HIJAB 'N' THE CITY

A glimpse of my favourite person - Audrey Hepburn

2016-09-07T00:17:00.001+08:00

FROM THE DESK OF THE IMAGE CONSULTANT FEEXA NICOLL
#theimageconsultantfeexanicoll
#thisismysay
#lifestyleguru

Have I told you, apart of being an Image Consultant , I am also a Numerologist - not just a bit of knowledge, I am actually able to guess many things just by putting two and two together from the birthdate. Nope you don't have to believe me.

Audrey Hepburn was born on 4th May 1929 - exactly 39 years later I was born on the 4th May too - go figure how old I really am - Nowadays I don't care about who gives a damn because I do exactly how and what I feel - If anyone is offering me to give back my 25 years of age, I would decline - no way, not again, my body may be able to do a 2 days straight of clubbing at that time but my brain wouldn't be able to withstand any mental tortures the way I could now.

Being born on the 4th May has given us a similar personality (fefeeling perasaan) - but true that ..... (if I was born in the USA, I would have become an actress but to be one over here in Malaysia? years ago? you've got to be kidding me) - so back to Audrey Hepburn, a fashion icon and a Humanitarian, with grace and talents - Unfortunately I would need to go to Ethiopia and join the hunger game to have
her weight (nope nothing funny about this) - Aren't we similar? Confident is an art too that I have mastered over the years - either you have it or you don't. I have aplenty. hikhik!

My birthdate pointed out I took a lot of risks - I did it long before I knew it for sure! I did it all! The very things that people told me not to do ! And after all that, I am still sane hmmm maybe not !

From an Image Consultant perspective let me analysed this iconic icon whose birthdate I shared and some of the reasons why we still love Audrey Hepburn. The answer to this question is only obvious in hindsight, the actress achieved not only worldwide fame, but also an iconic status as the symbol of classic-beauty-feminity.

Millions of actresses aspire to this level of success and a few attain it. So why and how did Audrey Hepburn achieve what others only dream about? My answer is that she truly had it all: a unique, yet extraordinary beauty, charm. brains. talent, luck, compassion and character.

There's nothing hocus focus about being a Numerologist, if you know me , and I hope you have the privilege to know all of me... The truth is I could be a bitch at times but my intention has always been clear and kind so you do not want to mess with the real deal. After all your personality is in your birthdate if you are able to find yourself ...

Footnote: Feexa Nicoll is a certified Image Consultant and can be reached at hijabnthecity@gmail.com

HIJAB 'N' THE CITY: TO GIVE OR NOT TO GIVE

2015-12-22T08:34:00.001+08:00

HIJAB 'N' THE CITY: TO GIVE OR NOT TO GIVE

TO GIVE OR NOT TO GIVE

2015-12-20T20:07:00.000+08:00

Life has taught me a lesson or two. It has saved me from myself. It has seen me stupid. It has seen me naïve. It has probed me to think mercilessly and lately it has seen me wiser. Lately I am thinking in two dimension. Putting things into perspective and the truth is no one has ever been more wrong or right but ourselves. You will see what you allow yourself to see. You will be what you allow yourself to be. Even if you were so wrong where everybody else could easily see (krik krik) but if Allah didn’t grant the privilege for you to see and right the wrongs, you could only be who you allowed yourself to be. A jerk ! Got it? (Never mind if you don’t understand what I am saying)

What is giving? To give? To sadaqah? To part with what you own? To share? To handover? To commit? To part with? To cause or allow someone to have something. All the synonyms of giving that you can find through Mr Google, ahh my good friend (who never shouted Stupid ! Itu pun tak tau ke? Eheh?)

This is what my faith taught me because I know my blog is read by non Muslims too (I know about some bogus Quran translations that have been circulated to tarnish the image of Islam which claimed that the muslims are trained to be terrorists) - seriously? Oh Please! The least you could do is to consult Mr Google, you are not that stupid are you?

Sadaqah (voluntary charity) is a virtuous deed in Islam. In fact, it is considered as a proof of one’s eeman (faith). The Prophet (s.a.w) sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said in the following authentic hadeeth:

Abu Malik al-Ashari (r.a.) (radhi Allahu anhu) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) said: “Cleanliness is half of faith. Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) fills the scale. SubhanAllah (Glory be to Allah) and Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) fill up what is between the heavens and the earth. Prayer is a light. Charity is proof (of one’s faith). Endurance is a brightness and the Qur‘an is a proof on your behalf or against you. All men go out early in the morning and sell themselves, thereby setting themselves free or destroying themselves.” (Muslim, 432)

BUT.

Sadaqah does not just mean to give because you have extras. Especially so - not because you have plenty of money (why so? Because then, only the rich can give - which is not normally the case)

Sadaqah is not restricted to giving part of your wealth or material possessions or any special deed of righteousness. Islam considers all good deeds as sadaqah that increase our eeman:

Abu Musa narrated that the Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said, “Every Muslim has to give in sadaqah (charity).” The people asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w)! If someone has nothing to give, what will he do?” He said, “He should work with his hands and benefit himself and also give in charity (from what he earns).” The people further asked, “If he cannot do even that?” He replied, “Then he should help the needy who appeal for help.” Then the people asked, “If he cannot do that?” He replied, “Then he should perform all that is good and keep away from all that is evil and this will be regarded as charitable deeds.” (Bukhari Vol. 2, Hadith 524)

The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: “To smile in the company of your brother is charity. To command to do good deeds and to prevent others from doing evil is charity. To guide a person in a place where he can not get astray is charity. To remove troublesome things like thorns and bones from the road is charity. To pour water from your jug into the jug of your brother is charity. To guide a person with defective vision is charity for you.” (Bukhari)

Don’t you see? Kindness is a form of charity too. It counts! To live with good values. It is charity ! Perhaps the best one that is! Do not be trapped into thinking that Allah’s promise that 1 (one) sadaqah in the form of money will be multiplied to 10 times of the value of money you have given away .

In fact, Insyaallah, Allah may reward you in the other aspects of your life too (not just money) :

Good health, good friends who will guide you to Jannah, wisdom, intelligence, love and more love, positive energies, talents you don’t think you possessed before, unexpected windfall etc etc to name a few. (So money shouldnt be the only thing you consider as the reward you should be getting.

In fact you may claim to be righteous and felt smug because you gave lotsa money to charity and dressed long and covered so visible to differentiate yourself as the most pious one (but that’s what you want - for your deeds to be visible for others to see ) - unfortunately, that doesn’t make you be to be the best sadaqah giver, ever ! And only Allah will be the judged of your intention .Wallahuaklam.

Just before I picked up Reach Out Malaysia from pieces in 2011, I was robbed off from most of my possession. I lost a business, a car, a house, my dignity. I got cheated, stepped on etc etc. So much so I promised myself this. If I want to give away my possessions I might as well do it so willingly to those people who deserved it. Not to crooks, liars, cheaters and of course bank loans (errrr ).

And that was how Reach Out Malaysia the 2^nd generation was born. From kindness. Not money. Allah the all knowing has allowed it to happen. For I am only his slave. He owns everything and will take whatever he feels like taking and will give whatever he feels like giving.

Disclaimer : I am not an Islamic scholar but rather I am practicing a common sense which is to be kind is the way to be ….

