tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59622232930331921662019-10-30T05:08:35.174-04:00Hollow Tree VenturesUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger596125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-78585032533397802022018-10-08T08:30:00.000-04:002018-10-08T09:06:50.993-04:00Those Were the Days...But These Are the Days, Too<div style="text-align: center;"><i>This post is sponsored by the Center for Parent and Teen Communication. All opinions (and memories!) are my own.</i></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wtsQYuQXXFg/W7X8WJeyeJI/AAAAAAABqyw/CQIgOyrjl5IbCVCQHKreEcNhZZOMaQGDgCLcBGAs/s1600/Picture%2B093.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wtsQYuQXXFg/W7X8WJeyeJI/AAAAAAABqyw/CQIgOyrjl5IbCVCQHKreEcNhZZOMaQGDgCLcBGAs/s400/Picture%2B093.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><b>THEN</b><br />Born three months early, he fought with incredible strength in the NICU to get healthy enough to come home. He’d spend hours meticulously lining up Matchbox cars on the dining room floor, and wore Batman or Jedi costumes everywhere we went. I remember how she cried the day he left for kindergarten, missing her best friend and favorite playmate—then laughed with her head thrown back when the bus brought him home every day. She could make a game or silly story out of even the most mundane trip to the grocery store, and cared for the roly poly bugs in the garden like cherished pets.<br /><br /><b>NOW</b><br />That same inner strength took him out of his comfort zone to join clubs and sports in high school to find friends who shared his interests. He spends hours meticulously studying online tutorials to teach himself guitar, piano, and vocals, and asks to shop at thrift stores because he wants to wear clothes that don’t look like everyone else’s. And she, faced with her best friend moving to another school, laughs with her head thrown back as they talk on the phone, their friendship unchanged by distance. She keeps us entertained on long car trips and family dinners with wild, inventive “what if” scenarios and amazes me with her limitless recollection of marine biology facts.<br /><br />Some days I feel like I'm reaching out blindly for the next steps on my parenting journey, but underneath it all my 16-year-old is still the same level-headed, free thinking fighter he was starting as a 2lb 10oz preemie, and my 13-year old is still the same fun, animal-loving problem solver she’s always been.<br /><br />This video got me in the feels—if you have teens (or, if your kids are preschoolers but you’re gearing up for teenagerhood a little early), it’ll probably have the same effect on you:<br /><br /><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JPmqoSwG-Do?rel=0" width="560"></iframe><br /><br />It’s all explained so well in <a href="http://bit.ly/2xJgzay" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this piece from Dr. Ken Ginsburg</a> at the Center for Parent and Teen Communication. As tough as parenting teens can seem, it all feels a little simpler when you think about who they were as wee ones—and realize that deep down they’re still the same people today.<br /><br />Check out (and share!) their resources on navigating the teen years, and let me know—what are some of your favorite memories of your kiddo as a baby, and what incredible things are they up to now?<br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-62316262676718553542017-11-06T08:40:00.004-05:002017-11-06T09:28:57.095-05:00A Simple Way To Keep Your Kids Safe (and Make Parenting Easier)<br />I'm writing in partnership with <a href="http://cleanairmomsaction.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Clean Air Moms Action</a> (but of course all thoughts and opinions are my own) to talk with you a little bit about rules, even though I'm not usually a huge fan of rules.<br /><br />Especially the ones I have to make and then enforce in my own house because, ugh, that's a lot of work.<br /><br />But I DO like the rules that make parenting easier, and life easier in general. Because, as I mentioned, I'm not the hugest fan of work, and anything that does some of the heavy lifting for me, I'm all for.<br /><br />When I'm too tired to make dinner and decide to slip through the drive-through instead, I'm glad there are rules in place about how long that food was allowed to sit around before I showed up to buy it and chuck it unceremoniously into the backseat for my hungry kids to eat.<br /><br />When I rush through the store to get a present for the classmate's birthday party my kid forgot to tell me about until the last minute, I'm glad I don't have to worry too much about whether or not the toy I grab off the shelf is safe to play with because there are rules in place about not using lead paint, and rules that require the manufacturer to let me know whether or not it has tiny parts their little sister is gonna try to eat.<br /><br />I like being told in BOLD, EASY TO READ NOTICES on the packaging when the class snack I accidentally almost picked up contains allergens. I like being able to assume my kids' schools don't have asbestos in them, because the EPA requires them to pass inspections. I appreciate the fact that there are safety measures in place that let me serve tap water to my kids with dinner when I totally space out and forget to get milk (okay fine, fruit punch, whatever).<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0IsNZwatAhI/Wfzo3PHjqwI/AAAAAAAAKAM/gusQ7IR3Ec4rbf99_d_G0AK8LRS4Z4nLgCLcBGAs/s1600/EDFAction_CleanAirMoms_Handout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="776" data-original-width="600" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0IsNZwatAhI/Wfzo3PHjqwI/AAAAAAAAKAM/gusQ7IR3Ec4rbf99_d_G0AK8LRS4Z4nLgCLcBGAs/s1600/EDFAction_CleanAirMoms_Handout.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-8e2dc81b-83e7-e960-c693-15f753efb0af"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(credit: Moms Clean Air Force)</span></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span id="goog_1045634288"></span><span id="goog_1045634289"></span><br /><br />You get what I'm saying. Rules can be good—and the fewer things I have to worry about or spend my time feverishly Googling, the better.<br /><br />Which brings me to my point (I know, you're a little surprised I have a point, but I do)—Congress is looking at a few pieces of legislation right now that could eliminate some of these rules and regulations, plus make it harder to pass new ones. They're the REINS Act and the RAA. <i><b>Please don't glaze over yet, though! This is so important, and there's a really easy way we can help.</b></i><br /><br />Now, at first they might seem like a pretty good idea. The REINS Act says if an agency proposes a regulation that has a $100 million or more annual effect on the economy, it can't take effect without a congressional vote. Sounds like checks and balances, right? Sounds like they're trying to save money, right? But consider this (or, skip to the video below where I'll give you the super duper abbreviated version):<br /><br /><b>Agencies like the FDA, EPA, and OSHA are filled with experts.</b> Those experts, who are given the power to make health and safety regulations by Congress in the first place, do years of research, review, months of public comment, and more review before putting a regulation in place. They aren't just making this stuff up on a whim.<br /><br /><b>Congress, however, by design is filled with politicians.</b> They're not experts on any of this stuff. That's the whole point of having these agencies in the first place.<br /><b><br /></b><b>Also consider that most of these regulations impact big corporations,</b> requiring them to pay more attention, money, and vigilance to what they're doing. Corporations generally don't like that.<br /><br /><b>Under the REINS Act, Congress could just sit on a proposed regulation for 70 days and <i>not</i> vote, which renders it null and void.</b> And let's face it, members of Congress can and have been influenced by lobbyists from these big corporations before, so how hard would it be to convince them to just sit there and do nothing? I LOVE sitting there doing nothing, and I'm not even getting campaign contributions for it!<br /><br />Plus, even if you're not worried about greed or corruption in Congress, <b>the REINS Act will slow the whole process wayyyyyyyy down</b>. I don't know about you, but I don't really want to wait an extra million years to get regulations in place that keep the environment clean and my family safe.<br /><br /><b>Even worse, the REINS Act would also prevent Congress from considering more than one rule relating to the same subject in a single Congress.</b> So, if they debated a regulation to, say, keep a river clean, and they didn't pass it, they wouldn't be able to <i>consider</i> a new regulation regarding keeping that river clean until the next Congress in a year or two, even if they agreed on what compromises were needed that day. Sorry, but from a common sense standpoint that's just utterly stupid.<br /><br />The other piece of legislation they're looking at, the RAA - <a href="https://www.edf.org/blog/2017/05/11/heres-scariest-legislation-youve-never-heard" target="_blank">Regulatory Accountability Act</a> - would compel agencies to adopt the <i>cheapest </i>rules, rather than those deemed most effective or those likely to do the most good. Again, not super logical. I like saving money, but if I'm thirsty there's no point in me buying a cup with a hole in the bottom just because I have a coupon for it. *insert eye roll*<br /><br />I was so surprised by the info my research dug up, I Facebooked Live about it.<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="true" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="315" scrolling="no" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FHollowTreeVentures%2Fvideos%2F1915053281852976%2F&show_text=0&width=560" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" width="560"></iframe><br /><br />BUT WAIT, THERE'S SOMETHING WE CAN DO.<br /><br />AND GLORY BE, IT'S FAST AND EASY!!!<br /><br />Email your members of Congress by <a href="http://membership.onlineaction.org/site/Advocacy?pagename=homepage&id=3055">clicking here</a>. It only takes a minute and is super painless, I promise.<br /><br />With that click, you'll be helping to keep all of us safe at home, school, and the fast food drive-thru line—no word yet on a one-click way to help us remember to get milk at the store, though.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>This is a sponsored post for <a href="http://cleanairmomsaction.org/" style="color: #785327; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">CAMA</a>. All opinions are my own, after doing a ridiculous amount of research to make sure my opinion was right. ;)</em></div><br />For more information on how you can help protect your kiddos, you can visit the <a href="http://cleanairmomsaction.org/" target="_blank">Clean Air Moms website</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/cleanairmomsaction/" target="_blank">Facebook page</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/MomsAction" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/momsaction/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, or <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuWfUW4RVPJQt9BkkU2Nvow" target="_blank">YouTube</a>.<br /><br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-24519120522351594722017-07-15T12:59:00.002-04:002017-07-15T13:04:41.271-04:00Polka-Dotted Children, Rattlesnakes, and Vaccines OH MYWhen I was pregnant with my first baby, the doctor noted (with some alarm) that, for some reason, I wasn't vaccinated for rubella.<br /><br />Getting the shot <i>while</i> you're pregnant can carry risks, so he marked my chart with all sorts of red pen arrow scribbles and neon yellow highlighter to GET VACCINATED IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING BIRTH.<br /><br />"Until then," he advised, only half joking, "steer clear of any polka-dotted children."<br /><br />As if you need another thing to worry about when you're carrying your first baby, right?<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ocSbm1bSdI8/WWaayVXpmmI/AAAAAAAAJAc/-tM9faUgq70a6Jbf_GEt5vp5Q2ZisEDFgCLcBGAs/s1600/pregnant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="602" data-original-width="675" height="533" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ocSbm1bSdI8/WWaayVXpmmI/AAAAAAAAJAc/-tM9faUgq70a6Jbf_GEt5vp5Q2ZisEDFgCLcBGAs/s640/pregnant.jpg" width="600" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Note: This is a photo of me during my third pregnancy. There are exactly zero photos of me during my first two pregnancies, because this is what I look like when I'm pregnant and I was obviously far too large and tired to go find a camera until my third try.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br />I can't remember for sure, but I bet I had nightmares at least once a week about being surrounded by sick, bumpy kids, floating on a giant raft of NOPE through a sea of rubella germs. Of course, outside my weird pregnancy dreams, the odds were low I'd really come in contact with someone who was infected...but the price to pay if you <i>are</i> exposed to the disease while incubating your baby (birth defects, miscarriage, brain damage, etc.) are enough to keep you up at night, anyway.<br /><br />You'd do anything to keep your kids safe, and that starts before they're born.<br /><br />I didn't end up having to avoid any "polka-dotted children" during that pregnancy, but make no mistake — I would have skipped a birthday party for the Queen herself in a heartbeat if she'd so much as had the sniffles.<br /><br />Because hey, you just don't take a chance on your baby's health. If there's something you can actively do to reduce the risk of them getting sick, you do it. Plus, frankly, <i>I</i> don't want to catch the sniffles either, even if they're some kind of fancy royal variety.<br /><br />So when my son was born, tiny and vulnerable and thirteen weeks premature, I did everything in my power to protect him. I enforced hand washing rules until most of my family members barely had any skin left up to their elbows. For the first few months, I didn't take him out to the mall or a kindergarten classroom or anyplace else that tends to be filled with people who might carelessly cough in his general direction. And yup, I made sure he got every vaccine under the sun as soon as he was medically able to get them.<br /><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Y_4Ngb0RtHM/WWacDW--aUI/AAAAAAAAJAk/UdNgeE2CRW4bTG1mdxKKLEkIjD3WDzVVgCLcBGAs/s1600/Jake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="464" data-original-width="675" height="411" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Y_4Ngb0RtHM/WWacDW--aUI/AAAAAAAAJAk/UdNgeE2CRW4bTG1mdxKKLEkIjD3WDzVVgCLcBGAs/s640/Jake.jpg" width="600" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here he is at 2 1/2 weeks old; he'd graduated from wearing surgical masks on his buns to actual preemie diapers, but his arm was still about the size of my thumb. Of course now he's fifteen and taller than me, but that's a different sad story!</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br />For me, vaccinations are just another way to protect my kids' health and safety, the same way I protect them from germs by teaching them proper bathroom hand-washing hygiene, or protect them from danger by telling them they can't have a rattlesnake as a pet.<br /><br />I mean, is there a <i>chance</i> they could have a pet rattlesnake and never get bitten? Sure.<br /><br />But parenting is all about weighing risk versus benefit—and preventable disease, like a venomous rattler bite, is something I'm not willing to risk my kids going through. Not if I can help it. Luckily vaccines are basically 100% benefit with none of the risk, because they're safe...safer even, I'd wager, than the surface of my kids' (probably unwashed) bathroom hands.<br /><br /><i><br /></i> <i><br /></i> <i>This post was written in partnership with <a href="https://ivaccinate.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">I Vaccinate</a>, but all belief in medical science and junk is my own. I don't write about stuff like this very often, but when I found out that my state has one of the worst childhood and overall vaccination rates in the nation (only 54% of toddlers here are up to date on their shots, believe it or not) I wanted to speak up about how important I believe it is. Check out <a href="https://ivaccinate.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">I Vaccinate</a> for more details and facts, and then make sure your kids are covered (not to mention yourselves, parents—that rubella is no joke).