Highly Sensitive – highly sensitive peopleExploring the personal aspects of being a creative and highly sensitive person2013-05-19T05:23:04Zhttp://highlysensitive.org/feed/atom/WordPressDouglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[What is our rush? Freeing yourself from pressure.]]>http://highlysensitive.org/what-is-our-rush/2013-05-12T00:22:52Z2013-05-11T03:48:00Z
“It is also good every so often to go away and relax a little for when you come back to your work your judgment will be better, since to remain constantly at work causes you to deceive yourself.”
Leonardo da Vinci
This need to “get away” from work and other people, even our own overactive minds, is especially important for introverted and/or highly sensitive people, who are often creators and innovators.
In her article What’s the rush?, creativity coach Jenna Avery describes how constantly striving and being urgent about our lives and careers can have such negative impacts on emotional health, especially for highly sensitive people, who “don’t like to work under stress and pressure.”
She writes, “It makes us nervous and lessens the quality of our performance. As people with particularly high standards and conscientiousness, the conflict between wanting to do well and feeling unable to do so builds into an intense and painful internal struggle.
“It’s no wonder we sometimes explode, and more often burn out.”
She challenges sensitive souls “to step outside this rushaholism and become leaders in honoring the deeper intuitive messages that guide our lives.”
Jenna Avery “uses her intuition, deep empathy, and innate practicality to help her visionary, creative clients step fully into their creative ideas, dreams, and ability. Learn about her programs including Self-Study Classes for Sensitive Souls, and the Writer’s Circle at JennaAvery.com.
Painting: “The new portrait of Leonardo da Vinci, which was painted between 1475 and 1480 and can be found in Washington, The National Gallery of Art, was wrongly attributed to the Italian painter Cariani…” From New Portrait of Leonardo da Vinci.
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]]>0Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Are Highly Sensitive Men More Creative?]]>http://highlysensitive.org/?p=7052013-05-04T00:22:31Z2013-04-28T01:58:37Z“So, I listened to this guy, and he’s got a hypnotic effect. He plays acoustic guitar, of course; and he is a real poet; and he’s a very sensitive guy.”
Record producer John Hammond, about Leonard Cohen [BBC Interview.]
Psychologist Elaine Aron and other researchers find that approximately 20 percent of the population has the personality trait of high sensitivity, equally divided between males and females.
Colleen O’Rourke, a coach for HSPs, lists in her publication The Highly Sensitive Person: Introductory Guide [PDF] “a few famous people thought to be HSP” (highly sensitive person), including these men:
Woody Allen, Andy Kaufman, Anthony Hopkins, Edgar Allen Poe, Ralph Waldo Emerson, W.B. Yeats, E.E. Cummings, D.H. Lawrence, Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman, Deepak Chopra, Joseph Campbell, Beethovan, Mozart, John Lennon, Leonard Cohen, Leonardo Da Vinci, Salvador Dali, Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright, Steven Spielberg, Ingmar Bergman.
Of course, it isn’t simply a matter of being called “sensitive” for a person to truly have the personality trait – journalists and other writers often refer to artists and their work as “sensitive.”
Take a look at Elaine Aron’s self-test Are You Highly Sensitive? to see the main characteristics of the trait.
With about twenty percent of us being highly sensitive, there are plenty of creative men in all kinds of fields and careers who are not HS (highly sensitive).
Colleen O’Rourke, CTI, CPCC (Coaches Training Institute, Certified Professional Co-active Coach) of Plum Turtle Coaching also notes in her publication above that there are highly sensitive people who “are extroverts or High Sensation Seekers who will exhibit a slightly different set of traits, including things such as: •a higher than average need to for novelty or stimulation •a thrill to be in the spotlight •a high degree of decision making •a craving for, rather than aversion to, change. These traits do not indicate that these people are not Highly Sensitive, just that they are a minority within the minority.”
In his post Healing the Highly Sensitive Male, Ted Zeff, Ph.D. writes about highly sensitive males (HSM), and notes “Due to societal mores, males are not supposed to express emotions such as fear and sadness, and they’re told that they shouldn’t let anything bother them, making the trait of sensitivity particularly challenging for men.
“In completing research for my new book “The Strong, Sensitive Boy: Help your Son Grow into a Happy, Confident Man” I interviewed thirty sensitive men from five different countries. [See link to the book below]
“Virtually all of the HSMs in my study enthusiastically shared with me how much they appreciated the positive aspects of being sensitive. For example, many men discussed how their intuition, creativity and ability to notice subtleties in the environment has helped strengthen their relationships, succeed in work, and deeply enjoy music and art projects.
“One man noticed that his sensitive tactile sense gives him an advantage when landing a plane, driving, and tasks that require refined movement and dexterity.”
