The Easy Button

An Island...

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 19:29:00 +0000

What do you do when apparently no one can understand what you're writing - despite specifically stating some things? What do you do when apparently you're not understanding other people's writings when, the conversation has originated from a point that you thought you understood and yet, in response to those responses, you are told that it is not at all?

Honestly, I don't know. I'm feeling increasingly alienated in my one safe haven on the web.... I can't see statements like "I can't see how people can get worked up over a game. It's the developer's game and they can do what they like with it." as anything other than a comment on people who are complaining or dissecting the game. You're directly questioning the logic behind questioning the developer's vision... I can't interpret that any other way and yet, apparently, it means that the developer's vision "is what it is". I don't even know what that means.

Now I'm at a loss. Do I continue to head on into the storm or give up and take shelter elsewhere... or do I try and weather the storm of non-understanding (because it's not a matter of simple misunderstanding, this goes right down to the very underpinnings of how the English language works) and try to keep conversing?

All's I know is it's getting harder to do the second and I'm making more adversaries and fewer friends in the process....

The shit I've done...

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 14:54:00 +0000

"... Any other soldier would've been tried, court-marshalled and discharged."

I stand there, shocked. The words ring hollowly throughout the room as I do not rise to my own defence.

Unfortunately, my only crime is purchasing Mass Effect 3.

In many ways the big furore over Mass Effect 3 is about the ending and the lack of choice and thematic inconsistency with the previous Mass Effect games, however, I feel that the writing was on the wall as soon as the opening credit rolled on the last instalment of the trilogy.

Confused. My mind races back over everything that's happened in ME1 and ME2. In ME1 I was a hero: I saved the citadel and the council. In ME2, acting with the authority granted to a SPECTRE, I destroyed a threat to the human race and their deep space colonies.

"Wait... what shit have I done?", I ask myself.

This shit carries on. I watch as Commander Shepard delivers a soliloquy to both Admiral Anderson and the Defence Council; I'm powerless and, it's not me. Not my choice.

It quickly becomes clear that Bioware has their own idea of who Commander Shepard is and how the world reacts to them that does not factor in any of the roleplaying that they themselves had granted players in the previous two games. In fact, I just happened to be keeping a log of my thoughts and feelings throughout ME3 and here's what I wrote in the spur of the moment:

"This is not my Shepard.This is not my story!"

The thoughts flash through my mind every few minutes or so. The beginning of Mass Effect 3 is having an adverse effect on how I feel about the ME Universe, my character and Bioware. Things have happened. Things I had no part in and no control over.

First off, I'm locked up. There's no explanation or exposition outlining what I've done or why I'm there. They talk about the Alpha Relay Incident and how the Normandy is impounded. Anyone going to clue me in? No?

Secondly, I walk into the council and deliver a long diatribe against the defence council and there's no options. I'm not given any chance to role play. The things my Femshep is saying aren't those I'd normally choose for her... Hell, even my evil Femshep wouldn't waste her time with this crap.

With ME2 and now ME3, Bioware have broken three golden rules. The first one is obvious: NEVER put main plot in DLC. The next one is fairly obvious: ALWAYS provide exposition to give context in the story if you don't show the player the events in question. It's basic story-telling procedure. Imagine if, in ME2, they didn't show you being revived after being killed.... and all of a sudden you're working for (sorry, with - though that's now not what you say in ME3) Cerberus. You would be wondering what the hell is going on. Lastly, and least obvious is taking away player choice in critical situations. Bioware has built their reputation on their reputation systems in their games. To play through two games which feature multiple instances where I am tasked with presenting an argument through my own choices in dialogue and then having that removed in ME3's opening sequence is just downright bizzare (or lazy).

It actually happens quite a lot in the game (at least as far as I've played) Bioware take your ability to roleplay away from you, give you limited, meaningless dialogue choices and, in the process, destroy the very role you've built up and that they had built into the franchise thus far. It's annoying to make a paragon choice turn one moment for you to then continue on the conversation in a different tone of voice.... one that is homogenised for any player and character.

I have to admit, the middle of the game is great. Superb even. It made me forget about the transgressions of the beginning and so I was lulled into a false sense of security coming up to the end of the game. Elsewhere I've argued that the ending and end themes were not well foreshadowed by events in the game. Looking back now, I see that the lack of control and complete disconnect between the character I built and the story I played were all the foreshadowing I needed.

I hated that "Arrival", the DLC that had you destroy a Mass Relay and kill countless millions of Batarians was part of the main plot. In fact, in the beginning you were meant to be on trial for those events - something I thought they'd skipped given its present incarnation. Even during playing ME3 I thought that somehow they had rigged it to take into account whether you had played it or not when I found a codex entry about some marines that had destroyed the Relay... But, thinking about it, if that's the case then the beginning makes no sense.

Why am I locked up and hated? Even my old friend, Anderson, hates me. The things I've done? I've been nothing but a straight-laced hero and yet here I am. What did I do, Bioware? Why did I deserve this? As a SPECTRE I had extrajudicial powers to achieve my goals in any way that was effectively possible. It seems I managed to do this whilst using Cerberus in ME2 (I always denied that I was working with/for them in the possible dialogue options in ME2) AND steal their super-expensive remake and remodel of the hyper-expensive Normandy. In ME2, I'm still a SPECTRE and, in fact, even in ME3 I still have SPECTRE status so what gives? Did the Earth council hate how I showed them up by protecting the colonies they failed to do anything about? I don't know... Logically it makes no sense... Story-wise it makes no sense....

So, instead of starting off with the trial about the Relay being destroyed (why would I be being tried in a human court for killing Batarians?) they shifted events until after the trial, demonising me in the process. It's cheap and it's obvious that they only did it because it's easier to have everyone starting off from the same point regardless of their previous actions. It's also cheaper to have everyone end up at the same point regardless of their previous actions too... That's a shame.

However, the greatest shame about Mass Effect 3 isn't that they messed the ending up... it's that Bioware never had enough faith in their world and story-telling in the first place to let it stand on its own... It appears as though they instead judged their "work of art" by the pocketbook rather than the paintbrush.

D'you know what I mean?

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Mon, 23 May 2011 17:09:00 +0000

There's a strange but wondrous current flowing through game design over the last five or so years that's slowly but surely changing the face of players' interaction with the medium; I'm not talking about motion-based control but intuitive emotional response.

