Imagine having a girlfriend with abs like that! This girl’s body is an absolute work of art. And she’s so sincere at the end… “If you’re vondering why I’m so hot and sweating, maybe you should try this workout?…“  I love that.

Go to YouTube and type “Zuzana fitness” into the searchbox.  She’s got a channel.  I’ve canceled my cable.

You weave this seductive magic by CUSTOMIZING each and every experience in bed for her based on some careful investigation on your part.  Great sex for most women can be defined as erotic in a way that she doesn’t consider inappropriately perverted with a man who has learned to deliver the goods in a way that she enjoys, time after time.  Imposing task?  Not necessarily.  Here’s a three step plan to help you navigate this special road into the erotic heart of any woman…

1) Search For Her Erotic Weaknesses

The first step is to figure out what sort of cheap sex tricks will send any particular girl into orbit.  How?…  Experiment!  Maybe she likes to be dirty-talked or verbally coaxed?  Perhaps she wants you to control her in some way?  Or maybe she wants to control YOU?  Try all sorts of things with her… spanking, tickling, toys, take some nasty pictures, do it out in the bushes, try some stuff in the shower, swap positions, etc.  Use your porno powers here that you’ve spent years (likely all by yourself) “cultivating”.  Some of this mayhem may turn her off, but there’s usually SOMETHING that will get a woman red-lining off the meter — and it’s your job to discover what that is and then learn how to play it like a fiddle!

If she refuses to go very much beyond plain vanilla missionary-style, then you may have run across a chick with low sex drive or other pressing issues on her mind that she feels must be more important.  Rather than be angry about it, count your blessings.  It’s fortunate to uncover such crucial knowledge of incompatibility about a partner as soon as possible because it will head off a ton of future misery.  Turning someone this sexually uninterested towards your more open-minded, erotically-experimental direction can be an impossible task.  I’ve always felt that the best sex occurs between two child-like adults, and by that I mean people who don’t take themselves too seriously.  At least not to the point where they feel sex has become “kid stuff” and somehow beneath their dignity.  People who’ve taken on too much responsibility in life are likely to end up this way by middle-age.  Just a warning.

Anyway, regular work between the sheets will eventually uncover where all her high water marks are located, and her limits as well.  Keep notes on what you’re doing to make a girl erotic and of her reactions to your experimental prodding — silly as this may sound.  After you fill a few pages of such notes, go back and search for clues.  Look for those things that she seems to enjoy the most and figure out a few clever ways to focus in on them.

Now you’re ready to lock her Heart up tight, and lock Yourself into the drivers’ seat!

2) Become Her “Drug” Based on that Weakness

Once you think you have some idea of what a woman’s erotic weaknesses could be (in the sense that she has an intense desire or  a “weakness” for certain sorts of positions, fetishes, fantasies, etc.) then you’re ready to zoom in on them, expand upon whatever they may be and make them more elaborate.  The idea is to become really good at delivering the best CUSTOM sexual experience that she’s ever had… and do so time after time.

If she wonders what the deal is with your sudden enthusiasm, just tell her that she makes you feel uninhibited like no woman ever has before.  This freaks many girls out because most women think that all guys are natural sex-fiends to some degree and don’t realize that it often takes someone SPECIAL to actually bring this quality out in them…

And for you, that person is HER!

Such an attempt to reach out and connect your soul with hers through raw physical pleasure makes a powerful impact that cannot be easily dismissed.  The rush of adrenaline that accompanies such feelings will serve to weld these unique moments deep into her unconscious mind.  And they will all be connected to YOU… you will always be “that guy” who did “that thing” the night you were both together at “that place”.  Now you’re beginning to see Romantic Enchantment in action!

3) Get Her Addicted to You

Look, most people pretty much wing it when it comes to sex – they know a few basic moves and make the rest up as they go along.  The fact that you have 1) studied your “prey” and determined what really turns her on, and 2) are making an effort to satisfy her in specific ways that tie into these revelations, will surely paint you as a totally different breed of cat.

And that’s good!

Before long you’ll be seen as a champion among all the men she’s known — and really, you’ll hardly have done anything all that amazing.  You’ll just be doing things with a little more purpose, direction and creativity than the average Joe.  That’s male seductive power in action.

While the task of enchanting a woman is mainly one of carefully feeding her thrills and absorbing her fears based on what you’ve learned from your study of her sexual proclivities, one warning however… never bust this illusion by announcing what you’re up to.  Don’t say, “I’m going to make you addicted to me!…”  For that matter, NEVER reveal that you’re actually seducing a woman either.  Once people begin to think they’re being manipulated they will throw up massive resistance.

Like a stage magician, a trick is only cool as long as you never reveal how it works.  If you show the audience how the string runs up your sleeve they’ll think ‘oh, that trick was easy’, and then suddenly the whole thing sucks.

As for technique, that’s simple… women just love for men to TALK IT UP in bed!

What exactly to say, what’s your angle?  Work up the not-so-obvious: tell her all the enticing stuff she longs to hear, but never ever expects to.  Tell an older woman that she’s TIGHT like a young chick.  Rave about a thick girl’s voluptuous body.  Tell a 25 year old she has a sultriness that belies her real age — one that makes her seem more like an experienced middle-aged seductress.  Mention to a skinny girl that her long arms make her look like a statue in an art museum, or that you absolutely LOVE the way that her shoulder blades form little angel wings.  Skinny girls often think they’re not all that sexy because they don’t have enough curves.  Not as far as YOU’RE concerned, though… you love it!

Notice the pattern here?…

No one wants to be themselves! Especially women: they all want to be younger or older or shaped differently or whatever… anything but plain old them!  This is why you need to think up a new TWIST every time that you make love to a girl — so it appears as if you are unraveling her bit-by-bit like a delicate flower, each layer more wonderful than the last!  And you are the very FIRST guy to ever see her in this way… as this fantasy creature that she never dared dream of being.  Only YOU can see through the ordinary and view the extraordinary in her!

Few women can resist this sort of lavish attention spilling forth from their lover… it’s intoxicating! This is how you make your girl more erotic and more fun in bed: by deliberate action rather than relying on dumb luck to steer you into the theoretical “right person” who just happens to have a sexual compatibility that matches your own.

You need to mold and shape the person that you’re already with into that right person through your deliberate actions.

This is also the way to establish a position of POWER for yourself in all your relationships — a way to have women “eating out of your hand” before very long.  This is not achieved with the vinegar of nagging and begging, but with the Honey of your presenting to her a rare and unique sensuality that she’s unlikely to ever find in the arms of any other man…

It’s all done by becoming her sweetest addiction!

Guys, here’s a simple fact of life:

Dj’s get all the girls!

But here’s the real question… is it possible for YOU to learn how to possess this same kind of mojo and peel some of this action off for yourself?

A few years ago, I got into DJ’ing as a hobby.  As someone who used to love playing video games, and who loves music even more, it was like a perfect marriage.  Something about composing fun mixes on a device that’s basically a Fisher Price toy for grown up boys… many nights were spent figuring out how to pump out the jams on my VCI-300.

For most nascent DJ’s, the first few months are solitary.  There were nights when I’d be up until 3 or 4 AM, learning the songs, the points to come in and out, which songs worked well with which songs.  Like the mad scientist who made the accidental discovery that sulfur is the missing ingredient to make rubber pliable,  I’d never have guessed that “Take On Me” and “In Da Club” blend together perfectly, until I was playing around with 89-92 bpm songs late one winter night.

The first few performances are nerve-wracking, and going from bedroom DJ, to performer… it’s all about being able to pay attention to the crowd and having the sense to know if you need to loop the chorus one more time because they’re loving it so much, or if it’s time to totally change things up.

And when you start to get really good… when you drop 5, 10, 20 songs in a row, and EVERY one of them hits because you’re just that tuned into the crowd, and they’re just that tuned into you, well… the girls want to be a part of the magic you’re creating.  Once she’s behind the booth, there are a ton of little tricks you can do, games you can play, easy ways to “teach her” how to DJ (and sneak in a kiss along the way).  But it all starts with those lonely 3AM practice sessions.

At an abstract level, digital DJ’ing isn’t too different than playing video games.  You practice hitting a bunch of buttons in succession, and moving some analog controllers, in order to get something on your computer screen to do something you want it to do.

But there are three significant differences.

1.) DJ’ing is creative. Perhaps not as much of an art form as songwriting, but it’s YOUR expression, good or bad.  Video games aren’t about creating, they’re about consuming; in this case, consuming the problems sets and reaction tests that the developers have created for you.

2.) Once you step beyond the bedroom, DJ’ing is a social hobby. You’re out performing in front of people, engaged with people, and showing them a good time.  Video Games are generally anti-social, and while the Wii, Xbox Live and Farmville have gone a long ways to making them more social activities, they’re generally things you do with no more than a few other people while you’re sitting on a couch.

3.) DJ’ing is so active that it’s inter-active. High energy levels, people dancing… it’s very different from the more relaxed nature of gaming.  And yes, I know that Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 can be hair-raising if you’re playing it, but if you’re just watching two of your friends try the air cover mission again and again, it’s only a few points more exciting than Friends reruns.

Now listen, I don’t want to hate on video games.  Plants Vs. Zombies led to two of the most enjoyable wasted days of my life.  But I do want to point out how two activities with similar “mechanics” can have profoundly different effects on your attractiveness.  Whether you’re a DJ, an avid gamer, or neither, this stuff falls under a term we call Passive Value.   It’s how a woman would describe you to her friends.

Like it or not, there are some elements of passive value that are more attractive than others.  In general…

- someone who Creates is more attractive someone who Consumes.

- someone who is Social is more attractive than someone who is Solitary.

And the guys who are “9’s and 10’s” – the guys every woman wants – they tend to score highly in the passive value category.  Even a dirt-poor man can score major points if his photography is a thing of beauty.

One way of thinking about all of this might be to call it “lifestyle”, but the way the term is used in the dating community it has a rather narrow definition. This isn’t merely about whether you have a lot of friends or not.  Passive Value is a lot broader… and a lot more reflective of who YOU are as a person.

And it’s merely one of the elements of attractiveness that you’re going to learn how to expand dramatically in my Unbreakable program.  Unbreakable lays out a blueprint on how to become a 9 or a 10 in the eyes of women… so much so that your confidence becomes natural and instinctive… so that you won’t just “get” attraction from her, but that she’ll BE ATTRACTED to you.  Take a look:

Unbreakable

We get fantastic testimonials every day… if you look on my Facebook wall today, you’d see the guy who wrote this:

“Hey Nick and Christian, I just want to say Unbreakable totally changed my life. Three thumbs up!”

I know you’re gonna love it.

Christian Hudson
Author: B4UTXTHER, Conquer Your Campus, Becoming Unbreakable

So after this brief but enlightening exchange of pleasantries you turn away and ignore her.  You then spot the girl a few minutes later while up at the counter checking out, but now she won’t even look at you — or she gives you that quick “too bad” look and vanishes into the parking lot.  A few minutes later while driving back home you think to yourself… “Geez, was that chick flirting with me or what?…”

And so it goes… another unlikely SURPRISE chance to hook up with a hot little number shot down the tubes.  All because you either forgot in the moment or don’t actually even know how to respond to a sudden flirt that sneaks up on you.  Hey, been there my friend… this used to happen to me ALL the time! Not all that frequently mind you (ha!… I wish) — but whenever I DID happen to stumble across a surprise flirt like this the result was always the same… down in flames!

That’s because my response to a flirt that sandbagged me was always predictable: complete and total lock-up. A perfectly juicy opportunity lost forever — something to grit my teeth over later on that night when I think about it over and over again, wondering what I could’ve done differently.

I have thought about this problem in depth and I’ve tried to look at it logically and without emotion as much as possible.  Here’s what I think: that a lot of this failure to engage can be chalked up to simple DISBELIEF even more than fear. Disbelief in the sense that by the time the gravity of the situation sinks in past my cynical BS filter and I realize… “hey, this chick is flirting with me!” the magical moment is gone and the opportunity lost.

I talk in my books about how your best chances to meet great women will often seem to happen “out of the blue” when you least expect them.  This is why I believe that an absolutely critical social skill when it comes to being good with women is the ability to switch mental gears and spring into action at the VERY FIRST SIGN that a chick might dig you!  Don’t waste time pondering why this could be happening or anything else, just act!  Go ahead and connect with her FIRST and get her number or e-mail or whatever you can, and THEN sort out all your anxieties later.  You know, all those useless academic questions such as: “would this girl be compatible with me”, or “what’s wrong with her that she’s flirting with me?…”

Alright then, with this basic idea now firmly established let me share a few of my thoughts on this ONE particular maddening aspect of gaming women: the surprise flirt.

1)  Don’t Freeze-Up wondering why YOU could be her guy. The single biggest killer in this situation is hesitation.  Like so much of the sport of gaming women, timing is everything.  However, in this situation minutes don’t matter, SECONDS matter.  When a chick opens a sudden flirt you literally have a window of opportunity available to you that’s measured in mere seconds.  You should almost see a ten second counter open up over her head that immediately begins running down  9….8….7…. to remind you of how little time you have to act in a way that plays perfectly off her opening volley.

The big mental block here is a defeatist self-image of yourself as not being “flirting material” or “worthy” like Wayne and Garth or whatever.  But while you’re wondering why a chick this cute would actually be flirting with a lowlife such as yourself, precious seconds are tick, tick, ticking away -- and with it goes your chance to score a number!

Therefore:

MAJOR FLIRTING RULE #1: If she’s not immediately seeing the reaction that she was hoping to see from you, (that you are socially skilled enough to respond to a flirt) the woman will almost always take this as an immediate rejection!  Once that happens she will pull back (I’ve actually seen them physically snap back) and the flirt is OVER.  Women have no tolerance for rejection, and will rarely ever try to bull their way through it like a guy would.  Therefore, you must be very careful to seem IMMEDIATELY open and accepting of her offer to flirt around with you, and take up the verbal volley with good humor!

MAJOR FLIRTING RULE #2: You never know what any other person in the world considers to be their “type”, so don’t let the question of what “she” might see in lil’ ol’ “you” even cross your mind for an instant.  Who cares?  You’ve seen tons of hot chicks hooked up with gross, grubby dudes, haven’t you?  Just accept her judgement and GO WITH IT!  No over-thinking of what’s going on — no suspicion of motives, no paranoia, no disbelief. None of that junk must be allowed to intrude into your mind at this critical moment when you’re “on the clock”.  That crap will only result in a freeze-up, and once that happens it’s game-over.

2)  A Sudden Flirt is always your chance to shine. It doesn’t matter if your silly little joke is lame or if your words are stuttering or smooth (or even exactly WHAT you say to her) — the important thing is that you are attempting to react to her gift of a flirt in a positive way that reflects those good feelings right back at her.  You are playing the game!  Your willingness to pick up a flirt speaks volumes about yourself… and it’s all good stuff! It says that you are active socially (and therefore something of a catch), that you have good self-esteem, you’re pleasant around people AS A REFLEX, and so on.

This is the best way to communicate these sorts of qualities to women… with your ACTIONS rather than your bragging BS words!

Think of it this way: you’ve been given the opportunity to put yourself over with a deliberate charm rather than being forced to apply a load of “pick up artist” blather — and you should always SEIZE this type of chance with enthusiasm because they doesn’t come by too often.  A woman initiating a flirt is taking a big personal risk to give you a fat GO signal in the only way that she knows how — admittedly a bit awkward and the entire “surprise” thing is somewhat unfair — but unfairness ABOUNDS throughout the universe of man-woman affairs of the heart.  Why should this aspect of it be any different?

3)  Let Her “Win” the Flirt.  Remember, SHE started this and so it’s HER play. That means if you pick up her flirt and give it right back in a fun and friendly way, then SHE WINS! By that I mean you’ve confirmed her charm as a woman… she “won” your male attention!  Get it?  This sort of thing is thrilling to a woman and puts her in an instant happy / satisfied mood from which you can naturally be expected to seek to want to get together with her again soon.  It plays into all her most dreamy “chick flick” fantasies!