Dr. Zeff adds, “The highly sensitive male may have trouble fitting into the narrow mold of a stereotypical male, but he has many wonderful qualities. Some of these include:
Compassion Gentleness The ability to act as a peacemaker Concern about the humane treatment of animals A sense of responsibility Conscientiousness Creativity The tendency to feel love deeply A great intuitive ability An awareness of their unity with all beings The ability to have and appreciate deep spiritual experiences
~~
If they are highly sensitive, people tend to notice more of their outer and inner environments, and process more sensory information. All of which can help make us more creative.
Some careers and areas of creative expression are especially appropriate for emotional sensitivity, an aspect of the trait for many people.
One example was actor Heath Ledger. Director Todd Haynes commented after his death, “Heath was a true artist, a deeply sensitive man, an explorer, gifted and wise beyond his years.”
“Heath Ledger cried all night after being attacked with water pistols by paparazzi at the Sydney premiere of Brokeback Mountain – and later sold his $4.45 million beachside home in Australia to relocate to Brooklyn with partner Michelle Williams and baby Matilda.” [Daily Telegraph, 2006]
Michelle Williams “describes his raw energy and talent, saying: ‘He had an uncontrollable energy. He buzzed. He would jump out of bed. For as long as I’d known him, he had bouts with insomnia. He just had too much energy. His mind was turning, turning, turning – always turning.
‘He had a talent for everything that he put his mind to. He didn’t know limits. I think that the interesting thing about Heath, which maybe people have only really fully discovered in his death, is how vulnerable he was.
‘You can pick up on it in his performances, but it’s easy to overlook because he was so physical and beautiful and strong and masculine. But there was always that underlying sensitivity. That’s who he was.’
Here are some additional articles and resources on HS men – starting with a very helpful piece by prolific writer on high sensitivity, Peter Messerschmidt [aka 'Denmarkguy'], who – like myself – identifies as being highly sensitive:
“Are you a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP? Are you a highly sensitive MAN? If you are reading these words, there’s a good chance that you are, or you know someone who’s an HSP, or you’re at least curious about what high …
“You might be a highly sensitive man IF:
“You tend to be more intuitive (or “right brained”) in your decision making and general approach to life, as opposed to logical (or “left brained”), which is typical of about 75% of the male population.
“You are usually more interested in things like culture, the arts, museums and creative expression than “traditional” male interests like hunting, watching sports on TV, working on cars or building things.
[See post for more items]
“Statistics tell us that high sensitivity occurs equally between men and women, but although they account for half the ‘HSP population,’ most HS men remain ‘hidden from view.’ In addition, they face a number of specific challenges that often make their lives quite difficult.”
“Sensitive New Age Guy”– NOT
“Let’s just throw out this pop culture stereotype…
“The idea of a “sensitive man” isn’t entirely new to the world.From time to time we come across a frequently ridiculed cultural stereotype referred to as the “Sensitive New Age Guy,” sometimes abbreviated “SNAG” by modern urban dictionaries.
“Originally coined in the 1970′s, this man is generally regarded as a strange milquetoast many people make fun of, behind his back.
“He was perhaps a precursor to what is now known as a “metrosexual,” except he was typically more sensitive, hesitant and timid.
“His friends were far more likely to be women than men, and you’d more likely find him at a women’s rights rally than at a football game.Is this even a remotely accurate characterization of the seemingly elusive HSP man?
“No. Not at all. Or certainly very little. The preceding is more of a cultural caricature, based on someone who– by choice– actively rejects his masculine side. Sometimes this is done out of fear, sometimes as a manipulation– either way, it is not what being a highly sensitive man is about.
“Being highly sensitive– as a man– has nothing to do with rejecting masculinity, or being effeminate. It has everything to do with being… well… sensitive, simply because you are wired that way. …
“Many HS men are part of the ‘Cultural Creative’ demographic, and have found good ways to be open about their sensitivity without wearing it as a ‘banner of pride’ or a label to hide behind. They may even be leaders– in their own way– typically through jobs and occupations that allow them to make significant contributions from ‘behind the scenes.’”
[Photo: Biographer David Wallechinsky once commented that in the early 30′s MGM studio chief Louis B. Mayer recognized neophyte actor Clark Gable (1901-1960) “as a sensitive man wary of his own sensitivity.” - From post Our High Sensitivity Personality.]
“So yes, I’ll say it: I am a Highly Sensitive Man. I’m not abnormal. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not a weakling, a wimp, or a pussy. I’m strong, passionate, and courageous. I’ll fight for what’s important to me. And I’m just as tough as any other man. I have to be, just to be who I am in a world that wants me to be something else.
