HolyJuan

Kid Runner

2013-06-15T00:08:00.002-04:00

I always feel bad when I review a band because my taste in music is so poor that any band that I like is doomed to face the scrutiny of everyone who is aware of my Achilles ear. But I will forego all of their scrutiny because I am very excited about the band Kid Runner.

First off, Kid Runner sounds like a hero from a 1980s video game. I dig that.

Just today, I decided to look into my friend Bobby’s band. Way back in 2008, Bobby was in a band that I liked a good bit. They had few songs that I liked and they showed a lot of promise, but they ended up splitting up when their lead singer converted to farmer. His next band sucked and I gave up on him. When Bobby joined Kid Runner, I ignored it.

Man was I wrong.

Today I was able to listen to Kid Runner via Spotify. I have not been so excited about a band since I saw Margot and the Nuclear So and Sos back in 2006. They were playing at Victory’s tonight so I went to see them live. For a band that leans on electricity, they sound great live. I’m not sure why I love the ting of a xylophone or dueling keyboards, but I do and Kid Runner has many opportunities for me to enjoy it.

I don’t know anything about the other band members, but I assume that I will in the near future. For now I’ll describe them as the bearded bass guy, the bearded guitar guy, lead singer dude, Fran the other lead singer but also plays the xylophone girl and Bobby.

I am predicting big things for this group. While this means that we all might have to give up Bobby as he tours the county, I think we are all willing to sacrifice our time with him for his success.

Check them out:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KidRunner

Bandcamp: http://kidrunner.bandcamp.com/

Some commercial their song was featured in:

Repreve - Song by Kid Runner from Scott Griffin on Vimeo.

Band Names from Willie Wonka All Used Up

2013-05-16T09:00:00.000-04:00

HOLLYWOOD (HJ) – With the release of the new pop band Snozberries Taste Like Snozberries’ debut album, “Lick It”, it has been officially announced that every single band name possible has been harvested from the 1971 film, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. Sony Music Entertainment media spokesperson Marcy Stacks stated, “It’s a sad day for our creative division. They’ve been mining that movie since 1972 when “Edward and the Oompa-Loompas” released their first album.”

Many are familiar with such bands at Veruca Salt, Charlie Buckett, The Willy Wonkas, Vermicious Knids, The Golden Tickets, and Fizzy Lifting Drinks Five. But there have been many other bands that have borrowed their names from the film. Enough so that every single one of them has been used.

Some bands relied on the movie a lot more than others. In 1974, the Charlie Bucket Band formed. They soon broke up and reformed to become the Grandpa Joes. When the lead singer quit to form his own band, The Everlasting Gobstopper, the rest of the band members strove on and formed the Cheer Up Charlies only to break up a fortnight later and reform the next morning as the Scrumdidilyumptious Bars.

While Gene Wilder, Paramount Pictures and Peter Gardner Ostrum refused to comment, we did receive an e-mail from the I Said Good Day Sir! band insisting they got their band name from an argument over a package of crisps and not the Emmy winning film, though most believe that to be complete bunk.

meme

2013-04-25T23:53:00.000-04:00

How to show up late to work, leave early and get away with it.

2013-04-08T23:18:00.000-04:00

It’s easy to show up late to work and leave early if you follow these simple tips.

Clandestine Closet
You’ll need to find a closet near the front door or secret side door where you can hide “late” supplies and hang your jacket. I suggest keeping a stack of papers or some blue prints in there. When you slide in late, hang up your coat so that people don’t see you with your jacket on. Grab a stack of stuff and complain about the Gibson account to whomever you see.

Computer On
Always leave your computer and monitor on. Disable the screen saver or make your screen saver a full sized image of an Excel spreadsheet. Make sure you keep several programs open. I know I’m going to Environmental Hell for this one, but a few dollars of electricity a week is totally worth the extra sleep you will get.

Double Coats/Sweatshirts
When you leave work at night (or hopefully in the early afternoon) leave a spare jacket or sweatshirt on the back of your chair. Turn the chair slightly out as if you just stood up and plan to come back. If you’re leaving early, people will think you are coming back. If you are showing up late, people will think you've beaten them to the office and are at an early meeting. This especially works well if your computer is on.

