Hip Slope Mama

Hip Slope Mama has become Momasphere!

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:45:37 PST

It’s official. Hip Slope Mama has become Momasphere! Visit us at our new location www.Momasphere.com/blog.

After two and a half years of bringing together an online community for our wonderfully vibrant and creative Park Slope moms, Hip Slope Mama is excited to be moving. We are leaving the blogosphere and entering the Momasphere, an organization that offers the community a way to meet, not just online but also face to face! While we will continue to offer great articles through the Momasphere blog, by the same Park Slope Mom contributors, we will also be adding new mom contributors and features. We look forward to continuing to meet all of you in virtual space, as well as in person at our fun and unique Momasphere events.

Momasphere's mantra is "Whole Women Make Whole Moms" and we're committed to enriching moms’ lives, in virtual space and face to face. Sign-up for the Momasphere Email Newsletter and never miss an article or event. Read more about what Momasphere has to offer:

Smart articles written by Park Slope Moms
Mommy Needs A Cocktail nights
book events & panel discussions
wine & food tastings
adventure outings
art gallery tours
cooking classes
virtual programs
career networking
corporate consulting
employee enrichment programs

Chocolate Drizzled Pumpkin Shortbread Wedges

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:11:04 PST

Our friends over at Momologie have the perfect Thanksgiving dessert recipe.

Few things are as ubiquitous as pumpkins at this time of year, and we've gone way beyond pie to extend our love of pumpkin desserts to bread, cookies, ice cream, pudding, mousse, butter, and let's not forget our favorite, the Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Although pumpkin pie is the most common Thanksgiving dessert, we like to think outside the box and came up with an easy recipe for Pumpkin Shortbread Wedges the kids can help make. Served with tea, coffee and ice cream, they are our new favorite treat.

Chocolate Drizzled Pumpkin Shortbread Wedges

1 1/4 Cups All–Purpose Flour

1/2 Cup Canned Pumpkin

1/2 Cup Corn Starch

3/4 Cup Powdered Sugar

3/4 Teaspoon Salt

1/2 Cup Unsalted Cold Butter, cut into pieces

2 Tablespoons Cold Milk

6 Ounces Semisweet Chocolate Chips

The Best-Dressed Baby

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:46:57 PST

By Carla Weiss

For years my daughter’s baby clothes sat in boxes in my parents’ house. She had a lot of really nice ones. The moms in my baby group used to call her “Best Dressed Baby in the Slope.” My mother-in-law is a tireless shopper who spent many happy hours buying beautiful bargains to adorn her granddaughters.

Last month my parents shipped the best dressed baby’s wardrobe to my sister’s grateful assistant, due to birth a girl any moment. And though I will not be needing baby clothes until I adorn my own granddaughter, this information has created a small tremor in my emotional wellbeing.

That small tremor started to flutter more powerfully this morning when I noticed that the new brown 6X leggings I purchased last month are officially capris. My daughter is growing so fast I can’t keep her in pants. If my kiss doesn’t make it to her upturned cheek quickly enough, she is already down the stairs to school without so much as a “bye”. I am not welcome in the bathroom anymore – except when she has forgotten her towel or has a hot-bath-induced philosophical question to ask. And there are secrets brewing in her mysterious, mischievous mind that are fervently whispered to her friends but not to me. Who am I anymore? Sometimes I think if a housekeeper replaced me one night, she wouldn’t be that concerned.

Lately I can’t seem to get organized. Maybe it’s my fragile emotional state? Too many pieces of paper shoved into folders hanging around our kitchen. Too many freelance jobs and shmoozey meetings and rushing home to pick up from after-school, holler about homework and slide some dinner on the table. I’m losing track of my center and craving definition.

In the evening we work together at the counter. She does her homework, madly erasing and muttering to herself, while I race to put the finishing touches on some project or write another thank you email. Tonight I realize the counter is moving. Bored and unfocused she is randomly kicking the base while doodling in the margins of her math sheet. I ask her to stop, I tell her I can’t believe she’s doodling on her homework – the conversation escalates and, before I can steady myself, a seismic argument begins. We are at war and she stomps off to her room in a full tweensplosion.

How can I be the mother I want to be when I am still searching for the person I want to be? How can I be sensitive to her increasingly mysterious needs when I am so busy juggling my own increasingly mysterious wants. How do I adjust to this girl/woman in my life when I still feel the best-dressed baby kicking in my arms?

She eats her dinner in silence glancing at a Lands End catalog as if she’s going to whip out her credit card and make a purchase at any moment. I ask her to apologize for her “inappropriate behavior.” She does. I launch into a lengthy analysis of “what went wrong and how we can do better next time.” She stops me and says, “It’s over mom, it’s over.” She’s right.

After bath she gets into her pajamas on her own and climbs into bed with one of her many books. I kiss her goodnight and she barely looks up at me. We are both sore around the edges from the earlier flare-up. I start cleaning up from dinner and returning more emails when I hear her calling me. She asks me to crawl into her bed and cuddle with her for just one minute. I sneak under her covers, misplacing the cat and curl my arm around her. She is warm and smells like my conditioner.

It is very still in her bed, Still and quiet. The world is swirling around out there but here I am on a solid island awash in soft warmth. She turns on her back, sighs, and says, “You made me mom, didn’t you.”

“Yes,” I whisper, “ with dad, I made you.”

“That’s very cool,” she says.

“Yes, very cool.”

Carla Weiss is a creative communications specialist. She just returned from an incredible 4-year stint in Hong Kong where she was a creative director for an experiential marketing company and learned to dragonboat. She spent most of her career developing musicals for the commercial theater. Her delicious husband Peter, delightful daughter Kate, and deranged cat Mowzer miss Hong Kong, love Park Slope, and sing showtunes very loudly. Carla blogs at www.brooklyntohongkong.blogspot.com

Got Boundaries?

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:35:22 PST

By Rahti Gorfien

I talk a lot about boundaries in my work as a coach. Great big boundaries; the image of huge schooner sails comes to mind…great big boundaries soaring high, twice as high as you think you need them, sheltering your work, your passions and your sanity. They include but are not limited to time (twice as much as you think you’ll need), solitude (not to be confused with isolation), space (literally. Physical sacred space, recognized as your own) and respect (of self, and by others).

Great Big Boundaries, (I hereby dub them GBBs) are particularly necessary for artists and freelance professional moms. How can you be successful without time, space and resources? We all know these things are necessities yet repeatedly, I encounter women who think they can produce their visions out of thin air, having acquiesced almost completely to the perceived needs of their loved ones. I say ‘perceived’, because very often clients don’t recognize at first, the capacity of their partners and children to cook, clean, self-moderate and generally reciprocate the kind of support the feminine aspect of a family generates all the time!

Boundary work is not for sissies. Not only must we clearly identify where the lines are lacking; we must draw them in the sand. While we often feel as mothers that we have no control over these matters, this is mostly a defense. If we can’t make time to paint, write, run or whatever, then our self-imposed burdens of excellence and perfectionism are lifted. So, first we need to overcome our own resistance to change, and then the fun really begins. We must find a way to finesse cooperation within our families. If your sense of well-being is all bollixed up with their emotional responses to you, then you’re in for a real challenge. Letting people pout, get mad, or wash the dishes badly (yes, delegating has its perils) may really rock your boat, but believe me, tolerating that brand of discomfort is ultimately rewarding. You write the vomit draft, you attack the canvas, you lose the weight, you experience agency over your destiny once again. And people move past their first reactions. Boundaries are a blessing to everyone. They signal to our loved ones where we begin and end, and in doing so, better acquaint them with their own perimeters and capacities.

This blog topic was suggested to me by my current Freelance/Artist Parents group. I have had the privilege of working with many such teams, and am constantly inspired by their ability individually (and as a group) to prevail in the face of what (at first) seem like impossible odds. I extend my unwavering respect to each of you.

Rahti Gorfien, of Creative Calling Coaching, is a Life Coach and Park Slope mom, specializing in creative mothers with universal and yet unique challenges to succeed both personally as mothers and professionally as artists. She is also a regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama. Join her Yahoo Group for additional tips and essays.

Start Talking About Money

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:40:49 PST

By Galia Gichon

For those of you that know me, you know that I tend to be a practical person. I worked on Wall Street, I have an MBA and focus on providing lots of practical tips. However, over the last eight years of working with thousands of you, I realize more and more that it takes more than tips to achieve money success. It takes implementing money into our conversation on a weekly basis. Not sure where to begin? A few suggestions.

1) Have one new conversation about money this week. Not a complaint. Try "do you think this is a good time to invest?" or "Are you taking advantage of lower interest rates?"
2) Enlist a friend. Start a money buddy contest between the two of you, sign up for a seminar or class together.
3) Read the business headlines or personal finance headlines on sites. There are many great articles that focus on helping you, not just scaring you. Cnnmoney.com has some great articles!
4) Spend consciously. Take a few minutes and write down the things you REALLY love to do. Is this where your money goes? Or does it go toward items you really can't remember or don't care about.
5) If you are married or in a partnership, schedule a money date. Make it fun and discuss investing styles. If you aren't sure what your styles are, discuss the instant money tips found in "My Money Matters" kit (www.mymoneykit.com).

Galia Gichon has made featured appearances and/or contributed to multiple publications, as well as TV and radio shows, some of which include: The New York Times, MSN Money.com, Working Today, Real Simple Magazine and Bloomberg Radio.

Her My Money Matters Kit was featured in Newsweek in March 2008. Galia offers teleclasses and live teleconferences at Down-to-Earth Finance Events. You can purchase a teleclass or teleconference from anywhere in the world! Seminar topics range from Find More Money Just By Getting Organized to 4 Weeks to Financial Sanity.

Motherhood and Body Image

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:36:25 PST

By Ellen Bari

Of course we can blame it on our mothers. It’s all their fault. It always is. Pretty much any conversation about women’s negative body image issues, and obsessions with weight, point back to two sources: our screwed up mothers and the prevailing media. So now that we’re the mothers, and smart enough to know that the media is intentionally manipulating us, shouldn’t we be past all of that? And how can we insure that we pass on healthy ideas about body image to our kids?

These, and a number of other issues about body image and motherhood, were the subject of a fascinating panel discussion last month, at the Old Stone House in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Sitting among artifacts from the American Revolution, a group of local moms were privy to a book reading and panel discussion around Claire Mysko’s book, Does this Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat: The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby. The book title- which relates to a woman’s body image starting with pregnancy and throughout her life as a mother- is clearly meant to highlight the absurd disconnect between most women’s body images and reality. The event was hosted by Momasphere, a new organization whose mantra, ‘whole women make whole moms,’ carries out its commitment to ‘building strong families one mom at a time’ by creating innovative programs and events for moms while the kids are left at home under the watchful eye of… anyone else.