“And I am not alone. There are many of us. As many as one in five men, if the numbers are correct. Think about that. You know many of us. You may be one of us.”
Rick Belden is the author of Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood. His book is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors, and men’s groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men’s issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful family systems.
More information, including excerpts from Rick’s books, is available at his website.
By Chrisi Brand. Here are some of the reasons that awareness and topicality of the HSP topic is increasing more and more. Today’s world brings with it a lot of inventions and tools that really have facilitated our … For all men overwhelmed by surroundings, the HSM concept can be very comforting and enlightening. So the word is spreading and a certain shift within society is bound to happen.
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Highly Sensitive Boys and Men – An Interview with Dr. Ted Zeff
Ted Zeff, PhD teaches workshops on coping techniques for highly sensitive people and has taught stress reduction and insomnia management for over fifteen years at various hospitals and medical groups.
He has more than twenty years experience counseling sensitive people and has a private practice counseling HSPs in-person and by phone.
]]>0Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Relationships and highly sensitive people]]>http://highlysensitive.org/?p=2722013-03-20T01:21:06Z2013-03-19T03:49:53Z“I am shy and I don’t start relationships with people normally. I guess I have a way that can seem aloof and sort of cold. They didn’t like me that much, but I never resented it. I was different than they were.”
Actor Kristin Kreuk. made other comments in an interview about being in high school:
["Did you ever have a high school boyfriend?"]
Kristin Kreuk : “No one worth mentioning — it just wasn’t something I found. I got a lot done that way!…The friends that I surrounded myself with — we didn’t talk about boys and clothes and makeup; we talked about world issues and philosophy and the meaning of life. I had friends who were dealing with major issues, like abuse.”
[Many sensitive and creative people experience abuse and other forms of trauma - see my post Creative People and Trauma.]
“A lot of my friends found their strength when they were young. Being able to be a part of their healing process means a lot to me; it makes our friendships even stronger. I only had a few close friends [in high school], but they are still my closest friends.” [Seventeen.com interview March 2003]
Her comments remind me of some quotes of Jessica Chastain (“Zero Dark Thirty” and other films):
“I was the girl who cut school to go to the park, and the other kids would be smoking and drinking and I’d be reading Shakespeare.”
Being highly sensitive may include or even encourage social isolation, and involve more than usual challenges with friendships and romance. True peer relationships can be rare and more demanding.
Of course, highly sensitive is not the same as shy, but a majority of HSPs are introverted, which can mean you don’t seek out friends or other relationships as easily as most people seem to do.
People who are highly sensitive may also find they need emotionally protective separation, even from well-meaning family and friends, and likely romantic partners, to protect and more fully realize themselves.
Emotional reactivity may be part of the challenges of any relationship, but can be particularly acute for HSPs.
In his book The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World, Dr. Ted Zeff has a chapter titled “Harmonious Relationships for the HSP” in which he offers strategies to help work with strong feelings and reactions.
Here are summaries of a couple of his suggestion :
“Practice the 1 percent apology. Because of their sensitivity to emotional turmoil it’s important for HSPs to develop conflict resolution skills that help them to restore harmony to a relationship with a minimum of emotional strife. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict – even if it is only 1 percent.
“Your expression of remorse gives an opening for the other person to apologize for their part of the disagreement… even if the other person doesn’t apologize, you have created peace of mind for yourself by opening your heart, not blaming anyone, and taking responsibility for your actions,” he says.
“Silence is golden and talking can tarnish the metal. Since HSPs feel more peaceful in a quiet environment it’s important for them to reduce the time they spend in mindless chatter. They should choose words carefully to avoid overstimulation.”
Linda Kreger Silverman, Ph.D., head of the Gifted Development Center, has talked about another issue: putting a relationship ahead of your own emotional needs.
She comments in her article “Different Worlds at the Extremes”: “Gifted children and adults often try to repress the real needs of the Self in order to maintain connections with others.
“They feel they must choose between loneliness and the negation of the Self.”
In his “Learn to Be Lonely” lyrics for The Phantom Of The Opera, Charles Hart acknowledges loneliness, but also encourages:
Ever dreamed out in the world / There are arms to hold you?
You’ve always known / Your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness / Learn to be lonely
life can be lived / life can be loved / Alone.
Most of us when we were adolescents felt needs and pressures to be accepted and acceptable.
But being intellectually or creatively exceptional: gifted and talented – and sensitive – often includes having temperaments and qualities such as divergent thinking, asynchronous development and introversion which make fitting in with others difficult, even if you want to.
And many of us never really wanted to that much.
