His Messy Child

Im Broken and my life forever changed

2015-05-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm broken and my life forever changed

There are moments in your life that will change you. There are also moments that will changed you forever. These moments are like storms. They beat you up, throw you around, and inflict tremendous pain. But when the storm is over, you will walk out a completely different person. The old you, will be gone. You will be stronger, smarter, and tougher. You will be ready for the path God has chosen for you.

The reason I have not written in a while, is that I'm in the middle of my own storm. My husband and I were in a bad car accident. I broke my hip, had a brain bleed, and lost the love of my life. I could not walk for three months, and I wanted my husband back.

One minute I was a wife and the very next minute I was a widow. I have never experience something this hard even with the death of my parents. I have a broken life and my future is gone. I am terrified, lonly, and heartbroken.

My husband's journey is over and God took him home. I am left to finish my journey alone. Even though I am so broken right now, I trust in God. He has the bigger plan. See my journey here.

I know that he has a new future for me. It still makes me sad that I won't be sharing that future with my husband, but apparently I'm not supposed to.

I never questioned God's decision to take my husband. I grieve for him and I wish he was still with me, but God took him for a reason. I don't need to know why, because I trust God completely. That is how I'm getting through.

Tim loved life. He was put into mine and my children's life for a reason. He changed us. He fulfilled his purpose in life and he was given his reward. He went home.

My blog to my husband is

www.howisheaven.wordpress.com

The Importance of Staying Healthy For God

2014-11-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

The Importance Of Staying Healthy For God

The bible tells us that our bodies are God temples. But I don't think a lot of people even Christians understand what it really means and why it is so important to God. Most people believe that it means to stay away from drugs and alcohol or at least that is what I first thought. It means much more then that. It means that our bodies need to be in good physical and mental shape so we will be strong and healthy to do the work he has planned for us to do.

This gives us a new look on diet and exercise. We have always known that we need to be healthy for ourselves, but now its not just about making yourself feel better. It is about obeying God and keeping his temple in the best shape possible.

When you look at diet and exercise as a direct order from God, maybe it will give your willpower a little boost.

Every bottle of water I drink, I am tell myself that it is for God.

Keep his temple healthy

Understanding Faith

2014-11-07T23:43:00.000-08:00

Understanding Faith

As Christians, we use the word Faith often. Have you really thought about what a powerful gift it is and what it means? Faith is a gift from God, that we receive when we give our lives to him. It is the most amazing, powerful and loving gift that we will ever receive. With Faith, our lives change.

Faith gives us strength, knowledge, and peace. It also take away worry, doubt, and fear. With Faith, we don't have to worry about our lives. We don't have to worry about struggles or the future. We no longer need to fear. Can you think of a better gift then that?

Faith does not mean we will have a perfect life. We will still have struggles. My biggest struggle shook me too the core. Read my story. Faith is knowing that struggles are a part of life but if they are brought to us, we are made to overcome them. God will not bring us to it, if we can't get through it. With Faith, we are able to follow the path God has chosen for us. The path that leads to a happiness and joy that only God can give us. Without faith, we could not find this path.

This is what Faith really is: Completely letting go of your life and your control over it. Giving it to God to use it however he needs to. Your life is his, not yours. He has a bigger plan.

If you haven't given your life to God and received this gift, it might sound a little scary. Let me tell you, when you do give him your life and you receive the gift of faith, you will feel no fear. You will feel a sense of peace and comfort that you have never felt before.

I know when I start to stress over something, that I am trying to drive my own life. I just give it back to God and the stress is gone because I have faith that God knows the road.

I Do Not Judge...Until Today

2014-10-31T12:10:00.000-07:00

I Do Not Judge...Until Today

I was going to write a post about feeling judged by a "perfect Christian" I felt this person was making me feel inferior because I am such a messy Christian. He was quoting scriptures and stories that I haven't learned yet and I felt inferior. I was embarrassed that I didn't know the bible as well as he did. I felt judged. I felt like he was showing me that he was a better Christian. I wanted to tell him what God had done in my life but I didn't get to.