Rhythmic Yoga Flow

2015-12-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

REACH OUT MALAYSIA AND ME

2015-12-16T21:24:00.002+08:00

Feexa Nicoll with volunteers during one of the many midnight runs to feed the homeless on the street of Kuala Lumpur

So many questions that people have of me pertaining to Reach Out Malaysia ! If they know me personally, bole tanya la takde masalah….yang tak kenal pulak buat andaian. Macam-macam cerita la itu ini but it didn’t bother me because people being people – at the end of the day. people who loved to assume, would end up looking like an idiot (sorry not able to tone this word down, an idiot is an idiot or orang Melayu panggil bodoh sombong tahap dewata …) so there! Have coffee with me and asked what you want to know.

First thing first, me and Pete do not do this full time. We have a life apart from Reach Out Malaysia . Reach Out is a part of our lives. I am not the emotional kind to write on FB status with tears in my eyes of the stories that I have heard or experienced with the street people. Nor will I exaggerate things to have a more sympathetic vote to collect more fund or popularity. I say things as they are. Straight to the point. Needing to get the job done. Detached is the word. I consider myself like a doctor. Emotion aside and used it only when necessary. (Sound like a Gestapo pulak) . But I am not in this because I am answering ‘the calling’ kunun but because of the realization that somebody needs to do it and some things need to be done. Rarely do I talked about it to give a sensational stories unless I was being asked personally to give a talk or something (even then I declined many times) because of a job or a family commitment.

So much so it is not for the public to know and to own. I would make it sensational in my private moments while sharing it with good friends or my students(in my yoga class). Much to your surprise, I am not doing this as a favor to the homeless people but rather as a favor to myself . To remind me that I have a responsibility to carry, to remind me to count my blessings, to remind me that regardless how bad or how hard our lives are, there are worse things that have happened to others. So if ever wonder why I hardly whined nor cried and errr emotionless even, it is because I do it privately in a limited time. I did what I could. If I couldn’t, I moved on. Redha dengan ketetapannya. Bila sudah berusaha , bertawakkal . If tak kesampaian, tak mengapa mungkin masanya belum tiba….

We are just like any other volunteers, me and Pete donating our expertise to contribute to this NGO . My overused method is infecting others with kindness, everybody is encouraged to do what they could. The smallest deeds count too. Very rarely money is involved unless it has been determined for it to be used to buy food or goods for the homeless. Otherwise no one would get paid or claimed on the things they have done. It is a simple concept. One that doesn’t need a business plan nor a long forecast. One that doesn’t need a group of staff to get things done.

The truth is, we are doing Allah’s work. A simple concept of Tawakkal that everything would only materialized with his commands or with his will (dengan kehendaknya dan keizinannya). Rezeki fakir miskin pun telah ditetapkan olehnya, kita hanyalah penyebabnya. I am just lucky to be the middle person in between his will and his subjects. You really thought this could be planned, seriously? You really thought we would know where the rezeki (in this context, food and goodies) would come from - day in and day out for 8 years for the thousands of homeless we served ?? There were many times I didn’t know but one thing I knew for sure, he has made it possible. The food would be directed to us without fail Insyaallah. And if it so happened, it wasn’t to be, so be it. Then ‘Redha’ took place. Simple.

What do you want to see? Me dramatizing things as the unsung heroin and crying while telling the stories of the unfortunate ones for you to be sympathetic? No you would only be disappointed. Pete and me have gone through the ups and downs of life. We have struggled, we have balanced and they were many times, we felt like giving it all up because of the pressure we needed to carry. While it is so easy for people to say or to bitch about things, no one in their right mind would carry the unnecessary responsibilities for us . (Because then they will lose the right to point out when things go wrong) . Easier said than done.

So you may not have the privilege to hear the complete story on the things the things that I have done for Reach Out because I do not have to report to anyone. My conscience is to Allah. After all, I did it for all his mercies that he has shown to me throughout my imperfect life. I owe it to him for being born to the life I have now (and then) - (Not that it is the best one but nevertheless it is still a life that I should be thankful fo, r rather than wasting my energy wanting more)

So nope, my husband Pete does not do this full time. He has a job. We did this after our working hours. Reach Out has got not much money in our bank account pun. We have to use most or all the money to buy food or whatever necessary for the homeless. Our Run Leaders are not paid as well. They too raised food in their own circle of friends and people who support the good things they do.

We don’t own Reach Out. It belongs to the homeless people of the streets of KL and Klang. We are not owned by the Government or Corporations. We are on our own. We just do it. Because we can.

Operating every day, 365, Reach Out volunteers walk the streets of Malaysia seeking out those who need assistance to make it through another day.

Feexa Nicoll

Co Founder of Reach Out Malaysia

Footnote : REACH OUT MALAYSIA – AN NGO BASED IN MALAYSIA ( We are operated mainly by the words of mouth and from a private FB Group account)

“ASSISTING THOSE IN NEED SINCE 2008”.

“To implement programmes to deliver relief from hunger, pain, or abuse, dealing with not only the symptoms but the causes of such, through physical On Street Programmes, Awareness Campaigns, Educational Programmes, and relationships with other likeminded organizations, to provide nurture and training to the urban and rural poor and those that are in fear or in need, regardless of race, gender, religion, or culture”.

THE FASHIONABLE ACTIVIST

2014-07-11T16:45:00.000+08:00

I work in a fashion, beauty and health industry . I don't blame it if people sometimes think most of those who work in this industry are just vain and full with hot air . They think they are so bagus just because they look good or know this people and that people ... Yup these bunch are just so insecure and all they did is comparing themselves with others... even I cannot stand them!! Well not all Fashionistas like this la... some are nice like me ...(ehehe)

Reach Out Malaysia's volunteers-at-work

Feexa Nicoll feeding cats during one of the
Reach Out 's food distribution -
we also feed the street cats apart from the homeless.
She is also the Co-Founder of Reach Out Malaysia

President Reach Out Malaysia - Pete Nicoll with Iskandar from Hope Box

Me loves catties !!

Catty ! Catty! Meow! Grrrr ! Ngeowwwwww !!!!

Moral of the story is that some people think there are better than the others. They acted high and mighty with their expensive stuff and coiffed hair or coiffed high -tudung with rambu ramba macam langsir and walked the earth like as if it belongs to them .... who called our homeless friends pemalas, drug addicts and busuk yadda yadda ... who are so sure that they are the chosen ones to live the way they are kaya with many pairs of shoes...
I have one word for you kesiannnnn ......Because they lack compassion, empathy and passion... they need to be fake individuals throughout their life. One word for them ....kesiannnnn......

At night, after I threw my high heels away and put on my jeans, a Reach Out Malaysia T shirt and a pair of sneakers - I learnt how to count my blessings for having the life I have (regardless how imperfect it is but it is a life I kinda like) - that I am still luckier than those who sleep on the streets. Right now in the country in this month of Ramadhan, some people up there thinks we shouldn't help or feed the poor on the streets of KL because we made the city dirty? huh?? You will ask why? Same way I did ....hmmph!

what's wrong with helping the poor? What's wrong to get-together with your friends and likeminded people to do what we can to help?

You know why?? People are more used to see bad things being done to each other such as bribery, abused, war, insecurity against kindness etc. They don't believe in compassion anymore because their inner parts are already infected with rotten eggs so stinky that they become stinky people... So much so when people do good, they questioned and disbelieved because those are the things they know nothing about....to them everything they do is with agendas behind it ...

I am not implying on anything....Im just saying ...really ...

For a week I have been fighting for Reach Out Malaysia to let us the volunteers to carry on in doing what we have been doing for the past 8 years in helping the homeless and the poor.... and in the spirit of Ramadhan ... please let me be patience God, I know I wasn't that good lately, been growling and scratching and almost swearing. But I just say nice things like 'Duck You!' and 'What the Duck'! Sound nicer ....

