Seth Chong: Good night everybody. Love you Don. Thumbs up* Phil
11 mins ago

Seth Chong: ; )
11 mins ago

phil: no one is doing it to everyone. who is?
11 mins ago

phil: hahah but you were against imposition earlier..
12 mins ago

Seth Chong: But it doesn’t mean that we should stick to it with everyone
12 mins ago

Seth Chong: I have always been
13 mins ago

phil: @Seth So now you’re open to other ways with imposition being one of them?
13 mins ago

Seth Chong: You are right Phil. It is not wrong
15 mins ago

phil: @Don Yes I agree. Of course it will be good to practice and study. I was putting to Seth that there can be other ways like what you’ve mentioned. Understanding then practice is only one of the ways.
18 mins ago

Seth Chong: It’s not to say one method should be replaced by another entirely… no… But that another way can be included to the existing ones, so that the love can be shared even wider. As Don has put it, some are propelled by a certain way, others another. As the ones who understands the message of love, kindness and compassion… are we not able to grow and improve even more to encompass all?
21 mins ago

Seth Chong: Thanks for your message Don, I’m comforted by it.
23 mins ago

Seth Chong: In the past, love, compassion and kindness can be conveyed by imposition. Today, imposing will most probably cause people to close up, and miss the real message. Yes, people may be wrong in doing that. But understanding that people have weaknesses, should we remain indifferent to remain with our ways with the many, many other people out there who may not be able to withhold force? Wars have been fought because gentle ways are given up, and no one can budge for the other. As the practiced ones… Aren’t we able to stay open for others, to do things differently ourselves for others and still achieve the best possible results, together…?
28 mins ago

Don: If I may, Phil. I think people of different temperaments respond differently – like the man who couldn’t remember a single bit of the Dharma nevertheless gained attainments by sweeping the monastery. Some people respond to faith (practice) – their teacher gives them a practice, and they do it. Some respond to intellect – they want to understand first. One teacher (and I’m afraid I don’t remember his name) said Westerners won’t say prayers without understanding what they mean – and he liked that fact. The best way is to do both, practice and study.
44 mins ago

phil: Just a little something to share.
44 mins ago

phil: @Seth let me tell you a little about understanding based on my own experience. I’ve been volunteering in Kechara for some time now doing various Dharma works. When I first got to know Kechara, Rinpoche gifted me a book ‘Gurus for Hire’. I was instructed to read it 3 times. The first time I read it, i did not understand much. But after sometime of volunteering in Kechara, I read it for the second time, and I understand it better. This was because of my volunteer work in Kechara. My work = my practice. I understood the book through practice. And of course when I read it for the third time, I understood much better because I’ve been practicing for quite some time now.
49 mins ago

Frederick Law: phil, yup still here, was reading Rinpoche blog of Chenrezig Ngesung Kundrol
58 mins ago

phil: fred still around?
59 mins ago

Seth Chong: nps
60 mins ago

phil: no offence intended =)
1 hour ago

phil: im just debating with you about what you’ve mentioned earlier.
1 hour ago

phil: i did not mention anything about what i have done
1 hour ago

phil: what have i done?
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: In this case, what is preventing enlightenment when you’ve done what you’ve done Phil?
1 hour ago

phil: what results? we are all still stuck here in samsara
1 hour ago

phil: I’m not blaming it on karma. haha but thats the fact. I believe you’ve read enough to know karma. i dare not say understand because if you and I really understand and believe in karma. we’ll be enlightened by now.
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: You know it by their results
1 hour ago

phil: What better ways? and how do you know the ways are better?
1 hour ago

phil: Oh you’re wrong there. When a mother scolds her child..isn’t she not doing it out of love?
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Because there are better ways…
1 hour ago

phil: Like you said, there are many ways to it. so why not impose be one of them?
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Because we shouldn’t stop on being open and loving for others… If we just blame it on karma, we may give up
1 hour ago

phil: That’s why somethings are imposed on some people and some are not…
1 hour ago

phil: and hence why not karma? why be selective?
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: However, it may apply to some and not the others. True compassion embraces everyone… doesn’t it?
1 hour ago

phil: I would think we’re on a Dharmic discussion here.
1 hour ago

phil: because we are so deluded, we don’t even know what we want. For the matter of fact, whatever we ‘want’ are not what we should be wanting..do you agree?
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Yes, you can
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Don’t put in on karma… If possible.
1 hour ago

phil: lol so whatever you’ve said are just theories? can I say that through practice, we will understand better? and not the other way round?
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Because it is not what another person wants, and there are so many ways that can help one person. Imposing isn’t that effective as you would see in the real world… It has created lots of wars
1 hour ago

phil: The need to impose is perhaps cos we can’t ‘understand’ per se no matter how much we try. we just don’t have the karma to.
1 hour ago

phil: From another point of view, why can’t imposing be a form of compassion?
1 hour ago

phil: and about this Because if we are loving enough, open enough, kind enough, wise enough, can we not at the littlest bit, bring the other person to understanding, without having to impose?
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Phil: that I still have a long way to go… lol
1 hour ago

phil: hey fred
1 hour ago

Frederick Law: aloo phil
1 hour ago

phil: @Seth hey was reading through your chat here. you said that understanding something will make us improve further. What have you understood thus far? just curious
1 hour ago

Frederick Law: hahaaha
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Yeah
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Not the imposing one. The heart opening one…
1 hour ago

Frederick Law: hahaha… aren’t we all
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: For one I’m definitely weak to love, hehe
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Open love I would say…
1 hour ago

Frederick Law: hehe… true. Love, care, kindness can melt egos
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Egos are helpless before unconditional love, are they not…?
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Yeah Frederick. Self post Mortem to improve…
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: Because if we are loving enough, open enough, kind enough, wise enough, can we not at the littlest bit, bring the other person to understanding, without having to impose?
1 hour ago

Frederick Law: not to say blame, but self check our self, like self post mortem
1 hour ago

Seth Chong: I always point the blame back to me… When a conversation doesn’t work out, have I been the one who is truly open, first? If I have and it doesn’t, then curse me, I haven’t been wise enough to help the person through the conversation… And therefore needs to improve
2 hours ago

Doris Tan (Brunei): “if only”…
2 hours ago

Frederick Law: like what you point out, if only we human think and understand the consequence of waging war.
2 hours ago

Frederick Law: but due to the ignorance and ego of some, open conversation might not work because they are too uptight with their ego
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Not knowing… Understanding…
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: That is why open conversations or in the Dalai Lama’s words dialogues are so powerful… They can change a person’s way of thinking through the presence of understanding…
2 hours ago

Frederick Law: wars are created due to the greed, selfish, and ego of the person to conquer other less powerless, and to make a mark of their existence that they are powerful.
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: We all know that selfishness created the wars, and love, kindness and compassion for others can create world happiness. But without clear understanding on the how and why… the cycle ever repeats itself without change. The mind precedes all our actions… If the mind can truly understand, the results will be different…
2 hours ago

Doris Tan (Brunei): Its sad to see wars are triggered in some countries..
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: The Dalai Lama says let’s make this a century of dialogue, than of war…
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Better call it an open conversation… We’re in this together instead of standing on opposite sides… hehe
2 hours ago

Doris Tan (Brunei): Good night jack. Sleep well.
2 hours ago

Jack Ng: Great debate btw… all I’m about to call it anight…good topic to contemplate when I’m lying down on my bed…hopefully I have practice enough for today…and hopefully I’ll still be around and breathing when I woke up… but seriously…thanks for sharing…. Good Night all…
2 hours ago

Doris Tan (Brunei): I fully agree with you Seth. By practising, it actually helps us to know about Dharma more because just by plainly understanding from classes or books or articles, you will never know how it truly feels like to be in a Dharma world.
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Yeah Doris
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Indeed sometimes one will just get to know about it. And don’t produce results through just knowing the practice. Understanding on the other hand will drive a person to practice regardless of situations, because he or she understands the significance in the proper way to achieve results
2 hours ago

Doris Tan (Brunei): @Seth: Hence we need both to help us to accomplish the true meaning of Dharma so we will be able to send out the correct messages to the world. @Thierry: IKR!
2 hours ago

thierry janssens: oh oh oh… Love those puffs…
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Hey Doris, it is a given that we need to practice. However, sometimes to accomplish what a practice really is meant for, understanding it helps a lot. It helps us to further apply, and gain progress, wouldn’t you agree?
2 hours ago

Doris Tan (Brunei): I just finished one box of Marks & Spencer redcurrant puffs. I need more. *gasp*
2 hours ago

thierry janssens: lol
2 hours ago

Jack Ng: lol
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Yeah Jack, just make sure you share good things on your Facebook… hehe
2 hours ago

Doris Tan (Brunei): Not just Dharma but other religions too. They all apply the same rules.
2 hours ago

Doris Tan (Brunei): Only by practising Dharma then you can have true inner peace. This is what I believe in.
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Nods* Thanks Don for sharing that
2 hours ago

Don: That is true, Seth. You do need study and understanding. Geshe Rabten once said, though, that some people are more driven by intellect, and some by faith. Neither is bad, but the combination of the two is the most beneficial.
2 hours ago

Jack Ng: hehe hi Seth…can I add you on my facebook?
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: You did all the good Doris, don’t thank me on this day… hehe. We should celebrate the unconditional love in which a mother can have for her child.
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Practice definitely is… I’m coming from the idea of this – it’s said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. With the right understanding perhaps we can practice better
2 hours ago

Doris Tan: Thank you Seth
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Happy Mother’s Day indeed : ) representing the children of the world, thanks for your unconditional love and tender kindness mothers.
2 hours ago

Doris Tan: Since we leave nothing but memories then that should encourage us more to put Dharma in practise. Listen with wisdom, practise by action.
2 hours ago

Don: Yes. Intellectual understanding is not enough. It can breed arrogance – as my first post shows :( Practice leads you to true understanding.
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Yeah it’s morning, haha
2 hours ago

thierry janssens: if learning was enough, gosh that would be so easy!
2 hours ago

Seth Chong: Leaving something to the next life… Is like leaving something to someone else who don’t even have any business affair with you. No ties, no particular reason to do things the way you did, or advance it any further. Out of a selfish point maybe we can satisfy ourselves with the idea of ‘saving up’ for next life, but the concept isn’t too far away from getting rich and leaving the wealth to the next generation after one’s death. One still leaves without anything…
2 hours ago

Doris Tan: Thanks Jack and WY =)
2 hours ago

Doris Tan: Opps! Thanks Thierry.. Learning is not enough, it will never be, how would one consider learning Dharma is enough to attain enlightenment when practising It was never in place?
2 hours ago

Wah Ying: Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and my Guru!
2 hours ago

Jack Ng: Hi Thierry =)
2 hours ago

thierry janssens: Thank you Jack.
2 hours ago

thierry janssens: Gosh it’s morning…
2 hours ago

Jack Ng: Happy Mothers Day!~
2 hours ago

Jack Ng: Good Morning all :)
2 hours ago

thierry janssens: read back a bit Doris… we’re talking about Dharma practice. Is it enough to learn Dharma intellectually, or does one has to practice?
2 hours ago

Don: Hello Doris!
2 hours ago

thierry janssens: lol… I wouldn’t mind talking about cakes… but I actually hate cakes… lol
2 hours ago

Doris Tan: Are you boys really talking about baking a cake cake or the theories in life?
2 hours ago

Don: Maybe you can look at it in a different way. Instead of us practicing baking a cake, maybe we are practicing to bake the ultimate cake. Most of us won’t be able to succeed the first time, but we can make better and better cakes every time we bake.
3 hours ago