</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-27604053378445948782017-04-11T11:08:00.001-04:002017-04-11T11:08:45.214-04:00I'll Take a Side of Athletics With My Kids' Academics, PleaseThe other day my mom referred to me as the “athletic one” in our family, which made me laugh so hard I almost pulled a muscle (something, incidentally, that probably wouldn’t happen to someone who was <i>actually </i>athletic).<br /><br />As I tried to catch my breath, my mom had to agree that the standards for athleticism were pretty low at my house when I was growing up. “Well,” she explained, “my parents always emphasized academics over sports. Heck, my sister was considered the athletic one when we were kids, and that’s just because she liked horses! She didn’t even <i>ride </i>them, she just <i>liked </i>them!”<br /><br />So, that’s how she raised us too, which meant that I was considered “sporty” based on the fact that I was slender and took an elective gym class once (which I dropped on the second day of the semester, by the way). My parents didn’t seem to care too much about what happened in gym; they did, however, have an elaborate cash-based reward system for classroom grades that ensured I always made the honor roll.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4-v1BhkWFF8/WOzxP00QaYI/AAAAAAAAI7Q/76RpwWZQKIMf6MVF8kh1xr5WOhigTEBGACLcB/s1600/069.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4-v1BhkWFF8/WOzxP00QaYI/AAAAAAAAI7Q/76RpwWZQKIMf6MVF8kh1xr5WOhigTEBGACLcB/s400/069.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><span id="goog_1442369443"></span><span id="goog_1442369444"></span><br />We had a good laugh, but I had to wonder: How many other households out there, either through example, their family reward system, or just with passing comments, tend to support academic fitness over physical fitness?<br /><br />Well, this year I’ve spent a lot of time volunteering in my youngest kid’s kindergarten classroom, and let me tell you, it’s been a real eye-opener—and not just because of the shocking amount of nose picking that goes on.<br /><br />Her teacher has the class do fifteen minutes of aerobics and stretches to prep their minds for learning at the start of each day. At the beginning of the year, I have to sheepishly admit I kind of saw that as a waste of valuable learning time <i>(please don’t tell Mrs. Rose I said that, though)</i>. After all, they have gym class, don’t they? But I changed my tune in a hurry when I saw the difference in the kids on days when they didn’t have time to get their blood flowing—lethargic and distracted, to say the least. The same thing happens when bad weather keeps recess confined to the classroom, too.<br /><br />And as for my question, “They have gym class, don’t they?” Yes, they have gym.<br /><br />One day a week. For forty minutes.<br /><br />When you add in twenty minutes for daily recess (or less, if they sit there and pick at their lunch instead of eating it, which OF COURSE THEY DO, because they’re kids), you’re looking at around two hours of PE-related activity total per week. And we aren’t alone at our school; only 4% of elementary schools, 8% of middle schools, and 2% of high schools provide daily PE or its equivalent for the entire school year.<br /><br /><img src="http://voicesforhealthykids.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/PE-Infographic-Schools-Stat-Include-PE.png" height="640" width="628" /><br /><br />Many people, myself included (until this year), are unaware of how little physical activity today's learners are afforded.<br /><br />Let’s face it, though we know that children need sixty minutes of physical activity a day, we mostly just tell ourselves that our kids go to the playground and chase the dog around the house plenty. But is it adding up to an hour of active play? What about when it’s rainy? What about all those months when it’s ALREADY DARK by the time you get home? What about kids who don’t have a safe place to play, or sixty minutes of outdoor supervision at home when their parents aren’t busy making dinner, helping with homework, or giving baths?<br /><br />PE programs can help fill that gap.<br /><br /><img src="http://voicesforhealthykids.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/PE-Infographic-Minutes-Stat-Include-PE.png" height="640" width="627" /><br /><br />Plus, PE class builds confidence and skills they can’t get in other learning environments. Seeing my own daughter's face light up in gym class when she finally managed to dribble a basketball properly was a game changer for me. It was the same look of pride and accomplishment that she gets when she finishes another sight word book, or gets a question right in class.<br /><br />We can’t deprive our kids of these moments.<br /><br />We have to show them that we value PE programs, or else our kids will grow up believing that it’s unimportant, compounding the problem for future generations. Now that I understand the connection, I’m stopping the “academics over athletics” mindset in my house.<br /><br />Because PE doesn’t just help our kids feel better, it also helps our kids <i>learn </i>better.<br /><br /><a href="http://voicesforhealthykids.org/pe" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Voices for Healthy Kids</a>, a joint initiative of the American Heart Association and Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, aims to foster a national conversation about the need to ensure quality PE as a part of every child’s education, because they understand that there’s a strong connection between physical education and academic performance. PE and classroom learning go hand in hand to address the whole child, mind and body.<br /><br />The good news is that the federal education law, <a href="http://voicesforhealthykids.org/ESSA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">ESSA</a>, now includes PE and health as part of what they describe as a “well-rounded curriculum,” meaning that these programs are eligible for federal funding. However, each state has to develop their own plan, and if PE isn’t included in a state’s plan, it won’t have access to that funding!<br /><br />Do you know if your kids are getting enough PE? Join the PE Action Team at <a href="http://www.voicesforhealthykids.org/PE" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Voices For Healthy Kids</a> to protect physical education. Then stop <a href="http://physicaleducation.voicesforhealthykids.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a> to learn more about how you can work to increase PE in your community!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>This post reflects a compensated editorial partnership with Voices for Healthy Kids, a joint initiative of the American Heart Association and Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.</i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-17783199878665161582016-10-20T16:37:00.000-04:002016-10-20T16:37:57.159-04:00Can you survive cold season with kids?<br />Cough and cold season is here, and I'm teaming up with <a href="http://boogiewipes.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Boogie Wipes</a> and <a href="https://www.salinesoothers.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Saline Soothers</a> to help you and your family feel better faster with a Cough & Cold Giveaway. <br /><br /><h2>When Kids Get Sick</h2>From the first sniffle to feeling downright sick, Boogie Wipes has tips, tricks and hacks to guide you through the entire cough and cold season (including great information on how to keep germs from spreading between siblings!) <br /><br /><a href="http://www.boogiewipes.com/cold-and-flu-prevention-survival-guide/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here to read through their cough and cold survival guide and be prepared for the season.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.boogiewipes.com/cold-and-flu-prevention-survival-guide/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><img alt="cc_survivalboogie_lowtext" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1291" src="http://www.boogiewipes.com/wp-content/uploads/cc_survivalBoogie_lowtext.jpg" data-pin-nopin="nopin" height="640" width="640" /></a><br /><br /><h2>When YOU Get Sick</h2>It's bad enough when your kids aren't feeling well, but when you aren't feeling well, it's downright miserable. While there's no cure for the common cold, <a href="https://www.salinesoothers.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Saline Soothers Nose Wipes</a> provide soothing comfort for sore noses with Natural Saline, Vitamin E, Aloe and Chamomile.<br /><br /><a href="https://www.salinesoothers.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here to learn more about Saline Soothers and grab a coupon.</a><br /><br /><a href="https://www.salinesoothers.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><img alt="where-to-purchase" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1292" src="http://www.boogiewipes.com/wp-content/uploads/WHERE-To-PURCHASE.jpg" data-pin-nopin="nopin" height="640" width="640" /></a><br /><br /><h2>It All Comes Down to Saline</h2>Whether you reach for Saline Soothers or grab your kids' Boogie Wipes, it all comes down to Natural Saline. The Natural Saline in both products dissolves mucus, while the Vitamin E, Aloe and Chamomile soothe and comfort even the most sensitive skin. <a href="http://www.boogiewipes.com/saline/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here to learn more about the benefits of all-natural saline.</a><br /><br /><h2>Enter to Win!</h2>Stock up on your cough and cold supplies so you're ready when sickness strikes this season. Complete the form below to enter to win! (<a href="https://promosimple.com/ps/a732" target="_blank">Click here to enter if you do not see the form.</a>)<br /><br />One winner will be randomly chosen to receive Boogie Wipes, Saline Soothers, Burt's Bees cough drops, Purell hand sanitizer, DavidsTea Cold 911 tea and color-changing mug, plus a $100 Target gift card.<br /><br /><div align="center"><a class="promosimple" data-campaign="a732" href="https://promosimple.com/ps/a732"></a><script src="https://promosimple.com/api/1.0/campaign/a732/iframe-loader" type="text/javascript"></script></div><br /><em>Giveaway ends on Monday, November 21, 2016 at 11:59 pm ET. Giveaway is open to residents in US and Canada over the age of 18. If winner lives in Canada, alternate gift card will be provided of same value.</em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-1633316167879316212016-06-03T08:34:00.002-04:002016-06-06T17:41:24.003-04:0020 Things You Never Want To Hear From Your Kids<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bD_etV-46bI/V1CYKET4sRI/AAAAAAAAHqI/u-uOi-fm5BYhylLqfDttKQNjW9ERNwlagCK4B/s1600/Cochlear%2Bfeature.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Of course you want your kids to hit developmental speech and hearing milestones and openly communicate with you, but let’s face it—you don’t want them to communicate EVERYTHING, lol. Here’s a funny list of things you don’t ever want to hear your kids say, as well as some valuable information and resources for parents to help recognize signs of hearing loss in children and find ways to potentially help them hear better. | Cochlear | ad | IWantYouToHear" border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bD_etV-46bI/V1CYKET4sRI/AAAAAAAAHqI/u-uOi-fm5BYhylLqfDttKQNjW9ERNwlagCK4B/s1600/Cochlear%2Bfeature.jpg" title="Of course you want your kids to hit developmental speech and hearing milestones and openly communicate with you, but let’s face it—you don’t want them to communicate EVERYTHING, lol. Here’s a funny list of things you don’t ever want to hear your kids say, as well as some valuable information and resources for parents to help recognize signs of hearing loss in children and find ways to potentially help them hear better. | Cochlear | ad | IWantYouToHear" /></a></div><br />There are few things as important to parents as communication with our kids. From the time they’re born we can’t wait to hear what they’re thinking—like what’s going on in their heads when they spend 20 minutes laughing crazily at a beam of sunshine, and why do they insist on eating random things they find on the sidewalk?!? We want them to understand us when we say, “Don’t put your gum on the dinner table—this is why we can’t have nice things!” and for them to be able to just <i>tell us</i> what’s bothering them instead of screaming inconsolable toddler-babble about it for two hours straight.<br /><br />Of course I’m kidding (sort of); what we’re really waiting for are the I-love-yous and the bedtime songs, we’re listening for coos and babbles to evolve into <i>mama </i>and <i>dada</i>. Eventually we hope to be lucky enough for them to grow into tweens and teens who continue to tell us what’s bothering them, and who understand us when we say, “Seriously, stop putting your gum on the table—this is why we <i>STILL </i>can’t have nice things!”<br /><br />But with the good comes the not-so-good, and all too quickly we learn that every conversation isn’t going to be sunshine and rainbows. As much as we love the idea of communicating with our kids, there are some things we just never want to hear.<br /><br /><b>20 THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR KIDS:</b><br /><br />45-minute recaps of their favorite cartoons.<br />A request for you not to look in the toilet for...uh...no particular reason.<br />“My sock is lumpy.”<br />“I can’t find my shoe.”<br />“I don’t need to go potty, I just peed in the pool!”<br />A reminder it was your turn to bring a class snack...as you’re dropping them off at school.<br />Four-letter words they weren’t supposed to overhear.<br />In-depth descriptions of bodily functions.<br />Any confession involving permanent marker and a sibling’s face.<br />An honest opinion about your new haircut.<br />One of those knock knock jokes that never seem to end.<br />Racy lyrics to a song that, in your defense, they really should have edited for radio.<br />Any indication they’ve noticed that the store you’re in has a toy aisle.<br />News that the class pet is coming home with them over spring break.<br />“Mommy, I dropped my toy again” coming from the backseat, 372 times in a row.<br />An unsolicited reassurance that the cat is fine.<br />“Look, I cut my own hair!”<br />“Uh oh, I don’t feel so good…”<br />“...BRING ME THE PUKE BUCKET!”<br />Unexplained silence.<br /><br />The silence can be especially terrifying, since it tends to signal that your kid is off somewhere painting the dog purple or unloading the Tupperware drawer into the toilet. But it can be scary for another reason, too.<br /><br />When my now 14-year-old was about six, he gradually stopped responding to me when I called his name. He was always a pretty studious kid, so at first I assumed he was so absorbed in what he was doing that he’d blocked everything else out. Okay, maybe I also wondered if he was just plain old ignoring my pleas to get him to eat dinner or get ready for bed.<br /><br />Eventually I started to realize something was really wrong...and that’s when the unexplained silence that had become his usual response started getting scary. He didn’t seem to hear me at all if he wasn’t looking straight at me, and when I did get his attention he’d lean in closely and study my lips when I talked. I was afraid his hearing had been impacted by the fact that he was born three months premature; he’d already outgrown the few developmental delays he’d dealt with after birth, but occasionally some other complication would arise. What if hearing loss was one of them?<br /><br />So I took him to the doctor, and (luckily) discovered the issue was caused by fluid trapped in his ears; after surgery and the insertion of tubes, his hearing returned to normal. His speech development was still impacted though, and he needed speech therapy for a few years in school. The influence hearing has on hitting communication milestones is no joke, people.<br /><br /><br /><br />If you find yourself in a similar situation, notice language delays, or see any signs your kid might have trouble hearing, get to a doctor or hearing specialist (you can easily find one on Cochlear’s <a href="http://bit.ly/1ZsAKzE" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">IWantYouToHear.com</a> website) right away for a diagnosis. Even if you don’t have a relatively simple fix like ours, cochlear implants might be able to help improve your child’s hearing.<br /><br />In operation for over 30 years, Cochlear is the global leader in implantable hearing solutions, providing products (cochlear implants and bone conduction), and helping over 450,000 people worldwide have access to sound. They’re passionate about connecting parents to resources, support, and information on hearing loss—and if you decide cochlear implants are right for you and your child, they become a lifelong partner in finding and updating solutions that work for you.