Ms. Mysko’s familiarity and knowledge of the subject is quite impressive, as she has a degree in gender studies from the New School for Social Research, has spent her life working as a beauty activist and interviewed some 400 women for the book. Joined by a panel of four seasoned experts in their fields, Ms. Mysko was able to turn to a fitness expert, sex educator, psychotherapist and journalist to probe a little deeper into some of the more pressing issues in the book. Many of the issues were obvious, but I thought a few less apparent ones were worth sharing.

Clearly, the media is filled with unrealistic images of women, from mommy stars whose bodies are shaped and molded 24/7, aided and abetted by a legion of trainers, dieticians, surgeons, therapists and personal chefs, to models who don’t even recognize themselves after the Photoshop artists are done with them. But when terms like ‘bump watch’ are part of the vernacular, and all eyes are focused on a star’s ‘postbaby body,’ is it possible to completely turn the other intelligent cheek? Meredith Lopez (Huffington Posts’s very own mommy blogger) admitted that it’s actually not that simple, and her feelings were corroborated by most of the women in attendance. As women who do not read the tabloids, follow star news reporting, or even succumb to the latest fashion fads, it seems that as a group, we should be above all that, but in fact, we are still very much affected by what we see. What’s worse is that now, in addition to feeling bad that we’re not able get ‘our pre-baby bodies back,’ we also feel embarrassed that we’re dumb enough to succumb to the media’s barrage, knowing full well it’s wrong.

And what’s even more absurd, is that the new bump fixation has extended to women actually comparing the size, shape and location of each other’s pregnancy bellies, deeming some more aesthetically acceptable than others. It seems when women get together as a group, the pressure they put on each other and its negative impact can sometimes be more destructive than the support they offer.

So what do we do? Admit that all is lost, and that our kids are doomed to be as screwed up about this as our mothers were? Psychotherapist Barbara Kass strongly believes it doesn’t have to be this way, but it means each of us has to stand strong against the tides, and champion healthy attitudes and behaviors. With two grown girls of her own, she described a situation when her daughters were young, where she literally had to tell a friend not to ‘talk that way in front of the kids.’ It was not that the conversation was lewd or crude in any way, but rather the obsession with weight and fat content that was being discussed was not something she wanted her kids to hear, or ever buy into. Modeling positive body image awareness and normal healthy eating habits absolutely starts at home.

Personal trainer Zoe Bowick Levine described a new paradigm that she uses when working with mothers. She will not even discuss body fat, inches or weight goals with new moms until after a good nine months, but instead focuses on feeling good in your body and noticing positive changes over weeks of working out- perhaps increased strength in some areas or simply a reduction in body aches and pains. She used the metaphor of the in-flight oxygen mask- in case of an emergency, always save yourself first so you can save your kids.

The message, again corroborated by the panel on many different levels was the importance of giving yourself time. This translates into giving your body time to heal, giving your system time to process the extreme loss of control, and allowing yourself to savor your new bundle of joy instead of being fixated on the shape of your body. It’s no surprise that being obsessed with weight loss and a past image of oneself does not help one’s sex life either. Sex educator, Claire Cavanaugh, offered some tips on how to keep intimacy alive, even when your own body issues may be getting in the way of your natural feelings of excitement. First and foremost, she stressed the importance of maintaining open lines of communication. She also said that contrary to her ‘feminist’ belief that women have to be able to clearly state when “NO means NO,” Ms. Cavanaugh explained that if one’s partner is feeling amorous, going with the flow can go a long way in bringing one back to a healthy sex life and a positive body image.

It’s really a kind of ‘just say no’ to the forces around you, and then stick to your guns with your kids. Girls Inc, a national organization that’ inspires all girls to be strong, smart and bold,’ was on hand, reminding us that if we don’t get a grip, we will continue to pass on these really messed up messages to our kids. While it’s very hard to stand strong against the pressure, it seems that there are ways we can respond positively. As with any behavior, being aware of the underlying forces is crucial.

During the Q&A, one mom complained that in the two plus years since she gave birth, her stomach has not retreated to its previously board flat state, and it makes her want to cry. She said it’s so bad that she’s been asked on more than one occasion if she’s pregnant. In response to her comment, another woman, shared the following: the other day on the subway, someone offered her a seat because they thought she was pregnant. She did not take the seat, but went home smiling from ear to ear. At 55, for anyone to think she could be pregnant was a huge compliment!

Beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder. It’s critical that we allow ourselves to embrace some of the changes that come with motherhood instead of trying to fight them like they’re the forces of evil. And as Ms. Kass said : If you can’t do it for yourself, then at least do it for your kids!

Interview with Jen Lee, Author of Take Me With You - A Journal for the Journey

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:45:26 PST

Our sister event site, Momasphere will be offering "Make Room For Mom's Voice", a journaling, storytelling and interactive writing workshop especially customized for moms on Sunday, Dec 6th, 2009 at Birth Day Presence in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

To find out more about the workshop on Sun, Dec 6th and to sign up click here. There are only a few spaces available so sign-up TODAY!

Motherhood can be both a challenging and a transformative experience. We may uncover new dreams for our lives, or sides of ourselves we haven't before experienced. At other times, we may struggle to keep a strong sense of ourselves in the chorus of voices calling for our attention. We recently talked to Jen Lee, writer, mom and teacher of the upcoming workshop "Make Room For Mom's Voice" about finding clarity about life and motherhood through writing.

Q. What do you think is the connection between writing and finding your voice?
A. Jen Lee: Writing is like picking up a phone line to the parts of yourself you haven't been listening to. If you're unhappy or lost or living someone else's dream for your life, it's likely to slip out if you have a practice of free writing or if you work with thoughtful prompts. There are things you can ignore or deny when they are thoughts floating consciously or unconsciously through your mind, but once you see them in black and white, written on the page, they become very real. And it's enlightening to know what kind of thoughts are running the show in life, especially if they are thoughts you weren't aware you even had.

Q.What has that thought discovery part been like in your experience?
A. Jen Lee: A few years ago I was doing a prompted writing exercise and I wrote something like, "It's okay that I'm playing it safe because my girls will grow up to be brave and they'll go live in exciting cities someday." I didn't know how much I was settling for something besides my wildest dreams before that. I didn't know that I was starting already to do that common thing of trying to pursue my dreams through my kids, and that made me slam on the brakes of my life right then and there. I could see in that moment that the only way they'd learn to be brave was to watch me be brave. I could see that I needed to follow my own dream and live in an exciting city if that's what I wanted so much, so my girls could have and follow dreams all their own. And we moved to Brooklyn a short time later. Life has never been the same, in a way that I appreciate so deeply. Before writing, I was living without this kind of awareness, kind of like rolling through on auto pilot.

Q. We are thrilled to be presenting a workshop that you will be teaching called "Make Room for Mom's Voice". Who is that event for?
A. Jen Lee: This workshop is for mothers and mothers-to-be who want to develop or maintain a clear connection to themselves, who want to make space for their memories and thoughts, to-do lists and deep hopes. It's for women who want to express themselves more freely, who are looking for simple practices that will help them navigate the path as they develop new facets of themselves and uncover new dreams.

Jen Lee is a Brooklyn-based writer and a collector of stories, many of which unfold in her vibrant neighborhood or in the lives of her closest friends. A performer in NYC's storytelling scene, Jen is also the author of Solstice: Stories of Light in the Dark (click the link to listen to the audio), Fortunes, and Take Me With You: A Journal for the Journey.

Jen leads workshops and retreats on storytelling, writing and the creative life. She believes everyone has a story worth telling, and she would be delighted to hear yours. Send your stories, requests, comments and questions to Jen at: jen (at) jenlee (dot) net. She invites you to follow her on Twitter, and to download The Story Catcher.

The Park Slope Civic Council Halloween Parade Oct. 31, 2009 at 6:30pm!

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:23:51 PDT

Park Slope is known for it's amazing Halloween Parade. This year the Park Slope Civic Council Halloween Parade will take place on Oct. 31, 2009 at 6:30pm. I'm so excited for this family-friendly treat! It promises to be extra special this year. The route has changed slightly from prior years and their will be a musical performance before the parade starts, as well as at the end of the parade.

Below is an agenda of the evening. If you are wondering when Trick or Treating officially starts many of the businesses on 7th Avenue start at 4pm (some earlier, some later)…

Here’s more information about the other Goings On during Halloween in the Slope:

The 2009 Costume Contest Categories for The Park Slope Civic Council Costume Contest!
The Spooky Sea Award (best overall theme)
Best in Show- Adults
Best in Show-Kid's Scariest Sea
Monster Best “Small-Fry” (baby)
Best Pop Culture Best Cat-or-Dogfish (best pet)
Craftiest Seafarin’ Craft (best stroller/wagon)
Best in a “School “(group/ensemble)

12:45- 3:00 The Halloween Pups on Parade at Washington Park (5th Ave btw 3rd and 4th)

3:00- 6:30 Free Photos in front of John Jay High School (7th Ave btw 3rd and 4th)
3:00--3: 55 Registration for the Costume Contest
4:00--5:00 Costume Contest
5:00--6:00 Musical Performance by Ethan’s Motley Rockin’ Show (in front of John Jay

6:30 The Park Slope Civic Council Halloween Parade

The parade will include bands, giant puppets, and other fun things. After the parade highlights have passed, feel free to join the parade at the end (so as not to trip puppets, band members, etc). Let's keep everyone safe and able to see the puppets!

NEW PARADE ROUTE:

Start at 14th st and 7th ave
Turn left onto 3rd st
Turn left onto 5th ave
Into Washington Park (formerly JJ Byrne Park) to end with some music!

Body Image & Motherhood: Interview w/Claire Mysko, Co-author of "Does This Pregnancy Makes Me Look Fat?" Discussion at the Old Stone House 10/29

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 20:55:52 PDT

Hip Slope Mama's brand new sister site Momasphere had the chance to talk to Claire Mysko, a feminist and writer who co-authored the newly released book called Does This Pregnancy Make Mee Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby with Magali Amadei. In it they surveyed more than 400 women, including those who are considering starting a family, moms-to-be, and mothers. They offer a much-needed forewarning on what to expect from your changing body, exposing the myths, challenges, and insecurities you’ll face throughout. Claire writes books, blogs, leads workshops, and consults with companies and organizations that want to reach girls and women with empowering messages. She has served as the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association, the Executive Editor of SmartGirl, and the Assistant Director of Communications for Girls Inc. She is also the co-founder of Inside Beauty, an outreach program dedicated to promoting healthy body image. The following is Momasphere's exclusive interview with author Claire Mysko:

Q. Momasphere: You have been working for years with girls across the country on issues of body image and self-esteem. What inspired you to begin this book project, which I understand involved interviewing more than 400 women?
A. Claire Mysko: My co-author Magali Amadei and I started talking about the idea for this book when she was pregnant with her daughter. Suddenly it became clear that pregnancy and new motherhood are times of tremendous body image insecurity for women. Our bodies goes through major changes, yet there's not a lot of support to help us process those changes in a healthy way. From the doctor's office to the newsstand to the playground, there's plenty of talk about weight gain and weight loss, but we weren't hearing anything about how women were really dealing with all those pressures. So we started asking.