Doris Tan: Hi All!
3 hours ago

thierry janssens: I don’t think you can bake the cake by understanding how it is baked. In fact, I am sure of that. It is like understanding how one can lift weights is not enough for one still has ti build the muscles.
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: Thierry my challenge is… Baking a cake once is like living this lifetime once. We can choose to just practice at baking the cake… Or we can choose to succeed baking the cake on the first time by understanding…
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: Np Don hehe
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: Thanks for what you’ve just shared on the Lamrim Thierry
3 hours ago

thierry janssens: :)
3 hours ago

thierry janssens: Let’s bake a cake guys!
3 hours ago

Don: I wasn’t trying to bash you, Seth. Please don’t think that!
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: Like these can help a lot.
3 hours ago

thierry janssens: @ SC: Your comparison is likely to that of the cake, which you might have heard. You have all the ingredients, and you don’t know how to bake the cake. Of course, it’s silly to get about it without learning the recipe. But the know-how of cake baking does not come from learning the recipe, it comes from practicing the recipe we have learned. And even better if we have a qualified teacher to teach us.
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: Dear Don, pardon me, I have not grasped Dharma. I am still learning, forgive me for my statements. the purpose for them is to put something out there to be discussed, discovered and understood. Out of openness discussions
3 hours ago

Don: It is not a correct “scope 1″ understanding either.
3 hours ago

Don: @theirry Yes, but the quote really says something completely different.
3 hours ago

thierry janssens: @ Don: Rinpoche said that all 3 scopes of the Lamrim are correct. Some scopes work on the basis of getting “ourselves” out of trouble. On a Bodhicitta path of course, the motivation must shift and for that shift to operate is the aim of the practice. But for practitionners of scope 1 and scope 2, it is ok to work for “ourselves”. Every of the 3 scopes is good, it is up to us to know for sure which scope is the one that we can set ourselves for, and let’s not fool ourselves, it is probably scope 1!. This is to be understood in this way though:scope 1 is not just scope 1 and that’s it, scope 1 is scope 1 out of 3, etc… even though it may only be scope 1 for now.
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: Imagine if there’s a Treasure Box placed right in front of you. You are given a limited time to unlock it. One way is that without reading the manual placed just beside the Treasure Box, with the tools in one’s hands, one aimlessly begin to scramble around with the keyhole in hopes that by repetition or luck… he or she succeeds at lock-picking it. Another way is that you first understand the how in lock-picking, and coupling that up with attempts in trying to hold certain mechanisms in place as per the manual, one tries to unlock the Treasure Box, with better chances of success in the given timeframe. Given this situation… Isn’t it okay to find out the how first…?
3 hours ago

Don: “We are all doing what we do for ourselves, even when it is claimed to be for others. Such is the nature of existence. We help others so we in turn feel happy. We do things for others and create a discipline in ourselves to sustain the efforts in hopes of attaining something for ourselves.” With all due respect, this is a faulty understanding. If you are doing things for others, with the motivation being only for yourself, then you have not grasped the Dharma.
3 hours ago

thierry janssens: How does it happen? Well, I don’t know…. But the Buddha knows, and my Guru knows, and that is good enough for me to get started…
3 hours ago

thierry janssens: That is what was taught by the Buddha, for if we use logic only, we find that if the “happiness” the Budddha found and taught for over 40 years was a kind of happiness that “passes”, then why did he teach it at all… No, I believe that the Buddha only started teaching something very different from a passing sense of happiness, but a true cessation of suffering, that is what we can truly call happiness.
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: Thierry: yeah it probably won’t pass. That’s possibly a way.
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: To end this suffering in the cycle of repeating this chore of constantly trying to keep ourselves happy, we will have to take up the responsibility of doing it again and again. Strangely, people have a sense for spirituality. It seems as though spirituality offers us an antidote to the repeatance. In Buddhism for example, it is in attaining Buddhahood. And according to Buddhism’s holy text we must aspire to achieve it as soon as possible, without any delay, preferably in this lifetime. In terms of an ‘action how’, we were taught guru devotion and practice. But in terms of the how in how it happens, what changes within us, what changes in the process, that allows one to attain this goal, how does it really, happen?
3 hours ago

thierry janssens: @SC: what if, in fact, happiness could only be found in obsessing with other’s happiness, and letting go of our obsession with our own happiness? Then could this “happiness” found in others still “pass”?
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: As long as we don’t aspire
3 hours ago

Seth Chong: We are all doing what we do for ourselves, even when it is claimed to be for others. Such is the nature of existence. We help others so we in turn feel happy. We do things for others and create a discipline in ourselves to sustain the efforts in hopes of attaining something for ourselves. But the thing is, have we really asked what our ultimate goal is and identified it clearly? If the whole purpose of life is in making ourselves happy, how long can we stay in that state of happiness? What eventually happens after the period of happiness has passed? Do we come back to square one again and repeat the process over and over again, tiring ourselves endlessly with the chore of keeping ourselves happy?

Seth Chong: Dear Rinpoche, with the universe being so big, can Buddhism just be the best truth to practice that contributes towards fulfilling the meaning of life?

Seth Chong: On earth? In a galaxy there exists billions and billions of planets, and in the universe billions and billions of galaxies – just those reachable by the best telescope that human technology can offer. There might be even innumerable more. Can the purpose of Buddhism serve as just the optimum way of truth to live by, that contributes towards a greater truth of life?

Seth Chong: For us humans living on this planet called earth?

Seth Chong: As mentioned in apparent records of extraterrestrial messages, the purpose of us living is to realize our light bodies. Can that mean achieving Buddhahood? And the way to do that in developing compassion, kindness and love for all beings, therefore creating the cause for our minds and bodies to transform? It is a perceptually foreign idea to us now, but is there a possibility that life can hold such a twist when seen from the perspective of a higher place, for example from the universe? That the whole purpose is breaking out of the humans’ current cycle of mindstreams, in order to end the suffering of it by transforming our minds and winds? As is mentioned by science, our existence is held together by sound. Can it be that by transforming our minds, we make ourselves able to alter our energies within this sound and that is how some humans have the capability of clairvoyance and manifesting wonders, by being compassionate enough to tap into this different wave in their minds?

Seth Chong: In the past few days, I have been involved with the Paranormal project. And here is a brief description of how I thought it can grow as: “Paranormal includes everything else aside from what we have accepted as normal based on our conventional judgment in the current times. It reveals advanced sciences which hasn’t been widely accepted. History that hasn’t been internationally taught in public schools or in our everyday educational system. News about actual events which hasn’t been widely publicized to the general public and everything else which most of us living in our perceptionally “normal” lives have not given enough attention to… Until now.”

Seth Chong: The Internet has allowed us access to information that has been kept unpublicized from most of us. And how all this information can be beneficial is that it allows us to increase our knowledge, to be able to connect to the bigger picture of how life truly is. As we are able to see the bigger picture, we expand our views and be rid of ourselves from the narrowness that we used to cling on to. Oftentimes, as a result of seeing the bigger picture, we also enable ourselves the ability to humble ourselves. By understanding how big the universe is and how small we are, we develop the measure of how insignificant our selfish perceptions about ourselves are. This enables us to focus on doing the bigger things, the more important things while we still hold breath. Self-cherishing becomes a topic for humor because our lives are but insignificant blinks in the vast expanse of the universe… Unless we make use of it appropriately.

Seth Chong: With this picture… Can Buddhism, or any other religions,be methods to living our lives correctly so as to enable the causes for us to reach back to our Self which is Buddhahood, light bodies… Or emptiness? That the meaning of liberating all sentient beings of suffering until they achieve Buddhahood takes the connotation of all beings entering back to our actual nature of formlessness? In science, all matter is made of atoms. And atoms when microscoped takes the form of a nucleus with electrons circling around it, and when seen further, the core that is nucleus is formed of quarks that blinks in and out of emptiness in random locations… Can it be that as long as we hold the way we live now, that existence will always be of such nature as the matter, and that will create the suffering of living? And by achieving Buddhahood or light body through appropriate energies in compassion and ultimate peace, we create the causes for liberation from form existence?

Seth Chong: In that we are no separate from each other because we emanate out of emptiness as quarks which are energies… That we are the same and all sentient beings have taken reborn as countless if not every existence because all beings emanate out of the same place and are the same – equality… And although we seem like different individuals, we are not different because the source of our existence and ‘blinking’ comes from the same place – emptiness? That is why by helping others, we are just helping ourselves and thus Bodhicitta or compassion is so important – it allows us to free ourselves which are all beings from suffering existence?

Seth Chong: If we connect all the truths in the world and not disregard any of it… We see a much bigger truth. A much bigger picture and a much more open view that encompasses and includes all beings. And that allows us to fulfill even closer the purpose for why we we live… Can it be that the key in happiness lies in fulfilling these reasons of living, to bring existence back to where it came from?

Seth Chong: This time, with more love and compassion from when existence first began?

Seth Chong: I’m glad that I can have the opportunity to fetch my mother to a wedding she wants to be at and return her home safely. She has worked as a teacher all her life, and served whole-heartedly for 30+ years, receiving best teacher awards every year as she serves. Finally the government gave her a bonus after her retirement, and she bought herself and my father a nicer car, a Nissan xgear. Test-driven it first time since they purchased it around 3 weeks ago. But the happiness isn’t as much in the car itself as much as rejoicing in them getting a nicer treatment after years of hard work they spent serving others. Due to pastoral work my father is in India, and he was able to talk on the phone with us as my uncle called him as the wedding we attended comes to an end. People around mentioned about little vulnerabilities they shown and it reminds me of their normality as persons, even though they are my parents and I used to think they can or should handle everything as parents when I was young.

Seth Chong: I only wish to be able to do things for others as they have done. They have served others without complaint on their own all their lives. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be able to have the same kind of natural will they have in serving others and doing their work… I wonder how they don’t really complain about it.

Joey Wong: Thanks for sharing, seth

Seth Chong: Sometimes I think about the idea that they will leave the world one day, and when I pick up the phone to call the other side, the other side will not pick up the phone anymore. And that makes me afraid as I don’t know really, what to do to repay them before they stop picking up my phone…

Seth Chong: Np Joey… : )

Seth Chong: Not because they don’t want to, but because they’re not around anymore.

SN: @seth… thank you for sharing & i m sure your parents are very proud of you too

Seth Chong: Thanks SN

SN: @Seth, when ever we are able to assist our parents to do something, by end of the day the feeling that u have is a very priceless momenr

SN: *moment

Seth Chong: It is. You can only wonder how much you can do more for them…

SN: @seth, sometimes i feel bad when i get impatient & i feel like kicking myself for that …so i will try & try & learn not to do it anymore

Seth Chong: I do too SN. It’s astounding what bad we’re able to do to them…

SN: Seth, & when that happen i will think back to myself, for all the years that they went thru to ensure that they are always able to provide us the very best & they have nvr ever complaint before

Seth Chong: It’s quite ridiculous…

SN: Seth, when i read this letter on the website , it really make me feel so bad as sometimes this is what i do to my mom

SN: http://www.agingcare.com/Discussions/mother-to-daughter-letter-150678.htm

.

.

.

Seth Chong: Our parents aren’t invincible.

SN: seth, thanks again for sharing , see you around ya as i m gonna get some rest now .Take care

Joey Wong: sometimes our parents may hold on to wrong views..it would be great to liberate them from it

Seth Chong: Take care SN. Gnite

Seth Chong: They have lived the way they lived for 50, 60, 70, 80 years… What, can we really do?

Seth Chong: Hope everyone gets a good rest. Good night…

It’s something I’ve been trying myself, with great results.

It’s three steps, and anyone can do them. This is an algorithm that can be repeated over and over, all day long. It starts with a basic assumption: that we are all human beings capable of goodness, of love, of pain, of broken hearts and passionate love. That we all have bad days, that inside our jaded exteriors is a person who just wants love.

It is based on my observation that we take other people for granted, and that we judge others and become irritated with them for almost no good reasons, and we expect everyone to make us happy or at least behave the way we want them to, and if they don’t, our day is ruined. That’s crazy. People are living their own lives, and aren’t trying to please us or act in accordance with our expectations, and once we accept that, we can be happy.