Okay, so "intuitive emotional response" is a term that I've just made up... but as far as I can tell, that's exactly what these systems are supposed to be about. I'm speaking specifically about the Mass Effect (and Dragon Age 2) wheel and, most recently, L.A. Noire's "trust" system. These mechanics are designed to assign an emotional response from the player to an easy traffic light system of "Yes, maybe and no!". It's the easiest way of getting around the problematic issue of fully voicing games that have a lot of dialogue, providing both choice and depth. The problem with these early systems is one that psychologists and philosophers have wrestled with for many centuries... and it's basically that not everyone sees or interprets the world in the same manner.

Ideally, when people converse, we understand each other perfectly. I mean, we have words and numbers, facial expressions and body language. These are all tools that allow us to more effectively communicate how we feel and what we want. However, these tools are only useful when used in the right context and the right environment. Anyone who's been abroad to a foreign-speaking nation (and even those that have the same language, to a lesser extent) will know just what I mean here. Your "safe and known" context is thrown out the window in a culture that is different from your own. Humour is notoriously hard to translate because people's social constructs work differently between cultures. Gestures, specific words... jobs, gender roles, religion and history all play a part in how we are able to relate to the world of communication along with myriad others and they can't always easily be translated.

Moving back from that complex morass of detail, even to those people within our own culture, we see that communication and understanding of communication is not universal. So it is with this in mind that, although I think that these emerging IER systems are good, I say that I miss the old days of knowing exactly what it is I'm about to say.

There is nothing more frustrating in a game than when it mis-reads what you are trying to do. When you press jump near a wall and kick off of it, doing a back flip instead of reaching up and grabbing a ledge to climb.... it's annoying. So taking something like that, which can more often than not be repeated, and slicing it into an aspect of the game which is "permanent" because, unlike in most normal conversations, there's no take-backs or apologies in the defined conversing of game worlds (yet).... it's just asking for frustration to be aired. Granted, no game system is ever going to be per-... oh wait.... Text conversations were perfect, never mind.

Seriously though. If IER systems ever want to take off, designers need to realise that they need to tell players exactly what their choice will do and not just give them a vague set of rules that they don't appear to follow anyway. Perhaps some way of physically telegraphing your avatar's general mood when going to select the choice (e.g. during selection of conversation choices in Mass Effect) would go some way to avoid frustrating the player when an unexpected or completely disproportionate response is elicited from a seemingly innocuous choice.

The only bright spot in L.A. Noire is that you can go into a lie option and back out of it, without any consequences..... which basically means that you can usually eliminate one of the options based on your avatar's reaction, not on the reaction of the interviewee. However, this feels a lot like gaming the system since you cannot press for more when you pick truth or doubt and it's "that is all there is to say about that!" result. I also found that most of the items/pieces of evidence you use to convince people that they we know they are lying are too narrow. There were some cases in the game thus far where I knew the person was lying but that crucial circumstantial pieces of evidence that you could and would use in the real world for further information were useless. For example, a piece of rope used in many murders and an identical rope found outside of a suspect's house is useless because you cannot use it in your conversation with him.

For all of the technical wizardry that goes into making these games, I feel that perhaps designers are missing out on the psychological component that could make them more transparent and accessible to people who are used to using real-world logic instead of the twisted "you are eaten by a grue" game logic. Going forward, I would like to see games become more forgiving in their conversation systems - especially because the player is increasingly being given less control over what and how they interact in those conversations.

Podcast! After Hours Episode 1

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Tue, 17 May 2011 18:44:00 +0000

Surprise! We now have another podcast! Ever wonder what happens to all that stuff i cut out of the show? Like the coughs and sneezes..... the long, rambling diatribes and non-sequiturs? What's that you say? We already have them in the main podcast? Well, "EFF YOU" buddy! We're doing this anyway!

So, basically this is all the outtakes, cut and slashed bits of the conversation.... They are largely unedited and with no reference surrounding them. I'm trying this as an experiment so let me know how you think this has turned out. Also, i wrote a new theme tune.

Credit goes to juskiddink for the guiro sound i used in the ending theme tune licenced under the CC.

After Hours Episode 1

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As a new treat, we also have a podcast-only RSS feed. I know that some of you have readers that don't filter out the other posts so this might help with that:

Podcast-only RSS Feed

If you want to contact us please feel free to email us with comments, shout-outs, suggestions or questions at: the.easiestbutton AT gmail.com

Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 17

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Tue, 17 May 2011 08:44:00 +0000

Welcome back, campers! Welcome to our "second season" of The Easy Button. We're back and better than ever! I have a new microphone, Tboon has a clean office and I'm still failing at introductions.... well, we can't improve 100% now, can we?

This week on The Easy Button: EU3, Victoria 2, Far Cry 2, Portal 2 (though not in much detail), Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age 2. We also have a bit of a wander off talking about negative consequences in games and how they pretty much don't exist any more in modern game design.

We've also got a new idea coming up that i'll be posting about soon. So keep an eye out for that!

Here's a link to Spoiler Warning - the MST3K style show i've mentioned a few times on the podcast!

The Easy Button Episode 17

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If you want to contact us please feel free to email us with comments, shout-outs, suggestions or questions at: the.easiestbutton AT gmail.com

Shapes in the Mass effect series...

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 16:12:00 +0000

Mass Effect is, in my opinion, a very strange beast as series go. It is a game series that is founded on no constant concept.... It's a bit like Final Fantasy in that regard. What am I talking about? Well, let me explain...

Shapes:

The universe of Mass effect was founded on curves. Curves in space, curves on ships... hell, even their weapons had curves!!

Mass Effect 2 either forgot this or there was some fundamental shift to a parallel universe where people can be magically resurrected after de-.... oh, wait. Does that explain the story of ME2? Anyway, the shape du jour in ME2 is the rhombohedral, specifically parallelograms. The world has it, Cerberus' insignia has it the ships have it... hell, even all the new weapons have it!

Mass Effect 3? A little too early to tell... but i'm going to go for hexagons.

Story type:

ME1: Save the universe at the cost you see fit. It's a classic pulp sci-fi endeavour complete with inspirational music and varied environments that are fantastical in nature. A bit like an entire series of Stargate or Star Trek rolled into one game.

ME2: Guns of the magnificent seven. The story of 2 is very simplified and actually doesn't make much sense if you let yourself stop and think about it for even a minute. The environments are more bland and similar with fewer types of area to visit... the art style is more utilitarian and less fantastical. The only mission that felt like Star Trek was for Jacob's loyalty, the rest? Bleh, Gears of War eat your heart out.

ME3: We'll see but i'm pretty sure it's Battle beyond the stars with smatterings of both the previous two games.

I'm sure there are more things that you can think of that trend to the untrendable for Mass Effect and its universe. Let me know via the comments or our email address: the.easiestbutton at gmail.com.

The thing about the PS3 version of Portal 2...