Call Your Desk Phone and Hang Up After One Ring

If your co-workers hear your phone ringing off the hook, they will know you are not at your desk. When you leave early for the day, call in to your desk and hang up. With a subliminal one or two rings every twenty minutes, your boss will think you are answering calls and running errands, you multi-tasker you!

Office Pool
If you are just rolling in at 10:00am and need to trick your boss into thinking that you have been in the office all morning, utilize the Office Pool. Get a box top from some copier paper and throw whatever change and bills you have in it. Make sure you have a pen and piece of paper with writing on it (bonus points for a clipboard.) Pop in your boss’ office and tell him you are collecting money for Betty in Custodial’s pregnancy and that he is the last one on the list. Your boss will pretend like they know about Betty’s bastard child and wish her the best. “Check” his name off the list and say you will give your best to Betty. Spend boss’ cash later that afternoon at the bar with a toast to Betty’s soon-to-be-announced and soon-to-be-office-pool-money-collected miscarriage.

Copier Problems
Having a small bag of toner around can be useful for staging a “copier blow-up.” As you get into work, rub some on your face and sprinkle some on your hidden stash of papers. Make sure you ask if anyone has seen the copier guy. You can spend hours searching for the right “Drum and Blade Kit.”

Trick Away E-mail
Your e-mail probably has an “away” setting in which a return e-mail message is sent out during times when you are on an actual vacation. I suggest creating a fake email that makes it look like your email was bounced back to the sender. Something like:

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification.

Unable to deliver message to the following recipients {your email address here}, because the message was forwarded more than the maximum allowed times. This could indicate a mail loop.

Change your settings so that this e-mail is sent out to every email, every time. Make sure you invite the IT guy out to get drinks so that he has your back.

Faux Work Keys
You know all those keys you have in the kitchen drawer? Spend 99 cents on a package of colorful key organizational toppers and create a ring of keys that looks official. Leave them on your desk. If they get stolen, no problem! Otherwise, people will assume you are at the office and locked in a utility closet on the second floor. Besides, everyone knows that people who have keys are important.

The Call In
Ensure that on your desk is a red file marked “Princeton Account.” Fill it with some official bullshit paperwork. If you are running late, call in to your boss’ secretary and have them “look up” some information in that folder for a meeting you are at. Make sure you whisper in the phone like you just stepped out of said meeting. Also make sure there is a twenty dollar bill in the very back of it in case you need to bribe the secretary into reading the same bullshit document for the fourth time.

Full Cup of Coffee
No one, not even the laziest person, will leave a full cup of coffee at their desk. Take the top off your Starbucks so that the fullness is apparent. For the very clever, make a fake whipped topping with some insulation foam and white paint. Stick it on top the coffee for added effect. With that sitting on your desk, everyone stopping by will assume you have just stepped away.

Invite!
Quit being a chump and sneaking around the office! Invite everyone out for a 3:00pm drink at the local bar. Buy the first round. Be a hero. Then, fake a phone call from your sick aunt and get the hell away from your stuck up co-workers.

Today I am Feeling: Homestar Runner Edition

2013-02-10T08:37:00.000-05:00

The Mostly All Inclusive Family Restroom Sign

2013-01-27T12:12:00.001-05:00

My good friend, Stephanie, is a graphic designer and created this mostly all inclusive family restroom sign:

Best Age Verification Website Ever

2013-01-14T20:17:00.000-05:00

Things That Are Gone That I Miss

2013-01-13T16:45:00.001-05:00

The older I get, the more things change and disappear. Some are my fault. Surprisingly most aren't. Here's a list of the things I am missing from my life.

Marathon Bars

Marathon was this great candy bar. It was braided caramel with chocolate covering it. It was very chewy. The commercials for it were of a cowboy having a chew out with another candy bar cowboy. The longest lasting candy bar was declared the winner. Marathon cowboy always won.

