Hollis Polk's Change Your Life in 10 Minutes a Day

Put Off Procrastinating!

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 21:58:00 +0000

Last week, I filed for a copyright on a training course I finished a while back. (It's called Coaching Your Client to a Successful Close, and it teaches basic coaching techniques to real estate brokers and agents. as part of the required 45 hours you need to renew your CA agent or broker license every 4 years). I procrastinated filing for the copyright for a couple of months, which is not really like me, only to discover that it took under an hour, and only $35. What a waste of all the emotional energy involved in procrastination -- the weight, the dread, the self-judgment!

And some problems have a way of getting bigger if you procrastinate them. A small plumbing leak, dealt with immediately, is no big deal. But if you don't deal with it immediately, it can cause a mold infestation, or the warping of your floor, or worse.

This got me to thinking about procrastination -- why we do it, and when. There seem to be 4 reasons to put something off:

Not knowing how to do it
Being overwhelmed
Expecting a bad outcome
Having higher priorities on other things

Let's take these in turn.

Not knowing how to do something - Yes, it's scary all right. You have no idea how to begin.You don't even know what you don't know. This thing looks HUGE.

There really is no cure for this one, except to start. Start by asking questions, or googling anything you can think of that might be related. Then follow wherever the trail leads you. I had no idea how to do a copyright. Was I going to need an attorney? How expensive was this going to be? Terrifying.

Information has a way of showing up when you need it, though. I got an email list notice for a free telesiminar with a copyright attorney. The attorney said you could do it yourself (sigh of relief) and recommended her own book, of course. So I bought the book, which said you should go to www.copyright.gov.

On copyright.gov, there was an ebook explaining the procedure (not all that helpful) -- and instructions on the website as to how to do it. Basically, answer a few questions, pay your $35, and then upload your file. That's it!

Being overwhelmed - There are a few cures for this one:

Chunk it down - There's an old saying, "The journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step." And so it is with projects -- they can all be broken down into a number of steps. Any one step should not overwhelm you. If it does, it's not really one step! Break it down into even smaller parts, till each one feels manageable.
Get help - No, you can't do everything yourself. Lately, I've been having huge technical problems because various versions of the software programs I use don't play well together. I can't figure this out myself -- so yesterday alone, I spent 6 1/2 hours on the phone with tech support from Microsoft and Apple. As this seems excessive, I'm considering finding someone who can do it with a little less involvement on my part.
Pace yourself - You can't do it all at once, either. Choose one step, preferably what seems like it should be first, and do that. Don't expect yourself to do all the steps in a particular time frame. You may not be in control of all the timing -- things take as long as they take, not your idea of how long they should take.

Expecting a bad outcome - Maybe you dread doing something, so you put it off. That dread is a part of you expecting something bad to happen when you take action. What is it that this part of you is expecting? When you've identified the expected problem, you can then identify what you can do to ensure that what you expect doesn't happen.

Let's say you need to change an appointment with someone, but you dread doing it. Here's where it's important to check inside. Why do you dread it? When you check inside yourself, you may discover that part of you is afraid of offending the other person, or afraid that if you ask for the change, you'll never get an appointment at all. When you realize this, perhaps you'll think of things you can do to short circuit the problem, like asking on the phone, instead of by email. And you'll remember that sooner is a much better time to solve this particular problem than later.

Having higher priorities on other things - This is not really procrastination, but rather the realization that you can't actually do everything at once, and some things are more important than others. If you've relegated a particular job to a lower priority, then stop calling it procrastination, and stop beating yourself up for ignoring the task!

Concidence, Synchronicity -- or Telepathy?

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 22:21:00 +0000

On Saturday morning, I went to the Farmers' Market, as usual. I got hungry while I was there, so I stopped at a pupusa stand which makes an amazing meal of a bean, cheese and pork pupusa (a kind of stuffed tortilla) with spicy, vinegary coleslaw and hot tomato sauce. Yum! The only drawback is that this is definitely not fast food -- there's about a 20 minute wait from when you place your order till you receive it.

While I waited, I perused Facebook on my iPhone. One of my friends had posted a link to a new blog post I'd been awaiting for a couple of weeks. I knew my husband had been awaiting it as well, so I called him right away. I don't normally use my phone when I'm out and about unless I absolutely have to, so this was somewhat out of character. He knows I don't like to be texted, so this is a bit out of character for him, too. (He knew I'd never answer the phone if I were driving, which explains the text.)

