1. Recognize the motive behind the gift.

Some people approach gift-giving from a narcissistic or egotistical perspective. They may give or expect expensive gifts because they want to impress others. They may always complain about receiving gifts that aren’t good enough or they may intentionally give gifts they know the recipient doesn’t want to demonstrate power and dominance. Some lack sufficient empathy to really engage in the spirit of giving. Other gift-givers put little thought into it because they give out of obligation to tradition. When you can recognize a motive that comes from a lack of empathy or consideration, you can remove yourself from feeling personally insulted. 

2. Appreciate yourself.

Negative gift exchanges take less of an emotional toll when we have an inner sense of self-appreciation. No one can make you feel unworthy if you have a strong sense of self-worth. When you appreciate yourself, you also become a better giver because you aren’t attaching your self-esteem to how well your gift is received.

3. Determine how you want to engage in the process.

You have the power to decide how you want to engage with others who make the gift-giving process difficult for you. Be honest with yourself about how you feel. Give yourself permission to be honest with the other person when you feel it is appropriate. While you may feel obligated when family is involved, you can determine to what extent you want to engage in a process that doesn’t benefit you. 

4. Express gratitude.

You don’t have to express false gratitude for a cringe-worthy gift. However, heartfelt gratitude for the other aspects of the season—such as spending time with loved ones and enjoying a good meal—can boost your overall outlook and happiness level. 

While the gift-giving process can be stressful, it is helpful to remember that it stems from positive roots. The acts of giving and receiving have beneficial biological impacts and are central to many spiritual and philosophical beliefs. So, be encouraged to keep up the flow of giving and receiving.

Thank you for all the ways you’ve loved.

Thank you for all the ways you’ve cared.

Thank you for the joys you’ve nurtured.

Thank you for the gifts you’ve shared.

Thank you for the lessons you’ve learned.

Thank you for the sacrifices you’ve made.

Thank you for the successes you’ve earned.

Thank you for the attitude you gave.

Thank you for falling down and getting back up.

Thank you for knowing when you’d had enough.

Thank you for not judging yourself for where you “should be” and for appreciating where you are.

Thank you for pushing your limits, but not too far.

Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for your hope.

Thank you for acknowledging your struggle and working hard to cope.

Happy Thanksgiving!

“Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

A quick peek at the news is enough to show that we are living in a time of major conflict. Some of the loudest voices popularize the idea that strength is in violence, intimidation, and self-interest. 

In response, University of California, Los Angeles recently opened the Bedari Kindness Institute, the world’s first institute to study kindness. The goal is to inspire and empower people to build more humane societies. 

So, does kindness really make us stronger? The answer appears to be in our biology. Here are five findings on the science of kindness.

1. Kindness is a natural preference. Researchers have found at least three genes that might influence how we are biologically wired to prefer kindness.
2. These kindness genes impact our brain chemistry. When we give or receive kindness, our brains release chemicals that make us feel good: opiates, serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. 
3. These “feel good” chemicals combine to give us an overall sense of happiness. They provide myriad health benefits, such as alleviating stress and stress-related conditions, improving mood, reducing pain, improving strength, and much more.
4. In particular, oxytocin is known as the “love hormone” that promotes social bonding, self-esteem, and optimism. This helps us individually and strengthens our connections to one another. It stimulates feelings of empathy and causes us to be more likely to pass that kindness on to others.
5. Researchers believe we evolved to prefer kindness after our early ancestors realized survival was easier when they worked together.

A concept known as “enclothed cognition” acknowledges that what we wear can change our thoughts about ourselves and can even impact our performance. The researchers who coined the term concluded that putting on garments with symbolic meaning can influence the mind to take on traits associated with that meaning. Their study found that students who put on a lab coat after being told it was a doctor’s coat exhibited improved attention. The same effect did not occur when the students were told the lab coat was a painter’s coat, or when they were told it was a doctor’s coat but only looked at it and did not physically put it on. The act of wearing the lab coat, with its association to the carefulness and attentiveness of a doctor, actually influenced each student’s mind to pay more attention. 

