Today I was asked why one woman is not enough for most men.  I quickly though of about 7 reasons, and I quickly decided that it was a topic that deserved more attention.  Its not that I have some earth shattering ideas about this subject, but when I say how I feel many people react as if they have never heard such a point of view before…so here it is.  Much of what I say applies to infidelity in general, not just to men who cheat.

Of course many people quickly write cheaters off as people with little self control, or people who are greedy, or careless, etc.  It is very easy to lump all cheaters into one big pile of people who can’t keep their body parts under control.  But its more than that, if you are a close minded person who refuses to entertain other possibilities you should stop reading now.  If  you haven’t noticed this is “Part 1″ there will be more to come about this topic this week.

The key to this topic is this, love and sex have nothing to do with each other.  Many women feel that their man won’ t have sex with other women if he loves her.  Most men who are honest will tell you that’s not how we see it. We have sex with women long before we love them.  We have sex with women that we met a few hours ago.  Many men who make major sacrifices for, and who would die for their wives still have sex with other women.  Some men who treat their lady like a queen and do all the things normally associated with taking care of one’s family, still have sex with other women.  It is true that some men may not really be in love, or they may just be playing the role, but a lot of men who are really in love with their lady still find themselves in people they should not be in.  If you are the type of woman who has only been intimate with men you were seriously dating perhaps this is somewhat difficult to understand, but I think this is the basis of how a man who does care for his mate can still have sex with other women.   Everything I discuss from this point will build on this idea, or the possibility that he is not in love with you at all and he just wants to keep you around for whatever reason.

The next fundamental issue is communication.  If you or your mate can’t communicate openly you are setting yourself up for failure.  If a couple are so in love that they are afraid that they will make their mate uncomfortable when discussing sex that is a problem.  If one partner prefers certain things that they are ashamed of, or that they think their mate is too conservative to participate in either you will suck it up and go without, or you will get it from somewhere else.  Often people suck it up for long periods of time until its thrown in their face, or until they can’t take the drought any longer.   If people were able to communicate what they like or dislike about their sex life with their mate some cheating could be avoided.  It could cause some hard decisions to be made, but that is a part of life.  Either you will come to some middle ground and stay together or you won’t, but either way its better to face the music and be with, or find a person who makes you happy in and out of the bedroom.

Part 2 will cover some more controversial thoughts I have on this topic so be sure to come back for more.

“What you know cannot really hurt you” That is a quote from a book I started reading this morning. The strange things is that I was trying to write this post last night but I tossed it in the recycle bin as I lost interest half way through writing it. I was surprised to open a new book to be greeted on page xx(page 20) of the prologue by almost the same words I wrote last night. I suppose that means I need to finish composing my thoughts on this subject.

The post I was attempting to write last night was about how the course of one’s life can and does change unexpectedly. I would bet that if you think about the series of events that brought you to your current position in life you would have only a handful of critical decisions or a handful of days that  didn’t unfold as planned, for better or worse. Most of the things we plan tend to fade into obscurity and those things can kind of blend together into one homogeneous memory soup. The events that really have an impact on your future are the events that you don’t see coming.  The way we handle the unforeseen events tests our true composition.  The way we react when we are backed into a corner or we have to take advantage of a situation without the luxury of pondering the outcome paints a clear picture of our character.   If you know something is going to happen you have the ability to plan for it, or consider the options you have available to minimize the potential damage. The split second decisions and the events that occur without granting you the ability to react can have a long lasting impact on your life.

Often I think people are not paying attention to opportunities cast before them which could have a drastic impact on their lives. I have seen people practically ignore opportunities that others would kill for. You have to be aware of the unpredictable nature of opportunities in order to have the clarity of mind to identify and seize such opportunities. Just the same, a disaster can often be seen coming from a mile away, but we still walk directly in its path. Just as opportunities can be missed, disasters can be invited if we are not conscious of our surroundings.