When he answered, the first thing he said was, "Did you get my text?" I hadn't gotten a text message from him -- but within 30 seconds before my call, he'd texted me to say that this particular blog post was up!

Is this merely a coincidence? According to Webster's dictionary, a coincidence is "an accidental and remarkable occurrence of events, ideas, etc. at the same time...".

Well, okay, it's definitely remarkable, but is it accidental?

Is it more? Is it a synchronicity?

According to Wikipedia, "The idea of synchronicity is that the conceptual relationship of minds, defined as the relationship between ideas, is intricately structured in its own logical way and gives rise to relationships that are not causal in nature. These relationships can manifest themselves as simultaneous occurrences that are meaningfully related."

Maybe, maybe not.

Is it telepathy?

My definition of telepathy is mind to mind communication, unmediated by physical world communication. That is, if we had already spoken and planned to contact each other when the blog post came out, it wouldn't be telepathy. If we looked at each other, shared a meaningful glance, and said, "I just saw this post", it wouldn't be telepathy. But since we were miles apart, and had no communication before the almost simultaneous communication, it could be.

So which is it? My vote is for telepathy. Maybe telepathy explains this particular synchronicity and what others might call a coincidence.

How Do You Know Whom to Trust?

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 18:41:00 +0000

This is not knews to anyone, but our institutions have broken down, and you can't trust them any more:

Government: The entire Iraq war was based on lies.
Elections: The Supreme Court's decision in the Citizens United case allows private groups, funded by corporations, or even foreign governments, to say whatever they want to influence an election, unhampered by any accountability -- nor are the candidates they support accountable for what these groups say. Thus our government is more accountable to these groups than to We the People.
Corporations: Novartis does a 'voluntary' drug recall of major over the counter drugs, because prescription drugs may have gotten mixed in with them. Note that it is voluntary, not mandatory. (Not to mention the abuses of the financial system.)
Commerce: The internet is the Wild West of commercial endeavor - anyone can claim anything, with basicailly no repercussions.
Religious institutions: The Catholic Church effectively condones the sexual abuse of children by hiding it and not disciplining the perpetrators.
Journalism: Fox News spews propaganda 24 hours a day in the US -- but isn't allowed on television in Canada because it is illegal there to lie on TV.

I know I'm not the only one with this issue, because when I posted the following on FB, I got 16 likes and 20 comments, one of my most commented on posts ever:

"I'm always looking for radio guests. Recently I was referred to someone who sent me an email which included this: " I have become one of the World’s Leading Authorities on “How Life Works”. " Am I the only one who is getting really tired of people saying they know EVERYTHING and/or promising the world?"

How do you know whom to trust? This post offers the best ways I know. Sometimes oldies are goodies -- the only thing I thought to add to that post was crowdsourcing, so I added it in the other post instead of here.

Dealing with Uncertainty

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 20:16:00 +0000

Are you feeling stressed out by the amount of uncertainty in your world? Me, too.

When I was getting my MBA, I took a course, called "Self-Assessment and Career Development". In the course, we did a number of standard tests to learn more about ourselves, so that we could plan our careers better. One of these explored how comfortable we were with ambiguity/uncertainty. I was extremely high in this regard -- out there on one tail of the bell curve with the research scientists.

On top of that, I have clairvoyant abilities, so I can see out into the future for planning purposes. I also have a strong belief in inertia, which is the tendency of something to remain going (or not going) along the path on which it is already going. This helps for planning, as well, and for being comfortable with uncertainty.

But I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable with the amount of uncertainty in the world right now. And if I'm feeling it, I'll bet you are, too.

I have a strong sense right now that my belief in inertia is about to be challenged. In fact, I 'see' an image of a point on a graph where the direction changes abruptly, a place where all change is possible, coming quite soon. (See bad drawing on left. Point A is the point to which I refer.) I can see that on the other side of it, things are going to look much the same as today, but much better somehow.