Q. Momasphere: The nature of the questions you asked the interviewees was quite personal. Was it difficult to get women to open up about such intimate subjects?

A. Claire Mysko: It wasn't hard at all, actually. Women did not hold back with us, but what we did find is that they're often not talking to anyone else. While nearly 80% of women expressed concerns about the body changes of pregnancy and motherhood, less than half of them said they discuss those concerns with their partners and their friends. Many women admitted they felt ashamed that they were worried about something so "superficial" as weight (even though that worry is reinforced everywhere around around us). Others said they feared they would be seen as selfish mothers for having such deep insecurities about their bodies.

Q. Momasphere: From Annie Leibovitz’s groundbreaking 1991 Vanity Fair cover photo of a pregnant, naked Demi Moore, to today’s ‘bump watch’ of pregnant celebrities, has Hollywood’s attitude towards pregnant women’s bodies made it harder or easier for the average mom to deal with her own body changes?

A. Claire Mysko: I think there is an upside and a downside to the Hollywood coverage. It's positive in the sense that the pregnant body is no longer something to be hidden away or covered up. We now get to see many examples of women who are proudly and stylishly pregnant. But it can be hard to keep a realistic perspective on all those those Hollywood images and messages, especially when they set up the ridiculous expectation that we should all be striving for a "red carpet-ready body after baby." At the end of the day, we have to remember that celebrity media is in the business of selling. Ultimately, these stories are all touting the It baby gear, designer diets and workout plans--which most moms can't afford. And none of that has nothing to do with the day-to-day reality of being a mother.

Q. Momasphere: In the book you talk about how ‘getting your pre-baby body back’ often sets women up for great disappointment and sometimes unhealthy food and exercise practices. Can you give our readers some advice about how to develop realistic, healthy goals for ourselves?

A. Claire Mysko: This is where we really do need to shut out the Hollywood stories about stars who are back in their skinny jeans right after childbirth. For new moms, the most important thing you can do is give yourself time to heal and adjust to life with a newborn. We talked to women who regretted that they were instantly focused on losing weight and and working out because it took away from the experience of bonding with their babies.

Your goals should not involve stepping into a time machine to get your body back. Instead, focus on moving forward and remember to stop and appreciate the amazing feat your body has accomplished! Strive for body confidence, which we define as the belief that you are your most beautiful when you are healthy in body and mind. It's not about molding or shaping--it's about taking care of yourself so you can pass along healthy attitudes to your children.

Q. Momasphere: What was the most surprising thing you learned while doing the research for this book?

A. Claire Mysko: There is a huge gap in prenatal and postpartum care when it comes to healthcare providers' awareness of and sensitivity to the fears and anxieties women have about weight and body image. There are millions of women who have been diagnosed with eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. In addition, recent research shows that two thirds of all women deal with some form of disordered eating (chronic dieting, emotional eating, overexercise, etc.). It's just common sense that many of these women are or will some day become mothers. Unfortunately, we heard story after story from women whose doctors said or did things to exacerbate their weight worries. And the scale is still the centerpiece of most prenatal appointments, which is a problem when the act of weighing in can be an unhealthy and triggering experience for many moms-to-be.

Doctors need to take more responsibility to educate themselves about these widespread issues; women need to be more proactive in discussing our histories of eating disorders, disordered eating and poor body image with our healthcare providers so we can find doctors who are equipped to support us and treat us with compassion.

Q. Momasphere: Is there a story behind the book title? Though ‘Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?’ always seems to get a smile, it may be somewhat deceptive since the book really deals with women's body issues throughout their lives. How did you choose the title?

A. Claire Mysko: We chose the title because we wanted something that was lighthearted, but also pointed to just how extreme our body obsessions have become. And you're right--though the title highlights pregnancy, we are really offering advice about how to confront your body image issues when you start planning a family (which is where I was when we researched and wrote the book), during pregnancy and beyond. The women we interviewed reflect that range of experiences. We talked to those who were just starting to think about motherhood, women at all stages of pregnancy, and mothers of infants, kids, and adults.

Momasphere events is hosting a book reading/signing/panel discussion event with Claire Mysko on Thursday Oct 29^th at the The Old Stone House in Parke Slope, Brooklyn. Find out more about the details at Momasphere Events.

Creator of Hip Slope Mama & Momasphere Interviewed by The Huffington Post!

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:53:42 PDT

By Melissa Lopata

I am so excited to have been interviewed by one of my favorite online publications, The Huffington Post! My interview was one of a three-part series on "Super Moms".

Wow, I'm a "Super Mom"! I don't always feel like a super mom, especially when I'm barely functioning on 3 hrs of sleep and running around my apartment at the last minute looking for my son's other shoe. Ultimately, I think this series of interviews is more about letting mom's know that all mothers are "super moms", especially if they are striving to build an identity and find a purpose while managing a family. Whether you are a stay at home or working mom, it's important to look for ways to be fulfilled beyond being a wife and mother. There are always growing pains involved w/self-realization, but, in the end, this benefits everyone in the family. Topics included in my interview were: being a mom-trepeuner, the mission of Momasphere (Hip Slope Mama's new national sister site) and it's mantra "Whole Women Make Whole Moms", how I manage to balance Momasphere and family, being a multicultural family and advice on how to connect with other moms. Here are some excerpts (you can read the complete interview on The Huffington Post HERE):

What inspired you to start Momasphere?
I had left corporate America and a very high-pressured position as a VP of marketing. I had made a decision, before I went on maternity leave, to just leave corporate America for at least a little while and stay home with Baby Sphere. It was definitely an economic sacrifice for my family, to lose one very good household income. [Laughs] But we made the decision together.

I think in the back of my mind I always had the DNA of an entrepreneur simmering in me. So I also decided to use that time away to do a bit of soul-searching and figure out what my calling was. I think in the course of that time period when I was with Baby Sphere and doing all this soul-searching...you know, motherhood just becomes so all-encompassing in your life!

It really does!
I don't think moms, or moms-to-be realize how completely all-encompassing it is, what an incredible change of lifestyle it is. It's a different way of thinking about your whole life.

It was interesting to me, and I felt like my transition into the world of motherhood was kind of daunting. I felt like I had to reinvent myself. It became a little overwhelming. For me, I couldn't quite find my niche. [At this point our two boys decide to have a screaming match.] I [didn't really feel like a] stay-at-home mom. Especially, a lot of moms in the city have their babies a little later in life. I had my child when I was almost 40, so I feel like I had developed this character, this personality and way of living that was so embedded in me, so deep, so well-formed, that I didn't really know what to do with myself. I didn't really feel like I fit into the whole "mommy meet-up" environment. [Laughs] I felt like there really wasn't an environment that dealt with the mother in her whole spectrum of being. It seemed like the mommy blogs that were out there, and the mommy meet-up groups, and playgroups, all focused around the child. Very baby-centric. Click Here>

Bubbles and Bubbly Contest: Win a Maytag Bravo HE washer/dryer, or a year’s supply of WiskHE detergent!

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:29:17 PDT

By Ellen Bari

I recently went to an event in a gorgeous loft in the West 20’s called Bubbles and Bubbly. I got certified as a Bubble & HE Expert. Now as a mom, being a bubble expert might seem like no big deal: I use bubble baths to soothe away the blues, megasized bubble jars to amuse, tearless bubbles in our shampoos, bubble wrap for Cinderella’s glass shoes, and a little bubbly to invite the muse….but me, an HE expert?! (With a daughter, and a new venture that creates programs and events for moms, I’m probably more of an SHE expert.)

So I learned that HE stands for high efficiency, as in household appliances and laundry detergents. HE in appliances is actually a good thing because it saves energy and water. It turns out HE washers use 20% to 66% less water than traditional washers and as little as 20 to 50 percent of the energy because there’s much less water to heat. So it’s a win/win- save money and the environment at the same time. These machines do best with HE detergents.

So to get the aforementioned certification, in white lab coats, we tested the results ourselves, and were able to see how less is more when it comes to bubbles, and HE detergents. At the other end of the spectrum, we also got to test champagne, and learned that the more pinheaded bubbles in your glass, the better the champagne quality. I also had my bubbles read, and learned that my future looks, well…bubbly.

So if this makes you think that maybe your washer is not as efficient as you’d like it to be, or that you’re not using the best detergent for your HE machine, enter this contest and you can win a pair of gorgeous red HE washer/dryer, or a year’s supply of WiskHE detergent. http://laundryhe.com/contest/. If you’re really determined, you can sign in everyday!

Recap of the Park Slope Parents Career Networking/HipSlopeMama ‘Meet & Greet Panel Discussion’

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:21:09 PDT

By Ellen Bari

Last Thursday evening, the Park Slope Parents Career Networking group, in conjunction with HipSlopemama, held its first event, a panel discussion featuring three successful working moms with three very different career paths. Had there been a dull moment in the discussion, guests would have had the opportunity to peruse the huge selection of glass frames hanging from the walls of the evening’s gracious venue host, the Park Slope Eye. But the panelists, whose careers range from scenic painter to career coach, kept the audience engaged with personal reflections on their individual career choices and triumphs. Though none of the women left with a new pair of glasses, all were no doubt able to see clearly that ‘there’s more (to career choices) than meets the eye.’

Joyce Szuflita spent approximately 25 years working as a scenic painter for theater and film, launching a variety of art-related side-businesses along the way. Recently, Joyce started NYC School Help, a successful private consultancy that helps Brooklyn families with their public and private school search, nursery through high school. Joyce said one of the things that made this business successful was that she “finally had the good sense to take out a small loan to get started.” While helping families sort out their school options and choices might seem like a far cry from her former life as a professional working artist, Joyce said it actually taps into three of her strengths that do not get full play in the artist realm: ‘her ability to research information, public speaking and talking someone down off a ledge.’ Joyce also said that she has become a whiz at SEO (search engine optimization) without spending a penny, and shared some of her tips with the group. Her website is www.nycschoolhelp.com and she contributes to many popular blogs, including: www.mysidewalkchalk.blogspot.com.

