tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-94514342026-01-19T06:51:33.515-06:00Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.comBlogger586125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-90172240896085443962013-04-30T10:27:00.001-05:002013-04-30T10:27:30.899-05:00

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Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-90575033474952670202012-12-03T10:15:00.002-06:002012-12-06T19:32:16.465-06:00

December 6, 2009, was the first time… ever I saw her face. Fast friends because of our common interests, twisted senses of humor and some other connection you just feel with certain people. <!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-48389866807112313112012-10-23T17:29:00.003-05:002012-10-23T17:31:03.808-05:00

And conveniently fits the theme for what I am about to tell you. Family and squimish, save yourselves now and do not read any further. Not sure what I was waiting for, really. What I expected, anticipated and maybe even hoped for, wasn’t in the cards, apparently. I thought there should be some intensity in the moment. I may have considered the notion that the gates of Heaven could open and the

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-79043289110126475832012-06-21T07:07:00.008-05:002012-06-21T10:38:32.469-05:00

A couple of days ago, I was home, ringing in my 40th birthday, minding my own business, when someone came to the door. It was a man and woman. He was holding a camera, she was wearing a floppy sun hat. They were both in their late 70s…you gotta size people up before you randomly open a door for strangers even out here in the middle of nowhere. Seeing I could “take them” both, I opened the door,

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-14895250586549644072012-05-16T16:20:00.002-05:002012-05-16T16:22:19.381-05:00

You all know what a Brazilian is, right? You know how you go about getting one of these…sphinx pussies, right? Certainly there is more than one way to skin a cat…ooh, bad pun, sorry. The most common are self-waxing, salon waxing, shaving and electrolysis. Personally, I can’t see letting my hooha out in public, paying money to let some stranger play Karate Kid with a wax on wax off treatment,

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-4663242533993403652012-05-11T08:52:00.009-05:002012-05-11T09:06:23.410-05:00

Crazy moments of cuteness just don’t come along often enough when it comes to Lane 1. He’ll be 20 in a month. God, where does time go? He isn’t around very often, but when he is that boy just melts his ol’ ma’s heart.Yesterday he took me on an early Mother’s Day date. It was a great day. Weather was perfect and all conditions were right due to recent rainfall. We went for a hike that went on for

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-6602891165156505272012-02-09T09:41:00.004-06:002012-02-09T11:36:17.495-06:00

These taste way better than abortions! By now, everyone has seen the story about Plan B (the morning after pill) being available in vending machines, right? Some will abuse the machines hoping to gain popularity. You’re not fooling anyone, virgin.I’d love to see a commercial, but how would it go you ask??? Well, lucky for you, my mind is a wasteland for this sort of shit.I have visions of these

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-33274200075272923172012-01-24T12:18:00.002-06:002012-01-24T12:23:42.309-06:00

The rest of the world goes on; most unaware of what she endures. Full of life — a life she senses will soon be cut short by painful inevitabilities. Helpless, terrified and lonesome she struggles to break free from the mess she has found herself in. The only warmth she can find is in her tears and memories. Cold and alone she patiently awaits a miracle.This situation the deer is in metaphorically

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-5127887927580907532011-10-18T06:30:00.020-05:002011-10-18T07:23:39.344-05:00

Everybody Needs a Little Time Away……and lucky for me, my bestest ho allowed me to tagalong on her vacation to Hawaii. It’s nice having a friend who wants to take care of you, and even nicer when you can cut loose and let go. Our first stop was to my sister in-law Deb’s. She was taking us to the airport at some ungodly hour. We were going to have a sleepover, but once we started playing with her

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-28508119367819319652011-07-23T07:49:00.001-05:002011-07-23T08:02:59.979-05:00

Okay, Dawn, Jennifer to the third power, Jodi, Sue, and whoever else has taken over for my mother’s nagging me for a blog. Here ya go! (BTW, I had a system crash and lost the post I previously promised. But a blog’s a blog, right?!) Anything that is remotely fun can bring a smile to your face, right? Even hearing specific sounds or reading certain words can make you grin…that is if you’re freakin

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-55183640331081831852011-04-21T08:37:00.002-05:002011-04-21T18:30:25.229-05:00

The Lanes are gearing up for an eggciting Easter Sunday! The whole fam damily is coming over and I couldn’t be happier.My mom used to plan parties at my house and clue me in days before the blessed event. I haven’t had the family over since the last time she did that to me. Anita has taken over Mom’s role in that aspect. At least she gave me plenty of warning.The family hasn’t been the same in

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-39790898999832359522011-01-09T19:01:00.002-06:002011-01-09T19:09:18.032-06:00

You can't put me on a leash. Johnny Rotten may have been on to something when he said that. Oh hey, are you still here?It’s really hard to go back in time. This ol’ creature of habit can’t take it anymore. Having a boss…bosses… too many to count in fact, is too much for me. I’m going back to freelancing for the newspaper. Thankfully those above mentioned bosses agree. I flat out did better and

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-26544872826593244882010-10-08T05:58:00.003-05:002010-10-08T06:13:27.146-05:00

You ever do something and then kick yourself in the ass over it? I have. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve been missing in action around here lately. I signed a piece of paper that says I will not blog (at or) about work. Hmm…Some of the people who work there actually get paid to blog. Whatever.Since nearly everything I do is centered around the stupid job, what the hell am I allowed to tell you

