Forgive me bloggers, for I have sinned.

So I am going to non-dazzle you with this slump-buster of a post, just to get things back on track.

You see, I had this really cool song in my head the other day. I am going to go as far as saying it is an original song that I came up with, all on my own. It just came to me.

But there was a problem. I had no way of recording it.

It sounded really good, kind of an epic/stadium anthem type tune that could have been used in a move soundtrack as the build-up music, for example. I suppose it could also have been a pre-game ritual piece of music. This was a really excellent jam, if I do say so myself.

Then I started to think about how I was definitely going to forget it. Sure enough, that happened. It’s not in my head anymore and there is little or no hope of getting it back. Once a song is un-stuck, it’s gone for good.

And it’s too bad. I suppose I could have hummed it into my voice recording-capable phone, but that would not have done it any justice and upon playback, I would have thought I was some kind of dumb ass. I’m not much for carrying a tune.

It’s not like I know how to write music, so that wasn’t an option.

So my question is this: If I have a really good song in my head that is original to my brain, how the hell do I get it out? How do I share my glorious tune with the masses?

Music is not my forte is a post from: holySmith!

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And then tonight, he decided to wear his boxers instead of his diaper. So just before he jumps into his bed, I ask him to make a quick trip to his potty. He walks over, does his business, goes through the whole process, washes his hands, and then jumps in bed. He was very proud.

So I tell him what a good boy he is for going in his potty and all that, and within 15 seconds of getting tucked in, he squirms out of his blankets and says he has to go again. He goes through the entire process again, washes his hands and I tuck him in again. After maybe one more minute, he slides out of his bed, walks over to his bathroom and sits down to go yet again. I guess he’s making up for lost time or something, but it’s a big step, so I encourage it.

The following is our post-poopy conversation:

Conversations with a 3-year-old episode 2 is a post from: holySmith!

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Jeley brought in cookies to the office today. Mrs. Jeley made them. I tried one.

Holy shit.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies, had they been put into play politically several months ago, could have been the bargaining chip that brought sweeping change to the healthcare industry with unanimous support from both political parties, no questions asked.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies are so F-ing good that they could easily save a marriage.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies almost caused me to want to tolerate lactose. Almost. It was –>] [<– this close!

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies can easily cause you to break out into full-on schoolgirl skipping, even if you’re a card-carrying MAN with chest hair and a radial-arm saw.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies are the secret that Victoria has been withholding all these years.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies were, with regard to Darth Vader, what Padme was referring to when she said “there is still good in him” in Star Wars: Episode III.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies, had they been present at the Garden of Eden, would have been reason enough for holySmith! to attend church all these years instead of going fishing or watching football on Sundays.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies could possibly make it snow in Phoenix. holySmith! now expects a white Xmas in Tempe. Mark it down weatherman. Mark it down.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies, along with the cookies of holySmith! The Wife and holySmith! The Mother-in-Law have brought Xmas joy to holySmith!, even in these trying economic times. And for that, we are thankful.

Mrs. Jeley’s cookies are the key to world peace is a post from: holySmith!

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The News claims no responsibility whatsoever

The same sources have, however, confirmed that the heart of Rock n Roll is still beating in Cleveland and Detroit, despite claims to the contrary by those who believed Detroit was officially shut down after the automotive bailouts and Cleveland because of its stench.

Rock n Roll was unable to be reached for comment either by phone or via email. Representatives for Rock n Roll were also unavailable for comment.

Experts attribute Rock n Roll’s heart stoppage in certain areas to stress brought on by his increased health insurance costs. Rock n Roll, according to several people close to the genre, pays a high cost to maintain his daily requirement of prescription pain killers, which he uses to dull the pain from over exposure to songs that are artificially enhanced by Auto-tune. The company which supplies health insurance to Rock n Roll is claiming that Auto-tune was a “pre-existing condition,” citing it’s use by Cher in her song Believe in 1998, prior to the start of Rock n Roll’s pain pill needs, and will therefore deny coverage.

Sources confirm heart of Rock n Roll not beating is a post from: holySmith!