Stephanie Hill Wilcroft, formerly with public radio for many years, is a full-time, working mother at Sesame Workshop and founder of the popular blog, MAMA BEE. Stephanie acknowledged that while the corporate world does not offer women everything they need in order to be successful and happy, many women do not have the financial security to opt out. She talked about the current study released by Maria Shriver which has shown for the first time in our history that half of all U.S. workers are women and that mothers are the primary breadwinners or co-breadwinners in nearly two-thirds of American families. The study also confirmed that women today earn an average of 77 cents to every dollar a man earns. Until society offers more flexible work schedules, comprehensive child care policies, redesigned family and medical leave, equal pay and policies that encourage fathers to be involved, the situation in corporate America will continue to create an environment that that does not help working mothers thrive. At the same time, Stephanie does not advocate a full scale walkout. She is concerned that if all talented, high level women leave the corporate world, the organizations will have zero incentive to improve the situation for working women. Stephanie writes an anonymous (mostly) blog about women in the workforce, for her own personal satisfaction and enjoyment, which has become more political over time.

Nancy Collamer is a professional career coach and founder of the Jobs and Moms Career Center. Nancy started her career at AT&T, moved to corporate HR, then recruiting and after getting a masters degree in Career Development starting running workshops that explored ‘part-time careers for full-time mothers.’ Nancy attested to the value of ‘volunteer’ work, having written dutifully for an online column for no pay, finding its financial rewards at the end of the rainbow two years later, when it was bought by the Oxygen network. In order to find your work calling, Nancy recommends a four step process: 1. Discovery- find out who you are and what your natural talents are, 2. Exploration- see what’s out there, 3. Method of Delivery- decide how you would deliver your services, 4. Action Plan- describe how will you implement your plan. Nancy pointed to Weight Watcher’s as a good model to follow if you are embarking on a new challenge. It’s a program with built-in support, accountability, group sharing, published tips and techniques and it values of progress in small increments. Nancy pointed to low self-confidence as one of the major stumbling blocks for returning-to-work mothers, and gave some tips on how to overcome this including getting involved in projects that stretch you a little, continuing education classes, taking on small project work, and slowly dipping your toes back in the water.

Though the three panelists have chosen very different paths, each of them was clear on one issue. In order to find happiness and balance with one’s work life, it is incumbent upon each of us to find our bliss in some way…even if it takes 25 years to uncover, is an endeavor of love over and above a full-time job, and part of your services are performed for free. The message from the panelists was quite optimistic- if you find something that matches your interests and skill set, that you truly enjoy, you will likely find a way to make it work.

This informative event was for members of Park Slope Parents Career Networking group. If you are interested in joining, please contact LB Eisen, one of the co-founders. There is a fee associated with membership. Email: lbeisen@mac.com

"Motherhood Is The New MBA" Interview with Author Shari Storm

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:54:46 PDT

Interview by Ellen Bari

Shari Storm’s new book, Motherhood is the New MBA: Using Your Parenting Skills to Be a Better Boss, offers wise, funny, practical advice on how to take basic mothering skills and translate them into successful management in the office. Shari is currently the VP, Chief Marketing Officer at Verity Credit Union, a $400 million financial institution. She has an MBA from Seattle University, teaches at the University of Washington’s Experimental College and mentors graduate students at Seattle University. In addition to work on her own blog, www.sharistorm.com, Shari contributes online to Working Mother Magazine, MomLogic and her company’s blog. Shari lives with her husband and three young daughters near Seattle, Washington. Ellen Bari, Co-Founder of Momasphere (Hip Slope Mama's sister site) took the opportunity to ask Shari a few questions about her new book and how she manages to do it all.

Q. Ellen B. In reading your new book, Motherhood is the New MBA, I couldn’t help but feel : Now why didn’t I write this book. It seems so obvious, but the truth is, it’s never really been framed quite this way. What inspired you to write the book?
A. Shari S. I knew I wanted to write something about how great motherhood is. When I became a mother, I felt more creative, more effective, and more energized at the office. But what I found to read on the topic of working and motherhood was more about how hard it is. There is a lot to read about the challenges of work life balance, the unfairness of the wage gap, the dangers of post-partum depression. All of these are of course, real and important issues. They just are not what I was experiencing personally.

Q: Ellen B. I know that sometimes we have an idea rolling around in our heads, until one particular experience brings the concept front and center. Was there a specific incident at work or at home that sparked the writing of this book?
A. Shari S. One day, when my oldest daughter was about 2 years old, we had some drama going on at work, and I suspected a co-worker of something. When I asked her about it, she started to answer me and it occurred to me that she was giving me the same type of answer I got from my two year old when I ask her, “Did you put your sneakers in the toilet?” It’s the look she gives me when she is lying!

It occurred to me at that point that human nature is human nature, whether we are 2 or 62. We are basically hard wired the same way and parents get in-depth, long term practice in human nature. We learn quickly, through parenting, how to get others to act in a way that we want them to.

Q. Ellen B. Not to give it all away, because our readers should first plan to come see you in your only New York appearance on November 5th at the Park Slope Eye, and then they should read the book. But in the interim, can you share the four most important things a good mom can bring to her role as a good manager?
A. Shari S:

Don’t try to be everyone’s friend. Moms and bosses play a very unique role. It is our duty to guide people. That sometimes means having difficult conversations or making unpopular decisions. It’s tough to do that if you are buddies with your kids or your employees. You can be kind, personable and likable, but be clear on boundaries.

Set a good example. Good parents know they are always on stage. Managers should remember this too. You can tell your employees how to act until you are blue in the face. But if your behavior doesn’t match your words, they will follow your example, not your verbal mandates. If you tell your staff to work with urgency and then you come in late and leave early every day, you will not get the results you want.

Remember the magic words. Saying “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry” are one of the fundamental things we teach our children. It’s amazing how often these simple acts of kindness are forgotten at the office. Never underestimate the power of good manners.

Keep your house in order. Good parents don’t tolerate behavior that endangers their children or others. When your kid runs out into the street or throws a golf ball at their siblings, you take care of it – immediately. Good managers act with the same swiftness when an employee is acting disruptively and compromising the effectiveness of the team.

Q. Ellen B. It seems to me that many of the practices you talk about in the book can relate to people other than moms…and even other than parents? Is there also a message here for managers who don’t have kids?
A. Shari S. My entire career I’ve heard sports analogies when it comes to business and I’ve heard war analogies when it comes to business. These are metaphors that are not relatable for most women, and for many men, frankly. The family dynamic is a framework that many people intuitively understand, whether they have children or not. Surprisingly, I’ve had tremendous support for the book from men and from non-parents. One journalist who interviewed me for the book said, “I just enjoyed reading the stories and the concepts all made perfect sense to me.” She does not have kids.

In light of all the talk days about work/life balance, I just can’t resist asking you how you manage to juggle everything so effectively. You have a full-time job as an executive at a credit union , are raising three young children under the age of seven AND manage to write a book? What’s your secret?

I’ve got a few secrets. The first is, there are lots of things I don’t do (like keep a clean house, write thank you notes, pay my bills on time or paint my fingernails).

Secondly, I dedicated one hour a day to this project. It took four years. It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do something for one hour each day. I committed to working on it from 4 am to 5 am every day.

Thirdly, I’ve got amazing support from my family, friends and co-workers. My husband, sisters and mothers help a great deal. My job has a 37.5 hour work week and I work from home on Fridays. It’s been a godsend for the crunch times on the book.

Momasphere events is hosting Shari’s only New York appearance on Thursday Nov.5^th at the Park Slope Eye. Find out more about the details at Momasphere Events.

Ellen Bari, a Brooklyn-based freelance writer, mom and creative consultant, curates and produces award-winning programs and exhibits for children and adults. She is the Co-Founder of Momasphere, a organization based out of Park Slope, Brooklyn, that creates innovative evening events for moms of all ages, while also giving back to the community. Her upcoming children’s book Jumping Jenny (Lerner Publishing) is about a passionate little girl whose bouyant bounce, truly knows no bounds. Ellen’s ‘creative compass’ navigates her life as a mom, globe trekker, and designer of one-of-a-kind ceramics and jewelry- her necklaces are on display at Proteus Gowanus Gallery. She is also a regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama. Current exhibits in NYC include The Future Beneath Us @ the Science, Industry and Business Library (SIBL/NYPL), Transit Museum Gallery @ Grand Central; American Express Tower in the World Financial Center lobby.

"Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?" Body Image & Motherhood - Book Reading & Panel Discussion on Oct 29, 2009 at The Old Stone House

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:14:11 PDT

Momasphere Events and Bump are presenting a great reading and discussion in Park Slope for women of all ages that examines body image and motherhood! Whether you want to become pregnant for the first time, you're currently pregnant, 4 months out of pregnancy or 10 years out of pregnancy, the book deals with body image and fitness issues that last a lifetime. Beauty activists Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei surveyed more than 400 women, including those who are considering starting a family, moms-to-be, and mothers. They offer a much-needed forewarning on what to expect from your changing body, exposing the myths, challenges, and insecurities you’ll face throughout pregnancy and beyond—and what to do about them. With startling confessions of women’s unspoken fears and advice on how to remedy them, this essential compendium of girl-friendly advice will help champion any woman to feel her best about her body, herself, and her role as a mom.

Date: Thursday, October 29, 2009
Time: 7-9 pm
Place: The Old Stone House
336 3rd St (bet. 4th & 5th Ave), Brooklyn, NY 11215
Price: Tickets are $10 online & $15 at the door

Space is limited so please RSVP by purchasing tickets online HERE. Tickets are available for sale at the door for $15.00 on a first-come-first-served basis. Cash only to purchase tickets at the door.

Panel Discussion and Book Reading: Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby (co-authored by Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei) is the first guide to help women deal with the body changes of pregnancy and motherhood, providing valuable advice on how to pass along healthy attitudes about food and weight to our children. Publishers Weekly says, “[t]he concepts and solidarity offered here should prove valuable for millions of American women.

After the reading, a panel discussion that probes body image issues related to motherhood will follow. Topics that will be covered include self-esteem, sexuality, fitness and health as they relate to our changing bodies as mothers.

Body Image and Motherhood Reading and Discussion Includes the Following Panelists:

Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei co-authered Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby. In it they surveyed more than 400 women, including those who are considering starting a family, moms-to-be, and mothers. They offer a much-needed forewarning on what to expect from your changing body, exposing the myths, challenges, and insecurities you’ll face throughout. Claire writes books, blogs, leads workshops, and consults with companies and organizations that want to reach girls and women with empowering messages. She has served as the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association, the Executive Editor of SmartGirl, and the Assistant Director of Communications for Girls Inc. She is also the co-founder of Inside Beauty, an outreach program dedicated to promoting healthy body image. Claire received her M.A. in Gender Studies from The New School for Social Research.