Here are the three steps. They might sound silly to some of you, but I urge you to give them a try. For just one day. Even just an hour. They are powerful, and they work.

1. Think “I love you, and I’m thankful for you” to every single person today. This sounds kinda silly perhaps, but it works. Seriously, try it. Look at each person you pass or encounter today, and think to yourself (as if you’re talking to the person you’re looking at), “I love you, and I’m thankful for you.” Try to say it with feeling. Mean it! Even to those you pass on the street, in the elevator, while you’re driving (you might only see them for a split second, from a distance).

2. Smile at that person, and look them in the eye. Many of us are used to not looking people in the eye, avoiding contact. But looking someone in the eye is acknowledging their existence and human-ness, and establishing a connection. Smiling helps pass your happiness on to others. Obviously you can’t do this if the person is far from you or driving past you, but when you can, apply this step.

3. If you feel comfortable, say it aloud to that person. Say, “I love you and I’m thankful for you.” You’ll probably only say this to people you know very well (though the bold among you might say it to strangers!). If you’re not comfortable with that, try to say it with actions instead of words. A simple hug, doing something nice, spending time with someone while treating them kindly, doing a favor without expecting a return favor, just being thoughtful. Obviously you can’t do this step with everyone you pass, but the more people you apply this step to, the better.

Try these steps, please.

Also know that I love you. And I’m grateful that you’re alive.

(To learn more from Leo, please kindly visit his website at: http://www.zenhabits.com)

Step 1: Learn to Move the Beam of Your Attention at Will

To begin, just relax for a moment, and notice the obvious fact that you have the power to move your attention at will.

As you read this, move your attention away from the text for a moment, and direct it instead to the feel of your breathing.

Notice the feel of your chest and belly expanding and contracting, and then bring it back here to this page.

Do that a couple of times so that you become familiar with what I mean by “moving the beam of your attention at will.”

That action of moving attention at will, as you just did, is all that’s needed to accomplish what I am asking you to do. The more you practice this simple act, the more you’ll become familiar with how it feels to do it. And the more familiar you become with the feel of it, the more skillful and direct you will be in the effort to move the beam of attention where it must go.

Step 2: Turn the Beam of Your Attention Inward

Now, use that skill to actually turn the beam of attention inward. Try to make a direct, unmediated contact with what it actually feels like to be you, just plain and simple you.

When I say you, I don’t mean the thoughts that pass through you, nor the emotions that play in you, nor the sensations that rise and fall within you, I mean just you. You are that which is always here, try to look at that. Everything else comes and goes in you. You already know what you are, and what it feels like to be you, so you will surely recognize yourself when you see yourself in this way.

There is no need to try and stay there, resting in your self or any such thing. All it takes is the length of a heartbeat, so brief that you will hardly notice it. It really is that simple.

Repeat this as often as it occurs to you to do so.

There is no step three.

I call this action looking at yourself. If you will do just that, the day will come soon when all your disaffection with life will begin to depart, and with it the perception of your life as a problem to be solved, a threat to be destroyed, or the hiding place of some secret treasure that might bring you fulfillment and satisfaction at some future time.

- John Sherman, RiverGanga Foundation

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, then making resolutions for another year is a sure-fire way to drive yourself crazy. I did it for years, and it got me nothing.

Resolutions are pipe dreams, and goals are a waste of time. They are designed to trick you into believing all you need to change your life is a plan.

But plans don’t work. Life is too chaotic and busy. For most of us, it’s impossible to stick to a list of goals for more than a few weeks, not to mention an entire year.

So how do you change your life? By controlling what you can: your daily habits.

The Pointlessness of Plans

Most good things happen without a plan: friendships, falling in love, finding a job, and so on. If you want to make your new year count, you’ll need to be intentional — not by setting goals, but by making space in your life for what really matters.

This was how I was able to get into shape, launch a blog, train for a half-marathon, get a book deal, and keep my day job this year — while loving every minute of it.

Most productivity systems focus on beginning with the “end in mind” and setting goals to get there. Many are based on the assumption that in order to get what you want later, you’re have to give up what you want now. You work the plan, endure pain, and win.

But this is not the only path you can take.

I just finished one of the best years of my life, and most of it was completely unplanned. How did I do it? By creating new disciplines I actually liked doing. I wasn’t only fixated on the end results; I also enjoyed the process.

This is the secret to a healthy, productive life and to making an impact on the world. Create good, sustainable habits that you enjoy, and you’ll end up with a life you can be proud of.

Instead of Goals

There is an alternative to setting goals that will bring you closer to the life you want. Focus on a few practices you can enjoy doing on a regular basis. The trick here is consistency. These four helped me:

• Get up early. When the world wakes up, distractions abound. If you are going to focus on creating a new life for yourself, you’ll need to find the time. The best way to do this is to work while others are sleeping. At first, I didn’t like waking up before the sun, but eventually my body adjusted and I began looking forward to the solitude.
• Over-commit. The adage “under-promise and over-deliver” is a farce. It only propagates the status quo. Real difference-makers push boundaries. They test, prod, and poke until something gives. You can do this, too, by saying “yes” to more things than you’re comfortable with. Learn to stretch yourself. You might be surprised by what you’re actually capable of. Your confidence will grow, too.
• Talk to strangers. Relationships are what make the world go round. This is true for your career, personal well-being, and inner life. When you meet new people, you make connections that can lead to all kinds of future breakthroughs. Even when it’s uncomfortable, reach out and introduce yourself to new people. The worst they can say is “no.” Fortunately, many won’t.
• Practice generosity. Give away your time, money, services, and ideas. When you do this, you will get a lot more than you give. People will learn to trust you, and if you really help them, they will tell others about you. This will build your reputation, and you will have more friends than you know what to do with. And as the saying goes, what goes around really does come around.

After a year of doing these things, I ended up with a life I couldn’t have imagined or planned for. And I had a blast doing it. So I’m going to do it all over again, without setting a single goal.

The best year of your life is within reach — if you are willing to give up on the craziness of plans and instead focus on creating new habits. The first step is to begin.

(To learn more from Leo, kindly visit: http://www.zenhabits.com)

We seem to hear more and more stories of people reaching the promised land, but is it really possible for the everyday person? Or are those ‘lucky few’ just that— lucky?

After years of research I have good news for you…

I bet you there’s something you love doing that someone else would be happy to pay you for right this second. I might go as far as saying I’m sure of it.

But let’s start with a question.

Why is it that the people who succeed once, seem to have similar successes on future endeavors? Whether it’s fitness, entrepreneurship, career, relationships, you name it.

Success begets success.

What are the things that consistently allow certain people to build a business and living around the things they love most, but allow the other 80% of the world to continue to drag themselves, day in and day out, to a job they can’t stand?

Why can some people charge seamlessly from one creative endeavor and passion project to the next, experiencing all sorts of success along the way, while many others can’t take the first step to finding their passion, let alone building a career around it?

The steps aren’t foreign, they aren’t cryptic, or hidden behind some secret handshake. They aren’t complicated and in many cases not even that difficult. But yet they are still massively underused.

Why is that?

These questions have kept me up at night for years.

As it turns out, the answer is pretty simple…

The passionate people simply know what’s actually possible. They are crystal clear about the steps that work, so they don’t think twice in applying them to whatever the excitement of the day is.

The rest of the world doesn’t know the first move to distinguish up from down.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Living Off Your Passion Is a Right – For Everyone

For the past eight years, and more specifically the past three, I’ve lived and breathed passion. I’ve done case studies with hundreds of passionate workers around the world, conducted countless experiments and profiled 14 of the top experts on and off the web.

Not only have I been obsessed with how people find their passion, but also how the seemingly ‘lucky few’ (hint: it’s not about the luck) are able to push through to the next level and turn their passion into a career – as entrepreneurs and employees alike.

My goal was to combine the art of discovering your passion with the science of making money from it. I recently published the results and process into a self-study course called Live Off Your Passion.

The results were invigorating. But as it turned out, they were not as complicated and unique as one would think.

Living off your passion is more possible than most realize. We just have to condition it.

I wanted to share some of the most profound lessons with you all. If you follow the steps below, I’m sure you can monetize your passion in record time if you want it badly enough.

The 3 Sacred Steps to Converting Passion to Income

1. Separate passion from reality.

We must start with brainstorming your passion projects in a way that encourages success. Unfortunately most people do the opposite.

As humans, our immediate reaction to someone’s new idea (or our own) often is to figure out why it won’t work. I know, sad but true. The problem is that when you get critical of something the moment the idea comes up, it gets stomped out immediately. It might not even make it more than a sentence or two before someone else yells out the reasons it ‘obviously’ won’t work. Then you feel stupid and move on.

But if that idea were given say five or ten minutes of brainstorming whiteboard action, along with a solid dose of open, creative and non-critical discussion, it’s very possible that the idea would turn out to have some merit.

Imagine how many brilliant ideas get killed too soon due to premature criticism.

This happens with passion every day—even if we’re just doing it in our own head (which is the most likely and most dangerous case). A lot of times when we task ourselves to think of our passions we only allow ourselves to play in part of the sandbox. Since the end goal is to find something we can make a living from, we subconsciously discard the ideas that are totally off the wall. We stifle our creativity without even knowing it.

In order to have a fighting chance at developing world-changing business ideas or personal passion pursuits, you absolutely must separate the creative and the critical stages.

Brainstorm your most far-out dreams of passion careers you can think of. Then wait for at least a few days if not a week or more before you start to get practical and critical. Mark my words, for every wild idea you come up with, I’m sure there’s already someone out there making a great living off it (and that’s a good thing). More on finding them below.

2. Be the expert you already are.

One of the most common barriers keeping people from making money from their passion is the belief that you don’t know something well enough to get paid to teach it to someone else.

That’s just flat wrong – You know more than you think. Being an expert is purely relative and based largely on perception.

The crazy thing is once you find something you’re passionate about, you’ll likely realize it’s something you’ve been learning and improving upon for years and maybe even decades. You have more experience with your passion than likely 99% of those around you, simply because you love doing it.

If you’ve been on this earth for at least a couple decades, I guarantee you’re an expert at something. Give yourself some credit. Find what it is and find the people who desperately need your help. Combine the two and living off your passion starts to become a reality.

3. Do the impossible.

For decades, breaking the four-minute mile was believed to be scientifically impossible. Right up until Roger Banister did it in 1954. Then you know what happened? 16 more people ran sub four-minutes in the three years to follow.

We’ve been largely conditioned that it’s not possible to build a career around passion. So many people hate their jobs and many of us have decided to accept that as a fact of life. I did too, right up until I started meeting people who showed me another way.

Listen carefully. The most crucial ingredient to loving your work and living off passion is to surround yourself with people already doing it. You must reverse the brainwashing. Spend time around enough people living squarely in their dreams, and living off passion not only becomes possible, it becomes probable. That shift in psychology will change your world.

My recent course, Live Off Your Passion, as well as my site, Live Your Legend, would not exist today if it wasn’t for the ‘crazy’ people I spend time with every day. Leo is at the top of that list. He and others changed my thinking from “making a living online, helping people while doing something I love, isn’t possible” to “I can’t imagine any other way to build a career”. Thanks to Leo and the rest of you.

Once someone knows the process and is convinced not only that it works, but that it is indeed possible, their creative and business potential becomes limitless. It’s just a matter of time before they turn the passion of their choosing into a full-blown career.

Start surrounding yourself with people doing the impossible. Don’t look back.
Who can you help right now?

Often the first step to living off passion, and the most realistic for those scared of the threatening income gap, is to start working with people one-on-one.

Remember, there are things you are better at (and enjoy more) than the great majority of those around you. There are also people actively looking for the expertise you have.

Find the right connection and you could begin making money from a passion tomorrow if you wanted to. It’s that powerful. And it’s that fast.