Okay Im calm, Im calm.... Breath Inhale, exhale ... hey Im a Yoga Teacher so I know how to calm myself down.

Have a great buka today peeps!

Footnote: https://www.facebook.com/ReachOutMalaysia

FROM HIJALYSTA FEEXA NICOLL'S VIEW : IN SUPPORT OF SHEIKHA HUB

2013-11-03T00:22:00.002+08:00

I am guilty as hell. Have been promising myself to blog. To be a consistent Fashion Blogger but I am the great Procrastinator !! I first came across Sheikha Hub a few months back in May I think! I was invited to the launching of the Sheikha Hub Brand and the 'Pemilihan Gadis Sheikha Hub' - The Final. On that day I have another function in Mary Kay - Party of the Year. But I was greedy, I wanted to attend both. So half way of Mary Kay Party of the Year I changed my clothes from the Rock and Roll chic (which was the theme) to being a Hijabista and dragged my good friend Airul with me to the function at PUBLIKA.

Of course I was late (which is the normal occurrence) but we were on time for the Official Launching and the glam walk from the Finalists. They all wore Jovian Mandagie clothes which were simple and nice from the usual bling bling which what I was expecting ....

I admit that I was in the beginning a bit skeptical about the crowd. Most of my other Hijab Fashionista's fashion function that I have attended much earlier were full of snobbish youngsters and fashion bloggers who thought that they have made it happen because they had it easy! (They started fashion followers when there were fewer fashionistas so they had the upper hand in creating their fan base etc etc) . But this Sheikha Hub function was different . Yes I saw the who's who etc but they were from a mix crowd who have 'been there, done that' - so yup I felt instantaneously at home .... no snobbish youngsters to snub their noses at me.... ( errr I am young but not that young ...well ok young at heart) .

Well, what was more refreshing, the Sheikha Hub's crowned girl was an all rounder, intelligent , able to speak in English and not the typical under nourish thin girls YES !! finally the world has changed!! Being real is more important than being 'in'.

So I did my job interviewing the girls yaddi yadda ....bla bla bla and off I whisked Airul to the nearest cafe for a cuppa coffee and to rest my feet after walking in my 5 inches leopard print high heels ...

With Suzie - The Hijabista Editor

With Nur Farahin Jamsari - one of the Judges

The pretty Winners!

With Natasha Hudson - Sheikhahub Ambassador

With Sheikha's Model Search Winner Syira i

Me and the Finalists !!

A bit about Sheikha Hub:

Sheikha Hub aims to assist entrepreneurs to promote their businesses in Islamic Fashion - via online, on-ground events and educational assistance.

Mission

To provide a platform for Islamic fashion Entrepreneurs via offline(fashion shows, bazaar) and online.
To collaborate and gather the websites offering Islamic retail, trade and consultancy under one roof.
To identify upcoming designers of Islamic fashion.
To provide opportunities for regional and global exposure to the designers and Entrepreneurs.
To help and inspire small and new online start ups to flourish, through our “Give Back” programme (mentor-mentee sessions, forums)
To inspire these Enterpreneurs to be involved in charitable and community work.

I LOVE TO SAY MY SAY ...

2013-07-09T01:59:00.002+08:00

I miss saying things here so I will say them soon ... I have so many things to say in my head that it will burst if I dont blog soon enough! ...

SO STAY TUNE COZ I WILL BE BACK !!

WHY DID I DECIDE TO WEAR A HIJAB - PART 3

2012-11-23T01:08:00.000+08:00

I havent been blogging for a long time ... tried to but failed! Many times I got stories written all over my head, thinking that I would write soon after, but failed again. So, let me try again tonight and I promise to finish it off! Well, not tonight perhaps but I will continue writing until it is finished. So for those who are reading it and thought, why is this story sort of hanging, it means, I am still in the middle of writing it.

Never mind my grammar - who needs a perfect grammar when your head flows with words - well at least for now ! It has been nearly 20 months since I decided to don on a hijab! Whhaa at? 20 months?? really???
Oh wow, time passed without any warning. The wild child who donned a Hijab - who would have thought? My mom sort of gave up the ideas that I would ever wear a tudung. Well surprise, Mak! God works mysteriously because I was surprised myself!

Almost right after I wore my first Hijab (I remember it was pink in color with some ornament hanging down on both sides, I will remember not to give away my first Hijab, I should show it to my grandchildren the historic item) - Okayy dont mean to make a joke out of it but I am funny! really ! many people thought so! that is if no one pissed me off ! (Okay my kitten Anakin is putting his face on the screen trying to get my attention - now trying to walk on the keyboard)) That's what cats do - walk on keyboard. Why? because they can!

Ok right after II decided to wear hijab, I inherited Reach Out Malaysia (www.reachoutmy.wordpress.com) and Hijab N The City (https://www.facebook.com/HTC.BY.FEEXANICOLL) - I cant help but thinking that it was God way to pacify or maybe reward me for pleasing him . He knows me so well, that if I were to be left alone, I would end up paying attention to some stupid reasons on why my Hijab was all over the place. But No! I became a Hijab Stylist and a Fashion Designer for Muslimah contemporary fashion. me? I thought my hands are far too wild to be artistic but they are! wahoo !! ) Okay it is 1.02 am Malaysia time yawwwwn!!! I am so sleepy and I need to sleep and will continue this soon !

Jewel - Hands (Video) - the song that has kept me staying strong

2012-07-21T23:54:00.001+08:00

The song that kept me staying strong long time ago, when darkness engulfed me - when all I have was God.
I wasn't always the way I am now - but I have traveled far ... for those who have come to me for guidance remember this, I was like you once and all that has guided me through was to do what was right :) :)
"IN THE END ONLY KINDNESS MATTERS, I WILL GET DOWN ON MY KNEE AND I WILL PRAY"
Reach Out Malaysia was born from my wanting for kindness - if you couldn't get it, you gave it first ...

Hands"

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

GOD CAN LOVE A FASHIONISTA TOO ...

2012-07-09T00:46:00.000+08:00

I have not written for a long time but I wrote in my head all the time - my head talked to me all the time - but I feel the need to write today - I am thinking of minime - if she is alive, she would be 1 ! I found her around the same time last year - a tiny weeny little kitten - left in a lift to die - Naomi's friemd - Yasmeen found her ! We were supposed to foster her and our family voted to keep her instead..

I am thinking of her because she was lend to me by God to keep me calm - same time last year, I turned my life to 360 degrees - I decided to wear hijab, I gave up my company , I have to take over Reach Out Malaysia's management after it was being dumped by the old commitee - my house was broken into, I was at a point when I thought " I could carry only so much on my shoulders ... I didnt know how to use the computer as good as I should .... But Minime was there to keep me company - she would lie down on my keyboard when I worked , she kept me company, she kept me sane . I am convinced now, it was because God wanted it to be that way - so I would go on and be what I should be and could be ...

Wearing tudung was not an easy task for me - I didnt know how to tie it - but Minime was there to keep me company while I was fighting with myself, when satan whispered "why the hell do you don a hijab for?" - I surfed through the net, I searched, I looked, I learnt and Hijab n the City was born at the tip of my fingers - could this be what it should be? Could this be what has been written ? Wouldnt I be restless had Minime didnt come to my life?

And today Minime should be a year old - but she was taken back 6 months ago by God - presumably he thought I was stronger enough and that I didnt need the little kitten anymore ... I couldnt help but thought, maybe that was the case.