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 05:06:00 +0000

Most places on the internet are focusing on two aspects of the Portal 2 release on PS3. The first is that Steam is now on PS3 and you can link your Steam and Playstation accounts - allowing you to play with and/or against your PC brethren if the game so allows. The second is that the PS3 version comes with a code for a free PC or Mac version on Steam, allowing you to enjoy the game on two/three platforms.

These are nice features to be sure, especially having a good/working friends list and community on the free-to-use Playstation Network that brings it in line (and possibly surpasses) with the 360 Gold accounts. But there are two other consequences that are far more important for me.

The first is that I will always have Portal 2. It is my game and i control when i play it (dependent on technology working) as opposed to being tied to Steam and the Steam DRM. This is an important aspect for me in being able to appreciate the longevity of the games i purchase - as the recent DA:O debacle has shown. If more publishers do this then i'll be a very happy, though poor, gamer as it presents the best of both worlds (the DRM and non-DRM) to my enjoyment and the publishers' pockets. Of course, being the pessimistic person i am, i doubt that publishers will see it this way and instead would see it as them losing a PC sale... which they would never have made in the first place.....

The second consequence is that Steam is DRM and a community and a matchmaking system. The recent hack of the PS3 has pretty much left it open to anything and everything. If i were a publisher i'd be worried about releasing games on the PS3 because of this and their likely propensity to be pirated more easily now. However, tying a game to Steam and introducing a free PC/Mac copy with a code included in the box hits two targets that the industry is trying to hit: gamers buying new and gamers buying used. This is appealing to the "buy-new" gamers because, hey, i get two copies of the game.... i can play with my PC friends or using my friends on Steam AND i get all the other features of Steam too. This increases the number of gamers who are willing to pay full or near-full price on these titles.... including myself; the person who hasn't bought a full price DRM game for a long time. Presumably, the PS3 game itself isn't locked to the account and so can be resold, if you wanted to, which is still really cool. (If that's not true then we get an addition to point two which is it stops reselling altogether.)

This appeals to the industry with regards to used sales because they don't have to make extra content to hold back (aka The Dragon Age/Mass Effect content that you need to register with their stupid networks to get working from the disc).... they can charge people money to enable the game on Steam by buying a new code.

I think this is an interesting direction for the industry and holds a lot of promise and, for once, my pessimistic granite stone heart has a pulse of optimism. Lets see what the industry does going forward, shall we?

Musings on Mass Effect 3....

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:34:00 +0000

Now, this may be obvious to some people who've not been on a media-blackout of ME3 but i've been playing through ME2 and it dawned on me that this whole time they're setting up the third game to be a standard Seven Samurai/Magnificent Seven style story.

::Spoilers ahead!!::

So, i've met Liara, i've met Wrex and also Ashley (i got rid of stupid Kaiidan in my ME1 playthrough).... These people are "saved" for the third game through me not being able to recruit them. What ALSO struck me was that other choices i made in the first game, and presumably this one, will coalesce into a saving grace in the third. It was actually the brief little salute from the Rachni Queen in ME2 that put me on this line of thinking.... and all of a sudden i realised that Bioware are essentially making "Battle Beyond the Stars: Mass Effect Edition".

While i'm having some fun with ME2.... it's not all that i thought was in the promise given from ME1..... Now, seeing that ME3 is a "round-up and save them" quest in the making, i can see why they've gone the route that they have.... though i don't really understand why they essentially have used the same formula in ME2 just with a different focus... It's more like "Guns of the Magnificent Seven" than "The Magnificent Seven".

HD offerings... part deux!

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 08:30:00 +0000

And on to Warrior Within.

This game fares better than The Sands of Time mainly because it's newer and had both PC and Xbox versions out of the gate. Unfortunately, this game also suffers from the half-assedness of TSoT HD version, however, luckily there are no problems with balancing issues for the sound!! Prosit!!

On the other hand, the game is blatantly just upscaled. There are no new textures and even the menus and menu fonts are pixelated due to the stretch to an HD resolution. It's pretty pathetic to see the textures on the characters (apart from the prince) being so blocky and low-resolution. I'm also realising now that TSoT version on this Blu-ray is probably cribbed from the PC version and any improvement in texture and resolution i was seeing was from that version (which i didn't play).

I'm guessing that Two Thrones will tell a similar tale and to be honest it's quite dissapointing. There's nothing new or extra for this release, and the poor implementation of this HD/3D version means that none of these games have been treated with the respect they deserve or respect for the customer at the price at which they've been released. Myself and Tboon talked about HD re-releases not long ago on the podcast and one of the things that came up as a positive was allowing new fans to come to the series and experience good games. I'm not sure, if i didn't have nostalgia to help me along, that i'd want to play or buy these games that look so much worse than anything current gen in just a less-muddy resolution.

This is not the way to do an HD update.

However, there are some franchises i would love to see in an HD offering. I would love to see Silicon Knights and Crystal Dynamics revive and release their Soul Reaver/Legacy of Kain series. I loved those games back in the day and would love to see Soul reaver 1, 2 and Defiance and possibly also the two Blood Omen games in one package on the PS3.

HD offerings...

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 06:25:00 +0000

I'm a big fan of the Prince of Persia series and, having been given some vouchers for my birthday, I decided to get the Prince of Persia Trilogy HD collection on PS3. If this is the way that companies re-hash old classics to make them into HD offerings then i won't be buying any more.

The Sands of Time:

First off, it's a lazy port. Seriously, the sound during cutscenes is so quiet that you struggle to hear it and the voices aren't tied to the "voices volume" but instead to the music volume, meaning that you can't improve the situation because if you manually crank up the volume on the TV set, the music drowns out all the important dialogue regardless.

Secondly, the "HD textures" are pretty limited. Most of the environment has been updated texture-wise but the textures on the character models of the prince and Farah are poorly done. Whenever the prince opens his mouth and i see a bright red, flat surface in there it pulls me right out of any immersion i might have had. Similarly, when i see the inside of Farah's eye sockets for whatever reason (i'm assuming that there's some conflict with the way the port renders on the PS3) i'm wondering why i'm not playing this on my Gamecube where these weren't issues. Flat, monochrome textures should have no place in an HD update, this isn't the N64 we're talking about here....

Finally, if they're going to do an HD update of a classic game, at least make SOME effort. Remake the character models in higher poly-counts - as long as you keep the same dimensions you can just tie them into the same animations. It would be nice if they also didn't mess up the sound levels in the game as well... Yeah, it would be nice to be able to appreciate these classics as i once did.

As it stands, i really can't recommend anyone buy any HD classic remakes unless they hear good things about them.... I'm really disappointed in the quality of this release.

