The trait of high sensitivity is experienced by 15 to 20 percent of us. In this video are some quotes by and about Winona Ryder, Heath Ledger, Amy Brenneman, Scarlett Johansson, Anne Hathaway, and Ellen DeGeneres about their experience of sensitivity. Maybe you can relate to some of them.
“At least 50 million Americans have a finely tuned nervous system.”
Books by Ted Zeff, PhD :
Shrink Rap Radio audio podcast interview with Dr. Zeff
His site: www.drtedzeff.com
Source video: Highly Sensitive People: Coping Strategies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raN8mvJA_Xo
Related posts :
Our High Sensitivity Personality – a video
Video: The Highly Sensitive Person by Therese J. Borchard
Video: Elaine Aron on the trait of high sensitivity
A recent news item by ScienceDaily reported on research that may explain more about the neuroscience that underlies high sensitivity.
“Researchers have discovered that a primitive region of the brain responsible for sensorimotor control also has an important role in regulating emotional responses to threatening situations.
“This region appears to work in concert with another structure called the amygdala to regulate social and emotional behavior.”
The story explains, “Georgetown University Medical Center researchers have recently discovered that activation of a primitive brain region, the deep layers of superior colliculus (DLSC), elicits defensive behaviors such as an exaggerated startle, hypervigilance, cowering, and escape…. in addition to triggering defensive behaviors, the activation of DLSC leads to a decrease in affiliative social interactions.”
Like mainstream media – and probably psychiatry in general – this news story was framed in terms of dysfunction: “Researchers say it is possible that a prolonged activation of this defense system may lead to emotional disorders” including post traumatic stress disorder and other anxiety disorders.
[From Two Brain Structures Key To Emotional Balance Especially In Threatening Situations, ScienceDaily (Oct. 23, 2009)]
As we know who have one, a highly sensitive nervous system is not necessarily a “disorder.”
That is not to discount very real medical and mental health issues, such as anxiety, and PTSD – which can include very disruptive or disabling behaviors, emotions, and another kind of over-activation of the nervous system: hypervigilance.
That is something actor Ashley Judd experienced.
She had a “very unsafe” and disruptive childhood, and became what she calls a “hypervigilant child.”
From post Developing creativity: hypervigilance and highly sensitive people
Related post: Highly sensitive people: latent inhibition and creativity
Winona Ryder and depression
Winona Ryder starred in the film based on Susanna Kaysen’s novel Girl, Interrupted, and thinks Kaysen “captures a mood we’ve all experienced. It’s like a reflective time we’ve all had in our lives, whether to kill ourselves, whether to be miserable or move on. You go through spells where you feel that maybe you’re too sensitive for this world. I certainly felt that.”
“There was a time when I was 19 when I really, really, really thought I was going crazy,” she has said about her own brief stay at a psychiatric clinic. “I was exhausted and going through a terrible depression. I had had panic attacks from the age of 12 – probably from the pressure of working and then going through adolescence onscreen.”
She left to get a year of intensive therapy, and recalls, “I was wallowing and I eventually got sick of it – I got sick of being sick. I was coming out of my own serious depression and I didn’t know what to label it, just as Susanna doesn’t know what to label hers. There was nothing really wrong with Susanna. They called her a ‘borderline personality’ because they couldn’t diagnose her.”
[From article: Interviews with Stephen Fry, Winona Ryder and Stan Collymore on fame, fortune and depression]
Highly sensitive children – holding back
Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. has said she has seen “too many” highly sensitive children and adults “whose depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem prevent them from expressing whatever talents they have.” [From her newsletter article The Highly Sensitive Child (and Adults, Too): Is Sensitivity the Same as Being Gifted?]
Aron considers being an HSP “means, necessarily, that you are more easily overstimulated, stressed out, overwhelmed.” She says there is a common tendency to call high sensitivity “fearfulness” and cites a New York Times Magazine describing “animals that hold back” as “shy and fearful” rather than “sensitive and observant.” [From her newsletter article Reflections on Research]
Labeling and mislabeling
Diagnosis by others [particularly professionals], or simply how we explain our reactions and moods to ourselves, can have a profound effect on how those experiences impact our lives, for better or worse.
