hollywood farm girl

jackhammers and silk

2009-11-05T08:21:00.000-08:00

the map of the heartnever drawnonly feltmuch like braillearteries to bumps on page:what does this say? do we turn here or not?is this a dead endor an on ramp to the very freewaywe've been searching for?we can only guesshopewondertalkdecideweighoutweightry to make decisions where the best of my self is is always available, the best of Me,who is differentthan the armored guard in metherein lies the

the pedestal preachers

2009-11-03T07:02:00.000-08:00

the priest who was known for his sermons, his preachings and teachings of honesty, integrity, i listened to him. i drank his words, closed my eyes as his ideas filled my insides, guiding me along my path of the unknown. the priest, father dean, as i called him, was often praised for his words and leanings towards peace and truth, love and acceptance. years of praise, of adulation, for this man,

bookmark

2009-11-03T07:00:00.001-08:00

november. 2009.life changes at all times. change is another way to measure the passage of time, i suppose. bookmarked.

three

2009-10-17T07:10:00.001-07:00

bounciesballoonscakesM&Mscandy tickleslaughshugscandlesone twothreeall of me

don't shoot the preschool stalker

2009-10-08T15:47:00.000-07:00

so then this one time, i went to drop my toddlers off at preschool, and once i heard the metal clank of the security bar as it fell around the play yard pole, my soul shattered into as many pieces as there were pine needles at my feet, and i cried so hard that i couldn't catch my breath.and then this other time, i went to drop my toddlers off at preschool, and once i heard the metal clank of the

you is only half a buck, mister fiddy.

2009-10-06T15:36:00.001-07:00

"the gay tour"fiddy cent called it"the gay tour"using "gay" as an insult, it seemshe calls himself fiddyshort for "fifty cents"maybe if he weren't an ignorant, uneducated, bigot, his nickname coulda been "One Whole Dollah"and he coulda called himself Dollahjussayin'.

happy anniversary

2009-09-20T11:17:00.001-07:00

to usto usto us.

sunday

2009-09-20T05:03:00.001-07:00

status update:today i will have a one-on-one mommy date with a twin, i will visit my evelyn rose, i will eat lunch with old friends, i will cozy up inside with my family when it storms later, and then tonight, i will put myself to bed, knowing i've spend the day helping my children to grow into amazing, lovely members of this planet.i can't think of a more important place to be. i overheard

truth and dare

2009-09-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

i don't know if it's ever been a better time to stay home, and watch my toddlers grow. first year of school. first time for so many things. first first first. is there anything quite so golden as the ability to be at home most of the time, teach my children manners face to face, on a daily basis, entertain them with stories and crafts, and actually mother the children i mothered? i don't think so

east coast sand man, east coast song

2009-09-06T19:40:00.001-07:00

if the universe throws me a curve ballthat i'm pretty sure i can smack out of the parkdo i go for it? and rip the skin off with my aluminum bat?or do i turn away and remind myselfand othersthat *I* have made different plansand ignore the ball as it rockets past my determinationwhizzes through my independenceand leaves a hole the confidence of my choicesi have a foul mouth because it keeps

turn it over, the beauty rearranges itself

2009-08-25T18:14:00.001-07:00

i'm sitting on honey's tour bus, huddled tight in someone else's blanket (one of five possible crew people- i don't know, i grabbed it from a random bunk of man smell), trying to figure out how to work the four seperate thermostats, hustling back and forth between the front of the bus (my temporary section) and the back of the bus (twins' temporary sections) to quiet their forced coughs and

rain rainbows rain rainbows rain rainbows

2009-08-02T09:44:00.001-07:00

freefallan interview a proposalan idea from a group of womentossed my waythey asked if i wanted to come on boardumokit's time for me to take a job- make some moneytell honey to sit(if she even knows how)it'll help bring my vocab back up to par as wellthe broken englishof toddlershas not done much for my language skillsdo i want tosort of yessort of nolots of in betweenit's like the time before