::Addendum::

Well, having played through three hours of this classic game, i'm starting to appreciate how much the sound and conversation in games (and specifically this one) makes a huge difference in how much enjoyment you get out of th experience. Whoever did this port to the PS3 HD version really messed up the sound. The talking is too quiet so you miss half to three quarters of the conversations and quips; removing character and character development between the two protagonists.... The effects noises are completely out of whack with the rest of the game world, with knocks and plods from the nearby enemies overwhelming other sounds. Specifically, directional sound is broken, i find, as when you run around, things that Farah says are lost in the background noise compared to the originals.

The worst part is that the only tools the user has to balance these things are pretty useless. Reducing the music level also reduces in-cutscene dialogue (as i mentioned above)... so you need that high.... but leaving that high means that you can't hear the talking.... so you need that option set to high as well.... but, ideally higher than the music.... but then you can't hear the talking during the cutscenes..... and then there's the sound effects which are quiet as well.... except for those enemy noises when you're not in combat.

It's probably the most frustrating sound-balancing/design that i've ever encountered in a game..... and doubly so because it was perfect in the PS2 and GC versions of this game.

More complaining?

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 14:51:00 +0000

Well, i was going to write up some more saddening thoughts about Dragon Age 2 but, really, the fine professional writers over at RPS have done that so well, that i figured i should just point to their article and do away with my own diatribe.

Visit it here.

The only difference between his viewpoint and mine is that, i actually quite like the game, despite the complete and total creative mess it is. I like the exploration and running around whacking things (it's an action RPG at normal difficulty) and the mindlessness of the whole enterprise. It fills that hole that i've been looking at in my gaming experiences for a while.

One thing i would like to mention is that he is spot on about the lack of ability to roleplay in this game. Having the choice between goody-two-shoes, flippantly unfunnily rude and evil "i'll cut your eyes out and gut you" is not good. The only time you get to exercise any sort of interesting dialogue trickery is when you have an appropriate squadmate present to intervene on your behalf. No more jedi mind tricks or verbal trickery at high intelligence or wisdom levels.

One thing the RPS article doesn't mention is how the stats system is now pointless. There is no reason to have "strength, dexterity, magic, cunning, willpower and constitution" because each class only really utilises two of them and, if you don't put your points into those two attributes when you get them, you end up with a nerfed character who either can't wield a good enough weapon or can't wear the right armour for your level.

I don't necessarily mind that they've done it this way, but for gods' sake, take out the attributes if they're essentially meaningless. Instead make armour and weapons dependent on your skill and class choices. Let's face it, there's no reason why a fighter (who was in the army) would be unable to wear a piece of plate mail that is level 1 or level 20.... the weight should be the same (or even lighter for the higher level and better quality item). So just do away with the increased, Dragonball Z-esque, strength requirements and instead tie them to skills you purchase with points or to the level of the character. Especially if my putting points into the "dodge" skill makes me unable to wield a weapon for a few levels because i'm always playing catch up DPS...

The illusion of choice in the game is pretty claustrophobic and means that the game is pretty shallow.... sorry, i meant 'streamlined'.

Dragon Age 2: The complainening....

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 06:05:00 +0000

Now, it may surprise some of you that i got this game, having not played the original.... It may also surprise some of you that i'm complaining about something..... But while this game has been okay so far, so much of it smacks of sloppy writing or game-design. So, below you'll find some random, unfiltered thoughts as i play through the game:

1. Sidequests: There is SO little exposition for sidequests, sometimes i'm accidentally turning in sidequests and not understanding the point of the quest or why it was needed in the first place just by "using" everything and everyone that i can use. I found a stone toe - i thought, i'll read the journal entry later - and then found the person it belonged to in the next area. The guy was so happy he said "Haha, thanks! Well, that'll teach me for doing that!" Or some such non-committal nonsense. What was he doing? Why was he doing it?! Nothing! Was he hiding in the wardrobe because some angry lover burst into the room he was sharing with a whore? What was going on?

Also, how does he KNOW i have a stone toe? Am i going around, showing it to everyone?! Or do i wear it on a string around my neck like a trophy? It's hackneyed and stupid and previous journal entries are replaced with the latest bit of info so you don't have any clue. "What was it about that toe i just gave away? Let's read the journal - Oh! quest completed, guy has his toe back! Hooray!". Very informative.

2. I keep running into groups of armed guys surrounding an empty spot with some sort of leader in their midst that i can talk to. These guys aren't doing anything and if you talk to the leader he just tells you to piss off. I haven't triggered it yet but i KNOW that they are just there to wait for me to stand in their center after being given a quest to talk to the guy and then let them "ambush" me. Stupid, stupid, stupid STUPID!!!

3. Where everybody knows your name. Seriously. You're in this city for a year's worth of servitude - but NOOOOO. Bioware didn't make it into a quest or playable intro so you just skip ahead a year and "poof" you're free - no blurb to tell of your exploits, nothing. The problem with this is that EVERYONE knows you. You've got people coming up to you telling you to stay safe and how Athenril (or whatever the rogue choice's name is) really did well with you.... or they give you something for old-time's sake. I mean... who the fuck are these people? Did Bioware think having people who you've never met recognise you is a cool thing? You know what people call it when that happens in real life? Creepy..... or possibly amnesia... But you get the picture!

Minor Complaint: A - No first person camera. There's this beautiful, detailed world and you're restricted to a camera distance that doesn't let you see it properly. It's actually quite annoying for me.

More soon!

Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 16

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 19:29:00 +0000

Happy anniversary! This week, Taylor talks about Crusader Kings, i moan a bit about Test Drive Unlimited 2 and we think about things over our first year of podcasting together.

The Easy Button Episode 16

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Test Drove me doolally 2...

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 20:45:00 +0000

Test Drive Unlimited 2 is a game i *really* want to love... It's a game i already like, despite my pure hatred of its mechanics, where there are rich vistas you can skirt along as you thump towards the horizon in a car of your favourite make with a half-decent sound track blaring over the speakers. It's just a shame that their "from scratch" driving model just doesn't work.

I mean, seriously! How many super cars do you know that will uncontrollably spin off the road at speeds of less than 60 mph because you nudged the wheel slightly? Sure, there are super cars like that which exist in the real world.... but would a Subaru Impreza spring to mind in this scenario? Not to me it wouldn't. This car, this beast that is pretty much designed for road-holding both on tarmac and in the rough should be more than up to the task of sticking on a wide road with minimal bends.... but it can't - or at least not without some serious handling from the driver.