<br /><br />As I experienced after my son’s surgery, there’s nothing on earth like the wide-eyed look you get from your child when they clearly hear your voice again for the first time in a long time (or for the first time ever). Just prepare yourself for the fact that opening up the lines of communication can mean I-love-yous and bedtime songs, but it also means opening yourself up to lengthy conversations about Pokemon.<br /><br />It’s totally worth it, though.<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qKFSynu8K3Q/V1F4S4PO1nI/AAAAAAAAHqk/TH5qrodrfU8dYz9B8RvakLMfY2flQdcfgCK4B/s1600/Cochlear%2Bpin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Of course you want your kids to hit developmental speech and hearing milestones and openly communicate with you, but let’s face it—you don’t want them to communicate EVERYTHING, lol. Here’s a funny list of things you don’t ever want to hear your kids say, as well as some valuable information and resources for parents to help recognize signs of hearing loss in children and find ways to potentially help them hear better. | Cochlear | ad | IWantYouToHear" border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qKFSynu8K3Q/V1F4S4PO1nI/AAAAAAAAHqk/TH5qrodrfU8dYz9B8RvakLMfY2flQdcfgCK4B/s1600/Cochlear%2Bpin.jpg" title="Of course you want your kids to hit developmental speech and hearing milestones and openly communicate with you, but let’s face it—you don’t want them to communicate EVERYTHING, lol. Here’s a funny list of things you don’t ever want to hear your kids say, as well as some valuable information and resources for parents to help recognize signs of hearing loss in children and find ways to potentially help them hear better. | Cochlear | ad | IWantYouToHear" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>This post made possible through the support of Cochlear. All opinions and toilet-water-soaked Tupperware are my own.</i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-41298021012603100152016-05-27T14:37:00.002-04:002016-06-06T14:47:38.437-04:0037 Ways To Fail At Perfection<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SSTqaApFjfk/V0dqWVOnEUI/AAAAAAAAHpo/ArzlFTFbWLMBrSvj1oPq5iJEMgeE6RetQCK4B/s1600/ijwtbp%2Bfeature.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="332" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SSTqaApFjfk/V0dqWVOnEUI/AAAAAAAAHpo/ArzlFTFbWLMBrSvj1oPq5iJEMgeE6RetQCK4B/s640/ijwtbp%2Bfeature.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />If you've spent much time on this planet, at some point or another you've felt pressure to be perfect. Maybe that pressure was coming from someone else, and maybe it was coming from within yourself—a little teenage-you voice inside your head telling you that a pimple on the end of your nose was the end of the world, or a mom-you voice saying that you should do more baking or crafting or that you should actually be able to remember all your kid's friends' moms' names, which frankly I don't even think is scientifically possible—but one way or another we've all felt the pressure to be more. Be better. Be <i>perfect.</i><br /><br />But nobody is perfect, so at some point we've also all failed miserably at trying.<br /><br />Here are just a few examples of ways I might be failing at perfection on any given day of the week (most of them on days during this particular current week):<br /><ol><li>Brought a class snack to school on the wrong day.</li><li>Couldn't fight my way back out of my Spanx.</li><li>Hemmed my daughter's pants, but somehow managed to sew the legs together instead.</li><li>Asked my kid how to use Snapchat, which apparently is about as lame as you can possibly be while attempting to be cool.</li><li>Then was reminded by my kid that he's not allowed to use Snapchat.</li><li>Wore the perfect shade of lipstick...on my teeth.</li><li>Made a beautiful, Pinterest-inspired dinner that tasted disgusting.</li><li>Took 857 attempts to get one decent holiday family photo.</li><li>Wore some sexy new jeans—then got home and realized there's a sparkly My Little Pony sticker on my butt.</li><li>Told my husband a really funny story because I knew it would make him laugh. Which it did. The day before, when <i>he'd </i>told the story to <i>me</i>.</li></ol>Okay, so if you're counting (and still remember the title of this post), you'll notice that I didn't actually list 37 ways to fail at perfection.<br /><br />But I have a good reason for that.<br /><br />YOU GUYS. If you've been here for a while, you're not going to believe this.<br /><br />Remember how, a million years ago, I used to be a writer?<br /><br />Well brace yourselves, because...I still am.<br /><br />I KNOW. Based on the fact that I only put up a new post here once every eighteenth blue moon and I suck on ice about linking to articles I write on other sites, you probably thought I forgot how to computer.<br /><br />But I do still write, and in fact, I'm in a new book that's being released today!!!<br /><br />It's all about people's attempts to be perfect—and their hilariously spectacular failures.<br /><br />Thirty seven of them, to be exact.<br /><br />My essay in the book goes all the way back to when I was in my early twenties. It starts off like this:<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xz9D0wGitEE/V0dpnBP1QEI/AAAAAAAAHpc/pz8YRc3dtgETY_sMhGmfkH9nZ-J_fEOmwCK4B/s1600/IJWTBP%2Bmeme%2B3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="We all feel pressure to be perfect from time to time—and we can all agree that our inevitable failure is hilarious. I Just Want to Be Perfect (the 4th book in the New York Times Bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series) is the funny book about learning to embrace our perfect imperfections. It's a PERFECT choice for your book club, LOL escape, or summer beach read!" border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xz9D0wGitEE/V0dpnBP1QEI/AAAAAAAAHpc/pz8YRc3dtgETY_sMhGmfkH9nZ-J_fEOmwCK4B/s400/IJWTBP%2Bmeme%2B3.jpg" title="We all feel pressure to be perfect from time to time—and we can all agree that our inevitable failure is hilarious. I Just Want to Be Perfect (the 4th book in the New York Times Bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series) is the funny book about learning to embrace our perfect imperfections. It's a PERFECT choice for your book club, LOL escape, or summer beach read!" width="400" /></a></div><br />And then it goes downhill from there. Or uphill, depending on how much you like stories about people who lose their eyebrows thanks to questionable dating choices.<br /><br />I realize now that makes it sound like I ended up dating the nymphomaniac. Let me be very clear that I DID NOT DATE THE NYMPHOMANIAC. The nymphomaniac did, however, give me a very heartfelt and oddly religious Christmas card as I was moving out of that apartment, even though we had never spoken to each other before that moment and I'm pretty sure it wasn't near Christmas.<br /><br />But that's a different story for another time. Back to the book!<br /><br />If you've ever tried to be perfect and failed, you're not alone. In this humorous collection of stories, 37 women detail their misguided quest for perfection and the epic failures that result. Get your copy of <i>I Just Want to Be Perfect</i> (the fourth book in the best-selling series) today, and laugh along with us at the silly and impossible pursuit of perfection.<br /><br />Yes, it's available RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE, so <a href="http://www.hollowtreeventures.com/p/buy-my-book-book-is-available-and.html" target="_blank">go pick up a copy (or several) right now</a>! It'll probably be the most perfect thing you do all day.<br /><br />AWESOME CONTRIBUTORS:<br /><br />Jen Mann - <a href="http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/..." target="_blank">People I Want to Punch in the Throat</a> / <a href="http://www.ijustwanttopeealone.com/" target="_blank">I Just Want to Pee Alone</a><br /><br />Bethany Kriger Thies - <a href="http://badparentingmoments.com/" target="_blank">Bad Parenting Moments</a><br /><br />Deva Nicole Dalporto - <a href="http://mylifesuckers.com/" target="_blank">MyLifeSuckers</a><br /><br />Julianna Wesby Miner - <a href="http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/" target="_blank">Rants From Mommyland </a><br /><br />Lola Lolita - <a href="http://www.sammichespsychmeds.com/" target="_blank">SammichesPsychMeds / MockMom </a><br /><br />Kim Bongiorno - <a href="http://letmestartbysayingblog.com/" target="_blank">Let Me Start By Saying</a><br /><br />Alyson Herzig - <a href="http://theshitastrophy.com/" target="_blank">The Shitastrophy</a><br /><br />Kathryn Leehane - <a href="http://www.foxywinepocket.com/" target="_blank">Foxy Wine Pocket</a><br /><br />Harmony Hobbs - <a href="https://modernmommymadness.com/" target="_blank">Modern Mommy Madness </a><br /><br />Erin Dwyer Dymowski - <a href="http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com/..." target="_blank">Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms</a><br /><br />Tara Wood - <a href="https://lovemorningwood.com/" target="_blank">Love Morning Wood</a><br /><br />Kelcey Kintner - <a href="http://www.mamabirddiaries.com/" target="_blank">The Mama Bird Diaries</a><br /><br />Lisa René LeClair - <a href="http://www.sassypiehole.com/" target="_blank">Sassypiehole</a><br /><br />Joelle Wisler - <a href="https://joellewisler.com/" target="_blank">Joelle Wisler, Writer</a><br /><br />Christine McDevitt Burke - <a href="http://keeperofthefruitloops.com/" target="_blank">Keeper of The Fruit Loops</a><br /><br />Meredith Spidel - <a href="http://www.themomoftheyear.net/" target="_blank">The Mom of the Year</a><br /><br />Meredith Gordon - <a href="http://badsandy.com/" target="_blank">Bad Sandy</a><br /><br />Nicole Leigh Shaw - <a href="http://www.nicoleleighshaw.com/" target="_blank">NicoleLeighShaw.com</a><br /><br />Allison Hart - <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Motherhood..." target="_blank">Motherhood, WTF?</a><br /><br />Jennifer Lizza - <a href="http://www.outsmartedmommy.com/" target="_blank">Outsmarted Mommy</a><br /><br />Suzanne Fleet - <a href="http://www.toulouseandtonic.com/" target="_blank">Toulouse and Tonic</a><br /><br />AK Turner - <a href="http://www.vagabondingwithkids.com/" target="_blank">Vagabonding with Kids</a><br /><br />Robyn Welling - <a href="http://hollowtreeventures.com/" target="_blank">Hollow Tree Ventures</a><br /><br />Ashley Fuchs - <a href="http://www.themalleablemom.com/" target="_blank">The Malleable Mom</a><br /><br />Kim Forde - <a href="http://www.fordevillediaries.com/" target="_blank">The Fordeville Diaries</a><br /><br />E.R. Catalano - <a href="http://www.zoevstheuniverse.com/" target="_blank">Zoe vs. the Universe</a><br /><br />Chrissy Woj - <a href="http://www.quirkychrissy.com/" target="_blank">Quirky Chrissy</a><br /><br />Stacey Gill - <a href="http://onefunnymotha.com/" target="_blank">One Funny Motha</a><br /><br />Wendi Aarons - <a href="http://www.wendiaarons.com/" target="_blank">wendiaarons.com</a><br /><br />Jen Simon – <a href="http://www.jensimonwriter.com/" target="_blank">jensimonwriter.com</a><br /><br />Janel Mills - <a href="http://649point133.com/" target="_blank">649.133: Girls, the Care and Maintenance Of.</a><br /><br />Jessica Azar - <a href="http://herd-management.com/" target="_blank">Herd Management</a><br /><br />Susanne Kerns -<a href="http://thedustyparachute.com/" target="_blank">The Dusty Parachute</a><br /><br />Audrey Hayworth - <a href="http://www.sassmouth.net/" target="_blank">Sass Mouth</a><br /><br />Hedia Anvar - <a href="http://gunmetalgeisha.com/" target="_blank">Gunmetal Geisha</a><br /><br />Christine Organ - <a href="http://christineorgan.com/" target="_blank">christineorgan.com</a><br /><br />Shya Gibbons - <a href="https://www.facebook.com/shya.steph..." target="_blank">ShyaGibbons</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-16549964000482925282016-03-29T09:32:00.000-04:002016-03-29T09:32:04.853-04:00The Ultimate Automated Dial-In Menu For Moms<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-u87QLZ3IBv8/VvqBu0XPf7I/AAAAAAAAHjQ/KeMtStDdCx8yC9m_7Xnle24I-sM1O2qwQ/s1600/Automated%2BDial%2BIn%2BMenu%2BFor%2BMoms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Motherhood can be hard, but this hilarious dial-in menu for moms can help you deal with all those kids' pesky problems and crazy complaints. Too funny—you'll LOL at number 6!" border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-u87QLZ3IBv8/VvqBu0XPf7I/AAAAAAAAHjQ/KeMtStDdCx8yC9m_7Xnle24I-sM1O2qwQ/s1600/Automated%2BDial%2BIn%2BMenu%2BFor%2BMoms.jpg" title="Motherhood can be hard, but this hilarious dial-in menu for moms can help you deal with all those kids' pesky problems and crazy complaints. Too funny—you'll LOL at number 6!" /></a></div><br /><br />As much as I hate getting stuck on the phone with a robotic voice every time I try to call the cable company, I understand why it’s a necessary evil. I mean, they can’t possibly have a real person field millions of random requests and complaints 24 hours a day!<br /><br />Hmmm…. who else does that? Oh right! Moms.<br /><br />Wouldn’t it be nice if moms could set up our own automated menu to sort through the constant demands from our kids? To decide which ones are legitimate requests in need of real live help and which ones can be answered just as easily by a robot?<br /><br />HERE’S WHAT IT WOULD SOUND LIKE:<br /><br /><i>Ring, ring, ring…</i><br /><br />Thank you for calling your mother. Your call is very important to me…unless I haven’t had coffee yet, in which case back away slowly and try your call again later. I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but considering I’m probably busy cleaning your pee off the bathroom floor or washing the laundry you crammed between your bed and the wall, I’m doing the best I can. Please listen carefully to the following menu; your issue will be resolved in the order in which it was received, provided no one drops the phone in the toilet before then.<br /><br />If you want mac and cheese, press 1.<br /><br />If you want mac and cheese but I’ve basically ruined your life by serving it to you in the wrong bowl, please press 1 really hard and hold it down until I get you a new bowl or go insane, whichever comes first.<br /><br /><i>Check out the rest on <a href="http://mommyshorts.com/2016/03/if-you-had-an-automated-dial-in-line-to-field-requests-from-your-kids.html" target="_blank">Mommy Shorts</a>!</i><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QG0r-sdvNrA/VvqDGQSt61I/AAAAAAAAHjc/rjN0F9rPXb8N7LFmM1kPOKTTZgg_p3ukA/s1600/Automated%2BDial%2BIn%2BMenu%2BFor%2BMoms%2Bpin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Motherhood can be hard, but this hilarious dial-in menu for moms can help you deal with all those kids' pesky problems and crazy complaints. Too funny—you'll LOL at number 6!" border="0" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QG0r-sdvNrA/VvqDGQSt61I/AAAAAAAAHjc/rjN0F9rPXb8N7LFmM1kPOKTTZgg_p3ukA/s640/Automated%2BDial%2BIn%2BMenu%2BFor%2BMoms%2Bpin.jpg" title="Motherhood can be hard, but this hilarious dial-in menu for moms can help you deal with all those kids' pesky problems and crazy complaints. Too funny—you'll LOL at number 6!" width="497" /></a></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-50123022999029037952016-02-09T14:27:00.002-05:002016-02-09T14:36:23.283-05:00My Kid Is Doing Honesty Wrong<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bSa9j4mqDqo/Vrovx3ru6cI/AAAAAAAAHgQ/QqqZmFlNzKc/s1600/honesty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Sure, honesty is the best policy, but is it ever okay—preferable, even—for your kid to lie? Check out these parenting tips with a healthy dose of humor." border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bSa9j4mqDqo/Vrovx3ru6cI/AAAAAAAAHgQ/QqqZmFlNzKc/s1600/honesty.jpg" title="Sure, honesty is the best policy, but is it ever okay—preferable, even—for your kid to lie? Check out these parenting tips with a healthy dose of humor." /></a></div><br />I swear, I try my best to raise my kids right.<br /><br />Well, maybe "try" and "my best" are a bit too strong. And "right" isn't exactly the word I'm looking for, either. But I <em>am</em> usually nearby while they're growing up, so they can't help but soak up some of my parenting, even if it is mostly accidental.<br /><br />And like most parents, I thought I should teach my children that honesty is the best policy. Because they should always tell the truth, no matter what. Right?<br /><br />For the most part, this has worked out just dandy. We have them pretty convinced that lying will always make a situation worse, so when they're in trouble or we even <em>suspect</em> they might be up to no good, they'll almost always admit who's at fault. This has cut way back on the Parenting Effort I have to put forth.