Communication that you can control

When I was a kid, we had two telephones. One upstairs and one in the basement. The basement phone was the one I used to talk to girlfriends. Now our house has no phone, but my kid has access to internet chat, Facetime, in game chat and someday he'll have a headset to talk to strangers. When we had one line, my parents had a good excuse to kick me off the phone because if the house caught fire they would need an open line. Now, I need to make stupid excuses as to why he needs to get off the device. Usually the excuse is, “Because I said so.”

Stick shift

I love stick shift. It gives you something to do while driving and keeps you focused on the road. With automatic, I’ve become a drone. We are a two car family and my wife is not interested in driving stick, so both our cars are automatic. I don't blame her. Just need to get a job where I make enough to buy a third car.

Swedish Fish

I'm on a diet. Swedish fish are not part of that diet. I miss you Swedish fish.

John

John and I are best friends. But we both got married and I've got kids and he's got work and somewhere in the middle, we stopped hanging out. We talk every few weeks. Both of us committing that well try to get together. Both of us failing. I did call him, out of the blue, with a situation that didn’t need immediate attention, but he gave it attention. We’ll get our acts back together.

Four hour hangovers

I used to be able to go out until 2am, sleep until 8am and be fine by noon. Now, I go home at midnight, get up at 8am and am miserable for 48 hours. If I go out on a Thursday night to Ladies’ 80s, I am starting to feel like myself again on my Monday drive into work.

Not drinking

At some point in my life, I didn't drink. From 0 - 19, I assume I did other things that kept be busy. Now it seems that I can’t go an evening without a glass of wine. I’d quit, but then I’d miss drinking instead of missing not drinking. I’ll take the latter.

HolyJuan

I don't write enough anymore. Obviously I'm trying to change that.

Being ahead of the technological curve

I knew Windows XP front and back. Now I can't figure out how to defrag a drive or figure out the problems my operating system is politely explaining to me. I can’t stand tablets. I need a nice keyboard to be able to write. I assume my phone can make bacon, but I’ll never know. I’m already looking out in the yard to see if there are any kids to yell at.

Zima

Screw you. It was crisp and delicious and a nice, portable alternative to beer. The photo below is from my sister. When she heard Zima was going out of production, she bought her local store out. She called me the day she drank the last one and we both cried.

I Swallowed...

2012-11-17T13:58:00.002-05:00

The bacon came out looking very interesting this morning.

Faking Beer

2012-11-17T08:47:00.000-05:00

If you are like me, you don’t know anything about craft beer or imports or even the pale yellow stuff that comes in a gimmick bottle. For the adventurous, one way of learning about beer would be to take one of the several beer tasting class where they teach you how to order, look at and smell a beer before tasting. But if you don’t have the time, do what I do: fake it.

Most people don’t care what you know about beer. Friendly beer drinkers find out what you like and make suggestions. But there’s always going to be that guy at the office or the girl who’s dating your best friend who tries to win influence and gain respect by throwing around terms like hops and Lovibond and Parnesian Slow Drip Open Cask Fermentation Technique. If you find yourself backed in a corner and you have to fake beer knowledge, follow these steps.

Ordering
It’s best to ask your beer nemesis what they suggest. Let them make the first move. No matter what they say, just reply, “Are you going to drink that out of a tall boy PBR can?” This will A) make them second guess their choice and B) wonder for the rest of the evening what the hell you were talking about. While they are still reeling, tell the bartender you’ll have the beer that has the most animals carved into the tap.

Color
Somehow the color of beer affects the taste or the taste of the beer affects the color. I don’t know. What I do know is that you can stare at a beer for a good long time. Take a couple angles on it: over the top, through the glass, from the bottom. Then, without a taste or a smell, send it back and ask for something else. When your companion starts to question your actions, ignore them, look at their beer and say, “Are you really going to drink that?”

Waft and Tent
Once another brew shows up, make a big show of smelling the beer. I like to set the beer on the table and use both hands to shovel the air over top the glass into my face. It’s best to make questioning noises at first and then work your way into agreement mumblings and finally full out orgasmic grunts. Then, put both hands over top of the glass like a tent and stick your nose in the opening. Turn your head and exhale then dive right back in. Once you are finished, proclaim that the beer is slightly earthy with an acrid tooth.