A common label many of us have put on our complex emotional experiences is “crazy” – as Winona Ryder admitted in another interview: “It’s just a feeling of ‘Am I crazy? Am I too sensitive to be in this world?’ A feeling that the world is just too complicated for me right now, and I don’t feel like I belong here.”
But, she added, “it passes, and fortunately today I feel blessed for all the good things in my life.” [From Autumn in New York : Interview With Winona Ryder]
Taking care of yourself
Ryder is interviewed in the new (Oct. 2009) issue of Interview magazine, as summarized by The Week magazine, which notes that after her widely publicized 2001 arrest for shoplifting, Ryder stopped taking major film roles.
“It wasn’t like a breakdown, but I had to just stop and take care of myself. I was struggling,” she says. “I never went out. I was just terrified and exhausted. I approached work very seriously, and it just got to be too much for me. I just felt like I really wanted to hold on to who I was and try to have as much a normal life as I could.”
The Week adds, “Today Ryder, 38, focuses on smaller, more independent films, writes almost daily, and avoids places where the paparazzi gather.”
[Why Winona Ryder dropped out, The Week theweek.com October 15, 2009]
Misdiagnosis
In their article: Misdiagnosis of the Gifted, Lynne Azpeitia, M.A. and Mary Rocamora note, “Since the gifted function with relatively high levels of intensity and sensitivity, when they seek therapy they are frequently misdiagnosed because therapists receive no specialized training in the identification and treatment of persons who have advanced and complex patterns of development.”
In her song “I’m Sensitive,” Jewel sings:
“Oh please be careful with me, I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way…
I have this theory, that if we’re told we’re bad
Then that’s the only idea we’ll ever have…”
[From her debut album Pieces of You]
~~
Related books
The Highly Sensitive Person, by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.
Misdiagnosis And Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults by J. Webb et al.
Some related Talent Development Resources pages:
Articles: anxiety / fear / courage
Anxiety relief products and programs
Mental health
mental health : teen/young adult
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In her authoritative book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, Elaine Aron, PhD notes, we are at “the extreme end of the dimension of sensitivity,” but she adds, “..for many HSPs the real challenge is to achieve the middle ground.
“No more ‘too shy’ or ‘too sensitive’ or too anything. Just okay, ordinary, normal.”
But is “normal” what we want to be?
I don’t really know the nuances of Dr. Aron’s perspective on this topic of normality, but her sentence caught my attention, and reminded me of a poignant movie – Phoebe in Wonderland – about a gifted girl.
In the film, 9-year-old Phoebe (Elle Fanning) auditions to play the lead in a school production of “Alice in Wonderland,” but her vivid imagination leads her to act out some possibly obsessive self-punishing rituals to earn the part.
When Phoebe explains to her drama teacher Miss Dodger (Patricia Clarkson) that she can’t control her odd behaviors, Miss Dodger responds, “I want to tell you something which may not make any sense. But I should say it, just so that one day you might remember it and maybe it will make you feel better.
“At a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by, you will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the other ‘awful’ normals.”
[See the trailer with this scene at Amazon.com]
We do want to be “normal” in the sense of living as equals in the community of other people, without being judged as freaks for being “too sensitive.”
But normal can often also involve satisfaction with mediocrity, support of destructive prejudices, acceptance of authority without question, and other qualities that creative and exceptional people tend to shun.
Being exceptional means not called or constituted to be normal.
Being whole
The image is a high speed photograph by Shinichi Maruyama, from my video Wabi-Sabi and creating: Anna Gaskell, Shinichi Maruyama and Eric Maisel.
Enso is a Japanese word meaning “circle” and a concept strongly associated with Zen Buddhists, who “believe that the character of the artist is fully exposed in how she or he draws an enso. Only a person who is mentally and spiritually complete can draw a true enso.” [WIkipedia]
In The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine Aron writes:
“Wholeness is a central issue for HSPs in relation to the spiritual and psychological life because so often we are already good at the spiritual and psychological. In fact, if we persist in those to the exclusion of everything else, we are being one-sided.
“It is very hard for us to see that the most spiritual thing might be to be less spiritual, the most insightful psychological stance might be to dwell less on our psychological insights. A call to wholeness rather than perfection might be the only way to get the message.