But today, I could style a tudung like as if I was born to do it, I could make a head looks pretty (If there is such thing, really) and I now know sometimes your destiny is planned by unseen force - and as a fashionista who encouraged people to don on a hijab. in a strange way - I paved my way to God's will, because a Fashionista too, is God's creation . I thanked him for giving me Minime for that short a time and for making me closer to him in the weirdest way possible.

Happy Birthday Minime and Hijab n the City! My fashion show today - 'In Love With Leopard' was dedicated to Minime and all the cats who have made somebody happy. And today I proved that there can be miracles when you believed .... Hijab n the City is a fashion brand .

WHY DID I DECIDE TO WEAR HIJAB - PART 2

2012-04-22T15:59:00.002+08:00

If you are expecting me to say this " The reasons I am wearing hijab now is so that, the men will not be tempted of my beauty and to cover my modesty as not to flaunt my sexy figure and so that my father, my husband and my brother will go to Jannah - and if they go to hell, I wouldnt be guilty as I may be the reason bla bla bla" then wait a minute, let me laugh first ahahahahahahahahahahha !!!

what do you take me for?? an airhead or a floozy ?

Just because you are in hijab doesnt mean you are not an airhead and live just to please the men !! SAYS WHO LITTLE SISTERS?? (AND NOT SO LITTLE ONES TOO I MUST SAY??)

Dont use the Quran as your excuses - read and understand the Quran in between the lines first - everybody has their own responsibiities to God (man and woman respectively) . The other day I put up a skater's picture on my Facebook page. She is a Muslim girl and she was in some kind of an ice skating competition in Italy - She wore a head cover with her ice skating outfit. I felt admiration for her as someone who pursued her interest . Guess what?? few minutes later - there were attacks from left, right and center by women who said that she was sinful for showing her body in tight clothing - that God and his Prophet would damn her and that she was luring men whose eyes would be preyed upon her!

Whoa! apa ni? bila time pasal pakai tudung semuanya bukan main lagi bukak mulut tunjuk terror - konon mereka la yang terbaik - tapi balance la jangan double standard - how about bab-bab merpertahankan hak hak asasi manusia dan binatang? Kenapa tak bertempik? How about dalam bab-bab keadilan, maruah seorang wanita dan sebagainya?

Okay la ... I bukannya nak menyokong kalau sesorang tu pakai baju ketat - it's just that - why are these people only good in putting this kind of things out in the front but not the positivity side of life! This is the time when I dont blame the west for thinking that the Muslim women are so backward and all they want to do is to please the men! You make us strong women have a bad name laaaa !!Asyik - asyik isu bertudung tak sudah sudah!

eh ini I punyer blog suka ati la nak cakap ape! The truth is I am meluat with all the double standardization - u can addressed the tudung issue but make sure it is within the right context and deeper than the obviously physical side of it - if you are wearing a hijab to stop men from looking at you , then my question would be, "then how about when the children less than 10 years old got raped and the women in hijab who got raped too?? was it their fault too?? So, shouldnt men too lower down their gaze from seeing what they shouldnt?? And whether they do or not, isnt it part of what they should do? Is it not their responsibilities to Allah and not yours by taking the blame for it!

How about somebody who 'menegur' about my ponytail hijab ?? Hello sister! rambut I panjang so nak sorok camner?? nak pakai kelambu ke ?? Yang dimaksudkan dengan 'camel hump' itu adalah mereka mereka yang melenggukkan kepala dengan tujuan menarik perhatian atas sebab-sebab yang tertentu supaya lelaki tertarik kepadanya dengan sebab seksualiti .... (read in between the lines ). oiii !! jangan dgeneralisasikan sahaja.

THIS MONTH IS MY FIRST ANNIVERSARY WEARING A HIJAB - AND I M STILL PROUD OF IT AND HAVE NOT REGRET IT ONE BIT.
SO WHY AM I WEARING A HIJAB ?? SEBABNYA?? - INI ADALAH TANGUNGGJAWABKU KEPADA ALLAH - KERANA AKU TIDAK MAHU MATI MENYESAL. BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO BE THE BEST I COULD BE WITH ALLAH'S BLESSING, BECAUSE I AM READY AND HAVE STOPPED TO WONDER. BECAUSE ALLAH HAS HOLD MY HANDS DURING MY DARKEST DAYS. BECAUSE HE IS FORGIVING AND MERCIFUL, HE DID NOT CHOOSE WHO HE WANTS TO GIVE AND DESPITE OF, HE HAS GIVEN ME CHANCES OVER AND OVER AGAIN, HE HAS SHOWN ME LESSONS I COULDN'T GET ANYWHERE ELSE, HE HAS GIVEN ME STRENGTH WHEN NO ONE ELSE COULD. BECAUSE HE SHOWED ME THE WAY TO FIND MYSELF.

AND MOST OF ALL HE HAS GIVEN ME THE GIFT OF KNOWING ON HOW TO BE NON-JUDMENTAL AND TO KNOW THAT CHANCES HAVE TO BE GIVEN TO EVERYBODY REGARDLESS AND GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON AND TO STAND UP TO PEOPLE WHO USE HIS RELIGION AND HIS QURAN TO THEIR ADVANTAGE !!

SO THERE !! AND IF YOU DARE GIVING ME STUPID OPINIONS ON TUDUNG AND ALL ACCORDING TO YOUR SICK MIND - BE VERY PREPARED TOO TO FACE ME - THE WOMAN WHO OWNS A TRENDY FUCHSIA HIJAB - BECAUSE THAT IS WHO I AM. YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT??

LIFE AS IT IS

2012-03-26T15:06:00.001+08:00

‎"Life doesn’t give you the people you want. It gives you the people you need. To help you. To hurt you. To love you. To leave you. To make you into the person you were meant to be.

Don’t ever regret having a certain someone in your life, whoever they are. Sure, they may have broken your heart, they may have hurt you, they may have made you angry, but, without them, you wouldn’t have learned to become the person you are today.

People walk in and out of your life all the time. It doesn’t matter if they left, they left for a reason.

So, all in all, what only matters in the end, is that they made an impact on your life. They taught you new things, indirectly. They expanded your horizon, indirectly. They showed you how to love, how to feel loved, how to feel hurt and pain internally, how something so insignificant to one person may be totally, completely, entirely important to another.

Life gives us unpleasant people, wonderful people, and everyone in between, so we can be who we are meant to be. Not someone who is formed, and molded by useless labels and stereotypes.

The people in our lives define us, and mold us to be the best that we can be. So love and appreciate those that are in your lives now, and respect those that decided it was time to leave. They’ve contributed to the wonderful you, who is going to be doing great things one day. The you, you’re meant to be." ♥

CREDITS TO 'PROJECT SPIRITUALITY'

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MINIME - PART 3 - MINIME MON AMIE

2012-02-10T23:00:00.002+08:00

Almost 1 and a half month have passed since Minime gone away in the arms of an angel – yes time has lessen the hurt when I chose not to think of her because when I do, I feel it all over again – like now. I miss by baby Kitten – she was 6 months when she died – not so little anymore but she was the baby in our family. I missed everything about her, I missed it when she stood at the corner of my wardrobe and looked up to me as I dressed up to go out … I missed it when she jumped into my car and refused to go out when I asked her too…
In the fast lane of my life where things always happened – time does not erased who she was to me – a special bond, the corners where she used to sleep still has her presence - she still lingers … I am the disciplinarian to all my cats and the one cat who needed no discipline, gone.
Mnime, Mama misses you – your squirrel comes to the garden every day and a week after you died – the butterflies came for you.