Everything we do today has some impact on our future, and possibly the future of those close to us. If you are truly living life, you should not know what’s going to happen next. You are not learning if you never encounter unexpected challenges. You are not growing if you accept the path of least resistance instead of attempting to execute the best resolution of the situation at hand.

I was browsing blogland, when I came across this absolutely useless blog post.

Step one of this blog post about how to clean a Duvet cover is below:

“1) Read the care label. If the duvet is dry clean only, take it to your dry cleaners! Washing a dry clean-only duvet can result in shrinkage, and it will no longer fit over your existing comforter.“

I know that we bloggers should update our blogs daily, but c’mon if you have nothing to type about just sit back and take a loss for the day.  This is the primary reason I don’t post every day and the other is that I am often too busy.  For all of you who are not familiar with how blogging works, the more frequently we post blogs the more readers search engines direct to our sites, so in theory if I post daily or several times daily I will have many more readers than I do now.  But I care about the content I post about.   I am slightly offended by the fact that my intelligence was challenged by this writer.  I was fully expecting to learn something by reading the post in the link above, but no… the writer instructed their readers to read the directions.  Hopefully this post will be the most pointless blog I ever write.   The sad part is that the writer of that post is likely on the payroll of the site and was paid some amount of money for that useless babble.  The other sad thing is that I just directed you to their post therefore their numbers will be that much higher, which will encourage them to write that much more nonsense.

Since I graduated from college I have noticed a lot of young people who have had a divorce.  In this case, by young I mean under the age of thirty years old.  I have even met a few ladies who were divorced before they reached age 23.  I do know that people get married for the wrong reasons, including in my opinion due to: pregnancy, loneliness, pressure from family/friends, or just because they were in a relationship with a person for many years and it seems like the next thing to do.  It is only reasonable that a person will want to exit stage right once they figure out that their decision to marry was made using poor reasoning.  I am not blaming anyone for making the decision to marry or to divorce.

My question to you people who may have been divorced before the age of thirty is how has it affected your life?  Has the fact that you were once married affected negatively or positively your present dating situation?

Have you found that people consider you to be “damaged goods” because of the perception that a divorcee may have relationship or emotional problems as a result?

For those of us who have never been married, what thoughts do you have when you meet a divorcee on the dating scene?  Many people tend to  blame the opposite sex for relationship problems when they hear that a couple broke up, so do we really give divorcees a fair shake when we meet them?  Really you will only hear the side of the person you are dating so you may never really know who or what caused the divorce so there is an element of uncertainty.  But the reality is that most adults have been in a long term relationship,  and if we are single now that means the relationship ended for some reason and it may have been some one’s fault.  Yet people stigmatize each other for being single as a result of a divorce much more than a person who is single after a 5 year relationship that did not include marriage.   Other than the paperwork, why is a marriage that lasted one or two years viewed so much more different than a relationship that may have lasted 5 years or more that never had an official ceremony?

I do not think that I treat the divorced women I have dated any differently than I do the women I have dated who were never married.  I think the perceived or stereotypical faults of a person who has been a party in a divorce can exist in any person who has exited a long term relationship.  Long term relationships do change us and the end of such a relationship will cause change in us as well.

(image from http://www.mississippifamilylawblog.com/Divorce.jpg)

Recently I have heard several discussions about this book “Marry Him : The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough.”

Typically I don’t read these types of books, I tend to stick to non-fiction and business related reading material.  Although I have not read the book (yet) the article here seems to summarize some of the finer points of the book.  This past week I was involved in a pretty heated debate about women “settling” for a man who is not all that they want a man to be.  I agree with the highlights the article which I linked to above mentions.  I do not think that women should consider themselves to be settling when they are aligning their expectations more with reality, than a dream world where there is a “perfect” man for them.

Life is all about learning and compromise.  I hope that women learn through experience as they age that what they wanted 2,5,10 years ago is probably not what they need at their current stage in life.  As such, they should modify their list of desires in a mate.   If you are single at age 40 and your list of desires is exactly the same as it was at age 20, you have not learned from your mistakes.  Perhaps your list should be longer, or shorter… either way the list of wants should not be the same.