So how do we handle this place where anything is possible? Here is what my guides want us all to remember:

We are all in this together. Since we are co-creating this reality, each of us must do his or her part to create the future we choose. What do you choose? Do you choose the golden rule, or do you choose a situation where he who has the gold, rules? Do you choose freedom and justice for all, or do you choose a government sold to the highest bidder? Do you choose the comfort of the dysfunctional system we have, because at least it is something you know, or do you choose to envision something healthier, even though it's scary because it is unknown?
Vision matters. What is your vision of the future? What is yor vision for yourself? your family? your community? your country? the Earth as a whole? Since we create our realities from our (often unconscious) beliefs, it is important to notice where those beliefs lead us into fear and to shift them to more empowering beliefs. (If you want help with this, call me at 888-4-HOLLIS.)
Collective vision matters. If enough of us have a vision of a better world, say one of ecological health, then this is the way it will go. None of us has to know how to get there, or even exactly where "there" is, we just all have to have a positive vision. This means, of course, that we can't give in to the dystopian visions that fear creates, and that are fed to us by the media.
Action matters. There is an old saying that 'nothing changes until something moves'.
You only have to do your part. Feeling responsible for the future of the world be quite overwhelming. You are not responsible for the entire world; you are only responsible for your part of it and in it. Your part can be meditating and holding the positive vision and/or protesting and/or helping to develop an energy-saving device and/or planting a garden and/or recycling and/or well, you name it. Just do your part, whatever that is.

I really believe that if each of us holds a positive vision for ourselves, our families, our communities, our countries, and the planet, then it will help put us on a good track as we travel through this uncertain time.

Aardvark Education offers 45 hours of CA DRE-approved continuing education courses

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 19:45:00 +0000

Aardvark Education offers the 45 hours of CA DRE-approved continuing education courses needed to renew your California real estate agent's or broker's license. All 45 hours are online and can be done in just 6 days, if you follow the schedule we have set out for you. The courses are interesting, and easy to read. The Consumer Service offering, "Coaching Your Client to a Successful Close", will give you a system to close more sales -- and have a much easier time of it. All for only $79!

Read about our Courses
Our Advice and DRE Rules
How to Do All 45 Hours in Just 6 Days

Trees really DO go dormant in winter!

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 01:29:00 +0000

I make a habit of saying hello to the trees as I walk by them on my daily morning walk. Not every tree, and not the entire walk, but most of the trees on part of the walk.

Because of this, I notice that trees do, in a sense, say hello back. What happens is actually that I send an energetic wave of greeting and appreciation to each tree as I walk -- and the tree sends a return wave of energy, which I can feel in my aura. Different trees are different; some sort of sparkle or shimmer as they do it, with some I can hear a sort of laugh of delight with my clairaudience. Could I be making this up? Absolutely, especially the laughter!

But here's the interesting thing. I'm up in Sacramento, and it's winter here. Though the days will generally reach the high 50s, at night, it is often below freezing, which means that the many deciduous trees are going dormant. Those which have lost all their leaves don't return my hello! The trees that have many orange or yellow or red leaves still seem to return my greeting, but it's very weak, a fraction of what I'm used to. The conifers still return my greeting at full strength. The fact that I can still feel the conifers' greeting in the normal way let's me know that I haven't changed, rather it's the trees which have.

One way we're all one - through water!

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 19:28:00 +0000

This article doesn't even mention the work of Prof. Masaru Emoto!

Scientists investigate water memory | OdeWire

Scientists Prove DNA Can Be Reprogrammed by Words and Frequencies | Wake Up World

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 19:34:00 +0000

There is some really intriguing info in here --

- DNA can be reprogrammed by voice
- Our DNA can be used for hypercommunication (telepathy, etc.)
- At least some of what we think of as starcraft are created by our own consciousness

Unfortunately, the research was all written/published in Russian. My Russian is not good enough to know how accurate this interpretation is.

Scientists Prove DNA Can Be Reprogrammed by Words and Frequencies | Wake Up World

Another Reason NOT to Get into the Wrong Relationship

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 20:25:00 +0000

Here's another lesson courtesy of my friend, Gina (see this post for the background info):

If you're enmeshed with the wrong relationship, you won't be available for the right one.

Imagine that you have a glass -- and it's full of water. How are you going to put in more water? If your heart is full of someone, and that person is not available to you, or treating you badly, how are you going to make space for someone else?

This is what happened with Gina. She remained so attached to Guy #3 that when she met someone else (I'll call him Guy #4), she couldn't connect with him. They found each other on match.com, and quickly decided to meet for coffee. Coffee turned into 3 hours, and then turned into dinner. They clicked on many levels, and had a lot in common. Both were in the medical field. Both liked to hike. Both were spiritually aware. And it went on from there.

Guy #4 recognized that this could be very special, and Gina liked #4 a lot. But as things began to progress, Gina had to admit to herself, and to #4, that she was still hung up on #3, and couldn't really connect to #4 in the way that he deserved. She knows it's hopeless with #3, but is still having trouble letting go of him, for what looks like a much more promising relationship.