Need reassurance? Go do some research on some of the people charging folks and making a living from the skill and passion you enjoy. Are they all the next Steve Jobs? I doubt it. They just decided to focus their energy where they could help the most.

The great majority of people who have not been able to monetize a passion does not come down to lack of skill. It does not come down to lack of credentials. It does not come from lack of experience.

It comes from lack of creativity and courage.

Combine those two with something that makes you come alive, and the world will be beating your door down to give you their money.

Crossing the Chasm—From 80% to 20%

A recent study reported that as many as 80% of the people in the workforce don’t enjoy their job. And nearly 75% don’t know their true passion.

This is not a coincidence.

You don’t have to be one of them.

What would happen if we could reverse that statistic? Think about it for a second.

If we can begin building an income around the things that excite us, our work will no longer be something we loathe. It will be something we can’t get enough of. Which quickly becomes something the world can’t get enough of. If we can do that, we can literally change the world.

The all-important first dollar

The first hurdle in living off your passion is realizing it’s possible to get paid to do what you enjoy—to show yourself that you’re capable of helping people and they are willing to pay you for it. Whether it’s $1, $15, $100 or $1,000, the point is to make the massively huge leap from earning exactly ZERO from what you enjoy doing, to earning something. Anything.

People will find value in what you have to offer, but you’ll never know unless you start offering it.

In my years of passion research around the world, one belief has become a part of my core more than any other: If you can find something you’re passionate about, you can find a way to turn that passion into profit. I’ve seen too many examples of people living their dreams to believe anything else.

You just have to be willing to get a little creative.

So when are you going to join the 20% club?

You have the tools. The rest is on you.

(Scott Dinsmore is the founder of Live Your Legend, and the author of “Live Off Your Passion: An Unconventional Guide to Finding Passion and Getting Paid to Do Work You Love”.)

Not exactly the picture of a revolutionary, is it? I know, but if you look a bit deeper, you might recognize that one action as essentially giving the finger to a powerful and ruthless dictator: the dogma that my busyness reflects my value.

Does the idea of sitting quietly, alone with your thoughts for a while make you sigh wistfully or squirm uncomfortably? Probably a mixture of both.

In my experience as a modern woman, we simultaneously long for and fear the idea of stillness. We tend to pride ourselves on how much we accomplish in a day, and so stepping away from productivity is a risk, as though we must prove the worth of our existence by never slowing down to pause. And yet, we long for peace and rest, to step off the treadmill of life occasionally and catch our breath. And so we allow ourselves an occasional “indulgence” in a piece of Dove Chocolate or an extra creamy Yoplait yogurt because their advertising gurus convinced us that it’s okay, you deserve it. And we’ll take our annual vacation, hoping to cram in all the R&R we’ve denied ourselves all year. But even those “treats” are usually accompanied by guilt, shame, and pressure to “maximize” the time.

And there’s another reason we don’t have time for stillness: I believe we avoid it because we are afraid of what we would find there. If I slowed down enough to really listen (to my spirit, my body, my mind), I might not like what it tells me. Or if I sat down to listen for the voice of God and sit with Him in the vulnerability of who I really am, what might He say to me? And so it is safer to fill my schedule with more work, more Facebook time, more music, more accomplishments than to slow down and be still.

But what if we weren’t meant to “make the most” of every day? To fit in the most activities, run the fastest and most efficient household, grow our business as big as possible, get the best we can afford, and achieve our utmost potential in every realm? Maybe doing more, faster won’t actually get us where we want to be…or where we need to be.

I am coming to believe that, if we want to truly live life, creating space for stillness is crucial. In spite of–and because of–all the pressures on our time, we have a built-in need for periods of quiet, rest and reflection. Although this may seem like just one more thing to fit in, I believe that if we will find a way to make space for stillness and reflection, it will reshape our lives. Just as the human body needs to inhale and exhale, we need times of work and times of rest, times to act and times to reflect. There is no shame in that. Many cultures have retained this rhythm in life, but looking at myself and around at our society, we seem to have forgotten the value in rest and reflection, condemning them instead as laziness, self-indulgence or worthless “navel gazing”. And I think we’re suffering for it. We don’t know how to just be with ourselves. And how can we offer much to others and this world if we aren’t even connected to our own selves?

So what are some ways we can reclaim stillness and rest in the midst of real life this week? It will look differently for everyone, and remember that it’s not about “what you do” but opening the posture of your heart and mind. In the stillness, you may find your mind racing to process thoughts that you haven’t been able to give your attention to, and that’s fine. Or you might want to acknowledge what you’ve been feeling lately and just sit honestly in that. Don’t try to solve every problem or reach a great conclusion during this time. If you aren’t sure what to think about and you want to connect to God, I encourage you to meditate on a favorite song or scripture that brings you peace and to rest in the knowledge that you are a beloved child of God (even if you don’t feel that you are). Here are a few ideas I’ve been implementing lately, during my experiment in living more slowly:

• Sit or lie in a comfortable space for a while; even if you only have 5 or 15 minutes to spare, set a timer and enjoy simply being there.
• If you’re waiting in line at the bank, store, or on the phone, reclaim that time as an opportunity to be still in your heart.
• While at your job, work hard and focused for an extended period and then step away from your computer for a few minutes (such as 55 minutes on, 5 minutes off); studies have shown this actually increases productivity and decreases overuse injuries such as eye strain, back and neck pain, etc. If you can walk a lap around the building outside or go look out a window for a few minutes, you may find yourself rejuvenated and ready for the next big push.
• Eat sitting down at a table; turn off your technology and taste your food; be aware of it pleasing your taste buds and nourishing your body.
• Take a walk or jog outside and observe your surroundings; leave the iPod at home and listen; what do you see, smell, or feel?
• Leave your car radio off on your next drive; is the silence uncomfortable for you? That’s okay; don’t try to fill it.
• Do something the slow way; it’s far more convenient to buy bread from a store, but sometimes I like to take a few hours to bake a loaf of bread, kneading it by hand, letting it fill our house with its scent, and then eating it while still warm from the oven. Whether it’s baking bread, washing dishes by hand, or driving the scenic route, allow yourself to choose the slow way sometimes if it is more enjoyable and meditative for you.
• Spend time just being with your child or pet. Ponder the simple wonder of a little one, pet your dog or cat for a few minutes, take a nap with your child. If you don’t have a chld or pet at home, observe the birds outside your window. The little ones have much to teach us.
• Find healthy boundaries for “screen time”. I’ve found that if I’m still on my computer after 9pm, I go to bed later and grumpier than usual. So I try to shut down by 9 and spend the remainder of the evening in a more relaxing way. However that applies for you, pay attention to your patterns and find something that leaves you feeling more rested and centered.
• Observe ‘Sabbath’. Dedicating one day a week to step back from your work really flies in the face of our “non-stop” culture. Though we don’t do this every week, Seth and I try to accomplish our errands and household chores on Saturdays so that we can have a day of rest together on Sunday. It takes some coordinating, but has always felt like an incredible gift when we actually have a full day for rest and reflection.

I offer these up as ideas. But I’d love to hear from you:

What helps you to be still and what have you found to be the biggest challenges in creating that space for yourself?

(To let Jenni know your answer, please kindly visit: http://undertheapricottree.wordpress.com/2011/10/18/no-shame-in-stillness/)

Motivation is a resource that seems harder and harder to come by these days. You’re mired in malaise, you’re unexcited after a slump or a break, you’re in a dull 9-to-5 routine.

Any of these sound familiar?

If so, you’re not alone. I’ve been in these kinds of ruts, often, and sometimes for embarrassingly extended periods. While it doesn’t happen much these days, as I’m excited about everything I do, I’m no stranger to the rut. I was stuck in one for a couple years once, until I felt the rut wasn’t something I was in, but was me.

What is the way out? How do you start along this way if you don’t have motivation to start with?

I’ve found that the best way out of a rut is with the smallest step possible. But that step can result in more than you realize.

What if that smallest step is to announce a major challenge? In my recent past I’ve announced 30 days of yoga, writing a novel in 30 days, and some grueling physical challenges. In years past I’ve announced that I’m going to run a marathon, do a triathlon, start a blog, give up my car, give up meat, and so on.

Here’s the thing: the first step wasn’t to take on a major challenge. It was simply announcing it. And announcing something is really really easy. Doing it is much harder, but once you’ve announced it, you have some momentum, and you’re committed to a direction. Making the announcement only takes the moving of your lips and some hot air, or the typing of your fingers while your email program is open, and let’s face it, you do those things even when you’re in a rut.

What if the moving of your fingers or some hot air is too big a step? Can you take an even smaller step? Sure: you can simply ask, “What if?”

What if you took on a challenge? What if you cleared the clutter from your desk? What if you went outside for a brisk walk? What if you quit your job and headed for southeast Asia with nothing but a small backpack? What if you started a blog about your biggest passion? What if you decided to paint a picture or snap a photograph every single day for the next month? What if you did 5 minutes of yoga each morning? What if you tossed out your to-do list and only did 1 important thing each day before doing the less important tasks? What if you proposed your dream project to your boss? What if you stopped asking permission and just started doing what you’ve been wanting to do? What if your life was a blank slate and you could fill it with only the things you love? What if you could change someone else’s life? What if you tossed out all your excuses? What if you were grateful for what you have, instead of complaining about what you don’t have? What if you tossed out your goals? What if you let go of your expectations? What if you got rid of everything you had?

What if is a very easy step.

Take the easiest step you can imagine. Once you start moving, you’ll feel unbelievably better. Once your foot touches ground, you will feel the power of the earth, you’ll feel the power of motion, you’ll feel the rut moving behind you. That one step — it’s a doozy.

(To learn more from Leo, please visit http://www.zenhabits.net)

These skills aren’t easy. I suck at most of them, but I know they’re all I really need to know how to do. Simple introduce them and they’ll lead a person to anything else he needs to know. In me, the seeds have germinated, no question about that. I am gradually getting better at them. They take years, so I wish I’d started in grade school.

1) Letting people misunderstand and dislike you

I used to really believe that somebody getting the wrong idea about me was some kind of problem that had to be fixed. This is the kind of fear that would prevent me from, say, renting “Heavenly Creatures” because everyone knows it has Kate Winslet’s boobs in it and the Blockbuster girl would think I’m renting it only because I’m a huge perv and not because it’s a good movie. It’s a tiny example, but that’s a genuine wall I built there. One of thousands.

It takes an enormous amount of energy to try and manipulate people’s knee-jerk impressions of you, and it makes you into a fearful, pandering creature. It’s completely impossible anyway, and there’s so little to gain even when you pull it off. Instead of someone getting a baseless negative impression of you, they get a baseless positive one.

The amount of pain suffered in vain by people trying to be liked by everyone is unimaginable. It drives people crazy. It makes people kill themselves.

Make no apologies or explanations for what you want, and let the unknown faces dislike or distrust you. Study your fear of leaving bad impressions, and practice doing what you want anyway. I bet you’ll become not just more comfortable, but more likable.

Elaine Benes: Who cares if she doesn’t like you? Does everyone have to like you?
George Costanza: Yes! Everyone has to like me!

2) Talking to strangers

School taught me strangers were at worst bad people, and at best irrelevant people. It took me a while to recognize that they were indeed people at all — that they have family members and friends to whom they are not strangers. It took even longer to realize that I am a stranger.

They had an explicit rule about it: Don’t talk to strangers! Stranger is clearly a pejorative word, and they told us to use that word to describe anyone we didn’t know. And don’t let them talk to you!

I am still getting over the idea that people I don’t know are “strange.” Some of the most rewarding moments of my life have happened while breaking this rule.

Kids can still be taught to keep themselves safe without instilling such a damaging view of the casual passer-by.

Imagine if nobody regarded anybody as a stranger, but instead just a person they didn’t know. You can’t have wars without strangers. For that and other atrocities, we need a group of people so alien and blank to us that we don’t care what happens to them.