“This is a very individual matter. If we’ve stayed in, we’ll be tempted out or finally forced out. If we’ve been out, we’ll have to go in. If we’ve armored ourselves, we’ll finally have to admit to our vulnerability.
“But if we’ve been timid, we’ll start to feel all wrong inside until we’re more assertive. In respect to Jungian attitudes of introversion and extraversion, most HSPs need to be more extraverted in order to become more whole.”
She adds helpful advice, “In general, anything that has been our particular specialty has to be balanced by its opposite, what we are bad at or afraid of trying.”
Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life.
Loneliness gets to some more than others. But why it hangs on isn’t always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes.
In my practice and workshops I’ve been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call “emotional empaths” come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years.
Or else they’re in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isn’t simply that “there aren’t enough emotionally available people ‘out there,’” nor is their burnout “neurotic.”
Personally and professionally, I’ve discovered that something more is going on.
Emotional empaths are a species unto themselves.
Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be hard to take, may cause us to bolt.
Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner’s energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space.
We’re super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with fifty fingers instead of five. Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they’re afraid of getting engulfed.
Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live.
See rest of article, including Tips for empaths to feel at ease in a relationship -
Secrets For Sensitive People To Find Relationships That Work: Why Emotional Empaths May Stay Lonely Or Alone.
Photo: Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation.
Johansson has said, “I think I was born with a great awareness of my surroundings and an awareness of other people. I know when I really connect with somebody… Sometimes that awareness is good, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.” [From Intensity / sensitivity : page 2]
Related page: Relationships
About 15 to 20 percent of us have this trait of high sensitivity, which nurtures our creativity and social activism, but also brings challenges.
Psychologist Elaine Aron and others describe it as a more finely tuned nervous system. She explains, “It means you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations. It also means you are more easily overwhelmed…”
How does being a highly sensitive person impact our feelings and our lives?
Here is the video -
Actor Rachel McAdams said in a magazine interview, “I have major anxiety about crooked pictures. They just make me mental. I’m spatially sensitive. In the shower, I have to have the shampoo bottles setup right.
“I don’t want the writing facing. I want the label facing out. I’m learning to relax about bookshelves. I think the books look nicer if the heights are mixed up.” [usmagazine.com March 2007]
These may seem trivial “quirks” to people who aren’t sensitive, but those preferences can affect our feelings. One of the so-called Diva demands of stars like Jennifer Lopez is to have high thread count Egyptian cotton sheets in their hotel rooms. Well, maybe she just wants soft bedding.
Director Luc Besson commented about Milla Jovovich in their film “The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc” that “She has the same kind of passion and excess [as Joan] and, you know, she can laugh and she can cry two seconds afterwards. She can cry for an ant on the street. She has, like, no skin. She feels everything. Even the wind can make her cry.”
Amy Brenneman feels she is “too sensitive to watch most of the reality shows. It’s so painful for me.”
Actor and singer Mandy Moore says, “I’ll cry at anything, even a tissue commercial… I’m overly sensitive. It’s so easy to hurt my feelings.”
Experiencing strong feelings is a key part of being highly sensitive, and one of its pleasures, but also a challenge.
Elaine N. Aron, in an article of hers, quotes Carl Jung: “This excessive sensitiveness very often brings an enrichment of the personality… Only, when difficult and unusual situations arise, the advantage frequently turns into a very great disadvantage, since calm consideration is then disturbed by untimely feelings.”
High sensitivity may be especially challenging for men.
Biographer David Wallechinsky once commented that in the early 30’s MGM studio chief Louis B. Mayer recognized neophyte actor Clark Gable “as a sensitive man wary of his own sensitivity.”
Author Ted Zeff did a recent podcast interview in which he covers a number of psychological and social aspects of this trait experienced by about 15 to 20 percent of the global population.
Here is an excerpt. … The video clip is Josh Kornbluth in his film Haiku Tunnel (2001).
Peter Messerschmidt writes on his Inner Reflections site about being a Highly Sensitive Man, which he says “had a direct influence on the outcome of decisions and events… In college, I wanted to major in English and pursue a career as a writer — but ‘wiser voices’ persuaded me to do the ’sensible’ thing and major in Business.