Meredith Lopez is a stay-at-home writer and mother. She is one of the main mom bloggers on The Huffington Post. Her short stories and creative non-fiction have been published in Heart By Heart: Mothers and Daughters Listening to Each Other, The Dovetail Journal for Interfaith Families, Morbid Outlook, and The Rose & Thorn e-Zine. In 1999 she graduated from NYU with a degree in Dramatic Literature, Cinema Studies and Theatre History, with an emphasis on American film studies. She is also a veteran of several office day jobs, where she learned to multi-task, be proactive, have synergy, and think outside the box, all qualities that now come in handy as a mom. Meredith was born and raised in Miami, and now lives in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY with her husband and their son, the Juban Princeling.

Claire Cavanah is a mother, Co-Founder of Babeland and the co-author of Sex Toys 101. She has a bachelor's degree from Brown University. After attending an alternative high school in Vermont, Claire enrolled at Brown University. Brown's thriving feminist community offered Claire a new way to think about the world and led directly to her current career. Her studies were focused in both the "Gender Studies and Modern Culture" and the "Media" departments. She was also an active member of the campus Women's Center. After college, Claire moved to Seattle to begin work in the publishing field. During that time she also worked as a researcher, charting the second wave of feminism for a documentary film. It was shortly after this, that Claire joined with Rachel Venning and founded Babeland (originally known as Toys in Babeland).

Barbara Kass, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn. She has a specialty working with new mothers, women in transition, and couples dealing with the changes that parenthood brings. She has worked extensively with women on issues of body image and has led numerous workshops on motherhood and mothering. Barbara is a graduate of the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Hunter College School of Social Work and has a Post Masters Certificate in Advanced Clinical Practice in Social Work from NYU. Barbara is an adjunct faculty member of the New York University School of Social Work, has taught at Columbia University School of Social Work, and continues to provide training and supervision for social workers and psychotherapists.

Hip Slope Mama is Partnering with PSP Career Networking for Their First Event on Thurs, Oct 22, 2009!

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:38:38 PDT

Hip Slope Mama is partnering with PSP Career Networking for their first event! Hope you'll join us.

Meet & Greet and Panel Discussion
Thursday, October 22nd 7-9pm at Park Slope Eye, 682 Union St. (btw 4th & 5th Ave.)

This event is for members of Park Slope Parents Career Networking group. If you are interested in joining, please contact LB Eisen, one of the co-founders. There is a fee associated with membership. Email: lbeisen@mac.com The evening includes: schmoozing with other Park Slope Parents interested in career change and networking, panel discussion of 3 wonderful speakers on relevant topics, a business card raffle and snacks! The speakers are all parents, all balancing work & family, and all coming to tell their story and answer your questions.

Here's the scoop:
7:00-7:30pm - Mix & Mingle
7:30 - 8:30 - Panel Discussion and Q&A
8:30 - 9:00 - More chatting and raffle

PANELISTS:

1) JOYCE SZUFLITA - Owner & Founder of NYC SCHOOL HELP will discuss her path from artist to entrepreneur - including the business ideas that didn't take off and the one that did! Now a busy, small business, based right here in Park Slope.

2) STEPHANIE HILL WILCHFORT - Full-time, working mother in the corporate world and founder of the popular blog, MAMA BEE. Will discuss issues she and many women deal with, regarding policies and how society makes it easy or difficult for women to have a work life balance. Plus, how and why it works for her to be full-time working and a mom.

3) NANCY COLLAMER - Professional Career Coach and Founder of the JOBS AND MOMS CAREER CENTER. Will discuss what a career counselor/coach actually does, offer ideas for re-inventing yourself to enter a new industry and offer thoughts on when you or a spouse is without work.

They Don’t Call ‘em the Terrible Twos for Nothing

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 08:44:49 PDT

By Rachael Nachtwey

Although I’ve taken care of many kids throughout the years, I’m never fully prepared for the frustration of the defiant toddler. I’ve seen even-tempered little ones undergo the most rapid personality changes, leading one to question if some little demon had burrowed in. My toddler niece fascinates me with her ability to play happily one second, then become red-faced and spout irrational tears the next. And Ethan, my normally obedient two-year-old charge, has recently decided that he is going to “forget” every rule that he had previously learned. In fact, he seems to have identified several Rachael pushing buttons and I, in turn, have learned what really turns my crank.

One recent afternoon, Ethan was definitely displaying some testing behaviors (i.e. doing the polar opposite of everything I had asked of him). However, as the day progressed, he seemed to be shaping up so I allowed him to take his new scooter outside. After several blocks of good behavior, I decided it was only fair to reward him on a warm, sunny day with some ice cream. Still donning his adorable dome shaped helmet, we sat on the steps of the Tasti-Delight, sharing a melting cup of vanilla soft serve.

As he proceeded to dump the remaining bit, I said, “All right. Let’s get going to the park!” at which he jumped up and yelled, “More ice cream!”

“You just had ice cream, silly!” I laughed. “Another day.” Now I don’t know if there was any correlation between the ice cream and the crack-like induced state that followed but here’s what happened:

Even though he didn’t tantrum or even really complain, within seconds, the horns surfaced. After scooting a few feet down the sidewalk, he suddenly stopped, dropped the scooter and just started running! The kid was greased lightning, I do not jest. I bolted and managed to grab him by the collar which made me feel like sort of bow-tied store clerk from the 50’s who was going to teach “those darn hoodlum thieves a lesson!” I pulled him close to me, got down to his level, and said, “What are you doing? You can’t run off like that!” while pointing at the cars that were “very, VERY dangerous!” I thought it registered in his expression. He looked solemn enough. A bit remorseful, too? Or so I thought…

We started off again but within moments, he dumped the scooter once more and at this point, I wondered if he was just getting tired. Spotting some chairs in front of the Tea Lounge, I suggested a little rest. We had just plopped down when without any warning, he popped out of his chair and sprinted toward the street. My heart in my throat, I commenced some sort of military move, launching myself and tackling him. Once I had him in my grasp, I proceeded to lose it.

“That’s IT!” I yelled, not caring that the patrons of the Tea Lounge were now staring at the spectacle that had become The R&C Show. I carried him back to the chair and firmly planted him down. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU KNOW YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO RUN OFF! YOU COULD GET HIT BY A CAR!!” I shouted. What was killing me about this whole situation was that he knows these rules. Very well.

We were nose to nose when I said, “You need a TIME OUT!”

He squirmed, whimpered, and cried for Mommy. He tried more than once to get out of the chair, which ratcheted my irritability up to the nth degree but by the time the two minutes were over, I think we had both calmed down. I took him by the hand and said, very evenly, “No park. We’re going home and you have to hold my hand the whole way there”. I couldn’t get horrific visions of him running in front of a car out of my head.

Ethan knew that he had pushed his Rachael a bit too far. Typically, he fights me when I grab his hand but this time, he allowed me to hold it firmly the entire walk home. By the time we arrived, I was completely exhausted and suggested some quiet time. He asked to play with his wooden blocks which seemed like a fine idea.

How wrong I was! He got way too keyed up by the construction and subsequent destruction of his towers. As he excitedly rummaged through his booty of blocks, he threw one of the large ones behind him, accidentally smacking me right above the eye. Hard.

The combination of extreme pain and general frustration with the entire afternoon caused me to burst into tears. I ran into the bathroom to examine the damage and also to minimize the fear I was probably evoking in Ethan. I also realized I was very much in need of a breather. As I sobbed over the bathroom sink, I could hear Ethan pressing his face to the door.

“It’s all right, Rachael, yes? You be okay?” His sweet little voice through the door sounded so genuine, so grown up for his two-year-old body.

After I had collected myself, I said, “Yes, I’ll be okay”.

We all have our moments, I guess, when we need to lose it, whether that’s with our scooters, in the sandbox, or over the bathroom sink. When Ethan’s mom came home and I told her what had happened, she demanded that he apologize. “I sorry, Rachael” he said, burying his head into her shoulder.

Amazing how powerful an apology is, even from a toddler. Even more meaningful? Knowing that his mom has removed the wooden blocks from his toy chest because unlike Ethan, I don’t look so cute in helmets.

Rachael Nachtwey is a Brooklyn Nanny, a freelance writer and regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama. She can be reached at Rachael.Nachtwey@gmail.com. She also writes on her blog at www.thenightway.blogspot.com

Creating in the Middle of Things

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 08:26:30 PDT

By Rahti Gorfien

My son’s two sibling friends are challenging, high-spirited kids. Their mother is a saint; she’s my ace-in-the-hole, my last minute go-to buddy in the trenches of childcare; anytime, any day any place, she’ll take Harper with her and care for him as one of her own.

Well, tonight it’s payback time: it’s her 10-year wedding anniversary, so here we are, my husband and I, doing our best to make it through a much anticipated (by the children) and much dreaded (by us) Sleepover, fraught with “he started it’s and “that’s not fair”s and “I want that one”s and on and on and on. It’s 10:00PM. Never mind where your children are; do you remember why you had them? Thank G-d for pizza, ice-cream, popcorn and DVDs. Of course, then there’s the little matter of what to watch first. Turns picking are taken, coins are flipped, tears are shed, bribes are made. Finally, it’s Beddy-Bye-Bye-Time: pajamas, teeth brushed, faces and in some cases feet washed, (bathe them all? You’ve got to be kidding!) And yes, you have to try to go to the bathroom before you go to bed. As I write this, Richard is up at the Story-time bat, and unless it’s my imagination, things are starting to settle…

No, I spoke too soon. “I’m thirsty’ I hear a plaintive little voice declare. My son has somehow materialized at my bedside. ‘Rahti, I’m hot’ complains a littler one, right on his heels (the heat is blasting, which has really enhanced the evening.) Containing my annoyance, I tend to their needs, and once again am back at my laptop. It grows quiet. But I know better than to get too excited. It’s not over ‘til it’s over, not before the sun rises and the pancakes are eaten. My prayer, aside from their safe-keeping, is that the bunk-beds and sofa remain dry. My husband is not bearing up all that well, but he’s here, thank goodness.

I don’t remember my father being present at all during sleepovers. I’m sure he was around, but it felt like he’d left the country. Laughter erupts in the living room on the other side of the bedroom door. Fart-poop-name-calling silliness ensues. A tattle-tale runs into my room. I instruct him to threaten the others for me, and am reminded of a childhood friend’s father when I was growing up. Half-conscious, beached in his Easy-Boy chair, he’d rouse just enough to yell at the eldest of his 8 kids: “Joey, go over and kick your brother’s ass for me”. Now, back in the day, that was a hands-on dad. I’m taking a bit of poetic license here, of course. He’d do his own ass-kicking.