<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="font-size: large;">Me</span> (tucking Zoe into bed): Uh, it looks like your DS is still on.<br /><span style="font-size: large;">Zoe</span>: Yeah, Jake and I had it all planned out. We were gonna stay up all night playing PictoChat through the wall. You'd better tell him we got caught when you tuck him in.</blockquote>See? She immediately cracked like an egg—no need for threats or an interrogation. Easy peasy.<br /><br />Except sometimes (often) it backfires. Not that I don't want them to be honest, but let's face facts—I'm pretty lazy. And there's certain information that I just don't want to know, because then maybe I'm supposed to do something about it.<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="font-size: large;">Husband</span>: I noticed some hand prints on the bathroom mirror.<br /><span style="font-size: large;">Zoe</span> (arm shooting up in the air like we asked for volunteers to swim in a vat of chocolate pudding): I climb up on the toilet and lean way over onto the sink to look at my hair in the mirror and get stuff out of the medicine cabinet.</blockquote>Now, see? There may be issues with hygiene and safety there that I just wasn't interested in dealing with at that particular moment. Do you at least close the toilet lid before you use it as a ladder? And what exactly are you getting out of the medicine cabinet? Do I need to boil my toothbrush? These aren't things a lazy mom wants to think about.<br /><br />And while we're on the subject of laziness, I also don't want your confession to give me yet ANOTHER thing to discipline you for.<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="font-size: large;">Me</span> (yelling at two rambunctious children): <strong><i>Quit chasing each other through the kitchen while I'm trying to cook!</i></strong><br />(Four seconds elapse. Zoe comes shooting through the kitchen again.)<br /><span style="font-size: large;">Zoe</span>: Mommy! Mommy!<br /><span style="font-size: large;">Me</span>: What???<br /><span style="font-size: large;">Zoe</span> (now in the living room): Nothing, I just wanted to distract you while I cut through the kitchen again.</blockquote>Really? Now I have to do some complicated trigonometry-based Discipline Equation in my head.<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><em>Three demerits for coming in the kitchen, plus two points for being honest about trying to distract me, carry the four, multiplied by two demerits for being SO honest about trying to distract me that it dances dangerously on the edge of sass, divided by the fact that I'm up to my elbows in salmonella-tainted raw chicken juice so I can't chase you around the house with a wooden spoon or whatever good disciplinarians do with their kids when they misbehave.</em></blockquote>I never was very good at math. By the time I finish my calculations, the smoke alarm is going off and I have to figure out how much butter it's going to take to pass off some charred lumps of coal as dinner rolls.<br /><br />What's worse is that she can't really differentiate between "good honesty" and "a little <i>too</i> true."<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="font-size: large;">Zoe</span> (to Gran): I'm almost taller than you!<br /><span style="font-size: large;">Gran</span>: Someday you really will be taller than me.<br /><span style="font-size: large;">Zoe</span>: Of course I will. Because when I get taller you'll be dead, and then you'll be lying down.</blockquote>Luckily Gran has a sense of humor about these things.<br /><br />So sure, honesty is the best policy, but is it ever okay—preferable, even—for your kid to lie?<br /><br />I guess I have to accept that there's some gray area; as much as I want to teach my kids to always tell the truth, there's a little wiggle room in there to allow for little white lies, the ones that save someone's feelings, or avoid spoiling their good time, or at least don't remind them that they'll be dead someday. Or like when your kid finds a four-leaf clover—they get so excited, why ruin it by pointing out that it isn't even clover?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/honesty/026.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Sure, honesty is the best policy, but is it ever okay—preferable, even—for your kid to lie? Check out these parenting tips with a healthy dose of humor." border="0" src="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/honesty/026.jpg" height="640" title="Sure, honesty is the best policy, but is it ever okay—preferable, even—for your kid to lie? Check out these parenting tips with a healthy dose of humor." width="480" /></a></div><br />Besides, nobody wants <em>real</em> honesty, not the 100% All The Time kind. In real life, we live in the gray area. If people really wanted the whole truth, nobody would ever ask, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" We'd read all the ingredients in our candy bars before we ate them, and Google the stuff that sounded like it might be an industrial solvent. Every time you greeted someone with "How's it going?" you'd be asking for a two hour conversation about back pain and lanced boils. Every shower in every bathroom on Earth would be tiled in mirrors.<br /><br />Nobody wants that kind of full disclosure.<br /><br />So kids, listen up. I love your honesty. But sometimes it's okay to keep things to yourselves. Sometimes you can just say, "Okay, Mom" without giving me a bunch of information I didn't ask for; I definitely don't need you to point out certain truths, like when the lady next to us at the grocery store is REALLY, REALLY OLD, and I especially don't want to hear that kind of honesty at top volume.<br /><br />I'm not telling you to lie. Just embrace the gray area within honesty.<br /><br />Because sometimes people want to believe they found a four-leaf clover. Even when it's a weed.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Blh7kF9yUmo/Vro9E673WlI/AAAAAAAAHgg/ZR0BB0qGLKE/s1600/is%2Bit%2Bgood%2Bfor%2Bkids%2Bto%2Blie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Sure, honesty is the best policy, but is it ever okay—preferable, even—for your kid to lie? Check out these parenting tips with a healthy dose of humor." border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Blh7kF9yUmo/Vro9E673WlI/AAAAAAAAHgg/ZR0BB0qGLKE/s1600/is%2Bit%2Bgood%2Bfor%2Bkids%2Bto%2Blie.jpg" title="Sure, honesty is the best policy, but is it ever okay—preferable, even—for your kid to lie? Check out these parenting tips with a healthy dose of humor." /><br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">photo credit: </span></a><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/130178310@N03/16139118181" style="font-size: x-small;">Mischievous Stare</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/" style="font-size: x-small;">photopin</a><a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/" style="font-size: x-small;">(license)</a></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-42345814337916188332016-01-12T12:15:00.003-05:002016-01-12T12:15:40.302-05:005 Ways to Preserve a Happy Marriage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jg79b2h8Z1Q/VpU0XuzwI5I/AAAAAAAAHdw/fHgf-bZkaMw/s1600/5%2Btips%2Bfor%2Ba%2Bhappy%2Bmarriage%2Bfeature.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jg79b2h8Z1Q/VpU0XuzwI5I/AAAAAAAAHdw/fHgf-bZkaMw/s1600/5%2Btips%2Bfor%2Ba%2Bhappy%2Bmarriage%2Bfeature.jpg" /></a></div><br />If there's one thing I'm great at, prior divorce notwithstanding, it's being married.<br /><br />I know a lot of people say marriage requires a lot of work, but I'm not one of them. Maintenance, maybe, but "work" makes it sound like an endless stream of constant drudgery, when in fact research suggests that a solid marriage is actually only 5% drudgery and 80% awesomeness, with a 15% margin of error to allow for how I feel about it when I'm PMSing.<br /><br />So, as a long-awaited public service, I've collected my top Maintenance Tips For A Happy Marriage. Follow these five guidelines, and chances are at least 50/50 (or some other fraction) that your relationship will never require any of that pesky "work."<br /><br /><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;">1. Marry the right person</span><br />This seems like a no-brainer, but it's astonishing how many people skip this step.<br /><br /><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;">2. Communication</span><br />It's all too easy to lose touch with our loved ones, especially if they're not on Twitter for some reason or if the kids are making so much noise you can't hear yourself think. If you're feeling distant from your spouse, even after checking their latest Facebook status updates, I encourage you to address the issue right away.<br /><br />For example, my husband and I were sitting on the couch one day, each silently absorbed in our Smart Phone screens. Suddenly my phone beeped, letting me know he'd added a photo to Facebook, which was news to me even though he was only about two inches from my hip.<br /><blockquote>Me: I don't like it very much that my phone knows more about you than I do.</blockquote><blockquote>Gerry: Like what? What does your phone know?</blockquote><blockquote>Me: It knows...what you're doing on <i>your </i>phone.</blockquote>Then he laughed at me. But the important thing was that I let him know I felt we were drifting apart, and, if someone happened to be watching through the window, it would have appeared that we were engaged in a pleasant conversation. That's half the battle.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;">3. Body Language and Thoughtful Gestures</span><br />On the subject of communication, let's face it—sometimes it can be easy to get your feelings hurt if you listen to the actual words that someone says. Or you might go through a dry spell where it seems like ages since your spouse last paid you a compliment.<br /><br />At these times, remember that the love in your relationship is often unspoken. When he comes home with four gallons of ice cream, it's his way of saying, "Baby, I think those extra 20 pounds are super sexy—don't you change a thing." When he plops down on the couch and unceremoniously changes the channel from HGTV to ESPN, he's saying, "Honey, you don't need these decorating tips—the house looks great!" And when she subsequently cuts him the side eyes and leaves the room in an apparent huff, what she's really thinking is, "That's okay, dearest, I'll use this bit of free time to eat some ice cream. And then I'll help you combine your passions for athletics and recycled mulch by tossing all your sports equipment in the chipper shredder."<br /><br />If you look for it, the love is there.<br /><br /><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;">4. Say Thank You</span><br />Also, look for reasons to be grateful for your spouse, and make sure to let them know they're appreciated. This makes them feel good, and inspires them to do more of the things you appreciate, which creates a self-perpetuating cycle of positive vibes.<br /><br />If your spouse isn't doing anything particularly noteworthy, you might have to dig for things to be grateful for at first. Try these words of praise to get started:<br /><ul><li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Thanks a lot for mouth-breathing less than usual.</div></li><li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">It's impressive how high you can get the trash to pile up without toppling before you take it outside.</div></li><li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Your efforts to get your filthy clothes within a five-foot radius of the hamper make doing your laundry a real treat.</div></li><li>I appreciate how you only belched audibly twice while we were out to dinner with my parents.<br /> </li></ul>With encouragement like this, it won't take your spouse long to get an idea of how much you cherish his or her contribution to the partnership.<br /><br /><span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;">5. Hygiene</span><br />Sadly, it's common for people to let themselves go after the wedding vows are wrapped up, especially once children enter the equation. I urge you to avoid this if at all possible—being married doesn't give you a free pass to become utterly repulsive. Refrain from clipping your toenails on the couch. Take the time to spritz on some body spray when you hit day four of being too exhausted to take a shower. Shaving is a nice touch, just try not to leave the entire bathroom peppered with your stubble. The extra effort will go a long way toward keeping the spark in your marriage alive, or should at least reduce your spouse's urge to smother you in your sleep.<br /><br /><br />If you can manage to keep all five of these tips in mind, or at least one or two of them if you're on an long car trip with the children or you're working on a home improvement project together (nobody expects you to be a saint), you have an excellent chance* of still liking each other by the time the kids move out and you eventually get to spend time as a couple again.<br /><blockquote>*Actual results may vary. Please be advised that I have no idea what I'm talking about.</blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TUGYnbJqAnA/VpU0hyPgOsI/AAAAAAAAHd4/kxUe3Xdmvcc/s1600/5%2Btips%2Bfor%2Ba%2Bhappy%2Bmarriage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TUGYnbJqAnA/VpU0hyPgOsI/AAAAAAAAHd4/kxUe3Xdmvcc/s1600/5%2Btips%2Bfor%2Ba%2Bhappy%2Bmarriage.jpg" /></a></div><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">This article was originally written for <a href="http://nakedgirlinadress.com/7031/5-tips-for-a-happy-marriage/" target="_blank"><i>Naked Girl in a Dress</i></a>. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-61812169769253035952015-12-21T07:41:00.000-05:002015-12-21T08:28:58.083-05:00How To Get the Most Out Of Your Ugly Christmas SweaterI was the proud owner of an ugly Christmas sweater a number of years ago, which I purchased as a joke (aren't they always?) and wore proudly...exactly once.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong—I <i>love </i>the humor of a ridiculously ugly holiday sweater, and we all know I'm far from afraid to embarrass myself for a good laugh. But I'd never bought another one because I thought, "Why spend money on something I'll only wear once and then stick in a drawer until next year?" I'm willing to bet you've thought the same thing yourself.<br /><br />BUT LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.<br /><br />The trouble isn't the sweaters, people—the trouble is that we're using them wrong! So this year with my <i>new and improved</i> non-matching-except-in-ugliness <a href="http://www.tipsyelves.com/womens-t-rex-christmas-sweater" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">T-rex sweater</a>/<a href="http://www.tipsyelves.com/candy-cane-christmas-leggings" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">candy cane leggings</a> combo, I've made it my goal to prove to you how you can really get an amazing amount of wear and enjoyment from your investment in an ugly Christmas sweater.<br /><br />Sure, you'll want to wear it to your casual family Christmas party, but why stop there? If you have a fancier holiday shindig to go to, you can dress your sweater up with a few simple accessories!<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jOr16zkvO3M/Vnftsp2LdOI/AAAAAAAAHUM/BfSb6lvYt2A/s1600/dressing%2Bup%2Bmy%2Bugly%2BChristmas%2Bsweater%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jOr16zkvO3M/Vnftsp2LdOI/AAAAAAAAHUM/BfSb6lvYt2A/s1600/dressing%2Bup%2Bmy%2Bugly%2BChristmas%2Bsweater%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Miss Universe WISHES she'd thought to rock a boa-topped dinosaur sweater.</td></tr></tbody></table><span id="goog_1005341424"></span><span id="goog_1005341425"></span><br />Be sure to get it through your never-ending laundry cycle ASAP so you can break it back out in time to decorate the tree...<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UB3JbuhjZNc/Vnft1eDipiI/AAAAAAAAHUY/IWJkt4sNTgc/s1600/decorate%2Bthe%2BChristmas%2Btree%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UB3JbuhjZNc/Vnft1eDipiI/AAAAAAAAHUY/IWJkt4sNTgc/s1600/decorate%2Bthe%2BChristmas%2Btree%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Please note that the sweater was in no way responsible for the fact that the first ornament on our tree was a glow-in-the-dark bracelet that stopped glowing about seven months ago.</td></tr></tbody></table><br />...and wear it in your festive holiday family photos!<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zL7lDTIy3T4/Vnft7H3TwDI/AAAAAAAAHUk/NnvjDZNrY0Q/s1600/family%2Bphoto%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zL7lDTIy3T4/Vnft7H3TwDI/AAAAAAAAHUk/NnvjDZNrY0Q/s1600/family%2Bphoto%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not pictured: Most of my children, because <i>OMG Mom, as if.