Not to sound too much like “socially awkward” physicist Sheldon (played by Jim Parsons, left) on tv show The Big Bang Theory, but intellectual and creative interests can be very highly valued by many of us – even more than relationships.
Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., in an interview about her book The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, says people with more sensitive and excitable constitutions and personalities “need help with intimacy.
“Maybe we are afraid, have been hurt, and can’t forget it. Or we have trouble being known and appreciated for who we really are. Or we have trouble in relationships because of our different needs, so that we always feel ‘too much’ or ‘overly sensitive.’”
She also says highly sensitive people are “more likely to find sex to be mysterious and powerful, to be turned on by subtle rather than explicit sexual cues, to be easily distracted or physically hurt during sex, and to find it difficult to go right back to normal life afterwards.”
And she has found in her research there are as many men born with this trait as women, despite the cultural ideal for men to be aggressive.
In an article of his, Dr. Zeff writes: “Males are also taught that it is a sign of weakness to ask for help. This follows logically from the pressure to suppress negative emotions besides anger; after all, if you are not supposed to have distressing emotions, why would you need help for them?
“The result is that many men suffer in silence, which can have horrific effects for a male in his relationships, career, and health.”
High sensitivity can be an underlying inner pressure for many to avoid relationships that could become more than casual friendship.
For many highly talented people, isolation or reduction in social contacts can be a way to better incubate self development, and creative thinking and projects.
But there can be problems with isolation.
A research study found, “Teens who spend more time watching television or using computers appear to have poorer relationships with their parents and peers.” But there is no indication in the news story that teens were evaluated for giftedness or high sensitivity: Teens With More Screen Time Have Lower-Quality Relationships.
And if we choose to be in a relationship, there are special challenges, as both Elaine Aron and Ted Zeff write.
Anxiety can affect relationships.
One of those challenges may be anxiety, which can be especially intense for HSPs.
Mia Wasikowska (pronounced Vash-i-kov-ska) plays the lead role in TIm Burton’s movie “Alice in Wonderland.”
She has commented, “As a teenager I was very anxious. I had a lot of energy and passion that I wanted to channel into creative things, and I always felt like I wasn’t achieving enough.”
]]>4Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Sensitive to anxiety]]>http://highlysensitive.org/?p=3582013-04-18T03:52:22Z2013-03-15T22:37:34ZBeing highly sensitive probably increases our vulnerability to anxiety. I’m sure that has been the case for me, and I have had varying degrees of anxiety for most of my life.
Part of my motivation in researching and creating my series of sites is to better understand a variety of social and psychological issues that affect talent development and creativity – including the issue of mood challenges like anxiety: how it affects us, and what we can do about it.
Elaine Aron, PhD thinks “high sensitivity increases the impact of all emotionally tinged events, making childhood trauma particularly scarring.” [From the post Elaine Aron on High Sensitivity and the Undervalued Self - about her new book.]
That is a helpful concept, I think: that being highly sensitive increases the potency of any experiences with emotional elements.
I just came across a news release about research at Penn State indicating that “Anxiety sensitivity, or the fear of feeling anxious, may put people who are already above-average worriers at risk for depression.”
Andres Viana, a graduate student in psychology, explains, “Those with anxiety sensitivity are afraid of their anxiety because their interpretation is that something catastrophic is going to happen when their anxious sensations arise.”
In her book The Highly Sensitive Child, Elaine Aron notes that some sensitive adolescents may drink and use drugs to try to overcome anxiety or depression through self-medication.
But even if anxiety doesn’t get so extreme we feel a need to self-medicate or get professional help, feeling anxious adds to our unease and general discomfort with situations and other people – and ourselves.
“I think I’ve spent my adult life dealing with the sense of low self-esteem that sort of implanted in me. Somehow I felt not worthy.”
That quote by Halle Berry about being abused as a child, indicates how much impact trauma can have.
See more quotes by her, and a number of other actors, writers such as J.K. Rowling, and psychologists on the impact of traumatic experiences, including bullying, in my post Creative People and Trauma.
Dealing with anxiety
In her Spring 2010 newsletter, Jenna Forrest writes (and links to a video) about the Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) - “For clearing emotional pain, traumatic flashbacks, anxiety triggers, and unwanted mental images in 2-3 minutes.”
I haven’t used either of those techniques, but have benefited from occasional use of the herbal preparation PureCalm, and the Holosync CD from Centerpointe Research, which I have used fairly often, and find very calming.
Changing our environment
Dr. Ted Zeff notes that “Looking for happiness and trying to obtain a feeling of self-worth only from outside stimuli can create anxiety and tension for the reflective, sensitive person… If you know that a certain environment creates anxiety, either try to change the unhealthy, over-stimulating situation or remove yourself from the source of tension.”