It's incredibly frustrating then, to drive the cars in this game in any of the races and time trials where, in comparison to the one-off missions that pop up around the map from time to time, the bar is set so high.

Even worse is how the AI and you interact. That is to say, if you bump into the AI you go flying.... if the AI bumps into you, you also go flying! Just watching the AI during and after some of these interactions makes me question the weightiness of my car and of the sanity of the developers. The AI appears to be able to right their car with the minimum of ease from a spin or fishtail without travelling great distances.... Compare this to myself where i've travelled 20-50 m off the road before i've managed to bring my heap of steaming shit to a stop (if some physical barrier hasn't already done this for me). It feels (though it's not) impossible to make the AI crash in such a way as to actually set them appreciably back in a race.

The sad thing is that this so-called driving model was built from the ground up to accommodate the all-terrain mentality of this sequel when it appears as if no lessons, or even ideas, were learnt from the first game.

Sadly, the in-game radio stations are a bit limited and you are unable to create your own or play your own playlist within the game from your library of games..... when in the first you were perfectly able to do so.

Finally, what really irks me is the whole licence system. In the original you started off with modest cars and learnt the driving model through cars that weren't so fast as to be uncontrollable. You had restrictions on certain races but you could do one at any time. Now, they've taken away those races and events and made them random and instead require you to achieve licences to be able to partake in championship races. They also start you off in the "classic" car side of things... which unforunately is not conducive to learning the controls when, in theory, you're driving cars that take more effort to drive (not that the 'difficulty' indicator would have you believe it!).

What they should have done was do something similar to the original - have you work your way up from the lower class cars but also provide you with fixed events that you are able to enter in an amateur manner, allowing you to win money and also hone your skills.

There's also a lot of complaining about the broken multiplayer side of things, but since i don't use MP, i'll not mention those!

Unfortunately, TDU2 is a game that could have been a classic.... instead it's relegated to the sideline because of its rather blatant flaws.

Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 15

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 18:30:00 +0000

Hey everybody! Here's a new show to brighten your week! We're back to the usual format this week with some talk of the recent(ish) news, games we've been playing and even a topic! We talk about our comfort games.... so download or listen in your browser and maybe send us some of your comfort games to our email below.

The Easy Button Episode 15

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Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 14d

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 21:15:00 +0000

And so it comes to an end..... our best and worst games of all time.... to date..... that we have played! No further qualification is needed so step inside and lend an ear to hear our mutterings, ramblings and complaints about these terrible titles.

Also, i mess up the intro again - but this time it's funny! :D

The Easy Button Episode 14d

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Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 14c

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 21:27:00 +0000

The third part of our top games of all time marathon epic... You might be able to tell from my voice near the end but after four hours of talking (and perhaps drinking alcohol on an empty stomach) i was feeling worse for wear. :)

The list this time is our games that didn't quite make it into the top ten.

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Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 14b

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 21:03:00 +0000

Here's the second part of our top ten games of all time! You get to hear us both wax lyrical about the final five games on our lists.

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Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 14a

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 21:19:00 +0000

This week we've split up the podcast into segments! Surprise! It's our top ten most awesome games of all time..... this part is just five of them from each of us but it's not in any particular order so you won't "get to the good stuff" by skipping this and heading to part deux.

I won't spoil which games we pick so listen in for enlightenment. :)

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Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 13

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 19:33:00 +0000

This week we talk about Fallout 1 and 3 and there's also a chat about Master of Orion 1 and 2. There may also be calls for listener submissions for their top and bottom games of all time..... You'd better listen to get the lowdown!

Oh, and we also made the show shorter. I think some people will be happy with that! :D

The Easy Button Episode 13

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Comic #1

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 16:50:00 +0000

I get these ideas from time to time but I don't really have an outlet.... then I remembered this blog and i thought: "What the hey?!" So if I get the inclination you might find these sorts of comics popping up from time to time.

The joke's a bit obtuse but hopefully some people will get it :)

(Mis-)Characterisation...

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 10:17:00 +0000

This video was recently brought to my attention and, while i haven't played Other M, I have seen the youtube uploads, read the reviews and seen other comments from gamers on the characterisation in the game.

So basically, it’s some guy saying that Metroid: Other M is a good game because the writing is perfectly fine and that if you're opposed to what they've done you view women in one of two extremes (in the kitchen or cold-hearted, man-hating witch). I feel i just have to respond to balance out the stupidity. Onward!

He says that Stoic means that someone overcomes their negative emotions through a journey – however, that’s not the dictionary definition, nor how society uses it ERGO that is not what it means.

Stoic means to overcome your emotions through not allowing them to control you. You’re stoic if you show emotion but don’t let it affect you or your actions in a negative manner just as you’re stoic if you control your emotions so that they don’t shine through and are observable to the outsider.

Now that that is out of the way, I’ll move onto the orders thing. Samus and her team have all the equipment needed to survive in the game but are under orders NOT to use it until told to use it. Game mechanic-wise, it’s no different from finding a piece of equipment and being able to access a new area. Logically it is BATSHIT INSANE.

Seriously, if we’re going off the logic that Samus is a trained and battle-hardened bounty hunter and that this team of military personnel are similarly experienced then they will have full authorization to use necessary force and equipment to allow their survival. No right-thinking military commander is going to expect his troops not to put on their gas masks and biohazard suits if the shit hits the fan just because he didn’t give the order. It’s completely counterintuitive and takes away from the human reality that is projected onto the game. If this was a game about ants or bees where those lifeforms mindlessly obey their superiors then, yes, that makes more sense… but these are human beings and we, being human, understand the human condition very thoroughly.

Next we’ve got the personality switch for Samus. We’ve got a development studio that is known for their disrespectful and immature portrayal of women (i.e. oversexualisation, huge boobs, whiney voices and ‘helplessness’ even though they are hugely capable warriors) compared to the stoic (though I would never have described Samus as such), strong, non-sexual, lethal and capable Samus Aran. To put it into film terms (and ignoring Batman because that’s the example the video uses), Leon: The Professional, trained his whole life to be the best at what he is, he’s smart, logical, tactical, fit, capable and taciturn (perhaps stoic too). Even in the face of absolute terror and the finality of death his focus is pin-point sharp. Samus has also been compared to characters like Ripley in Aliens who is a little more emotionally weak than Leon but she still has most of the other characteristics however, she has to rely on her luck and anger/inner strength to get her through those situations so in my opinion she’s less like Samus than Leon is.