</i></td></tr></tbody></table>Bring the joy of the season to the office by wearing a "business in the back, party in the front" ensemble to work.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tk2jrTFmEMM/VnfuKQmsDdI/AAAAAAAAHUw/AOGMsLBFEY4/s1600/headed%2Bto%2Bwork%2Bin%2Bmy%2Bugly%2BChristmas%2Bsweater%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tk2jrTFmEMM/VnfuKQmsDdI/AAAAAAAAHUw/AOGMsLBFEY4/s1600/headed%2Bto%2Bwork%2Bin%2Bmy%2Bugly%2BChristmas%2Bsweater%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The jacket says you mean business in the boardroom, while the sweater says that even serious professionals think extinct animals with comically short arms opening Christmas presents are hilarious.</td></tr></tbody></table><br />And bring a smile/pity to your mail carrier's face with your ugly sweater when she's dropping off holiday packages!<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QuABhWkyKVk/VnfuUObDsWI/AAAAAAAAHU8/5p03hDcvznI/s1600/scaring%2Bmy%2Bmail%2Bcarrier%2Bin%2Bmy%2Bugly%2BChristmas%2Bsweater%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QuABhWkyKVk/VnfuUObDsWI/AAAAAAAAHU8/5p03hDcvznI/s1600/scaring%2Bmy%2Bmail%2Bcarrier%2Bin%2Bmy%2Bugly%2BChristmas%2Bsweater%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have the best, most patient mail carrier in the universe.<br />I hope she comes back someday.</td></tr></tbody></table><br />As you can see, this delightful little number is perfect for any holiday occasion—frankly, an ugly Christmas sweater is so versatile you'll never want to take it off!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-L0erENS1nEA/Vnfuad3_2pI/AAAAAAAAHVI/Esy_cod83HI/s1600/showering%2Bin%2Bmy%2Bugly%2BChristmas%2Bsweater%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-L0erENS1nEA/Vnfuad3_2pI/AAAAAAAAHVI/Esy_cod83HI/s1600/showering%2Bin%2Bmy%2Bugly%2BChristmas%2Bsweater%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" /></a></div><br />My new ugly (yet shockingly comfortable) Christmas ensemble was provided by the fine folks at <a href="http://www.tipsyelves.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Tipsy Elves</a>, who do ugly Christmas sweaters better than anyone you'll ever meet! At the time of this post they're having a fabulous sale, so now that you know it's well worth your time to pick up an ugly holiday sweater GET OVER THERE AND DO IT! And, if for some inexplicable reason you're still not sold on the sweater, they have jumpsuits, college gear, PJs and all sorts of other stuff you surely can't live without. (If you're still looking for a gift to get me, I'll take a <a href="http://www.tipsyelves.com/christmas-flasks" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">flask</a> or three, thanks!)<br /><br />Special thanks to #TipsyElves for the holiday cheer—all opinions and secret desires to wear an outfit every day about which I can constantly point out "My pants match my dinosaur's scarf!" are entirely my own.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-8740011279760535232015-11-16T06:59:00.000-05:002015-11-23T12:29:51.390-05:00When will my family get grateful? A Thanksgiving Guide<p style="margin-left:-37px"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-07KEEiTDdaI/VlNMQ9tmYRI/AAAAAAAAHMs/dthuxzR8K2w/s1600/Thanksgiving%2Bgratitude%2Bguide%2Bfeature.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="341" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-07KEEiTDdaI/VlNMQ9tmYRI/AAAAAAAAHMs/dthuxzR8K2w/s640/Thanksgiving%2Bgratitude%2Bguide%2Bfeature.png" width="640" /></a></p>Like any other holiday, Thanksgiving means different things to different people. For some, it's an occasion to pause and reflect on all the marvelous blessings they have in their lives. For others, it's a massive guilt trip for not feeling more grateful on the other 364 days of the year. And for the rest, it's an excuse to joyfully gorge on their favorite dish—candied yams—since no one in their right mind serves that slop at any other meal.<br /><br />But no matter what you're thankful for, one thing is for sure—sooner or later, that Thanksgiving gratitude will creep into your heart. I believe we've established how I feel about dedicating <i><a href="http://www.hollowtreeventures.com/2013/11/the-not-so-funny-problem-with-november.html" target="_blank">the entire month of November</a></i> to setting off Facebook confetti cannons of gushy praise for everything from Junior's above-average cuticle grooming to the miracle of indoor plumbing, but even <i>I</i> can't resist reveling in the warm fuzzy recognition of all that's right with my world...eventually.<br /><br />Sometimes it just takes a little longer than others.<br /><br />I usually start gearing up the gratitude during the days leading up to the big Hug-fest Feast. However, don't worry if turkey day arrives and your family still hasn't started appreciatively swooning with appreciation for all the good fortune they're supposed to be appreciating. It's not too late! Thanksgiving isn't ruined until a fight breaks out on the lawn; barring that, the spirit will strike them at <i>some </i>point. Different people simply start feeling the love at different times.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aWC7Xj2FRx8/VkpH4rX4XYI/AAAAAAAAHME/XpEfwJE-eIw/s1600/Thanksgiving%2Bgratitude%2Bguide%2Bby%2BRobyn%2BWelling%2B%2540RobynHTV.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Thanksgiving gratitude guide by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aWC7Xj2FRx8/VkpH4rX4XYI/AAAAAAAAHME/XpEfwJE-eIw/s640/Thanksgiving%2Bgratitude%2Bguide%2Bby%2BRobyn%2BWelling%2B%2540RobynHTV.png" title="Thanksgiving gratitude guide by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" width="439" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>When will they get grateful?</b></i> A Thanksgiving guide:</span></div><br /><b>Grandma:</b> The moment she arrives at your home, which is filled with loving family and the mouth-watering aromas of a Thanksgiving meal that, after 45 consecutive years, she finally didn't have to cook herself.<br /><br /><b>Aunt:</b> When you show her where the secret stash of extra wine is hidden.<br /><br /><b>Uncle:</b> When he's offered the "honor" of carving the turkey...and manages to slip out of the room after successfully pretending he didn't hear the offer.<br /><br /><b>Sister-in-law:</b> When she determines your turkey is much more dry and gamey than hers was last year.<br /><br /><b>Kids:</b> When someone leaves the spray can of whipped cream unattended.<br /><br /><b>The Black-Sheep Cousin:</b> During his first 30-minute smoke break that suspiciously doesn't leave him smelling like, um, <i>regular </i>smoke.<br /><br /><b>Dad:</b> As soon as the Big Game starts.<br /><br /><b>Drunk Uncle:</b> As soon as Dad's favored team in the Big Game starts losing, thus giving him something to comment about loudly.<br /><br /><b>Grandpa:</b> As soon as he stops trying to get Drunk Uncle to shut up, pops his hearing aid out and falls asleep on the couch.<br /><br /><b>Mom:</b> After an elaborate meal is cooked and on the table, everyone has had thirds, she's steered the dinner conversation away from religion, politics, and her sister's plastic surgery, the dishes have been cleared, washed, and packed away in the special spot reserved for the holiday china, and (of course) she breaks up the inevitable fight on the lawn.<br /><br />Happy Thanksgiving, everyone—whenever you start to feel the spirit!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-13510485499531681292015-09-28T12:16:00.000-04:002015-09-28T12:16:11.133-04:00My Worst-Kept Cleaning SecretThe life cycle of clutter begins with small, manageable collections of things you’ll deal with later: a neat stack of mail you don’t have time to read, a broken toy you can’t fix right now because it’s lunch time, a few pairs of shoes that seem to multiply by the door.<br /><br />The collections grow. Neat stacks become piles. Piles become mounds. Mounds are occasionally manhandled back into something approximating neat stacks.<br /><br />Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I aren’t slobs . . . exactly. We don’t leave molding pizza boxes lying on our coffee table, and we’re rarely more than seven loads behind on the laundry. However, we do enable each other’s tendency to clutter; he ignores my teetering columns of 12×12 scrapbooking paper, I overlook his “change tray” that’s so full of change (and spare keys and old receipts and paper clips) that I only know there’s a tray under there from memory.<br /><br />So what makes us finally clean — and why is my 4-year-old so excited about HELPING us clean?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nilVdAghDnM/VgKv6vr-xNI/AAAAAAAAGKI/iiid5J-DgQg/s1600/cleaning_helper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nilVdAghDnM/VgKv6vr-xNI/AAAAAAAAGKI/iiid5J-DgQg/s1600/cleaning_helper.jpg" /></a></div><br />Find out on BonBon Break, where I'm sharing <a href="http://www.bonbonbreak.com/simple-cleaning-tip/" target="_blank">The Simple Cleaning Tip That's Hard To Explain</a>. It's sort of hilarious, extremely embarrassing, and <i>definitely </i>something you'll be tempted to try yourself!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-87109429184694972372015-09-24T16:18:00.001-04:002015-09-24T16:29:23.064-04:00There's More Than One Way To #WIN at Potty Training<img src="https://d2r43380ctw9vx.cloudfront.net/60373d9b81f8e43cff663db7377c7301.gif?ts=[timestamp]&rd=[random]" />I'm teaming up with Kandoo to share a fun way to celebrate the potty training process, plus a chance to win one of 50 Potty Training Prize Packs.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Scroll to the bottom of this post to enter to win one of 50 Potty Prize Kits from Kandoo!</strong><br /><br /><img alt="As every parent can attest, potty training can be a process. We're here to make your job easier. Follow these four tips for potty training success, and you'll be doing the potty dance in no time." class="alignnone size-full wp-image-881" src="http://www.kandookids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Potty-Party-Collage.jpg" height="291" width="600" /><br /><br />Hosting your own potty training party is easy! Whether you're getting your little one excited to start using the potty or you're celebrating a big success, a potty training party can add some fun and excitement to the potty training experience.<br /><br /><h2>1. Invite Your Friends</h2><br /><img alt="Hosting your own potty training party is easy! Whether you're getting your little one excited to start using the potty or you're celebrating a big success, a potty training party can add some fun and excitement to the potty training experience." class="size-full wp-image-890" src="http://www.kandookids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Bring-your-Buddies.jpg" height="424" title="Hosting your own potty training party is easy! Whether you're getting your little one excited to start using the potty or you're celebrating a big success, a potty training party can add some fun and excitement to the potty training experience." width="600" /><br /><br />A party is always better with friends. Invite all of your potty training (or soon-to-be potty training) buddies, and get ready to have some fun.<br /><br /><h2>2. Download our Toolkit</h2><br /><img alt="Hosting your own potty training party is easy! Whether you're getting your little one excited to start using the potty or you're celebrating a big success, a potty training party can add some fun and excitement to the potty training experience." class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-891" src="http://www.kandookids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/pint_toolkit_1300.jpg" height="1114" width="600" /><br /><br />Our Potty Training Toolkit offers great potty training tips and tools to make using the potty a huge success in your house. <a href="http://www.kandookids.com/kandoo-potty-training-toolkit/" rel="”nofollow”" target="_blank">Click here to download your free toolkit.</a><br /><br /><h2>3. Play Potty Games</h2><br /><img alt="Hosting your own potty training party is easy! Whether you're getting your little one excited to start using the potty or you're celebrating a big success, a potty training party can add some fun and excitement to the potty training experience." class="alignnone size-full wp-image-892" src="http://www.kandookids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Potty-Party-Games.jpg" height="937" width="600" /><br /><br />Ditch those dirty diapers with a game of Diaper Toss. Kids can take turns tossing diapers into a trash can. While they toss, they can SAY GOODBYE to those yucky old diapers and HELLO to big kid underpants.<br /><br /><img alt="Hosting your own potty training party is easy! Whether you're getting your little one excited to start using the potty or you're celebrating a big success, a potty training party can add some fun and excitement to the potty training experience." class="alignnone size-full wp-image-893" src="http://www.kandookids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Kandoo-Potty-Training-Game.jpg" height="486" width="600" /><br /><br />Another fun game? Pull out your potty seats and have kids play I KANDOO IT. It's a lot like Duck, Duck Goose, but instead have the kids say: I Can, I Can, I KANDOO IT! <br /><br /><h2>4. Don't forget the Sweet Treats</h2><br /><img alt="Hosting your own potty training party is easy! Whether you're getting your little one excited to start using the potty or you're celebrating a big success, a potty training party can add some fun and excitement to the potty training experience." class="alignnone size-full wp-image-895" src="http://www.kandookids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/pint_cupcakeboy1300.jpg" height="1116" width="600" /><br /><br />Every good party includes some sweet treats. And every kid on the potty would like some potty treats to help celebrate their wins.<br /><br /><h2>5. Stock up on Kandoo Flushable Wipes - and Other Swag</h2><br /><img alt="Hosting your own potty training party is easy! Whether you're getting your little one excited to start using the potty or you're celebrating a big success, a potty training party can add some fun and excitement to the potty training experience." class="alignnone size-full wp-image-896" src="http://www.kandookids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/pint_swag_1300.jpg" height="1116" width="600" /><br /><br />Don't send your guests home empty handed. Party favors can include Kandoo Flushable Cleansing Wipes, their own copy of the <a href="http://www.kandookids.com/kandoo-potty-training-toolkit/" rel="”nofollow”" target="_blank">Kandoo Potty Training Toolkit</a>, Kandoo hand soap and a bag of potty treats. <br /><br />Kandoo Flushable Cleansing Wipes <strong>clean up to 30% better than toilet paper</strong>, and our hand soap with BRIGHTFOAM® colors lets your child know when his/her hands are covered in soap. <br /><br />If your child likes to be independent, Kandoo products can help!<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OqHDg-DGWsM?rel=0&controls=0&showinfo=0" width="560"></iframe><br /><br /><a href="http://www.kandookids.com/save-big-with-us/" rel="”nofollow”" target="_blank">Click here to download a coupon and save on Kandoo products.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.kandookids.com/save-big-with-us/" rel="”nofollow”" target="_blank"><img alt="As every parent can attest, potty training can be a process. We're here to make your job easier. Follow these four tips for potty training success, and you'll be doing the potty dance in no time." class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-877" src="http://www.kandookids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/coupon-button.png" height="63" width="300" /></a><br /><br /><h3>Enter to Win: 50 winners!</h3><br />Complete the form below to enter to win one of 50 Kandoo Potty Training Prize Packs.<br /><br /><div align="center"><a class="promosimple" data-campaign="824a" href="https://promosimple.com/ps/824a"></a><script src="https://promosimple.com/api/1.0/campaign/824a/iframe-loader" type="text/javascript"></script></div><br /><em>Giveaway ends at 11:59 pm ET on Friday, October 9, 2015. Entrants must be residents of the United States or Canada. Promotion is void in Quebec.</em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-14221057271690384202015-09-08T15:51:00.000-04:002015-09-08T15:51:19.201-04:00I Might Be a FelonA million years ago, I used to be a banker. I was a financial counselor, a loan officer, an annuities specialist, and a corporate lender, and all of it was every bit as boring as it sounds — except when I was a teller working the drive-though.