“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

[Maya Angelou]

Pretty amazing, actually!

Sorry I’ve been so M.I.A. No excuses – life has just been full and haunting and beautiful.

I’m trying to edge my way back out of my bliss-cocoon and will hopefully be around these parts more frequently.

Thanks for sticking with me.

xoxo.

All photos by the absolutely amazing Cliff Brunk.

Parts I & II.

1. At the end of our kiss, I lay my head on his shoulder and I don’t think I’ve ever loved Steve more then in that moment. Turning, grinning so hard I think our faces might burst. We get to the end of our very short rock-lined “aisle” and there’s really nowhere else to go so we stop and look back at the grinning faces of all of our loved ones and I am giddy. We stand there for a few more moments and no one is quite sure what they’re supposed to do so I throw up my hands and say “That’s it!”

2. We fight the wind through group pictures. Wait wait wait, okay, there’s a lull! Quick! Snap the photo! I’m amazed at how big our family is – so much love that I’ve been born into and found and married into.

3. Gradually the group dwindles until the last people have been captured on film and are heading up the Inn for cocktail hour. It’s just us and Cliff and Malarie (our lovely photographers) and the light is soft and Steve and I sit on the rocks. Cliff tells us to shut our eyes and I lean into Steve and my heartbeat slows and all I can hear is it pounding along to the tune of the waves crashing around us and I melt into the moment and think remember this, right now.

4. Climbing all over Muir Beach for portraits. I forget to pick up my dress as I walk and in seconds it’s picked up so many twigs and sticks and burrs. Nothing in me cares, not even a bit. I pick out the biggest ones and call the rest my souvenirs.

5. Cliff mentioning that he can’t believe that I’m not geeking out over the photo equipment. I think oh yeah, I guess I would normally be salivating over lens and the like. And yet? I just don’t care…

6. We enter the reception. It’s the first time I’ve seen any of the flowers that my Mom arranged. They are lining the long, long table, interspersed with candelabras and all of our loves. The room looks so beautiful and elegant and relaxed – like the world’s best dinner party. It’s exactly what we wanted. Exactly.

7. Hugging everyone. It seems like no one can squeeze me tight enough.

8. A glass of red wine appears in my hand. I am thankful. A plate of food appears. I eat a potato. Yes, singular – I am too excited! I drink all the wine though.

9. My sister starts off the toasts. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so overwhelmed as I was during that hour as the mike passed from hand to hand. I keep squeezing Steve’s hand under the table to keep from exploding from the force of it all. So much love from all of the people who made us who we are – who carried us to this moment. I feel wrung out and fiercely proud and I am the luckiest girl in the world. The. Luckiest.

10. I take the mike and try not to cry and I surprise myself by admitting that for a long time we weren’t sure we even wanted a wedding. It seemed like so much work and energy and we’d been together so long and we wanted to be married but what would going through the ritual mean, really? But that this, this moment is why we decided to do it. Because this is our community and as we’ve gotten older, we’ve realized that our community is family, is everything. That all of you made this a wedding. Then Steve nods and says Now let’s go eat cake!

11. Crowding into the snug room for cake and champagne and it being so snug that I keep smooshing into everyone. It feels like a giant family reunion.

12. Walking back into the patio and seeing that the dance party has already started! Thinking this is how you know your true friends.

13. The joyous first notes of our song begin and Ray’s voice loud and clear and we start dancing. It never occurred to us to practice anything because this is just what we do. Steve spins me and I flash back to him walking up and asking me to dance in swing dance class – I was wearing a thrift store boy’s little league t-shirt and had just turned 18 and it was the first time we ever spoke and I thought he had the biggest grin I’d ever seen and he stepped on my toes and seven years later here we are and he guides me like I’m an extension of his own body. I forget there’s anyone else in the room and I sing the lyrics in his ear and jump a bit when people start clapping at the end of the song. Oh! Right! People are watching!

14. The party begins – we drink and we dance and I think this is probably the best party I’ve ever been to b/c so! many! people! I love! dancing! together! I keep catching glimpses of our parents and they look so happy.

15. At some point, I turn around to see my new husband is now shirtless and shaking it in his vest and tie. Thank god marriage hasn’t changed him a bit.

16. The party ends and we retire to the snug room and curl up in armchairs and people take turns donning fake mustaches and napping in the middle of the floor. I’m not sure I have ever been so tired. I am positive I have never been so happy.

I’ve been pretty much bursting with artistic energy in the last couple months, but have surprised myself by not really wanting to deal with my photographs (case in point – 500 Costa Rica pictures that I have yet to edit or share…) and have instead been craving getting my hands dirty. I learned awhile ago not to question these instincts and so I signed up for a painting class. I spent this evening by myself, the new Regina Spektor album playing, trying desperately to keep the kitten’s tail out of the paint while I worked on this – the very beginnings of my first painting.

I could hardly pull myself away.

I may be married to photography, but I think perhaps I shall have to take a lover.

So, on my 25th birthday, I made this list. And last week, I checked another thing off of it. I’d been having one of those weeks, I think we all know exactly what I mean and by the time Thursday evening rolled around and I barreled through the door with precisely 12 minutes to eat, change and head out to the concert, it all sounded rather exhausting. But then we found a killer parking spot and our tickets came with VIP bracelets and free drinks and I found myself sitting in the dark attic of the Den, martini in hand, feet kicked up, leaning into my husband, minutes away from seeing Bon Iver.