As I was writing about how I am not ashamed of the struggles and mistakes of my past because they taught me some very important lessons that I wouldn't trade for anything, I was also feeling that this person was wrong in hiding his past and trying to show everyone that he was a better Christian.

As I wrote with pride about my relationship with God, and how I was honest, I was slapped up aside the head with a reality check from God...I was not the judged, I was the one doing the judging. Wow. I felt like poo.

After the reality check. My post has changed.

How we love God is all that matters. How others perceive us, does not matter. The kind of Christian we are, is personal. Just because he was not open about his past and his sins, did not make him any less of a Christian. I am not a better Christian because I choose to be open about my life. We are different people. We both love God.

This was an eye opener for me. I have always felt strongly about judging others. That is Gods job, not ours. I am so disappointed that I was guilty of it and did not even recognize it until God showed me.

I never know when God is going to give me a life lesson. I can honestly say, they always take me by surprise. I also hope that he never stops giving me these "surprises" I am in awe of Him and I always will be.

We are not fighting for him

2014-10-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

We Are Not Fighting For Him

We, the people, let them take prayer out of school, the commandments out of government buildings. We are standing by while "government" removes God from our country. We were built as "One nation under God ". Why are we allowing this to happen? We have fought for so many things. Why are we not fighting for God?

Look around at what this country has become. We are no longer the super power. We were super power because we were "One nation under God". The USA was # 1 and the reason, was God. He was first, and our country second. Where is he now? The more we push God out, the weaker we become. When I hear people complain about the violence becoming so rampant, I'm speechless. What should we expect? This is not a country to be proud of anymore. But what are we doing about it? We complain about the state of our country. We know its not right. But we are not stopping it. Somewhere we forgot that this is our, the people's, country, given to us by God.

So what are we, as Christians, doing? We stand here like zombies and let a group of Idiots remove God! I guess the "powers on the hill" haven't read the bible. God created our world and he will end it as well. I just hope someone on the "hill" knows how to build an Ark. They way we are going, we might just need one.

Congress is not God. They might think they are, but they are don't even know him. We need to stop this now. If we don't, God will. I sure wouldn't blame him. We let them take him away. We didn't fight for him. We didn't even try.

One day, we will look up and asked God to help us because we will be broken. When his help doesn't come, should we be surprised?

When He ask us some day; "Why did you let me go? Why did you not fight for me?" What are we going to say? We could blame it on the government. Do you think that will be acceptable to him?

The government is playing God. We are accepting it. We are allowing it. We are getting what we deserve.

We didn't fight for Him.

Strong Faith, Weak Brain

2014-10-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

Strong Faith, Weak Brain

Every battle we have with ourselves and our faith, happens within the brain. The brain is Satan's playground. This is where he can get to us. Fear is Satan's favorite tool. When we fear, we are believing him more than God. God works through faith, not fear.

We know with God in our lives there is no reason for fear. But we are human and Satan is sneaky, so we have all felt fear sneak in even when we have faith in our God. When that happens, remind yourself where that fear is coming from. Know that whatever feelings Satan is tricking you with, you don't have to live by them. Take control. Give it to God and trust he will bring you through.

I have a hard time with will power. I need to make so many healthy choices in my life and it is so hard for me. I can tell myself that I am going to start eating healthier, drinking more water, and exercising but as I am writing this entry, I still have not done any of it. I pray for will power and I believe he will give it too me, but there is Satan in the playground using my weak will. I gave in.

Even though I failed myself, I didn't fail God. It was a lesson. Satan lost some power. I gained some strength. I know that I can control whatever thoughts Satan tries to weaken me with. I have control and I have God. Satan will not win next time because God showed me I need to take control of my mind. God will give me the power, but I have to take the step to change myself. God needs me to learn how to be strong. Will power is just another lesson along the path he has set me on.

If depression, fear, loss of control, addiction, or some other heavy burden is keeping you from the life God wants for you, just remember to say "I will not" Don't be afraid of the struggles along your path. They won't be easy. They are not supposed to be. God wants us to be strong and fearless. Have faith, you can do anything through Christ.

I will not be afraid.