Anyway, once you’ve spread around the good vibes you should then…

4)  Follow Up Immediately. Get her name and number and pop it straight into your cellphone, or use a low-tech pen and scrap of paper… whatever you have to do to make it possible to hook up with her again before she forgets about you or has second thoughts.  Even better, offer to meet her somewhere within the next 1-3 days at some “happening” place… a nightclub, corner bar, a nearby special event, the local bowling alley, whatever.  Whatever fits YOUR particular style and is centered around a place that you would normally frequent and know something about.  Figure out what this actual place should be IN ADVANCE and have it stored in your noggin always ready to whip out and use at key moments like these!

Don’t overthink this: simply INVITE (don’t “ask” and especially don’t beg!) her to meet you at XYZ Club this Friday night… you know they have great steamed clams or killer Buffalo wings, etc.  Make it a safe, public venue that you would usually hang out at… somewhere she would certainly know about if she lives in the area.  Invite her to meet you there for a drink or a coffee or to watch you play softball.  “You seem very charming (cool, fun-loving)” is all you need to say.

Simple words spoken WHERE THEY ARE WELCOME will rock her world!

Inviting her out to a public party spot also has the added benefit of making you seem like a social, happening guy — rather than nervously asking for her “magic 7 digits” like some porn-bookmarking nerd.  Tantalizing a woman to JOIN YOUR WORLD as opposed to doing you a favor by even agreeing to see you again makes a rockin’ statement about your High Male Status! Such impressions may be unspoken and subliminal, but this is what makes them so psychologically powerful as well.

So in review, DON’T EVER WONDER “WHY ME?” — LET HER WIN THE FLIRT — HAVE A STANDARD PLAN FOR FURTHER CONTACT. Write these simple but effective rules for responding to a flirt down on a card and stick them onto your bathroom mirror so you can stare at them every morning hovering right next to your heinous, unflirtable mug.  This will drive these concepts deep into your brain so that the next time you get hit with a surprise flirt from some little hottie pumping gas into her Mercedes right next to you, you’ll be able to react cooly and professionally within seconds.

Almost as swift as the glint of lust sparkling in her eyes!

A year later Bobby is 3, and grandma is visiting.  Bobby decides to run out of the bathroom after his bath and surprise grandma… make her laugh and be silly.  But today it’s Bobby who’s in for the surprise, because when grandma sees him running towards her au naturel with his ding dong happily bouncing around, she gets an angry look on her face which stops him cold.  She scolds him, “Shame on you Bobby, go put some clothes on!”.  Bobby is confused.  Mom and dad never said anything like that to him.  They never yelled at Bobby for being a silly poo-poo head.  As far as he was concerned, there was no real difference between wearing clothes and not wearing them anyway, right?

So what’s wrong with grandma anyway?  Why is she making Bobby feel so bad about being naked all of a sudden?  “You shouldn’t run around like that, it’s not right…” grandma scolds.  Bobby looks to his parents, moving around in the kitchen getting dinner ready, for some support.  “Mom?” he asks quizzically.  But now both his parents have funny looks on their faces too, adding to Bobby’s dismay.  Mom quickly grabs Bobby by the hand and takes him upstairs and gets him into his PJ’s.  Now when he comes back, grandma is happy again.  But why?  What was the big deal about being naked?

Soon, anytime Bobby thinks about running around the house naked, he gets a funny, uncomfortable feeling inside of him that he doesn’t like.  This strange bad feeling goes away if he puts his clothes back on.  And he would never, ever dream of running around the house naked in front of grandma again… that’s for sure!

Soon, he won’t be comfortable doing it in front of his parents either, and they seem to be okay with that.  They never want to play ‘chase my poo-poo bottom with the camcorder’ any more anyway.  Oh well…

Welcome to Behavioral Modification 101.

This is of course a very common story that every parent has faced at some point in their children’s development, seemingly straightforward… but do you see what really just happened here?  Little Bobby has just learned to associate the emotion of SHAME with the act of being naked in front of others.  In the coming years, he will also learn that it’s shameful to touch himself “down there” in public, nor to let anyone look at him when he’s in the bathroom on the toilet, and then even in the bathtub.  Things are sure becoming different around here.

Now, Bobby’s new sense of modesty certainly may not be considered anything close to being toxic, but he’ll have plenty of opportunity for that to happen as the years roll by.  The development of a sense of shame is normal and healthy when it serves to set appropriate boundaries for our actions at various stages in our evolution from toddler to adult.  Shame endows our flowering sense of ego-dominated identity with a certain humility that guides our interactions with other individuals.  It helps us learn to take on more and more responsibility for our actions by slowly becoming aware of how they affect everyone else around us.  We discover empathy in this way.

It’s important to understand that the mechanism of shame is mainly one of association, that is, we learn to associate the unpleasant sensation of being ashamed with behaviors that society wishes for us to control or suppress in some way.  Shame is commonly wielded by parents to control the behavior of adolescents, but it is most certainly used against adults as well.  Morals and values and the boundaries of acceptable public and private behavior are all “taught” to us by way of inducing shameful experiences at some point in our lives in order to make them “sink in”.

To a certain extent this is okay, but the deadly vise-grip of deeply internalized shame can become stifling over time and fully degenerate into a form known as toxic. Toxic shame occurs when we are exposed – either physically or emotionally – in a way that repeatedly diminishes us in the presence of others, and especially in situations where we are not prepared to experience such an exposure.

How pervasive are the effects of toxic shame?

Well, humiliation is an extreme form of toxic shame that is so awful, men will put their lives in jeopardy in order to avoid experiencing it or to avenge it.  Physical violence and murders routinely are committed due to violations of shame boundaries.  Emotionally rigid cultures like the Japanese partake in a form of ritual suicide called hara-kiri to absolve themselves of toxic shame or the so-called “loss of face”… choosing the extreme action killing oneself to restore honor to themselves and their family name — rather than continuing to live a “faceless” existence.  And most devastating of all, almost every form of addictive behavior has its roots in the desperate need of the afflicted individual to escape from an overwhelming sense of shame that he or she feels has completely consumed them.

You see, it’s when shame begins to exceed its normal function within our minds, i.e. to provide us with a sense of humility that grounds our identity somewhere between God and the lower beasts, that it begins to create problems.  Usually this happens either through some unrelenting source (i.e., constant harassment by parent or peers), or by way of an isolated or even continuous traumatic event.  Such repeated shaming events re-enforce themselves over and over and can continue to haunt us for a lifetime.

The most powerful counter force to toxic shame is Self-Compassion and Self-Awareness. Part of the dysfunction of shame is manifested in a tendency for us to be way too hard on ourselves — continuing the desire for self-punishment… taking up the mantle of past tormentors.  Just knowing about the effects of shame and becoming aware of how it might be pervasive in out lives is a powerful tool for its’ eventual destruction.  That’s because one of the great strengths of an over-inflated sense of shame has to do with it’s stealth.  The fact that you don’t comprehend how deeply it’s affecting you allows it to continue to operate unchecked within your mind, silently creating shyness or rage or depression or all manner of other emotionally addictive-type behaviors that could be ruining your life.

This is why we always seek the safe harbor self-awareness: because simply being aware of these hidden subconscious monsters and what they are doing to us drags them out into the bright light of our logical and rational consciousness… where they will often burn up under the heat of reason like vampires in the sunlight.  You can begin your own journey to freedom by doing the self-examination and inner work that will lead you to this elevated state of self-awareness.  Once you are able to “step outside yourself” and see yourself and your deepest motivations from a larger and more objective viewpoint, you will be firmly on the road to self-discovery and permanent inner healing.

This anxious reaction in guys facing this sort of situation is more common than you might imagine.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it any easier to live through for some of us.  After all, you are preparing yourself to stand psychologically “naked” before some girl and expose your (possibly shame-bound) desires to her.  So some level of fear must be normal, you would think, right?  But THIS intense?  So terrifying that I can’t speak or even MOVE?!

So the real question is this: how do you distinguish between the common and quite rational fear of being rejected by a woman, and the more complex issue of chronic love shyness?

Here’s a little test: do you find it’s impossible to engage a woman with romantic intent even when she’s sending you “GO” signals all over the place with obvious body language cues, or unmistakable flirtatious behavior?  If she’s making it so perfectly clear that she’s NOT going to reject you, then what’s there to be afraid of?

Well, what you could be afraid of is revealing to her your very secretly shamed need for affection.  See, at some point in your life you were made to feel ashamed whenever you expressed a desire for love and affection, and it caused this very basic (and normal) human desire to become shame-bound, i.e., linked to the sensation of shame so that you could not experience one without feeling the other along with it. A shamed emotion is perceived as painful, alien and strange — and therefore must always be kept hidden from view of others!

Shame like this can become so overwhelming that it becomes known as toxic.

Now sometimes the misery of shame-induced love shyness can be temporarily suppressed with the use of drugs, food or alcohol.  This is the reason people become deeply addicted: because focus on the addictive behavior allows them distraction from the underlying pain, as well as creating some degree of freedom to experience the emotion shamelessly for awhile.  Think of how YOU act when you get too drunk or high.  Pawing every girl in sight at the bar?  That’s because the emotion we most often seek to express when uninhibited by drugs is the one which is the most tightly bound by shame when sober.

The first thing that you need to understand insofar as turning this situation around for yourself is that knowledge is power. Simply having your eyes opened to the mechanics of love shyness and how it has been adversely affecting your life can become a powerful tool for dismantling it.  Knowing and understanding that your shame-bound emotions are something that was done TO you, and is not really YOU (i.e. an permanent aspect of your personality) is an enormous revelation in itself… one that holds vast potential for jump-starting your personal growth almost immediately.

A second weapon you should have in your arsenal against love shyness is what psychologists call desensitization.  This idea makes use of the natural tenancy of the mind to adapt to anything after a while and become bored with it.  What bores us becomes psychologically invisible and eventually gets taken for granted, and when that happens the emotion in question loses its potential to generate any kind of strong response within us, either good or bad.  I mean, an event or experience that provokes no emotion is the very definition of boring, right?

So how do we turn an intense fear of rejection into something that actually bores us?  Try this experiment in personal growth (and mind-over-matter) for yourself: next time you have an opportunity to talk to an attractive woman, even in some non-romantic situation (like work or school), begin to think about asking her out on a date. Really try to do this seriously and not just as a joke in your own mind.  You’re REALLY going to ask her out in five more seconds and reveal to her your shameful need for affection by blushing like a five year old.  Yikes!

If you can do this mental exercise with the sort of intense focus that makes it real within your consciousness, you should begin to feel that familiar fear begin to swell in your chest and choke your throat closed.  Now you’re getting it!

Now here’s the important part: try to HOLD yourself in this uncomfortable state for as long as you can before you excuse yourself and slip away.  Make your retreat calm and sociable and with good humor… don’t just bolt away in panic to the nearest john and start puking! Relax, no one knows what’s going on inside your head except you.  This is the important ‘inner work’ of self-change and personal growth that you are now undertaking.

The trick now becomes to repeat these “near-shame approaches” as often as you can find the opportunity to do so in order for the desensitization to really begin to take effect.  You should push yourself a little closer to opening your mouth and actually speaking the terrifying words “…would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?…” in order to provoke those feelings of intense fear and “shy guy” paralysis that normally haunt you.  By raising the psychological bar like this one small but significant notch at a time, you are slowly making it more and more difficult for the love shyness to take over and set off all those humiliating physical anxiety reactions that you hate so much… things like sweating, nervousness, the squeaky little-kid voice, etc.

Keep this self-restructuring process up for several weeks at least — just whenever you can manage to run a mentally-simulated “approach”.  In essence what you’re doing is toying with your love shyness now… poking and teasing it by deliberately getting close to performing the frightening activity that draws the shameful feelings up out of where they hide deep within your unconscious mind, and forcing them to run their routine for you on demand.

What will happen is that the feelings of shyness will begin to exhaust themselves after a while — especially if you stay determined and keep “false-alarming” them regularly whenever possible.  Each time there will be some degree of mental discomfort to suffer through, and that’s good!  The amazing magic starts to become apparent when after a while, you find that you have to keep getting closer and closer to the edge of actually speaking the words before you can get the fear to bubble up inside your gut.

Now you’re beginning to cripple your love shyness!

Each time that you drag the fearful feelings up it’s like using mental sandpaper to scratch them down to a smaller and smaller nub.  With such frequent and repeated “sanding” your despised veneer of shyness will soon become thinner and less powerful in its grip over you.  One day you’ll find that you can actually go right through the entire routine FOR REAL and ask a girl out on a real date… and without hardly feeling any nervousness about it in the least!

I know that caught in the grip of your fears right now this may all seem impossible to conceive of even as you are reading this… but the techniques of desensitization DO work wonders.  They are commonly used by psychotherapists everywhere to cure seriously anxious people of some very strong phobias, such as a pathological fear of flying, leaving the safety of their home, driving across tall bridges, etc.  So you can surely do this with a “lightweight” phobia such as fear of rejection without much help beyond your own determination and by using the techniques that I just showed you.

Your defeated love shyness will simply give up and go away before long… too exhausted to torment you any longer.

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Copyright 2010 by Mike Pilinski

For guys especially shyness can be socially devastating because it makes it virtually impossible for you to make that first ‘revealing move’ around women… the sort of action that can signal your possible romantic interest in her.  This puts you at a major disadvantage on the romantic playing field because, if you are always “turtling-up” into this ego-protective mode, then you are certainly not connecting with anyone!

That said, here are 7 key pointers about becoming more social that every shy person should thoroughly understand:

1)  While shyness can sometimes be considered “cute” in women it is absolutely deadly for men. Here’s why: because appearing or acting shy is a bright red signal flare of low male status.  It’s an indication that you have been ‘put in your place’ by the other men in your world — that they have cowered and bossed and mocked you into submission, and now it makes itself visible for all to see in your shy behavior.

Now perhaps you’ve been able to create an aura of accomplishment and respectability around yourself in your professional (non-romantic) life that gives you some shielding from the worst of your shyness — but these defenses quickly lose their power when it comes to being judged worthy of romantic possibility by women.  Females have a unique power to pierce and destroy the pretenses established at great cost and effort by men — and it’s the thought of coming face-to-face with this awesome power from which a lot of your rejection-fearing shyness probably arises in the first place.

2)  Most people actually HATE being around a shy person. Why?  Because demonstrating shyness has the effect of causing many people’s OWN latent shy feelings to come bubbling up to the surface (and everyone has a little bit of shyness lurking in them somewhere for this to play on…).  “He’s always acting so shy, he starts to make ME feel shy… I hate that!” What you are doing is (unwittingly) engaging in a subtle psychological practice called MODELING.  When we model certain actions and behaviors in front of others they tend to unconsciously pick them up and mimic them, especially if there’s a wall of formality still existing between people (i.e., total strangers) and therefore a bit of nervousness involved in their behaviors towards one another.

Test this out for yourself: next time you are face-to-face with someone and you both have drinks in front of you for instance, watch how many times you can pick up your drink, or toy with the straw or something, and the other person will almost immediately begin doing the exact same thing without even thinking about it.  That’s modeling! Now if you are aware of what you’re doing and purposeful in your actions, it’s possible to have people copying your behaviors and attitudes all over the place.  These are actually common politician’s and salesman’s tricks that you can borrow and use to your advantage if you, again, are purposeful and can practice living outside of your own head a little bit.

3)  Roll over all small embarrassments and make nothing of them. Much of your shyness has to do with being too inwardly-directed — simply meaning that you tend to dwell too much on what’s going on inside your own “thought cloud” rather than being fully engaged within your surrounding environment.  The typical shy person has a tendency to assign too much importance to every little thing that he does or every little move that he makes.  Stop this right now by getting out of your head in any way that you can manage to do so.  Focus more on modeling and controlling your “puppets” if you must!

4)  Stop obsessing over every little thing that you might feel like saying — essentially pre-editing yourself out of many good conversations before they can even begin! I used to do this all the time: pre-judging and PRE-REJECTING everything that I was about to say before the words ever made it out of me.  You feel like others are constantly judging your thoughts and ideas every second of the day, and this kind of intense scrutiny — imaginary or not — is difficult to hold up under.  It’s little wonder that you are reluctant to speak up!  I think this is why introverts find people to be more a source of stress to them rather than of comfort.  It’s also one of the major reasons why being social may feel like such a chore for you, when it can often seem like such a breeze to most everyone else.