3) Forgiving

After all this time, all its coverage on Oprah and in religious texts, forgiveness is almost uniformly misunderstood. It does not mean you are okay with what has been done. It doesn’t even mean it doesn’t bother you any more. Forgiving is deciding you will no longer attempt to justify hate or anger, because you know they are damaging to you and your life.

Those feelings will still appear now and then, maybe always, but to forgive is to decide you are done indulging in them. That means no more revenge fantasies, no more nasty remarks. Finally it can begin to recede in your mind.

I’ve experienced a lot of resentment in my life. I’ve mulled it over, wished, fantasized, rehearsed confrontations and diatribes in my head, but I have never once found any true benefit to justifying resentment. All of it is out of control, all of it is painful, all of it is addictive.

There is a comforting feeling in hatred. We imagine it protects us from getting hurt again. This fantasy gives us a spike of relief when we feel powerless, but there is no real power in it. It’s as helpful as thinking about food when you’re stranded on a remote island. Resentment feels good in a bad sort of way. It’s pure mental junk food, only it makes you powerless instead of fat.

4) Letting your moods come and go without trying to force the bad ones away

Oh wow, what a revelation this was. I was 22 before it ever occured to me that bad moods are completely normal and do not indicate that my life has gone wrong.
Bad moods seem to have hallucinogenic properties. They make you misperceive and misinterpret reality.

I’ve described bad moods as “a nasty drug that hijacks your thoughts and robs you of your intuition and perspective.” You simply don’t have access to your higher capacities while you’re in a bad mood — empathy, wisdom, objectivity and patience. They take a vacation, and they’ll definitely be back. So in the mean time don’t do anything that depends on those faculties: don’t make any decisions about your life, don’t make any statements about who you are (to yourself or anyone else), don’t criticize others, and don’t insist that you must feel good right now.

Refusing to bear the odd bout of bad feelings is what drives people to the most desperate behaviors: addictions, blame, bad relationships and crime.

Good moods are much easier to deal with and don’t require any remedial action. But it’s worth remembering that they inevitably give way to not-good moods. So if you suddenly don’t feel so hot, don’t take that as a signal that things are going wrong. It’s just a change in the wind. Moods move like weather: there are patterns, bad conditions are inevitable, and any given cell is always on its way out.

5) Doing things you are afraid of

I’m slowly learning that the best response to fear is curiosity. When the thought of doing something makes you uncomfortable, all that means its consequences are unfamiliar and unpredictable. That might be good. It always means there is some seriously new ground that can be broken right now.

Of all these skills, this is the one I’m worst at. Yet I keep discovering the same encouraging thing whenever I do it — once you walk right into it, the fear part gives way pretty quickly. It’s like a thin shell you thought was a wall. The rewards are always way closer and more accessible than I think.

The sequence unfolds the same way, nine times out of ten. One moment it’s “Oh man I am never doing that.” Then you take that first step — and it literally is a step, a movement of the leg. You watch yourself moving into it in the first person and the mind is saying “Holy shit, this is it, I’m nuts.” Then you’re in the middle of it, saying what you need to say or doing what you need to do. Then you realize you’re on the other side, making things happen in a place you thought was forbidden to you. Then you’re giddy and grateful the rest of the day.

In the cradle of civilization, almost anyone can heed almost all their fears yet still survive in reasonable comfort. So some people never make a point of this.

Although I sometimes wish it weren’t true, this seems to be law:

How often you do things you’re afraid of is a reliable barometer for how quickly you’re becoming a more capable person.

6) Watching the moment unfold as it will and letting go of your need to control it

Whenever I even mention this idea, people panic. “But we can’t just let things happen! What if terrible things happen?!”

The truth is your life is a steady stream of mostly unpredictable stuff, and there is ultimately very little control to be had over it, other than what you do in response. The best responses are always conscious and calm.

We can learn to be smarter about the risks that we take, but most of what fate has in store for us could never be predicted. Once it’s happening, it’s happening. If you need to do something about it, you still can. But your action doesn’t have to arise from this place of rejecting reality. Planning, preparing, insuring, deciding — all of it can be done at the same time as you let happen what is indeed happening.

You won’t be able to let it all go at once, but it’s amazing what happens when you give yourself a mission to do it for five minutes. Can you let everything unfold as it will for five minutes? Sure you can, and it’s exhilarating. If something happens that has you itching to react, let it be, and when the five minutes is up, you can get right back to trying to stop the world from turning, if you think it’s worthwhile.

7) Noticing attraction and aversion as soon as they appear

We’d all like to think that we’re driven primarily by wisdom and rational thinking, but the truth is the majority of our actions come from very short term attractions and aversions that happen mostly under the radar in the moment. These are the greatest forces driving your life, and if you’re not aware of where they’re leading you, nobody else is either. Trust them at your peril.

This is how we “end up” in careers we don’t like, suffering from compulsive behaviors, or getting into debt. We don’t choose these outcomes consciously, we just follow the little trail of cookies throughout life, and they can lead us to dark places. It’s a simple, thoughtless mechanism designed only to get us from birth to procreation to death, and it drags us along kicking and screaming over rocks and coals, if we’re not aware of how it works.

There is so much to gain from noticing the feelings of attraction and aversion the moment they arise, thinking about what you’re really looking to cling to (or escape from) in that moment, and making sure your action is conscious. No matter how we rationalize our motives, if you observe them you’ll invariably find they almost always consist of a pull towards some kind of promised gratification, or a push away form some kind of promised discomfort.

Imagine if you could feel these pushes and pulls acting on you, then decide what’s actually in your best interest, then do it.

Mastering it is the work of a lifetime, but all you need to do is notice what it feels like when attraction arises, and notice what it feels like when aversion arises. Know what “cookie” it is you’re attached to here, and when it’s no good for you, defy it and see what happens.

‘What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.’ ~C. S. Lewis

Changing your life can seem an incredibly tough and complicated thing, especially if you’ve failed a great number of times (like I did), found it too hard, and resigned yourself to not changing.

But I found a way to change.

And I’m not any better than anyone else, not more disciplined, not more motivated. I just learned a few simple principles that changed my life.

I’ve written about them many times, but realized they’re spread out all over the site.

Here is how I changed my life, in a nutshell.

The four lines you’re looking for are at the bottom.

How I Started Running

In 2005 I was sedentary, and couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to make exercise a regular habit. At the end of 2006, not only was I running very regularly, I finished my first marathon. These days I can run a half marathon race at the drop of a hat, have run several marathons.

How did I do it? I started with just 10 minutes of running a day. I focused not on how hard it was, but how much I enjoyed the movement and the outdoors. I increased slowly, until I could run 15 minutes, then 20, and later a couple hours. I was grateful for every run I was able to take.

I got healthier, fitter, slimmer, happier.

How I Started Eating Healthier

In 2005 I was overweight, and addicted to junk food. I ate fast food, chips and cookies, fried meats, anything fatty or sweet or salty … and I had no idea how to change. Today, I am 70 lbs. lighter, I eat almost all whole, real foods (almost nothing processed), I eat a sweet treat now and then but am happier eating healthy food.

How did I change? I started with small changes like drinking more water, eating more fruits and veggies, cooking at home more and preparing my lunches for work. One at a time. I gradually improved my diet, eventually cleared my fridge and pantry of junk, and stopped going to fast food places. I found healthy foods I really loved. I was grateful for every delicious healthy meal I ate.

I felt better about myself, trimmed down, and feel great every single day.

How I Got Out of Debt

In 2005, I was way over my head in debt — it was so bad, I had creditors calling me, and I would ignore my phone calls. I struggled to make it paycheck to paycheck, and sometimes didn’t even make it — I had to borrow money from friends and family. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. At the end of 2007, I celebrated with my wife Eva when we paid off our last debt and were free!

How did I do it? I started one little change at a time: I started cutting back on expenses a little, saving a little at a time, paying off the little debts and then the bigger debts, found some breathing room, and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I gradually changed my financial habits and got into better shape. I was grateful for every debt paid off, every dollar saved, every inch of breathing room.

I’m debt free and will never go back. It’s the most liberating thing ever.

And On and On

I was planning on writing the same capsules for how I decluttered and simplified my possessesions, how I started focusing and accomplishing more, how I turned my passion into a living, and so on … but the truth is, the story starts to repeat itself.

I used the same principles, over and over. More on that in the nutshell below.

And Then I Gave Up Goals

About two years ago, I started to give up goals. Just as an experiment.

It turns out, I could still accomplish the same kinds of things, but I just didn’t plan it out. Instead, I just followed the same principles (more on those below). They still work, even without goals.

People say I can give up goals because I’ve already accomplished a lot … but the truth is, I can give up goals because I have learned a few things that work, and realized they work with or without goals. And if you follow these things, you can change your life, with or without goals.

The Nutshell Principles

So what are the principles that changed my life, repeatedly?

If you read the brief stories above, you already know:

1. Start very small.
2. Do only one change at a time.
3. Be present and enjoy the activity (don’t focus on results).
4. Be grateful for every step you take.

In programming, this is called an algorithm. It’s a series of steps that you can apply to make any change, no matter what your situation.

I’ve gradually been learning what causes that struggle, and what works in making life easier, better, smoother.

Life can feel effortless, like you’re gliding along, if you learn to swim smoothly, to glide, to stop fighting the waters of life and start using them to buoy you up.

I stopped thrashing and fighting, and started gliding and enjoying the swim.

I’ve written a new book on this topic, called The Effortless Life, which I should be publishing digitally next week. Some interesting things about this book:

It was written publicly, on a public Google Doc, while the world watch. That was tremendously fun — normally writing is a solitary act, but with technology I was able to make it a public act.
I allowed the world to edit it, as I wrote. That was incredibly scary, giving up control as a writer. When I was done, I had written it in a blur, as everyone edited it … and so I had no idea what changes had been made. I thought I should figure out what changes were made, and whether to keep them or not … but then I just decided to go with the wisdom of the crowd, and kept it as is.
It’s a compendium of some of the most important things I’ve been learning recently. It builds on some of the things from my previous books, The Power of Less and Focus, but takes them further.
I will allow readers to buy it at any price you like. I will set up a donation model — pay what you think it’s worth, and what you can afford.

More about this later. For now, I thought I’d share a few things you can do today, to make life feel more effortless.

Take what you want from this list. I find these things work, but your mileage will vary.

1. Do less. This is my productivity mantra, and it’s counterintuitive. I actually don’t believe in productivity, but instead believe in doing the important things. Do less, and you’ll force yourself to choose between what’s just busywork, and what really matters. Life then becomes effortless, as you accomplish big things while being less busy.

2. Having less is lighter. Start asking yourself if you really need everything you have, or if you just have it out of fear. Start to let go of what you have, so it doesn’t own you. And then, as you have less, you feel lighter. It’s wonderful.

3. Let the little things go. People who struggle often fight over little things. We obsess over things that don’t really matter. We create resistance instead of letting things glide off us. Let the little things go, breathe, and move on to the important things.

4. Clean as you go. I haven’t written about this for a long time, but early in the life of Zen Habits I wrote about the habit of cleaning as you go. Instead of letting the cleaning pile up, put things away when you’re done. Wash your bowl. Wipe the counters clean as you pass them. Sweep up dirt when you notice it. By cleaning a little bit at a time, as you make messes, cleaning up becomes a breeze, and it’s never difficult. By the way, this applies to everything in life, not just cleaning.

5. Make small, gradual changes. Most people are too impatient to follow this advice — they want to do everything at once. We have so many changes to make, but we don’t want to wait a year for it all to happen. As a result, we often fail, and then feel crappy about it. Or we don’t start at all, because so many big changes is intimidating and overwhelming. I’ve learned the hard way that small changes are incredibly powerful, and they last longer. Gradual change leads to huge change, but slowly, and in a way that sticks. And it’s effortless.