'round the clock face in the blink of an eye

2009-07-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

this blinking cursortells me nothingeach pulse asking meWhat do you have to say*sigh*i'm not readyat times, not oftenbut at times,i feel like closing my eyes andjust riding the coasterwith no desire to try to capture it allwithin the bounds of a simple 26 lettersthe nicest thingcoupla girls from the gay sketch showpecked out a most beautiful scriptand asked me to be a part of ittheir moviei was

my angels and the nicest thing

2009-07-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

the circle of life crazy eights for somethere comes a time when the light might release shadowswhen the answers might becomequestions themselvesjust when my crazy eights start to make me dizzyi stare into the faces of angelstheir pull can bring me back to circleseventually stopping the carouselof up and down circus colorsthe faces of angelsthey soften my edges of confusiontheir 2 year old selves

hometown runaway

2009-06-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

i ran away from the rootthinking the root was going to make me rotwhat i found is that by running from the rooti ran from the beginningof all that i am and was and will be"the hair of the dog"returning to the city with the most fast food restaurants per capitain the united statesreturning to the town that was merely a backdrop for the play of our emotions and karmic paybacki cursed the townthe

hollywood farm girl etheridge chooses not to live like closeted homos who hit on cops in bathroom stalls.

2009-05-28T07:47:00.000-07:00

i find it a wee bit fascinating that i legally, formally, and across the board, changed my name to Etheridge years ago. and yet, as all of these reports are published about the "Prop Wait-We-Changed-Our-Minds-Git-To-The-Back-Of-The-Bus-Again". all the articles are talking about melissa etheridge married to tammy lynn michaels. which i find interesting. what if they were to report all of this with

loving v. virginia

2009-05-26T12:52:00.001-07:00

i looked at my shoes and realized no one else is going to walk in them besides me.

2009-05-18T12:25:00.001-07:00

"you have to stop panicking" she said to me. i know, i know, i know. i'll get there.

once upon a time in hollywood, there was a boil

2009-05-16T13:33:00.000-07:00

to be honest, my closet is full of either torn up jeans or shorts, and sweats. there is another closet that honey uses for what i call her "liberace clothes". these are the clothes she wears purely for camera and on-stage appearances. i do indeed take up a tiny corner of that liberace closet (heh) of my own, with i'm-still-not-that-skinny-yet glamour clothes. but until i lose another whatever

orchestrating a thunder clap lightening

2009-04-29T13:14:00.000-07:00

ummm.... this whole *thunder clap**lightening* swine flu??? um... i don't believe it's any different that the *no thunder clap or lightening* flu that we all pass around at least bi-annually; we get fevers and throw up and get runny poos and are sick for several days. and yeah, some people die from the *no thunder clap* flu every year. gracious. now i might be wrong, like my blind self was with

pills, princessa, percocet, pain, and planning wars

2009-04-27T16:53:00.000-07:00

<---- this is the before photo, april 23 this is the after photo, april 27---->i think the united states should use deviated septum surgery as a new form of torture. it's similar to water-boarding, but with thick, bloody phlegm. and i've also discovered that i don't think i'll ever be able to find love for pills. i was feared this potential, especially with all the pill-loving within my

proof that i am a deviant.

2009-04-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

a deviated septum. this is what he called it. "zig zag" and "crooked all over" were some more descriptions he gave as he peered up through my nose, with a giant tweezer-like object. like a nasal pap smear, is what i thought to myself. it's been many months, maybe many years, since i've noted my nostrils asymmetry. no joke. most people have small differences in the two hemispheres of their faces,

eating hats in shades of gray

2009-04-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes ya gotta hold on to the surfboard with two handsno arms leftover for blogssad but truenever permanentfor me i thinkwhile dancing between black and whitei found finite shades of graymuch like the shades of skin shades of humorshades of intelligenceshades of sexualityshades of truthshades of parentingshades of lovingi don't think we really start to grow up until we are 30. birth at 30.

to laugh or not to laugh

2009-03-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

she said, "i can't believe what you have written online, in your blog."i said, "i can't believe what i have NOT written online, in my blog."and then i smiled. :-)

damn death

2009-03-18T20:47:00.000-07:00

falling down while learning to ski. it's like a sick sense of humor, a really shitty script. it's not fair. two kids left to ache for a mother for the rest of their lives. and liam, poor soul, i can't even begin to imagine how he is feeling. sometimes i really really have to sit and take a minute because sorrow can be so sweeping.