(I need to confess something here: I just plagiarized myself. That memory was lifted from a semi-autobiographical solo show I wrote and performed 10 years ago. Gives me pause to wonder whether I’ll ever be immortalized that way, by one of my son’s contemporaries. One of the kids sleeping over tonight, in fact, has quite a talent theatrically, and I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if I end up being less than flatteringly caricatured on some off-off Broadway stage someday. I certainly had moments worthy of that this evening.)

Inevitably, I am back at the children’s bedsides. Naturally, the ‘I miss my mommy’ stage has begun. But that’s a good thing: that place of vulnerability is a charitable moment, as it usually signals imminent sleep.

It’s funny: I’ve been fighting this month’s blog. I haven’t been seized by any specific theme or axe to grind, which makes it harder to write. A mentor-coach of mine, Dr. Eric Maisel, talks about ‘creating in the middle of things’. What an apropos subject on the cusp of the holidays! A recent seminar I co-led with him triggered the subject. And what better setting for Creating in the Middle of Things could there be than the chaos of a sleep-over? It’s exactly what I needed to write this blog. There is no perfect time. You have to create despite the circumstances. And what better circumstances could there be to demonstrate that, than a fidgety bunch of kids having a slumber party?

Incidentally, if you could use a little support with this, I'm about to launch a coaching group for freelance and artist parents who constantly contend with this very challenge, and there’s room for one more! To find out more about that visit Creative Calling Coaching. I do hope to see you there!

The Dangers of Reading in Bed (and other ways to avoid a stiff neck)

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 09:11:46 PDT

By Jennifer Brilliant

Do you feel stiff in the morning after you’ve slept ‘wrong’? Can you look over your shoulder with ease while driving? Do you sense that if you could just stretch your neck out enough, it would feel better? Sometimes we feel that our necks aren’t flexible enough. But if we consider our neck as part of our whole spine rather than as a separate part, then we may be able to discover the mobility we desire.

Because of their smaller size (about the size of a quarter), the vertebras of the neck are actually some of the most mobile of the spine. The neck can move freely on the foundation of the shoulder girdle and be integrated with the whole spine.

Some neck tightness stems from flattening the cervical (neck) vertebra. The seven cervical vertebras have a natural, swan-like curve that moves towards the Adam’s apple. When this natural curve is diminished, the muscles of the neck become over-straight, over-stretched and taut. Like taffy that is gooey when warm and then stiffens, our neck muscles can begin to freeze into a flatter shape. The levator scapula (the muscle that moves the shoulder blades) can go into spasm. This can happen suddenly because of whiplash or a forceful sneeze. Or it can develop slowly over time from repetitive exercise, like swimming the crawl, which can tighten the chest muscles. It can also happen from something as mundane as reading in bed with the neck pressed flat against a pillow. Some jobs cause us to lean forward and down over desks, which also flattens the curve of the neck. And let’s not forget how cradling a phone between your ear and your shoulder, especially the small cellular models, can overly lengthen the muscles along one side of the neck.

When we feel tight, we think that we should stretch. But, that is not always the best choice. For a stiff neck, it is best to wait until the spasms dissipate. To change this pattern of gripping in the neck muscles, the neck and shoulders must regain tone (resiliency) – not only the release of stretching. Avoid the desire to ‘test’ and stretch your neck a lot. Neck spasms take time to resolve. You can still workout or practice yoga without the inversions that are weight bearing on the head or neck. Forearm stand and handstand are okay if they don’t cause any pain.

To look over your shoulder when driving with ease, turn your shoulders as well as your head and neck. If you feel stiff in the morning, check that you don’t fall asleep in the fetal position with your chin tucked way in towards your chest (this will also over straighten the neck too). If you want to read in bed, back up and sit on your buttocks!

Below is a series of exercises that may be helpful. But, if you neck does not improve after a couple of weeks - get some professional, medical help from someone that you trust.

LIE ON A ROLL

Begin by lying on the floor with the shoulder blades on a small roll. The arms extend out to the side at shoulder level. This will bring the shoulder blades strongly in contact with the rib cage. Tightness in the muscles around the shoulder blades and the neck can be consciously released in this position. Make sure the neck has its natural curve towards the ceiling. If this is uncomfortable for your neck place a support under your head or make the roll under your shoulder blades smaller. Stay a few minutes with steady breathing and a relaxed neck, throat, and collarbones.

EAGLE ARMS

Roll to your side to come off of the roll. Lie back down without the roll. Arms still extend out to the side at shoulder level. Bring the arms across the chest into eagle arms. First the right elbow crosses above the left elbow in front of your chest. Then cross the forearms to press the back of the hands towards each other, finally weave the arms further to press the palms together. Feel the spread at the back of the shoulders and upper back. Let your neck be free and in its natural curve for 5 – 8 slow breaths. Sometimes when we concentrate, we pull the chin in which can press the neck flat. Concentrate, but not too hard. Repeat with the left arm on top.

SUPINE TWIST

With the arms open at shoulder level and the palms facing down, move your knees towards the right. Allow your knees to separate. At first, keep your face towards the ceiling without turning your head. Feel a sense of ease in the neck where it meets the torso. To complete the spiraling twist of the spine, turn your head towards the left by engaging the right shoulder blade towards the rib cage. You can imagine the roll (Exercise 1) helping to draw the right shoulder blade into connection with the rib cage. Use the support of your right shoulder blade to turn your face with ease to the left. Stay for 5 – 8 smooth breaths.

COBRA

Lie on your belly and place your palms face down at the level of your chest. Begin with your forehead on the floor. If this is difficult you can place you forehead onto a folded towel. Lengthen the spine from the tail to the crown of your head. Gradually lift your head, lengthening each vertebra of the neck before lifting it, by moving your forehead along the floor before lifting it, moving your nose along the floor (then lifting it,) and moving your lips along the floor (then lifting it), then the chin. This is a great place to use your creative imagination to articulate the neck. Use your arm strength to support your lengthened and lifted spine. The legs also work to support the emerging spine. Breathe in cobra for an amount of time that is appropriate for your ability.

DOWNWARD DOG

Begin on all fours. Place your hands under your shoulders (or even a bit wider if you feel restricted in your shoulders.) Your knees should be about as wide as your hips. If you are tight in the hamstrings, then place your knees wider. Tuck the toes and lift the knees off the floor. Begin to extend the legs and move the weight of the body up and out of your hands and towards your feet. This takes strength and flexibility. In downward dog, the head releases down from the spine. What a relief for the neck to allow gravity to lengthen and align upside down with no effort. Avoid pressing the chin in towards the chest. Allow the head to dangle so that your ears are approximately in line with your upper arms. Downward dog brings vitality into the upper body.

Jennifer Brilliant is a Park Slope mother and the owner of the Jennifer Brilliant Yoga and Personal Training Studio in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Jennifer has nearly 20 years of experience guiding people in athletic, therapeutic and creative movement. She is a regular contributor for Hip Slope Mama. For more about Jennifer Brilliant and the classes she offers visit JenniferBrilliant.com

Dear Dr. Laura: How Do I Work With, Rather Then Against, My Strong-willed Child?

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 09:34:41 PDT

Hi Dr. Laura,

My daughter is 4 and is one of the strong-willed children. We seem to have a good rhythm at home and we are already doing what the website recommends to foster a good relationship and work with them rather than against. I think we understand each other.

My question is regarding school. She is in preschool and just started. The complaint at school is that she is a "free spirit" and doesn't seem to hear her teachers sometimes. I know she can have a tendency to not do things on the first request, but I also know she is a good kid, and a good person. So, we have implemented a stamp chart to jump start her following them with a reward system. This is the only thing that works for her, because coming down with negative reinforcement only seems to make a behavior worse and just upsets her and brings her down.
Any other suggestions?

Sincerely,
Free Spirit's Mom

Dear Free Spirit's Mom,

Congratulations on having “a good rhythm at home” with your strong-willed daughter. That’s a testament to your parenting!

Regarding preschool, and your daughter not “hearing” her teachers sometimes: You are so right that clamping down with negative reinforcement will upset your daughter and make her less likely to cooperate. It sounds like you’ve already established with your daughter the expectation that she needs to respond quickly to a request from a teacher, so she knows what she needs to do. Let’s look at what could be going on for her that’s keeping her from doing it.

First, your daughter has just begun preschool. Most likely, it’s a bit overwhelming. The separation from home and parents, new expectations for behavior, rambunctious kids, high noise level, the cornucopia of books, toys, and stimulation...Kids respond to all this new experience in different ways. Some are quiet and withdrawn, some are hyper. Some protest the separation from parents. Some behave perfectly at school but fall apart once they get home. Some wet their pants, or the bed at night. Some push, hit, or bite their peers. And some “don’t listen.” It’s probable that your daughter is trying to manage her stress level by limiting the demands on her and resisting transitions. As she feels more comfortable in the classroom, she will be more responsive to expectations there, particularly if the teacher can avoid making this into a power struggle. That gives us three important ideas about how to help her to make this transition quickly and positively.
1. Help your daughter establish a good relationship with the teacher, which is always the fastest way to get a child cooperating at school. Talk with the teacher about this. An experienced teacher will understand that the child needs to emotionally attach to her, and will find a way to give her a little extra attention.

You can also be helpful in the process. Much of any relationship is in the minds of the participants, so help your daughter develop a feeling of familiarity and affection for her teacher, regardless of what kind of teacher she is. Make the teacher a part of your daughter’s life by talking about her. “I’m pretty sure that Ms. Williams will read your favorite book sometime if we bring it to school....Ms. Williams told me today how hard you worked on that project....Ms. Williams would love this drawing... Do you want to bring this shiny red apple to Ms. Williams?”

Take a photo of your child and her teacher together. Put it on your refrigerator and speak to it fondly. “Ms. Williams, you will be so impressed with what a great cleaner-upper my daughter is...Ms. Williams, do you love spaghetti as much as my daughter?...Ms. Williams, we are so lucky to have you as a teacher, we love that classroom with all those toys and books!” As your daughter lives with the teacher’s photo, she will begin to see her teacher as an important person in her life, which will help her to listen to the teacher’s requests.

Note that it doesn’t really matter what kind of teacher Ms. Williams is. Your daughter will begin to feel more connected to her, which will make her feel more comfortable in the classroom. Your daughter’s developing fondness for the teacher will also help the teacher to respond more patiently towards your daughter.