Temperature
Hold the glass to your face. Ask the beer connoisseur at the table if the beer feels too cold. If they touch the glass with their hand to test the temperature, say, “Oh, you don’t use the Trappist Monk technique?” If they ask what the Trappist Monk technique is, smile and say, “I’m sorry, I've said too much already.”

Taste
Here’s where it gets tough. By this time, your beer nemesis will be thrown off by your bizarre techniques and will want to step up with their knowledge of both taste and ingredients. Let them! Just reply back to anything they say with, “I can see where you would say that,” or “I’m sure that’s probably what you were taught.” If they start to question your questioning, just gargle the beer while they are talking and then reply, “What did you say? I couldn't hear you during my Over Tasting procedure.” If they start talking again, gargle louder. After about three minutes of gargling, you should look down to see that they are gone.

Congratulations! You've won. Now order a tall boy PBR and let that cold, tasteless swill join the pride that fills your belly. But not before you give it a good wafting!

Lock Up the Site

2012-09-06T13:50:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, we were at an installation on an active construction site. We had planned on staying long past when many of the construction workers would be done and we requested permission to stay late. The job foreman was adamant that we ensure all doors were shut and that the main gate was locked behind us as security was very important.

So when we left for the night, we used the lock to secure the gate. This is a standard construction site lock.

Decisions, decisions.

2012-08-27T21:05:00.001-04:00

This is our men's bathroom at work. Guys will understand what a difficult decision this is.

Salad Packaging

2012-08-01T10:51:00.002-04:00

Nothing to see here. Move along, mother.

Urinal sign in The Union at Ohio University

2012-07-29T14:17:00.001-04:00

Lobdo, the Lonely LooLoo Bird

2012-07-28T10:41:00.000-04:00

(Author's Note: Stop reading now. This is an incredibly depressing story that is both heartbreaking and irreverent. I warned you.)

Lobdo is a LooLoo Bird. You’ve probably never heard of the LooLoo Bird because they don’t exist anymore. But Lobdo did exist. He ate worms. He bathed in streams. He sang the LooLoo song which goes, “Loo Loo,” which is how the birds got their name. And Lobdo fell in love.

Lobdo fell in love with another LooLoo bird named Chido. When LooLoos fall in love, they fall in love for life. Fortunately for Lobdo, Chido loved him too. They ate worms together. They bathed in streams together. They sang the LooLoo song together. And they started a family together. Four little LooLoos filled their nest. And they were happy.

One day, a very powerful feeling came over Lobdo and Chido. Stronger than the feeling to fly south when it started to get cold. Stronger than the urge to build a nest. The strongest urge ever.

So together they left the nest with the four little LooLoos behind. They flew east.

They found the source of the calling. It was a big boat. There were many animals going towards the boat. Two of every kind.

Together Lobdo and Chido found a spot to rest on the boat. Luckily it was a dry spot because soon it began to rain. Lobdo and Chido huddled together. They tried not to think of the four baby LooLoos in the nest.

For a very long time it rained.

There was little to eat. Some of the birds were able to eat at the dead bodies floating in the water, but LooLoos don’t like dead meat. The two worms on the ark were safely hidden in the very bottom deck with all the other trillions of insects.

The rain stopped, which many took as good news, but no rain meant no more fresh water.

They endured.

After a very very long time, Noah sent out a bird to look for dry land. It never came back. Mrs. Raven was upset, but not completely. Ravens are kind of assholes.

Then Noah sent out a dove. The dove returned with a branch of a tree. Noah took this as a sign of good luck that the waters were receeding. Lobdo asked the dove about this and the dove said that actually he had found the branch floating in the water, but he didn’t want to disappoint Noah.

Finally the waters did recede and everyone was happy. Well, the LooLoos were unhappy about their drowned children, but that was all in the past because Chido’s belly was full of new eggs ready to be put into a nest.