HIJAB 'N' THE CITY FAN PAGE : https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hijab-n-the-City/108435222576771

LEGASI PEREMPUAN MELAYU PELIK TERAKHIR - PART 1

2012-02-06T18:50:00.002+08:00

Terkilas nak cuba menulis dalam bahasa Melayu . Bukan tak mahu sebelum ni … Cuma tak mahu terlalu ‘feeling’. Menulis di dalam bahasa ibunda, perasaan seperti gabungan tulisan yang akhirnya bernyawa. . Pemahaman perkataan berlainan dek kerana dalamnya terasa . Aku yang membesar dengan berceloteh dalam bahasa Inggeris dan Melayu yang di ubahsuai sebagai perkataan harian sehingga kalau bercakap Bahasa Melayu sepenuhnya aku jadi terkedu .

Dan seterusnya aku mengikut gelombang waktu – Bahasa Inggeris adalah bahasa perantaraanku – seperti Sharifah Amani yang insist untuk berucap di dalam Bahasa Inggeris di satu Majlis Anugerah dan mengisytiharkan yang berbahasa Melayu baginya terasa macam orang bodoh. Maka Si Amani ditempelak seantero Tanah Melayu – tidak sedar diri kata mereka. Aku tidak terperanjat kerana aku tahu apa maksud si Amani – dan kurasa kebanyakan kawan-kawan ku juga yang berbahasa Inggeris bagaikan dilahirkan oleh seorang Ibu berbangsa Eropah.

Terperanjat kalian kalau sekiranya tahu – vokabulari Indonesiaku kaya kerana aku boleh membaca tatkala berumur 4 tahun diajar seorang Ibu yang mahu anaknya jadi yang terbijak dan tercantik – dirumahku hanya ada buku sastera Melayu dan Indonesia (kepunyaan ayahku yang belajar untuk mengambil peperiksaan sebagai guru mungkin) – yang kemudiaanya diusung anak kecil 4 tahun kesana kemari sebagai bahan bacaan dek kerana ketagihan ingin membaca. Ibu bapa kampungku bukan seperti sekarang, tiada buku ‘LadyBird’ atau pun mainan canggih seperti punyanya anak-anakku yang tidak menghargai pemberian apapun oleh kerana kemewahan zaman sekarang.

Aku yang menjadi Pelajar Terbaik Bahasa Melayu SRP dahulu kerna kecanggihan bahasaku tetapi noktah disitu. Aku mendirikan dinding disekelilingku yang dikelilingi oleh pelajar terpilih berasrama penuh termasuklah aku. Tapi aku adalah aku – tidak berjaya diacu, tidak jadi di acuan. Kekeliruan semasa remaja tidak membawa semangat untuk menjadi best student subjek lain walaupun aku mampu. Kerna kufikir, aku hanya akan dihargai sekiranya aku bijak dan cantik. Dan aku tidak mahu memenuhi expektasi sosaiti sekeliling. Jadi aku membesar merasakan aku tidak bijak dan tidak cantik. Aku memilih untuk diam dan mengobservasi kelilingku. Bukan kah aku dicop pendiam semasa remajaku? Kualiti yang nyata senang dibuli rakan angkuh yang merasakan mereka ada kelebihan atau pun berdna ‘perasan bagus’ dari lahir.

Nyata aku terpanggil untuk mengimbas zaman remaja silamku bilamana hari ni aku ‘block’ seorang gadis muda dari rakan FB - kukira umurnya kurang 25 tahun walaupun tahunnya dirahsiakan. (Masih muda tapi mahu merahsiakan umur? Ku kirakan aku mempunyai lebih sebab untuk merahsiakan umurku yang ‘kurang muda’ - di muka FBnya penuh dengan kutukan tentang mereka yang tanpa tudung , dan yang bertudung pula dikutuk tidak memenuhi syariat ? Perlukah semua itu untuk menggunakan ugama sebagai brand anda adalah yang terbaik? Siapa jurinya? Hakimnya? Apa kamu? Gadis hingusan yang belum punya atau tahu apa-apa? Perlu takbur dengan hidupmu yang belum merasa sengsara kerna ujian dilakukan oleh Allah keatas setiap hambanya. Orang yang bertudung dari umur 2 tahun mungkin akan keneraka dan Lady Gaga mungkin berubah berjilbab jika dibuka pintu hatinya… ‘Kun Fayakun’ jadilah – kuasa tuhan yang engkau ingat boleh dirubah.

Sakit kepala membaca nukilan sombong dan angkuhnya dan kutukan demi kutukan keatas mereka yang bertudung tetapi tidak mengikut kualiti SIRIM mungkin. Wahai adik, ada caranya menegur – tugas kamu untuk berdakwah dengan cara halus dan lemah lembut – selembut Rasullullah berbisik ketelinga Aishah – bukan mengutuk atau memulau. Jadi enggak mahu aku bersubahat dan mengiakan logikmu. Kakak ‘block’ saja ya FB mu.

Aku tidak pernah berbangga kerana lambat berhijab, tapi aku akan merasa hina jika megikut tanpa kefahaman atau membuta tuli mengikut kata mereka yang hipokrit dan menggunakan Tuhan untuk kelihatan pandai. Adakah aku perlu akur kepada sang lelaki kalau kufur disebalik keturunan Islamnya. Adakah aku perlu bergabung dengan mereka yang bertudung tapi masih menikam saudara seagamanya.
Aku masih tidak muat di acuan standard ‘SIRIM’ . Cuma perbezaannya – aku bukan lagi gadis pendiam zaman silam dan tidak bisa dibuli sesiapa - Kejayaan bagiku bukan hanya pangkat dan harta tetapi lebih dari itu.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR PANG YAU!!

2012-01-22T15:01:00.004+08:00

I used to see this Chinese Auntie every Saturday midnight – if I did go out for the midnight food distribution. Being a non-paid PR /Publicity/Event/Food Sponsor Director (the list go on to ‘kuli’ and ‘bidan terjun’ for emergency and if needed) – I have a choice not to be on the streets as we have our own dedicated non-paid ‘Food Run Leader’(as they are called) every single day. This is the time when I admire my husband Pete for never missing a beat on his duties as the Operation Director/ Run Leader both for Saturday 5.30pm and 12 midnight food distribution, every single week. Believe me, it could be so tiring and exhausted mentally and physically.

Back to this Chinese Auntie, she always waited around for our food at AlWira Restaurant – very quiet lady , don’t speak much and not chatty unlike some Saturday’s afternoon aunties who not only chatty but always asked for more and more and more (and it could really creep down on your nerves).

Today, we shared table as all tables were full, the auntie wanted to leave but I said stay, talk to me. So I am in the mood to be ‘kepoh’. (There are times, street feedings can make me highly strung as being an ‘Energy Master’ as what my students called me – I can read and feel people’s energy) – that’s why I stayed away when I have to.

So ok! Auntie and me talking bla bla and she told me she is 65 years old, all her siblings died, never married before and have worked in many places as domestic helper, confinement lady, factories, restaurants etc. Now she is old and she just does odd jobs here and there.( I am a Counsellor, I can always make people talk hehe!) I asked Auntie if she wanted ‘Teh Tarik’ – she politely said ‘No, thank you!’. I said “Never mind la, I pay!” and she smiled and nodded.