2. Work with your daughter and the teacher on navigating transitions. Imagine your daughter at school, engaged in a task. The teacher interrupts her with a request. Naturally, it’s hard for her to shift gears. Most kids, especially those we call “strong-willed,” find transitions tough. Notice what helps your daughter with transitions at home. A two minute warning? Having you touch her or look her in the eye while you make the request? Being able to take charge of the “clean-up” process herself? Then work with the teacher to formulate an approach that works for your daughter and the teacher won’t find burdensome. Maybe your daughter needs a two minute warning, or the reassurance that she can return to her current activity at another time. Maybe she needs to know at the start of an activity how long it will last before the next one. Maybe the teacher needs to show her the chart of the day’s activities, so she begins to know what to expect.

3. Help your daughter to regulate her stress level, both in and out of the classroom. Here’s a challenging environment, and your daughter is regulating herself by focusing on a task. She doesn’t respond immediately to the teacher because taking in that new demand jeopardizes her self-regulation in the face of the stressful environment. A better relationship with the teacher will motivate her to want to please the teacher, but we still need to help her with her stress level and self-regulation.

How? First, if the teacher can find other ways to help your daughter feel in control, she won’t need to assert control in opposition to the teacher. This will also defuse the potential power struggle. Suggest to the teacher that she give your daughter a choice when she makes a request: “Do you want to clean up the crayons and wash your hands for lunch now, or in two minutes when we ring the bell for everyone to wash hands?” “Do you want to put the puzzle away yourself, or do you want me to help you?” Choices help the child feel in control, which helps her regulate her internal stress levels. Strong-willed kids especially need to be given choices, or they dig in their heels against external pressure.

Staying connected to your daughter will also help her regulate her stress level. Make sure that every day after school you have special time with your big girl to hear all about her day, whether it’s a 3pm snack or a long snuggle after lights-out. You might also give her a way to hold onto you during the day, like a laminated picture of the family or a paper heart with a love note.

Create a calm household routine with early bedtimes and peaceful mornings; kids who aren’t well-rested don’t have the internal resources to be be flexible with the demands of the school day. It’s also a good idea to explore whether your daughter has any fears or worries about school that are making her anxious. Finally, being sure that you’re a few minutes early to pick up your child from school is a guaranteed anxiety-reducer (and being late is guaranteed to exacerbate a preschooler’s anxiety level!)

Together, these three principles -- Strengthen your daughter's relationship with the teacher, Work with your daughter and the teacher on navigating transitions, and Reduce your daughters' stress level -- will help your daughter adjust to the demands of the classroom. I wish you happy parenting!

Kind regards,
Dr. Laura Markham

Laura Markham, Ph.D., is the Dear Abby of Parenting for the 21^st century. A clinical psychologist trained at Columbia University in NewYork, she is the founding editor of the popular parenting website YourParentingSolutions.com.

In addition to Hip Slope Mama, she serves as Parenting Expert for ParentingBookmark.com, Storknet.com, Wellness.com and Pregnancy.org, on which she hosts a regular online chat for moms. Her work appears regularly on a dozen parenting websites and in print. She lives in Park Slope, Brooklyn with her husband, 12 year old daughter, and 16 year old son. If you have any parenting questions for the Good Dr. Laura please send them to HipSlopeMama@gmail.com.

Altruistic Shouldism VS Authentic Goal Setting

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 04:14:59 PDT

By Rahti Gorfien

So I was recently talking to another creative-eclectic-professional-mom; a client actually. When I asked what her ideal day would look like she said rather ruefully: ‘A day at the spa!’ To which she quickly added: “But I know I SHOULD…..” Well now. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard that answer, and in truth, therein lays a tale, a little hint, as it were, as to what this lady (and many of us) truly need. Our Altruistic Shoulds as I’ve dubbed them, are often at odds with another hidden agenda. Ever try going in two directions at once? It’s a great way to stand still. So what’s the solution? Is her right-purpose to sauna herself to oblivion because that’s what feels good? No, but she should look at her desire, and not judge and dismiss it as selfish. There is great power in self-care. I’m not just talking pedicures: Paradoxically, boundaries help me get closer to people and taking the time to ‘pleasure myself’ in every sense of the word makes me more enthusiastic about being of service and support to friends, family and colleagues. What does she want from the spa? My guess is strength, health, serenity, energy. All the stuff that empowers us to be the happy, productive and fulfilled individuals we aspire to being.

In my playwrighting persona I wrote a one act a couple of years ago, in which I quoted the airline emergency speech line ‘put your oxygen mask on first’… The logic of that is obvious, right? You cannot create and manifest a life vision based purely on intellectual, altruistic shoulds. You’ve got to weigh in what your gut has to say, and make sure you’re tending to your needs appropriately. Selling a painting won’t make you feel good about yourself for very long. Do you still enjoy painting? Or are you setting yourself up by putting the pressure of financial solvency completely on your art? That’s joy-kill right there.

Do you have a happy home life and loyal friends, or are you relying on professional validation to feel appreciated? It isn’t always all or nothing like that, but we can all afford to examine the underlying motivation for our goals from time to time, to make sure our desires are integrated and needs are being appropriately met. Otherwise, ambivalence is bound to be a constant, and enthusiasm will easily wane. Our vocational work, and creative endeavors are a form of self-care, to be sure. But life is, after all, a balancing act. Hey, I don’t need to tell you that!

Dreyer Family Band: Kid's Music You Won't Scratch Your Face Off To!

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 04:14:17 PDT

"A Family Project Turns Into a Kids' Music Masterpiece" from ABOUT.COM
"Never before has an album bathed in such warmth been so darn cool."
from OUT WITH THE KIDS
"One of the best kids CD's of 2009" from KIDS MUSIC THAT ROCKS

In this case, a family that plays together truly rocks together. Of the many great kids bands the Dreyer Family Band has the perfect balance between adult/child entertainment. All the joy and and excitement without having to calm your kids down for hours after the show. It's a blend of earthy & quirky, without being corny. Listen for yourselves HERE. It's become a favorite of ours. We listen to it at home & in the car and it always puts us in a great mood!

The Dreyer family recently moved to Park Slope, Brooklyn. Hip Slope Mama took some time to welcome them and chat about living in the Slope. We also asked them about the inspiration to create their new album Family Photograph (you can purchase it HERE!):

HSM: When did your family move to Park Slope & how do you like it so far?

Dreyer Family Band: We moved in May 15 after downsizing our life from a house upstate and a West Village apartment. We love it here and I can NOT stop pinching myself. I happened upon Puppet Works the other day - I mean really... a whole building dedicated to puppets - 3 blocks away 'CMON!!! Some nights before she falls sleep, my two-year old Finley says "I like it here." We are enjoying this enchanting summer while we wander and fall totally in love with Park Slope.

HSM: What made you decide to put together this album? What was your inspiration?

Dreyer Family Band: It was magic and happenstance. We happened to have our recording studio upstate (in our converted garage:). Annie and Matt wrote and were playing these songs with their kids in their living room every night in San Diego. They played them for us in July during a family trip in July '08 and we were all like "hmmmmm - we could DO this!". Matt flew out to NY in September and we recorded the music with a bunch of great musicians. In October the whole San Diego bunch flew out and we spent nine hilarious, creative and totally magical days recording vocals. As far as inispiration... as Annie said in another interview: "This record is our children and us and, hopefully, your children and you and everyone. This record to us is LOVE (cheesy as it sounds),it’s the love in creativity, in togetherness, in nature, in memories. I hope other families feel it, and I definitely hope someone out there sings “Covers” to their babes the way we have to ours. And I hope that if the words aren’t quite exactly right for them, that they write their own songs that fit perfectly. That’s what we did."

Family Photograph CD - Buy it HERE

HSM: What's your favorite song on the album & why?

Dreyer Family Band: Each member of the family answered this one:

Matt - How to Be Happy, "I love it because it is Annie and my way to explain how we have stayed together for 21 years! Plus I got the banjo part right (in honor of Neil Young’s 'For the Turnstiles'). Emmett’s high vocal harmony is pretty outstanding too."

Emmett - Imagination, "Pop sings it for me, and I love classic rock."

Mac - You Get What You Get. "It's hilarious."

Craig - Home, "Mac just kills me and the track has the 3 dimensional feel I'm always looking for in my recordings."

Cami - The I Love You Song "It's the one that started it all," Cutie Baby, "because it marks the time when Finley was a little baby like nothing else - I even call her 'bouncy ball' at times."

Annie - The I Love You Song in a tie with Big Green Tree, "I think both are what its all about!" Silas- Mad (everday for a YEAR!!)

Baby Fee- Home...imagine a litte two year old redhead singing, "home, home, home":)

Nana - (she's not technically on the record but definitely a part of the record...) Totem Party"What is it about Totem Party? Because it says a little something about each and everyone of the family."

HSM: What are your backgrounds in music?

Dreyer Family Band: Craig and Matt have played all different kinds of instruments since they were 10. Currently Craig is a professional saxaphone and keyboard player here in NYC and owns Mighty Toad recording studio in Brooklyn. Matt plays the banjo like a fiend these days. Annie started writing songs in the spring of '08 the minute the idea occured to her that she could and hasn't stopped. Cami had an entire school life in choir K-12; Mac is 12 and has been taking piano since she was 4 and is currently passionate about the guitar she that got for her birthday this year. Emmett has also been taking piano since 4 years old. Silas and Finley - the babies - are studying music theory. (just kidding - though they do laugh and cry with great gusto and skill on the record::)))

HSM: What do you think is the recipe for good kid's music?

Dreyer Family Band: Simply, I think it is just that... GOOD music. Good lyrics, good melody, good musicians, good intentions, good feelings.

What is the Difference Between Preschool & PreK?: “Intro to Nursery School” Talks in Brooklyn

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 12:22:33 PDT

By Joyce Szuflita

Daycare is childcare to help working parents. It can start in infancy and continue until children are ready for more formal education.

In general, preschool and nursery school (interchangeable terms) start when children turn two or three years old. There are a lot of significant developmental changes that occur in the year after a child turns two. Not all nursery/preschool programs have twos programs, and not all two year olds are ready for school. They are often very small classes and may not be available for children that turn two in the fall after the school’s age cut off. Children usually move on to different Kindergarten programs at 5 years, but some schools have certification through 5 years and some independent schools continue on though elementary to middle and high school. Most schools in Brooklyn provide tours and begin the application process in the fall a year before the children will enter school.

PreKindergarten (PreK) programs are for four year olds. At this point there are more choices. The public schools have limited seats available in their free PreK programs. Some private nursery schools have a reduced fee in the fours year because they get some UPK (Universal PreK) funding.

Even though most high quality nursery and prek programs are “play based”, there are some significant differences in philosophy between programs. The children are learning a lot through play – self-regulation, socialization, confidence, pre -literacy, math, science and lots of art. It is not just babysitting.

