.Breast pads. Because leaky boobs are funny until they happen in public. These are much better than the disposable ones IMHO.Bottles. We mostly use Dr. Browns (they work with my Madela pumps). I've never needed anything bigger than the 4oz containers with a slow flow nipple. My sister-in-law loves the Kiinde system-- they're bags you can pump right into and use with their bottle system, as well as freeze for later. My advice is to register for a few kinds and see what your baby likes. If you're breastfeeding, you aren't going to be doing much in the way of bottles for awhile anyhow.Bottle brush / Drying rack. Get ready-- you being doing a crap-ton of dishes. In addition to the brush and rack, I'd add this twig thingy to dry smaller pieces. PS we 'permanently borrowed' the small plastic washtub Arlene had her first bath in at the hospital. We use that in our sink for all baby dishes.Breastfeeding cover. I used this as a cover one time, and then just decided I didn't care about covering up. BUT I do use it to keep the sun out of Arlene's face when we're on walks, etc. It's perfect.Num Num spoons. Cause your kid will probably want to feed themselves eventually.Silicone bib. Babies are messy eaters.Fruit feeder. Easy to clean and goof for when they're learning to eat real food. Lobster. A highchair for people with small kitchens. It's kind of annoying to clean (by hand in the sink; air dry), but so small and easily fits in a suitcase.Sippy cup. You'll want to try a few kinds. Arlene likes this type the most. 

Clothes

You will get tons no matter what you register for! Newborn clothes are so tiny and adorable, but they pretty much only wear jammies for the first month or so. You will always be worried about your baby being too cold (even I was and I had a summer baby!), so keep that in mind.Zutano booties. The only things that will stay on their little feet.Newborn gowns. These things pee and poop like crazy... like 12+ diapers a day for the first 6-8 weeks! This makes diaper changing a breeze.PJs that zip with footies. Buttons are fine, but zippers are better. And this may be due to my living in a colder climate, but most of the year, I want her feet covered at night.Bandanas for drool. Save a onesie, ride a bandana! 

STUFF FOR WHEN THEY GET SICK

Honest Co diaper rash cream. This one worked for us!Vitamin D. Because the only thing that breastmilk doesn't have is Vitamin D.Thermometer. Honestly, I still don't know what thermometer we should be using. Tell me in the comments!Nose Frida. This sounds disgusting until you need it. And then it is a life saver.Cuticle clipper. Clipping your baby's nails will paralyze you with fear. At first, I could only use a tiny cuticle scissors. Now, I just use a regular ol' clipper. No need to get all fancy here IMHO. 

STUFF FOR MOM

Let's be real: mom probably needs more than the baby. And yet the pressure to throw self care out the window starts well before the baby is born. You are not a selfish A-hole for asking for things for yourself. You can create a registry on Bably List to collect items from all over the internet. Might I suggest these?Food. Gift cards for food delivery services. Boom.Giant thing for water with a straw. If you're breastfeeding, you will never fully quench your thirst. Make it as easy as possible to drink your weight in water.Coffee subscription. Sleepless nights, early mornings, headaches... coffee heals it all. I've been a longtime subscriber to Blue Bottle.Massage or pedicure gift card.Audible gift card. It's hard to read a book while you're breastfeeding. But you'll want to because it takes so much time at first! Audio books = clutch.Netflix. You're going to be literally Netflix and chilling (definitely not figuratively).The Wonder Weeks. Great book about child development that will make you feel better when your baby won't stop screaming bloody murder. "Oh, that just means her brain is growing!"Amazon Prime. You're going to need a lot of stuff, but you're not going to want to leave the house.Fitbit. Anything to encourage you to get moving.

* * *

There are tons of additional things you could add to your registry, but I really do suggest your keep it low-key until the baby is born. You might be tempted to register for that MamaRoo right off the bat. Your kid may not even need it (and if they do, you can easily find one on Craigslist). I say save the gadget-y buys for after you meet you baby.

What other essentials am I missing here? Share in the comments. Other overwhelmed parents-to-be will thank you!

My brother and I are both new parents. Recently, we had the following exchange:Brother: How's sleep going?Me: Great, actually. She's sleeping through the night mostly.Brother: Jump off a bridge.I didn't take it personally. Nearly a year after the birth of their first baby, nights were still terrible. You know, the specific kind of hell that only a newborn baby can unleash. You'd be a raging, cranky shell of a human if you never slept more than four consecutive hours for a year.

I'M GRATEFUL THAT MY BABY IS A SLEEPER.

I'm reluctant to say this, but Arlene first slept through the night (aka six hours in a row) at five weeks old. I know. I KNOW! It wasn't every night, and we've had a few sleep regressions. If I were him, I'd tell me to jump of a bridge, too.But here's the thing: Even though sleep was magical, breastfeeding was another story.

I'D READ A LOT ABOUT BREASTFEEDING PRIOR TO ARLENE'S ARRIVAL.

I knew it'd be hard. Everyone says it's harder than they expected. I prepared for the worst, but what I got was so far beyond what I could've imagined."I hate to use this term," said one of the six billion nurses who waltz into my hospital room post C-section. "But sometimes it takes a while for your nipples to toughen up." She said it would get better. Everyone said, it gets better.

I WAITED FOR IT TO GET BETTER.