So the wrong relationship is preventing her from getting into what might be the right one. Another reason not to get to quickly involved with what might be the wrong relationship.

Book from 11/30 'Your Life, Your Relationships'

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 17:02:00 +0000

This is one of my new favorite books. I knew the information in a few of the chapters, and Wilcock is spot on. So I trust his information for the parts I don't know.

Unconscious mind knows 'what's wrong with this picture'...

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 01:51:00 +0000

New research distinguishes roles of conscious and subconscious awareness

Separating You and Me? 4.74 Degrees - NYTimes.com

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:58:00 +0000

This is interesting, because earlier research showed that, on average, there are 4 degrees of separation between 99% of all people -- and that the best ways to find people are by location and profession.

Separating You and Me? 4.74 Degrees - NYTimes.com

Ways to Handle the Holidays without Shopping

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:50:00 +0000

"Peace on Earth

Good Will to Men"

I don't know about you, but I don't see anything about shopping in that statement. I'm also opposed to buying things for people just because we're conditioned to do so. I mean, I love to give people presents -- what they need, when they need it, or something they'd love, when I see it -- but just because the calendar says so? I think not. (I make an exception here for kids, especially at this season, for a few reasons. First, seeing their faces light up. Second, Santa Klaus/Kris Kringle/Saint Nicolas did traditionally give kids small gifts, as well as stories of the three wise men bringing gifts to baby Jesus, so there is long tradition here.)

That said, I have to say that I'm lucky, in that my extended family either feels the same way, or at least understands that I do, and doesn't insist on a huge gift exchange. I don't remember when that shift happened, as I think the gift giving just sort of faded away.

What do you do if your family does insist? Here are a few ideas:

Talk to other family members about your preferences
Suggest that each family member draw the name of one other family member out of a hat, and then only get a gift for that one person.
Suggest a 'white elephant' gift exchange, where each person brings something they have but don't want or need to give to a name drawn out of a hat at a gathering. People can trade gifts after the official exchange.
Agree upon a dollar limit to each gift.
Instead of gifts, make coupons for your services:

Are you a great cook? Offer to make a meal for the recipient.
Are you handy? Offer a few hours of 'fix-it' services.
Does someone have small kids? Offer a few hours of babysitting.

Make a gift of food.

If you have a baking specialty, make that (my sister-in-law makes the world's best baklava, and there are small plates of it, cut into small squares and wrapped in paper frills, all over her kitchen, destined for many, many people -- apparently one pan feeds a crowd).
There are a bunch of simple recipes here.
Even if you can't bake, you can mix up a batch of soup mix (here's the recipe) and package it, along with the other things needed to make soup. When your recipient makes the soup, she/he will think of you fondly. Who doesn't like soup?

Give your own art and/or crafts.

Use your photos to make calendars -- there are lots of online services that will do this. Everyone needs a calendar -- and what's better than photos that are meaningful to the recipient? You could recent family photos, vacation photos, and old family photos scanned into digital form. You can also personalize the calendars to include family birth dates or other significant events.

If you aren't creative at all, and you still must give presents, here are a couple of ideas:

Give a service (massage, psychic reading, etc. -- yes, call me at 888-446-5547 to set that up)
Give something made in America --www.etsy.com has lots of things made by crafters right here in the US (but you do have to look, not everything is made here)

Thanksgiving Memories

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:38:00 +0000

"Over the river and through the woods

to Grandmother's house we go.

The horse knows the way

to carry the sleigh

through the white and drifted snow... oh!"

My dad actually sang that song as we rode -- in a car -- over a couple of rivers, and through some woods -- and by a bunch of manufacturing plants -- to my grandmother's house for Thanksgiving when I was a little kid.

And that created the first of many fond memories of Thanksgiving. For us, Thanksgiving was the one day of the year when my entire extended family (all 13 of us) were together -- my parents, my sister and me, my aunt and uncle and 4 cousins, both grandmothers and our one remaining grandfather. We kids were all pretty close in age, so we had a lot of fun, playing games, putting on skits and 'haunted houses' for the adults. And of course, eating!

Like all families who can remember an ethnic heritage other than American/English, we had not only the turkey and trimmings, but also ethnic foods. Today, I'd kill for my grandmother's noodle kugel and potato kugel (she took those recipes to her grave, and no one else's comes close). My aunt, born in Sweden, didn't make cranberry sauce, she made lingonberry sauce instead. (Tasted the same to me -- great!). When we got older, there was champagne. One year, there was even a jeroboam of champagne.

So Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I mean, really, what's not to like? You get to appreciate everything, to share that with people you care about -- and then there's all that food! For my family, turkey, stuffing, gravy and lingonberry sauce only appeared once a year.

With every bit of turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce today, I am linked to those happy memories. Even when I cook, I think of my mother and aunt and grandmothers cooking for us all those years ago, and so even the cooking is a kind of ritual. It's a ritual that takes a few days -- and is well worth the time.

I'll be cooking next Wednesday, not writing or doing my radio show. Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone!

Are You Making These Relationship Mistakes?

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 17:13:00 +0000

Gina, a former student of mine, now friend, is newly single after a 25 year marriage. She is capable, energetic, intelligent, caring, and very sensitive energetically.

Gina married her high school sweetheart at 19, got her nursing degree, began working as a nurse and eventually had a daughter. Somewhere along the way, the bloom fell off the rose of her marriage. It was nothing horrible, she wasn't abused or anything, but after her daughter left for college, she decided it was time to move on.

She really had no experience in the dating world, and signed up for match.com with high hopes. And it worked! The first guy she met was an engineer, both smart, funny, and what's more, she was really attracted to him. She slept with him very quickly, and enjoyed that a lot, too. Unfortunately, she discovered that he was an emotional mess, and she needed to take care of him emotionally. She wasn't sure if it was worth it, and backed off. Then she began to feel these odd pains in her lower back.

Enter guy #2 (not the second one she met, but the second with whom she got involved). Also smart, funny, with a great job as an attorney, he was an outdoorsman, and took her on many adventures. Again, she slept with him early on, felt quite close to him and was providing emotional support. But he eventually got so depressed, so enmeshed in his divorce settlement and custody battle that he needed too much from her, out of all proportion to what he was giving, and she moved on. However, he would visit her in her dreams, and occasionally, lying in bed late at night, she'd have the sense that he was lying there beside her. Further, she began having these odd pains in her lower abdomen.

Several months later, she met guy #3. She said he wasn't really her type (but still smart, funny, and with a job he loved as a manufacturing supervisor). She slept with him, too, even though he was still seeing his ex-wife off and on. She began to get attached to him, finding more things right with him -- if only he'd stop playing pushme-pullyou games. He'd somehow become her type, and as she felt that, she began to have this odd ache in her heart, along with a vague fatigue.

What was going on?

Gina had slept with each of these men. Good sex (and she reported that it was!) releases oxytocin, the hormone of connection. So she felt connected to each of them.

She's a nurse, so it is her job to take care of people. She'd carried this over into her personal life. Ever the helper, she had unconsciously offered her help to each of these somewhat needy guys. And they were taking advantage of it!

When we connect with people (actually with animals and even plants, too), we form energetic cords between us. Healthy cords run from an energy center in one person to the same center in someone else. The cord most easily felt and recognized runs from your heart center to someone else's. Healthy cords can also run from, your sexual center to another's sexual center, or from your third eye to theirs, for example.

Gina had formed these energetic connections. When she backed off a relationship, though, she forgot to cut the cords between her and the guy, which meant that he could still connect to her energetically and suck her energy.

I taught her to cut these cords, which she did. She'd feel relief for a little while, and then the pains would begin again. Why?

Each man, cut off from a source of energy/healing which he'd come to expect, would unconsciously feel the cutting of the cord -- and set it up all over again!

Gina had not only to cut the cords, but also needed to protect herself energetically so that the cords wouldn't reappear. When she set energetic boundaries, that is, protected herself energetically, as she cut the cords, they didn't reappear -- and she felt much better.

In sum, then, the relationship mistakes are:

Sleeping with someone before you really know what you're getting into
Forgetting to cut the energetic cords between you and another when a relationship ends
Neglecting to set energetic boundaries between you and another so that they can suck your energy even after the relationship is over

If you want help learning how to cut cords or set energetic boundaries, call me at 888-4-HOLLIS (888-446-5547) or send me an email at hollis@888-4-hollis.com.

Introducing Aardvark!

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 19:05:00 +0000

On Busyness

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 19:29:00 +0000

It seems an article of faith in our more, better, faster culture that being busy is good (busyness is next to godliness?). People practically brag about being overbooked, and how much they have to accomplish, as if this somehow makes them more valuable as people. I don't think it makes them more valuable, and I'm really not so sure busyness is good.