<br /><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">My branch had an office downtown with a long row of teller windows, but due to traffic restrictions our drive-through lanes were several blocks away in a separate facility.</div>There was a lot to love about the drive-through, like sending suckers through the tubes to kids who were screaming in their car seats (obviously this was before I had kids of my own — now I know what those poor parents were likely muttering under their breath about me and my sugar-rush lollipops of doom). I loved the quiet, I loved smiling and waving instead of talking because no one could hear you over the crackly speakers anyway. But above all, I loved it because the building was too small to include a manager's office.<br /><br /> <div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;"><i>Ahh, the freedom.</i></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">Of course, that freedom is what got me into trouble.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.inthepowderroom.com/shit-happens/2014-02-caught-film-robbing-bank.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="I was caught on film robbing a bank by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" src="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/ITPR/IwascaughtonfilmrobbingabankbyRobynWellingRobynHTVsmall_zps8d5966f8.png" title="I was caught on film robbing a bank by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" /></a></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;"><br /></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">We never got many customers and had zero supervision, which translated into plenty of opportunities to goof off — like the time another teller and I discovered the Lost and Found box. Deep in a drawer, beneath a flashlight and some other random junk, we struck gold: a disposable camera! A quick check of the exposure count showed it was brand new and full of film.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">I'd worked there for over a year, so it was safe to assume that if nobody had claimed the camera yet, they probably never would. So, high on recirculated air and Whatchamacallit bars from the break room, we decided to have some fun. We entertained ourselves for hours, making goofy faces and staging several photos that looked like we were robbing the vault. <i>Hahaha,</i>we thought, putting the camera back, loaded with 36 pictures of us acting like idiots. <i>If they ever DO come back and get this film developed, they're in for a big surprise!</i></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">Fast forward six months to a far more exciting day at the drive-though. I was flipping through a magazine while another teller painted her nails, when a car came whipping around the building. We watched in disbelief as... <i>crunch!</i>In a rush to deposit her paycheck, a woman hit the cement pylon between drive-though lanes.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">We could see she was fine, but as a precaution against robbery we couldn't leave the building without calling to let management know first. I dialed the number and told my manager what had happened.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">"Okay, go out and check on her. And don't forget to take the AEK."</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">"Um, the what?"</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">"The Accident Emergency Kit. There should be a box there with a flashlight, and paper to take notes. There's also a disposable camera — be sure to take pictures of the damage to her car, for insurance purposes."</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">Needless to say, this was the first time I'd heard anything about the existence an Accident Emergency Kit.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">The manager was quite perplexed when I informed her we didn't seem to have one.</div><center><br /></center><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I originally wrote this post for </i><a href="http://inthepowderroom.com/" target="_blank">In The Powder Room</a><i>; it is republished here with permission.</i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-88323070454357660882015-08-24T17:33:00.000-04:002015-08-25T07:09:11.697-04:0099 Ways Moms REALLY Spend Time At a National ParkLast week, I got an email letting me know that the National Park Service is turning 99 years old on August 25 (look at that, 'Merica - we're getting all grown up!) and to celebrate, they're <a href="http://www.nps.gov/findapark/feefreeparks.htm" target="_blank">waiving entrance fees</a> at all their parks on their birthday. They also sent me a list of 99 ways to <a href="http://findyourpark.com/nps99" target="_blank">#FindYourPark</a>, including items like "Make a memory."<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Eqn3KolD4_8/VduOS2uSv0I/AAAAAAAAGHA/fKmACh09AWM/s1600/99%2Bthings%2Bparents%2Bdo%2Bin%2Ba%2Bnational%2Bpark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Eqn3KolD4_8/VduOS2uSv0I/AAAAAAAAGHA/fKmACh09AWM/s1600/99%2Bthings%2Bparents%2Bdo%2Bin%2Ba%2Bnational%2Bpark.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">Or, be seen yelling, "HEY, WAIT UP GUYS, WHERE THE %$&@* DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?"</td></tr></tbody></table></td></tr></tbody></table>Oh, we parents are sure to make a memory almost every time we take our kids anywhere, but probably not exactly the ones we hoped we'd make. So, to give myself an excuse to tell you to GET OUT TO YOUR NEAREST NATIONAL PARK and enjoy time with your children, while simultaneously reminding you why you never bother taking your children anywhere, I wrote a 99-item list too!<br /><br /><b>99 THINGS PARENTS ARE GUARANTEED TO DO AT A NATIONAL PARK:</b><br /><br />1) Take pictures of your kids next to unusually large trees.<br /><br />2) Tell them to get down out of unusually large trees (but make sure to take a photo first).<br /><br />3) Share those photos on Facebook to prove what an outdoorsy mom you are.<br /><br />4) Yell, “BE CAREFUL!” every time your child gets close to the edge of a stream or the top of a steep incline.<br /><br />5) Mentally calculate how many wine calories this hike adds up to.<br /><br />6) Try desperately to remember what poison ivy looks like.<br /><br />7) And is that poison oak over there?<br /><br />8) Encourage your kids to listen for their echo in a canyon, hoping they’ll be tired of yelling by the time you get home.<br /><br />9) Herd children to ensure they’re 75 feet away from the safety railings at all times.<br /><br />10) Talk to your kids about how much you love nature.<br /><br />11) Then pretend not to be squeamish when your child tries to show you a snake or large insect.<br /><br />12) Apply copious amounts of bug spray.<br /><br />13) Determine which of your children might be able to suck venom out of a snake bite, NOT THAT YOU’RE STILL THINKING ABOUT SNAKES.<br /><br />14) Or West Nile virus.<br /><br />15) Reapply bug spray.<br /><br />16) Look at a sculpture in an urban park; congratulate yourself for doing something educational with the children.<br /><br />17) Pretend it isn’t funny when the kids laugh at a tree knot that looks like a butt.<br /><br />18) Rent a boat on a pristine lake.<br /><br />19) Yell, “BE CAREFUL!” every time child gets close to the side of the boat.<br /><br />20) Tell them you know the life vest isn’t very comfortable, but IT’S FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY SO STOP MESSING WITH THE BUCKLES ALREADY.<br /><br />See what I mean? As we parents know, it only gets more ridiculous (and funny) from here — so read the full list of <a href="http://mommyshorts.com/2015/08/99-things-parents-do-in-a-national-park.html" target="_blank">99 (all-too-realistic) ways parents spend their time at National Parks</a> in my post over on Mommy Shorts!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TZHq1XWXURM/VduMfXCcBiI/AAAAAAAAGG0/58w26zkH6Q8/s1600/99%2Bthings%2Bparents%2Bare%2Bguaranteed%2Bto%2Bdo%2Bin%2Ba%2Bnational%2Bpark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="99 things parents are guaranteed to do in a National Park by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TZHq1XWXURM/VduMfXCcBiI/AAAAAAAAGG0/58w26zkH6Q8/s1600/99%2Bthings%2Bparents%2Bare%2Bguaranteed%2Bto%2Bdo%2Bin%2Ba%2Bnational%2Bpark.jpg" title="99 things parents are guaranteed to do in a National Park by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" /></a></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-7226880808040435932015-08-19T06:31:00.001-04:002015-08-19T06:31:31.904-04:00Lots Of Things About Fall Stink, But This Doesn'tBack to School is coming fast, and I'm teaming up with <a href="http://febrezeinwash.com/" rel=nofollow target="_blank">Febreze In-Wash Odor Eliminator</a> to offer a back to school giveaway.<br /><br /><img src="http://mylifeandkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/FIWOE_backtostinkgiveaway_emailblast28_14_15.jpg" alt="Enter this Back to School giveaway from Febreze In-Wash Odor Eliminator for a chance to win a $100 gift card to Walmart, $50 gift card to Dick's Sporting Goods and Febreze In-Wash to get rid of the stink this fall!" width="560" height="1300" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-21396" /><br /><br />One winner will take home a $100 Walmart gift card, $50 Dicks Sporting Goods gift card plus Febreze In-Wash Odor Eliminator to help you expel the smell.<br /><br /><h2>Undo the Pee Yew</h2>So much for back to school, it's time to get back to STINK.<br /><br />Football. Soccer. Hockey. Fall yard work. Hitting the gym. <strong>You name it, the stink is back, and it's badder than ever.</strong><br /><br /><strong><a href="http://febrezeinwash.com/special-offers/" target="_blank">So click here to download a $2 off coupon to try Febreze In-Wash Odor Eliminator to expel the smell, undo the pee yew and sink the stink.</a></strong><br /><br />And if you're already a fan, <a href="http://febrezeinwash.com/odor-eliminator/" target="_blank">click here to leave a review</a>.<br /><br /><h2>Enter to Win!</h2>Complete the form below to enter to win! <br /><br /><div align="center"><a href="https://promosimple.com/ps/7e6b" data-campaign="7e6b" class="promosimple"></a><script type="text/javascript" src="https://promosimple.com/api/1.0/campaign/7e6b/iframe-loader"></script></div><br /><em>Giveaway ends at 11:59 pm ET on Monday, August 31, 2015. Entrants must be residents of the United States or Canada. Promotion is void in Quebec.</em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-55283858670783402512015-07-29T09:20:00.000-04:002015-07-29T09:20:23.383-04:00So Much For 1980s Nostalgia<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZE6VRRnaaAQ/VbjG0JiPYzI/AAAAAAAAGAo/NmHx6xor7Ug/s1600/terrifying%2Btoy%2BTMI%2Bfeature%2Bby%2BRobyn%2BWelling%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZE6VRRnaaAQ/VbjG0JiPYzI/AAAAAAAAGAo/NmHx6xor7Ug/s1600/terrifying%2Btoy%2BTMI%2Bfeature%2Bby%2BRobyn%2BWelling%2B%2540RobynHTV.jpg" /></a></div><br />My husband, whom I'll likely never forgive, showed me <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHgvZC_gofM&feature=youtube_gdata_player" target="_blank">this video</a> of a Cabbage Patch Kid being born. Apparently you can go to <a href="http://www.babylandgeneral.com/" target="_blank">Babyland General Hospital</a> and observe a CPK being plucked from the patch, right there under a fiberglass tree amid freakishly gyrating doll heads encased in heads of cabbage, complete with underground ultrasounds and a "nurse" encouraging Mother Cabbage to push.<br /><br />Let's just take a moment to reflect on how many things are wrong with that sentence.<br /><br />As a child of the 80's, I never wondered how my CPK was born. I heard the Xavier Roberts lore, but I didn't need to <i>see</i> it happening. However, as ridiculous as it sounds to watch a vegetable's birth plan unfold in the harsh fluorescent glow of a magical garden, people do it anyway. And they probably stop at the gift shop on the way out, because who <i>doesn't</i> want a souvenir from the day they witnessed an enchanted cabbage deliver a human/salad hybrid baby?<br /><br />That's why I think there must be an untapped market for selling TMI experiences that <strike>ruin</strike> feature the toys I remember fondly from my youth (or the ones I <i>used to</i> remember fondly, right up until I watched someone wipe cabbagey amniotic fluid off them). Here are some more ways we could capitalize on uncomfortably up-close looks at how popular 1980s toys came to be.<br /><br /><b>Teddy Ruxpin's Fuzzy Wuzzy Surgical Center</b><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">Step into the operating room, kids! We'll watch as majestic grizzlies, "rescued" from the salmon-rich waters of Alaska, have cassette tape decks surgically implanted into their spinal columns! Later, we can venture down the hall to see the failed talking animal experiments, before they're shipped off to perform musical gigs at Chuck-E-Cheese locations across the country.</div><b>Rainbow Brite's Amazing Technicolor Sex Romp</b><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">An off-off-off Broadway musical detailing our colorful heroine's torrid affair with would-be bad guy, Murky Dismal, before their love soured - sending him into a tailspin of rainbow hatred, and her into the open arms of Twink. Running time: 47 hours. Forty-six of those hours are horrifyingly gratuitous nudity.</div><b>My Little Pony Breeding Stables</b><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">Come visit the MLP Breeding Stables, where young children can watch colorful, sparkly horses mate with pterodactyls to create the mysteriously beautiful Pegasus Ponies!</div><b>Care Bears' Belly Badge Assignment Camp</b><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">Join the Care Bears at Care-a-lot's signature overnight camp, where new recruits are hazed mercilessly, forced to exhibit only one personality trait (represented by embarrassingly juvenile emblems permanently emblazoned on their bellies), and are given demeaning nicknames like "Funshine."</div><b>Strawberry Shortcake: Skank Intervention</b><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 0.17in;">Help rescue the Strawberryland gang from their shameful early careers as topless Jell-o wrestlers. Sure, <i>now</i> "Life is Delicious" - but as they say, you can take the girl out of the Jell-o, but you can't take the fruity Jell-o smell out of the girl.</div>So? What do you think? Let me know how much (rounded up to the nearest $100) you'd like to contribute to my Kickstarter campaign to make these nostalgic TMI Origin Adventures (trademark!) a reality.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A-DnSDUcFtI/VbjG56ehOgI/AAAAAAAAGAw/NP6mlA7X71k/s1600/terrifying%2Btoy%2BTMI%2Bby%2BRobyn%2BWelling%2B%2540RobynHTV.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A-DnSDUcFtI/VbjG56ehOgI/AAAAAAAAGAw/NP6mlA7X71k/s640/terrifying%2Btoy%2BTMI%2Bby%2BRobyn%2BWelling%2B%2540RobynHTV.png" width="404" /></a></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">I originally wrote this post for <i><a href="http://inthepowderroom.com/author/robyn-welling/" target="_blank">In The Powder Room</a></i>; it is republished here with permission. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-48058288307009411982015-06-30T17:14:00.000-04:002015-06-30T17:15:16.276-04:00Parents: How To Have Fun On the Fourth of July Or Die Trying<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IOxFDL_PjFI/VZMGGJNVA6I/AAAAAAAAF78/ggfw033MlSY/s1600/Parents%2BHow%2BTo%2BHave%2BFun%2Bon%2Bthe%2BFourth%2Bof%2BJuly%2Bor%2BDie%2BTrying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="tips for parents determined to have fun on the 4th of July - or die trying - by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IOxFDL_PjFI/VZMGGJNVA6I/AAAAAAAAF78/ggfw033MlSY/s640/Parents%2BHow%2BTo%2BHave%2BFun%2Bon%2Bthe%2BFourth%2Bof%2BJuly%2Bor%2BDie%2BTrying.jpg" title="tips for parents determined to have fun on the 4th of July - or die trying - by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" width="437" /></a></div><br />The Fourth of July has long been my absolute favorite holiday. You get tons of food, the pressure-free option to hang out with friends or family or no one at all, there's built-in entertainment, and it's one of the few holidays where<em> I don't have to buy anyone a present</em>. Quadruple score.<br /><br />But as I was perusing the photo archives on Ol' Rusty (my computer), I realized something. The HTV household Fourth of July standards have been slipping lately, and I blame the kids.<br /><br />I know—they enjoy the excitement, the celebration, the excuse to stay up way past their bedtimes while consuming twice their own body weight in junk food. Who doesn't?