Just a couple more things,

Never regret your mistakes, that is where you will learn your most valuable lessons. God doesn't expect us to be perfect.
God will always answer your prayers. It may not be the answer you wanted, but it will be the answer that is needed. Have Faith

The Way To True Happiness

2014-10-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

The Way To True Happiness

Do you feel like something is missing in your life? You may have wealth, family, and friends, but there is an emptiness that keeps you from being completely happy.

We were all born with a hole inside of us. Until this hole is filled, you can't ever be truly happy. There is only one thing that can fill this hole. God. This hole was designed to only be filled by God.

People try to fill the emptiness with money or possessions. This will not work forever.

"What sorrow awaits you who are rich, for you have your only happiness now" Luke 6:24

When you give your life to God, and you faithfully follow his word, You will discover the path that God has planned for you. This is where you will be truly happy.

"Make me walk along the path of your command, for that is where my happiness is found."

Life without God is hard, believe me! When you faithfully give your life to God and start living to make him happy, you will no longer be afraid, and you will find happiness.

Your hole will be filled.

Reading The Bible For The First Time

2014-10-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

Reading The Bible For The First Time

God told me that I had to read his Word to know him. I had not ever really read the bible and understood what it said. It was a command from God, and I would obey. I spent hours on the Internet trying to find how and where to start. Of course everyone has their own idea. So I just started. I am planning on reading the Gospels first and then we will see from there. It doesn't matter where are how you start, just start.

Afraid that I would not understand, I prayed to God about my worry. He showed me to pray for understanding before I opened my bible. That is what I did. I opened the bible and started reading the Gospel of Mark. It was incredible. I more than understood, I was learning about my Father.

The more I read, the more I understood. I have the instruction book with the plan and rules for our lives.

I thank God for showing me that I needed to read His Word. It is awe inspiring.

If you haven't read the Bible, pray for understanding, believe he will give it to you, and start reading. He wants us to know him.

I dont know how often I will post for a while, I need to give my attention to God and learn all he wants to show me. However, he is the one that moves my heart and my hands, so I don't really know when or what I will post along this journey. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you won't miss a post. I have a feeling this will be and incredible journey that you don't want to miss.

I Gave God My Life

2014-10-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

I Gave God My Life

The first time I heard God speak to me, I was in awe of Him. I knew that I never wanted Him to leave me. He has held me through my worst times. He has wiped many tears. He has patiently watch me try to handle my own life, which is usually a disaster.

I realized that I cannot drive my own life. I made the decision to give my life completely over to God. I want him to use me as he needs.

It doesn't mean that I won't face struggles. This does not promise me a smooth path to heaven. It means that I trust God. I no longer have fear in my life. He knows where I need to be and how to get me there. It is not about me. It is all for the Glory of our Father.

The struggles I am to endure, are there to mold me into the person He needs me to become.

I do not fear whatever is on the path that God has chosen for me because it is only this path that brings true happiness.

Getting To Know God Through His Word

2014-10-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

Getting To Know God Through His Word

I have a very special relationship with God. I gave my life to him. I try hard to listen when he talks to me. I try to follow what he wants. I'm not perfect and sometimes He has to repeat himself, but he has been patient.

I have had a hard time with feeling lost lately. I know God has a special plan for my life, but being patient is something I struggle with. I asked Him to show me where he wants me to go.

He has been telling me that I need to know him. This confused me because I thought I did know Him. I didn't understand what he meant. I didn't see that he was answering my prayer about feeling lost. He was giving me direction.

I did not know His word. To really know Him and His plans for me, I had to know his word.

"Grace and Peace will be multiplied by knowledge revealed by revelation." I finally understand that His word contains the information that will lead to a revelation.

To know Him and His plan for me, I must know His word. So, I am going to devote my time in studying His word. I will be blogging this exciting journey of discovery. If you haven't studied His word, I invite you to join me. If you have questions or comments, please share.

God's Grace

2014-10-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

God's Grace

By the grace of god I am what I am.

I am on a journey to find my grace. I need to find who I am and how I use my grace to serve God. God has told me how to find it. "Be still and listen, and study my word."