Any of us who have worn a costume or dressed in special clothing for an event can reflect on how different the clothes made us feel inside. Costumes help us get into character. Do clothes give you confidence? It is possible that if you lack confidence from issues with your own self-worth, maybe you can trick your mind by wearing a garment you symbolically associate with confidence.

“Walking. I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.”

- Linda Hogan, Dwellings: A Spiritual History of the Living World

With its ghosts, ghouls, and frights, Halloween gives us a chance to play with our fears of death in a safe environment. Fear of death strikes us deeply and cuts at our sense of self-worth, since knowing our lives will eventually end can make us feel insignificant. Being able to reduce thoughts on the inevitability of death down to a trick or treat appears to be an effective, modern-day coping mechanism. 

As social psychologists have observed, we have developed other coping mechanisms for dealing with death anxiety. Terror management theory proposes that anxiety around death motivates us to seek meaning in our lives. Fear of being insignificant drives us to adopt beliefs and practices that encourage social connections in an effort to surround ourselves with others who value our existence. In other words, fear of death makes us want to be remembered, which in turn makes us want to engage with others who will remember us. As a result, we engage in activities such as taking photos, erecting monuments, and joining social groups all in an effort to find meaning and symbolically evade death.

Halloween’s association with such holidays as All Saints’ Day, All Souls’ Day, and Día de los Muertos reinforces our desire to memorialize life. It is a reminder that we need not fear the inevitability of death. Feeling connected to our loved ones helps us create a sense of permanence. We are the result of our ancestors whose love, courage and perseverance paved the way for our existence today.

“Good, better, best. Never let it rest. ’Til your good is better and your better is best.” 

—St. Jerome

Fashion is filthy. Behind the glamour and fantasy lies an industry notorious for its human rights abuses and environmental destruction. Sweatshops, child labor, plastic pollution, toxic production processes, excessive waste… you name it, fashion is guilty. The violations have dire consequences. We must do better.

But, it ain’t easy being green. Current practices have pitfalls at every stage. The material used to make the product could be unsustainable. The dyes, anti-wrinkle or other treatments used on it could be toxic. The person who put it together could be working in dangerous conditions. The manufacturing process could release harmful emissions and toxins into the environment. The sale of it could fund terrorism.

A look at current events shows the worldwide debate pitting our business climate against our physical climate. The $2.5 trillion global fashion industry is right in the thick of it. The business model behind fast fashion requires consumers to buy more and more often, which leads to cutting corners with workers and the environment. This results in unethical working conditions and an excess of harmful synthetic materials flooding the market on their way to our landfills and oceans. The sustainable fashion movement is an attempt to address the industry’s systemic problems. However, sustainable options are generally more expensive and require more diligence to ensure integrity. At the same time, economic forces have required us to tighten our belts and limit our clothing budgets. We want cleaner fashion, but we also want to be able to afford it.

So what do we do when we want to do good, but it seems like the odds are against us? We keep trying. We do the best we can to seek solutions that save our environment and treat workers ethically while still allowing us to enjoy the art of getting dressed. Solutions that value quality over quantity, like buying only natural fibers, or buying that which brings us joy so we'll keep it longer. Fashion employs more than 1.8 million people in the United States alone. It is worth our effort to do better for all of us.

Earth

From Mother Earth we get the practical, stable energy needed to birth, nurture, and sustain life. The Earth theme captures that sense of comfort by showcasing the love of family, friends, nature, food, and other simple joys of life. 

Air

We communicate our thoughts as freely as we breathe. The Air theme is a study in the free-flowing exchange of ideas through literature, education, science, technology, travel, and other intellectual subjects.

Water

With its ability to take on any shape that contains it, water has long been associated with intuition, emotion, and flexibility. The Water theme honors this association with creative expression and highlights the fluidity of art, design, and style.

Fire

Fire is visceral, sparking excitement and enlightenment. The Fire theme celebrates our enthusiasm for the mind-body connection through wellness, fitness, sports, dance, competition, and related passions.

May the power of the elements be with you!