The sad part is that the entire underlying dynamic causing this pre-rejecting response (i.e., the intense scrutiny of others) doesn’t even exist in actuality.  It’s entirely in your mind for the most part, and you are merely projecting all this garbage onto others and seeing what really isn’t there. This is a form of paranoia, but it’s also a form of arrogance as well.  Arrogance?  That’s right: after all, what makes YOU so special that everyone is always watching YOU and everything that you are doing all the time?  Why do YOU deserve such constant observation?  Well you don’t, and you aren’t getting any! This is all what’s known as ‘magical thinking’, and it’s an error in cognition that you need to address and overcome.

5)  Shyness is a distortion of our natural sense of shame — which has gone off the rails and become associated with emotions that are not inherently shameful. Shame is the master controller emotion of the entire human race and has been used as such throughout history.  It is wielded as a psychological bludgeon by societies, parents, religions (they are experts!…) and almost every other sort of collective gathering of people to steer individual behaviors towards some commonly accepted norm.  Most of us would not walk around naked in public for instance, because we would be ashamed to do so.

But do we have some sort of natural instinct that makes us feel weird and uncomfortable about walking around publicly naked?  Not necessarily, we were TAUGHT at some young age to keep our clothes on and our private parts covered around others by our parents.  This was a “rule” they imposed at some appropriate moment, and they likely had to make us feel ashamed about our nakedness at some point in our development in order to get us to comply with this rule.  Once scolded and “embarrassed” about it, our desire to be naked in public then became shame bound — that is, the feeling of shame was successfully linked to this idea of wanton exhibitionism in order to inhibit the desire.  It therefore became impossible to experience this desire without feeling ashamed about it! The two sensations became tightly linked (bound) at the deepest levels of our consciousness.

When shame becomes associated or “bound” to the wrong sorts of emotions however (like our natural human need to feel affection for instance) it can make us unable to experience these particular emotions in the absence of the shame.  And because shame is so uncomfortable to experience, we will usually seek to maneuver clear of this psychic pain by avoiding whatever stimulus threatens to trigger it off.  We “shy” away from such stimuli. Socializing with other people (and especially in a potentially romantic context) can unleash a Pandora’s Box of different emotions.  This is normal.  However, if any of these critical emotions have become shame-bound at some point along the way, then they cannot be experienced without the associated torment of shame being present as well.  Thus, we are made to suffer adult shyness in this sad and maddening way.

Shame that has gotten itself twisted around our normal emotions where it doesn’t belong is known as toxic. This is a large and complex subject that I talk about in my books and is really beyond the scope of this short article.  Suffice to say that toxic shame is the basis of almost every sort of addictive behavior that you can imagine — from alcohol to overeating, rage, sadness, hard drugs like cocaine or even obsessive work-aholism.  That’s because we have a powerful urge to escape from shame’s poisonous effects in whatever way that we can.  Certain things must therefore be made off limits to us and cannot be experienced as they should be.  Our spirit becomes strangled over time, and we seek to nullify this chronic pain with the distractions of our addictions.

6)  Discover the power of self-compassion to overcome chronic shame and self-hatred. Shy people are often so mentally tough on themselves that it’s no wonder they constantly act as though they’ve been cowered into submission.  They have been: by an internal cognitive monster called the Tyrannical Conscience.

Ask yourself this: who else do you HATE so badly that you would wish the same kind of monster to enter their brain and torture them as relentlessly as you torture yourself with thoughts of fear, uncertainty and inadequacy?  What?… you say that no one else deserves such cruel treatment?  Only you?  Well now there’s that good ol’ arrogance again… this idea that only YOU can be held to such high, God-like standards of performance to which you repeatedly fail to measure up (and therefore must be made to feel ashamed about).  Everyone else (all those lower class beings?…) get a pass I guess.  They get compassion, but not you.  Shame can create such thinking distortions known as grandiosity — what John Bradshaw in his great book “Healing The Shame That Binds You” calls the Disabled Will.

7)  Shyness in adults is learned behavior — essentially a bad habit. This is actually good because it means that it is possible to completely reverse your shyness!  Since the original fear which the shyness was designed to protect you against no longer exists, once the “back of your shyness is broken” it should not return.

Remember, it doesn’t matter that you may have to “trick” yourself into getting started down the road to defeating your shyness, all that matters is the final RESULT.  Actors and sports stars use similar mental tricks to get themselves up for a game or a performance, and no one gives them any grief about it.  So why can’t you do the same?

Your job as a recovering shy person is to first embrace this serious flaw in your thinking without fear and then move forward to correct it.  No anger or regret, just strength of purpose.  And lots of self-compassion for a change.

Well check this out… here are 5 Instant Confidence Boosters that can immediately help you begin appearing onto the romantic radar screens of women everywhere, ASAP:

1) The #1 mental gear-shift that can almost instantly improve your outlook on most everything and make you appear more confident to everyone involves creating a brand new mental Confidence Frame for yourself… and then plastering it all over your reality!

What am I talking about?  A confidence frame is a highly personalized LENS through which you view the world.  It’s a mental filter — a “coloring” that determines your perception OF (and reaction TO)  what’s going on in your presence.  Your confidence frame is more than just an academic exercise however, it tends to constrain what is or isn’t viewed as possible for you to achieve by setting limits beyond which you’ve convinced yourself that you cannot venture.  Your confidence frame operates by overlaying a veneer of assumptions across whatever it is that you’re witnessing — and it’s those personal limitations that determine the sorts of “safe” interactions that you can engage in with any particular situation or person.

You can think of this as the invisible boundaries defined by your fear.

Here’s how it works: two people standing side by side viewing the same reality will apply entirely different biases (assumptions) to what their seeing, and thus create completely different (even totally OPPOSITE) interpretations of that situation.  For instance, I see a girl standing there and I think that it’s possible for me to walk up to her and get a conversation going, and you think that this isn’t possible for YOU to do.  Neither one of us is actually right or wrong in a strict sense — and our “overlay of assumptions” may have little to do with our actual chances of making this happen anyway, since it cannot take into account the one big ‘unknown’… if she would even be remotely interested in either one of us!

What it DOES do however is position us to either take or withhold a particular sort of action based upon our applied bias to this neutral observation of a girl who’s just ’standing over there’.  This GO / NO-GO decision point (and you live through several of these each day) has the potential to change the trajectory of your life to some major or minor degree — depending upon what you actually decide do… make a move, or simply allow the moment to pass.

The built-up weight of these kinds of collective choices, in retrospect, are what determines where you are in your life right now — which is essentially a patchwork of all these decision points both big and small that you have made along the way.  Sure, some of the reality of your world may’ve been imposed upon you by the actions of others or by circumstances beyond your control, but a lot of it wasn’t.  It is mostly our own choice to be where we are today (even if the main “chooser” was our fear). People with a social anxiety phobia for instance have applied a strong negative bias to most every aspect of their reality, which thus colors their world through a prism of abject fear.  You should strive to stay out of this deadly trap of fear-based decision-making and begin coloring YOUR world through the lens of limitless possibility.

2)  Get all the people who “know” you as being sad, depressed or lonely OUT of your life. I’m serious.  Do whatever it takes (short of anything violent) to diminish the supporting effect they are having on the psychic MONSTERS that you are trying to flush out of your skull!

The people around you can often feel threatened by any sudden change in your attitude or physical state — especially if those changes are life-enabling for you. Such personal changes threaten to have you moving “out in front of them” in terms of where they imagine you to belong in their own personal pecking order (which is usually somewhere beneath you, of course).  I’m talking about work, school, and especially within your own family structure.  You need to begin casting a more critical eye upon these individuals and begin grading them for their usefulness to you.  Don’t assume that these people have your best intentions at heart, they often do not.

In my books I talk extensively about male status and becoming the “high status male” in order to begin attracting the kind of high quality women that you desire into your world.  People who can support you rather than drag you down.  Well, you cannot feel that you are high status in any sense of the word if you are constantly being put down by the people that surround you.  These individuals act as physical manifestations of the poisonous thinking that’s going on inside your head. They re-enforce your circular rotten thinking, and they need to go!

3)  Dump good old “schmootie” or “titso” forever. Or whatever other sort of cutesy, put-downish nickname that others may’ve stamped you with over the years.  Think about some of the more powerful and respected people that you know of.  Do they get these sorts of stupid nicknames hung on them?  Do people dare call them by it to their face… or are they afraid of the consequences?  Or maybe just too respectful? Again, as noted in confidence booster #2, this sort of thing represents all the external inertia present in your world which works against your making any sort of positive, uplifting changes in your life.  This is entirely toxic to the free and full expression of your existence.  Get rid of it! You have 2 choices here: face these people down or flee them.  Either method will work — although the first has the added benefit of improving your self-esteem enormously.

I realize that the number of people we could be talking about or the pervasiveness of their low regard for you may make this seem like an impossible task, as you could be vastly outnumbered by these agents of psychic doom.  Regardless, you must revolt against their endless tyranny and seek your own mental freedom!

4) Taking a major mulligan (a “do over”) on your life can be thought of as your next really big confidence booster… in the sense that you will ultimately walk away from such a fearful experience a VASTLY stronger person.  Especially if you’re in the 20 to 40 age range reading this right now, you will be thanking your lucky stars that you took up the challenge of personal self-change when you did because it only gets tougher as you get older and more set in your ways and attitudes.

I’m talking about seeking out a completely new circle of friends where you can finally get some emotional support.  This may mean having to discover entirely new social circles, changing schools, your place of employment, a spouse… or maybe even the radical decision to pack your bags and leave town.  It all depends on just how much importance you are willing to give this crazy idea that having some RESPECT from others (and also from somewhere deep inside your own head) is worth more than the safety and security of holding onto your current crummy life situation.

It means looking the risk of building a new life for yourself straight in the eye… and refusing to blink!

5)  Know and understand the critical importance of long-term MOTIVATION when mounting any sort of major challenge to your well-established routines and habits — and especially when trying to break out of calcified old thinking ruts.  Your brain has made subconscious assumptions about the limits of possibility for you.  It has spent a lifetime subtly directing your thoughts and behaviors in ways that create a supporting reality… thus “proving” everything it believes about you to be “true”.

These profound if poisonous self-created assumptions can get themselves buried in very deep — and can therefore take a very powerful commitment of motivation to reverse.  Attempting to just casually sweep these rooted-in ideas aside in the service of more positive ones will likely be regarded as a THREAT to the very existence of the subconscious itself… and so will be viciously resisted at every turn.  This is why it can be so difficult to remain motivated to stay at positive personal change until it finally begins to take hold, but this is the task that you must now shoulder.  Otherwise, this is a process that runs almost hypnotically and unconsciously unless you deliberately force it to STOP.

Finally, whether it’s something physical like losing weight or quitting smoking, or something completely psychological like changing your fundamental belief system, you’ll find that Courage and Self-Awareness are your best friends for remaining in the fight long enough to achieve the kind of boost in confidence that you are seeking.  Just stay true to yourself — and stay in the fight no matter what sort of blowback you encounter.  Remember that no one can prevent you from having anything that you truly desire in life.  Except you.

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And speaking of having more confidence…

You know that I just posted my entire Kick Ass Confidence 7 Part Audio Training Series up online as a totally FREE giveaway program, right?  So go listen to the entire 90 minute program for nuthin’… take a look and sign-up on the following page:

http://www.ka-confidence.com

Thanks!
~MP

A dynamic display of self-confidence can have a near magical ability to influence others and get them to RESPECT you as well — and it’s especially important for women to see men as being confident because it plays into their subconscious grading system via which they sort out the (attractive) high status males from their (less desirable) low status counterparts.

Here’s an important fact that you may not be aware of: men gain most of their natural confidence not so much by interacting with women, but by competing against one another. So your seeming LACK of it will be read by a lot of these women as a measure of your submission to these other men… professionally, financially, physically, etc.  You have apparently been made into one of their bitches and now it shows through in your shyness and lack of self-confidence!

This may not be entirely fair, but you need to understand little IS fair in the game of romance and seduction — and so it’s something that you need to factor in when it comes to getting yourself seen as being out there “on the playing field”… an important appearance that you should always try to maintain.

So in light of all this, here are 7 important confidence tips that can really help you pump-up a weak and paltry male display:

1)  Realize that most people are probably just as big a bundle of doubts and insecurities as you are, probably even more so. And especially women… and DOUBLE especially if she’s a 9 or 10! This is the ‘hidden insecurity’ phenomenon that the pick up artist’s technique known as “neg hitting” attempts to exploit, (although I myself am not a practitioner of this particular fine art, charming little sweetheart that I am)…

Regardless, understand that we are ALL fighting with these same challenges and demons… merely to different degrees.  So keep soldiering on — you are not alone in your struggles!

2) People are NOT mind readers… which means that they cannot peer into your soul and know your deepest fears at a mere glance.  So if you appear to be confident around them, then who are they NOT to believe you?  “Hey, this guy seems pretty confident in himself for some reason, so I guess I’ll go along with it…” This gives us the advantage of being able to “fake it until we make it” and pad our male display with some early bluffing until our personal change becomes more genuine and deeply integrated into our core personality.

Look, you’re probably already practicing exactly the opposite process right now when you consistently keep talking the wrong sort of internal self-talk to yourself.  You are essentially hypnotizing yourself into acting in ways that support a poor and unattractive self-image.  So if you want a better self-image, then learn to fill your head with better thoughts about yourself and your value as a person than you do now. Inner game is essentially 99% of the “secret” to coming off like the confident alpha male around women!

3) Try to always remain aware of your body language and the kinds of “plus or minus” subliminal signals about yourself that you could be broadcasting to women — they have an extremely sensitive radar for this sort of thing, and especially when it comes to men.  I’m talking about things like shoulders back, head up, solid eye contact, being at ease about casually being the first to touch someone non-offensively (an assumed HSM “privilege”).

Hey, don’t be afraid to employ a few “cheap trick” confidence tips like this next one to get some early points on the board for yourself:  For instance, if you’re still too shy to meet someone’s eye directly, then stare at their nose. Seriously, it’s an old salesman’s trick… people cannot tell the different between someone staring at the bridge of their nose and someone who’s looking them straight in the eye.  Try it today and see for yourself.  (And also take note the more positive reaction that you are pulling from people as well… The power of confidence!)

4) If you see yourself as being confident in your own mind, then you will give off a confident “vibe” about yourself without even being aware of it. This has to do with the inability of the human mind to distinguish between common everyday reality and a richly-imagined fantasy.  Your imagination is the gateway to achieving feelings of deep self-worth, so learn how to use it to “fool” your subconscious mind into seeing yourself in a stronger frame. What you are looking to do is create an emotion more overwhelming than your fear.  This will allow you to begin seeing the people around you differently, while having them view YOU differently as well.

It’s from this shift in subliminal vibes that new social opportunities will soon begin to appear all around you — and your shiny new cloak of unstoppable confidence will be the power that drives it forward!

5) Never worry about having to “back up” your confidence — almost no one ever has to do this.  People see you acting confidently and that’s just the way it is, they simply accept it.  Rarely will anyone challenge you to “prove” it (prove what?).  It’s only those guys who really insist on pressing what a tough guy they are that eventually end up in fights.  This isn’t confidence, it’s bravado.  Like having a fat ‘tell’ in poker.

Look, there’s no shame in trying to change whatever poor thinking it is that’s currently holding you back from participating fully in the game of love and romance, so don’t worry about any of this high-minded BS.  These are just mental red herrings designed to keep you distracted from making serious personal change in your life.  No one can know what you are doing in the privacy of your own mind, and it’s none of their business anyway – so feel free to imagine your way straight into a better life!

6) Get good at something that makes you look cool and/or powerful and competent and show it off somehow (guitar hero anyone?… just kidding .  Seriously.  Why not strive to become skilled at some type of activity, trade, sport or even a cool hobby like rock climbing to help yourself attract women?  Start with some modest demonstration of your prowess and just keep playing it up.  Soon you’ll begin to gather a following of closer friends and maybe even a few fans as well.  (Just don’t “pied-piper” them all into the jungle one day and have them sample your specially formulated kool-aid…!)

