While Austin, TX, likes to keep it weird, we also like to keep growing. I understand why Austin, TX, earned its reputation as one of the top cities to live in! I remember when my friends and I would travel from Bryan, TX, to go swimming and hit the local bars in college. Everyone I went to school with wanted to live in Austin, TX. Even though we are a cool oasis in Texas, we still have challenges. I know how difficult it can be to find the right therapist! Sometimes, we all need a little support. If you are looking for a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or life coach, I’d like to help you find someone who can help. Even if you need a plumber, I’d like to help you find someone who can help.

Discovering Your Ideal Therapist in Austin: A Personal Journey

The commute in Austin, TX, has been challenging as our population has grown. Yet, finding a good therapist with flexible schedules and virtual meetings seems much more accessible. If the convenience doesn’t reel you in, let’s consider tips for anyone looking for someone to talk to. I tell all my friends and family the jist of this if they ask for a referral!

Identifying Your Needs: Why Seek a Therapist in Austin?

It helps to have an idea of why you are seeking treatment. Out of control anxiety? There are specialists for that! Sexual anxiety? There are specialists for that! It is okay if you are not sure; no worries. Knowing what you might hope to get out of therapy can be helpful.

Choosing the Right Therapist in Austin: Who Suits You Best?

There are many considerations on who to work with. Preferences might include gender, age, religious, cultural, and ethnic considerations—preferences for a therapist with specific knowledge, certifications, or specializations. You may prefer someone who is more or less direct, assigns homework, or feels safe. These considerations are often personal and meaningful to you as an individual.

Location Matters: Finding the Perfect Therapist in Austin

The location and type of therapy can be helpful to consider. Some people would like to work with a therapist in their neighborhood. Others would prefer a therapist closer to their work. While some people live in Cedar Park, TX, or work in Round Rock, TX, they might prefer a therapist in Austin, TX. You may like online or in-person counseling with an opportunity to meet online. Consider seeking individual, couples, marriage, family, or group therapy. It is possible to work on your relationship in individual and couples counseling. It is okay if you are unsure; this might be one way your therapist could be helpful.

Timing Your Therapy Sessions in Austin: When to Seek Help

Therapists’ schedules can vary depending on many factors. Some work nights and weekends, while others may work only during school hours. Some therapists work part-time while others are full-time. Knowing your availability and any flexibility you might have can be helpful. Melissa Hargrave keeps a fairly regular schedule of Monday through Friday, 8 am-4 pm.

Navigating Therapy in Austin: How to Make It Work for You

The logistics can sometimes make or break a great fit. It would be best if you considered your needs. Consider whether you are using insurance in or out of the network. Some insurance panels will reimburse you a percentage of the cost of therapy if your therapist can provide a Superbill. Consider your preferences for in-person or online therapy. Also, think about how often you would like to attend therapy. Letting the therapist know your logistics upfront can help you find the right therapist.

The Key to Success: What Makes Therapy Effective in Austin?

Over time, researchers have found that successful treatment is associated with one factor, among many others. It is the quality of the relationship between the therapist and the patient. This is helpful information. You can be the best guide for determining the quality of your therapeutic relationship! For instance, a good therapeutic relationship will include general agreement on therapy goals. You may feel more freedom to share negative emotional responses. This happens when you have mutual engagement in your work together. A good therapeutic relationship will contain mutual trust, respect, and caring.

Credentials are worth considering. They can add value to the therapeutic relationship that best suits your needs. More on this in another post!

Start Your Healing Journey: Free Therapy Consultations in Austin

It’s a start. Just thinking about finding the right therapist in Austin, TX, is a step in the right direction for your goals. If you are stuck or have more questions that need answers, please call me! I am here for you. I am happy to hear what is happening and to help you find the right person. If you are looking for individual counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy, or group therapy, you can read more about how I can help here.

That’s right, it’s a free therapy consultation! So don’t be shy, ask for one! Many therapists offer 15-20 minute free consultations to determine if we are a good fit. That goes both ways! Some people skip the free consult and use our first session to decide if we are a good fit. That’s okay! Whatever works for you. Your first session is NOT free. I am trained in single-session therapy. One session can offer much help!