By then, some volunteers already turned up and huddled around our table. Auntie quietly moved away and I asked the Restaurant ‘Ane’ to send the ‘teh tarik’ to her.
As we prepared to go to do our food midnight run and Peter went to Cashier to pay our drinks , he found out all our drinks(plus the other few volunteers) have been paid by the Chinese Auntie! ‘Huh??’ I thought?
I went to her and asked her in my chinglish “aiyaa auntie why u pay aa?? You should keep your money maa??”
She answered me with a thankful look “Takpa la, you olang manyak baik, tiap-tiap minggu malam-malam datang kasi makan, saya hati manyak sayang …duit kalau takda manyak pun saya tak kira, saya kongsi”
(Translation: “It’s ok, all of you are nice people, every week, midnight you come and give me food, I feel very touch, I don’t have much money but I don’t mind sharing”)
I feel touched too. There were times when things were difficult and you just have to grit your teeth and moved on but those moments were erased by this sort of simple thing – that what we do in Reach Out boomerang and sometimes it is so fast!

My mom used to tell her friendS ‘My daughter, semua kawan dia Cina! That was because I lived in Hong Kong, mak! and when I went to Stamford College pun semua classmates Cina jugak! But because of that I grew strong and competed against the odd and the best! My Chinese friends did not judge me for being a ‘Melayu Pelik!’.
This is dedicated to my Chinese friends who are and were so much a part of me and contributed to who I am at one point of life or another, Happy Dragon Year !! Dragon is my favourite animal and I do not look at you guys as a race! I look at you as people with good human qualities and Im glad you are part of my life!

This article is dedicated to Teh Li June – my dearest friend from College and all those hopes and tears we shared – you and I are stuck as good friends for the rest of our lives, Elaine – we had fun being naughty in College, Mrs Chia who adopted me as her favourite student in Bintang Academy! Kymberley Tan – my dearest friend who kept me sane in Hong Kong, her sister Evelyn Tan for being sweet always! (You both made my years in Hong Kong bearable), Alice Nathan – my flatmate in Hong Kong, I never see you differently and I hope we will be friends again! Master Albert Eee – My Feng Shui Master who were there during my darker days and who later taught me Numerology – Thank you and it is time for me to move on. Dexter – whom I can always called to chat during those restless days. The late Shereen Leow – Who died at the hand of a violent boyfriend , I am sorry I wasn’t able to influence you to be strong and leave the bastard!

To my 2 Chinese housemates in Budapest, Hungary ! Hope you guys are having a good life now. Patricia, I remembered when I have to drag you out from a Club in Budapest because you were pissed drunk!!
Feung – you are always remembered as someone sweet and I miss our days with Janet at Master’s place in Kota Damansara. You accepted me as I am – the soul seeker!  .

To Wong Hee Ling my business partner in Nuskin - Long Benefit Malaysia currently – I stay because of your value ! All the other Chinese Business Partners in Long Benefit Malaysia – you guys rock!! Mrs Vera Waters and Benny Cheung (Business Partners and Uplines from Nuskin Long Benefit Hong Kong) – both your passion sustain me in the business !

Patricia Lum, our sweet Mentor who are also our Advisor in Reach Out’s operations!

And last but not least, our Chinese Volunteers in Reach Out Malaysia , thank you for being a part of us! You guys make Reach Out truly One Malaysia and not to forget all the other races too!

This video is dedicate to you guys !! All of you – each one of my Chinese Friends on FB ! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR !! GONG XI FA CHAI!! MAY ALL OF YOU BE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING ALWAYS !!

朋友 (Pang Yau - Friend of Mine) - Alan Tam Wing Lun (譚詠麟)

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MINIME - June 2011 - 30/12/2011 - part 2

2012-01-01T23:18:00.000+08:00

Caption: Minime with Pete when she was a month :)

Today is the first day of the year 2012. A brand new day. For me, today is the 2nd day that Minime did not wait for me infront of my bedroom to follow me to the kitchen for her breakfast. Usually she would be there with Spikey. What happened normally, she would run to Pete who would still be sleeping. Jumped in into our bed, snuggled to him and jumped back out to follow me down.

I woke up quite early after a sleepless night and opened the bedroom door. Only Spikey was there. I sat on top of the stairs and looked out through the glass window – I could see the hilly road where Minime was killed and not far from there, where she was buried. I sat awhile and indulged in the grieving moment – my body still sore from maintaining my composure during the Reach Out Event yesterday.

I went down and opened the side sliding door, a rush of fresh air came through and let out all the remaining 4 cats to the garden and almost wished Minime would rushed out to the garden as well. The other cats seemed to know, they were quiet and not their normal selves. I came out to the corridor overlooking the garden and sat there a long time. My ears deafening, my body was numbed. I processed my thoughts. Where could she be now and made a silent request to God if he would allow Minime to sit at the feet of his angels so she wouldn’t feel alone and not missed us that much.

It hurts to see Minime’s empty bowl beside Spikey – had the urged to put her favourite fish but decided not to be a psycho . I am still sane, don’t worry. I don’t need anyone’s approval to grief and no she wasn’t just a cat. She was one of us. She was family.

Naomi put a sign on a tree she made yesterday to ask everybody to slow down . I saw cars slowed down to read her plea and grief – so many beloved dogs and cats killed on that road and no speed bumps. I hope some of our neighbours who lived on top of the hill will slow down from now on. Innaz went to her grave and beautify it with flowers. Pete, my tough husband who had done dangerous jobs heading Police Force in Scotland and Hong Kong too put his head down and cried in silence. In our household , all living beings are loved equally.

There’s wind, butterflies, birds and hills where we stayed - just how Minime liked it. If you don’t mind God, please let her be in your garden more beautiful than what she used to have with Spikey – her surrogate cat brother who helped to raise an orphan kitten. Who taught Minime how to catch butterflies and lizards. Please let your angel watched over her.

The wind still blowing as I weep. I know this too will pass but for now, let me remember …

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MINIME - June 2011 - 30/12/2011

2011-12-31T22:00:00.003+08:00

Whenever I looked at Minime before, it reminded me of love, pure, innocence, joy and the list go on. She was like this magic furball - she just have to be infront of you and all your stress would disappear. She was different from any cats we rescued.

We found Minime dead today – She was’ hit and run’ by a car at the back of our house. I grief like never before. I just want to grief. For I would not see her again. It was the last meal she had yesterday morning that I gave her. She was our family’s little baby. She didn’t do things to annoy us. She didn’t meow but made a cute little sound. She followed everybody everywhere !! The World was okay with Minime around.

God lend her to us for 6 joyful months and took her back yesterday. I did not ask God why? I just thought how happy she has made me and Pete and Naomi and Innaz. I just thought how loved she was. How happy she was with us.

Minime was different . She was like a little angel who couldn’t do wrong. She loved us well too and she made us loved her very much. Even all our 4 older cats loved her to bits. Spikey especially because we named Minime after Spikey – his Minime.

Minime was buried this afternoon. Her body was dumped at the side of the road by some heartless bastard who sped up ! Housing area is not a place to speed up. I hope Minime wont be cold and lonely outside. I hope God has put her in a nice place for nice little cats.
REST MY LITTLE MINIME – ALLOW ME TO GRIEF ...

IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL, FLY AWAY FROM HERE ... :)

TODAY I WAS TESTED!

2011-12-18T00:32:00.003+08:00

I was tested today and I shocked myself. I hate rudeness - people who have no manners and greedy! Sometimes we encountered these people on the streets during our homeless food distribution. Not many of them but there are, nevertheless. For 4 years I have managed not to stumble upon them but today I was tested! I made a point to be at the 5.30pm food distribution at Klang Bus Stand today to greet my friend Angeline and her team from Maybank who were on their CSR program.
( Refer to our work at www.reachoutmy.wordpress.com )

Things were smooth in the beginning but then one chinese auntie started to shout rudely because she wanted to change her nasi lemak ayam to a better one (when they were all the same) and went on and on . ('kiasu' at work definitely!) I lose the plot, screamed back and put her in her place - I was shivering with anger. And for a moment - I went through flashes of moments that I have sacrificed to do this work! For a split second, I asked myself "Is this worth it?". I was tested just before that with 2 young Malay guys who carried Iphone with some stylish hairstyles but have the cheeks to tell me they were jobless and homeless and argued with our volunteers. Grrrrrr!!!!