And while I waited, my chapped, bleeding, bruised nipples started getting impatient. Which really sucked (no pun intended), because breastfeeding is relentless.If you've never breastfed, here's the gist: For the first 2-3 months of baby's life, a breastfeeding mom gives baby the boob every 2-3 hours. If it's going well, it's only moderately painful and becomes much less so over time. You know, once the nips toughen up. For me, each session hurt more than the last. It's kind of like being forced to walk in a pair of shoes that give you blisters for 45 minutes, 12 times daily.A week and a half after Arlene was born, a met with a lovely nurse for postpartum care. When she asked how breastfeeding was going, I showed what was left of my nipples."Oh dear, those are very cracked," she said. She suggested I apply some nipple cream, and then gave me a nipple shield. "Try this, it'll help."I did. The clouds parted, and the sun beamed down from the sky and Celine Dion sang from the heavens.

AAAAAND I KNOWWWW THAT MY NIIIIPPPPS WILL GO ONNNNN!

I started using the nipple shield with most feedings. When things healed up, I tried feeding without it. The baby barracuda'd the crap out of my nips and I'd have to start all over again. I was a month into motherhood, and breastfeeding only got harder.

I HIRED A LACTATION CONSULTANT.

This a breastfeeding expert who came to our house. She helped tremendously in some ways, teaching me the laid-back method, which I still use. She encouraged me to ditch the nipple shield as soon as possible, and to not give the baby a bottle yet, warning it could diminish my supply or confuse the babe.She also mentioned that she thought Arlene may have a tongue tie. That's when the thingie that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth is too tight. This can lead to a shallow latch and painful breastfeeding, remedied by a frenectomy, where the band beneath the tongue is clipped.I know. Ouch."You can't just have that taken care of anywhere," she warned. "You should really go to a pediatric dentist that specializes in tongue ties. Here's a number for the only one in town I'd recommend."In town was kinda pushing it, as their office was located in western Wisconsin (about 45 minutes away). But I was desperate. I called, and they couldn't get us in for almost a month. I took the appointment, hung up the phone and cried.

DURING THE FOLLOWING MONTH, I DID EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO KEEP BREASTFEEDING.

I took Arlene to a craniosacral therapist, who gently massaged the baby's mouth, neck and head to improve her latch for $70 a pop. I asked all my mom friends for advice. I sent a bazillion texts to my lactation consultant.Don't use the nipple shield-- it will only confuse your baby!Use the nipple shield if it's working.Don't bottle-feed your baby too often. It'll only make them lazy and less likely to return to the breast.Give her a bottle and give yourself a break.This only made me feel more confused and helpless.

AND STILL, BREASTFEEDING ONLY GOT WORSE.

At six weeks postpartum, the baby fed for up to 90 minutes at a time (!). I ended up with milk blisters (Google it if you dare). She wasn't gaining weight. I did, however, catch up on every TV series and podcast that's ever existed in the history of the world.I couldn't bare the thought of quitting. I produced enough milk to keep her fed and then some, but just couldn't get it into my baby's pencil-sharpener of a maw. I'd keep telling myself, "Make it one more week. It's got to get easier." And it just didn't.

FINALLY ONE NIGHT, I BROKE DOWN.

"I want to be enjoying our baby, but feeding her hurts too much," I sobbed.My calm, collected husband said, "I'm giving her a bottle and you're going to bed.""But... but... but... I can't because it's going to ruin breastfeeding for her in the future!!!"He essentially responded with a nicer version of go the #@$& to sleep.

I DID.

From that point on, I did whatever it took to get me through the day. I used a nipple shield almost every time I breast fed. When that was too painful, I gave Arlene a bottle. We survived.A week before Arlene's tongue procedure, I brought Arlene to the pediatrician for her two month checkup. The doc expressed concern that she hadn't gained much weight, and I mentioned the upcoming frenectomy."Her tongue does look tight, " she said. "We can take care of that today if you'd like. But if you prefer to go to the specialist, that's fine."Wait. What?! Somehow in my crazed new mom stupor, it hadn't occurred to me that my pediatrician could do this in her office.Yes. Yes! YES!!!The whole procedure took three seconds, literally. The doctor simply cut the band with tiny scissors. Arlene cried, but honestly, her shots affected her more. It healed almost immediately.Within a week she was eating faster.My nipples healed.I ditched the nipple shield.At Arlene's four month appointment, she'd nearly doubled in weight.

THIS EXPERIENCE GIFTED ME TWO INVALUABLE LESSONS.

The first: Do whatever it takes to get you through the day.Everyone has an opinion on how to best care for your baby. You'll get all sorts of input, solicited or not, from parents, doctors, specialists. What works for one baby may not work for yours. The first few months as a parent are really hard. It's about survival. You know your baby best, so take a page from AA and tackle it one day at a time.The second: It's always going to be something.At 14 months, my one-year-old nephew still isn't sleeping through the night. A friend's baby had GERD and couldn't breastfeed at all. Another had debilitating postpartum anxiety. Another friend's newborn spent a week in the NICU for potential sepsis (luckily, she's just fine); another's kid is allergic to eggs, dairy, gluten and peanuts. Another's is three-years-old and just started talking. And these are just the people who are lucky enough to have a baby in the first place. 

THE TRUTH ABOUT BABIES IS THAT THEY'RE HARD.

You just don't know what brand of hard you'll get. But it really does get easier.