When the ark did finally stop, all the animals exited the boat. Noah gathered them all around an alter so they could give thanks to God for saving the chosen few. And Chido went to Noah along with some other animals. Lobdo just wanted to fly off and build that nest, but Chido must have had a reason for flying to Noah.

And the reason turned out to be that Noah needed to sacrifice a few of the animals so that God could be properly thanked. Noah sacrificed the Yullow Mouse, the Dreemara Beetle, a Unicorn and Chido, the LooLoo bird.

The animals all dispersed, especially the Koalas and Kangaroos who has to swim all the way to Australia.

And Lobdo also flew off.

Lobdo spent his time eating worms (he had to wait until the reproduced so that he wouldn’t make them extinct,) bathing in the streams (though most were filled with rubble, trees and the corpses) but he didn’t feel much like singing.

Lobdo, the LooLoo, was a lonely bird.

Joe Paterno Statue Melted Down

2012-07-22T11:06:00.002-04:00

Here is a first hand look at the Joe Paterno statue being melted down in the only place where it would be able to be destroyed.

What Twitter is actually good for

2012-07-16T19:09:00.000-04:00

Talk to any Social Media expert and they’ll expound about all the great things Twitter can do for you. Bullshit. Here are the things that Twitter is actually good for:

1. Faking Sick
Let’s say you know you are going to go out on a Thursday and will be in no condition to work on Friday. Start out with a few Tweets Thursday morning about how excited you are for the Thursday night event. At 5:00pm Tweet that you aren’t feeling so hot. At 9:00pm when you are getting ready to head out, Tweet that you just puked. Refrain from Tweeting for the next 12 hours and when you call off sick, your boss will say that they caught your Tweets and hope you feel better.

2. Getting Laid
Like sex? I do! Tweet-ups are excellent occasions to meet people that you can fool into thinking you are some Marketing stud. By putting an “@” in front of your normal fake bar name, you’ll be set. Mingle, drink, talk about iPhone apps, compliment Tweeters on how funny their Tweet from last week was and BOOM… Laidville. It is proper Etiquette to Tweet what a good time you had with @X at the Tweet-up. Block them immediately after.

3. Stalking
It’s easy to stalk when you have half a million people to report where that certain special (future) someone in your life is every minute of the day. Just search Twitter for #lindsaylohan or #BradPitt and you’ll see Tweets telling you the most recent sightings. Now, race to that location! Be prepared to fight other Twits who are doing the same thing you are. Anyone with an iPhone and a sweaty brow should get a quick punch in the back of the neck. Be careful that the Tweet wasn’t a fake to get people to show up at some bar where lonely Tweeters hang out.

4. Tricking people into going to the place you are at
Lonely? Just Tweet “What is (name of famous person) doing in (your town) at (the place you are at)?” When people come racing into the place you are, rush up and tell them that Person X just went to the bathroom and strike up a conversation. At some point you may have to suggest that Person X might have snuck out the back door, but that you could discuss stalking them over dinner.

5. Getting Drunk
Are all your friends wrapped up in a raid or out on dates? Are you bored and looking for a drink? Be sober no longer! Most Twitterers are raging alcoholics looking for a chance to talk to anyone who will listen. Just type in “Anyone want to get a drink?” and you’ll get 5 or 6 replies in no time flat. If you don’t get any replies, just search for “at the bar” and the name of your hometown. Find out where people are at and go find them. You’ll recognize Twitters by the kink in their neck and the half bottle of Heineken.

6. Get good seats at a favorite restaurant
Step 1: pick a extremely busy/famous restaurant
Step 2: Tweet about seeing rats and/or maggots at said restaurant
Step 3: Call in and wait for a cancellation

And the last and greatest thing that Twitter is a good for:

7. A platform for talking about how great Twitter is
It still amazes me that people post links on Twitter to articles about how great Twitter is.

Sick of Political Ads? New device can block commercials.

2012-07-09T08:46:00.000-04:00

Columbus (FD) - By now you are probably fatigued from all the political commercial bombardment. A company out of Columbus, OH has a revolutionary idea for television viewers who are tired of the constant barrage of political commercials, especially after they have voted. Political Subtract is a scanner from that can read the barcode on an absentee ballot or early voting ballot and get rid of those crappy commercials in a snap.