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You don’t have to go through this on your own.

We can connect in our shared experience to address the changes in friendships, finances, co-parenting, dating, and more. While we explore the ups and downs of divorce, we can help you explore past relational patterns and process the often-overwhelming feelings of grief, anger, confusion, and fear to help you show up more securely in future relationships.

8-week Separation, Breakup, and Divorce Support Group

Weekly online or in-person short-term support group for adults to heal, grow, and connect through a separation, divorce, or dissolution of a long-term intimate relationship.

An intake/orientation session, with a one-time fee, is required before the first group meeting. 

Please contact us for more information about our groups.

Our 8-week Separation, Breakup and Divorce Support Group is the most effective way to help you utilize the power of connection with others to:

Talk about this complicated process and challenging emotions.

Find healing and solace for the grief of a relationship loss.

Cultivate healthier relationships in your life.

Take the time to understand and process what happened so that you can reconnect with renewed meaning and purpose. 

Build coping skills for managing challenging emotions.

Help you feel less alone and more confident in yourself and your choices. 

Help you build resilience and move forward with your life. 

Let’s get started!

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I found myself digging deeper into this simple statement; what is kindness, who or what receives this kindness, and how exactly does kindness ease change? Reasonable questions, to be sure. A quick search on Google tells me that the definition of kindness is “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.”

But kindness means so much more …

This could really be a form of meditation as kindness can mean different things to different people. People express kindness in different ways such as kind gestures, empathy, and being helpful. Kindness also is more than being nice. Being kind is doing intentional, voluntary acts of kindness. Not only when it’s easy to be kind, but when it’s hard to be.

Most of all, I believe kindness is a grace. Grace is defined as a “courteous goodwill.” I think this resonates with intentional consideration and generosity that is the highlight of kindness. This also, brings us to the who or what is the recipient of our kindness. We can be kind in our response to ourselves and others when mistakes occur. In relationships, this could translate to not assuming the worst in our partner’s words or actions, even though we have fears and insecurities.

Having the grace, to be kind, for ourselves might mean we soften through change in the way we manage change, experience change, and more. As a therapist, I have been a witness to the myriad of ways clients (and myself) are so hard on themselves for the way they are thinking and feeling during times of change. Let’s face it, whether you won the lottery or are grieving the death of a loved one, positive or negative, change can make our emotions and world tumultuous. I consider the therapeutic process around change as one that eases change through normalizing the experience of change, and providing support, compassion, kindness, grace through change.

This morning, self-compassion impacted my morning strength training. I did not sleep well last night and although I am feeling energetic and happy, I have a side dish of cranky from the disrupted sleep. Mid curl, I stopped, recognizing, and acknowledging my cranky feelings while empathizing, with compassion, why I was feeling this way. I have the right to my feelings and a little kindness helps me move through them. This kind of self-compassion includes warmth and understanding toward ourselves (and others) when we feel the need to be hard on ourselves. Rather than flagellating ourselves with self-criticism, self-compassion is the power to be kind to yourself.

This is not nicey nice. Kindness is not flattering or indulgent. This is grace, intentional consideration, and generosity. When we feel compassion, rather than pity or criticism, it means that you can understand that failure, imperfection, and suffering is a part of our shared human experience. I find that, oftentimes, we can have kindness and compassion for others before we are able to capture it for ourselves. Instead of beating ourselves up with self-criticism, judgement for how we feel we should have been or what we should have said or done, grace would recognize the disappointment and pain and acknowledge the difficulty. Compassion would take it further by asking “How can I soothe and care for myself, right now,” to honor and accept our humanity.

Yeah, so how do I cultivate kindness to ease change….

While it is a relatively simple formula, it is by no means an easy one. The first step is to be curious about how we treat ourselves (and others). Mindfulness practices can help us become more aware of our negative self-talk. Once we can identify how we are talking down to ourselves, we can look at the motivation of the self-flagellation. Often, there is a positive intent to work harder, do more, and be more. This positive intent is well-meaning, though we can likely find other ways to care for ourselves that do not involve beating ourselves up.