Video: Being Highly Sensitive – With Anxiety — includes clip: testimonial by Donna Meyers about experiencing shyness and other feelings that may go along with high sensitivity, and about getting relief for her anxiety using The Linden Method [link to info page on my Anxiety Relief Solutions site].
]]>10Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Director Ang Lee: The Artist, The Introvert]]>http://highlysensitive.org/?p=6692013-04-28T20:31:48Z2013-02-27T02:39:44Z“He is so sensitive and the way he directs you is so silent.”
Director Ang Lee recently won his second Academy Award for “Life of Pi” (his first was for “Brokeback Mountain”).
Actor Adil Hussain, one of the stars of “Pi” described how the Taiwanese filmmaker works. He commented that Lee is “so sensitive and the way he directs you is so silent. He’d whisper into your ear what he has to say.
“He’d walk all the way from the den where he would sit… watching the shoot, to where you were shooting, if he had something to tell you. He wouldn’t just yell at his assistant asking him to convey the message; he’d always do so personally.”
Hussain added, “His language isn’t just verbal though, it’s some sort of energy transmission. And that makes you perform. That’s why a first-time actor like Suraj (who played the protagonist Pi Molitor Patel) could give this sort of an amazing performance.
“It cannot be solely through intellectual coaching.”
In an article on leadership, author Susan Cain gives a number of examples of “effective Asian-American leaders” including Ang Lee, plus other creative people: “novelist Chang Rae-Lee; fashion designer Vera Wang; New York Times literary critic Michiko Kakutani…the list goes on and on.”
Another article quotes Cain about the “extrovert ideal” – “the cultural phenomenon where in our schools, workplaces and religious institutions, we revere people who are bold, entertaining, alpha and gregarious, and appreciate far less a different constellation of traits – the serious, reflective, cerebral characteristics associated with introversion.”
But Cain also points out that these traits are greatly admired in some countries, such as China, where shy and sensitive children are popular at school.
Borno explains some of the ways our introvert (and perhaps highly sensitive) nervous system works:
“While introverts are easily overstimulated, in one particular way they are less easily enlivened: the dopamine pathways of an introvert’s brain are less active than the corresponding pathways in the brain of an extrovert. So they are less susceptible to the euphoric dopamine ‘buzz’ we experience when we achieve our goals.”
She quotes Susan Cain: “Extroverts have stronger ‘reward networks’ in the brain, fuelled by the neuro-transmitter dopamine, and it is these networks which make us sensitive to rewards such as going after promotions or winning money.
“Extroverts experience excited feelings about chasing after markers of status. Introverts care about these things with less intensity so they are more careful and deliberate.”
Borno adds, “Academically, introverts generally outperform their extroverted peers – while at the same time exhibiting greater creativity. This link between introversion and creativity, says Cain, may be because introverts spend much of their time alone and this can solitude spark innovation. Or it may be due to the fact that introverts tend to be more persistent problem-solvers, giving up less easily than extroverts when faced with a tricky puzzle.”
Susan Cain is author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking [an Amazon top Best Seller in Psychology of Creativity & Genius].
Dr. Elaine Aron comments that Cain’s book “is actually more about HSPs (highly sensitive people) than social introverts” and “Her discussion of ‘introversion’ throughout is almost identical to what has become the standard definition of high sensitivity.”
Shyness is also an experience of many highly sensitive and/or introverted people, although it is learned, rather than being a trait. But some people may identify others – or themselves – as “shy” when they may really be introverted.
That may be the case with actor Sigourney Weaver, who once said: “I remember when I met director Ang Lee and we were left alone … I was so shy and he was so shy neither of us said anything to each other for about 20 minutes. Finally, we started talking about The Ice Storm.”
]]>0Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Our High Sensitivity Personality]]>http://highlysensitive.org/?p=2182013-02-19T01:29:39Z2013-02-18T03:09:36ZAbout 15 to 20 percent of us have this trait of high sensitivity, which nurtures our creativity and social activism, but also brings challenges.
Psychologist Elaine Aron, PhD and others describe it as a more finely tuned nervous system. She explains, “It means you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations. It also means you are more easily overwhelmed…”
How does being a highly sensitive person impact our feelings and our lives?
Here is my short video on this topic [see notes about the content below] -
Actor Rachel McAdams said in a magazine interview, “I have major anxiety about crooked pictures. They just make me mental. I’m spatially sensitive. In the shower, I have to have the shampoo bottles setup right.