This comes from my personal experience. I have been really busy lately, not just with clients and writing this blog, sending out my newsletter and doing my radio show, which you all see, but also starting a new online business with a partner, and managing another small business I own. I feel kind of guilty all the time, because I'm not 100% on top of everything, and I can't deliver everything to everyone simultaneously. And then there are all the things I want to do, but don't have to do -- enjoy the earth, hang out with friends, help some people I believe in with their projects. A fair percentage of my available attention units are simply taken up with constantly re-evaluating and shifting priorities.

Using those attention units to figure out what to do next precludes using them to reflect, to learn from what just happened. How do you tease out all the lessons from a situation if you don't have time to think about it? If you're making a stew, and it tastes flat, and you gulp it down, all you notice is that it's not too good. It takes time and attention to actually notice what you're eating, to figure out that it needs more salt, and more of some herb, and less fat, perhaps. Or maybe you should have added the herbs as you sauteed the meat, rather than just during the simmering. But if you're so busy that you have to chomp on it while you're driving to your next appointment, you'll never notice. You won't improve your cooking, and you'll continue to make the same mistakes.

How do you get unbusy? Obviously, I'm no expert, since I'm having this predicament at the moment myself. Instead, here is Brig. General Rhonda Cornum, as quoted in Flourish, by Martin Seligman:

"Prioritize.
"A.
"B.
"C.
"Discard C."

How do you know what is an A, a B or a C?

Think of it this way -- there are two dimensions: importance and urgency.

                        Important    Not Important
----------------------------------
Urgent             |       A        |            B?        |
   |------------|------------------|
Not Urgent      |        B      |           C           |
----------------------------------

A - Urgent and Important - There's a humongous fire in the neighborhood. Drop everything, pack up and get ready to evacuate NOW. (This one actually happened.)

B - Important but not Urgent - It's May in CA, where it won't rain till next October or November, and the house needs a new roof. Finding contractors, getting bids, calling all the references. selecting the roofer and scheduling the work all need to happen. They can be put on my to do list, and/or my calendar, and worked in with other things.

B - Urgent but Not Important - For me, this is the hard one. The cat is whining to be fed again. (I just fed him 3 hours ago.) He thinks it's urgent. I know he's not starving. But if I put it off too long, he may express his displeasure in ways I find atrocious -- and which are both urgent an important to clean up (not to mention occasionally expensive.)

C- Not Urgent and Not Important - The back of the refrigerator needs cleaning. Not gonna happen -- at least not until there's pretty much nothing going on in my life. Do I get up from my work, or not?

Evidence for the Existence of a Hypnotic State

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 21:57:00 +0000

Researchers have found evidence for the existence of a hypnotic state

The key was in the glazed staring eyes

Researchers have found evidence for the existence of a hypnotic state -- the key was in the glazed staring eyes
A multidisciplinary group of researchers from Finland (University of Turku and Aalto University) and Sweden (University of Skövde) has found that strange stare may be a key that can eventually lead to a solution to this long debate about the existence of a hypnotic state.
One of the most widely known features of a hypnotized person in the popular culture is a glazed, wide-open look in the eyes. Paradoxically, this sign has not been considered to have any major importance among researchers and has never been studied in any detail, probably due to the fact that it can be seen in only some hypnotized people.
This study was done with a very highly hypnotizable participant who can be hypnotized and dehypnotized by just using a one-word cue. The change between hypnotic state and normal state can thus be varied in seconds.
The researchers used high-resolution eye-tracking methodology and presented a set of well-established oculomotor tasks that trigger automatic eye behavior. They found the glazed stare was accompanied by objectively measurable changes in automatic, reflexive eye behavior that could not be imitated by non-hypnotized participants.
In the field of hypnosis research this result means that hypnosis can no longer be regarded as mental imagery that takes place during a totally normal waking state of consciousness. On the other hand, the result may have wider consequences for psychology and cognitive neuroscience, since it provides the first evidence of the existence of a conscious state in humans that has previously not been scientifically confirmed.
Hypnosis has had a long and controversial history in psychology, psychiatry and neurology. For over 100 years researchers have debated if a special hypnotic state exists or whether it is just about using cognitive strategies and mental imagery in a normal waking state. So far, a hypnotic state has never been convincingly demonstrated, and therefore, many researchers regard the hypnotic state to be just a popular myth in psychology.

3 Ways to Deal with Tough Times

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 17:11:00 +0000

Times are tough. If you've been paying attention, you know that all of the economic gains of the last decade have gone to the top 1% of the population, leaving 99% of us no better off -- or worse off. You know that half of all workers earn less than about $23,600/year. Small business owners have been hurt more than other workers -- with an average decrease in income in the last few years of about 17%.