Whether or not we are aware of it, we’ve all carried beliefs that limit our potential.

And the list goes on.

Limiting beliefs are like self-sabotage. They creep in and lead us to work against achieving our goals. We recognize them in others. The talented celebrity who falls into drug abuse due to unresolved issues with their self-worth. The people pleaser who sacrifices their own needs out of a belief that “good” people put others first. The leader who exerts power through threats and intimidation out of fear of being perceived as “weak”.

How can anyone expect to live their most joyful life if they always think they aren’t worthy of it?

Limiting beliefs weigh us down. But, we do not have to accept them as truths. We can choose to face our beliefs and reject them as untruths. We have the power to give up that which weighs us down.

He tells stories of visiting foreign lands, meeting celebrities, and selling to crowds.

Now he’s approaching middle-age and works in an office. It’s a respectable company, but his position is far from the spotlight he once enjoyed. According to his stories, he used to impress his clients with upscale dinners, tailored suits and a toned physique. Today, he sits slouched in his chair, slightly disheveled, masking the extra pounds he’s gained in oversized clothing.

“I was athletic in my younger days, good-looking, lots of friends. No one likes you when you’re fat.”

He thinks his stories are his most attractive feature, proof that he was once capable of greatness. He tries to impress his co-workers with them every day. He anticipates their rapt expressions, their eagerness for him to tell them more.

But he gets the opposite. His co-workers think he’s full of deceit and exaggerations. They can’t imagine the person they see in him today was ever capable of the accomplishments he claims in his stories. Some have started rolling their eyes and turning their backs to him. Instead of respect, he’s earning disgust.

Disheartened by their reaction, he sinks deeper into his chair. He tells himself he will stop telling stories. But he is at a loss. How else will he gain their approval?

Finding and maintaining balance may be a challenge for many of us, yet through it we find inner peace. Balance brings realignment, curbing our addictions to unfulfilling habits. Balance helps us manifest our inner desires.

As you seek balance in your life, here are some ideas that may inspire you.

1. The elements of the universe are within you.

Noted astronomer Carl Sagan famously said, “We’re made of star stuff.” He was referring to the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and other atoms in our bodies that were created in stars billions of years ago. All of these elements aligned in perfect balance to create all the unique manifestations of life on Earth, including you.

2. Your emotions can influence your perspective.

When we feel intense emotions, like anger or fear, we tend to focus our attention more narrowly than when we feel more relaxed. This can be a useful response in certain situations, such as when we are physically threatened and need to focus on details that will help us fight back or escape. However, it can push us out of balance when anger or fear dominates and leads us to develop tunnel vision and narrow-mindedness. Taking care of our emotions helps us keep sight of the bigger picture.

3. Helping others promotes good health.

To many, doing good deeds for others is a virtue that supports our moral or spiritual development. As it turns out, it also supports our physical bodies. Studies show that helping others can have multiple health benefits and contribute to an overall sense of well-being. People who regularly donate their time, talents and/or money are happier and less stressed. These positive feelings contribute to reduced incidences of hypertension, depression, and other illnesses.  

4. We are all related.

Many human traditions echo the sentiment that we should treat each other well because we are one big family wonderfully connected to a common source. Applying this concept genealogically, each generation opens up an exponential number of ancestors (two parents come from four grandparents who come from eight great-grandparents, and so on), until we reach a point when we have more ancestors than the whole human population. Since this isn’t possible, we can reasonably theorize that some of those ancestors are the same people, possibly the result of inadvertent unions between distant cousins. Using genetics to test this theory, researchers have found lengths of shared DNA segments across entire populations, indicating that all people living in one vast region are descended from the same ancestors. Their studies support the more expansive idea that all human beings are related. 

How we dress is interrelated with feelings about our bodies, our income levels, our social status, how others perceive us and how we want to be perceived.

Finding Zin is a space to explore the deeper connection between our outer appearance and our inner beliefs.

Like a character in a story, Zin Avery represents any person familiar with the struggle of living one's full potential. Join Zin as they discover ideas, tips and tools that may help us live authentically and manifest our dreams.