The Fox is a gorgeous venue, recently rescued and lovingly restored. It’s full of awesome details, like these two buddhas, whose eyes glow in the dark.

Also, this ceiling cut-out, which I had inexplicable and immediate love for.

Here’s the stage before the show.

And here it is, properly populated.

Here we are, being happy.

And finally, my favorite shot – Bon Iver on stage.

Not bad for a point-and-shoot!

When we’re old and wrinkly and gray, he’ll still look like this to me.

They grow up so quickly! Can you believe he looked like this just a few short weeks ago??

Sob! In other news, we can throw away our alarm clock because Abhi likes to wake us up every morning by batting us in the face and then when we move in response, bounding down to eat our now-wiggling toes! When he tires of this, he moves on to munching Bodhi’s ears.But then he takes naps like this and we all forgive him.

After our lovely car ride and many miles of dirt road, we arrived in the tiny, sleepy beach town of Playa Guiones and pulled up to the Harmony Hotel, an eco-resort. The man at the check-in desk gave us cold, handpressed ginger-lemon juice and hot handtowels to wipe our hands and faces when we arrived. I almost kissed him on the mouth.

The property is a series of bungalows, nestled into the jungle, a short path leading out to the beach.

There was a fresh juice bar, hammocks strung everywhere, and tiny pockets of relaxation just waiting to be discovered.

And then there was the beach. Gorgeous, deserted, dotted with thatched structures to sit under to keep out of the sun. I sat and watched the surfers (and Steve!) out in the distance before hopping in and doing some boogie-boarding myself.

It was the perfect place to start our honeymoon. Steve surfed every morning. We spent time lazing by the pool and napping in the hammocks when it stormed in the afternoons. We ventured to the tiny town for dark-chocolate-banana-macademia-nut ice cream.

We had an outdoor shower and one afternoon I felt a sharp pain in my foot. I leapt up screaming. Steve looked down at the totally bare wood and said honey, there’s nothing there, nothing bit you. I peered down between the slats and saw a GIANT crab staring me down, pinchers at the ready. Evidently I was drowning his hidey-hole and he wanted me to know he wasn’t too pleased.

Steve wore sandals every other time he was showering outside.

The day after our wedding I was so tired. I would try to formulate thoughts and instead my brain would squint and just spit out TIIIIIRED. I don’t think I have ever been so worn out. So naturally, after a last brunch with our friends and family, we had to pack and get on a plane to Costa Rica.

The red-eye plane ride was like some kind of nightmare come to life. So tired I think I might fall over! and yet! stuck in an aisle seat where I cannot! actually! sleep! I was uncomfortable and increasingly cranky. Steve, in between his long bouts of restful sleep (have I ever been so jealous of his ability to sleep anywhere? no, no I have not), kept assuring me that we would be there soon and I could just sleep on the way to the hotel and then take as long a nap as I wanted. See, we decided very early on that we would be renting a car for this trip, seeing as we’d be traveling during rainy season and had read that Costa Rica’s roads become something of a water park ride during rainy season. Renting a manual was so very much cheaper than an automatic, and as a manual aficionado, I knew it would be much more fun to drive.

Our conversation about it went something like this:

Steve: So it looks like we should get a manual, it’s so much cheaper.

Sierra: Sounds good to me! Wait, can you drive a stick?

Steve: Pretty much, I should probably practice before we go though, but I’ll be just fine.

Sierra: Okay!

Cue: Very tired newlyweds climbing into the car at the San Jose Thrifty rental.  I melt into the passenger seat and buckle my seat belt, delirious at the thought of reclining. And WHAM! A jerk and a stall. I give Steve a look. He grins sheepishly and restarts. WHAM! STALL! Still grinning. My eyebrow arches higher. WHAM!

Very slowly I say, You. Told. Me. You. Could. Drive. Stick.

Steve: Well I thought that I could, I mean, I’d practiced a few times before and then Morgan and I went out in her car last week and I figured that it’s not THAT HARD so I would pick it up really easily.

Me: Pick it up! Driving a stick is not something that you pick up in a foreign country! The highway is right there! You cannot get out of the parking lot!

Steve: Maybe I could practice here and get it.

Me: You want me to teach you how to drive stick in the Thrifty parking lot in Costa Rica? So you can get on the biggest highway in the country and then drive for 5 hours?

Steve: Worth a shot.

And so we practice. And he stalls. And I explain and show him and he stalls. Because it’s really difficult to learn in the best of circumstances and this is pretty much the worst. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that even though my head is stuffed with cotton, I am about to drive for 5 hours in a country that doesn’t believe in turn signals. I want to cry. Instead I turn to him and say, We’re only two days in and I already want to take your head off! Apparently this is the funniest thing I could have ever said and Steve, in his slap-happy state bursts out laughing. We’re sitting in a Denny’s parking lot and he’s hugging the steering wheel, laughing so hard he can barely breathe and I say It’s not funny! I am really tired! and this makes him laugh even harder and before I know it I’m laughing too and then neither of us can stop and when one of us tries the other starts up again and everyone is staring at us like we have absolutely lost our minds.

I get in the driver’s seat and thread my way on to the highway and it juts off in three directions and we don’t know where we’re going and can’t find anything on the map.  And we go the wrong way and I make a killer three point turn on a gravel hill without hitting anyone and we stop to get gas and the Cheetos taste funny and I am so tired I can’t see straight so I pull off the road and we recline the seats to nap in the hot sun. I curl around my travel pillow and say You make me crazy, you know and he says, I know, but you love me.

And I do.