This has been hitting home in a number of ways. Here's one:

Last week, a friend called me, saying she was at the end of her rope and didn't know what to do. Jenny is a talented psychologist in private practice, generally very positive, very together, very upbeat. Her clients think the world of her -- and say so publicly. But her business is down -- her sales are now less than her rent. Jenny, divorced many years ago, is going through her savings, and although she is in no danger of being homeless any time soon, she's terrified.

When I tried to commiserate with her, saying my business was way off, too, she sobbed, "But you have a husband, you own a home -- you have something!"

I had to acknowledge that that was true, and pointed out her close family and many good friends. Jenny has been a good friend to many people, and so many people would be there if she asked. But she won't ask.

"Why not?", I wanted to know.

Well, because many years ago, her mother, a stiff upper lip Brit, told her that, "People don't want to hear your troubles. If you tell them you have problems, they'll abandon you."

As my Dad (an educated man) used to say, "Them as don't ask, don't get." You have to ask for what you need! How else are people supposed to know you need something?

So for Jenny, step one is acknowledging to her friends that she needs help, and asking for what she needs.

99% of us are all in this together. So the next question, whether or not you're in need right now, is: what do you have to share? If you need a place to stay, can you offer services in exchange? Can you cook? clean? garden? If you have an extra room, are you willing to share that? What would you like in exchange?

We're all in this together -- and the more we can share, the more outside shocks we can all withstand. United we stand...

There's more to it than just sharing, though. Gratitude is hugely important, too, and there are two reasons for this. First, if you are appreciating what is good in your life, you'll have a more positive frame of mind to deal with what is less positive. Second, what you focus on, expands. This is the famed Law of Attraction.

Here's a very partial list of things to be grateful for:

food to eat
clothes to wear
a roof over your head, and the utilities to run the household
any and all good relationships
good health
the ability to get from one place to another
having a body, so you can experience the world at this most interesting time
the beauty of the earth
being connected to the world on the internet

For a really easy and effective way to be grateful -- and totally not what you'd expect -- click here.

To summarize, here are the three ways to deal with tough times:

Ask for what you need
Share what you can
Be grateful for you have

Noise & music are more distracting to introverts at work

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 23:43:00 +0000

And it's even worse if your main perceptual system is auditory! (No research on that, though.)

BPS Occupational Digest: Noise and music are more distracting to introverts at work

A realy simple way to eat less!

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 22:22:00 +0000

Eat with your non-dominant hand! Research here:

BPS Research Digest

Half-Generation Friends

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:38:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, I had my first real conversation with Perry Garfinkel on my radio show, "Your Life, Your Relationships". [You can hear the conversation online here, or here in iTunes.] It was delightful! I felt like I'd made a new friend, or maybe found an older brother I hadn't yet met. Names of several well-known people, whom I'd heard lecture, or whose works I'd read, fell off his tongue -- they were his teacher, his friends, his personal acquaintances. Wow!

It turned out that he's 11 years older than I am. While he was in India, I was in high school (and if I hadn't been intellectually precocious, I'd still have been in grade school)! That meant he was enough older than me to have been in the vanguard of the American consciousness revolution, while I was following distantly in their footsteps.

And that got me to thinking about friends who are a half-generation ahead of or behind me. [A generation is variously described as 20 - 30 years, so a half-generation would be 10 - 15 years.] These are very important friendships!

When I was a kid, my Dad had 2 good friends, men he'd play tennis with each week. One had his own family, with kids around the ages of my sister and me; our two families became friendly. The other, though only a couple of years younger than my Dad, was still single, and actively dating. The women he dated all seemed to be about the same age, 23 - 26, even as he got older. As I entered my teen years, my (temporary) friendships with these young women became very important to me. Why? Well, they were enough older than me to have 'been there, done that', and thereby give good advice (and I had no older sisters or cousins). They were also young enough to understand my world, and therefore not to judge me in the way someone of my parents' age would have.

Today, as an adult, I still have half-generation friends. The older ones point the way into the second half of life. The younger ones change my perspective on the world, because it looks a bit different to them than it does to me.

Who are the half-generation friends in your life? What do they bring to your life?

The Secrets No One Bothers to Tell You…

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 19:54:00 +0000

Is your midlife body getting in your way every day?

Are you missing out on the life you really want because you feel less than wonderful?