6. Learn to focus on the things that matter. This is implied in the items above, but it’s so important I have to emphasize it. Swimming (or any physical activity for that matter) is best done when you do only the motions that matter, and eliminate the extraneous motions. Stop thrashing, start becoming more efficient and fluid. You do this by learning what matters, and cutting out the wasted activity.

7. Be compassionate. This makes dealing with others much more effortless. It also makes you feel better about yourself. People like you more, and you improve the lives of others. Make every dealing with another human being one where you practice compassion.

(If you’d like to learn more from Leo, please kindly visit: http://www.zenhabits.net)

It is the downfall of many of us — coworkers, children, spouses, other drivers, irritating people on the subway — they can grate, they can anger.

And it can ruin your day. You clench your jaw, you replay imaginary arguments in your head, or worse, you snap. And then you feel like crap.

How can we find the patience?

I will admit that I’m no saint. Just like everyone else, I get annoyed, and I will say things in a less-than-kind tone. I’m learning.

Here’s what helps me:

First, I learn to be aware of the emotions that rush up from nowhere.

I learn to accept those emotions as perfectly fine.

And I watch them, but don’t act.

I will talk to those emotions, like they’re a little child: it’s OK to be mad, but breathe. Talk to the other person, after you’ve calmed down, about the problem.

And then I breathe.

I remind my childlike emotions: other people are different, and that’s good. Celebrate humanity and all its glorious varieties. When people live and work together, there will be friction, and that is a part of the mix of humanity.

I remind: life is too short to waste my days in irritation and anger. Don’t let other people’s problems become my own.

I then give thanks. Gratitude solves all problems. I am grateful for having this friend, or stranger, in my life, and I’m grateful for the chance to even be here, and for the incredible life I have.

I talk to the other person, when I’ve calmed down, with compassion. I respond with love. It often will melt the other person’s jagged edges, and things will go better.

Patience isn’t an easy thing, but the alternative is much worse. Love will triumph if you let it.

(To learn more from Leo, please kindly visit http://www.zenhabits.net)

But I perked up when he said the most rewarding thing he’s ever done in all his years is to sit and contemplate his own death.

I was in an expat bar in Chiang Mai on trivia night and an informal lecture had broken out. Half the room was shouting out answers to sports history questions, and the other half was gathered around a once-American philosophy professor, listening to him talk about Zen. I was trying to do both.

We chatted on the balcony later, and I asked him about what he said about death. I drank and nodded as he talked and smoked cigarettes.

“When you’re sitting there long enough that you finally see that unbroken line between here and your grave, that you really are that grave every bit as much as you are sitting here… you’ll never feel as free as that.”

The night was long (three bars long) and full of conversations, but that’s the one that was in my head when I was nodding off that night, and in the shower the next morning.

For the next few weeks I kept having these spells where I’d see something super ordinary — a stranger yawning at a bus stop, or something — and I’d get the sensation that I was looking back on it, as if I was visiting it from a place where that doesn’t happen.

It culminated on a beach in New Zealand a few weeks later. I had another spell, and realized what was happening. I was being repeatedly overcome by the simple fact that I was here. That doesn’t sound like an astonishing revelation, but it was, and that had something to do with being simultaneously being aware that I will one day not be here.

Understanding those two insultingly simple facts — that you’re definitely here, and that you will definitely one day not be here — combine to form something beautiful. The professor called it anicca but we can call it impermanence. It’s irrefutable, and we kill ourselves trying to refute it all the time. Things change constantly, and when you insist they don’t, you suffer. When you can learn to go along for the ride, ordinary moments become compelling.

The professor’s death-contemplation hobby is certainly worthwhile, but it’s just not something many people are going to do. Too formal, too weird, too Buddhist.

But you can experience the beauty of impermanence in a much easier way, every time you’re in the presence of people you’re close to. I’ve written about it before, when this blog was much smaller, but it’s such a reliable way to create that staggering kind of gratitude that I can’t recommend it enough.

When you’re with a group of people who are important in your life, take a step back and look around at what’s happening, and consider that there will be a time when these people are gone.

Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors. I say this a lot and always will. Your life is one long unbroken experience, and you’re the only one who’s there the whole time. Visitors will come in and out of your experience. Most of them are short-term and you won’t notice when they’ve made their last appearance.

In fact, even with the long-term visitors, it’s rare that your last moment with a particular person is one in which you’re aware that it is.

Every relationship you have is a chance overlap that begins one particular day and ends on another. You have little control over when either of those bookends appear. There is nothing worse than having nobody important in your life, yet we easily take for granted that this precious, fleeting overlap is happening right now in the room with you.

There are probably hundreds of acquaintances that you haven’t thought about since the last time they were right in front of your face, and maybe that was years ago. Those bit players are gone in the truest sense, but the people who matter are the people whose absence you can feel when they’re gone. The person who’s no longer beside you when you wake up. The pet whose nails you no longer hear clicking on the hallway floor downstairs.

One of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to learn how to feel that feeling while these people are still here.

Here’s how I put it before:

When you’re with your spouse, significant other, a good friend or a close relative, picture the moment, in all its mundane detail, as if you’re looking back on it from a point in life where that person is no longer around. No need to imagine any upsetting explanations for their absence; the part of your life that includes that special person is just over, and you are happy to have been with them while your lives overlapped.

Observe them as if you’ve been shipped back from the future, to see them once again on an ordinary day, with absolutely no reason to take it for granted.

You just have to recognize those moments in which you’re with another person you know and love, and for most people these happen constantly. Then consciously take a step back, and watch the moment as if it’s a memory.

There’s no feeling like it when something ordinary is happening, and everyone’s being ordinary, and yet in your private mental space you’re seeing it all from way down the road, after these wonderful people are gone. An ordinary moment, adorned with such irreplacable people, is so rich and perfect that you’d give anything to be right back in the middle of it. And then you realize that you are.

It’s surprisingly easy to just watch the outside world do its thing for a second. You might be alarmed to realize that the world would carry on just as freely without your particular brand of opinions and witty comments. Believe me — and I mean this in the most encouraging way possible — it doesn’t need you at all and you’re lucky to be here.

It doesn’t need your friends either, but it seems to be accommodating the lot of you, for the time being anyway. So see all you can while the door is still open.

(To read more of David’s articles about living, please kindly visit: http://www.raptitude.com)

Q: Why God has created such a terrible world, full of sufferings and struggle?

A: You should ask God. I cannot answer on his behalf.

Q: How should I ask him?

A: If you have found out that there is God who has created all this, you must also know how to reach him and ask him.

Q: Every religion believes in the existence of God. Are you saying that you don’t believe in his existence?

A: I am saying that the religions who have told you that he exists, must have told you the way to speak to him.

Q: My religion says God speaks to me through my conscience.

A: What is conscience?

Q: An inner call that tells me what is right or wrong. If I am going on a wrong path, it stops me.

A: Stops you as in holds you or just informs you?

Q: It informs me that this is wrong but still leaves the choice with me and allows me to exercise my free will.

A: Since when were you hearing your conscience? Was it there when you were 2 or 3 years old?

Q: I don’t remember.

A: My child is 3 years old. Sometimes when he doesn’t like someone, he asks them to leave and in gross words, asks them to get out (laughs). It becomes quite embarrassing for us, but he doesn’t mind. It is okay for him. There is a child in our colony who pushed another child from the slide and he was seriously injured, receiving some stitches. Can you do such a thing?

A: Maybe….no.

Q: Would it be your conscience that tells you not to push a small innocent child, that this is a sin?

A: Yes.

Q: So, it seems God doesn’t speak to 2 or 3 year old children, he only speaks to grown ups like you. You know why he has chosen to speak to you and not to that child? Because that child doesn’t know anything about God right now, or his rights and wrongs. But now his family will start that training. They will tell him, this is right and this is wrong. This is God and this is the way to reach God. Then slowly, as he grows up, God will start speaking to him as well through his conscience. When he will choose a path that doesn’t qualify as God’s path, per the training given, his conscience will tell him, don’t do this. This is not right. But is it God or is it the training that is speaking to him? To me, your conscience sounds more like knowledge fed in since childhood by your parents and society, than God’s voice.

If you really want to listen to what existence wants to say to you, then this “you” will have to disappear. Completely disappear. This “you” is incapable of understanding anything. Because this “you” is already full of ideas, beliefs and knowledge fed in by parents, society and an education system. How can something that is already full, receive anything?

Can you take your father’s call while you have in the ear plugs of your iPod? You will not hear the bell ringing because you will be so occupied and possessed by the music playing. The knowledge given to you is like that music and the iPod is your mind. This mind is already full of ideas and beliefs about you, about God, about religion, about right and wrong. There is no way to communicate to you. Even right now, whatever I am saying, you are busy taking notes of it. Half of your attention is on the words spoken and you are trying to recall if you have missed anything. In this process, you are missing what is happening right Now. You are missing where these words are leading.

(Someone suggested the questioner to keep the notebook aside.)

Q: What should I do then?

A: Leave God alone. He is not doing anything to you. The God that you know of is the God that has been taught to you. You have no first hand information about him. The God you know is the proprietary of religions. They fight amongst each other to claim their ownership on him. They each tell you that “this” is the way and put the others down. We are taught religion and its way, we are not taught God. How can anyone “teach” you God? God cannot be taught. Teaching implies words and words themselves are helpless here. How will they help you?

“God”, is a very small word. It cannot even attempt to explain the vastness that it is supposed to point to. If I fill a vessel with ocean water and bring it to you, it will not give you the slightest idea of what an ocean means. To understand it you will have to see the ocean. When you actually see it, only then will you know what an ocean is. Why it is called endless and why it is called vast? Looking at the vessel, you will not know.

All the scriptures, religions, teachings are like vessels. They cannot give a slightest idea of the magic that holds this universe. Every vessel has a different shape and it has molded the ocean in its own shape, thinking this is how the ocean looks and this is what it is. Vessels are claiming that they know the ocean. They are fighting with each other and in the process, they are going to break each other down. Let them do that.

If you want to know this magic that you call God, just open your eyes. Look around. You cannot miss the magic, if your eyes are really open. It is in the sky, it is in the earth, it is in the trees, it is in the moon, it is in the stars… It is everywhere. It is in the coming and going of these breaths. You are looking for the magician so you are missing the magic. Stop looking for the magician and you will see him in the magic itself. He is not separate from the magic. He Is the very magic.

Do not look for him in any particular place and you will find him everywhere and in everything.

(Him: Tarun Sardana has an upcoming new book called “I am Not Brahman”, according to the newsletter from http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NDhighlights by Editor Jerry Katz. Whenever it comes to things that carry religious connotations, many people tend to get slightly sensitive. I’d suggest however that my dear reader, give the message in the story a try. It may bring you on a roller-coaster ride that will shock you, or amaze you, or disappoint you, or enrich you, or strengthen you depending upon where you are right now in life. For me, the teachings from the Hindhu or Buddhist religions on how to live, to be open, or loving, and unconstrained is what I actually value. Maybe that would appeal to you too.)

Why? Because I’m personally learning life all over again.

When I started this blog, I had in my mind all intentions to discover the truths about life and live everyday sticking to them.

But what I eventually realized is, there is really no one particular way to live in order to be happy.

In fact, if you want to live happily, it’s better to choose to live as many ways as you can embrace throughout the day!

It’s more like this:

The moment you think you’ve learned the greatest about something, that you’ve reached an end of the road on a particular path, life would hit you in the butt and point your eyes in another direction. When you look in the new direction, you find out that it’s a much more, progressive path, and you go “Aahhh… that’s the way” – but the thing is, once you seem to reach the end of that path, life hits you once again in your butt and shows you what you’ve actually missed on the previous path, making you scratch your head, wondering what it is you’ve actually learned. New directions, new paths, new discoveries.

Usually, what we’ll actually learn is to just live.