“I don’t want the writing facing. I want the label facing out. I’m learning to relax about bookshelves. I think the books look nicer if the heights are mixed up.” [usmagazine.com March 2007]
These may seem trivial “quirks” to people who aren’t sensitive, but those preferences can affect our feelings. One of the so-called Diva demands of stars like Jennifer Lopez is to have high thread count Egyptian cotton sheets in their hotel rooms. Well, maybe she just wants really soft bedding.
Director Luc Besson commented about Milla Jovovich in their film “The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc” (1999) that “She has the same kind of passion and excess [as Joan] and, you know, she can laugh and she can cry two seconds afterwards. She can cry for an ant on the street. She has, like, no skin. She feels everything. Even the wind can make her cry.”
“I’m very sensitive in real life. I cannot not cry if someone around me is crying…even if it’s not appropriate. I have that thing in me, a weakness or sensitivity.” Actor Jessica Chastain (“Zero Dark Thirty”)
Dr. Aron declares that HSPs (highly sensitive persons) “do cry more readily than others. It was a strong finding in our research.”
She also quotes Victor Hugo from “Les Miserables”: “Those who do not weep, do not see.”
Experiencing strong feelings is a key part of being highly sensitive, and one of its pleasures, but also a challenge.
Elaine N. Aron, in an article of hers, quotes Carl Jung: “This excessive sensitiveness very often brings an enrichment of the personality… Only, when difficult and unusual situations arise, the advantage frequently turns into a very great disadvantage, since calm consideration is then disturbed by untimely feelings.”
High sensitivity may be especially challenging for men.
Biographer David Wallechinsky once commented that in the early 30′s MGM studio chief Louis B. Mayer recognized neophyte actor Clark Gable “as a sensitive man wary of his own sensitivity.”
Author Ted Zeff, PhD has found that sensitive boys who participated in team sports had higher self-esteem, and, regardless of physique, were “never” or “rarely” teased. The HSMs (highly sensitive males) from Thailand and India indicated that they “usually” or “always” had many friends growing up, while virtually all of the HSMs who grew up in North America indicated that they had few if any friends except those who participated in team sports.
[Click on photo for related post.]
Dr. Zeff and I did a podcast interview in which he covers a number of psychological and social aspects of this trait experienced by about 15 to 20 percent of the global population: you can listen to it here:
Peter Messerschmidt writes on his Inner Reflections site about being a Highly Sensitive Man, which he says “had a direct influence on the outcome of decisions and events… In college, I wanted to major in English and pursue a career as a writer — but ‘wiser voices’ persuaded me to do the ‘sensible’ thing and major in Business.
“I spent 15 years in a profession that was largely sales and marketing related (yuck!), feeling like a misfit– and stuck with it 10 years longer than I should have.”
I can relate. I’ve had a number of soul-deadening cubicle jobs, partly because they were relatively undemanding of direct social contact.
Energy psychiatrist Judith Orloff, MD talks and writes about another kind of high sensitivity – being an intuitive empath. She says, “I couldn’t go to shopping malls or crowded places because I’d get overwhelmed by the energy.
“I’d walk in feeling fine and walk out exhausted, anxious or with a new ache or pain. I told my mother who was a physician and she said, Oh, dear, you just don’t have a thick enough skin.
“So I thought there was something wrong with me. Only as an adult did I realize that I’m an empath and I was absorbing the energy of crowds.”
]]>3Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Denmarkguy on Being Highly Sensitive]]>http://highlysensitive.org/?p=6592013-02-11T23:52:39Z2013-02-11T23:52:39ZPeter Messerschmidt (also known as ‘Denmarkguy’) notes he is “a writer by calling, but make my actual LIVING from a system of ‘patchwork economics’ that includes writing, consulting, coaching, eBay entrepreneurship, being a a rare stamp dealer, a beach comber and overall Creative Slacker…I am an HSP, INFJ and enneagram type 9, and have spent 20+ years studying various aspects of the psychology and motivations of living, loving, temperament, relating and connecting.”
On several Facebook pages with discussions for highly sensitive people, he notes it was his “ambition to create a single really good information resource for HSPs.”
This is from the first part of his excellent collection of writings and links:
‘When people think about a person who is “Highly Sensitive”, the default assumption seems to be that we’re talking about someone who’s a fussy tender flower who gets their feelings hurt at the drop of a hat.
‘Whereas that kind of emotional sensitivity is certainly part of what makes someone an HSP, the definition explored in these pages goes far beyond that.
‘When Dr. Elaine Aron coined the term “Highly Sensitive Person” (or HSP) in 1996, she was talking about something that is a genetic physiological trait, not a “pathology” or “affliction.”
‘In short, an HSP is a person whose neural net (central nervous system) is wired a little bit differently from the rest of the world– in such a way that they experience everything more deeply and intensely than most people.