The article’s point #1 is of particular interest to me, as I have seen this over and over again.  The danger here is that usually when a person complains about their relationship to their friends the friends only get the version of the story heavily skewed from their friends point of view and then they continue to demonize the poor dude when in fact the situation is not always as the friend described it to be.  A lot of people have an inflated sense of entitlement these days.  People who can barely afford to buy a cheeseburger on their own feel as if they deserve Filet Mignon, and they expect the next man to give them Filet Mignon. The following line sums it up nicely “you think you’re a pretty good catch…what you think of as quirky, endearing, and cute, is really annoying to someone else.”

Personally I think that the majority of men operate in a world of “good enough.”  We have accepted long ago that we will not marry our “perfect” woman, but we “settle” for that woman who makes us happy and who we can think the world of (or the woman we happen to have gotten pregnant.)  Afterall, if someone is “Good Enough” why would you feel the need to look for more?  Is “Good Enough” not enough these days?  I think Devin the Dude said it best “Never give up your fo sho’… lookin for some mo’.”  I have been told in the past by an ex-girlfriend that I like “regular women.”  She was surprised by the fact that I tended to date women who were “regular” to her, not the women who were flashy, wanna be models or music video actresses [?] ( I can’t call them dancers since most of them just walk around in bikinis & heels…).  Men do like the wanna be models and wanna be video girls for their looks… but when it comes time to marry someone we don’t go for looks as much as we do the qualities that the woman possesses.   Learning to cook will get you farther in the long run with most men than learning to apply makeup perfectly (not that I am saying women have to cook for men everyday…but you gotta know the difference in simmer and saute’).  In fact I think most men will tell you that they prefer women who don’t feel the need to wear makeup often.  Any whoo I will save the rest of that for another post.

I said all of the above to say that the things we do that we feel make us a great catch, may not matter at all to the type of person we think we want in our lives.  If you are influenced too much by magazines, books, talk shows, etc produced by women telling you what men want or like you will not get very far in the long run.  No man has all women figured out, and no woman has men figured out. Your best course of action  is to talk to the intelligent men in your life that you trust, observe the actions of others,  learn from your own mistakes, learn from the mistakes of others, and maintain a honest/realistic view of who you are & what you bring to the table.  Seek council with men similar to the type of man you think you desire, that is your best source of information.

If you have read the book, please comment on it.

If you have not yet done so, read the article (link provided below) and comment on how you feel about the topic of settling.

When you are dating someone, but you are not yet in a relationship how do you handle the fact that your date is or may be having sex with other people?  I don’t mean Mr. or Mrs. one night stand, but perhaps someone you have dated for several weeks or a few months.

If you have not yet had sex with this person does that change your thoughts?

How much detail is too much? Do you expect them to tell you specifically that they are having intercourse with others? Do you want them to just let you know that they are dating other people and leave out the details?

What if your potential mate volunteers info?

Is joking about their other lover(s) OK? Would/Does it make you uncomfortable if your date is flippant toward the topic of having relations with other people?  By this I mean can you handle it if your date describes how bad the other person is, or they make jokes about the encounters they have with the others?

Or would you just rather not know that they are seeing other people at all???

Aside from being the title of a great song by the late, great Jimi Hendrix the question often arises when people decide to take their relationship into the bedroom for the first time.  I doubt that very many people ask that question these days, but I have found myself being offered the answer to that question, even though I didn’t really care to know at that very moment. Usually the information comes in the form of what a young lady has never done before, or what she had only tried once before…as if I, or any other guy cares.  All that matters to most men is what you are about to do.  And many men would actually prefer a woman with experience.  I know that is counter to what many women expect, but all men do not want to have to teach a woman everything in the bedroom department from square one.  And if you have not figured out what I am talking about I will fill you in… I am referring to activities which may (or may not) occur during a sexual encounter, especially one of the first encounters with a person you have been dating for a while.