Yep, all these ideas, concepts, bla… bla… they’ll all just serve one purpose:

To send people to hit on enough walls, fall enough times, hurt them enough, so that people’s eyes would be opened, they’ll be able to pause and see things consciously once again, and they can look at life with a clarity that’ll allow them to make new choices that aren’t automatic but chosen, out of the self.

And that’s when you can live happy.

How?

By choosing to live happy.

Yep, expecting to be happy isn’t going to turn out nice.

Being able to live life happily is a CHOICE.

A decision, to live as happy as you can no matter the circumstances, the situations, or whatever happens!

It sounds like a damn cliche.

But shit, stop for once.

Instead of reading this piece, understand it!

If you don’t agree with the above, it only means you gotta hit on more walls.

And that’s not a bad thing, because look – you could only experience pain because you’re ALIVE.

ALIVE and BREATHING, a beautiful thing especially when you think of all the things it can offer, when everything you do is done out of your choice!

It’s like playing an awesome game, life is. Whatever you do is like an experiment. You do this, you get this result, you do that, sometimes you still get this result! And yet you keep doing it, and sometimes, a miracle happens, something surprising comes as a result, smiles are exchanged, laughters fill everywhere around you, it’s Stunnin’. Curiosity is exchanged with satisfaction. Efforts are exchanged with fulfillment, or sometimes, a slightly prolonged one perhaps with tons of painful and suffering experiences worth making a movie out of for entertainment in between. Imagine how beautiful everything is, especially when you can really live happy and look on the brighter side, all the time!

That is why sometimes my best friend and I, we’d have conversations about experiences, people, or just things. And all of them, though they might not be the greatest, prettiest, classiest,  or most amazing of their category in the eyes of most people in the world, we’d still take up our glasses, make a clank and say the same thing everytime, “Perfect.”

Not perfect because of the level of public judgement in their category, but because we see them as natural and perfect as they are.

Now if you think you haven’t understand this clearly, please go up and read the above once more. It’ll be worth it, because life lived from this point is the most neutral and fair of all. You aren’t hindered by the games of the mind, and won’t easily be swept along blindly by the floods and waters of life. Even when you think you are, you could actually, with a snap of a switch of perception, put yourself in a powerful enough position that makes life perfect or beautiful again.

Something like this: Being reprimanded by your boss right in front of your face can actually make you smile (do it just inside your brain of course), because you’re reminded that it’s only because you’re alive that you can experience this seemingly horrendous image in front of you. Sitting on a chair feeling bored, you could suddenly see things the happy way and slow down your pace even further, feel your breathing, see the beatitudes of boredness or just entertain yourself with the littlest or dumbest (in an adults’ perception) of things like a baby would, even if it means singing or just laughing out of nowhere. Yes it’d seem dumb if you read the above through the ego. The point here is though, that if you wanna be happy, forget judgment and just be so. If not, if you wanna be pissed off once in a while, to be hurt, to beat yourself up, you could also choose to stick to that big ass ego for a while.

It’s all going to be out of choice!

So, you get me?

Hope you do, now go and laugh your socks off : )

What if your life can’t be made less busy — are you doomed to a life of anxiety and unhappiness?

No. I’m going to share with you a very simple tool that might just transform your life. It’s something I’ve been trying in the last few months, and I can attest that it works brilliantly.

This one little method will help you to:

• Be more present, so life doesn’t rush past you without you noticing.
• Enjoy every activity you do more, so life is better all the time.
• Feel more relaxed, so every day is as good as a vacation.
• Be ready to handle anything that comes your way.

Not bad for a very tiny method, no? Let’s dive in.

Busy vs. relaxed

Normally we have two different modes in life. There’s the busy of our everyday lives, and then there’s the relaxed mode, which happens when we have some unstructured time: vacation, a day at the beach, a spa getaway, some time in the park with the kids.

Relaxed mode is one where we perhaps think less and feel more. We just soak in the sun, the sounds, the sensations. This is a child-like time, because it’s the mode that young children are in the most. We do our best to train kids not to be like this, so they can be good workers when they grow up and serve our corporate masters.

And so we grow up to be in busy mode most of the week, and if we’re lucky we get a day or two, maybe only an hour or two of relaxed mode. When the Internet sucks us in, we have less relaxed mode because the Internet keeps us in our minds, and we forget about the physical world around us.

How can we change this? How can we bring the child-like relaxed, sensory mode back into our everyday lives, not just during breaks and meditation/yoga time and vacations?

It’s not that difficult, if you practice.

The Zen State

When we are in relaxed mode, we notice the sensations of the wind and sun, the sounds of water and laughter, the brilliant colors of nature, the smiles around us, the grass or sand between our toes. We are feeling instead of thinking. The sensations of our bodies flow into our minds, and it makes us relaxed, happy.

We can re-learn this mode of being with practice. Do it now. You’re reading a computer or mobile device screen, so your mind is in the world of the Internet … but your body is in the physical world. If you’re sitting, your butt can feel the chair. Your back might be a bit hunched. Your fingers are on a keyboard or mouse. Is the air around you cold or warm? Are there sounds you can notice? Is your jaw clenched? Notice your breathing.

When you put your focus into physcial sensations, you are entering relaxed mode instead of thinking mode. It’s not that you’re completely relaxed, but you’re in the same state of mind as the times you are relaxed, like yoga or the beach or lazing away a Sunday in bed.

Once you learn to do this, you can do it any time. In fact, all the time.

If you’re taking a shower, feel the water running down you, soak in the temperature and the sound of running water. If you’re eating, taste every little nuance of the food, smell the food, feel the texture in your mouth, feel the movement of your hand going to your mouth.

Do this as you work, as you talk on the phone or respond to emails or walk to a meeting or drive to an appointment, noticing the sensations on your skin, the colors around you, the sounds of humanity, your breath coming in and leaving you. Do this at home, as you do chores or prepare food or clean up or get ready for work. Do this throughout your day, and you will be in a constant state of relaxation and enjoyment.

It will transform everything you do, if you do it. It will turn busy-ness into being present, harriedness into enjoyment.

Life will be lived, instead of ignored.

(To learn more about Leo, visit: http://www.zenhabits.net)

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

I’ve learned from a great friend to emphasize being fair in the objective instead of subjective when it comes to making tougher decisions, and know the actual purpose for our actions. We can try hard to do what we do, but if we already know that we’ll be serious for situations that call for it, we can keep away the tense facade and allow life to take a more courteous, if not elegant appearance.

It doesn’t mean that we don’t have fire in our hearts. It just means that we direct the flame in the right directions. Usually, life tends to show better manners as we keep things fair and remember the real reason in why we work so hard in having a better life. It’s all done for the sincere appreciation of living. While we can do that, why not allow it?

And my answer was, “I’m always where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing.”

I’ve notice that in the past, like many people, I was always wishing I was doing something different, thinking about what I would do in the future, making plans for my life to come, reading (with jealousy) about cool things other people were doing.

It’s a fool’s game.

Many of us do this, but if you get into the mindset of thinking about what you *could* be doing, you’ll never be happy doing what you actually *are* doing. You’ll compare what you’re doing with what other people (on Facebook and Twitter, perhaps?) are doing. You’ll wish your life were better. You’ll never be satisfied, because there’s *always* something better to do.

Instead, I’ve adopted the mindset that whatever I’m doing right now is perfect. If I’m writing a post, that’s amazing. If I’m reading blog posts on the Internet, that’s interesting. If I’m doing nothing but hanging out with my family, that’s incredible. If I’m walking outside, enjoying the fresh air, that’s beautiful.

There’s nothing I’m ever doing that isn’t the most incredible thing on Earth. If I’m doing something sucky (I can’t remember doing that recently), maybe that’s an invaluable life lesson. If I’m with someone boring or obnoxious, it’s a lesson in patience, or empathy, or in learning to understand people better.
The Now Mindset, In Practice

Let’s say you’re washing the dishes. Wouldn’t you rather be having a delicious meal instead, or talking with your best friend? Sure, those things are great, but they’re only better if you believe they’re better, and more importantly, the comparison is totally unnecessary. Why should you compare what you’re doing now (washing dishes) with anything else? Wouldn’t almost anything lose out if you compare it to something you like more? Will you ever be happy with what you’re doing if you always compare it with something you like more?

Washing dishes can be as great as anything else, if you decide to see it that way. You’re in solitude, which is a beautiful thing. If you do it mindfully, washing dishes can be pleasant as you feel the suds and water in your hands, pay attention to the dish and its texture, notice your breathing and thoughts. It’s meditation, it’s quiet, it’s lovely.

You can say the same of anything. Driving to work? Enjoy the solitude, the chance to be alone with your thoughts, or to listen to music you love, to see the world around you. In a meeting with co-workers? Pay attention to how people talk and interact, learn about the human mind, see yourself in everyone around you, learn to love anyone no matter who they are, practice giving up expectations of who people should be or what this meeting should be like.

I’m always happy with what I’m doing, because I don’t compare it to anything else, and instead pay close attention to the activity itself. I’m always happy with whoever I’m with, because I learn to see the perfection in every person. I’m always happy with where I am, because there’s no place on Earth that’s not a miracle.

Life will suck if you are always wishing you’re doing something else. Life will rock if you realize you’re already doing the best thing ever.

(To learn more from Leo, please kindly visit: http://www.zenhabits.net.)

‘Act without expectation.’ ~Lao Tzu

How much of your stress, frustration, disappointment, anger, irritation, pissed-offedness comes from one little thing?

Almost all of it comes from your expectations, and when things (inevitably) don’t turn out as we expect, from wishing things were different.

We build these expectations in our heads of what other people should do, what our lives should be like, how other drivers should behave … and yet it’s all fantasy. It’s not real.

And when reality doesn’t meet our fantasy, we wish the world were different.

Here’s a simple solution:

Take your expectations, and throw them in the ocean.

Picture all the expectations you have for yourself, your life, your spouse, your kids, your coworkers, your job, the world. Take them from inside you, and toss them in the ocean. A river or lake will also do.

What happens to them? They float. They’re carried around by waves. The current takes them out, and they drift away. Let them be washed away by the cleansing waters, and let them go.

Now live your life without them.

What’s a life without expectations like? It means you accept reality as it is, without expectations, without trying to force people into the containers you have for them, seeing things as they are. It’s a life where you don’t need to be disappointed or frustrated or angry — or if you are, you accept it, and then let it go.

That’s not to say you never act — you can act in a way that’s in accordance with your values, and influence the world, but never have an expectation of how the world will react to your actions.

If you do something good, you won’t expect praise or appreciation. Let those expectations of reward and praise float away with the waves. Do good because you love doing good, and expect nothing beyond that.

Pay attention to your thoughts. Don’t beat yourself up if you have expectations. Just see them. Then toss them in the ocean.

Notice if you start to wish things weren’t the way they are. If you wish someone else didn’t do something, notice that. You have expectations, and you wish people or the world could have met them instead of doing what they actually did. Toss those wishes in the ocean too. Now accept things, and move on.

Let the waters of the world cleanse us, and let us walk lightly in a world that is already wonderful without our fantasies.

‘I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.’ ~Dalai Lama

(Him: To learn more from Leo Babauta, please kindly visit: http://www.zenhabits.net. I highly recommend Leo’s teachings for their practical application in daily life. Please do visit his site when you have time – thanks.)

Since my arrival, several people have alerted me to a number of webinars and urged me to listen.

I’ve listened to about a dozen of them, all having to do, broadly speaking, with personal growth, spiritual development, and global evolution.

Well, it’s not true that I listened. I tried to listen. I wanted to listen. I gave my time and attention to listen.

But I couldn’t.

I kept getting headaches — not so much from what the people were saying, but from how they were saying it.