7)  Surrender the Self-Hatred and let your spirit fly! Give up once and for all on the misguided belief that your station in life is somehow genetically or culturally imposed upon you, and that you are permanently stuck right where you are.  That’s Middle Age-going-nowhere sort of thinking.  What it really is, is self-hatred keeping you locked in its “hopeless and helpless victim” trap.  It performs this little feat by making any other alternative life-path seem impossible for you to achieve, which is utter nonsense of course.

Take a chance to prove this to yourself today by challenging your fear in some significant way.  Get mad at your fear, take it on! Don’t let these powerful ideas that I’m giving you just go in one ear and out the other… use them!

I think that confidence, to finally describe it, is nothing more than an overriding assumption that things will always go your way in the end… no matter what. But this won’t happen for you until you get out there and demonstrate to yourself that new and vastly different possibilities really can exist… for YOU. Once you achieve this absolutely critical cognitive breakthrough (called, duh… “belief and motivation”…) you’ll finally be able to take those first few baby steps towards massive personal change…

And at that point, believe it or not, the hardest part of the entire journey will already be behind you.

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And speaking of having more confidence…

I just put my brand new Kick Ass Confidence 7 Part Audio Training Series up online as a totally FREE giveaway program.  That’s right, you can now listen to the entire 90 minute program for free.  Just sign-up on the following page:

http://www.ka-confidence.com

And you’ll get the links for each of the 7 lessons e-mailed to you at 3 day intervals.  This gives you time to listen to each one and perform the little homework assignments before the next part arrives.  It’s a more disciplined way to learn, prevents overwhelm and REALLY WORKS!  Give it a try, and I thank you for your support.  And be sure to spread the word to any of your interested friends who could use a little extra shot of self-confidence. 

~MP

For now, just this quick announcement concerning the RE-release of my classic “Tome of the PUA Arts”: Without Embarrassment — which I am very pleased to be presenting to you today as a newly upgraded version… IN PRINT!

The books themselves look absolutely beautiful as expected: 6×9 glossy softcover, 300 pages and very professionally produced via Amazon.com’s CreateSpace print-on-demand system.  I’m very proud to be unveiling Without Embarrassment to the world once again in this classy format. E-books may be the future but hey, it’s nice to be able to kick back on the recliner now and then and get away from the computer with a good book!

Both Without Embarrassment and She’s Yours For The Taking are reasonably priced at $24.95 — and I set up a discount code for you to use in celebration of this mini- launch.  Simply go to my Createspace storefront…

…and type in the Discount Code: B9XALS5F at checkout to receive a 10% savings off the cover price!

(For you guys who have a One-Click already setup at Amazon and would rather buy directly through them, you can pull up the book listing right here)

(The discount code does NOT work through Amazon unfortunately.  But you’ve got both options to choose from.)

If you’d like to look over 10 or 15 pages selected at random from the e-book (which is EXACTLY the same content now as the printed book) you can read through some pages posted on the site.  Here’s the link for that (give this page a few seconds to load — these are screen-captured images off the Adobe Reader):

You may also wish to take a peek at the stack of TESTIMONIALS that have coming flying in here over the years for Without Embarrassment…

Finally, take a moment to pop back over to the main page and you’ll see that I’ve chopped the price of the 2 book Combo Pack (the e-book versions) all the way down to $27 bucks from $67 — which is a super-duper crazy Eddie type deal.  I’m now offering my 2 audio programs ‘Dealing With Your Fear of Rejection’ and ‘Kick Ass Confidence’ as separate upsell items for only an extra $10 bucks — which now gives you the option to add them to the books to create the complete “HSM Total Training Package!

Thanks again for all your great support and your inspiring words over the past decade — as always I deeply appreciate all of it!

P.S.  If you decide to order from Amazon.com please DO take a moment to come back after you’ve read the book and leave an honest review for me.  I need reviews!

The early users of the internet imagined that it was going to be like some kind of cyber-version of an old hippie commune where people would all just peacefully co-exist and take care of each other, and there would be no conflict and you would live a simple but fulfilling life.  There would be no need for money or anything — everyone would just share everything and be cool about it.  No one would try to out-do anyone else.

Everybody would just play nice and be happy!  Right.

This was the early internet, if any of you missed it.  I remember people writing me nasty e-mails scolding me for charging an outrageous price ($24.95, or… $12.50 if you promised to write me a testimonial…) for an e-book.  NO eeeeeee-book should be priced more than $10.  Why? Because there’s nothing to ship! Or even print for that matter!  You fuckin’ crook!

Oh yeah, dems were the days.  Now many of you are hard to reach, lost in your tweets and crawling your Facebook walls.  That’s cool, things change.  If any of you out there have read either of my books and feel that they genuinely helped you get your head straight about women and your life, remember to give me a mention among your friends.  I appreciate it.

And we will all energize our positive karma man, just like on the commune. 

Anyway, this apparently senseless post you’re now reading is actually just a quick update concerning the impending re-release of my book Without Embarrassment in the coming week or so… in it’s second printed version!  Yes that’s right… as you may recall, WE was first published in print during early 2004 in response to a never-ending stream of requests from readers of the e-book who wanted something that they could highlight and re-read and bend the pages over and, well, just treat like a book.

For a variety or reasons though, I was never all that thrilled with some of the technical aspects of the print-on-demand process — which was very new at the time — and therefore didn’t push the books much.  All that has changed with the big improvements they’ve made in the POD field lately.

Especially with the recent softcover release of my second book She’s Yours For The Taking a few weeks ago, I feel much better about the technical quality of the print-on-demand, bookmaking process.  If you’ve seen SYFT in print I’m sure you’ll agree that the books look absolutely great.  Solid printing, easy to read, beautiful.  So I finally got of my duff and got Without Embarrassment re-formatted for printing.  This 2010 version is actually the latest re-write of the manuscript and now matches the current e-book version — which was re-written in spots and tightened up (shortened) by about 10,000 words back in 2008.

So in celebration of this milestone, I dug up a couple of the older covers that once graced Without Embarrassment — you may have seen these floating around the net.  The original island girl is still my favorite:

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2006 Revision 5.0

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First Printing 2004

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If the ability to make a woman laugh was such a huge turn-on, then wouldn’t stand-up comedians get laid more than rock stars?  We all know guys with a “class clown” personality who are constantly saying hilarious things, and they’re usually the LAST guys to hook up.  Women find them amusing, but don’t feel any sexual attraction to them.  So wtf?

Here’s the truth.  When women say they love a sense of humor, what they really mean is they love the deeper ATTITUDE that a sense of humor points to.  Guys who are funny, playful and nonchalant around women — and even better, can bust on women and tease them a little — are obviously confident and in control of their reality.

These guys don’t look to women for approval.  They don’t radiate anxiety.  They never seem like they NEED to get a woman’s phone number or hook up with her.

This goes back to two main PUA principles:

1. Women love men who present a challenge.
2. Women are fascinated by men who are “in demand” and obviously have other romantic/sexual options.

Women, by nature, are jealous and competitive when it comes to men. Give her the sense that she’ll have to step up and WIN you away from other women, and the game is on!  A playful, somewhat cocky guy radiates this attitude.  Having this attitude means you’ve got to stop second-guessing yourself. You’ve got to squash that little voice in your head that tells you why you SHOULDN’T approach that girl, or try to get to the next level with her.

The average guy takes himself WAY too seriously when it comes to women — he’s constantly asking himself unnecessary questions:

“Does this shirt look good on me?”
“Is she going to get annoyed if I walk up and talk to her?”
“What if she has a boyfriend?”
“Where should I take her on a date?”
“What if we run out of things to talk about?”
“If I ask for her phone number, will she think I’m some  stalker?”
“Is it too soon to try to touch her?”

When you allow your brain to fire off these questions, it DESTROYS your ability to be fun, spontaneous and playful. You’re allowing yourself to be preoccupied by unimportant details, when you SHOULD be asking yourself questions that boost your confidence and remind you to stay sharp and on top of your game.  Your internal questions should sound more like this:

“This girl is cute, but is she interesting enough for me to date?’
“Is she smart and funny enough to hold a conversation with me?”
“What can I teach this girl, that she’d never learn from the average guy?”
“What should I mention about myself, to really make this girl curious about me?”
“How far am I going to take this tonight, and what’s my plan?”

This resets your frame of mind to give you the sense of power and being in control, rather than being the poor beggar worrying about how others perceive you, and this shines through (either negatively or positively) in your attitude.

Now, in terms of the verbal questions that you ask women, you’ve also got to learn how to “spin” them to make them most effective.  For instance, when you’re first moving on a girl, and you make a request that she can simply say “no” to, chances are that she will indeed say NO!…

Him: Can I buy you a drink?
Her:  No.
Him: Can I have your number?
Her:  No.
Him: Can I kiss you?
Her:  No.
Him: Want to go back to my place?
Her:  Hell no!
Him: Can I see you again?
Her:  I’m busy… for the next six months.

One technique is to re-phrase your questions so that you give women “false choices.” This means you are not giving her the chance to say “no” but forcing her to react and respond.  You are assuming that she’s going to go with your flow, and implying that fact with the thrust of your approach.  Lead the interaction, and if she’s at all interested in you, or at least curious, she’ll go along with it and never shut you down with a “no.”

WACK: Can I buy you a drink?
MACK: So tell me something interesting about yourself that’s going to make me want to have a drink with you.
WACK: We should exchange numbers. (as you take out your phone) What’s a good time to call you tomorrow?
MACK: Let’s go to my place and I’ll show you that _______ I told you about. (Fill in the blank with something you mentioned earlier, that you want to show her.) I’ve got some good wine…but I’ve got to be up early tomorrow, so just one glass.
WACK: Would you like to dance?
MACK: I’m going to need to take you onto the dance floor. I don’t want to see you standing here looking like a wallflower any more.
WACK: Would you like to hang out sometime?
MACK: My friends told me about this new lounge that has great music on Friday and Saturday nights. Which night is better for you?

Remember: boring, ordinary guys are constantly asking permission from women. This results in a lot of “No’s,” and a lot of disappointment, frustration, and eventually… masturbation.  So learn how to flip the script and start “spinning” your questions in order to make them more powerful, interesting and effective.

Of course, real life isn’t always as easy as reading about something in a book.  In a situation where you can’t seem to catch an eye at all for instance, then you’re likely dealing with a deliberate “resistor” and there probably isn’t a play to be had.  Unless of course… you want to do something reasonably aggressive by attempting to force yourself into a chick’s field of view: like changing seats to get closer to her in class or at a cafe, making some kind of noise or distraction to attract her attention your way, etc.  The idea is to do something to get on her visual radar and then watch for any possible sign of interest by seeing if you can pull some kind of fleeting eye contact… and then running with it immediately!

When you DO catch an eye, always expect that she’ll look away from you FAST.  But don’t let this deter you because this is completely normal and to be expected.  The quick “look-away” is a common shyness-reflex that most people have — both men and women.  So never let this stop you, it means nothing! You simply need to ignore this social twitch and seize upon the fleeting possibility of contact very quickly.  Immediately say “hi” to her with no lag-time whatsoever… because you can be sure this instant-of-opportunity will be gone quickly!

Keep your approach friendly and innocent in the sense of not making it seem like you’re going at her with some big deal ‘hit’.  This is too much for most women to process and they will tend to turtle-up on you (but not always — again, they’re as different as snowflakes!).  You’re just looking to get the typical stranger-to-stranger friendly reaction.  Strangers will only lock eyes and stare at each other passionately in romance movies, in real life this rarely ever happens.  So you will never get anywhere waiting around for super eye-lock!

The good news is that you don’t have to wait around for anything – just learn how to seize upon these typical sort of everyday little signals you get here and there, and gently play them up whenever feasible.

Remember that your interest in a woman and any subsequent flirting that you may attempt to create with her is a GIFT that you are presenting to an attractive stranger.  Never look upon your efforts to reach out as some kind of unwanted intrusion into her precious privacy or that you’re bothering her. This can only occur if she has clearly displayed her non-interest and you continue to escalate to the point of annoyance (generally because you’re pissed off or feeling humiliated).  Having said that however, even pressure tactics can work sometimes if you are bold enough to try them.  Remember that this game can be played at ANY level that you choose to, safe or risky.

Here’s a few general guidelines to keep in mind when it comes to opening social comments.  They should be:

Unrehearsed. Something that just popped into your head at that moment is always best because it’s spontaneous.  Appearing a little nervous is okay too.  Preferred actually — since it makes it seem as if you’re attempting to do something that you wouldn’t ordinarily have the stones to try.  This makes her feel special, and makes you look brave. This is good!

Casual. Make it seem like you just bumped into an old friend that you haven’t seen in quite some time without being too deliberately corny about it.  This will keep you calm and your calmness will affect her in a similar way.  Remember that you must model the behaviors that you wish to see reflected back to you.

Sincere. Assuming a challenging posture (the infamous “neg hit”) with a perfect stranger can be risky.  By zapping her with a put-down style, semi-rude remark supposedly done as a “joke” right out of the box you’re just daring a chick to blow you off.  At this point she has absolutely no investment in your feelings, so there’s no motive for her to be nice to you.  This is the setup for those legendary rejections that will haunt you to the grave.

So unless she’s just dripping with a pissy attitude that needs correcting, I would avoid this as an opening tactic (although it might work better later on in the relationship as a way to keep an edge on things…)  Proceed with caution otherwise.

Upbeat. If you mumble out your words out like some nursing home gum-jockey, what’s she supposed to do… offer to change your friggin diaper?  No salesman would dare deliver a muttering, uncertain sales pitch because he’s basically telling you that his product sucks.  Always remember who the product is here… you! So keep your delivery light and bright.

Non-offensive sexually. This is a big one.  Insecure guys like to make sexually bold opening remarks to paint themselves as sexually experienced because they’re afraid their near-virgin status will otherwise show through.  It speaks just the opposite about you though: dudes who are really getting laid never feel like they have to broadcast it to women.  They just carry it around with them as a silent vibe in the gleam of their eyes.  If you insist on being so foolish you may as well just stay home and watch Deep Space 9 re-runs until you disappear into a wormhole.

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If you keep these general rules in mind you should at the very least be able to capture a woman’s interest for a minute or two — and who knows where that can lead?  Ask anyone how their first meeting with their eventual wife or husband went down and they’ll likely tell you that it was nothing special.  So there’s no need to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to perform some dynamic and amazing trick in order to make a memorable first impression.  Most people just wing their way along socially and somehow get by.  Don’t overthink everything.

Another important thing is to stay on the field of combat and resist withdrawing into yourself.  Seize any and all possible social opportunities that come your way by learning to say “yes” to an invitation for just about anything – any chance to go out with your buddies, to pull a study date with some fat chick that you might have no interest in (because duh, she might have a hot roommate…).  Just say YES to everything and do it even if you think the event will suck… because fate and random chance often work in bizarre ways.

It’s all about mixing and networking, and you can’t accomplish that alone in your room!

Myself, I’ve always felt that the best place to meet women is anywhere and everywhere that they might least expect it. That’s where all my best chances seem to have occurred over the years.  Bars and nightclubs (and to a lesser extent, gyms) are all a tough sell for a guy like me who is not the typical intimidating male specimen of athletic prowess.  Bitch shields are also up in places like nightclubs — where men routinely take their boldest shots at women.  It’s easier to make a cool first impression when you can catch her a little bit off guard at Starbucks rather than immersed in the loud action at Au Bar.  You also aren’t usually standing next to some Adonis looking like his comical sidekick.  Even having these guys anywhere near you can be enough to screw up your confidence!

Bottom line: just learn to become more aware of what’s going on around you in terms of potential chances to make simple, casual contact with women.  If you’re just starting out and still scared shitless by all this, remember that you don’t have to actually DO anything about these opportunities YET — just jot down what you observed… (time, date, place, girl, situation) on a yellow pad when you get home later and keep track of these events.  Then review your “flirting logs” a week or two later and I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at just how many possible opportunities to work a casual flirt that you might be absent-mindedly waltzing right on by every day.  In a week there could be as many as 8-15 good chances depending on how many people zip past you every day, and how big a city you live in.