So, what do we get in Other M? We get the Hayden Christensen version of Darth Vader in comparison to James Earl Jones. It’s a slap in the face of the character and I’m wracking my brain to think of another action ‘hero’ like this to compare to Leon but there aren’t any I can think of – the closest is Shia LeBoeuf in Transformers. Honestly, I despair if the meaning of multidimensional characterization means that characters who are established as being strong and capable and free thinking in dangerous situations become self-doubting, helpless and mindless drones. It’s a completely ridiculous to argue that this is a good thing and provides character development when it’s completely the opposite. Leon would not cower in fear at an enemy he had previously thought he’d vanquished. He would not turn into a quivering wreck and be unable to act.

And regarding his Princess Peach comparison? Was he not around when the discussion about the fucking tantrums and emotional ‘powerups’ in Super Princess Peach was ongoing? He comes off as a completely unknowledgeable and anti-progress in computer games writing and characterization. There’s a world of difference between continuing to portray a character as weak and fragile and subservient and actually regressing a character to that state.

Then he takes GREAT leap of logic to assume that people who dislike this change in characterization is those people equating a “strong independent woman” with “pathological man-hating ice queen”… He just used a straw man (no I mean in the video) right before this bit to devalue the arguments opposing this change in character. I mean, the irony is strong with this one. /Yoda

This guy’s argument is vacuous and mindless in its stupidity.

Then he goes on to say that a slight change in gamers’ perception of Samus’ character has resulted in a huge blow out of anger… And yet, these are not small changes these are huge changes. Darth Vader is Stoic – Anakin Skywalker is not. But at least in those films it makes some sort of sense – there’s a character progression, a suppression of his human emotions (except for a seething anger that powers his dark side force powers) as he becomes less than human. If, in the middle of The Empire Strikes Back, this type of character change had manifested itself everyone would have collectively gone “WTF?!” and been very angry with the writers and director for breaking some pretty cardinal rules of human interaction and storytelling. Unless someone’s having a huge emotional or mental breakdown (of which there are many signs beforehand) then there’s no justification, no logic to doing that…. And yet he’s defending exactly this in his argument. In a word: Ridiculous.

Next he somehow gets onto an idea that the strong characterization of Samus (that gamers projected onto her) is rejecting her femininity. I mean…. WHAT THE FUCK?! I know of no women who would instantly pulverize this guy (probably metaphorically) for being such a huge sexist scumbag. Either the straw man he’s constructing here is so big he doesn’t see the looming shadow of ridiculousness OR he really has no idea that femininity does not equate to weakness and subservience. I am actually a little lost for words at this point because his arguments make no sense and are offensive to fans of Samus and other strong women in media.

Yes, being a strong woman does not mean you reject your femininity…. But, and this is a HUGE thing here, women can define what they feel is feminine. I’m a guy and I’m not some hulking brute of a man. I’m sensitive and I cry occasionally and I get overwhelmed when things get tough but I don’t collapse and I don’t become a mindless drone to a superior ‘just because’ or because I have unresolved emotional issues regarding my parents. I consider myself to be a strong man. I still have weaknesses but that doesn't mean they rule me.

You know what? Those people do exist and it is difficult to get out of those sorts of things (having my own separate issues, I know about this) but you don’t tend to find a person’s character altering so suddenly very often. A strong woman will not usually suddenly become all weepy eyed, subservient and emotional when an older, father figure man comes into the picture. A strong, stoic woman would recognize these feelings and keep them in mind as she’s doing her job to the best of her abilities. It doesn’t preclude her from being feminine (whatever she defines that as) and it certainly doesn’t make her a man-hating ice queen because she doesn’t instantly give in to those emotions. This is no binary situation you can be strong and sensitive and even strong in some ways but weak in others… but it’s very rare (and possibly impossible? Maybe the psychologists can answer that one) that you are simultaneously strong and weak in the same area. You don’t not fall, crumpled into a ball at the sign of another soldier dying or surviving wave after wave of enemies only to suddenly and completely cave in when it happens again a moment later. Usually you just go through the actions and sort the emotions out later on and if you don’t that’s where things like post-traumatic stress come into the picture. You know what would be good? It’d be good if perhaps Samus had that as another aspect to her character. Does she? No. Instead she has (as his video points out) “daddy issues”.

Some people might, at this point, try and point out that Samus shows PTSD in Other M - specifically in relation to her encounter with Ripley. These people need to go and read the definition of PTSD, the wikipedia entry on PTSD and then they need to go and look at where Other M falls on the Metroid timeline. Once they've done this they should hopefully recognise that Samus has been in similar situations to the original attack on her colony (resulting in the death of her parents) in conflict with both the Space Pirates and Ridley many times before Other M comes along. This portrayal does not include PTSD and there's no logical reason for her to be suffering, all of a sudden, after defeating the guy and the pirates many times from PTSD or this level of PTSD. Instead Samus falls into the 'revenge' and externalised/internalised anger side of things rather than being unable to process and cope with her emotions regarding that original incident.

…. and finally he compares her to Ripley, saying that she is an anti-social loner who is strong but cold and emotionally distant. I’m thinking that somehow we watched two very different cuts of all the Alien quadrilogy films…. It’s as if he completely misinterpreted Sigourney Weaver’s acting and the character of Ripley. I seriously don’t get it and I think it’s possibly where a lot of his argument comes from and simultaneously falls down. They take a lot of pains to show Ripley's emotional side and the complex interactions between fear, survival instinct, anger and motherly protection in those films. She is never a loner or anti-social or emotionally distant.

This, all in context, makes his high-horse ponderings about other gamers’ views on gender hysterically funny and very sad and worrying. The problem is that a lot of the things he mentions in the conclusion are good parts of a three dimensional character (add your own echo effects here) but that the execution and depiction of those character flaws and intricacies in Other M are so childish, out of character and (I’m going to repeat childish here) immature as to be offensive to the majority of sane people. If you’ve ever watched any of the “Awesome” series you’ll be intimately familiar with over-the-top characterizations of erstwhile human emotions and troubles and that’s the line of portrayal that Samus has in Other M. There’s no subtlety or loving craft gone into it…. Instead it feels like the designers have looked at the checklist of ‘interesting’ human traits (like this guy reels off at the end) and chucked them in without any sort of thought on the logic behind those choices and how they’d fit with a murderous bounty hunter in space.

You know who had ‘issues’? Boba Fett. He was not only conditioned against the Republic but also saw his father beheaded by the Jedi order. Sure, his character wasn’t fleshed out but did you see him fall into a quivering blob during the fight above the Sarlaac on Tatooine when faced with a Jedi Knight (Luke Skywalker)? No!! And you know why? Because that would have made no sense.
His insulting final thought that there’s only two extremes for female characters being ‘allowed’ by his opponents just seals the deal and it’s sad that so many misinformed, like-minded individuals have latched on to his pretty much derogatory and intellectually worthless comparisons and arguments to reinforce their own negative opinions of what is allowed for female protagonists and characters. There is nothing progressive about Other M’s characterization of women.