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As a world famous Internet blogger, holySmith! understands the pressures brought on by ridiculous amounts of fame and the opportunities that arise because people know your public persona. Fame’s a bitch, ain’t she, Tiger?

Only the best.

Tiger has a carefully created image that has been crafted over many years. His image as a golfer is “the best”. He’s in a class by himself. His ads are for products that are perceived to be the best because they are used (endorsed) by the best. But it’s foolish to think that any famous person is without flaws. The more you know about them, the more disappointed you’re likely to be with that person because at the end of the day, they’re still human and it’s only a matter of time before humanity catches them. Or, if you’re a Tiger, the pack of hungry hyenas catches you (more on that in a moment).

This is why people worship imaginary deities. Gods and their moral perfection are a product of the imagination, so it’s pretty hard for them to succumb to the pressures of fame, including but not limited to “transgressions” with cocktail waitresses or playing proctologist with the cute hotel staff member (Kobe). The models of moral fiber pretty much have to be imaginary in this day and age, because I’m sure that TMZ could find some horrible tidbit about anybody – even Jesus if he were alive today to be scrutinized.

This is why holySmith! is not a fan of blind worship of anything or anyone. It’s ok to F up. We’re human. It’s what we do. It’s what makes knowledge have value. If we weren’t human sometimes, TV would suck.

And while the mighty Tiger may have failed in some way to fulfill the nearly unrealistic and completely unsustainable expectations and wishes thrust upon him by his own success and by those who follow him with devotion, I think this bit of “transgression” might just be part of the plan. The hyenas’ plan, that is.

Hyena pack leader, Phil, pictured in the center, smiling, with carcass hanging from jaws, may be the transgressional mastermind of all this.

You see, Tiger has been practically untouchable for years, both in golf and, as a result, in life. He’s highly successful, driven and well liked by a broad audience. He was pretty much a god. But that’s a lot to sustain for as long as he has done it. He has a smokin’ hot wife, a kid, all the money in the world, a compassionate attitude and a charitable heart. All good things. Again, it’s almost too much of a fairly tale.

He has also regularly beaten the holy crap out of an entire field of other professional golfers for so many years that possibly, the time has come for the circle of life to rear its ironic head.

Let’s say the pack of hyenas are behind this. You can almost hear them circling the Tiger, hungry and pissed after all these years of him terrorizing them. Now they get to turn the tables on the Tiger. Now the hyenas can get their shot at revenge.

The leader of the hyena pack – let’s call him ‘Phil’ – is licking his chops. Maybe this hyena named Phil is a little passive-aggressive and he helped uncover the Tiger’s plot to mate with multiple tigresses. Maybe he saw the opportunity to take the Tiger down by exploiting said “transgressions”. Maybe the hyena named Phil told a little birdie (named Padraig) to whisper in the ear of the hotty Tigress that her mighty Tiger was transgressing other tigresses behind her back. Check the golf club that went through the back of the car window. . .was it one of Tiger’s or one of Phil’s?

With the rest of the animal kingdom now aware of this situation, the mighty Tiger is trapped. The hyena named Phil wants what the Tiger has – domination. So do all the other hyenas. If they see the mighty Tiger down, don’t you think they’d try to overtake the Tiger and his territory? Damn right they will. One of them might even land the hotty Tigress as a bonus, just to spite the Tiger.

And so it seems that it’s working. The hyenas see that the Tiger is weakened and vulnerable now that news of his transgressions has swept through the kingdom. The hyenas will strike. And maybe the hotty Tigress will divorce the mighty Tiger and take everything but his golf clubs. He won’t have a firm grip on the kingdom, which means he’s now just like the rest of them, which makes him beatable. Maybe a hyena named Phil will finally rule the kingdom.

It’s either that or the mighty Tiger got bored with his reign of total domination and because all the hyenas pretty much suck rocks at giving him a challenge, the only way for the mighty Tiger to have a real challenge is to create one for himself so that he can overcome it and look even more epic. After all, he is Tiger.

Knowledge is disappointment and power is a post from: holySmith!

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