If you have read this blog you see the irony. I have issues with staying still and reading the bible.

Watching the way God is molding me, is so amazing. He is taking my weaknesses and fears and turning them into strengths. I don't know his plan for me yet, but I love this journey to discovery.

When I started the journey to find my grace, I couldn't have imagined how amazed I would be at what God does, and how He works.

So, I am going to study the bible. I am really excited about this because I know he will give me understanding, that will lead to my grace. It is just another step in seeing his plan unfold.

A Request From God

2014-09-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

A Request From God

I have become comfortable in my communication with God. I ask questions, he answers. If I am venturing off course, he shows me the way back. This is how it has gone since I gave him my life.

Yesterday, however, he took me by surprise. He changed our routine. He ask me to relay a message to someone else.

"Wait God,this is not how we do this. We communicate with each other. We don't bring other people in." is what I said to Him. "We do now." is what he replied.

This request is a little out of my comfort zone. I have to say, I was nervous. I started to doubt. Am I really worthy to handle this? How will the other person react when I tell them I have a message from God. I started picturing hospitals and straight jackets in my future. Except for my husband and those of you who read this blog, I have not shared with anyone that God talks to me. That's about to change. God wants me out of my comfort zone, so hear I go.

I feel like this is just the first step in a bigger plan that God has chosen for me. I can't wait to see what is next.

My Bible Phobia

2014-09-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

My Bible Phobia

I have posted before, that I bible issues. It is not that I don't like or believe in the bible. I do. It is God's word. The problems I have are in the interpretations. It is very hard for me to understand and I am a pretty intelligent person. Reading the bible for Answers to basic questions were a challenge. Using it for today`s issues, I don't know if or how to go there.

So my action plan for dealing with the bible issues have been basically, to put it aside and go to prayer for answers.
I talk to God, he answers me. I believe this is even better than reading the bible. We have great communication. I heard him very clear when he told me to get a bible and read. Apparently He does not like my action plan.

So...I ordered a NLT, pink Bible!

I am excited to see what he shows me.

Disciples of God

2014-09-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

Disciples of God

We are all disciples of God. Some may be resistant disciples. Some may be struggling disciples. Some may not even realize what they are. There are a few, however, that are special. Pure disciples, is what I guess I would call them.

They are full of pure love for God. They radiate love from God. People are drawn to them. Just being with these disciples, you feel good. You can feel God's love. Have you ever met someone that you can just feel the pure goodness is them?

This is what I strive to be. This is what we all should strive to be. I want to be so full of God's love, that I radiate it to everyone around me.

This is what I believe God wants us all to be. The struggles that we face in life, are meant to shape us and teach us how to become a Pure disciple.

Blessed for being a Christian

2014-09-27T00:44:00.002-07:00

Blessed For Being A Christian

I had a Facebook friend post a status that started "I don't believe in God" He then went on to say his family was going through a lot of problems and he ask if those of us who did believe in God, would pray for his family. OK... This post has been on my mind for a few days, thus this post.

There are people that believe that Christians are blessed with a great life. I have to admit, when I started back to church it was because my life was a mess and I wanted the golden ticket that God gave Christians. I wanted the perfect, easy life that God blessed Christian's with. What I got, was harder struggles. But, it was through those struggles that I met God. I am a Christian and I struggle daily with life. Christians have the same, maybe harder, struggles as non Christians. The difference between them is Faith. I don't know what lies ahead of me, but I have Faith that whatever it is, it is meant to be. There is a reason for everything. I may not understand, but I know that I don't need to. God sees the big picture. He knows what we need for the big picture.

We have the same mess and the same struggles. I don't have a easier life. I have Faith.

A New Generation of Christians

2014-09-18T11:24:00.001-07:00

A New Generation of Christians

I was reading an article about how Christianity has changed over the years. This got me thinking. Christians between the ages 30 to 50, are different. The main difference, I think, is that we put more importance of having a relationship with God and less importance on religion. I use the term "Messy Christians" We know we are not perfect and at times our lives get messy. But, we also know that God doesn't expect or even want us to be perfect. He just wants to have a personal relationship with us. He uses our mess to do this.