I went quiet the whole journey home and kept quiet still at home to reminisce the pain I have gone through to make REACH OUT happened ! Satan has whispered to me, has sent his soldiers to discouraged me. I have forgotten the joy, forgotten what I saw on people's faces that we have helped all these years, the wonderful and kind people who are working with us and helped us in many ways. For a while I have forgotten why I do the things I do. Not for me but for what God has entrusted me.

Our street friends have many personalities just like the rest of us. They are human too! No difference! Some are kind, generous, cheaters, liars, drunkards, humble etc - they all have stories to tell but I am not here to judge them. One crazy auntie and two cheeky guys shouldn't be allowed to take my peace away. I pray silently for a bit more doses of calmness and drifted to my moment of silent.

MAKCIK ANI NASI LEMAK AYAM.

2011-12-16T21:19:00.008+08:00

"MAKCIK ANI INFRONT OF HER RESTAURANT - 'SELERA KAYU ARA'" - yummy good food!

HELLO FELLOW BLOGGERS! LONG TIME NO SEE!

Hi friends ! It has been months since I blogged . I have been writing in my head, playing many events and hoping to blog a story but I have too many things to do, and too little time!

And I did miss blogging but well, something happened in July that needed my attention fully, I have to play a part in an evolution and operation for REACH OUT MALAYSIA - refer to www.reachoutmy.wordpress.com (That's another story but today I want to talk about Makcik Ani - my nasi lemak makcik - the supplier of Nasi Lemak Ayam for Reach Out Malaysia. I felt very strong to write about her...

Oww!! my body's aching! I havent been teaching yoga for quite awhile and my stunt of a perfect shoulder stand infront of my students today has left me feeling like as if my bones were cursing to say - "You have not been discipline! now look what happen!" But as an experienced yoga teacher I have master my body to be my servant and command a perfect composure regardless how crappy I felt! (Roswidah, If you are reading this, I sure have fooled you just now hehe :))

Back to Makcik Ani, she cooked one hell of a nasi lemak, very prompt, discipline and can always be counted upon whenever I needed to buy nasi lemak ayam for the homeless. I always observed the way she does her work - She is calm and collected. She speaks in a single tone, nothing could surprise her and me being the energy reader, is fascinated by her. As I grew older and wiser - I become fussy about people around me - especially those who are doing business with me, be it students, suppliers, volunteers - I watched closely for negative energy and would not compromise. I believe, you are judged by your associates and if business is done with god-fearing individuals, you can find a lot of peace and trust in any dealings.

Each time I met makcik Ani, I would learn a little about her. She is originally from Acheh and has been here with her family for 30 years. I know she worked hard. She owned a simple restaurant in Kampung Sungai Kayu Ara, near uptown. She told me that whenever she made extra money she would help to fund some orphans in her Kampung in Acheh and helped their mothers - she felt she is blessed with her good fortune and her rezqi in Malaysia - (Something I thought a lot of Rakyat Malaysia should learn from - to be grateful to our country and to be the best we can be).

She has been missing for a few weeks so the nasi lemak supplies has been cooked by her Assistant (which is not quite the same, I think! ) - her assistant also informed that makcik Ani's mom passed away hence her absence from her Restaurant. I called her hp today and a familiar voice answered! Makcik ani is back! So I ordered the usual 250 nasi lemak ayam for Saturday's food distribution. Before I opened my mouth to ask about her mom passing, she blurted out (and so unlike her) (This is the point where I wrongly pressed something and lost a whole chunk of writing aaaagghhhh! now I have to rewrite this part!!) Ok I hope it will be as dramatic as the first one.

She blurted out that she just came back from her kampung and her mom passed away while she was there. She went on to tell the story that she came home for her younger sister who has lost her husband and pregnant at the same time and later lose the baby as well. Her mom wasnt sick or anything but as Makcik Ani prepared to go back to KL, her mom stopped her and requested for her to stay awhile because she said it was time for her to go! (huh?? Wow I thought!) To cut the story short, Makcik Ani's mom died while doing zikir with her children and just slowly drifted away as if she was smiling and sleeping at the same time ... what a blessing it must be for everybody in her family. I got to know that even her dad passed away that way! It was also the norm for her and family to read Quran together as part of their routine.

How simple life is for Makcik Ani and family, She did the best she could for her and her family. These people are so simple that they don't seem to miss anything the way normal people do. Some of us who have such a competitive personality , spent most of their lives justifying why they do the things they do. Some of us who pretend a lot spend all their life convincing that they are someone else other than themselves. Some of us who are too coward to stand up to the truth and justice, give reasons that it is none of their business. Such a lame world and such a lame excuse not to be the best we can be or operating from the truth of life.

We are all tested in so many ways - but I do believe, that the one thing we are all striving for is to find peace within ourselves and may not achieved it, if it is based by anything other than God's standard! And if only we know, how the chain of energy work in this universe and how it will cause a karmic effect in so many ways - no one will dare to compromise the truth.

I learned something today which is, if I were to go from this world, I want to be as sure as Makcik Ani's mom who have everything simple in her life but have made such a great impact to her children. I too want to recite Quran as regular as I can so I may die reciting it.

Today I feel small in God's greatness who allow me to learn this - me who have made many mistakes a thousand times and am still blessed in many ways.

At the end of the day, isnt what we look forward to is to find peace within ourselves and to die and meet God, the way Makcik Ani's Mom met her Creator. In readiness. subhanallah.

I know with Makcik Ani supplying nasi lemak ayam to Reach Out Malaysia to feed the homeless, we will share her pureness too. Maybe that was why God allowed our 5000 nasi lemak ayam campaign succeeded to 6000 in numbers last month?? Wallahuaklam. Keep me strong Allah for I am just a small being in your great kingdom.

How To Be Alone

2011-12-13T15:28:00.001+08:00

HOW TO BE ALONE
Words to the poem by Tanya Davies

If you are at first lonely, be patient.

If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.

Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.

The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and Silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile nobody is dating them.

But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.

You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.

But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those “sappy slogans” from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.

Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.

Take silence and respect it.

If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.

If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

WHY DO YOU HELP THEM??

2011-11-14T12:21:00.002+08:00

"why do you help them?" the question that has always been asked to me - I have no reasons actually, I have struggled to balance many thing. At times, I just wanted to stay in the comfort of my home. As human, I got frustrated when it became difficult, many times I feared if our fund would finish. I have been in tears many times to pick my strength back.

"Why do you help them?" - So, no reasons actually, except for I am doing what God has entrusted me to do, the responsibilities that I have to carry and that I have been given this chance in life and that I have never thought I would be chosen because I am nothing special. And because I am here and all of them are there. It is not really easy for me. My hope will be that all of you will always be there for them :)

As Bono said:
-"God is with the vulnerable and poor. God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them" ~

HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING ...,

2011-09-17T17:08:00.007+08:00

A MUST WATCH! NUR ZAHRA INDONESIA - FASHION COLLECTION

I must say this whole collection is a double wow! I dont agree with anyone who opposed to being stylish and hijabed at the same time... my opinion is Why Not?