This exercise is excellent for building your awareness of the possibilities that routinely exist around you, getting you to see those things that you may’ve been blind to.  Look, even harmlessly flirting with 8 girls a week puts you up around 100 flirts in 3 months! So what were you planning to do in the next 3 months that was destined to change your social life anyway?  This simple exercise will not only sharpen your social antennae, but will begin to desensitize you to all the various fear factors involved.

Meeting women doesn’t have to be a colossal task as long as you take things casually, and learn to regard your gift of flirting as a normal everyday part of life — rather than a life-or-death moon mission!

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This post was partially excerpted from my book She’s Yours For The Taking, which incidentally (hint, hint…) is now available in print for the very first time ever!  See the photo and sales blurb over on the right side of the this page, or go to my Amazon E-store and give it a look.  Much appreciated!

(For a limited time until the end of April you can enter the following code at checkout:

9Z3QZEAJ

…and receive a 20% Discount off the regular cover price!)

As a man of romantic value, there are dozens of magnificent and thrilling things that you can do to your lover which can make her blood absolutely BOIL with horniness.  Want to learn a few right now?

You might imagine that such an incredible secret of the feminine mystique must involve some sort of difficult new twisty-disty sexual position or kink, but really, it’s only about knowing where a woman’s hidden pleasure buttons can be found — and then knowing what sorts of physical and mental provocations can make them come alive with erotic fire!

Become expert at “playing” these magic pleasure spots like a musical instrument and you can consistently make a woman’s orgasm ring like a bell every time:

General Rules For Kissing and Forplay

1.  While making out with your girl, take a break now and then and mix it up a little so you don’t trance out in one posture.  Rule #1: Don’t forget to apply a lovely, lingering attention to your lover’s neck! Focus especially on that tender patch of skin just in front of her ears. While kissing and licking this electric area, whisper something deliciously sweet to her… or else really nasty! You can make the fantasy soft and sensual, or as dirty as you’d like.  You’re call.  Just have a plan!

2.  LICK her lips instead of just kissing them. While doing this, gently whisper that you are just dying to lick her “nether” lips as well…  Dying.  That’s the word we want to hear.

3.  Now that she’s all sweaty, glide your hand down between her legs and caress her mound right through her panties (or maybe they’re gone by now!…).  I would try to use the word ‘soaking’ somewhere in your whispering caress, keeping your voice always low and sexy, of course.

4.   It’s very sexy for a man to undress himself in front of me, and even to make a bit of a show of it.  Make sure that she sees EXACTLY how turned on you are for her!  Full blown self-play isn’t necessary if you’re not comfortable with it, but touching yourself a couple times to show her how anxious you are is what you’re looking to demonstrate!  BTW: She doesn’t get any yet.  You insist that the massage continue, ma’am.  (I love when they say that! 

5.  Once she’s stretched out naked, run a silk tie or silk scarf across her body.  Have her turn over and this time, as the silk tie or scarf runs the length of her spine, follow closely behind with your hot tongue!

6.  Instead of a lap dance, why not ask your lover for a ‘bed dance’ instead? This is where she dances completely naked all over you as you lie on your back and enjoy the show.  Have her sashay all over your face, chest, and groin until the two of you can’t stand it.  Get some music going for this one.

7.  While giving a woman oral, place a pillow under her ass to elevate her mound. This will give you more access without suffering a stiff neck the next day, and for her it will intensify the pleasure.

Super-Erotic Massage Techniques

A sexual massage is something that  I personally LOVE to receive from my partner. It never fails to completely relax my entire body.  Done properly, it acts to provoke my sexual tension until I’m fixed to either have sex right now or f****in’ explode!  Trust me guys, this stuff works wonders.

In addition to ensuring that you have the right environment (i.e., a quiet room, a well-laid out bed or a comfy spot on the floor, etc.) and the necessary equipment (e.g. scented candles, massage oils, etc.), consider also making use of a few fabrics made of silk, satin and velvet as well.  All these different textures can help bring about different responses from her nervous system.  If you don’t have these things immediately on hand, don’t let it stop you from giving your women this ultimate gift anyway.  After all, the most important element — YOU — is always available! 

Begin by undressing her in the role of her servant or slave boy.  Have fun with the fantasy, hey we don’t do this stuff everyday so make it special.  This is how you win her heart forever.  Once she’s nude, have her lie face down on the area you’ve prepared for the massage.  And, while she has her back turned to you, get naked as well (unless, as the slave boy masseuse you were already required to be nude.  Adjust your play accordingly…)

The idea is to use your full body mass as a massaging tool.  Lie on top of her facing the back of her head, supporting your weight on your arms so as not to crush her.  Launch the sexual massage by applying pressure across her whole body by just lying still for a few moments.  She can feel your penis pressing between her thighs.

I once had a guy slip on a cock-ring (when I wasn’t looking which gave him an absolutely rock solid hard-on for the entire time that he served me.  He kept poking me with the tip and surfing it down my spine and ass cheeks  I could feel stringers of his gooey precome running all across my back, crisscrossing like webs after a while.  I cannot describe the head trip of having a man literally drooling all over you with desire as he serves as your (skilled or otherwise, at this point who even cares!) “master masseuse”.  Remember to breathe hot air sensually across her neck and down her back — this will thrill her skin in a most incredible way.

Try your hardest ( ! ) not to get carried away and go straight for the sex for at least 30-60 minutes. Make her endure this sweet torment and soon enough you will BOTH be rewarded with electrical-sexual sensitivity that has to be experienced to be believed!

Use your fingertips expertly. Pull yourself up and straddle her (your cock resting in the valley formed by the back of her thighs), put some warm oil on your hands and start to massage along her spine using just your fingertips. Alternate hard strokes with lighter touches to mix it up and keep her guessing as to what’s coming next.

Try some Palm Circling. Progress from using your fingers to ‘palm circling’ — which is basically a massage using the entire width of your hand. This is a firmer technique that helps the body to really relax. As a general rule, never massage directly on the bones. Place the palms of both your hands on her back and move them in circles, firmly outward and away from her spine.

Gliding into Ecstasy. Slide yourself all the way down her body until your buttocks end up down near her feet. Now slide back up to the top of her shoulders and begin doing the palm circling massage again… but this time, glide down to her ass and continue massaging there too. After a few of these body-long strokes, reach for the top of her shoulders again but this time, keep your head low so that your face is right in front of her ass (like kneeling and bowing to someone.) You can do the palm circling again while breathing hot and heavy against her ass.  A variation would be to LICK her ass instead of breathing your hot breath on it, while simultaneously palm-circling her back.  By now she should be pleasure tripping and putty in your expert hands!

A Powerful Thumb Job. Use your thumbs to massage her lower back. Make short, rapid, alternate strokes with each thumb — moving up and across her ass toward her waist. Continue working along the right-hand side of her body all the way up to the shoulders. Repeat this on the left side of her body, and finish off by going back and concentrating again on her lower back and all across her ass.  You may want to dip a finger or two into her now as she’s certainly ready for it.

The Final Frontier. Continue to thumb massage her while your hands move slowly down to her butt. Part her crack and thumb massage her anus. She may try to squirm away or gasp, but stay with it.  Alternate between your handwork massage and breathing your hot breathe directly onto her anus.  Man that’s a crazy wicked sensation! Repeat all these various massage patterns again and again for as long as you can both stand it.  Just remember to really oil yourself up good, as the gliding effect of massive skin contact will have her insane with lust for her “slave boy / masseuse” soon enough!

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Whew, there you have it.  Trust me, this is exactly the sort of experience that most women dream about having with their men, and sadly, so few of us actually have.  This is where you can separate yourself from the pack of ordinary selfish men out there and really make a reputation for yourself as a rockin’ sexy lover.  Just let your imagination run wild… and draw her into your fantasy world with power and authority.

When it comes to pleasuring women, I have lots more tricks than these up my sleeve guys.  Discover my universe of “extra- sensual” manipulation techniques that are designed to give your woman the most chillin’ & thrillin’ orgasms she can possibly stand.  You can download my FREE report: “The 5 Myths About The Female Orgasm” on my website right now.

Thank you baby!

Loving Licks,
Gabrielle

By Guest Writer T. W. Jackson,
Author of: ‘The Magic of Making Up‘

The following is a guest posting from my buddy, good ol’ T dubbya Jackson (sounds some redneck who just rolled off the set of The Dukes of Hazzard .  Not so my friend, Jackson is an acclaimed writer whose book is not about picking up women or dating, but rather a collection of strategies and techniques that are designed to SAVE a relationship or marriage — or even to get back together again with your ex-girlfriend.  Now me personally, I’m not into this sort of thing…  I am proud to say that no door has ever struck this little rock-and-roll ass as it fled the scene of the crime.  But I do get a fair amount of questions about how to win back a lost girlfriend, and so I thought that you might enjoy a clever tip from the Relationship Master T. Dubbya himself.  Enjoy.

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You smell the smoke, hear the crackle of fire and begin to swoon from the searing heat.  But the coming forest fire that you sense in the air isn’t one that’s threatening your material possessions (well, maybe it isn’t…), but something that should be far more precious to you: your once loving relationship with your gal… which is about to go up in flames!

Now look, no matter what the actual issues were set YOUR personal life ablaze, few of us know where to even begin aiming the firehose to put it out.  In fact, unlike a real fire, directly attacking the core of the heat is the WRONG approach to take when trying to extinguish relationship problems.

For example, imagine that because of this lousy economic recession your relationship has encountered some nasty financial stresses.  The man may’ve been laid off his job and is feeling scared and lost, uncertain about the future.  These deep fears may begin to express themselves in small arguments with his wife or lover over how the money is being spent, whether or not a planned vacation that she was looking forward to should be cancelled or not, etc.

As a result, the guy may slowly begin to withdraw from his partner emotionally — perhaps even engage in a growing list escapist behaviors… getting himself wrapped up in endless TV watching, video games, alcohol, cyber porn or something similar.

And so NOW what do we do?…

Well, we’ve got TWO fires smoldering away from either end of the candle now because the woman is starting to feel lonely and isolated because her man has withdrawn from her, and this keeps her locked in a spiral of increasing anger.  Which fire do we try to put out first?  His or hers?

What we need to do is make a truce.  This couple needs to stop focusing on controlling the actual problems (money, emotional isolation) and focus instead on nurturing back to health what still might be left of the former passion that they once shared… even if it seems like there’s nothing much left.

For instance, Tom and Cindy might both love cooking together, so this could be a great common interest to seize upon.  They need to actively make a pact to let their problems go and to NOT worry about them for awhile, but instead try and forge a new start together.  They can begin doing this with something as simple as cooking dinner together and allowing themselves to reconnect in the kitchen and at the dinner table… EVERY night.  Maybe they play a little cards or go for a walk afterwards and share some laughs — have a little fun.  Reconnecting!

Now Cindy isn’t feeling so isolated anymore because Tom’s isn’t always watching TV or surfing the web and ignoring her.  Which leads to Tom starting to feel a little bit better about himself.  As he finds new positive energy and his confidence builds, Tom gets more assertive about finding work.  Soon Tom lands a new job, which relieves much of the financial stress that the relationship had been experiencing.  And so all of a sudden the couple has turned the corner on averting a breakup or divorce.

The moral of the story is that with a little fanning of the flames of simple PASSION – by re-discovering old forgotten interests for instance — couples can overcome the worst sorts of problems that drive them apart — including affairs, drug or alcohol use… even a wrenching death in the family.  Look back for the TINIEST things that you both used to enjoy doing together, and then ACTIVELY put your problems aside for a while and begin to rebuild that passion again by exploiting those small points of romantic leverage.  When there is little passion left in a relationship, even the smallest problems can explode into big blazing fires.  So thats where you need to begin correcting things… with the small things first.  It’s all about moving beyond the dullness of familiarity and recapturing past feelings.

Now if you’re reading this and feel that a blaze of growing animosity has already ‘gutted’ your relationship, you need to understand that you can create a second chance for yourself. I’ve made some amazing breakthroughs in the field of human love, bonding and re-bonding, and I’ve made a video where I share some of those counter-intuitive re-bonding techniques.  Have a look at it here:

Get Your Ex Back

This video has been viewed over 893,000 times on YouTube (rated 4 1/2 stars!) and it’s rare for a day to go by where I don’t receive a really heart-warming note from someone who has put their relationship back together by using the advice in my book.  Even after going through hell and fearing that they’d never find their way back into their ex-lover’s arms again! You can do it too… don’t give up hope.

Hey Mike,

I’ve had some stuff twirling around in my head lately that I wanted to bounce off of you, having recently just turned 40. I’m single again, having just broke up with my girlfriend (my decision). Not easy to do as she was a great girl, but I just seem to get bored in relationships like you. Also like you, I got a late start in life on bedding women. Anyway. my question is a lifestyle type query.

I’m interested in your take on how a single guy should go about traveling and vacationing on his own.

This is becoming a real dilemma for me, being single at my age. Not a lot of unmarried, single friends left to hang around with anymore. Last year I went by myself to the Dominican Republic — not to a resort but to a town where all the girls are “pros” if you know what I mean. It was amazing what an ego boost it was… you’d of thunk that I was Brad Pitt or something! LOL…

Don’t get me wrong, I realize that I’m only desirable in that type of situation because I’m perceived as having some sort of relative wealth — a form of being an HSM I suppose. However, I seem to have a little bit of an issue with feeling like a loser doing this sort of thing… like a guy who can’t get an ordinary American woman and so ultimately has to pay for it. I know that some guys swear by this lifestyle and insist that some of these foreign women are much more sensuous and feminine than their spoiled American counterparts. I don’t know…

Are these guys on to something, or are we all just acting like misogynistic LSM’s who can’t score American chicks?

I’ve thought about learning Spanish and maybe moving to Buenos Aires. Those Argentine women are hot! Sounds adventurous I know, but I guess when I get to the bottom of it, I wonder if this isn’t me just running away from my problems of low status and my inability to score lots of women here in the good ole U.S. of A?

Do you think I should I stick it out and try to achieve what ever status I can here at home, or is it okay to try and be a bigger fish in a smaller pond? I’d love to hear your take on this idea, I know it’s not your specialty per se but I do value your perspective. Thanks again for your time!

Sincerely,
Mark

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Hey Mark,

Good to hear from you again. About 3 years ago I went to Las Vegas for 5 days by myself and I didn’t find that NOT having a companion with me was any sort of big detriment — except maybe for going to certain sit-down type of restaurants where you might feel odd dining alone. You know how it is, certain activities you can do by yourself and others are “couple” things that will make you feel uncomfortable. That’s your only practical restriction really, and there are plenty of fast food joints where you can dine alone with a newspaper. Other than that I was fine seeing the sights, gambling, etc… all by myself.

Then again… certain activities are better done alone, WITHOUT the ‘ole girlfriend tagging along. Things such as…

Well, I visited one of the nearby legal cathouses just outside Vegas on this trip because I always wanted to see what they were like. The experience was pretty surrealistic in fact… however, a fun (but WAY too expensive…) time was had by all, especially me! And so what? Did I break some kind of sacrosanct “HSM code” by paying for sex? And who cares if I did anyway?

This is the EXACT sort of attitude shift that you too will need to achieve in order to ultimately address your own internal doubts about this issue.

I believe that we accumulate an unwieldy library of these stupid, self-created “internal rules” over the course of a lifetime that eventually bind us up in a kind of mental strait jacket. Soon we can’t even conceive of doing anything the simple way anymore without feeling guilty about it. Why?… because we “broke the rules”! The precious rules… the rules that exist only within our own thick skulls.

Well I’ve found this network of rules to actually be a form of very subtle and sly self-hatred. Don’t ask me why we do this to ourselves — but the sooner you can recognize and chuck all this crap from your head the sooner you will become free to just let go and follow your heart wherever it may want to take you. And that’s the real goal that you want to always be pursuing relentless in life, the goal of mental freedom.

Case in point about your desire to seek out women who might be vastly more easier to relate to than the typical ball-busting, judgmental American bitch… the delightful product of 50 years of feminism. Certainly not like the girls dear old dad used to marry, that’s for sure… fresh out of high school with all that good home-ec training (cooking, baking, cleaning, housework). That right, they used to TRAIN women in high school how to be good supportive wives who graded their own self-worth by how well they treated their husbands! Even suggesting that this sort of thing might be anything less than total domestic-slavery-brainwashing will get you a swift kick in the balls nowadays, you MFn’ pig!