Our generation focuses more on the New Testament. We see God as a loving Father, not as a God to be feared. We have problems in our lives. We sin. We are messy. We fail God many times. We don't believe that our sinning is okay, but we know we are human. God doesn't condone our sin, but he will forgive us for it when we ask.

We don't go to church out of fear, or because God says we have to. We go to church to feel closer to Him. We don't preach the bible as much as the older generation. I think our generation has issues with the bible, especially the Old Testament. We believe it is God's word, but It was written by men. It is also interpreted differently from person to person and religion to religion. It's all the different Interpretations that has cause our generation to have some issues with the Bible. It is hard to understand, thus the different interpretations. I know personally, that I don't want anyone quoting scripture after scripture to me. I just want want to have a discussion about God. Is the bible important? Of course. But sharing the things God has done in our lives, that is the Gospel which shows others his loving power. Giving your personal testimony is more powerful and real, then quoting scripture.

The bible tells the story of God and His son. It is very important to know the story. But people now need to be reminded that He is still here and He is waiting for you to ask him into your life and accepting Jesus as your savior. Letting people know that It doesn't matter about the mess in their life. God loves them anyway. That is what our generation Is about.
Showing the world our God.

Waiting for Direction

2014-09-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

Waiting For Direction

I know God has a specific plan for my life. He has a plan for all our lives. I know that he will reveal his plan when its time. I know I should wait patiently, but I am having a hard time. I feel a little lost right now.

I have prayed about it and He tells me I am not ready. I think deep down I knew that.

I have a bad habit about jumping the gun on things. I get an idea and jump in feet first. I sometimes "do" before I "think". This can get me into trouble. I have learned from these lessons that praying for God's desire, is the only way to make decisions in my life.

So I am going to live in the present and wait for God to show the way.

Judging

2014-09-14T09:25:00.001-07:00

Judging

I read a post from a Christian blogger that I had been following and I was very disappointed. The post was condemning homosexuality. It basically said they were going to hell. The comments from people cheered the writer on and bashed gays and lesbians for ruining the world.

God is very clear about what he wants from us, his children. Love others as he loves us. He doesn't put in conditions on who to love. He also is clear about not judging others. This will be his job.

Being a Christian, we have an a obligation to act like His child. We are told to spread his word and show his love. Judging others, in His name is shameful. Bashing others because they believe something that you do not, and telling them they are ruining the world is persecution.

We are not God

Where Are The Miracles

2014-09-12T11:35:00.002-07:00

Why Does God Not Perform Miracles Anymore?

I hear people ask this a lot, usually while trying to disprove God`s existence. They question why He hasn't shown us the amazing miracles he performed for his disciples, as told in the bible.

Yesterday was 9/11. The threat of another terrorist attack was pretty high this year considering what is happening with the ISIS. Thankfully there was no attack. Our lives are going along as normal.

Now think about this.

What if...

There was a plan to attack us. It was a perfect plan that we could not prevent. The attack would destroy our country and change all of our lives forever. But, before the terrorist could execute their plan, something happened. Something unexpected happened that stopped their perfect plan of attack and we were saved from an unimaginable devastation.

Life is going on as normal. Nothing happened to change it. Were we lucky or was it something else? I personally don't believe in luck.

Miracles happen everyday. Sometimes they are witnessed, but majority, we never even know about. Just because you haven't seen a miracle, doesn't mean your life hasn't been touched by one.

God may not ever part the sea for us. But, do we really need the sea parted?

Not My Monkey, Not My Circus

2014-09-11T12:14:00.000-07:00

Not My Monkey, Not My Circus

Everyone has an opinion and that is normal. The trouble is some people believe it is there duty to spread their opinion around. These people also believe that their opinion and beliefs are the only right one. Well it makes me upset and now you are going to hear my opinion.

I don't care. Its not my circus! It's not my place to judge same sex marriages. I am not in one! Its not my place to discriminate against other races or religions. I am not even an expert in judging my own life. It is God's job.