<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/fourth%20of%20july%202012/DSC00811.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/fourth%20of%20july%202012/DSC00811.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Mommy, we're all out of blue sugar.</span><br /><span style="font-size: small;">Can I eat all the other flavors of sugar now?"</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br />But what about the things <strong>I</strong> enjoy about the Fourth of July? How am I supposed to stay up late porking out on hamburgers, drinking beer, and exploding things, when I have to be all <em>responsible</em> (she said in a whiny voice)? The authorities expect me to be concerned about whether or not the kids step on hot sparkler stems, or get malaria from all the mosquitoes, or handle live explosives, or overdose on whatever the heck is in hot dogs, and from what I understand they're pretty serious about it.<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Authorities:</span> Ma'am, did you know we found your children four houses down, covered head to toe in ice cream and trying to set slices of pickle on fire?<br /><br /><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">Me</span> (ketchup drizzling out of the corner of my stuffed mouth): HUmmmphh?<br /><br /><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Authorities:</span> Are we to understand that you were unaware they snuck into the cooler and each chugged fourteen fully caffeinated sodas, turned on the hose and dared each other to play Slip-N-Slide in the grass without proper Slip-N-Slide equipment, lit an entire box of sparklers at once without supervision, and then declared they were bored because there was nothing to do?<br /><br /><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">Me:</span> I'm sorry, sir, there must be a misunderstanding. I don't have any children.</blockquote>It's sort of a buzz kill to be hauled off for neglect when I'm just getting ready to enjoy the Big Major Impressive Fireworks Finale.<br /><br />Several years ago the kids wanted to see something bigger than our lame-o-la backyard bottle rocket assortment, so we staked out a great spot (the parking lot of an abandoned factory) to see our town's fireworks display. We got there just in time to set up our chairs, settle in, and give ourselves a hearty pat on the back for our planning skills and impeccable timing.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/fourth%20of%20july%202012/DSC00795.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/fourth%20of%20july%202012/DSC00795.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div><br />And then we waited.<br /><br />And waited.<br /><br />And waited some more.<br /><br />There's surprisingly little for kids to do in the parking lot of an abandoned factory when you won't let them play on stacks of rotting wooden pallets. Not only did I wear myself out chasing them off tetanus hazards and watching out for discarded hypodermic needles, I couldn't pass the time in my favored style because there were disappointingly few beer and soft pretzel vendors in our increasingly creepy and deserted neck of the woods.<br /><br />To add insult to injury, by the time the explosions started the kids were super over it and just wanted to go home.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/fourth%20of%20july%202012/DSC00847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/fourth%20of%20july%202012/DSC00847.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Pyrotechnics are <em>bo</em>-ring."</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br />However, please note that I have a stupid smile on my face in this photo as I mentally block out the kids' complaints, not to mention that I just noticed I was wearing Zoe's plastic tiara. That goes to show how hard I like to party on the Fourth.<br /><br />Because I love fireworks. There's something romantic and amazing and beautiful about them, a quality that I'd like to point out is strangely absent if they're set off on any other day of the year, when they're instead considered an annoyance that fills me with murderous rage (I'm looking at you, stupid neighbors).<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">But I digress.</blockquote>Anyway, my point is that the children and their pesky need for me to help them stay alive through the holiday have been seriously cramping my Fourth of July style the past few years. So this year, come Hell or high water or kids choking on red, white, and blue Bomb Pops, I'm making myself some holiday promises.<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">I will see fireworks this year.</blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq">I will do it far from a location where the children will be tempted to treat teetering stacks of parking lot debris like playground equipment.</blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq">I will eat some form of meat that tastes vaguely of charcoal and sulfurous smoke, and I will wash it down with a beer no matter how many times my son tells me he thinks it's weird when women drink beer. (WHAT IS UP WITH THAT, ANYWAY???)<br /><br />I will not think about West Nile Virus. I will convince the children that mosquito bites are patriotic, and that every time a kid whines about being itchy, a bald eagle dies.</blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq">I will give myself a free pass to not care one iota if they get any real nutrition all day. </blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq">I will sit with my husband's arm around me while I ooh and ahh like an 8-year-old at the booms and dancing lights in the sky. We'll put our hands over the toddler's ears; I will not worry about permanent hearing loss. We'll yell at the kids not to chase each other in the yard while they're eating pointy foods and throwing Snap Pops at each other. They'll ignore us. I won't care.</blockquote>Because I'm going to have fun this year, or we're all going to die trying.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-67715694515511416672015-06-22T16:26:00.003-04:002015-06-23T13:30:17.173-04:00Win This Tablet = Win This Summer<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2sgvZOHQcVw/VX__6x3vOGI/AAAAAAAAF50/oRMGYauqzx4/s1600/child%2Bcoloring%2Bon%2Beducational%2Btablet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2sgvZOHQcVw/VX__6x3vOGI/AAAAAAAAF50/oRMGYauqzx4/s1600/child%2Bcoloring%2Bon%2Beducational%2Btablet.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She is totally coloring by letter here, which I'm only showing you to illustrate how cute and education this is, and not at all to brag that she (apparently) knows her letters.</td></tr></tbody></table><br />Do you see that? It's a picture I took of my 4-year-old when I ordinarily would have been telling her to get off her tablet (or at least feeling guilty that I <i>wasn't </i>telling her to get off her tablet) because I was busy taking pictures instead of feeling The Mom Guilt.<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">Okay, in hidsight I do<i> </i>feel a <i>bit</i> guilty that I had it propped up with the cord bent all wonky underneath like that, since that's probably not good for the charger, but now we're getting way off topic. TRY TO FOCUS, PEOPLE.</blockquote><br />The educational experts and all-around nice folks at School Zone sent us a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=as_li_ss_tl?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&field-keywords=Little%20Scholar%20tablet&linkCode=ur2&linkId=KUPLHBJWSWLH3ERY&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3ALittle%20Scholar%20tablet&tag=holltreevent-20&url=search-alias%3Daps&linkId=5H7UKU6PPPENITFM" target="_blank">Little Scholar 8-inch educational kids' tablet</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=holltreevent-20&l=ur2&o=1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /> to try out (see, wasn't that nice?) and said they'll send one out to the winner of this giveaway, too (wasn't that even nicer?!?), but first you should know <i>why</i> you want one, besides the lack of The Mom Guilt and the fact that you still have every opportunity not to bend the cord all wonky...<br /><br /><ul><li>It's loaded with over 200 educational, fun apps geared perfectly by age to preschoolers, kindergarteners and first graders, which, if I'm being honest, I also sort of wanted to play.</li><li>It's also loaded with a bunch of "Start to Read" books that include audio tracks, so if you're super busy you can encourage kids to have a voice read to them that's pre-programmed to be patient with their constant interruptions (not that kids would ever interrupt while you're reading EVERY TWO SECONDS).</li><li>Your kid can use it with or without wifi, so no whining in the car on summer road trips that they're bored as soon as you're out of tower range, and no racking up $563 worth of overage on your data plan.</li><li>Parental controls let you easily do nifty stuff like block the Internet, so your preschooler doesn't hop online and order herself 10 more of these awesome gadgets.</li><li>There are front and rear cameras — now your children can store all their up-close nostril selfies on their own tablet instead of your phone!</li><li>You can download even MORE apps from the School Zone Market or the Amazon App Store, so seriously, you could keep using this thing forever or until your second grader drops it in the toilet, whichever comes first.</li></ul><br />The lessons these apps teach include math, reading, spelling, logic, creativity, and geography, but — and here's the important part — your children will NEVER EVEN KNOW you're tricking them into learning. HAHAHAHAHA, suckers. The educational stuff is cleverly disguised in I Spy games, animated flashcards, puzzles, word searches, drawing programs and other cool stuff that your kids will keep begging to play — and you'll keep feeling good about saying yes.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OHzBy4_u4Dg/VYAFs4_Td8I/AAAAAAAAF6E/l0lwXAHBqVI/s1600/child%2Bwith%2Bstuffed%2BCharlie%2Band%2BCo%2Btoy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OHzBy4_u4Dg/VYAFs4_Td8I/AAAAAAAAF6E/l0lwXAHBqVI/s1600/child%2Bwith%2Bstuffed%2BCharlie%2Band%2BCo%2Btoy.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">THAT IS A LOT OF CHILDLIKE WONDER RIGHT THERE.</td></tr></tbody></table><br />The Little Scholar is finally available in stores (new for this year is an updated tablet, new accessories including a carrying case AND plush from their own educational series, Charlie and Company, which Madeline was extremely impressed with as you can see above because it has adorable embroidered paws and because it made the perfect <i>boyfriend </i>for some random stuffed dog she had which concerns me just a tiny bit but I'm seeking therapy for it so no worries). I strongly encourage you to <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=as_li_ss_tl?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&field-keywords=Little%20Scholar%20tablet&linkCode=ur2&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3ALittle%20Scholar%20tablet&tag=holltreevent-20&url=search-alias%3Daps&linkId=KUPLHBJWSWLH3ERY" target="_blank">run out and snag one</a>, but before you go be sure to enter the giveaway below for a chance to WIN A TABLET FOR FREE:<br /><br />1) For one entry, leave a comment here telling me what you're going to love about this tablet - seeing the radiant smile on your child's face, getting five spare minutes to listen to yourself think, whatever, no judging.<br /><br />2) For another entry, <a href="https://instagram.com/robynhtv/" target="_blank">follow me on Instagram</a> for no good reason other than Instagram is fun - and leave a blog post comment here letting me know you did!<br /><br />3) For yet another entry, <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/RobynHTV/" target="_blank">follow me on Pinterest</a> because it's one of my favorite places to find new stuff to never do and giggle at silly memes. Then (you guessed it) leave a blog post comment here letting me know you did!<br /><br />I'll select a winner at random at 12 noon EST on Friday, June 26th. If unable to contact the winner within 48 hours, I'll select another random winner until SOMEONE wins this fantastic gizmo. Good luck!<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I received product in exchange for this post, but all opinions are my own — as if you could get me to shut up about my opinions! Also, this post may contain affiliate links which will never cost you more dollah dollahs to use, but pass a small percentage of the sale back to me in order to cover expenses like my stuffed-dog-with-a-boyfriend-related therapy.</i></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-2578771834759387062015-05-27T10:15:00.000-04:002015-05-27T10:15:23.337-04:00A Pact For Summer Screen Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xkyhI-6cNJQ/VWHW1uQa0BI/AAAAAAAAFvk/zBlTD0GBhow/s1600/little%2Bgirl%2Bwith%2Btablet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xkyhI-6cNJQ/VWHW1uQa0BI/AAAAAAAAFvk/zBlTD0GBhow/s400/little%2Bgirl%2Bwith%2Btablet.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of OurPact.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Some of you, from what I hear, already have your precious darlings home for summer break. Lucky you! Free from the structured days of school drop offs and Spring Musical Concerts that conclude with a fourth grade interpretation of some Coldplay song you presumably should have heard of but haven't, you must really be relaxed.<br /><br />Yup, nothing but weeks and weeks of empty afternoons stretched out before you, full of requests to go to the beach and kids complaining that the plastic packaging on their Fla-Vor-Ice cut the corners of their mouths.<br /><br />Wait, I didn't mean "you must really be relaxed." I meant you're probably half dead by now.<br /><br />Or maybe I'm just projecting my issues onto you. See, our summer break is fast approaching, and as a work-at-home mom that prospect terrifies me to the core. Don't get me wrong, it's ideal in a lot of ways. For example, we don't have to arrange summer childcare because I'm here! Yay!<br /><br />Unfortunately, though I'm technically <i>here, </i>I'm not technically <i>available. </i>I can't just stop working every two minutes help them with something, or drive them somewhere, or put Band Aids in the corners of their mouths, or do <i>anything</i>, really.<br /><br />And yet I'm still trying to be a responsible parent, which is to say I don't want their brains to rot and fall out of their heads through the ears before September gets here and their teachers can fix whatever damage my pseudo-neglect does over the next two and a half months.<br /><br />I just can't do a whole lot about it. Their brains rotting, I mean. Because... work.<br /><br />Or I couldn't do a whole lot about it, until I found <a href="http://bit.ly/HollowTree" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">OurPact</a>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iUCUpOENyp0/VWBiY767jyI/AAAAAAAAFuA/88rbSgCK8AA/s1600/OurPact-11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iUCUpOENyp0/VWBiY767jyI/AAAAAAAAFuA/88rbSgCK8AA/s400/OurPact-11.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><a href="http://bit.ly/HollowTreeApp" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">OurPact is a free app</a> (YES, I SAID FREE) for your i-devices that lets you remotely control your family's iPads, iPhones and iPod Touch by blocking apps you don't want them to access (or the whole dang Internet, if you prefer), set the number of hours the devices can be used, and set schedules for when access is granted.<br /><br />It also lets you change your mind with a quick touch of the screen, so you can shut down a device when your kid's being sassy, or extend their time limit when you're just not <i>quite </i>ready to redirect them to a less brain-rotty activity yet.<br /><br />Not sure which schedules and apps are right for your kids? OurPact has done a ton of research on the subject and will give you great recommendations.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HQgQUIwQ7fQ/VWBkoF-d08I/AAAAAAAAFuM/FyeKYtKzoww/s1600/OurPact-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HQgQUIwQ7fQ/VWBkoF-d08I/AAAAAAAAFuM/FyeKYtKzoww/s400/OurPact-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />With OurPact set up, I don't have to worry the toddler is posting updates to my Facebook account from the iPad, or that the older kids are watching YouTube videos at 2:00 in the morning when they're supposed to be asleep.