“I spent 15 years in a profession that was largely sales and marketing related (yuck!), feeling like a misfit– and stuck with it 10 years longer than I should have.”
I can relate. I’ve had a number of soul-deadening cubicle jobs, partly because they were relatively undemanding of direct social contact.
Energy psychiatrist Judith Orloff talks and writes about another kind of high sensitivity – being an intuitive empath. She says, “I couldn’t go to shopping malls or crowded places because I’d get overwhelmed by the energy.
“I’d walk in feeling fine and walk out exhausted, anxious or with a new ache or pain. I told my mother who was a physician and she said, Oh, dear, you just don’t have a thick enough skin.
“So I thought there was something wrong with me. Only as an adult did I realize that I’m an empath and I was absorbing the energy of crowds.”
She talks about how to deal with this in her book – and in our interview.
We can enjoy and benefit from being sensitive, but we also need to respect how we grew up with the trait, and take care of our energy and emotions.
Author and coach Cheryl Richardson notes, “Sensitivity allows us to be touched by beauty, signs of grace, or intimate moments with others.”
She adds, it can also be “an internal warning signal when we’re in situations hazardous to our emotional, physical, or spiritual health.”
About this video:
Opening images: Josh Hutcherson in Bridge to Terabithia (2007); Don Cheadle; Nicole Kidman; image from The Mission of Art, by Alex Grey.
Photo: ‘For some of us, even a little Times Square is too much’ – by Nina Berman, from article Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, by Jeffrey Kluger, TIME, Nov. 17, 2002 – which refers to the book Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World, by Sharon Heller.
Elaine N. Aron, PhD is author of The Highly Sensitive Person and related books. She quotes C.G. Jung in her journal article The Clinical Implications of Jungs Concept of Sensitiveness. [pdf]
Ted Zeff is author of The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World.
The audio excerpt is from his Shrink Rap Radio podcast On The Highly Sensitive Person.
The typewriter keyboard image is from the Writer’s Mind CD.
Image from book Escape from Cubicle Nation: From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur, by Pamela Slim.
Judith Orloff, MD is author of Emotional Freedom. Our audio interview (with transcript) is at Inner Talent Interviews.
The young girl is Jenna Forrest from her book Help Is On Its Way: A Memoir About Growing Up Sensitive.
Hear our podcast interview at Inner Talent Interviews.
See post: Cheryl Richardson on protecting our high sensitivity
Dr. Judith Orloff says if you have ever been labeled as “overly sensitive” you can keep your energy high, even in negative or frustrating situations. She is author of the book Emotional Freedom.
Also hear / read my interview with Dr. Orloff.
In her ebook “You’ve Got Nerve!” An Empowerment Toolkit for Highly Sensitive People, Erika Harris helps readers celebrate and nurture themselves.
She writes, “Yes of course, we must first master HSP basics like self-care, energy-management, boundaries and joyful work.
“And while I will certainly help you with those things in each celebration, those concerns are starting-points because we are destined for quite a bit more than merely ‘coping’ or ’surviving.’
“On personal and planetary levels, we are equipped to create and experience Heaven on Earth.
“As my favorite poet, Rumi, asked,
‘Why crawl when you can fly?’
“Yes, you may very well feel every single bump, nuance, wave and vibration (and I know they don’t all feel good), but that hasn’t stopped you. And that power to show up for life while feeling and processing 1000% more than most people is exactly what fuels your ability and calling to Lead in Light.”
For information on getting her ebook and monthly program, see the “You’ve Got Nerve!” link on her site The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Creating Joyful Work!
“There are two different types of social phobia. The first is generalized, where anything and everything in the way of social interaction has the potential to send your nerves into overdrive.
“People who are only afraid of a few or a particular type of social interaction have non-generalized or specific social phobia.
“To help determine if you are suffering from social phobia answer the following three questions:
1. Is being embarrassed or looking stupid one of your worst fears?
2. Does fear of embarrassment cause you to avoid interacting with people or doing things?
3. Do you avoid activities where you are the focus or center of attention?”
From article Which Of The Two Different Types of Social Phobia Do You Have? – By Bertil Hjert