YouSkanTech Company President, Eric Stands explains the product, “Many of us are patriotic voters and watch the initial political ads with a keen interest. But after you have voted, the commercials are just a waste of time and quite frankly a bit fucking annoying. Political Subtract allows you to scan the barcode from your absentee ballot and any future political commercial on your television will be replaced by the programming of your choice.”

The technology is very simple. Viewers purchase the Political Subtract scanner and connect it to their existing cable box. Once their ballot is scanned, they are given a choice of what programming they would like to be shown in place of the political ads. Viewers can choose from a varity of programming such as sports, comedy or bunny.

And there are other alternative programming choices as well.

Mr. Stands has big plans for the half hour Obama commercial which is scheduled to air later this month, “We are going to loop the Seinfeld/Green Day ‘Time of Your Life’ video montage and the ‘Mr. Hooper is dead’ ending from Sesame Street. Those both really choke me up.”

Cost for the unit is $250 and it is good through the 2016 elections when Rick Santorum will be running again. Mr. Stands added, “Or for $10,000 you can just buy the unit with a hack that allows you to skip the commercials outright without having to vote.”

So far they have sold 134 million units.

Not for Individual Sale

2012-07-08T20:07:00.002-04:00

The Real Back to the Future, Future Date

2012-06-28T06:00:00.002-04:00

Some people were fooled yesterday into believing that June 27th, 2012 was future date Marty traveled to. Fortunately I have the real screen shot. You are welcome.

Turn down the refrigerator temperature, HAL.

2012-06-24T20:34:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

How The Frack do I do the Turing Google Doodle?

2012-06-23T17:58:00.001-04:00

How The Frack do I do the Turing Google Doodle? I don't know. And you can't ask Turing because he killed himself because assholes can't seem to let people live their lives as they see fit.

My friend Jon did figured it out:

"Match the digits on the tape to those in the upper-right. Instruction execution moves to the right. Big arrows move the tape, 1s and 0s change the digit, small arrows with boxes are IF conditions that test the state of a digit, and arced arrows jump back to a different instruction. Match all digits, and you add a letter to "Google." Fill the entire word, and you get a prize!"

No Touch Flush

2012-06-14T22:44:00.003-04:00

Another classic COSI bathroom prank.

A Third Scenario

2012-06-10T11:44:00.000-04:00

I am impressionable. Almost immediately so. I have visceral reactions to most everything. Most commercials get their intended emotional knee jerk from me, even if some made up scenario of a dad handing his kid a baseball mitt to pass on to his son is completely cheesy, I’ll still get choked up. For there to be any analysis of a given situation, I need time to dwell on it. I’m one of those sleep on it guys. Then the next day, I’m callous and snarky about most everything.

In 1999, I worked for a science museum and a small team of characters had been gathered to develop, design, build and install exhibits for the museum which was going to be built in a new facility a mile from the old building. We had some seasoned veterans and some comical upstarts. Some people who did the job for the love of it, some for the paycheck and others who will never take the credit they deserve for their hard work.

Joe was our leader and each exhibit area had a producer with associate producers and production assistants. I was a lowly production assistant. I made copies of blue prints and fart noises. We worked really hard. Some people had families to take care of and great sacrifices were made. Some of us drank a lot more than others. “I can drink a lot more!” We all coped in our own way.

I think it was June when Joe gathered us together. The designers, producers, exhibit technicians, engineers, writers… the whole team. And while this will never be a word for word recollection, it’s how I remember it.

Joe reminded us of the date. It was June and we had about 16 weeks left until the Gala Opening event. The building had been behind in construction, so the installation of our exhibits had been pushed way back. It wasn’t our fault except in many of the situations where it was. It was easy to lay blame on construction delays and harder to look at ourselves to see where we had imposed our own obstructions.

Joe said that there were now two scenarios. In consultation with project teams and the General Contractor and the board, our team was given two options.