You now desire to chuck this nasty USA scene and go looking for more “agreeable” women elsewhere, but your self-hating side quickly steps in and says: “hey forget it, that’s cheating…. you have to try and meet women in the toughest environment possible or it doesn’t count.”

See, that’s the central tenet and mode of operation of self-hatred: you must do everything the hardest way possible or it doesn’t count. Note that other (lesser human) people can choose to take the easy way out and that’s okay… but not YOU — you have to take the hardest route because you’re special… you’re superhuman. That’s the Disabled Ego at work…

…Special tough rules define the special “tough” guy.

There’s a great book to read that dives deep into this psychological phenomenon, it’s called Compassion and Self-Hate: An Alternative to Despair by Theodore I. Rubin. What we call “cheating” is in fact what a therapist knowledgeable in the mechanics of self hatred would call compassion.

Compassion?

For a moment, just consider that entire galaxy of nasty internal rules that hold you back — would you ever force them upon someone else? Someone you loved, like a son perhaps? No way! See how with others we feel free to express our compassion? But don’t go looking for any such free passes inside your own head for yourself. Cheater!

Another example: I grew up Catholic, but my own self-hatred forced me to become an atheist for awhile because (I now understand) that faith is a form of compassion for oneself — and of course such a thing is flat-out cheating because it violates The Big Mike Self-Hate Rule: that you can only believe what’s demonstrable scientifically no matter how much it brings you down emotionally.

Logic is king, emotions are irrelevant (only superhuman rules apply to me, remember), and bending logic to assuage emotions is a crime against nature. Only overgrown babies (SUB-human’s) run around expressing their faith you see, because they aren’t strong enough mentally (like super me!) to face the scary facts of random existence and postmortem non-existence without anything to comfort them. It doesn’t matter how you feel (emotions are irrelevant), you are a prisoner of the facts of the Universe as they reveal themselves, and trying to escape them via delusional thinking is weakness and therefore pathetic.

Cheating!

Now, this may be the sort of nonsense that we like to tell ourselves, but would we ever actually burden someone else with this same set of cold, inviolate rules — perhaps even on their death bed? Or would we instead say: “let the guy find comfort in his faith, so what if none of it’s actually proven? Who cares?” Of course this solution is never valid for you, just the other guy. We go easy on him but never on ourselves.

All this madness forms the nuts-and-bolts of self-hatred – and it manifests itself in zillions of complicated and difficult to understand ways. It’s just the way that “we are” (or so we think). But there is a hidden kernel of compassion locked away in everyone’s heart and you need to find yours. Depression, disillusionment… these are all cries from deep within to be free of the self-hating monster that we created. Read that book if you can. The entire human race should read it!

Anyway, this was a long-winded way of recommending that you dig out your own self-hating internal rules from under the mental rock where they hide and spray some compassion on them. Stop being so hard on yourself by worrying about hypothetical HSM-LSM issues etc. I recommend that you seek out your own happiness by whatever route you must take.

No one will ever ask how you got there or judge whether or not you “cheated” by failing to take the hardest road possible. Are you gonna get a medal for remaining true to your self hated? Where do they hand those baby’s out? (I would look like one of those old Soviet generals if they did

Want to know the saddest part? In the end, I discovered that self-hatred is a complete a waste of time… because when you finally DO break the grip of those murderous rules YOU WON’T CARE IN THE LEAST! You’ll see that nobody gives a damn about the exact trajectory of your life, but you. And if you won’t even give yourself a break then there’s no hope at all — because everyone else is too tied-up wrestling with their own demons to worry about “saving you”. You’re sitting in the middle of the desert waiting for that ship to come in.

And man, this is the best wisdom that I can ever pass along to you. Take care buddy.

Anyway, I streamlined the current pitch for this DWFOR product because it’s now included in my 4-in-1 Combo Pack as a free bonus item, but it was originally a very popular stand-alone product when I first introduced it a couple of years ago.  It got rather “rave reviews” at that time, as they say

You can listen to it here, or use the link below and download the MP3 for your i-pod:

DOWNLOAD THE MP3 (right-click, “save Link As…”)

This program was intended to laser-focus straight into the key issue that a lot of you guys suffer from: that paralyzing fear of being rejected by women.  And I’m not talking about just a little nervousness or ordinary trepidation, but a fear SO intensely bad that it completely blocks you from making any social or romantic progress in your life whatsoever. I also created a 40 page workbook that goes along with the 2+ hours of audio training which includes dialogs that you can use to get yourself started doing cold walkups right away.  It even presents formulas that you can employ to create your own custom dialogs that would be better suited to your own personality, etc. etc.

Really helpful stuff that I poured a lot of thought and effort into creating as an adjunct to the materials in my books.

You can still buy this program as a single item, BTW (as well as any of the other 3 elements in the Combo Pack), and… it’s a better deal than ever before since I just cut the single-item price on all my products over the weekend from $37 to $29 — a savings of $8 bucks. You can optionally purchase an NLP Accelerator add-on to DWFOR that hypnotically implants the concepts into your sub-conscious memory quickly.  It also helps to boost your confidence and quiet your reactive fears as well by using deep hypnotic suggestions.  Lots of available options, so you can pick and choose what you feel best addresses the particular issues in your game that you need to improve the most.

Check it out if you’re interested — the price box for the single items is down near the bottom of the page where this link should take you.

And I thank you! 

The Modern Savage — The Dilemmas of Male Virgins

This is actually a very interesting blog in general, not just this particular post about male virgins.  The writer gets into statistics and charts quite a bit but keeps everything very intriguing and avoids getting dry and technical.  There’s also a ton of good links on this blog, enough to keep you busy poking around for a while.

Tre’s Sugar — Dating a Male Virgin

The key question posed by the male virgin himself is short and straight to the point, but you should really find the thread of follow-up comments by women to be very interesting indeed. Take a look.

Health Central — Male Virgin at 29 and never dated

This one is a bit more clinical and has to do with coping with the anxiety that’s created by being a male virgin. Some good links showing you where to get help if you feel that you need it.

Again, not all of you will be interested in this particular topic, but I know this hits a note with some of you and so there it is.  My own rule on this issue is that you should NEVER reveal your virgin status to any woman that you are interested in dating, and you should try not to let it affect you at all — although I know this becomes a heavier lift as you get older.  The problem isn’t so much the status itself as the obsessive focus on it, which tends to corrode away at your confidence.

Two things you need to pound into your head about this subject as it affects you personally: NO mentioning it to the girl EVER, and NO fear!

Keep you focus on charming her and off yourself as much as possible… just assume that your animal instincts will get you through the cherry-popping okay.  If it really freaks you out then use a hooker if you have to (a time-honored de-flowering method for men throughout the ages…).  Just do whatever it takes to put your virginity behind you and move on.  Don’t make it into anything more than the non-issue it really is.  You will always be miserable to the degree that you allow your negative thoughts and emotions to guide your behaviors and actions.

I’m interested in your comments and thoughts.  Let’s kick this around some more.

More Topic-Relevant Information:

1) My beef isn’t so much about Tiger’s behavior as it is with society in general.  I feel it’s a shame that HSM “haremers” like Tiger are forced to remain in the closet in order to avoid general scorn.  (Look at that… I have to invent a goofy word to describe him because there isn’t even an accepted term to describe men who wish to live this Hefner-like lifestyle openly… thus demonstrating how socially unaccepted this idea is… EVEN THE LANGUAGE ITSELF REJECTS IT! )

This is especially true if their income or professional advancement is tied in any way to their public image and persona.  For Tiger to have embraced this lifestyle openly would have been economic suicide for him insofar as endorsements were concerned.

So like many men in similar positions (politicians, celebrities, acedemics who wish to be taken seriously, even astronauts) they have to remain in the closet and put on the facade of husband and family man, etc. even though they chaff in this role. If Bill Clinton for instance would have lived like the haremer that he obviously desired to be, could he have been elected President?  Not a chance. (Of course, there’s a bit of chicken-and-egg thing there with the Presidency inflating his HSM status after the fact, but whatever.  You know where his head was at!).

Guys like this are like gay men who get married in order to hide it — forced to wear the patina of respectablity so they can function in society the way they need to.  Being gay is in fact far more acceptable in society today than being a haremer.  It’s the HSM who is discriminated against by society!… It is he who must be boxed in and controlled at all costs.

Make that S.O.B. have only one nagging wife and be miserable… just like the rest of us!

So Tiger had to be a “scumbag” because there is no acceptable avenue for him to just live his romantic life the way he wished to without bringing on an endless tide of bad publicity and criticism.  Better to just get married and then have to juggle a secret harem on the side.  This is the choice he was forced to make because no other option exists for a man like this, a man of exceptional status.

So I say that society forced him to be a hypocrite because no acceptable place exists for men like this to live the way they wish and still be able to exploit their talents profitably.  We are all still way too unevolved on this issue.  No one (except I guess me) champions the OPEN haremer lifestyle as the final reward for the HSM who chooses to embrace it.

You can compete — but if you win you cannot have the ultimate prize that every Man desires.

Grow up society!… What does it matter if rich, famous, athletic, loudmouth, obnoxious HSM’s openly have harems as well?  Can we hate them any more than we already do? I think that after the multi-million-dollar executive TARP bonuses we’re maxed out by now, aren’t we?

2) My sanity was questioned on this idea that men are driven to create the world because of some deep desire to score women.  Not only do I believe this to be absolutely true, my contention is that men have so completely subducted this idea within their own minds that they DON’T EVEN REALIZE THIS IS THE ULTIMATE MOTIVATING FORCE IN THEIR LIVES ANY MORE!

All male behavior ultimately boils down to latent sex drive.  Period.  I developed this point extensively in my books so I’m not going to re-write it all here.  Reject it if you must.  One thing to understand though is that the modern male drive is ultra-subliminal now and buried beneath all manner of high-minded sub-motivators — we don’t even realize that it’s the reason why we do ANYTHING that we do any more!  We think we have these other motivations — but strip them away one-by-one and there it is… seething and throbbing hotly down in the lizard-brain: the need to impress the female!

Most all of our other activities, sophisticated as they may be, completely mask this underlying animalistic drive nowadays.

That’s evolution of the Mind in action: this idea that we’ve transcended our animal drives and supplanted them with higher-minded goals — when in fact the desire to get laid is all there really is.  If we last long enough as humans I believe that we will eventually evolve away all our emotional baggage and become Vulcan-like.  But that could be 1000’s of years in the distant future.  For now, men pretend to have other motives when in fact we do not.  Sorry.

–

Of course, all these crazy ideas of mine — especially this notion of the socially-acceptable “haremer” — is not merely hundreds of years, but perhaps dozens of generations ahead of it’s time.  I guess the real problem is that your present is my past! Just another misunderstood intellectual titan who (while scorned in his own time) future generations will surely build statues in honor of.

I just hope they make me look taller.

Are you a REAL man?

Then prove it! I’m tired of going out with guys that go up, say hi to a girl, start talking to her and then 5 minutes later they are back talking to me… Then I hear the same old excuse:

“I started talking to her and the conversation kinda just went flat. So I left…”

Did you get her number? No.

Did you ask her out? No.

Did you try to kiss her? No…

Then why the f*$# are you here talking to me? Go back and talk to her!

The Best Advice You’ve Never Heard…

Yes, I know you hear other people say the same thing. But for me, this advice was a defining point in my pick up success. Let me explain.

Most of the advice you hear has to do with inner game – like confidence building – or approaching. You spend most of time practicing and doing this. But none of this actually gets you laid!

Yes, I said it.

You can build your ego to the max and do one thousand approaches in one night. But what’s the actual result? In the end, all you did was practice approaching. So how do you get exposure to the rest of pick up process if you want to get anywhere. The only way you can do this is by staying there after you approached.

Don’t break the interaction unless she leaves or tells you leave!

And if she does – which is as rare as seeing as polar bear in the beach – leave politely. Don’t bad mouth her, swear at her… just go find your next group of girls to talk to. She’s the one missing out on you, so make sure she realizes that.

That’s what Make the Ho Say No is about. Stick through the interaction until the end. For instance:

• If she’s not into you, try to change that around—flirt with her.
• If there’s no energy between you—create some!
• If she’s bored, spice up the conversation—make it fun!

Which brings me to my next point…

The Art Of Talking… Is Listening!

The biggest reason guys wuss out is because they have nothing to say. And yes, if you leave the interaction before she rejects you, you wussed out, my man

If you have nothing to say, start listening and asking questions. Your goal here is to talk to her on the same level you talk to a friend. That interrogation pattern people follow when they meet someone is as boring as organizing your socks:

Where do you live? What do you do? Where did you… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I’m getting bored just writing this. Ask interesting stuff. What are your hobbies? What do you like doing? Have you watched Avatar? Do you think streaking should be illegal in Texas? Etc. Think of something interesting you would talk to your friends about and talk about it.

And when she answers, listen and build on it. For instance:

Normal conversation from a boring guy:

Him: What do you do?
Her: I work at a bank.
Him: Which one?
Her: XYZ Bank
Him: That’s really interesting. What do you do there?
Her: *Eye rolling*

Fun Conversation:

Him: We’ve been talking for 5 minutes and you never tell me what you do. For all I now you might be a serial killer.
Her: *Laughs* I work at a bank.
Him: Oh my god! You are the single most boring person I met in a decade…
Her: Shut up!
Him: Do you at least get to keep any of the money in there? I’d so ask you out if you do…
Her: *Laughs* No…
Him: Well, you’re the bank-girl with the best sense of humour I’ve ever met, so I will ask you out anyway.

Disclaimer: Any similarity to the actual conversation I had with a girl last Friday in the club is merely a coincidence.

So What Are You Gonna Do About It Now, Tough Guy?

Before I say anything else, let me make one thing clear for those with a dirty mind.

I am not telling you to force the girl to do anything. I don’t support that. If you think that staying around when the girl is not comfortable then you have to realize that you’re the one making excuses. If she wants you to leave, she’ll either leave or tell you to.

On the other hand, if you think you’re supposed to try and force a girl to kiss you – I seriously hope you get beat up by security.

I’m going to be dead honest with you: the reason you leave the interaction before anything happens has nothing to do with her. It’s your own fault for letting it go. You are running away because of your own insecurities. The only way to get over it and start dating the women you deserve is to push past the discomfort and stay there till the Ho says (Yes or) No!

So next time the conversation is dead or you feel like she doesn’t like you and your stomach is quivering, remember: retreat is not an option!

Best of luck,

John Lione
www.MeetingWomenSecrets.com

“I worked hard all my life for my success, and I felt that I deserved to enjoy myself.  I felt I was entitled.”

Of course, he was talking about being entitled to his hold his stable of “sms” mistresses in addition to his hot Scandinavian wife.

You hate to see the poor guy being raked over the coals like this, but what’s really sad about this whole story may not be entirely obvious to everyone, so let me just state it very plainly: the fact that society has made it so that when a woman achieves great success at the fulfillment of her primary female biological imperative (i.e., to husband a man and bear lots of healthy children, be a mom, etc.) she is praised and generally lauded and thought most highly of.

But when a man achieves great success in the pursuit of HIS biological imperative (i.e., to sire as many children as possible from as many different women as possible in order to give them all collectively the best odds of being born healthy enough to survive) he is scorned as a scumbag and dragged before microphones to confess and seek repentance for his sins.

Exactly what sins are we talking about here?  The sin of being male.

You see, in society’s convoluted view of things, a man should strive for greatness and achievement and status and power… BUT when he gets there he should behave as though he’s just an ordinary guy and NOT exercise his imperative to claim his ultimate prize.  What is this ultimate prize?  The harem.  Now many of you may recoil at this notion, but this doesn’t change the fact that men are primarily driven to achieve ONLY for very reason that it makes many different types of women attracted to them… and (if we’re REALLY high status) a large number of them as well!