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-10470601020165157642010-06-29T11:15:00.006-05:002010-06-29T11:44:35.149-05:00

The Lanes, also known on Facebook as the Twaters took our last family vacation with our kids. The next time we go anywhere, Lane 1 will be paying. Kidding, kind of. He is 18, all grown up and whatnot. Still a pain in the ass, then again, so is his father and he is 40!We went to the Mall of America, visited some of my “creepy internet friends” who “weren’t that creepy after all.” We also went to a

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-38706307976497118292010-06-23T15:29:00.024-05:002010-06-23T22:28:50.747-05:00

It’s supposed to be a love song. For me - it’s a song to my mom. It’s a song from my mom - just for us. (blog post below lyrics)Time, is going by, so much faster than I,And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,So I'm starting to regret not telling all of it to you.So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know,You're never

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-46287569713511923092010-05-22T12:41:00.007-05:002010-05-22T13:12:29.650-05:00

I don’t care how old you are when it happens, being an orphan sucks. Maybe if there were a Daddy Warbucks in my future, I could tame my emotions with some retail therapy. When your mom dies, the last thing you should ever do… is listen to country music. You should also avoid Disney movies and Lifetime Television for Women. Never noticed how many dead mommy stories and how much depressing shit is

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-3241932421191479032010-05-16T09:03:00.002-05:002010-05-16T09:24:57.651-05:00

Mother’s Day 2010, Mom and her girls.Her last direct order to me was, “Get those babies home and ready for their dance, take a lot of pictures. Life is going to happen… if I’m here or not. You have to live. It’s okay. I’ll be fine, honey. See you tomorrow. I love you.”Tomorrow never came.That was the last time I saw my mom. Those are the last words she said to me in person. We talked again later

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-34381567523802676072010-04-19T09:39:00.006-05:002010-04-19T11:06:01.610-05:00

It’s taken me a while to purge this post. Thank you for being patient with me. Well some of you have been nagging but I won’t go naming names. I’ve been sick for a little over a month, pneumonia strikes again. I can’t seem to shake it, medicine makes me feel sicker. Thought about a bottle of whiskey, decided alcoholism wouldn’t look good on me. Coughing my head off at 5 am, having a cup of coffee

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-11509841593120509712010-02-19T10:15:00.006-06:002010-02-19T12:10:09.154-06:00

The sinners are much more fun! I love that song... Oh hi, are you still here? Sorry about being gone. I’ve been one cooking fool. Everyone in the house has gained a few pounds since our kitchen is now fully functional. But to say I’ve been gone so long simply because of food would be a big fat lie. Did you see Pineapple Express? I’m going to borrow a euphemism of sorts from the movie to better

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-68634036719688283452010-01-29T09:29:00.015-06:002010-01-30T06:14:49.965-06:00

Clearly this kitchen fiasco has been getting to me. Some times it even invades my sleep. The other night I couldn’t escape pornographic dreams. They were so vivid and intense. In the twilight of dreamland, my internal fat girl was in full control as she dreamt of the yummy goodness The Food Network has to offer. Paula Deen penetrated my slumber with fried chicken, biscuits and apple pie. God

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-35210121427678701052010-01-20T06:50:00.006-06:002010-01-20T06:55:08.553-06:00

(Yes, Symphony of Destruction, is a Megadeath song.)To say this kitchen thing has been a headache could possibly be the understatement of the new millennia. It’s been a month since the pipe burst. Demo work finally began yesterday. Finally.The carpenter couldn’t find anything we wanted (color, brand, style) within the insurance allotment. After 15 hours (driving time not included) over four days

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-8810018710589547222010-01-13T07:40:00.008-06:002010-01-13T07:49:04.267-06:00

Sometimes a girl does need to post three times in a week. This post is a follow up to yesterday’s. So many good ideas, and such great advice, I can’t thank you guys enough! I wish I had time to make it to a home improvement center before making a decision, but it isn’t in the cards since the carpenter will be here tomorrow. I realize what a difficult question I was asking of you, and appreciate

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-55289532646262351442010-01-12T08:33:00.001-06:002010-01-12T09:13:13.458-06:00

I know I just blogged a couple of days ago, but I really need your help.The carpenter called and wants to go shopping. If you know me, then you know shopping is one of the things I do not enjoy, mostly because I have virtually no style. (If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, please see the posts below about pipes exploding and all hell breaking loose in our kitchen.)He sounded so excited for

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-89367692072559525432010-01-09T09:36:00.013-06:002010-01-09T17:39:26.988-06:00

Lane 2 is probably one of the most likeable teenagers I’ve ever met. I’m not just saying that because she is my daughter. She has the best traits my old man and I have to offer in our goofy genetic pool. She is kind-hearted, smart, funny and never stays angry very long.Every day after school, she volunteers at the teen center, tutoring younger kids. Some days she comes home and talks about how

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9451434.post-79419988297069476252009-12-28T08:28:00.005-06:002009-12-28T10:12:39.378-06:00

One thing you may notice is that my comment service has changed. Haloscan was trying to badger me out of more money in order to keep my comments. So they held them ransom and waited for me to pay them or tell them to piss off. I chose the latter. It sucks losing five years worth of comments, but what can you do? I’ve been expunging a lot of things from my life lately, it’s part of moving forward

Lois Lanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03948217674898022349noreply@blogger.com26