Scenario one has us opening the building on time, but with unfinished galleries. We could make the decision now to hold off on one or two key areas, focus our efforts on getting most of the exhibits open and then once the building was open, we would complete the other galleries. Some exhibits would not be open, but maybe people wouldn’t notice as much.

Scenario two had us completing all the exhibits, but pushing the opening date back by a number of weeks. The building would open at 100% completion and the guests would just need to be delayed by a month. People understand that there are delays with construction and no one would completely blame our team for the delay.

Those were the two scenarios. Take your pick.

But then Joe, in the way that Joe does, said, “But I see a third scenario. A scenario where we finish all the galleries and we open on time.” We would need to begin installation in a building that was not finished. We’d have to work around contractors. There would be many late nights and families would be inconvenienced. The construction workers didn’t like us underfoot and didn’t like to work beside our contractors. The elevators weren’t all finished and after hours we’d have to carry things up stairs. It would be extremely difficult.

But Joe thought that we could do it. And I believed him. And others believed him.

And we did.

Sure, many of the graphics on the walls we made out of foam core and there were a few exhibits that just couldn’t be at 100%. The smell of drying paint and scraps of double sticky tape were abundant.

But we did it. We opened all the exhibit areas in time for the grand opening.

The reviews of our new museum were mixed and still are today. We learned many lessons from that experience.

What I know is that in the late 90s, a team of people did what many said could not be done. I’ve slept on that speech and it stays with me to this day. It’s given me the mantra of, “When given two choices, take the third.” I still think about that team of folk and I have the good fortune of working with some of them today. Joe is still my boss. Allen and Neil are still not taking the credit they deserve. Randy is getting ready to retire. We still do some work with Dan. Steve is coming back on board to run the engineering department. And sometimes Whitt will write words for us the way that only he can.

And then there’s me. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing here. My title says I am a project manager. A lot of times I think that I’m just the guy who derails meetings and tells the same stories over and over. I’m making the same mistakes I did 15 years ago. Making the same excuses. But I’m also still discovering new ideas. Fresh ideas for interactives. I’ll always be the MacGyver type, being able to work with a small amount of resources to accomplish a task. I don’t know anyone better than I am at making something that is 12ft wide fit down a 10ft hallway. I’ll always be there to tell you to watch your fingers and watch your toes.

So either I am a project manager or I am not a project manager.

Sometimes I wonder what my third scenario is.

Clancy's

2012-06-08T23:26:00.002-04:00

I spent a good bit of 1997 and 1998 at a bar called Clancy's. Handsome Joe and I accidentally found it one night in German Village. You had to head down stairs under the Police union to get there. It was damp. There were a few video games and a bar that were all completely underwhelmed by the dance floor with the mirrors and the pole. It wasn't a stripper pole, it was just holding up the ceiling, but that didn't keep dirty girls from using it.

Clancy's had a 32oz mug special. You'd buy a mug full of beer for $2.50 and refills were $1.00.

For almost a year and a half, we spent every Thursday at Clancy's.

It's where "Two Many Witnesses" was born.

Where the infamous photo of the Powers That Be was taken.

It's back when Andy used to come out drinking.

When Will Smith was only a double threat.

When Packy used to know all the words to "Freaks of the Industry."

It was before Jenn, and also before we lost Jenni.

And on the night they closed forever, Jen and Joe stole pool balls and a sign that guided people to the back door. They gave me an 8 ball with the date on it. Let me go find it... I found it and the date has been rubbed off. Funny, you can tell it's Red Haired Jen's writing.

For a long time, we tried to find a replacement to Clancy's. And we gave up, because there could never be a replacement for Clancy's.

And then we found Skully's. And no one ever mentioned Clancy's again.

Until now.

We miss you Clancy's. But only because we miss being 27 and stupid. And we miss 32oz beers for a dollar.

Good night dirty girls.

Good night shoot um up video game.

Good night humidity.

Good night Will Smith.

Good night Sugar Ray.

Good night 32oz beers.

Good night Jenni.

Good night Pole.

Good night Two Many Witnesses.

Good night Clancy's. Good night.