Those other ways to be the person you aim to be may include cognitive restructuring. Start thinking differently, man. Even with a change in our thinking and understanding, we can practice mindful acts to generate more kindness and grace through change. When the pandemic began and my child was sent home from school, we were uncertain. For me, painting rocks to spread out through our neighborhood became the act of kindness we needed to get through the problematic change the pandemic produced through our social isolation. And kindness creates a chain reaction. Soon, other families were painting and exchanging rocks in our neighborhood.

It is funny to me now how this very modest sign at a tea shop inspired me to consider the role of kindness and its ability to ease our challenges. Though, I am grateful that my work has taught me to be kind to myself. I still catch myself being hard on myself, though I acknowledge my feelings and give them space to exist with all the other feelings and parts of me.

Here are some interesting links to consider self-compassion further. Feel free to explore further!

What it is  View
What it’s not: View
Tips for Practice: View

Melissa Hargrave, LPC-S, LMFT-S 
Psychotherapist, Supervisor, Consultant, Speaker.

Contact Me

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I have often found myself struck by the beauty of gender diversity. We now, really, since the feminists in the 1970s recognize many gender identifications more than the standard bipolar identification of male and female. To acknowledge the many gender identities, we sometimes focus on how we reference gender in our language and culture.

It is lovely to see more people holding space and having conversations about gender diversity. Some believe we should take on a more gender-neutral stance in our language. This might suggest that we all adopt a they/them pronoun use. This is problematic, though, as it does not recognize the multiple intersections of oppression that impact any individual, as well as setting up a false universalization of gender when there is anything but.

Transgender Awareness: What can we do? Assert your pronouns, not the ones you wish would make the world safer and more inclusive, but the ones that fit you most and personally. And make space for the rest of us to assert our gender so that all of us, each on our own, may express our gender affirmatively, like a star-spangled rainbow, towards equality.

Saguy, A.C. & Williams, J.A. (2019) ?Why we should all use they/them pronouns.? Scientific American, April 11.

Saguy, A.C., Williams, J. & Rees, M. (2020) ?Reassessing gender neutrality.? Law & Society Review 54: 7-32.

Also see —
Hanna, A., et al. (2019) ?Actually, we should not all use they/them pronouns.? Scientific American, May 3.

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On Veterans Day, November 11^th, we honor the bravery, service, and sacrifice of those of our military who have protected us throughout the history of our country. It is an honor to live in such a vibrant nation that fights for the freedom of its members. We also live in an incredibly diverse nation. Our veteran population – just over 17.4 million and counting – reflects that. Today, women and minorities are serving in the military in greater numbers than ever before. Veteran’s all share a common bond, regardless of the color of their skin, religion, sexual orientation, or gender.

In my beginning years as a therapist, I saw a record number of Veterans with gender and sexual diversity who sought refuge from exclusive military services. Since then, the Veteran’s services have notably worked to increase their diversity offerings for its ranks. I’m proud of the strides for equality that all branches of our armed forces have made over the years in working to accept, and to make safe space for all who serve our great nation.

The military is much like America itself, filled to the brim with a diverse set of people. And just like America, it has a lot of work to really recognize the rich diversity it commands and protects. Though, by its very nature to protect America and fight for democracy, the armed forces ultimately serve diversity. This Veterans Day let’s salute all branches of the military for their long-standing contributions to the global diversity and inclusion initiative.

There are a number of commemorative events for your interest to participate in virtually ?this Wednesday:

• Library of Congresswill host a series of musical performances and discussion panels ?from November 6 through November 14, 2020. The events will premiere on the Veterans History Project’s Facebook page: facebook.com/vetshistoryproject.
• National Veterans Day Observance Ceremony?starts at 10am (?11am Eastern) with a wreath laying at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. The event is live-streamed at https://www.facebook.com/VeteransAffairs.
• Vietnam Veterans MemorialCeremony begins online ?at noon Central Time. Visit https://www.vvmf.org/honorservice for more details.

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Read the Equality Texas statement.

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