In spite of the following generalization, I feel it is accurate to say that in terms of speaking style, all the people, men and women alike, spoke with passion, sincerity, clarity, conviction, urgency. Perhaps the most noticeable style trait was intensity, even if the intensity was quiet and soft. In terms of content, most had well-developed, if extremely intellectual, presentations. These are positive reviews, and one might think that I should have been able to listen all the way through. I couldn’t.

It wasn’t for lack of interest, as I’ve lived in this world of personal growth and spiritual development for 40 years, as a student, speaker, writer, and self-awareness teacher. I share what I’ve learned as I travel through and work within personal, organizational, social, and cultural circles. My interest was sincere. But I couldn’t listen.

Here’s why. No one was playful. Without playfulness, I can not listen to anyone for very long, especially when the topic is something as significant as global evolution. When people speak to me without playfulness, I start wheezing. I get what I call “subtle body asthma.” I can’t breathe. My head starts to pound and my ears ring. The oxygen is sucked from the air.

Playfulness is an important word and principle, one that I use often in my RealTime Speaking programs, in which I teach people how to speak authentically. I’ve spent considerable time reflecting on this word, what it means, and why it is so important and powerful. Playfulness means “nothing to defend.”

Perhaps the greatest barrier to authentic public speaking is people’s fear of being seen. To avoid the risk of transparency, vulnerability, and intimacy in speaking, people hide. They hide behind all kinds of things, including the need to be right.

Needing to be right and it’s corollary, the fear of being wrong, blocks authenticity in speaking. The antidote is playfulness: nothing to defend. I say often: speaking authentically is about being real, not right.

Please think about this for a moment. If in your speaking you are not trying to be right, and you are not afraid of being wrong, you have nothing to defend. You shift from a right/wrong, good/bad polarity to simply, “Here is what I have to say.” We are not trying to be right. We are not afraid of being wrong. We are just expressing our “truth,” how we see things in this moment.

With nothing to defend, we fall almost inevitably into being playful. When we relate to others playfully, when we speak playful, we create such an open space for all kinds of things to happen. Within this playful space of relating and speaking, there is no pressure, no push, no pull. It’s as if we don’t even care to produce a result! We’re just playing. Who doesn’t want to join in and play?

Being playful does not compromise our sincerity, conviction, or clarity. It does, however, drain the life out of intensity. Intensity is the antithesis of playfulness. The intensity is the bully on the playground, stealing all the joy, spontaneity, pleasure, and connection that we experience in play. Intensity ruins the playfulness, beats it up with needing to be right.

I started teaching self-inquiry and meditation in 1986, shortly after spending more than ten years studying with my meditation teacher. Even then, at the beginning of my teaching, I spoke with passion, sincerity, clarity, conviction, urgency. Mostly, I spoke with intensity. I was so intense that people would literally fall over, unconscious. I mistakenly thought they had entered some state of samadhi, catapulted by my brilliance or by the swirls of shakti, energy, that were always gusting through the room.

No, they were not experiencing samadhi. They were escaping my intensity. My intensity was a bundle of passion, conviction, clarity, urgency — all rolled up into a nice little club of “I’m right.”

I’m happy to say that I no longer speak with intensity. I haven’t for years. I can still bring it, but what I bring is not intensity. People no longer fall unconscious when I speak. I am never trying to be right. I am only trying to be real. I can even say that I don’t try to influence or persuade my audiences. In a manner of speaking, I don’t care if my speaking has any effect or not. I don’t care. Isn’t that an odd statement from someone who’s motto, for 25 years, has been, “Have Mouth, Will Travel.”

Isn’t that an odd statement for a speaker? After all, what is speaking if not a beautiful and powerful means to inspire, influence, arouse, incite, people? Isn’t our speaking a marvelous way to effect change? I suppose. But I have to tell the truth here: I don’t care about that. I just care about being real.

As an aside, I am now often told that I have an extraordinary capacity to inspire people along their path of personal growth and spiritual development. From what people say, I am equally adept in assisting people to become much more aware, competent, and responsible in their work lives. I don’t just preach to the choir. Many of my students, clients, and audiences are not already aligned with my particular point of view. They do not share my interests or values. That doesn’t seem to matter. They all listen.

Isn’t that the first order of business for any speaker: to compel your audience to listen wholeheartedly and with full attention?

I don’t try to produce any effects in my speaking. I don’t really care what happens. But people do listen, and most will say they become expanded and elevated in some way, maybe personally, or spiritually, or professionally, or relationally. If I were to attribute a cause to these effects, I would say it is simply my playfulness.

This may not seem like a big deal, but it is. I couldn’t listen to any of the speakers because to my ears, they all needed to be right. All the speakers had premises upon which their presentations were based. It is there, in their premises, that the rightness exists. A premise is a basis, stated or assumed, on which reasoning proceeds. Intensity comes from belief in our premise.

The speakers I tried to listen to believed too much in everything they said. They did not play. I could not listen.

I know this may not make quick or easy sense. It took me years and years of inner work, as well as teaching and pubic speaking and teaching public speaking, to understand. It’s subtle. It’s profound. It’s a kind of enlightenment.

I am a very effective speaker, in that people listen and are effected. I don’t care. I just notice that it happens. I’m in it for me, selfishly. I’m sorry to say that I am not interested in trying to change anyone, let alone the world. I speak because it is my high wire; it is where and when I become fully and extravagently alive. Shakti fills every cell of my body. I feel hundreds of miles tall. I feel that everyone is my friend and I am their friend. I speak because I must. But I am not in love with what I say. I am not suggesting my motive is admirable. Certainly, I’m not suggesting it be embraced or imitated by anyone. I thought I should share that as part of this writing.

All my speaking these days is wrapped up in just ten words, the ten words that comprise The Five Principles of Authentic Living. These ten words are all the content I have. Be Present. Pay Attention. Listen Deeply. Speak Truthfully. Act Creatively. Everything else I might say is a response to people, situations, and ife in the most personal and specific of ways.

I make everything up and I speak playfully. I am at the same time a serious, focused, concerned, competent, and effective person. I just don’t need to be right about anything. I prefer to play. I have noticed over the years that as my intensity lessened and my playfulness increased, more and more people would listen. More people wanted to play. Now, everybody listens, because everybody wants to play.

If we are going to speak about global evolution and changing the world, and if we want to arouse and engage people not already in the choir, I suggest we learn how to speak playfully.

That means giving up intensity and needing to be right. There are so many levels to that. Speaking to be real, not right — it seems paradoxical. Nonetheless, I recommend learning to speak playfully if you want to speak about changing the world.

(If you’d like to learn more about Robert Rabbin, please kindly visit: http://www.realtimespeaking.com/)

By Dhanya Moffitt

We all want a good and happy life. Most of our pursuits are geared toward that end. What we may not understand is that the happiness gained through changing experiences and actions is fleeting. The only way to gain the lasting happiness we seek is through the recognition that our true nature is happiness itself. This recognition is called moksha, Self-knowledge or liberation.

The Vedas are the world’s oldest-known scriptures. The essential subject matter of these revered texts is happiness and the nature of your Self. The Vedas are divided into two parts. The first part is by far the longer and contains instructions on how to achieve the best life possible in the world of changing experience known as samsara.

The second part of the Vedas is for those who have discerned that changing circumstances cannot deliver something that lasts. This part of the Vedas contains the Upanishads, the original source books of the teachings of Advaita Vedanta. (Advaita means “not two, nondual.” Vedanta means “the end of the Vedas.”)

The entire teaching of Vedanta is encapsulated in the word upanishad. The Upanishads convey the very well-ascertained knowledge (ni) of that which is most near, the Self (upa), which brings about the disintegration of sorrow—along with its cause—when the truth is revealed (sad). In other words, it is Self-knowledge that delivers lasting happiness.

The teachings of the Upanishads tell us that the cause of sorrow is taking the ever-present changeless Self (Atman) to be one with—and a product of—the body, mind, and sense organs. Thus we take who we are to be limited, subject to birth, death, and change. Vedanta tells us this is not true. Who we are is not subject to any of these things; rather, we are birthless, deathless, changeless, limitless Atman. Not recognizing the Self as it really is, we suffer.

A student of Vedanta is guided by the teachings to distinguish between that which doesn’t change (the Self/Atman), and that which does (everything else). This is done through a dual process of negation and positive assertion. “Not this, not this” (neti,neti) is the negation of the notion that our Self has anything to do with the body, mind, and sense organs, all of which change. At the same time, positive assertion is used to point out that we are “that which is changelessly ever-present, illumining all of these.”

This is not a conceptual exercise. The teachings are pointing us to recognize directly and without a shadow of a doubt the truth about the Self. People often say, “My body has changed and aged, but I feel as if I never have.” This intuitive feeling is accurate. Although the Self has never changed, it remains undifferentiated from the changing experiences of the body and mind until the teachings clearly point the unchanging nature of the Self out to you.

Guided by the teachings of Vedanta, the student examines the phenomenon of happiness in order to ascertain its source. When we obtain a desired object, for example, we experience a moment of pleasure. A variety of other experiences—such as meditating, listening to music, or watching a sunset—may also produce pleasure.

We naturally assume that the source of our pleasure lies in the situation, experience, or object that appears to have made us happy. Thus we keep trying to gain those objects and replicate those situations that seem to produce this effect. However, the same objects and situations please some people while displeasing others. Also, what once gave pleasure may later become a source of pain. Meditative experiences don’t last. In short, no object or situation is, in and of itself, a source of constant happiness at all times, for all people, in all places. How then does the experience of happiness arise?

The mind is composed of thoughts. The Atman is ever-present and illumines the mind. The nature of the Atman is pure happiness. In the instant a desire is fulfilled the mind relaxes, and the ever-present Atman is reflected in the mind in the form of ananda (pure happiness). This produces a moment of pleasure.

In the next instant another thought or desire may arise, replacing the reflected ananda of the Atman. Rather than recognizing the Atman as the actual source of happiness, the source of happiness is projected out onto the changing world of objects, and we try to gain happiness from them, an activity the scriptures compare to trying to drink water from a mirage.

Once the Self has been recognized as it truly is—ever-present, limitless, and full—we no longer need to project our well-being onto objects and experiences. We no longer need to pursue happiness; we know our nature is happiness and we can rest in that recognition.

There is only one Self, one Atman. This same Self shines in the hearts and minds of all. Step by step, as the teachings progress, using a process of logic and reason, we come to recognize that this same Self is Brahman. This very Self, from which the world has come, is the stable being of the entire world of changing experience.

Everything we see, perceive, and experience has for its actual being Atman, which is Brahman, which is the Self alone. Once we gain this recognition we know the truth of existence. Despite any appearance to the contrary, all is in reality only one, nondual, advaita: one being, one reality, one Self, which—due to the veiling power of maya—appears to be many.

This recognition takes place over time and through the teachings. Because the verses of the Upanishads are terse, and their meaning difficult to decipher, we require the guidance of a highly trained teacher who knows how to unlock the meaning of the words, and then how to use those words as direct pointers to the Self.

Having acknowledged that the changing world of experience can never be a lasting source of happiness, the Upanishads do not tell us there is something we need to do in order to be happy. The result of any action, being time-bound, will not provide lasting happiness. Once the Atman is recognized as it is—limitless, full, and complete, ever-present, never-sorrowful, and never-changing—we don’t need to look for happiness elsewhere.

The Upanishad is the revealer of truth. Moksha is that which is revealed. The meaning of the revealer and the revealed is the same. When that which is most near and dear (upa) is very well ascertained (ni), all sorrows disintegrate—along with their cause—in the knowledge that I am Brahman alone (sad). This is moksha—the discovery that your true nature is happiness.

~ ~ ~

The Vedanta Column is published in partnership with Advaita Academy, a nonprofit organization which aims to preserve and promote the awareness of traditional Advaita teachings through a comprehensive website and in collaboration with similar associations.

Dhanya Moffitt has been a student of traditional Advaita Vedanta for the past eight years.

(Source: http://www.himalayaninstitute.org/YI/article.aspx?id=4022)