Why do so many women think that a “Good Girl” image matters immediately before their first sexual encounter with a man they are interested in? It’s a little late to try to act innocent and pure when you are already naked with a dude you have known a few weeks/months.   At the point when everybody in the room knows “it” is about to happen we (men) could not care less about your so called good girl image.  The fact that a woman feels the need to say what she can’t,won’t or doesn’t know how to do probably means she is just tired of doing it so much and she wants a break, at least for one night…LoL.  Seriously, if you didn’t know already I have a secret to share… guys don’t believe you when you say you have never… or you don’t…

I am sure that every guy has met some young lady who claims to have never done some particular act, but for some strange reason the woman decided to try it for the first time right now… despite the fact that she was in a multi year relationship  previously, and she just met you last week.  And once the show begins… why is it that she is sooo good at what she is doing, if this is her first time?  If you have never done it like this before, why did it go in so easily?  These are just some questions you should have answers for before claiming to be new to the game… Either be real, or be quiet.

Men lie about how extremely experienced they are, while women lie to appear to less experienced than they really are.  Of course I am not accusing all men and women of telling lies, but in general the trend is for men to want to appear more grand sexually, and women try to appear less active than they have been.  I can understand the logic of wanting men to think you are less sexually active, but why are women often drawn to guys who appear to have had encounters with a high number of women?  Is a man with a high count of partners more attractive to women because that implies that he is better at pleasing women? I don’t understand why having a high number of partners is not a deterrent for more women.  Considering women think that men are less attracted to women with a high number of partners, it would only make sense that more women would be attracted to a man who does not appear to have hooked up to every Jane or Janet in town.

For all of you who are wondering…I am not talking about any recent personal experience, this rant was sparked by a conversation I overheard today… and I will leave it at that.

I came across the video below of Scott Dunbar singing what appears to be a “freestyle” song about a timber mill in Canada which was destroyed by a suspicious fire.

Can your accomplishments in life frighten off potential mates?  Or is it best that people who are weak enough to feel that you are “better” than they are weeded out early in the dating process?

I have read and heard that entrepreneurs, people with advanced degrees (e.g. Master’s or PhD.), people who have seen the world, or even those who are very popular locally, etc. have difficulty maintaining relationships.  Often I feel that high achievers, or those who THINK that they are high achievers may attribute failed relationships to the idea that the person they were dating was not comfortable with or able to handle their success.   I feel that often these high achievers are overlooking some character flaw or personality flaw and using their perceived success as a way to rationalize their failed relationships without being truly introspective.

In some rare cases though, success can be a factor in a failed relationship.  I have first hand experience in this department.  I had one person I dated for a fairly long time tell me that she did not feel as if she were good enough for me.  I was absolutely dumbfounded during that conversation.  I do not understand how any person walking the Earth can feel as if another person is “better” or that you are not worth another person’s time.   At this point in my life I know better than to keep these types of people in my company, as I see it as an extreme weakness.

In other cases, one half of the couple could be jealous or envious of the accomplishments or experiences of their mate.  Again, these are feelings I can’t understand.  If you like/love someone you should encourage them to be more accomplished, and at the same time you should be working to elevate yourself as well.  We can only blame ourselves for the level of achievement we reach, or fail to reach.  Each of us has the ability to make the changes and the sacrifices necessary to reach a higher plateau.  Jealousy and/or envy are not the golden ticket, and those feelings have no place in a relationship.

If you can’t tell, I think that anybody who feels as if they can’t hang with me, obviously can’t and the sooner you make that known the sooner you can stop wasting my time.

Please note that all of this has been written under the assumption that the person who is more accomplished in the relationship is level headed and does not attempt to make their mate feel like less of a person.

So who out there is willing to admit that they have felt intimidated or less than qualified to date a particular person?  What caused these feelings? Did you ever make your partner aware of your thoughts?