‘HSPs are not as rare as you might think: an estimated 15-20% of the population is highly sensitive.
‘Being an HSP is not a “choice,” in any way, and it cannot be “fixed” or “treated,” anymore than the size of your feet, or the color of your eyes can be “fixed.” Through the use of EEG and fMRI technology, scientists have actually now observed that the brain of an HSP responds differently to specific stimuli than the brains of the majority of the population.
‘In recent years, the trait has received more scientific study, and high sensitivity is now also referred to as “Sensory Processing Sensitivity.”‘
]]>0Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Marie Forleo and Ane Axford About Being A Highly Sensitive Entrepreneur]]>http://highlysensitive.org/?p=6542013-02-11T20:45:35Z2013-02-11T20:33:48ZAne Axford, MS, LMFT (she pronounces it like “Annie”) notes:
“I am a highly sensitive person, who is also high sensation seeking, introverted, a licensed mental health and relationship therapist who specializes in working with highly sensitive persons.”
In her interview podcast “On HSPs as Entrepreneurs with Marie Forleo,” Ane and Marie talk about being, in Elaine Aron’s term, high sensation seeking, and how this can lead to being multipassionate and dissatisfied with routine jobs – and even a diagnosis of ADD – but it is also a strength for us as HSP entrepreneurs.
Hear an excerpt from the podcast, and read more about successful entrepreneur and coach Marie Forleo:
]]>0Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Winona Ryder: “Maybe I’m too sensitive for this world.”]]>http://highlysensitive.org/winona-ryder-maybe-im-too-sensitive-for-this-world/2012-12-23T06:19:42Z2012-12-22T04:24:00Z
Winona Ryder starred in the film based on Susanna Kaysen‘s novel Girl, Interrupted, and thinks Kaysen “captures a mood we’ve all experienced.
“It’s like a reflective time we’ve all had in our lives, whether to kill ourselves, whether to be miserable or move on. You go through spells where you feel that maybe you’re too sensitive for this world. I certainly felt that.”
Depression
“There was a time when I was 19 when I really, really, really thought I was going crazy,” she has said about her own brief stay at a psychiatric clinic.
“I was exhausted and going through a terrible depression. I had had panic attacks from the age of 12 – probably from the pressure of working and then going through adolescence onscreen.”
She left to get a year of intensive therapy, and recalls, “I was wallowing and I eventually got sick of it – I got sick of being sick.
“I was coming out of my own serious depression and I didn’t know what to label it, just as Susanna doesn’t know what to label hers.
“There was nothing really wrong with Susanna. They called her a ‘borderline personality’ because they couldn’t diagnose her.”
Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. has said she has seen “too many” highly sensitive children and adults “whose depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem prevent them from expressing whatever talents they have.”
Aron considers being an HSP “means, necessarily, that you are more easily overstimulated, stressed out, overwhelmed.”
She says there is a common tendency to call high sensitivity “fearfulness” and cites a New York Times Magazine describing “animals that hold back” as “shy and fearful” rather than “sensitive and observant.”
Diagnosis by others [particularly professionals], or simply how we explain our reactions and moods to ourselves, can have a profound effect on how those experiences impact our lives, for better or worse.
A common label many of us have put on our complex emotional experiences is “crazy” – as Winona Ryder commented above, and in another interview: “It’s just a feeling of ‘Am I crazy? Am I too sensitive to be in this world?’ A feeling that the world is just too complicated for me right now, and I don’t feel like I belong here.”
Ryder was interviewed in the Oct. 2009 issue of Interview magazine (summarized by The Week magazine), which noted that after her widely publicized 2001 arrest for shoplifting, Ryder stopped taking major film roles.
“It wasn’t like a breakdown, but I had to just stop and take care of myself. I was struggling,” she says.
“I never went out. I was just terrified and exhausted. I approached work very seriously, and it just got to be too much for me. I just felt like I really wanted to hold on to who I was and try to have as much a normal life as I could.”
The Week adds, “Today Ryder, 38, focuses on smaller, more independent films, writes almost daily, and avoids places where the paparazzi gather.” ["Why Winona Ryder dropped out," The Week theweek.com October 15, 2009]
Misdiagnosis
In their article: Misdiagnosis of the Gifted, Lynne Azpeitia, M.A. and Mary Rocamora note, “Since the gifted function with relatively high levels of intensity and sensitivity, when they seek therapy they are frequently misdiagnosed because therapists receive no specialized training in the identification and treatment of persons who have advanced and complex patterns of development.”
]]>0Douglas Ebyhttp://talentdevelop.com/resume.html<![CDATA[Psychiatrist Judith Orloff on coping with emotional overload]]>http://highlysensitive.org/?p=602012-12-15T20:15:17Z2012-12-15T02:06:19ZBy Judith Orloff, MD.
