Hollywood Liar

Ashley Tisdale’s Nose to Write New Book

The Liar — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:29:36 +0000

The nose of Disney’s High School Musical actress Ashley Tisdale just signed a contract to pen a new book about the ordeal of undergoing cosmetic surgery and dealing with the paparazzi and media afterward. “I just wanted to look a little slimmer and lose a little bit of my baby fat,” the nose told Hollywood Liar. ” I had no idea that it was going to cause so much media attention!”

The amount that the nose will receive is unknown at this time, but we at Hollywood Liar have heard rumors that it is a 6 figure deal. The nose is also currently negotiating a deal with Jenny Craig to star in television ads showing her before and after pictures and promoting the diet system.

iTunes Celebrity Playlist: Duane “Dog” Chapman

The Liar — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 05:00:32 +0000

On a regular basis, Apple publishes a playlist of a celebrity’s favorite songs that you would find on their iPods. Hollywood Liar has an inside source at iTunes who will leak us an occasional celebrity playlist before iTunes publishes it. The following is Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman’s Playlist:

VaGiant: Mullet Savior
The Cult: White
Big Boys: White Ni**er
Baha Men: Who Let the Dogs Out
Smith & Pledger: White
Lovehatehero: White Lies
God or Julie: White
Lou Reed: Betrayed
The French Kicks: White
Memphis: Voicemail
Cardinal Trait: White
The KLF: The White Room
Deuter: White

Our Interview with Amy Fisher

The Liar — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 18:56:07 +0000

Hollywood Liar: Welcome Amy Fisher. Thank you for agreeing to this interview.
Amy Fisher: Yeah, sure.
HL: Before we get started, you don’t have a gun, do you? Haha, just kidding.
AF: Wow, how original. Did you come up with that yourself?
HL: Uhh, yeah. Sorry. So how have you been? We hear that you have a sex tape out there.
AF: Uh, yeah, I do. Hey, who is that guy in the next room?
HL: That’s my dad. He is visiting from out of town.
AF: He is kind of cute. Is he single?
HL: He is 65. Aren’t you, like, 33?
AF: Yeah, so?
HL: So, he is almost twice your age, literally.
AF: Who cares? So, is he single? Joey has been getting on my nerves lately.
HL: Joey Buttafuoco?
AF: No, Joey Fatone. YES Joey Buttafuoco! Don’t you do any research before you do these interviews?
HL: Sure, I do. I watched the sex tape to prepare. Can I just say that the one position that you were in where your legs were back like this and your head was like this…that was impressive.
AF: Ohh, you like my work?
HL: Well, yeah.
AF: Did your dad see it?
HL: Umm, I’m not sure if he…
AF: It’s ok. I’ll show him in person.
HL: But, he is married.
AF: No problem. I’ve dealt with that problem before.
HL: And that’ll do it for this interview. Thank a lot. Let’s go dad.
AF: But you haven’t introduced me yet?
My Dad: She seemed nice. Didn’t I just see her in a video?

Golden Globes to be Written by Mrs. Jenkins 3rd Grade Class

The Liar — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 15:50:58 +0000

The 65th annual Golden Globe Awards coming up on January 13th, 2008 has a lot of questions surrounding it. With the ongoing writers strike still plaguing the industry, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has been feverishly searching for writers to write the dialogue for the show. Jorge Camara, President of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, stated, “We were getting a bit worried because we couldn’t find anyone to write for us. Then, I got a letter from a third grade class in Des Moines, Iowa. The letter, which was hand written in crayon, was quite compelling and very poignant. The subject of the letter was to inform me that they were for hire and that they would get extra credit if chosen. I knew right then that I had found my writers.

Mrs. Jenkins, the teacher of the class, is excited for the opportunity. “I had to go out and rent past Golden Globe shows, since I had never seen one, and don’t even own a TV. After watching past shows, I realized that it won’t be hard at all to duplicate the writing from past shows.”

Shane O’Brian, a student is excited as well. “It’s fun to write jokes that will be seen on TV.” When asked about some of his favorite jokes that he has written fr the show, Shane said, “I came up with this one joke where a dog swallows some bubble gum, and then he blows a bubble out of his butt… because he was pooping out the gum. It’s really funny.”

The Golden Globes air on NBC on January 13th, 2008. God help them.

UPDATE: The Golden Globes were canceled, and Mrs. Jenkins students were heartbroken to find out that they won’t be getting the extra credit after all.

iTunes Celebrity Playlist: R. Kelly

The Liar — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 04:48:36 +0000

Motorhead: Jail Bait
Scott Free: Piss on Me
The Cure: Pornography
R. Kelly: If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time
Oingo Boingo: Little Girls
Nito: Court Date
The Glossines: Underage
The Outhere Brothers: Golden Shower
Eliot Lipp: Sex Tape
David Piper: Statutory Blues
R. Kelly: Half on a Baby
Time Machine: Caught on Tape
R. Kelly: Trapped in the Closet

Our Interview with Jamie Lynn Spears

The Liar — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 20:48:25 +0000

Hollywood Liar: Hello Jamie. Can I call you Jamie?
Jamie: No. You can call me Ms. Spears, asshat.
HL: Ok, Ms. Spears, Asshat. Sorry about that.
Ms. Spears, Asshat: No, you dick! I was calling you an asshat. You will call me Ms. Spears.
HL: Ahh, ok. Yeah, I thought that was kind of weird, calling yourself an asshat.
Ms. Spears: Why would I call myself an asshat? I am on Nickelodeon for Christ’s sake.
HL: Again, that is why we thought that it was kind of weird. Anyway, can I start the interview?
MS: What, you haven’t started it yet? Are you shitting me? What kind of dumb shit are you? My agent is making do these fucking interviews and everybody gets five minutes. You’re telling me that those five minutes haven’t even begun yet? Damn it, I have the worst life!
HL: Uhh, ok. Then I will start it now. So, I hear that you are pregnant.
MS: Good work there Sherlock. Where did you hear that, everywhere?
HL: I saw the story on the internet yesterday. How far along in the pregnancy are you?
MS: Long enough to know that you are a dick head.
HL: You are 16 years old and pregnant. Do you feel that you are still a good role model to young girls.
MS: Shit yes!
HL: Ok, is there any word on what is going to happen to your character on the Nickelodeon show Zoey 101?
MS: Yes, there is word. Zoey is going to get knocked up by her boyfriend. Don’t look at me like that.
HL: Look at you like how?
MS: Like you wish you were the father and you could have have all of this up in your bizness.
HL: I think that this interview is over.
MS: It’s over when I say that it is over.
HL: Ok, can you say that it is over?
MS: That’s what I thought. This interview is over. Asshat.

Britney Spears’ Vagina Hits the Town

The Liar — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 00:49:28 +0000

Britney Spears’ vagina has shown up on the town, and this time without Britney. Usually the paparazzi is greeted with a second smile from Britney, but this time, the smile was on it’s own. “I just really wanted a drink,” the vagina said. “Please, just let me party with my bitches.” The vagina then found Paris Hilton inside the club and gave her a kiss hello. The vagina left the club around 2:30 in the morning with Scott Baio and Kid Rock.