<br /><br />And what I like best of all is that the app plays the part of Evil Screen Time Enforcer so you don't have to; if you tell them they have 30 minutes to look up whatever Minecraft blah blah blah they so desperately need to see, just set the timer and BAM! When 30 minutes is up, the apps and Web shut off — without you nagging or having to hear them say, "But MOMMMMM, I just need five more minutes!"<br /><br />While I know electronics are a HUGE, and important, and occasionally even useful part of our modern lives that definitely have a place in our entertainment and our education, I understand all too well how difficult they can be to resist. I'm every bit as guilty as my kids of picking up my phone — "I'm just going to check my work email real quick," I always think to myself before realizing 20 minutes later I'm scrolling through Instagram — when I should be having a conversation or working on a project or just hanging out with my family. So just to show the kids how serious I am about the importance of this, when we sit down to set schedules for summer device use in our house, I'm including myself.<br /><br />That's right.<br /><br />I'm committing to setting my phone aside from dinner time to their bedtime this summer. Because if I can't be available during the day, I don't need the temptation available for electronics to take attention away from them in the evening, too.<br /><br />But don't be <i>too </i>impressed with my resolve. Unlike them, I <i>will </i>still be up watching YouTube videos at 2:00 in the morning.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t2rl4IFUnLU/VWHZUEa-taI/AAAAAAAAFvw/QmvFDvORwbw/s1600/screen%2Btime%2Blimits%2Bmade%2Beasy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t2rl4IFUnLU/VWHZUEa-taI/AAAAAAAAFvw/QmvFDvORwbw/s640/screen%2Btime%2Blimits%2Bmade%2Beasy.jpg" width="384" /></a></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://bit.ly/HollowTreeApp" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="91" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O5073Pt_Ku4/VU0es1Fu12I/AAAAAAAAFoQ/IXSozczegZg/s320/Banner%2Bfor%2BBottom%2B700x200.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: start;"><i>This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of OurPact.</i></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-85291262079502012382015-05-12T14:40:00.000-04:002015-05-22T14:58:16.972-04:00Motherhood, As Told By Stock PhotographyAlmost every parenting article is accompanied by a stock photo, and with good reason. After all, they're well-lit, beautifully composed and capture moments that (presumably) perfectly illustrate the concepts presented in the article.<br /><br />I assume we're meant to relate to the moms/models in the photos on some level, but how often do those pictures accurately represent your experiences as a mother? I see them so often online that I barely even notice them anymore, and I bet you don't either, so I decided to bring the Internet's supporting photos to the forefront for a minute.<br /><br />Pop over to <i>momdotme </i>for the story of a <a href="http://mom.me/blog/19415-motherhood-according-stock-photography/" target="_blank">typical mom's day, as told by stock photography</a>. How well does it resemble YOUR real life?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://mom.me/blog/19415-motherhood-according-stock-photography/" target="_blank"><img alt="motherhood according to stock photography - funny parenting article by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-awA-SF29VdA/VVJIqHbQp5I/AAAAAAAAFo4/3YWBs05l1Bs/s640/motherhood%2Bas%2Btold%2Bby%2Bstock%2Bphotos.jpg" title="motherhood according to stock photography - funny parenting article by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" width="404" /></a></div><br /><meta property="og:title" content="Motherhood, As Told By Stock Photography" /><br /><meta property="og:description" content="Here's a "typical" mom's day, as told by stock photography (and sarcastic commentary)" /><br /><meta property="og:type" content="article" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-70477305575013102222015-05-07T16:55:00.000-04:002015-05-07T17:02:42.983-04:00I Want a Baby Name Do-OverHave you ever hollered your kid's name through the back screen door because it's dark out and they were supposed to be home for dinner 20 minutes ago (or maybe because they're wearing headphones and can't hear you holler that dinner's ready even though you're only two inches away from their face) and thought to yourself, <i>"What the hell was I thinking when I picked this name? Also, what does this kid have against dinner?!?"</i><br /><br />I happen to love all my kids' names, but I almost wasn't so lucky. My first child came three months premature, and although there'd been much name-related deliberation during the first two trimesters, we hadn't yet chosen The Best Name Ever. On the day he was born, under intense pressure from one of those nurses with the Social Security forms who was clearly trained by SWAT interrogation experts, we hastily settled on the name that most often hovered toward the top of the baby name list—a name that later proved to be more common than the acronym "WTF."<br /><br />It turned out fine—after all, my stacks of baby name books assured me that boys thrive with more common names! However, recently I've started thinking <i>all </i>my children could benefit from from a little creative sprucing up in the name department.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hollowtreeventures.com/2015/05/i-want-baby-name-do-over.html"><img alt="baby name do-over by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" src="http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n541/hollowtreeventures/ITPR/babynamedo-overbyRobynWellingRobynHTV_zps06cade51.png" height="640" title="baby name do-over by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" width="464" /></a></div><br />Because, without a doubt, the most challenging part of parenthood is choosing a name.<br /><br />Sure, some people will tell you that the hardest part is getting a baby to sleep through the night, or that sending a child off for the first day of kindergarten is the absolute worst, or that the duration of a preteen's pubescence is like a horrible waking death. But deep down, everyone knows that the struggle to pick a name trumps all those hurdles. No contest.<br /><br />Think about it. Your baby's name will follow him around for his entire life. He'll hear it <i>every single day</i>. A name helps define how your child sees himself, and will immediately affect how other people perceive him. On top of that, it's all but impossible to change later.<br /><br />What other single decision you make as a parent carries that kind of weight? <i>The pressure!</i><br /><br />As parents, we search for names that are equally suitable for a business person, an artist, or an admiral in the Navy—after all, we don't want to limit our angel's options! We carefully consider the spelling, ensuring it's neither too boring nor impossible to pronounce. Will it conjure up any negative assumptions when seen on a resume? Will it inspire a rhyming nickname that'll be chanted on the playground until your darling babe is inflicted with irreparable psychological damage? Is it too feminine? Too masculine? Does the monogram inadvertently spell out something dirty? <br /><br />As much as I love the first/middle name combos I find myself screaming daily from the bottom of the stairs when my children refuse to come down for breakfast in an even remotely timely fashion, I must admit I'm a little jealous of the artistic license I see being taken with celebrity babies' names. Indiana August Affleck? Sage Moonblood Stallone? Moxie Crimefighter Jillette? FUN!<br /><br />I can't help thinking that, if I could just get a baby name do-over, I could pick some names that are even better for my sweet little cherubs than the ones they already have. So, here are a few options from my (updated, but way belated) baby name wish list:<br /><br />Hoops Galore Welling: Destined for athletic stardom.<br /><br />Max Velocity Welling: Please—that's just badass.<br /><br />Langston Pennyweather Welling: How could this kid <i>not </i>be rich? Will he get beat up a lot? Yes. But also, he'll be rich.<br /><br />Wittle Winnie Wynter Welling: SO PRECIOUS!<br /><br />Paddox Seven Welling: I bet Angelina Jolie would adopt Paddox7 (alternate spelling) before I was even finished pushing him out.<br /><br />DoritosPowerade AppleGoogle Welling: Perfect for a corporate sponsorship—and my early retirement.<br /><br />Efinsgove Hosfutt Welling: I just made that up by typing with my eyes closed. But after doing some research, I'm pretty sure that's how most celebrity baby names get picked, anyway.<br /><br />Hmm, I suppose I'll just stick with my kids' regular old non-celebrity real people names for now. But what about you? What would you rename your kid if you had the chance?<br /><br /><center><i>A version of this article originally appeared on <a href="http://inthepowderroom.com/" target="_blank">In The Powder Room</a> and is </i><i>republished with permission</i><i>.</i></center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-55552405652642667392015-04-20T17:57:00.000-04:002015-04-20T17:58:48.033-04:00Headlines From Every Mom's Trip To a Restaurant<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZQZTwMRe9Jg/VTVxysOIA7I/AAAAAAAAFlg/7rRKuo6g-gQ/s1600/3728913619_930b55502c_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="funny list of headlines from every mom's trip to a restaurant by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZQZTwMRe9Jg/VTVxysOIA7I/AAAAAAAAFlg/7rRKuo6g-gQ/s1600/3728913619_930b55502c_b.jpg" height="398" title="funny list of headlines from every mom's trip to a restaurant by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" width="600" /></a></div><br />Did you hear that Hillary Clinton stopped to eat at a Chipotle in Ohio last week? Of course you did; you can't swing a burrito bowl around the Internet these days without seeing an article about it. <br /><br />What's the big deal, you ask? Oh, it's quite newsworthy according to <a href="http://www.newsweek.com/who-reported-hillarys-historic-chipotle-visit-and-how-322940" target="_blank">every news outlet on the planet</a> taking time to investigate all aspects of ChipotleGate; from the political strategy behind her apparent attempts to avoid being recognized (Sunglasses! Crafty!) to the campaign implications of Hillary carrying her own tray, no salsa packet has been left unturned in the public's insatiable need to talk about something other than bikini bodies for a few minutes. <br /><br />Some might say the Web should calm down—after all, it's only lunch! But moms tend to disagree; every mother ends up feeling scrutinized at restaurants at some point or another, and whether it's because you're a presidential candidate or because your toddler is having a Level Five meltdown over french fries, nobody likes to be the center of attention while they're trying to eat. Who wouldn't love a little anonymity the next time they go out? <br /><br />Anyway, it's lucky most moms aren't famous enough to warrant 874 Google search results when we stop to grab some fast food, because I can imagine what the headlines would be.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0LjmQHcfDZc/VTVzsLxS7NI/AAAAAAAAFls/B_Hx81pnQkk/s1600/headlines%2Bfrom%2Bevery%2Bmom's%2Btrip%2Bto%2Ba%2Brestaurant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="funny list of headlines from every mom's trip to a restaurant by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0LjmQHcfDZc/VTVzsLxS7NI/AAAAAAAAFls/B_Hx81pnQkk/s1600/headlines%2Bfrom%2Bevery%2Bmom's%2Btrip%2Bto%2Ba%2Brestaurant.jpg" height="640" title="funny list of headlines from every mom's trip to a restaurant by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" width="416" /></a></div><br /><br /><ul><li>Mother Spends Entire Meal Hissing at Child to 'Get Up Off That Filthy Floor'</li><li>Child, Age 6, Too Busy Coloring Menu to Select Entree</li><li>Local Eatery Believes Five Napkins Fulfills Mom's Request For "A LOT of Napkins"</li><li>Distressed Mother Reports, 'If I'd known they were going to order nuggets, we'd have just stayed home'</li><li>Disaster Befalls Teen Seen Eating With Parents by Peers</li><li>The Intense Planning Behind Lunch Involving Squirming Toddler, Revealed!</li><li>EXCLUSIVE: Mom Describes Casual Dining as "Expensive Opportunity to Cut Child's Food Up in New and Exciting Location"</li><li>Study Shows Booth Seat-Kicking Is Leading Cause of Mothers' Restaurant Apologies</li><li>Attempts to Strap Baby Into Horrible Wooden Restaurant High Chair Becomes 3-Hour Ordeal</li><li>Informal Poll Names 'Anywhere But Home' as Best Place For Child to Discover the Joy of Blowing Milk Bubbles</li><li>WATCH As Mom Fails to Convince Child That Restaurant's Mac and Cheese Is <i>Not</i> Like the Kind at Home</li><li>Parents, Embarrassed But Starving, Able to Consume Food Only While Toddler Converses With Strangers at Next Table</li><li>Lidless Cup Given To Toddler Results In Literally Everyone, Everywhere Getting Drenched</li><li>Mom and Dad Suddenly Remember Why They Don't Do This More Often</li></ul><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/77044159@N00/3728913619">Camera smile!</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/">(license)</a></i></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5962223293033192166.post-41220237607401160292015-04-06T13:24:00.000-04:002015-04-06T13:24:06.967-04:00How Pinterest-Perfect Are YOUR Kids' Parties?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-quswRvZth8U/VSK-j0s0OKI/AAAAAAAAFj4/th8OgzdW9hU/s1600/Pinterest%2Bvs%2BRegular%2Bkids'%2Bbirthday%2Bparties.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-quswRvZth8U/VSK-j0s0OKI/AAAAAAAAFj4/th8OgzdW9hU/s1600/Pinterest%2Bvs%2BRegular%2Bkids'%2Bbirthday%2Bparties.jpg" height="240" width="400" /></a></div><br />Whether you go all out or keep things pretty basic when birthdays roll around at home, it's impossible to ignore the trend—kids' parties are getting increasingly elaborate these days.<br /><br />As a mom whose idea of decorating a cake involves sprinkling powdered sugar in the shape of the birthday child's age, resulting in <a href="http://www.hollowtreeventures.com/2013/03/cake-tastrophes.html" target="_blank">THIS cake-tastrophe</a> when he blew out the candles, you can probably guess where I stand.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jjK3p8lGYnU/VSLA8MauE6I/AAAAAAAAFkE/-AHDQCPvpcM/s1600/birthday%2Bcake%2Bblowout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jjK3p8lGYnU/VSLA8MauE6I/AAAAAAAAFkE/-AHDQCPvpcM/s1600/birthday%2Bcake%2Bblowout.jpg" height="285" width="400" /></a></div><br />To each her own, though, right? Hopefully we can all agree that there's no right or wrong way to show our kids we care, so while not everyone has the knack (or time or money or desire) to make each year's birthday a bash to remember for the ages, lots of moms are loving the chance to create lavish celebrations for their kids' big days.<br /><br />While Inspiration boards abound with fodder for Pinterest Moms to plan their parties, "Regular Moms" roll differently. We prefer the "retro" birthdays of our youths—birthdays from a simpler time, a gentler time, a time when planning a kid's party took roughly the amount of effort required to whip up a boxed cake mix. Here's a side-by-side glimpse into the lives of a Pinterest Mom and a Regular Mom:<br /><br /><b>Theme</b><br /><br /><i>Pinterest Mom:</i> Decide on an age-appropriate theme tied to child's current interests or favorite TV show.<br /><br /><i>Regular Mom:</i> Look in the pantry for leftover party supplies; convince yourself that your tween son would love the same Butterfly Bonanza paper plates you used for your 7-year-old daughter's last birthday.<br /><br /><b>Guest List</b><br /><br /><i>Pinterest Mom:</i> Send calligraphy-laden invitations to everyone in the child's class and their entire soccer team.<br /><br /><i>Regular Mom:</i> Text an invitation to the moms of the three friends you actually like.<br /><br />See more funny comparisons on <i>momdotme</i> in <a href="http://mom.me/blog/18665-planning-birthday-party-pinterest-mom-vs-regular-mom/" target="_blank">Birthday Parties: Pinterest Mom vs. Regular Mom</a>, and tell me—which mom are YOU?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://mom.me/blog/18665-planning-birthday-party-pinterest-mom-vs-regular-mom/" target="_blank"><img alt="Kids' Birthday Parties: Pinterest Mom vs. Regular Mom by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--DCzICgtFZ8/VSK-eCUh9aI/AAAAAAAAFjw/DM9GO7GWJ9w/s1600/birthday%2Bparties%2B-%2BPinterest%2BMom%2Bvs%2BRegular%2BMom.jpg" height="640" title="Kids' Birthday Parties: Pinterest Mom vs. Regular Mom by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV" width="280" /></a></div><br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0