As a human being, we have evolved! As a moslem, we have evolved. As a person, we have evolved. We cant really change the essence of who we are as a whole just to suit other people's opinion or interpretation! Everything have to come naturally! Just because you do not agree on something, do you need to force everybody to agree with you or to be like you? Are you putting yourself at the same pedestal as God to judge everybody who go against your believe system? Poof to that !!

I came across some bitchy comments on hijab tutorials that were shown on YouTube on how some people (men and women) could be so nasty in forcing their views across and they ended up looking stupid and less dignified. What those people don't know is that, they could have done it better with kinder words and by being a good example! Which one is more sinful do you think - someone who speak rudely and harsh and his/her way of telling is by shaming the women to degradation and surrendering against her will or someone who is styling her hijab in ways that she feels happy with but not acceptable according to the standards being set up by the moral police? See the logic here?

And then there's this blog (unfortunately it is originated from my country) about 'how a woman shouldn't dress this way and that way while wearing a hijab, how their body parts were shown through the tight clothing etc, how they enticed the male species because their blouses or hijab were not long enough to cover their derrieres. Why did you look in the first place , sir/madam ,may I ask? While I may agree to some of their allegations, what is their business to create a blog and followers based on these subjects? Sadly, because it was based on religious issues, some men decided to join in the crowd and added more insults. This is just to show how horrendous religion has been used as their rights to shame and to humiliate. Islam does not teach that and even if you need to do it, speak with kindness and/or respect and that particular person then have to walk the talk! Having a foul mouth was not one of Rasullullah (SAW) characteristics from what I have been taught when I was 7 years old!!

My argument is this, shouldn't it be fair if attention is to be given in setting up a blog on 'Why men shouldn't abuse women because he has too many wives and children to take care of?' or 'Stricter law on men who left children behind because he is after a new wife?' or 'investigation of bribery in big projects' where some officers were known to ask for girls as their bedroom companion/s and under-table money in order to approve whatever projects they may have. Create a blog to stop people from gossiping about others (to lessen their sins!) (well, never happen) Now, hold on! I didn't accuse anybody here other than this is just a fine example of hypothetically speaking subjects ...

Err..so where was I just now? Ah yes! fashionable hijabs! Let just say, my decision on wearing a hijab some few months ago were based on my love for God and the respect I have for some men who have proven to me that there are still (though about to extinct) many men who are respectable, knowledgeable, kind, loyal and protective and still respect women as a whole and not threatened by their intelligence in any way.

How many men out there who forced hijabs on their wives but at the very same time look at other women (who are not covered and even having affairs with them?) Now, what I have been taught when I was seven, sin is equaled between a man and a woman. That sins are still counted as sin and not lessen because you are not a woman. I am not against men! Oh no, not at all! A woman is more often to be the one who destroy another woman, generally. So there !

Okay, let's go back to how wonderful is the NurZahra Indonesia's fashion Collections are !!

Meet Me By The River: The Frontline Revolution.

2011-08-21T16:25:00.000+08:00

Meet Me By The River: The Frontline Revolution.: Sometimes life is really funny.

Don't mean yahoo, haha type funny, but just sort of weird funny.
Strange may be a better des...

ME, MYSELF AND FEEXA ...

2011-07-23T02:07:00.004+08:00

I think I am in the right mood to write tonight. I was watching 'The Time Traveler's Wife" on HBO. It was my 2nd time watching it and both time I was crying. It was quite a sad movie...though I know no one who can time travel, this movie is so recommended for people with feelings (duh!). It sounded weird but I was seldom seen crying in public. Some may call it tough but it was my surviving technique! I never liked to show my emotion in public so I cried and reminisced during sad movies!

Well, this is what I have been reminiscing and analysing ...I have stopped thinking about the future quite some time ago. I only lived for the present moment and tried to do the best I could do everyday (At times may not be the best when I got into a zombie lazy mode!) . Some may think I am lacking in ambitions (for they think striving for money and status is a must!) ... but then again, I never ' in want' for a bigger car, or a bigger house or a big diamond or lots of money. I just dont know how to... I dont want to be the best or the fastest. All I wanted is just to be me. (That was the thing I strive so hard)

I have done good in wanting to be just me. I have done that all my life... At the time when all my school mates went on to search for their dreams to be among the acceptable professional high-flyers, I went flying too but as an 'Air Stewardess' and left a good job as a Project Assistant in Tokyo. No I didnt plan it. It just happened. I know some of you may think 'aah an air stewardess! a high class waitress or a flying prostitute' but that was because you didnt get the chance to do that! (Because people said bad things like that when they couldnt have it!) But those were the best years of my life! I went around the world, jet setting, plenty of money and NO! I didnt become a flying prostitute! I was nice and full of integrity. See? If I cared what people said, I wouldnt experience anything at all.

Fast forward, I quit being an air stewardess to be a mother. Ahhh my life is like a movie. Full of surprises. I did things on impulse! At one point of my life I became a single mother with two little daughters. Life has been decided for me. They were my priority. Never mind I was still young at that time. I did it my way. I created a name on TV, I became a Yoga Icon. Not many people knew my griefs as a single mother because I told no one except some very close friends. I refused pity, I refused anyone who wanted to treat me differently. I moved like a ghost - so quite like the wind. People only know my success story but no one seen when I grieved. They were many happy times though! I discovered many things about me , I discovered I was stronger than I thought. My children were my anchor. I couldnt be irresponsible because I hold the 'amanah' from God.

I wasnt perfect at all. I made many, many mistakes. I couldnt afford to pretend to be somebody I wasnt. At one point of time I didnt have anything much so do you understand now when I said materials and money mean nothing much because it didnt mean anything to me as at that time I was too busy keeping my children and me safe.

Fast forward that, I built a business. I was a 'taiko'. Building my dream, the yoga studio and a business that came from a fantasy. I did it my way again! But, I learnt certain thinga the hard way again! . It wasnt easy handling business. My life wasn't mine anymore. So I moved on to do the things I love.

Nowadays, I am blessed with my husband Peter, the children and the cats. To me having Peter and my family (the cats too) worth everything I have gone through. I got the second chance of happiness. Well, I still don't have much. I refused to spend all my time making money even though the business I am in right now is quite lucrative if I put my everything there !But I rethink my priorities. To others, small things mean nothing but to me it means everything!

"But I know so many less lucky than I ..."(caption)

I treasure all the small things because I used to live without them and it wasn't really pleasant. Nowadays, I am just truly grateful for Allah and his mercy and forgiveness.

I personally think success didn't just come in the form of money, positions or materials. It also come in many areas in life. I gave a talk for a group of people last week on 'The Art of Yoga'. I felt on top of the world when they came up and said it was a wonderful talk and that I brought light to the room! I beamed when my yoga students marveled on how their life improved positively learning from me. Yes, all the good and bad experiences make me a good counselor today. I can read your birth date too. Without meaning to feed my ego, I am a quite sought after numerologist and Yoga Specialist. (That came from testimonies, I didn't make that up)

Sometimes things just got hard and it was harder to remind myself of my blessings but I tried to remember them always ... I started the street feeding program with my husband few years ago as my thanks to God and as a reminder of how blessed my life is and naturally feels very sad when the program was hijacked by people who became too greedy with their own agenda and ego . ahh well let them be!

I have made known of who I am to some people who matters. That I am just a human being and not perfect in many ways. I am aware there will always be someone better than me so I surrender to Allah and his glory because I am just one of his many creations and to have him sometimes paying attention to me and the gifts he has bestowed on me make me humbled. It is enough to be just happy to be me...and I forgive myself for my imperfection! I may not be the best, the fittest, the richest, the strongest but WHO IS?