In my book, I emphasize the importance of learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world.
Since emotions such as fear, anger, and frustration are energies, you can potentially “catch” them from people without realizing it.
If you tend to be an emotional sponge, it’s vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual’s negative emotions or the free-floating kind in crowds.
Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially those with similar pain.
That’s how empathy works; we zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in ourselves. From an energetic standpoint, negative emotions can originate from several sources. What you’re feeling may be your own; it may be someone else’s; or it may be a combination.
I’ll explain how to tell the difference and strategically bolster positive emotions so you don’t shoulder negativity that doesn’t belong to you.
This wasn’t something I always knew how to do. Growing up, my girlfriends couldn’t wait to hit the shopping malls and go to parties, the bigger the better–but I didn’t share their excitement.
I always felt overwhelmed, exhausted around large groups of people, though I was clueless why. “What’s the matter with you?” friends would say, shooting me the weirdest looks. All I knew was that crowded places and I just didn’t mix.
I’d go there feeling just fine but leave nervous, depressed, or with some horrible new ache or pain. Unsuspectingly, I was a gigantic sponge, absorbing the emotions of people around me.
With my patients, I’ve also seen how absorbing other people’s emotions can trigger panic attacks, depression, food, sex and drug binges, and a plethora of physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than two million Americans suffer from chronic fatigue. It’s likely that many of them are emotional sponges.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time you’re on emotional overload.
With strategies to cope, you can have quicker retorts to stressful situations, feel safer, and your sensitivities can blossom.
“So, I listened to this guy, and he’s got a hypnotic effect. He plays acoustic guitar, of course; and he is a real poet; and he’s a very sensitive guy.” 
One example was actor Heath Ledger. Director Todd Haynes commented after his death, “Heath was a true artist, a deeply sensitive man, an explorer, gifted and wise beyond his years.”
“I think being different, being against the grain of society, is the greatest thing in the world.”
“Statistics tell us that high sensitivity occurs equally between men and women, but although they account for half the ‘HSP population,’ most HS men remain ‘hidden from view.’ In addition, they face a number of specific challenges that often make their lives quite difficult.”
“So yes, I’ll say it: I am a Highly Sensitive Man. I’m not abnormal. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not a weakling, a wimp, or a pussy. I’m strong, passionate, and courageous. I’ll fight for what’s important to me. And I’m just as tough as any other man. I have to be, just to be who I am in a world that wants me to be something else. 
“I am shy and I don’t start relationships with people normally. I guess I have a way that can seem aloof and sort of cold. They didn’t like me that much, but I never resented it. I was different than they were.”
In his “Learn to Be Lonely” lyrics for The Phantom Of The Opera, Charles Hart acknowledges loneliness, but also encourages:
And many of us never really wanted to that much.
And she has found in her research there are as many men born with this trait as women, despite the cultural ideal for men to be aggressive.
Mia Wasikowska (pronounced Vash-i-kov-ska) plays the lead role in TIm Burton’s movie “Alice in Wonderland.”
That quote by Halle Berry about being abused as a child, indicates how much impact trauma can have.
Dr. Ted Zeff notes that “Looking for happiness and trying to obtain a feeling of self-worth only from outside stimuli can create anxiety and tension for the reflective, sensitive person… If you know that a certain environment creates anxiety, either try to change the unhealthy, over-stimulating situation or remove yourself from the source of tension.”
Shyness is also an experience of many highly sensitive and/or introverted people, although it is learned, rather than being a trait. But some people may identify others – or themselves – as “shy” when they may really be introverted.
Actor Rachel McAdams said in a magazine interview, “I have major anxiety about crooked pictures. They just make me mental. I’m spatially sensitive. In the shower, I have to have the shampoo bottles setup right.
“I’d walk in feeling fine and walk out exhausted, anxious or with a new ache or pain. I told my mother who was a physician and she said, Oh, dear, you just don’t have a thick enough skin.
‘When people think about a person who is “Highly Sensitive”, the default assumption seems to be that we’re talking about someone who’s a fussy tender flower who gets their feelings hurt at the drop of a hat.
Ane Axford, MS, LMFT (she pronounces it like “Annie”) notes:
She left to get a year of intensive therapy, and recalls, “I was wallowing and I eventually got sick of it – I got sick of being sick.
Ryder was interviewed in the Oct. 2009 issue of Interview magazine (summarized by The Week magazine), which noted that after her widely publicized 2001 arrest for shoplifting, Ryder stopped taking major film roles.
By Judith Orloff, MD.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time you’re on emotional overload.