Air Mouse is the latest reason I have found to fall in love with my iPhone again.  This app allows you to use your iPhone as a mouse & presentation pointer for your desktop/laptop/Mac.  All you need is a wifi connection and a free down loadable application to install on your desktop/laptop.   Your PC/Mac can be connected via a wired or wireless connection as long as it is connected to the same network that your  iPhone is connected to via wifi.  I find this app particularly useful since I don’t like to sit at a desk while using my PC, so now I can sit back and use my PC across the room or from my comfy chair as long as I can see the monitor(a large monitor comes in handy).  The app even allows you to use your iPhone as a fully functional keyboard, really you have full control of your PC from your iPhone.  In fact i am typing this blog post on my iPhone while sitting back in a nice comfortable chair away from my desk.  I think this is a must have for entrepreneurs or people constantly on the go who want to minimize the number of devices in their equipment bag.  The app only costs $1.99 at the itunes store so give it a try.  See the vendor’s site by clicking here.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you know that last week the new “World’s Tallest Building” was opened in Dubai(the Burj Khalifa). I have read several articles about the fact that every time there has been an opening of a new World’s Tallest Building, the economy has been in a downturn. At the time when these buildings break ground there is a time of prosperity, which causes someone to splurge and break the old record. Without fail, the economy sours before construction is complete. The silver lining to this cloud is that after each economic downturn the world bounces back stronger and technology takes leaps ahead. We can only wait and see if 2011-2012 bring about a new round of prosperity, or if we will be in the throws of a massive recession/depression fueled by the crash of the Chinese economy(see the next paragraph for more on China’s possible problems).

I also came across the article below which describes James S. Chanos’s view that the global economy is about to take a massive turn further downward. This gentleman believes that the economy of China is about to take a plunge due to several factors and historical patterns. One very interesting suspicion James has is that China is cooking its books, releasing false growth and economic figures. I think this news could mean that the recession we saw (or still see, depending upon who you ask) would be tiny compared to what could happen if the economy of China tanks. I am not sure if a failing economy in China will help the US recovery efforts, because we all know that China is a huge creditor to the US. If the value of the dollar rises in relation to the Yuan, that could be a good thing but, a failing global economy could negate the positive effects many times over. Well people we are in for a ride, so hold on tight…Happy New Year!!!

Image from http://www.ctbuh.org This site has many interesting facts on the world’s tallest buildings

Sooooo, about 15 years ago I stopped eating pork, and maybe 5 years ago I stopped eating beef.  As a result I avoid products which contain gelatin, as most gelatin is rendered from the remains of cattle or swine.  To make a long story short, I have had to give up gummy bears and gummy worms. Well I was in Toys R Us yesterday and I found organic, vegetarian gummy bears and worms… even the sour kind.  If you are interested they are “Surf Sweets” by Santa Cruz Nutritionals for only $.98 for a 2.75 oz. package. And best of all they taste great, they even taste better than I remember…. Now if only then made a vegetarian Jell-O substitute…

FYI: Surf Sweets products are all gluten-free and casein-free

http://www.surfsweets.com/ OR  www.SantaCruzNutritionals.com It has been brought to my attention that Surf Sweets is no longer a part of Santa Cruz Nutritionals, although both companies appear to sell similar organic candies.

Fake it ’til you make it.  That is a phrase which I live by when it comes to business deals or pulling off things that others say you are not qualified to make happen.  In the business world faking it until you make it is almost a requirement to succeed, but in the dating world it is a recipe for disaster.

Have you met someone who was putting up a facade in an attempt to either impress you, or to hide their blemishes?  I can only assume that men participate in faking it more than women when it comes to what we have or our status in the world.   I think women fake it in different ways, ladies seem to try to hide things that make them looks bad, as opposed to men who try to project a larger than life image.  But what’s the limit supposed to be?  Sure we all like to put our best foot forward, but at what point are you crossing the line into a fantasy land that is simply not real?