Are you…

Exhausted even after a full night of sleep
Sick of hot flashes, dryness, brain fog and other menopause symptoms
Carrying extra weight that’s impossible to get off
Starting to look “your age”
Embarrassed because you’re losing your sex drive
Wishing for companionship, but not so sure about dating after 40
Wondering whether you’ll ever get to retire and what retirement will be like

If you want to look and feel your best for the rest of your life, please join me for an exciting series coming up in October called Cracking the Midlife Code II, hosted by my friend, Nina Price.

It features interviews with more than a dozen top midlife experts (including me!) about the frustrating things we’re dealing with at this time of life: hormones, sleep, sex, weight loss, fitness, how we look and how we feel.

The experts will be teaching you what you can do to take incredibly good care of yourself during midlife so you can enjoy the rest of your life.

In a hurry to save your spot? It’s FREE -- just sign up here!

Here’s what you’re going to learn from the amazing speakers in this free event:

Drop the extra weight once and for all
Learn the best natural health secrets to cope with the changes in your midlife body
How you can help your body, mind and spirit to heal
How to reduce your stress and have more energy
How to deal with age bias
What retirement can look like for us
How to get back in the dating game
How to get better quality sleep so you can wake up feeling refreshed and ready for your day
How to have the best sex of your life

p.s. Do you know the #1 secret about midlife that no one bothers to prepare you for?

Check out Cracking the Midlife Code
http://www.mcssl.com/app/?af=1383669

Coincidence or Synchronicity?

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 17:32:00 +0000

Last weekend, I was chatting with a young woman, who is just beginning to open up psychically. She said, "I'm starting to have all these weird coincidences. Does that happen to you?"

I answered that I preferred to think of them as synchronicities, and that yes, they happen to me all the time. To me, a coincidence is accidental, and a synchronicity is a manifestation of some deeper level of structure, perhaps related to intention. This is borne out by dictionary definitions (shown at the bottom of this article).

And wouldn't you know that a synchronicity happened almost immediately? My husband and I were in LA for a benefit concert for a friend's charitable project, for which my husband had done some publicity. Through a series of misunderstandings, we weren't left the "all access" passes we'd been promised.

At dinner, we discussed this predicament. We were both prepared to pay for general admission tickets -- after all, we'd come all this way. My clear intention, though, was to hang out back stage, or maybe in the VIP area. Here's what happened:

After dinner, we walked back to our motel, which was 6 long blocks from the theater, in a borderline scary neighborhood, to change our clothes. On our walk, I said that after the concert, I'd like to take a taxi back to the motel, as I didn't want to walk there in the wee hours of the morning. My husband said he'd rather get a ride from one of the locals we knew who'd be at the concert. That sounded good to me.

We left the motel, intending to walk up to the theater. As we left, we stepped into the street to avoid some 'action' on the sidewalk. As we did, an empty taxi pulled up to us. We hadn't signaled for it at all. We got in, and the driver asked us if we'd called for a cab! When we said no, he said that someone at the motel had called, but had not given a name or room number! I guess it was our cab -- we just hadn't called for it with a telephone.

The taxi whisked us to the theater -- remember, it's only 6 blocks. As we alighted, our friend, the one whose project the concert was supporting, happened to be behind the cordon, talking to those who'd be checking credentials. He said, gesturing at us, "These people are my set up crew." (He doesn't really have a set up crew.) And we got our all access passes! No fuss, no hassle.

Had we not taken that cab, we would have arrived 10 minutes later. Our friend would already have been inside, directing the concert's video people on how to set up his video. And we would have been stuck with the General Admission tickets -- more money, a crummier experience. Is this a synchronicity? Or a coincidence?

And before the end of the concert, when we left, the young woman who wondered about coincidences, was leaving, too. She gave us a ride back to our motel. Synchronicity? Or coincidence?

Definitions:

According to Webster's dictionary, a coincidence is "an accidental and remarkable occurrence of events, ideas, etc. at the same time...".

According to Wikipedia, "The idea of synchronicity is that the conceptual relationship of minds, defined as the relationship between ideas, is intricately structured in its own logical way and gives rise to relationships that are not causal in nature. These relationships can manifest themselves as simultaneous occurrences that are meaningfully related."

NLPers: Research verifying the Value of Rapport

hollis@888-4-hollis.com (Hollis Polk) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 01:15:00 +0000

There is a lot in here about what influences us beneath the level of our conscious mind. And no surprise, rapport (which they call 'mimicry') is important. Worth downloading the .pdf.

Mind wide open - Vol. 21, Part 4 ( April 2008)