All the other toys and the cool lifestyle is an extra added bonus, but it’s not the primary reason that we kill ourselves and crawl over one another to achieve anything really worthwhile in our lives.  We do it because it’s the harem that we seek — the situation of being the center of multiple and endless female attention!

I believe that Tiger Woods was lamenting the fact that, despite all his years of sacrifice and hard work (and yes, natural talent), he was now being punished from all directions simply because he had tried to claim the prize that all High Status Males are (yes!) ENTITLED to possess.

Historically, the sultan, the king and the chieftain have always maintained a harem.  It was seen as the birthright of the powerful, alpha male.  Reproduce away, alpha!  We need more great warriors like you! The problem is, it used to be that only the most physically powerful men or the true bad asses of the world could make claim to this prize (although later it could be inherited through royal family lines as well).  But nowadays there are many roads to the top of the mountain and anyone with the talent or savvy to become rich or famous by whatever means possible (talent, hard work, savvy or dumb luck) can access a high status life.  And this pisses a lot of people off — so society has created Rules of Conduct that make the possibility of the HSM claiming his harem a sordid and classless act to be universally scorned and spit upon.  Cheater!  Betrayer!  How selfish you are!

But the fact that our primary biological imperative has been used as a doormat for society to wipe its feet upon for so long doesn’t change the fact that this drive has in fact created much of the world as we know it.

Let’s face it, the need for men to impress women for the purpose of eliciting sexual favors is the central and primary driving dynamo behind just about everything that happens in the world… all of it, ever.  All the skyscrapers that rise to the heavens (no symbolic phallic intentions there I suppose , the electricity that gets pumped into our modern lives, the zillion-and-one products that get manufactured all over the world by legions of brilliant and industrious men… all of it occurs mostly as a side-effect of these men collectively working on all these various different projects for but a single purpose: to gain access to women.

No, it only LOOKS like they’re doing it to support their families and make a good living (that’s the high-minded cover story, actually), the real reason is to achieve the widespread approval and ultimate sexual favor of women.

And LOTS of them if at all possible!

That’s right: whatever great or small boost in their own personal status that these activities can grant to men, it’s all done ultimately to get laid.  To gain the attention of females and say: “look at this accomplishment!  Look at my male display of wealth and authority!  Are you getting turned on yet?”  And oh yes, they are! It’s their positive reaction to the accomplishments of men that in fact greases the very wheels of civilization.  Because without it, our drive to create, exceed and excel all pretty much vanishes.

Let’s do an Einstein-like thought experiment for a moment and imagine a world where humans are all composed only of males, males who have NO sex drive, incidentally.  Sex and the constellation of emotions that it normally produces simply doesn’t exist in this fantasy world.  Our plumbing is just a plain old urine disposal tube.  (How do we reproduce?  I don’t know… we bud off a son every ten years from our right elbows like amoebas, it’s just a thought experiment!)

So as an inhabitant of this man-planet, why am I striving to upgrade my house, or get some flashy jewelry or buy a fancy new set of wheels for myself?  Or to even have a nice house at all for that matter?  To impress ol’ fatso Larry down the block?  Who cares about him?  (and BTW, when’s Larry plan on bringing back the lawn mower that he borrowed last week?  Actually, now that I think of it, to hell with the lawn… let it grow into a jungle!  Without a wife to bitch about it what do I care anyway?  There goes the lawnmower industry.)

Yes, men would everywhere be living at a much slower, simpler, bearcave-like existence if they only needed their basic food and barracks to get by.  It’s in pursuit of trying to impress all those sexy women that men have created all these other things that so complicate our lives and make it a wonder worth living!

Oh sure, our fantasy man-world society might have developed some other way to motivate the stinky slugs over eons of cultural development — but this motivation would have had to been imposed on them or brainwashed into them somehow rather than naturally embraced I would think.  What a world that would be… boring and miserable I would imagine.

It is Pussy Power that ultimately drives us to achieve excellence!

So I have some free advice for all you high status males out there: don’t get married.  Ever.  To do so is to FORGET the reason that you sought such great status in the first place: to gain access to your harem — not to the toys that wealth and power can also buy for you.  As they say, a man is only as faithful as his options — and the HSM has many.  That’s why we seek it, nay, KILL OURSELVES TO ATTAIN IT!

Marriage is for the lesser among us who don’t have the resources and therefore the option of supporting the harem — or else we would be ALL be deep into the harem lifestyle!

But that would only diminish the harem to being nothing special or out of the ordinary, and therefore why chase after success to attain it?  There has to be some special reward for high status.  Yeah I know, you guys want it ALL just like Tiger Woods did… the respectability of a wife and family too, yada-yada.  But then again… WHY is it so respectable to be a married guy and father anyway?  Why isn’t being a HSM sultan respectable as well?…

It’s a female plot to keep THEIR biological imperative the preeminent one in the popular culture!  WOMEN are the ones who in fact are currently having it both ways: they get all of us men striving and competing against one another for higher status (which makes us attractive to them), but once they pluck off the HSM’s they get to keep them for themselves and exclusively hook into their wealth and power.  Because these men are then pressured by society to remain faithful and “respectable” which effectively short-circuits their ability to create the harem they so desire to possess.

And when one of them does so anyway… look out!  On your knees and grovel for your repentance, scumbag!

One of the most honest and up-front guys in the world is Hugh Hefner if you ask me, the founder of Playboy.  Sure he’s old and decrepit now and his young girlfriends make him look like a childish fool in some ways, but here’s a guy who for the past 60 years has been trying to show HSM’s how to shamelessly embrace their entitlement to the harem! Yes, this was the lesson that Hef was always promoting via the Playboy philosophy: he tried to change things and reverse the male curse of being scorned for having crossed the finish line FIRST… but society has not embraced it.  Female push-back has been too great.  Her haughty prerogative to reproduce by husbanding the best available male (on a now OVER-populated planet BTW) is still much celebrated — while the lothario remains the lowlife to be snubbed and made to seek public forgiveness via humiliation and supplication.  It’s all still very biblical and left over from a much different point in the development of human society.

Anyway, for all you guys who wish to seek higher and higher status, please understand that it will place you in a position where you MUST live a life that’s different from the ordinary guy. The life of the sultan.  By trying to be married and committed to a single wife, to put up with her aging and crumbling personality just like any ordinary Joe blow MUST, you are cheating yourself of the very reason that you were driven to seek high status in the first place. This denial will eat away at your soul once you realize that you are in fact squandering your status just as surely as if you were scattering your personal wealth to the wind.  Be honest with yourself: you didn’t work for all that money.  You worked for the pussy! And now you’re supposed to deny the reward and hook up exclusively with just ONE female?

Therein lies the internal dichotomy that wages war within the mind of the HSM… fertile soil for regrets that gnaw away at his happiness, and his ultimately fidelity too.

Tiger Woods, you were only living out your HSM imperative — but alas you were “caught” doing something that in fact you should have been shamelessly proud of doing! Just like Hugh Hefner.  Now society demands its’ pound of flesh — and since your income is tied to public acceptance, you feel you must prostrate yourself to get back into its good graces in order to maintain your status.

Now THAT’S sad.

And to all you future HSM’s who get “caught” being a Man: stop apologizing.  Women wanted equal rights in society and in the workplace and they eventually got it.  Now it’s time for all of us Men to stand up and face down this twisted, baseless cultural reflex to heap collective scorn upon those of us who dare to live our lives as we were programmed to do.

Programming, by the way, which conveniently delivered us all here today to piss and moan about it.  Biology is as biology does baby.

If you’re experiencing the first kind of suckiness, no girlfriend, then let’s resolve to begin making some basic and simple changes to your presentation as a man that will help you solve this problem once and for all.  Here at the High Status Male Blog we like to kick around ideas that we hope can make us more attractive to women.  Women are of course the great and universal Mystery…  Their frivolous behaviors have vexed men throughout the Ages — driving them to commit acts of war, suicide and even murder.

And that was when they weren’t otherwise making us insanely horny, or just plain insane!

A recurring idea in both my books is that men shouldn’t have to obsess too much about their looks as much as their behavior around women, since THIS is what the girls grade us on in the same way that guys scope out their physical charms to decide who’s hot or not.  Yeah, we all know that we’re supposed to act confident around women to project the vibe that we’ve made it far enough up the pecking order that women should take note.  But what does this actually MEAN in terms of the types of behaviors and attitudes that we need to adopt for ourselves?

Here are 7 important signaling behaviors that you should learn how to manage.  See if any of them need to be adjusted in your own personal male display:

1.  Stop Pre-editing Away Your Every Possible Opening Words to a Woman. Or maybe I should say stop totally pre-REJECTING them because, man, that’s what I used to do to myself big time!  In normal everyday conversations I was fine and friendly and even funny — but get me near some hot chick and it was clam-up time.  I remember standing around helplessly in a club right next to a great looking girl wondering what I should “open” with (and this was before I understood what that even meant!…)

I would stand there locked in mental concrete, my mind racing through various different sentences thinking: “that’s sucks… are you kidding me?!   …if I say THAT it will make me sound like a complete loser!…” And then of course there was my personal favorite excuse: “…and so THEN what will you say to her?”

This last one was a real iron curtain for me — I was essentially putting enormous pressure on myself to have some sort of well thought-out conversational script all memorized to a tee and ready to go in my head.  In fact I never actually sat down and wrote out such a script for myself (a mistake), so in addition to having the perfect opening thing to say I was also required to create this script ON THE FLY!

You know how we like to talk about the idea of self-hatred?  Well gentlemen, I present to you Exhibit A!

Notice how best to punish the “hated one”?… by setting the bar for an acceptable performance so high that it becomes impossible to achieve?  This did the trick by seeding a big lump of fear in my mind that would cause me to lock up and never even make an attempt to speak up.

Remember, the High Status Male is King, Boss and Conqueror… he NEVER believes that his words are unimportant or boring (even if they are), and so he speaks freely!  And YOU will listen.  To be self-conscious about your words is a loud LSM (low status male) signal that the women will pick up on right away, so talk.

See how these deadly self-defeating cycles can come to control you?

2.  Start Making Eye Contact With Women. And I mean the GOOD kind where you look away about 20% of the time so as not to slip into a ‘psycho leer’.  I talk about this extensively throughout my books and audios so I won’t get into the whole thing here, but suffice to say that a shifty-eyed presentation of yourself is always a bad deal.  People are made uncomfortable in the presence of someone who won’t look them in the eye.  They begin to wonder why you seem to be acting ashamed or guilty.  What are you hiding?  To varying degrees women will especially get creeped out by this A+ connection killer.

Poor eye contact creates a vibe that’s just the opposite of charismatic – which is the ability to make people feel good about themselves.  Shifty eye contact is anti-charismatic because it forces people to identify with your discomfort instead, and they don’t like that!  They don’t want to hang around with people who give them ‘bad vibes’ — for whatever reason — and would just as soon avoid you altogether.

So if you’ve ever scratched your head wondering why you’re not getting many callbacks or why she won’t answer your post-first-date-callback, this could be a big reason why.  In your nervousness you revert to a turtled-up body language that included an evening-long inability to make eye contact with her, and she was totally put off by this loud signal of male subservience (or disinterest).

As a mechanical quick-fix, you can always practice the tried-and-true “salesman’s trick” whereby you stare at the bridge of someone’s nose if you can’t stand to meet their eye.  Most people cannot tell the difference.  Ultimately though you should seek to raise your confidence around people, and your eye contact will then become more natural and genuine.

It’s okay to use tricks such as these to kick-start your recovery, but you should always be working towards the day when you will no longer have to rely on such trickery to get you through a conversation.

3.  Initiate a Handshake. We all know that a high status male is attractive to women, but what you may not realize is that your status is determined by your day-to-day interactions with other MEN.

Men constantly push, prod, connive, outwork or seek to outsmart their fellow man in the workplace, culture, battlefield, household or any of a thousand other venues in which they interact.  There is always a competition going on to see who’s just a bit more powerful than who.  This game never ends, and much of it goes on subconsciously and almost invisibly.  In many situations basic relationships are already clearly pre-established: Joe is the boss and Ron the employee, Jim the dad and mark the son, or Bill is the Sergeant and Ed the Private.  Whatever… but it’s clear cut.

However, many daily encounters between men who pretty much seem as if they could be on a same level are not as clearly defined, and so a signal is required to establish who is who.  Who is the alpha and who agrees to be the subjugated?

This phenomenon can be played to your advantage if you are aware enough to make a point of establishing yourself as a man to be respected in any casual encounter.  One of the simple ways that you can do this is to be the guy to offer to shake hands first (whenever appropriate of course, such as in a business situation or at a party).  Why is this important?  Because the higher status male conveys a sense of safety to a lower status male by touching him first — but doing it the other way around can be viewed as a challenge.

Think again about the clearly pre-established relationship: the boss can reach out and put his arm around the employee to convey a message of “good job” or “you’re in my favor”.  But reverse this and see what happens: an employee touching the boss unprompted would be seen as disrespectful and perhaps even a challenge to his authority.  It says, “what are you going to do about it?”

So by expressing a desire to shake hands first it can seem as is you are seeking to touch the other guy from a position of strength.  This can be very subtle and probably makes little more than a subliminal impact, but those are usually the best kind!

When you get into the habit of being ‘touch aggressive’ on a regular basis you will begin to establish a bit more respect for yourself.  There will be some push-back from time to time as men continue to jockey against each other for just that shade more status than the other guy (I’m stronger, more intelligent, more courageous, wealthier, etc.).  But at least now you’re playing the game instead of being quickly dispatched off the board by guys who size-up your reluctance to “go first” as an automatic win for themselves.

4.  Speak up. In the same vein as the previous point about handshakes your verbal thrust (or lack thereof) makes a statement about you as well.  The loudest mouth in a group of men is often the alpha.  In one-on-one conversations, alpha usually carries the conversation in some way — from being the more informed or interesting party, to actually giving direct commands in some cases, while the “beta” shuts up and listens!

Another thing the beta male often does to cement his lower status is attempt to sanitize or otherwise try to frame what he’s saying so as not to provoke alpha.  For instance, in that employee-boss situation, the employee may try to break some bad news to the boss softly or in a hedged fashion so as to minimize his displeasure (and possible wrath!).

Whereas the boss simply states his mind with no regard as to how his words may make his subordinate “feel”.  (i.e., “You’re fired Johnson!”)

In neutral encounters where there is no pre-established pecking order, the one who ISN’T afraid to speak up first is usually given a higher status grade by most women who would casually observe such an encounter.

So even if it means stating the obvious, just do it.  Because the actual content of what you’re saying conveys less critical information than the silent signal delivered by just who is talking to whom.  Get it?

Again, subliminal.  But that’s why they call it making an impression.  And these impressions will stack-up in your favor with repeated expression.

5.  Drop Dead and Smile. Now we’re back to your interactions with women.  Nervousness and fidgety jumpiness conveys a signal of having little personal confidence.  Also when we’re nervous we rarely smile but instead wear a mask of concern that can look angry.  This generally doesn’t make a great first impression on women, unless you know how to pull off the strong, brooding, silent type of vibe (although if you could I doubt you would be reading this now!)

A better way to go is to smile and make great eye contact and generally just MODEL the sort of reaction that you want reflected back at you.  Again, imagine the man of considerable status and power: master of his universe, he is calm and collected as he moves through life.  No nervous fidgeting that might reveal an underlying insecurity about… what?  His social skills, his bank account, his fading virility?  Ha!… not a chance!

And yet that’s what YOUR nervousness can convey about you if you’re not careful.

Still nervous anyway?  It’s okay so long as it doesn’t show itself too much visibly.  Again, you can use this little mechanical trick to help yourself out: just hold a thumb pinched between your two fingers on the same hand and squeeze as tightly as you have to.  This gives your nervous system a focal point in the body to quietly discharge itself — allowing the rest of your muscles to relax and stop quivering.  To “drop dead”.

This allows you to project a vibe of calmness that makes that awesome subliminal High Status impression on women which can go very far towards getting you some return interest from them!

6.  Become Comfortable With Silence. This is just the opposite of Point #1… i.e., overthinking everything that you want to say, rejecting it all and then saying nothing at all!