Is it when you inflate your job title?  Is it faking when you put 26 inch wheels on your $25,000 car that has not had a full tank of gas since 2007?  Is it when you put on your best clothes (that don’t really represent how you can really afford to dress) for that first date? Is it when you brag about the car you are “about” to buy?  Is it when you (guys)dye your grey beard hairs? Is it when you put on the booty pop panties and push up bra?  Or is it when you left the salon with 2 feet of somebody else’s hair attached to your head?  Is it when you wear a fake Louis Vuitton purse on your arm? Is it when you are looking like a million bucks in the club,  only because ladies get in free before 11 and you know you don’t have a dollar to your name? What exactly is faking it? I mean who is really them self 100% of the time?

All of these things are faking it to some degree, but I am sure that we all find some of these actions more acceptable than others.   Why is that?  Is it that we feel that the levels of faking that each of us are willing to participate in are acceptable?

When people present a facade or their dating representative as people say these days, do they assume that the relationship will never grow to the point where the truth will be exposed? Or do they think that they will be able to keep the false image in tact for the remainder of their lives together?  If a relationship starts off with one or more parties faking it, can the relationship ever make it? I apologize for a post full of questions, but I really have no answers on this topic, because I don’t understand the allure of being fake when dating someone you are interested in.   If I can’t afford it, I will never purchase an imitation.  I usually prefer to downplay my job title to avoid those who might have a certain perception based on my position.  I am not flashy, nor do I desire to be.  I am 29 years old, and my hair line is not where it used to be when I was 18.  If you don’t like me as I am, then we won’t get along anyway.

What is the worst case of faking it you have been subjected to?  What did you do?

Let’s see how real you all can be.  What level of faking it do you find acceptable when dating?  What level of faking it do you admit to in the dating game?

image from http://www.tendancehightech.com/

Did your parents, grand parents, or other family elders give you the tools necessary to establish and maintain successful relationships? Did anyone teach you your role in a relationship, or what to expect/require in a mate?

I ask these questions because it seems as if a lot of people my age are learning by trial and error.  We are getting married later in life, involving ourselves with the wrong mates, and not providing the characteristics which lead to strong relationships.  I also believe that parents often tell us what to be, or what not to be and they fail to provide guidance in reaching those goals. At the same time we have failed to seek guidance or to find some source of knowledge that could help make us better potential mates.

What were you taught? What have you had to learn the hard way?

Do you think you would have had more success or made fewer mistakes if you had recieved more/better guidance?

The great thing about life is that it’s not too late to turn your ship around. We can change for the better. We can become better people, and there is no better time to start your journey.

Last night the straw finally broke this Camel’s back when I read the article below about Helena Andrews.  I am glad to see a young lady write a book which had its rights quickly purchased to make a screenplay.  I wish her the best… but I can’t take this anymore.  I am absolutely tired of young African American women claiming that there are no good, single educated young men available for them to settle down with.  At some point you have to take a look at yourself and figure out what you are doing wrong…I know, I know… its not your fault… its everybody else in the world. Oh, and I know… I know… I am trying to flip it around and make it the woman’s fault that she can’t find a man Everybody knows that it could not possibly anything that we are doing wrong to cause our miserable state of existence, right?

I am a 29 year old, heterosexual,(single )African American man.  I can tell you that its not easy to find an educated, well rounded, kind-hearted, African American woman who takes care of her body(yes I went there, I am not one who buys into this whole idea of “thick” women being ideal, you have to be able to keep up with me or you will get left behind).  To be honest many of these women who think they have their act together are walking train wrecks and we (educated, successful young men) don’t want to deal with their baggage.  Now you don’t hear 1000 bloggers or talk shows related to this topic because we don’t sit around and whine about it.  If you don’t like your situation make some changes to your program and keep tweaking it until you find the right formula.  Before you make “that” comment let me say two things;  Thing I want to say number one,  I know I am not perfect… Thing I want to say number two, I am not complaining about being single… as far as I am concerned that’s just the way it is until such time that my status changes.