I am holding a couple of “Intro to Nursery School” talks. I will be talking about:

nursery school philosophies
what to look for on a tour
what you need to know to keep the search under control and in perspective
Lots of Q&A.

I won't be discussing individual schools at this event
$20. for an individual /$30. for a family
RSVP to joyce@nycschoolhelp.com

Tuesday, August 11 at 7pm - 8:30pm
at NYC Explorers 388 Atlantic Ave. (between Hoyt and Bond)

Wednesday, Sept. 9 at 10am - 11:30am
at Hootenanny Art House 15th St. (@ 8th Ave. Brooklyn)

Thursday, Sept. 24 at 7pm - 8:30pm
at Still Hip 283 Grand (between Lafayette and Clinton Pl.)

Joyce Szuflita is a working mother of twins. She has been a Brooklyn resident for 28 years. As NYC School Help, she consults with families who are doing the school search; public or private, nursery school through high school. Her aim is to save you time, clarify your priorities, present you with thorough information in a clear uniform format so that you can make an informed decision about your child's education. She takes a crazy stressful process and makes it clear and manageable. Joyce is also a regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama.

Perfect Summer Recipe: Watermelon, Lime and Feta Salad

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 06:40:55 PDT

By Christina Stanley-Salerno

Some days I’m just too tired to cook. This was the case last Thursday night. I came home from work with very low energy (what else is new) and I still had to make dinner, give my 11 month old a bath, clean up the dinner dishes and put my son to bed before even thinking of sitting down. UGH! These kind of days are typical for a working mama and even-though I have a hubby who is very good at splitting all of our chores, two working parents still does not equal any energy to spare.

Since it’s summer, I take a lot of help from our outdoor grill. Grilling is great because it minimizes clean-up and keeps the heat out of our house. I decided that I would throw some sausages on the grill but I wanted a light and refreshing salad to go with the meat. After a quick search in my fridge, I came up with this refreshing Watermelon, Lime and Feta Salad. Sounds like a strange mix, but the sweet/salty combo is a real winner!

This salad is perfect for a hot summer day. It takes only minutes to prepare which makes it a perfect dish to toss together right before your guests arrive at your next BBQ. Don’t have a grill, no problem serve this salad alongside some pan fried sausage.

Watermelon, Lime and Feta Salad
Serves 4-6 people

4 cups very cold watermelon, cut into 1-inch cubes
½ c cilantro, finely chopped
Juice of 2 limes
1 tsp sea salt (kosher salt will do as well)
½ c feta cheese

Toss watermelon, cilantro, lime-juice and salt in a large bowl. Gently stir in the feta and serve immediately.

Christina Stanley-Salerno’s culinary education started like most Italians-in her Grandma’s kitchen! Her tremendous love for food lead her to her career as a recipe developer. She is also the founder of TakeBackYourTable.com, a family-friendly recipe blog that gives ideas for fun healthy, simple recipes for busy families. She started the blog last year after the birth of her son, in order to empower and encourage families to Take Back the Table, and enjoy the tremendous emotional, financial, physical benefits of eating together as a family. This doesn't have to mean a six-course meal and fine china. Heck, it could mean a sandwich on a park bench. As long as you are eating quality food together as a family, the little details don't matter.

Christina is a regular contributor of Hip Slope Mama. Her recipes can also be seen on the pages of Every Day With Rachael Ray Magazine as well as on the popular sites Kaboose.com and New Parent.com.

She lives in Brooklyn with her husband James, son Griffin and their dog Ziggy Stardust.

How to Find a Great Nanny

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 06:39:57 PDT

By Sharon Tepper

Beginning a nanny search can be a daunting task. Determining whom to entrust with our children’s care can be a stressful decision.

Sharon Tepper, a local “mom-trepreneur” started Brownstone Nannies, Inc. a nanny referral service in Park Slope, to help other parents navigate this process. Here, she provides some tips for you in your search.

Here’s what Sharon focuses on when interviewing potential candidates:

Length of previous employment. Has this person had a series of short stints with many families? Or longer-term engagements where she’s cared for children through all their different stages of growth.
Communication. The parent-nanny relationship becomes almost as important as a marriage, and communication is key! You need to be able communicate your priorities, and trust your nanny to make independent decisions based on them.
Patience. The cornerstone to working with kids. It takes a lot of warmth and a true love and respect for children.
Common sense. When interviewing a candidate, Sharon always presents them with several scenarios we’re all bound to encounter when caring for small children. How have they responded to a medical emergency? How do they manage a toddler’s tantrum?
Flexibility. Parents’ work schedules may change and they need a nanny to accommodate these changes. An extremely long commute to work can be a hindrance to possible scheduling changes. Flexibility also includes an openness on the part of the nanny to each parents’ preferred child-raising methods, including sleep training, food, and TV policies.
Nanny’s own family and upbringing. How has the nanny raised her own kids? What values has she imparted to them?

For more information, or assistance with your own nanny search, you can reach Sharon at info@brownstonenannies.com or visit www.brownstonenannies.com.

Sharon Tepper is the President and Founder of Brownstone Nannies, Inc., a nanny referral service, in response to the growing need of parents in her community for assistance finding great childcare. Sharon approaches each placement from a mother’s perspective, focusing on the specific needs of each family.

Sharon received a Masters in Urban Planning from Harvard University, and a BS from Cornell University. She lives in Park Slope, Brooklyn with her husband and two children, ages 2 and 4. She is also a regular contributor of Hip Slope Mama.

Follow Hip Slope Mama On Twitter & Facebook!

Hipslopemama@gmail.com (Melissa Lopata) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 06:30:50 PDT

Follow Hip Slope Mama on Twitter and Facebook! Find out about upcoming Park Slope events via our Twitter Stream. Below are some of the posts/articles that we linked to on Twitter in the last month:

If you live in Brooklyn, I highly recommend this Sunday Suppers class-cooking-dining experience, Sun, 8/16 http://bit.ly/RIb04about 20 hours ago from web

RT @FSSimon Considering: "A-Ha! Learning Partners| Preschool play ideas for parents ( http://bit.ly/uGAUh )about 23 hours ago from web

My 2yr old son is in the Park Slope Reader posing in a coat by grt local kids clothing designer Half Dot Brooklyn: http://bit.ly/51PFW

Come to the complimentary yoga class at Lululemon's Brooklyn Showroom in Park Slope every Sat 10-11am! http://bit.ly/4bvN6Y

Bethany Frankel (Real Housewives of New York City) & I at an invitation only concert for Kanye West Thurs night http://twitpic.com/czuso

Rt @SwSatchidananda Our 1st & foremost duty toward building up our health is to take care of what we think. Invite only beautiful thoughts.

RT @TheBrooklynBeat RT @thedailybeast Carrie Bradshaw and Me: http://bit.ly/PVP9R

RT @ForbesWoman Oxford University says: Swedish husbands do the most housework! Sign me up! http://tw9.us/Al

Amen - RT @MagicalDays "This is what parenting is--shit. And food. And shit. And food. Mostly shit." ~Nancy Botwin, nightwaking on Weeds

No more battery operated toys! If I hear "I've Been Working On The Railroad" blurt out of Thomas The Train Guitar 1 more time, I'll loose it!

Hip Slope Mama contributor/Park Slope mom, Jen Lee, is a truly talented poet/writer. Here's her new book "Fortunes" http://bit.ly/3v8vt04:38 PM Aug 4th

RT @unmarketing Awesome, esp last paragraph RT @Aspiretoo: Tyler Perry Surprises Snubbed Kids with Trip to Disney World http://bit.ly/3hTwtZ

He did it. Hooray Bill! @BitchMedia Bill Clinton helps free Laura Ling & Euna Lee: http://bit.ly/JdGWF (via NYT)3:19 PM Aug 4th

Hip Slope Mama's Regular Contributor/Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham's Radio Show ea Weds, Secrets of Happy Parents http://bit.ly/Gn71B3:13 PM Aug 4th from web

RT @lynncorinne You just got Posted! scathing *and* accurate response to WaPo notfunnyness: http://bit.ly/3n0khC

Just saw a man w/a coffee bean tattoo. As a coffee lover, I can't say I've reached that level of devotion yet, but I respect it1:40 PM Aug 4th from web

Hoopilates is pilates w/hoola hoops! Small, wkly classes in Prospect Park. RSVP for the next class $10 this Sun, 8/9 hoopilatesnyc@gmail.com10:10 AM Aug 4th from web

Hilarious! This is quite awesome. I can't stop watching KCSCougar's spoofs of Bravo Reality TV shows http://www.youtube.com/user...

RT @TheMamaBee Today at The Mama Bee: The Myth of the Judging Mommy and Why It's Hurting Women http://bit.ly/Wb1By

@TheBrooklynBeat Nothing like drummer's trance: Forgetting oneself in the power of the whole. Here is Drummer's Grove http://bit.ly/1f4GYC8:07 PM Aug 3rd from web

RT @CreativeBKLYN @effedparkslope: Gorgeous $7k/month apt 4 $700 from Daffys: http://bit.ly/rnkd2. Catch? You gotta make a pleading video
Who’s really winning the homebirth debate http://bit.ly/G2M6V

Free recording of webinar w/a brain development specialist. Learn about what's happening inside the minds of babies & toddlers http://bit.ly/xJWeN

“Chick lit” gets an update Rd about Prospect Park West, book about Park Slope moms http://bit.ly/10PKdJ RT @Amysohn @raquelita @doreeshafrir

Win a Catered Dinner for 10 (plus kids) from Susie's Supper Club over at @mommypoppins http://bit.ly/16F8r6

Watching all the retarded millionaires they cast for reality shows gives me hope that anyone can be wealthy if they put their mind to it.

RT @zen_habits The Collaboration Matrix or Why 1+1 = 3 http://is.gd/1ZLgj8:55 PM Aug 2nd from web

Just back from the drumming circle in Prospect Park. Did u know they have a children's corner there every Sunday w/facepainting & balloons?

Cheese has morphine in it? Well, that explains my addiction http://bit.ly/21bOc8

@workingmomfence @foodiemommy @gawker RT Prissy Food Bloggers Hate Food Blogger Movie http://gawker.com/5325827

Barbara Ensor's clay animation class 8/14-24! http://bit.ly/CYLeG + HSM: Barbara Ensor: On Being @ Home In The Slope http://bit.ly/XWc21

So true! RT@unmarketing How a confirmation call kill your website sign-ups (video) http://bit.ly/17TEN6

The following sites are gr8 4 parents of young kids looking 4 projects/ideas! @eensies @noflashcards @playfullearning