Some guys can’t tolerate any lull in a conversation with a girl and will seek to keep up a constant stream of nervous chatter because, well, they’re nervous.  But just consider for a moment a romantic scene from a typical movie: isn’t it during those moments of silence when the words run out that all the truly important communication begins… spoken with long, penetrating looks and perhaps the first stages of physical contact?

These pivotal moments of emotional / romantic connection will never occur however if you continue to prattle over every potential close moment like Woody Allen on speed!  This blab serves no purpose other than to keep your own anxieties at bay, so stop it!

Remember, one of the principle skills of the seducer is to seize upon moments of conversational lull and use them to move beyond words… to begin guiding a woman towards an eventual physical connection.  This is a skill you want to work on for yourself beginning today.  So the next time you find yourself blabbing away to cover up an uncomfortable silence, try sending her a silent signal of appreciation with your eyes instead.

Remember, YOU may be uncomfortable with silence, but women are drawn into it. Learn to exploit this phenomenon for yourself.

7.  Change Something About Yourself to Improve Your Edge and Get Noticed. LSM’s tend to become socially invisible after a while and will silently fade away into the background.  You need to do something different to start lighting-up on her radar screen!

No need to undergo any sort of colossal surgical makeover either — improving just ONE small but significant thing about yourself can be enough to break everyone’s old, cemented image of you and force them to begin reconsidering who you are.  Grow your hair long, or shave it off.  Get a tat (or a new one that’s cooler).  Try showing up in nice khaki’s instead of the usual dirty jeans — or if you’re a button-down suit-and-tie guy then try loosening up your look a little.  This kind of thing acts as a shock to the system (both to the people around you AND to yourself) and might finally start getting you noticed, maybe for the first time ever! Simple but effective.

–

Well there’s 7 ideas to get you started down the path to some potentially exciting personal change.  Notice what I didn’t tell you to do though… I didn’t tell you to go out and get an expensive new wardrobe or to get rich somehow and buy yourself a flashy new car and some kickin’ bling.  The typical things you might think would be necessary to raise a guys’ status so that women begin noticing him.  These can be your long range goals to change and improve your life, but you must crawl before you can walk and it’s easy to become overwhelmed and discouraged if you try to tackle the task of massive personal change head-on from several directions at once.  Most of us probably wouldn’t even know where to begin!

So your first step will be to assume some of the behaviors of the HSM (even is simulation) and use the improved reactions from women as a basis to build your confidence up, and then just continue moving forward from there.  Remember, the goal is to raise the appearance of your male status for the purpose of getting your foot in the door romantically… getting a momentary flash of interest from a chick that you can then seize upon and begin to build off of.  One step at a time, right?

ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: This non-verbal signal of male attractiveness sets the table in such a way to make it possible for you to avoid being rejected as much as possible.  Otherwise you are constantly trying to fly in the face of a hurricane of female disinterest, and it won’t be long before your fledgling confidence is shattered completely.  You must avoid this.

None of these seven things require any huge investment of money either.  What they mostly require is an awareness of yourself — how you act around others and the effect that it has on them.  By adopting this sort of “fake it before you make it” idea of self-improvement you can begin to bootstrap yourself up out of your current behavioral rut and start to create little social breakthroughs for yourself here and there.  These successes are crucial though because they provide bits of inspiration to keep you motivated and moving forward, always improving… getting smarter with each failure and more confident with each success!

Before you know it, you’ll be looking back 1, 2 or ten years later only to realize that the entire trajectory of your life has changed enormously for the better as a result of these simple beginning efforts.

Just don’t write me NEXT Valentine’s Day bitching that you have this hot little girlfriend now who’s demanding silly gifts and expensive bling.  I warned you!

–

Dear Carolyn,

I am 29 and single.  I have a very strong mother who raised me to treat women with respect.  I was taught that women are strong, intelligent and independent.  And that women don’t need any special treatment.

When I go on dates I treat women that way.  I respect them, but I don’t offer to hold their door open, or always take my car.  I ask if they want to drive.  And I always split the check rather than pay for them.  I think it’s insulting to assume that women are fragile.

As you can imagine, I don’t get very many second dates.  And most of my female friends say I act like a jerk.  Am I a jerk? Should I change my way of thinking, or stay strong to my beliefs … and remain single?

~ B from Maine

Your mother instilled in you some valuable beliefs, but either she or you fashioned them into a needlessly blunt instrument.

Dates have nothing to do with scoring political points.  If you ask someone to dinner, you pay.  Not because your dinner companion is financially dependent upon you, but because you are the host and the pleasure of someone’s company is more than worth paying the tab.

If you get to a door first, you hold it for the next person.  Not because that person is too frail to handle the door, but because it’s the courteous thing to do.

If you are amenable to giving your companion a ride, then you offer a ride.

Note that none of these actions are gender specific.  Each is simply one person showing kindness to another… and people of all varieties appreciate kindness.   Even the strong, intelligent and independent ones.

You have female friends, so presumably you enjoy their company.  Dating women needn’t be any more complicated than your friendships.  Try being kind, not right.  See if that helps.

–

My Comments:

Well it looks like good ol’ “B from Maine’s” flinty cool New England sensibilities aren’t serving him very well in his dating life!

I actually get a lot of mail from guys like this who claim they do absolutely nothing wrong when they take women out, are perfect gentlemen to them, etc. etc. — and yet they can’t seem to get second dates most of the time.  I’m not there watching what they’re doing (but boy would I love to!) so it puzzles me as to what these men could be doing so deadly wrong.  It’s tough to guess when you’re only hearing one side of the story.

So it occurred to me while reading this piece in the paper today that some of these guys might have screwed-up internal “rules of personal conduct” which handcuff them to the point where they are genuinely unable to get a sense of how their behaviors are viewed by others.  Let’s remember that the act of Dating itself is mainly about determining what sort of personality you’re dealing with, to see if that person’s initial attractiveness will hold up after a few hours of hanging out with them.  Yes, it’s all just a big test (and BTW, it’s a test for her too!)

I’m sure it’s probably obvious to many of you how and why this guy comes off like ‘a jerk’.  But here’s his One Big Mistake in a nutshell: he’s refusing to play the game of courtship — and consequently the women red flag him as a stiff, uptight, BORING and possibly difficult personality as a result… and who the hell wants to get involved with someone like that?

Carolyn’s opening remark is profound in her observation that he’s taken a (possibly) well-meaning respect for women, taught to him by his mom, and turned it into a “blunt instrument”.  (As an aside: I often wonder what twisted motivations serve as a base for the things that our parents teach us.  Why was his “very strong mother” so intent on teaching her son to respect women at all costs anyway?  Maybe because good old dad (or the previous men in her life) routinely treated her with little or none at all? Just wondering…)  Therein lies the roots of shame transfer, but that’s more grist for a future post.

What I’m thinking in this case is that there’s an aspect of underlying anger or rage present here that’s expressing itself in this very passive-aggressive way.  Some of this could actually be anger at the controlling Mom herself, which the women that ‘B’ dates are only acting as stand-ins for… but that’s getting into speculative psychology.  I’m just trying to point out that everything in human nature is Cause-and-Effect.  None of us grows up in a vacuum.  That’s why it’s important to become self-aware and dig into your underlying motives for acting in the ways that you do.  By pulling these things out into the sunlight they will sometimes just burn up in the heat of logic and reason and go away — and then you’ve taken a significant first step in changing in your life.

Anyway, I’m sure you can see how adherence to such particular guidelines of strict personal behavior are throwing up an emotionless, distant wall between ‘B’ and his dates — when instead he should be trying to create some sort of emotional connection with them.  But that would mean having to play the courtship game of deference and charm and to act in a much different way than he describes.

Note that I said ACT… as in “being on your best behavior” — which simply means that you present yourself in a way that’s better than ordinary for the purpose of making a good impression on someone.  You would no more act your usual nasty old self on a date than you would on a job interview, right?  Unless of course you secretly wanted to sabotage the interview and NOT get the job (or the second date for that matter) so you could stay home on unemployment and keep torturing mother?  I’m just saying…

‘B’s refusal to act in ways that would endear him to his date have motivations that could be variously described as stubborn, self-hating, “logical” or any number of other ‘good reasons’.  But mainly, highly structured behavior also screams out another word to me: FEAR.  People who have a need to control and micro-manage every little thing about themselves and their environment have a huge fear of the unknown or of having things slip out of their control.  Part of ‘B’s motivation for acting as he does on these dates could have something to do with ‘control-freak anxieties’.  Again, without being able to sit down with this guy and pick his brain all we can do is speculate, but it’s certainly another possibility.

This sort of thing is more like a bad habit than a personality disorder, but it can screw you up in countless little ways regardless, as you see here.  Self-Awareness friends, self-awareness!

More Topic-Relevant Information:

If you’ve been following my posts for awhile, you probably know that I often stress the idea of originality as being one of the most important qualities that you want to project around women… from the way that you dress to how you approach and engage her in conversation.  Certain personality traits will almost automatically trigger attraction… and if you know what those qualities are then you can routinely create results for yourself that will almost seem like magic.

If on the other hand you FAIL to make a unique impression on a girl then she’s probably going to lump you in with the last 37 chumps who tried to hit on her.  Within three minutes of your paying for her drink she’ll be excusing herself to “go find her friends.”  The key to building a bond with a women is to engage her attention and get her to share information about herself.

And one of my favorite conversational tactics for accomplishing this little trick is called Cold Reading.

Cold reading is actually a somewhat sneaky technique that’s used by psychics and palm readers to make their “subjects” feel as if you understand what’s making them tick on an intimate level without them actually having to tell you anything about themselves.

The secret to Cold Reading is that all the profound “observations” you make are deliberately generic and therefore likely to apply to virtually anyone… although you present them in a way that makes them seem personal. Human beings are self-centered and we have a tendency accept claims about ourselves that we desire to be true.  And of course people are vain – we all want to be seen as unique.  So even though Cold Reads are often just vague generalizations, we still want to agree with the person who is so skillfully “reading” us — and we’ll tend to believe they have unusual powers of perception.  Women are especially suckers for anything that seems psychic or mysterious as they tend to be less cynical about these things than most men are.

So forget about using generic “job interview” type of questions to advance a conversation with a chick you’re trying to move on: (”what’s your name?” “where are you from?” etc.)  Why not try something more original in order to capture her attention?  If I’m in a club talking to some babe who’s playing hard-to-get for instance, I’ll sometimes try using an angle that goes like this:

“Y’know, Andrea, I get the sense that most people get the wrong idea about you.  They may think you’re stand-offish or a bit cold, but I’ll bet you’re actually a lot more sensitive and funny than most people realize.”

Another example: “I get the sense it takes you a while to actually trust people… because you’ve been hurt before by someone who was really close to you.  But the people that do earn your trust, you’re always there for them.”

Or… “I can tell that you’re a person who usually plays it safe and doesn’t like to take chances, and sometimes you’ve regretted it.  But at other times you’re spontaneous and adventurous and you DO like to take chances…and that’s when you’ve had some of the best times of your life!…”

If she agrees with my “amazing read” of her (and honestly, I’ve never had a woman totally disagree with any of these generic guesses) I’ll follow up by telling her that I can relate to it, because I’m the SAME way! This begins to build up just a little bit of a bond between us.  Then, in order to solidify this growing bond, I’ll tell her a quick story that illustrates just exactly how I’m the same type of person. (If you’ve got five Cold Reads ready to use, then you should also have five short stories ready in order to illustrate how you embody those same qualities.  You’ve got to do this prep work and memorize stuff in advance to make it slide off you smoothly.)

Here’s another typical Cold Read: “I can tell that something important has been weighing on your mind.  You’re on the verge of making an important decision in your life, aren’t you?”  (Pretty much all of us, at any given time, are contemplating some kind of big decision in our lives, so this has a good chance of being accurate.  See how this works?).  Regardless, she’ll be surprised and impressed that you knew so much about her!  You mysterious, handsome psychic stranger!

She’ll usually break down at this point and begin volunteering more information about herself — and now you’re engaged in a deep, authentic conversation with a girl instead of trying to fill awkward silences.

Much of what a cold reader does is simply repeating back what the subject has said.  If for instance she affirms that she’s on the verge of making this big decision, you should nod wisely and say, “Yes, that’s right, and you’re really having a hard time with it.”  Just act as if you already knew what she was going to say!

Some other Cold Reads that are totally vague yet utterly “profound”:

“I can tell you have a strong need for others to admire you, but you also have a tendency to be too critical of yourself.”

“You’ve got a hidden talent, a passion, that most people don’t know about… and you want to pursue it.  But something is holding you back…”

“At times you’re really social and outgoing.  But other times you’re reserved and introverted…”

Once you begin adding Cold Reads into your conversations with women you’ll soon get a feel for which ones work the best.  Just focus in on those and make up more engaging stories to re-enforce them.  To learn more about these Cold Reading techniques and dozens of my other sneaky conversational tactics, have a look at my new DVD, “Conversation, Persuasion and Mastery with Women”

Some of  the highlights include:

* Using “Power Phrases” to control a woman’s emotional state and flip ON her attraction switch at will.  Use this to turn boring conversations into a compelling, fun and flirtatious ones…

* How to quietly and subtly lead a woman down the “path to yes” instead of giving her reasons to say “no” to you…

* Great ways to neutralize the romantic effect of other nearby men without having to actually confront them…

So if you’ve been having problems conversing or actually persuading women to do your bidding, then give my DVD a look.  Thanks for your interest!

–

(Editors Note: Dean Cortez is the author is several fascinating PUA programs including his classic, no-punches-pulled “Secrets of Strip Club Seduction“.  I have another guest article by Dean about picking up strippers along with his 10 minute instructional YouTube video posted right here)

Barry

Hi Barry,

Thanks for writing.  Well, I don’t know if you’ve read any of my materials but you ask a very broad question that I address in various different ways in my books and audios, so I wouldn’t know where to begin trying to synopsize all that down into a simple bit of magical advice that I can give you.

One thing that I think you may have overlooked in all this agonizing though is motivation.  And I don’t just mean motivation to chase after women, but a motivation to do all those scary and potentially painful things that you must do (such as face down your fears, actually approach women and not just dream about it, etc.) in order to make serious changes in your life.

There’s no painless way to catch up once you’ve fallen behind the average person in terms of romantic skills — there will be embarrassment and bad emotions to experience and push through as you stumble and bumble your way to eventual competence.  It’s like anything else that you’ve been studying at school.

Here’s the one big thing to remember: the longer that you wait to tackle the chore of learning these skills the more embarrassing and difficult it will be to swallow the inevitable flubs that you will surely make along the way.  That’s because we naturally assume a greater level of romantic and social skill in people as they age, and when this experience is missing it diminishes us greatly.  The awkward romantic mistakes made at 16 may be laughable and expected — but those same mistakes made at 36 are sad and can sometimes even seem tragic.  So DO get to work facing down your fears and get this stuff handled — those fears won’t always self-correct, as a lot of people think they will.

Get yourself motivated to run that gauntlet of fear and fuck-ups!

Finally, you should understand that the “23 year old virgin” thing does actually leave an invisible stink on you that many women can actually sense before you even say anything to them — and this often ruins your chances to make a powerful, high status male impression right off the bat.  In this ” virgin mode” you’re always fighting an uphill battle again a nasty bad vibe that you’re sending out ahead of yourself… making the task of hooking up far more difficult than it should be.

I would therefore make the somewhat radical suggestion to you that you get yourself an escort or a hooker or something and just get laid already. Just be done with this whole virginity deal!  The longer you wait the more you end up over-thinking the whole thing until you’re completely locked-up on the issue. Hiring a courtesan is actually a time-honored way for a boy to become a man, and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.  Just keep it all on the down low if you want to and no one will ever have to know your business.  (Although maybe some of your frat bro’s could help hook you up?… if it wouldn’t destroy your rep with them to even ask such a thing?)

The important thing is to just get the stink of pussy ON you and get that virgin stench OFF you! Then you will experience a more natural shift in your attitude that will be far more attractive to women and give you a real shot with them.  Don’t get yourself all tangled up worrying about the “right way” to lose your virginity –  women obsess about that sort of shit (some of them, anyway).  Guys just need to get the V label off them and move on.  Hope this gets you thinking and ultimately motivated to begin staring down your fears.