I have a ton of respectable, college educated/post graduate degree having male friends who are on a path to success, and guess what many of them are  single.  Another little secret…most of them are ready and wanting to settle down with THE RIGHT WOMAN, get married and start a family.  I emphasize the these words because it has been said that a man will not hesitate to commit to THE RIGHT WOMAN.  Every good woman is not The Right Woman for every good man. There is a bit of trial and error in the dating process.  I have found that women tend to take being rejected by a man who they are attracted to much more personally than men, perhaps this is a source of much of this frustration.  Men, for the most part get the bad news and go the the bar to have some drinks and we keep it moving. From my experience a lot of women just can’t fathom the idea that a man she wants does not want her.

Sometime in the not so distant past many of these women bought into the idea that intelligent men are intimidated by a successful woman, that’s bologna.  I want nothing more than to date a woman who is on a path to success.  I spend time and money to surround myself with successful people, because I know that you become who you associate yourself with.  The problem in a relationship comes when a “successful” woman thinks a man is intimidated by her,  that’s when things get misinterpreted. When the only tool you have is a hammer everything is a nail, meaning that every relationship problem gets blamed on the assumption that the man is intimidated by the woman’s success.  Then we get into this whole fallacy of a woman letting her man be a man.  That idea is laughable.  A male is either a man, or not… there is nothing a woman can do to negate a real man’s manhood.   If you find yourself “letting a man be a man” you either never had a man to begin with, or you are misinterpreting the situation.

I have been a resident of the DC metro area for 16 months now, and I must say that the idea of success is a big deal on the dating scene around here.  Some ladies who I am sure felt that they were the catch of the day simply did not measure up in my book.  A young lady’s looks, money, career, or accomplishments are not what keeps a man interested.  You have to have substance when all those things are removed.  If I go out with one more woman who can’t stop talking about her job I might scream.  I think some of these ladies have let their accomplishments encroach into their definition of themselves.  I understand that working hard and struggling to achieve certain things has an affect on a person, but when it comes to dating you have to shed all of that and get to know each other.

In the article Helena is quoted as  saying that many black women wear a mask of bitchiness, especially in the workplace… Why is this supposedly false persona of being a bitch necessary? (How am I, as a man supposed to know if you are really a “bitch” or just playing the role at certain times?) How does being a “bitch help to make your life any easier?  Do you think a man wants that in a woman?  Even if you are not a “bitch” toward me, if I see you acting in that manner I would likely not consider getting to know you on a personal level.  Helena was quoted as saying that black men can’t deal with certain types of “strong”, “opinionated”, “can-do” black women.  In many of these cases a man will chose not to deal with some of the characteristics of these so called “strong” women.  No smart man wants to associate himself with a woman who appears to be a headache in heels.  Again this falls into the category of evaluating what you are doing wrong, and making changes.

Another thing that disturbed me about this article is the portion where she describes a need for a “winter boo”, which is a man good enough to date in the winter but the woman drops like a hot potato in the spring, so that she can be free to mingle.  I am a believer in Karma, if you use men for your pleasure and comfort you should not expect to have an easy time finding true love.  (The same thing goes for men who lie to & use women for sex) How can a person who laments about being single, use men who are showing a true interest in them?  If you are not interested in being serious with a person you have a responsibility to make that fact clear to them, otherwise you deserve all the heartache and loneliness that the world serves you.

If you keep a person around simply because you don’t want to be alone, or because you want to have someone to cuddle up with when it cold outside, you are selling yourself short.  I firmly believe that if you are wasting someone’s time in such a manner you are missing opportunities to meet a person you really are compatible with. How you ask???  If you were to ask I would say that all those nights you spend cuddled up with a dude you really are not feeling a connection with you might have gone out or been involved in some activity, or maybe you would have been invited somewhere that you could have bumped into the person you really could have connected with.  But since you chose to waste someone’s time you may have missed that chance and you will continue to be lonely.

In my opinion its better to be alone & open to any opportunity which might arise, than it is to deal with someone you know that you are not satisfied with.  Don’t play with people’s emotions if for no other reason than, you are doing unto others as you would never want done to you.

One statement she made that I agree with is that ‘people need to figure out what they want to do… ‘that goes for men and women as far as I am concerned.