Podcast! The Easy Button Episode 12

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 18:55:00 +0000

Another episode of this hit show! In this episode: reduced audio quality! We also talk about Minecraft (shock!), Icewind Dale, Planescape Torment, Baldur's Gate and Elemental: War of Magic.

The Easy Button Episode 12

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Partners in...

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 16:11:00 +0000

I’ve been thinking about the partner effect recently. No, not the partner effects or the partner effect. The effect i'm thinking of is one you may have encountered in your every day lives - it's when someone who has an emotional tie to someone else backs up the other person's point of view no matter how stupid or ridiculous it is and in fact may go against what they themselves would normally think in a certain situation.

Example 1: A husband states that something is stupid because of some silly reason.... Person C does not agree and states their reasons why. Wife (or partner) of Husband comes in and echoes Husband's opinion despite it being a bit stupid.

Example 2: Programmer 1 questions programmer 2 as to why a piece of software is written the way it is when this other way could be more advantageous. Programmer 2 responds that it's better this way for some dubious reason however, it later becomes apparent that programmer 3 wrote the software and has been good friends with programmer 2 for a long time.

In both these hypothetical situations the 'partner' takes the position of their partner despite obvious flaws in the reasoning or whatever.

Now, personally, i find this annoying and, as far as i'm aware, i do not do it. In fact, i was once told by my mother that i shouldn't undermine my partner despite me not agreeing with what they said. This is all a bit by-the-by and is more of a starting-off point in this thought process.

We talk about emotional investment and involvement with our characters in games and for those of the NPC or AI partners that we engage with. So..... can we evoke this same behavioural response for a gamer and their computer controlled friends? I think, on some levels, this has already been accomplished. Many people talk about their minions in Fallout (1-3) like they were long-lost family members. Similarly, Fable 2's dog evoked a lot of emotional attachment for some players. However, that emotional attachment is different than the one i'm going for. What i want to be able to do is make a player like a character so much that they're willing to change the way they play the game at that moment in time - and not necessarily for the better.

Say you've got a companion who accompanies you throughout the game - they're useful, not annoying or helpless - and you converse with them and learn about them and the world through those conversations. One of the game mechanics is that you're able to eat these pods that grow on grass-like stalks in certain places throughout the world to regain health. Maybe it becomes apparent that these are the babies of a race of beings and your friend is really for continuing to eat them? A lot of people would probably stop eating those foetal beings and take the hit in health or power though some people would continue on anyway due to it just being a game mechanic..... But could we influence those players who would turn away from power to instead embrace it?

I guess the way i'd try and do it is by slowly influencing the gamer's play through insertion of partner opinions. Start off small with suggestions like "Jump when the enemy attacks you and you will have a greater probability of dodging their attack" to "if you combine these potions/items you'll get this really cool thing" and "this guy looks evil, we shouldn't trust him" (he then turns out to be evil).... Doing this is basically offering small cheats and hints to the players but it might also engender trust between the player(character) and the partner through repeated links in the brain of the player to their partner being 'correct'.

I suppose another possible way you could help with this is have the partner completely voiceless and non-interactive during testing and having a person sitting there with the player. Telling them how to play and offering advice on characters within the game. Record these sessions and take the most effective lines and put them into the game for the character to use (and don't have them as 'set' interactions, make it random which ones the player gets). It might work sort of like a sales pitch when journalists are playing the games for the first time - the very action of reinforcing the game's strengths can make them appear stronger and its weaknesses less significant.

It's partly how salespeople perform their pitches too; use positive framing and whatnot.... then, when the trap is honeyed, you reel them in by applying the 'false' logic you've built up around the situation or product along with the positive framing to close the deal.

Perhaps i should rename this post "What gaming could learn from selling..."?

Blood Bowl Game Diary #5

noreply@blogger.com (The Easy Button) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 19:01:00 +0000

Playoff 2 VS The Bramble Blockers

So we were up against our nemesis – The Bramble f*ckers. Those namby-pamby, wishy-washy, no-good do-gooders of the wood elves. The very same team that had beaten us 4-0 in our opening match.

I looked over our team and, to my consternation, found we were missing a Witch Elf! Where had she gone? I had no idea…. It’s possible that the hit on the head she received from the Dwarven Blitzer had brought about a sudden onset of Stockholm syndrome and she’d ‘gone native’ on us… or at least on the Blitzer in question. I checked the stats for the match and there were no dead but two injured. I guess that she had reached her injury limit and had retired…. Probably with that damn dwarf blitzer!!

At any rate I’m wasn’t bitter I still had ten men and Mo- Morty?!! Morty, what’s wrong with your hand? Oh, my terrible and dark gods! You… you can’t play? So there I stood in our changing field with Mortbean, the star player of the team so far, sitting on the grass with a hand the size of a melon. A quick look in our war chest told me that we only had 50,000 gold which wasn’t enough to purchase any players outright. I glanced over at the score board from the game the Bramblers had fought against the Scaled Scavengers the day before and saw that the had won 3-0… again!! This wasn’t going to be pretty.

My heart was pounding as I went to look at their team roster…. Seven men!! They only had seven men left! Oh, was it possible that we could pull this one out of the bag? The only problem was that they still had their catcher and thrower… Hopefully I would be able to do something about at least one of them.

So with my heartbeat pounding in my ears, we set off to do battle. In the pre-game warm up and bribery I managed to f*ck things up considerably. Instead of putting 50,000 gold into the pot to buy stuff…. I managed to input 50 gold instead. There was no way back either! Luckily, or rather, unluckily, a band of mercenaries turned up at the last minute with me receiving two of them and the bloody lucky Bramblers getting four. I guess the odds and gods were no longer in our favour! It was now apparent to me why I’d received that loner, Indhil, in the final match of the pool against the dwarves – you always start with 11 players, regardless of your actual player roster.

Having no runner with which to pick up or kick the ball, I used the only other player I had left with high stats – the witch elf, Riisilneth. She would be our runner. Considering this was her first kick off, she did quite well, shunting it into the depths of the enemy half. Unfortunately the wood elves proceeded to set up a really strong box of players around their thrower who was likely to knock it down the field once they got their catcher into position. The only option I had was to take out the catcher and other free linemen then close in on the ball… OR hope for an interception like I had done before. That would make me champion of interceptions in our little league.