It floors me when someone claims to be a Christian yet tells someone they won't go to heaven because they live a different lifestyle. You don't know who God will choose to come to his kingdom! I do believe God wants us to be his disciples. He wants everyone to know him. He wants his word shared, not our opinions. God wants us to love everyone like He loves us. He does not discriminate.

I think that some people can be "too christian". That's when their opinions, not God's, become what is important to them. I have family members that have become "too Christian" and it makes me sad.

Your circus is between you and God. Don't worry, he hung around a colorful group. Know Him, love Him, and have faith in Him. He will take care of the rest. Let only God lead you. No one else is worthy. when you catch yourself giving out opinions against someone remember: Not my circus, not my monkey

Chats With God

2014-09-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

Chats With God

Well I mentioned before that God talks to me. Before you ask, I'm not crazy. Well I may be crazy but talking to God isn't the crazy part. It is actually the most sane part of my life sometimes.

I did not believe in God for many years. Then a few .years ago I went though some painful times and I started spiraling down. He reached out earlier, I heard him but I still didn't believe so I didn't listen. The further down I went I still heard him. I hit the bottom and then l listened. I met God on my way back from hell. He choose me for some reason. So I am his. I will go where he leads.

I am still flawed. I sin. I am just a mom and a wife. My house is a wreck and I'm a procrastinator. But I can talk to God and he answers back. I know him and he is more amazing then I could have ever imagined.

Life is Bumpy

2014-09-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

Life Is Bumpy

"Why does God let bad things happen?"

I hear people ask this all the time, so I want to talk about it.

First, let me say that I have faith in God and his plans so I don't question him. For those that are asking, Here is what I can tell you. First, God gave us life and free will. It is the actions of people that cause most of the "bad things". Second, Our plan is not God's plan. Sometimes it is hard to understand why we loose loved ones, but God sees the bigger picture. As for the struggles that we endure along the way, they are just life, but God uses those struggle to prepare us for the path that is planned for us.

Life is bumpy, but that is what makes life amazing too. Sometimes it takes a little bad bumps to see the really good this that we might otherwise miss.

It God brings you to it, he will get you through it. There will always be pain and loss. That is life. Just remember you can't see what God can.

God's Messy Child

2014-09-11T11:20:00.002-07:00

God's Messy Child

What is a Christian? Do Christians go to church every Sunday, memorize the Bible, and try to be perfect for God? I'm sure some do. I don't make it to Church as much as I would like, I struggle with the bible in many ways, and I am not even close to perfect. I am a Christian. I'm am just messy.

I have a special relationship with God. I gave my life to him. I trust him completely, and I love him beyond words. I am, however, messy. I'm sure he shakes his head at me quite often. Sometimes, I probably make him laugh at my stupidity at times. I make him cry too. This breaks my heart.

Through it all he loves me. My mess keeps us close. It is how we met.

I'm not sure if God talks to everyone or just to some. I just know he talks to me. It is hard sometimes, being the problem child, I am not always still. I don't listen for him like I should. I'm learning and he is patient. I will get better.

This blog is about life, God, and my journey with both. Some will be my words and some will be God's. I can't promise what you might find, but promise it will be real, raw, and not boring.

We should have no fear

2014-09-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

We Should Have No Fear

I was having a procedure done that I was really stressing about because it was supposed to make you kinda sick. So, I prayed that God would help me get through it without being sick. It then got me thinking. Why do I fear anything if I trust in God? He loves me. If he guides my life, what is there to fear? He will not give me more then I can handle. I did not worry about the procedure again.

When I got to my procedure, I found out that they changed the way it was performed and it no longer made anyone sick. See, he takes care of us.

I feel comforted knowing my father walks with me. He answers my prayers. He will never give me more than I can handle.

I have nothing to fear in life.

God's Daughter: Embrace the moment

2014-08-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

God's Daughter: Embrace the moment

I just found this blog today. The author talks about the importance of living in the moment. For me, that is the only way my life works. I learned that lesson the hard way. If you spend time worrying and stressing over things, eventually your life will start to spiral out of control. I know from experience. I finally learned that in order to hear God's plan, I had to live in the moment and let him show me the way. Life is so much easier this way.