We surrounded the catcher with two linemen and our wittle baby Fear Might jogged forward and stabbed the guy through his armour, knocking him completely out and taking him off the field – probably for the half. I stared in shock. The most useless player in our side had actually come through and done something useful! Not only that but it was the first action of the game. Things were looking up!

The second action of the game resulted in the other free wood elf lineman getting sent off the pitch on a stretcher…. It was beautiful! I had to wipe tears from my eyes as the rest of my team surrounded their defensive box.

Unfortunately, my run of good play was soon back to normal when both my strongest players – the witch elf and the assassin – were knocked unconscious for two turns, leaving the rest of my team to fend for themselves. In a rather silly tactical error on my part, we managed to leave an opening at the edge of the pitch, just large enough for the thrower to run through and around my line. Oops.

Luckily, my assassin and one lineman were free to track back and block their progress and, as one of their players powered forth to knock the assassin back into the diapers he so rightfully normally wears, he flicked his leg up and stopped that weakling wood elf dead in his tracks, leaving a nice boot print on his face. It was good times!! Unluckily, my witch elf kept on getting knocked down on her follow-up attacks… allowing the enemy wood elves a second shot at the assassin that stood in their way, this time knocking him down and out – completely off the pitch. Nuts!!

The thrower ran through the newly-made gap and there was only one lineman who could reach him in time to stop the touchdown. He charged… and was knocked out by the stupid, weedy thrower – of all people!!

0-1

The only bright side to the score was that, during the celebrations, my assassin recovered and returned to the pitch but their two players did not. The loss was also compounded by the seemlingly witless witch elf fumbling when picking up the ball. Where was Morty when I needed him?! Even worse, while the rest of my team performed defensive duties, the witch elf proceeded to fumble the ball, seemingly unable to get a grip on it at all! I immediately called to the ref for an inspection of the ball for tampering by the bramblers but it only served to remind him that it was actually well into half time and the whistle was blown.

After the break we got back to business, with the witch elf vindicating herself by collecting the kicked ball and running up the field. The assassin stabbed another wood elf, knocking him out completely and the offensive line began it’s (hopefully) inexorable push forward. I grinned and rubbed my hands accordingly.

The next few minutes were a veritable bloodbath with several key players getting kicked and gouged around. First off, our assassin was knocked for six and, while scrambling to cover our ball carrier, the witch elf, the wood elf catcher’s head was almost taken off as he tried to dodge around several of our players. I silently hoped that it was a crippling, permanent injury.

As the dust cleared, the witch elf saw her chance and slipped through the defence towards the touchline. Then, from out of nowhere most of their team sat up and seemed to come alive…. Well, I mean figuratively – they weren’t undead! Whilst most of them were blocked by my fearless blitzers and assassin, the catcher ran past three players, dodging all their attacks and, in a fit of frenzied rage, punched our blitzer, Rianndrir, so hard that his pelvis momentarily appeared to be above his shoulders; a frightening sight that I hope you only see happening to your enemies… This left him being carted off the field and a gaping hole in the defensive line that was preventing runners from catching up with the witch elf. Though, I guess it was ironic that the runner that did catch her did so from a completely different hole in the defensive line that I hadn’t spotted. There was still a chance though! She had been able to dodge attacks before and she was within distance of scoring… Nailbiting resumed. SCORE!!

A couple of horny linemen came to the witch elf’s rescue, momentarily distracting the wood elf and allowing her to run to the end zone.

1-1

Upon resuming the game and the witch elf making the kick, I was struck with a sudden fit of genius, allowing me to magically rearrange my team without penalty while the ball was stuck in the air. Brilliant! I moved up my players and had them ready to attack the opposition’s half. The move obviously paid off because a lone wood elf, driven to madness by the unlikely turn of events then threw himself at my left-most lineman, knocking him down and himself out in the process. The lineman, a hardy fellow by the name of Malion, proceeded to get right back up before spitting on the wood elf as he was carted off the pitch. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the pitch, my linemen blasted into the front line of the wood elves, injuring one guy and pushing the other back - the poor sod who was on the receiving end of that attack also happened to be holding the ball, spilling it onto the floor ready for the pick-up. Amazingly, the same lineman who had just crippled the other player proceeded to grab the ball in the middle of a somersault and avoiding the defensive play of the nearby wood elf lineman. This, of course, left the rest of the team in a dumbfounded daze and I screamed at them to pick their jaws up off the floor lest they be shattered by the quickly regrouping Bramblers.

The assassin, taking advantage of the general lethargy of everyone else, glanced around before placing a handkerchief over the wood elf that stood next to him until he was unconscious. I was beginning to like this Fear Might fellow afterall. However, despite the number of wood elves off the pitch and on the floor a couple were able to catch up to the courageous lineman, Mormal (one of the mercenaries who I suspect might have been a ringer), though with my two covering blitzers close behind. They knocked out one wood elf and Mormal was able to dodge his way past the other to score!

2-1

This was just unbelieveable. Just one and a half turns to go and we would win. This called for an all-out defensive strategy of blocking and delaying. There could be no mistakes made this time – not with the wood elves annoying propensity for being able to run long distances. I carefully placed the members of my team, noting that the Bramblers only had 4 starting players on the pitch. Strangely, though I had been cock-sure, once the game started they had the full compliment of 10 players (11 minus the injured player) and the kick went straight into the hands of their damned thrower… If there was any way they were going to draw and get extra time in this game it would be through a throw and score approach. I held my breath.

Our assassin lept forward into the breach of their closing defence around their thrower and was promptly knocked out for his bravery… simultaneously, their thrower chucked the ball down the pitch to a player that wasn’t their catcher because, for some unknown reason, he had ran behind the rest of the team towards his own end – doubtless scared of our aggressive nature. The lineman that tried to catch the ball took his eyes off of it and let it spill to the ground at his feet. The whistle blew, we had won!!

The victory was cut short though, when I realised that I was unable to hire Mormal directly after the match despite having 50,000 in the war chest and earned 20,000 in the game. They apparently hadn’t collected the ticket sales yet and so I had to let this apparent superstar go. Damned rules!!

Overview

It’s amazing really – and a tribute to my skill and passion for the team and my players – that we won the trophy despite finishing last in the group stage. Actually, we graduated with flying colours. Learning a game that is actually pretty brutal - even on easy mode - can be quite difficult and i'm quite happy with myself for managing to bring it all together. This will be the last diary for the time being. I have played through a second season where the introduced Chaos team really gave my team a spanking and i lost a few good players... If people have an interest i can write it all up and post it. So let me know in the comments!

Hope you enjoyed this little foray into game diaries. I'll try and think of other games i could do this in and if i get any ideas then i'll probably put something together.